ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Best Bits Podcast - 25th July 2020

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

Our fancy new compilation podcast filled to the brim with the best moments from Fletch, Vaughan & Megan this week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh That's the whole fucking show Yeah, what are you talking about? That's Noisy push In front of your face Surprise the song has got a fucking countdown Give me back the fucking neck give me that the crime It's a surprise. The song has got a fucking countdown. Yeah, you can literally see you've got to be. Give me back one of those.

Give me back the fucking neck. Give me back the crane. It's not like songs have a fade out now. Because then you'd be like this. Yeah, I like to move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. All right.

I like to microphone. Move it. Are you done? Yeah. Okay. Hello, and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Best Bits of the Week podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab yourself a delicious barista made coffee for only $4.

You can't have read that right. $4. $4. No, I have read that correctly. What a price. What an absolute price. Is your mic working? Yeah.

Oh, good. Okay. Just terrible technique then. It's because he moved it It's them They should be made to move They should be made to silently move Yeah okay What are you talking about

He was talking and you were jingling your fucking keys And nobody here is perfect Nobody here is perfect We've just been roasting Vaughn Because basically he moves his mic While we're on air Every time And it scrapes across the desk

Oh were you not recording that? I thought that was... That's what that's all! Leave this little rubber bong, and I've been playing with it all day and I'm like, what is that? It's off the bottom of the microphone. Yeah, okay. Put all that in.

Put all of that in, Jared, the bit before. Good. Let people hear what this monster's like. Unprofessional. Leave it! Blah, blah. That's why you have to have the pop sock You need to be able to move it

You don't know how to deal with your plosives Somebody did ask Why my microphone looked different And I said I got a pop sock Because I have terrible microphone He's got a plosive problem A plosive problem It's almost like

Everybody's told me I've got to work on my microphone technique So I've made a career out of not I remember at broadcasting school They're like talk across the microphone Vaughn Because when you say pee sounds you're popping Please pass the peppers I was like piss off

See if you said piss off It wouldn't pop Piss off I have very gentle plosives anyway Yeah I don't I've got like big plosives You're roughing guts plosives I'm a roughing guts Straight down the middle plosives You're rough and guts plosives I'm a rough and guts Yeah you're a rough plosives Straight down the middle plosives dude

And that's why they put the pop sock on here Brilliant Alright well enjoy the best bits of the week podcast And stop playing with that We talked last week about people getting creative with how they're making money. The growth in OnlyFans accounts. Well, this is another way to make a bit of cash. Not on OnlyFans, but recording an ASMR.

So that stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. I just know it as like people say things real close to the mic and sexy and sounds, different sounds. Eating something. A nice clean record. Do you want to hear tearing paper up close? Okay, hang on. I'll try to do one.

Ready? That wasn't very good, eh? That's okay. That was pretty good. Is that all right? Yeah, you may put a little pre-rip in it. Yeah, and then go. Because that seemed to be quite like a talk.

Okay. All right, here we go. Try this one. At the end, it sounded nice, and at the end it sounded like you were stripping wallpaper. Yeah. Just that real But people People get into this

ASMR Some people This is that This is that This is a Okay This is a seasoned favourite You hit the mic

It's a coffee jar A little Do you think there'd be like an idea? You know, they're always like changing up radio stations and formats and stuff. It's just an ASMR. Is it what? ASMR. ASMR.

ASMR FM. Yeah. And there's just like dripping noises. Yeah. Like a calming, like a meditation. Yeah, yeah. Like those apps. Yeah. But it's a radio session.

But then it would be like, get ready to turn that up. It would be like, and that brings us to the end of the tap dripping. We'll be right back after these messages. The Mad Butcher's got chicken for sale. Like, that would be quite the, just thinking about how you could. You've got to have ASMR like ads too. All your ads would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd have to be. Maybe not even ads. Well, just like. Maybe like this. With free Mad Butcher ads. It could be like, this drippy tap segment brought to you by Plumbing World. Yes, good integration. Yeah, you want a drippy tap in your ears, but not in your kitchen.

Oh, that's good. If the Mad Butcher wanted to advertise, you'd just have like sizzling meat. Yes. Yeah. There's something in this. There really is. Although you probably wouldn't want to be on a long road trip listening to ASMR radio. You'd fall asleep.

Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. Not for driving. Well, if you're stuck in traffic, it might be therapeutic. Old people, old folks' homes would love it. They'd love it. Yeah. What a great idea. I might take that to Bogsy, the CEO.

I'll come. Yeah, no, great, yeah. Oh, you... You sort out your pitch. Prop the format. I'll do how it can be integrated to clients. Yeah, brilliant. This is great.

Client specialist. What are you doing for the company today, Megan? Well, I've got the best voice on the show, so maybe I can do that. You could maybe do the voicey bits. You could do the voicey bits. The relaxy voicey bits. Because I don't think you two are quite capable.

Why don't you just sit down and relax? Relax with ASMRFM. ASMRFM. So someone is making money out of this. And it's similar to OnlyFans. So you subscribe to get the sounds they're making. Okay. But the sound is farts.

So a woman has recorded an hour of different types of farts. I picked my children up on Friday. They had a holiday at their grandparents. Yeah. And they were in charge of music on the way back. Yeah. So on Spotify, we listen to everybody farts. The people who write everybody farts have Spotify, we listened to Everybody Farts. Everybody,

the people who wrote Everybody Farts have released a second single, Everybody Poops. And then we were down that rabbit hole. They literally found on Spotify

an hour long sound file and all it was was farts and they like, laughed. I was like, I'm going to outlast them on this.

I'm not going to be like, turn that off, it's driving me crazy. I'll let them get sick of it first. They did not get sick of it. For the whole drive back. We got the whole way home and all we'd heard was. And were they laughing at everyone?

The whole time. And they'd be like, some would be like a chuckle worthy fart. It must be on my recent plane on Spotify, right? You need one of those things they have in limousines. You know, the chauffeur in the movies? He just puts his window up. Here it is. Here it is.

Fart sounds. Over a thousand farts. One hour. Oh, my God. These actually made my bums. These sound like... The whole drive back. I'm done with it. Oh,ums. These sound like. The whole drive back. I'm done with it.

Oh, yeah, I'm done. Do you know, it gets better. Does it? How? There's a two-hour version. They don't even sound real. No. Oh, that was a bit.

Every now and then, because that's the thing that would be waning and there'd be a few chuckle-worthy farts. Yeah, yeah. And then there'd be one that would just hit the spot. Even I would have to suppress a chortle. Well, in this description, it actually describes the different types. Do you want to know? Sure.

In this hour-long clip that you paid £10 for, so $20. I'm imagining if it's ASMR or whatever it is, they're going to be a lot sexier sounding than that. Do we have a sample of the Flux? No, because you have to pay for it. Yeah, but I'm thinking she needs to do one of those little 10 second previews. No, you don't give them the freebie. So far, New Zealand dollars,

she's made just over $7,000 of people buying these farts. But there is a toot to get things started, a clenched fart, farting inside a sack, farting in the bath and resisting the urge to fart while playing with yourself. I beg your pardon?

That's in there too. She ate a lot of potatoes. Now I play with myself a lot. Oh my god. No, I don't know. Probably not a lot on the Fletch scale of things, but a lot compared to you. Why are you throwing me under the bus? Prolific. You live alone.

I'm imagining it's just a 24-hour sale. You're just finishing one and thinking about your next. That's right. If Vaughan has a house to himself for the weekend, he's like, well, that was great. This is how Fletch lives. That's what I always say. Oh, this is how he lives.

But I've never been like, I made a fart halfway through. Yeah. In all honesty, I don't think I know. I've never been like, no, that's so weird. We'll pay $20,000. Well, now I need to know what the fart sounds like. Can you guys explain this to Sade when it pops up on the credit card? No.

He really wanted to know what it sounded like. Fat. A segment of the show where we take a look at delicious treats on the market. Sometimes in Australia, chocolate flavours end up here. Yeah. New ice creams we can treats on the market. Sometimes in Australia, chocolate flavours end up here. Yeah. Ice creams we can see on the horizon. But these are chips that are right here in Aotearoa. Bluebird.

Bluebird. So there are four new flavours and we're going to attempt them. Do you want me to tell you the flavours or are we going to say the flavour, taste it and move on to the next flavour with the most controversial flavours saved till last? Yeah, let's do that. There are two controversial chip flavours. What's this one first, Vaughn? This is Sunday roast.

I've looked at the back of the ingredients. No, it doesn't say what meat. Like, it's just... It tastes like roast. It's like gravy. Oh, see, I'm all down for gravy chip.

It tastes like the gravy is the most... Okay. Yeah, good. It tastes like the gravy's the most... Okay. Yeah, good. Right? Is that right? Oh, good foley. Good crunch.

Oh, my God. I hurt the roof of my mouth at the weekend. I got a sharp object straight to it, so these are like really... Like a nacho chip. You're right. That just tastes like beef gravy. Yeah. It tastes like that rich brown gravy.

That's insane. So that's not controversial. These two first flavours are kind of takes on already on the market chips. Cheese and onion toasty. Yeah, so cheese and onion is already a chippy. It's a classic flavour, but we're wondering how they're going to make it taste like a toasty. You've got to get it to bread?

You've got to get it to dance on the power. It's not wine, mate. Well, it is. Okay, Vaughan's just trying that flavour there. You've got to get it to dance on the power. It's not wine, mate. Well, it is. Okay. Vaughan's just trying that flavour there. I'm going to go for a smaller one this time, Megan. Okay. Oniony.

Very oniony. Perhaps a little more oniony than classic cheese and onion. Yeah, it is. Very oniony. Spring oniony. More than brown oniony. There's no bread to that. It's just onion chippies.

Yeah, it's really heavy on the spring onion, eh? Yeah. It's spring onion more than brown onion. It's not bad. Not bad. I mean, it's certainly better than people that buy really salted chips. Now this one... Those people.

Okay. Is the second to last, but also the second most controversial. The most controversial one is next. No, I think that's the most controversial. No, this isn't controversial because it's still a savoury flavour. Yeah. Vaughan's right. And very Kiwi.

Pawa fritters and lemon. Now, this could go one of two ways. It might taste like pawa fritters, in which case you'd probably be like, I'd just rather have a pawa fritter. Disclaimer, never had pawa, but also don't eat anything under the ocean. Oh, yeah, you don't like seafood.

Oh, my God. Does it smell like fish? It smells exactly like lemon on like a power fritter. Oh, no. See, I think you're right. Okay, here we go. Oh, that's a big one. God, that was massive, that chip.

Okay. Will I like it? No. You don't like seafood, so probably not. Does it taste fishy? Does power taste fishy? Yeah, power probably not. Does it taste fishy? Does pawa taste fishy? Yeah, pawa tastes fishy. Do they taste fishy?

What do you think? That's weird, though, making a fishy chip. But it's got a good hang of lemon in there. Well, that's weird, isn't it? It is, but the last thing tastes afterwards is lemon more than pawa. It's almost like a lemon pepper taste, so it's not too bad. No, I like it. I don't know what pawa tastes like, but... taste, so it's not too bad. No, I like it.

I don't know what pava tastes like. Well, try a pava. No, but that tastes like lemony and parsley. Yeah, there's definitely a little. Okay, now this is the one. The most controversial chip flavour. Now, am I right in saying Australia launched the chip flavour similar to this at the start of this year? I don't know.

Oh, Smith's. Oh, Smith's are good chippies. Smith's crisps. And I remember when chippies. Smith's crisps. And I remember when this happened in Australia, there was a lot of controversy. Would you like to announce it? Yeah, Smith's did have this flavour. Bluebird have done a chocolate lamington chip.

Now, I looked at the ingredients. It has coconut and cacao powder, so it's chocolate and coconut in it. This is going to be yuck. Because I feel like salt is the essence of a chip, right? And how do you have a salty lamington? But then last week we were talking about the sweet and tangy chip.

Yeah, true. Remember we were talking about how there wasn't a... This could be it. No. Because I love lamingtons. What do you mean no? What? You've got to sniff it. Okay. I haven't even opened that and had a sniff. What do you mean no? What? What? You've got to sniff it. Okay. Well, what is it? I haven't even...

Why? Open that and have a sniff. Oh, my God. It smells like delicious amintons. It smells exactly like... I mean, it's... Oh, yuck. Yeah, I know.

Try one then. And they look like... No. They look like they're covered in... What do they look like? They've got chocolate powder on them. What you doing, you weird shit? They kind of look like they've been dipped in a...

No. No, immediate, the straight bite to the taste bud was a no from you. It looks like a lamington on a potato chip. No. Okay, she probably ate a few more. What do you dip it in? No. That's weird, isn't it?

Because you know, sense-wise, that you're eating a chip, but it tastes like you're eating a lamington. I don't even want to finish that. It's not salty. That's interesting. Yuck. I guess because a potato is a very plain thing, right? Yeah.

So we've always just made them savoury, but they could be sweet. They could, yeah, you're going to wash down with a little cheese and then you can taste it. I couldn't eat those. That's unpleasant. I think people will buy them just to try it. I mean, let's be honest, they're better than ready salted. No, I'd rather have ready salted.

I think you found the one flavour I'd probably rather eat ready salted than that flavour. Well, they're out now. New flavours. You could dip ready salted. Yeah, you couldn't dip the lemon in. That would, no. What about

chocolate? Would probably be about the only thing you could dip it in. dip those in a really nice, like a bougie raspberry jam. No, because it's still a chip,

you weirdo. Yeah. And now you're dipping a chip in jam. I think it's time you had a look at your life. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan,

the podcast. I've got a question, actually. I'm coaching my daughter's hockey team. I've been to my two how to coach kids sports. Right,

so you're qualified now. That was, yeah, I'm fully qualified. I mean, and you know what, I heard on the news that Black Sticks

might be looking for a new coach. So I'm probably going to put my hand up for that. That's from going from the paddling pool to the deep end of the diving pool.

That's also quite an insult to all those professional sports people. Why? Because you were like, I'll coach them. I'll coach them. But sometimes they just need a bit of encouragement, you know?

Right. Again, that's very insulting to them. Nice words. Oranges. Yeah. I've got two orange trees. Oh, perfect. So that'd be great.

Do the black six eat oranges at half time? I was meaning for you girls to eat. Oh, you know. They'll be right. They'll have oranges aplenty. Do you have a whistle yet? Do you have a jacket with coach on it? I don't have a jacket, but I'm definitely getting one.

Okay, good. And it's got to be one of those ones that goes three quarters of the way down your body. Like the Steve Hansen wears. Yeah, yeah. Where do you get those from? It's like a sleeping bag. Yeah. It pops out.

I think Mac Pack have them. Those are so ugly. I know, they're so ugly. And no one wears them apart from sports coaches. No, there's a woman near my place at all. I always see at the cafe wearing her All Blacks coaching jacket. Wow. And I'm just like, oh.

Does she have a little radio headset on? Is she coaching? No, she's not coaching anyone. Okay. But I'm like, it's not even that cold to be wearing that. Yeah. Although, can you please get one of those? Yeah, yeah, definitely.

I'll have a look into that. Yeah, and I'll get coach put on it. I reckon that would be the jam. No, but on whistles, I got a whistle, just a steel one with a cork P in it. Okay. So the other day, the hockey coaching thing, they've got new whistles and you don't even put them in your mouth. They've got like a squeezy bellow on the back and you go, and it blows like little short.

That's more hygienic. I know. Because everyone can just share the one. That's what they said, it's COVID whistles. Here you go. That's a woman's jacket. This is at Katmandu. Yeah, but it will be fine on you.

I don't want that. I mean, my hips would look lovely in that part, but. Yeah, oh, they've only got size six and eight left. That would go to my shoes. Wait a minute. Excuse me, what? You don't think I could fit an eight? Sweetheart, no.

A woman's eight. Excuse me, we're all about to have fisticuffs. How dare you? Okay, let me have a look on other sites. Why did you Google woman's? That's 140. I didn't. I just Googled long puffer jacket.

Oh, no, it doesn't need to be a puffer jacket. I think you just put like a long. No, it has to be. No, because Steve Hansen only wears the puffer, the long puffer. But is it called a puffer? I think Adidas might do them because they sponsor the All Blacks. Okay. Well, they can sponsor Indy's Hockey Team too if they want. Right, yeah.

It'd be great to have them on board. We do have sponsors. We've got the uniform yesterday. We've got sponsors. Really? We've got like a list of sponsors. Don't worry about it. It's a professional outfit.

But anyway, they're COVID whistles. You squeeze them. Hup, hup. And it blows the... What if you need to do like the end of the game? Two. Hup, hup. Oh my God.

No, it's not a honky horn. It's not like what you would think. It's got a little... Yeah, but it's a whistle on the front. Oh. It sounds exactly like a good sharp whistle. Blow the whistle. Oh, my God. No, it's not a honky horn. It's not like what you would on your bike. Yeah, but it's a whistle on the front. It sounds exactly like a good, sharp whistle, blow of the whistle. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I was thinking the ones with the little trumpet end.

No, it's not bloody pingu. Take one of those Kmart dog toy chickens. You know, you just go. You just have to squeeze it at the start of the game. And then let it go a little bit. Game on. Yeah, bleh. You just have to squeeze it at the start of the game and then let it go a little bit. Game on. Yeah, love it. No, there's one of those.

My question is, mouthguards. Okay. Because they need to wear mouthguards. That's right, mouthguards. Indie, I bought two mouthguards. Yeah. The same type, one black, one white. So they'd be like, the black one's Indies,

the white one's Augusts. Yep. Easy. The same type. One black, one white. So they'd be like, the black one's Indy's, the white one's August's. Yep. Easy, they can remember. Indy, put it in. Put it in hot water. Yeah. Mind you,

can you remember setting a mouth guard when you were a kid? Yeah. You always boil the jug, put it in a cup and put that straight in the boiling water, eh?

Yep. 77 degrees. Oh, okay. Yeah, but they just don't want people getting third degree burns. How are you supposed to measure 77 degrees? I used the thermometer to get exact.

And I was like, and go. God, you're such a nerd. It's close enough. Indy was fine. She put it in. Did that thing where you bite it, but not too hard. And then you suck, and then you push your cheeks in so it all fits in nicely.

And ever since, she's, like, comfortable. Sometimes she'll be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll be like, what? Take your mouth guard out. We're watching the chase. You need it out to yell the answers out. But then August has been freaking out about it. And last night, we tried to get it all sorted.

It was a bit long. So I cut the end. You know how you can trim the ends now? Yeah. And I made it all smooth because I can remember as a kid cutting the ends off and then it just like. Yeah. So I made it all like smooth and nice. But then kid cutting the ends off and then it just like yeah so I made it all like smooth and nice

but then when she can't put the mouth guard in without going and because she's very dramatic I don't know where she gets it from

presumably her mother every time it goes she's like and I'm like calm down it's fine it's gonna choke me I'm gonna swallow it

I'm like you aren going to swallow it. I'm like, you aren't going to swallow it. Oh, my God. So every time it goes in, she goes. Is there anyone listening who has had experience with, how old is she? Six. With mouthguards. Surely, can you get thinner ones?

Yeah. You must be able to get thinner ones. Because these ones are like, they feel like, I remember mouthguards being like thick. Yeah. Heavy plastic, but like mouldable. Is it like those jelly ones? It's quite thick jelly like. Yeah, they were quite thick, those ones. What about like MMA fighting or something?

You can get really thin ones that have like holes in them. They look like mesh and then they fold up from flat. That's what I used to have when I played roller derby. Do you get, get it warm and then shape it to your teeth? Yeah. The problem is, I think it's just, she won get, get it warm and then shape it to your teeth? Yeah. The problem is, I think it's just, she won't be able

to stick her fingers in there. She'll be like, blah, blah, blah. What about if you covered it in chocolate and then put it in? Yes. And then she'll spend

all the time squeezing the chocolate out of it and licking it. Did you used to soak your mouth guard in orange juice so that it tasted nice

when you put it in? No. What? It doesn't absorb liquid. No, but it would sit in the liquid. Think about it. This is why I've got bad teeth. And sometimes what you do is you get a little wee Tupperware container.

You know the little Tupperware container mum used to have? Yeah. For like a tiny bit of leftover jelly meat. This tiny and it would come up like a dish. Everybody's mum had this Tupperware container. Yeah. For like a dollop of jam. And you'd put the mouth guard in and then you'd wait till mum wasn't looking

and you'd pour the thrifty concentrate straight in and seal it for the week. And then when you got to the game, you'd flick it and stick it in and you'd be like, let's go. Nobody did that. Nobody did that. Me and my brother definitely soaked our mouth guards all week and flavoured something or the other. The idea came because after we'd finished with it,

we'd wash them and then mum would be like, put it in a little bit of Listerine and we'll keep it clean. Yeah, right. And then that was always like, and I was like, you know what, we should soak it in juice. Cordial. Soak it in cordial. And Philip was like, we don't see eye to eye on much,

but we can see eye to eye on this it's so cold our mouth guard's in cordial and we obviously I'm going to be watching out for that because that's not something that I want my kids

to be doing because teeth and I was going to say if you do if you cover it in chocolate and it works is that going to be

something she needs every time every time just the teller cover it in chocolate again dad Flesh, Vaughan and Megan the podcast ZM every time. Every time. Just Nutella. Just Nutella. Come and eat chocolate again, Dad. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. Today, exactly today, is 10 years ago since One Direction came together on, was it X Factor? X Factor. Oh, Britain's Got X Factor. Yeah.

And Simon Cowell was like, well, individually, you're all right, but let's make a mega band and make me some money. So today from Midday Georgia. And then Louis and Harry. Oh, my God. Vaughan's just read into fan theories about Louis and Harry.

I don't know this is a thing. They're like, what, eight years old. Lowry shippers. And they were like, Louis, don't let the record label make you get a girlfriend. Follow your heart, man. Love, Harry. And your heart, man. Love, Harry. And everyone was for it.

Yeah, I know. Well, today from Midday Georgia, counting down the top ten. Why didn't you tell me about it? One day, songs. You said you knew about it. You didn't tell me about it. Well, I wouldn't know. You're married. I don't know if you seem that keen.

Why did you keep me in the loop on this thing? Sorry. Because then I look like a dick like six years later. I'm like, did you guys hear about this thing that happened six years ago? I should have been all over it. Hey, you on the phone, I better can guess your mum's name. Alyssa, good morning. Good morning.

Were you a big One Direction fan? Yeah, of course. Yeah, does that news make you feel old? Yeah, very old actually. Did you know about Larry? I actually didn't. Oh, yeah. There were some other big 1D fans that didn't know about it.

All right, so Alyssa, welcome to I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name. Vaughn is going to ask you five questions, and from those questions is going to try and guess your mum's name. He'll have 15 seconds to do that. If he does, you win the $100 cash. Awesome, Dom. Good. Okay, question one.

What's your mum's star sign? Cancer. Oh. No, wait. She might have changed. Is it a new star sign? No, we're not doing that new star sign. Oh, do we all like that? I know we all universally agreed that it's been around for ages.

So we just go with it. Every few years it pops up. I think NASA just is like, you guys think that looks like a crab? You guys are dicks. We're NASA. They've told us our personality traits for years that we've built our personality around them. Yeah. Okay, so she's a cancer.

Mum's a cancer. Mum's a cancer. Mum's just got three names written them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so she's a cancer. Mum's a cancer. Mum's just... Three names written down. Okay. I'm adding a fourth to the list. Okay. Where did your parents meet?

Oh, high school, I'm pretty sure. Oh! High school sweetheart. High school sweetheart. That's super cute. Now I'm going to write down the names of some people I knew that were

high school sweethearts. Is that how this works? This is pretty much how it works. I mean, don't knock it. Your mum and dad were high school sweethearts. They were. Your mum's name's going on the list. Okay.

Expect to hear that. Actually, I know someone else. Is that okay? Cool. Okay. I mean, I'm not going to knock the process. You've won the last three games. Yeah.

But just speed the process up. Does your mum use the dryer? Only when it's raining. Yes. That's the right answer. Otherwise, I would accuse her of not actually being your mum. My mum, even when it's raining, she'll put it on the clothes horse. Yeah, it's like...

Like, literally, the dryer is from the 80s or 90s. She makes them last. Barely, yeah. My mum goes through, literally, the dryer is from the 80s or 90s. She makes them last. Barely used. My mum goes through, like, a washing machine every few years, but the dryer, because it barely gets used. Yeah. So your mum's name's going on the list. My mum's name's going on the list.

Okay. My nan's... Yep, nan's going on the list. Okay. All right, next question. Does your mum ever make preserves? Like, does she ever, like, bottle anything? No.

Okay. I don't have any names to answer. Sounds like a young mum. Yeah. Are you getting a young mum vibe? I was thinking, like, young mum, but then the dryer thing put me back maybe five years. Okay, right, okay. What's your mum's favourite takeaway?

Double down from KFC. Really? I would not have expected that. She only gets takeaways when the double downs are out. She just really fancies the double down. Wow, okay. See, I'm going back to young mum. She's bucking the trend, yeah.

Like a boomer. That's not a boomer takeaway. No. Not really. Wow, you're really throwing Vaughan with that one. I'm not taking any other names off the list, but it just makes me think about adding more. Okay.

Okay. Is this your last question or do you have two more? No, this is my last question. What kind of car does your mum drive? It's a Mitsubishi, but I don't know what it is, but it's like a little minivan. Okay. Like a little, like a...

A Mitsubishi... It's like a cool minivan, not one of the, like, the... Yeah. Okay, so she's a cool mum. Your mum is an enigma. Does she have a mobile hair salon in the back of that? What does she do with that? Oh, I just got the kids in the back.

She hasn't groomed dogs? A mobile groomer? No, the dog goes in the front seat. Not a delica. No, she said cool. Mitsubishi delicas aren't cool. I think I can Google it. Mitsubishi supports that. I mean, it I can Google it. Mitsubishi Sports...

I mean, it doesn't really matter. No, it doesn't really matter. There's someone screaming at their radio right now because they're driving one and they think it's a pretty cool little minivan. All right. Okay. Well, Alyssa, we're going to give Vaughn 15 seconds.

I've got my name here. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum. Okay. Vaughn, that's my mum. Okay. Vaughan, your time starts now. Nicola, Tanya, Kathy or Catherine, Karen, Angela, Christine, Bev, Ray, or Ray Wint, there's your mum's name, Tracy, Angela, Kelly, Julie. Stop, that's my mum's name.

Kelly. Kelly? Yeah. Stop that for my name. Kelly. Kelly? Yeah. Hey! You heard it down there. Yeah, so Kelly loves a double down, drives a Mitsubishi. Yeah. I like to use the dryer too much.

A little bit. Wow. That actually went on under the how did your parents meet question Because I know someone that Was a high school sweetheart And it's called Kelly And their name was Kelly Wow

You're quite good at this Because if I'd put it down for the dryer Kelly wouldn't have been on the list No Yeah I found the car by the way It's a Grandus. A Mitsubishi Grandus.

A Mitsubishi Grandus. I love that you had time to do that. Well done, you. Mitsubishi Grandus. Oh, it is kind of a jazzy little, it's not really a van. It's like a. It looks like a Previa. I'm just on driven.co.nz, which is a company website.

Company synergy. If you're ever looking for a car, driven.co.nz. This is why the CEO, Bogsy, loves me. I'm one of driven.co.nz, which is a company website. Company synergy. If you're ever looking for a car, driven.co.nz. This is why the CEO, Bogsy, loves me. I'm one of his favourites. You're synergising. Oh, yeah, that's, it's very roundy, isn't it? That's how I want my cars described. It looks as though it's ready for an aerodynamic 110km.

Roundy. Like Waikato Expressway. Or to be broken down on the side of the road somewhere in Manukau because they're always a perpetrator for breaking down the side of the road.

Alright, listen now, I am just told by producer Jared because the executive intern is nine years away, we do not have a $100 bonus round. Why is that, Jared? Is there a global pandemic?

Because it's unprecedented times. Unprecedented times. Well, we can't even have, what if we have a silly guess? Yeah, just do a guess. I'm sure if you have a silly guess and you hit the nail on the head, I could swing something.

We'll just steal something from the office for a listener. That would be nice. To the value of $100. Yeah, or we could get maybe some car seat covers for the Mitsubishi. Yeah. Give some to your mum.

All right, so it is time. Bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. One guess. Kelly and David. Is your dad's name Banana? Oh, my gosh.

How do you know? Don't be stupid. Banana. This is why Bogsy loves me. You promote other aspects of the company and I'll throw myself on the grenade to save us $100. Oh, right. I want to do it. I think it's David.

Have a serious guess, please. That's a good guess. No, you can't guess David. It might be David. We'll just find something from the office. And then we'll be $100. We'll just have a serious guess, please. Kelly and David.

Kelly and... Kelly and David. Kelly and... Kelly and Doug. Kelly and Matt. Kelly and Matt. Kelly and Matt. That's very... Yeah, that's... Is that your...

You're just trying to think I had lots of Kellys at school and lots of Matts at school. Same vintage. I had a soap. It's not right. I went... Okay. No, it's not that. Is it David?

Peter. Oh. We always say Peter. that. Is it David? Peter. Oh. We always say Peter. Always say Peter. Kelly and Peter. Hey, Alyssa, thank you for playing. I bet I can guess your mum's name. $100.

Thank you so much. Kia ora, this is Toby Mann. Hi, I'm the host of Gone By Lunchtime, a podcast for the spin-off podcast network all about politics and politicians with me, Annabel Lee-Mather and Ben Thomas, careering wildly from the very serious to the very ridiculous. It's not for everyone. We have the cognitive test that Donald Trump has been talking about over the last week or so. This was a test because at the moment he's up against Joe Biden.

They're both in their 70s and they're both going each other for being too old. And being, you know, not, I mean, Trump. Enough said. Somebody messaged in saying this is the test they use for elderly driver licence, elderly driver's license as well. Their 93-year-old popped it last week and scored 14 out of 30 and lost his license. Like he can't reset to get another license. Right.

Because I guess, yeah, you've been driving all your life, so there's some muscle memory in it. Right. But it's a bit more than that, isn't it? It's not an IQ test. Okay. Because the doctor behind a cognitive test that Trump took says that it's supposed to be easy so that, you know, functioning adults should be able to do every one of these questions. And when you can't, it's a sign that your cognitive ability is in decline. Okay.

Like you say, Alzheimer's. So Trump came out and said, I did this. It's a very hard test. It's not something that everybody can do. Hold on. 20 seconds ago,

you said any adult should be able to do it. Yeah, now, this was brought up on Sunday night in a Fox News interview. Incidentally, I took the test too

when I heard that you passed it. Yeah, how did you do it? Well, it's not the hardest test. No, but the last... It's a picture and it says, what's that? And it's an elephant. No, no, no. You see, that's all misrepresentation. Well, it's not the hardest task. No, but the last- It's a picture and it says, what's that? And it's an elephant.

No, no, no. You see, that's all misrepresentation. Well, that's what it was on the web. It's all misrepresentation because yes, the first few questions are easy, but I'll bet you couldn't even answer the last five questions. I'll bet you couldn't. They get very hard, the last five questions. Well, one of them was count back from 100 by seven.

And let me tell you, you couldn't answer, you couldn't answer many of the questions. I'd get you the test. I'd like to give it. And then he says, we should do a test. Didn't the guy just say he did it after Donald Trump? And he passed? And he passed, and then Donald Trump's like, you couldn't even answer the last five questions.

He's like, why doesn't he just say, yes, I did? Yeah. I think he was too busy laughing. Yeah. Okay, so I've got the test here. Yes. In front of me. There's things we talked about before.

It says name these and there's a lion, a drawn and a rhino and a camel. Done, done, done. And you just name them underneath. This is what I want to do with you guys though. Right. Have you got it? Yep. Give it here.

Is that the answer on the sheet he just had? No, the answer's not here. No, no, no, because I'm about to tell you the answer. This is the memory part of it. Oh, okay. I'm going to tell you five things. Okay. And then I'm going to ask you to repeat them to me.

And then at the end of this break, when time has passed, I'm going to ask you to recall those five things again. Okay. No, but that's not what they do in the test. Yes, that is. They just say, read the list of words, subject must repeat them, do two trials and do a recall after five minutes. Oh, five. So it is going to be later. Okay. No, but that's not what they do in the test. Yes, that is. They just say, read the list of words, subject must repeat them, do two trials and do a recall after five minutes. Oh, five minutes.

So it is going to be later. Okay. Now, can I write these down? No. What are you talking about? Face. Yep. Velvet.

Yep. Church. Yep. Daisy. Red. I'm definitely not going to remember All those five Fletch Yes

Go What were they? Oh right now Yeah Church Face It's got to be in the right order Daisy Velvet

Something Like I can't even remember You're all out of order You got four out of five But all out of order Face Velvet Church

Daisy Red Yep Thank you Yes Yep We'll come back to you soon I'm not going to remember. Like, I couldn't even remember them then.

But then there's other things like you have to repeat this list of digits. There's one you have to read forward, 21854, and then one you have to read backwards, 247. The counting back from 100, because I'm so bad at maths and sevens, I don't think I could do that. It would take me ages. You don't have to do it quick. You just have to do it correct. 93. take me ages. You don't have to do it quick. You just have to do it correct.

93. And then it's marked on how many you could get to. Right, okay. If you got to 93 and then you were out, you'd get one point. But if you got four or five back, you get three points or if you got all the way back. Right. Well, there is a question now that we wanted to try on Megan

and that's why we have the whiteboard behind Megan, and that's why we're streaming live FBMZM on Facebook. So is this one that Donald Trump failed? I think he passed. I don't know. Well, I mean, he says he passed. Now, this is worth, I believe, three points. You get a point for contour.

I don't have the... A point. I've got it because I don't want you cheating with us. Numbers and hands. for contour. I don't have the... A point, I've got it because I don't want you cheating with those numbers I gave you before. Numbers and hands. Draw a clock that is telling the time at...

Oh, piss off. 10 past 11. Now, Megan, famously, you're not good with analogue clocks. That would be in front of me and I couldn't tell you it was 10.

I'd have to sit there for a minute. Okay, well, you need to go to the whiteboard now and draw a clock. This is bullying. Okay. Well, we're just worried about your cognitive decline. There's a circle.

That's a start. That's a bad circle. Points off for the circle. Okay, now you've drawn one, three, six, and nine. The time that we want you to do. Megan. Look at that clock. Look at that we want you to do. Megan, look at that clock. Look at that clock.

Look at it. Yes. Yes. Not one. I wouldn't have helped you in the test, so I don't know. I don't know about that. Maybe numbers, you're not getting a point. Okay, so 10 past 11.

Okay. That's 11. That's 11, Megan. She's drawn an 11 there just to the left of 12. We'll give her that. Which was a one just moments ago. Yes. Now she's drawn the dot in the middle.

That's the pivot point for the hands. I know the hands confuse her. One goes at 11. Which one? The short or the long one? Some very real stress. Some very real stress on her face. Okay.

She has one hand pointing at the 11. And we were after the time of 10 past 11. 10 past 11. She's struggling. Okay. Is that your final answer? No, she's changing her mind there She's changing her mind The other hand pointing at where the 10 would be Megan, could you stand just to the left there

So we can see that, okay No And you would get See that. Okay. No. You would get, I would give you a point for the numbers. You haven't drawn all of them, but some clocks don't have all the numbers. Wow. The shape of it and everything is good. However, you have got the hour hand pointing at the two.

So that is five minutes to two, not 10 minutes past 11. The long one is the minutes. The long hand is the minute hand. So my problem with that is I always think the long hand's the big one. So that's like, I'm pointing at the big 11. The minute is the small amount, so it should be pointing at the small numbers.

The smaller. Yeah, also, if we hadn't told you that 12 was meant to be 12 instead of 1, then you would have been out as well. So you've failed. The only thing you've managed to do there is the circle of the clock, and even that looks like an orange or a peach. Oh, no, that's a pretty good circle. You've failed Trump's cognitive test there.

No, ask me the things to remember. Okay, what were the five words in the right order you needed to remember? Face, velvet, church, red, deer? No. What was the last word? It was face, velvet. Was it straight in there? No, street wasn't even mentioned.

Are you sure? You definitely said street. I didn't say street. You definitely said street. No, they knew it was their street. Ice cream. Church, red. Church something red.

Yes, church something red. Yeah, that's it. Church of Daisy Red. Daisy! Yes. Daisy Red. All right. Trump shouldn't be president. Trump didn't pass this, eh?

Trump didn't pass this. There's no way Trump passed this. Repeat after me. I only know that John is the one to help today. I only know that John is the one to help today. Good. Name the maximum amount of words that you can that start with the letter F. F.

Fridge. F doesn't start with F. Oh, I thought you were entering F. I would like to put F as a word. Fridge. F doesn't start with F. Oh, I thought you were entering F. I would like to put F as a word. Fridge, fox. I just said fridge and fox. Fidget. Friend.

Fly. Fly. Flounder. Flower. Flop. What did you just say? Flop. I thought you said a very different word.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Ten years ago today, One Direction were put together as a band on The X Factor. Ten years ago? Did they have the name? No. They all auditioned as individuals and they didn't get through. Right, but today was the day that they were put together. Yeah. They were given the name One Direction. Because Simon Cowell says it was him. as individuals and they didn't get through. Right, but today was the day that they were like put together and given,

they were given the name. Because Simon Cowell says it was him. He's like, ah, it took me 10 minutes and I put them together as a band. So then they could progress

in the groups category. But then Nicole Scherzinger, she was like a judge on their tour and she said it was her idea. So, I don't know, but Simon Cowell claims it

and he's made a lot of money off them since. Wouldn't he have made so much of them just alone? So much money. Insane. But that's crazy to think it was 10 years ago. He's made so much money off it, his face is freaked out.

And it's kind of gone non-expressionless. Yeah, I think sometimes it's just like, ugh. To celebrate, Georgia at Midday has the 10 biggest One Direction songs that she's going to count down. It's got us kind of in the office reminiscing. And we were talking to Producer Mountie.

You never had One Direction posters. No, I think I'm a bit old for that, but I was a JoBros girl. Right, so a lot of posters of JoBros. Who was your favourite JoBro? Joe, yeah. Joe. Really? Controversial. At the time, yeah.

I loved that sexy long fringe and skinny legs. Say no more. Skinny legs. Oh, yeah. Producer Jarrod, what posters did you use? You wouldn't have had One Direction posters. No, I wasn't allowed posters on my wall. Oh!

What about Blu-Tack with the push on roll off rule? Because that's the rule with Blu-Tack. Roll it off. They said it would stain the paint on the wall. You know, they're not wrong. Sometimes you do get a little bit of residual. Depends how long the Blu-Tack stays on for, but they can. What about 3M Master Hooks?

Then you could have put your... Waste of money. They'll tear the wall down. What would you have put on your wall? There would have been some Dungeons and Dragons stuff. Oh, wow. So now looking back on it, do you think it was more like your mum being like, no, no, you can't be a nerd.

It's definitely about the wall. It might have been. Mum's like, I'm not having that nerdy shit in my house. No, you can't have anything on the wall because of the Blu-Tack stains. And also, how's mum going to put that on Instagram? It's not going to look very nice, the kids' room, if it's got Dungeons and Dragons posters all over it. Oh, yeah, can you imagine if your mum had, like,

because, like, Sade's all about having the kids' room looking awesome and she'll, like, buy stuff and put it on. My mum would have put a photo up and it would have been, like, Vaughn's Green Day posters with trucks and Tiffany Amber Thiessen. Yeah. Hashtag decor. Yeah.

Sure. With an old blue thread cord duvet and a wooden bed frame. So I was thinking we should, being that it's 10 years One Direction today, how, I want to take some calls from people, how into One Direction were you? I was pretty into them, but I was too old to be having 1D posters on my wall. But you think about it though.

If you had a poster of One Direction on your wall and you were really into them, you're in your 20s now. Yeah. You've grown up. Or 30s. Or 30s. You've grown up and looking back,

you're like, oh my God, I was obsessed. Well, they're like 26 now, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I just want to hear from those people that just had the posters everywhere. I want to just investigate a little bit more that. So they're 26 now, right? Crazy.

Like, what was the motivation behind that? It's the same it's my husband. Talking about your One Direction obsessions, because 10 years today since they came together as a band, midday today, Georgia counting down the biggest One Direction

songs, and you can actually comment to win ZM Online on the Facebook page as well for a One Direction prize pack. just to relive your obsession. Yeah. So many text messages and stories coming in. Someone saying, my friend who I'm very good friends with now came to her first day of boarding school dressed as Louis Tomlinson. And it was love at first sight. She hasn't lived it down, but we are friends now. That's just so, we were so obsessed. We literally talked last night about how obsessed we were. We'd get every CD, every record, every piece of merchandise.

And as an adult, we don't care about anything half as much as our favourite bands when we were teenagers. I had a Harry Styles cardboard cutout. I wish I still had it. I don't know what happened there. Where do you even get one of those from? Also, your parents would probably take that off you if they walked in and you were smirching it, right?

As a parent, I think. Or it was... So you had soggy bits on it. I mean on the lips! On the lips! The lips! Because you kissed him on the lips! Wow, you are disgusting.

Can you just see? Because you were smooching it. Don't be disgusting. Mum, we need to take this back to the shop. It's gone soggy. You just see, you were smooching it. I paid $200 for that. I'm having an aspirin check and I don't have an answer.

Breathe. I need a paper bag. That's why you should always laminate your cardboard cutouts. Scotch card them. It'll stop stains and dribbles. That's what the furniture store promised me. Wow.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. One in 10 people consider this as bad as cheating. There's lots of things that people do in relationships like, oh, you loaded the dishwasher wrong. Okay. Yeah. That rile each other up. But this.

Are you going to try and guess? It's as bad as cheating. So they do it and they're like, what are you doing like this? Leaving the toilet seat up. I'm just trying to think of a thing. Oh, putting the toilet roll around the wrong way so that it goes down towards the wall. You always get a talking to and if that happens, you'd be like, what? No.

No, what's happened? Beards are cool, mullets are not. I tell you, remember which way to put the toilet roll on. Oh, yeah? No. No, what's happened? Beards are cool. Mullets are not. I tell you, remember which way to put the toilet roll on. Oh, yeah. Okay. It should look like a beard going down the front,

not a mullet at the back. Oh, yeah, okay. Although mullets are kind of in at the moment. Are they? Beards, think of it this way. Beards are always in.

Yeah, true. Timeless. And Santa has a beard. A timeless fashion piece. Just remember, Santa when putting on the toilet roll. Yes.

Yep. Is it like watching a show, like carrying on watching a season, a series? I consider it close to that. Is it? You've got it. What?

What is it? I've got it. It's when you're charging your phone using your charger and they come along and they go, oh, he's on 50%, unplug it,

and plugs their phone in, but doesn't tell you. I think I've done that to you go, oh, he's on 50%, unplugged it and plugs their phone in. But it doesn't tell you. I think I've done that to you before. Yeah, that's criminal. What percentage are you on? It does not matter. Yeah, it's my charger. That is my charger that I went and got and plugged in out here.

But you're on 50. I'm on like two. But go to the home. Go and get your charger. Yeah, get your charger. When we've stayed at a hotel or something together, I'm pretty sure I've done that to you. And you come back and you're be like Who unplugged this?

And now you've got to be the one that goes out with no battery Yeah, yeah I've got 50 Far lower than I wanted Now we've both got 50 I could have got lost on 2% Where are we going though? That's your fault

That's on you No one's coming looking for you You have your handbag Your lady purse To put your charger in. My lady purse. Yeah, and then when we're out and you need charge, who's coming crawling to me in my lady purse?

True. She's always crawling to the lady purse. Always. Hat in hand. Well, they hold so much. Here, hold my wallet. Can you put it in my case? Can I have the quickies?

I'm assuming there's quickies in there. Oh my God, I do have quickies. My mum's got quickies because Dad, every now and then, I'll get caught short and Dad will need a quickies. Because you've got a panadol in there. Orange juice gives me heartburn. That's all. Okay, so what is...

It's not that. Okay, what is the thing that one in ten people think is worse than cheating? If you go and get takeaways without them. If you're going to McDonald's and you come home with McDonald's and I guess there's none for them. Or you have food, like you get takeaways

on the way home and then you get home and you're like, I've had dinner, had McDonald's. No, it's not even that. That's bad communication. That's bad, but like you're just getting it without them. When I was thinking about it, we never get takeaways without each other. Just like, I don't know how I would react if he just came home and had McDonald's. I'd be like, what's happening?

What if he ate it all in the car on the way home and then came in and gave you a kiss and you're like, quarter pounder. You son of a bitch. I would rather you came home with another woman's lipstick on than secret sauce. And it's not like, where's the chippies for me or anything. It's just like, you had that whole experience without me. That's rude.

I had a... Go on. No, I was going to say, do you find that if you're with someone, they justify your fast food takeout because they're eating it too? Hello? Yeah. Like a freedom. you're with someone, they justify your fast food takeout because they're eating it too? Um, hello? Like in freedom, it's a free pass to get out of jail free, right? Do you want ice cream? No.

Why do you do... This I can't understand though. If I want ice cream, I'm having it. I don't care if other people... Even if we go out for dinner and I've got my mind set on a dessert that I've seen on the specials board and everyone else is like, oh, no thanks. I'll be like, yeah. Because you don't want to be the only one sitting there.

But Sade won't do it. She would not. If she's like, I feel like an ice cream, I'd be like, oh, I'm okay. She'd be like, well, I won't then. I'd be like, but do it. Just do it. No, no. She's like, I'm not sitting here eating by myself.

I'm like, why don't I do it all the time? I need to communally eat my junk. Oh, no. I don't want to share it. I just. Communally eat my junk. Cool. Sounds like an insult. Sounds like someone cuts you off in traffic. You'd be Oh, no. I don't want to share it. I just... Communally eat my junk. Cool. Sounds like an insult.

Sounds like someone cuts you off in traffic and be like, hey, communally eat my junk. I think Fletcher's thinking of it as an insult. It was a situation like this last night. Shado's doing a night course at the moment. Yeah. And she came home late and I waited up because I wanted to see how it all went. And she walked in with a bag of Maccas.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. That's cool. went. And she walked in with a bag of Maccas. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay, that's cool. Yeah. Because she said she was going to. Because she's doing a uni. Yeah, yeah. She's going to uni. It's hot, guys.

I'm hooking up with a uni student. And so she said, I might get something on the way home. I'm like, that's cool. And then she came in with Maccas and I'm like, oh, a cheeseburger. Because she said she felt like a cheeseburger. She's like, quarter pounder. I was like, it's fine. Yeah, cool.

But then I pulled the receipt out of the bag. What? I don't know why, but I think I wondered what it was. Because I looked in the bag and I saw the quarter pounder. I was like, what's that? Who keeps the receipt? Anyway, I pulled it out. Written on the bottom, it says, prepare yourself for this, by the way.

Yeah. This is shocking. Yeah. Filet-O-Fish. I don't know anyone that eats Filet-O-Fish. And I said. What? Because it said quarter pounder.

Yeah. Quarter pounder combo. Yeah. Quarter pounder combo and a Filet-O-Fish. Filet-O-Fish. I was just like, Filet-O-Fish. She's like, oh, because she's a terrible liar. She crumbled on the spot.

I would have said there must have been a mistake. She said, I had it in the car. Have you ever known her to eat one? I said, it's not a problem that you've got two burgers. Knock yourself out. But a filet-o-fish. You're married to her. You think you know someone, and then their secondary burger is a Filet-O-Fish.

That would be down the list for me. Was she thinking that was a healthier option or something? It's a Filet-O-Fish. I don't care what she was thinking. You should never think Filet-O-Fish. So her getting back to the study, was her secretly eating that as bad as cheating? The secretly wasn't the problem. It was the fact that she ordered a Filio fish.

No one orders a Filio fish. Apparently they do. No one. Certainly not anyone I'm married to. Tomorrow is Megan's birthday She is currently blindfolded You've been blindfolded for the last three minutes During that song

With my headphones on It's actually horrible Like all my senses were taken away I couldn't see or hear anything All I could feel was occasional like cold things Of like wind when someone maybe walked past me Okay are you ready for your birthday present? ZM's Megan.

Fletch and Vaughn. Yeah! No, I like that. There you go. That's just to butter you up, to be honest. Is that a permanent change? No. God, no.

We have to change all the marketing. All right, I'll let them in. Okay, now... You're not letting anything in. Oh, my God. You got me an elephant. Okay. Hold out your hand for your prison.

Hold out your hand for your prison. No. Okay. Put your hand on the table just next to your computer for your prison. No. Okay, put your hand on the table just next to your computer for your prison. No way. Oh my God. No, I don't want Put out your ring hand.

I don't want a tralanchal. I said to you, I don't want a spider. Are you giving me a spider? Hold out your hand. Hold out your hand. Hold out your hand. I really don't want to. I almost swore.

It's not a spider. That was just warm with a banana peel. Okay. What did it feel like though? Kind of cold actually. Yeah, it was weird. I would have got a feather. I said get a feather.

No, this feels weird because it's all cold and like crummy and stuff. Oh, yeah, right. Okay, that's not your present. We just wanted to mess with you. No, it's actually not a spot. Do I actually have to

put out my hand? Now, I think at this stage Megan can take your blindfold off. Uh-huh. Take your blindfold off. If I've smudged my mascara you're in so much trouble.

Quickly. No, you're in so much trouble. Quickly. No, you're fine. Your mascara's fine. Now, what's that? Just describe behind you what you're looking at. You have... It looks like a present. It looks like a really large, square present. Yes.

It is. That Producer Jared is holding up. He is. Now, it's nicely wrapped. Jared, how long did that take you, Jared? At least an hour. Yeah, he wrapped that into him. Great wrapping. Great wrapping. You get a job in the mall at Christmas.

You've done well. To supplement your income. Now, you are about to move. Yes. You and Mr. Toyboy are moving into your first home. You guys are cool, but I don't want a portrait of you. You two in a weird portrait or something. That's very rude.

That's very rude. That's pretty rude. Wow, that's incredibly rude that we would be giving you a present and you're already not even knowing. I mean, it's super weird though when people come to your house and there's a portrait of you two.

Well, I mean, let's not judge before we've seen it. Okay. You can open it. We'd like you to now turn around, Megan. We'd like you to turn around now and open your present. Okay. Do I have to be gentle or do I just rip it? No, just rip it open.

Rip it open. Is it going to jump out at me? Who knows? Who knows? Great wrapping. Oh, it's upside down. Jared, turn it the right way. Oh, for crying God, you can't.

Turn it around. Megan, would you like to explain? Jared, it's too big for Jared, isn't it? Oh my God. Could you just explain to people what are your prisoners? So I was pretty on the money with my final guess. I've got somewhat of a glam rocker shot of the two of you. Yes, on a sexy couch.

On a sexy leather couch. You're twirling your hair, your long blonde mullet wig, and Vaughne's provocatively got his finger in my mouth. Yeah. On a beautiful leather couch. Yeah, we popped out and saw Peter photoshoot.co.nz

Yeah, brilliant. He was fantastic. Had it all set up. He had a smoke machine. Yeah. And the lights from the top. That's a smoke machine. Wow. Jared, take off the wrapping on the side. You're missing the smoke. I really appreciate that you guys dressed up for it. Yeah.

That's really dressed up for Vaughn. We double denims. That's not dressed up. It's literally what I wear every day with a denim jacket on the top. Also, that's a bit of a camel toe there, Vaughn, and a stain. Is that a big stain on your pants? I don't know if that's a big stain on my pants. I don't know if that's a stain on your pants, but it looks lovely. that's a big stain on my pants. I don't know if that's something. Yeah, it's a stain on your pants, but

it looks lovely. It's a camel toe. I was actually really impressed at how my jeans fell on that. It makes it look like I'm packing. Oh, gross. Yeah. And it's right in the middle of the picture. It's like your eyes are drawn to it. Yeah, we'll get that up on our Facebook page and Instagram. There's other options

too. We did a whole photo shoot. We're thinking there could be a calendar of us looking. Definitely could be. Glam rock. Have you got a Flames t-shirt on? Yeah. It's a commitment from you. It really is.

Yeah, you're welcome. I don't quite know where to put that in my house. Well, somewhere. I'll find a perfect spot. Not the garage. I was thinking the foyer. Yeah. That's the first thing people see when they...

Yes. Beautiful. Or maybe if it is going to hang in the garage, when you drive into your garage, I want it to be like when you... It's the first thing you see when the door goes up. So you're like, I just left them, but here I am, I'm home and they're here already.

So it's a big glamour. Happy birthday, Megan. Thank you. For tomorrow. If you would like any sort of photos taken, be them glamorous double denim 80s glam rock wigs with the smoke machine photos, peter__at__photoshoot on Instagram or photoshoot.co.nz.

Yeah. That might be the best you two have ever looked. When we were leaving, they were doing all the real estate people. Yes. That's where they get their photos done. Yeah, they do. Pretty fancy. Really?

And do athletes and stuff. Yeah. So, I mean, that's high quality, Megan. You're welcome. Has your wife seen this? Yes. She was turned on.