ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 10th July 2020

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

4 Reasons you hate fitness.  Top 6: Police Babysitting.  Anna got a lovely compliment!  Vaughan went to the car-yard.  It's beginning to look a lot like...  When did you have to break in to your own stuff?  Urzila Carlson!  What did you find in your couch?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletcher Warner Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees, get one free on the Maccas app. Rude. Foley. No, it was foley. Good foley. Coffee foley. Good foley. Bit of foley. Bit of Friday, bit of Friday foley.

Bit of Friday foley. Bit of the old. Yeah, well. Friday foley. You haven uh... But, yo! Yeah, well... Friday Foley. You haven't done your crossword today. I've done the word fit. He's done a bit of the word find. Man, my word fit was an absolute fucking shambles.

I made a couple of early mistakes, and they just threw me out. What a nightmare. Word find, I've not completed. Or the blackout. Or the blackout. I am actually going to my father-in-law's today, and this would be a nice way of not having to engage. Why are you going there?

For the weekend. We haven't been for ages. Oh, right. And we are dropping my kids off at my parents' for a school holiday. Holiday? A week. Are you having a week without the kids? More or less a week.

Oh, that's good. We'll go down on Friday and get them. Right. You'll be able to really do whatever you want like not having kids it's fun you should try it it's so much fun i remember it being just the schedule just being so loose yeah you can do whatever you want like no responsibility yeah it's so much fun and only having to really look after yourself and not have to think about you don't have to feed them yeah yeah it's so great yeah bit of a selfish existence though right yeah a little bit yeah that's what they say but you know

yeah you become a little bit impatient and yeah that too yeah does anything it helps you deal with other people with more passion and understanding absolutely standing? Absolutely. That's how that was asked. Yeah. Great. Wipe my bum. When I'm old. Not right now. Wipe my bum right now. Is that the only reason you have kids? So that they can look after you when you're old?

Because I don't think. Who's going to look after you when you're old? I've always said I'm wheeling myself off a cliff in my wheelchair before it gets that bad. Or is that why you always date younger? So they can push. So they can push me off the cliff. Is that right? Wipe your bum when you're old.

When you're old, you can't wheel your way up the hill. No, I'm going to have an electric one. A suit dump one. You'll get halfway up and it'll be like. God, I just might like I need to be rescued on the top of the cliff. Yeah. It doesn't wheel off enough and I get stuck in a flax bush and then the rescue helicopter winches me up and I'm like, fucking hell, I can't even do this right.

I would love to see. I hope I'm still alive, to see you being winched out of a harakeke flax bush on your battery flat Fisher & Paykel mobility scooter. And there's a news story and it just gets a close-up of his face as he's being winched out. Just drop me. Oh, yeah, and then he's flying him to safety

and he's trying to unbuckle it Just bloody let me drop You bastards That's why I'll be ticking the box in the referendum So I can euthanise myself That's how it's going to work too You'll pop in And the box will be like

Are you sure you want to euthanise yourself And you'll be like yes And there'll be a reason And it'll be like terminal illness or boredom. And you'll be like, boredom. Sick of my rhyme in Healthcare Village. I've had enough. Out of KiwiSaver.

Take any that apply. Yeah, run out of KiwiSaver. Yeah. 19-year-olds won't sleep with me anymore. When I was back home in New Plymouth the other week, Mum said, oh, God, I don't want to go into one of those bloody things. That's what she said. I rhyme in health care.

Yeah, or just any old person's village. And I said, well, you just might have to. But your mum would be all good. She's a social person. And she'd just have a little garden to do. I don't know. No, she doesn't. I don't think she's a big fan.

She's not a fan. And I said, well, I don't know. No, she doesn't. I don't think she's a big fan. She's not a fan. And I said, well, I'm just going to have to surprise you one day. Surprise? Yeah. I've got you a home. Yeah. No, she comes out and you're like, tonk, tonk, hammering in the for sale sign. She's like, what's happening?

You're like, surprise. I've come down for the weekend to meet the real estate agent oh god it's a horrible thought isn't it let's not think about all these um things uh well yay friday yay friday boo mortality all right have a fantastic weekend and enjoy the podcast ZM Head music lives here Flesh, Vaughan and Megan the podcast Happy Friday Yay Yes

Megan's picked for Flashback Friday today coming up at 8 o'clock this morning she'll pick an old banger I've just started searching Right Got an artist idea Oh yep yep Yep

Okay Start with the artist Yeah Work your way from there. Your chance to win again this morning. Seven, eight, and nine will do our Jetstar belated celebration wheel. Chance to win flights around the country. Listen up for the activated just before seven.

The top six on the way. Yeah, the top six reasons the police would make great babysitters. The police have said, look, we're not babysitters. Yeah. At the moment, it turns out that people, some people, some people,

not all people, in managed isolation need to be babysat. Yeah. I feel for the police because I've had some friends at a place and I saw, like, you know, at the start of lockdown

they had police at isolation hotels. Yeah. It looked pretty boring. But I think they got a lot of free meals, actually. Remembering the Instagram stories. Well, would it be shift work?

Yeah, I guess your shift was just going to the hotel. Right. And sitting in the lobby. But then in lockdown, when everyone had to be at home. Yeah. There was not a lot of other things to worry about. The police are busy people. They don't have time to be babysitting you fools.

I know, but this is a problem. People are sneaking out. I know. I just wanted, this is the problem. People are sneaking out. I know. I just want to, if I was a police officer, I just want to do the job that had the least amount of paperwork. But I was thinking, could they not just get the army people outside the hotel with, like, those big machine guns? I thought they were arming it.

You're talking about Brownings. I don't know. I don't know. Those double-handed ones where the bullets come in from the side. But I don't think they're allowed to, like, stop people. The army. But then what are the army people doing when they're not? Like, because they just do the assault course, don't they?

Every day? What's it called? That's exactly what they do. Like, I just imagine they're in the mess hall, and if they're not in the mess hall, they're doing the assault course. Some guy's screaming at them in those barracks? Yeah, and then they have to go... What you looking at, boy?

And then they have to go to bed really early and then wake up and stand in that line. Yeah. So get them outside the hotels. Then the police can do their job. But then I don't think they can stop people and that's the problem now with the security. You don't want to issue the military unnecessary powers

because then if there's a bad egg, they could stage a military coup. Oh, no. I've watched enough movies to know that. Okay. They could have been corrupted by the Russians. Right. And then next thing you know, Auckland Harbour's full of warships. Russian warships.

Right. Okay. Well, let's not do that. Well, the police upset that they do have to babysit their COVID hotels. But they're great babysitters. They've got the top six reasons the police are great babysitters. Alright, it's coming up next on the show, though. A very Australian. Cancer.

Don't discount what you know. You'll find strength in your roots. Yeah. Accept and love where you came from. Okay. Cancer energy teaches that home is home for a reason. Embrace it. Thank you.

Leo. Leo. A romantic connection ignites your creativity and your creative connection ignites your spirit of romance. Okay. Ultimately, love is a creative discourse in the shape of a love affair is a work of art. A love affair!

But that doesn't have to be with a person. That could just be like a love affair with spaghetti. Yes. How good is a love affair with carbohydrates be like a love affair with spaghetti. Yes. How good is a love affair with carbohydrates? Past a love affair. Delicious. Alright, next on the show,

a very Australian story. Very. Perhaps the most Australian story. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. In Australia a couple of days ago, a man was pulled over for speeding.

Right. But when he was pulled over for speeding. Right. But when he was pulled over for speeding, he said, sorry, I lost track of the speed. He's doing 123 kilometres an hour. Yeah. I lost track of the speed as I was fighting off a snake with a knife. Oh, my God. So good.

Pull over? It was not only a snake, a brown snake, which is one of the deadly snakes. And he said when he first noticed it whilst he was driving his truck, it coiled around his leg. Oh, God. Yeah, and he was like, oh, shit's got real. And he killed it with a knife.

How did it not bite him? Well, he said, I don't know if I've been bitten. I think it's bitten me. I'm not sure. Oh, wow. He said, because it's all on police body cam footage. He's like, my heart's still racing. And the cop's like, jeez.

And then he leans in and sees the snake in the truck. Who's doing 123 in the truck. And... Who's doing 123 in a truck? Yeah. What kind of truck? No, not a huge truck. Like a little truck? Yeah, like a smaller truck.

Okay, right. Smaller end of the scale. Wow. And so, yeah, the police were like, whoa. Okay. And did they call an ambulance? No, he was kind of on his way to the hospital. I think he just carried on.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Good lord. I think he said, yeah, I'm kind of, my last track was the time I've just been fighting this snake and now I'm trying to get myself to the hospital because I think I've been bitten, but I'm not 100% sure. And he knew it was a brown snake because I guess in Australia you grow up knowing what snakes to not go near.

Yeah. I don't know, maybe. Isn't the rule, like, the dull the colour, the more deadly they are? I've heard that, yeah. The rule of thumb for snakes, right? Like the real cute, bright ones. The fluorescent ones. You're like, cute, they're not going to do anything. Yeah.

Although, remember that time we saw a bright green snake in Cambodia? That was still scary. Yeah. By the river. That's right. And those black and white ones in Fiji in the water. They're really poisonous. What?

I didn't know that. Yeah, sea snakes. Pacific sneeze snakes. Sneeze snakes. Sneeze snakes. Sneeze snakes. Makes them a little less intimidating when you call them sneeze snakes. That's the problem when you go to the Pacific Islands

and you can see under the water. Yeah. You can see everything that lives there. Whereas in New Zealand, you go somewhere, and you're just like, oh, well, there's stuff down there, but I can't see it. Oh, and it was always worse. Going, like, even in a lake in New Zealand,

where a log is about the most dangerous thing. But, yeah, you'll fall off the ski biscuit because your uncle's driving like a bloody maniac, and he's put you in the reeds, and it's just, like, slime and everything, and you're like, oh, I'm going to die here. Because you cannot see a thing. See, I'd rather live in ignorant bliss.

It's when you have the clear water, you can see things. Can you see it coming? Well, you can see straight away that the thing that touched your leg is just seaweed. Yeah. No, I prefer a clear water. Yeah, me too. Really? And you can give things a wide berth.

Yeah, right. You don't know where you're at in the vehicle. 14 past six. Next, I got four ways you were conditioned to hate exercise as a kid. Awesome. It's not our fault. Not our fault. Not our fault.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A lot of people don't have fond memories of doing like PE or fitness or anything. At school. Physical related at school. No. I did heaps of sports, but I hated PE class. I just, because I played like netball and softball and I did rowing, but I didn't like going to PE. I like when we did games and stuff.

I didn't like the beep test at high school. That was punish. Yeah. Well, there's four ways that you were conditioned to hate fitness as a kid. Right. And these make a lot of sense. So first of all, it's mandated school fitness tests. Yeah.

So the beep test. Did you do a 12-minute run? And you'd see how far you could run in 12 minutes? No, I don't think so. We had to do like a push-ups challenge or some other challenges. Yeah, we did that one. Star jumps or something. You had to hold your own weight up on a bar for as long as you could.

Oh, that's not fair to the kids that have a bit of... That was probably a reason people hated it. Because like you say, you played heaps of sports, but then everyone sat there and watched you. There was the added pressure of like hanging off a bar. Yeah. And if you weren't going to be the best, when you stopped... That was why I hated the beep test because I was never good at that. hanging off a bar. Yeah. And if you weren't going to be the best, when you stopped, oh!

That was why I hated the beep test because I was never good at that. And then the earlier you dip out, the more shame it is. And everyone will be like, But the best part is the only people on the sidelines to make fun of you are the kids that dropped out

before you at the beep test. Or had a letter. Once the fit kids are done, they're too puffed and you'll recover. You're off. You're getting changed. Yeah.

So first of all, that can take an emotional toll. Next one is pressure to perform or succeed in team sports. So playing the team sports is all good, but apparently it can swing the other way and get way too competitive, especially when you get a little bit older and there's, what do they call it when you're doing like, you're in the prem team or something? What do you call it? Premier League.

Premier. Premier team. What are you talking about? Yeah. The reps. The reps. That's what I was looking for. When you're playing in reps and stuff and then suddenly your parents are like, you've

got to win. Oh, yeah. And. Do they still do that thing now at school where they have to pick? Like each team, they get two team captains and then they pick. Surely they don't do that anymore. That was ruthless. I hadn't thought about that.

But it would surely be the easiest way to just divide. You just walk around going one, two, one, two. But then that's never going to be. The good thing about that is it was pretty much physically even, wasn't it? Because the most physically advanced kids got picked first. Yes. And then at the end... It was like the NBA draft. You'd just have to think in your mind,

okay, I've got to balance out the ones and twos. Yeah. Or they're just half the class down the middle. You'd have to work on your ones and twos the night before. You'd have to have your list of ones and twos sorted. But that was ruthless if you were ever left last. Like, that is so embarrassing.

It's just anything that brings shame or a chance for people to be like, ha-ha. Yeah. Another one is the media portraying exercise as a way to get a perfect body. So when you're younger, instead of saying, this is fun, like, this is a great way to, like, feel good. There's the media again. Bloody media.

Goddamn media. Goddamn them. Yeah. a great way to like feel good and it's just the media again bloody media yeah um and the last one on the four ways you're conditioned to hate fitness as a kid is witnessing a parent and their poor relationship with exercise so it was a funny thing because yeah my mom's like a lifetime dieter and like she'd go for walks but but she'd always be like, better go for a bloody walk. Yeah. Or like doing those aerobics videos at home. Oh, yeah. And they just look like an absolute punish.

And eating like those horrible protein bars back in the day because we have good ones now, but back then they tasted disgusting and your mum would like suffer through a protein bar and you're like, why are you doing this to yourself? I remember. I can't remember, mum had like a shake. Well, I don't think it was a protein shake, but it must have been. Like meal replacement shake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like we found some at the back of the cupboard and they were past their use by date and we used to burn our rubbish. And we were burning our rubbish and I remember ripping it open and sprinkling it and it went whoosh and caught on fire. And I was like, mum, the stuff you're drinking is highly flammable. And it just freaked me. I've got this vivid memory of it just terrifying me that my mom was drinking something that when you sprinkled it. Like a bloody backdraft at the Outback.

You know, they do the cinnamon. Why did it do that? Whoa. God, it's lucky she wasn't standing too close to the fire with a meal replacement shake. While she was drinking that. She would have spontaneously compressed it. Supplements have come a long way then. Well, they're not flammable anymore.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, the police are going to be at every managed isolation hotel or motel. Yep. Or bro-tel. No, that's where you've got to stay with your bros. And just refer to everyone as bro.

That sounds safe. Very safe. Yep. And the police are going to be keeping an eye on the vicinity after that cheeky beggar who's making not a lot of sense in the media when he talks to them. Oh, he did an interview. We need to cover this off on the show this morning.

Did you see this interview he did? Yeah. It's... What the hell? Really confusing. Yeah. But it's those sorts of folk in isolation making a run for it that means the police now have to have around the clock monitoring.

Monitoring and guarding of these situations. And is it the police association that came out and said, look, we're not babysitters? Yeah. Which is a fair call, but I mean, I guess if people are going to do this, they need to be babysat. Yeah. You're going to act like a baby, you're going to get treated like a baby.

So the top six reasons the police would actually make great babysitters is today's top six. Number six, they'll pepper spray you if you don't go to bed. Seems extreme. Yeah. You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mum or dad.

Deploying spray, pepper spray. What do they say? I don't know if they have to give a warning when they deploy the... It's the tase that they have to give the warning for, right? They're like, I'm going to get my pepper spray. Don't make me get the pepper spray. That's what they'd say if they were babysitting. Is that what they'd say?

Right. Don't you make me get the pepper spray. You'd be straight off the bed. Nonetheless, of the top six reasons police would make great babysitters, they've got that Macca's discount card. Do they have a card or do they just turn up and they get a discount? Do they get a police discount just by being... That's open to fraud.

You could dress up as a cop. But that's against the law. Just borrow your uncle's Commodore. What if you're off duty and you don't have the car or the uniform? Do you still get free? Police discount. And what is it? Is it discount or free fries?

I think if I was super hungover, I'd just get the uniform. No, it's not free fries, buddy. Students get cheap fries, don't they? Police deserve more than that. I don't know. I don't know what the deal is. 20% off. Oh, in 2013, a special button on McDonald's tables gives police cheap burgers.

A special button? How cheap? Police discounts. Oh, that's in 2013. Commissioner puts an end to the cops discount in 2013. What? Well, that's rude. What, did they get a discount?

Yeah. Did you see the stuff they put up with? It's rude that they got their discount taken away from them. No, I mean that that's rude that they got it taken away. I think they should have it. It was taken away by Police Commissioner Peter Marshall. And where's old Marshy now? This week about officers receiving healthy discounts

from the likes of McDonald's and Subway when in uniform. Saying police reputation is too important to be compromised by such perks. Right. There's got to be some perks to the job. Yeah. Why is he saying they eat too many burgers or something?

No, I think it's like a bit of a, it makes the police look corruptible. Because you could be like, hey, yeah, sure. I just stabbed the guy on drive-thru, but how about some chips? Like that sort of thing, right? So they turned a blind eye to it. Stream. I'm just reading

about all the times. I tell you what, if you just Google New Zealand Police McDonald's they've had some interactions over the time. Discounts are good. Yeah, good on them.

Well, Ronald McDonald used to be in charge of the road safety. That's right, he did. But in 2006 McDonald's was disappointed to be dumped by the police. I remember that Ronald McDonald came to our school with that seatbelt machine. Did you ever go on that? No.

It was like on a ramp. And you sat in the seat and then it went down and it stopped. And then it showed you what would happen if you didn't have a seatbelt on. What? At what speed was this replicating an accident? Slow, slow. So like a couple of 20k an hour. Yeah, but enough that you this replicating an accident? Slow, slow. So like a couple of 20k an hour. Yeah, but enough that

you would come out of your seat a little bit and you'd be like, whoa, I need to always wear my seatbelt. And then he'd be like, kids, you must remember every time you're in the car.

After all that singing, Ronald McDonald did for the place. Was it just a Taranaki seatbelt machine? I don't know. No, it feels very much regional New Zealand. I think he would have definitely done the place. Was it just a Taranaki seatbelt machine? I don't know. No, it feels very much regional New Zealand. I think we would have definitely done the rounds.

Am I dreaming that happened? I don't know. Feel free to message in. I reckon there'd be a YouTube video. Yeah, feel free to message in if you went on the seatbelt machine because I'm not making this up. It happened. Is it still around?

I don't know. I now as an adult would love to go on the seatbelt machine. It's not as exciting as it sounds. Like it's just a seat on a ramp. Sounds pretty exciting to me. Yeah, okay.

Do they have like wheels underneath and they like released it and it went like that. Like that. Rad. That would have been

pretty exciting for you. It was. It was pretty exciting. Because we didn't have a roller coaster. No, no roller coasters. Number four and the carnival

wasn't in town that weekend. No, it wasn't though. Number four, and the carnival wasn't in town that weekend. No, it wasn't, no. Number four on the list of the top six reasons police would make great babysitters, they'd let you stay up late to watch crime shows. Yeah, they would. Yeah. Because they'd be engrossed in them as well.

Yeah, yeah. And then they could be like, that doesn't happen like that. I'll tell you how it happens. No, that's against protocol. You can't just drag a suspect in without reading them their rights. Number three on the list of the top six. Oh, like the sinner.

I knew you were going to bring that up. As he breaks your protocol. The latest season of that, it's ridiculous. The detective breaks all the rules. I think that's the point. No. He's a rule breaker.

I'm done with the sinner. Stupid show. Carry on. But are you going to finish it? I've got one episode left. Oh, you might as well. She grudgingly started another show last night. I was like, take that.

Take that, Sinner. Number three on the list of the top six reasons police would be great babysitters. They won't be late because they don't get stuck in traffic. Because if they are, they'll just hit the lights and they'll blast her in no time. Yeah, good. They'll be there. Number two on the list of the top six reasons police would actually be great babysitters are they'd handcuff your kids to their bed so they wouldn't be getting out of bed for

the, I need a drink of water. I heard a noise. You can't do that. You're handcuffed to your bed. And number one on the list of the top six reasons police would make great babysitters, you could be out like, because when you get babysitters,

you guys don't have kids, but when you get babysitters you're like, alright, if it's 20 bucks an hour and it's five hours, 100 bucks, we're going to be back

by nine o'clock. Well, when the police are your babysitters, stay out as long as you like because the taxpayer will foot the bill. That's how that'll work, baby.

That's today's Top Socks. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday we had departed, but apparently compliments were being passed around. So I'll assume we'll be getting ours at some stage today. Way to make this about you. I mean, if there's compliments to be handed out, yes, please. Yeah, right.

May I have another? Just so I can be like, oh, like that. No, no, no, no, no, don't do that. I'm too humble. Yeah, no, no, no, don't do that. Right. Don't do that. This happened in the producer's booth after we left yesterday. Yeah, Georgia.

That's the problem. It was Georgia that was handing them out, eh? Georgia's what a rail like she is when she comes into this. But I feel like she gives them out too often. Right. Who's it become? She's hyperinflation. She sees too much good in too many people.

Yes. She is so positive and bubbly and just happy, eh? All the time. We'll break it. Don't worry. How does she do it? We haven't enough time just happy, eh, all the time. We'll break it, don't worry. How does she do it? We'll get it. We haven't enough time yet.

I don't know. Just so lovely all the time. And we need to hang around at work a little bit longer and really concentrate on breaking that spirit. But you got a compliment from her yesterday, Executive Intern Anya. Yes. So I was giving Georgia a little pep talk about something

and then she said, you're so lovely, you're always there for everyone. Oh, God. and always supporting people. Calm down. Yeah, and I'm quoting verbatim. And I said, I like to think

I'm like a wee hot water bottle, you know? I'm cosy and warm when you need me to be. But in the morning you're cold and you kick it

to the end of the bed. It's not wrong, yeah. You wake up and you're burnt in your tummy. And you need a blister, you've need a burn blister on your stomach. You need a cover. Once you get old, you start leaking everywhere.

Can you channel your Georgia, please? And your bung's getting all old and plastic-y. Perished. You've got a perished bung. This is not going well. You can't get it tight anymore, the screws. Your bungs. Your bungs perished and you got a...

Goodness. It's a great analogy. You got a sloppy valve. Okay. We are actually the opposite of Georgia. You are the worst. Yeah. And that is when our good friend, producer Jared Pipeson...

Yeah, I said she was like a potato. Jared. And that is when our good friend, producer Jared Pipeson... Yeah, I said she was like a potato. Jared. My boy. A hot potato or just a potato? It doesn't matter what the explanation is here. No, let's hear him out. Why is she like a potato?

She's very hardworking. I like to think of the potato as the most hardworking root vegetable. I'll give you that. It is a hard working vegetable. I feel like you're trying to save it. They go with anything. What does that even mean? You're versatile.

Yeah, you're versatile. You're adjustable to whatever situation comes your way maybe. Jared, you see that as an entire compliment. Yep. It wasn't an accident. It was an see that as an entire compliment. Yep. It wasn't an accident. It was an accident. It just came out. It was, right. It just came out, right.

Then I backpedaled and thought of some reasons. And then you had to justify why she's a potato. Fries? Yep. Yep. Mashed potato?

Oh, God, how good's mashed potato? Yep. I said pretty much everyone likes them. Yes, they do. They do. High in carbs though. Yep. Oh my God. Yes, they do. They do. High in carbs, though.

Yeah. Oh, my God. No, not the low tato, which is low in carbs. I was going to say I was like a low tato. Yeah, what do you mean? You're like a low tato. Right. Because then you've got to explain what a low tato is.

Do you know what you meant to say? I think I just wanted to be involved in the conversation. Well, you just said words that popped to mind? Like a potato. I think a potato's a good vegetable to be. A very popular vegetable. Better than being like an artichoke. Because then...

Polarising, no one knows how to cook them. No one knows what to do with it. And you have to peel off half the thing before you can even eat it. Yeah. And where do you find one? Could you bung a hot water bottle with a potato? What? Oh, you're saying craft a new bung for the...

I don't think it was saying anything. It's too far gone. The vowel's too far gone. No one's talking about a lady's vowel. I'm not talking about it. It's metaphorical. Goodness sake. Flesh, Vaughan and It's metaphorical. Goodness sake. Went to the Rickers yesterday to get a new wing mirror

after I hit a tree on the way to work. What, come a bit hot there today? You just came in real hot. Came in a bit hot there. It's not the same colour as my car. Oh, no. So I haven't put it on yet. Do I paint it?

Yeah. Do I just buy a can, a rattle can? Oh, no, no. And just give it that. Oh, my God. Mask it out. You're so tight. Why didn't you get a black one?

Why don't you just. Okay. At the risk of sounding like Fletch, just maybe like get a new car. I don't want to. This one's verging on dangerous. No. No. No, because that's when you were driving to work and you lost all steering.

That was ages ago. That was an electrical issue. That's been sorted. I sorted that out. That was an electrical issue. He's just hanging on. It's like, please put me out of my misery. I don't know how this car gets warrants. It does get warrants from a reputable warranted fitness dealer. It's fine. it's doing fine

So I went to the Wreckers To get this Coloured mirror What colour? Because your car's black Grey? Can you get two grey ones at least? And it's got grey ears

Highlights Get the sick neons Get the sick nails. Okay, get some sick nails. Okay, so I got there and they were watching Top Gear. It'd be weird if they were watching like Masterchef or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Top Gear's on in the reception. Yep.

And I've rung ahead somewhere apparently, but then a guy goes looking for it and he's gone. I think I'm sitting there for 20 minutes. Anyway, what I witnessed, I feel, I was happy to invest my 20 minutes for the story. I've told a lot of people the story since it happened. Yeah. And here is the story. On the floor were some

springy looking things. That go in a car. Okay. Springs? Springs? Shock absorbers? Springs? Suspension? I don't know, yeah. Look, I played my fair share of Gran Turismo, but I didn't read what was in it. I just chucked in the most expensive ones that I could afford after I raced through the desert.

But anyway, they were on the floor, and this guy comes in and he's looking at them, and somebody said, sorry, mate, those are on hold. He's like, they're on hold for me. Yep. And they're like, oh, okay, cool. Now, it says $195 plus GST on it.

Yep. And he says, I oh, okay, cool. Now it says $195 plus GST on it. Yep. And he says, I'm going to offer you $200, which is, if you can do your GST just quickly, it would be just shy of $230,

but he's paying cash. Yep. So he's like, I'll pay your cash. And he's like, I have to check with the manager. Goes out, 20 seconds,

comes back. He's like, the manager's giving it the tick. And he's like, okay, so this guy that came in, he's like, got $200 cash in his hand. He's like, okay. So this guy that came in, he's like, got $200 cash in his hand.

He's like, so do we have a deal? And I'm like, this is weird because you've just been told you've got a deal. You've got a deal. But he wanted the words,

you've got a deal. So he said, so do we have a deal? And the guy said, yeah, we've got a deal. And he put the money on the counter and he said,

ha, I just made $150. What? And I was like, I had to stop watching Top Gear entirely. I had to tune out Richard Hammond's Adventures with that guy James May and Clarkson and I was like, here's my new

Top Gear. I need to know how you just made $150. This is all very cagey. And he said to the guy, the guy didn't ask. Yeah. He wasn't like, how did you make 150 bucks? He was like,

okay. And the guy's like, I'll tell you how I did it. Okay. The guy behind the counter's like, okay. Because he doesn't care. He probably wants to get back to top gear.

Yeah. And he said, I had exactly the same set of. Yeah. Springs. Springy coils. Yeah. I had the exact same pair of bouncy McRods in my

car and I sold them last night for $350. However, I had two people interested. So I sold them both my springy boings at $350 but I only had one pair of springy boings. This morning, I found these springy boings. I rung I found these springy boyings.

I rung you guys. You had them. Yeah. I said, put them on hold for me for $200, but I'm selling them in about 10 minutes time for $350. And he's telling these people. He's bragging to this guy about it. And this young guy who's dealing with it doesn't really care.

But the old mate who's dealing with my grey wing mirror is like, what? And he's like, yeah, mate, but we should all be happy. You'll make a money, I'll make a money. I was just like, what's going on? Why does he feel the need to gloat? That's so weird. And then he's like, so yeah, I just made $150.

Easy money. Now carry those to my car. And I'm like, this is some BDE. That's the only thing I can possibly know what this is. The guy comes from behind the counter and picks them up and carries them to his car for him. Probably just wants the guy to get the hell out of there. I would have said, I'll carry them to your car for 50 bucks.

And then we're all making money. You're making money. I'm making money. We're all making money. Yeah, I just couldn't believe we're all making money. Yeah, I just couldn't believe it. What a bizarre thing to witness. And then he went out the door

and it went ding ding as it shut and I was left, sat there. Yeah. Top Gear starts a new episode and I'm like, that was quite something to witness.

And I looked around and it was just back to business as usual. Wow. That would have been, that's still on my mind and I had nothing, I had no skin in the game.

Weird. And it's still, I can't, they're like, why did he brag about it? Why did he even tell them? Yeah. Because now when he goes

back next time, they're not going to be as willing to get cut of material, are they? No. Anyway, it was really weird.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM, Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande. We're having quite a goss off here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM, Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande. We're having quite a goss off air. Fletch has just now started watching The Boys on Amazon Prime.

Oh, my God. Love it. Absolutely hooked. Now, who are the... I recognise most of these. Karl Urban, I recognise him. I didn't know it was Anthony Starr. And then he's like, now, who's the main superhero guy?

Who's he? He's great. It took me an episode to figure that out too. I was like, oh my God. So good. Kiwi. So good. So you're late to it.

Megan and I have watched. I watched when it came out. Megan watched recently. You're on board. You're now. Great show. I highly recommend it. And trailer for season two yesterday.

Yes. Oh God, good trailers. Good movies. Good stuff. A story from, is this from the United States? Melbourne. Melbourne, Australia. It's from Melbourne, yeah.

So this is really sad because Grace, Melbourne woman, her pet rabbit, Sharon. What? Sharon went missing. That is a great name for a rabbit, isn't it? Sharon went missing. Yeah. And Sharon was a bit of an escape artist,

so they thought that Sharon would reappear. Classic Shaz. But after three weeks, and they had not seen Sharon at all, they were like, okay, well, she's run away. She's definitely gone. She's probably dead somewhere. Or snakes getting them, don't they? Oh, rabbits.

Rabbits, mate. My friend's rabbit got a fright and died. Yeah, and guinea pigs. Rabbits and guinea pigs rabbits and guinea pigs pretty sensitive yeah they don't like drafts and stuff does anybody just try to walk around central otago being like ah and clapping and they're all just like could you save a fortune on ammunition developed We developed immunity to calicivirus. It was a loud noise that got us. So the first time she wiggled out of a gate, someone picked her up and took her to the vet.

So they called the vet. No Sharon. Okay. But it is quite a story because Sharon turned up three weeks later. They sat down. Where have you been, Sharon? They sat down on the couch and pulled something out

and they found Sharon. Oh my God. In the couch. Sharon had been alive in the couch for three weeks. Sharon was alive. How did Sharon survive with her crumbs? And she was apparently fine.

Didn't look like... Yeah, you're right. Yeah, there must have been food and stuff down there. It's warm. I remember growing up, we had a couch that ended up getting old and stuff would actually fall in. Into the actual couch. Because, you know, the lining would rip.

But my couch at the moment, I just get stuff between the cracks or underneath it. The other day I found a Malteser. Almost, like, perfectly intact. A little bit white. Under the, on the floor. Under, on the floor, yeah. Yeah, okay. Kind of slithered under there.

So apparently she was fine. She wasn't stressed. It rolled under there. Rather than slithered. It's a ball it rolled under there. Rather than slithered. I don't think it slithered. I think spherical items have a movement word. They do, yeah. Roll or bounce.

But yeah, she says that, Grace said that, you're right. If she got a fright or anything or if someone sat on her, she would have died. But three weeks alive in the couch. That's amazing. That's a great effort. I don't know how Sharon got on the couch, but she basically liked it there. She would have died, but three weeks alive in the couch. That's amazing. That's a great effort. I don't know how Sharon got on the couch, but she basically liked it there. There she was.

Yeah. Maybe she was looking for warmth. Yeah. Is it cold in Melbourne at the moment? Yeah. Yeah, bloody freezing. So maybe it wasn't your pet rabbit, but what did you find down your couch? We found our Sky remote once.

It's the first place you looked. No, no, no, no. Inside the couch. Oh. Like, and the only way we, one day we were moving the couch to get something else that had fallen underneath it. Yeah.

And I lifted one end and I heard, shh, donk. And I was like, it's there. Because we'd just rung Sky and be like, oh, remote stopped working. Bloody hell, this is unacceptable. I'd have gone. And they were like, we'll send you another one. And and be like, oh, remote stopped working. Bloody hell, this is unacceptable. It had gone.

And then we're like, we'll send you another one. And we're like, yeah, it's your bloody well should. Bluffed. And then one arrived and it worked sweet. And then, yeah, one, we found it. And then it was, I still don't know to this day how it worked its way into that old couch. Slithered. The couch just ate it.

Slithered. It probably slithered. It didn't roll or bounce, that's for sure. And like when you're buying secondhand couches, surely people have found, when you're moving it, you're like, what is this? Surely someone's found something in a secondhand couch. It's amazing.

Yeah. Okay, well, let's take some calls. 0800 DALES AT M 9696. I don't think we're going to beat a live rabbit, but what, maybe you found a lot of money. Yeah. That's the dream. Finders keepers.

What did you find in the couch? 0800-DARN-SYDEM-9696. Give us a call. Finders keepers? But what happens to the losers? Weepers. No! So a story out of Melbourne.

Sharon the rabbit. Sharon the rabbit went missing. Three weeks later, they found her alive and well down the couch where she'd been living. Nice and warm and cosy. Not stressed. So we want to know from you

what you found in the couch. I don't know if we're going to beat a live rabbit. Rebecca, Rebecca, what did you find down the couch? It was when we were moving house

and we took the couch cushions off and I found three F-Post cards with about $20 in coins. Oh, wow. And were those EFTPOS cards yours? They were indeed because I was normally a dog for a walk and just put the EFTPOS card in my pocket for a coffee and then sit on the couch and they'd fall out

and I'd be like, shit, lost my EFTPOS card and then go to the bank and spend $15 on a new one. But would you never think, well, I'll look down the couch? No, it was just easy to get a new one. You play fast and loose with $15 on a new one. But would you never think, well, I'll look down the couch? No, it was just easy to get a new one. You're quite fast and loose with $15. No, in all honesty, I did go around the house for about two hours going, where the hell is it?

I looked under the fridge, looked in all my jumper pockets. I'd love that you'd look under the fridge, but you won't look under the couch. Cushions. No. Amazing. Rebecca, thanks for your call. William, what did you find under the couch. Cushions. No. Amazing. Rebecca, thanks for your call.

William, what did you find on the couch? I found $100 in a couch that I bought for like $5 at the recycling centre. Yes. Well played, well played. That's called investing, I think they call that. Yes, that is. Yeah, it was like all the old money, like the real paper version of it. So you had to go to the bank to go get it changed.

But they would accept it? Yeah, yeah. It's still legal tender. Wow, okay. Wow, that'd be cool. What was it in? Was it rolled up 20s or? No, it was just a 50 and a couple of 20s and stuff.

Okay, wow. Wow, that's cool. Oh, you want one more? Sorry. Brilliant. He's on his way. Yeah. Thanks for your call. Some text messages. Somebody said, we bought a new couch, got's cool. Oh, you want one more? Sorry. Brilliant. He's on his way. Yeah.

Thanks for your call. Some text messages. Somebody said, we bought a new couch, got it home. It was in the lounge for a couple of days, and we started getting an unusual smell from it. Oh, no. The investigations led to opening the bottom and finding a considerable amount of marijuana in the bottom of the couch.

And it was a new couch. No, no, no. They bought it off somebody. Oh, right. Okay. But then when they got it home, it looked like it was enough. Yeah, right. That it had been put there as a hiding spot.

Oh, okay. I forgot about it. Yeah. What do you put that on Trade Me, do you? Like, A-plus would trade again, by the way, I've got your weed. Yeah. Five ounces. I'll sell it back to you.

You can come and get it. Yeah, that's how people who sell weed like to be dealt with as well. Next on the show, it's the return of a segment. The first for 2020. And it might shock you. Probably not. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Ho, ho, ho. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Wow. Wow, that's right. Today, the 10th of July. 167 days. Until Christmas. In some ways, it feels like Christmas was eight years ago, but in some days it feels like two months.

Tops. Yeah. I know the timing. It's been such a weird year. It has, yeah. Such a peculiar year. Timing-wise. This gives me a little bit of like an uplift actually.

The little music and the jingle bells. Something to look forward to as we get rid of this bloody year. As we say, get out of it! Get out of it! Well, if you're new to the show, this is the segment where we look at the Christmas penetration creeping in early. We're past midwinter Christmas. This is a rule that we established. You can't count Christmas penetration as midwinter Christmas penetration.

Yeah, it's got to be fresh Christmas penetration. It's got to be penetration of just Christmas, not midwinter Christmas. Well, it popped up yesterday, and it's an undeniable proof that it's a little slippery underfoot, and soon we'll be slip-sliding down a mountain out of control towards Christmas.

Cookie Time have advertised that applications are now open to be a Cookie Time Christmas cookie seller. Now, they're not going to try and sell those oat ones, are they? I don't know they have. Why are you guys so anti that? I'm a huge fan of an oat biscuit. Because I have porridge for breakfast. I don't need it in a biscuit.

I'm trying to enjoy my day. Well, some people might like an oaty treat. I love an oaty treat with... Like raisin. Yeah, and a bit of like maple or honey sweetened. I'm okay with it. I just like biscuits. Yeah, I love their Christmas biscuits.

I just like biscuits. So they are, yeah, they've said they are taking applications to sell their buckets of cookies. So if you like going to workplaces and having heaps of people come up and take samples but never order, this could be the job for you. If you like putting on a

primarily yellow button-up shirt but there's red and cookies on it as well. Yeah. And walking around. Do you get staff discount on buckets? No, I don't actually need that. Just have your own and just say it was samples, I think. That's what I'd do. Be like, oh, my God, 18 buckets were sampled.

There must be a way to scam the system. That's what we've never thought about with this. There must be a way. The trouble is. Could you sell? Okay. What? Stay with me on this devious plan.

Fletch, remember how when you were younger, you were at school, you went to your neighbour and told them you were selling chocolate for... Like a skip-a-thon. A skip-a-thon. But there was no skip-a-thon. Yeah, no, there was no skip-a-thon. And you just took the money.

Oh, my God. That was actually fraud. I believe that was called fraud. Yeah. What if we took the money? She was an alcoholic. It didn't matter. She was just like easy to get money out of.

Fletch. We take the money, so there's no overheads. We take the money, and then using alcoholic. It didn't matter. She was just like easy to get money out of. We take the money. So there's no overheads. We take the money and then using a small portion of that money we bake other sorts of biscuits and put them into buckets. It's a lot of effort.

Yeah, you're right. You'd probably make more money just selling the cookies. Back to the fraudulent drawing board for me. Alright, so yeah, that's the first sign of Christmas on the cookies. Yeah. Back to the fraudulent drawing board for me. All right, so, yeah, that's the first sign of Christmas on the horizon. Elves, get busy. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 1%. Oh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.

Chilly start around the country. Dunedin and Vicargill, 8 degrees. Gisborne, 7. That's as warm as it gets. The coldest place at the moment, Twizel, minus 5. I had ice on my one screen. Yeah, it's minus 2 in Hamilton at the moment. Auckland's only 3 degrees.

6 in Wellington and minus 1 in Christchurch at the moment. Yep. And send me a photo of the frosty. She's a big frost in Kimptown, mate. Yeah, right. Good man. I'm just replying. He said he hasn't been out yet.

I was asked if there was ice on the troughs. He said he hasn't been out yet. Ice on the troughs. Is there ice on the troughs? Oh, for the cows. And the ice goes on top. How do they get the water? Where do the cows go?

Pardon me? Where do the cows go? Are me? Where do the cows go? Are they in a shed? No, they're just... Outside. They're covered in leather. Leather and... Oh, you don't give them a little blanket.

Have you ever sat on your leather couch? You get calves if calves get born too early. No, but it's cold. When it's winter, it's cold. You've got to warm it up with your bum. Yeah, but there's blood inside it. It's like the warmth after you've been sitting on it for a while. So a cow... Don's blood inside it. It's like the warmth after you've been sitting on it for a while. So a cow

is like your couch, but full of mints and blood and it's warm. And a heart keeping it warm. Oh my god. Imagine having to feed your couch grass so that it could metabolise it. I'm not going to be able to sit on it again. It could metabolise it. And sometimes when you drive past a farm, if you look closely,

there's a TV remote on some of the cows. And a blanket. And a little scratch from where look closely, there's a TV remote on some of the cows. And a blanket. And a little scratch room where you sat on it with a sharp belt. I'm just saying, I think you should give them little shrugs or something. Yeah, like calves and stuff do. And there's some animals that maybe aren't used to the cold, like you chuck a coat on, like a horse and such. Anyway, made a TikTok last night because I sung a song from the show I'm loving at the moment,

which is Money Heist, a Spanish production. I watch it in Spanish with subtitles. And I love it. It's like Prison Break, but really good. Because Prison Break was great until like... Started great and then it just got... And then it fizzled out. And it has not aged well.

I watched the first couple of episodes of Prison Break semi-recently. Yeah, right. Because I saw it there and I was like, I wonder what that's like to watch again. And I watched it and I was like, oh, what? Nah.

She's right. This is really good, but there's a song in it that comes up throughout in different ways. And it's an Italian song. And it's about the Italian resistance in World War II. Right. It goes,

Bella ciao, Bella ciao, Bella ciao, ciao, ciao. It sounds exactly like that, doesn't it? And it's,

anyway, I sung it at work yesterday and the Gen Z's were like, TikTok. It's on TikTok. I was like, no,

what are you talking about? No, I don't know what you're talking about. But anyway, it's from, TikTok. It's on TikTok. I was like, no, what are you talking about? No, I don't know what you're talking about. But anyway, it's from the same, it's on TikTok because of the TV show. The TV show's been massive in Europe and around the world. And this song's been kind of given a second life from it. And so I was showing Sade when I was at home last night, and I said to the girls who, they seem to do nothing but watch TikToks. I said, have you heard this on

TikTok and they were like no and so I showed them and they were like oh let's do it. Right. Because if they see the TikTok you take the sound from one TikTok you put it on another TikTok you do your TikTok. And there was a three second countdown anyway we worked on our dance routine of how we were going to do our version of it.

And we nailed it eventually. We took so many takes because I was like, oh yeah, that was fine. And Indy's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. From the top.

She was like the choreographer. Yeah, right. She's like, we're going to go and there's part where it goes un, dos, tres. Yeah. And I was tres, so I held up three fingers.

Yeah. But August kept getting confused as to what uno and dos was, so she kept holding up the wrong amount of fingers and the choreographer Indy getting confused as to what to endorse was. So she kept holding up the wrong amount of fingers and choreographer Indy was getting really upset with her about it.

Because the final cut, August just looked pissed. She looked shitty. Yeah. And then, yeah, Indy was like, one more time, I was like,

I think we've nailed it. I think it's good because we're about to lose her. And yeah, so we did a TikTok. And so the people that are really good that really nail the timing, they must do some takes on the TikToks. Gosh, they we did a TikTok. And so the people that are really good, that really nail the timing,

they must do some takes on the TikToks. Gosh, they must do some TikTok takes. They're just better at the choreography. So what are you doing? Oh, I've got you a TikTok. I have you? Here we are. So how many takes did that take? I think it took us, that's the thing, it's like, dos, tres. So how many takes did that take you?

I think it took us, that's the thing, it's like what, nine seconds long? 8.9, yeah. I think we had like 15 goes at it. Right. Because we had to establish if we were going to do exactly what everybody else had done or do our own thing. And then Vaughn's at work this morning like, man, dancers must practice so much. Like how much, how many times does Paris Goebbels practice

before she lays it down? Either way, I think I'm ready to join her crew. But this is a talk about TikTok, but also it's in my mind morphed into a bit of a stitch-up. Who wants to see Fletch do a TikTok where he has to dance in time for something? No, absolutely not. Do the set-up.

No, no, yeah. It's the easiest way. Please do the savage line. No, no, yeah. It's the easiest line. It's the easiest line. Over my dead body. We played that before and you did it perfectly. No, it's the easiest. Support a New Zealand artist. Absolutely not.

Josh, I'm not going to. I don't do. No. You will have to move my dead body. My rigor mortis dead body. Can you just stand still and we'll do an army? Okay. I'm not doing it though.

Okay. All right. Absolutely not. How are we going to move his hips for the do-do-do-do-do? Oh, I'll do that. Okay. I do not give you permission to touch my hips. Are you looking after?

I'm not going to be touching them. Not with my hands anyway. It'll be like when a creepy old guy's teaching you how to do the golf swing. And he's got his hands around you, but just the movement of his hips will move your hips. Okay, great. Yeah, let's get you on TikTok. Yeah. Next on the show, we need to talk about this interview.

So, you know, this guy snuck out of the managed isolation, went to the supermarket, posed for selfies in the supermarket aisle for like 15 minutes, walked around, spent 70 minutes all up outside of managed isolation. He did an interview yesterday. A journalist managed to get hold of him. And it's mind-blowing what he said. Yeah.

I think we'll run through this next. Yeah. I think they just need to lock the door from the outside. So we're all doing our part right down here in our little aisle. Islands. I said aisle to try to sound flash. Flash, yeah, islands. Then I remembered I'm a bloody Kiwi. I need to try to sound flash. Flash, yeah. Islands. And I remember I'm a bloody Kiwi.

I need to try to sound flash because we are flash. But we're doing our part. The team of five million were pretty disappointed on Tuesday to learn that some man had absconded from mandated isolation. This follows the woman that did it at the weekend. She jumped two fences. Yeah. So she made a bit of a prison break.

And then after that, you know, everyone was like, well, don't do that. And everyone in isolation is like, we're doing our part apart from. And you know what? It's like your principal used to say at high school. A few of you are ruining it for the rest of them. Yeah. You're making everybody look like clowns. So this guy got out on Tuesday night because they were changing fences.

And he was in the smoking area and just decided to leave. Skiddly D. Away I go. Between them. Leaving the Stamford Plaza. And he walked up the road to the countdown, spent 15 minutes

in the beauty aisle taking selfies. Countdown. 20 minutes the official. So 20 minutes in countdown all up, 15 minutes of which specifically at the beauty aisle.

Wow. Taking selfies and, I don't know. Then on the walk back, they stopped outside a store to tap into their Wi-Fi and made a 22-minute call. Now, would that not have been able

to be done on the hotel Wi-Fi? Surely you'd get free Wi-Fi staying at this hotel. You'd imagine. Then there was the walk back, return to the hotel at 7.58. Right. Back at the hotel. And then what is he just like, oh, just wander back?

Like nothing's... Yeah, like nothing's wrong and they noticed he was gone and there was issues. Right. There was issues. Now, there was an interview with him by a New Zealand Herald reporter who wanted to know More about it

Like What were you thinking? Why did you leave? What did you do when you were gone? And now that you've tested positive You're gonna be And you're facing Criminal charges

How do you feel? Well he refused repeatedly To say why he'd left the hotel And what he did during the time He was away But has said It differs The reason he left the hotel D hotel differs to that of the official line.

But yet he won't say when repeatedly asked why he left the hotel. Correct. He also wouldn't say what he thought of his diagnosis, apart from I feel fine, there's nothing wrong with me. And no one told me I was positive, even though I'm imagining the test gets taken. Yeah, I think they found out the next day he was... Yeah. Yeah. And wouldn't

comment on the criminal charges that he could possibly face. But we're also people was in line. He used after... He what? We are also people. People in quarantine. Also people. You're not being treated terribly

and you knew what you were facing when you came back. Exactly. That's the deal, right? That's your responsibility to keep our team safe. Yeah. You do your two weeks, you get to go. It would be hard. There's no doubt about it.

Yeah. But as we mentioned yesterday, you can still online shop. You can still have friends drop things off to you. You know what's harder? Having COVID and putting a whole country into level four because then our whole economy suffers. That's harder. Yeah, people, if you think you've got a bad at the moment,

if it got out and there was community transmission. I'd just be getting straight back on a plane. Yeah, I'd be heading back. Idiot. So he's facing six months in prison. That's the highest sentence or a $2,000 fine. Yeah, you know what's worse than that isolation? Prison.

Yeah. Because you can't just go for a walk. No, you can't just go. I'd love to see him try to nip out to Countdown. You're not even allowed a cell phone to take selfies in prison. No. Unless you can smuggle one in, but then that's probably not going to have a camera on it.

I just can't believe he gets questioned and his attitude. Yeah. Wouldn't you just be so sorry? Like, I mean, most of us wouldn't have done it in the first place. No, I know. Yeah, that's what I think. If you were the sort of person that could have remorse,

you probably wouldn't have done it in the first place. But yeah, the reporter who did it, if you missed before, tweeted last night with a link to the story saying, after ranting, shouting and mansplaining at me for a full 36 minutes, apparently I gave him a headache. Okay.

Wow. He needs a lock on the door. They need to padlock him in. Yeah. Oh, but that's prison, eh? Yeah, but why not? I don't know.

Human rights. Is it a slurry slut? Yeah. Oh. Human rights. Is it a slurry slut? Yeah. Oh. Human rights. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Friday Flashback. Taking you back to 1999.

I can't believe we haven't done this song. It was number one in New Zealand. It was number one around the world. It was nominated for a Grammy, but it didn't win. Okay. Won so many awards around the world. It was actually the debut English language album from this artist. So it's probably the first song that we knew about,

but wasn't his first song. Not on Recaglasses. Oh. Not on Recare Glaciers. Oh, not on Recare Glaciers. I was going to say is it on Recare Glaciers. Not on Recare. Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin. Ricky.

But. Doesn't he live in Sydney now? Does he? Oh, because he does The Voice. The Voice. Or one of those shows. Yeah. Okay.

I watched the video this morning and I was like, do you know what's sad about this song? He was still in the closet and singing about women. Oh, yeah. He's really sad at the millions of dollars this song made. Now that he can lavishly splash that on his male lover. He probably uses his closet for all the money he's got now. And all the awesome clothes that he can wear.

He's still very good looking. Oh, yeah. Well, he was in that Versace. Versace was. American Crime Story. Versace was the lover. He was the lover. Yeah, yeah.

Well, from 1999, absolute banger. I can't believe we haven't done this before. Live in the Vida Loca. Wow. Shit, you can do this every week. This is an absolute tune. All right, it's your Friday Flashback. Zinem.

She's into superstitions, black cats and voodoo dolls. I feel a premonition, that girl's gonna make me fall. She's into new sensations, for every day and night. She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She'll make you live a crazy life. But she'll take away your pain like a bullet to your brain. Bye. Welcome to New York City. You'll never be the same This will make you go insane Upside inside out Living la vida loca

Some push and pull you down Living la vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's a color mocha She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca We'll see you take your clothes off And go dancing in the rain She'll make you live a crazy life

But she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Come on! Upside inside out She's living the view that I know God She'll push and pull you down Living the view that I know God Her lips are devil-like We'll be right back. She's living la vida loca. She'll push and pull you down. Living la vida loca.

Her lips are devil red. Her skin's the color of bokeh. She will wear you out. Living la vida loca. She's living la vida loca. She's living la vida loca. Come on! Come on! Come on! Ricky Martin, it's your Friday Flashback on ZM.

Megan's picks. Well, I enjoyed it. It was a banger. From 1999 when songs used to be four minutes long. Yeah. Now you get two songs. You get two songs now. Well, you'd split that into two parts and have them both on Spotify

so you'd make twice as much money, wouldn't you? Yeah. And you'd have a hop that went on TikTok. Yeah. That's how the industry works. Have you ever heard the full Spanish version of that song? No. Want a taste?

Yeah. I'm sure. Want a little, oh, I don't have my thing plugged in. Oh, man, skid sounds so much different in Spanish. I was like little, oh, I don't have the thing plugged in. Oh man, skid sounds so much different in Spanish. It's like the Spanish sounding skid.

Oh yeah, do they not have squeaky car parks? Nah. Not as squeaky car parks. I'll get it. Fast forward it

to the Espanol. That sounds like, that sounds like, oh my God, I can speak Spanish. Me too. How am I doing this? I've obviously picked it up from watching that show on Netflix in Spanish.

Yeah, right. It said Spanish and I clicked on the Spanish version. Wow. Hold on. Hold on. I'm trying again. No, you know what? We're done.

We're moving on. No, we're Hold on. I'm trying again. You know what? We're done. We're moving on. No, we're going. We're moving on. Right. It sounds sexier, doesn't it? It definitely does. Everything sounds sexier in Spanish. It's the. It's the.

It's the. It's the. Yeah. And the. And the yeah. Ten minutes past eight. Yesterday, we've worn car dramas. And a yeah. Ten minutes past eight, yesterday warned car dramas. Calamity. They continued.

Calamity of a day. But I figured out a new way to break into a car. Okay. So I used to go old school. My first couple of cars, it was coat hanger between the window and the seal on the door and you fish around in there until you feel something, and then you give it a tug up, and you get used to doing it. So it was easy.

And then there was the ones where you'd go in through the top of the door and try to hook the electronic button and click that out. This is when you've locked yourself out of your car. Yeah, yeah. Or in my case, your key barrel and the door thing just won't turn anymore. Yeah, right. And your doot-doot thing broke ages ago. I was just clarifying, not on your days of grand theft auto.

Oh, no, I've never been caught stealing a car. It was an incident, but we don't talk about it. I told the story to mates 21st, and mum said, never tell that story again, and I made her a promise that day, Shelley. Shelley, I made you a promise. Damn it., Shelley. Shelley, I made you a promise. Damn it. Poor Shelley. Had her car stolen for a joke.

No, no, no. It wasn't Shelley's car that got stolen. It was her son and I that stole the car. Right, okay. But we didn't know we were stealing it. Don't tell the story. You made a promise to Shelley. No, but I'm not giving any details.

I made a promise to Shelley. Okay. Okay. I'll never tell the story in full. So, but my car, giving any details. I'm going to promise to Shelley. Okay. Okay. I'll never tell the story in full. So, but my car, not an option. Yeah. And I've never had to break into this car. But I found out a new way of doing it,

and I would like to share it with you now. Okay. Because it's got very tight seals. Very big, luscious, bulbous seals, my car. Okay. And they've always been really tight. I've always noticed that. Right. So, what seals you do so the wind and the rain doesn't get in? You can't get in there my car. Okay. And they've always been really tight. I've always noticed that. Right.

So it seals your door so the wind and the rain doesn't get in. You can't get in there with anything. Right. And the little button to undo it, you can't see from the window, so you'd be blindly poking around down there, which, ask anybody, that's not a good idea. And so this is the technique I've discovered. You want to need an axe.

Okay. Well, I don't have an axe. Are you smashing your window? Or something of a wedge. That's what my wife said when I said, meet me in the car and bring me an axe and some packing tape. Okay. So what you do is you put the axe in the door, like the gap where the seal is,

or anything wedged, and you push it in, give it a bit of a tap-tap. You don't do it hard enough that you break anything or ruin your car. And then you push on it and it wedges the door open a bit. Okay. Then you go in the back with that, you know that packing tape when you get a big parcel or if something's tied to a pallet, it's that plasticky woven stuff and it clicks together with the metal clip.

That you bend in half and you squeeze through the gap while you're leaning against the axe. So it's a one person job and you put that through the gap and you put it down over your little knobbly bit. You probably need a knobbly bit to do this. And then you just go, you pull against it once you've got it looped around.

You pull against it and then just pull it up and it just went pop. I broke into my car, I'd never done it before, but this technique in 30 seconds. And my daughter, Andy was like, how did you do that? She thinks you are a guy that. I know. It was one of those moments where she thought I was a, you know, your dad did something and you were like, wow.

Holy moly. She's like, can you teach me how to do it? I was like, I can. I don't know if you should be teaching your daughter how to break into cars. I think you should teach your kids how to break into their own car. Yeah, right. Or know how to get into a car. That's an essential skill.

Like jump starting a car or push starting a car or changing a tyre. It'll get them out of a series of issues. Or maybe just teach them to always have the beeper working. Or the spare car to get into the car that you left in the car. You can't trust technology. Yeah. But you can always trust an axe and some packing tape. Yeah, right, okay. That stuff's got to have a bit of name. Straps, packing straps?

The plastic packing straps? Yeah. Packing straps. I know this stuff you mean. Because it's stiff enough that you can push it through the gap. Yeah. And you can kind of manipulate it. I tried doing it with a piece of flax. I showed Megan when she dropped me back off at the car. It was a very flimsy piece of flax. It was a very flimsy piece of flax. It was never going to work. No, it was never going to work. I love how you just dropped it at the car. It was a very flimsy piece of flat. It was a very flimsy piece of flat. It was never going to work. No, it was never going to work.

I love how you just dropped it by your car. It's biodegradable. It's not rubbish. But I'd like to know when you've had to break into your own stuff. Stories of breaking into your own car. Especially, I found it weird prior to that, like when I was locked out and trying to get in a triangle to the difference between getting in my car, no one added an eyelid. Oh, they didn't call the police or anything?

No, no one was like, you're right, mate. But also your car. But you were there with your kids, though. No, no, that's when I went back the second, when I went back. But I was talking about before you came and got me yesterday morning. Maybe if you were breaking into an Audi, but like a dilapidated. Do I not look like an Audi driver? No.

You hurt me. You do look like the owner of a Honda Civic. Yeah. That look like an Audi driver? No. You hurt me. You do look like the owner of a Honda Civic. Yeah. Falling apart. Falling apart. But those cars are some of the most stolen cars as well. Yeah. I thought it would have raised eyebrows, but no one cares. I love the stories of people that get home and they've lost their keys or

they're drunk and they don't have their keys so they have to break into their own house. Yeah. I love those stories. Yeah, you've got to know how to break into your own house. Yeah. those stories. Yeah, you've got to know how to break into your own house. Yeah. But people end up like smashing windows and just breaking in terribly. Yeah, but it's never a good sign if you can easily break into your house because then someone else could. No, you've got to know.

You've got to know. It's got to be tricky. The burglars don't know. Tricky way to break in, yeah. All right, well, we want to take your calls. 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696. When did you have to break into your own stuff? We want to know when you've had to break into your own

stuff. Having broken into my car yesterday using a new technique that I hadn't used before. The easiest technique to date, I think. With an axe? Yeah, with an axe. But not like smashing. Just using it to wedge in and then leverage. It was the perfect tool for the job.

Did you take paint off the car though? Did it scratch it? Don't know. Probably. It sounds like something you'd use for an old car. Oh yeah. Or you'd put a bit of cardboard down so you didn't scratch the paint. I couldn't even guarantee this would work on a newer car.

Right. Okay. Stephanie, what did you have to break into? My house. Oh, okay did you have to break into? My house. Oh, okay. When I was probably about seven or eight months pregnant. And my husband and I, we were just talking about the story last night with said son that was on board at the time. We have one of those doors that when you go out, if you don't flick the switch, it'll lock behind you. And I don't know how I did it. Probably preggy brain. And I was like, oh, hell.

And so the window that I had to break into was our bedroom window. But it was, it's like a half window. So it's not like a full length window. And looking at it, it's probably head height anyway. So I had to get a old seat thing that we had outside, sort of clamber on that, then try and hoof my heavily pregnant body in through this damn little window.

Managed to get in, sort of fell on the bed, had a good old laugh at how stupid it was. But then, like, the next day, I had these horrific black bruises all up the inside of my thigh. So I don't know what I did when I climbed in. Wait, didn't you say you were with your husband? No, no, no, no, he wasn't home. Oh, he wasn't there.

Were you telling him the story last night? Oh, right, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, we were talking about the story last night. How would we could? And I was telling my son. How good when you break into your house is that first moment where you're in? Like, maybe it's the foot on the floor, or like you say, you flop on the bed

and you're like, I did it. I don't know who was more relieved, me or our boxer dog who was also like, you know, because they're pretty

sooky anyway, so he was like hanging to get inside his house and just sort of get inside it. Brilliant, Stephanie, thanks for your call. Cameron,

you had to break into your own car. Multiple times, yeah. Right. Do you not have a spare key? I do now, yes. Yeah. It took about four times before I got it.

Yeah, right. Okay. And what was the hardest break-in? Well, the first one, trying to figure out the right material to use. Right. I tried the strapping, but I could never find a long enough piece. And I found the wire thing that holds the netting curtains up. Oh, it's like a wire and it's got a plastic coating on it.

Yes. So one end has a hook on it. If you hook it around on itself, drop it in through the top of the door and use the loop of the door and use the loop on the other end to pull the boot latch up. You can go in through the boot. Right. I feel we've inadvertently done a how

to break into cars. Stood to guide this morning. Thanks, Cameron. Vanessa, you had to break in to an open home. Yeah. Are you allowed to do that? Well, I guess you shouldn't be. That's probably not ideal, no.

Right. So you went, was it you running the open home? No, no, no. We really wanted to look at this house. So we turned up with our son and we were the first ones there and we were looking in the backyard and that was all lovely and we'd been there for a few minutes and then she was like, oh, where's the key?

Oh no, I haven't got the key. Oh, is this the real estate agent? Oh, so you were there with the real estate agent. I thought you'd just gone up to her. We just rented this house we've always wanted to have a look at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were quite keen on this house so we were a little bit brassed off. I was saying to my husband, I really want to get in there.

Anyway, so... Vanessa, Vanessa, watch your language, please. Sorry, sorry. Excuse my language. Thank you. Sorry, haven't had a coffee yet. No. But, yeah, so the funny thing was my son ended up getting in there.

Of course, the smallest human, you know... Yeah, right. He broke in the window for her after half an hour or so. Other people had turned up. It was just hilarious. Well, they shouldn't get to look through the house because you're so broken. No, you're so broken. Thanks, you're cool, Vanessa.

Some texts. My mate and I lived in this flat. It was pretty much made of cardboard and spit when we first moved out. And there was one night we got woken up by the cops' torches and banging on downstairs windows. And then a guy being like, yeah, cheers. And we went down and we're like, what the hell is happening? And the police were like, oh, do you not know this guy?

He said he lived here. We just helped him in the window. The police said this guy was trying to break into their house and he said to the cops, yeah, I live in here. So they'd helped him break into our house. Luckily, we heard the noise and went down when they were still there because yeah, then they helped the guy away.

My brother broke into our house when he was drunk and staying there with a friend. He climbed through a window roughly 40 centimetres wide by 20 centimetres high and he's six foot one. But then, the genius that he was probably due to inebriation, decided rather than going and opening the door and letting his friend in,

made his friend try to climb through the same window. Mother was not impressed. Fleshfawner Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about a large market town in Buckinghamshire, England. High Wycombe is what it's called. It's a very old, as you can imagine, an English market town.

It's been around for hundreds of years and they have a tradition called weighing the mare. Wow, okay. The ceremony has existed in the town since 1678. Right. So, heaps. Heaps of time. Heaps of years.

How many years? 342. Wow. Okay. It's been going and it's weighing the mayor. At the beginning and the end of each year of service, the mayor is weighed in full view of the public to see whether or not he or she has gained weight at the taxpayer's expense.

That is ruthless. How much do you think Phil Goff weighs? I don't think he'd weigh much. That's the only meal I can off the top of my head. That's not fair to say that it's at the taxpayer's expense. But if they come into it at a certain weight and then they're eating and they're being paid only by taxpayers. Yeah, but they're eating food like it's not really,

they're being paid. You can't just take what they're spending their pay on. When people were struggling. Oh, yeah, no, no. Like modern times, you would never. No. Can you imagine it? But back in the day, yeah, you would have,

but you would have been paid a lot though, wouldn't you? Well, you were being paid by people who didn't have a lot. Yeah, right. The rates and the local taxes. So they didn't want you getting into being a mayor and just hoeing into everything. Okay, well, I just spent all my money on shoes and not eat too much. Well, it proved you were getting paid too much. I know, but they can't see my shoes.

I would have just gone down and got a raw chicken. A raw chicken. And just hope I don't lose a couple of quick kgs with the shits. So it actually still happens. Yeah. It happens to the present day. They are using the same set of scales they used since the early 19th century. So those are a couple of hundred years old.

Wow. And when the result is known, the town crier rings the bell and says, and no more if the mayor has not gained weight. Yep. And some more if they have gained weight. But the actual weight is never declared. Oh, right. So they don't say like 94 kgs.

They started at ding, ding. Oh, and some more. They don't do that. They just weigh them. When they first become mayor, they weigh them. And, and some more. Wow. They just weigh them. When they first become here, they weigh them. And then there's a public weighing, and if they've put on weight, the town crier. Do they do it in winter or summer?

Because I feel like if you did it in winter, because you're like a little bit of winter padding. The end of winter. Yeah, the winter padding. But the start of winter when it's been summer. What happens if you lose weight? Are they like? They say and less.

And no more. Oh, you know, and no more is, I'm imagining, covers the losing weight as well. I'd be like, no, you need to specify. Bitch, ring your bell again and tell everyone

how much I've lost. That's right. I've been doing Middle England Pilates in the early 1700s. That's totally a possibility. Yeah, so today's fact of the day is if you want to be the mayor

in High Wycombe, you've got to be weighed, and then the town crier will tell people if you've put on weight or lost weight or kept the same weight at the taxpayer's expense. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Listen to this little blurb. Multi-award winning South African New Zealander Ursula Carlson has become one of the biggest names in comedy in Australia and New Zealand. I think it's the hardest names, but they got that wrong. The what?

One of the hardest names. The hardest names. Yeah, it's one of those names where people, when they have to say it, they're always going to pause, look at me, and then go, am I saying it? Just say it quick. Yeah, I'm like, you know what? I can't even hear when people say it wrong anymore.

People go, am I saying your name right? I go, I honestly don't know and I don't care. I wasn't listening. It's just a label. Sprinkle some compliments around it and you're pretty quick to forget. I honestly smile a lot and you're in. Bit of cleavage and you got the job done. I'll work on it.

I'll do my cleavage, that is. So this, you filmed this in December. Yeah. It was going to come out earlier. Yeah. In March, April.

Yeah. We talked about this because we were both of the opinion it should have come out then because no one could leave the house. Yeah, exactly. It's a captive audience.

Yeah, yeah. But then, because it was translated into 32 different languages, but all the translators are at home now because of the virus, so normally they'd be sitting together, I'm guessing, and they can bounce ideas off each other.

But now you get these emails going, hey, explain this joke to this guy so he knows how to make it funny in Spanish. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow. So all of that made it slower. Wait, so a guy is dubbing it over in Spanish?

No, no, it's not dubbing. It's just the subtitles. But like, you can't just do it word for word. Then it doesn't make any sense. So they kind of have to translate the joke and to still make it funny. Otherwise it's just words on your screen.

Does it always work though? No. No. I'm guessing not. I don't have a lot of Spanish followers. Because so much of it is in the words and like we all know if you plug something into Google Translate the direct translation doesn't structure itself Yeah, I know

It just makes your head dent in Right Like I've tried to Google Translate some Afrikaans phrases that I know for a fact and I look at it and go I don't know what's happening here. That's not what that means. No.

So do these people do all the comedy specials? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so if you go global, they put the subtitles on if you live in a different country. Like I've got these Swedish strippers that always get in touch with me and go, like after the first one that's in Comedians of the World, I got these Swedish strippers and they go, you should come to Sweden.

And I go, I don't have any followers in Sweden. Like, you're literally the only person that has ever contacted me from Sweden. And then she goes, no, no, there's heaps of us here. And everyone at work loves you. I go, what do you do? They go, we're strippers. And I'm like, oh.

She goes, and we're telling everyone that comes in about you. I'm like, how does that work? Like, you give someone a lap dance and this is your opening line? They pull up their shirt and I've got your press release taped to them and I just like enjoy it. Watch it. Wow. Shaved in.

Comedians of the world. So I'm like, how do you bring that up? Like, so you like comedy? You like boobs and comedy? You love it? Yeah. Do you bring that up? Like, so you like comedy? You like boobs and comedy? You love it? Do you like New Zealand? Well, boy, have I got the combination for you. Yeah.

So this was filmed December. Anything that hasn't aged well? Any good, like, solid rifts on pandemics? No, no, no. Bushfires? Yeah. I do this bit about what are the odds that we'll all just be stuck at home for weeks or months. I go, none of us are going back to the 1950s where all we do is bake and avoid penis.

No. Which is what it's been like since. But you spend so much time touring around. Has it been weird being stuck in one place for so long? Yeah, because I was just saying to someone before, like I'm usually on the road about 300 days of the year and I take my family with me. But now I'm just home and like it's weird.

I've never been in New Zealand this time of the year. Right. Yeah. It's cold, eh? Yeah, I know. It's weird. Normally I'd be in Perth or on the Gold Coast. I'm like, it's lovely.

I don't even own a jumper. And then I have to quickly go, oh, my gosh, it's really freezing. I'm like the queen. I go to my summer home. A castle somewhere warmer. So from here, do you have to wait to see how it goes before they say, let's have another one? Well, yeah.

I mean, because the first one I did, that Comedians of the World one, there were 36 of us, and then two of us got one hour specials out of it. Wow. Me and a Brazilian guy, I think, but they only gave him a little strip that he – that was like a wax. I'll explain these things because it's funny. So he got – but I don't think he's going global. I'm not sure, but let's go with that.

Let's just lock that in. That you won. Yeah, I'm the winner there. Lucky you're not competitive at all. What does that mean? You want to arm wrestle about it? All right. I'm a rollover.

Yeah. So it's out next week, Tuesday. 7 o'clock. So what they do is whichever country you live in, they make it the optimum time for your country. But I would say 7 o'clock's a bit early because you're going to have to lock the

kids up if you're going to watch it at 7. It's not quite Jim Jefferies rude. I read his review this morning. I don't drop the C-bomb at all. Not because I didn't get the opportunity. COVID, is that the? Yeah. That's the new C-bomb.

Yeah. But, yeah, don't watch it with your kids. Like, there'll be too many things to explain afterwards. And you've got to pause it. You've got to be like, pause. Yeah. So that's basically when a woman. Okay, no, actually.

Go to your room. Just pop off to bed. We'll have this chat in three to four years. Awesome. Well, next Tuesday, it's overqualified loser, Ursula Carlson. Thanks for popping in. Thanks for having me. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Yesterday, I thought I was being helpful. Okay. So, you weren't going to laugh at me about what I was even doing, but I went to Warehouse Station to get something printed. What were you getting printed? Okay, so I've got a cheap printer

and it's a bit dodgy. Sometimes it does a good job. I think it's running low in ink and I wanted like a nice colour print. Okay. Like a photo print. Yeah. No, but it wasn't,

I didn't get it on photo paper. I just wanted it on a normal piece of paper. What does that set you back? I think it was like $1.50. Okay. And what were you getting printed? It was a picture. Of what though? Like a photo. Yeah. But why didn't you get a photo print? When you're doing a work. No, I didn't. Is this to go on a

photo frame? Yeah. Oh, well get a photo print. No, I just wanted a map. Okay, we've got eight more questions. This isn't the crux of my story. It was like A5? Half of an A4. Oh, that's only going to be like $2 for a photo print. Why don't you get a photo instead of a print?

I don't like the look of photo paper anymore because it's so retro. No, you can get matte. You can get a matte finish. That might have been what I got. It was matte. It wasn't glossy. Did you want a white border? Oh, my God.

I didn't want the white border. Three more questions. Okay, what was the photo of? It was just of me and Andrew. What time of day did you go to Warehouse Stationery? You have a lot of photos of both of you around the house. It was like 11 a.m. or something. I've been talking about this with Sade.

I'm like, we're not big photo people. We've got one really awesome photo, one kind of big photo of the girls, of each of them. But we don't display it. This isn't that. Why did I even tell you? This isn't the crux of the story. You two have a shrine.

How do they call it a shrine? You've got portraits. They've got portraits. You haven't seen her glamour shots. No, I do not have glamour shots. She does, everybody does. That's why she doesn't like photo paper. But why do you need to go home and see a photo of you and Andrew?

Because you're there together. Just look at them. It's for other people who visit the house, right? I wasn't putting it up in my house. Because that's what I said to my sister all the time. I'm like, why have you got so many photos of your kids? I was giving it to someone. Who are you giving it to?

My parents. This is not the crux of the story. Did they do that thing where they're like, that's a nice photo, I'd like a copy of that? Yeah. Parents do that. Fletchers don't because he doesn't take nice photos and he's a bit ugly. But good looking people like you and I. Okay, so my mum has pictures of the kids and the couples and her grandkids on top of the

fridge. She has had one of me and my ex-husband because it's nice of me, clearly. But I'm like, we need to rotate that shit out because it's been eight years. Yeah, right. She can keep that, but put it somewhere where people aren't going to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's, again, not the crux of my story. So this is for the top of the fridge or this is for the wall?

It's for the top of the fridge. It's for the top of the fridge. Hence the size of it. It's too big for the top of the fridge. It's too big for the top of the fridge. A5. No, that's what all of them are on top of the fridge. How big for the top of the fridge. Hence the size of it. It's too big for the top of the fridge. That's too big for the top of the fridge. A5. No, that's what all of them are on top of the fridge. How big is your mum's fridge? She's got a fridge and freezer side by

side. Oh my god. She'd be a stand at 6x4. What has your mum got a freezer inside for? Like a stand up freezer? Yeah. I thought I was picturing a chest freezer. No, no, no. Can you, this is, I didn't want you to focus on this. Imagine if mum had pictures on the top of her chest freezer. She'd have to move them every time she wanted to get the mints out. This wasn't the...

Can we move on from the picture? You don't understand why I was shot. Also, I don't have a shrine. Take it back. People think I'm weird and we have a shrine to ourselves with candles and shit. You've got a lot of photos of yourself at home. So, I was at Warehouse Stationery. That's all I wanted you to take from this.

Okay. And because it's wanted you to take from this. Okay. And because it's so cheap to like pay for printing, there was a couple beside me at the other till thing. So we're beside each other at the till. And I wasn't listening, but he was. Were you doing the printing yourself or was someone doing the printing for you? No, no, no.

Someone was doing the printing for me. You had it on a USB stick. Yeah. So he was off doing the printing and I was just waiting. And I hear beside me they were charged like $4.80. And the guy said, oh, let me see if I've got enough cash. I think I've got enough cash for this. And he's like, oh, no, I'm 20 cents short.

So I was like, oh, I've got 20 cents. Not that I was listening, but I went into my wallet and I was like, oh, I slid over the 20 cents. I was like, there you go. If you want to pay cash, I've got 20 cents. And he pushed it and I was like, oh, I slid over the 20 cents. I was like, there you go. If you want to pay cash, I've got 20 cents. And he pushed it back and was like, nah, it's all good. I was like, oh, it was. What?

And then he F-bossed it? Yeah. Oh, what? Was he too proud to take it? I don't know. I was like, I felt like a real douchebag. I was like, oh, no, it's just, I was just trying to help. I had 20 cents.

If you wanted to pay cash, like, no big deal. That's weird. Was he like, thanks, but it's okay, I'll pay an F-boss? No. He was just like, help. I thought I had 20 cents. If you wanted to pay cash, like, no big deal. That's weird. Was he like, thanks, but it's okay, I'll pay on Air Force. No. He was just like, no. He said, no, it's okay. No. And pushed it back.

It was like you offering was like degrading or something for him. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. I wanted to be like, I wasn't trying to be offensive or anything. I wouldn't take your money either because I had Air Force, but I'd say, oh, no, no, no, you're absolutely fine. I'm going to pay with F-Boss. Definitely wasn't like that.

I was not misreading the situation. Pushed it back and said, no, it's okay. Did he say, why are you printing out a giant photo of you and your husband? Is this for your shrine? Is he? Were you there by yourself or was this a toy boy there? No, by myself. You should have said, you should have started crying and be like,

oh, my God, what's wrong? He'd be like, he's dead. That's why I'm printing out the photo of him. And just take the money. And then, who wouldn't take the money from a grieving widow?

Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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