ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Mid-Winter Christmas Cocktail Special - 27th June 2024

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

This episode contains explicit content & themes, and is definitely not one for younger listeners!Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley are back at it again with more cocktails, more episodes, and way more shenanigans; in this batch of Mid-Winter Cocktail Specials!The Live Show will be back On-Air from the 15th of July!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Midwinter Christmas Cocktail Special Hello and welcome to the Midwinter Christmas Cocktail Special. The Big Pod will be back on July 15th. Now, last time this got out of control. I'm looking at you, Vaughan. I'm an innocent party. Are you? Yeah, I think so.

I think we all have blackouts and lapses of how we got home that night. But some of us have a scar to tell the story. Still to this day. To this day. To fill in the gap. Now, much like the podcast special at the end of last year, the Christmas cocktail special, we will be reading out messages from you,

our dear listeners from all over the world. And whilst we do this, we will be indulging in cocktails. Now, we've cracked off with an Alba, which we harp on about a lot. A coconut margarita. Coconut margarita. Only two of those, so I'm having a Prosecco. Okay, so my friend's saying he's in the next room from Argentina, and I think he took a couple.

Oh, no. Which is fine, because I did say help yourself but when you say help yourself to the fridge you don't mean the elbows you don't mean booze you don't mean the elbows

you mean have a fucking apple from the bowl yeah you hear that uh oh get out of here he's sleeping

sorry okay this is my big Falklands war yes yes now also there is something before we get underway. Have you noticed Jared's brand new mixing desk? The Rodecaster Podcaster 24,000 Deluxe.

Yeah, that's nice. Deluxe Pro 2. Look at the screen. It's got a screen protector. Who wants to peel that off? Oh, can I? You may. You may.

Because I'm missing out on a satisfying moment already. You're about to say, I'm missing out on a satisfying pro. I am You may. You may. Because I was, I'm missing out on a satisfying moment already. You're about to say, I'm missing out on a satisfying pro. I am. Yeah. Is it, was that an option to be doing that instead? I was never presented that option.

It was not put before me. No, because I, I, we were just on a flight together and I have a pimple that's popped up over the hour and I was going to burst, but we've run out of time. So that's,

I also don't think it's ready. It's too, I know. I think it's tomorrow's job. No, I feel like you'll be looking at me and throughout the next couple of hours, it'll be like, hey, it's ready, go Hayley. When it's ready, I will say, ladies and gentlemen, the podcast must now take a small break

so Hayley can go and pop her pimple. Maybe at the start of every podcast, we can give it up, stop touching it. Have you put makeup over it? Yeah. Oh, that's not going to help. Yeah, see, it's not going to help us identify if it's really. It's always the wrong colour because I didn't do the whole face.

Right. It doesn't matter. You guys don't care. Can I do it? Peel off the protector. Jared, protection. Protection, please. Permission, please.

Put the microphone there so it gets the sound. Oh, yeah. We're missing on some real foley opportunities here. I'll put it real close. Yeah, they're real close. That sounded really nice. I think if you boost that in production

and post, Jared, I think the listener could hear that. That would be really nice. Thank you, Jared, for editing that. It was really, that would give some people

some goosey bumps. That was absolutely beautiful, that was. Well, shall we? Let's start, let's start. Oh, wait, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. Merry Midwinter Christmas.

Cheers, producers. Merry Christmas. Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, Cheers. Merry Midwinter Christmas. Cheers, producers. Merry Christmas. Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. I will say, isn't the year flying? Thank God, honestly. Isn't it flying? Take me to my deathbed, you know? I'm ready.

Let's start with Rebecca. We ask people to request maybe a shout out to someone else you know listens to the podcast. Yeah. And we also ask some questions. You'll become familiar with those questions over the course of this podcast because they're recurring. Now, we will say, just before you do read them out, Vaughan, we did receive millions of submissions.

Millions. I got told billions. Hundreds of billions of millions. No, there were a lot. So some, we have just drawn, we are just drawing these out. At rando. So I will say, dear listener, if you don't hear yours, please don't end it.

Suck it. Yeah, don't. Suck it? Yeah. If you don't hear it, if you listen to all of these episodes and you're like, mine will surely be the next episode and it gets to the end and yours hasn't been read out, suck it. Suck it.

Just suck it. Or maybe just we apologise that we couldn't get to yours because there are so many. That's what I meant. And we'll do another one at the end of the year. Yeah, we will. Maybe we could have a box at the end of the year. If mine wasn't read out last time and I feel aggrieved,

tick this box or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to suck it. Vaughn told me to suck it. I sucked it and then I sucked it up and here I am. I'm back. I'm a glutton for punishment. I formally sucked it.

Yeah. Please can I get my norm because I am not sucking it twice. Firstly, Rebecca Donald. Jesus, she? Because I am not sucking it twice. Firstly, Rebecca Donald. Jesus, she said, she's not sucking it twice. Not on this calendar year. But how many birthdays does this guy have a year? Two? I was going to say put that on the calendar with a horse.

Don't suck it twice. I've already sucked it. I'm not going to suck it twice. If you've sucked it once, never suck twice. Rebecca Donald of Auckland says, we asked what's the most exciting thing that happened to you this year? And she said the errors to her in Melbourne. Oh, that'll be a lot of good highlights.

Must have been a quiet year for her. She's in the cult. She's in the cult. She's fully in the cult. What is the greatest regret in life? This was a question we just kind of like threw out there. Yeah. I think we're not expecting some deep responses that we've had.

I think people think that we're just laugh out loud or laugh out loud or joke, joke, jokes. We can go deep. Let's get deep. Let's go deep. This could be dangerous

because we're drinking and then at the end, a bit of my eyes are going to get emotional. You don't know. It could go that way. What's your greatest regret in life, Rebecca says,

that I didn't move overseas with my best friend when we were 22? I've only lived in New Zealand and I wish that I'd taken that opportunity to live overseas. Do you know what though? I've got a lot of friends. I'm 34.

Are you? Congratulations. Thank you. Just a baby. I would never have known. I'm just a little baby. You're a cold, cold baby. I'm a cold child.

With a singlet on. With a singlet on. And a head full of rocks. Yes. I'm showing off and I need to go to bed. A lot of my friends in their mid to late 30s are still doing I didn't do it

when I was supposed to do it and they're just going now a couple of my friends have just moved to London to do the work in a bar and travel thing it's never too late

unless you're like I guess 70 and then riddled with arthritis that would be weird that's too late for an OE but that's a lovely time to just live on a cruise ship yeah

see out your days yeah or the countryside the English countryside and then when you when you run out your days. Yeah. Or the countryside, the English countryside. And then when you run out of money, you can't afford the P&R or the Norwegian cruise line or whatever. Just jump off. Jump off the back.

Yeah. What a great idea. Take me out to sea. It's a circle of life. Funeral costs are down. Yeah. That's a gift to your family. Gifts to your family.

They never have your body to bury, but. Yeah. That'll be all right. That's a nice note. Yeah. What do you your body to bury, but yeah. That'd be all right. No. Yeah. What do you need advice on? We also asked.

I decided to be childless by choice and I need advice on dealing with friends, having babies and your relationships with them changing, which I know is selfish, but hey, that's why I'm not having kids. Block them. Any tips or tricks. Hide or block them is a good coping mechanism.

I had, well, you guys don't have children. I wish to speak for your ovaries, but I don't believe you ever will. No, my ovaries have dried up. You need to be careful, though. You need to wrap it up when you're going out there.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Could be some babies he's not aware of. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. I had children a little bit before some of my close group of friends, I think. I don't know

I liked it though I was done by going out and getting shitty faced by then and now I'm re-entering my getting shit faced era and we welcome you back yeah

it's good yeah this happened to me because my best friend who we've just grown up side by side

since we were four she had her first kid at 23 and i remember being like oh it's all over like you know she's gonna go away but you just adjust and you just change the way you socialize if they're real friends then you just it's about quality time not getting boozed and then you just find like a fletch in your life that you're like oh he's my booze friend and you're my good friend yeah yeah real friendships will they'll see friendships will see it through.

You just have to change. If you're a selfish friend, you know the selfish friends, when you have a baby and your selfish friends kind of disappear a little bit, you're like, that's because they liked being the centre of your world, but you've got a new centre of your world. That would have been me, but I had to work with you every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had to see me.

I was kind of forced to see you and see your kids. And you can look forward to being the cool auntie that picks them up from town and keeps their secrets and stuff. Yeah, get some drugs, buy some drum kits. No, no, don't do drugs. Also, a couple of drinky poos, maybe. Yeah, well, that is a drug, Hayley. Alcohol is a drug.

No, it's not. So is coffee, according to the Mormon church. Like, how far down this drug list are we going? Christ, they say. So is pornography. Yeah. So I guess we're all drug addicts. Let's move on.

Thank you, Rebecca. To Hamish, who would you like to give a shout out to? He said, shout out to all the girl bosses. Live, love, laugh it. Live, laugh, loving it up. Has he got that in the right order? Live, love, laugh. He's put live, laugh, loving.

No, that's not it. But you can do any of that in any order. Are you going laugh, love, live? No, you're not. You crazy fool. Laugh, laugh, loving. No, that's not it. But you can do any of that in any order. Are you going laugh, love, live? No, you're not. You crazy fool. Laugh, live, love. Laugh, live, love. It's live, laugh, love.

Live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, love. Yeah, but you could make love. You guys said love twice. Carwen's saying live, love, love. Yeah, she's saying, yeah. No, it's live, love, love.

Shannon's saying live, live, live. Oh, she just wants to live. She just wants to live. Live, love, love. Yeah, she's saying, yeah. Oh, no, it's live, love, love. Shannon's saying live, live, live. Oh, she just wants to live. She just wants to live. Live, live, love. Yeah. Live, live, live. Live, live, wind, wind. We're, we're, we're.

We're, we're. There, there, there, there. We are, we are, we are. Live as in live, Tyler. Live as in live a life. And live as in Fletch Vaughan and Hayley live. Live, yeah. Live, laugh,

loving it up in winter and me, Obvi. Oh, and shout out to producer Jared from Hamish Bun there. Is that a bit of a is there a man crush? Do you know Bun Buns? Bun Buns.

Bit of a crush there. I don't think so. Well, I tell you what, actually the next answer to his question might be why he's giving producer Jared a shout out. What's the juiciest thing

that happened to you this year? Hamish says being in the middle of a three-way between two guys maybe. Oh! Gay mate at the end of the table. Wow. Someone wants to ride the moustache.

Yeah, they do want to ride the... Someone wants to ride the moustache. Jesus! The pick stock moustacher express. Guys. Jesus. What do you need advice on? Hamish wants to know how to make more friends in your mid-twenties.

Well, it sounds like maybe just have a chat to these people you're having threesomes with. Maybe afterwards you could go and do something like tenpen bowling. Sorry, I've got hummus on the mic cord. Don't lick that off. You don't know where that's been. And you've already had fingers in my mouth. So bowling should be all good. Well, I imagine there'd be a shower between tenpen bowling and threesomes.

Oh, I would hope so. because then that wouldn't be all good because you'd be sticking your dirty fingers in the bowling ball. Oh, God, tenpen bowling, with the share balls, you put your fingers in there, you're like, where have these balls been? Put that up. Because Jared's had a shout out in this, but Jared, you made friends this year.

Didn't you make new friends? Yeah, I've made a few new friends this year. What's your advice for Hamish? You rekindled friendships from school too, didn't you? Yeah, rekindled a few, made a few. It's a very social year for me. What's your advice for Hamish in terms of making new friends as an adult?

Probably don't sleep with them. Don't sleep with them on the first hangout. No, but he's got a problem because he's already torn through two of them already. Don't be afraid to make the first move. Yeah, I like that. Well, if he's in a threesome, I don't think making the first move is a problem. Someone's got to do it.

Somebody had to, didn't they? Someone had to kickstart it. Beautiful advice. Thank you, Kanish. How are you so shy that you can have a threesome? True. Ponder that. He's in the middle, I think. Take the same. Is that the shy can have a threesome? True. Ponder that. He's in the middle, I think.

Take the same. Is that the shy person in the threesome? I think so. No, because they're all men. Are they like human centipeding? What's the... I don't know. Are they just taking turns on one of them?

No, I think someone's in the middle. I don't know. Or there's three. Imagine three bottoms. If only someone in here knew. When he's in the middle when he's in the middle don't laugh that much is it like a spit roast situation

that's what I was picturing it would be hard to make friends with your mouth full yeah I don't know I can only I can only guess same Vaughn

I can only imagine we can only imagine I guess we'll never know. Hamish and Natasha. Have you ever done a three? If you would have, eh? Yeah. No, I never, ever have.

You never, ever have? No. Fletch? True. Yeah. Yeah, I have. Foursome? Also a no for me.

Yeah. Oh, wait, so you do. I'm going to see how high we can go. Straight to six. Let's not do that game. I'm going to see how high we go. No, let's do that game. I'm going to see how high we go. No, let's not do that game. No, with eight.

An octa, what's it called? No, not an eightsome. Oh, that's too many people. Yeah, that's an octo, octopussy, I believe. Not for you. Natasha is next, and she is from Rotorua. Would you like to give us a shout out? She said, shout out to my best friends, Stacey and Sam, who listen a shout out she said shout out to my best friends Stacey and Sam

who listen to every pod and shout out to my dad who listens too oh sorry dad oh I'm sorry dad sorry you had to hear about Vaughan's lack of threesomes

yeah and his octopus I wonder if Natasha's dad ever had a threesome well maybe in the 70s he was around

you know that was the time of free love wasn't it yeah shout out to dad and my sister she plays the podcast while she sleeps You can ask him. Maybe in the 70s he was around. You know, that was the time of free love, wasn't it? God, yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Dad and my sister. She plays the podcast while she sleeps.

And shout out to the show and the producers. Such joy to have the company of you three on my ears every day. Thank you for the laugh and laugh, love and laughter. You have checked into my life. And they just live. See, she had the three L's there, but she structured it a little bit differently, didn't she? What's the most exciting thing to have happened to you this year? Went to Raro for my 30th.

First time ever going. Absolutely fell in love with the place. People, culture, and food. Yeah. You've been a couple of times. Raro rules. I haven't been since. It's better than Fiji, and I do apologize, Fiji, but you know.

I've been to Fiji. That's the only one I've been to. Fiji. The islands of Fiji are really nice, but like. It's just a pain getting to them. It's very commercial. It is just a pain getting to them. It's very commercial. It is. What do you need advice on? I've been in my current workplace for 10

years. Is it okay to stay if I'm happy and feel I'm growing comfortably or is it more important to take a chance on something else and learn to adapt to a different environment and push myself? What a question! It's a good, I'm just literally we were at a client event yesterday and I was talking to this girl next to me

and she said, I've been at this workplace 10 years and I love it. And everyone's like, you can't stay at a job that long. And she's like, why not? I love it. I work with amazing people.

I learn from them. Like, yeah. That's fine. There's no rules. That's absolutely fine. I mean, unless you're not getting paid well, then jump to a better job and get paid more. You feel a bit like unfulfilled,

but it sounds like you're happy. And don't let them take advantage of the fact that you've got loyalty. Yeah, I don't think it's a sad thing to stay in a job for a long time. No, that's absolutely fine. Yeah. Happiness is the most important thing after all. Oh, Vaughan. Oh, live, laugh, love.

Wise love words. Live, laughter, love, and looking. Oh, Vaughan.