ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Best Bits Podcast - 8th August 2020

Episode Date: August 7, 2020

Our compilation podcast filled to the brim with the best moments from Fletch, Vaughan & Megan this week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fleets Morning Megan Best of the Week podcast. It's brought to you by McCafe. Grab yourself a delicious barista-made coffee for only $4. Look at this two-page spread on gin. I know this jumped from coffee to gin. Oh, yeah. Very quickly, but it's the weekend. Wow.

Gin fans. But I can't forgive gin. What do you mean? Because it's just a flavoured vodka. When I found that out, I was was like I can't condone this now But it's different enough that it's its own thing It's got juniper berries in it I don't think so

It makes me cry more than vodka Is that the juniper berries? That's the natural depressant of the juniper berry But you make vodka and then you can turn that into gin But it's not hiding it It's told you it's secret It hasn't, it's been, I had to find the secret out But I prefer, like the flavours that

Gin has just taken off so much in the last few years You can get some incredible gins Yeah I love the, I know we've already mentioned Grapefruit a lot on the show this week But the grapefruit gins are amazing There's a Malfi grapefruit gin which is amazing Malfi Malfi grapefruit gin, which is amazing. There's a Malfi grapefruit gin.

Malfi doesn't get a mention in this. I don't know why I don't know. Oh, it probably does. I haven't read every single. Okay. How's your drinks trolley going? Well, depleted because no duty free. And lockdown and drinking.

You're not looking in the right places. You can get specials as good as duty free. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Price leaders. Yeah, right. They get you in there.

Okay. Because we only come over to your house when that drinks trolley is chockers. I know. You go in for a 21 pack of shots and

do you know they still sell those? Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm obviously out of the demographic of those but do you remember those? No, you're not.

You're in West Auckland. The 21. The forever demographic. Do you mean those ones that, you're not. You're in West Auckland. The 21. The forever demographic. Do you mean those ones that are like double coloured? Yeah, and you tear the tinfoil top off and you go,

and there'll be like quick fuck flavour and I thought we were on air. No. Four. That's what it's called. And all of those

yuck, yucky gross drinks that don't make you feel good and there's 21 of them in the box. Right. And you can still buy those. What a treat.

Anyway, it's the weekend, so indulge. I'm packing up. Now I've got... Zero tamari almonds. Seven tamari almonds. Does anybody want some? Do you want to help me finish it? Can I have one?

Absolutely. I have a couple. Finish them off. Why are you in such a good mood? Poon-tang. Yeah, what's that? Poon-tang. No, there's no poon-tang. He's very smiley and he's been on his phone a lot. No, because it. Yeah, what's that? Poon Tang. No, there's no Poon Tang.

He's very smiley and he's been on his phone a lot. No, because it's Friday, isn't it? Yeah. So. This is recorded on a Friday for the weekend release.

Do you want a Tamari Almond? Are you going to fix your fucking phone? No, it's pretty good. Christ, you're a tech guy. So the issue is when it's on lock screen and I tap it in a certain place,

it'll start going crazy, but it's okay at the moment. It's not doing it right at the moment. So that's fine. That's okay. I've got tamari dust on me. Hot. That'll really get them going this weekend.

Have a lovely weekend. Oh, my God. You don't look anything like your profile picture. And you smell like tamari almonds. You smell like fucking soy sauce. That's been roasted with almonds. That's a hot smell. This whole thing's been misleading. Anyway, get it out. We'll have a look.

I'm here now. That's how it goes, eh? Like very rarely do you... Get it out. We'll have a look. I'm here now. You're just making up my weekend here. It's nothing like that. No, I'm pretty sure you've told me that story before. Okay, we're going home now.

There's news from the medical desk this morning. Oh, this is a whole story. I read the headline. I thought, that's interesting. Man who lost his penis becomes first in the world to have new one built on his arm.

That's actually amazing. It is. It's fascinating. And then there's pictures of it, but they're kind of blurred. Right, okay. But there must be some medical photos of it somewhere. Okay, so let's start from the start. How did he lose it? He had an infection that turned

into sepsis. So it went septic. This is why you've always got to put a little dob of detol ointment on. Don't hold back on anything. This is when you get a course of antibiotics. You don't get them willy nilly. And his fingers

is toast and his penis turned black. Oh wow,illy. And his fingers are toast and his penis turned black. Oh, wow. Okay. And then in 2014 it fell off. Why did he not

go to the doctor? I don't know. Is this just a stubborn bloke? I knew deep down it was gone and I was going to lose it and then one day a judge dropped off

onto the floor and I picked it up and put it in the bin. Quote. Wow. You are making this up. Is this from a trusted news source? Yeah. A judge dropped off onto the floor And I picked it up And put it in the bin Quote Wow You are making this up Is this from a trusted news source? Yeah

And there's photos of him And everything I went to the hospital And they said The best they could do for me Was to roll up the remaining stump Like a little sausage roll It was heartbreaking

And so he He was in his 40s and stuff at the time. He had a couple of kids and everything, so it wasn't like he was worried about that. You know, his GP said, I've been doing some research, and Professor David Ralph is also known as the Penis Master, as an expert in phallus reconstruction at the University College Hospital in London.

Okay. So then he got given a referral, he went in, and the guy said, oh yeah, all hope is not lost. We'll be able to build you a new one. Now at that stage, do you reckon they give you like a book?

Like a clear plastic folder and you get to pick one? Because what would you pick? He's got two extra inches out of it. Did he ask? Okay. Can you request like like, specific size? Well, so they take a flap of skin on your arm and they, like, roll it up to create it.

And then just stuff some. And then it's going to have, like, it has blood vessels and everything in it. Oh, wow. And it'll have nerves. And then they create a bit down the middle with a tube. Yep. Okay. And then there's two tubes in it that will be able to be inflated with a hand pump to give you.

Oh, wow. That. That. Now, it's not like when you go to Subway and you get the five inch and someone else got the seven from the footlong. Explain. What do you mean by that? What I know. They didn't.

They're making it out of his arm. They didn't cut it off and put it on there. Oh, they didn't just get a pre-made one? No, no, no, no. It's not pre-made. It's his arm skin. Yeah, he baked his own bread.

So then when that happened, as it became detachable, they detached it so only the base of it was there so it dangles. Oh. And it just grows on his arm. Yeah.

And it's there and it's got like blood going through it and everything. So when the time comes for the operation, they can just nip it off there and reattach it. Questions, Your Honour. I don't know if I'm going to have the answers. Okay. How long did this whole process take? Like how long was it on his arm?

It still is on his arm because there's been a series of delays. And then, of course, 2020 hits and COVID takes over. And so it just keeps getting delayed. He said it's been on his arm for like four years. Four years he's got a doodle on his arm. Yeah. What do you think? He's got a sock to hide it?

Yeah. How does he like go for a swim? Is he wearing like a long sleeve race shirt? Long sleeve shirts all day day every day for four years because could he be done if it popped out of his sleeve because he'd be done

with that exposure technically that's a penis yeah oh my god but then the hospital's like this isn't all on us for the delays

because he's had a couple of appointments that he cancelled last minute and one he just didn't turn up to right how serious is he taking this new penis

he's probably playing with himself. We've all been late because of that. But, yeah. That's incredible. Isn't it? Hasn't someone grown an ear on their arm? You could grow, and then there was that one where they were growing them on the back of

mice. Yeah, that's right. Noses were being grown on the back of a mouse. You'd want at least a rat if it was going to grow your penis, though, just for size sake. That's incredible. Isn't it? Yeah.

Isn't it? And so we won't know if it's successful. Has it been a successful operation before? This is a world first. A world first. To grow it on your own arm, there's been a transplant before. But this would technically be like transplanting it anyway, wouldn't it? Yes. But do you still need the handing it anyway, wouldn't it? Yes.

But do you still need the hand pump? Yeah, he still will need the hand pump. You've got to be careful there. I've actually exploded a bike tyre. Went past 80 PSI. You know he doesn't have the pump in there at the moment. Like, what would be the point of having a forearm erection? No, I mean, not now. But you said, will he still

have the pump? Yeah. No, no, when it goes on to his coin. That's when he'll have the pump attached. There's a tube in there. Right. But no pump attached at present. Thankfully. Said it'd get in the way on your forearm, wouldn't it?

Gives new meaning to the word fourie, doesn't it? ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Some six months after Elton John's concert was called short. It was a different world, guys. It was a different world. We'd heard COVID-19, hadn't we? We were all calling it coronavirus then. And before we gave it its official...

We were all crammed in. Crammed in it. Oh, God, were we what? At Mount Smart Stadium, weren't we? Albo to Alba, Mount Smart. And we watched Alton John play a show, but then stop. Yeah. Halfway through, just over show, but then stop. Yeah. Halfway through, just over halfway, walking pneumonia, he said.

God, if we'd been a bit more COVID savvy at the time, we may have suspected the old fella had COVID itself. But we got ushered out and everyone was like, oh, poor old guy, poor old guy. But then when the sympathy waned, we're all like, where's our money back? Had a lot of money for that show. And about 12 hours when the sympathy waned, we're all like, where's our money back? Had a lot of money for that show. In about 12 hours

when the sympathy waned, we'd woke it up and realised we'd been... Yeah. We're like, well, one man's fight never ended. And he joins us on the phone. Fletch and I gave it a couple of days and an email or two. We gave it one email and gave up. Yeah, but this week

Michael Batty, who we know personally, received a 40% refund of his Alvin John ticket. Good morning, Betty. Good morning, guys. Thank you for having me. What are you doing? Why are you not collecting your 40%? Michael, you know we're very lazy.

Getting your producers to do it. Isn't that what you pay them for? No, she's shaking her head. Anna doesn't want to do it. Isn't that what you pay them for? Yes. Surely they've got something else to do. No, she's shaking her head. Anna doesn't want to do that. It took you six months, Betty. Is it worth it? Oh, look, I think it probably would have taken around three months had COVID not kind of shut down the courts and everything.

But I think what really, what tipped me over the edge was when Chug was kind of originally coming out and saying that Consumer New Zealand didn't have to, well, they said that they didn't have to pay refunds and that he played for over two hours and all these untruths. So that really got my back up. And then, you know, it was really, really starting to grow on my gears. And so then I reached out to them very nicely.

I said, hey, look, you know, I've worked it out. It's about a 40% refund. And then more crap was coming from customer service. So I just filed with the Dispute Tribunal, real easy, I worked it out. It's about a 40% refund. And then more crap was coming from customer service. So I just filed with the dispute tribunal. Real easy. Really simple. And then some months later, then a couple of the head honchos from each company got back to me

and wanted me to sign confidentiality agreements to settle. And, you know, I just kind of said, no, thank you. I'd rather take it to the court and tell the good people of New Zealand that they're entitled to their 40% as well. You are an actual hero, Betty. You are a hero. I love it.

Because I see it at the time. It's the principle of the matter, isn't it? Yeah. It's 100% the principle. I mean, all I would say, all I would advise everyone to do is give Ticketmaster a real hard time today. Ring him up. Email him.

Tell him, Michael, Betty got 40%. So how come I didn't get 40%? Request your money back. You honestly shouldn't have to go through to the disputes tribunal. It should just be based on this case and they'd be happy to settle with you. But that's the thing, it's said a president, hasn't it? Like this is

you give it to one, you've kind of got to give it to everybody, really, if they're making a noise. I would understand. I mean, it's a giant multinational corporation that doesn't want to pay New Zealanders thousands and thousands of dollars back that they're owed. So I can understand that they've been a little shady about it. But, you know, now that they've settled with me,

why not settle with the other 30,000-plus people? Not all heroes wear capes. Did you need a lawyer for this? Or did you, like, this is like an Erin Brockovich movie, isn't it? Where you've represented yourself. I've done all the hard work for everyone. I read the Fair Trading Act. I read all the Consumer Guarantees Act.

We're all good to go, guys. Oh, my God, Maddie. I love you. This is great. Do we need to get, like, a Microsoft Word document off you that we can just put our name in, change out Baddie for, like, Vaughan Smith, and then just send it off? Or we just be like, cite the people versus,

well, no, you are the people, aren't you? Batty versus Chug. It's a bit different when you're kind of getting a whole group of people together and filing it in the high court per se. But if you go through to the dispute tribunal, it's on an individual case. But you shouldn't have to do that. I mean, just tell Ticketmaster that based on this case,

you want to settle with him, get your 40% back, your own 40%. I love this. Don't think that you're ripping Elton John off. He doesn't care. He doesn't know anything about it. He can stick it to the promoter. He's apparently struggling, though, because he's got a very expensive lifestyle, Betty.

Carbot, have you seen the size of his houses? He's doing struggling, though, because he's got a very expensive lifestyle, Betty. Carbine, have you seen the size of his houses? He's doing all right. I love this. He's not missing 40%. If he wants to save a bit of money, he can stop putting diamonds in his sunglasses. Exactly right. He gets paid anyway.

The insurance has paid all that out for him. It's the promoter that gets the insurance back. He gets paid whether he goes on stage, sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and then walks off. He gets paid. It doesn't out for him. It's the promoter that gets the insurance back. If he gets paid, whether he goes on stage, sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and then walks off, he gets paid. It doesn't matter for him. Right. Ticket to the promoter.

Ticket to the promoter. Ticket to ticket master. I love it. Brilliant. I'm too lazy to take it to the level that you've taken it to, Betty. I can't lie. We don't need people like that.

We need a positive message. We want to get all 30,000 people filing, and then it'll be hilarious. That's what they want. They're relying on New Zealanders' laziness. They're relying on that. Yeah. 100% Megan, 100%. They just rely on the laziness that no one's going to follow through.

Follow through. It takes literally five minutes. What did the tickets cost? And then 40%? That's a night out, really, isn't it? It's like a really good night out big meal oh hell yeah

we went to Mudbricks for lunch on the weekend it was beautiful so you went through six months of agonising punish for a free lunch

for a free lunch I wouldn't call it agonising punish it was more on the couch with my feet up just sending off a couple of emails it certainly wasn't punishing

brilliant yes it's a win for the little guy I love it it's so good I love it just sending off a couple of emails. It certainly wasn't punishing. Brilliant. It's a win for the little guy. I love it. It's so good. I love it. Betty, thank you so much, mate. Hey, too easy, guys.

Have a good rest of your day. File for the 40%. Read ticket marks. File for the 40%. Hashtag file for the 40%. File for the 40%. We welcome to Bluff or Stuff. Jess, good morning, Jess. Good morning. All right, so do you know how Bluff or Stuff works?

I have a fair idea. Okay, well, I'll explain it for you and everybody listening now, just so we're all on board. One of us is holding a prize idea. Okay, well, I'll explain it for you and everybody listening now, just so we're all on board. One of us is holding a prize. Your prize, which is a fragrance, Good Girl. By Carolina Herrera. It's fancy. It's actually a shoe, isn't it?

It's a heel. It's a high heel. She was ugly Betty, wasn't she? Carolina Herrera. That's American Ferrera. Close. Don't laugh, Jess. Who are the people?

Stop laughing at that. You've encouraged him. So Carolina Herrera, she makes those little balls of chocolate with the hazelnut. Ferreira Rocher. Don't laugh, Jess. You can see my confusion. I like that one. Okay.

So we're all going to tell you that we're holding it, Jess. You've got to correctly identify which one of us is to win the prize. Now, this is a carryover prize from last week, isn't it? It is. We're very good liars. Did we say who was holding it last week? Is that a clue or no? No.

I don't think we should. Okay. Okay. This is hard, Jess. This is hard. Well, it is a beautiful, it's a midnight blue shoe, like a stiletto. It has a gold heel with little stripy bits on it. You've used this for ages, haven't you?

You always get compliments about this. It's yummy. But that's how she knows. She's not just scrubbing the box. She's just scrubbing the bottle. Well, I can tell you the box has like a nice velvet feel on it. It's like embossed on the outside. Well, I can tell you that because I'm holding it.

Well, how close are you guys to each other? I'd say we're socially distanced. 1.5. Okay, so it's not possible you're both holding it then? No. Oh, no, that's cheating. No, that's against the rules. Only one person's holding it.

It's against the genetic convention. Yeah. We can't lie to you like that. So you can both see it then anyway. We can all see it. We can all see it. We're not messing with some amateur here, are we? We're not messing with some Jesse come lately.

We've got a private investigator on the line. Do I just take a wild guess? I mean, you can ask questions, I guess. I'm going to take the reverse psychology angle this week. I'm not holding it, Jess. How many mils is in it? I don't know. I'm not holding it, Jess. How many mils is in it? I don't know. I'm not holding it.

It's 80 mils. 80 mils. Oh, you took too long. It's because you're not holding it. He was just trying to find the details on the piece of paper in front of him. Open the flap on the box.

Weirdly, because I would have thought this would have been self-explanatory. Well, you said it was a shoe, so it must be out of the box. No, no. No, no? We're just aware it's a shoe from so it must be out of the box. No, no. No, no? We're just aware it's a shoe from last time. And we've seen the photo.

But there's an instructional how to use it. And you push a button and perfume comes out. Oh. Okay, I'm pretty sure that Megan's holding it. Okay. I'm pretty sure you don't press a button and perfume. Well, on the top, there's a button. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you don't press a button and perfect. Well, on the top, there's a button. Yeah.

I'm just going to go for Megan, all right? There is. A little dispensers on the heel. There is. So, you know, OK, you're just going to go straight out and say Megan's holding it. Yeah. Kia ora, this is Toby Mann. I'm the host of Gone By Lunchtime, a podcast for the spin-off podcast network all about politics and politicians.

With me, Annabel Lee-Mather and Ben Thomas, careering wildly from the very serious to the very ridiculous. It's not for everyone, I don't think it would be Alan's cup of tea, but you, I reckon, will love it. Gone by lunchtime, grab one now wherever you get your podcasts. That is incorrect. I'm so sorry. It was born. It was born like it was. There is literally a thing on the inside.

It just sounded so stupid. I know, but it is stupid. Who doesn't know how to work perfume? It does sound pretty stupid. It's not the shape of a shoe. It's a different dispenser. Yeah, but then you'd see the squirty bit and you'd be like, oh, well, vis-a-vis, the button that squirts is just behind it.

It's just an easier option, I suppose. Jess, I'm sorry, but you haven't won Bluffelstuff, and Bluffelstuff returns at a later time with the same prize up for grabs. I didn't even get to use the tissue box that I went and grabbed. I was going to say, this is the box. Close. Again, I'm not holding it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. Well, it's time for I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name. Vaughan, coming off a hot run. I've hit a rich vein of mum name gold. And I'm calling in the big machinery. Kelly, good morning. Good morning. How are you?

Good, thank you. Welcome to I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name. Vaughan has five questions now to establish your mum's name. If he can guess it within those 15 seconds, you win $100 cash. Awesome. Thank you so much. All right. Not yet, Kelly.

Just chill out, Kelly. All right. What's mum's... Question one. What's mum's favourite fruit? Mum's favourite fruit is apricot, I would say. Really? She loves the stone fruit. Hard to tell by year round, though, am I correct? is apricot, I would say. Really? She loves the stone fruit.

Hard to kill by year round though, am I correct? An apricot? And even to get a good one because sometimes it's too hard and too soft. Well, they go a bit mushy too. Oh, they're not mushy, they're not good. No. Does Mum like a dried apricot? No, no, no, no, no.

There's no time for that, Celina. Have you ever made the mistake of eating a whole bag of dried apricots? And then realise that you've eaten like 12 apricots? 18 to 25 apricots and you're like, uh oh, and then your guts is like,

hey, don't forget about me. You just loaded me full of fruit, boy. How old is your mum? My mum is 53. Okay. 53,

I'm just going to age 53. Alright, what is, this is a little bit of a classic question. It kind of sets the mood for what your mum's name could be. Does your mum have any siblings? And if so, what are your mum's siblings' names? She's got five siblings.

One passed away. Oh, okay. Yeah. So there's Karen, Tony, and Kelly. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Karen, Tony and Kelly. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Karen, Tony. Because I was thinking we were almost due for another Karen. Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?

It's been a while between Karens. That was the first ever mum, wasn't it? That played. Yeah. I bet I can guess your mum's name was a Karen. Yeah, it was. So I've got Karen and Tony. And Kelly.

So Kelly is her brother. A male Kelly. Okay, yep. And Kelly. So Kelly is her brother. A male Kelly. Okay. Yep. Male Kelly. That's who I was named after. And we have a Wayne. Wayne. Oh, okay. That's my dad's name. That's your dad's name. Yeah. Yep. And there's a

Wayne Jr. who passed away after being named Wayne. So they're named after each other. Okay. Okay. All right. Question four. What's your mum's hot beverage of choice?

Definitely coffee. She's a coffee. And just a subset of that, but still under the same question, how does she have that? Cappuccino. I was going to say. It's a capp same question. How does she have that? Cappuccino. I was going to say, it's a cappuccino. Of course she does. With chocolate or cinnamon on top?

With chocolate. Two sugars. See, mum has got a sweet tooth. Yeah, but give her a couple of years and she'll be doing what my mum does. She'll reach into the handbag and pick out the little splendid pills. My mum's an equal lad.

She does have equals at work but at home it's sugar. Is it a judgement-free zone at home? Yeah. Yeah, right. She's like, I've just seen the way bloody Christine looks at me at work

with her judgeal eyes. Okay, and finally, what's mum's got? What would mum cook the family if you were all coming together for a meal? Steak, egg, chips and salad. Oh, yes. I like this. Mum's running a truck stop out here. I love that.

Okay. Steak. Hmm. Mum's running a truck stop out here I love that Okay Well A moment's contemplation Vaughn Alan Smith Okay You now have 15 seconds Okay To guess Kelly's mum's name Now Kelly if you hear your mum's name

Yell out stop That's my mum's name And then if that happens within 15 seconds You win $100 cash. Here we go. Your time, Vaughn, starts now. Sandra, Michelle, Joanne, Donna, Debra, Christine, Jackie, Tracy, Linda,

Trudy, Angela, Nicola, Fiona, Catherine, Jennifer, Robin, Judy, Sarah, Marie, Jane. What was the first name you read out? Susan. No, it wasn't Susan, was it? Sandra. Sandra. Oh, Sandra. Did I say Sandra?

No, you didn't say Sandra. No, I don't remember Sandra. Did I say Sandra? No, you didn't say Sandra. I don't remember Sandra. Did you say Sandy? No. I said Sandy. You didn't say Sandra. No, you didn't say Sandra. Sandra.

There ends the hot streak. Just like that, Sandy. Sandy. That's a popular mum's name, Sandy. Sandra and Sandy. Yeah. And it's Sandy with an I. Oh, okay. Sandy. Okay, Sandy. Yeah. And it's Sandy with an I. Oh, okay.

Okay, and what about Dad? We didn't get to the bonus round, but what's Dad's name? Do you want to have a guess of that one? You don't win, though. Craig. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Were you going to say Craig?

Yes, we Craig-synced. I've got a feeling this is a full moon as well. I'll charge my crystals. Like Colin Craig. Sure. Just Craig. That's his first name. No, because I'm charged my crystals. Like Colin Craig. Sure. Just Craig. That's his first name. No, because I know her dad's name's Colin.

Oh! Oh, my God. We felt the same, though. That's why maybe we were tuned into Colin Craig. Sandy and Colin. Well, Kelly, unfortunately, you go home empty-handed. For you, the chase is over. You've been caught empty-handed. For you, the chase is over. You've been caught.

You've been caught. And the chase is over. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fact of the day, day, day fact of the day. All thanks to Save My Bacon, a safe place to borrow money online. We have up for grabs today, $500 at midday and $500 at 4 o'clock. And it will be a question about today's fact of the day. Yesterday, yesterday, Megan from Southland won $500.

Oh, my God, I'm going to cry. Oh, my God, I've got a dentist this week. And also, I'm on, like, maternity leave and my payment's finished. So, that's just come, like, oh, my God, guys, thank you so much. That's half a filling. Why do you have to say that? It's better than no filling. It's better than no filling.

That was more of a slight at dentist, Megan, than our prize amount. Don't slight a dentist. She's stoked. They'll give you an extra. No, totally, yeah. They'll give you half the painkiller next time in a double drill. Never slight a dentist. You know that big drill that goes wobble, the real wobbly, vibratey one?

That's the worst one. I don't mind it. No, it's not good either. That one's okay. It's a... That one is the worst. Your whole mouth's like... I hope she's not listening.

All right. Well, today's fact of the day that could win you $500, like Megan, is about cucumbers. Now, I know because we go through a lot of cucumbers in our house. Like the kids, my kids love cucumbers. Even in winter. Don't get me started. I've tried to talk my wife out of buying non-seasonal vegetables,

but we continue to buy cherry tomatoes, which at the moment are like a million dollars a plummet. Right, okay. But if you, I just wanted to see how much, at the moment, a telegraphed cucumber was. Okay. So I went, I just typed in price of cucumber in New Zealand. The top result was from Countdown.

So I clicked on it. If you were to photograph a cucumber, how would you photograph it? Just like long ways. Horizontally? Yeah. Then explain to me, Countdown, why they've done this at an erection angle. It's not straight up and down. It's not horizontal.

It's not diagonal. It's not diagonal. Yeah. Wow. It's very phallic. That's a wreck. That's a very wrecked. No one's ever going to laugh. Yeah, that's...

Look at that angle. That's a long one too, isn't it? They're photographing cucumbers. They're going to make that shit exciting. Yeah, if that was my job, if that was my job, I probably would have added a couple of kiwi fruit at the bottom. They were uploading it.

They might have a peardworth at the bottom.wi fruit at the bottom. They were uploading it. They might have a pied worth at the bottom. No, it doesn't. They were uploading it and I reckon they were like, crop, pull it in. They're like, might rotate this. See if anybody notices. Well, we've noticed, Countdown. We're on to you, Countdown. You're very

cheeky with your cucumbers. Today's fact of the day is the phrase cool as a cucumber is actually a scientific fact. The inside of a cucumber can be up to 20 degrees cooler than the outside air. 20 degrees? 20 degrees. Yep.

If they're growing in a very hot climate, which they do well in, but they need a lot of water, cucumbers, it can be, say it's 40 degrees Celsius. It could only be 20 degrees inside that cucumber. Now it's due to the fact that like 90% water

and the structure of their cells, you know how water is like, you know how if you live in a city that's beside the ocean, the temperatures are a little bit more consistent. They don't go up and down as drastically whereas if you're in a town where there's no water surrounding, the temperature can go high

and low. And it's because the water surrounding keeps the temperature a bit more moderate because it takes more energy to heat and cool it. Right. So the cucumber is so 90% water that it takes a lot more. If you had it in the direct

sun, it could heat up. But if you just had it in the direct sun, it could heat up, but if you just had it in the same area where the air temperature was 40, but the cucumber could be 20 degrees cooler. Idea. A MacPak jacket for summer made out of cucumber. That's a fantastic idea, but

it would be very heavy. Yeah, but you'd be 20% cooler. 20 degrees cooler. Would it be thin or thick? I but you'd be 20% cooler. 20 degrees cooler. Would it be thin or thick? I'm not making the jacket, mate. That's MacPak's job. Well, I'm sorry. Here at MacPak, we have a few follow-up questions

before we just start designing jackets made out of cucumbers. Right. Okay, well, it's just an idea. Because it would be heavy. Yeah, right. It would be a very heavy jacket if it was filled with water of that. Yeah. Because that's the other thing.

Thin amounts of water would heat up against your skin, the outside and the inside. It's got to be a bit more of a girthy. I'll put some foil in it or something. You know, that foil material. It's more added. You know that, like, when you get a cooler bag from the supermarket? That's keeping the heat in as well.

Look, anyway, so I've put the idea out there. We wasted our time. It's not a bad idea in a brainstorm. Here at

MacPack, there's plenty of bad I've actually just had a message here from my friend who

works at MacPack. I'll get the design team onto that. That's good. They are humouring you.

No, they are not. I want to see a PowerPoint presentation at the MacPack boardroom. On the Mac Cucumber jacket. I mean to see a PowerPoint presentation at the Mac Pack boardroom. On the Mac Cucumber.

On the Mac Cucumber jacket next summer. Mac Cucumber jacket. I mean, we might be pushing to get on the summers. Yeah. Probably summer 21. Definitely. 22 maybe. Definitely not.

So today's fact of the day, and remember that because there'll be a question for the 50K fact of the day at 12 o'clock with Georgia and 4 o'clock this afternoon with Bree and Clint, is that the phrase cool cool as a cucumber, is a scientific fact. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Joined on the phone by two people. I don't know if you guys remember these guys. They used to hang around here a bit.

Jason, PJ, good morning. Remember when we were like, hey, let's go. Hello? Hello. We all know how radio works. Sure, sure. Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello. We all know how radio works. That's... Sure, sure. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. This will be the time difference. Yeah. That two hours behind.

Will we? Can you hear us? Yeah. Yes. Oh, my God, fathers. You have not changed. Jason PJ, in the middle of Melbourne's COVID lockdown 2.0 because there's so many Kiwis

who still call Melbourne home we just wanted to check in with you guys and see how it's going well it's just out of peach this morning remember that time we were in New Zealand and we were like let's pack up and go to Aussie yeah this will be amazing

great idea they said we're regretting that so how's this different to the first time around? Because you were in lockdown around the same time that New Zealand was in like level four lockdown. Yes, we were. And we weren't as hardcore as you guys last time.

You know, we had the takeaway and the cafes and all that kind of jazz open, so you could still get Uber Eats. Haircuts? What about haircuts as well? You could get a haircut, couldn't you? You could last time. This time around, haircuts are banned.

Pretty much all commercial stores apart from supermarkets, petrol stations. We've still got cafes open though. So you can actually still get takeaways this time around. But the big difference is also that there's a curfew from 8pm to 5am. And what else, Jess? That's the spooky bit It's pretty much a... That's the spooky bit. Like, I went to the survey last night.

I was doing a little ice cream run about 10 to 8. You can't do it past 8, or else you'll get fined. Yes! So, yeah, they're pretty gnarly. Also, you can only go, like, shopping once a day.

It has to be one family member, and you can only exercise within 5k of your house for one hour. Wow. And what about... Are you allowed to Tinder before 8pm? No.

You can Tinder, you just can't hook up. Can't meet up. Oh, right. So just on Zoom, I guess. Yeah. Which we're all over Zoom. The 5K thing was massive when they announced that. Everyone was just hitting Google Maps to check.

What have I got? What have I got? What's in your radius? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 4.9 Ks. We're all good there. Wow. Well, yeah, because I guess if you didn't have a park within 5 Ks,

you just could have run the streets or something. Yep, yep. Pretty much. And they're really strict. They're like, I think they're bringing out like number plate monitoring. If they see your car on the road like twice in one day, they'll know you've left the house more than once. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. It's pretty crazy. And they're bringing out permits later in the week that you'll know you've left the house more than once. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's pretty crazy. And they're bringing out permits later in the week that you'll have to apply for. So, like you guys, they class us as essential workers.

I know. That's the truth. We still don't understand that. We're going to have to apply for permits and everything. And then if you are an essential worker, you've got to have a permit

displayed on your car. Yeah, because we are travelling in curfew time. I was going to say, yeah, because you'd have to go to work before five, so you'll have your permits to be able to do that. But then that'll mean you'll be able to do your ice cream run again later that night, Jase. I'd say it's for work reasons. We're discussing flavours of Ben and Jerry's on the show.

I'm tasting the ice cream. Imagine how you'd have to really savour it if you got a fine, and so that Magnum that you popped down to the servo to get cost you $1,605. Yeah, exactly. You'd really have to savour that ice cream. Can we discuss your chief health officer? Because we had an obsession with Ashley Bloomfield.

Yeah. But yours is Brett Sutton, and I've had a Google. Jeez, Paige. I know you're separated from your boyfriend, but that was a real long and groan for Suts there. He's a silver fox. Yeah, daddy vibes. Like, think Clooney.

Slowly broader. Yeah. He's just got like a little, he's sort of grown out the shadow of his beard. I think he knows that he's got a few followers now, so he's just got like a little uh he's sort of grown out the shadow of his beard I think he knows that he's got a few followers now so he's just playing up to the audience you can actually no joke you can buy linen with his face on it yep they've got a brick bath and Beyond collection so you can get special pillows wow I love it. We're pretty bored over here, guys. We're pretty bored. It's time to talk. Totally.

That's the thing. In lockdown, it sure gets the old, well, I've got to expend this creative energy somehow situation going, and you get your Brett Bath and beyond. Did you guys do any stupid ISO purchases? Oh, my God. Because I went out, when I knew I was going to be locked down with the kids,

I went out and bought a ping pong table. No, guys, he's also got a portable hot tub. He's got a fire pad. Did you get that booze? You got the booze trolley from Kmart. Got the booze trolley, yeah. He also got a cocktail shaker. He got a bougie ice cube tray, so he gets the big ice cube, so it looks like it's from an extra bar.

Oh, yeah. They all sound like essential items. Definitely not. Well, if we're going to do that, tell everyone what you were purchasing last night. No, I haven't purchased it yet. What were you going to buy? Guys, it's the height of narcissism. What?

A selfie light. The giant ring light? It was the giant ring light. What? I was thinking about it. I was like, everyone looks so good behind there, and maybe I could really start this vlog. This could be my vlog opportunity.

Peach, two thirds of the show can't hassle you because Vaughn and I have both got a ring light. Shut up. Yeah, I look gorgeous. What's up with you, Vaughn? I tell you. You're buying bloody... Land rovers.

You've got ring lights. You've changed, mate. Oh, yeah. I'm glammingunt? I tell you. You're buying bloody. Land rovers. You've got ring lights. You've changed, mate. Oh, yeah. I'm glamming. And I tell you what, speaking of essential services, what the world definitely needs now, PJ, is another wellness vlog. Yeah, I was thinking that. I was like, what else are we missing?

What does the world need? Oh, I tell you what, I'd love a medical opinion on something from a completely holistic standpoint. You got me. Hey, well, it's good to hear you guys are doing well. Be safe. Thank you. Great to hear from you guys out of Melbourne this morning.

Thank you, guys. Love you guys. Miss you. Fletchvorna Megan, the podcast. ZM. On Wednesday, the fact of the day, and people won money from this for the 50k fact of the day, was that the phrase, cool as

a cucumber, actually has scientific merit because the inside of a cucumber could be some 20 degrees cooler than the air temperature around it. Different if you put a cucumber in a pot of water and heat that water, then it will heat because of its water content, 90% water in a cucumber.

And we joked and said, well, maybe MacPak and that should make jackets. Cooling jackets for summer. Cooling for summer out of cucumbers. Yeah. Well, it was a joke. And I said, someone messaged during that break, I said, well, they're going to take it to the team.

The R&D. And you joked at that as well. We laughed. I think we all laughed. Because making a jacket out of a cucumber is a bit ridiculous. But you can see on our Facebook page that they took it and they ran with it. It's been done. MacPak have made a cucumber jacket.

What we've learned is that cucumbers can be up to 20 degrees cooler than the outside temperature, and obviously that's got some significant performance benefits during, you know, hot weather training and so forth. Yeah, so we're seeing some real possibilities here for performance wear. It's a little bit on the heavy side, but, you know, we're thinking there's some performance benefits long term.

I've never done a cucumber jacket before. I'm just following my nose. I have no idea what I'm doing. This guy's sewing a jacket. Sewing a jacket with... Cucumber, so you'll see the light colours, you know, and that sense of freshness. But then also seasonality is an important thing.

So we have to consider that as well. You know, cucumber seasonality is tricky. They're expensive right now. So this early development is coming at a cost. But, you know, later in the season when they come down in price, you know, we think they'll be fine. Well, that's the vibe, isn't it? Cucumbers get so much cheaper in summer.

Yeah. Yes. Freezing. She puts it on. She says, I'm freezing. I'm actually freezing. Can't take it off. It worked.

Actually, they made, I think, quite a funny little mockumentary. Yeah, on the development. So well done. At MatPak HQ. And there's photos up. So we put the video at our Facebook, FEMZM. You can go on Instagram, FEMZM. There's a picture.

I think the jacket's quite chic, to be honest. It's very cool. Well, it's almost like they can slide the cucumbers. So if the cucumber got a bit manky, you could slide that one out. Yeah, a fresh new one. A fresh slice. That's true. And then maybe leave the jacket in the fridge as well.

I mean, we are just an ideas factory for new products. This is what I've always said. I'm no good with follow through, but if you want ideas. You're there. Ridiculous ideas. Yeah. So thanks to the team at Mac Pack and Christchurch. That is the first time that one of our stupid ideas has actually come to fruition.

I know, we literally had nothing to do with this. They just said, oh, by the way, here's a video. It's like, wow. We've made a cucumber jacket. Incredible effort. So check it out on our Facebook page, FVM ZM. Thanks to Mac Pack. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Mum has made news because she has a unique way of waking her daughter up every day. And I think this is also grossing everyone out because COVID. Oh, yeah. I didn't even think about that. Oh, immediately. It was just gross. So I was like, eh.

Yeah. Because you're right. That's how, how did you get woken up as a teenager? Just screaming down the hall? Duvet, well, that was stage one. Yeah. Stage two was just curtains open, window open. So the cold air came in and just like ripped the duvet off

Ruthless I never got woken up That's if you were really testing it That's Nothing's changed No I have to do that to myself every morning

I throw the duvet back, I'm like, get out of bed, Morn. Morning, morning. Get out of bed, you stupid bastard. My mum never said that to me. I don't want anyone thinking I grew up in a verbally abusive household. Verbally? Verbally. No, all of my mum's abuse was

all upstairs in the old brain. Psychological. Well, this is from a TV show called Smothered. Right. It's small-ass mothered. So it shows close relationships between mums and daughters. And this one is really something because every morning she licks her daughter awake like a puppy.

I'm Marisha. I'm 68 years young and I'm Elena's mom. My relationship with her is unique. Hey puppy. In the mornings I walk in her room and I just lick her all up. I'm Elena.

I'm 21 years old. My mom is definitely my best friend. I love it when my mom looks at me. It kind of makes me feel closer to her because we're doing something funny and out of the ordinary. Good morning. You know, she kept asking me for a puppy and I couldn't get a puppy. So I turned into the doggie. I want him to taste pretty good.

Wow. Okay, wow. Can't handle that. But they do it every morning and Elena's fine with it because she wanted a puppy. That would get me out of bed before she came in. That's gross. Yeah, if you

heard your mum Come down the hallway Then like You'd be like I'm out I'm up I'm ready I'm already in my uniform mum Somehow I'm already changed

I haven't left my room But I'm fed I'm ready to go But isn't that just like The next step up From kissing your parents On the lips No

Why are you looking At me like that No Don't you kiss your Is it your father-in-law on the lips? Everyone, both families A peck is a lot better than Licking each other awake on the face

Yeah but I'm saying it goes peck and then That's a big step up Gateway contact That's a big step up Just saying before you know it they could be licking you awake Okay Aren't your parents staying at the moment? Yeah.

I woke up by myself this morning. I was going to say, you wake up early. You wake up early, you should lick them awake. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. I don't have a problem with this, so you talk about it, because I'm fine. Is he fine, Megan? Is he?

He is stubborn, so yeah, he is fine. It's fine. It's not as great as it once was, but... Okay, well, let's set up the scene. A couple of weeks ago, you dropped your phone. Oh, God, yeah. How did you do this? I've dropped my phone so many times, and every time it drops, I'm like,

oh, God, and pick it up, I'm like, sweet. So I dropped it this time, and I'm just like, of course I'm going to be sweet. I'm Vaughn Smith. I've had two and a half years of this phone. By the way, this phone's last, it'll be three years at the end of this year. That's pretty bloody good for a phone. That's good for no screen crackage.

Oh, no, so the first week I got it, I scratched the screen, but I've been living with that for two and a half years. Oh, yeah. That's fine. Yeah. And then I've dropped it many times, and then, yeah, a couple of weeks ago, I had my hands full when I got home,

and I was walking from the garage to the house and it hit the cobbles. You didn't want to do two loads. You didn't want to. It's not a big distance between your car and the door. Megan, I'm not going back. Once I've taken my boots off and I'm inside, I'm not going back. Yeah. I'm not going back to the car.

You load yourself up. Yeah. Takes ages. And I think my phone was wedged between my ring finger And my middle finger And like I had a drink bottle Hooked over the little finger Like that And I had like

The keys and that one Oh no And I had my arms full And I was like Away we go And it slipped out And it smashed And I was like

Oh my god Yeah And it was that kind of smash That you can't It was cutting me every time Yeah It was like a little cheese grater Yeah Like a little cheese grater.

Like a little thin slither. Yeah. I tell you what, great for the exfoliation of the fingertips. But it wasn't working properly. And you also don't have any fingerprints now. So you could probably do robberies. Oh, I've already started. As long as you only use your thumb and your index finger for the robbery. I couldn't unlock my phone.

Yeah. Sure. They call him the pincher. There's only ever two blank fingerprints at the scene. So classic Vaughan Smith style, you go to fix your phone at the cheapest back alley place possible. I've used this guy before because literally in one weekend, Indy dropped an iPad on tiles and that smashed,

and then Sade's iPad, no dropped, no it was Sade's phone I think, they dropped that and that screen smashed as well in the same weekend. And you just went out and repaired them. I had to do a double repair so I had to find someone with a good reputation but it didn't cost the earth. And so I found this person

who literally works out of a cupboard on Queen Street in Auckland. It is a cupboard. It's tiny. I mean, is that not a good indication of like maybe... No, because he'd won a business award. Okay, great. He's got a sign saying he won a business award. But did he make that sign?

Maybe. But at the end, I like the entrepreneurialness of making your own sign to claim a business award. I would totally claim I won a business award. I'm not saying he has. Why more fish and chip shops aren't claiming a fish and chip shop award? No one's checking that. No, I'm not.

No one's ringing Metro magazine and being like, Hello, Metro. Are they still around? I don't know, actually, if Metro are still around. I don't want to rub it in their faces if they're not. Oh, no, but they're very famous. No, Metro's still around, right? Hello, Metro.

I'm just standing outside the Monganui fish and chip shop. Now, they're claiming they're your favourite. Lovely people. That's a great spot

and they've got the little cardboard cut out, the little thing outside. They do have great fish and chips. Famous fish and chips. I said that because that was the best fish and chips

that popped into my mind. Yeah. So, they should be claiming more. But this guy's claimed a business award and had great reviews online. Yeah.

Where people can be savage. Yeah. You know? And so I got it repaired. Those things repaired there. So then when this week, when my, well, the other week

when my phone broke, I'm like, I'm going to go back and see my mate. Yeah. And I went back and saw him and I noticed that my phone, the iPhone X.

Yeah. Because it has the screen prices outside because Shadows was a seven when I got it repaired. The prices are all like 99 bucks, like 85 bucks, and then it gets down

to the iPhone X is like $290. I'm like, what? Like this huge jump. Because I looked online, if you get it done properly, it's way more than that.

It's like twice. I don't know, what is it about these screens? What? Like how much for a proper? It was like 800 bucks, 700 bucks to get a screen repair. Like had a registered Apple repairer. Yeah.

It's like insurance claim territory. Oh, wow. Whereas I could get this fixed for. So it came to less than that. I don't know how. Maybe it updated his prices, but not changed his sign when he won the business award. So I got it fixed. Yeah.

Now there was an issue with the first screen. I took it back yesterday and got it fixed. And the second screen, so far so good. What was the first issue? The first issue was it seemed to have this weird patch at the bottom of the screen. So anytime I went to hit the space bar, it would just go crazy.

Okay. Or if I was typing fast. You go to a authorized. No, I went back and he fixed it. And the second screen seems to be doing the trick. But what just happened? You just had a... A music, you just had a song play

and you couldn't stop it. No, no, that was on my computer. This was happening at the same time so I got tech panicked because I had to be dealing with multiple things. And then I put my swipe card down on the bench and it did something to the screen and the screen was trying to swipe left constantly.

But I had it unlocked so it was just going into all these apps and swiping left. I'm like, no, no. And it's like deleting emails. I'm like, wait, wait, wait. But it stopped. I guess if you don't mind going back every two weeks, you'll be fine. I actually quite like the guy. And now I'm going to go back and investigate this business award. And every time

I get my phone fixed, he's like, come back in 45 minutes. There's an arcade across the road. I've played so much Spaces lately. It's just been a nice relaxing time. Because when just been a nice, relaxing time. Because when you take the kids, they're like, we want to do this game, we want to do this game. And sometimes they're not very good at the games.

No, man, I had five consecutive wins on Mario Kart at the arcade yesterday, and it felt pretty bloody good, to be honest. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan, the podcast. We, the other day, none of us can recall how we got onto talking about this. It's probably completely unrelated.

But if I'm being totally honest with you, it would not have been, the start of it wouldn't have been anything to do with this. No. It happened. It just somehow got brought up in conversation that if you've got a wobbly table at your cafe, it's bad for business.

Very bad for business. Oh, I know what it was. It was in the top six uses for the New Zealand passport when the New Zealand passport can't get you overseas because it was the best passport in the world. And I said to jack up the wobbly table at the cafe you go to. That's a good memory. And then I said, Megan, I've been at your cafe and there's been a wobbly table.

And you showed zero F's as to this wobbly table situation that we as the customer, and last time I checked, we were always right. We're telling you that this is a big deal. And we said to people that were going to both and co to review the tables.

To give the table a thorough wobbling. You said as soon as you left that day to go to the cafeteria that you would sort it out. Yeah. You'd check all tables. Yeah. How did that go? I got busy.

You forgot, didn't you? I had a lot of things to do. Now, you also said that those tables were an adjustable tourney thing. Easy solve. That's a dream situation. If I'm at a cafe and there's a wobbly table, at least if it's that, I can sort it out myself. But also, isn't that on Mr. Toyboy's checklist when he opens up in the morning to check all the wobbly tables?

No, it's not on the checklist. There's a lot to do. Like, bake all the food. You've got to check the service. You've got to make all the coffees. Yeah, but wobbly tables should be number one. Open the doors. First thing I'd check, wobbly tables.

Or the last thing you do before you go, unbolt, unbolt, click. Open for business because I can bet Jeff said that every day when you open the cafe. Open for business. Okay, nah. Another thing you're doing wrong.

How do the people in the village know that you're open for business? The lights are on, there's people in there, the doors are open. We're open for business. The sign that says cafe open.

If you run any kind of business, you must open the door and say, open for business! Here ye... Get the bell! Oh no. You're getting... Here ye, here ye! Open for business!

I've checked the wobbly tables. Tables aren't wobbly. Coffee's hot. Wow. Treats freshly baked. We're open for business. Megan received a Google review about her tables. Only because you two went on and on about it

that someone's been cheeky on Google, haven't they? Yeah. But, okay, I'll read you the review. This is from Marty. Absolutely fantastic food and lovely atmosphere and people. Thank you, Marty. That's lovely.

The only annoying thing was the wobbly tables. At least two were wobbly and it was very unpleasant. Apart from that, it was great. Five stars. Because that was my thing. I was like,

you're going to wreck my very good rating yes if people start giving me joke bad reviews don't give joke

bad reviews no you can give joke five star reviews don't be like haha one star wobbly tables because I can't

take those away she can respond but she can't average out your you should only get a four star if you've got wobbly tables wobbly tables.

Wobbly tables are such an issue. You fix your tables, I'm just saying. So thank you very much to Marty. Thank you, Marty. That was such a lovely review. And rest assured, any wobbly tables will be sorted out. Tomorrow you won't hear on Otea Valley Road, hear ye, hear ye, we're open for business,

until the wobbly tables have been unwobbly ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan the podcast if you enjoyed this podcast why not give ZM's free and clean to listen to subscribe on the iHeartRadio app

or wherever you get your podcasts hit music lives here ZM