ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 9th April 2024

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; We continue reading out the texts from our "When did you wait for death?" phoner!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Today's big pod, we talked about when you were waiting for death. When you were sure your time was up. Based off an American tourist who stuck his head under water in one of our beautiful geothermal hot pools. But you don't put your head under.

You don't. There's a single satin meber that eats your brain and gives you a form of meningitis. Gross. Not good. So we see, when you're waiting for death, we're so inundated with texts

that we thought we would do a special little bit of pod where we follow up on these. I love these ones. We should call them like overflow or like spillover. Spillage. Spillage.

Spillage. A little bit of spillage. Welcome to a little bit of pod spillage. A little bit of spillage. A little bit of pod spillage. A little bit of spillage over spill. So here are some of the text messages we received. Many moons ago I got so high I felt I couldn't move and I convinced myself I was slowly becoming paraplegic.

I couldn't feel my arms and my legs so I gazed out the window and that's when I started losing feeling on my face. I thought this is it. You're not going to be paraplegic. You're going to be dead. You're done. This is what happens. This is what happens when you get too high. I was okay in the end. Of course you were. But I genuinely thought that was me done.

Yeah. Wow. I had a life or death anaphylactic reaction to a muscle relaxant while in surgery. They literally told my mum they were unsure if I'd ever wake up. Oh, fuck. That's actually just a life or death. That would be the worst thing you could hear as a parent. Yeah.

Yeah, one of them. We were told not to muck around with broken glass. I never did, but one day I got a splinter of broken glass in my finger. Oh, no. And then I couldn't find it anymore, and I thought it's wedged its way into my bloodstream. It's going to travel up my bloodstream, prick my heart, and cause instant death. Oh, my God.

It's like if you get a pin or a needle in you. Porcupine needles. That can happen. I listened to a podcast, and the woman had porcupine needles in her inside, and it had gone into her body somehow, and she was dying. And then when they laid her open, they were like, it's porcupine needles. They didn't know. It was one of those miraculous things.

And she said, oh, my God my god yes I didn't even think about Mentioning it When she started getting so sick That she'd like Been near a porcupine And was like Ow It got her

And she'd swallowed One of the needles And it had like Perforated all inside of it Just going down Making a fucking mess Making a fucking mess A right fucking mess

That's a right fucking mess In there love What's up When I was maybe eight The big thing was AIDS Yeah it was AIDS. Yeah, it was AIDS. Yeah.

Mum said, don't touch anybody else's blood or you'll get AIDS. My friend cut herself and her blood got on my arm and I cried and I cried just waiting to get AIDS and then die pretty quick. Well, mum was misinformed. That's why that was weird. People like your mother. Well, you know, granted, she's in a medical professional. There were some people in charge that were spreading some pretty nasty untruths about HIV and AIDS. Oh, yeah.

You couldn't touch anyone with AIDS. Yeah. Yeah, but that's why Holmesy did that thing, didn't he, with Eve Van Graffel back in the day. Yeah. I remember there was a show on Saturday afternoons when I was a kid, and it was all about this family. And every episode, it was basically like every family-based show in the 90s. It came with a moral. And one of the girls, the teenage girls, made friends with a boy who had HIV.

And then he came around to their house. And afterwards, they were washing the dishes. And the mum just chucked the glass he used in the bin. Because she didn't think that washing it would be enough to get away the HIV. Which, of course, we all know doesn't travel that way. But then my mum was like, turn that off. I never got the moral. I thought that could happen. Oh, yeah. I was like, turn that off and get outside.

And I remember going to school and talking about it and the science teacher was like, no, no, no, no, that doesn't happen. Oh, thank God. Yeah. So I was set right. Yeah, good. And I remember as an adult looking up that episode and the episode, the idea was the family came to terms with it and said you couldn't get HIV, AIDS in such a manner

but that's why you never turn a TV show off halfway through. It's very heavy isn't it? Okay you gotta stick around for the moral. I caught a taxi by myself in the Philippines and the driver started going way off course down some little alleyways and we were like driving down alleyways that homeless people were living on the side of and I thought

I'm gonna die. This is it. This is it. I just sat there and slowly accepted my death as a tear rolled down my face. He was just taking a shortcut. Yeah, of course he was. I got stuck in the middle of a river on a tiny rock because they released the dam. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. There should have been an alarm or something. We were having a lovely picnic with our lap dog, and we quickly rushed the dog and my partner into strangers' arms and by the time they were saved, it was too late for me and a group of kayakers eventually saved me as I clung to a rock, but I had accepted my fate. You're like, this is it.

That's scary. That's terrifying. When my boyfriend first took his pants off for sexy times, I remember saying to myself, Sarah, this is the moment you die. I didn't, and we're getting married in June. Big dick. Huge dick? Jesus Christ. You mungus podger.

Massive cock. Massive cock. Big wanger-danger. I don't know, but it's not going to kill you. Sarah, that's going to rearrange your internal organs. If it goes far enough. Through the cervix, up the guts. Puncture the heart.

Through that. And then puncture your esophagus. The esophagus. Come right out the other end. And now you're a spit, you're like. You're on the registry. You're skewered. Jesus.

Like a kebab. I would like to know, well, Sarah probably. Would you like to know, what would you like to know? Well, she stayed with it. I could reply to the text now. She did send it a little while ago. I could say, oh, she's messaged the show a lot. Right, okay.

Just say, Hayley wants to know how big it is. How big, Just reading this text For the podcast Compared to a Was it because of the Massive size of the penis Or Was it something

Maybe on tomorrow's little bit of poll we could follow up I'm hoping she texts me She's a regular Interactor with the show Now I've got to scroll back down And find out where I was up to Here we go I got shot in the windpipe

While playing paintball I couldn't breathe Felt like 10 minutes But it was probably more like 10 seconds But I was 100% like After I tried to breathe twice And I couldn't I was like this is how I go

And then they remembered They had a nose to breathe as well Yeah But that all goes down the same. It connects to the same hole. Oh, yeah, true. Same tray, same hole. The nose doesn't have separate access to the lungs.

I thought it has its own pipes. Back access. It's the same as the mouth breathy pipe. Oh, okay. It's all connected back here. Oh, yeah, and then goes down there. Okay. My parents told me I'd die if I-

Look at Fletch just learning how breathing works. How breathing works. It's good. Guys, I'm pretty new to this, okay? Pretty new to this breathing thing. Yeah. My parents told me I'd die if I swallowed chewing gum pretty new to this. Okay. Pretty new to this breathing thing. Yeah. My parents told me I'd die if I swallowed chewing gum. And that's why they didn't want me having chewing gum.

I was having a sneaky bit of gum one day and I accidentally swallowed it. I remember that. Seven years. Yeah. Does it actually take seven years to get it? It doesn't. It takes me a couple of days. It's fine.

I ran screaming in tears thinking that. But as I got there, I was like, no, they'll just say I told you so. So I went and hid. Waiting to die. Wait until you died. Just got there I was like no they'll just say I told you so So I went and hid Wait until you died Just waiting until I was going to die How big's the wang have we found out yet It's been like 30 seconds Well I need to know

Not yet I'll keep you up to date with wang Coke cans I had my appendix out No one told me that they blow your stomach up with the air. Post-surgery back in the room, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't breathe in or out. I started to panic, rang the bell. They told me

what it was, gave me some strong shit and told me to go to sleep. Then I started hallucinating and I rang the bell again and they told me it's normal and just keep going to sleep. I thought, I'm not ringing this bell again. I'll lay here and die quietly. I woke up fine. Oh, that sounds horrible. Yeah, and I didn't know they blew. I contracted scrub typhus in Southeast Asia.

It's the tiniest little bug that you don't feel it happening. Then a few hours later, bam, you're convinced you're having a brain aneurysm. Oh. Oh. I went to bed convinced I was never going to wake up, kissed my husband goodbye and everything. Oh. Jeez, that's awful.

That's horrible. How big's the wang? How many Coke cans? Let me just check if we've got a wang update. No How big's the wang? How many Coke cans? Let me just check if we've got a wang update No wang update No wang update Let me refresh for a wang update I'm not interested in hearing any other stories

And then no wang update Wait, wait Not interested Processing an update Yay! Massive wang on him Massive wang How big?

How many Coke cans stacked on top of each other? Hayley wants to know how many Coke cans stacked on top of each other. Our friend Helen's in the studio behind you, Vaughn, just shaking a phallus at you. That's a 10-inch prop. That's a 10-inch prop. From a live stage show. Maybe it was Sarah's first time and that would be intimidating.

Yeah. You don't do that. You always lose your virginity to a petite penis. A petite little one. Morning guys. Recently travelled to Vietnam on holiday. Suddenly became very dizzy. Went to the hostel. They gave me an endoscopy at the time because

they thought I was very unwell. Oh dear. Nauseous, tired, weak on one side. Thought I'd had a stroke. Yeah. Had to deal with it. Came back to New Zealand and it corrected itself like that. Turns out just the Vietnamese pollution really disagreed with me. Oh, wow. Allergic to Vietnam. Yeah, the body started shutting down.

It was a beautiful place. Yeah. It's a beautiful place. Our Canadian friend lived in an asbestos mining town when he was young and told us they visited an asbestos mine on a school trip and they got to take a chunk of it home. He reckoned he would use it like a scratch and sniff sticker. Yeah. We were all like, what the hell?

That's not normal. And then he was like, oh, well, I guess I'll just wait to die. But he hasn't died yet. Yeah. But that's one of those things, a space hustle. Three Coke cans or two? Are we talking those mini Coke cans? No, no, no, no.

Just your normal can. You're talking a 330ml can. Well, she said she looked at it and thought it'll kill her. The man wouldn't have enough blood to function. He'd go numb in the leg. You'd have to ride him. There's no way he'd be performing the good Lord's favourite position of missionary on top of you with that thing.

You're lowering as much as you can. That got dirty. We'll see you later. I just want to hear how many Coke cans this giant wang is now. I feel like we're going to leave everybody waiting, wanging. We'll do a wang update. Well, she's still going to marry him. She's marrying him in June.

So we could probably get a wang update later in the piece. Pleasure shutters, laptop, Hayley's tap to watch. I've got to go. We've got people waiting. See you later. People are waiting. If you want a giant wang, Google it. Just envision three cans.

We'll be back tomorrow. A little bit of pod tell you how big this wang is.