ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 8th February 2024

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Richie had a few mouthfulsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Grab any medium cafe hot coffee for just $4 only in the app M's Feb 9. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. We're about to talk about something but I've just got to touch on the fact the guy trimming the hedges outside is doing a fucking terrible job. Oh let me have a look on that, let me cast my eye. He's doing a shocking job. We can't say that because he might eye. He's doing a shocking job. We can't say that. That is lumpy bumpy.

Because he might hear. He won't hear about it. You're just a head schnob. I am a bit of a head schnob. That's fine. That's fine for you city dwellers. That's not how I would have done it. Why don't you go out and do it, you lazy bastard?

I've thought about it. I've thought about it. He's got a... What has he got? He's got the tools. He's got a Makita. He's got a Makita head trimmer. Is that a good brand?

Is it? With the battery pack. Yeah, no. He's doing... Okay. Look, he hasnita He's got a Makita Heads trimmer Is that a good brand is it? With the battery pack Yeah no he's doing Okay Look he hasn't finished yet Don't Yeah okay you know what You're judging before

He's finished Maybe by the end of this tour He will have finished By the hedge At the start That's the saying That's how he started That's a really popular saying

Slap that on a t-shirt I reckon Don't judge a man's hedge Do not judge a man's hedge Before the hedge starts That's finishes Finishes Before he finishes his hedge Where the hedge starts. That's finishes. Finishes. Before he finishes his hedge.

Where the fuck's he going? Get back here, son. You're not done. Anyway. God, you're going to be one of those grumpy old pricks living on a street doing your hedge. Oh, yeah. Every day. My hedge is looking tight.

I actually got to do my hedge. I just got to give them a little bit of a tip off. Oh, wow. I guess you're judging another man's hedge. I would never have let it get to that stage, though. So the other day, we had a birthday party for Indy for her 12th birthday. I can't believe you've got a 12-year-old. That's wild.

It's really wild. It means it was 12 years ago we were at the driving range. Were you at the driving range while she was being born? Because it was a shock, wasn't it? Well, I was supposed, it was Waitangi weekend, and I was supposed to go down and play golf with my mum. And then I was just like, oh, actually, I think I'm just going to stay here. And then we went to the driving range instead, and then that night, Shade went into labour.

So if I'd gone to play golf with my mum. You wouldn't have been there. I wouldn't have been there when she went into labour. Now imagine that. That would have been scary as well, because she was bloody early. Bloody early. That would have been very scary. That was the last time I've been to the driving range, actually.

I don't, I've never, I've never been. It's fun. It's a lot of fun. That would have been very scary. It's the last time I've been to the driving range, actually. I've never been. It's fun. It's a lot of fun. I think you'd like it. I'd have never. Well, the only encounter with a golf club was to the face as a kid, scarring me for life. So you haven't been that since. You can get over the trauma.

Yeah. It's not really trauma, yeah. We can confront your trauma. I still stand by the fact that it smacked me pretty. I think I would have been an ugly kid. And then I think that golf club sawed me right out. Your eyes were a bit far apart, weren't they? And then you got smacked in the face and kind of pushed them together. Popped them right back in.

Yeah, that's where you want them. That's how you want them. Well, the dogs, our two dogs, Richie and Ralph, I said, they're not allowed up on the deck because there's food up here. Oh, for the kids birthday party? Yeah, yeah. I said, there's no dogs on the deck. If anyone sees a dog on the deck, kick them off the deck. Yeah. So then I went

inside to take care of some cooking and I just hear this ruckus breaking out and Richie had come up on the deck and no one had told him to get down. He'd been up there for a little bit since I went inside. No one had told him to get down, despite my orders. Yeah. And he ate a whole bowl of rations.

Oh my God, rations. I see how you can eat a whole bowl of them though. Oh, my God. Rations. I see how you can eat a whole bowl of them, though. What are you doing behind... Three mouthfuls. Three mouthfuls. Dude, yeah. I was like, how long was he out before? And they were like, he only took like three mouthfuls.

God, that dog is a... Oh, it's a retriever, isn't it? It's a bloody hoover. He's a hoover. What are you doing buying rations? I don't... I feel like they're not a good... Do you not fuck with rations?

You eat cheese balls. No, I eat... I fuck with cheese balls and burger rings, but... No, fuck with rations. Oh, you've got to fuck with a ration, man. I'd fuck with a ration last out of those three. No way! I don't even fuck...

They've all gone downhill. Even the cheese balls have got a bit worse. But rations is number one. Yeah, rations is cheese and bacon. Cheese balls is just cheese. Smokey bacon. Yeah, but I feel like they're not like they used to be. They're velvety.

No, nothing's like it used to be. We used to have to bloody walk to school. Nothing's as good as it used to be. But he had a whole, which apparently the bag, only the kids had only had a few. Yeah, right. So he had a whole bag of the big family bag of rations and like three mouthfuls.

Was there a big fluoro puke? Yeah, was there? That's wild. Poops? No, no, I haven't seen the puro. And so anyway, I've been saying lately, because I'm in charge of picking up the dog poo. Cool job.

And we've only got two dogs left. Oh my God, what a lucky boy. Yeah, I know. So great, eh? Even though when we got the second dog, I said, the trend of me picking up all the dog shit, the baton must be passed. But you're the only one who cares about the lawn.

You should say to them, it'll be in your bed if you don't pick it up. Yeah, I'll flick it straight in your bed. That feels manipulative. So I picked up all the dog poo, mowed the lawns. The next afternoon, so less than 24 hours later, I went round again and I picked up seven shits. Now there's two dogs, that's three and a third shits each.

Sade's shitting on the lawn again. Someone's shitting on the lawn and then Sade's shitting on the lawn again. Yeah. Too big to be the girls. I said, I think the dogs are being fed too much. There's too many shits. And everyone was like. Well, your dog was fat.

That's why you got him. Yeah. He's trimmed down, but I said he is prone to obesity, prone to a blowout. We can't feed him too much. He's like us. He's a fluctuator. There's no, there's no, they ain't been fed. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I saw how much they're being fed last night. Yeah. Far too much. Oh, yeah. I said, I'm picking up all these dog shits. These dogs are being fed too much. Yeah, and it costs a living cry. Exactly.

It costs a living cry. You've got to pull back. And then he eats. Richie eats his food, and then he's like, that's great. And if Ralph doesn't eat all his, he'll clean his up. And then he goes and sits under the macadamia nut tree and eats macadamia nuts he's got a real problem with food doesn't he he's a fat boy he's a very fat boy boy he got in trouble when he ate that bag of rations did he got picked up i just picked him up and dragged him and put him in the garage

and it was hot it was like a swedish sweat lodge I said you'll get in there And you'll sweat out Those Sweat out your sins While we eat Yeah And then he got let out When all the food was Taken care of and put away No you're a meanie Let him have the rations

This is why you don't get a dog And you don't have kids Like none of this would happen If the kids weren't having A birthday party And the dogs weren't there When I buy a bag of rations Guess who eats them

You Hayley Jane Sproul Yeah And I'll eat them In three gulps as well And I'll do a shit on the lawn And it's my lawn My house My rations You can errand to pick it up That's the absolute I'm living the dream And Sproul. Yeah. And I'll eat them in three gulps as well, and I'll do a shit on the lawn. And it's my lawn, my house, my restaurant.

You can air it and pick it up. That's the absolute. I'm living the dream.