ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Best Bits Podcast - 13th June 2020

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

Our fancy new compilation podcast filled to the brim with the best moments from Fletch, Vaughan & Megan this week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, it's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Welcome to the Best Bits of the Week podcast, brought to you by McCafé. Grab yourself a delicious barista-made coffee for only $4. Yes, that's right. It's a podcast that required no extra effort on our behalf, but hopefully we'll see a skyrocket up the podcast charts because it's an extra podcast per week. ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Am I a bad person? Okay, this is your chance to get your judgey pants on and give your opinion on someone's sticky situation. This is from an anonymous guy. This is from the point of view of the groom, okay?

Hi guys, I need your help. I'm getting married in a week to an awesome woman. My brother is gay, but my family doesn't know. Only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family and we don't think the majority would take it well. My brother has been dating his boyfriend for six months now. The guy is great. I'm really happy for him, but it's a secret from the rest of the family and I've been telling him for years that he should come out. He disagrees because he knows a part of the family won't accept it, and it'll be a lot of drama.

I see it as the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner we can cut them from our lives. Exactly. I've got no interest in having someone in my life that doesn't accept my brother for who he is. So, supportive. Yep. The issue is, a few weeks ago, he said he wanted to bring his boyfriend to my wedding. If it was any other occasion, I would be supportive,

obviously, but I don't think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and BS that would happen. And I don't want to get the attention away from my fiance. That's her day. And I don't want to have to worry about that on my wedding day. And I think it's a pretty good reason. I asked him why my wedding day and he said it's because he wants to celebrate love with the two people that mean the most, me and his boyfriend. This is killing me. I would fight my whole family for my brother and would never speak to them again if I had to. But my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight. Am I a bad person for asking him to come to the wedding alone?

Nah, it's not his day. It's the bride and groom's day. If he wants... No. It's like someone proposing at a wedding. You don't do that. You don't do it. You don't do that because it's not about you.

It's about them. If it turns to toilet, it's going to tarnish the day. Yeah. And then this person, they've been together six months. It might last forever. It might only last three more months. And then the wedding will always be the reminder of the thing that happened with the partner that's no longer around.

But then can't the partner, can't he just tell the family pre-wedding? And then if there is any drama, then just don't invite the people that have a problem with it. Yeah, exactly like they said. Just cut them. But people who have a, in 2020, people who have a problem with anyone having a gay relationship, but also the people that won't have a problem with making an issue of it at the

event, will they? Do you know what I mean? Could you have someone allocated to kick them out if there's an issue? Like a bouncer. Because it's going to be extended family, right? Yeah. So like, assign your dad to be the bouncer

on it. If someone starts having a fuss, just be like, get rid of them. Tell them to leave. I don't know, it's hard. But again, that's a drama that is at someone else's wedding, isn't it? Yeah, but I love a good fight sometimes. And I just think like, I don't know, it's your brother.

Could you have a conversation and be like, maybe tell them beforehand? That's what I reckon. But then you shouldn't, I don't, that's giving someone an ultimatum to come out. And I don't think that's fair either. When's the wedding again? Yeah, that's true. That's what I reckon. But then you shouldn't, I don't, that's giving someone an ultimatum to come out and I don't think that's fair either. When's the wedding again?

Yeah, that's true. When's the wedding? In a week. Oh, okay, nah. Because even if, yeah, as you say, you've got to deliver the ultimatum

and then even then the weeks, I don't know, is it enough time to digest everything? I understand what you're saying, but then they're saying I would fight someone for my brother and I would not talk to people ever again, but I just want to do everything. I understand what you're saying, but then they're saying I would fight someone for my brother and I would not talk to people ever again, but I just won't do this.

Not on your wedding day. I just won't do this. You know, like, I don't know. Yeah. I'm really torn. I don't know what the right thing to do is. But then the ultimatum about coming out as well, I didn't even think about that.

Yeah. Because they've got to do it on their terms, totally. I think he's just got to have a conversation with him. Yeah. What do you do? I don't know. I don't know. Because what that's a great way to show like

support for your brother. Yeah. But then six months together is that long enough to get a wedding invite? Either gay, hetero, whatever. Is that long enough to get a wedding invite? I don't know.ero, whatever. Is that long enough to get a wedding invite? I don't know.

Yeah, like if you were with someone for six months, would you expect to go to one of their family's weddings with them as a partner? Yeah. You wouldn't be that hurt.

I would. After six months? Yeah. I was more on the other foot of would I have invited someone who's over there with myself for six hours? No.

I would. That's a hundred and something dollars a head. Yeah, but you, like they've been together for six months. You've definitely got to know them and hung out with them. Are they getting like, are they better be really coming with a present?

You just don't put them in the photos. Or at the end so you can crop them out. Yeah. Am I a bad person? So, this comes from the groom who was getting married in a week. His brother is gay. Very supportive parents and he is also very supportive.

Now, he has wanted him to come out for a while. Of course, that's something someone has to do on their own terms. But now, the brother has decided that he would like to bring his partner of six months to the wedding and use that, I guess, as some kind of announcement to the family. Now, the groom is obviously not very happy about this and wants to know, is he a bad person for asking him to come to the wedding alone and not bring the partner? Drama. Although very supportive.

Yeah. And the wedding's soon as well. So what do you think? Is he a bad person or not? All right, some calls first. Sheila, what do you think? I don't think he's a bad person. I think maybe he's got a little bit of a wiggle room.

Could you just invite him in the evening so that all the ceremonies, photographs, et cetera, is all over him? And if anybody doesn't like it, they can just shove off home, can't they? Yeah, exactly. Well, Nana might have gone by then. But Uncle Todd might have also had a couple of whiskies and he's broken out his Make America Great hat again.

That's the danger of when booze gets involved in these. That's true. Thanks, Sheila. Roxy, what do you think? I think call a family meeting before the wedding and if he wants to, come out at the family meeting and then the groom can stand up and say, right, anyone who is not comfortable or not happy with this,

you're not welcome at my wedding. Yeah, I don't think it's like, but then it would be hard to, I think they're talking more about extended family. You wouldn't really invite them all round, would you? Wouldn't it be hard to get all those people together? Before the wedding, though. Like the night before, people have to come to the wedding. But then again, that's big drama, isn't it?

And it's also giving him an ultimatum to come out. Yeah. Do it via Facebook chat or a Zoom meeting. Yes, a Zoom. Family Zoom. Oh, no, because aunties and uncles would take ages to get on the Zoom. How long? My audio's not working.

No, we can hear you. I can't hear you. No, I can't hear anyone. There'd be a lot of boomer chins in that Zoom meeting, wouldn't there? Yeah. Like looking up shots. Yeah. Okay, Roxy, thanks for that.

What are people saying text-wise? Well, here's a good message. Why does he, you, or your family have to tell everyone that he's gay beforehand? Did you or your parents tell your extended family that you were all heterosexuals before you started dating? I always thought that. What a great point. I think coming out, people shouldn't have to. It's just they are what they are.

If he wants to bring his partner, let him and keep being supportive and make it a non-event for everybody else by not making bad deal out of it. But I also, maybe that person who texts messages in isn't, isn't. Yeah, true. We don't know how conservative

this family is. And then big's a big thing and it's a possibility to tarnish, tarnish the wedding day. I'd just say, let him go and just. I love chucking grenades

out there though. Like, come along, kiss, shit goes down, dad will get involved. Somebody said, invite the partner to the wedding but if anyone asks, he's an old school friend

of both the boys. Just be careful later on when you've had a few drinks not to open mouth kiss on the dance floor. Or do. You know how that goes at a wedding. You're always open mouth kissing your old school friends on the dance floor.

Somebody said, I'd be very interested to hear what his fiancee has to say about it. Yeah. Because maybe she thrives on a bit of drama and would actually quite like it on a wedding day. Yeah. Why doesn't the brother come out before the wedding? But again, it's a bit of an ultimatum. But then if the brother was down with that... But if he's going to do it on the wedding day anyway...

Yeah, he wants to do it. A couple of days before. Yeah. Because this wedding's what? Next week? Date-wise next week. So maybe it's a wedding that got pushed out from COVID as well. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Somehow, I don't know. It's a tough situation. Hamish, what do you think? Oh, definitely a bad person. Okay, why? Well, why are they inviting hateful people to their wedding? Why should he even have to come out?

Why is straight the default? Yeah, no, fair point. No, I agree. That's right. We agree, and that's taken into consideration the conservative old people that have always lived that that is the way. And, you know, you've probably dealt with people who thrive on a bit of drama and have that opinion before.

Yeah. Just thinking, you know, and then it doesn't matter. We totally agree. But then old people, or not necessarily all old people, I shouldn't say that, but, you know, people of that mindset could ruin the day by overreacting. And I totally agree with you, but we've all seen how super conservatives react. Thanks, Hamish. It sucks when you've got a conservative family because then they're expected to be at these things.

And you're like, yeah, but I don't align with that. Exactly. What about your racist nana? What would happen if you chucked in a same-sex grenade? How would she deal with that? I actually don't know. You'd probably kill her. I don't know.

You'd overload her. I don't know how she'd deal with that. She'd start steaming. Steaming out the head. Like a zip. Someone would be like, is the zip on the wall in the community hall broken? Like, no, Nana's seen a same-sex couple of different ethnic backgrounds.

Oh, really? Yeah, we can't flick her off at the wall, can we? No, but David Seymour's trying to make it that we can. So, one day. Wow. Okay, well, good So, one day. Wow. Okay, well, good luck with that one. Yeah. But yeah, I think what people,

most people just saying not a bad person. No. Wait, what? Wait, what? Have you yet to sum that up? Oh, it's kind of like nobody said bad. Yeah. But nobody said sweet.

That's a real. That's a real grenade I don't think we've helped here have we No Good luck with that Good luck Yeah Flesh, Vaughan and Megan The Podcast

ZM Hype Hype Hype Hype Hooray Monday morning can be hard To find the motivation to get done what needs to be done. And we're here to share some of our enthusiasm, often known as the most positive and enthusiastic show on the radio. You two are definitely the most positive and enthusiastic people I know. That's us. Old positive and enthusiasm. Yeah.

Look, this cynical nature of ours has got us through life, Megan. Yeah. All right? Okay. But we've got some to share. Yeah. We've got some to share. We do.

Now, we're going to start with Christy. Christy, this morning, why do you need some hype, hype, hooray on your Monday? Hi. Well, I am expecting my first child sometime this week. Wow. Sometime this week? Well, actually, it was supposed to be last week, but we are still holding out and waiting. So what are we at?

How many weeks now? 40 weeks? Yeah, so 40 was on last Thursday. Oh, okay. They're not going to let you go for too long, though, are they? No. So we've got an end date of for too long, though, are they? No. So we've got an end date of the 17th, but that's a little bit too far away for me at the moment.

So you need a little bit of motivation. What did they say? Spicy food? Yeah, well, we've tried some spicy food and lots of exercise. And I don't mean to be crass, Christy, but what about some sexercise? Yeah, well, that's still high on the priority list. Apparently, feeling the movement is not a big turn-on for my husband.

Oh, right. Yes. Quite a movie baby. Also, would you want to know that fact when you were growing up, that your parents did that to kickstart you out? You don't have to tell them. Too close for comfort. Yeah.

Right. So this is your first child. Are you nervous? Yeah, it is the first child, but I'm not really nervous as such. I don't know why, which is quite unusual for me, but I can't control what happens,

so we'll just go with the flow. That's right. You've got to go with the flow. That's a great way to be. Do what you're going to do. Well, heck, you want us to motivate this baby to get moving? Yeah, sure. Okay.

Can you put the phone onto your belly? Okay. Okay. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? We do, yes, but we're not telling many people. Oh, okay. No, no, that's fine. we're not telling many people. Oh, okay. No, no, that's fine. Well, luckily not too many people listen to this radio show,

so you can take the risk. But no, no, okay. So phone to the belly. Okay. Okay. Hey, baby. I know you're in there. I know you're in there.

You're definitely in there. Come out. It's time to come out. It's time to come out into the world and see what mum looks like on the outside. You've had a good nine month tour of the inside. You've had a good look. You've had an elbow in the ribs. You've probably pushed on a bladder. It's time to get out that vaginal canal.

It's time to enter the real world. Take your first breath. Scream your first scream. Drink your first breath. Scream your first scream. Drink your first milk. Come on, it's a great old world. I know you've had to. I know that's really gone to shit since you've been in there. You know, if we look back to when you were created, it was probably we thought it couldn't get worse.

And then guess what? It got worse. Positive. You're going to be the best part of it for your mum and dad. So it's time to get on out of that. And plus, you get Happy Meals soon. Yes. You get a toy with your food.

Now, we can't rush into the Happy Meal. Can we? I can't tell you how good fries are. I mean, milk's all good. You'll learn. Fries, you can probably move on to a little bit sooner. Hey, we're talking to your baby. You can suck on the fry and you'll be like,

I don't know what it is about this combination of carbohydrates, salt, oils, but I love it. And that's all of us. That's all of us. Get on out here. Come out. The quicker you get out, the quicker you can put a fry in your mouth. I think that was quite motivating.

Yeah. I think that was quite motivating. Christy, good luck. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you. I hope that was enough hype, hype, hooray for your Monday. Yeah.

We'll let you know how it goes. Yeah, please do. Please do. Please do. Imagine if it just starts now. I know. That's us. It's your voices.

It's our horrible voices. Triggered a birth. Anonymous caller, good morning. Good morning. How's it going? Good. Now, why do you need some hype, hype, hooray on your Monday? So I am getting surgery on Wednesday to get some hemorrhoids cut out.

Yowzers. Oh, my God. And so you need some motivation to just get you in that hospital door. Yeah, pretty much. Hemorrhoids, where do you cut them out from? I thought you put a cream on. I thought you put a cream on. I mean, step number one, but we've gone past that stage. Wow.

My goodness. Yeah, I actually had surgery in March, so this is like a second one. Oh, my God. It's not a fun time. So do you have to sit on a donut or something afterwards? I mean, that would be a logical option, but no, I haven't really been doing that. So even after your first surgery,

you weren't gifted a little donut to put down on the seat before sitting? No, no. That would have been good, though. Do you need motivation because you remember the first one and it wasn't pleasant and you just need to... Yeah. Okay.

And is this the last one or is there going to be another one further down the track? I hope this is the last one. This better be the. Okay. And is this the last one or is there going to be another one further down the track? I hope this is the last one. This better be the last one. And is this... Sorry for so many questions. Fascinating topic though and often something that's not talked about.

Certainly a breakfast topic. Yeah. Is it hemorrhoids? Yeah. So is this... Are you genetically disposed to this? I don't know. Right.

I thought it was sitting on cold concrete. Do you remember that? Don't sit on the cold wet concrete for too long, you'll get piles. Yeah. No, yeah, no. Well, I mean, there are other ways to get it. Post-surgery isn't fun, but I always think it's

quite nice to lie down and have a wee sleep. It's always a really good sleep. Yeah, yeah. That's the only thing I'm motivated for is the anesthetic at this stage. A good sleep, a good sleep. And then would you have to sleep on your side or your stomach for a while? On the side, yeah.

Definitely not on my back or my stomach, just on the side. Just on the side, so that's how I sleep anyway. And you'll have some medically sanctioned painkillers. Yeah. That's guilt-free. That's guilt-free painkillers right there. I've tried to find some motivational quotes about surgery, but I just can't.

Okay, we'll see them later. It's fine. Not about hemorrhoid surgery. The closest thing I've got is she got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Okay, it doesn't really apply. It doesn't apply, though, does it? No.

Well, last week I was face down on a bed, and my ass was exposed. I had to pull a cheek to one side at one stage. Well, that's right, for your laser. For a laser. And I had to be wide awake as somebody stared at that, whereas you will have the comfort of being completely unconscious. Yeah. So there's a positive.

There's a positive. There's a positive. Good luck for that. Good luck. You've got this. You've done it once. You can do it. The first time's the hardest.

Yeah. You'll be in and out this time. And then no more sitting on cold concrete. Amen. Amen. Good luck. Thanks so much, guys. All you have to do is turn up.

Turn up. Show up. Exactly. And go to sleep. And go to sleep. Well, I think we've been very motivational this morning. Very motivational. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The Podcast. ZM. Bluff or Stuff. Very motivational this morning. Very motivational. All right, playing this morning. Tash, good morning. Morning. Is it Tash or Tash? Tash. Tash.

Is it Australian? Okay. Tash. Yeah, but that is a matter in New Zealand. It doesn't matter. Tash. I'll take anything, whatever. Is it short for Natasha?

Yeah. Then it's Tash. Okay, Tash. Well, up for grabs today. We've been trying to give this away for a long time, but it's a hard competition, this one. Block of stuff. We have up for grabs a Dolce Gusto Nescafe coffee machine.

In no way. We had to buy this, didn't we? So we're not obliged to say that it's better than Nescafe coffee machine. And no way, we had to buy this, didn't we? It was not... So we're not obliged to say that it's better than Nescafe. Better than Nespresso. Isn't it the same people? No, one's Nescafe and one's Nespresso.

Oh, isn't... Yeah, it's the same people. Nescafe do Nespresso. Hence the name. Now Vaughan's got to Google. It's the same people. It's Big Coffee. It's Nescafe. George Clooney and Big Coffee.

The Big Coffee industry. I don't... Nestle... You're dead right. Hence Nespresso. Nestle Nespresso. Trading as Nespresso as an operating unit of the Nestle Group. God damn Nestle Group. Bloody everywhere, aren't they?

Fingers in everything. All right. What's that? It's a finger from Nespresso. All right, Tasha. Your job is now to work out which one of us is holding the coffee maker machine. Okay. Now, I can tell you that I'm holding it because it's got a nice kind of a plastic

handle, you'd say at the top. Who's ever described a plastic handle as a nice plastic handle? He's got to describe the handle because he can't see it from where I'm holding it. Excuse me, I can feel it in my hand and it's nice because it's not digging in like some plastic handles. I mean, you wouldn't be able to feel that one because you're not holding the box. Can your whole hand fit under that handle? Yep.

No, it cannot. Mine can. He's not wrong. I've just picked it up. I'm holding it. He's not actually wrong about the handle. It's not a cutty in plastic handle. Smooth urges.

You can see that from where I've got it. This one is going to look great on your bench, regardless of your kitchen colour scheme, Tash, because it comes in piano black. It goes with everything, doesn't it? Yeah. You can see that from the box that I'm holding. Piano black. Megan's pretending to be in on this.

I'm waiting for my turn. What does it say on the box? So it says you can have a hold function. I'm going to hold. I'm hiding the box. What? I'm hiding the box so you can't read it. Sure.

Okay. You should put your hands to the side. It's called a piccolini. I'm going to hold. I'm hiding the box. What? I'm hiding the box so you can't read it. Sure. Okay. You should put your hands to the side. It's called a piccolini. Yeah, it's got a hot and cold function. These are the boxes that you get from the supermarket. That's the capsules to fill the spire. The capsules, yeah. Did you just hear me bang the box?

Here's the interesting thing about the box, Tash. It was me as I was moving it. I was waiting. It shows that the Dolce Gusto has a power cord, yet at the end of the power cord, there's no prongs on, you know, the traditional New Zealand three-prong plug? No, it doesn't show anything. I'm imagining that is so this box can be used anywhere in the world.

Yeah, good on them for the personal jokes. All right, Tash, I'd like you to eliminate one of us. Okay. I think I'm going to eliminate Fletch. Correct. Correct, yes. Stop holding it. Okay, so now, now you need to eliminate Vaughn Omega.

Now, who is holding that box? Who do you think is holding it? I'll give you a last-minute piece of information to persuade you in my direction. Oh, it's got cute little icons above the barcode. I can see because I'm holding it right in front of my face. Cute little pictures of all the different machines above the barcode. Is that what that is? Yeah, I know you can't see it from there.

Okay, Tasha. I don't even know my piece of information. Bluff or stuff, who is holding it? It holds 0.6 of a line. Leave it for two delicious cups of coffee. Okay, I think I'm going to say that Megan's holding it. Okay, you want to lock in Megan? Oh, yeah.

Are you sure? Oh, don't do this to me. Okay. Oh, well, maybe I should lock in Vaughn. Are you sure? No, okay, I'm having Megan. I'll just stick with my gut.

Okay. Okay. Are you sure? Well, okay. I'll have Vaughn. Really? Are you sure? Final answer.

Final answer. Okay, Megan. I'll have to go Megan. I'll stick with my gut. Whatever. Okay, stick with your gut. That's our final answer. And you are...

Incorrect. That is incorrect. I'm so sorry, Tash. We can't give this thing away. We are giving them so many plugs. Isn't this like the sex time? I'm pretty good at playing. We've never said if it's any good or not.

We've just described all of its features, which I'm sure every coffee machine has. Hey, thanks for playing, Tash. How's about Megan? What a lying bitch. I'm so sorry. How are you so good? Lots of practice.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Level one. Happy level one, New Zealand. Yeah, you did it. We did it. Team of five million. Some of us did more than others. Minus Mike Hosking.

Why? Is he not in our team? He wasn't keen on us. Some people don't want to be in the team. Sure. He was last picked in the team. Oh. I got his PA.

You have Hosking. No, no, no, no. You have Hosking. You have one more than us. Anyway, it's a return of, you know, physical distancing gone. Yeah. We're going to be able to sit next to people. I mean, I don't want to.

Do you think this has made you a bit more of a germified? Because even leaving my apartment this morning, I've got to press the big green button to open the door. I still just use my knuckle or pull my hoodie up and just press it. Yeah. And I was never too worried about railings. You know, like I'd always touch railings or like escalator things. I haven't been touching those things for years. I know. My dad used to always say, don't touch a railings. You know, like I'd always touch railings or like escalator things. I haven't been touching

those things for years. I know, my dad used to always say, don't touch a railing. Especially escalator railings. Yuck. There was one once and it was a little bit wet

and I was like, don't touch it. And Sade said, oh, I know, I think it's got like a wipe underneath. It's wiping

or it's disinfectant or something. I was like, what world do you live in? Someone's dropped like a frozen Coke down there or something. Yeah. And every time it goes around the hangar. It's just going to get a little frozen Coke on it or something.

Come on. But with the lack of physical distancing required, we thought we would take this opportunity to celebrate and Fletch, you know, well known for. Why is this about me? You're well-known for loving hugs. A very good hugger. People always say, oh, he definitely didn't come in with a shoulder

and one arm. And double-armed hug. Yeah, double-armed. Never limp. What is going on? It's always one-armed, limp. And then your head's like looking away. He does, ain't it?

Okay, the other day when we were at the cafe, you hugged my friend and you got makeup on him. This is why I don't want to. Yeah, but he gave me a real good hug. That's when you don't go hard with the hug. I don't want makeup on my T-shirt. No, that's not true. That's just your...

What about when you give guys hugs? It's just still soft. I don't want... People get in there. When was the last time you hugged Vaughn? When he was going to Colombia for three months. Only because Vaughn... Because we were like, you might die.

Vaughn wanted a hug because he said you'll probably die. Which is a horrific stereotype of a beautiful country, I'll have you know. Oh, yeah, nah, nothing goes wrong then. And you'll definitely not want to get yourself into any. No. I don't know why I don't like, I'm just not a hugger. Okay.

Well, everyone in the office wants a hug, so we said they could come in and have one. Oh, piss off. So everybody start coming in. Danny. One at a time. Here's Danny first. Danny wants a hug.

Look at him. You really liked Danny and you hugged him like you hate him. Al wants a hug. Al wants a hug. Carlin's in for a hug. Celia kept the bottom half of it a long way away. He's moved on to double hands though. Oh, no, this is getting worse.

That was probably the best one. Give him a proper one. Jesus, no, this is getting worse. What do you mean? Give him it. That was probably the best one. Give him it. Oh, yeah, there we go. Jesus, that was a dismal parade. That was like, I feel like we got the best one, like the parade, like Santa comes last. Just went from level like, that was, yeah, wow, all very much. You actually started weak and got better, I thought. Well, no, because I was peer pressure from you.

I wasn't hugging enough. Now, do I have makeup? No. All good't hugging enough. Now, do I have makeup? No. All good. Good Lord. We need to make a video. Slow motion of your face. No, because those lovely people who came in for a hug will see his...

No, they're not, Fletch. ...drastic reaction to physical contact. I don't think I've ever hugged any of them before. Any of them. You've hugged all of them now. Okay, are we done? Yeah. Happy number one.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Well, the Commonwealth Bank in Australia, now they own ASB of Google. Oh, you found it out. They do. I thought I was right.

You were right. And so they do. So, well, I'm just a woman. Thank God I was right. You were right. And so they do. So I'm just a warning. Thank God I know that. Well, no, because now this is a warning because the Commonwealth Bank in Australia have brought in a new rule. In fact, they've banned something.

And that is the silly descriptions when you transfer money to your friends. I will not stop. I'll never stop. Neither will I. No, but it's fine for you too because the bank's not going to go through your transaction history anytime soon.

But for people who like want to buy a house, they go through all your bits and bobs and see what you're spending money on. Oh, I love that when Fletcher's going to buy his place and I had to owe him money and I was like, drugs, hookers, cocaine, all sorts of dumb stuff. I was like, Vaughan?

And they're like, we're going to see the last six months of your bank statements. But they know. Oh. They know. This is silly. They know. But it doesn't describe what you're actually spending the money on. You don't have to.

And what kind of gun are you getting for $27? It's obviously payment back for BYO. Come on, because they only let you do one card payment. So they, the Commonwealth Bank in Australia, completed an audit of more than 8,000 customers and they found that there were several low-value transfer amounts that had potentially offensive or abusive descriptions. Like pingers and stuff like that.

Yes. As you would. So they've said that after noticing disturbing messages in several accounts, they are going to ban the practice. I didn't know this, but they were actually also, they've said serious abusive and harassment messages. Yeah, but is that like best mates being like, here you go, you bitch?

No, they're saying in domestic violence cases. Oh, okay, okay. Which is, yeah. What? So you're transferring a dollar or whatever to somebody and abusing them via the reference in that? And then leaving a paper trail. They should have to, you know, when you type in the reference,

it should say, like, you can't type that word. You can't type that word. Yeah. Now, they are quick to point out that all genders are sending these silly messages and making silly comments. They all get very angry. So it's not just the lads. Yeah.

Okay. Writing silly things. Well, they've just said it. Yeah, but they're saying in nature, they range from fairly innocuous jokes using profanities to serious threats and clear references to domestic and family violence. Oh, my God. I know.

That's terrible. That's terrible. So you can see that's why, yeah, they're saying that. So that I'm against, but we're allowed to still like put pungas and stuff. Well, no, they're saying no, Vaughn. So how do they, they're banning it, but how are they going to stop you? Well, they've introduced an acceptable fair use policy, but the financial review adds that the Commonwealth Bank would have to then prove the description

involved unlawful defamatory or harassing or threatening conduct before they could. That doesn't sound like it would be hard, though. Like, if they're looking at it and you can see it's harassment, then. Yeah, but then if I was transferring you $10 and I put like pingas or... They're not going to do anything about that. Yeah, drug money. Yeah. They're going to have to then prove that that was drug money when it wasn't. In a court of law, the judge is like,

Order! Order! We are here today to discuss the transaction on the 10th of June 2020 for pingas. It wasn't indeed for pingas. It wasn't for pingers, Your Honour. Discharged. But yeah, so they're saying that they'll, yeah, I guess shut down accounts or ban customers

that do this. Somebody said my boyfriend literally uses an allowance from Mr. Grey whenever he puts money into my account. Oh my God. I've had to explain that wasn't actually income on a loan application because this is an allowance Oh, yeah No, you know that Fifty Shades of Grey movie while my boyfriend's is pretending to be that guy Somebody else said their boyfriend just used to call it if but the full word money

And then when we applied for a mortgage With the banking person they said oh, what's this and And as embarrassed as I was, he had to explain it, which made it a whole lot more embarrassing. Oh, that's brilliant. But the thing is, the bank, the mortgage application, the loan people would have seen all of this. Yeah. Yeah.

They know. It's just what happens. It's like gravity and the sun coming up and the moon setting or rising or whatever. It's just going to happen. The moon does both. The moon does both, yes. But it's just life is what I'm saying does both. The moon does both, yes. But it's just life,

is what I'm saying. Yeah. Somebody said, I literally just, before you started talking, transferred money to my mate with black dildo in the... Oh my God.

Well, enjoy it while you can. It says to give it a descriptive. I know. It says to make it descriptive. I know. So that later on, when you're doing accounting, you know exactly what it's for.

They might have bought dildos of a multiple colour range. Yes. And that was the particular money for that one. Right. Got to be specific. You do. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. Hey, you on the phone. I bet I can guess your mum's name. All right. This is how this works. If you've never heard this ridiculous segment before, it's I ask five questions, and during which, today I don't have a pen, so I've got to do it on my computer.

Drop my lippy. I, um, no, that will be. Why don't we have a, why don't you get Jared to go into the safe and get one of those pack and save pens. Look at his coat. What's his coat? Oh, no, he blocked it. Oh, he's even doing the shoulders up to block it completely.

Producer Jared has a safe at work for his pens and his vape juice. Here you go. Now, he stole these when he worked at pack and save. Apparently. Oh, that's a beautiful pen. Oh, that's full yellow. That's a beautiful pen. That's a good pen, that's a beautiful pen. Oh, that's full yellow. That's a beautiful pen. That's a good pen.

That's a big pen. Hack and save Albany. Ooh la la. And then, why are you surprised? He's South African. Oh, yeah. It's a sure boy. He's not Royal Oak, pack and serve, is he?

What would he be doing on that side of the bridge? Madness. It's not transparent on the bottom half. It's just all yellow the whole way. Okay, well, Grace joins us.

Good morning, Grace. Good morning. How are you guys? Well, Vaughan's very excited now because he's got a yellow pen. You too. And it's one of those fine-tipped Bic pens.

Oh, yes. You can't go past a good pen. You can't go past a good pen. Exactly. That's why people steal pens Because they find a good one Now Grace, Warner's going to ask you Five questions about your mum

And then has 15 seconds to guess your mum's name Alright Let's start with a classic How old is your mum? 62-ish Okay, so what's that? 1958 Same age as my mum And your mum's called Christine 62-ish. 62. So what's that? 1958. Same age as my mum.

Oh. And your mum's called Christine. Yes. Okay, that's a clue. Okay, that's a clue. And I can think about all of her friends' names. Yes. And roll those around in the brain.

Here's one we've never asked before. Would you find your mum's name in the Bible? Probably. Yeah. Oh, that is a good one because name in the Bible? Probably, yeah. Oh, that is a good one because then it's like a common... Yeah. That's an indication. Like I said, you chuck a cint in front of it and it would sound... But I don't know all the names in the Bible.

Neither. Is it like Elizabeth or something? Matthew. Matthew's in there. Matthew 14, 18, 21. But her mum's not Matthew. No, but it was an example. Guessing her mum isn't, you said a phase or something.

I don't know. What are the female names in there? Yeah. Mary. Mary. Mary. That's right. Mary 14, 22, 18.

What's another one? Thou shall not eat chocolate before bed. That's Mary's phone number, not a Bible verse. Yeah, Mary 021-774-688. Oh, what a Bible verse. Okay, so Bible. So you're giving that a probable. I'm going to get that.

Okay, got her age. Got the old Bible situation. What are mum's siblings' names? She's got a sister called Alison. She's got one sister and her name is Alison. It's not Alison Gofton, is it? No. It's not Alison Holst, is it?

No, no. She lives in the UK. What was her name? Alison Kendall. No, that was Barbara Kendall. Barbara Kendall. The windsurfer, yeah. Alison, there was a runner though, wasn't there?

Alison someone. Marathon runner. Alison Rowe. Yes, there we go. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm out of famous New Zealanders called Alison. Yeah. New Zealanders that ran the New York Marathon

and won called Alison. Beep. Alison Rowe. You've beat the chaser. Vaude has a dream to be on the chase, doesn't he? Yeah, it would be fun. But then I think the pressure would be too much and I'd crumble.

Yeah. I'd do a poor cash gathering round. Probably going to get back there with a thousand pounds. I just want to get like heaps in that first bit. Yeah, I don't go for the high one. You're only on the chase at once.

Yeah. Hit it. Yeah. Anyway, Grace stands by as we... How many questions How many kids

does your mother have? Like how many siblings do you have? I've got one brother. You've got one brother. Okay. One brother. What is that going to tell you about your name? Yeah, how does that help?

That two was enough. Have you got... It's all ingredients. Have you got another question? In this magical soup. One last one. What's your mum's favourite TV show? Ooh. Oh, it probably is actually The Chase. Yes, she's a good woman. Yes. She's a good woman. The Chase.

I wonder what her favourite chaser is. How perfect, by the way, is the host Bradley Walsh? He's the right mix of authority and humour. And he keeps the show moving. He really does. You know, he's on their team, but he's not really. Yeah. He's just a great balance.

He's just a great balance. All right, I think I'm ready. Are you in love? With Bradley Walsh Yep Absolutely As a man Love

Grace Vaughn now has 15 seconds To guess your mum's name If he says your mum's name Please yell out Stop That's my mum's name Vaughn

Your time starts Now Mary Susan Karen Christine Jennifer Margaret Deborah Linda Wendy Elizabeth Judy Or Judith Now. Sharon isn't in the Bible.

Yeah, you didn't pick it up in the Bible name. It was a probable. It was a probable. It was a probable. And I didn't know how verse grace was, so I chucked in a few. Yeah, the biggest clue ever. The name's in the Bibble. The Bibble. The Bibble.

So, useless. What is your mum's name? Jane. Jane's not in the Bible. Jane's in the Bible. Jane's... Jane's in the Bible. Jane's is likely to be in the Bible as Sharon is. No, I Googled it. She's definitely in the Bible. And Jesus said to Sharon...

Jane's in the Bible? No, you're confusing the Bible with Tarzan and Tarzan. Executive Internania, did you go to a religious school? I did indeed. Yeah, okay, so is Sharon in the Bible? Not that I'm familiar with. Okay, is Jane in the Bible? Jane is in the Bible. Oh! As what?

And you call yourself a good Catholic boy. I'm beginning to think that book might be made up. Vaughan, please. Don't respect the Old Testament. I mean, you need to respect the Old Testament. But where does it come from? Well, either way, Grace, you've sadly lost today.

Well, Vaughan has lost. Yeah, I've lost. Unable to guess your mum's name. Out of interest, what was your dad's name? Peter. Jane and Peter. Peter and Jane. Jane and Peter.

Yeah. Classic mum and dad names, aren't they? Fantastic. Yeah, they really are. Did you find a Bible verse for us? No. No. Okay, so not in the Bible then.

Well, it means gracious and merciful, according to babynames.com. Yahweh is the name. Yeah. So Yahweh's, I believe that. I think it is. Look, Google's telling me yes. So Google knows the Bible better than anyone. Anyway, regardless, you lost.

I mean, the Pope might have something to say about that, but. Okay. Onward, Jane. Onward, Christian soldier. Megan. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. New ads are doing the round about being safe online, particularly aimed at parents with kids that are starting

to traverse the dangerous world of the internet alone. There's different categories of these ads. You'll see them on TV. They popped up. I saw it on TV. I've seen it online since. Yep. There's a bullying one.

Yeah. There's sort of a grooming one where you're a teenager or tween. Does it still say tween? Pre-teens? Might be talking to people online and they might be lying about who exactly they are. Yeah, right. And kind of what your younger kids are watching on YouTube and what the next video might be, what it links to. One of the interesting ones, though, one of the most interesting ones,

is the one about porn. And it features two porn stars knocking on the door of the home of a young man that's about to settle in. They're naked. Yes, to view some porn, and this is them knocking on the door naked. Hiya, I'm Sue. This're naked. Yes. To view some porn and this is them knocking on the door naked. Hiya. I'm Sue. This is Derek. We're here because your son just looked us up online.

You know, to watch us. Matt! Matt, darling, there's some people here to see you. So he watches you online? Yeah. You know, on his laptop. iPad, PlayStation. His phone, your phone. Smart TV projector. Yeah, anyway, we usually perform for adults, but your son's just a kid.

He might not know how relationships actually work. We don't even talk about consent, do we? No, we just get straight to it. Yeah, and I'd never act like that in real life. No. Hey, Maddie. You all right? Dropping him, dropping his bowl of cereal.

It's so well done, that one. A really good approach to a bowl of cereal. It's so well done, that one. A really good approach to a really important topic. If you haven't seen that ad, it's on our Insta story, FVMZM, if you want to catch up on that. Yeah.

It's so well done. Yeah, a touch of humour, a touch of awkwardness, but dealing with a pretty important subject. Because there's some shocking stats, I don't have any on hand, but I remember reading an article's some shocking stats. I don't have any on hand, but I remember reading an article once, some shocking stats about at what age

the average internet user first sees something of a pornographic nature. It's quite young. You're the only one here with kids, but you're going to have to have a chat about like, because even the ad where she's watching rabbit videos and then it goes on to

hunting rabbits. We've had that with the videos, yeah, that you can start on a video. There's YouTube Kids and anything that goes on YouTube Kids has to be filtered. Right. And it can only get on there if it's kid-friendly. But then like happens on the ad, they put on a, what are they, a child filter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A child safety filter on the devices

that the kids watch on it. So we've had that. But Vaughn, my child definitely doesn't watch any porn online. They probably do. There's definitely parents out there that just are quite ignorant to what they... It'll be interesting though because

like our generation, computers were all new to our parents. We were far wiser as to how to use them and how to be a bit sneakier about it than our parents generation but then this generation that's coming into it now, the parents have

only of an own life with computers. Yeah. So you know we'll know how it works. Yeah you're well versed on all that kind of stuff on the internet. I'm going to set up Net Nanny. So Net Nanny. And some firewalls. I don't know.

I'm just saying things. I don't know how they work. Things you've heard, yeah. But then, like, the idea of this ad, all of these ads, is that you don't, like, shut it off and make it an overly taboo subject. You've got to talk to them about it. Because they'll find a way. Yeah, yeah.

If it's not at your house, it might go somewhere else where it's not as tight security. Yeah. And then you're getting a call from the public library and you've got to go there and explain why you couldn't just talk to your kids and have them use the internet at home. I love in all the ads,

the parents calmly talk to their kids. It's like, no, that door would be shut and you'd be getting screamed at. The bullying one. He's like, no, that door would be shut and you'd be getting screamed at. The bullying one. He's like, oh, your words have hurtful effects. You imagine that your parents would have dealt with you if they had found out you'd been bullying someone. You would have been saying online.

I would have been bullied by my parents into why bullying is a bad idea. Executive Intern Anya, is it true that your friend auditioned for the porn star ad about being safe online? Yes. And it was going to be, I think it's going to be over a year that this campaign is happening. Oh no. So she auditioned and then obviously didn't get the part, but

I think there was a thought along the way of like, do I want to be the face of children watching porn for a year and then possibly be on the internet? Yep. But money, money, money. Cash, money. Do what you've got to do.

It's the kid that drops the bowl of cereal that's got to go to school. Oh, yeah. That I feel sorry for. Yeah. I hope he has been. I hope he's referred to the bullying ad. Very well financially rejuvenated. Yeah.

Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Got to bed nice and early last night. Ooh. Ooh-wee. Treat yourself. But that meant when I woke up this morning, because I put up a photo yesterday, apparently I did it wrong. Right.

We got our TV unit finished. Yep. So I took a photo and put it up and Shado's like, you've done that wrong. And then she had to put up a better photo to prove. Oh, her photo was pretty good.

It was way better. Anyway, so I went and put, then I shared hers and then I kind of went to bed and so I woke up and I had lots of messages from people

much like you two just did. Oh, you know, her photo's way better. Explains the space. I love it. Shows the balance. I decided to tell you that. Oh, everybody did.

Everybody called them. All traders and I sent them this face. I noticed. The eyes with the straight mouth. I noticed that those, what are those little toys that you wanted to put on the,

um. The pop vinyls. Yeah, they didn't make the cut did they? Oh yeah, no they didn't. On the shelf. Very minimalist. It's very nice.

Well, you know, the shelves aren't fully all set up yet. That was her other problem. She's like, you know, I'm going to put a picture up of the shelves until they're fully decorated, but now you've forced my hand. I've got to put a nice picture up because you've bullsed up displaying the space. I'm like, oh, my God. Anyway, so I was going through the messages this morning. A lot of like, yeah, I get it.

Yeah, okay. She took a bit of a photo of the space. So there was a fair bit of critiquing. Right. And then I came across this message on my Instagram DMs. It doesn't open with like Dev Warner or anything. Yeah. Okay.

Your voice is painful on the ear. Ear as in your voice is painful on the air as in the air on the side of your head. Yeah. Not the air. As in the airwaves. Yeah.

Your voice is painful on the air. You're ruining the ZM show. And the Have You Been Paying Attention show. Oh. Oh, jeez. Come on. You're kind of funny, but your voice is extremely hard on the ears.

Again, reiterating. Usually I like those media platforms, but not your voice. Sorry. It's too late for the sorry. I think the hurt's been done. That came in at quarter to 11 last night. Who's taking their time? That's what I wrote back.

Ha, ha, ha, because I sent this back in at 3.45 a.m. Ha, ha, ha. What an effing thing to take time out of your day to tell somebody. Because can you imagine at quarter to 11 you'd be like. Right. It's time to deliver some searing criticism. Yeah. Which, I don't know.

Has there been a reply? No, not yet. Is it being seen? But anyway, they left their name on there. So I took their name and searched it on Facebook. I found them on Facebook and in the back of their Facebook profile picture was their car and its number plate. So I put its number plate and I went to Car Jam and I found out exactly what kind of car

it is. Then I paid the $12.50 and I've got their postal address and their home address now. So this weekend, I'm going to drive my car up their driveway and straight into the lounge. Right. Okay. Straight through the wall. Just stand outside and sing them a song. Booyah!

What's more annoying now? My voice or my driving or this giant hole in the wall. And you know the other thing? I'm going to do it at 10.43pm. Which is when they felt that they would deliver some criticisms. And then I'm going to tell them that their house is a bloody mess and why don't they clean it up? I think it's probably fair to point out now that you are joking

about driving the car through the wall. Well, I'm not going to use my car. I'm going to steal their own car. Because I found out why, as you know, and I know what kind of car it is, so I'll easily be able to figure out how to do up a dummy key. This is... Steal their own car. And then, you know what, if they don't take me seriously,

I'll set their house on fire. Again, I think it's important to say that you aren't joking. Why are you freaking out? Vaughn takes criticism very well. He does, yes. If by some chance these people have someone drive through their lounge wall at 10.43pm and then tell them to clean up their house and then they set their house on fire,

then I'll say I was kidding. Circumstantial at best, Your Honour. Yeah, I'll be like, prove it. You talked about it on the radio. I'll be like, yeah, but I say a lot of things on the radio. Not that she listens anymore because my voice is apparently on the radio. I'll be like, yeah, but I say a lot of things on the radio. Not that she listens anymore, because my voice is apparently destroying the show.

Sometimes people get you and Fletch confused. Oh, no, have you been paying attention? Oh, sorry. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Yep.