ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Overtime Podcast - 11th February 2023

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley pull some Overtime, and discuss the wedding Vaughan's heading to this weekend.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Overtime Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. Oh no! Wow, do they pay extra for the accent work on the weekend? What accent was that?

That really was a bit of a dance around. I don't know if you could put it down to one nation. But it's a bit of a copy on the go. Jamaica? Sort of a Jamaican. No, it was a neutral. It was nothing. Spanish, Jamaican.

Dude, that is not neutral. No, it was nothing. A Spanish person who grew up in Jamaica with Pakistani parents. No, it was a neutral accent. No matter what he does with his accents, he cannot be cancelled. He cannot escape Pakistan. It was an absolute neutral accent. I don't know.

But he still made coffee on the go. It was, yeah. It was something. Well, today I've got a wedding to attend. Today's wedding day. It is. I had a stag do last weekend. Are you allowed back in the Wellington region after?

I'm welcome back with open arms. And this is how insane it was. I was the voice of reason. I know. Yeah. I was the grown up. You used to be fun. That's worrying.

Well, I'm still fun. I'm a cool guy. You know, I party. Right. Do you party? Do you get down? Pressure's on, though, because listeners. Do you party? Do you get down? Pressure's on though because listeners to the pod will remember that

you received quite the compliment from the handsome man at Barker's. Models Dimensions. Yeah. Models Dimensions when I went to get no nothing required. No alterations. No alterations required. Except straight after that I got a cold. Yeah. Quite a bad cold and

well it didn't stop my appetite for yummy treats. So there was no gym, lots of yummy treats, far too much drinking at the Stag do last week. And that's the thing about this cold. It should have been a one-week cold, but I've not had like a restful weekend. You beat up the immune system. Yeah, given the immune system, I'm hiding. Yeah.

So it's dragged on for a little bit, and I'm just hoping I'm still model dimensions. Yeah. Because you haven't tried it on since you got it. Yeah, you want to give it a little bit of a try. Because remember, I went to a wedding recently, and I didn't try on the dress before I got there. Remember, it was like the boob gate in front of my in-laws,

and I didn't anticipate the ta-tas were out. You've got to try it on. There's zero chance of ta-tas out. Yeah, but you could be tight in the thigh. I think you'll be fine in two weeks. You're not going to put that much on. Tugging acrosstas out. Yeah, but you could be tight in the thigh. I think you'd be fine in two weeks. You're not going to put that much on. Tugging across the groin? Maybe.

Maybe. I fluctuate. Maybe. Give me two weeks and I can change sizes. This is why my model career didn't take off. I'm a fluctuator. Yeah. I need to get my pom-pom before the wedding.

Also, I don't like getting into a wedding suit too early because it'll be a sweaty situation. Oh, and you've got a grey one too. Yeah, so I don't want to sweat through anything. Do you want to borrow some panty liners? Well, I can get my own panty liners. What, are you washing them? Oh, yeah, I reuse. Reuse panty liners.

Yeah, yeah, of course. It's not like nappies. Famously, they don't wash well. But panty liner in the shirt to avoid the sweat from the jacket. Yeah, I've done that before. But then I find that just makes you sweat more, but it just catches more sweat. And it's just weird to have panty liners on your pits. Yeah, I know.

And if they drop out, you're on the dance floor and your panty liner falls out. And then you're like, oh, God. And then you quickly, it's like farting. You've quickly got to blame somebody else. Yeah, oh, my God. Sally, your panty liner slipped out. And then Sally's in tears. Yeah.

Ruined her day. Yeah. Because she drank too much. Sally's not the bride, by the way. She's just a wedding attendee. Oh, yeah. She's drunk too much and she's hyper emotional because her boyfriend hasn't proposed to her and every time she goes to a wedding, it's a real slap in the face.

Yeah. That they aren't even engaged yet. Plus, she's got a crush on the groom. A little bit. A minor groom crush. And she didn't eat because she was so busy getting her hair and makeup done. She skipped lunch, but they just went straight to the champagne they handed out in the celebration parts.

And from there she was off the rails. There she goes. Yeah. And I am describing 85% of women who attend weddings. Oh, you were looking me in the eye and I felt it. I'm looking you in the eye. Felt it. I'm looking through the microphone, through the digital desk,

through the internet into my wife's eyes as well. She's done this more than once. Okay, so if you've got a formal do to go to, have a little something in the tum. Oh, no, not a little something. Because even at a wedding, you don't know the food situation. Are there going to be canapes? Are there going to be nibbles?

Am I going to snack or am I waiting for dinner? Is dinner going to be nice? You want to fit into your model dimension suit. How full do you go? It's a tough one. Six inch subway, maybe. Well, no, I'd go to the show sponsor and get a quart of pee. Yeah, I know.

But when I go to the show sponsor quart of pee, I can't stop. Now I'm holding a full meal and now I've got to skip dinner. And she's getting a filet-o-fish and you know the show sponsor doesn't hold back can't stop now I'm earning a full meal and now I've got to skip dinner and she's getting a Filet-O-Fish and you know the show sponsor doesn't hold back on that tartar sauce

she'll spill it down her wedding frock add lettuce turns it into a mess somebody actually said when we were lambasting the that's the second

news this week the lambasting of the Filet-O-Fish although it is the show sponsor's primary fish burger only fish burger we do poke fun at the Filet-O-Fish orderers because they're second rate humans well your wife is Although it is the show sponsor's primary fish burger, only fish burger,

we do poke fun at the Filio fish orderers because they're second-rate humans. Well, your wife is one. She has a second- Sole is Hayley. Yeah. Mostly as a second-tier burger, she'll get a cordy pea and a Filio fish to chase. Yeah. It's a chaser burger. It's a chaser.

It's primary. It's a second-tier burger. Somebody messaged in saying you add bacon to it. Yuck. Fish and bacon. And then the sweet and sour sauce from the nugs. Oh, yeah. The sweet and sour, I can imagine.

No, you can add some chips to it. See, no, add bacon and the sweet and sour to a cheeseburger. Yeah. Or even a 40p. They already do that. You get a cheese and bacon, yeah. Cheesy B with added bacon. Cheesy B, double the bacon.

Anyway, we always end up here, don't we? Right now I'm just hungry. We always end up here back here, don't we? We always end up. The road always ends at food. It always comes back to food with us. Food Avenue. We love to eat.

Oh, who got an email? Me. I got an email. What does it say? I'll show you. Okay. Hi, Hayley. We have a package dropped off for you at reception.

Well, go and get it. Someone's given me some socks. Well, go and get it. Someone's given me some socks. We'll go and get it. I think this might be my horny package. Go get the horny package. We'll fill in the time. Can someone get Hayley's horny cherry? I think there's two there, Jared.

There's two packages for me at reception. Get her her horny package. So explain the horny package. Well, okay, so the first package is socks. To me, there is no hornier package than socks I love new socks Nothing gets me absolutely slipping Than a sock

Well on the line though Because she's got her socks on Get your mind out of the gutter You put your socks on And then you run into risky business Exactly That's what I thought That's why I was like

Where did you start? So take that old records off the shelf I wanna listen to them by myself The horny package Is I them by myself The horny package Is I saw someone get a horny package PR package And then I said where's my horny package And now I think the horny package is here

Who got the original horny package? Sexologist Here we go It's a horny package It's got a helium balloon A love heart balloon While describing what's in the horny package and how the helium. Yes.

Oh, my God. Give us a balloon. Get your knife out. Get my knife. And we'll do a little poke in here. It's a heart balloon. Yeah. No, don't pop the balloon.

No, I'm not going to pop the balloon. I'm going to cut off the string. And I'll untie it. You do that and I'll start. Do you want me to hold it and then you penetrate the... No, I'm pretty good at opening a balloon. Are you? Yeah.

He's good with his fingers, I'll tell you. He's a crafty little... Crafty little... Oh, so it's from the QT Hotel. And... Oh, my goodness. Wait a minute, don't read out what's... No, I'm not going to be able to do this because I need to...

Oh, keys might work. Shit, a brick. There is a lush bath bomb in here. I tell you what. Oh, I love a bath bomb. Oh, my God, they're so strong, aren't they? Because you shouldn't get bath bomb up your vagina. No, you shouldn't.

Here you go. True story. The vagina is the perfectly self-cleaning machine. You shouldn't get a bath bomb up there. But in the bath, it seals itself, doesn't it? Oh, my God, I got a free drink of QT. You're telling the story, mate. It's like a submarine, isn't it?

Doesn't it go, oh, and then goes underwater? All of us Stop being so horny All of us need to take a little God it's a bloody handwritten note Take a breath From the helium And then we'll chat

I'm not doing it Oh bastard You just lost all the helium There's a finite amount of helium in the world Don't waste any I know we're running out aren't we Okay ready Do I just Are we getting an item I think Hayley should die It won't last There's a finite amount of helium in the world. Don't waste any. I know. We're running out, aren't we? Okay, ready? Do I just go?

Are we getting an item? I think Hayley should do it. It won't last. Just get Hayley to do it. Okay, hang on. Give it here. Okay. So you will inhale the helium balloon and then describe what is in the horny package.

Yeah. Inside. Oh, no. There we go. Hang on. There's a hole in the side. It might Hang on. There's a hole in the side. It might be escaping. There's a hole in the side.

In the package is some little drinks from No Ugly and some chocolates and a Lush bath bomb and a hazelnut butter praline. Okay, keep going. Keep going. And there's a... Oh, hang on, not enough. No, there you go. It just takes a while to kick in.

And also there's a little drink from a bank called No Ugly. It's a libido drink. It's ashwagandha root and zinc. It's strawberry wellness tonic, 250 ml. I have a little drink of that. And there's a hazelnut butter praline and a little bit of a coffee scrub. Where's the horniness? I'm feeling really dizzy.

I know. I think the horniness is the night at the QT. Where's my dillies? Yeah, she doesn't want to take... Love potion massage oil? I think you should... They've made the mistake of assuming you want to take Aaron away for your horny night.

No. Excuse me. You guys are coming. The note here says, and to celebrate, we think you and Aaron deserve two nights of sweet and sweet nothings at the QT. Am I getting a night in a hotel?

Two nights in a hotel. Sweet, sweet nothings. Just say Aaron for one of the nights. Could you take us for one night in? You guys come on this evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This sounds great. Okay.

Can't get... Oh, no. It's just run out a little bit. There it is a little bit. I can't wait to get home and get Aaron all excited and sexy horny for our stay at the QT hotel. Laughing always sounds the best. I'll hang on. Laughing always sounds the best.

Well, thank you, QT. I really enjoyed that. Yeah. Another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay.

They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep.

Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.