ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 10th February 2021

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

We're doing something wrong in the toilet  Tenancy Changes  Top 6: Political Ties  Community Notices!  Jared is viewing flats  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Warner Megan podcast. Thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe coffees get one free on the Maccas app What was that noise? Are you grumbling? Or was it your mic that? No, I put my head to the side and had a sniff. Okay. Was it this noise? No, it sounded like a baaah Did you hear that noise Jared? No, okay. Maybe I'm hearing things. I think you've probably had a brain aneurysm There's blood coming out your eye. Oh, not again Oh, not again. Someone get him a tissue

My boy, the blood It might be induced by that sweet treat you just had Oh my goodness, we've just had a visit haven't we? Yeah, Lauren from Floss Cakery came in. Oh my goodness We just ate a cookie that was like eating a chocolate cookie She did not come and visit and bring cookies on the premise that she would get a mention

No, absolutely not She just bought a lovely gift She described it as a quadruple chocolate cookie A quad cookie Yeah, cocoa in the cookie batter And then added in Whitaker's creamy milk chocolate Whitaker's white chocolate Whitaker's dark chocolate

It was a whole extravaganza Wow But we just had one and I said, I don't know if I could She said, should I make them bigger? Creamy milk chocolate, Whittaker's white chocolate, Whittaker's dark chocolate. It was a whole extravaganza. Wow. But we just had one, and I said, I don't know if I could. She said, should I make them bigger, like bigger cookies? I was like, I don't know if humanity is ready for that. I've got a sweet tooth, but I think one was my limit there. It was good. It was good.

That was crazy. And she's flat out for Valentine's Day, as you'd imagine. And another Valentine's Day thing that's caught my eye that I thought we could mention now is that somebody on Trade Me is selling a potato shaped as a love heart. Valentine's Day, nature's love spud. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, occasionally you get people from the garden that, like, the tomato will have a little pee-pee. I had a carrot with a cock.

Two carrots grew together and they had a little cock growing between them. Okay. It's fun saying cock. Siamese carrots? Don't know. Don't know, but a split. And I forgot to take a photo of it, actually. The little penis broke off when I was cleaning it. I just wanted to wash it before I took a photo and the little penis carrot broke off. Oh, dear.

Yeah, so that's me. I'm rough handling. I'll tell you that much. Be more gentle, please. Yeah. With your carrot pain eye. Really be gentle. But what's that spud going for? $100 current bid. Dreaming. Agria?

Does it say what kind of potato it is? Roar? Agria? No, it doesn't. Jersey Benny? It doesn't say. Okay. Somebody said they'll keep their eyes peeled on this auction.

Heyo. This is spud-tacular. Yeah. A few more spud puns in there Yeah How high are the dollars Going to charity I don't think so

No Oh they didn't stipulate Didn't stipulate No Someone's gonna buy it If it goes to charity But they absolutely Refuse to spend money on it

If it was a private sale Yeah basically Okay that makes sense Well if you wanna I would rather take the money You were gonna buy that And probably buy some of Floss cookies

Or just chocolates Or anything else or fries. Yeah. Fries. It's the potatoes. The best thing out of a potato. Oh, no. Potatoes are very versatile. But you're right.

They're a wonderful thing to come out of potatoes. Anyway, here's the podcast. ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul.

And no Hayley Sproul, no Megan. Neither. Neither of them. Neither? Neither, neither. Neither either. Oh, I don't know. Neither of them. Neither of them. Neither. Neither. They're both not here. Hayley away for a couple of weeks while Megan's on maternity leave. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yes, yesterday in Parliament there was a big fuss, wasn't there? The Speaker of the House removing the leader of the Māori Party for not wearing a necktie.

Now, if you didn't know, it is... The rules. It's the rules. If you're a male in Parliament, you must be wearing a necktie. It'd be like going to school and you had a uniform and you were just like, you know what, today I'm just going to wear a t-shirt instead. Yeah.

Although it's a cultural thing, isn't it? Well, there was a cultural aspect to it, but also is it just like wildly out of date that men are expected to wear completely? Yeah. I mean, as long as you're not wearing a T-shirt to Parliament.

I would wear a T-shirt to Parliament, but I'd wear a blazer over it. It shows that I'm casual, but I'm also a little bit formal. Yeah. I mean, there are far more important things to be worrying about. Yes. You know, fixing New Zealand-wise. Rawiri Waititi, who is the leader of the Māori Party, he wears a cowboy hat.

Oh, yeah, he does. No problem with a cowboy hat. I like this. There's this weird amount of like, I love the cowboy hat, by the way, but it feels like the sort of place where you've got to wear a tie. Yep.

Let's you wear a cowboy hat, no questions. Not sure, but there was a ticket around his neck. Yep. And he said, this is my formal neckwear of the culture. Who cares? Yeah, exactly. Let him wear it. Who cares?

We're going to get all formal on it. I've got the top six other pieces of formal clothing that should be compulsory in Parliament. All right, that's coming up in the top six. Four minutes past six. If you use one of those little hangy things with, sometimes they're blue, sometimes they're pink, and it sits inside your toilet, so it freshens it when you flush. Oh, yeah, I know those. You're probably using it wrong.

Oh, okay. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. TikTok has again taught us something, something we'd probably know if we'd been listening or cared to read packaging. You know how things will pop up on TikTok, you've been using something wrong. Yeah. It on TikTok, you've been using something wrong. On the internet it's like, you've been using something wrong.

And then you're like, ah, just looked at the packaging. That's been there all the time. We've just chosen to ignore the very special manufacturer's instructions. My dad has always said, only read the instructions if something goes wrong. Right, and you don't know if something's going wrong. If you're using it wrong but it's still working. Exactly.

So you know the little hooky over the toilet things? Yeah, so there's a scented... I always just call them toilet ducks. And I know that's where a brand has become synonymous with a product, but I just call them toilet ducks. Because Glade, Glade are big on them. I think Glade you'd probably find have the biggest market share of those.

Right. Smelly things, do they do them? Glade do everything to them. I think Glade, you'd pretty fine have the biggest market share of those. Right. Smelly things. Do they do them? Glade do everything to do with smelly things. So you clip them over the rim. Yeah. And then the scented plastic case thing holds down where the water flushes under the rim. It also rinses some of this stuff in. Yeah.

And then that runs out and you can refill it. Or it runs out and you just leave it hanging on the side of the bowl for ages anyway because you forgot. There's those other ones now where you put them on and punch it, and it puts a sticker on them. I don't like those. Have you ever urinated in someone's toilet with those? Straight onto it?

Yeah, but it's just weird. It splashes back. And then when they get old, obviously they're like a fruit jube, aren't they? They just dissolve. They disintegrate. And then it just looks like you've got this little weird green blob. I don't like them. I don't like them. I'm not a fan.

Right. Well, apparently the ones with the clips we've been using wrong, because it doesn't go over the seat. The rim. The porcelain rim, and then the seats that's on top of it. It actually clicks up under that bit, which is gross. Oh, I'm not touching that.

No, no, I know. And that's what they're asking you to do is you have to kind of like force it up there. If you slip, your fingers could end up up under there and you don't know what's up under there. I always get the toilet brush up under there as far as I can just to see like what's up there. It's always gross. Green.

Green. There's always like green because it's water that's been sitting there and it's not like the flush doesn't get all the way around. Green. Green. There's always like green because it's water that's been sitting there and it's not like the flush doesn't get all the way around. Right. So yeah, and then when it finishes, what, you just pull it out? You just grab it by this little handly bit and pull it out. See, I've always remembered plumbers saying those are bad news. Oh.

Because they can unclip. Oh yeah, if they unclip and they go in. But that is the other point is that when it's up under the rim, it actually sits perfectly flush and there's no because you know they always come off when you like drop the toilet lid or something yeah or pick the toilet up and it goes and and falls over or if you're a male and you're urinating straight into it because that's what you do as soon as there's something foreign yeah see if you can dissolve one yeah uh then that can drag it off sometimes as well,

and then you've got to pick it up out of the tool. Yeah. What if you've got a powerful stream? Yeah. And I do. Thank you for asking. Very powerful stream. No prostate issues here as yet.

So, yeah, you clip it up under. And apparently that's what the clip's designed for as well, to get up under there and then expand again so it stays in there harder. I've never used one, ever. You don't buy these? No, I just get the squirty stuff and clean the toilet once a week or whatever. But I just don't think you need that every... Nah, Nan was big on these.

Nan and Boomers love these things. And a Blue Lou. Do you have a Blue Lou? Is that the one you put in the cistern? Yeah, you put it in the cistern. Yeah, no, no. I don't have one personally, but I know, again, Nan was a big fan. The water was always blue.

What was that for? I don't know. It cleans it or something. Why did they want the water to be blue? Because then it shows it's clean? They used it so often, too. It would stain the old porcelain bowl. Yeah.

The old Armitage shanks would get stained by the blue loo. Anyway, clip it up under the rim next time you've got one of those. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Well, a news story yesterday that some electronic billboards, you know, like big digital billboards that you drive past,

are monitoring us. And some civil liberties people are upset. How are they monitoring us. And some civil liberties people are upset. How are they monitoring us? So there are 25 of these billboards around the country. Lumo. They're the big digital ones. Now, most of these are in Auckland.

There are two sites in Christchurch and one in Hamilton, Tauranga and Wellington. So they're just a big electronic billboard, but they have like popping off the side of them, like a whole bunch of security cameras. Chinese government facial identification cameras. It kind of is a bit black mirror, a bit surveillance state. So, and this is what people are worried about,

is that they're collecting information and they're just worried about how that's going to be used. What information? It should be probably on the list of people's concerns if you're on Facebook or Instagram who collect so much data and sell it on that it's ridiculous. So apparently they've said

that they don't take any personal data. They're just monitoring traffic flows. But they do have plate, apparently plate recognition software so they can see the make and model of your car so they could then say to advertisers, oh we get a lot of Toyotas or a lot of Mazdas driving past or

at this time. So maybe you want to advertise your new Toyota. Yeah, the upgraded new Toyota Yaris for example, which is new gen compact design, but built with attitude. And you would see another Yaris

driver and say, well, they love the Yaris. Let's tell them about the new Yaris. Yeah, or Mazda might come in and say, well, let's upgrade them. Like yesterday, when I Googled that Hyundai and Ford jumped in with the purchased advertising and the Google thing. So apparently the company's doing nothing wrong.

They're within the privacy rules. Yeah. But yeah, obviously people are just a bit concerned that they're capturing all of this data. Right. Because so many cars, all these billboards are on main thoroughfares, main roads. It's worried that they're capturing so much information about people.

And then they've got, yeah, because it's very hard to predict the actions of one person, isn't it? But it's easy to predict the actions of thousands because they can identify patterns. Yeah, they can. And then also people that advertise on the billboards want to know how many cars drove past, how many people saw it.

And then when we're vaccinated with Bill Gates microchips, they'll be able to control us via 5G and know exactly where we are by that camera there. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wow. Mm-hmm. So, like, foot traffic, or is it just on the side of busy roads?

I think they just, I just think the vehicle movements. But yeah, I don't know if it captures people as well, but yeah. Kind of big, it's kind of like, yeah,

because you read about like China's big brother technology and how even if they jaywalk, Yeah, you can lose social points. Yeah, you lose your social points.

It's like an episode of Black Mirror. Yeah. And they're like, well, you can't travel. And then jokes on them because no one can travel. Because you can't travel. And then jokes on them.

Because no one can travel. Because you can't travel anyway. I incorrectly said today is the day that it changes, the tenancy rules. It is tomorrow that it comes into effect. And these are a whole lot of new rules under the Residential Tenancies Amendment Act. And some of the changes are the following. Right.

You can no longer, if you're a landlord, kick someone out of a tenancy for no reason. You just can't, without cause. You can't do the, you have to move out in 90 days. There has to be ground. So this is similar to, we were just saying off air, it's similar to employment. They can't just be like, me.

Yeah, you've got to get your written warnings for stealing stuff. Yeah. You get a verbal warning for stealing stuff, and then you're like, oh, I've got a couple more. So you keep stealing stuff. That's your written. And then you forget how many warnings you've had. You keep stealing, and then you're gone.

So if you're having loud parties, they can begin the paperwork to say, this is the story. Right, so you'd get warnings and then they could be like, okay, you've been antisocial, get out. Yes. Right, okay. But there are 90-day notices

if the house is to be sold, renovated or demolished. So you can still do a 90-day warning. Or if the landlord wanted to move back in, is that another one? Otherwise, it's pretty hard for them to get rid of you. So that's good. Yes. Because sometimes you can, you know, if you love your place and your flat and you've been in for a while,

they used to be able to get rid of you quite quickly, but now you've got a bit more time to sort your life out. Well, that's the other thing apparently in this story because this is coming in this week. Earlier in the week, landlords were just making some landlords. No, that's the thing.

Landlords are getting tarnished with the bad guy's brush. This is always the case. This is the same with tenants. Tenants get tarnished with the bad tenant's brush. Yeah. Everyone's quick to jump

on the side of negativity, but there's good people, a lot of good people on both sides of the fence here. But apparently we're kicking out tenants because they just wanted them out before these new rules made it harder to kick them out should they need to kick them out.

And notice period for tenants to terminate a periodic tenancy has gone from three weeks to four weeks. Okay. Tenants can now make the rentals feel more like home. They're not allowed to permanently damage the place. So if they do want to put shelving up, for example,

but it involves fastening it to the wall or having a screw on the wall, they can, but they still are responsible for fixing any holes. So you could either leave the shelves up when you left if they're nice and to the satisfaction of everybody involved.

Yeah, otherwise just plaster over the hole. Take the shelves, plaster the hole, paint over it all, fix it. So, I mean, still don't drill a big hole in a wallpaper wall because I don't know if you know this, wallpaper pretty hard to patch. Yeah, because I once knew someone flatting and they painted, you know, that chalkboard paint over like one wall of their bedroom.

I was like, I don't know if you're allowed to do that. But can you paint, can you like redecorate your flat? You can put up a, it says here, minor changes to the property. So if you want to hang those shelves or put up a painting, they pretty much can't tell you not to, unless it's going to leave permanent damage to the property or cause structural harm. So I can't put in a new doorway?

No, actually. Okay. Okay. No. And tenants will be responsible, so it can still be taken out of your bond at the end of things. Right, okay. But you can kind of do it. And minor change is what it's called.

That's kind of still up for debate. So as you say, if you paint an entire wall chalkboard, that's not as palatable as perhaps a nice neutral tone. I can't wait for the future court cases to decide the bar. What is a minor change? So there's also, now it's

prohibited on rental bidding. So that's where you might be advertising. You might say, you might not put a price, for example. You go to look at a flat and say it's $500. Yep. And then someone comes in and says, I'll give you $510. And someone else will say, I'll do $520.

That's good. That's a good rule. Yeah, so that it can't, you know, and that swells the price of rentals and that all goes crazy. And then the person who had the most money gets it. Fiber broadband. I don't even know this and I can't understand why. But I mean, if you've seen a chorus installation,

you probably can understand why. Fibre broadband, your landlord can't stop you having it anymore. Can't stop the installation of fibre broadband. Why? They wanted to stop it previously because what? They didn't want their house having a hole inside of it or something? Yeah, right. Yeah, but I mean, even if you own the house, chorus still don't care.

They'll just run a cord. Waggledy-piggledy, waggledy-waggledy. Famously, there is a Facebook page, chorus installs. It's quite lols. Yeah. Also now, apparently, all fixed-term tenancy agreements will convert to periodic tenancy agreements. So from my understanding, if you were in a tenancy agreement

for two years, that's a long time, but a year, and you're going year to year, and then six months in, you want it out, and the landlord's like, you're not going anywhere. They've got to go back to periodic tenancies rather than long-term. Right. So you can give 28 days notice now and be able to move out and not be held to the end of that.

So you won't have to sign things for two years? No, I don't believe so. And all the ones that are have to be converted back. Right. And the tenancy tribunal, so if you had a landlord that you had a personal problem with and so they made it their life wish to have your name with a black mark against it,

at a tenancy tribunal, you can't be publicly named. Right. You can't be held out there because recently there was a landlord's Facebook group where they were all just publishing the names of bad tenants that had and so they could search through. Yeah right. And assignment of tenancies. So this is where you are

in a house and you want to move out you have somebody to move in if it's a reasonable request the landlord can't deny it they can't automatically decline the request. So if you are like, oh, I'm a recently divorced best mate. This is the example used in the article.

Needs to move in. We're moving. The landlord can't just be like, absolutely not. No, no, no. And if you sign a tenancy agreement that says you are unable to assign this, it's illegal apparently. And there's a whole lot of other things that you can read into, but those are the basic, easy to understand ones

that come into effect tomorrow. Yeah, right. Yeah. So hold off with your, hold off with your, your wattle. You're repainting your own. Yeah, until tomorrow. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the hard to find ZM think Tank, this is the Top Six.

Hello there. Yesterday, when Māori Party co-leader Rawadi Waititi entered Parliament wearing a hatike rather than a Western-style tie, Trevor Mallard told him he had to leave. It's a dress code in New Zealand Parliament that males must be wearing ties, Western-style ties. Hmm. Western-style, so not a bow tie? No, that is... Well, that's a Western...

Is that a Western style? Yeah, remember, who's Dunn? Oh, Peter Dunn. Peter Dunn. He did the party pingers. What? The party pills, didn't he? Was he the party pills guy? Was he anti-party pills? Yeah, he was the one that got rid of those, wasn't he? Yeah. Oh, you said he did party pills. I thought you meant he famously...

And I was like, I can't remember what he'd done to him. Yes, he sat in most parliament sittings in a bow tie. Yeah, high on party pills. Synthetic party pills. Yeah, yeah. But he wore a bow tie, so I guess that does tick the box. That's what he always did, didn't he? Yeah.

Yeah. But he wore a bow tie, so I guess that does tick the box. That's what he always did, didn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Previously, the tie described by a multi-party co-leader as a colonial noose. Yeah. Remember when he went in on his maiden speech? He was like, like that. Well, it's a silly rule. There should be sort of an updated. It does seem old. Because he had an open collar.

I understand the need for some form of formality. But also, it's New Zealand. I think you should be able to wear jandals if you want. Sure. But you've got to be wearing shorts with them. Yeah. Oh, no, jeans with jandals at a certain time of the year. God, the talkback will be going crazy.

People that work at talkback don't have to do any preparation, do they? No. They seriously have the most easiest job just stirring up the boomers. Stirring up a pot. And they'll be bitching and whinging about it today, but think without Rawiri Waititi, they would have actually had to do some work today. So the work's been done for them.

So they don't dislike it that much. But I've got the top six other formal pieces of clothing that should be compulsory in Parliament if neckties are. Yeah. And number six, those white wigs. What the barristers solicited. Yeah, those barristers wear. Do they still wear them in the House of Lords in England?

I think so, yeah. I've got a feeling that not like the House of Commons. But the people in the middle do. House of Commons. But the people in the middle do. House of Lords. Yeah. Yeah, they wear red cloaks and some of them have got wigs on. Yeah. Yeah, so if we're talking about formalities,

let's get those white wigs back in there, baby. Also, good for the bald MPs. Yeah. Because they don't know they're bald. No, but then real itchy. Oh, straight on the dime. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Number five on the list of the. Yeah, that's true.

Number five on the list of the top six other pieces of formal clothing that should be compulsory in Parliament. Monocles. Yes. I want my MPs to look like Mr. Monopoly. Yes. With top hats. And they have to hold it and when they're talking they can take it out and it can be on a chain so they can gesticulate wildly

and then pop it back in before they sit down. Yep. No glasses, just monocles. Number four on the list of the top six other pieces of formal clothing that I demand should be compulsory in Parliament. Cummerbunds. Not that actor that played Sherlock Holmes

in Doctor Strange, Benedict Cumberbund. The thing you wear around your belly on a formal occasion, the black. Yeah, right. Isn't that from the old days you'd wear that to put your pocket in? To hide the pox. Hide the,

yeah, strap in the pox? Yeah, yeah, strap in the pox. For a big night? Definitely strap in the pox. Okay. Number three on the list.

It's a step up from the cummerbund on the top six formal pieces of clothing that should be compulsory in Parliament, in my opinion, the girdle.

Oh, yeah. Just get strapped into that, pull it tight, suck the gut in and do good for the posture. Yeah, both of these. Good into that. Pull it tight. Suck the gut in. Do good for the posture. Yeah, both of these. Good for the... Hold it up.

Maybe some shallow breathing if you've got it tied too tight. Could be good. Yeah. Okay. Could be good. Number two on the list of the top six other formal pieces of clothing that I think, nay, I demand should be compulsory in Parliament. Top hats.

Very formal. Big stovepipe top. Top hats. Very formal. Stovepipe top hats. Yep. Very formal. And they're in at the moment with Bridgerton. You might even see some into clubs. No one's wearing a top hat to the club. Come on.

And number one, you might see them make their way back into weddings. You may be. Ew, really? Speaking of, number one on the list of the top six other formal pieces of clothing that I demand should be compulsory in Parliament,

wedding dresses. Every woman in Parliament should have a dress and a wedding dress. Fantastic, yeah. Hair done, fascinated, maybe a veil.

Yep. It just seems, if we're going to go in on this formal thing, we really need to get in. Yeah. And all. That is today's top six

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan the podcast ZM we got a bit of time up our sleeve do we we do like are we gonna talk now play a song

talk again ads I don't know so now do you want me to talk about what we were gonna talk about or do you want me to do a filler break

no I want you to talk about I would have preferred a filler break because I lost that link no wait I gotcha I gotcha of course you do I gotcha I would have preferred to fill a break because I lost that link. No, wait, I got you. I got you. Of course you do.

I got you. There's been a study on accents. Now, generally, we as New Zealanders only talk about this when we get sexiest accents, which we did remember. Kiwis topped the poll of the world's sexiest accents. So if we could just revisit that very quickly, we did great. Yeah. To the novice here, the New Zealand accent might sound like an Australian accent, but it has been disagreed with on a whole.

The most charming and sexy accent is the Kiwi accent. We got very excited about that. I feel that was in the news cycle for at least a week. Yes. When that happened. Yes. When this story came out that we're going to talk about now, it's been

quite buried. I think it came out over the weekend. Hasn't made a lot of sense. And the fact that the only, so the Knowledge Academy conducted the study and they asked 300 men and women to listen to five minutes of the same narrative of various English speaking

accents. Okay. So these were judged from around, you know, they speak English, you've got your South African, you've got your Australian, you've got your American, you've got your Canadian, all of those sorts of accents. They were asked to rank them. And it's bad news for the ladies.

The Kiwi accent, female Kiwi accent, the third most annoying on the list. Oh, Executive Intern Anya joins us in studio just for some... Hello. Comment on that, hello. So they timed them how long they could listen to this narrative before they found it annoying. The US was the most annoying for females to have, which is weird, 1 minute, 26 seconds.

Okay. Then South Africa, people lasted one minute, 44. Then New Zealand lasted two minutes and seven seconds. I think South Africa lasted as long as it did because everybody was scared what would happen if they turned it off.

Rather than. Yeah. They were enjoying it. But then it went Australia, Wales, England, Canada, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and then Irish.

Oh, I see. Because I've got Irish Surrey. Me too. And she's a real treat every time she comes on. I accidentally changed to male Irish Surrey. Lost a little bit of its charm. Right, okay. But then I was changing back to female Irish Surrey last night,

and I was going to dip my toes in female Indian Surrey. Okay. But it was like a 327 megabyte update. Oh, okay. So that got waylaid. Okay. I'll do that at some point. You're on rural broadband.

That would take like four days. Oh, it would take forever. So then in the men's stakes, we come in at seventh and the most annoying. Or as I prefer to look at it, fourth. Yes. In the good accents. Yep. So again, the US was the most annoying.

Then it was Canadian men who had the most annoying accent. Then it went Wales, South Africa, Northern Ireland, which is weird because I thought ladies just loved Irish accents regardless if it was the Protestant or the Catholic or the Northern or the Southern. Then English. Then New Zealand, unfortunately beaten by the Australians, who lasted about 20 seconds longer than us. Dammit.

Irish and then Scottish was considered the least annoying. Four minutes, 35 seconds, which is the equivalent of how females, males like the Irish accent on females. So Irish and Scottish were the winners there. Right. Have you found this on your travels overseas? People like your accent? Yeah.

The female Kiwi accent? Yeah. But then I haven't talked for probably longer than two and a half minutes. So maybe that's the key, you know? You know your limit. Just short words when travelling overseas. I'll hold off on my monologues. Right. Yeah. Keep it short and they should be sweet with it. Yep. So when travelling overseas. I'll hold off on my monologues.

Yeah, keep it short and they should be sweet with it. So there you go. Sorry, ladies. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There's a post from a parenting Facebook group that actually didn't result in a pylon. Wow. There might have been like mini pylons or mini judgements,

but it wasn't one person putting their hand up and then getting absolutely mowed into by people who think they're better parents, yet their kids are probably out burning down the local primary school. Mum Facebook pages, Facebook groups are renowned. Famously toxic. For internet content and, yeah, a lot of toxic. Great for us.

Great for content, but also a lot of toxicity. A rich vein of content, but also a fair bit of, as you say, tox Toxicity? I think when I said that Toxicology Toxicology report Yeah, that's definitely toxicology We ran a toxicology report

One Australian woman led the charge by just being like What do you guys do for dinners when you can't be bothered? When you're just tired, it's been a long day What are you feeding these little shits? And put up a photo of what she calls her pick plate.

And it's got a bit of everything. There's some corn, there's some cheese. It looks like a platter. There's some protein, there's some fruit, there's some naans, there's some chopped up grapes.

You've got to chop up your grapes. Wait, this is dinner. Yeah. She can't be bothered so she just goes in the fridge and just gets, like, basically does a tasting platter. Makes them a mini plats.

Oh, I don't know about that. No. Why not? It's got a bit of everything. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then other mums are like,

ah, yeah, my kids are like this all the time and you quit all this effort into cooking them something that I want to eat it. So yeah, if I'm going to just chuck it together, this is what I chuck together

and there's some veg and some corn and some peas and some chicken tenders and some chips. Is that what you do? Nugs? Nugs are big in our house. Those chicken tenders, they're big in our house for some reason

when they're called tenders and not nuggets. You think you're being a better parent, but you're not really. They're exactly the same. They're just longer. Fish fingers, but the rule is the kids aren't allowed to unwrap them, because then you see how grey the fish is and that makes you feel guilty.

Oh, so you've got to rule, like, leave the crumbs on. Yeah, you can cut the fish finger, but eat it with the crumb on, because then it's purely for me, they don't care, but if the crumb comes off, I see it, I'm like, oh god. Oh yeah, but I used to love, that's like when I ate a crunchy bar, I ate all the chocolate on the outside. And same with fish fingers, I'll eat the batter, and then yeah, you do, you're like, oh, that's like when I eat a crunchy bar, I eat all the chocolate on the outside. And same with fish fingers.

I'll eat the batter and then, yeah, you do. You're like, oh, that's what it is. Fish mulp on the inside. Mulp. It's mulp. It's not pulp. It's not mulch. It's mulp.

Fish mulp. Yeah. Squeezed into a finger. Let's not ask questions. Yeah. And it makes you feel bad. But anyway, they're eating and sometimes you put a lot of effort into feeding them and they don't want to eat it. But it got us wondering with parents doing this, like the meals, they can't be bothered cooking for their kids.

Yeah, 100%. What are the adult can't be bothered cooking meals? Like you can't, you're so lazy and tired after getting home. You don't even want to go get takeaways because that's down the road and requires effort. Yeah. But you don't even want to get get takeaways because that's down the road and requires effort. Yeah. But you don't even want to get Uber Eats. You're that lazy. Yeah. Maybe you just don't want to

spend that much money. But so you're like, well, I'll just do this. It's going to be easier. Yeah. To get it done. What is your can't be bothered cooking dinner? But it also can be a little bit like, for some reason, I don't know why I just put it in my hand. I've never thought of it. And I'm going to try this.

Crumbing something with cruscuts. Okay, you've got cruscuts just hanging around? Oh, when you've got kids, you've always got cruscuts.

Right. Yeah, and you'd crush up the cruscuts and use them as the crumb. That would be a good batter, would it? Because they're very light.

No, I think it'd be good. You wouldn't want to get them, you wouldn't want to mulch them to dust. Right. Executive Intern Anya, what's your can't be bothered to dinner? Can't be bothered cooking dinner? I'm similar in the sense that it's also a snack platter.

Like, to me, if it involves a dish, it's not happening. I'm not doing any dishes. It has to go into the dishwasher. Oh, okay, right. So you're talking no pots? No pots, no pans. I'm not even turning the tap. Oh, okay, right. So you're talking no pots? No pots, no pans. I'm not even turning the tap on. I refuse to rinse.

Well, you're not even going to rinse the things you're about to put on the plate. You're always going to rinse a tomato if you're getting it from the supermarket. Not me. No. Now I'll do like baby tomatoes, a carrot, maybe some cucumber sticks. Where's your protein? Olives, cheese on crackers, maybe a cold meat if it's floating around in the fridge. Okay, there's no cold meat in the house,

but there is a tin of like tuna. Yucky. You slopping that? Oh, you don't eat tuna. No, I'm not into tuna. Salmon? Yeah, I'd go with salmon. Would you go with a tin of salmon?

They leave the back in there. They leave the backbones in there. I know you can eat them, but something off-putting about seeing something spine when you open up a tin. Yeah, there really is. I bloody love salmon.

I've said before, if I could only eat one meat for the rest of my life, it would probably be salmon. Is it? Because mine would be chicken, I think. And it's kind of like... Versatile. Because you can't do a salmon butter chicken.

You can do a butter salmon. Why couldn't you? It's true. I don't know. That would be yum. Can you do a salmon butter chicken? There's not many Indian dishes with fish in it. Well, not many curries, but probably that's because the fish turns into malt.

No, because I think the salmon would be too rich to go with a butter chicken. Oh, you know what? I think we need to try this before we say no. Is there someone listening who works at an Indian food outlet

that could let us know if a salmon chicken, a butter salmon is possible? Because you could do a white, like a flaky white fish in a butter chicken sauce. Easy. Yeah, you could.

That would go really well. Salmon. But the fish would disintegrate. Yeah, but salmon's got a bit more hold. Yeah, I don't think a salmon would work. God damn it, I love salmon. You'd have to cut it on the skin so the skin held it together. How about that?

Yeah, maybe. But then the only good thing about salmon skin is when it's crispy. You don't want it floppy. Yeah, that's yuck. Nah. So we want to take your calls this morning right now on 0800 DARNS AT M 9696 to text us.

You're like lazy CBF meals. What do you chuck on a plate? I'm not going to lie to you. We could steal this and put it in a cookbook. Like we actually can. And there's no judge here. Absolutely.

Maybe it's two weird food combinations. Yep. But a, you know, bit of sweet, bit of sour. Yep. Put them together. And involves minimal effort. Minimal effort is the only prerequisite.

Your can't be bothered cooking meals, what are they? So we want to know your go-to can't be bothered cooking meals. You're too lazy to even leave the house to get takeaways. So we floated this idea of this salmon butter chicken or a salmon take a masala. Which, by the way, isn't a can't be bothered cooking meal. This was a side tangent. It was. Really. I tell you what,

getting some great advice. Well, I floated the idea, could you do a salmon butter chicken? Easy. Or a salmon... Do you know what? I've just googled. Jamie Oliver does a crispy korma salmon. Crispy korma salmon. I would say crispy salmon korma. He's got the crispy in the wrong spot there.

It's in the middle. On Bad Smarty Rice. See, I reckon if you just cooked any fish and then had like a butter chicken or a korma sauce, that would be delicious. Yes, yes, yes. Why haven't I done this ever? I don't know.

I've come all this way through life and I've never done that. I know. I can understand why the food court's not doing it. The fish wouldn't hold its integrity in that little warmer tray. No. You'd want to get the fish crispy, hot, and then right on the rice, sauce ready, go.

This is while the producers have been fielding a barrage, of course, Fletch and I have been in a solid three and a half minute discussion on how exactly this would be done. We would cook the salmon separately so that you got the crispiness, the crispy salmon. The hard skin.

Yes, that really nice, like almost that caramelized vibe. And then you'd cook the sauce, you'd have your rice on the plate and you'd go sauce and fish on the plate at the same time. And it would be heaven. I refer to it as heaven.

Because then it would maintain its integrity, but the sauce would kind of leak through and give it a bit of flavor on the way to the table. I think a white fish would work better. I'll try both. I'll let you know. The white fish would definitely have to be added as it hit the plate.

Absolutely. Well, I'm glad that we've sorted that out. Let's take some calls. Anne-Marie, what's your go-to can't-be-bothered cooking meal? Well, it's not now, but it used to be on a Friday night for the kids. I had nothing in the fridge. We were having steak and they didn't like it and didn't want it. Aren't they ungrateful?

Drives me nuts. We've just got to play hardball with these little shits. Let's back them into a corner where they're so hungry they'll eat what's in front of them. She's like, no, I'll just cook them something different. I'm like, you're making a rod for your own back, woman. It didn't bother me. I'd much rather eat the steak and them not, to be honest. You get more steak.

I'm with you on that too. So what would you give them on a can't-be-bothered cooking day? So one day I just had nothing, and so I pulled out and I cooked them some rice. Yep. Baked beans on rice, and that became the yum thing. That was their treat on a Friday night, and they loved it. Baked beans on rice, and that became the yum thing. That was their treat on a Friday night, and they loved it. Baked beans on rice.

And you could get that packet. Baked beans on rice. You could get that packet rice. It takes two minutes. The baked beans on the stove, on the microwave, you could have dinner done in five minutes. Less. Absolutely, and they loved it.

Easy clean-up too. Baked beans, sauce famously washes off. Anne-Marie thinks you're cool. Scott, it's a car-heavy Friday night meal. It is after 6pm too. Scott, what's your go-to can't-be-bothered cooking meal? Right, now, full disclosure, this is my beautiful partner, Taylor's, but I call it soggy nachos.

So essentially you get nachos, preferably salsa mexicana branded. Okay. Then you add some salsa, and then you put some mainland tasty cheese on top. Then you do the repeat. Chuck it in the microwave for two to three minutes, and you have yourself an absolute treat, one dish, and your night is set. Beautiful date night. Did you say 32 minutes in the microwave or two to three minutes?

Two to three minutes. Two to three minutes. I was like, dude, you're going to start a house fire. You always bought an archer. Really? Yeah, so why not put them under the grill in the oven? Because then you're not going to get, like, microwave destroys the food. Yeah, but you can't be bothered cooking.

Yeah, that's too much effort if you put it in the oven. Yeah. It's exactly the same amount of effort to open it up and, like, turn the dial and push the buttons. It's just the weight. No, the grill takes too long. We're probably too lazy to wait as well, aren't we? Yeah, the grill takes too long. I get that.

Yeah, no. 30 seconds. Yeah, put it in, done. So by making it a vegetarian meal, you've also skipped out the point of having to cook the meat to put it with the nachos. Correct. I'm with you.

You don't worry about it being undercooked or anything. Right. So you'd call yourself a vegetarian just by laziness, by way of laziness. Oh, and if there's mince going around, I'm not going to say no to it, but it's probably just a little more for thinking. You're a lazy vegetarian.

Hey, Scott, thanks for your cool some text messages. Somebody said, it was my after school snack and it stays with me now even to the age of 54, a Waddy's tomato sauce sandwich on white bread. Oh, that's a classic. That's a classic. And I'm imagining like a good millimetre of margarine. Because you don't

want the sauce to seep through the bread. No, no, no. You don't want a soggy bit of bread. I tell you what, the air fryer people have come out in force. Yeah. Air fryer people, you always hear from them, they buy an air fryer. But there's hate. Why is there hate for air fryer? There's no hate for air fryer. No, I thought that... Oh, okay. No, I thought air fryer. Air fryer is here. Oh, okay.

No, I thought people took the mickey out of them online. Oh, they do because they always talk about how they've got an air fryer. Oh, okay, right. But there's no oil in the air fryer.

How do they work? They just air. It's like a pressure cooker. You put it in and you lock it down and then it's a really hot convection current.

Yeah, right. And yeah, they love it. These air fryer people are crazy for it. Mum and dad got one for Christmas. Don't terrorists use these and put nails in them? No, you're thinking of a pressure cooker. Oh, okay, right.

Nails for a pressure cooker. Oh, right. You know, I'd like to see a terrorist try to do an air fryer. Or what would happen is they'd plug it in, they'd turn on it, and everybody's like, oh my God, those chicks smell amazing. No oil. Somebody else said toasted sandwiches have always been the go in our house. Oh, yeah.

But you trick kids into thinking they're pretty bougie and away you go. Yeah. Someone said Weet-Bix for dinner. It's just confusing to the body to be eating Weet-Bix at that time of day. So that's why that feels a little bit bougie. Two-minute noodles. But it's all what you add to the Two Minute Noodles that make it seem a little out there. Yeah, I remember back

in my school days, I would rock a Two Minute Noodle Omelette. Someone messaged in a Two Minute Noodle Omelette. And that was, I tell you what, you had your protein and your carbs. And it would be good because correct me if I'm wrong, would the noodles hold the omelette together? Oh, absolutely. Because that's the biggest problem with an omelette. Structural integrity of that was incredible.

Turns out scrambled eggs. Yeah. It's like a reinforcement bar through concrete, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, if I had TikTok back then, I would have added some resin to it and made a table out of it. Fixed your toilet or something. Sure. Yeah, there's lots of good, lots of great meals.

Fletchbourne and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM. Fletchbourne and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Just got a little waylaid there with Community Notices. My friend who's in lockdown in the UK, his wife just ate a chocolate pie, but she ate the cardboard base that it was on as well.

She didn't know it was cardboard. Oh, no. But in her defense... She cut it and the knife went through the cardboard so she ate the whole thing. Yeah. Sometimes, you know, the wrapping at the bottom of something delicious gets soaked in the goodness. If it was like a light paper, I could understand it.

But no, it's like a thick cardboard. Okay. Apparently the chocolate tart just got away on her. Anyway. She's in lockdown. No judgment. I know. No judgment here. Hey, she's in lockdown. No judgment. I know, no judgment here. I remember it not fondly.

Let's go to, I don't know where this place is. It is a post where someone is offering a crucial service. Alexander, this is Community Notices, by the way. Did I do that part? No. This is Community Notices. It's a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand equipment and local Facebook pages.

Alexander offers this service. For $10, I'll come to your house and hot glue all your TV remotes together. What? Tired of losing your TV remotes?

Can always find one but not the other? Well, look no further to have all your problems solved for one easy payment of $10, I'll drive to your house and hot

glue gun them all together and attach a tile tracker, although that's sold separately. I can add that for an additional fee. Now, how they glue them, if you've got three in a triangle, so that you can still access the battery casings

through the bottom and the middle, it'll be a tight squeeze to get to the battery casings. Weird. Okay. I would have thought, as you said, side-by-side would be the better option. Yeah, because then you'd still get into the battery cases, and then you've got a big, chunky remote that you're never going to lose. That you're not going to lose.

No. Yeah. That's the thing, everybody always wanted the smaller remote, but then it just gets lost so much easier. Yeah. Well, yeah, people get those universal remotes. You get one remote so you don't have like three. Yeah. But then you've always got to be like TV, channel up, AV system, volume

down and click around. Oh, first word problems. It sure is one of those. Let's go to Mochueca. Buy, sell and community page. Fiona's posted. Was up the resurgence today. You know what that is? It's in the Rauaka. No, not the Rauaka. Yeah, the Rauaka

River. What is the resurgence? It's where the freshest water comes through into the... We went there actually over summer. It's beautiful. Of course you comes through. We went there actually over summer. It's beautiful. So beautiful. Of course you did. Yeah, we did.

Is it naturific? It is naturific. Well, this is why Fiona's pissed. She said, Philip, if you're going to dump your bong pipe, at least have the intelligence not to dump your address mail from the police with it. And your job application form to work at Tally's. And the box and the receipt for your new shoes are also there.

There could never have been a more mot community notice if you tried to make one up. Somebody went... Tally's, bong, police. The letter from the police and taking your bong as well as some rubbish into nature to enjoy it. Like the purest of nature too. That's so funny.

Yeah, his address is there and everything. I won't dox him. But your address is on there, Philip, so you probably need to get in touch with Fiona or go and pick up your mess because you've left your address in there. This one comes to us from the Tauranga Buy Sale Swap page. Emily says,

I'm hesitant to post this because of judgment. Okay. And then that laughy face with a sweat bead. So only comment if you have an answer. I have an old haunted clown doll. Okay. That continues to find me no matter how many times I've taken it to the rubbish dump.

What? I need answers as to why, but I'm unsure who to take it to. Is there a local psychic or medium or witch that could help me? Witch? Absolutely not. Someone's pranking her, right? Like her husband?

If you're taking the clown doll to the dump and it's back in your house, it's not walking back. No one's seeing Slappy the Ventriloquist and they'll be walking back. I'm going to go back to Emily's house. What if it is though? What if it is? There's a reasonable

logical explanation. Like someone in her family is pranking her. And it's brilliant. I'm here for someone in her family is pranking her. Yeah. And it's brilliant. I'm here for it. Or there was no clown doll. Yes. Everything's a fit in her imagination.

Plot twist. But anyway, if anybody wants to make some money pretending to be a psychic, a median, or a witch, get in touch. Further down on community notices, this is a really interesting question. Okay. Jeanne, I think. G-I-A-N-N.

Jeanne. Jeanne. It's the start of Jeanness, which is my dude in the NBA. Okay. Place of the box. So it's like that. Jeanne. I'm going to go with Jeanne from the Te Amutu buy, sell and trade page. This is the most random request I have ever posted on a buy, sell page.

But does anyone locally have a Toyota Prius or an Aqua? I really need to see if my dog will comfortably fit in the boot. So can I come and please try for five minutes to see if my dog can comfortably fit in? I promise I'm really safe. I'm a nice person and you can pat my dog for free. They're thinking of buying one of these cars but they need to know if it's

well why not do that with the test drive they might not be buying it from the yard they might be buying it in a private sale and they might have to drive to go there

they're going to drive all the way there they want to know that their dog can fit or if they're going to look at Prii which is the plural of Prius

of course it goes Prius Prii Priankar Chopra and your ongoing flow of Prius of course it goes Prius Prii Priyankarachopra and your ongoing flow of Prius numbers Prius 1 Prii 2

Priyankarachopra more than 2 that's a fleet otherwise no one answers a fleet of Prius yes Priyankarachopra that

they need to know if the dog can fit comfortably that's a great that's clever thinking. Yeah, it is. Why don't they order an Uber? They live in Taumuru. Yeah, I'm pretty sure in TA you can get Ubers.

No, you can probably get a taxi, but I don't know if you can get an Uber. If anyone in Taumuru can let us know, that'd be great. That's just our own personal satisfaction. I'd love for you to be wrong, Georgia, just because you came in there quite hot. I don't think you can get an Uber in Taumuru.

Small rural towns don't have Uber. What are you often. I don't think you can get an Uber in Te Awamutu. Small rural towns don't have Uber. What are you, an Uber directory of where you can get Ubers? Look, I'll be your Uber. Can you get Uber in Te Awamutu? From Hamilton, probably.

God damn it. She's not wrong. Shit. How did you know that? I just took of stare in the dark. Ride-sharing giant Uber is expanding into Cambridge, Tiamatu, Huntley, Morrinsville, and Ngaruawahia. That was in 2019. It's probably already opted out. Too many people vomiting in the back of their Uber.

They're like, it's just not worth going to these shitty little Waikato towns anymore. Hey, I'm from one of them. I'm allowed to say that. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything local on your Facebook page, screen cap it

and send it to ours. Oh, I've heard it from Tiago Mourinho. Ubers aren't there anymore. Only taxis. Apologise. Oh,

I do sincerely apologise. When we were wrong, we refused to apologise. Now that you're wrong, you must apologise. Oh, yeah, someone said, of course, don't read out just one text you got through. Someone says, of course you can, more likely than Morrinsville.

No, someone said definitely no Ubers in Te Amuru. No, currently you can't get Uber in Te Amuru. Okay, fine. Okay, so definitely apologise? Definitely apologise, Georgia. Sincerely apologise. You and Philip the bong dropper of Mochiwaka have got some big apologies to make.

Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to us, FEMZM on Facebook. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Now, a study's been done ahead of Valentine's Day. It has asked people what gifts they don't like receiving, basically. And so these are gifts you should probably avoid

because they're quite cliche. Now in this study, nearly half of respondents, 47% of people said it's extremely important that their partner remembers their likes and their dislikes. Yeah. Because if you're getting your partner something

and they've told you, I don't like that, or, hey, we've been together a while, why haven't you figured this out? They're going to be pissed. Right. Goes without saying, right? You've got to know your partner, right? Yeah, definitely.

53% of people in the study said that any kind of heart-shaped chocolate was a cop-out gift. But wonderful complimentary gift, like to compliment the main gift. Yeah, sure. Because I love chocolate. Everyone loves chocolate. I don't mind the shade that it comes in.

Exactly. So they've rated all of these different Valentine's Day gifts. 14% would object to being serenaded. Could you imagine? I would just look for the nearest exit. In public? Yeah. Or just serenaded full- you imagine? I would just look for the nearest exit. In public? Yeah. Or just serenaded full stop.

It doesn't specify public. If Sade serenaded you? I'd love it. Would you? Because I'd just know that she'd... You'd laugh. I would love it because it'd be so out of character for her.

Yeah. And you would... She would hate it if you did that to her. Because I'd... Yeah, I'd do it publicly. Yeah, you would. You'd try to embarrass her. When you say serenade, you mean sing.

Yeah. Because Haim can't really sing, so I don't know if I'd appreciate it either. Wouldn't he appreciate the effort that he's really trying? Yeah, but also I would appreciate if he hired someone to sing. Oh, no, that would be worse. See, that would anger me because that's money that's been spent. Yeah, but it's... I don't want to spend money on that.

Yeah, we should be spending money on those heart-shaped chocolates we were just talking about. That's something we can all eat. Serenade for free. Yeah, I mean, unless you've got like a partner that can actually sing. Then it's... Nah, because then they'd always be singing. You'd be sick of it. You'd be bloody sick of it. Or what if you've got a partner

that thinks they can sing? Oh, hilarious. Oh, no. No, but they don't find it hilarious. You can't laugh at them. But behind your... I wouldn't be able to hide it. I was at a wedding once where someone's idea of a gift

was their sister, like, the sister of the groom, her gift to them was to sing. Oh, no. And everyone was just like, oh, this is going to be good. See, I would love to see that. I would love to see that. They were just like, ah. But they obviously knew that that's the sort of person she was and she wasn't fantastic

singer. 18% of people in this study would detest a love coupon book. You know those? Like redeem this for a hug. That was a cute ass. I know. I would have thought most people would have been on board with those. But yeah, 18% of people studied. This is going, you know, from least to most detested Valentine's Day gifts.

22% aren't chocolates. What is wrong with these people? I'm probably, at this time, I'd probably be like, no, no chocolates. You're trying to behave and eat well. Yeah. So if I got given chocolates, I'd be like, excuse me, you know the hard work I'm putting in. Right, gotcha.

28% of people in the study said they don't want flowers for Valentine's Day. That's a joke, right? No, some people just don't like flowers because they're expensive and they don't last very long. You better get them a plant. Yeah, that's a good call, yeah. You can't really get someone a single rose bush though, could you? Yeah.

Flowering? Get someone a rose bush. Or you get those dried flowers. That's a tree now. Yeah, the last forever. Or some toy toy off the side of the road. Hang that upside down until it's dry and that'll make a wonderful decorative piece. Okay, the most detested gift, the gift that people do not want for Valentine's Day

is number one on the list, 34% saying no way, furry handcuffs. Is that even an option? Do people get that? People do apparently get that for Valentine's Day. Furry handcuffs. Well, they're also only two bucks or something, aren't they? How do you know that? That's why if you're going to buy a pair of handcuffs, buy a good pair of handcuffs. Well, they're also only two bucks or something, aren't they? How do you know that?

I don't know. That's why, if you're going to buy a pair of handcuffs, buy a good pair of handcuffs. Get military police grade handcuffs and then they can't get out.

Yeah. And then add fur. Or take a lesson out of the book of those people that stormed the Capitol and just have those big grunty cable ties.

Nothing sees romance like cable ties. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Producer Jared's looking for a flat at the moment. Did you get asked to be a character reference on his flat applications? No.

No. No one else? No one else? Are you dead? Me and you. No one else? I am. Executive intern Anya and Vaughan.

Why aren't I a character reference? Yeah, yeah. Piece of shit. I've got no good reason. Sorry. Wow. Okay, wow. I've got no good reason. I'm sorry. Wow. Okay, wow. I'm an upstanding member of society. Yeah. People won't have to Google too much to find out some very dark things about you. And Vaughn's a landlord,

so... I'm a landowner. Look at me go. I'll talk to these people as their peers. I'll say, good day, fellow landowner. I speak to you on behalf of one of my underlings and their request to live in your abode. I've known Vaughan long enough to know that he's ruined some flats.

That's old Vaughan. We can't keep tagging me in with what Vaughan was doing in the noughties. They were called the noughties for a reason. I was very naughty, but in the tens and twenties I've been a respectable gentleman. Some of them. It's tough at the moment, especially at places like Wellington and Auckland. It's that kind of time of the year as well

where students are looking for their new flats as well. The housing shortage. There are lines and it's hard. There are waits to get flats. Every flat viewing has been very busy. How many people at some of them? Yesterday's one, there were about 20.

Are you eyeballing them? Like, we'd be better than you. Yeah. Yesterday, I had a really good encounter with one of the girls that was also visiting the flat. Oh, yeah. We were, like, walking down, trying to figure out where the front door was. And we saw all the commotion inside. And we were like, oh, is this the flat?

And then I was like, hey, is this the right address? she was like i don't know is it and you should have been like definitely not see you later you should leave i'll investigate further so you've just sent me the listing this looks like a nice place they've definitely um blown out the color contrast to make the whites look wider and the brights look brighter um yeah that's just a tip if you're listing anything that doesn't look clean Just overexpose it Overexpose it So the whites do actually Look clean

Not stained and old Well you know Flat listings Where they post the pictures Of when the house Was sold or renovated And they're like Five years old

Like people on Tinder That use a picture That's ten or five years old And then you get there And you're like You've got a bit of grime On your hob Your back door's Not as big as it looked No exactly You've got a bit of grime on your hob.

Your back door's not as big as it looked. No, exactly. But it was something that you saw yesterday at the open, at one of these open homes that we want to discuss. Oh, I saw a bunch of stuff at this place yesterday. So I walked in and was immediately greeted by about five cats. And I was like, ooh, that's not a good sign. Now, are they flat cats or are they owned by the people who are moving out of the flat?

Because you know cats will always go back to where they're used to living. Wait, the flat that you were looking at, the people were still in there? Oh, yeah. They were in the process of either moving out or deep cleaning. Right. There were about 10 people, part flatmates, part property manager. Right. And they were all running around with big rubber gloves on like washing walls cleaning the bathroom

the flat was a state it sounds to me like someone had a fail for a pee test scrub the walls and test again yeah so there was an overwhelming like cat urine smell which was ideal that's the new Akoya candle test again. Yeah, so there was an overwhelming cat urine smell.

Which was ideal. That's the new Akoya candle. Cat urine. I don't know if that's going to take off as well as your other delicious flavours. Yeah, it's up there with French pear. I'll put a mark on it. Yeah, so at this point I was like, this seems a bit

off, so I pulled up the listing. I started cross-referencing I pulled up the listing. Yeah. And I started cross-referencing the photos with the rooms. Right. And while the rooms are laid out kind of similar, all the shelving is different. And then I was like, oh, that's weird. And then I looked out the window in the photos

and noticed a completely different view to the one I was seeing in the list. You were catfished. I was catfished. Flatfished. Flatfished. Flatfished. Say it, Matt. Flatfished. I was catfished. Flatfished. Flatfished. Flatfished. Great, Matt.

Flatfished. When you go to a flat or a home and it's not at all what you promised. But that wasn't even the grimmest thing you saw. No. I saw one of the flatmates go on, not even cleaning, sitting in his room playing computer games, surrounded by energy drink cans, and he was just in his undies. My man.

Someone's got their priorities straight. I like that they're like, hey, Gavin, we've got a flat inspection. We've got people coming around to view the flat. He's like, I can't pause it now. I've got to find a safe point. You've been saying that for eight hours, Gavin. Gavin, just put some pants on. Gavin's like, eight hours, is it?

Eight hours? I don't measure time by hours anymore. I measure it by Monster Energy drinks. Yuck. Oh, it was so grim guys so yeah see my clue would have been this is a three bedroom in north coast which is um a suburb in the north shore of auckland um pretty central yep um and it's three bedrooms for only 565 a week which seems on the cheap side for a three bedroom in auckland well i thought it was a steal judging by the photos and the price. Yeah, yeah.

You were flat fished. We want to know, oh my God, somebody said cat urine is what pee smells like. It's all adding up. Those energy drinks are just an entree, a little appetizer before the main course of pee.

That's how you stay up and play your computer games. I mean, I'm jumping to the worst possible conclusion, but why not? It's 2021. So we want to know if you've been flat fished. Now, this might have been an open home, but flat fish works, so we're calling it flat fished regardless

if it was a flat or a home. Yeah, or maybe just taken by surprise by something in the open home or the flat that you went to view. Well, producer Jared was flat fished yesterday. The pictures of the flat that you went to view? Well, Producer Jared was flat fished yesterday. The pictures of the flat that he went to look at, not what was there. It was a lot different.

No. Different views, different rooms, different shelving. Yeah. Like kind of the same, almost like it was an identical house. And they just used, yeah, like an identical house. Like maybe it was a townhouse, but the other townhouse was in Bedernick, but they were the same setup, so they just used the other one like an identical house. Like maybe it was a townhouse, but the other townhouse was in Bitterneck, but they were the same setup.

So they just used the other one because it was in Bitterneck. And there was a guy in the undies as well. So what surprised you at a flat open home or an open home or a flat viewing? When have you been flat fished? That's what we're calling it, by the way. Yeah, we are. We're turning up to any house. That's not what it seemed.

Rose, what happened? We Yeah, we are. Were you turning up to any house? That's not what it seemed. Rose, what happened? We were viewing in Wellington. Yeah. I was a second year student at the time. And we'd seen pictures. And conveniently, the pictures were just of the room. Yeah. And they were quite, like, nicely decorated with whoever had last been in their stuff.

And, like, admittedly, the girls were lovely. But we showed up. First of all, it was impossible to find. We were down these weird side roads and there were those giant dumpsters around and I was like, oh God, this is already off. And that's a warning flag too because you're going to need all those ASOS parcels,

all the courier parcels. It was bad. It was like, this is not good. And we couldn't find it, but there were about probably 40 people in this weird, like, side street. And it was like, okay, we're competing for whatever this is going to be. Walk up about 10 flights of stairs, which, in what looks like an old office building. And the first room that we walk into, right, is just what would have been the bathroom. But it's two showers separated by a single curtain. And that was like, what

is going on? And then, you know, one of my flatmates, to be flatmate, stood on the bottom of the shower and cockroaches just ran up the wall. Oh, no. Cockroaches a year? Nah. No. Nah, because they're never alone, are they? There's always thousands of them.

But do you know what? Someone got that flat, though, and they're showering next to their flatmate like between a curtain. That's grim, eh? That's so sad. Well, I mean,

I think it was like a six bedroom, which we ended up moving into a six bedroom later on that year and like trying to get into a shower in the day yeah absolutely impossible so maybe you have a shower separated by kids

and cockroaches convenient i mean who knows but it was it was really bad so we didn't end up going and seeing anything else because we stepped into the lounge and the windows was it tied shut like they didn't have locks. Great use of a zip tie. You're not escaping that flat. Brilliant. Rose, thanks for your call. Jacobi, what happened? You turned up to a flat?

No, it was actually an open home that my friend was looking at buying. And the stench of dog urine was pretty horrible. And when you walked up the hallway, there was just rubbish kind of either side of the hallway. But you could only see the carpet and like a walking track. Yeah, you got a hoarder. It sounds like a hoarder's home. No, it wasn't a hoarder's home. It was just messy.

And when you went into the bedrooms, there was like walking paths of carpet but there was just crap and dirty undies on the floor. Diamond in the rough. You know how that would put a lot of people off but you know that sounds cosmetic when you come in a buy house. It gets worse. We went into the kitchen and you couldn't see the kitchen bench

from plates and rubbish and mould and I nearly stood on a live rat trap. I like rather than cleaning up the thing that's attracting the rats, they're like, we'll kill them when they get here. We could do our dishes, guys, and make it so there's nothing for the

rats to eat in here. Or we could lure them in with our dirty dishes and then kill them in the trap. I opened the pantry and there was a giant rat trap live with cheese sitting right in front of the bread. He's just going to go for the bread. He's going to grab some cheese

on the way to make a sandwich when it gets there. That is grim. I mean, you're selling your house. Clean it up, right? Yeah. Jacobi, thanks for your call. Susan.

Hi. Was this an open home or a flat viewing? Yes, it was an open home as well. We were looking for a first time for our daughter. She was looking to buy. And we walked into the house. It really stunk as well.

But when we walked into the toilet area, there was a handwritten sign, I suppose you'd say, on the wall saying, do not piss on the wall. Obviously, by the thing you'd smelt, they had not been paying attention to that sign. No, oh my God, that is so grim. Like, what, are you trying to sell your house? Like, clean it up, take the sign out.

It's weird, I think some people just write it off. They're like, look, if it's going to sell, it's going to sell. Piss on or not. Well, in this market, probably would. Probably would. For way more than it's worth. Susan, thanks. You call some text messages.

Went to an open home. The listing failed to mention the casual Nazi memorabilia in a glass-fronted cabinet. What? Yeah. That's got to knock 50 grand off, surely. Shocking. 100 grand?

Do you get to keep the Nazi memorabilia? Absolutely not. Are they taking it with? We went to an open home in Auckland King. 100 grand? Do you get to keep the Nazi memorabilia? Absolutely not. We went to an open home in Auckland where the old mother was in a hospital bed on a ventilator in the front room. The son was showing us around and when he started talking about settlement dates, he said once she dies, right in front of her.

So that idea there is that you would say yes, I'll buy the house, but have a floating settlement as to. But what if she hangs on for another two years? Well, that's the thing. But then if you've agreed to a price, in two years, that house will have gone up in value. Yeah, true.

Granted, you have to keep renting, but you've made some capital there. But when, though? She's not using the amenities. She's just in that front room. God, I'd be pulling the plug. If I was in bed. My own plug. Yeah, I'd be pulling the plug. If I was in bed. My own plug. Yeah, I'd be pulling my own plug.

I wouldn't pull the plug on her. Well, you don't even know her. I think that's murder. But if you've got an old person in your life who needs the plug pulled, Fletch at ZMOnline.com. I will pull my own plug is what I was meaning. It's the family show. You can't be talking about pulling your plug.

Also, that's a weird way of describing it. Carry on. You'll have to walk me through how that works. Carry on. Later. Yeah, Motsen, we viewed a flat in Wellington. The landlord showed us around and said, sorry about the tagging.

Some N-words broke in and did it. What? And we were just like, we're out of here. And then we warned other people about this. Oh, my God. This landlord. Just, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's. Just, yeah. Yeah.

Um, yeah. There's some shit I was running out of. Just tread lightly and don't be flat fished. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day, day to the Challenger space crash. Is that the one that exploded? Correct.

Yep. Famously in the 80s. Yeah, in the late 80s. It was the space shuttle Challenger. It took off and it exploded not too long after. Yeah. Not too long after takeoff. So they wanted to recover parts that they could.

Yeah. To see what went wrong, add it to the, you know, you want to learn from these things if you've got to. Learn from your mistakes. You learn from your mistakes. Learn from your failures. So they wanted to learn from it, so they went searching for everything that they could find.

Now, this is off Cape Canaveral, so it was in the ocean. Before they found, so today's fact of the day is before they found the wreckage that they were after, the parts of the wreckage they were after, they also found two shipwrecks containing treasure. Yeah. They found 250 kilograms of cocaine. Right.

Yeah, and they dug up a whole lot of little bits and pieces, little different bits of treasure as well before they found it because apparently this part of the seafloor had never been explored. Right. But, of course, it was a very active part of the ocean in the times of pirates and trade through the West Indies and everything. Well, and the cocaine that a lot of the drug smugglers

made their own submarines and they had old planes, didn't they? Yeah. And often they'd fly over and drop the bales of cocaine out of the back of a plane or chuck it off a boat and then someone would come out and get it, but sometimes it would sink. And so it had sunk to the bottom of the ocean and they plane or chuck it off a boat and then someone would come out and get it, but sometimes it would sink. And so it had sunk

to the bottom of the ocean and they found it down there. Wow. When they were searching for the Challenger Discovery. Sorry, the Challenger, the Space Shuttle Challenger. Now there is a,

I'm still not at the bottom of it, I'm just scrolling wildly. They've released the entire report. You can read a 134 page report about the parts that they recovered, what equipment they used, what they found. Giant tanks of

rocket fuel. That thing would have been a billion pieces. Yeah, but they found a whole lot of it. Right. They found a whole lot of and they could kind of piece it back together and work out where the explosion started from and everything because they had footage of it but they obviously didn't have the bits for afterwards. But they found a whole lot of stuff

before they got to the Challenger wreckage, including two shipwrecks with treasure on it, with gold on board, and 250 kilograms of cocaine. That's today's fact of the day. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. The Australian Open is happening at the moment. That's tennis. And then they've had another outbreak, New South Wales and Vic, and the tennis is in Victoria, Melbourne,

and heaps of empty seats now. Good. Because people are like, well, we don't want to go along. The distancing and everything, no 100%. That's good. It's good to see that airing on the side of caution. But the tennis itself is still happening. And the biggest headline from the tennis so far is the 11th seed, which means 11th best.

I don't know why they just don't say 11th best. Seed. Tennis. Makes them sound like they're going to be planted in some soil and with the right amount of moisture and warmth, they'll grow into a plant. Dennis Shapovalov. Shapovalov.

Shapovalov. Shapovalov. He's Canadian. He needed to go to the toilet. He was playing He's Canadian. He needed to go to the toilet. He was playing against an Italian. He needed to go to the toilet. And he said to the umpire, can I go to the toilet? Yeah.

And they were like, no, you are given two toilet breaks. Over a five-set match, you're given two toilet breaks at specific times and you've let them pass. This was before the fifth set. He needed to go to the toilet. So they've been playing a while. Yeah. And he said, what happens if I go then?

Do I get a fine? I don't care. What do you mean I can't go? Are you going to disqualify me? I have to pee. I'm going to piss my pants. I'm going to piss in a bottle. You guys, he didn't, oh, by the way, he didn't say this back to back rattling it off as quick

as I am. You're just reading the quotes. I'm just reading the quotes. You guys aren't allowing players to pee. I don't understand this rule. So he said he was blowing off steam and he said, also, I do think it's a dumb rule. I've got the smallest bladder ever.

I literally have to go to the toilet every set. So being on there for that long. And the hydration because it's hot. So they're drinking lots of water. And a lot of it's the electrolyte kind of water or Powerade, Gatorade kind of stuff. So that rips through you. But anyway, he held on.

He wasn't going to go to the toilet. He held it in and ended up winning the match. Probably quicker than he normally would have if he was busting. That's what he said. Sometimes we're on the court for three to four hours and drinking a lot. And, you know, the adrenaline's pumping. We need to go to the toilet. It always amazes me in sport this doesn't happen more often,

especially the longer matches. Like I know in cricket you can get a subfielder if you're fielding, but then if you're batting for hours on end in a test match. Yeah, true. You know, you could be out there. Cricketers especially. Yeah, like they might have a drinks break, but the batter can't exactly go to the toilet.

Rip to the loop. Yeah. Like you imagine you're out there batting all day. Yeah. You've got to go at those certain times. And everybody's watching. You can't hide a sneaky wee behind a bush. There should be a wee bush at a cricket oval.

So I just Googled, do you remember the famous incident with... Jerry Collins. The now late Jerry Collins. Yes. 2006. That was weird because I'd imagine that stuff happens more, but the camera stayed on him. Yes. When he was urinating. Yeah, he just popped a squat happens more, but the camera stayed on him. Yes.

When he was urinating. Yeah, he just popped a squat and put it out the bottom of the shorts. Put it out the side of the shorts, just like a farmer. Yeah. Puts it out the side of the shorts and wees where he needs to. But I remember that. That was the first time. But then people were like, oh, yeah, that stuff happens all the time.

There's weeing. And there's triathletes. Russell Packer apologises for urinating on field. I remember that in the NRL. And also, Herald at the time, in 2013, did a compilation of sports people caught on field. Because triathletes, people doing Ironman, they just go, right? Oh, they just go, yeah. And then you do that thing at the next water stop

where you spill it accidentally on purpose, spill it down your front so it hides the... Open up the bike trowel and pour the water straight in. Yeah. Wash out that. There'd be some chafing, I'd imagine. There'd be chafing regardless. Yeah.

You're running around with urine in your pants, you're going to get chafing as well. Michael Phelps is on the list. Not in the pool. Not in the pool. I thought that turns purple. He wouldn't even know. No, that's it.

Man, how often did they scare you when you were a kid at school? Yeah. Telling you the water would change colour if you peed in the wetsuit or the pool. Yeah. Yeah. See, wetsuits, you probably could... Michael Phelps was quoted as saying, I think everybody pees in the pool.

It's a kind of normal thing to do for swimmers. When you're in the water for two hours, we really don't get out to pee. It's their training. Chlorine kills it. It's not so bad. End quote. Ah, yuck.

That's why you don't like public swimming pools. Yeah, you don't know what percentage of it is urine. Chlorine treated urine. Correct, but urine nonetheless. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Well, some people have noticed some holes in the chip aisle at the supermarket. There are supply issues. This is nationwide news today in New Zealand.

I'm panicking. Now, do you remember ages ago there was really wet, stormy weather and it ruined the potatoes for the year? Do you remember that? Was that going back? It rotted the tates. It rotted them. Do you remember that?

I remember the December of 2018 was a particularly wet December. I don't know if it was then. And remember there was a shortage and there were issues then. And then last year when COVID and all the lockdown happened, we got flooded with overseas potatoes.

That's right. The Belgians were trying to drop all their dirty Belgian potatoes on us, weren't they? That was more of a hot chip thing. Well, the issue at the moment

is not with potatoes, a shortage of those, but rather Eater, the people that make, you know, like Eater. Okay. The really salted ripples that make things like cheese balls, munchos, and I believe also the kettle. Yeah. Yeah, kettle chip.

They have installed state-of-the-art equipment, just quoting here, at their Manukau site. So that means that there's been a bit of a downtime. Oh. So there was a period where they weren't being produced, yet we were still yumming them up. Yes. So there's this gap in the market.

Yes. So Countdown have said that they expected stock levels to resume to normal within a few weeks. Foodstuffs haven't commented. They did not say if they were facing similar stock shortages. Okay. Instead. This feels like panic buying.

An excuse to panic buy. It's been a while since I had a panic buy. Yeah. I have missed running in there and filling up my trolley with one specific item. Of course, potato chips. Potato paper. Toilet paper. You can't wipe your bum with a potato chip.

I'll tell you that much. Not from personal experience. That's just a guess. So yeah, a few weeks away. But if you see some holes at the supermarket, that's why. It should be a couple of weeks and we'll be back to normal. So I love a cheese ball. I don't know if cheese balls are affected.

Absolutely. Well, yeah, as you say, it's not a potato issue, is it? It's a factory. It's a machinery. It's a factory. So perhaps cheese balls are a thing. And the manchos, they're two of my faves, actually. Right.

I'll go my cheese balls and manchos before I go a ripple or a kettle chip. Right. Yeah. I'm a salt and vinegar guy. I know. I always try the new flavours, you know, when they're like, hey, we've made one that tastes like an American hot dog. I'm like, well, I'll be the judge of that.

And then I taste it and I'm like, hey, I can taste a little bit of hot dog. And then they're like, Korean chicken. I'm like, I love that. I'll try that. Yep. Yeah, I'd try anything. Even if they were like, we've invented a new chip that tastes like washing powder. They did the Lamington one.

Do you remember that? Yeah, that was gross. I still tried it though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? trying it though