ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 10th May 2021

Episode Date: May 9, 2021

MEGAN'S BACK!!!!!!!!  Vaughan went Shopping  Producer Jared bought something  Top 6: Abba Tunes  An Apprentice stops by  Adult Hickeys!  Megans First Mothers Day  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleach Morn and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by five McCafe coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. And Megan is back, which you'll no doubt hear in today's podcast. I'm a little bit nervous coming on the radio today. I was like, I don't remember how to do this. Nervous wheeze? Did you get nervous wheeze? Yeah. Just open your mouth and talk. I think that's why you don't get asked to go to broadcasting school and give speeches. Because sometimes I'll be like, I forgot to open my mouth again. Then I open my mouth and it's all all right again.

No, we did this year. We went to broadcasting school without you. We gave a rousing speech for the youth of tomorrow. Applause. Oh my God. Because didn't me and you go once to not Vaughan? Yeah, and that was the year they described it as an absolute clusterfuck. I said that was terrible.

Uninspirational. What was your inspiration that you gave them then? Oh, so much inspiration. Because usually you just say, don't do it. It's shit. It's not as easy as you think it's going to be. Yeah, they're hard in the park. Hardly any jobs in the industry.

Stuff like that that gets worn blacklisted for a few years i've got a trade yeah it's not too late for you all to become electricians so what was your rousing inspo i can't remember yeah we just talked and then they said thanks for coming that's our time now time's up we're like oh cool okay awesome yeah i yeah they did put anna on a seat at the front i know That's what I said, producers should be at the back Did anyone ask where I was? No, everybody knew where you were Yeah, they knew

Did anyone say they missed me? You were babied I think, yeah, most of the class We did the show of hands, 94% Awesome, that's what I needed Excellent Lego boost there Great Off to a strong start Awesome. They missed you. That's what I needed. Excellent. A little ego boost there. Good, good. Great.

Off to a strong start. ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Fawn and Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show.

Fletch, Fawn and Megan. Good morning. Back. Mama's back. This is so weird. Mummy's back. Mummy's back. Good morning.

My boobs are already hurt. Wow. Me too. Maybe it's your voices. It's back. Get money. My boobs are already hurt. Wow. Me too. Maybe it's your voices. It sounds like a baby crying. I was going to say it was tingling the boobs. It caused letdown. That's letdown.

And that's the term when the breasts fill with the milk. Yeah. This is a lot for two minutes past six. I don't need to know about filling milk. Yeah. This is a lot for two minutes past six. I don't need to know about filling boobs. Yeah. Filling boobs, emptying boobs, boobs, boobs.

All the boobs. Have you got your little machine here? No, I didn't bring it because I was like, Fleek just isn't going to cope if I pump in the studio. We'd have to get her

a screen or a... Plus, like, we're on the radio so it's like... But then it feels good for everybody, everybody that's, you know, all the dairy farms that are still milking. Yeah.

They'll be down for it. Compare me to a cow. Well, more the fact that there's a vacuum machine that makes a sound, and they'd be, like, all down for it. Yeah, no, I didn't bring it for fears of scaring Fletch. Well, Add to Cart is back at 8 o'clock, and today, Megan, it's your cart, all of your items that you've picked.

They've said that it's the most expensive one. I was going to say, yeah. It's a little bit. $1,400 is today's cart value. $1,409, isn't it? $1,409. $1,409. I think we've rounded it down.

It's just $1,400 plus. Yeah. So, 8 o'clock, be listening for the very first item. And then again, at 10, midday, 2 and 4. And if you're the first caller through this afternoon with Bree and Clint at 5 o'clock, you can name every single item. You win it all worth $1,400. The top six is coming up.

ABBA have got new music coming up. That's right. 70s, Euro Pop, Disco, ABBA. I thought they were all dead. Nope, all still very much alive. Thank you very much. The BJs. The BGs. The BJs. I don't know what music you're

listening to. The BJs. Jesus, what a start to the show. BJs are alive and well What a start Anyway Aren't half of them dead?

All of them Apart from one And he looks like he could go any day Right okay Well I don't know We don't need music from any of them It's all terrible I like the top six songs

That we can expect from ABBA In their 2021 music Okay Have you been As a mum Have you been wearing your high heels? Not as much. But still a little bit. A little bit. Why?

Okay, well, there's news on high heel wearing. It's not good for you, is it? It's not good for you. Oh, okay. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Well, there's one group of people in particular that are loving the sneaker trend at the moment, particularly Gen Zers, Zedders, wearing sneakers, not heels.

What are sneakers? Like, not high heels. Why is it a trend, though? Everybody's always been on sneakers. Yeah, but just like the, I don't know. Are they a bit more high end? Styly expensive. Sneakers.

Sneakers. They do the exact same job as cheap sneakers. Yeah, but whereas if people were going out, say, I don't know, out drinking, they might not always wear sneakers or flats. It is much more acceptable to wear sneakers with, like, a nice dress. You know? Yeah, exactly. And podiatrists, the feet people, they're the ones that are, like, loving this

because high heels. Yeah, I don't go to podiatrists, the feet people, they're the ones that are loving this because high heels. Yeah, I don't go to podiatrists. I did when I was younger and they literally gave you a wee sit down every time you go. How often are you wearing heels? How high are they? You know you shouldn't.

You know, eventually you'll get bunions. Like, well, if Victoria Beckham's feet still look okay, then I'm fine. She's had hers carved and I reckon she gets a bunion removed every week. Yeah. But yeah, apparently absolutely

loving it because their work is but then they shouldn't be loving it because then they're doing themselves a job, aren't they? They're just thinking about it.

Yeah, going to be seeing less people. They might be one of those medical professionals that actually like cares about people's health over their own

future employment even though they'll always you know, be employed. You know that. What is it called? The hypocritical oath? Is it? I don't know.

Yeah. Hypocritical. No, it's not hypocritical. Hypocratical. It's an old, it's about Hippocrates, right? Probably the same. But when you're, it's one of the oldest recognized oaths of the world. It's a medical thing you swear when you become a professional.

It goes over our heads. The Hippocratic Oath is the oath of ethics historically taken by physicians. It's one of the most widely known of Greek medical texts. So that would be what podiatrists would be doing it for the benefit of the people, not for their own future employment. They're not a battery company, which plays into the battery company, which, you know, plays into the battery company's ideals

to never make a never-ending battery because they do themselves out of business. Yeah, they hire hitmen to take out people that invent everlasting batteries. That's why we don't have it. You're thinking of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with the everlasting gobstop. No, that's why we don't have AA batteries

that last more than a week. Right. Because people have killed, they've had them killed off. Right. And that's the thing. That's capitalism. Yeah, exactly.

It's not the hypocritical oath. Yeah, whereas if the battery industry took the hypocritical oath, they'd be doing their best to create the best product possible and then they'd go like this. And then they're like, everyone's got AA batteries,

you don't need us anymore. They last forever. What next? Except move on to something else. Yeah. Totally. But again, that's not what they do.

No. What were we talking about? Pajamas. Shoes. Sneakers. And good. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I went to Wellington at the weekend for a friend's engagement party in the 30th.

And I know what business have I got going on the 30th. Nearly being 40. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty the last. Anyway. First of all, I'd like to say hello to the very friendly gang of youths

outside New World. Were you accosted? Semi-accosted. Right. They were inebriated. The nice New World. Yeah, the nice New World. Oh, okay.

Which I got a delicious little carrot cake from both nights. Treat yourself. Treat yourself the nice new world. Oh, okay. Which I got a delicious little carrot cake from both nights. Treat yourself. Treat yourself, yeah. A little slice, a little one person serve of carrot cake. Is this post drinking pre-bedtime? Yeah. A carrot cake?

Yeah. An odd choice. A carrot cake and a bag of rations. Went for an orange named. You ate the rations first, eh? And then carrot cakes to your dessert, yeah. Of course. I'm not a monster.

Yeah, I had a little mini. I went straight from appetizers to dessert. Right. Because it was like 11.30. Okay. And it was a gang of youths. So when I was just walking past and they were like, hey. And then I was like, hey.

And they were like, Fletch. And I was like, oh, yeah, how's that? And I kept walking. They're like, where are you going? I'm like, oh, I'm just off to bed. And they're like, come out and drink, hoon. And I was like, no, thanks. And then I kept walking And they're like, come out and drink. And I was like, no thanks. And then I kept walking

and one of them yelled out, you'd be nothing without us. I was like, thanks for listening. Right. And you didn't correct, like I do the same, people will say Vaughn.

And I just don't, I don't. I give it half acknowledgement. Yeah. Or especially if he's getting abuse, he's not going to correct them. Well, yeah, that's right. Kyle Fletcher. Yeah. Or especially if he's getting abuse, he's not going to correct them. Well, yeah, that's right. Kyle Fletcher.

Yeah. If it's anything traffic related, just go with it. Yeah, let it go. Let them take the blame. But I went shopping in Wellington as well and I bought the jeans that I'm wearing. I'm wearing some new jeans. It's big from you. Yeah.

And they weren't like my usual price range of jeans. Because last year we got given those nice jeans. It's big from you. Yeah. And they weren't like my usual price range of jeans. Because last year we got given those nice jeans. Subies. Yeah. But it's got a K on the front. Yeah, yeah. Got given those nice jeans and I didn't know how nice they were. I just thought they were jeans.

We did tell you not to wear them in the garden. I wouldn't like gardening in them. Yeah, yeah. You'd turn up to work in your Subies and there'd be grass stains from the lawn mowing. Dirt stains and stuff. But I liked them. They were nice. Yep.

So I bought another pair of them. So how I figured I'd justify this was the last pair I got for free and this pair I paid for. So I pretty much just got two for the price of one. But spread out over two years. Yeah. And also they've lasted you a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've lasted.

That's why I don't mind spending, if you try on a pair of jeans and they're real comfortable, then I don't mind spending a bit extra because they're going to last ages. Yeah. So I got them from Superette. I know. I know.

And well worth it. You went in to Superette. I only went in Because Sade went in Yeah What And the woman said Can I help you

I said you absolutely cannot You can probably help her Yeah I nodded towards Sade But then Sade Didn't buy anything And I bought jeans And then the lady's like

Have you shopped here before I was like absolutely not I can't believe you even went in I know Candles were very expensive And Yes And she said Have you shop went in. I know. Candles were very expensive. And she said, have you shopped here before? I said, absolutely not.

And I said, oh, my wife may have. And what's her mobile? And I gave it to her. And she's like, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was like, wait a minute. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. How many times? And the lady was like, um, and looked at Shade. And Shade was like, just shaking her head. And she's like, I'll leave.

The lady literally behind the counter said, I'll leave this for you two to discuss later. And I was like, see, that makes it sound worse. Because I think when you buy a bit you get a, like, does it add up and you get a discount or something? Is that why they take your email? Maybe. I've never had the discount. Never reached that

point. It just also keeps it on there. Or just your details. Yeah. Right. So you can take it back in and be like, I bought this and it's already on the computer. Oh, you should have asked her to flip the screen around and see how much you've been buying. Run down the screen. Did Sade get anything? She didn't buy anything all day and she got really angry with me. Oh, yeah. Not angry,

but like, I can't believe you bought shirts and pants. Our pants. Our pants. I can't believe you bought shirts and pants. We have to agree that we're not going to have an argument when we go shopping. If he gets something and I don't, that it's not going to end in me throwing an absolute strop. Or just panic buying something so you've got something. Yeah, because this is what Carmen said on the social media desk.

She went shopping, she didn't buy anything, she just panic bought something at the end so she had something to show for her time shopping. You spend the whole day, you need something to show for your efforts. Happily go with nothing. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. The Chinese government.

Is that what they call themselves? The Communist Party, I believe. China? They've released the GPS coordinates where the rocket landed. Okay, and because they were saying it could have been Wellington and you were a little concerned. I was in Wellington. Probably why the gang of youths were so... They were drinking like it was the end of the world.

But Air New Zealand even got warning about debris in the fly zone. That's the part of the atmosphere where they fly. The sky. Debris in the sky Yeah Otherwise no one has the sky Debris in the sky Debris in the sky

They were like Just a heads up I don't know I don't know what Exactly they were Imagine You're flying From Christchurch to Auckland for example

It's like It's the Apollo It's making changes Just hold on a second And then it's just like Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen Space junk I don't think you'd see it coming

No it'd just tear through the fuselage. Yeah, it would. What a lovely image. 72.47 degrees east, 2.65 degrees north is the... So it landed in the... In the Indian Ocean. Most of it burnt up. Yeah.

Imagine if they went and they were like, well, we better pick up our rubbish, which I hope they're going to. Yeah. Because it's pretty loose that they they were like, well, we better pick up our rubbish, which I hope they're going to. Yeah. Because it's pretty loose that they were just like, ah, yeah, this could happen.

Yep. Guess what's underneath it? MH370. Wouldn't that be something? Also somewhere in the Indian Ocean, maybe. Some like Bermuda Triangle situation. But not too far

from the Maldives. Well, not like close to the Maldives, but like apparently that's the closest recognizable location. But there's footage of it like tearing through the atmosphere from like all around the world. And it's going really, really fast. It's like pretty much just looks like it's a shooting star

just tearing through the skies, which would be terrifying to see given that they absolutely had no idea where it was going to land. Saudi Arabia, Istanbul, Turkey, it flew over, went over Madrid. They could see it through the skies of Oman, over Jordan, Egypt, and then, yeah, into the ocean. Right. Into the Indian Ocean.

So nobody got hit, but now there's like 30 tons well whatever's left of 30 tons after it tears through the atmosphere if that had gone through your house would they have given you some money apparently really they were just gonna solve the problem with money oh sweet hmm at least it like killed your mom or something a Bit of a downer on Mother's Day. Yeah, yeah. Money's not going to bring her back. No. Yesterday in the group chat, Jared popped a little something in.

I think he was expecting more of a reaction. We didn't engage as much. It felt a little troll-y. Asking where the next full moon was and then a picture of a display of crystals. I think he knew he was poking the beer. Yeah, yeah. So now seems like an apt time to deal with this.

Save the roasting for on air, I think is what we said. So let's go to the show's anti-vaxxer, producer Jared. Yep. So the midi took me to Crystal Mountain yesterday what this is in

West Auckland yep now Megan I forget that this is here Crystal Mountain it used to have beside it

it used to have like a little animal park and like a roller coaster and a couple of little things I'm unaware

of this place what is it like a big tourist attraction? Well. I don't know if you could call it a tourist attraction. It's just like a shop of crystals. It's a shop of crystals. Right, okay.

And then they sold the adjoining park and animal farm for a subdivision because they realised the land they were sitting on was worth a goddamn fortune. It's still the place where I've seen the biggest rat I think I've ever seen in my life. It was eating the food that the peacocks weren't eating. And I took my daughter when she was young. Yeah. And he said, oh, is this like the rat's enclosure? I was like, no.

No, no, no. They're just here because they've realised that this is a food source. Well, Megan, when you've been on maternity leave, producer Jared's relationship has really flourished. I have seen the L word dropped on social media. Yeah, they've moved in together underneath a loud flat. There are parking issues. There are lots of pot plants.

But now in your relationship, you've bought a lot of crystals together. We bought six crystals to go with our two new pot plants we purchased. So we did a little research, a little bit tongue-in-cheek, and we found some small relationship kit crystals. What's in this relationship kit? Are you just...

Is she really... She's really into this, isn't she? No. No, absolutely not. Isn't she? No. Are you into it? Is she into it,

but she doesn't know how to tell you she's into it? As far as I'm aware, neither of us are into the crystals But you spent actual money We spent $10, it was 6 crystals $10, that's not bad It was a steal Little wee tiny crystals

I don't know how big, a ping pong ball? I saw some ones on Waiheke Island recently So no doubt these people were fully involved in it Because it was next to that anti-5G stall at the Waiheke markets recently, so no doubt these people were fully involved in it because it was next to that anti-5G stall at the Waiheke markets. And some of those crystals could only be described, the shape of the crystal, as sex toys. Phallic.

Really? Yes, very phallic-shaped crystals. Is it a good material for that kind of carry-on? I was thinking about like a water... Easy clean. Put it in the dishwasher. Did it have like what that crystal would do for you? If I got closer, perhaps I could have read if there was some sort of description.

One was definitely rose quartz because I recognise a bit of rose quartz. Okay. Was there some rose quartz in your relationship pack, Joe? Yeah, there's a little bit of rose quartz, but it wasn't a toy. It's just a little chunk. Anything's a toy if you try hard enough, Jerry. Tiny wee rock. Tire string.

Yeah, be careful. Drill through, put a string on it. Words of advice from Uncle Fletch. Tire string. Always a safety string. So, yeah, we got six crystals. One of them was Rose Quartz, the stone of unconditional love. Okay.

We also got a blue lace. That'll be why that dildo on Waiheke Island was made of it. Yeah. We also got a blue lace agate. I don't know how to say that. Okay, what is that for? Aggregate. That's the stuff they make the road out of.

It's a calming energy to a hectic life. Okay, need a bit of that. Then some obsidian. Energy is all about leaving the past behind and moving forward. Is obsidian the black? Yeah. The real black one? Okay, so that was cool.

That was cool. And then we got a garnet, which increases sexual chemistry. Oh. Does it work? So where did you put, yeah, you went home and put these on where? The bedside table? Windowsill. Windowsill.

So they can charge. Catch the moonlight. Of course. This is how people get into it. Oh, no, I'm just, this is just a joke. Well, I don't want to, like, this morning when I got up, they were glowing a little bit. They were not glowing a little bit.

It was raining. There's clouds. The streetlight, Gerard. It was raining. There's clouds. The streetlight, Jared. Could have been. Could have been. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM.

From the vulnerable ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. ABBA. Swedish super group ABBA. New music. 2021. Bjorn. Bjorn has confirmed.

Right. All four of them. All four, yeah. I think they've mended whatever. Wasn't there like a couple of them that were like hiding away, didn't want to be a part of? Went recluse. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. And he said there's such a strong bond between us now. So I think there was issues at one stage, but they've overcome that. Annie. Annie. From ABBA. Uh-huh. Is 75 years old and has a net worth of $300 million.

Why would you bother? Like, Annie. Is this a hot? Yeah, I just Googled ABBA net worth. Annie Fred. Oh, Agnitha Bol hot? Yeah, I just Googled Aberneth Worth. Annie Fred. Oh, Agnitha Volskrom. Yeah, yeah. There's Freda, Agnitha, Benny, and Bjorn.

Yeah, they're all worth like, Agnitha's 200 million. Good lord. And it all started with Eurovision, right? Yeah. And a little bit of a laugh when everyone was laughing. And then they were like, oh, no, this is good. This is good. So, yeah, they're going to release some new music.

Yeah, but you want as well $300 million. Well, you think about how everywhere their songs have been used. Yeah, forever. And it's still like these radio stations that play them all the time. Yeah. The Mamma Mia movies. The musical. Re-releases.

Yeah. There's a lot there, Musical. Re-releases. Yeah. There's a lot there, so they've got their money there. So I've got the top six songs we're going to expect from ABBA in 2021. Okay. Number six. Gimme, gimme, gimme a two fuzz of vaccines. That's good. That's encouraging vaccination rates.

Yeah. There's a bit of advertising around vaccination rates. Yeah. Go and get vaccinated. Just reading today, you know, in Auckland, the old warehouse in the Highbury Mall, that's been turned into a gigantic vaccination centre. And it's an old warehouse. Imagine that.

I don't even know where the Highbury Mall is. Which one's that? I can't spell mall to save my life. M-A semicolon semicolon. Did you mean mall? Oh, in Birkenhead. Yeah. Are you?

Is there not a warehouse anymore? Nah, I think they all moved out. What happened? It was a bit of a grim mall. Just went down the road to Glenfield, didn't it? Yeah. And so that's turned into a big thing. So imagine a thing the size of the warehouse for vaccinations in the community.

Wow. It's exciting. It's ramping. It's like size ramping up. It's really ramping up. All right. Number five on the list of the top six songs we expect for ABBA in 2021. Dancing queen, making TikToks in quarantine. You got two laughs from the producers there. Yeah.

Anna, you didn't laugh? Unmoved. Unmoved by it. Unmoved. You got two laughs from the producers there. Yeah. Anna, you didn't laugh? Hmm. Unmoved. Unmoved by it. Unmoved. Well, maybe this will be more up your alley. Number four on the list of the top six songs we can expect from ABBA in 2021. Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again, My My, Level 4, Lockdown.

Nothing? Can I win? Light applause. Jared wasn't there for that one. We don't need to be reminded about lockdowns. Nothing, okay. Yeah, hopefully that's not the case at all. But overseas it might be.

Number three on the list of the top six songs we're going to expect from ABBA in 2021 is like a cover of Waterloo. Okay, yeah. Sourdough. It was delicious. Please make some more. Okay, Sourdough. It was delicious. Please make some more. Oh, that doesn't even rhyme.

Finally got Anna. Finally got Anna. Finally got Anna. Where's the rhyme? Waterloo. So ABBA are going to come back, in your mind, and just do covers of their own songs. Own songs.

Yeah, with a 2021. Okay, take on it. Yeah, good. A little twist. Okay. Next, number two on the list of the top six songs We can expect from ABBA in 2021

Is Take a Chance You know the song Take a Chance The Johnson & Johnson Vaccine remix Yep Take a chance Chance

Take a chance Chance Take a chance Chance Take a chance Chance Take a chance Chance

Take a chance Chance Oh that's the Johnson & Johnson Vaccines made them go a bit Yeah Take a chance Chance Take a chance

Chance It's kind of funny They had the Pfizer one Take a chance. Take a chance, chance. Take a chance, chance. It's got to be funny that it had the Pfizer one. Take a chance, chance. And number one on the list of the top six songs we can expect from ABBA in 2021, I don't know,

some version of Winner Takes It All. I could only come up with five. Did you run out of time? Yeah, I ran out. I just ran out of ideas. I got bored, to be honest. So I can imagine

if people are listening, they're also getting bored, so just next. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I have had this plague me for months. Almost my whole maternity leave, this has been happening. My undies have had holes in them. But before you jump to any like weird conclusions,

these are, they'd be new, they'd be old, that'd be from my drawer. From any era. From any era. So even the new nice undies. I'd been buying lots of Kmart because I'd been going through so many undies. I was hitting up Kmart on the rig. She's changed. Hey, God.

No, because. She's on a mum budget now. She's come back and she's wearing Kmart knickers. Because, okay, so they would go into the washing machine. You wear them, they're not holey, right? Yeah. They go into the washing machine. Yeah.

When I would hang them on the line, huge holes. We're talking what's there. Wait, so they didn't like come out of the washing machine and sit in a basket for any period of time? No. Straight from the washing machine? I mean, that's not a great advertisement for your washing machine. And that hung on the outside line or inside?

On the outside line. So initially when I saw the... Moths, birds. So when I saw the holes, it was when I bought the washing in. I was like, what bird is attacking purely my undies? And was it attacking the crotch area? Yeah, right. What area was?

Primarily. The crotch. So then I was like, is, because I peg often, I peg the undies there. Yeah. Crotch. You peg on the crotch. What monster are you?

You peg on the band. You peg on the band. Peg on the band. You don't peg on the crotch. What monster are you? You pig on the band. You pig on the band. Pig on the band. You don't pig on the crotch. It's a weak point. Yeah, but you wear like boxery type ones. It's like the t-shirts. It's like the t-shirt.

You pig on the hem. Yeah, but I just pig on the crotch because then it's like one pig done. So anyway, I amended that because. You're putting that with a damp crotch. I was like, okay. The peg doesn't allow the material underneath to breathe. Well, I was thinking it was maybe an aggressive peg. Right.

And it was ripping, you know. You've got to be very careful with your pegging. Yep. I amended and changed where I pegged it. And there is still... The hole holes happening. Okay, well now you've got me. Not moths?

What a mystery. And not birds? Did you rule out birds? Not moths, not birds, not the pegs. I ruled out birds. Right. But this, like I said, I must, 15 pairs of undies this has happened to. Okay, question. Were the undies in pre-wash?

Were the undies, where were the undies pre-wash? Were the undies Where were the undies pre-wash? What do you mean? Like you take your undies off Yeah Now before they go in the washing machine Where are they? So I would get undressed

And I put them on the floor in the bathroom Okay And then when I get out of the shower Move them to the wash basket The wash basket And when you peg them on the shower, move them to the wash basket. The wash basket. And when you peg them on the line, the hole wasn't there. When you peg them on the line, the hole's there. Yes.

I'm thinking the hole happens in the wash basket. So I was then wondering, is it the washing machine or the wash basket? I think I know who's responsible. Who? The dog. The dog's having a chew on your gruts pre-wash. Megan. Fifteen pairs of undies and last week I walk in to find my dog eating the underwear.

Your dog is a pervert. Your dog is sinning. You should put that dog down. That is filthy. And then, ooh, do you let it come and like lick your face? No, absolutely not. Come here. Oh, I've got to lick that dog.

The dog jumps up on the couch, you're like, no. I'm absolutely not. I'd let him lick my face, never have been. But the mystery has now been solved. So your dog goes in when the undies are in the washing basket. In that tiny window. Because you know that we're tidy people.

Yeah, very fastidiously tidy. I get undressed and in the window where you are cleaning up after you've had a shower and putting stuff in the washing machine, he's already chewed his way through pairs of underwear. Was it always that one spot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it always that one spot? Multiple. One of them was almost, the underwear was almost

fully gone. That dog is rank. That's rank. That's very rank. That is rank. So I think I can move on from my Kmart. Have you googled why do dogs chew? No, I don't want to know. Why does my dog chew my panties?

Something about this. Don't say panties. I didn't want to, like, guys underwear could be. Underwear. They learn to associate scents with everything they smell and the dogs will, the more scent there is to work with. It's one of the most gr grimest things I've ever heard I told you

When I thought about it Yeah, I regret telling you about it Yeah Joined in studio by Kennedy Who is on The Apprentice Aotearoa Good morning Good morning, thank you for having me So, you are Kennedy who is on The Apprentice. Good morning. Good morning. Thank you for having me. So

you are how do I get like whether you've been fired or not? Cannot confirm nor deny. It's a reality show Megan. No one's going to come in and say you only last one week. What if they were really jilted though?

They might. Oh they might. How was your time? Did you enjoy it or do you feel jilted? It was definitely an experience. Like I didn't expect kind of how it happened and I didn't really expect, yeah, I guess the way that it played out. But overall, I am really stoked that I did it. It was an absolute challenge and I guess- Didn't win.

I think you're right. Well, I've really thrown you off then. No, I think that it really just, really thrown you off then no I think that it really just it pushed me out of my comfort zone considering everywhere else in my life

right now I kind of have control over and it was a real challenge in that respect I've never seen an episode in my life ever of The Apprentice

nah what about Donald Trump yeah but I kind of know it's kind of the zeitgeist right you know yeah you know kind of like so what

tell us what happens I guess you're it's kind of like, I'm describing it like a dragon's den, but with tasks. So you are pitching for a business investment at the end of 50K with Mike Pirro and a 12 month, like apprenticeship with him. Right.

But you have to do tasks in between that to kind of prove your worth as the apprentice. So the tasks can vary from branding to fashion to- So everybody goes in with the business that they want him to invest in. Correct. A business plan. Like the pretense was that you've got to go in with a business plan and if

you make it to the end you'll be able to kind of pitch that business plan to him. But before then you are working on proving yourself to be worthy of that. Right. Okay. And on the ads he's trying to be mean, but he's not mean. He's like the nice guy. He is nice. He's so friendly, even in his

mortgage ads and stuff. Yeah, no, he's a great man. He's a truly great man. I think he's definitely staunch when he needs to be and there was a few moments where we were like oh, okay. But overall I think he's really, they're putting a really great Kiwi spin on it and the CEO versus I guess what you'd consider the other CEOs in other countries, very different.

When he does the firing, did he ever get like upset? It was a little bit more, I guess, there's probably more emotion in it than maybe the overseas ones. Yeah, for sure. It was a big moment for everyone. And it was genuinely as intense as it probably will look on TV. Like someone getting the finger pointed to them was like, oh, everyone was like, holy crap, okay. So he does the finger point, you're fired.

Yeah, the full on like, yeah. And then if they miss it, they do it again. And it's not so fun the second time. Aw. Hey, we're just going to get another one. You're fired, another one. You're fired. Another angle.

Maybe try like, you're shit. You're shit ass. Get out of here. Yeah, no, the boardroom in particular was one of the ones where they had like all the cameras really hidden and so you truly do forget that you were on TV in those moments. You kind of do feel like you're in a really big boardroom and it was very scary at some points.

What boardroom did they use? Where was that filmed? In a set, it was a set, yeah. Right. But it looked really amazing. Yeah, okay. I just wonder if they just cleared one of the meeting rooms at TVNZ. We need this meeting room for half an hour, we're about to fire somebody. We need it next week as well. Yeah, no, it was actually really cool. I was really impressed with this, like, the effort that the show had gone into. It was really amazing. I was like, holy.

And what about some of the other people on the show? Some of the other apprentice? The cast really blew me away. Going onto it, I probably had a little bit of an ego because I had a couple of businesses in my back pocket. I thought, okay, I'm kind of prepared here. I got on and on that first day, I was like, holy moly, the caliber of this cast is insane. And no one person was like another. The age range was,

I was the second youngest all the way up to 40 plus. And just the caliber of talent was crazy. So many businesses, so many entrepreneurs. It was nuts. I was really intimidated. Wow. Yeah, because you're a very enterprising guy. I try to be.

You've taught me a thing or two about business. Like how you have to pay tax. I know. That's a real pain. Megan was just like, meh, free money. People keep emailing me. Yeah, they're real stern, eh? Is it erud?

It's real pissed at me. I always want money, the er me. Yeah, they're real stern, eh? Is it erud? Erud's real pissed at me. They always want money, the erud. No, they definitely do. So tonight, and it's on TVNZ1. Ooh. It's a bit posh, isn't it? Yeah, we are a bit posh. It means business, right?

For sure. And at 8.30, which I think probably means there's going to be a few swear words. Sorry, Mum. Yeah, nice. All right, well, TVNZ1 tonight, 8.30, The Apprentice. Kennedy, thanks so much for coming in. Thank you for having me

guys. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers, going behind

the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Washing, showering, bathing in a bath

isn't included in this one. Okay. This is just primarily about showering, bathing in a bath isn't included in this one. Okay. This is just primarily about showering. There's some toothbrushing, some toothbrush, if you've only got one tooth, teethbrushing statistics in here as well. But apparently this is from British people. They were surveyed regarding working from home

and being sort of like homebound over the pandemic and how it's affected their hygiene. Most people, and this is worrying, over 50% now have no plans to wash more than once if they're at home all day. There's no plans, they have no plans to have a second shower, like a morning and then an evening. I feel like I'd have both because I was just sitting at home in my trackies, or your

pyjamas. You get a bit of that stale. Sit and sweat. I don't know how people can go to bed without having a shower. No. I don't like that. Some people have morning showers and some people have evening showers. I'll do both. And then if I go to the gym or

swim, then I'll have to have a shower after that. After that as well. So, yeah. More worrying is a quarter of Brits were only brushing their teeth once a day and some people weren't brushing them with any regularity through the day. They get upset though, don't they Brits, when you give them like

teeth, you know, like say bad teeth stereotype. But with those stats. You've got to brush. You've got to brush, yeah. You've definitely got to brush. So it's just because of the pandemic. They're locked in. They said it's changed and they don't know.

They've got no plans to change when they go back. I think there was a level three or a level four when there wasn't any going outside. And there was one day I was like, I haven't even had a shower today. And I was like ready for bed. I was like, oh. So I totally get it. Let's not judge these people too hard. They've been locked inside all year.

Let's not judge too harshly. So the numbers dropped 17% since the start of the pandemic. That's how many people daily showering has dropped down. And this kind of all falls in line with a guy called James Hamblin, who's a doctor at the Yale School of Public Health. Okay. So Yale. Yep.

Not only do they lock doors, but they also do university stuff. And he wrote a book called Clean the New Science of Skin and Beauty. And he said he hasn't used soap on his body for five years. Do you know that's what a dermatologist told me once? You don't need to use soap. I'm like, ooh. He's anky. You sound manky, skin doctor.

Your own natural oils or something. Yeah. Just water. He said water and he said his hair as well. It got to the point where his hair got back to normal and just with water he could wash stuff out of it but didn't need to shampoo and condition. Wow.

He's like, there's no where written anywhere that you need to put soap all over your body multiple times a day. Yeah. But just water is enough to get it off, to get the stink off. That clean feeling though, eh? Let's ask his workmates. Everybody else at Yow.

Oh, Dr. Stinky Ass. No, we don't go there. Flesh, fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Well, yesterday, a group of friends, we convened for the Sunday brunch, as you do. Unfortunately, it was Mother's Day. Why did you?

Did you call Bev? No, they were like, yeah, yeah, I called Bev. But they were like, oh, food will be 40 minutes. We're like, that's fine. We've got lots to catch up on on last night. Yeah. You know, that's fine. She has a bunch of daddies out for Mother's Day.

Yeah. And then 50 minutes later, they were like, oh, look, I've just talked to the kitchen. They can start the food in 10 minutes. We're like, we're going home. What did you order? What did you say you didn't even eat? No, we just had coffee and then we just left. But it was during the brunch that one of our friends turned his head to the left,

revealing a gigantic hickey a hickey on his neck Oh my god How old is this friend? Do you name this friend? No, no I'm under strict instructions. They have

gone back to Melbourne, so they're not in the country. How old is this friend? You said you didn't need to name them, but now I've worked out who it is. You know who it is. Yeah. And what would you say about this friend that you wouldn't expect them to have it? It's far too old to have that shit. Yeah.

How old? Well, not a teenager. No. Not 30. Nearly. Nearly 20s. Nearly 30s. Let's just say 20s.

Closer to 30 than 20. Yeah. Closer to 30 than 25. And certainly closer to 30 than 16. Yeah. Closer to 30 than working at the supermarket on checkouts. Exactly. Had there been any attempt to hide it?

Like a scarf or... Initially, he didn't even know he had it until we showed him. Oh, no. That's how big a Saturday night it was. He was unaware that someone had sucked on his neck. Yeah. My favourite is when someone tries to use the bruise.

I walked into a door handle. We tried to have you guys see the hickey removal on TikTok that was doing the rounds. The whisk last week. Yeah, so we got up the little whisk and whisked his neck for five minutes. Like an egg whisk. Yeah, so you twist it on the bruise, on the neck,

and then you do it for five minutes. It makes it go quite red, but it actually kind of did bring it down a few shades. That's the vibe, right? Because it's spreading. The bruise is like the blood gathering and coagulating there. So the da-da-da-da-da would spread it out a bit more. I took lots of videos of that.

Did you lube the hickey before whisking? Well, no, he was like, ow, ow. And we're like, well, do you want the hickey gone or not? Did you get the whisk attachment on like an egg beater? Just for speed? No, I think that would rip his skin off. No, if you lubed because it's like

in boxing right that's the same premise of boxing what happens in boxing well in those rounds you know they put a bit of ass on their face and then they get that

like what looks like a hard bit of plastic and they go and pull it away from their eyes what is that for it's getting the bruising and the swelling

away from the eyes so their eyes don't swell shut oh my god I thought it was so that when they punch them their hands slip right off. It's like, ah, land one now.

That's what I'm thinking. Probably a handy byproduct of that much gas on one's face. But, yeah, you should have looked it up. But it was interesting. It didn't, like, it doesn't disappear the hecky, but the egg was, it definitely knocks it down a few shades. Okay. But, yeah, I think he was just going to resort to go to the makeup counter at duty free.

Conceal me. Yeah. Go to the mat. Test my shade on my neck. Yeah. Can you, they must get that all the time at like farmers and like makeup counters, eh? Just like the random person coming in that never

needs concealer. They're just like, can you, I've got a Mother's Day brunch. My mother doesn't need to see that. I'm a mother. She's a mother. She's a grandmother. She doesn't need to see this. No.

Megan's back from maternity leave. And we thought if you had some questions you might want to ask. Ask away, we said on Instagram. Ask away. What are you looking at? Ask me anything. Megan brought in the blood pressure machine. What are you looking at? Ask me anything. No, I'm like, Warno Megan brought in the blood pressure machine.

Why did you have that? Warno loaned it to me when I was pregnant. So I brought it back. And you've done your blood pressure. I'm now Googled it. I might as well be dead. I could die any moment of a stroke. None of us are surprised that you have hypertension though.

Blood pressure 104 over 81. And on the blood pressure chart, that's like hypertension. Yeah. What does that mean? Listen, that's what you exactly just said. What does that mean? And how you said it is exactly what it is.

I'm dying. I could be dying. You're not a drama queen at all. Just breathe. Right. So we've got some Bebe Q&A questions. About my Bebe. The Q in Q&A stands for questions, so I didn't necessarily say Q&A questions. About my baby. The Q in Q&A stands for questions.

So I didn't necessarily say Q&A. Baby. That is how we will always, from henceforth, say baby. Baby. For like Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek. Schitt's Creek, exactly. Okay. How did the birth go?

So I had an emergency caesarean because my water broke. Dramatic. I'm just loving this. You were born via caesarean? I was a sunroof. Yeah. So you and Bastion are like, you already got something in common. You can talk about it when you're older, when he's older.

Yeah, great. Cool. Shit experience. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so I got induced and the induction medication made his heart rate drop. So he needed to come out super swift. And it was a scary time. Did Andy P watch?

Yes. Oh, no, not the actual, because they put up a curtain. And I ended up having a spinal tap, which means I was like numb from the clavicles down. And I... Wait, that's the same as a... Are you going to make a... What's the other name for a spinal tap?

Epidural. Epidural. Because I always just think of the Christopher Guest movie, Spinal Tap. No, so I had an epidural top up, but they spray cold spray on you to make sure that everything's numb and I could still feel stuff. So I had to have a full spinal tap. And I lay down on the gurney, the bed thing. And they put the sheet up.

And then this rope thing comes over your head. And I was like, what is that? In case of emergency, just pull the rope. It's like this, yeah, it comes from where they're doing the operating and they pull this rope up and then they put it behind my head. And Andrew was like, what is that? And she said it had this little, looked like a paperweight on the

end. And she was like, that's to hold the skin flap. And I was like, did Andy pee peak? Because we're not. No. August was born via caesarean and Shada's like, don't you look? And I kept being like, why would you? Fascinating. Fascinating.

What a thing to see. I've been watching a bit of New Amsterdam lately, the medical drama, and I can't watch when they do the surgery things. I'm like, really? That's my favourite part. I wouldn't be into that. But they said it will feel like someone's doing dishes in your belly.

But I could not feel anything. What a bizarre thing to tell somebody. Using a stela or a pot square? So not painful, but there's movement and stuff. But I couldn't even feel when someone was touching me, let alone... Did they do that thing at the end where they're trying to find the last teaspoon?

There's definitely a teaspoon in here. And it's real hot, so you can't be in there too long. And then they pull the plug, but there's some stuff from the plates in the plug, so they don't do that thing where you either push it down the plug hole or run your fingers around and put it in the other hand. Finger a couple of beans down the plug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a bit of the pasta scrap down the plug hole.

Yeah. But I was just excited because she said, oh, she only needs a small weight for her tummy flap. And I was like, oh, oh, you gave me a compliment. Oh, because there was a lot of that. High praise. High praise. Next question.

You have to play the ba-ba thing, don't you? Oh. Are you going to do ba-ba in between? I mean, I can if you want. Yeah, I think so. Ba-ba. How are you doing? Oh, I'm doing great.

Is there more to that? No, that's just said how are you doing. The U I'm doing great. Is there more to that? No, that's just said, how are you doing? The you is in capital letters. Okay, is that like being like, how you doing? Or like, how are you doing? I think it's, how are you doing? Because people always ask about the baby, right? But they sometimes forget to ask about mum. I'm doing good.

It's pretty hectic, but like, it's hectic in a great way. And my boobs ache a lot next question what is the worst piece of advice someone gave you the worst piece the worst piece oh no everyone always says sleep with the baby sleeps but the baby sleeps like erratically and then that's the only time you get to do anything. So that's a load of crap. But no, most people gave pretty good advice. Bye bye. What's been the most surprising thing?

You don't get any time to do anything. You don't even get to like. Sounds horrible. You don't even get to like have dinner in peace because I've learned to absolutely guzzle food because you have no time. You don't even get to have dinner in peace because I've learnt to absolutely guzzle food because you have no time. Or you have to put them in a pram and push them with your feet while you're eating.

But I don't really know. Everyone tells you all about it before it happens, so there's not a lot of surprise to it. There's no sleep. But you know it's still surprising. Can you get a soundproof shell, like a cone? Like what Baby Yoda. Like what Baby Yoda does around there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just. And like just put them in there. Yeah. But obviously there's oxygen and stuff still. Yeah. Very crucial for baby's development. Yes.

Oxygen. How did you come up with Bastion's name? I don't want to tell you. Bastion Point. No. The occupation of Bastion Point. Bastion. I never knew that there was a character.

I've never seen Never Ending Story. You wanted to call him Sebastian, but you knew that we'd tease you, so you called him Bastion. That's pretty much it. Yeah. You what? Wanted to call it Sebastian. But then you guys would take the piss.

What? So you thought you were disguised if I'd taken the sip? They'll never know. Take the S and the E off the front. How did you come up with that? No, that's it. We wanted to call him Sebastian, but you guys took the piss out of it. So we took the S-E off the front.

We have for years said that you would one day have a baby called Sebastian. Lorenz. Lorenz and Sebastian. It was in the same vein to Lorenz. Lorenz was always, his middle name was Sebastian in my head. Wait. Baba. What one thing did you take for granted before Baba was born and now you don't have time for?

Going to the movies. But apparently, do you know you can take your baby was born and now you don't have time for? Going to the movies. But apparently, do you know you can take your baby to the movies? Oh, you sure don't. But if it cries, obviously you have to take it out. And they do, famously. But they're only baby-only sessions, right? No, you can take them to a normal session. No, don't do that.

I wouldn't. Just don't do that. No, you go to the mums and bubs session. Yeah, no, you've got to take them to mums and bubs and you're not allowed to take them on planes until they're stopped flying. Eight. Yeah. I'm going to take them on a plane to Raro as soon as I can and I hope that I sit near someone like you.

Oh, absolutely not. How has motherhood changed? Oh, I didn't wait for the Moira Rose. Bebe. How has motherhood changed you? I don't know. Do you think, do I seem different?

I don't know. I don't know. Not yet. I don't think it has changed me because I still have bought a lot of online shopping for myself

as opposed to buying clothes for, he's well clothed, don't worry. you did mention earlier in the show you're buying Kmart undies so that's a earlier in the show you're buying Kmart undies,

so that's a change. Okay, I'm buying Kmart undies now. My mum. I buy my underpants from Kmart now. I'm a Kmart mum. There you go. And has Fletch blocked you on Instagram now? I don't know.

Because I've been really trying to rein in and not doing too much of Bastion on social media. Right. Because like you're always playing in the back of my head. But then I'm like, everyone's messaging me saying, don't worry, because Fletch has no doubt muted you already. Have you? Have you

had it in me? I've seen posts. Have you had it in me? Not yet, not yet, but soon. If the baby posts become too much. What was the question? Vaughn had a mute on Facebook for a year or so, till he reined it in.

Vaughn did? Everyone does. What did you just say? You heard me. Sir, sir. Every day you'd be like, oh my god, my baby did something. Oh, congratulations. First time ever in the history of humanity. Will you give him a cuddle if I bring him in?

I don't touch them. Remember I've got that photo of Indy and she's like a rugby ball in my hands and lap. And I'm like, take it. I don't want to drop it. You're so good with them now they're older, though. No, that's the thing. He always is like, oh, bloody kids. But then we take our kids around to Fletcher's place.

Well, they like to see the cat, don't they? Yeah, and you like talk to them and ask them questions. I think they can smell your fear. You know, like when you don't like cats and they come and play with you. Vaughn tells them that I'll tell them off if they misbehave. He's the grumpy threat. Now, don't be loud at Uncle Fletch's house because he'll bloody yell at you.

Every time they come in, they're really timid. They're like, he's about to yell at me. I'm like, hi. They're like, ah, it's too loud. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. This started last week when somebody from Starbucks said, look, stop it. And I think they put it on TikTok.

They're like, just stop it with your stupid orders that are like 10 things. They brought it upon themselves because there's so many options. You can get so many different things. Also, it's rich coming from the people who never get anybody's name right. Yeah. Unless that's their revenge on people who do dumb orders. Yeah, right. Maybe that's the whole vibe.

Yeah. But they literally would talk about people that order. And you've ran the cafe before for, you know, a couple of years. You know what it's like when people come in. We love customers, but yeah, go there, drive you up the wall. Like, quarter strength, the fancy milk. What's a quarter strength coffee? Not a whole shot.

You put a quarter shot of coffee in. What do you do with the rest of the shot? Well, that's the problem is that you just have to, someone in the cafe will just drink it because you can't give someone else a three-quarter strength coffee. So you just fill it up with coffee, a quarter of what you would? Yeah. Hmm.

What's the point? And then hum the same amount of water through it. What is the point? And you've got the same, it just tastes like milk with a little hint of caffeine to it. Just get a hot chocolate, please. Do us all a favour. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. But so basically now this has come to light. Other people in other industries are saying, well, yeah, this is what I hate when customers come in. Anything to do with having to deal with customers. And this is what we thought we'd do this morning. Open up the phone lines and talk about your job and how you deal with customers and what you wish you could tell people. Yeah.

Right now, you open up to us, 0800-DARLS-AT-M, 9696. What do you wish you could say? If the customer wasn't always right. Yes. Somebody messaged in, re-coffees. Yep. This was a coffee order they literally had last week. Okay.

A half-strength decaf cappuccino with half almond, quarter oat and quarter coconut milk with chocolate sprinkles with chocolate dust on top. Oh, my God. So they want a whole milk, but they want it made up of three different milks. That is so stupid. Because then you have to get a jug for each milk, obviously.

You don't want cross-contamination. Heat them all up. I just want to tell them. Yeah, like, would they know if you just gave them all almond milk? Probably not. Probably not. No, exactly. There you go.

And we don't just want to talk about baristas and people that work in that industry. We want any industry. What do you hate it? What do you hate when customers do one thing or they say one thing? Yeah. What they do in your specific job that drives you crazy? So my friend

is a doctor, just message in. I'm a doctor for a friend. Only because you messaged your doctor friend saying, is this blood pressure okay? Am I going to die? What's going on about your blood pressure? So he said, well, why was your heart rate 110? That's fast. I know, because you know when that thing squeezes your arm,

I got real panicky because I don't want to lose my arm. It was probably because you were going, ah, it's really tight. Yeah. And you're jumping up and down. I think I need to sit down. I was standing, so I probably need to sit down. But he said they hate it when people come in late for the doctor's appointment. But I'm like, that's karma because you make us wait all the time.

You assume you're going to be sitting and waiting. And then are we waiting at the doctor's because the doctor's taking too long or the patients do what I do where you take the doctor a collection of your problems. Also, they hate that. They also hate lists. Apparently, they hate this when you go in because you're paying like a lot of money. No, but it's like going to do the groceries. You don't go until you've got a list. and so you've got to pay for it so you wait till you

get a list and you do it collectively otherwise you just go to the dairy and i don't know what the doctor equivalent of the dairy is the pharmacist and it doesn't go to the pharmacist doesn't your dog have a timer yeah she's just started doing it on the last visit now is that because of you no because i am very rashy by nature. Same. Like, if we went through my medical records, it would just be rash, rash, rash, rash. So I literally go in, I'm like, here we go.

And she's like, okay, here's another antihistamine. Off you go. You just need a general prescription for antihistamines. Pretty much. And every antifungal cream under the sun anyway. But yeah, it's just like 50 bucks for aihistamines. Pretty much, and every antifungal cream under the sun anyway. But yeah, it's just like 50 bucks for a two minute appointment. So it's definitely not me taking it up. She gets going, does she?

Right. She likes to chat. Nah, it must be other people. That's what doctors would say if they could say it to you. We hate you being late or we hate lists. So 0800 DALS at him. We want to take some calls right now. What do you wish people would stop doing or saying? In your industry.

In your industry. And we can, as a public service announcement, tell the public now. And lotto operators. Give me the winning ticket. Piss off. So baristas have been complaining publicly about people's long coffee orders.

One coffee. And ridiculous coffee orders. One coffee. And ridiculous coffee orders. Ridiculous. Like with 10 different things. A quarter of this milk, a quarter of that milk, a pinch of cinnamon, a quarter coffee. Just get a coffee. Yeah.

There should be a coffee cart called Just Black Coffee. And next door there's a milk vendor. You can add your own if you want. So what do you wish people would stop asking you or saying in your job and your line of work? It's a PSA today. Yeah. And then we can help people out.

There's so many though. There's no way we're going to be able to get through all of these. I'll start with a couple of examples. Someone said, I work doing public gardens and mowing. Oh, yeah. And the amount of times people are like, could you just whip gardens and mowing. Oh, yeah. And the amount of times people are like, could you just whip in and do my lawns? Like serious. For free or to pay?

No, for free. You're already like doing it. Why don't you just take that big grunty mower and just whip around my. You should say the industry and we should guess what people were saying. Because I would have said that. I would have said, come on, pop over and do mine. Mine. Okay.

Wedding photographer. Oh. yeah. Because I would have said that. I would have said, come on, pop over and do mine. Mine, okay. Wedding photographer? Oh. I don't know. What do they hate? They hate when brides, particularly. Can I see the picture? Can I see?

Oh, as they're taking them. No, not, but they would be, that would be a thing, right? Yeah.

Brides asking if I can Photoshop every single photo because they have a vein in their forehead that they don't like, or they picked the wrong shade of lipstick for their big day. So if you could just Photoshop every lipstick a different colour. Because what are they? Normally you proof a few photos and they'll do a select few, right?

I didn't proof any. They just send them to you. Just done. Oh, yeah. Okay. They send you a few examples like to wet your taste buds. Right. Wet your whistle, I think.

Kay, what do you wish customers would stop saying? I wish customers would stop going nuts at people at warehouse stationery printing photos. What? Go on. I can't think what the problem is. You put your little USB in, you pick your ones, you crop them, you print them.

When you take the little receipt up and then they say that'll be 15 minutes, is it that? Yeah. I've never done that, by the way. But I have stood there going, why is it taking so long? It's a printer. So it takes so long because when we have one order, that is like normally we get quite a few orders of 300 to 500 photos

in one order. Oh. And that can take quite a bit of time. And what happens is when we have an order that big we have to clean the printer and then submit the next one otherwise your photos come through all smudgy

and blurry. And then he'll be back being like, well why did this happen? Yeah, so I've had like plenty of customers who would, because I don't work here anymore but I used to have lots of customers who would literally yell at me because I couldn't put through their one or two photos because I had a big order go through but I used to have lots of customers who would literally yell at me because I couldn't put through their one or two photos because I had a big order go through.

I've always thought the wait was a ploy to get you to go and buy some more stuff. No. Okay. It's not like customers to think that they're the only one you're serving. Yeah. Print my three photos.

I'm the most important person in the world. Now. Do it. Thanks for your call, Kay. Bridge, you're a delivery person. Yes, good morning. Good morning. Okay, should we have a guess? You're like a courier. What's in that? Yes, actually. What is it? What is it?

What is it and where did it come from? It's like the number one question. Then you sit there and you think, I've got 20 other deliveries to do, but while you figure out what you ordered and where it came from, I will patiently stand here and wait. Just sign for it, fool. Do you have a line, like a go-to line, like a ha-ha-ha? I don't know.

That's pretty much it. You just laugh. Like, what else do you do? Yeah. Another courier messaged in saying if they're doing an early morning delivery, people get shitty that they got woken up when the courier, like, knocks on the door and waits for them to sign for it. And they're like, well, if you don't want to be woken up by the person

who's got thousands of these to do today, maybe don't order things online. Yeah, and also, like, they'd probably be the same people that would get shitty that they've got a card to call and they have to go to the depot. Yeah. Oh, that's the worst. They get so mad at that. I just couldn't handle delivering all these packages every day and not knowing what they were myself. Yeah, Megan's you. I reckon you'd get pretty good at

giving it a shaking guess. Megan would be that courier that gets done for opening people's parcels. The little corners open. Or they come to your house and your garage is just full of presents you've never delivered. She gets community service for like van loads of courier items. That's why I couldn't be one.

Thanks, you cool bridge. I'm a truck, I'm a sweeper truck driver. So those are the trucks that go down the roads sweeping. Oh, I feel like that would be so fun.

Well, not all fun and games. Customers will ring up and complain that their street never gets swept even though it was swept last week and everyone's just mowing their lawns and dumping the grass

or blowing the grass onto the road, so that's why it needs to be swept again. So we go and sweep the street, and then the very same people will complain that we're making too much noise and come back at a better time. So I say to them, well, what time suits you best? And they say, well, no time, really. But you wanted your street swept.

You can't win. No, there's absolutely no winning on that one. Someone messaged in saying, don't call me back. I'm not going to answer. But they work. They're an embalmer. So when Nana keels over and they suck all the Nana juice out of her and then pump in the preservatives, that's what they do.

They suck all the Nana juice. You've got to suck the Nana juice out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to suck all that Nana juice You've got to suck the Nana juice out Yeah, yeah, yeah You've got to Otherwise Nana will start going off No, Nana will Post-Rigamortis

Pre-going off Yeah Pop Nana in a Sistema Put her in the Vigi Crisper Yep And you've got a good Nana But otherwise They go off

But not one of those leaky Sistemas The new ones with the tighter seals Oh, you want a very tight seal Yeah So anyway, they're an embalmer And then people will be like Oh, this They look different

Nana looks way different Or mum and dad, they look way different And you have to say Yes, they're dead They do Everybody looks a little different When they've got no life Someone else said

I'm a physio Everyone thinks they have a really high pain threshold. And you ask them, what's your pain threshold like? And they're like, oh, very high. And then you just put one thumb on the back and they're like, ow, ow, ow, ow. And have a big dramatic meltdown. I feel like that's not me.

I'm quite realistic. I'm like, real hurts. Yeah. Don't push it too hard. Or like, you know, when you get a massage and they're like really getting in there and you're just like. They're like, how's the pain? You're like.

How's the pressure? It's good. It's good. It's good. Good. I'm a female in the locksmith industry. Okay. You cut a key in our shop and a customer asks, I'm not going to get home and it's not going

to work, is it? Now, I've never heard one single male at my job be asked the same question. Really? Yeah. Wow. What is it? I don't believe cutting a good key is a penis related. I'm pretty sure the machine does it.

Yeah, I don't think the penis is involved in that machine at all. What, I hope it's not. Have you seen it? There's a lot of grinding. Sometimes sparks come off. You shouldn't be putting your penis anywhere near it. Okay. Somebody else said, early childhood teacher,

and parents will come in and complain about lost socks. And I'll say, well, tell your kids to stop taking their socks off. Yeah. And they never say, like, how was my kid's day or anything. The first thing they'll say is, wear your socks. Wear their socks. Why am I always replacing so many socks? Yeah.

Another preschool teacher, we get the kids dropped off. He's not sick. I've given him lots of Pamo. He'll be fine. At least I've given him back. Yeah. I've got to go. I've got to go.

Please don't. And then by midday, it's worn off. They're miserable. They've got a fever. Obviously, this child is getting everybody else sick, and you ring the parents, and they're like, ugh, like we've hugely inconvenienced them by their child being sick.

I'm a vet. Don't wait till the end of the day to ring about your sick animal that's already been sick for a few days. Oh, yeah, right. Okay. And then say, oh, it's an emergency because if it was an emergency, you should have rung first thing in the morning or earlier in the sickness. Somebody else said work at a liquor store.

People complaining about the price of booze. Like they were being forced to drink and it was mandatory to buy it. Oh, yeah, you don't have to. Yeah, lots of people just. A lot of common sense here. Yeah. A lot of common sense. Well, there we go.

Just before you ask that stupid question. When you've been mildly inconvenienced. Yeah. Just think. I'm going to deal with your shit every day. Yep. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. Fact of the day, day a band that I can't explain why New Zealand loves this band so much. And when I read this fact, I did some research into it. You guess. You've already guessed. I'm going to send it to you telepathically. New Zealand loves this band.

And I don't know why because they're not from here. I know the lead singer, like, maybe at one stage bought some land here. Really? Yeah. Yep. It's just our vibe, baby. It's our vibe. It's kind of like mum and dad's 660, eh?

Yeah. Basically, yes. Go along and have a bit of a summer gig. Whoop, whoop. Anyway, UB40. They could literally tour here every summer and mum and dad would be here. Yeah. And I'm just...

Arlie Campbell, the lead singer? Yeah. He left, but then played all the UB40 songs. Right. But then I don't know if it was ever UB40 or UB40's Ali Campbell was his way around that. But have you ever wondered why they're called UB40? No. Surprisingly, no.

I have not even wondered. Because it's been around since you were a kid, right? So you just heard it, UB40. Is it an acronym? Yes. Is it? Yes. Okay. UB40 came around because that is the Unemployment Benefit Form 40

that you fill in in the UK if you want to claim unemployment. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. The name UB40 was selected in reference to a form issued to people claiming unemployment benefits from the Department of Employment. UB40, Unemployment benefit form 40. And that's what you would fill out.

Right. Okay. Well, that's like filling out like an IR33 or something. Yeah, yeah. Like a tax form. Yeah. Hey, we should make a ban. What's her name?

I don't know. IR33. I'm just trying to find what the New Zealand one is called. It's like, you know, when you go to, when you go to the VTNZ and you have to re-register your car or whatever and they're like, oh yeah, grab a

R1045 or something. And you're like, which one's that? And I'm always, there's this wall of things and they're like, the red one. And I'm like,

I'm terrible at spotting. I'm terrible at spotting like in a hurry if there's a shovel like when I worked at the service station people would be like oh yeah pack a Winfield Reds

and I'd turn around to the wall of cigarettes and be like Jesus Christ Isn't that a guy thing? It's the way your eyes are programmed Yeah I was just like

well I know Winfield Reds will be red so then I'd be looking for the red one and I'd be like whereabouts are they? They'd be like up there and I'd be like

there was one of them. I couldn't find them. I was like, you come around and get it. And you wonder why you never got above like legal minimum wage. Yeah, legal minimum wage. Never happened to me. You were worth that sub,

that half legal minimum wage. Well, I wasn't even supposed to be working behind the thing. I never did that little test where you learn how to work the till. So that was, I learned how to work the till. And they was another thing I took an ageist to work the till. And they let you open up and close the service station.

Always with somebody else. Oh, right. Okay. Never by myself. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. Never by myself.

But did you know how to emergency turn the fuel off? Yeah, there was a big red button. Oh, okay. You never got to press it. What about when that guy filled his boat up? Nah. Nah, you should have pressed it then. Even in your adult life, you're not left alone to do work.

No, God, no. I can't be trusted. The mind wanders. So today's fact of the day is if you've ever wondered, put your mind at ease. And enjoy a red, red wine at 8 o'clock on a Monday morning. UB40 is named after the unemployment benefit form 40 that you would fill out in the UK to claim unemployment. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

It was Mother's Day yesterday. Happy birthday to all those mothers, the ones that have passed on, the ones that are desperate to be mothers, because that was actually me last year. I remember I was, like, about to do IVF and really trying hard to get pregnant, but we were pregnant and we didn't know. On Mother's Day? On Mother's Day.

Oh, wow. So a year later i had my first mother's day um you'll be very i think you'll be very proud of us because um famously we go quite overboard with birthdays and christmas everything life yeah we get excited about events um but we decided for like mother's day and Father's Day and stuff, we're not going to do presents or anything like that. We just do like fun acts of kindness or like activities, fun things, no presents. Although I did get a bunch of flowers, but I got breakfast made for me and I got a voucher for a bath, which I will not use any time soon because there is like a water shortage

before anyone has a go at me. Is there a water shortage? Yeah, we're still low. Still low. Okay, right. We're still low, yeah. God, I had a seven-minute shower last night. Calm down.

Nice. Calm down. Nice. Yeah, it was my first ever time. Mother's Day. Yeah. Well, yesterday was the first Mother's Day that I have said to the girls, you're in charge of buying your mother something.

Well, this is good. Do you? This is because you don't have to put in all the effort. So I didn't have any money. They had money. I said, you buy it and I'll pay you back. But I'm not going to pay them back. They'll forget about it.

Did they just have to, like, use their own pocket money? Yeah, that's what they did. I'm going to pay them back, but I didn't have any cash on me. No, you gave them the pocket money in the first place. Yeah, she's not your mum. No, I didn't give them the pocket money. It's like money they got for their birthdays. Well, they need to learn about spending money.

Yeah, but that's the thing. They don't care about it. The other day I said to them, oh, have you got $20 I can borrow? Wow. I needed cash and I didn't have cash. I said, have you got $20? And they both were like Yeah

And I was like Oh cool I'll pay you back And they're like Ah don't worry about it Don't worry about it Enjoy that while it lasts Like I'm like

This pathetic guy They're like Help him out Don't ask for the money back The guys The guys live in Paycheck to paycheck Don't ask for the money back

So I said I'll pay you back So they were at Sade's mum's for the weekend And I said You're in charge of Buying the present Ask Nanny to take you Into town Yeah Because they were to take you into town.

Yeah. Because they were going to go into town anyway. And you buy something for mum. Card included. I said, buy her a card. So they did. Yeah. I messaged them over the weekend.

I was like, have you got mum something? Yeah, it's all taken care of, Dad. I was like, cool. And then yesterday they got home and Sade unwrapped it. And Indy had bought her like a decorative candle. Oh, okay. So not so much like a scented candle, but more like for decoration. Okay.

Like it's a long, oh, one of those ones you use in an emergency if the power goes out. Like a national candle. Like a national candle. Okay. August had bought Sade a pair of socks and on the socks it says,

I'm a delicate effing flower. And she just saw it with the swear word and she's like that's um i'm in i don't okay really know what that means i don't know if mom will wear these socks but it's got a swear word on it and when august showed me she just like held them up and pointed the swear and she's like how good i was like pretty good what does mom think mom likes them a lot okay i was like does mom like them as much as you she's like i don't know if anybody likes them as much as me. Wow. I didn't even know you could put a swear word on socks.

I was like, you can put anything on socks. And you just see her eyes light up. Just the world of possibility of what you could have on your socks is opened to her. You could put nothing but a swear word on socks. Well, reminder of this when Father's Day comes along. Yeah, that I want socks with swear words on them. And then you go into someone's house and you have to take your shoes off? Yeah, and you're gonna

Like when you've got a gaping hole in your sock and you have to take your shoes off at someone's house you're like, I'd rather have a swear word than a gaping hole. Sock wise. Anything wise. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. So this happened in the US and South Carolina Someone who was actually by the way

In the US Army Experienced a little bit of a Breakdown of sorts Escaped from the Fort Jackson training facility In South Carolina With a weapon that he took from the base And the first vehicle he came across Was a school bus with school children on it So on the base. Oh, okay. And the first vehicle he came across was a school bus

with school children on it. So on the bus he hopped with the gun and demanded that the bus driver drive him to the next town where he had connections that could get him home. Okay. The children on the bus, so effectively they were kidnapped. Yeah. Is how it goes.

He let all of them off the bus six minutes later because they asked too many questions and they annoyed him too much. This would be me if I hijacked a bus. Oh, my God. What have I done? Get off. Six minutes.

Six complete minutes. And they said, well, the children, you know, some of the kids are traumatised, it was really scary for them, they didn't know what was happening. The guy who attempted to hijack the bus said, they just asked too many questions. So apparently, are you going to hurt us?

What's your name? Who are you? Where did you come from? Are you a soldier? Where did you get that gun? What is that gun? What kind of gun is that? Is that like my dad's gun? Are you a bus driver? Should you be taking us here? Like just bombarded him with questions. And every question would have a follow-up of why.

Yeah, why's that? Why? I don't know. It just is. Why? Why do you want this bus to get to the next town? Why do you want to go to the next town? Because I know someone there.

Who do you know there? A friend of mine. Why do you need to get there to next town? Because I know someone there. Who do you know there? A friend of mine. Why do you need to get there to them? Because they're going to take me back to your house, to my house. What do you need to go to your house for? Because I don't want to be in the army anymore. What do you mean the army anymore?

Like that's what they needed. The police need to have a crack team of like six year olds to send them to bank armed hostage negotiations. Or even interrogation. Just get a classroom and be like, okay kids, I to send them to bank armed hostage negotiations. Or even interrogation. Just get a classroom and be like, okay kids, I'm just going to pop out.

You ask this man in handcuffs any questions you like. Why did you murder the lady? Question, question, question. I didn't murder the lady. Well, who did murder the lady? I don't know who murdered the lady. What's your name?

Steve. Okay, yeah, I'm Steve. I did it. I murdered her. I can't take any more questions. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZDM's free and clean to listen to? I can't take any more questions.