ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Pod - 3rd May 2024

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; We continue reading your texts from our Animal Experiences Phoner, from today's Big Pod!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod It's a spillover pod today It's a muffin top It's a muffin top pod We had a lot of messages in

And we did not have enough time To talk about the craziest things You've seen animals do In either the wild Or in an urban environment A farm, whatever They're all sexy or grim, I reckon. Yeah, some grim ones.

Yeah, so here is where we'll delve into the grimmer ones we got. Here we go. Lots of monkey chat. Yeah. Primates. That's us, isn't it? I know, and it explains some people's behaviour. Maybe our song.

What song? You and me, baby. Ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it Like they do On the Discovery Channel Get in the hoodie now I was thinking Was that the Bloodhound Bloodhound gang Bad touch

It was the bad touch Wasn't it Okay I was thinking About the Bloodhound gang The other day Why They were fucking great

Pop into your mind They were great They were funny But like the music Was actually like quality Yeah They just didn't give a shit Well done

I'd like to know What they're up to now. Put your hands down your pants. Did they do well overseas or was it just New Zealand? They were massive. Oh, what? Massive. Sweat, baby, sweat, baby. Bit, bit, bit, bit, bit, bit, bit, bit.

We just know the first words. Thinking about to put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts. What was his name? Jimmy Pop. 1992. They were active from 92. Yeah, nuts. What was his name? Jimmy Pop. 1992. They were active from 92. Yeah, man. I remember them in the 90s.

Oh, man. He's 51 years old now. Is he? Jimmy Pop. And remember when they called their album Hooray for Boobies? Yeah. Great album title. Yeah.

I mean, Hooray for Boobies. Yeah. Their last album was 2008. In 2022, he sent his last tweet. Oh, okay. That's sad, isn't it? What's he been up to? He always reminded me of the guys off South Park, too,

because I think he looked a bit like the guys off South Park. Yeah, he did, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, Bloodhound Gang rule, we've established that. Let's get into some stories. We were at the zoo and we saw a baby rhino trying to feed off its father. Now, if you're familiar with the basic mammal setup,

is that the MAM stands for mammaries, and that's a mother's job to feed the calf. He's just a little confused. My children were saying, mum, mum, that's not its mum, that's its dad. And then they heard a kid behind us go, it's sucking off its dad. And then the kids for the rest of the day kept saying, we saw, it's sucking off its dad. And then the kids for the rest of the day kept saying, we saw a rhino

sucking off its dad. And you would say, no, no, no. And you know, with a lot of kids when you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that just makes them be like,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Took a fresh to New Zealand girl from the UK. Yeah. I'm going to rephrase. I don't think we say fresh off the boat anymore. Although the original fresh off the boats Were the whites from the UK

Yeah they were, they were fresh Took a girl who was from the UK, fresh to New Zealand Thank you I met at university to Wellington Zoo On our first date Got to the baboon enclosure and one big male baboon Was running around screaming, humping all the other baboons Sometimes in the head

Eventually all the baboons disappeared Into the baboon house For what I, humping all the other baboons, sometimes in the head. Eventually all the baboons disappeared into the baboon house for what I can only assume due to the noise and commotion that was coming out of there. A baborgie. A baborgie! A baborgie! A baborgie! No second date. It's not her, it's not your fault. Or her fault. It's not your fault. But the baboons are gonna

have a baborgie. But it's stained the memory. Hasn't it? Yeah. Also sounds like they're blaming the Baborgy there. Maybe more of them. They've also proposed their own Baborgy after this Baborgy. Look at that. We should do that. Yeah.

Don't do that. And she was like, no, no. No, thanks. I used to work at the Auckland Zoo, and during one of the late night sessions, I went down into the meerkat tunnels and found some teenagers fucking. Oof, in the meerkat tunnels? What? That is animal behaviour.

I'll give it to them. We are animals. What? They climbed into the enclosure? No, no, no. In the meerkat enclosure at Auckland Airport. It's like a series of tunnels and you pop up and you see what the... What did I say?

Auckland Airport. Auckland Airport. Did I say Auckland Airport? I was like, where are these? Okay, I think meerkats at the airport because that would be cute. It would be actually nice. Oh my gosh. Oh, my God. Yeah, they need to put animals in.

On arrival, you get the little porphyry experience, you know, sort of Maori welcome. And then there's meerkats. Yeah. Didn't you get it? Was it off? The sounds weren't going. The bird sounds weren't going. Oh.

I was very disappointed. Well, that's not the full experience. My favourite part about getting back into New Zealand. I find it a bit tacky, to be honest. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like, I want a full kapa haka group upon my arrival, like Jason Momoa and all the celebrities get. I don't want a pre-recorded intro.

You'll have a tooey sound. It's tacky. I find it very tacky. It is tacky. Get some real tooey in there. The chimpanzees at the zoo one day were throwing shit at the wall. Their literal shit. And then other chimpanzees were eating it off the wall.

Oh, no. That's how you get that bloody STI we were talking about on the big pod today. Spiglia or whatever it was. Spiglia diglia. Spiglia diglia. We watched a male baboon pleasure himself at Wellington Zoo. I wonder if this is the same one that organised the Bamborgi. Sounds like they've got quite a few horny baboons at Wellington Zoo.

Have you seen the possum one? Someone saw a possum jacking off. On their deck. They looked out their window and a possum was masturbating. A masturbatory possum. What even is a possum penis? And we're on the work Wi-Fi, I can't look it up. A little marsupial dick.

I don't want to at all. A male baboon pleasuring himself at the Wellington Zoo sitting right in front of the display window. Oh, God. I don't know. To be honest, though, if you were locked up in a zoo all day, what else are you going to do?

What else is there to do? Think? Yeah. No, no, no. You're playing with yourself. Us in a hotel room, I guess. Endlessly living in a hotel room. I was at Auckland Zoo

a couple of years ago and saw the lions catch a couple of ducks and eat them in front of all the children. It was chaos. Oh, yuck. Wellington Zoo. We're getting a lot of Wellington Zoo stories. Kang was chaos. Oh, yuck. Wellington Zoo.

We're getting a lot of Wellington Zoo stories. A kangaroo full steam bowled over a little kid not paying attention. It was running and it just absolutely T-boned this kid. If the kid's okay, that's funny. Yeah. A chimp at the zoo pooing into his hand, putting the poo in his mouth, spitting it out, smearing it on the wall. I laughed and then I swear to God the chimpanzee pulled the fingers

at me. Yes! Our bunny, our rabbit called John Bunjovi, humped our chicken to death. Humped the chicken to death? Humped the chicken to death. Okay. That's awful. If there was going to be a fight, I would have put the money on the chicken.

Same. Yeah. I'd be down. I'd be out of pocket. Yeah, you would have put the money on the chicken. Same. Yeah. I'd be down. I'd be out of pocket. Yeah, you would be. Horny bunny. We live on a farm and we have cows and sheep. We've seen our ram full on headbutt a growing bull and clean knocked the bull out. Whoa.

A bull. A ram with horns just donk. David and Glythe, they're down on the farm. Wellington Zoo. Oh, here we are again. So bad mouth the hometown. No, it's a lot of great. David and Glythe They're down on the farm Wellington Zoo God here we are again So we're back To bad mouth the hometown No it's a lot of great

It sounds to me like The zoo to go to If you want to see Some funny behaviour It's been a long time Since I've been to Wellington Zoo It's a great zoo It's a great zoo

Wellington Zoo A chumper sitting right in front Of the display glass We should go next week We should go next week Yeah I've been a lot I want to go You know I want to go to Zealandia

And it's just mostly birds and stuff Oh yeah It's mostly birds and stuff It's very beautiful We're not going to have time Are we to go to Zealandia. And it's just mostly birds and stuff. It's mostly birds and stuff. It's very beautiful. We're not going to have time, are we, Leo, next week? No, we're going for a client event. Wellington Zoo, in front of the whole class, a chimp was at the window, and the teacher was like, this is a chimpanzee, and everyone was looking.

The chimp then slowly put up one finger, and everyone's like, it's pointing. And then it slowly put the finger up its own ass. And everyone was like, ah! And then he pulled it out, and then it slowly put the finger up its own arse. 100%. And everyone was like, ah! And then he pulled it out and then, ah! And then he went slowly back up to his mouth. No! And everyone was like, no, no, no, no!

Like the chimpanzee knew what it was doing and then it went, yum, yum. I tasted it so quick. He's getting spookily-a-toogly or whatever the STI is. He's getting bloody E. coli. You've got to lube it up though, don't you? Man, you've got to lube it. Man, Jesus.

Magpies, yeah, that would have made it better if the monkey had put up one finger and then gone... Magpies will eat lambs' eyes out when they lie on the ground after they're first born. No. Usually if there's a few lambs and the mum's taking care of one of the lambs and making her way around the lambs,

the magpies will sneak in and eat their eyes. Yuck. One afternoon on the deck, my labradoodle vomited up an entire tennis ball. Wow. It swallowed a whole tennis ball. I'm going to be mad. That's impressive.

I was working on a farm and we had lots of wild cats. Saw one sneak up on a rabbit hole and then almost like in a cartoon, it put its paw down the hole and you could see it reaching around and then pulled out a baby rabbit and went ate it and put its hand in for another one this is a wildcat oh my god

yeah at the Auckland Zoo here we go Auckland Zoo yeah time to get them a little bit we sat and watched

for 20 minutes as a monkeys on the high ropes just fully went at it oh okay oh yeah doing it on the ropes fully went at it

that's like bondage BDSM slings and stuff, you know. Ropes and cabbages and whatever they've got up there for their entertainment. We're looping again. What is it with the primates eating their own poo? A gorilla around a park ate its poo right in front of everybody and someone vomited it.

I love that. At a girl scout camp, they had a big toad in a tank, and they dropped a white mouse in front of all the girls. They were shouting, run, Stuart, little run, and the toad suddenly did a big gulp around the mouse, around the mouse, pulled the mouse into its mouth, and held it in its mouth until it suffocated, and then ate it.

And I was like, oh, my God, the kids are going to lose their mind. And they were all like, yay! And loved it. Oh, wow. A toad. A toad. Yuck.

Lots of stories of pesky poo kickers eating ducklings. Yeah, poo kickers aren't fun and games, man. They are out there. I don't like them. Yeah, I don't like them at all. Our female dog really likes to pleasure herself.

Yuck. You can tell she's going to do it. She lies back and then just gets a paw down. Oh! Yuck! That can tell she's going to do it. She lies back and then just gets a paw down her... Oh, yuck! That's feral! Not on the new couch! Oh, for God's sake, girl!