ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Overtime Podcast - 25th February 2023

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley pull some Overtime, and discuss mediocre superpowers!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Overtime Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. A barista? A barrister? Yes. Barrister-made coffee?

They've got barristers in now. Wow. Yeah, I know, they mean business. What can't they do? Too many barristers. Too many in the actual courtroom. Yeah, so they've had a surplus of barristers. Oh, my God.

How embarrassing. So now they're boosting barista numbers. Boosting barista with barristers. And still wearing their wigs. That's how you know it's a barrister. Yeah, that's great. That's how you tell them apart. At McCafe.

That's great. Okay, so I'm just opening up the lads chat because I wanted to talk about a chat we had about superpowers with a big downside. Okay, so I'm just opening up the lads chat because I wanted to talk about a chat we had about superpowers with a big downside. Okay. God, this lad chat sometimes. You wonder what goes on in this. I don't want in. Usually when I know people have a small chat

and I'm not part of it, I'm like, I don't want in. Like our no Hayley chat. Oh, God, what a great little chat. Oh, God, what's in there? That's going to get your anxiety popping, isn't it? Yeah. It's just banter about you.

What is it? What is it about? What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Producers, be on my side. What are we talking about? At the end of every day in the Hayley Chat, we rate you. Every day we're in this Hayley Chat.

Yeah. At the end of the day, we're like, was she a bit much today on a scale of one to ten? I've been a little too little today, I would say. Oh, Carwen, today's about a four for you. Carwen, tell us what you wrote about Hayley yesterday. No, she's right there. What the hell? It was actually very complimentary.

What did you say? Because it's not all bad stuff. I can't. It's good stuff. She had to jot it down in the HR notebook. Was it about my cojongas because I sent you guys a photo?

It was about your cojongas which were out. I put that in my HR journal. Did you? I did not ask for that photo of your breasts. I didn't need to see 82% of your breasts.

All but the net. There's no no Hayley chat. I didn't need to see 82% of your breasts. All but the nip. There's no no-hating chat. Would you say your nip makes up 18% of your breasts? No comment. Because I said 82% of the breasts and you said everything but the nip. Unlike your areolas, which make up 24% of your breasts. No, that's a small amount. That's a quarter.

Your quarter of your breasts are nips. Well, this is not my nips. Save this for the no nips well this is say this for the no-vorn chat i don't think my nips are 18 okay maybe we can think of a superpower to do with nips because the first one was you can pause time but only while you hold your breath so if you were gonna like i'm gonna pause time and run over there you could only get as far as your breath. I hate holding my breath. Yeah, it's hard. I don't like that super power.

Okay. What about, you have super speed, but whenever you use super speed, everybody else gets super speed as well. No, no, no, that's chaos. No, I know. So someone's out running and you're like, I need super speed, and you go super speed, and all of a sudden they're like, whoa! And they're like smashed into a wall and they might die.

Because they don't know what's about to happen. But whatever they're doing, all of a sudden starts happening very fast. That sounds like it would be carnage. Yeah, that's carnage. But that's the downside. You could only use it in an emergency because every time you do, you're putting everybody at risk because all of a sudden, like those girls walking up the stairs, all of a sudden, they'll be like, whoa! And they'll be up the stairs.

Or walking down. Yeah. What about you can fly, but it's only propelled from gas from your anus. So the whole time it's like. So you can only fly when you fart. You wouldn't even get off the ground. Or you'd dangerously. No, no, no.

So you did. You've got enough gas in your anus to fly from here to there. But the whole time you're flying, everyone underneath you can just hear. So it's a constant stream of gas for as long as. Right. No, I wouldn't want that. So instead of like Superman, you'd be like. Okay.

Flying past. Another flying one. You can fly, But only as fast As you can walk I walk very fast Hayley and I Are both fast walkers But now you're just flying

Yeah I'm happy with that So you'd be like Arms out like Superman Flying But you'd just be going As fast as you walk I don't know if it's

I'd probably sit With my legs crossed And glide If someone was up a building And they were in danger, you could be like, I'll save them. But you could only go as fast as you could walk if that was a flat surface.

I mean, if it meant saving them, that would be all right. I don't care if I look a bit silly doing that. No, but if they're teetering on the edge of a building, you've got to get there quickly. Yeah, it might take a while. What about... You could shapeshift into anybody. Like, I could look like Fletch,

but when I look like Fletch, he looks like me. Does he know he looks like you? Well, he would if he saw himself. Could I do it to strangers? Yes. But then you are giving a stranger your appearance. And do they know? Yeah, if they see themselves.

They're in your body. They're like, hey, hang on, what happened? No, no, they're not in your body. So say you and I did it. I said, I want to look like Hayley. I look like Hayley. Yeah. I look like Hayley. You look like me. But I'm still me.

You're still you. So I'd look down and be like, oh, I've got hairy arms. Yes. Like a Freaky Friday situation. Yes. But they can look like you. Yeah. So you could be like, I want to get away with something bad,

but I'm going to look like a person who's naughty because they're in trouble anyway. But then they look like you and they might do something naughty. Now you've done something naughty would you shape shift them to Jason Malmire and like have a feel yeah for sure and then I'd let him have a feel of me while he was in me

so to speak I would say to him be like go have a go have a go they're quite good especially at the moment have a go telekinesis so you can move stuff with your mind.

I love that. But it requires the same amount of physical effort as just going and doing it yourself. But you don't have to touch it. No. It could be from a distance. It could be from a distance. You could lift a brick, but you're physically like...

Do you struggle to lift a single brick, mate? Well, I say it was a big... You've got to lay off the cardio. You've got to start picking up some weights. A bit more strength work. A bit more strength work. You have the power to see or hear other people's thoughts, but only when they're saying bad stuff about you.

No. No, you wouldn't want that. No, I don't want to know. You don't want to know. I'm a people pleaser. You can talk to animals at will, but constantly shit yourself while doing so. Yeah, I'd take it.

I'd wear a diaper and be like, Raleigh. You just talk to your cat On the toilet Yeah yeah yeah But then I'm so used to Talking to my cat That I'd forget But you'd be able to

Hear them back Oh yeah true yeah Yeah but it'd be too late Oh yeah like if you Started and you said You'd shit yourself In the kitchen Muzzy

And then he was like Yeah you're like Oh no Yeah Yeah Okay so far None of these superpowers Are appealing None of them so far What about You can see into the future You're like, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. So far, none of these superpowers are appealing.

None of them so far. What about you can see into the future. Yeah. But the only day you can see is the day you die. Interesting. That's bleak, isn't it? That's really bleak. So you would know how far away it was.

Yeah. So you'd be able to see the day and you'd be like, oh, shoot. That's like, I still look the same. But if you were like, tomorrow I'm that's like, I still look the same. But if you were like, tomorrow I'm going to chuck myself off this building, then would you see tomorrow? Or would you have to face a real risk to be able to see it? I didn't think it through as much. I didn't think I was going to get questioned.

You were anticipating zero follow-up questions. Yeah, I was going to throw it in and just leave it there. You're super strong. Like right now, I could just be like, oh, and lift a truck. Well, that's not a superpower. That's just like going to Les Mills, mate. But the minute you have adrenaline, like when you need to be super strong, it stops working. Adrenaline's like your kryptonite.

Like as soon as you get like, oh, my God, I need to move quickly. Or, ah, I need to help that person. You just have to be chill and picking up heavy things. You have to remain absolutely zen calm to be able to do anything. I don't exist in calmness, so this would be a useless thing for me. You can jump really high, but only when no one can see you.

Yeah, I'd do that. I'd do that. Boing, just for fun. And you'd never be able to prove it. It's alright. What if there was a CCTV camera on the street that saw me? It stops filming the moment you do it. Oh, does it? Yeah.

All technology just turns off. Okay, you know, I like that one. That's cool. You can talk to computers, but all they want to talk about is porn. You're like, no, no, no, let me have access to the government. I need the government. And they're like, hey, you want to see some hot chicks? Yeah, I've got the president and the secretary.

Oh, look at your hot chicks. I need access to the government secretary Yeah yeah I'll look at your hot chicks Just shh I need access to the Government thing I need access to the Government database First take a look at these That's not a good one

Yeah that'd be horrible Who put that in the group chat It was me Was it I thought it'd be Callum You're an amazing singer But only dogs can hear you No

Nah Cause you're not gonna Sell out Caesars Palace In Vegas Like Adele Exactly For 80 weekends But only dogs can hear you No Nah Because you're not going to sell out Caesar's Palace in Vegas Like Adele Exactly For 80 weekends If only dogs

We could have but just dogs can go You can become invisible But you have to be naked to do it And you have no control over How long your invisibility lasts It's completely random So you just pop up somewhere back Or you'd be walking

And you'd start fading back in and you're naked, so you'd have to find somewhere to run. Yeah. Interesting. But it could be like a day. It could be a long time. How quickly do you think you could find an outfit at any given moment? You're in the supermarket.

How quickly do you think you could get yourself a pair of socks? Why am I going to the supermarket naked? To steal cookies. But they must see the cookies just floating out of the supermarket. Yeah. Not if you put them in you, in your mouth. They couldn't see it because you're invisible. Oh, yeah.

But how are you going to gob down a whole tray of cookies? Because someone would see the cookies going in and disappearing. And you don't know if you're going to get out of that supermarket before it kicks back in. Yeah. Also, yeah, if they're doing like a knife or a glassware stamp collecting thing, you're not going to get your stamp, are you?

Nah, well, I mean, you could just steal them. You could just steal the stamps. You could walk up to the empty checkout and just be like, reels of ash. Or go after hours. But again, you can't control when it wears off. You might only have 20 seconds this time. Or you might have 8 weeks.

None of these are ideal, are they? No, well, that's the idea. when it wears off. Yeah. You might only have 20 seconds this time. Or you might have eight weeks. None of these are ideal, are they? None of these are ideal. No, well, that's the idea. They cost too much. You shouldn't just get a Superman-level power. Yeah. There should always be a downside to it. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. Something to mull over? Yeah. If you're on the podcast family, please, we should set a threat of this. I've got another one. Insane superpowers with downsides. I've got another one. Insane superpowers with downsides.

You can control the weather. Oh, yes. You can change the weather on any given day, but every time you use it, you lose a week off your life. Oh. That's a tough one. That's more of a would you rather. So you're having a- That would be like-

To avert things like droughts or like cyclones or something. You would change the weather. Or just like keep the tan going. Yeah, or like I was just thinking you've got a big party, so you don't want to be in the right... Yeah, wedding day. Parties. Your tan's starting to fade in winter.

You'd be like, I'm going to top this up and have a big day in the sun. You would do that. A week of your life. But you don't know. You could only have two years left to live. You're shaving off a week at a time. Yeah, but what's a week? Like, what's a week? Yeah, but you do it four times four times that's a month yeah and but what are you doing anyway sitting at home you need to get hobbies he's playing fast and loose he's playing

fast and loose yeah you're being reckless yeah i'm being reckless oh another podcast in the bag the plastic bag are they back no no still banned. Okay. They never left. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.