ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 12th August 2021

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

Bogan Names  House Prices  Loch Ness Surprise  Top 6: CV  Joe Keery!  What did you fall asleep on?  The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play. ZM's Fleets, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleets, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Grab any size of McCafe coffee. For only $4, conditions apply. Hello.

Hi. Now, this is tough, guys. It's tough. If you've got any space in your heart, a spare thought, a thought and a prayer for someone today. Maybe even a dollar Are you after money? It's one of those

No Money's not going to do them any good What about I can do a hashtag If it gets more people Thinking about them Okay What's wrong?

It's horrible news I've just read that Mike Hosking and Kate Hawkes Are going to have to spend Christmas in New Zealand Again this year Oh goodness me Because of the government's Bungled handling of a read that Mike Hosking and Kate Hawkes are going to have to spend Christmas in New Zealand again this year. Oh, goodness me.

Because of the government's bungled handling of a global pandemic. You mean the bungled, what did you say? Bungled handling. The bungled handling. You mean the fact that we've had a pretty much normal life for the last, yeah, sometime. But Australia are just handling it so much better. Yeah. Yeah. more life for the last yeah sometime but Australia are just handling it so much better yeah uh yeah

fling open the borders you know um let everyone just go willy nilly uh so that everybody who has worked so hard

to keep New Zealand uh COVID free yeah can have it all thrown back in their face because Mike wants to go overseas and he's saying

why do I have to spend this Christmas in New Zealand again yeah he's sick of seeing high end New Zealand yep he's sick of being able I have to spend this Christmas in New Zealand again. Yeah, he's sick of seeing high-end New Zealand. He's sick of being able to afford to do things that a lot of New Zealanders can't afford to do in New Zealand. He's done it all, though.

And he's sick of it. He's sick of it. Well, shall we stand to give a little? Well, that's what I thought. I don't know if money will change anything. But I mean, a new car maybe would help him feel better that we can all pitch in for.

I'm thinking maybe we really push for a snap election and elect a government that a minority, by the way, a small minority of New Zealand voted for last time, who have criticised the handling of the current government's handling of this pandemic. Which really are a mouthpiece for the left. No, because my parents Are right wingers And they'd agree Yeah

That actually Say the same And it's been handled Quite well But Mike wants to go Overseas for Christmas And like fuck it then I reckon just opening

Up the borders Yeah For those that are Maybe overseas listeners Mike Hosking Is he's on our Talk station Yeah

The company's talk station Yeah And loves a flip flop Huge flip flop Loves a flip flop Huge flip flop Loves a flip flop Huge flip flop When the government Didn't shut down the borders

When has it flipped in the way of labour Well no when the government Didn't shut down the borders It was not doing enough And then when it did shut down And there was a lockdown They were overdoing it Overdoing it

Yeah Yeah And then so now If they opened up And heaps of people died He'd say well they shouldn't Have done that They shouldn't have done that Yeah It And then so now If they opened up And heaps of people died He'd say well they shouldn't Have done that They shouldn't have done that

Yeah It must be so easy Working on talk radio You just get to work Just rile up some Old boomers And then when people say But didn't you think

The opposite beforehand Yeah You just hang up on them And ignore them Yeah Good times Is that our future? Talk radio?

I don't know if I could do it. I'd rather just live in the bush. Yeah, all the Maseratis and Porsches and stuff really just, it wouldn't be enough for me, I don't think, to deal with those people. Oh, yeah. I wasn't being sarcastic. It really wouldn't be enough. Yeah, and then you meet them and they're like,

I totally agree with what you're saying. You're like, oh, God, you. One of you, eh? So anyway, I reckon fling them open. The borders? Yeah, well, we can't have people holidaying in New Zealand again. No, we simply can't. Or we open the borders

and then he leaves and then we shut them again. You know when you trick your cat into going out? Come on, come on. We're gonna go out here and slam. Suck like, come on, come on. Yeah. We're going to go out here and slam. Suck it, cat. No cats inside. Thank you, Rachel.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleeche, Fawn and Megan. Good morning. Good morning. You're bright and chipper this morning. I'm actually dug deep for that Yeah I did I thought he sounded

Like You know A little bit unenergised So I thought I'd come in hot You overcompensated Yeah It's Thursday We've had

Okay It's fair call Three Four wake ups now So you know But good morning They just don't stop coming Yeah no

They keep every day. Yeah. Yeah, that's life. Yeah. Special guests on the show this morning, Joe Keery. Joe Keery. It's like Kerry, but there's two E's and only one R. Kerry.

Kerry. Probably, yeah, most known for Stranger Things at this stage. Yes, but he is in the movie. He's one of the main characters in the new movie Free Guy, also with Ryan Reynolds, their very own Taika Waititi, out today in cinemas. So we're going to have a chat to him. He's doing the press rounds.

God, it's a good... Carl Wayne at the social media just saw this last night. Did you... Were you a fan? What did you think? Big fan. It's great, isn't it? The movie.

She can't hear. She can't hear. She can't hear. Sorry, my headphones aren't working. Are they working now? There we go. Repeat that. Big fan. Big fan.

Big fan. I'm so glad we waited for you to turn your headphones on there so you could repeat what you said. What can I say? Great movie. So, yeah, he's on the show with us this morning at 20 past seven. We'll chat to him. The top six today will be dealing with words you should be leaving out of your curriculum on the show with us this morning at 20 past 7. We'll chat to him.

The top six today will be dealing with words you should be leaving out of your curriculum vitae. Your CV. Like, these are the overused words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would be one of them? Or team player? That would be one, eh? Yep.

When was the last time I did a CV? A long time ago. I know, if you had to sit down and write one now, would you just be like, what do I put on this? One job for ages. You're used to them as big as possible to make yourself look like super experienced

when you're like a kid, when you're young. Yeah, you put in your paper run. Yeah. Some awards, some certificates you got for paying attention when you were like eight. Yeah. A car club certificate. People don't put those in now, do they? No, no, God no.

It's got to be like one page, the end, right? Yeah. It's just to pique their interest and show them where you've been. Yeah, right. And then you're like, cool, I've done this one job for almost a decade and then they fired me, so... Gone. Yeah. So the top six looking at the overused words.

Yeah, words to leave out of your CV. Alright, next. Next on the show, the top bogan names of 2021 have been named. Someone's, um, someone that we know is on there. Oh! ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The top Bogan baby names of 2021 have been revealed.

I believe this is Australia. It annoys me they bring out these name lists and we haven't even had the whole year yet. Yeah. Or is it the year... There might be a baby called Squelcher born next week. Jesus, I hope not. He wasn't born Squelcher. Squel might be a baby called Squelcher born next week. Jesus, I hope not. He wasn't born Squelcher.

Squelchy. He was given Squelcher. Wow. I thought I'd heard it all, but no. Some of these are names we are probably familiar with, but they've been given like a different spelling. Yeah, these are Australian, right? Shooj it up, yep.

Oh, yes, they're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like those ones. I still believe this should be a panel of name, these are Australian, right? Shooge it up, yep. Oh, yeah, so right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like those ones. I still believe there should be a panel of name, like a people at birth, deaths and marriages and they have to okay every name. And they give it the yes or no. Very subjective though.

You'd say no to every single one of these. And rightly so. So the first one is Sade, which is... That's Marewef's name! That's Marewef's name! Sade, are you going to go home and tell Sade she's made the list of bogan names? I wonder if she's already heard this, but she's kept it from me. It's spelt like a shortened Chardonnay, so it's C-H-R-D-A-E.

Sade. That's like a Sunday. That's so close to her name. S-H-A-R-D-E with a macron on the top. Yeah. I feel like that's a bit classier than this one. At least it's not S-H-A-R-D-A-E. Yeah.

Next one is Genesis. So the band and the Bible. And the power company. But spelt with a J to zhuzh it up. Oh, so J-E-N-E-S-I-S. Yeah. Jenny. Jenny sis.

Jenny sis. Sounds like a cyst on your jennies. Mattel is on there, spelt like the Barbie company. It's interesting. Why? Okay. I wouldn't say that's horrifically bogan. Or like, it's just a bit different. Like the Barbie company? It's interesting. Why? Okay. I wouldn't say that's horrifically bogan.

Or like, it's just a bit different. Yeah, I think they're just, yeah. Mattel. Mattel. Sativa. And Indica. Wow. Sativa, that's drug related, isn't it? Imagine being a teacher and you've got a little Sativa in your class.

Yeah. I used to work with a girl called Sativa. And I just thought that was her name. Because was younger and then somebody said no that was her name when she did um uh exotic dancing and that was just what she carried on with because she quite liked it and people still remembered her from exotic dancing do you mean fire cats okay okay but then imagine like being um but like oh there's the tiva and your wife's like being out And being like Oh there's the TV And your wife's like Who?

And you're like No one Yeah The next one's Charlotte But spelt S-H-R-S-H-A-R-L-E-T Charlotte Charlotte

Charlotte Charlotte Charlotte Charlotte Summer breeze makes fun of it It sounds like a small shart Doesn't it? Charlotte I have. Charlotte. Charlotte. Summer Breeze makes the list. It sounds like a small shart, doesn't it? Charlotte. I have done with Charlotte.

Summer Breeze, or one word, makes the list. Wow. Oh, my God. Shardae's sister's name's Summer. This is a great list. I am sending this to her mum today saying, you're a bogan. Rob's, you're a bogan. Does she also have a sister named Vagina?

Yes. That's actually her brother's middle name. Oh, no. Vagina. I wish I was kidding. How's it spelled? The way a vagina is. You can't call your child Vagina.

Where was the Australian government? No one's letting that through. I'd like to think in New Zealand that wouldn't have gone through. Trinity with lots of Ys. How many Ys? T-R-Y-N-Y-T-Y. Try not high. Try not high.

I'm not risen for giving your kid a name like this, or at least some home detention. Valvita. Sounds like a spread. Yeah. What does it sound like a spread hair removal yeah um

V-E-L-V-E-E-T-A Velveeta wow that also feels like it might be a a name a different country

from a different country oh maybe hmm win win Wendy no yeah trash

no you better hope our boss isn't listening Wendy. No. Yeah, trash. No. You better hope our boss isn't listening. Wendy. Oh, my God. Wow. Somebody's not coming to the next. I'm catching up with her after the show. Pass on my regards.

Somebody's not coming to our next's corporate lunch. The boss. No, Wednesday. Let me. Wait, Wednesday. Well, that's not Wendy. W-E-D-N-E-Z-D-A-I. Wednesday. Wednesday.

Yeah, okay. It's Wednesday, but it's like, well, you said it's Bogany. Yeah. Who's like the name Wednesday? Yeah. It's such a cool name. Zach Quillane. What?

That's when they were really just, they were sold on, they were having a boy. They were going to call him Zach. Yeah. Yeah. It's a girl. Well, I'm still sold on Zach. Zach Quillane. Yeah.

That was just the girl's name. So I'll quickly run through. Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. Crash is apparently. That's a the girls' names. I'll quickly run through. Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. Crash is apparently. That's a great nickname for a kid. Not on the birth certificate. Fish with a Y.

These are boys' names. Heller. Jackson. Jack-sin. S-I-N. Legend. Apparently there's a few legions. A boy's name, Pinches.

And my favorite of the list, Ralexis. Because you wanted him to sound classy, but you couldn't decide on Rolex or Lexus. So you went with Ralexis. Wow. Australia, you have absolutely outdone yourself.

God, and I thought COVID was their biggest worry. They've got a generation of neck tattoos coming. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. There's been a school brawl and it's on TikTok. Is this the first TikTok school brawl? No. Because I remember there's been fights. There's been high profile TikTok ones though

because I know other social medias have had them. Yeah. There's been your Facebook live for school scraps at the train station. Yeah. Instagram bits and pieces, Instagram stories, scraps. But I thought TikTok was all fun dancing and Dixie D'Amelio. But no. Well, it turns out there's been a shcuffle,

and it's been caught on, and it's been put on TikTok. TikTok. Yeah. Auckland Girls Grammar. Now, it's been described by the principal that two students were trying to sort out a misunderstanding and unfortunately other students decided to involve themselves. I remember that.

It would be an aggressive chat between two people, but it was then the circle would form around. Yeah. And that's when everyone was egging on and everything. And then there was pressure. You're like,

well, I've got to fight now. I never did. I was a hider. Even when it was happening and it was somebody else, oh, I didn't like, I don't want to get too close in case someone shoved me

in the circle. I almost got into a girl fight because I had a big mouth. Do you? Yeah. I've never noticed. Bit lippy. Bit lippy.

And I cannot back it up. And I got lippy with the wrong girl. Oh, really? Yeah. But you didn't end up lunchtime? No, because she was yelling at me, come here then. And I was like, oh, nah. Come here then.

Come here then is a great one. Nah. Because if someone ever screams come here then. And I was like, oh, nah. Come here then. Come here then's a great one. Nah. Because if someone ever screams, come here then and then you actually go there, they're like, oh shit, now I've got something in me because they came, I asked and they obliged. But this was an all out girl brawl as well. Yeah. This was a girl, all girl

1.10pm. So it was at lunchtime. Yeah. Everybody just needs to eat. Blood sugar's low. Tempers are flared. We all just need to sit down for a... Yeah, but that's the end of lunch break, isn't it? Nah. That's when I always had my girl fight too.

Middle of lunch or the end of lunch. End of lunchtime. What, had you eaten all your sandwiches? Maybe I was still hungry. I reckon you were probably just cranky. Yeah. It should be a... What was that bar that prided itself on changing who you are?

Was it Snickers? Remember they were like, man, you're a monster. Eat a Snickers. Oh, yeah, you just need a Snickers. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then if the other person's allergic to peanuts, you win. So maybe Snickers isn't the best option. Yeah.

Maybe it's sort of a completely nut-free situation is required. But, yeah, don't do that. I love how the principal's like, they were just trying to sort something out there. It was on the concrete too and you know my thoughts on doing anything on concrete now. You've got to rule. Don't run on the concrete. Don't fight on the concrete. Scuffle on the grass.

Because if someone falls over on the concrete and bangs their head, you know, you've got to live with that forever. You stay. That's a serious note at the end of this jovial conversation. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. 60% of British people admit to doing this, snooping and looking up the house prices of friends, people they work with and lovers.

Yep. And Vaughan Smith. And Vaughan Smith is one of them. And Vaughn Smith. And Vaughn Smith is one of them. And Vaughn Smith is 100%. If you know somebody's address, you look up their estimated house value. Why not? See how they're going. What?

Have you done that with me? No, do you remember when you bought your house and you were really, you were actually somewhat taken back and offended to tell us how much your house was. Yeah. But my thoughts on that are it's publicly available information. Yeah, but you don't have to go seek it out. Easy. You're not just going to tell people how much your house is worth.

That's weird. It's not everybody, but friends. Right. No, but some people don't like to say. No, I don't like to weird. Not everybody, but friends. Right. Okay. No, but some people don't like to say. No, I don't like to say. I don't know why. I can't explain it.

Because you can find, correct me if I'm wrong, but you can look up to see if someone has a mortgage on their place, but you can't see how much.

You can see if there's a loan against it, right? Oh, really? But I don't think it tells you how much of a loan. I feel like that shouldn't be available.

So if someone's got a really nice house and then it's like no loan on it. You're like, oh! Yeah. I know, yeah. And I'm pretty sure that's the thing, but I don't think you can look up how much. I think you can see like the loan is with ASB

or Westpac or whatever. Right, because they've got a tie to this. Yeah. Okay, but you can't see how much it is. No. Oh, I didn't know that. But can you find out how much they paid for it or can you just find out the value of it?

You can see how much people paid for it. Okay, you're right. You can go to its sales history and see, like, since the records have been on. Vauden loves this. He loves it. You're such a snoopy. I just don't think it's publicly available knowledge.

You'd be crazy not to know. Because I don't think Megan told you and then you just found out, didn't you? Did you? Did you? You snoopy shit.

And you did a drive-by. Of course I'm going to do a drive-by. I want to see what you purchased. So 60% of British people admit to doing this, but then not only that,

people also have ended relationships after finding out the value of their partner's home. 24% of people admit it. Why? It's not worth enough? Or it's worth too much? Or the other way, yeah, maybe. Yeah, they don't feel... But yeah, isn't that crazy? No one's ending a relationship

because their partner's house is worth too much. Yuck, you've got property. Yuck, you're too poor. But like, yeah, either way, like you still own the house. Like, that's so weird. All of that is weird to me. But 60% of people do it, but it's all publicly available information.

I'm not telling anyone my address. That's so weird. I know, if you want Megan's address. Yeah, but that's the thing you can find out from the electoral roll. Like all this public information. Shut up. No, you're going to find out from the electoral roll. Like all this public information. Shut up. No, you can't find out that someone's not anymore.

I'm pretty sure you can't find out somebody's address from the- Postal address. Oh, really? Oh, we used to be able to. Yeah, I know. Literally go through that. Yeah, I know. But you kind of forget that.

Yeah. Well, thank you for reminding everybody. Oh, my God. Well, we you for reminding everybody. Oh my God. Well, we didn't need to remind boys. Mine's in a shell company anyway. Yours is a Bahamas shell company, right? Or a Cayman Islands. Mine's Cayman Islands.

Is it? Yeah, yeah. Mine's Cook Islands. But you've got to go through like 18 other shell companies. To find it. Yeah, that's why I pay like zero tax. My shell company in the Cook Islands is literally a shell. It's just a big shell.

And it's from the last time you went to the Cook Islands. You just put a shell. I filled it with money and hid it in the forest. And that's why I'm dying to get back to the Cook Islands to see my shell company. So Loch Ness was trending in Britain or somewhere overseas? Scotland. Scotland.

Yeah. I didn't know where the Loch Ness was. Lake. Loch stands for lake. Yep. And Ness stands for? Oh, Ness. Okay.

The area. So yeah, in Scotland it was trending. Yes. And everyone was like, if you're wondering why Loch Ness is trending, don't go and look. Because there was a wee surprise hidden on Google Street View. So people who were searching for it, because they were going to go check it out, Loch Ness the lake. I've just gone. It's beautiful.

I've never been. But Google Street View. We've been to the one over there. Yeah. Over the valley. What was that one called? Not as famous. Locke Lamond.

Yeah, told off by the lady. She's not happy. What were you doing? I don't know. Their version of Doc. Well, because we said that we were just talking to her about how they, it was beautiful, but why weren't they as popular as Loch Ness? And she said, oh, people go because of the mythology

of the mythical creature. So you were so close to Loch Ness. But we went to Loch Lamond. Yeah. Because we were there on a tourism thing and they'd obviously paid their bit to the tourism place to try to get on the map. And then we started brainstorming about ideas

and Fletch said freshwater dolphins. I said, why don't you helicopter in freshwater dolphins? It would be lovely. It would look awesome, a helicopter coming over the hill, and it's got a dolphin underneath, and then just plop them in. It was in jest, but it was also like, that's not a completely stupid idea. She went crazy. Gosh.

Asked us to leave. Yeah, it really triggered something there. Yeah, it did. Gosh. Asked us to leave. Yeah, it really triggered something there. Yeah, it did. Wow. Maybe her father was a dolphin and they walked out on her or something. Yeah, I don't know what. Extreme reaction. Cadiz! Cadiz!

So I've never been back to Scotland since. A few people who were looking for Loch Ness put it on Google Maps and then went Street View, were greeted with another kind of monster. There was a naked man. Is it that thing where you can click on photos of the area? Yes. Right.

You can upload photos. Okay. Literally the username of this person was Flashing You. And so they'd put it up purposefully, and lots of people were getting an eye for it, and then it started trending. But everyone's like, ah, if you're wondering why, please don't check it out.

So that screenshot you had that you showed us before, which was pixelated, that was pixelated by the news outlet, not Google. No. Wow, so people were getting the full everything. Pick up the kilt. They were getting the Loch Ness Monster. I thought you were going to say have you got an unpixelated? I haven't been able to find one, no. So it's gone, is it?

Yeah. It's amazing that Google lets you do that. What do you mean? Upload a nude to like a map. There's not some... Well, there probably is now. Well, someone said my auntie nearly had a heart attack while looking for somewhere to stay at Loch Ness.

How long was it up for? Absolute eyeful. I don't know. It's like a digital flasher, isn't it? Yeah. Because some people get off on that, don't they? But like face included. Like public flashes. Face included. Yeah. Or do you think it was a jilted...

Excuse me, a jilted ex-lover. Or somebody from the other lake. Oh, Lake Le Monde. Trying to give the Loch Ness some bad publicity. You're lucky you didn't end up on there, joking about freshwater dolphins and stuff. Oh, someone's messaged in, it's Lo-Mond. Loch Le Monde, not Le Monde. That's probably why she was also pissy at us, because we were saying it, it's low-mund. Not low-mund, not lemon.

That's probably why she was also pissy at us, because we were saying it wrong. But that's our accent. From the yummy ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Experts in the field of recruitment have released lists, a list of words to not have on your CV. Simon Bennett is a career coach and recruitment consultant. And he said, avoid popular buzzwords.

Instead, use powerful action verbs and examples. Oh, okay. Like, developed. I developed a new training manual. Achieved. I achieved all my sales targets. Like more doing action words. Yeah.

Okay. Not just buzzwords. I am, for example. Passionate. Probably a good time to remind people too, because at the moment, a new stat out today, job ads are up 30% compared to July 2019 pre-pandemic. Wow.

And unemployment's low, right? Yeah. And applications per job have continued to fall down 9% from June, reaching a new low. Wow. Wow. Because of the unemployment rates. I mean, you know, change a few words out,

but you're probably fine. Change some... Don't try too hard. I did always find that weird. It was whoever chose the best adjectives, you know? Like, you don't have to back it up. You're just like, I'm driven, passionate. Many companies now use a thing called an applicant tracking system,

and it scans and sorts resumes automatically. The software will search the resume for keywords associated with the job that the employer will have, like, put in. This is what we're looking for, and it scans through. And so then yours, if it contains more of the keywords, key to that employer will become one that they'll look at quicker. That's freaky, eh? Yeah.

Wow. Not like the old day where you put a cover letter on, and if you were hot, you got the job. That's how I've always got my jobs. I just put a hot photo of myself, and they're like, we'll give it to the hot guy. Yeah. Okay, that's never happened. I was a Paul Kelly Motor Group

cheerleader. Yes, that's how you got your first radio gig. Yep. Ran out there, shook it for the Crusaders. You've kind of blown out since then. I don't know if you could get back into your Paul Kelly Motor Group cheerleader. Well, there'll be somebody out there who'll be into it.

Yeah. You joke. There's something for everybody. Yeah. You want to see a chubby hairy guy squeeze into a cheerleading uniform made for a 19-year-old with a good metabolism? I reckon you could make some money on OnlyFans doing that. Oh. Yeah, but I don't know if I want their money.

So these are the words to avoid and the words to use instead. The top six words. Number six. Apparently energetic is not a phrase. Okay. A key word that attracts employers like it used to. So I went on to an online thesaurus and found instead you should use aggressive. Okay. A keyword that attracts employers like it used to. So I went onto an online thesaurus and found instead you should use aggressive. Okay.

I'm very aggressive. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how that will go in the office. What if you're applying to be like a nurse or something? I'm aggressive. I have an aggressive bedside manner. Number five on the list of the top six words they reckon you should leave off your CV in a thesaurus replacement. They say team player.

Oh, yeah. It's a little bit of a like, it means nothing. It's a bit cliche now, isn't it? Yeah. So you say, I am a party participant. Okay. I will participate with the rest of our party. That sounds like the Vaughan Smith bare minimum.

Bingo. You're there and not much more will be asked of you. Yeah. Number four on the list are the top six words to leave off your CV and their thesaurus replacements. Apparently, client-focused doesn't really mean anything anymore. Okay. So instead, you should say, I am patron fixated.

Okay. That works. Yeah. I am patron fixated. Okay. That works. Yeah. I am patron fixated. But if you're working at a bar, do you want to be fixated? I'm fixated on the patron fixated. Number three on the list of the top six words to leave off your CV and their thothorist replacements.

Yeah. Punctually motivated. Or like punctually motivated. Yeah, okay. Punctually motivated. You could instead say you were expeditiously galvanised. Oh, that sounds like an 1800s British explorer. Yeah, you do.

I'd give someone a job if they used that. Are you untimed? Can you self-motivate? Good sir, I am expeditiously galvanized. Love it. You're hired. Number two on the list of the top six words

they reckon you should leave off your CV in their thesaurus replacements. Loyal and hardworking. Yep. Patriotic and solidly functioning. I need to know that your functionality is solid.

Yeah. And patriotic. And number one on the list of the top six words to leave off your CV and their thesaurus replacement are bumhole. You should never write the word bumhole. They didn't give their attention. This wasn't on the list. I just ran out of words, and I thought, what word should you not put on a CV?

And bumhole popped into my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should never put bumhole. I'd give you the job just on sheer balls alone. Sure. No, butthole. Yeah, the balls are next to the butthole with the gooch in between. If you are going to put, if you want to for some reason reference that area on your CV,

it's anus. I don't know what either would be on your CV but if you are going to put if right now you woke up early to work on your CV and you just typed in bumhole, highlight that get rid of it, A-N-U-S anus if it's like a really casual job

bumhole for example, I'll use it in a sentence, at my last work I didn't show anyone my bumhole. Good. Good. Which is great. That's what you want.

I can't think of a job. It sounds like you wanted to, though. I can't think of a job. I did. Every day I have to fight my dark passenger. Who is constantly screaming in the back of my head, they want to see it. Show them your bumhole. But I'm a professional now, so the back of my head, they want to see it! Show them your bum hole!

But I'm a professional now, so the dark passage is screaming, go on, show them your anus! Is that the top sex? That is, my friend, the top sex. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. My mum's staying with me. She's helping me look after my baby

while my husband's on tour. We've got a lot of downtime, so I was umming and ahhing about what show I should start to watch with mum because she's with me for three weeks. Because doesn't she famously, her and your dad always love a cheesy action 90s movie? Love Bruce Willis. Yeah, they love action movies from the 90s.

Love a Bond, but yeah. And then they write it in the notebook, don't they? When they've watched it. Yeah, the movie stuff scene. Dad, I forgot about the notebook and Dad rang up the other day. He's like, have we seen this movie? It's not in the notebook because they have to write down what they've seen. Is it like a 1B, what's a notebook?

A 1B5? Or is that a 1B? What's a notebook? A 1B5? Or is that a? That's a. 1B4. 1B4. Yeah, it is just. I must know now. What's a notebook? A Warwick.

Is it a Warwick? Notebook. 2B5. Warwick. That's a hardcover now. Is it a 2B5? It's a lecture book. No, that's.

A 2B5 is a hardcovered 1B5. Notebook. 1B4. And it just sits in the lounge. 1B4. With a pen. Yeah, okay, gotcha. They scroll through that before they pick anything on any streaming service.

But then the streaming service tells you what you've watched. Oh, Vaughan. No, the 1B4 is an exercise book. Yeah, and so is the 1B5. You say that. What's a notebook? Oh, my God. Megan, I don't think we can move on until we know what the code is for a notebook.

Why don't you just Google, like, Warwick notebook or something? A 3B1! 3B1! Oh, yes. Okay, a 3B1. So they open up the 3B1. Thank God we know. No, a 1B8.

No, a 1B8's an unpunched refill. Is that a refill? That's more of a refill. It's refill size with a ring bind. Okay, right, okay. A 3B1. So wait, it's a 3B1. A 3B1.

Yeah, it's a 3B1. 3B1. I can confirm. 3B1. Now what code was the one with the letters down the side? Because your parents should have one of those because then the movies, they'd be like die hard, D, flick it open, and then they just don't have to randomly scroll through.

A 3B1 is a dollar at the warehouse stationery. Do they even do when you line up at school and get your stationery? No, you order it all online. But you say that streaming services would tell them what they've watched, but I think that just pops up because it says, like, continue watching or because you've watched this, and they'll just click on it again and be like, that looks good. That's why they've got the notebook, so they don't re-watch an action movie.

And if it is good, you know, no harm, no foul. They might re-watch it. So what does that mean when you watch something with your mum, you've got to choose something that's 90? Got like a lot of action or something? Yeah, right. It's not my algorithm. So I was literally trying to figure out what to watch.

And you were the one that suggested. You. Don't blame me for this. Carl Peter Fletcher suggested, and I have seen a lot of chat about this show on Neon. It's called White Lotus. Now, I would say this is my favourite show at the moment. It's the last episode.

The last episode is out on Monday. I'd describe it as a dark drama comedy. It's dark satire drama comedy. And so it's not everybody's cup of tea. Like, it's not a laugh out loud comedy, but oh my God, it's so brilliant. Six eps, and I said, Fletcher's recommended this. He says it's hilarious.

It's about a resort in Maui that all these rich white people go to and all their rich white people problems. Yeah. It's just brilliant. I could never recommend to my parents to watch something that you found hilarious

because I think your humour would be very different to theirs. I know that you will love it, Vaughn. Aye, aye, aye. It's got Connie Britton in it. Steve Zahn. Connie Britton is so great. I know your Mr. Toyboy has a big crush on her, doesn't he? Yeah, she's a...

From her time as Raina Jane. On Nashville. Yeah. Who else is in it? Stillwood. Alexandra Daddario. Jennifer Coolidge. Yes.

Who is Stifler's mum. She's great. She's been in so many things. She's amazing. Who else? Yeah. No, and great character development. Couple of Euphoria characters as well.

Yeah. So it's six eps. And what episode is it? Four. To be honest, as soon as we started, there was like some sex scenes and stuff. And I was like, okay, I'm a grown up. I'm a grown up.

We can hit this. It's all good. Neither of us said anything. We moved on. But it's not like you're 14 or something. No, we got through it. You've got a child. I assume your mother knows you've had it.

Yeah. Had it. That's what I call it. That's what it's called. That's the tense. That's how long it's been for me. It's not had. It's had it.

It's had it. Yeah. It's been a while. Episode four. Yeah. Something that I never thought I'd witness with my mum. Or just witness? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something that I never thought I'd witness with my mum. Or just witness? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'd never say never, but I didn't know what to do with myself. How do I even describe this? Did your mum say anything about the scene? Neither of us said a word. I could feel her breathing.

I could feel everything with my body. I went completely still. Knowing your mum, if I heard her go, you know how this is happening? I'm about to say something. If your mum did it, I'd be like, stop, no. Don't need to say anything. It's a man-on-man scene.

Yeah. But not a traditional man-on-man pose. What's a traditional man-on-man pose? Just out of interest. I don't think we can get into that. And I don't have any problem, but I didn't want to watch it with my mum. I didn't want to be witness to that with my mother.

And no one else in the room is a buffer. I was aware of every movement my body made. I stayed completely still. I tried not to breathe too heavy. It's wild how much times have changed. Because when I was a kid, I remember we were watching Under Siege with Steven Seagal

and Erica Alenec. Now, the premise of that movie was I believe... Submarine? It was a submarine one, so it might have been Under Siege 2. Okay. And she jumped out of a birthday cake for the submarine captain and I saw boobs. I don't think you can get away with that now.

Whoa. Any questions? No further questions, Your Honour. I was like, nope, nope. But that was wild at the time. Like in the 80s, seeing like some boobs was like, whoa, I'm going to have to talk to my child. Imagine I'm sitting

there watching that scene with my mum and she's like, right, any questions? You'd be like, I've got some questions for you.

Your mum's like, good, because I've got some questions too. Now, go and get your laptop. Play ZM's Flesh,

Fawn and Megan. A man has passed away doing something that we've all done That I think everybody Has ever swam in the ocean Has done It's a sweeping statement but I'm sure it's true

A man was swimming in a part of Brazil called Oh you need to Oh okay so this is how you say it Okay this is because we asked Fletch, our regional in-studio Portuguese expert. I've been to Brazil once. I don't know why. More times than me.

Okay, I don't know why I'm the expert. You're the expert in studio. Jaboatão dos Guararapes. Huh? What was that? Jaboatão dos Guararapes. Jaboatão. Jaboatão dos Guararapes. Dos Guararapes. Right, so that's where this man was.

That's where he was. He was drunk. He'd been drinking with friends at a beach, and he was like, I'm not going to the toilet. I'm going to go out up to my waist, or mid-thigh, and then squat. That's another good thing. Squat, dip, wee.

You know when you're at the beach, like beach for quite a period of time with your friends, maybe you're drinking, maybe you're not, and then your friend's like, I'm just going to go for a little dip. And then they go in and they go up to their waist and they just look around and then they come back and you're like, you went for a wee, didn't you? You've got to go all the way in and do a little swim. You dive in and then when you stand up from the dive,

you wee and then immediately walk out. Yeah. To try and not get the wee on you. Yeah, you dive in, and then when you stand up from the dive, you wee, and then immediately walk out. Yeah. To try to not get the wee on you. Yeah. But everybody does that. Yeah, like a guy's died doing a wee in the ocean. Yeah. Shark attacked him.

You know, every now and then you'll be like, oh, sharks can smell wees as much as they can smell blood. And then you're like, ah. And that'll put you off for a little bit. But then, you know, you're at the mount. You're like, what are your chances? It's got to happen. Yeah. So he was attacked.

He went out and he did the dip, did the wee dip and dipped in and the shark attacked him, bit off his hand and a chunk of his leg. He screamed and his friends went out and got him. But by the time he was pronounced dead, dead on arrival when he got to the hospital. Just from blood loss.

Why are you telling me this? We'll use the public toilet next time. No, but I'm just, even when I just go in the ocean, I'm like, oh, what's down there? What's down there? Ah, seaweed! Was there an eel in the ocean the other day? But it was like where the river meets the ocean.

I was magnet fishing in the Of course you were. Auckland Harbour. Yep. And I thought it was a piece of seaweed first of all

and then I was like it looks like an eel tail and then it looked like a dead eel and then I like poked a stick at it and it was like hey.

And just like slowly left. I was like are you alright? Have you got lost? Right. Because this is a bit salty. But was it in the salty bit?

It was in like where the salty meets the fish. But they can go on both. Yeah, amazing. Because there's a big mystery about eels. They don't really know where they go. It's somewhere up by Tonga. Oh, yeah. And then how do they get all the way up the rivers?

They swim up them. But how do they get up waterfalls? Huh. Got you. They wriggle up them. Got you. They wriggle up ropes. We ya. They wriggle up ropes. We had an eel.

We caught an eel once on the farm I grew up on. And we're like, that's our pet eel now. And we put it in a trough. Yep. And the trough wasn't full. I would have said the trough, I can remember it, like 15 centimetres away from the top of the trough, concrete trough.

And we went back the next morning and it was gone. And it was in Tonga. No, you could see where it had got out and slithered back to the creek morning and it was gone. And it was in Tonga. No, you could see where it had got out and slithered back to the creek. So it was going to Tonga. It was on its way to Tonga

when we caught it. It was like, I've got a current to catch. I've got to get out of here. And I, yeah, they're a real bloody mystery the old eels.

Okay. But very little danger to you an eel. No, not when you're relieving yourself in the ocean anyway. And delicious when smoked right. On sushi too. Oh yeah. The old eel on sushi. Not. No, not when you're relieving yourself in the ocean anyway. And delicious when smoked right.

On sushi too. Oh yeah, not a bad. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. We are joined by star of the movie Free Guy, Joe Carey. Hello. Hey there, how's it going? Good, good.

So this movie delayed because apparently there was a pandemic. What's it like now getting re-involved with a film that I'm guessing you finished on the set of years ago? Yeah, yeah. It was like two years ago that we finished in the summer of 2019. So, you know, it does feel like kind of a long time ago, actually. But obviously I'm just really excited for it to be out

and uh for people to see it that's yeah how did you enjoy working alongside our very own taika waititi oh my gosh that handsome guy is amazing he's so so talented every day i'd show up on set and be like are you sure i'm the guy who's supposed to be doing all these scenes because he's amazing um it was great he's uh that guy's not afraid really of anything he has no fear on set and he's down to try anything and every single take is different and you know it's really just like a learning experience about you know being confident on set and uh yeah i felt like i learned so much and picked up so much from him feels like someone's gunning for a role in the next Taika Waititi directed film.

Yeah. I knew. We're New Zealanders. We'll pass it on at the annual New Zealanders meeting. You guys know him, right? Yeah, yeah. Sad, weirdly, yes. So did you, because I was just about to say,

he's got a lovely head of hair, but you're also very well known for your thick, luscious locks. Was there any like downtime between scenes? Were you compared hair, shaded tips? Yeah, pretty much. We would just like, you know, sit across from each other in stools and pretty much just touch each other's hair pretty much for a couple hours just to get into character, you know.

And I didn't really want to do that, but he was just sort of inconsistent. Yeah, you wanted that role in the next movie, so that's totally acceptable. I said, yeah, I mean, sure, yeah, yeah. Is it weird, it's probably you and Harry Styles that get fans up in arms when you cut your hair. Is that weird?

Are you even aware of what happens online when that happens? Hold on. I couldn't hear your question, actually. What was the question? Something about Harry Styles? You and Harry Styles upset your fans when you cut your hair. Are you aware of, like, how they react when you get a haircut?

Oh, you know, I'm not really on social media these days, so I've kind of, you know, tried to steer clear of that just because, you know, it's a pretty normal and eventful day usually for me when I get a haircut. Just try to keep it low key usually. And what about working with Jodie Comer? Had you watched Killing Eve or were you familiar with her work beforehand? Because you guys worked pretty closely together in the film.

Yeah, totally. I had watched that. And she was the only other person besides Ryan who was signed on to the project when I first auditioned for it. And yeah, I mean, I was really excited because she's amazing in Killing Eve. And she gets to, it's like she's playing, you you know a trillion different characters in that show so i knew she was going to kill this role um in the whole like duality of millie um and yeah i you know she's just a really nice person at the end of the day too she's kind of just uh pretty pretty normal so yeah it was great every day and and what about working with Ryan Reynolds? Nervous. I was nervous.

Really? For sure. I mean, definitely. Meeting everybody. I mean, meeting Taika, Jodie, and Ryan. It's really bizarre to watch people's work and then get a chance to meet them and then work with them. Sometimes you're on set and you're doing a scene

and you realize you're watching them instead of actually being in the scene. So that can be kind of weird, but Ryan is, is, I think he's really maybe aware of the effect that he has on people sometimes. So he's, he's focused on making everybody feel very comfortable and safe on set. And, and I think that's how he kind of gets, you know, the performances out of these other cast mates because they're all just, you know, the performances out of these other castmates

because they're all just, you know, having a really nice time. Right. And I think that comes across in the film. Well, Free Guy is out now. We've seen it. It's amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to do a chat with us this morning, Joe. Of course.

Thank you so much. And, yeah, just pass along my resume to Tiger. That would be really great. Yes. I'll send you my headshot today. Sure. Sweetass. Okay. Thank you. I'll send it your way. I'll email you just flick it through man easy yeah i'm still on the same email address so

okay still the same okay great i'll send it yeah okay catch you soon okay cool see you mate okay bye-bye zdm's fleshborn and megan keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines

to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. So yesterday I was very, very tired. We had an emergency department incident thing in the family and he broke around.

We didn't get home till half past eleven Quarter to twelve In bed And then Up For the show Exhausted Exhausted Oh it's tough

It's a tough life Were you tired? I was very tired Should have said something I did So then when I got home I literally Walked in the door

Put everything down Walked into the room And jumped into bed But I had a very sore Back Because at one stage there was only allowed, we were only allowed one parent in with Indy. So August and I went to the car and it was late and I said,

let's try to like sleep. What, in a Wilson's car park? In the car. Yeah. Okay. And so we like tried to sleep and then I could try to sleep in the driver's seat and I was like, that's not working. So then I got in the back seat. I was like, no, this is too, but then that was, I was there. So I just try to sleep in the driver's seat and I was like that's not working so then I got in the back seat I was like no this is too but then that was I was there so I just

tried to make it work but yeah I must have been on a funny angle or something um and I hurt my shoulder blade yep like the not my back because that would indicate the center shoulder blade situation was very very sore so when I jumped into bed I turned on the massage gun and I put on the attachment because most of the attachments work straight out but there's one that's got like a flat head like a hammer head on the end

and I lay it on the side and then I lay on it and I found exactly the right spot of this knot on my back and then I immediately fell asleep. On the massage gun? On the massage gun. I woke up two hours later and the massage gun was still going.

I have... I don't know if that's recommended. And then I turned it off and went straight back to sleep for another two and a half hours. Yeah. I have a burn on my back. Like a carpet burn.

Because it was rubbing against you. Oh, my God. Is that blistered? Yeah. Oh, it's got a scab. Yeah, yuck. It's sore. And I wore a hole in the sheets.

Now, that's what I'm in trouble for. Not in the new bed. In the new bed. But you didn't wear out the new bed. You didn't put a hole in the bed. No, no, no. We've got a mattress protector on like any good person. Even if you don't wet the beard, it's good to have a mattress protector on.

So you don't sweat into it and everything. But, yeah, I wore a hole in the sheet. So I'm in trouble. And those are brand new. Aren't they new like a few months ago? Not even then. Super King? Like, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Is it one of those things you could patch it up, like, with the sewing machine and then turn it around? So, no, it'll always, that's, now I was in trouble for the hole, but now that's always going to be my side. But then the sheets can only go one way. So that's fine.

I'll always have to do it. I'm going to put, like, a light stitch through it just to hold it together so that the hole doesn't get bigger. But that's, and it's got a little,'s got a little skid mark around the hole, because it's a black plastic head. It's got a skid mark with a hole in the middle. How did you fall asleep on a massage gun? You were that tired.

I was that tired. Good Lord. And I was out. Yeah, and when I woke up, I was like, uh-oh. Especially given it was hurting you. You've got a blistery sitch. Yeah, and when I woke up, I was like, uh-oh. Especially given it was hurting you. Like, you've got a blistery sitch. Yeah, but, like, now it's blistered. But at the time, it was, like, right in the knot,

and it was just like, ah, that feels good. It is so wild. Yeah, so I fell asleep on the massage gun. I've got a burn on my back and a hole in my sheets. That's up there with when you're so drunk you fall asleep on half your burger and wake up in the morning and it's just squashed into your bed. Yeah. That's why it's good to have a mattress protector.

Yeah, 100%. For your burger smush. But I was wondering if anybody else has ever been so tired they've fallen asleep on something. Not just like something to sleep on, but an object. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, maybe you woke up in the morning and the remote was under you.

You're adult fun. This is a TV One's new show. Give us a clue. You can speak out loud. You would have got that, right? Yeah, yeah, totally. I would imagine so. Yeah.

I would imagine so. I just don't. I mean, yeah, I guess when people are so drunk or tired, they may fall asleep on an object. Yeah. I don't think I ever have fallen asleep on an object. It's just something in your bed that you fall asleep on. What about your iPad or your laptop or your phone?

People would sleep on those. You could roll onto that easy. Yeah. And then it would be warm, so it would probably be like you're a lizard asleep on it. Yeah. A bit extra warm. Like you're a lizard asleep on it. A bit extra warm. Like you're hatching it or something. Yeah.

I don't know if there'll be many people in this boat, Vaught and Smith. I hope nobody's worn a hole in their sheets and got a burn on their back because they've fallen asleep on anything. Like a massage gun. Alright, well give us a call. 0800 DALS at M. You can text as well. 9696. What did you fall asleep on?

Someone just said you're lucky you didn't cause a fire. Yeah, that's true. I'm pretty sure your maths sort of put that out, though. Oh.

No, because you're covered in oxygen. There's no oxygen. Yeah, he just called you a fatty. He did. I heard it. But there was no oxygen,

so you wouldn't have started a fire. He was saying you were smothering that gun. I'm saying you were smothering it. You were like a fire blanket. Yeah, but if I'm so fat, that's... Fat's flammable. I didn't say that. You're calling me a whale now.

My blood is used to keep lanterns alight at night and lubricate engines. I did not say that. In the 1800s. So Vaughn fell asleep on his massage gun and rubbed a hole in his sheets and back. Yeah. You've actually got a blister on your back. But I tell you what, the knot on my shoulder is 90% better today.

God, I love my massage gun. I mean, they're recommended, but not for falling asleep on. They need a, I reckon they need an apparatus. Because I don't know, how do you by yourself get to the middle of your back? Yeah, they need like an apparatus. Like a shoulder cradle. Yeah, and then you push back

into it. Yeah, right. Because yeah, all this last night, I was like, put it in there, and I was like, now push as hard as you can. And she pushed it, and I was like, that's the good stuff. So we want to know what you've fallen asleep on. Yeah. And wow, there are some stories coming through.

I'll tell you what, we're hearing from a few electric blanket people. Oh, I can't do electric blankets. I had a raging hangover, went to bed with the electric blanket on high. It was so out to it. I remember having dreams about my body on fire. Eventually the dreams woke me up. I was in agony and I had heat burns on my back. Still get a bit of PTSD about the leaky blanket.

If I go to mum's and she puts the blanket on my bed, I think it'll be nice and cosy. No, I can't do it. Somebody else said they were travelling, they were at the airport in Singapore and they were sitting on a pot plant and they fell asleep and when they woke up, they'd like cuddled up. They'd gone into the fetal position inside a giant pot plant in Hong Kong. Wow.

And they were being nudged by the security guards of the airport asking if they needed medical assistance and if they were okay. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, much nicer. I fell asleep on an open container of butter chicken at the end of a night out. Never take a curry to bed. No. Never take a curry to bed.

All right, keep your texts. Your call's coming in. 9696 0800 DALS at M. We want to know what you're falling asleep on. I took a nap yesterday, fell asleep on the massage gun, burned a hole in my back and the sheets. Not burned, like rubbed. A rub burn.

A rub burn, not a fire burn. Kind of like a carpet burn, yeah. A lot like a carpet burn. So we're hearing from people, wow, some incredible stories coming through. Somebody messaged in, now I'm not allowed to tell this story, so please don't call me and don't ask my name, but my partner fell asleep on a packet of ginger kisses. I'm not allowed to tell this story.

I'm imagining that they are very, very embarrassed. It's a sore spot. Took a packet of ginger kisses to bed. That's a niche. You used to like a packet of ginger kisses on the way home. I used to love a packet of ginger kisses on the way home. Didn't you? A whole lot.

And then when you got home, you vommed them up. Yeah. You vommed ginger kisses. I haven't done ginger kisses. Put you off for a little while. I haven't had a ginger kiss for so long. That's so yum. Yeah.

I think the icing's bad. No, the stuff in the middle is like margarine. It's yuck. You don't have to get a good ginger kiss. Oh, yeah, if you get a good ginger kiss. Yeah. They're like a soft brandy snap. Yeah, yum.

Because brandy snap's good, except they just kill your gums. So they fell asleep on the packet of ginger kisses and woke up in the morning absolutely mushed in their hair, their face all through our bed. It was a whole experience. A few people are messaging in about the Satisfyer Pro 2s. Right, falling asleep. I don't know how that's possible.

Yeah. You know how they work, right? Yeah, but, like, to leave it on. Oh, wouldn't it? That's just like, you get home, but, like, to leave it on. Oh, wouldn't it? That's just like, you get home, you're like, I can do this before I pass out. Sometimes you don't. Yeah. Sometimes you do.

Okay. Sam, your brother fell asleep on something. What was it? So he came home from a night out and he turned his lava lamp on and then decided to hug it and fell asleep with it in the blankets and woke up when it was smoking

and we had a two-story house and he had to get me and my mum out of bed. And did the house catch on fire? No, all his blankets were on fire and Harry was outside trying to put it out. My dad worked night shift

and came home to him doing it. Oh my God. What was it? Because the lava lamp was warm or was he stoned? And it was like, whoa. Probably both. Cuddles. Cuddles, yeah, amazing.

Sam, thanks for your call. Anonymous, what happened? So my sister and her flatmates rescued this baby duckling and they decided they would nurse it back to life to let it go. And they were doing night shifts and the poor flatmate fell asleep with the duckling in the bed

and woke up in the morning to it dead between her huge boobs. Oh my God. She suffocated a baby duckling between her boobs. By accident, but yeah, she was absolutely devastated. And my poor sister, they were heartbroken

and they promised they would never tell anyone because they were just so gutted. They tried to do something nice, but it completely backfired. I mean, the whole country knows now. It found a nice little warm nestle spot. Yeah, I know. Wow. I don't know what to say

That's so terrible What a way to go Yeah Between Between boobs That's what dreams are made of Not for a duck though No

Anonymous Thanks for your call And somebody We've had lots of messages About sharkty mats People falling asleep On the sharkty mat And waking up

And having the Imprint in their back It can be beaten Okay Someone said, I went to bed, I had a sore back, so I put the Shark D-Mat

in bed, fell asleep on it. My partner got home from town, ran and jumped on me. The Shark D-Mat literally pierced the skin on my back and I had a whole bunch of actual holes,

not just indents. Like bleeding dots. Bleeding dots all over my back. But they're relaxed and they're relaxed. Oh my god, so relaxed, babe. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. You may notice, Vaughan Smith, that we

are joined in studio by Georgia from the Day Show. Good morning, G. Hello, guys. Alright, let's take two minutes to destroy the reputation I have spent two decades building. This flawless, caring individual you see sitting in front of you.

If that's all it takes. What have I done? Well, you know when you get tagged in memes on Facebook and it's usually like personal banter, you have a bit of a giggle. Yeah. Well, the other day I got tagged in a Baby Yoda meme, never even seen the Mandalorian or whatever it is.

But it's a Baby Yoda meme. Georgia just had to ask Megan, this is Baby Yoda meme. Never even seen the Mandalorian or whatever it is. But it's a... Georgia just had to ask Megan, this is Baby Yoda. I did, actually. His name is Grogu. Thank you. There we go. Well, at least you know those fun facts. Well, it's like Baby Yoda

pulling a face of shock and then it's like, try it. It's not that spicy. And it's like me as Baby Yoda, right? So you got tagged in it because you don't like spicy food i don't and i got tagged in by a mate called jess and she's like george burke you with black pepper and i was like okay and i was like honestly it's lethal and then old smithy comes in and gives it the laugh react and I didn't appreciate you, my friend's like,

oh, at the start she got excited the fact that it was you but then she's like, it's really weird that he's decided to jump on.

Is this all? Is this all? Keep your own personal jokes to yourself. You got tagged in a meme. I saw it

because I'm friends with you and you got tagged in it and then I'm like, sick burn, ha ha, be cool Jess and you're all like, sick burn, ha ha, be cool, Jess.

And you're all like, ah, shit. Jump on my burn. I'm getting roasted. You're getting roasted. Do you personally know Jess? No. I think that's George's issue is you don't know her friend Jess, so it's weird that you've liked her comments. But it popped up.

Facebook was like, you know who's going to like this? Smithy. Smithy. Smithy. And I don't know why. Maybe it's because of Star Wars or spicy food, which I love. And I love making fun of people who don't like spicy food. And obviously they were just like, you know, the algorithm's just like,

this Jess has really knocked it on the head. Smithy's going to appreciate this. Have a look. And I'm like, ha-ha, good one, Jess, who I don't know. Well, it's clearly wanted you to jump in there twice because the day I got tagged in it, you just liked the comment.

And then day two, it got changed to a laugh react. So that's just, that's the way I thought you have taken a day to really enjoy this. One of them was probably like, quick like,

and then later on it would have popped up again and I would have forgotten that I commented on it. And then I had a few drinks. And then changed it to a yeah I really appreciate that now. Maybe I just had some spicy food. So how do we feel about this if you don't see a problem

with this? No. Do you Megan? I think it's a bit weird. Would you comment if a friend was tagged in? It was someone else's banter about a meme, and I just randomly jumped in. That's weird. See, the main problem is because I don't know Jess. I'll have a friend request her.

She would love that, though. See? That's weirder. Jess, we're creepy uncle. And then Jess and I can tag each other in memes and I can do that thing where you hijack

somebody's friendship. I hate that. You would do that, eh? And then you'd be like, let's go out for some spicy curry. I certainly wouldn't. My wife would not

appreciate me just randomly messaging a girl in her 20s saying, let's go out for a spicy curry. You know better. But the fact that Jess brought it up with Jay being like,

oh, that's a bit weird. Like, why is he commenting on that? I didn't comment. I reacted. It popped up. So it was given to me by Facebook, served on a platter, and I love a good roasting.

Okay, what if Megan, your best friend, Ali, her new friend, Susan, tagged her in a... Where'd Susan come from? I've never heard of Susan. Who's Susan? Okay maybe a new work colleague Or whatever

Susan tags your best friend Ali in a meme Which is very funny And you know that It's Ali to a T But I don't know Susan But you don't know Susan Would you like that meme?

No but also Because I'm pissed at Susan For stealing your friend Who's Susan? God you're so jealous Oh maybe that's what it is Maybe that's what it is Vaughn's jealous of my friendship with Jess

Yeah, I don't know, of course I don't know He's just jumping on the fact that you can't handle spicy food Like, you know what? Tonight I'm going to make a very, very mild Because it's actually quite hot It's a very mild little curry, I think Take me and Jess in it and we'll rip you to pieces.

We asked, is it okay to comment or like another friend's tag? 93% of people said it's fine. But we didn't specify that you don't know the other person. This is banter with someone that you don't know. Getting involved in that is weird. It was just like a react. Maybe if you'd commented it getting involved in that is weird. It's not bad. It was just like a react. It was like a. Maybe if you'd commented, it would have been a bit weird.

Yeah, maybe just a react's fine. A finger gun. If you were to comment, what would you have said? Probably ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, no. Capital ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Three ha.

What about when people hijack a happy birthday post? So you post on someone's page, happy birthday, and they're like, yeah, happy birthday underneath it. That's lazy. Okay, that's lazy. The only people that are allowed to do that are people over 55. Yes. Because they believe that they're writing their own post. My mum.

I'm letting my mum, it's like writing them a birthday card and my mum's like, oh, can I put my name on the bottom? I'm like, sure you can. Yeah. You know, kids and older people. Sure. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Well, out of the UK news that pet

prenups are becoming increasingly popular, maybe because in the UK, after the last year and a bit of COVID, divorce inquiries have ballooned by 122%. Whoa. Because they've spent a lot, like, I mean,

we spent a bit of time locked up with each other, but they spent a long time. Yeah, riding each other's grill. Yeah, in those tiny Coronation Street houses. Yeah. Orange brick. Orange brick houses, real tiny. Yeah.

So, and yeah, apparently inquiries about, like, what to do with pets through the roof and pet prenups are now becoming more popular. So is this a specific prenuptial agreement for a pet or included in the prenup with that count as well? So you're getting a prenup and then you're making sure they're specifying the pet details. I mean, I guess it depends how much you have. If you have a house together.

Yeah. If you're just flatting and you've got a cat, then maybe you... You're getting a specific pet prenup. Yeah, ask your friend and first-year lord to draw up a prenup. Because it can cause like... Your first-year lord.

That'll stand out in a court of law. Yeah, you'd hope so. They can cause serious arguments though, because obviously both of you, well, not always, since both of you love the pets, but it can cause major drama. I'll take the paddock pets. I'll take the paddock pets.

You don't want any house pets. I don't like house pets. I can't imagine your wife wanting to take the big cows. The cows. Or the goats or the pigs. Or the sheep or the chickens. Yeah. I've got a handful out there.

Well, we asked in New Zealand, do you have a pet prenup? Is there an agreement? And 8% of people said yes. Because how... Do you even think prenups would be that popular in New Zealand? Like actual prenups? Actual marriage prenups. I don't know. I guess if you're going in unevenly, like if one of you's got way more assets or money than the other, maybe.

Yeah. But like, I don't know anyone that has one. You kind of forget about the pets though, don't you? Yeah. So some comments on our Instagram were, I don't have a pet prenup, but our actual prenup outlines who gets the pets. I get the cats because I like my best,

but we have to share our French bulldog. Because that's another thing that the pet French bulldog, God, that's a bill and a half. That's a vet bill in dog form. Just let them have it. What a financial burden. If they're sharing it and then the frenchie has to go to the vet there's like two grand if the french has to go to the vet when it has to go so they split it they must do because that's another thing visitation is also an agreement in these prenups like they might share them you

shared custody yeah like kids you know you get the Frenchie at the weekend. Or another message says, my partner has a dog with his ex and the custody of the dog was part of their separation agreement. So they set out a custody agreement for the dog. Vaughn's just baffled by this. Sade's petitioning to get another dog now. Look at why Lulu's very old. Lulu's not really a dog anymore.

It's more of something that sits on the couch that needs to be taken out to the toilet every now and then. But wasn't Ralphie like your buffer dog? Do you call them the buffer dog? Like for when Lulu... Yeah, but now there's like... When Lulu's gone, there needs to be... Look, it's too much. Do you remember what happened with the last dog?

You said you're not getting a dog and they got a dog and you were... Yeah, it's called being steamrolled. It happens in most decisions in our house. I'm just constantly steamrolled. Someone else said, I wish I did have a prenup. My ex walked out and left me with his turtles that I didn't even want. Who? They are so smelly.

No, two turtles that are a pain in the ass to look after. You can't pat them because they go... Can't you just drop them down a drain and they end up protecting the city from crime? Yeah. But you've got to chuck a rat down there as well. Someone's got to teach them the ways of kung fu. Okay. I would have dropped them down a drain.

Go find a rat. Go on. Oh, and some ooze. ZDM's Fletchmore and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. called Stuff the British Stole. It's an Australian ABC podcast by a guy, really fascinating, and every episode is about a different place that the British colonised and something that they took from it. Okay.

There's an episode I just finished listening to about Maldi, the trading of tattooed Maldi head. So, yeah. Like the cut off heads. Preserved, which I didn't know were steamed Smoked Like dried Yeah

And then treated in shark oil For the preservation Because if you see them now They're a few hundred years old And they look the same as when they were Initially taken from New Zealand They became like an antiquity Okay so what I'm taking from this

Is shark oil serum For my wrinkles Shark oil I'm going to get what I'm taking from this is shark oil serum for my wrinkles. Shark oil. I'm going to get some... I'm going to go and milk a shark. I assume that's how you get the oil. Yep. Rub it all over my face.

It's just getting them to stay still long enough to get the oil out. Get a bit of shark juice. Yeah. That's quite disturbing. I remember... So it was a trading... This isn't the fact of the day. This is from another episode.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely fascinating story. What's it called, this podcast? Stuff the British stole. Okay, good. You'll remember it. The guy wanted to call it Shit the British stole, but someone's like, won't get through to as many people

because of the stealing. Yeah. But yeah, fascinating. Okay. And often traded by people who weren't allowed to trade. Like rival tribes would be like, well, I know I can get a musket for a head, so I'm going to go and steal my rival's heads and sell them.

So they were passing on stolen goods. Right. And you often hear now of museums or they're trying to get them back, aren't they? Yeah, there's some people whose full-time job is to track them down because hundreds and hundreds were taken overseas. That's the headhunters, isn't it?

I wonder if it's... Is that what they are? That's what I thought when they were like, you know, I humped them down. I was like. Isn't it? I wonder if it's... Is that what they are? That's what I thought when they were like, you know, I humped them down. I was like, headhunters, I wonder if that's... That's what the motorcycle patrols are.

They're looking for the heads. Yeah. As well as a raft of other things. But this is from another episode. Okay. Today's fact of the day is that Pekingese dogs are the result of a war crime.

Okay. You know those stupid... Dare I say, as it comes down, but I know you always let people know, there's a deer for a dog. Look at those silly dogs. He's playing awful to dog breeds. If you put a handle on it, it would be a mop. The Pekingese is a breed of toy dog originating in China.

Correct. It was favoured by the royalty of the Chinese imperial court. Correct. As a lap dog and companion dog. Correct. The breed originated in China and could only be owned by members of the Chinese imperial palace. It was against the law of the Chinese empire. It's going back a couple of hundred years.

For you to own a Pekingese dog. That was a breed of dog developed specifically for royalty. Okay. Now, there was an opium war, and it wasn't like, stop with your opium. It was more like, we want that opium. One of those wars. One of those, like, oil wars. Right.

And so the British and French troops arrived. The French arrived early, and when the British arrived, they were like, oh, you guys have started taking all the good stuff yeah because it was open season on just uh getting in there and looting they burnt down something called the old summer palace which was like the uh the emperor's summer escape this beautiful the ruins are still there seven times the size of central park in New York City like massive yeah looted it and then burnt it to the ground. One of the people left there, one of the emperors, his elderly

aunt was the last person left there. As the British and French troops came in, she took her own life but around her were her Pekingese dogs. So people were like, well, these are cute and apparently these were oil fluffy. These are the only ones because you were only allowed to own them if you were royal,

so they were quite a valuable sort of thing to loot. So they looted them, took them back to Britain, and they were given to the Duchess of Wellington. Sir George Fitzroy took a pair of them, gave them to his cousins, the Duke and Duchess of Richmond and Gordon, and Lieutenant Dunn presented the fifth and final one to Queen Victoria. Who called it looty?

Looty? Because it was looted. And so then, because Queen Victoria had it, and everybody wanted what Queen Victoria had, it was like, now, you know, Kate Middleton wears a dress that sells out. And so this at the time was I have this dog, and everyone's like, well, we simply must have. Yeah. And so this at the time was, I have this dog.

Yeah. And everyone's like, well, we simply must have this dog. Yeah. And so the popularity of the Pekingese dogs and the breeding that came from it is a direct result of the storming of the Old Summer Palace. A war crime. A war crime. A war crime.

Because it was unlike, there was no declaration. It was just like, get in there and smash it down and stop the supply of opium from those guys so we can control that and control the money of it. Now is a terrible time to say I'm half British. Awful time. Awful time. I'll keep that to myself.

I tell you what, after you've listened to this podcast series, there'll be more reasons that you'll be like, wow, we're just kind of wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. So today's fact of the day is the popularity and breed of the Pekingese dog spreading around the world as a result of a war crime by the British and the French.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Yes This music The impossible phoner It's where we Do one of those things Where something's happened And then we tell you the story

And they're like How did that happen to you? Call in. Yeah. Like before, I was like, have you ever fallen asleep or something weird? I don't think we'd get many calls for that. I was about to say, and Fletcher was like, no one will call about this.

But no, there was a time we did the impossible. Our other impossible phone-in topics are, have you ever landed a plane somewhere that wasn't a runway? And we got so many calls for that. I was ever landed a plane somewhere that wasn't a runway? And we got so many calls for that. I was blown away. What was the last one we did? The impossible phone-in topic. I cannot remember.

Have you ever been swallowed by a whale? No, it wasn't that. We had so many calls. Jonah called. And that was it. Pinocchio called. And that was it. That was it. Yeah. Pinocchio called.

Oh, yeah. And that's all I have. So today's impossible phone-in topic, a man in Australia. Yes. Queensland lockdown ended at 4 p.m. So he had to rush out to his local Kmart to pick up a couple of things that he didn't know he was missing until he was locked in his own house. Yeah. For a long time.

So then he went down there and then he apparently missed the thing at 5.30 saying, hello shoppers, we will soon be closing. Yeah. And then at 5.45, apparently there's another announcement going, we will be shutting the shop in five minutes.

Jesus, how long is he shopping for? He claims he missed those, but cynical old me thinks he was hiding in there because this is all documented on his TikTok. You're claiming that he hid in the store and was locked in Kmart on purpose. Sir, I claim. So then he was locked in the Kmart store. He went to the front and the roller door was down

and he called out to the mall security, but the mall security's like, I can't open that. That's locked by Kmart. Kmart have gone home. Yep. Because lockdown's imminent in Brisbane. Where was he that he didn't notice that suddenly, like, there was no one?

Also, the lights were off, eh? Yeah, yeah. And his TikTok. Powered down and everything. And so he said, yeah, I can't unlock that. I don't know, mate. You can maybe try a backdoor if there's a backdoor. And so he was locked yeah, I can't unlock that. I don't know, mate. You can maybe try a back door if there's a back door. And so he was locked in there for a while until he managed to get out the back door.

And just shut behind him. Yeah. And lots of people on the TikTok are like, why didn't you just like make yourself a nest, like a Kmart nest? Yeah. Yeah, go to the bedding section. Yeah. If you need to charge your phone, they've probably got a cable that'll work for two weeks. Face mask.

Yeah. Go to the lollies by the checkout if you need some sustenance to get through. Very nutritious. Keep all your wrappers so you can pay for it in the morning when the checkout's open. Although the self-serve checkouts are pretty still open. Some lights are off. I would imagine they'd be powered down.

Yeah, maybe. Or maybe even in sleep mode. So our impossible phoner today, our impossible phonin' topic, is have you ever been locked in a store? Does a bar count? I've almost been locked in a bar. Did you fall asleep on the toilet? Yeah.

But they did one last sweep before they did the alarm. I think that would count. A bar just and a premises. Have you ever been locked in a premises? Yeah. Commercial premises. That you did not own. Yeah, I mean, you didn't have to stay the night.

You could have called out and got some help. Yeah. Sure. But it is our impossible finding topic. Will we get even a single call for this? Have you ever been locked in a commercial premises? And the impossible phone-in topic. Yeah, we want to know where you've been locked in.

A guy was locked in Kmart for a little while. Didn't stay the whole night. I mean, once you're in there, might as well just make a nest of some fake furs. Yeah. Well, it has happened. Anonymous joins us. Good morning. You were locked in a mall. and, yeah. Well, it has happened. Anonymous joins us. Good morning.

You were locked in a mall. Yeah, yeah. I woke up on the toilet in a mall at midnight. Was it one of those malls where a bar was using their toilets? Was it a bar in a mall? How do you fall asleep in a mall? Yeah, basically it was a bar in the mall and there was a big USD fight on. And after the fight finished, I kind of must have just gone toilet. Yeah, basically it was a bar in the mall and there was a big USD fight on.

And after the fight finished, I kind of must have just gone toilet and never left. And you just rested your eyes on the toilet and that was it? You were out? Yeah, I was out. I'll see you tomorrow. Right. And then, so what happened when you woke up, it was midnight, you're just wandering around the mall? Yeah, yeah. So I just started walking, trying to, like, you know, walk out of the mall and the security guard grabbed me and said, oh, how did you get in here? And I said, oh, I never left.

And did they find the door for you, the exit door? Yeah, yeah. They certainly found the door and kicked me out into the cold. It was freezing. Oh, buddy. Oh, fella. Wow. Amazing, great. Oh, fella. Wow. Amazing. Great. Anonymous. Thank you, Jo. You got locked in somewhere?

Yes, I have. Whereabouts? Rainbow Ferry Springs in Mojaroa. Okay. And how did you get locked in, though? Well, we didn't. Oh, Jo. Jo? Jo's gone. Jo? God, she's locked in her... Sorry, we didn't. Oh, Jo. Jo? Jo's gone. Jo? God, she's locked in her...

Sorry, I muted you. You muted us with your cheek. How dare you, Jo. You muted us with your cheek. Jo, so how did you get locked in? So we did the night walk. Oh, okay. And of course, they

are meant to Check the whole Premises before they lock up And they didn't do that So there was me My sister-in-law And two children That got stuck Oh my god

Did you have torches Or is it The night walkers They're like lighting Along the path Normally it's all lit up But at 12 o'clock at night It all shut down

So everything's turned off Okay But were you slow? Were you dawdling or something? No, no. Okay. No. Wow.

And did they have to come and let you out? No, well, we rung the premises, the owners, and no answer. So then I rung Watchdog. Well, it's 12 o'clock at night. They're probably in bed, I'd imagine. You'd think so. Yeah. So I rung the security number number which was watchdog at that time

and they said the only time we can only come and get you out if you pay cash to us right now I don't think that sounds legit does it and I'm thinking well how do I get to an FPOS machine to give you cash when I'm locked into a property that's true

no you can invoice me so you're not putting this in your pocket. Yeah. Joey, thanks. You call some text messages. So many people have been locked places. My daughter went to get her haircut at a mall, and it was hideous, so I took her back and told them they were doing it again.

And then when they let us out of the hairdressing place, when we got to the mall door, we realised the mall was locked, so we went back to the hairdressing, but she'd pulled down the roller doors and scarpered. Oh, yeah. And so we were stuck in this mall. We had to wait. Apparently, security came.

They weren't, like, constantly in the mall. They'd do, like, hour loops. So we had to wait over an hour. Oh, my God. Yeah. Sometimes you get stuck when they start shutting everything down. They put up big, like, you know, walls. Yeah, yeah.

You're like, whoa, I'm stuck here now. I've got to go another exit. This is where I live now, the mall. How do I get out? I was working a night filler at a supermarket. 3M were finishing up. I just said, I'll just go to the toilet before we leave. Yeah.

Before we leave. Came out, no one had listened. Everything was dark. The doors were all locked up. Called out. No one was there. I'm pretty sure the law states that you're allowed free pick and mix. Yeah, I would have had an absolute handful of yogurt-covered raisins.

Are you kidding me? That's the first thing you'd go to. You're locked in a supermarket with pick and mix, anything, and yogurt-covered raisins is number one. I love yogurt-covered raisins because we weren't allowed them as kids. Yeah, but when you have them, they're not as great as... I love them. Such a dad.

I could eat them all the time. But you're going to go past the licorice all sorts, the spinning top wheels. No, the licorice all sorts are yuck. Too sweet. Jetplanes. The worms. Coke bottles.

Coke bottles. I'm starting with the yogurt-covered raisins. It wasn't my one and only start. What about like a bougie nut, like a macadamia or a cashew? Is it covered in chocolate or yogurt? Another thing, I'm going to ask my mum, why weren't we allowed those? We ate scorched almonds all the time, and they were chocolate-covered nuts.

Yeah, but they were premium. Yeah, we weren't allowed a row of yogurt-covered raisins. Yeah, they were premium. Yogurt-covered raisins? More expensive, maybe. Very expensive. I could go on right now, in fact. Anyway, this person got locked in, and they went into the staff room,

and they picked up the phone, but no one was answering the phones or anything and was like you know what this isn't on me I'm going out the fire exit so they kicked open the fire exit

during the alarm started going off and they walked off into the night that's so badass that's great let somebody else deal with this problem

yeah how could a yoghurt come and raise us you know what you're an adult go buy some I'm going to on the way home I'm going to get a raisins. You know what? You're an adult. Go buy some. I'm going to on the way home.

I'm going to get you a bag of those skinny almonds too. Those are so good. This is me. I open a bag and I go. Don't ever do that again. I have you in the dust on them. And you don't get fat eating them. That called skinny almonds?

I don't think. That's because they keep you skinny when you open a bag and go. Yeah, good stuff. ZDM's Fleshborn and Megan.