ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Mid-Winter Christmas Cocktail Special - 11th July 2024

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

This episode contains explicit content & themes, and is definitely not one for younger listeners!Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley are back at it again with more cocktails, more episodes, and way more shenanigans; in this batch of Mid-Winter Cocktail Specials! The Live Show will be back On-Air from the 15th of July!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Midwinter Christmas Cocktail Special. Our big pod is back Monday, July 15. What? No, I was laughing at him. He's got this little bit of paper that says, Welcome to the Midwinter Christmas Cocktail Special. It's got booze covered all over that says welcome to the midwinter Christmas Christmas special it's got booze

covered all over it it's fading yeah there's there's yeah dip on it can we do a few updates before we start okay

so I have just okay well Shannon's got a belt off why are you putting your pants on just because he's gay you can't show him that you can't show him that

two we talked on EP1 about my pimple It is so nearly ready for a popping No it's not I know because I went

These bitches are lying to me and I went for a squeeze and it hurt so much I left it I left it I left it Also update Thank you

Update I have had a WhatsApp from the Argentinian He's awake He's awake Are you fucking kidding me We've been here the whole time We've been here 12 hours after we woke up.

We've been yelling for the best part of four and a half hours. We've been yelling metres away. No wonder the Falklands got taken from us. Check the history books. Let's not make it political. I mean, let's go. Margaret fucking Thatcher. I'll say she just, she called them naps.

If the Argentinians were asleep until 4.30 in the afternoon Margaret Thatcher could just walk in and literally take the Falklands with no fucking persistence they don't deserve

the islands and they want they want them back they want them back Vaughan we also have been provided we also have been

provided a new cocktail from a cocktail maker Hot Toddy Hot Toddy. Hot Toddy. We've come back to that beautiful citrusy margarita. Any changes to the original? It's my fave.

Any changes since the original? No, we're loving it. It's beautiful. Altos tequila? Yeah, it's beautiful tequila. I think tequila's my second favourite liquor after whiskey. Okay, quick final rankings. Okay, go.

Liquors. Whiskey, tequila and not vodka. Vodka's trash. Doesn't taste like anything. Doesn't taste like anything. It's rubbish. Rum.

Probably. Rum! Like nice rum. Yeah, yeah, whatever. You used to drink Mount Gay in Bundaberg when I first met you. Yeah, but I'm reformed now.

I'm reformed. He's a reformed. I'm going. I'm going. Rum guzzler. Tequila number one. A 20s flinch. Love the dark rum.

He's a rum guzzler. Yeah. What's a rum guzzler? Always a rum guzzler. Not always a rum guzzler. No. Not always. No, I used to be, in my 20s, used to be a rum gals like. I'm always a rum gals like. No. Are you a rum gals like? No, I used to be in my 20s, used to be a rum gals like.

But now, but now I only do white rum and mojitos and cocktails. Oh, she does. I'm not just saying dark rum. I'm saying white rums. White rum is the better rum. You know. I'm going tequila number one, gin number two, probably vodka number three. Though I can love whiskey now.

Yeah, it goes the same. What did you say first? Tequila. Then gin. Gin. I'd go gin, tequila. Or gin's just vodka. Gin's just flavored vodka, right?

It is, yeah. But vodka's not, I like a vodka. Gets you nice and bloosed. Anyway, here we are. Aperol. I'd go Aperol maybe That's an etiquette That's a liqueur

I'm sorry We're not doing liqueurs I'll just do What do you put in it? Vermouth I'm sorry Tequila's number one Tequila rolls

Whiskey's lovely Carrying on with the podcast shoutouts I'm sorry. I'm bored. I'm sorry. Tequila's number one, eh? Tequila rolls. Yeah, tequila's pretty great. Whiskey's lovely. Carrying on with the podcast shout outs. Now. Can we just be serious for a second, please? Yes, we can be serious for a second. I'm just saying, let's bring the mood together, please. What's that?

What? I'm just saying, this will be very silly, hasn't it? So let's just straighten up. And fly right. And fly right. And fly right. This one says maybe anonymous because it's got quite a – it's got a juicy, juicy thing that's happened. I'm the one who's decided maybe anonymous.

God, I get drunk, I just mix up Shannon and Carlin. I'm in so much trouble on Monday, so Bermie is in so much trouble. Usually it says maybe because the person has said that part of this. Hola. Hola. The Argentinian. Argentinian. Oh, Jared.

He's going to the bathroom. Jared had crossed paths. What were you going to say, Vaughan? That was a very good looking man. Have you not met him? You've met him before. I've never met him before. I remember the look he had.

Oh, he's lovely. Yeah. Okay, usually the- Wow, you're quite horny now. Very horny. Wow. Go on. Wait, so you want to give them the Falklands now?

I'm on their side. I'm just going to give them- Don't think with your dick, Rowan. Don't think with your dick. The Dickland Islands. Margaret Thatcher didn't think with her dick and she took the Falklands. Why are you bringing up Margaret again? I thought she was dead. She's dead, but she was in charge of England when the Falklands why are you bringing up Margaret again I thought she was dead

she's dead but she was in charge of England when the Falkland War happened oh that Margaret I was thinking of a different Margaret

no what were you going to say Carwen's here okay so the ones that are labelled maybe anonymous are because they've given us our full name

but then they tell us something juicy and say oh please be anonymous so you're protecting them yeah I just don't want to get defamation we'll be

what's this Fletch is videoing us I just want't want to get defamation. We'll be. What's this? Fletch is videoing us. I just want to fill the record. Oh, just for our friend Alice. I'm just saying. Oh, great. Alice.

Not Argentinian. Okay, go. That man was very good looking. How have you not noticed the hot Argentinian before? I've never met this man before. Yeah. Do you know why they're so good looking? They sleep a lot. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. One. Shut up. James, leave me astray. James, leave me astray. James told me something.

Shut up. That is a very good looking man. All I'll say. All I'll say is extend out your Tinder search to 8,500 kilometres and you might get some Argentinians. Argentinians? Argentinians. Here we go.

Tiniturnians. Now, this one's anonymous. Who would you like a shout-out to? The Farmers. Me too. Up the Farmers. Up the Farmers. The Farmers are doing a great job.

I love a red dot. And a Santa bear. She's always been about the Santa bear. She had it all the time. Okay, that was good from Santa bear you straight man is the sort of kid that would have had a lot of Santa bears good from you no Santa bears I was the opposite

outside of New Zealand and even some younger New Zealanders every Christmas farmers there's a department store here it's not like Harrods it's like cheaper way It's not like a Harrods. It's like cheaper. Way more accessible.

Super budget Harrods. Yeah. It's everyday person's Harrods. Every Christmas they would release a new range of Santa beers. Yeah. There was always

Santa beer. Yeah. And Mrs. Beer. And they had bows. And they had one. Every year they released different ones. Sort of was like

a collectible. Yeah. And only the rich kids had them. Yeah, I know. And I was collectible yeah and only the rich kids had them yeah I know and I was a rich kid only the rich kids had them

only the rich kids had a Santa bear and Barker's track pants yep I saw Barker's track pants on the plane today did you? yeah I did

good bulge? uh no no I wouldn't wear that they were a darker you gotta wear a lighter grey if you really want the bulge to pop

yeah and I was like I wouldn't wear track pants on a plane unless it made my dick look. Oh, that's my feeder. The feeder. Go, Mast. Go, Mast, darling.

Go, Mast. Go, Mast. Even the terribly behaved cat deserves food. He does. That was the auto feeder that came on. Did he hear the ding, ding, ding? Yeah. He must have said that you were here.

He ran for it, but then we all spun and like screamed and he freaked out. Yeah. Okay, so anonymous shout out to the farmers who do good work. You know, I'm from an agricultural background. I got a lot of love for the farmers.

A couple of bad eggs ruin it for everybody when it comes to the good, bad coverage. What's the most juicy thing that's happened to you this year? This is why it's anonymous. Okay, go.

I just found out that a lady has just found her husband has been cheating on her with men. Brackets!

This is the horse industry. You know, this could be big hearted James. He's fucked a couple of husbands. He's fucked a couple of husbands.

Big hearted James. Get the mic over. I won't have you. James, come over here He needs the anonymous button This is not a confessional time He needs the anonymous button Excuse me my mother listens to this show

You're on an anonymous Film show don't worry You do sound so masculine Thank you Jesus Christ That was great. I also feel terrible. We shouldn't have.

Even if you have, that's their business. I feel terrible for what you've done to James there. Why do you literally every day say mean things? Could we insert before that, if you aren't James's mother. Please turn out. Leave now. Turn off, yeah. Ms.

But have you? No. I don't think. No. I don't believe it. He's an angel. Ms. Just tell you. No. I don't think. No. I don't believe it. He's an angel. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

I've never slept with anyone who's in a relationship. Neither. I would never. Neither. I have my wife who's in a relationship with me. Oh, wow. Disgusting. I just found out that a lady has been found out. I just found out that a lady has been uh found out i just found out the lady has just

found out her husband has been cheating on her with men four exclamation marks brackets this is the horse industry close brackets now any pics or this industry horse industry look are you surprised that a man who primps and primes to that level whenever I think of horse people I think of horsey women who like horse women in the horse industry always look a bit horsey because they have the tight the tight printout

like kind of bigger teeth and they do I was they do I was going for the hair and the nuts Vaughn you grew up

in a rural area you always say you've always said to me horse people are fucking nuts is that do you stand by, horse people are fucking nuts. Is that, do you stand by that? Horse people are crazy. Okay, right. Yeah, there's a different way.

You always come in and you say, god damn, my homies, horse people be crazy. Horse people be crazy. You say it literally every morning. And I'm always like, you're not being wrong. I mean, in the right circumstance, the right sort of crazy. If you're a young teenage uh boy if you're in your teenage years and the the girl that you're into is a into her equestrian sports a horsey sheila if you are a young man into young men who are into equestrian sports all are welcome here i'm just

gonna say they know what they're doing with the power of their thighs they ride don't they they're very used to the riding yeah yeah ups and downs they. They've got the ups. Without mashing it. Yeah. Now, Jared, you worked at Trackside, which is the horse racing industry radio station here. Yes. Cancelled. Cancelled.

And Greyhounds. Every day cancelled. Greyhounds and horses. Harness. Thoroughbred. Harness. Todd! No, no, no. Not harness parties. Oh, harness races. Harness Todd No no no

Not harness parties Harness race Which I believe Is an aspect Of the harness party Oh my god They should bring in The gay harness parties

To trackside And next We cross to Ponsonby Coming up now In Ponsonby race 4 We've got a big cocks On the outside

And he's running up The yellow harness Which of course Means he's in a piss play And then we're in The brown harness And there it means He likes in a piss play and then we're in the brown harness and there it means he's in a scat and then we go to the red stuff, it means no holds barred

and it's coming up, no holds barred, the red harness is what I'm supposed to be raised for, I tell you what if you've got money on the outside chance you're going to absolutely pay dividends today Big Dick Kevin's coming in hot and you know he only wears a black harness and the black harness of course, no holds barred yeah good round the final bend and they're at the only wears a black harness and the black harness of course no holds barred

yeah good round the final bend and they're at the final pose it's gonna be a photo finish yeah good stuff take your tickets back up to the box I'm pretty sure well box excuse me shouldn't be using that tune yeah producer Garrett here

whenever we do an O in Christchurch, I catch up with a ex-friend. And every time we catch up, she gives us or gives me a little more tea as to who's cheated on who. Is this the same? She's been a long time listener of the show? No, I was going to say names.

Nope, nope, nope. No, that's not who I was. We've got a long time listener to the show, and she listens to the show and works in the industry, and she's always got just insane. Do you think it's always the jiggling up and down just makes you so horned up all the time? Is that it?

It's like a pop of hymen. Yeah. Oh, get Hayley's mic back. I just said it was a pop of hymen. Well, that's what Diana told the royals. Yeah. I don't believe it. At a Lady Di.

At a Lady Di. You said that. Cheers is well overdue for Lady Di. At a Lady Di. Perfect. Yeah. Every time I catch up with my ex-friend who lives in Christchurch, it's a different person I used to work with who's now cheated on their partner.

Wow. Yeah. It's a horny industry. It's a different person I used to work with who's now cheated on their partner. Wow. It's a horny industry. It's a horny industry. A multi-million dollar horny industry. It's got its own ministerial post in parliament. It's a horny industry. So this husband has been cheating on her

with men in the horse industry. It's been going for two years. She just found out. Oh. How do you think she found out? You've got to set them free. Maybe she was on Grindr and saw him. I feel like if my husband cheated on me with a man, I'd be like, oh, off you go, my love.

You want to be with a man? You're open, though. Yeah, but you're open. I am on an open book, and I'm also going to sleep with a woman, so it would kind of work in my favor. It's fair, isn't it? It's fair. It would be quite contradictory otherwise.

Yeah, it would be. We have really, at the start of this podcast, especially we've been recording in one go that you've been listening to over the last couple of weeks, we were getting through three or four. Now for the last couple, one. Have we? And I'll be honest. We're flapping.

We're fluffing. But also sidetracked by horny. And we're all so horny. Do we need to enter a little fiddle break, do we? Okay, we'll do a fiddle break. Is that Argentinian Drew back any time soon? He's in the shower. Do you want to go in there?

He's in. Yeah, he's in the shower. I'm going to go and have him wash. Yeah, go have him wash. We'll be back with another episode of Fletch von Haley's Midwinter Christmas Cocktail Special. Bye. I love that music.

That's hot. Yeah. Morning. Next, what's better, margarine or butter?