ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 10th December 2021

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

Young Mice  Top 6: Moon  Grandparents  Smoking Law Change  Friday Face Yoga  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fletch Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. I am needing new jorts. Oh, okay. I actually went short shopping yesterday. Did you find any shorts? That's why I was on the train.

I think your shorts budget is going to be more than my shorts budget. I run a short shorts budget. Okay. It's a short budget. I'm probably just going to go jorts again. Jeans shorts? A denim short. I don't know.

I don't think I'm ready to move to any other sorts of shorts just yet. Okay, because you know the linen shorts or you can go cargo shorts. Linen shorts. Chinos, chino shorts. Chino shorts, yeah, absolutely. Cord shorts? Cord shorts? No. You fucking idiot. who's buying cord shorts?

I feel like they kind of tried to bring them in Cord shorts, but it hasn't taken off And so I'm looking for shorts Which I plan to purchase on this day Jorts Some cheap jorts You're going jort shopping today I would call it a jort shop

It's not going to be long enough to count as shopping. It's a one-stop jort emergency shop. But when I'm there, it's telling me I should also purchase some tie-dye t-shirts. Should I? Is that cool? I don't think you're a tie-dye person. I'm not a tie-dye guy. I can't see you doing that.

Right. It's got a dog on it that says, Wait, so you're going into a shop by yourself? Mm-hmm. To buy jorts. Interesting. To buy two. To buy jorts. Interesting. To buy two new pairs of jorts. My jorts are a couple of seasons old, and one's lost a button,

and the other's just ripped on the back pocket here. It got caught on something, and it ripped a little bit. Oh, I hate that. These have been relegated to farm jorts. Right. But yeah, I don't like shopping, so I just... Where did you get your jorts? I just got them all over.

I'm not telling you where I got my jorts. It's a secret. You're not going to give you get your jorts? I just got them all over. I'm not telling where I got my jorts. It's a secret. You're not going to give me my secret jorts? Good jorts?

Great jorts. Are they track pant jorts? No. You always wear track shorts. I love wearing track shorts.

You love wearing a grey track. I love any track I've got. Grey, black. Yeah but grey you seem to particularly pick

the grey. Especially when you're going to do any sort of physical activity. Is this the grey track pant you're going To do any sort of Physical activity Is this the grey Track pant challenge I'm hearing so much about

No it's not that at all No definitely not Trying to show off The old penis No absolutely not No Right No track shorts

Are so comfortable But they're not good In a formal Or semi-formal occasion No Like a par-tay The pockets have never The pockets have let me down

Every time I love these ones Because they have a zip pocket Okay, that's good, you can zip it up Yeah, so there is a zip option Whereas the jort pocket is just like a jeans pocket Yeah, because that's how I lost my keys in an Uber In my sweatpant pockets

That's can't be trusted Loose, they're very loose Absolutely can't be trusted Thanks Rachel, good morning Welcome to the show, Fetspawn and Megan. Hi. Friday. Yes.

Hi. Let me put my headphones on. We've got a work Christmas party this weekend. I think I'm going to not do headphones today. I won't be able to hear callers. No. I'm just old school. You were even talking too quiet.

Then you need to put them on. Now I can hear myself, but I'm broadcasting my voice. Yeah, there you go. I'm projecting. You're still a bit sleepy. I'm just tired. With life. I'm life tired.

Life tired. Okay. No amount of sleep is going to make this guy not life tired. That's probably just 2021 as a whole, right? Just tired. Correct. Ten points. Coming up on the show, the top six.

There's a square on the moon. And the Chinese lunar rover is like, what's that? It's going to take them a while to get close to it, though, eh? But to me, in the distance, it looks like some kind of like trellis. You know the thing people get married under? Yeah, it's a trellis. One of those things. Spoiler alert.

They're going to drive the Lunar Rover over there and it's going to be, someone's left a Mitre 10 garden pergola. Yes. That'll happen. It'll have some roses growing up the side too. There's something there, right? Like you can see this image. I don't know.

I feel like we're going to drive all the way, or we, I say that like I'm part of the Chinese space team. They're going to drive all the way over and, we. I say that like I'm part of the Chinese space team. We're going to drive all the way over, and it will have been some weird reflection or something. It looks like. I mean, it's not like one of those, you know, when they're like, it's the Loch Ness Monster. And you look at it, and it's like, that's obviously a branch.

Well, that's just a ripple in the water. Imagine if it is the Loch Ness Monster. Great. I'm here for it. It's a sort of large, boxy skeleton Of a prehistoric creature Well anyway The top six dealing with this Yeah the top six

Structure on the moon The top six answers to What's that over there on the moon? ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan Well great news For those that look in the mirror And think oh god Look at their wrinkles there

A bit puffy Uh huh Scientists in China Researchers Have been working on a pill, basically a fountain of youth pill, and they've been feeding this to mice. Okay.

And they say it's working. Sexy mice. It's made the mice very sexy. That's all I've ever wanted to hear. Chinese scientists are making sexy mice. And it's making them live longer. It's giving them, the way they put it here, it's increased their remaining time by more than 60%.

Increased their remaining time. I'd be down for something that makes you less puffy and less wrinkly. Not just living longer. I don't know if I want to live 60% longer. How long is your KiwiSaver going to last? Oh, it's going to run right out. It's going to run right out. It's going to run right out. Yeah.

And then what are you going to do? You're going to look great, though. Look fantastic. So there's that. Yeah. So, I don't know. Is this something you want? Nah.

I'm measuring it's going to be quite expensive. Yeah. There's got to be some side effects. What if it was like, you'll be young looking, but you'll have one thick black hair in each ear that's growing continuously at a noticeable speed. Yes, that's how you'll actually be able to tell the people that are not young. Every two hours it will become noticeable, so you've got to yank it out.

So you wake up in the morning and it's like a foot long. Yep. Out of the nose. And through the day. And the ears. Okay, one out of each nostril and one out of each ear. And you've got to pull it out. But you'll look remarkable.

Yeah, right. People will always say, oh, my God, you look so young, but what's that growing out of your nose? And then they'll be like, oh, you're a hundred-year-old. With the nose hair thing. Yeah, yeah. have you'll be like yes point and pull it out and it will immediately start regrowing well not the only um would you call it wellness news um i definitely could wellness uh in saudi arabia botox uh camels have been banned from the annual beauty contest we've talked about this beautiful beautiful. The beautiful camel contest. Yeah, the beautiful camel contest.

Now, $66 million in prize money is what these people are playing for. Sexy mice, sexy camels. Entering these sexy camels. It's Saudi Arabia's biggest crackdown on camel beauty contests. They've disqualified 40 enhanced camels with the big lips. I've just googled sexy camels. There are a couple of photos of people who

photoshopped photos of camels in sexy clothes. But then there's a couple of sexy ladies leading camels. Right. COVID free. 2018, 12 sexy camels kicked out of beauty contests for using Botox.

So it's not the first time. Well, you imagine if there's a $66 million prize pool. 100%. You're going to be cheating, right? You're going to be sexying up your camel. What makes a sexy camel? What are the criteria here? Well, so it says here, authorities discovered dozens of breeders had stretched out the lips and noses of camels,

used hormones to boost the muscles to make them bigger. They injected the heads and lips to make them bigger and inflated body parts with rubber bands and used fillers to relax their faces. This is quite horrible, isn't it? So a muscly... Probably took them to Thailand and got a hump implant. Yep. Got some lip work. Yeah.

Apparently it's a multi-million dollar industry. I'm looking at the breakdown of a camel, the body parts of the camel. The forehead is behind the skull. It's a back head then, isn't it? Yeah, it's kind of like more at the back. And it's got a thing on its leg called a stiffle. Right, what does that do?

A stiffle, it's like the knee reversed. It's like an extra knee. Right. So they've got the ankle, the backward-facing knee. It's the forward-facing knee. So would it be like the equivalent of the human? No, because their hip's up higher. It's got an extra joint.

It's got an extra joint back there. Well, either way, don't inject your camel with Botox. I imagine that'd be quite an expensive thing to do too because isn't it quite expensive? To get Botox? Yeah. Each squirt. And it's a big beast.

Have you seen the lips on those things? Huge. Huge amount of filler required. From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Hi there. If you haven't seen, there's a cube on the moon. They're calling it the moon cube.

The Chinese rover has spotted this. Now, the Chinese rover is called U-2-2. Yes. Not named after the band. No. The horrible band. No. U-2.

Yeah, Y-U-T-U. And then two. Yeah. So it's the No. Y-U-T-U. Yeah, Y-U-T-U. And then two. So it's the second of the U-2s. So it's up there, hooning around, dark side of the moon. A little bit of a mystery, the old dark side of the moon. So it's cube looking. Yeah. To me, like we said before, maybe a trellis, like a

pergola. Space trellis. Space trellis. Always wanted you to go into space Trellis Space Trellis Always wanted you to go Into Space Trellis So apparently the rover Is making its way to the mystery object But this could take some time

Yeah it's slow I would have thought we can get a Mars rover up Moon's way closer I would have thought they would have put a speedy rover up Do you want to hear what Paul Byrne has to say? He's a professor in Earth and Planetary Sciences at Washington Uni. I do want to hear what an

expert has to say on a matter of their specific area of expertise. You don't want to do your own research though? I've done my own research so I'm about to do that. But let's hear what the professional says first. He says he knows exactly what it is. The more mundane confluence of rocks, lights, and shadow. A boo.

My man. Paul Boo. My man. So I've got the top six answers to the question, what's that cube on the moon? Okay. Number six, an at-at. You know those big walkie things from Star Wars?

Vroom. Oh, yeah, those are cool. Vroom. Vroom. Except its head's fallen off, and that's where the pilots sit. So. And when the rover gets over, it's going to be shot with lasers, right? Or the rover's going to deploy a cable from behind like Luke Skywalker in the Battle of

Hoth and go around its legs a few times. Oh, yeah. Great move. Use the force, Luke. Number five on the list of the top six answers to the question, what's that cube on the moon? It's just a distraction for conspiracy theory nutbags to give them a break from thinking the government's injecting us

with a Bill Gates microchip. Something else for them to, you know, sink their teeth into. But don't they believe the moon's, like, painted on the ceiling of the stage we're on? Some do, yes. Yeah, right. Yes. The old flat earthers.

Yeah. They'll think all of this is just a bunch of huipalui. Number four on the list of the top six answers to the question, what's that cube on the moon? It's a bunch of rubbish the Americans left up there when they landed on the moon. They told everyone they'd taken all their rubbish with them, but they hadn't,

and they're about to get busted for littering interplanetarily. Is that like aarily. Is that like a fine? Is that like a $150 council fine? Massive fine, yeah. There's a sign up there that says no fly tipping. Okay. They get in big trouble. They find your rubbish. No, the Nelson council was hiding the cameras to catch

the rubbish tippers. Yeah, and they researched the people that they busted doing it and over half of them couldn't use the excuse, oh, I couldn't afford a trip to the tip, because they were really well off. Ruthless. Yeah.

They were just doing it because it was easy, and they didn't have to go to the tip. I actually quite love it. Me too. It's fun. The shop. The one on West Auckland's got a shop. The concourse.

I might actually just know that I've reminded myself, stop in on the way home from work today for a look at the dump. Didn't you get a barbecue from there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's upcycling. It's what we need.

It's really good. Number three on the list of the top six answers to the question, what's that cube on the moon? It's an alien base. The same aliens that made the pyramids on Earth. Oh, I hope it is. Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be good to imagine opening that up and there's an alien sitting there and he's just been like, thank goodness my shift's over. It's not its ass, it's humans who snuck up on you. Number two on the list of the top six answers to what's that cube on the moon. It's a pile of circulars that a moon-based

delivery kid promised they'd delivered but they just dumped around the corner from home. It's a pretty massive pile of circulars. Feels very pointed at me because that's what I used to do. Yeah. And every kid that just dumps all the circulars they deliver because they can't be bothered because the weather's not very nice. No one's missing that junk mail.

No one. And the top six answers to the question, what's that cube on the moon? Number one, nothing. It's that thing like when you're driving and the road's hot and it looks like there's something on the road, but it's not. It's that weird surface reflection thing. Yeah. I always liked that about summer. Yeah. You're like,'s something on the road, but it's not. It's that weird surface reflection thing. Yeah. I always liked that about summer.

Yeah. You're like, oh, car coming. No, it's not. It's just a reflection. Should you be driving if you're that tired? No, you certainly shouldn't be. That is today's top six. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan.

A study's been done at a university in Atlanta, Georgia, and it is looking at how grandmothers relate to their grandchildren differently than they do their own kids. Right. How do you find your mum? Well, my kids get, like, pudding every night when they're there. And you never got pudding. And we never got pudding every night. We got pudding some nights, maybe, like, once a week.

You were shithead kids, though. We were their children. Like, we pushed the limits. Yeah. But, like, their grandchildren don't speak to them in the manner that we did. So I think it's a two-way street of a different relationship intergenerationally. It's the same with my grandparents. My grandparents were awesome.

Yeah. But my parents will tell us stories that weren't as awesome to them. You just didn't wear them down as much as you wore down your parents. Yeah, exactly. They were just emotionally traumatised. When we used to go and stay with our grandparents for like 10 days at a time, by the end of it, they were ready for you to go home. Right.

That's fair enough. They were like in their 60s. They wanted to be dealing with that shit. So they looked at brain function in women with at least one biological grandchild who was aged between three and twelve. Okay. And what they did is they used magnetic resonance. So is that MRI?

They scanned their brains. So what they did is they made them stare at photos of a grandchild, of their grandchild, the child's parents and also images of an unrelated child and adult. An unrelated child. I guess they need to have a difference, right?

They need to see that there's change. They need to see the control, right? The standard. No emotional connection to the strangers. That was the word I was looking for, control. So when grandmothers viewed pictures of their grandchildren, they particularly activated brain regions that have been implicated in emotional empathy. And basically,

the study goes on, when viewing pictures of their grandkids over their own kids, they had more of a response. They had more of a... I can understand that. I remember My parents saying Your grandchildren Are the rewards For all your hard times Parenting

Yeah Right Yeah But I know not everybody Gets on with their grandparents Well there was What that grandmother The other day

That wanted to charge For babysitting Yeah She said I shouldn't be doing this For free I'm an empowered woman And I kind of

Like I'm kind of like Oh fine Yeah That's what they're there for The free babysitting Yeah but maybe doing this for free. I'm an empowered woman. And I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like, oh, fine, yeah. No, that's what they're there for, the free babysitting. Yeah, but maybe they will use too much

as a babysitter. Yeah, maybe. Because, you know, some people might take the piss. Some people do take the piss. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. This is making international headlines

because we're the first country in the world to make smoking cigarettes illegal. Cigarettes as they exist now. But it's quite genius, right? Because you can't tell someone who's smoking now. I mean, you could try, but they're not voting for you next election. You can't tell someone smoking now, don't smoke.

Yes. It's illegal. But they're saying that if you're born after 2008, you will never be illegally allowed to buy cigarettes. Yeah. But that's quite amazing. What if the young people start bombing the ciggies of Uncle and then they get into the smokes?

Well, okay, so I... There'll always be somebody smoking, right? This is... We mentioned vaping. I just went to Smoke Free. You'll remember Smoke Free from your time trying to... It's like waving a gun in my face. You were trying to...

That's what I said. Yeah, you were doing the... You were on billboards. You were on advertising. Yeah, I had my hat a little bit sideways. You wore a backpack. Well, I got there. I was going to take the backpack off.

And they're like, leave the backpack on. Because I think Shea Fu fell through. And he was the guy that always wore the backpack. So I became, you know, the backpack representative in the Smokefree campaign. And fair to say that your advertising campaign didn't stop any kind of smoking, did it? It did. It did. It did it? It absolutely put the handbrake on youth smoking rates. Well, I don't think it did because the only thing

that has, by the looks of it, is vaping. Check this out. For daily smoking rates in New Zealand, adult smokers 15% is 11, sorry, adult smokers aged 15 plus, 11.6%, which is down from 18%, like 10 years ago.

Youth, 15 to 17, 3%, down 14%. Wow. So probably vaping. And young adults, 18 to 24, is 12.9%, down from 25%, like 10 years ago. Crazy. So, yeah, we're one of 17 countries where plain cigarette packaging's compulsory.

Yep. I haven't seen a pack of ciggies for years. Well, because they hide them now in the dairies, don't they? No, but I haven't even seen someone with one. Yeah, I'm like you. Whenever I smell someone smoking, I don't have a lot of friends that smoke, but it's weird. It kind of

is. I'm like, oh, that's right. Because I'll smell apple clouds all the time and boysenberry vanilla, whatever flavours are. I kind of like that. I kind of like you walk through it. It's almost like a guessing game of what it's going to smell like. But again, in saying that, I haven't smelt anything

lately because of COVID. Because you lost your smell. Because I would actively avoid. Oh, yeah. It's kind of good to see someone vaping. You're like, well, I've got to avoid that much air around them. Because if they've got COVID, they're breathing out virus particles. It could be riding that sweet cinnamon-scented vapor right into my good spot.

Yeah. Yeah. So how it continues on is if you, like you said, under 14s, people aged 14 and under from a certain date will never be able to buy cigarettes. And it will progressively age. So that means in 2073, I will be 91 years old. I'll be dead by then. I'll probably be on the durries, to be honest with you.

I'll start smoking durries. That means that if you're 60 in 2073, you won't be able to buy cigarettes, but someone who's 61 will be able to buy cigarettes. Imagine all the IDing that's going to go on in future decades. That's going to be quite wild. And I can imagine some old mate getting real upset at the checkout at Countdown. Or the dairy, yeah. Well, because he's a year too young to buy ciggies, but he's in his late 50s.

Because he's being asked for his ID. Yeah, that's good stuff. ZM's Fleshborn and Megan. Play ZM's Flashborn and Megan. Play ZM. Last night, when I was trying to shut the utensil drawer and the soup ladle and potato masher were like,

not today. You're not shutting this drawer today. Not today. We're going to work together to, well, I'm the potato masher, so I'm going to go on top of the ladle's handle, and the ladle part of the ladle, the spoon part, is going to be up under the other drawer,

and when you go to slam it, I'm going to wedge myself down, meaning that I've not only stuck myself under it, the ladle's on the other side. Good luck, is what those two said to me when they teamed up and there's one in a million chance. I was actually, yeah, the other day trying to shut my utensil drawer. I was like, it's too small. I've got a very small utensil drawer.

Shallow? Yeah, shallow. Shallow utensil drawer. Shallow and most of the stuff in there I don't use. But then it's the kind of stuff you need once in a blue moon and if it's not there, it's annoying. Uh-huh. So I said to Sade, surely we can put these on the bench in some sort of vase type situation.

And she said, absolutely not. That would look disgusting. Aesthetically. Aesthetically. It's not pleasing. And I said, what if we bought like a new masher? I also said, can we just get rid of the masher? Why don't you have a potato masher?

Oh, you've got kids. Yeah. I was going to say like, I can't remember the last time I mashed anything. But we don't use it that often. And mostly just for smashed potatoes, not mashing them full. You know, where you like parboil them

and then put them on the roasting dish and then just like smash them down a little bit. And then a bit of butter? Duck fat. Oh, duck. Oh, okay. Yeah, hello. As long as it's frying

them bad for you, we'll put it on the potatoes. So it's not like a primary utensil. Yeah. It's not like a sharp knife. They get used all the time. Every time. See, I'm always like I'm the same as Sade. I like the idea of things not being on the bench, being hidden. Yeah.

But I also at times have thought everything in a little jar, all the, you know, like your fish slice. Your whisk. Yep. Yeah, your whisk. All the main things would be perfect there. But then I don't like seeing it. So then I propose that we should sacrifice some pot drawer

for the girthier utensils. And just get them when you need them. I was told that then I would need a sacrifice room in my barbecue cupboard for some of the pots. Do you have a barbecue cupboard? Yeah. This kind of kitchen space to someone that lives in an apartment is unheard of.

I know, I know. It's spoiled for space. But then I said, well, then where will I put this? And she said, well, you could sort out the plastics drawer with all its higgledy-piggledy. What's in the plastic bags? No, no, no. The, like, the steamers and the click-clacks

and the things with the lids. Oh, yeah, right. And sometimes the lids disappear. Yeah, right, yeah. And I said, that sounds horrible. So it's a big, there's a big shuffle up coming. I can feel it. Yeah, right.

I can absolutely feel it. This is a big important issue New Zealand cares about, utensil drawers. This was how I solved the utensil problem last night. I got a finger up under and knocked the ladle out. And then I just shook the drawer. And there was some sort of natural settling situation. Oh, okay. Where everything kind of worked itself into a gap. Like nature's now

healing. Yeah, and then I was like, I tested it and the drawer shut again so that's my solution to the, temporary solution to the problem. Wow, okay. But I was wondering this morning, who is the biggest bastard in the utensil drawer? Who's the worst player?

I don't know if this is the kind of call in topic that's going to work or people care about. Well, I think a lot of people have utensils. They've got to go somewhere. This could be also utensils in a dishwasher. Who doesn't get clean? Oh, yeah, but you've got to put your big utensils,

you put them in the top tray. You put those, you lay them sideways. You put them with the cups. Yeah, you don't pop them in the top tray. You put those, you lay them sideways. You put them with the cups. Yeah, you don't pop them in the... In the specific... In the tray. In the, like, knife and fork thing. Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't do that. You lay them down. But, like, some of them, sometimes they just don't get clean. Again, ladle. Or wash, pre-wash. I always pre-wash. Monster.

But I live with someone who doesn't pre-wash. Oh, yeah, well, that's your problem. Yeah. So I want to know, who's the worst utensil? Who's required but your least favourite utensil? Right, Executive Intern Anya, are you on board with this phone-in topic? Frankly, no, but look, there's five days left, so go for it. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Yeah. I can't wait. God, the phone lines are overloaded. You want people to call in now. No, we're already getting texts. The text machine's lighting up. Well, I may have to apologise then, because I didn't think anyone would care about utensils.

Everybody uses utensils. Everybody's been stuck at home. Everybody's been cooking for themselves a little bit more than usual this year. So everybody's probably been rightly racked up at a utensil at one stage or another. Okay. And tomorrow we could do appliances. No, I know. Tomorrow's Saturday, Han.

We're not working. Monday, we can do appliances. No, I don't know about that. I reckon. Because you know who I've had a guts all of? The egg beater. Have you? He's a little shitbag.

Even while I never should have doubted a broadcasting professional, such as Morgan Smith. I can't believe it. It still amazes me that people aren't just on board with every single suggestion I have. Well, I never should have doubted a broadcasting professional such as Vaughan Smith. I can't believe it. It still amazes me that people aren't just on board with every single suggestion I have. Six days of the show left for 2021. You'd say that the well of content is dry? Is it?

Or has Vaughan Smith just dropped another five metres down and found a fresh source? Because Vaughan has brought a phoning topic to the show this morning. What is the worst utensil in the utensil drawer in the kitchen? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had a real run in with a masher and a ladle last night. But man, there are some absolutely on point texts and calls coming in. Oh, you're not wrong.

We're just speaking off air because it's the utensils that you hardly use that are the annoying things in the drawer, right? You might need this thing once every three months. Yeah. What I'm thinking of is getting a large container, like an old sustainer or something, and putting the stuff that I don't use all the time into that and hiding that away so that my drawer's big and open. And it's all rattling around in there. That's getting you excited, isn't it? Don't do that noise.

Hayley. How excited I am. Oh, don't. Why do you have to nerd it? That's what happens when I get turned on. I start talking like Yoda. Don't be a nerd. Hayley, good morning.

Good morning. You should see it in the bedroom. Oh, don't. No. I'm getting excited. Hayley, what's the kitchen utensil draw nightmare for you? I'm not a fan of a can opener. Yes.

Oh, that bastard. The old school can opener with the wing nut thing on top. Yeah, massive. They're very bulbous. Yeah. They're very wide. Yeah. And they just don't fit in with all the long, slender utensils.

Yes. And if it gets on top of another utensil and the wings on top of it... Oh, you're done for. Oh, absolutely. You're done for. You're never shutting that drawer. You're never shutting it. Never.

Or opening it. Also, I feel like nowadays most things have an easy rip-off, right? Yes. You need to keep a can opener around because you're never going to know when you need it, but it's not a primary function. I want to get one of those old people ones that you just click up underneath. We used to have one of those. And it goes, giggity, giggity, giggity.

But they take up room as well. Yeah, and that's another thing. Valuable shelf space. Yeah, exactly. Hayley, thank you for that. She was wise. She was very wise. Very wise.

Maddie, good morning Hey What's the utensil drawer nightmare for you? The worst thing in the utensil drawer The garlic crusher Yeah There's someone that doesn't want to be clean Yeah

And also I feel like Because I've got a garlic crusher, but it never ever gets used because I buy those little pottles of crushed garlic. Yeah. I like garlic. I'm a chunky garlic guy. I cut garlic into like chunks or leave it whole. Yum. And then you get to eat the garlic.

I could actually pretty throw away my garlic crusher. That's how outrageous. I want everyone to go home today and I want them to throw away their garlic crusher because we don't need it. Either we can have chunky garlic or you buy your pre-mixed garlic. See, I like whole, yeah, or the pre-mixed. Wait, but does yours have a removable basket, Maddie?

Our garlic crusher's got a removable basket. No, it's like a claw in your ass. Yeah, not everybody's a 1% of Vaughn. I don't want to rub my wealth in everybody's a 1% of Vaughan. I don't want to rub my wealth in everybody's face. You've got a removable garlic basket. But I went to Briscoe's once. Were they having a sale? They were very much on sale.

And they had a removable garlic basket. And it was touted as the next best thing in garlic crushers. And it's not. It's not. It's not. Jay, the worst thing in the utensil drawer? One of those old school whisks with the crank. My mum still has it.

Oh, the egg beater with the thing on the top. Because, you know, those have been replaced by like magic, like stick wands, right? Yeah. Or whisks. Yeah. And she tried replacing it with one of those stand stick wands, putting it in the same drawer,

still leaving the egg beater in the drawer. Oh, no. And to this day, she still uses it. I honestly think my utility drawer wouldn't have the depth for an egg beater because there's no flat angle to an egg beater. Yeah, yeah. It's a horrible thing to put in a drawer. Horrible, horrible.

And it jams up with everything. Yeah. And if forks get through the bit, sometimes a knife will go sideways and it's like, I'm going to go through the egg beater, impossibly like an M.C. Escher sketch. How have I worked my way through these blades? Yeah.

I'd probably throw that out, Jay, if you've got the stick. I'm going to. Let's make this weekend the weekend of reorganising the utensils drawer. I do have a fond memory of licking that, though, at Nana's house. Yeah. With a chalk. She'd made a chalk cake. She didn't trust an electric beater.

Yeah. Pretty witchcraft. You just wouldn't want to crank it at the same time. You'd have to come back and suck. Yeah. Question. Can you do cream? Because I've got to put cream on a pavlova today for a potluck.

Can you do cream with one of those stick wand things? Or is that uncouth? I can't see why not. It's whipping it, right? You're whipping it, you're whipping it. I don't have an egg beater. Do you not have a hand? You've got the KitchenAid mixer, right?

I'm not cleaning that for cream. Okay, wait. I'll get it in a can. Sorry about that, Jay. Yeah, get the Tantra stuff. Can Okay, wait. I'll get it in a can. Sorry about that, Jay. Yeah, get the casual stuff. Can cream. Yeah. Done.

God, why are we even wasting our time thinking of doing it manually? Like, what is it? The 1940s? Yeah. Some other text messages in and I couldn't agree

with this more. What about when tongs lose the little clip that keeps them together? And they're like, they're like, big open leg utility drawer whores. Wow.

Your legs are open. Their legs are open and causing nothing but trouble. Yes. Wow. You want to open this drawer, get fucked. They're also horrible in a dishwasher too. They're always like, I'm opening. I'm going to take

up way more space than you need. And if you do give them a rinse and put them in like if you've got a basket to put your utilities in. And then they go, swing! Halfway through and they like bungee themselves out. Someone said I would like to nominate the four-sided cheese grater.

Oh, that's a cupboard thing. That doesn't go in a drawer. I'm sorry. Mine's in the cupboard. There's Liz with the glasses. Oh, no, no. That's like a, it's a pot. Yeah, that's. Put it with the pot. Yeah. Put that with the pots. Yeah, that's horrible. I'd like to just go around to kitchens.

I don't want to have to do it, but I'd open the drawer and I'd be like, this is what's wrong with this drawer. That shouldn't be in there. New service Vaughan runs. What's wrong with your kitchen? Yeah. Send me your photos of your kitchen and I'll tell you what you've done wrong. Okay, right.

Yeah, like what I'd change about the drawer. Yeah, right. Some soup ladles. Yeah, horrible. Lots of people saying potato masher. Lots of people saying it. So what's a strainer spoon? Is that the clawed thing for pasta?

Yeah, I think so. That's a prick. That's a real prick because there's an angle on the handle as well as the claw at the end. It looks flat. It certainly isn't. No. What about reusable kebab skewers? They're flat.

They're flat. That's really not offensive. I'd like to know what your problem is. You can tuck those up to the side or at the back, easy. Someone said they always want to start a fight every time they open the utility utensils drawer. Okay. Well, they just feel like it's all the weaponry.

It just kind of gets them going. Like a hitman when he opens his drawer of guns. Perhaps. Perhaps. Someone said, unrelated, but I thought you might want to know that my brother got his penis stuck in a handheld egg beater as a kid. So he doesn't have one of those in his house. How did that happen?

If you're going to send that in. You need to follow that up. We need to know. You need to follow. Can we get that person on the phone? Yeah, let's do a follow up next. And if they don't want to talk, that's absolutely fine. Well, we were going to do

Friday Face Yoga now, but we are going to just postpone Friday Face Yoga for about 10 minutes. Yeah, we've just been talking about the most problematic utensil in the kitchen. And wasn't there a huge response?

I knew that would work. Massive response. I knew that the people would respond to that phone-in topic. Yeah, Erica's just sent me a video of her utensil drawer asking me where I'd start. I just threw the whole thing out. Start again. You've got absolute

shambles on your hand there. Jasmine joins us. Good morning, Jasmine. Good morning. Now, this is why we have postponed Friday Face Yoga because of the message that you sent us moments ago. Unrelated, but my brother got his penis stuck in a handheld beater as a kid, so there's none of those in the house.

Now, we're talking about, for people who don't know, you hold it on the top and you crank the side, and a set of gears turns the two beater things at the bottom. It's an old school egg beater. That's how mum would always do the whipped cream. Yeah, she'd really get it humming too. That's why your mum's got such killer biceps. Exactly.

And a strong forearm. So how did this happen? How did your brother get his penis stuck in that? So I think mum just likes a bit of alone time. So she used to chuck us in the bathtub with a lot of dishwashing liquid and the egg beater. We used to have bubble baths that way. That is amazing.

So he obviously got his bits a bit close and that's how he got them jammed. So he's just went flying along. I'm imagining fun times. The bubbles are really starting to flow. Visibility is dropping though. Visibility is low at that point. You bubbles are really starting to flow. Visibility is dropping, though. Oh, visibility is low at that point.

You can't see through the bubbles, especially as you said, your mum's not using bubble baths. She just poured in dishwashing liquid. Yeah. That's rough. You kids must have squeaked when you got out of that bath. Yeah, you were squeaky clean. Yeah, rubbing with the towel and just being like, squeak, squeak. So he's furiously beating.

And bubbles are frothing everywhere. And there's the intake, of course, if you're familiar with how, you know, any sort of engine works, it's got to be the intake of air or water in this case. And the water and the current forms and his penis is in. How stuck was it? It went all the way through. How old was it? It went all the way through. How old was he? Oh, young, young.

Like maybe seven, eight-ish. Because my penis wouldn't even go all the way through now. It's just not the length. Get tangled in the pubes before I got all the way through. Oh, yeah. Oh, he can laugh at his own small penis, can't he? Did he do some permanent damage or was he fine? Did you have to go to A&E? Well, mum just gassed it in more dishwashing liquid

and it just kind of slipped out. And reversed it back through. Ruthless. and i haven't asked him recently what it's like so i hope let's get him on the phone let's get him on the phone next let's get him on the phone next this is this could be is he in new zealand is he in new zealand no oh where is? Where does he live? In Oz. Oh, it's quite early. We can wake him up, though.

This is the greatest miniseries in the history of radio. People need to know what happened to his penis. We need to know what happened. Yeah. Did he get a nickname from it? No. I mean, he did a lot of damage to his downstairs region. What, in other incidents?

Yeah. What else has happened? What else happened? Go on. It was more for the sex that was the issue. Just screw them. What did he do to the hat? One example.

You said he did a lot of damage, so I'm wondering what else has happened. There was like a football incident when he was younger. Okay. One of them popped right back inside of him. Oh! Yeah. This is the greatest story. This guy's hammering.

Wow. This guy's at a hammering. Jasmine, thank you for sharing this morning. It's all right. I feel like you interrupted her list. She just goes like, there was this one time, and then that. You always start a long list that way. I feel like a lot of people are eating right now.

I feel like that might be enough for now. Jasmine, thank you. Welcome, everybody, to Friday Face Yoga. Namaste to you all. Yes, namaste to you all. Namaste. Namaste. It's the yoga that relaxes you without having to move the body.

I've got, I feel like I just need to clear my throat, but I'll lose this velvety bit. It does sound very shaman-like. I want to stay on it. First of all, I want you to tilt your head back a little bit. Okay. Tilt your head back a little bit. Open your mouth slightly.

Are we swallowing? You're quenching the thirst. Oh, okay. Quenching the thirst. That's for Aucklanders who are able to go out drinking again, basically. Yeah. Tilt the head back. It's warm.

It's been humid. You've been working hard. Tilt the head back. It's warm. It's been humid. You've been working hard. Tilt your head back and enjoy that sweet liquid of your choice, whatever you want. Next, you look around and you see a 14-year-old smoking. Okay. Just look from side to side. Move the head.

Where are the parents? Give yourself a little quick, where are the parents? And then be like, well, they won't be able to do that for long, will they? Not that they should be doing it now, but smoking laws within this lovely country of ours are changing. And that means they won't be, or will they? They probably still will be a little bit. And now I want you to go, hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. No, you've done the wrong. Well, that stretches the neck, doesn't it? You've done a, yeah, more of, oh, what's happened here? It feels like I'm buffering. I'm back. I want you to be like, hmm. Hmm.

Yes, a judgmental hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Because there's rumours going around that Kanye West will be the next Louis Vuitton creative director. So if you thought Louis Vuitton designs were weird now, you ain't seen nothing yet. Baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet. And finally, I want you to lose all emotion in your face. We talked about this earlier on the show.

No emotion. You're incapable of it because you're a heavily Botoxed camel. You can't even do that, really, because your lips are full of filler in your Botox, so you've lost all facial expression. This is very confusing for you because you're a camel. You're just a hoofed creature who lives in dry conditions. Why have they given you Botox?

Saudi Arabia's had a camel beauty contest and had to disqualify camels. Because of them being too heavily Botoxed. Now, blah, blah, blow out the Botox. Free up the face. And we'll see you next week. Namaste. Friday Flashback and with Megan away, we have decided, and this is an absolute honour. I don't know if she knows how much of an honour this is.

Carl Wayne at the social media desk. We're going to let you pick a song for Flashback Friday today. This is the best day of my life. Wow. Low bar. I'm sorry that you had to live this way. Okay, because you know that if you pick a dud... It's not my fault that other people don't have a good music taste.

Also, what are your children and husband going to think about this? The fact that this is your best day ever. My children and husband? Yeah. They're non-existent. You killed them? Shh. Run in, run in. Don't get flesh started in here. Don't get flesh started. Don't get flesh started in here. Run in, run in.

Well, you know, you send a photo of yourself on a train. Everybody wants to know why you're on a train. Why was I on a train? Why were you on a train? Where were you going? This wasn't what got me started when I was on the train, but I was just doing a spot of shopping. Where'd you go?

Sylvie Park? No, I went to Newmarket. You got the train, I was just doing a spot of shopping. Where'd you go? Sylvie Park? No, I went to Newmarket. You got the train to Newmarket? Yeah, it's easy. You just get it. It's like one, two stops, and you're there in like five minutes. Why don't you catch the bus? Because it takes longer.

Does it? The train just goes there. Why don't you take your bike? Ah, it's uphill. Right. Okay. I don't want to go uphill. You took a train that's shorter distance.

That's very... It's like two stops. It's great. That's very American of you. It is very. It's a bit like's like two stops. It's great. It's very American of you. It is very. It's a bit like I live in New York and I'm just going a couple of blocks. I'm basically sex and the city

or in the city. And. And the city. Sex and the city. But no, and that was it. People are like, why are you on public transport?

It's like, I'm not a public transport. I use public transport all the time. I don't have a car. Yeah. Because I live in a city. But it was something that you noticed on this public transport. Oh, this was what got me started. Now. I don't have a car. Yeah. Because I live in a city. But it was something that you noticed on this

public transport. Oh, this was what got me started. Now, I don't know if people in cities without trains will be able to relate to this. No, but buses have the same thing. Buses do, and when you've travelled overseas, this is a thing as well. In Sydney, it's a thing.

I've noticed. It's when people are on the train, this is what gets me going, and they're like, the train's going like, in one direction, right? It's going... That's famously what trains do. They go one rail, they get on the rails. I was

leaving Britomart going to Newmarket, it goes that way. But people sit with their backs towards the destination. They, I sit. So they're travelling backwards? They're travelling backwards because, you know, half the seats in the caboose are one way, half the seats are the other way. I think it's called a carriage and this is on the end.

No, it's called the big red caboose. Okay. Half the seats face one way, half the other. And on a packed train, I know that sometimes they will be the only seats left and you might have to suck it up. But as soon as someone leaves, you swap seats. Yeah, so you're traveling forward.

So you're traveling forwards. But when the train was empty and these people were going out of their way to sit in a backwards facing seat. Right. That's weird. Am I the only one that thinks that's... I'm on board 100%. I can't travel backwards. It makes me feel sick.

But if there was a train crash, you wouldn't fly forward. You'd just be already in the seat, right? It would cushion you. If the train hadn't something, right? Like, that's not going to happen. But if there was a crash, you'd go into the seat rather than fly forwards. Is that why people do it? Perhaps.

Or do they get train sick, like seasick, and they don't want to? That's the reason I can't go backwards. Because you get sick. I want to show you a photo I've got here. It's a 1997 Mitsubishi L300 Sport Pack van. Why are you showing me that? I know those vans.

Now, these in the 1990s, the minute you had more than three kids, you had to get a sport pack van. It was the law in New Zealand, Aotearoa. There was a maroon and there was a blue. Those were your two, and a teal. A teal. They were all silver, but they had a stripe down the side.

Now, whenever we'd go, those seats, the middle row seats famously could go back or forward. Oh, okay. Fun times. We're in a van. We didn't have a van as the kids. Jump in the middle. Your friend's like, hey, mom, can we switch the seats? And she's like, if you want,

but everybody's got to wear a seatbelt. Not a problem. So you flip the seats back. I jump and I'm like, this is madness. You can travel backwards. And my friend's like, you're sitting there opposite me. So I'm traveling backwards. Ten minutes into the journey, I'm like, I don't feel good.

I'm travelling backwards and I'm not used to it. And so I had to vomit out the window. Oh, of the Mitsubishi Sports Pack. Of the Mitsubishi Sports Pack, which if you'll remember, the back windows only had sliding windows with clip grabs. So it was a real like, ah, struggling to get it open and blap out the window because we'd, you know, gone pretty ham on the birthday tucker before going to these adventures. Well, God, it keeps me going.

Since then, backwards, I can't do it on a boat. Yeah. Like a ferry, I can't do it on a ferry. I can't do it on a train. I can't do it on a bus. I don't travel backwards.

It's like even reading in a car. I've got to be watching the road or outside. Oh, yeah, no, I'm not reading in a car. I'm not enjoying that. No. I can't even sit in the back seat

of a car now. Yeah. I've become so conditioned to the front seat. I know that they can't put all I can't even sit in the back seat of a car now. I've become so conditioned to the front seat. I know that they can't put all the seats one way because when the train gets to the end,

the driver walks out of the train to the other end and then it goes, like reverses back. But they should have a thing where you can pull a lever and the seats are open. Some of them do.

In Sydney they do. Good. Yeah, it's a horrible thing. So just, if you, please don't, if there's a forward-facing seat, sit in it because it just riles me up.

I mean, do what you want. It's your life, sure, but. But if you get a look of disgust from somebody. That's why. Or somebody else who has a very strict view on you should be travelling forward unless there's no other option. ZM's Fleshborn and Megan.

Play ZM. Play. ZM's Fletchbourne and Megan. Play ZM. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Megan. Thanks, Rachel. Welcome to the show, Fletchbourne and Megan. Coming up, the 12 Days of Fletchmas after 8.30 this morning, a chance for you to win a prize from under our Christmas tree in studio. All you've got to do is tell us why you're on the naughty list or the nice list and we'll pick one from each list.

I'll have to decide who's winning today's prize. We're going to do that after 8.30. Soon though on the show, we're dealing with a joke, a long running joke that isn't funny anymore. These are my favourite jokes. You particularly love a long running joke.

I love a long running joke. A long running joke. I love a call-running joke. A long-running joke. I love a callback to something that happened, like, ages ago that nobody else remembers. But where's that line where it becomes not? I'm yet to find it. All right, we're going to talk about these long-running jokes that are not funny anymore.

Maybe you've got one of these in your life. Friday Flashback. Well, it's a Friday tradition. We take turns each week to pick a song that's at least 10 years old. And it's got to be a banger. And today we are bestowing this tradition, this honor, onto Carwen at the social media desk. Good morning, Carwen. Hello.

I'm nervous. My Uncle Ben once said, with great power comes great responsibility. So don't goof this up. Okay. So this song came out in 2011. Okay. Okay. And debuted at number one on the Billboard Hot 100.

The number one? Yeah. Okay, that's good. Debut. And this song, the artist became the first female artist to have a single debut at the top position since Britney Spears the year before. Oh, okay.

So do I just announce it now? Or do we just play it? How does this go? It's up to you. It's up to you. Do you want me to do the... How long are intro? Six seconds.

Okay, so Fletch starts it and then you've got six seconds to say the rest of your piece. It also... Oh, wait. Am I starting it? He started it. I started it.

Time's running out. It's fine. It's Kesha. We are who we are. We've got more time. Fill the time. This is a great song. If you're one of us, then roll with us because we make the hipsters fall in love when we've got our hot pants This is a great song. I'm out. We're tearing it apart You know we're superstars

We are who we are We're dancing like we're dumb Our bodies go numb We'll be forever young You know we're superstars We are who we are DJ, turn it up It's about damn time to live it up

I'm so sick of being so serious It's making my brain delirious I'm just talking true I'm telling you about this shit we do We're selling our clothes, sleeping in cars Dressing it down, hitting on dudes Hard Got that glitter on my eyes

Stockings ripped all up the side Hard. Just like the world is ours. We're tearing it apart. You know we're superstars. We are who we are. We're dancing like we're dumb. Our bodies broken. We'll be forever young. You know we're superstars. We are who we are.

DJ, turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. DJ, turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. DJ, turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. DJ, turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Tonight we're going hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard. Just like the world is hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard Just like the world is hard, hard, hard, hard, hard We're tearing it apart, apart, apart, apart, apart You know we're superstars We are who we are

We're dancing like we're dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Our bodies broken, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb We'll be forever young, young, young, young, young You know we're superstars We are who we are And it's Kasia, your Friday flashback. We are who we are. Ten years old. And Carl Wayne at the social media desk. It's her pick today. We've bestowed the honour on her.

And Carl Wayne, you'd be happy to know the public has received your banger. A lot of great feedback. I'm so relieved. It's an effing banger! The best one yet. The song makes me want to fist pump. Oh my god, this sucks so bad. You've got to be

brought down. Well done, Carwen, much better than last week. Who was last week? That was me. Bro said. What did you do last week? What did you do? I can't remember what song you did last week.

Meet Love? No. Hey, Jude? No, that was Splish the week before. Oh, Love Shack. Love Shack. What? Love Shack was great.

No, Love Shack. Come on. Come on. Best Friday Blastback since Crazy Frog? I don't know if that voids their opinion. Absolute banger. So there you go. How did this hot mess of a song debut at number one?

It's 2011, man. It was a different time, wasn't it? It was a different time. Different time. Well, it's a problem that Carween's boyfriend has. Bloody Carween's half hour of power on the show. Thanks for all the content. You're so welcome.

It was actually a conversation you were having this morning with producer Jared about the influx of Lynx products at your place. Yeah, so my boyfriend has a few bottles of the Lynx, is it three in one? Probably, in his shower. And the other day I was like, these all have such quirky names, like power, strength.

I want to smell what power smells like. This is body wash, is it? Yeah. I stopped using Lynx when it was Africa, voodoo. Voodoo. A whole lot of oriental, from very inappropriate names now looking back. Yeah, and then they did a cookies.

Oh, that was a spray. They did a cookie spray. But yeah, I stopped using it when I was I think 13. Yeah, so that made me like ask my partner like why do you have all these? Because it's not something that I can see him buying. And it turns out that a friend has this running joke where they only buy him Lynx products for Christmas presents, birthday presents. And it's been going for years now.

But like... What a great... But isn't that funny? My friend and I had a deal where we never told our wives, but if we ever went around to each other's house, we bought the most inconvenient thing to eat. See, that's good. I walked around there once with a full fruitcake.

Like a whole iced fruitcake that I got from Subat. Shana's like, don't take that. And it became a gag. We'd take each other really horrible things to try to soothe. Right. But then he moved to Denetha and I miss him so much. You should put it in the post. I mean, it's not the same.

So this joke is done for both of you. Yeah, I think so. You've only just discovered the joke. You can't come in now. This is an established joke. But finding out that it's been going for years and my boyfriend doesn't seem to really be in on the joke, like it's just happening to him.

Those are the best jokes where the person is like, oh cool and they don't know why it's funny. Those are the best jokes. This is absolutely I'm going to start doing this. What a great idea. Give them someone a Lynx gift pack every Christmas. You've got to read the room.

If you've been doing it for so long and they're just leaving them in the shower and they're not and they're just like every time you give it to them they're like, oh okay. You've got to read the room. If you've been doing it for so long and they're just leaving them in the shower and they're not and they're just like, every time you give it to them they're like, oh, okay. You go round to the house and you see that they've not like thrown them away, they're just sitting in the shower. That's the payoff right there. They're like, I'm crying here. I've got little tears in my eyes. That's

some good stuff. So that's all we wanted to ask this morning for anybody listening. Is there a long running joke that you just don't find funny anymore but maybe your friends are always bringing it up or doing something or gifting you something yeah and you're just like this joke is done but it is probably the fact if you react that's what 100 as someone was reacting to this i'd just keep going you react once why do you think my wife's nickname now is Sharts? Like 100% I said it once as a joke and the reaction

I got gave me such joy that now she doesn't even think about it until we're in public and I yell out, hey Sharts! And everyone's like What? Like she called you yesterday and it came up Sharts McGee. Sharts McGee. That's what she saved in my phone as. Yeah, yeah. So we want to know now 0800DONZEDM

give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. You're loving this, aren't you? As long as no one's getting hurt, I'm going to love most of these, I think. Okay. Well, what joke isn't funny anymore? Maybe you're dishing it out and you still find it funny, but they don't really like it. We're talking about what joke has been going for ages

and maybe you don't find it funny anymore, but somebody keeps doing it. And I don't know. I'm likely to think these jokes are not yet at their prime. Well, you love a long running gag, don't you? One of my very best friends messaged me and he said, these are my favorite sorts of jokes too. And I said, this is why we're good friends.

And I said, I love that someone doesn't forget and they put in the effort. I think it really shows that they care. Yeah. I think it shows that if someone can do this time and time again, I think it shows they care. Yeah. And you should be sort of complimented as such.

But also maybe at times you might need to read the room and realise they're not finding this funny anymore. Okay. I don't want to and I won't, but I'll say okay. I'm just putting it out there. Rochelle, what's the long-running joke that you don't find funny anymore? Hi, guys. So several years ago, probably about seven years ago,

I left Vagisil, which is an intimate wash you use to wash your lady part. Vagisil? Why are you saying Vagisil? I don't know. Who talks about it? How do you know how to pronounce it? Vagisil? Why are you saying Vagisil? I don't know. Who talks about it? How do you know how to pronounce it? Vagisil. No, it's a good point.

I've never heard. I've always said Vagisil. Oh, quick poll. Quick poll. Is it Vagisil or Vagisil? We'll just go to the producer's booth. Jared, you don't have one. You can comment first then.

I didn't know what it was. What would you say though, Jared? Vagisil. Vagisil. Anna, Vagisil or Vagisil? It's Vagisil, but also Jared asked what it was. What would you say, though, Jared? Vagisil. Vagisil. Anna, vagisil or vagisil? It's vagisil, but also Jared asked if it was shampoo for your downstairs. Oh, he's from South Africa, Sarah. Sorry, Rochelle.

They don't have vaginas there, do they? No. Carwin, vagisil or vagisil? Yeah, vagisil. Vagisil. Vagisil sounds flash, though. It does. It does. It sounds like French vagisil or Vagisil? Yeah, Vagisil. Vagisil. Vagisil sounds flash though. It does. It sounds like French Vagisil.

Yeah. I'll stop passing up on Vagisil. About seven years ago, I made the mistake of leaving some in my family shower when all my siblings were home. Oh my God. Yeah. And my brothers-in-law stumbled across it.

Thought it was hilarious. And every Christmas for the last seven years, they have gifted each other Vagisil in front of the entire family. Gifted it to me, gifted it to each other. And it's a running joke that it makes their locks, their locks, their locks, they think it's a shampoo. Wow, so you're 15 days away from seeing somebody else get the Vagisil. Exactly, looking forward to Christmas. The problem is that I react when I keep going. Yes! You're 15 days away from seeing somebody else get the Vagisil. Exactly.

Looking forward to Christmas. Yeah. The problem is that I react when I keep going. Yes. Yeah. I know. You've got to temper your reaction. I know.

I know. I can't. Every time I'm about to react to something, I think quickly, long term, how long can this last? Yeah. And then I will temper my reaction henceforth. But that's because I will always pounce on a reaction so I'm familiar with it. 100%. Rochelle, thanks for your call. Sarah, what's the

long-running joke that you're over? Morning, guys. Okay, so one year, probably would have been about five years ago, I gifted a can of Spam at the Family Secret Centre. Yep, okay. And it's just continued.

So we thought, you know, once it'd be funny, it'd just kind of disappear. And then it regifted the second time around. And it's just kept going. And whenever someone opens it, they're like, oh, ha ha ha, the spam. But nobody can stop. But that's your Christmas

tradition now. Yeah, so that's your Christmas tradition now Yeah, so that's the secret sander But my poor Nana got it last year And she's obviously like in her 80s So I sent my mum a wee message this morning actually Going, hey, can you remind Nana to put the spam in the secret sander gift? Yeah She might have used it though

I don't know, I hope not It's five years old. No, it lasts forever, though. You're still using the same one, though, the same can. I'd assume so. I've never asked. Okay. Spams in circulation.

I love that, too. That's cool. That's a family tradition. Great long-running gag. Thanks, you call Sarah. Some messages in. Somebody messaged in saying, on the same day every year, we initially went out drinking and stole a whole lot of garden gnomes

and put them on my stepdad's lawn. Okay. He was like, I don't know what's happened here. And we loved it so much that we wrote down the date. The next day we went and bought a whole lot of garden gnomes

and put them on his front lawn. And he's like, it's happened again. And then he checked and he's like, it's the same day as last year. So now every year we've never told him,

please, if you know a man who has this happen, don't hit him on that. And we put a whole lot of gnomes on his lawn. I reckon like this year, it's probably getting to the stage where he's going to stay up and keep an eye out. But do you reckon he'll forget or he's marked his calendar?

I reckon he'll... See, that's a great long running gag. Yes. Someone said, my boyfriend and his mates have this long-standing trickery they play on each other whenever they have parties. I didn't know about this, and I had no idea it happened, but they flip each other's mattresses and then remake the bed

so that when you get into bed, you're like, something doesn't feel right. Oh, that's so annoying. Then the idea is the last person to leave the party has to take all your cutlery and put it in a bowl with some water and put it in the freezer. So in the morning when you wake up, all your cutlery and put it in a bowl with some water and put it in the freezer. So in the morning when you wake up, all your cutlery is frozen in a bowl in the freezer. What? And apparently they've been doing it four years.

Oh, okay. Four years. My mum bought me some kid-sized cat slippers for Christmas one year as a joke when I was 20. And every year for the past five years has sent pictures of them to me with our cat leading up to Christmas. And then they're wrapped under the Christmas tree every Christmas morning. Oh, but mum, you can't say to mum that's not funny anymore. She loves

it. She's loving it. Yeah. On a wedding day, I gave my husband a dishbrush as a joke, saying that he'd be doing the dishes forever. Now every birthday, Christmas or accomplishment where he earns a prize, he gets a dishbrush as well. Yeah. Now, every birthday, Christmas or accomplishment where he earns a prize, he gets a dish brush as well. Right.

I love it. He's so over it, he's begged for no dish brush this Christmas, but guess what he's getting for Christmas? He's getting a dish brush. I think he's getting a dish brush. But see, he reacted to the dish brush. If he didn't react, it wouldn't be as funny. No, I know.

Yeah. They probably would have given up. Yeah. There's a long running joke in our friend group. I used to have a massive crush on one of the girls in the group in high school. We're 25 now, and every time we're together, I think maybe they'll forget about it, and one of our friends will bring it up really loudly about the time I used to have a... It's getting a bit old now and a little bit awkward for both of us.

Yeah, right. My mum was trying to tell my brother off one day when she was sick with laryngitis, and she was trying to say hey But it came out Hey My brother says it like that all the time To wind her up Mum gets so angry every time

She's starting to tell him off And he goes Hey I love that I love that Nothing beats winding up your mum ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan Fact of the day

Day, day, day, day Today's fact of the day Is the third largest city in Panama Is named David Oh yeah Have you been to David? I haven't. But you're familiar with there's a city called David.

Yeah, I did know that. Your mother-in-law's been there, hasn't she? I think she has. She's been to Panama. Yeah, she's been to David. Because I remember talking to her or you telling me she'd been to a few places. Yeah. I just thought it was funny because it's called David and that's a man's name.

But it got me to thinking. Okay. What other names have cities named after them around the world? Right. And now I've got a list of names, places named after first names, and I can tell you how many cities there are in the world with your name. Carl. Oh, okay.

C-A-R-L. Six. There are six cities in the world called Carl. Cities named Carl. Are you using some witch magic? It's this website. Website. Okay.

They're all in the American regions. One's in, what's the one? Is it Jamaica that's slightly to the side of Cuba and down a little bit? Yeah, Jamaica. There's a city in Jamaica called Carl. But all the rest of them are in the United States. Okay. Scattered throughout the United States.

Because I would love to stand by a sign. You know those town signs and it says my name? Yes, you could. What about Vaughan? Are there any towns called Vaughan? Well, I know for a fact there's towns called Vaughan. There's five cities or towns called Vaughan. Okay.

Let me tell you. No, I don't want that ad. This is the thing. I have to go through the ads. Vaughan can be found in one country. Again, all in the United States. Although I do know that there is a place in Canada called Vaughan. So they might not have every one of them.

There's a place called Vaughan in Indiana. That's my name and my daughter's name. Oh, that's nice. We should go there. You should go there one day. Sade in August, not invited. You find something called Sade in the month of August, have your photo with it,

but me and Indy are going to Vaughan, Indiana. What about a place called like Tracy or something? I can search by Tracy. T-R-A. Now, do you want Tracy? C-E-Y. C-E-Y. Surely there's a city or town.

There's a trace. A trace. 18 places called Tracy. 18 places in the world. Scattered mostly around Northern America. What about Tina? I'm thinking of real 80s. You asked Tracy. I'm telling you real 80s. It's Tracy.

I'm telling you more about Tracy, but there are some, there's Tracy, there's three places in France called Tracy. Oh yeah, okay. And a place in Quebec, Canada called Tracy. Well, that's neat. And what was that other one?

Tina. Tina. There's Tina, Christina, Justina, Katina, Martina, and Tina. 25 places called Tina. Yep, 25 places called Tina. What's this website? Because I can imagine. Most places called Tina are in the Philippines.

Oh, okay. So it's like Philippines. Yeah. Sudan, Mali, Burkina Faso, which by the way is just the same size as New Zealand, but you never really hear about it, do you? No. South Africa, Sweden, the Solomon Islands, Romania, Peru, Italy, Haiti.

Who knew? What's the website if people want to give that a go? People want to try that at home. If people want to go and have a go for themselves, it's geotarget.com. Right. It's G-O, target, but the E in target is an I. So G-E-O-T-A-R-G-I-T dot com.

And then you can go search by, like, first name. Wow, okay. See if your name is a city. See if your name's on there. I mean, everybody's got a name. Don't they? They do. And so everybody can partake in this game.

Even if your name is Jamya. There's one place in the world called Jamya. Good job in I'm fantastic Jared There's two Jareds to your spelling The J-A-R-E-Ds J-A-R-E-Ds Imagine living in a town called Jared

Oh, I don't 23 Annas 23 Annas Is that all? I thought there'd be way more Like Santa Anna No, just straight up Anna Just Anna

Oh my god Zero Carlins Man, you thought this was your half hour of power No, just straight up Anna. Just Anna. Oh, my God. Zero Carwins. Man, you thought this was your half hour of power after your phenomenal feedback and your boyfriend's Lynx Africa kits. Nah, just brought you right back down to size. It's fine. You're right.

Do you run into many other people with your name, Carwin? No, I think I once heard of a guy called Carwin, but it's spelt differently. Oh. Because it's a Welsh name, right? Is it? It's spelt with an I if it's a... Right.

Oh, okay, let me try. We don't have a Y. No, still no W-I-Ns. Okay. Sorry. The Welsh love a Y. The Welsh love just higgledy-piggledy vowels. Yeah. The Welsh are like, you knowy-piggledy vowels. Yeah.

The Welsh are like, you know what that needs? That's Irish. That was a little bit Irish. You only get in a village my fun way. I'm just trying to think of that character, that famous Welsh. Why chuckle through my vowels? No, not going to do it. Okay.

That's offensive, even though I'm white. Today's fact of the day, and probably quite Welsh too, is the third largest city in Panama is just straight up called David. Fact of the Day, and probably quite Welsh too, is the third largest city in Panama is just straight up called David. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Play ZM's Fletch Fawn and Megan. The 12 Days of Fletchmas. Well, some amazing prizes under our tree, the 12 Days of Fletchmas. A chance next week as well, if you haven't registered, just go to ZM online, tell us why you're on the naughty list or the nice list, and then I could be calling you back and then deciding.

I've got to pick one from the naughty or the nice list. Who's on the nice list and then I could be calling you back and then deciding. I've got to pick one from the naughty or the nice list. Who's on the nice list? I hope I'm going to say her name right. Have a go. Royson. Very close. It's Roisin. Roisin. Roisin. Roisin. Roisin. Very close. It's Roshane. Roshane. Roshane. Roshane.

Roshane, welcome to the show. You're on the nice list. Yes, thank you. Why Roshane? It's an Irish name, isn't it? It is, yes. Yeah, okay. You don't know.

Don't do that. You don't know Michael O'Harety, do you? I do actually know Michael O'Harety, do you? I do actually know Michael O'Harety, yes. I told you! It's your shit and me, not Michael O'Harety. Goodness me. What are the chances? That's Paddy O'Sharety's boy.

Why are you on the nice list? Roshan, why are you on the nice list? So my neighbour, her name is Dawn, and her husband died about two years ago. She's about 86. Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! No! Why did you do that to us? So when we moved in, her husband had just died, and then COVID hit and everything. And so my partner and I, she was very lonely and everything. So my partner and I, we cooked dinners for her and dropped it over to her and just sort of said hello when we could,

obviously socially distanced and all. And then, you know, she needed some support to get her vaccine and everything. So we drove her to the vaccine clinic and we've helped her get her vaccine pass all printed off for her and everything. And so, yeah, she's a very sweet little old lady. She's got a whole bunch of health issues and she just needed someone to, you know, look after her. Oh, that's so nice.

Are you guys in the will? Are we getting written into the will or are there some like... I haven't started that conversation just yet. Yeah, right. Best to get on to that, though. So you've kind of got to subtly drop it in. Here's your vaccine pass. I've printed it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be so nice if we got something out of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want the government taking all your money with you. No. Or your ungrateful kids who aren't here. Does she have kids and grandkids? I don't know.

I've never actually asked her about kids or grandkids. They haven't been able to be around since we moved in. She would have told you. If she did, she would have already told you about it. Yeah, wow. It's all people's favourite thing to talk about. You could be in the world. She could be taking the SPCA out of it as we speak.

Yeah. What a story. Well, I mean, you know, in order to get something out of it, that's why I called you guys. There is an argument. There's no such thing as a selfless act. Yes. All right, well, Roshan, wait there.

You're on our nice list. Ho, ho, ho! Who's on the naughty list? Well, she's probably not printing out anybody's vaccine pass. Samantha, good morning. You're on the naughty list. She lives on the other side of the old lady, and she's just rewritten the will and made her sign it.

Samantha, why are you on the naughty list? My three-year-old daughter was gifted a recorder from a best friend and I threw it in the bin and have been helping her try to find it. First of all, get better friends. Yeah, somebody hates you. That's devious. First of all, get better friends. Yeah, somebody hates you. That's devious. It wasn't that recorder, the frozen recorder that came with the book on how to play Let It Go, was it?

It was a frozen recorder and it was absolute torture. Yeah. Wait, I've just thought of a great idea. Yeah. How much are these frozen recorders? This could be the presents for my niece this Christmas. 100%. Oh my god, if you're not giving your brother's kids a recorder yet, absolutely do it.

Frozen recorder. Let me just see here. 24, that's quite expensive, isn't it? 24, 21. It was on portal, it was going to cost them more than 10 bucks. I think 50% off. Worth it.

Worth it. Hang on a sec. Kids drum kit. Oh. I'm actually going to. Kids drum kit. $79. $70.

Recorders are better because they're cheaper. And they're more shrill, aren't they? Do you want to hear? I've got what it sounds like when you play, let it go on a recorder. Oh, no, that's cheating. Well, they've got a backup. That's not a recorder. That's a piano. Well, that sounds quite

like a pan flute. It sounds way too good. Yeah, no, this recorder sounded nothing like that. Oh, man. If you ever did, you had a prodigy on your hand. Absolutely. Alright, it's time now for me to decide. Am I going the naughty list, you had a prodigy on your hand. Absolutely. All right, it's time now for me to decide. Am I going the naughty list, which is a very funny present,

a devious act from a mother to buy some peace and quiet, or am I going for Samantha, who throughout this lockdown this year has helped an old lady? That is so sweet. Helping people who need help, Especially at this time of year. I would call an absolute monster if I don't give this to Roshan. Roshan, you are winning today. Oh, thank you.

Yay. Only because Samantha has her prize already. Peace and quiet. I would have gone with her as well. She has her prize. peace and quiet. I'm going to send that old lady next door to you, a frozen recorder. Fantastic.

Roshan, we've got a present under the tree. Vaughan, you've picked a... Can we play in the background? Because producer Jarrah's just sent me through a recording of... Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm buying these now For my nieces

I'll buy one for my nieces As well Yes It's all my horrible Best friend nieces This is genius I can't wait to see The look on my brother's face

When they open these I often think I often think My sister's house Is too quiet Yeah With two boys and a girl Yeah

Or three boys and a girl Oh La la I've just opened your I've just opened your present Do you know when I saw The top of that I thought it was Going to be jelly made Three boys and a girl. Yeah. Or three boys and a girl. Oh, la, la. I've just opened your present. Do you know when I saw the top of that, I thought it was going to be jelly meat. I thought we were giving her a tin of jelly meat too. We are not giving you jelly meat.

We are giving you Jean-Paul Gaultier Le Mal and Jean-Paul Gaultier La Belle. That is the male and female version of the ever popular Jean-Paul Gaultier fragrance. Lovely. Christmas present sorted. Yeah. I'm going to open them so you can't give them away. and female version of the ever-popular Jean Paul Gaultier fragrance. Lovely. Christmas present sorted. Yeah. I'm going to open them so you can't give them away. No, I'm not. No, I'm not going to.

Oh, those are great. Amazing. Yeah, they smell. I've got the male one of those. It's very nice. I used to have to. Oh, come on. Turn that off. Sorry.

That's horrible. I haven't worn this for years. You know why? Why? Can't get the ladies off me. Sade formally requested I stop. Did she? Right. is. You know why? Why? Can't get the ladies off me. Shardae formally requested I stop. Did she? Right. That's why I smell like pine tar

sole this morning. That chicken pox soap. Pine tar sole? Pine tar sole. That's why I smell like that chicken pox soap. Congratulations, Roshan. All yours. Roshan. Roshan. Roshan. Roshan. Can we get a final judgment? Roshan. Roshan. That's why there's... I've been called worse. That Roisin. Can we get a final judgment? Roisin. Roisin.

Oh, that's why there's, okay. I've been called worse. That's all right. You've been called raisin? Yeah, I have. Oh, so close to being raisin. If you just put a little stick on the, oh, it actually says raisin. All right.

And hoisin. Hoisin sauce. Oh, like hoisin. I praise, though. Love hoisin sauce. Do you know that sauce is one of my top tier sauces? Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. You know why? It's because it's like 80% sugar. I don't care. Do you know that sauce is one of my top tier sauces? Absolutely. Couldn't agree more.

You know why? It's because it's like 80% sugar. I don't care. I don't care either. Great sauce. Great sauce. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Well, Bumble, the dating app, has launched.

Now, I'm seeing this out of the US. I don't think this is a New Zealand thing, but I'm seeing merchandise. Bumble merchandise. I've got to send that. It merchandise. Bumble merchandise. Clothing. There was that Bumble beanie. And it was a great beanie, except it had Bumble on it, so I just folded it down and

it's one of my farm beanies. It's one of your farm longer beanie. That was more of a promotional thing they send out to people, but these are like actual like caps. Oh, you buy it? You can buy it. Yeah, like they're selling it. It's not like a free promotional giveaway. It's like

Oh, I thought it was like a freebie. Clothing and hats that you buy. Really? Like could you imagine you're on a date and somebody turns up and the dating app. That's the only time I would allow it. Have you met someone on Bumble and your first date

was in Bumble clothing. Wouldn't you think they were like set up or something? And they worked for them? Maybe. Odd. Very odd. We ran a poll on our Instagram. Would you leave a date if they showed up wearing dating app merchandise?

Right. If they wore. Yeah. Although that photo that we've used there, that illustration. He's very attractive. He's a hot model, isn't he? He's very attractive. I don't know.

He can get away with it. That's just another thing hotties can get away with. Oh, absolutely. But it's like you'd hope, right? You hope that your brand is a long stretch for Bumble. But you think of the likes of John Deere. People wear John Deere hats who would never have driven or have any reason to be wearing a John Deere hat.

And a lot of some brands do go kind of mainstream. Yeah. Like you've got a North Face t-shirt on and I've not known you once to go rock climbing or adventuring. Like to that extent. I go adventuring all the time. Like you go adventuring light. I go, I've stayed up mountains.

You go venturing. You don't go adventuring. I've been up Everest. Did you ever have to put clamp on? You remember when Adam Prory and I climbed Everest up mountains. You go venturing. You don't go adventuring. I've been up Everest. Did you ever have to put clamp on? You remember when Adam Paruri and I climbed Everest? Yes, I remember that. Well, surely that's enough to wear a North Face t-shirt. Adam Paruri told me you didn't do the last bit.

Absolutely I did the last bit. No, Adam Paruri told me you got to the last part and you were like, I'm out of oxygen. I don't want to die. And old Paruri was just like, Adam Paruri wouldn't, you got to the last part and you were like, I'm out of oxygen. I don't want to die. And old Parori was just like. Adam Parori wouldn't give me any oxygen. What's that? He wouldn't give me any oxygen.

He played and burned through all his oxygen just because he was getting a bit knackered walking up Everest. Well, either way, I've been three quarters up Everest. Yeah, not to the top though. And that's enough that I can wear a North Face t-shirt. Ah, look. I don't know. Did you go up the North Face? You've got a Rip Curl Velcro wallet, and I've never seen you surf.

I'm a boogie boarder. Rip Curl also sponsor an array of boogie boarders. You are a boogie boarder, yeah. I'm a salty bra. I'm a salty bra. You are a salty bra. And I'm so good on my boogie board that I'll'll drop it on a wave and surfers like who am i rip curl yeah billabong surfers will be like let him go bruh he's cool with us local bruh he's one

of us yeah yeah and i'm like i go past and i go hey shack of 10 dudes okay and they are like it's hang 10 or shaka brown i'm like is it though and they're like he it's hang ten or shakabra. And I'm like, is it though? And they're like, he's changing the words. He's unstoppable. That's how influenced you are in the boogie boarding world. And then I ride my boogie board right up onto the sand. And then the water goes out and I'm still laying on my boogie board. And then I look up the beach and I'm like, hang ten. And they're like, he's changed it again.