ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 13th August 2020

Episode Date: August 12, 2020

Top 6: Things we learnt last Lockdown   Gripping Radio Drama!Mel Bracewell  Poll-y Moly Vaughans Cop Stop  Sir John Kirwan  Not Now!Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fleeche Fauna Megan podcast. It's brought to you by McCafé. Grab yourself a delicious barista made coffee. For only $4 at McCafé. For only $4. Yeah, I was about to say that, wasn't I? Were you doing that off the top of your head? Yeah. You're getting good at this. No, thanks. Don't praise him for being able to remember 12 words.

Elephant. It's my Trump COVID test. Oh yeah. How did you know it was 12 words? It's exactly 12 words Savant Is it really? Yeah

Good guess I just kind of felt Yeah right It felt like a 12 word sentence So I said 12 It was a lucky guess It was pure skill I guessed it

Yeah And that's the end of my skills. That's the absolute... You've got to be good at something. I know. And guessing the amount of words in a sentence is it. Can't do paragraphs. As soon as I see a full stop, I'm out. You're out. I'm done.

I'm tired. Just yawning. I had a big yawn. Did you have a nap yesterday? Nah, but I had one of those. Oh, you had a late night. I had one of those. No, it wasn't a late night. I just had one of those sleeps where I woke up and I thought it was nearly time to get up.

So, because I've got an Alexa in my bedroom, I just said, I always say, hey Alexa, what time is it? Because then I know if I should go back to sleep or just pat the cat and get up in 10 minutes. Because do you always wake up before your alarm? Lately, I have been. I always wake up like 10 minutes before But I was like last night, I was like Alexa what's the time And it was like it's 11.57 I was like fuck

Because it's 11.57 Hey Alexa are you LMNOP I was like oh wow Okay I'll just go for a little ways then Did you get Alexa to do that for you too? Nah Alexa Take my bladder to where. Did you get Alexa to do that for you too? No. Alexa, drain my bladder to where? Drain my catheter.

Imagine that. Thank you, Alexa. I woke up to my alarm this morning and I was like, God, that was a good sleep. Get out of bed and oh yeah. Oh, it's level three. Um, you've got an Alexa in your bedroom. Yeah. You've got an Alexa. Because then I can be like. I can see how handy it would be

to have them all around the house. Oh yeah because you can just be like play music or what's the weather before you get up or read the news that kind of stuff. It's pretty cool. Living in the future. First world eh? Now I want an Alexa in the bedroom but then if I woke up I'd be like Alexa what's the time? She's like it's 2am.

She'd be like stop asking Alexa what time it is. I honestly don't think I'd use my Alexa. You don't think you would and then you just Alexa what time it is. I honestly don't think I'd use my Alexa. You don't think you would, and then you just do weird stuff with it. I use mine to turn off all the TV entertainment system. I'm just like, Alexa, lounge off, and it turns everything in the lounge off, and I just go to bed. It's just occurred to me if someone has listened to this podcast on an Alexa device or on a speaker and is hearing us say Alexa.

Hey, Siri, just to get everyone going. Alexa. What's the Google one? Hey Google. Do you say hey Google? I think you say hey Google. Hey Google. I don't have one so I'm making a mess for you.

Have you got those light bulbs or sockets that you can control? I've got a smart bulb. Have you? But I've got nothing to control it with. Oh, you need to buy an Alexa. Did you get a free smart bulb? Yeah with like my energy company Fuck the cocktails there right

Like one energy bulb You want your whole house I've got two In the smart bulbs I've got two And you can make it change colours and stuff Yeah yeah yeah Yeah

Tacky What? Excuse me No because I look out at apartments And I see people with like Purple and blue Living rooms and stuff. I'm just like, what are you, at a discotheque? Is it a lava lamp?

No, they have LED strip lighting and different LED lights. You could make it go red and be like, red light district, baby. A friend of mine had it so when the kids were in the room And it was dinner time He'd be like Alexa dinner lighting And all the lights in their rooms Flash blue and red Until they come For like a few minutes

And then the only place where it doesn't Is the dinner table So if you're anywhere in the house That's so cool You get epilepsy Yeah You'll have a seizure And then you can have some dinner

When you've recovered Who needs to be told that hard out That it's dinner time Well no Like go get food No because do you remember You'll have a seizure and then you can have some dinner when you've recovered. Who needs to be told that hard out that it's dinner time? We know. Like, go get food. No, because do you remember when you were a kid and mum would be like, dinner time, and you'd be like, oh, stew again.

Did you boil the shit out of the potatoes? We were always making stew. Why don't you make something nice, mum? God, I just love mum's stew right now. Oh, really? I can't eat stew Mum's stew right now. Ew, really? I can't eat stew ever because of my childhood. Too many stews. But now, as a parent, don't you have to turn off the internet?

You have to turn off the Wi-Fi when it's dinner time. And you can get Alexa to do that too, I think. Oh, really? Alexa, kill the Wi-Fi. It's so messed up that when you're a kid, you're like, I don't want to shower. I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to eat.

And that's the things we love the most. Yeah. Yeah. The other night we all had a late night and I said to the kids, I think family nap this afternoon. And they were like, no, why? What did we do wrong? We haven't done anything wrong. We shouldn't be forced to sleep.

I'm like, enjoy this while it lasts. Yeah. Yeah. A nap when you're an adult is such a treasure. Yeah. All right. Well, enjoy the podcast. ZM.

Head music. Live ZM. Flesh, Fawn and, enjoy the podcast. Welcome to the show. Good morning. Good morning. Happy level 3-2. You went through a police checkpoint on the way to work. Yep, I just wanted to make sure that travel was essential. There must have been somebody further up the queue who wanted to just chat or debate the situation,

which I thought was pointless. Right. Because it was a bit of a line. A bit late this morning. But they weren't like Gestapo about it. I was just trying to think of a really intense police force. Yeah, well, that's probably as intense as you get. The most intense I could possibly muster.

No, they were all good. Did you get out your letter? What radio station do you work for? Oh, my God. I said ZM, and that's always like, you don't know. But they were like, oh, all right, mate, have a good day. Yeah, you're not sure they're going to be like, ZM sucks. Yeah, ZM sucks, go to the rock.

Because rock listeners love saying that. Go to the rock. The guys that work at the rock don't even like it when you say that. That's a shudder. Go The Rock. Yeah, okay. Thanks, man. It's all good.

Joining us on the phone before seven, Mal Bracewell. A new TV show out tonight. Now, this was filmed pre-lockdown, I'm assuming. Yep. Yeah. Because otherwise. It was filmed in the Goldilocks zone. assuming. Yep. Yeah. Because otherwise... It was filmed in the Goldilocks zone. Yeah, between lockdowns.

Oh, yeah. Okay, so are we calling this lockdown? Because lockdown to me was level four lockdown. Level four was don't leave your bubble, stay at home. It's a semi-lock. It's a chubby lock. It's like a... Auckland's in the semi.

It's like a level three. Yeah, Auckland's got a semi. The rest of the country's just got a chubby lock. It's like a level three. Yeah, Auckland's got a semi. The rest of the country's just got a chub. Oh, my God. And the Cook Islands still absolutely flaccid, which is great news for them. Did you see, when I saw the map of what constitutes Auckland with the level three, Great Barrier Island included.

Yeah, because that's part of the electorate. Yeah, I mean, they're not going anywhere anyway. The islanders famously love staying on Great Barrier. Yeah. They don't like going anywhere. But I just thought it was unusual. You think they should have an exemption? I thought an exemption was an option.

Okay. But what do I know? I'll leave that to the professionals. It was just something I noticed and thought, huh, but I'm not going to make a big thing about it on the internet. Okay, that what do I know? I'll leave that to the professionals. It was just something I noticed and thought, but I'm not going to make a big thing about it on the internet. Okay, that's great. Aren't we sick of that? I need to stay off the internet today.

I didn't see any, it made me very proud of who I'm friends with, but I didn't see any conspiracy theories yesterday. And then the people were like, I'm starting to see my friends with conspiracy theories. I was like, oh, so I went looking for some.

It was a big mistake. She did a big friends call yesterday. Well, I did a call. I got rid of a couple. Yeah? That I've been manning to get rid of for years. Okay.

You know, you don't work with them anymore. They're rowing assholes. And so you're just like, oh, get rid of them. Now's the time. Well, you'll have to tell me off air who that is.

That was obviously discussed before I got here and I'm dying to know. Coming up on the show, the top six. The top six things we learnt from last lockdown. You know? Yep. It was a while ago so maybe we're a little bit fuzzy but I've got a little bit of a reminder of what we

learnt last time that we can take into this time. Alright, it's coming up. On next, this is what happens when we don't behave ourselves. We've got some new rules. Tell you what they are next. All right. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. We've been told this in the first lockdown.

We were told again when this lockdown was announced, please don't panic buy. And we saw it all day yesterday. So obviously the Auckland region level 3, the rest of the country level 2. Speaking to mum last night, she said New Plymouth, there was a bit of a panic rush early on. So even in level 2.

At some of the supermarkets. Yeah, so even outside of Auckland, I guess people are like, well, we don't know if this could escalate. Yeah, that's the general feeling, right? I mean, it's been very easy for us to travel around the country pre-Wednesday lunchtime, hasn't it? So it could easily be around the country. So, I mean, it's not just Countdown,

but Countdown has temporarily changed their opening hours. They are now, until further notice, closing at 9pm at night and reopening at 8am. So 8 till 9. So I remember last time that was so that they could stock everything back up. Stock the shelves, yeah. Because it gets pillaged.

But they've had queues of people. And I mean, yeah, it's not just, I saw my local New World. I drove in and did a U-turn. I was like, nope, not today. Now is this your new local New World? Yeah. Which is my local New World. Your local New World. I was like, nope, not today. Now is this your new local New World? Yeah. Which is my local New World. Your local New World.

Because late in the afternoon, no line. Really? I didn't go in. I went past because I was like. No line. I was interested in to see how. Damn it. To see if there was any chaos.

But yeah, late in the afternoon, no line. So did you get in? I was made by that. Or you just went home? I just saw the line and turned around and went home. I was like, no, no. Right, okay. Because it wasn't necessary.

Because I decided there is food at home that I could potentially wrangle together for a dinner. Oh my God, you mummed yourself. Yeah. You don't need that. You've got food at home. My parents are staying with me at the moment. And my mum walks into my room with a roll of toilet paper and she's like, there's three of these left. I was like, yeah, but how many rolls do you think one person goes through?

I was like, three could probably last us a couple of weeks or a week. A couple of weeks? There's only two of us and they're long rolls. Yeah, but do you wipe your ass? They're long rolls. I would go through like, do you have a clean cut every time? We've discussed this so many times. We'd go through like a roll a week

Between the two of us A long roll That's not enough A long roll a week Even when we didn't have kids She poos at work Are you on my side or his side? That's a great idea

The producers look shocked Do you think that's not enough toilet paper is it? A long roll a week Between two people Are you having with it? It's not enough toilet paper, is it? A long roll a week. Between two people. Are you having enough fibre? Yes. Fatty poos. No, fatty poos need an extra wipe.

Fatty poos are the ones that need the wipes. Are you doing a clean cut? What's my frequency? You're asking how many times I poo on the radio. I'm just saying, are you doing it daily? Yes. Very conservative with your plies. Are you doing like a little, do you just use two pieces?

I know I use too much. You can't have a breach. That's too much. You must use a lot of paper. I'm a folder. I don't like grab a scrunch for and get a scrunch on my butthole. I have respect for my butthole. This is going to sound very 1%,

but when we renovate the bathroom, I'm considering a bidet. You don't need a bidet. I grew up with a bidet. No one ever uses it. No one uses it because I've used it

when I've been overseas like in a Europe hotel had one and I was like, I'm just going to try it. My parents thought it was cool and then no one used it. When we've been

in Southeast Asia, I love those little taps beside. I give myself... Because it's great, you get the balls and everything. It's just great. You don't need a towel on hand. In a human environment, it's just great to give everything a bit of a squirt down there. You know what, you'd be better just to put a hose

tap next to the thing and then just have one of those what's it called? Gardini. And you can change how you want. You can clip around the end, you just have one of those, what's it, brinkardini. And you can change what you want. You can clip around the end. You could have like a mist. Rain.

You could have a jet. Yeah. You could have the vertical line, the horizontal line. You wouldn't want to be lining up a vertical and go for a horizontal. You'd spray everywhere.

But Mike, with a bidet, after you've squirted, you'd probably still have to give it a dry wipe, right? That's what I'm saying. You need a towel on hand. Yeah, yuck. that's what I'm saying you need a towel on hand yeah yuck

a towel I'm not happy for a towel to be hanging that's touched my anus because then if you use toilet paper it's too wet and the toilet paper

disintegrates and then you have to put it down the toilet again then you go for a walk and you can feel something between your butt cheeks but when I was in South East Asia

there was a toilet seat it was like a Japanese toilet seat that had all those controls and it had a little it had a spritzer that came in and it was like and Japanese toilet seat that had all those controls and it had a little spritzer that came in and it was like and then did it have a blower?

No, I don't know. And a wax function if you're feeling yourself. Yeah, you get a hot wax at the end just to finish it off. Bougie. Anyway, my point of this break was they're limiting toilet paper and essential items because everyone's been pillaging it and not everyone can get their hands on something.

Flour, all the stuff before. Flour, rice, pasta, baked beans, UHT milk. Surely everyone's still got a 5kg bag of flour from last time. I know, right? Barely put a dent in that thing. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

I'm still reeling at the fact you go through one roll of toilet paper a week. I was trying to say, don't panic about buying toilet paper because I've got enough right now. Do you go grab the end? How many times? Do you fold or scrunch? I fold. Okay, yeah, I fold too. But when you fold over, how many have been folded?

I would probably get that much toilet paper. So what's that? Four squares? Five squares? Oh, you are a monster. And then what? Fold it back so you've got a... Fold over how many have been folded. I would probably get that much toilet paper. So what's that? Four. Four squares? Five squares? And then what? Fold it back so you've got four. I've never had a breach. You've got one square laid four times.

Maybe you're overusing your TP. This is how I go. Grab and I fold it here. That's where I put my finger the first time and I pinch it there. It's a foot long of toilet paper. And then I go like this. And then I go like this.

Wow. I use a lot. It's a foot long of toilet paper. And then I go like this. And then I go like this. Wow. I use a lot. You use a whole roll basically. Gaping a nurse. Wow. Only on the weekends. And I shan't talk any more about it.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Well, no winner last night for the huge, giant Powerball amount, and that now jackpots. Am I right to $50 million? Yes. Correct. Wow. $50 million.

And it's got to be one. Got to be one. This is the second $50 million drawer of 2020. What's this? It says, because I searched $50 million Powerball, and on March the 1st, 2020, which seems like yesterday, but also 18 years ago, two Aucklanders woke this morning

as overnight multimillionaires after striking it lucky with the $50 million. So yeah, they split it. Wow, so that was in March. 25 mil each in March. Was that all? Yeah.

Wow, imagine that. So that was the biggest ever lotto since 1987, since it started and now we're doing it again. Was that in lockdown as well? No, that was pre-lockdown. Just pre, just pre. So this is the first...

When people had heard of COVID and there were countries with it, but we weren't... Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay, so you'll still be able to buy at the lotto stores, you'll just have to be socially distanced, won't you? Yeah. They said under level three, so just Auckland,

supermarkets, dairies and petrol stations can still serve. Right, okay. But obviously encouraging people to use my motto because social distancing. Level four, did they suspend it? Or you just had to buy them online? I can't remember what happened in level four. I can't remember. Because, you know, I only ever buy them when it's a big jackpot.

Yeah, I bought my first one for last night's draw and I didn't win, clearly. Oh, I've got a problem. What? That you haven't won? With the log on. Oh, right. I got my password and I tried a few different ones and it was like, you're out. Because I'm guessing in there, it's got your credit card details, so I understand the security.

Yeah. And I've tried logging on to the website and it's like, this is not a problem that we can help you with. I'm like, well, who do I call? Is there not like a help line? It hasn't popped up. And it's also weird this is not a problem that we can help you with. I'm like, well, who do I call? Is there not like a help line? It hasn't popped up. And it's also weird you can't log on outside of like their hours, right? Do you sound like someone's parent? Is there not a thing that says, forgot my password?

No, I clicked it. And I put in my email address and it was like, oh no, this is, you've done something. Okay, well, you're that sick. I feel like a real boomer. Okay, Dan. When this is over, we'll help you out. Last time this happened, I started a new account, but then I couldn't use my credit card to top it up

because I already had that credit card associated to another account, the one I was locked out of. Now, I've only got a couple of days to get this solved. Yeah, you do. Otherwise, I mean, you could go into a store, a physical store. See, this is still happening. You can still go into a store. Yeah, you can still go in.

But social distance. Yeah. And I'm guessing it's stores that are also like supermarkets that sell a lot of tickets. Yeah, dairies and stuff. Dairies that sell a lot of tickets. Yeah, so the big one has got to be one this Saturday, $50 million. Sheish. Damn.

All right, next on the show, we want to talk dolphins. Belugas. Beluga whales. Now, is that a whale? That's a whale, isn't to talk dolphins. Belugas. Beluga whales. Now, is that a whale? That's a whale, isn't it? A beluga's a whale. Yeah. Or is it one of those ones that's like the killer whale?

Where it's technically a dolphin. Yeah. Is a killer whale technically a dolphin? No. Is it? A killer whale, yeah. The orca is the biggest whale. It's originally called killer whales because they killed whales. That's why they call them killer whales. You said the biggest dolphin. You said the biggest whale. It's originally called killer whales because they killed whales.

That's why they call them killer whales. You said the biggest dolphin. You said the biggest whale. It is a big stuff. You accidentally said the biggest whale. Belonging to the dolphin family. Yeah, it's a dolphin. Biggest dolphin.

That's insane. But next we want to talk beluga, which is a whale. The white ones. The cute white ones. Yeah. They look like those aircraft that can carry other aircraft inside them. Because of its bulgy forehead. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast.

ZM. This is some neat audio of a beluga whale, which I've just been googling to see if it's a whale or a dolphin. I think technically it's more of a whale. Right. Although it's more the size of a dolphin. It's a bit bigger than a dolphin,

smaller than an orca, but it's a member of the whales, but fascinating creatures. Before I was woke to the fact that they shouldn't probably be in tanks, I saw one at a Canadian aquarium. Yeah, I've seen one at an aquarium as well in America. They're beautiful, eh? Yeah. Yeah, there's something. It's like dolphins, you know, when you look them in the eye

and they look at you back and you're like. Yeah. Is this a spiritual experience? You're cancelled for going to an aquarium though. Yeah. That's okay. I've got away with a lot. To be honest with you,

there's many things I should have been cancelled for before this. But a beluga whale has imitated a human. So this is what beluga whales usually sound like. That's their sort of communication. Similar to a dolphin. Very similar to a dolphin. And this is the beluga whale that's imitating a human. Crazy, right? It sounds like Fletch.

Like if Fletch was trying to talk to you underwater. Rude. Imagine you're diving and he's trying to talk to you. Cue the game. That is so rude. No, it's not. It sounds like a kid that's just worked out how to work a kazoo. They've got the kazoo in their mouth and they've just been blowing on it

and nothing's been happening. And then they went. It sounds like that. Also, I think, yeah, this is what the Beluga Wow was listening to that inspired us. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Today's Top Six, the Top Six things we learned from last lockdown that maybe we forgot.

So a gentle reminder. Although this isn't level four lockdown yet. No. Or confirmed that it will be or anything. But just some things to remember. Number six on the list. Toilet paper is made in New Zealand. And you don't need that much on your bum hole,

as we've established earlier. And Megan apparently always a dry wipe. Yeah, and uses one roll a week in her house. Both of them. Crazy. One long roll. Thank you. I know someone with a colostomy bag that would use more than that.

That's an insanely small amount. I was thinking maybe you're wasting too much toilet paper. I know I am. Okay. Who cares? But the taint needs to be clean, you know what I'm saying? Number five on the list of the top six things we learnt from last lockdown, banana bread is not on the bottom layer of the food pyramid.

It should be though, shouldn't it? I wish it was, but it's not. So just, look, I'm not going to tell you what to do. We don't need your judgement right to do If you want banana bread We don't need to do judgement right now If you've got the flour If you've got the wherewithal You've probably still got brown bananas in the freezer from last time

Yeah You've got to peel them before you put them in that freezer Oh I know I saw someone get out some old bananas yesterday They were like Remember when I put these in lockdown Were they peeled or not peeled? No they weren't peeled I was like

I messaged him I was like you need to peel those before you freeze them. Are you a monster? You've almost got to get a peeler out to peel the skin off a banana if you freeze it. Amateur hour. Did we learn nothing? Number four on the list of the top six things we learned from last lockdown. Homeschooling is as hard as you want to make it.

And drinking in the staff room at any time of the day is a-okay. If you need a little chardonnay at lunchtime. Yeah, you're allowed. You're allowed. There'll be no judgment from the other teachers. What happens when your kid goes back to school, though? What? And they're like, well, mum and dad are really good at teaching me,

but they talk about, like, this. You don't smell like wine like my home teacher. Number three on the list of the top six things we learnt from last lockdown, like this. You don't smell like wine like my home teacher. Number three on the list of the top six things we learnt from last lockdown. Washing your hands isn't a breach of your freedom and neither is a mask. All being asked to be a considerate human. That's, I

checked. Yeah. I checked. Absolutely no incursion on your freedoms to be asked to wear a mask. Yeah. It won't be forever and then we can see your face again. I don't know if that's the problem if you're so proud of the bottom half of your face that you want people to be asked to wear a mask. Yeah. It won't be forever and then we can see your face again. I don't know if that's the problem, if you're so proud of the bottom half of your face that you want people to be able to see it the whole time.

Yeah. Look, I've seen heaps of bottom halves of faces. Yeah. They're not that great. Not that great. Seen one, seen them all. It's the top half that's better, eh? The eyes are the window to the soul.

The mouth, often a smelly spot. Yeah. I reckon that's maybe it. They don't want to have to smell their own breath. You deal with the fact that they nasty. Number two on the list of the top six things we learned from last lockdown. We don't listen to Pete Evans. We don't listen to Pete Evans.

We don't listen to anybody who's not a professional in epidemiology or management of people or the medical field. How does he not have his pages deleted or blocked or suspended? He has not spent years training in the medical field. He is not a scientist. I mean, I trust him to souffle something, but that's it. And even then, I'm not going to... I don't know if I trust him to souffle something, but that's it. And even then, I'm not going to. I don't know if I'd trust him to souffle.

I don't think he would souffle. He's hardcore paleo, isn't he? He'd not souffle without grains. I don't think so. Well, he's no good to anyone. I have on his deathbed, he's like. Well, what's wrong about all of it? I wish I was Manu.

And number one on the list. The good one. Oh, the good one. Hot accent too. Yeah. The top six things we learned from last lockdown. Number one, the chase is still on TV. So get everything you need to get done by 5pm

to sit down and see if you could outrun the chaser. What does he say? You've not been caught. It's better when they get caught because the saying is that you've been caught and for you the chase is over. Yeah. But when they win, he's like, why don't I have a catchy saying for this part?

I mean, you're winning money. Great for you. Yeah. Anyway, did you see the other night? But you messaged too late. This old bird, Jane. Yeah. Anyway, did you see the other night? But you messaged too late. This old bird, Jane, she was a teacher. And off to a great start.

He's like, what do you do for pastimes? She's like, I like to go to rock bands. And he's like, oh, what ones? And she's like, Kasabian. And names all those really modern bands. Right. And then she absolutely nailed it. She got $9,000 on the building round.

Cash builder. On the cash builder. Nearly got 10, but she said checkmate instead of check for what chess phrase says that your king's in danger. Yeah. Oh, it was good stuff

and they won. She should have gone for the top. Yeah, right. She should have gone for the, you know where they're like negative three to get back. Oh, and you'll like this one. 60,000 pounds.

She would have smoked in on 60K. When five to six is too late to message about a good chase episode, okay? It wasn't five to six. I thought I messaged it like 20 to six. Still too late. No, you still would have got the hot chase. It was.

It was a hot chase. I was going to say you need to get out more, but you can't. No. You're not allowed. Get in there. Oh, it's good stuff. That's today's Top 6. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

Well, it starts tonight on TVNZ2 at 8pm, last ad standing. And joining us, one of the hosts of the show, Mel Brace. Oh, hello. Yes, confirmed not a dad, but here I am. There you are. Happy Alert Level 3 for you because you're in Auckland. Yes, I just arrived in Auckland. I was in Christchurch yesterday and foolishly returned back to Auckland.

Boo. I know. I love that groan, though. That's how we're all feeling. Yeah. Absolutely. This is all in the bag, isn't it? This isn't going to be like paused mid-season due to COVID.

Oh, no. We filmed it, thankfully. Yeah, that's going to get all the conspiracies there going up. Going, oh, they bloody knew it. They pre-recorded the whole thing because they knew lockdown was coming or something. Well, this is great for ratings because we can't go out. We can't go anywhere, really. Exactly.

This is all part of our plan. Now, tell us what the show is about. The show is a sort of dad joke standoff. And it's in in a boxing ring and dads just have to tell dad jokes to each other and the other dad has to not smile or laugh.

I hate myself when you hear a dad joke like the ones Vaughn tells and you let out a little laugh. You're like, no, no. Exactly. Your body betrays you. Yeah. Devastating.

Yeah, we've already filmed it all. It's been, it was really fun. It was great. Got some celebrity dads in there. And what does... And some sort of regular dads. What's in it for the winner? So the winner will take $10,000

for their chosen charity. Oh, wow. Yeah, so it's pretty cool. And How To Dad is the other host. Who has a name? Jordan, but everyone just calls him How To Dad. Yes, that was his whole thing. He was like, I don't know if I, you know,

we put a little baseline key down the bottom. They could work out whether to put his actual name or put How To Dad. He's like, you do not know who the hell Jordan Watson is. I was like, you still look like you. They'll be able to piece it together because he's wearing the same thing he always wears. Yeah. I assume. I assume.

Is he wearing his uniform? He is, of course. Of course. Yeah, good. Very revealing, Sadez. Good. Well, timing couldn't be better when the country needs a little bit of light relief again. Yeah.

It is on tonight, 8pm, TVNZ2. It is Last Dad Standing Mouth. Thanks so much. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. You're all right, mate. We're all off our game. Off my game? It was just a delay in the computer program.

A delay for effect. It was a pregnant pause. Yeah. It was a pregnant pause. It was a pregnant pause. This is the lockdown edition. How are you feeling? It's a gauge of the nation after level three and level two. The shock of level three and two again. Yeah, we've got a job to do.

Actually, it makes me feel better to kind of think of it like a job. This is not always fun, but you're there with a purpose, you know? We're there with a team of five million. Yeah. So the first question in this edition for Holy Moly, how do you feel about going back into lockdown? Can we call it something else? Because it's not level four lockdown,

especially for the rest of the country. Back into holding. Into the holding pen. Back into holding. We gave you emoji options. So there was fine, a little worried, quiet, anxious, sad, devastated and furious. We're sitting amongst anxious and sad. Quite anxious and sad.

Right. That's okay. We can work through it. It's the initial shock. We've got a job to do. We're going to be fine. Some of the comments. I kind of missed working from home, especially at this

time of the year. I'll take lockdown for the good traffic alone. I was just getting my life back together. Cry face. Yeah, that's the hardest thing, isn't it? Because, you know, it was a shock. We were at home for, you know, nearly two months. We got a taste

of freedom that the rest of the world didn't have and we were like, ooh, this is good stuff. Get back into a good gym routine, a good life and work routine. Yeah. And then it's back. Yeah. But we need to remember that

because that's what we're working towards. Yeah. That again. Will you be wearing a mask going forward? This is interesting because it wasn't big for us first time round, but now we're being asked to please wear masks. And so, because did you guys watch the press conferences yesterday?

They're saying level two and three, we should all be wearing them in public. It's not. It's not illegal to not wear one. It's not mandatory. Yeah, there aren't fines like Melbourne, but they have strongly said just wear a mask. It's not hard. And it's not only for your protection,

it's for the protection of everyone around you. But 79% of people said yes. That means 21% said no. Some of the comments, I want to, but I live in Hamilton and I don't want people to think I'm overreacting. I don't think anyone's going to think you're overreacting. Like, I don't think, no, no,

because if somebody's wearing a mask and someone has to think, phew, they're overreacting, you don't think, no, no, because if somebody's wearing a mask and someone has to think, phew, they're overreacting, you don't know what that person, that person might be immunocompromised. Yeah. They might not be feeling well, so they might be protecting you from the sneeze that they've got. I do get that feeling, though. It's very presumptuous for someone to say you're overreacting.

I understand how they're feeling, though, because I was feeling a bit like that. But then when I drove around in Auckland yesterday, so many people wearing masks. And I was like, I feel quite proud that Kiwis are embracing it. But then what about a small town that's not on level three? I can get how you might feel that. But then who cares what people think?

Like, you're protecting yourself and you're protecting your community. I don't think a mask goes far enough. I want, like, the mask, but I want like the mask but then like the full covering of the head just so my eyes are showing and so I look like a Mortal Kombat character Get over here Except people are very anti me

throwing harpoons How prepared do you feel for another lockdown on a scale of 1 to 10 So 1's not very prepared 10 is very. Right in the middle. Most of us sitting on five. I mean, we know what we're in for.

Yeah. But maybe like we're not mentally prepared. Somebody said one of the responses there, physically, yes, but mentally not as much. Still recovering from the last one. It's amazing how quickly like those feelings came flooding back. You're like, oh. Yeah. The novelty is not there anymore.

Oof. How many rolls of toilet paper do you currently have? This has been quite a topic this morning already because Megan earlier in the show revealed that she has three rolls of toilet paper left, long rolls. And you and Mr. Toyboy, your husband, use one long roll of toilet paper a week. Yes.

Unbelievable. Madness. So yeah, we only have three, but they're long rolls. How many normal rolls is a long roll? Three? What? Two? I don't know.

So at the moment, people have between six and 10. One of the comments was, I brought two packs of 24, but I promise it was just the usual fortnightly shop. So they're going through 24 rolls a week. A fortnight. A week

because they got two packs of 24. So they're going through 24 a week. No but we don't know how many people are in that house. Yeah but even me

Mr. Bumwiper Extraordinaire Wood doesn't go through that many. Do I need to be a TP ambassador because like I think we're all just using too much.

Too much. You're not using one of those Madeleine Sami endorsed flushable wipes, are you? No, no, no, no. Oh, we're not meant to flush wipes, are we? No, I don't think so. But these ones are supposed to be okay, but they have something advertising them, so maybe not. I've had them before. I only need one of those.

What a treat. What a fresh treat. Someone is down to one roll and they're scared to go and get some. Just give it a beat. Yesterday was a bit panicky. Yeah. Have you changed up your bubble since level four? 30% said yes. 70% said no.

Someone said we have a baby this time around. Wow. Yes. New man, new me. Winky face. That must have been on the cards, right? Yeah. Okay. We're getting busy during lockdown.

And unfortunately not. Unfortunately not. Same bubble. Got to do this all again. Same old bubble. My bubble's different now because I've got a cat. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's cute.

So I'm just like, I just throw a toy fish around the apartment and he goes and gets it. That's your homeschooling. We play fetch and that's my afternoon, yeah. Lovely. That and a lot of Netflix slash neon. Does he watch it with you? Sometimes. I'm like, well, you don't understand what's going on.

You're a cat. It's nice that you have someone that's not with you. You don't understand what's going on. You're a cat. The cat's like, excuse me, I'm following the complex storyline. We actually want to go through a few shows soon that you can binge. Seeing as a lot of us do have to spend a lot of time locked up. My parents and me staying with us.

We moved house at the weekend. And first of all, how lucky. How lucky. How lucky. So close. Like if you'd been a week later, you wouldn't have been able to move this weekend. No. And I feel terrible for you if you're in that situation. But we snuck in the weekend and we had heaps of people helping us.

Well, our family, which we're not going to see now until this gets lifted. But we had my parents, they flew up to hang out, have a bit of a holiday and also help us move. Now, when the alert went off to say that Auckland was going into level three lockdown, because it was late at night, mum comes out of her bedroom being like,

no offence, but are we going to be able to go home? Get out of here? I'm done with this place and you. I need out of here. I'm done with this place and you. I need out of here. There was a moment and I think like on both sides

we were like, oh God, are we going to have to like be a bubble? Are we going to have to lock down together? Because that's something. We couldn't go anywhere.

Well, I saw on Instagram stories last night you were playing Mousetrap. Yeah, we got out the board games. New Mousetrap? Reasonably new. Why do you have the game Mousetrap? We've got lots of board games. New Mousetrap? Reasonably new. Why do you have the game Mousetrap?

We've got lots of board games. Board games are so underrated. Board games have made a big comeback. Have they? There's so many now. But Mousetrap for adults. No, it's just normal Mousetrap. I was trying to tell my kids about this game we had when we were young

and they just looked at me like it was the most amazing thing they'd ever heard of. What game? It was called Drag Race. Not Ru rupals this was pre-polls my brother did like to dress up for it so you had a marble and a spring on one side and you'd flip the marble up the track it would go up this plastic track and so you both played on the same place pimble yeah except there was four drag strips next to it and each had a car in it. And the marble was heavy enough to push the car down. It was the first person to get all four of their drag cars to the bottom.

Oh, I want it. It was like, I was describing to you, we played it for hours. That's fun. No, because you had to go boing and you had to boing your marble up. And the first time you had to get it hard enough to get it up and follow the track around and take down the furthest one. You could do them whatever you want, but this was my theory. And then you'd start doing softer ones.

But too soft, wouldn't get around the corner. Too hard, it would just go down the outside. You'd play that once or twice and then you'd be done with it. Turn into a drinking game as adults. Imagine it. Oh, yeah, true. Well, we started playing one called Articulate, but mum and dad argued too much. So we had to switch to Mousetrap. Yeah, we're not allowed to play that. Imagine it. Oh, yeah, true. Well, we started playing one called Articulate, but mum and dad argued too much,

so we had to switch to Mousetrap. Yeah, we're not allowed to play that. Because it's simpler. You know, we were playing headbands last Friday at the pub because that's family game night. We go to the pub and we play headbands. And you know how they strung me up that time by telling me a penguin had fur?

Yeah. So I'm always very, with my questions, I'm like, are you sure? Does it need to be googled? Yeah. I was a duck this time. My father-in-law told me I was a mammal. Oh, I don't know.

Eggs? Eggs, I'm not a mammal. And then everyone else told me I would make a good inside pet. And then cited friends because Joey and Chandler had a duck. I'm like, the reason why, they weren't an inside pet. That's why that was.

Yeah. Oh, God damn it. And then I get angry and then I. Yeah. Yeah. I can see why board games fun, but cankles are good. Yeah. But your parents are able to get away.

So. They don't live, they're not, they don't live in Auckland, so they're able to go home. Because I saw people yesterday, oh, online, oh, yeah, people can just fly around the place. You can still fly in. Not the case. It's not the case. So you've got to have a reason to be going.

You've got to be returning home, from my understanding. Exactly, or returning home to Auckland if you're outside of Auckland. So Air New Zealand have announced that their front of house and domestic cabin crew will be wearing masks and gloves. Pilots will be wearing masks when they're interacting with customers or walking through terminals. And customers departing Auckland, or I'm guessing flying into as well maybe, will be required to wear masks. Now, if you don't have your own, they will be provided by the airline on board. Because the Prime Minister said that was the mandatory time we needed to wear masks when flying.

So that's not debatable. Everyone needs to wear a mask. So apparently if you're flying from a level two to another level two, you're not going to need to wear a mask. Other ports, that won't be a requirement. But, of course, you'd be welcome to wear your own. Yeah. And that means your parents will have to wear a mask.

Yeah. And mum's not a great flyer anyway. Like, she is one of those people that needs to be there five hours before a flight. And heavily medicated. And with a rescue remedy. Drinks the whole bottle. Man, boomers love rescue remedies.

Yeah. So I'm not sure that the mask situation and all the extra things is going to help her. Is that scientifically proven to do anything? I think it's just the more you drink of it, it doesn't have alcohol on it. It's got an alcoholic content. Well, why not just have a flask of bourbon? I know. Because that's frowned upon in the morning, isn't it?

You can't have a bourbon at 7am. I have a rescue remedy because the only time I've had rescue remedies has been before my grandparents' funerals. And did your mum give it to you? No, Aunty Marg always pulls it down. She's like, you'll need a couple of these. Aunty Marg's in there with a rescue.

She's just like seven grandkids, I'm pretty sure, were all lined up with our mouths like. She was like, couple of drops you, couple of drops you, couple of drops you. And then mum was like, you need this. And mum had bought whiskey. She's like, mum knows. Mum, there's my rescue remedy, mum.

Mum knows. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We're going to be spending a bit more time at home because we're not allowed to go and do much.

And you're working from home, but are you really working? You need a Netflix break. Yeah. So we've got a bunch of shows that you should maybe binge. We're just going to go around the room.

What are we watching at the moment? Maybe we could get some suggestions. Yeah. Because that's the thing, because I had to start a new show last night, and I was just like, it's so hard. You're at a show, and you're like, all right, and you go, nah, not for me.

Nah. But I feel like there's lots of ones that you're like, I'll get to that, but now's not the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I'll always give it a Google and see what the average is on Rotten Tomatoes IMDB in Google just to see. I like going from personal recommendations better because then someone's like, it's really

good, you'll like it. Like if Vaughn says, watch this, I'll be like, yeah. If you say watch it, I'll be like, that's absolute bullshit. I made some solid suggestions the other day and you were like, ah, that's just you, nerd. That's some nerdy shit. What did you suggest? We both suggested the boys. The boys on some nerdy shit. What did you suggest?

We both suggested The Boys. Yeah, okay, The Boys on Amazon Prime is amazing. Yeah, you won't take my Umbrella Academy recommendation seriously. Because I'm going to get to that. I watched the first episode and I was a bit like, nah. Buy in. You just watched Watchmen. Yeah, so I just finished Watchmen. Come on, Umbrella Academy.

It's right in your wheelhouse. Yeah, come on, man. Yeah, okay. Don't be scared. Don't be scared. Don't be scared of watching too many shows with a sort of a comic book tie-in. Although the Watchmen comic book must have been weird AF. The weirdest. It's a weird show, but I love Jeremy Irons. He's great.

Regina King. Is Jeremy Irons in it? Yeah, he's in it. He's amazing. And it was nominated for 26 Emmy Awards. Where is it? So, it's incredible. Oh, but that's on Where is it? So That's on my list It's incredible

And That's on Neon right? That's on Neon Oh yeah My credit card changed And so they were like Hey we tried charging you But your credit card didn't work

And now you're hiding from them And I was like Ah I'll come back when I'm finished Isn't there some like Full frontal male nudity in that? You do see a penis Yes

Okay Do you need the time code? Just for episode Episode Is there some like full frontal male nudity in that? You do see a penis, yes. Okay. Do you need the time code? Just one episode? Episode. Episode time code. I don't know if I can do all nine episodes. Just tell me what episode that's on and, you know, how many minutes in.

Roughly, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you can probably Google it. Oh, is it? Okay. Were you talking about a fishing show then or are you still on the penis? Those hands were far too far apart to be a penis. I'm just trying to think what else I've been watching.

I watched that also on Neon, the I'll Be Gone in the Dark, the documentary about the Golden State Killer. Oh, you watched that? Yeah, I watched that. Yeah, because I read the book. Is that based on the book? Yeah, it's based on the book. True Crime, if you're into true crime,

that's a good watch. And last night I just started Gangs of London and I got two eps in and I'm like, oh, I'm hooked. Because I've heard a lot of people say good things about that. I've got a bedtime message from you about that. Yeah, I was like, I know you'll love it. I know you'll love it.

I've done Umbrella Academy, season two, that came out. So good. So good, I think. you know, you worry about your second seasons, don't you? Do you watch that by yourself

or does Sade watch it? No, I watch that by myself. I've also gone through all those movies Netflix released. Like, The Six Underground

with Ryan Reynolds, The Extraction with Chris Hemsworth, The Charlize Theron, Old Guard. Those, just those semi-mindless action movies. I love them. They're so good. I can Theron, Old Guard. Those just, those semi-mindless action movies.

Yeah. I love them. They're so good. I can't get enough of them. I just love, like the start of that Six Underground, some people are like, it's a dumb movie.

The opening part of Six Underground with the car chase, with Dave Franco, I loved it. I watched it twice. I watched the end of it. I was like, I'm going to start

in the movie again. I'm watching that again. Have you watched the Mark Wahlberg movie yet? No, Spencer Confidential. Yeah, that's good. That's pretty good.

I want to watch that. A series called Connected on Netflix is really good too. It's a guy who's worked for Radiolab and NPR. He,

every episode's different. Like, there was an episode on Dust. Like the Vox series. Yeah. Interesting kind NPR. He, every episode's different. Like there was an episode on dust. Like the Vox series. Yeah. Interesting kind of stuff. Yeah, it was about dust and how an old lake in Africa dried up and the dust from that affects the entire world

in different ways. Fascinating stuff. Right, that was the one where they talked about the Tinder, how much info Tinder gets out of you. Yeah, a woman asked, after six months on Tinder, asked for her um tinder what they had everything she had and they were kind of reluctant to do it and they ended up sending it to her and it was 800 pages long they knew everything she'd been doing like even the like kinky messages and stuff everything every single person left or right on inside on yourself um every bit of information they dragged from Facebook

into her Tinder to help her match more. And when she was lonely, they knew like what time of the day she'd be lonely. Her loneliest hours. They could predict. And then Tinder predicted her behavior to like an insane accuracy from all this information that they could pump into an algorithm.

Like when to hit her with a notification and know that they were going into an algorithm. Wow. Like, went to hit it with a notification and know that they were going to get it. Yeah. Wow. Buy in. Well, completely opposite to you guys.

I've been watching Love on the Spectrum, which is just the sweetest, most wholesome, like, beautiful dating show. I saw the trailer for it. It did look very wholesome. Just so sweet.

And also Indian matchmaking. I don't know what this says about me at the moment. You're watching a lot of dating shows? Yeah. But also that's a really great insight. I've learnt a lot from watching Indian matchmaking. It's a very different dating show as well. So if you need a bit of wholesome content.

While Auckland is on level 3 but the rest of the country is on level two, but also given the fact that the family that found themselves infected with COVID-19 went to Rotorua at the weekend and had various outings down there, I don't know how much longer it will be just Auckland on level three. There's a lot of testing in the community yesterday in Rotorua, so I'm sure we'll get those results back today. So there's police checkpoints on the roads in and out of wider Auckland

to just make sure if people are leaving, it's absolutely essential and the people that are coming in are staying, like they're from Auckland. And yeah, there's quite a few of them. Nine? Nine. Yeah. Nine checkpoints just to make sure everything's legit and everybody's safe and well.

So the new police chief daddy yesterday, he was saying, is that Mr. Costes? He was saying that if anybody was going to tramp through the bush, you can't stop those people. They're kind of relying on people's good, I guess, goodwill and doing the right thing. Yeah, and 95 I guess goodwill and doing the right thing and 95% of people trust to do the right thing but that's 5%

I mean if you want out you're going to find a way remember when your principal at school would say well that's it, no insert thing that the whole school lost there was only a few of you that ruined it for everybody that's just it, Andrew Costa yes who took over from There was only a few of you that ruined it for everybody. That's Andrew Costa. Yes.

Who took over from the last guy. How quickly we forget. When we've got a new daddy flashed in front of our eyes. But then this morning on the way to work, I came around a corner and there was a police stop. And I was like... In the city? Within the limits of wider Auckland.

And I was like, whoa. But it was just like a little quick ditty to check that everybody was essential. Because I guess this is the first morning of official level three. Yesterday, I didn't kick into a lunchtime. So I stopped and I hadn't printed out my letter, which has since been printed out for me. To say that you can come into work? Yeah, they were pretty chill about it.

No one was aggressive. Right, but you didn't have to show your letter this morning. What did they were pretty chill about it. No one was like aggressive. Right, but you didn't have to show your letter this morning. What did they say? They just asked a couple of questions like what I did and the radio station and they said, oh, what one? And I said ZM and they were like, oh, yep. And then everything was like, okay. See ya.

Yeah, easy. And it was easy and everybody was cool and everybody was relaxed and they had masks. Was that why you were 15 minutes late? Because that doesn't sound like that would take 15 minutes. No, I easy. And everybody was cool. And everybody was relaxed. And they had masks. Was that why you were 15 minutes late? Because that doesn't sound like that would take 15 minutes. No, I don't know. There was a car, like three cars in front of me. I don't know if they had heaps of questions or if they were being slightly argumentative.

It took a while. Yeah, it was a little sit and sit and wait and then we rolled through. But yeah, just everybody just approach this with calm and patience. Yeah. Aggression's not going to get anything done any quicker in any aspect. Alright, 14 minutes to wait. Joining us on the show next is Sir John Kirwan. Sir John Kirwan. Our Sir. Our Sir. Our Sir. He's going to talk about an app that he's helped get online and just mental health in general. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Special guest get online and just mental health in general.

Special guest joining us on the phone to talk about his mental health and wellbeing app, Mentor Mia. So, John Kirwan, good morning. Morning, team. How are you travelling? Good. Not bad. Not bad. How about yourself?

Yeah, no, it was an interesting 24 hours, wasn't it? There was a lot of emotion out there. It was, right? It feels like over a week ago, we were talking about going to the Cook Islands. Yeah. But it's only 48 hours ago. Yeah.

So it's such a life. Yeah, it was really interesting. You know, I think my first reaction was a bit of anger, actually, which was interesting. And probably the same as you. You know, I had all these things planned and didn't really think about the second lot of cases, but I think that's what's important with medical

health is to identify your emotion and the quicker you do that, you can externalise it and then make peace with it and move on. So I'm pretty good today. So I was reading with your app, it says that it can help understand and identify your own triggers. Is that correct? Yeah, that's right. The Mentorio, we've put a mood check in there, and that was one of the really interesting things for me when I first got unwell.

So what I talk about, Mentorio, what we try to do is create the tools and techniques to keep yourself incredibly well every day. So back then I was surviving to today what I call thriving. And people say, what's thriving, JK? Are you always happy? I said, no, no, I understand my emotions and then have the tools and techniques to deal with them. And the mood check does that.

So the mood check, because if you just have an emotion, for example, anger, like I did the other night when I first heard we had to go on lockdown, if you just leave it there and don't identify and understand where it comes from, then you can't do anything about it. So, for example, you know, I'm going, someone must have lied to us, you know, the family lied to us, I've seen someone, you know, and I had all these things in my head that are untrue, right? And once I've identified that I don't have control over those things, right, then I can have a plan.

So then there's another thing in the app called a, you know, like a mood check and then you can show what you can and what you can't control, right, and that's really important too. So, you know, you've just got to have the little tools and techniques that you need. It's a good check-in with yourself every day, right? And it sounds like something we could all do with, especially right now. Yeah, exactly.

So, you know, like I said, mood check, and then you can do the worry map, which worry map's really important as well because you put it into what you can and can't control, right? So right now, what can you control, what can't you control, what can you do and what can't you do? So it's just like people say to me, oh, you know, JK, you know, mental health is a complicated thing. No, it's really simple. You've just got to have a really good daily mental health plan, right?

And if you can do those things, identify your moods, take some of the worry out of your life and then have other techniques that keep you well, then that's important. If you put your mental health first, like I say, I'm a better husband, better father, better work colleague. Yeah, I've just been having a look at the app. Do you think there's something, as you said, externalising it?

Because mental health's battling your brain, and your brain's the computer that's running the whole ship. So is there something about putting it in front of you and externalising it that makes it easier to process? Yeah, well, definitely that's one part of it. You know, making MentorMirror, we interviewed over 3,000 people, right? And one of the things people kept saying to us, you know, my mind's on a treadmill all the time.

We get more inputs in a day-to-day than our grandparents had in a lifetime, right? So I say this to you, when your computer craps out, what do you do? Turn it off and turn it on again. You turn it off and you turn it on again, right? Yeah. And it works 98% of the time.

Our minds are no different. So we just need these little pauses in our day to unplug the computer and plug it back in. And I think also, you know, we're getting all this information all the time. I don't know, you know, like I look at the news in the morning, make my decisions and then don't look at them again because, you know, there's conspiracy theories.

There's all sorts of stuff out there. You've just got to make sure you take some time out for yourself every day with simple things and keep recharging your battery, keep unplugging the computer. Okay, well the app, you can download it, Mentimia.

It's free to all Kiwis? Yeah. Thank you for that. A massive amount of downloads too, so not only congratulations on that, but also thanks for putting it together. Yeah, look, I mean, it's about engaging people. It's about, you know, really cool information, small bite-sized pieces and, you know, just give stuff a whirl. Awesome.

So, John Koo, and thank you so much for joining us this morning. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. So John Koo and thank you so much for joining us this morning Last night Having a look around on the internet for things we can do today Researching for the 50k Fact of the day which is coming up Get myself a fact And I saw the headline Nickelback up to something

According to Nickelback Oh That's, according to Nickelback. Oh, that's the saddest. I know. Don't say that about yourself. We're up to something. Hey, guys. They didn't say we're up to something. They made their own headline.

Yeah, they're like, hey, remember us? We're up to something. You're like, not now. That's like me being like, hey, Megan's up to something. You're like, not now. That's like me being like, hey, Megan's up to something. You're like, oh, yuck. According to Megan, Megan's up to something. I literally said out loud, not now. Not now, knuckleback.

It's not the time. It's not the time. We don't need you right now ever, arguably, but not now. I don't know Chad Kroger. I'm sure he's a lovely guy, but not now. But I clicked it anyway. Not now. And then after it, my not now was like, I said not now. not now. And then after it, my, oh, not now, was like, I said not now!

Not now! So that gave me the idea of this new segment called Not Now. It's where we've got enough on our plate, and maybe someone's just trying to put a little extra on your plate. Yeah, okay. A dinner roll of bad news. Yeah. A broccoli dish of unwanted drama.

Come on, we've got some more. What do I ask people to force on your plate? A wristle of... Nope, I'm out. I did it right. Two for me. It's the naan when you've already got rice and... No, no, no. Never say no to naan.

What are you talking about? You think you need a naan and then you're like, no, I didn't need a naan. You always need a naan. Why do you need a naan? I'm sorry, I tried to join in. You should have used rice. Sit over here.

You should have used rice. Someone's trying to shove rice on your plate when you're like, no, I just wanted the naan and the curry. Just soak up the sauce. No, that's what the naan does. The naan is the better carbohydrate. Yeah, every time. Every time. Especially if it's a what the naan does. The naan is the better carbohydrate. Yeah, every time. Every time.

Especially if it's a garlic cheese naan. God, I thought we knew you. I would never say not now to naan. No, not. Not now, naan. It's always the first thing I eat. And then I'm like, God, I need more like curry juice. Curry juice?

What are you, juicing the fruit of the curry? Famously, he's like, I just want the sauce sometimes. Yeah, I'll just get the sauce sometimes and dip the naan. Can you just give me a bowl of sauce and a naan? Yeah. Nickelback's definitely not the naan of the scenario. No, it's the extra rice on the BYO table that you don't need. Not now.

Come back with another bowl of rice. Not now. Not now. So I was wondering, you can call 0800-DALZM. Yep. Were you about to forget the number there of the radio station? Every single time. I have to think about it.

When do we work? And then I look above you and I see it. I mean, we've only been here six years and a bit. And the number is an instruction pretty much. Dial the radio station we work for. You just got PTSD from the last job, don't you? No, I don't know what number I want to say. I want to say call 0800 001 001.

What now? That's the first. That's still my go-to. That's your go-to 0800. Yeah. Well, 0800 dials it in. Now, what do you want people to... So it's like when...

So this got announced yesterday that it was level three for midday and level two for the rest of the country that's not Auckland. And then maybe you just got a little summon extra. And you're just like, not now. Not now. Like when my TV didn't work because it couldn't reach the Wi-Fi. And I don't have an aerial, so I had no TV. I was like, not now.

I got my rates bill yesterday. Oh, not now. I know I have to pay it. It's an inevitability. But not now. Why today? Come next week when I've settled in. Well, you just went into lockdown level 3 or 2

and your pregnancy test comes back positive. You're like, not now. Unless you were wanting that, I guess. And then you'd be like, okay, now it's fine. This is the narn. This is,

you've just narned it. No, I haven't. People, you've got this misconception that everyone that gets pregnant is a mistake or a whoopsie daisy. Oh, is it not?

Is it not? They're like, oh, here we go. Not now. Some people would be getting out of that and they're like, yes. That could be a not now moment though. I'll take it. Whenever it happens, here we go. Not now. Some people would be getting out of that. They're like, yes.

That could be a not now moment, though. I'll take it. Whenever it happens, it could be. That is your go-to. It could be. Ooh, children, not now, not ever. Not now, yeah. You hear a crying baby.

Not now. Yeah. 0800 dials at M. It's our new segment called Not Now. Not now. Not now. Have you had a not now moment? That's, by the way, I'm getting sent a lot at the moment.

Adam Levine from Maroon 5 has grown a beard and he's shaved his head. Oh, is he wearing a beanie? He's got an ad on Instagram and he's playing in the dark. Right. I'm getting five messages a day saying, this guy's stealing your look. I've hit him up. Who knows? It's a cease and desist order.

You've got bald head and beard on lockdown. That's your trademark. Oh, no, me and DJ Forbes, Ben Barrington, all the bald bearded brothers from New Zealand have got in touch with him, just telling him to back off. So it's a new segment we're calling Not Now. Not Now. Nickelback. This could be the theme song for Not Now. Not Now. Nickelback.

This could be the theme song for Not Now. Not Now. Nickelback are up to something. According to Nickelback. Not Now, Nickelback. And I was just like, in the middle of this, Not Now. Not Now. So we want to know when you've had recently,

now that we're into level two and three, you've had some news and you're like, Not Now. Tripped on my cat. Pulled a calf muscle. This happened this morning as I got out of bed, reads this text message. It's not bad, but I'll be limping for the day. And it's just not now. Sam, good morning.

Morning, team. Okay, so what's your not now moment? I'm currently sitting in the COVID testing queue at the North Shore Event Centre and I'm bursting to go to the toilet. I reckon I can almost hear the jiggling in your voice. You know when you're like... Pretty much. I reckon there's about 200 cars in front of me.

Oh, God. Where are you going to wee? You've got to wee. Yeah, there's not too many options around. There's sort of essential companies that are open that I'm sure won't be that keen to let us in. So it could be a long morning. Is there a bush?

Yeah, but there's also 200 cows around me. Who cares? Who cares? Not too many options. Does that make you want to go waste at sound effects? What was that? I just giggled water sound effects. Not helping.

Not particularly helpful. What about that, Megan? I'll pour some water into my glass. Okay, you do that. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. You horrible people. Not now.

Not now. That's a not now on top of a not now. Do you have like a bottle, Sam? I've got my paper cap. I just have my cup of tea in. That's only like 250 mils though. Yeah, I'm not sure it's going to be enough. How confident are you that you could stop mid-wee

because you could start weeing, stop, tip it out. Chuck the tea out. Oh, good Lord. Wee again, chuck it out, and then look at people and be like, blech, bell tea. But surely having a car in the queue is the same as having a trolley in the queue and then you nip, nip

to get something you've forgotten at the supermarket. Just go find a bush. Over there, I've thought about telling them I don't have a car and just doing a walk-up and see if they'll take the clicker, but I'm not sure it'll fly either. Somebody's just messaged in saying if you get out of your car and walk up the front,

they're at the front, but that would breach bubble protocol, wouldn't it? Yeah. Is there someone else in the queue listening that could just be? There's toilets up the front. Somebody else messaged in from the queue. Go out the window and ask them if you can use the toilet. I think you can.

Have you got a mask on? I don't. I need someone else to keep my car moving before I do that. Or is there somebody else listening now that's in the testing at the North Shore Events Centre that could just look after Sam's car? Just keep an eye on it. Just keep an eye on it. Like the person behind you.

I mean, you might have to sanitise. We're very concerned for you. No, no, they shouldn't have to get in the car. They just have to stay. No, but they might have to move it forward 10 metres when the next person moves forward. I reckon it's about a metre a minute at the moment. It's pretty slow going. Oh, you can do it, Sam? I reckon it's about a meter a minute at the moment. It's pretty slow going.

Oh, you can do it, Sam. I reckon you can wee. Do you think I should just get out and sprint? Yes, Sam. Yes. Keep your mask on. Sam, we'll just keep you on hold there because this is the radio drama.

This is the gripping radio drama. And if anybody is listening in the queue and you can help out Sam. Sam, what does your car look like? What colour? It's black, but I'm currently parked in the middle of a cul-de-sac. I'm not even into the North Shore of Inc. car park yet. Oh, okay.

So that's a long way, isn't it? I'm just trying to think. It is. Yeah, right. I might have to wait a bit longer until I can maybe have a visual on the toilet and then give it a run. Just go behind one of those, like, factories or something that are all around the shops or something.

Surely just... You don't leave it too long because you're going to get to the point where you get out of the car. Once you're standing you're going to have to walk the tightrope the whole way. This is what a gripping radio drama. Sam, please hold the line. We'll come back to you soon. See how you're getting on. Let's take some more calls. Your not now moments.

Caitlin, what was your not now moment? Oh, my not now moment is that my four month old has decided to start teething. Oh. Just as you get to spend every moment there. Not now. Not now. Yeah, choose a better time.

Yeah, another time. Thanks, you call Caitlin. Petra, what's your not now moment? Hey, basically it was a few days ago when I was driving. I'd been unemployed for a while, so it was hard to get a job. And I had all these bike bills chucked on me and stuff like that. And so the other day I managed to get a job and it was my first day at work. I was so excited to pay off my bills.

And then I overtook a truck because he was going so slow. And then I got pulled over by a cop straight after. Oh, not now. Not now. Yeah, the worst thing about it was he had a long chat with me knowing that I was late for work, so I was like, oh, God. Not now. Not now.

Not now. Where have we learned our lesson, though, about speeding? Not now, Vaughan. No, not now. Not now. Thanks for your call, Petra. Dave, what was your not now moment? Yeah, good day, team.

I just got a letter in the mail yesterday, and it was a speeding ticket, so a bit of a shame. Yeah. The problem was, though, that when I opened it up, it was in Italian. Oh, okay. Have you been to Italian? Well, here's the thing, guys, is that I was there about eight months ago and apparently I took a bit of a speeding trip down the street and got fined for it.

Not now. Not now. Yeah, we're in lockdown again. Not now. I don't think you have to pay that, Dave. When are you going back to Italy? Well, hopefully never. I mean, goodness,

we're going to get speeding tickets like that. Unbelievable. So this is Italy's fault because if you've ever played Mario Kart, that's a very fast Italian driving situation, you know? Well, I thought I was Mario, you know? Yeah, yeah. You see me, Mario.

Dave, you should do it. Is there a return envelope? You should just take a picture of yourself printed out of you just ripping the fingers and see what they say. Like, different countries. Yeah, 100%. And it's not bad enough, you know.

I mean, with all the COVID stuff, you know, it's like, they've still got COVID and they're sending out speeding tickets. Unbelievable. Not now, Dave. Exactly. Thanks, Dave.

Good luck with that. Billy, what's your not now moment? Hey, guys. My not now moment was that. Billie, what's your not now moment? Hey, guys. My not now moment was that yesterday morning we watched the cat in slow-mo basically rip off the gutter on our greenhouse, and all three windows came splashing out. Not now, cat. Not now. Not now.

Yeah, it was literally in slow-mo. It was trying to get onto the pitch of the greenhouse and the gutter just fell below its feet and then all the windows came crashing out. Did you film it? No, I didn't. We were just sitting watching it. Always film your cat when it's up to mischief.

A dog wouldn't have done that. No. Aaron, what was your go-to moment? How's it going? Good. So my not-now moment is two days ago I it going? Good. So my not now moment is two days ago I got a text from a girl saying

that I have a five-year-old kid that I have no idea about. Not now? What? When's this? Not a good time for that message, I don't think. Or maybe like...

Yeah, not now is because me and my partner now is just about to have a baby, so... Oh! Eric! We got a winner! Not now, not now. Wow, you just went from not daddy to double daddy

in the space of a day. Wow. Why did she say, why she waited five years to tell you, or? I think, like, her partner's splitting up and there's a possibility of me being the father so I should go and get a DNA test and rah-rah-rah-rah-rah. Not good.

What a bunch of drama. So you're going to do the DNA test? Um, I think I should do it, but I don't really want to. Well, you just tended to write back, no number who dis. Yeah, sure. I wonder if it's your kid, though. Oh, yeah, that's true, yeah. It could be your kid.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bit of a pick away. Haven't we got two gripping radio drummers going on simultaneously? No. We need to know if Aaron's the dad. Sam, in line at the COVID testing station on the North Shore in Auckland, busting, needing to go pee.

How are you getting on? Good news. I've moved about five meters and now in the car pack blind to get into the testing center but um still no visual on the toilet unfortunately right you said good news i just had an idea do you have an automatic i do yeah just go right up behind the car put it in drive and it'll just stop oh yeah, yeah. That's what bumpers are for. Yeah. And then you'll be back in time. I wish there was a big Ute or something in front of me.

It's a little kind of Toyota Run-X. I'm not sure how it would do. Yeah, okay. No one's come forward. We've got some text messages in. Someone said, if you're in the cul-de-sac, I think you may see an abandoned NZMA building to your left, and I can guarantee that there's no one in there. Just slip behind for a wee.

I can tell you the person in front of me in the Runnex is listening to you guys. Did they just hear you sass their little car? They did. She's wetting herself. The person in the little Runnex car, can you move Sam's car when she goes to the toilet? They're not lying to be tested for a contagious virus. They can't be touching each other's stirrups.

You're bursting the bubbles. Oh, God. Not now. And is that in full PPE? Not now. Yeah, but has she got some hand, Sennie? I've got some hand, Sennie. Just park it.

Go on, wee. Even if there's a gap, just never mind. Because people aren't going to get to the front by the time you come back anyway. So the person in front of you is listening to the show. Good morning to you, person in the funny little car. Sam's words, not mine. I love little cars. Can you, when there is a gap in front of you, move ultra slow

so it doesn't create a big enough gap to cause another car to be like, what's going on here? But it gives Sam enough time to go wheeze behind an abandoned building. Mum's just got a text. Mum, Bev's just messaged in about her not now moment. Oh, okay, Bev, not now. I just got a letter from Mazda recalling my car

for a potential crack in the driver's seat. Not now. Not now. Not the little green Kermit car. Well, especially if the person in front of Sam in the little funny car is also the same little funny car, the Mazda 2. They're learning this now as well. Goodness me, Sam.

Wait there. It's a gripping radio drum. We'll come back to Sam next. But I would say, Sam, just make a run for it. Yeah. And funny little car, just move slowly. Move super slow, Funny Little Car. They're not going to get to the front anyway.

No, no. Just be patient. All right, well, we'll keep you up to date with this gripping radio drama. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. It's the radio drama that has everybody doing whatever you do when you listen to a radio drama. Sam called in for our new segment, Not Now.

She's in the line for a COVID test. But her not now is the fact that she's really, she's busting for a wee. Sam is still on the phone. Sam, have you wee'd yet? I haven't, no, but I've moved a tiny wee bit more. I've got one more dog leg into the car park where I reckon

I'll have a visual on the toilet. One of those scenarios where there's all these gaps in the cars and if everyone just moved up, I'd feel like I was so much closer.

Right, right. You think that would reduce the mental anguish? We know that the funny little car in front of you is listening to the show, but we can't rule out that there's like a more FM listener that's going to hold things up.

That could partially be our fault too because we told everyone to go really slow, but now she wants everyone to go closer. We told everyone to close the gap. This is my pet hate when people stop at the lights and someone leaves a massive gap. It's like, move up. Someone else could have got through the lights back there. But you're supposed to be able to see the tyres of the car in front of you when you do your test.

What do you mean, the bottom of the tyres? Well, you're too close. Well, you're too close. What if you drove a big truck? You could get literally right on top of them. Don't do that. Okay, all right. Well, thank you, Sam.

Our gripping radio drummer there. It is time for... Fact of the Day! Day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And it is our 50K Fact of the Day. It's all thanks to Save My Back and Borrow Money Online while growing your credit score.

Score. Score. Today's Fact of the Day is about Australian Les Stewart, who in 1982 had an idea that would see him enter the Guinness Book of World Records. He didn't know how long it was going to take him, but he started in 1982 and he didn't finish until November 25th, 1998.

Okay. What is it? He typed something. He used seven manual typewriters. He went through 1,000 ink ribbons, and his work totaled 19,890 pages. Good Lord. 16 years, seven months to finish. Okay.

Les Stewart typed the words one to one million in words, not numbers. Oh, my God. So he started with one. O-N-E. Space. T-W-O. Space. T-H-R-E-E.

Space. You could say that about a lot of Guinness World Records. Yeah. A big Y. Did he ever make a mistake on a page and have to start again? Have to start again on the page? I can't find that he ever did, but he must have. Right.

And how long did it take him? 16 years, seven months. But he's got the Guinness World Record. No one's beating that Guinness World Record. He's got the Guinness World Record for the only at this stage person to type all numbers from one to a million in words, not numbers. And you would have to type it too, because you could easily cheat and just colour printer it in a day.

Couldn't you? If you just put it in a Word document. I mean, you'd be able to find a way to not type that out yourself. Yeah, you'd write a program. You'd write a program and it could do it for you. Yeah. So you could easily cheat. Yeah.

So you're saying manual typewriter, you can't program a manual typewriter. I see what you're saying. Yeah. So you can't cheat, but you could cheat if program a manual typewriter. I see what you're saying. Yeah. So you can't cheat. You could cheat if it was on a computer. No one's beating that record. His last line was $999,999 and then he wrote

$1 million and then he was like I'm done! And yeah, he's in the Guinness Book of World Records for typing out the numbers 1 to one million, but in words, not numbers. Now make sure you're listening at midday. And again, at four, we'll ask you a question

about that fact of the day. All thanks to Save My Back and your chance to win $500 cash. If you can get through and answer that question. Fact of the day, day, day, Tay, Tay. Well, it is our gripping radio drama. Sam in the line at the COVID testing centre on the North Shore of Auckland. Long queues. People, in fact, yesterday messaging the show,

someone said, did it take them eight hours? Yeah. Yeah. From entering to exiting was an eight-hour wait. So we heard from Sam, who was stuck behind the funny little car. And we have the person from the funny little car. Heather, good morning. Heather, good morning. Heather, good morning.

Heather. Oh, I didn't press it. Oh, my God, Fletch. Apologies to you, Heather. Not now. Oh, my God. I thought you died in the line, Heather. Oh, shit.

Heather. Heather, good morning. Good morning. What kind of car do you drive, just out of interest? Because it's been described as a... It's a silver 2003 Toyota Corolla Runnick. Funny little car. Cute, though. It's not a tiny little, funny little car.

It's like a sizable sort of family car, almost. Now, Heather, you're also in the line for a COVID test. It's moving slowly. Yeah, but we are moving. It's moving quicker than the North Coat queue yesterday because I got cut off five cars in front of me last night. Really? Wow.

Now, Heather, do you think Sam just needs to run behind a building? Like, what are her options here for a toilet? There are some slacks bushes right next to us, but there's also a fence, like, hard up. So if she goes into the slacks bushes, she will be exposed to the industrial buildings behind them Okay, so would you take that risk Heather? It depends how desperate you are

Okay, let's cross back to Sam in the car behind you. Sam Are you willing to take on the flag bush? Well, I can kind of almost see the front of the queue now. So I'm like, well, maybe I can make it. I'm not sure. It's a tough call. I'm just so concerned for your bladder. Me too.

You could do irreversible kidney damage if you don't wee immediately in the harakeke flax. Yeah, I'm not sure about the flax. It's looking quite see-through. Right, Sam. Sam, could you give Heather a little toot? Good stuff. That's good stuff. All right, well, it's a gripping radio drama.

We'll keep you updated. We'll be staying with them. As the morning progresses. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM. From iHeartRadio. This is The Latest.

I believe, Megan, sorry to interrupt your latest. We're just going to pop to Sam who's out of the car in a radio drama. Sam? Hello. Now, what's the latest? I'm on the run. Okay, so what, you've left your car parked. We need some music.

I'm in the queue. I'm on the run. Okay, so you've left your car parked. I need some music. I'm in the car. I'm looking for the bathroom. Oh. Wait, are we going to stay with it? That man said there's one in the building up here. Oh, fantastic. Now, who's looking after the car, Sam? I've just packed it up.

Heather's there. It's all good. Heather, you've got eyes on Sam's car. Yeah, it's just she pulled off beside me in front of some codes. I've had to, like, crawl in front of her, unfortunately. Oh, no. Okay, well, be quick, Sam. The security guy's telling me I can't use the bathroom.

Oh, no! We were so close! Why not? Now what, though? Not now! I'm waiting, I'm waiting. Sam, we'll come back to you this radio drama. No, no, that's insane.

We're wrapping radio drama. Okay. The latest, Megan. So there are rumours that congratulations are in order for Ed Sheeran and Cherry Seaborn. They are supposed to be expecting their first child together. So this has come from a tabloid report in the UK. Ed and Cherry are apparently over the moon.

They're very excited but have kept things very low key. Lockdown was a perfect excuse not to be seen out too much, but things are getting closer. And apparently she is, she is doing final preparations. And how cool is it? He bought an entire village, so you could literally have the kid in one of the houses and put the nanny baby monitor in it

and then go to the next house next door. That's why people have children. So they can be as far away from it as possible. Sounds like a great plan to me. I can't see anything wrong with it. But she's apparently expecting later this summer. So you're not that far away. What is that?

Sorry. Yep. What? What is that song? That really famous. What is that called? Something blade. We need that song.

Chariots of Fire? Chariots of Fire! Oh, God, that felt good. I was looking up Blades of Glory. Blades of Glory. Chariots of Fire. Have you got Chariots of Fire? Searching, searching, searching.

I've got it if you don't have it. Searching, searching. Yes, yes've got it if you don't have it. Searching, searching. Yes, yes. This is it. This is it. Yes, yes, yes. As a radio drama unfolds, Sam, you were denied the toilet in the COVID testing line.

What's the latest? I'm washing my hands. It's a baby. It's all good. Yay! This is brilliant news. You can hear she's in the bathroom. It gives me so much relief.

She's had to put her phone down to give it a good wash, which is good. That's what I wanted to hear. I wanted to confirm that we had a good wash. Heather, who was in the funny little car in front of Sam and also on the testing line, you've moved forward, though, in front of Sam? Yeah, I'm about

four cars in front of her now. Oh no! I tell you what, small price to pay for not wearing on your car seat though. Yeah, so do you think she's going to lose four places in the line? Yeah, but everyone seems pretty polite, so I think they'll let her back in fairly easily.

Okay, yeah, good. Alright. If you're in that line and you see a woman coming back to her car with the look of utter relief, maybe let her rejoin the queue. Well, I mean, the radio drama's not over yet because we don't know where she's going to get her place on the line. We'll come back next. I mean, it's a subplot. Some say they've taken a TV show that could have been eight episodes long

and made it 13. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. Well, it's been quite the morning radio drama-wise. If you've only just joined us, it was during our new segment just after 8 o'clock this morning. Not now. Sam joined us and said she was in line to get a COVID test. On the North Shore?

She had some symptoms, was worried, and wanted to be better safe than sorry. Was willing to wait, however, it was in that line she had her not now moment of busting to go to the toilet. Yeah. She howled for so long. So long. She was already busting when we heard about the story. Yeah, like the minute I decide

I'm busting, I'm like two minutes away from wetting my pants. That's a fact. Same. But if you missed it, she went to the toilet just before and we're joined on the phone by Sam. Hello, Sam. Good morning. Oh, you sound like a new person.

You sound, yeah, relieved. Feeling much calmer now, yes, definitely. Yeah, now the drama didn't end when you went to the toilet because you did lose your four cars place in the line. Whereabouts are you now? Did you manage to get back in behind Heather with the funny little car? No, I let that go. He had only four cars in front,

but I chatted to a gentleman sort of parked just behind where i stopped and he very kindly let me in so it was worth the four spaces though thank you to that kind sir round of applause now your new friend heather is four cars away i know and i've got a land cruiser in front of me so I can't even see her anymore. Oh, you've got a funny little car and a giant wagon. She joins us on the phone. Heather, thank you so much for your help this morning. All good. Sam can't see you

anymore, but she's there. Yeah, I can feel her in spirit. How far away from the front are you, Heather? I don't know. I can see high-vis in the distance. Right. But that's the thing about high-vis, Heather. You can see high vis in the distance. Right. But that's the thing about high vis, Heather. You can see it from ages away.

It's highly visual. Brilliant. Look at the nation. I love this one. So what is this, the finale? I think this is a final episode. Is this the end of season one? Yeah.

Season two. Is what? Is the test results. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not ready for that, are you? I don't know. That's a lot, isn't it? And that's a long wait, too.

Yeah, and an invasion of their privacy. A little bit. A little bit, yeah. A little bit of that. Could we, Heather, could you give Sam a bye toot toot and then Sam, when you receive that toot toot, give it a toot toot back and then Sam, when you receive that toot toot, give it a toot toot back. Perhaps.

Sounds good. That's okay. A little homage to the long weekend group too. Thank you, Sam and Heather. The stars of the show. We thought Sam was the leading lady, and then halfway through the season, Heather came in, and then everyone really liked Heather. Who are we nominating for the leading actress?

Probably Sam. Probably Sam, because she was there from day one. But Heather will be best supporting. She's up against them in super strong competition, because Helen Mirren's done that series this year. But Heather's against the weaker field, so we're thinking Heather's probably going to take it. Yeah, right. And I win for Best Director.

Why are you the director? Who else is going to be the director? Okay, fine. You've got producer written all over you. What is Megan then? Gaffer. I don't want to be the gaffer. What are the gaffer? I'm DOP. Shush be the gaffer What do you mean gaffer?

I'm DOP Shush in the gaffer Flesh forner Megan The podcast ZM And a chance for you to win cash It's super easy With our hashtag ZM mask mates

Competition All you've got to do Is take a photo of you With your mask On Instagram Hashtag ZM mask Mates. And just by doing that, you're in the draw to win $1,000.

And there is another prize, $500 cash for the most creative. And already we've had over 100 tags I saw when I searched that this morning. Yep. Some incredibly hilarious ones. So the lettuce leaf, which we have previously mentioned, at the moment I think that's running for my favourite. Yeah, quite like that one. As most creative.

What about this one? Somebody's using a cat. Oh, okay, that's great. And in the background, they've got a painting of a Highland cow. So this is appealing to multiple members of the... You're moments away from a scratch in the face, though. Yeah. And also, you don't want to drop your cat mask in the supermarket and then the cat a scratch in the face though. Yeah. And also you don't want to drop your cat mask

in the supermarket and then the cat runs off into the fish section. Yeah. Straight to the, famously, straight to the fish section. Well where would you run if you were a cat in the supermarket? You'd smell the fish wouldn't you and you'd be straight there. Or maybe the pet food aisle. Or the muscle container. I'd be straight into the deli for a bit of mints.

I think I'd be more of a beef cat than a fish cat. You think so. Somebody else has taken a... What do you call it? On a cactus, it's not a leaf. A stalk. A branch. I don't know.

An offshoot. Right. A bit of the cactus. They made a cactus mask. Huh. But aren't they spiky? Right. You've got a homemade mask.

Did you make that? You don't have a sign? No, no, this was made by executive intern Anya's mum, Willa. Right. Who I have a very special connection with. I am actually a little bit upset. I'm a little bit put out that I didn't get one. Why did you ask executive intern Anya and not the rest of the show?

Well, because Vaughan provided mum with buckets and buckets and buckets and buckets of Fijohas and then some Fijoha jam. I gave her a I can't compete with that. A little. She did say last night for a lifetime supply of donuts she'd make motions. She just had a bargain.

She's not giving anything away for free. No, I appreciate that about her She's a hustler Megan didn't offer any free donuts from the cafe then I noticed either Nah You just make your own

Where did she get this pattern from or did she just freestyle this one It was actually pretty cute She was watching a spotlight video on YouTube and she was like pausing it and then would write down notes and then pause it. Does Spotlight have a whole how-to section?

They had a video. There's loads of videos online, not just from Spotlight but last lockdown Spotlight went crazy. Is that the same this time? I went there last lockdown and it was heathen. I also heard elastic's hard to come by. So you might have to find elastic in like old panties

or undies or something. Yeah, if you look in your undies, you might find some. What? No. If you've got an old pair of undies. Just look in your undies, you might find some elastic in there. Yeah.

If you've got an old pair of undies, you're getting rid of. Yeah. All right. I was trying to think, what else has got elastic in it? Three past nine. You're eating pants? Yeah.

Maybe you're eating old trackies. You'll need those because we're going to lockdown. You'll be a lot of eating. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here.

ZM.