ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 13th May 2021

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Open Home Rules  Yummy Yummy!  Top 6: Ellen  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Producer Jareds Kitchen Whoopsie  WE INTERVIEWED AN ACTUAL ASTRONAUT!!!!  Vaughans Hair Yarn  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Morn and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app to get McCafe rewards today. There's a story about the governess on the chase. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And she said that she's done a story saying that, I'm guessing this was an interview with a New Zealand publication, because she said that, obviously,

because a third of the country watched a chase, which is probably true, right? Probably. Yeah. It's always on the news. I think, which is probably true, right? Probably. Is it always on the news? I think doesn't it rate better than the news? It may do. That's why it's on like 500 times a day. It's on every day and at least twice a day. She said she can't drive, she can't

walk down the main street in Auckland. She can't walk anywhere in New Zealand without being mobbed. She's famous here. She's absolutely famous, yeah. She also can't walk down the New Zealand without being mobbed. She's famous here. She's absolutely famous, yeah. She also can't walk down the main street of Auckland because borders are closed and she'd have to spend two weeks in quarantine for the pleasure. Yeah, that too.

Right. But did she like it? Apart from being mobbed? I don't think so, yeah. It must be the same in Britain though. It's been on for so long. It's massive in Britain, yeah. You'd think so. And they've had the same chases for so long. But I don't know if it's as popular, like bigger population. Right, percentage of population watch

the chase. Because someone tried to tell me the tipping point was better than the chase. I'm like, look, the tipping point doesn't have Bradley. There's also not the chases though, like the villains of the show, right? You want them to lose. The tipping point does, however, have the coins that go

down that thing. Yeah is neat what are you googling now about the chase um 20 uh so yeah only a few weeks ago the chase breaks another ratings record in the uk highest ever overnight ratings wow daytime regular show wow so loads of people watching it So they're watching it How are they filming it now? Well I remember there were some with screens They had screens But maybe those are gone now Yeah But maybe

Or maybe they're still doing distancing or something An average 5 million viewers a day in the UK Wow Isn't that nuts? That's insane ZM Hit music Lives here

Fleece, Fawn and Megan The podcast Good morning Welcome to the show Fletch, Fawn and Megan, the podcast. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Megan. Two minutes past six. Ata marie. Fletch is having a hot flush in the studio. Oh no, she's very, very hot in here. Somebody's up the air con.

Because it's nippy outside. It's 22 degrees. Oh no. That's lovely. What, in studio? In studio, 22. Yeah, but the thing is. That's lovely. What, in studio? In studio, 22. Yeah, but you don't, the thing is you don't need to touch the in studio thing.

You don't need to up it because it's cold outside, do you? No, someone obviously has, haven't they? You sit in a cot, you've got to sound like a dad. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Leave it where it is. It'll stay nice and consistent. Kaitaia, currently the warmest place in the country at the moment,

12.3 degrees. Mozgiel, congratulations, minus 4.6. Holy moly. Minus 4.6 in Mosgiel this morning. Invercargill currently sitting on minus 2. Zero in Christchurch. Wellington, a barmy 8. Nelson, a barmy 4.

Most of the North Island are late single digits. Right. Auckland, a lovely 11. I just said how cold it was outside, but now I sound like a wimp. You think it's cold. It's not minus 4.76. Put a toad outside.

Put a toad. Mars girl, put a Mars girl. Coming up on the show today, how exciting is this? We are super, super excited about this. We have astronaut Scott Kelly on the phone with us. Yeah. And we're going to absolutely punish him with our questions about space and what it's like to go to space. But he loves space.

He's, like, happy for enthusiasts to ask him questions, I'm sure. I think this is what he signed up for Part of the job right You would recognise him if you saw a photo Bald dude, bald brother And he lived in space for one 6 month stint And one 12 month stint On the International Space Station

You 100% recognise him I didn't know before this interview When I was doing research That he's got a twin brother Who's also an astronaut. Yeah, and he's the one that's a US Senator now. I thought it was the same person. No.

That's often a thing with identical twins, isn't it? People think they're the same person. How many identical twins go into the same industry and both become astronauts? That is nuts. It sounds like a competition on who wants to be the best astronaut. And I think Scott might have won because he's done

longest stints. He's done longest stints, yeah. So he's on the show with us after 8 o'clock this morning. Add to Cart as well, returns at 8 o'clock this morning. We'll have another listener.

Do we have any, do we know whose cart it is today? Someone's cart. Somebody's picked it. Pre-organised and left somewhere. Anna's coming in card it is today? Someone's card. Somebody's picked it. Pre-organised and left somewhere. Anna's coming in.

Who is it? Tracy. Grace. From Auckland. Tracy. Grace. So she's picked some things that go on the card. Five things. Yep.

She wins them all because she suggested them. But then you can also win all of Grace's items by simply listening throughout the day. Yeah, 8 o'clock, the first item. Coming up on the show, the top six and Alan. As you may have heard Rachel just mention in the news, is giving up her talk show in 2022. Yeah, so the top six

is going to be looking into this I don't find it creatively challenging anymore excuse. But really it was the fact that she'd been a monster to her staff and everyone had found out. Yeah. I've found an article, and I'd like to start the show by talking about this article.

It's like all the do's and don'ts about visiting an open home. Oh, okay. Shoes off? Yep, sure. Leave a fake number. Yep. Because if you don't like the place in the real estate age, it won't punish you forever.

If you're just going for a nosy in your neighbourhood, yeah, you just leave a number. Which you are famous for, like having a nosy at the neighbour's house. Yeah, totally. Yeah, when we lived in the suburbs, totally. Because you always walk past these houses and you're like, what do they look like on the inside? And it's always just good seeing what other people's tastes and stuff are like.

Right, terrible most of the time. A lot of the time, yeah. It turns out. But one of the points in this article is that the toilet in an open home is out of bounds. No toilet. Like you can look at it to see what the toilet and the bathroom are like, but you should never use a toilet at an open home.

Is that controversial? No, I wouldn't. No. I wouldn't, number two. Because it's like a show toilet at that time. It's not a Mitre 10 or Bunnings toilet, is it? It's connected. I could imagine giving one a little flush,

giving a little flush. Just to check it's a good flush. Check your flush, but maybe not with wheeze in it. But what about a number ones? I personally wouldn't. I don't think I would, no. I think you've got a day of open homes. If you were really busting.

Yeah. Executive Intern, you've been to a lot of open homes lately. Yes. Did you know about this unsaid rule? I kind of experienced this on the weekend because I was absolutely busting. And we'd kind of had five open homes in a kind of a two-hour window across different parts of town.

So there wasn't really time to pop into a cafe or anything. And this crossed my mind as, can I do it? And I felt it was not appropriate because it was a very quiet open home. Whereas I feel like... Oh, right. Yeah, other people walking around and they can hear you wazzing.

Yeah, some more distractions, maybe I could get away with it. But it was dead silent, us and the agent. Yeah, I mean, certainly not a number two. You weren't thinking number two, so were you at an open home? Look, I wasn't, but, you know, sometimes these things happen. You know, you start with a one. You start with the entree and it leads straight into a main. Carried away.

Do you want these at the same time or would you like them all down separately? Right. Okay. So it's a no-go. But then as a seller, would you be offended if someone did it? I wouldn't be. Yeah, I don't think I would. I just find it weird.

Do you test the showers at the places? Like if I was ever looking for a flat or a place, I would always test the shower. Yeah. No, I walk in and go, this is quite pretty. Yep, this will do. But you don't turn it because what if it's a dribbly? It's shower pressure.

You could be buying a house with a dribbly shower for life. Oh, always test the shower. Always test the shower. Oh, God. But then is that an unspoken rule because then you're leaving it wet? No, but everyone does it. Everyone does it. You give it a squeegee afterwards if it's bone dry, but otherwise.

Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. You're not dirtying it, whereas I feel like if you're going to the toilet, like. That's. You kind of, they've cleaned it, you know. You're flushing it, aren't you? I know, but you've got your bum on it.

Oh, you'd hover? What are you talking about the toilet again? Would you? No, you'd sit on it. Oh, you'd hover? What are you talking about the toilet again? Would you? No, you'd sit on it, wouldn't you? Oh, no, you go number one. He's a standsway. Unless it was night time and they don't do open homes in the middle of the night. No, no, because I don't sit down night time.

What are the other do's and don'ts of open homes? Because there is a whole lot of things you forget to test when you're at an open home. Is it okay to sticky beak? So, for example, going to people's cupboards. Cupboards, yes. Drawers, no. Because the drawers they're taking with them. You know, cupboards, you kind of want to know how big a wardrobe is, for example. Yeah, like

can you open someone's wardrobe in a bedroom? I think so. Yeah, I think so. If you've got a flat inspection or an open home, then you've got to clean up. Or if you don't want people to see stuff, hide it. Like, you know, if you've got toys that you don't want them to see, hide those. See, those are in the drawer because you're not allowed in the drawer, but you're allowed in there.

But I didn't know the rule about the drawer. You can't open a drawer. It's furniture. You can't open the drawers. I don't want to see what the utensil holder looks like. Oh, in the kitchen. Oh, in the kitchen drawers, yes. Oh, bedroom drawers.

Where are the bedrooms? Yeah, right. Good Lord. Yeah, you can open anything that can't be taken with, right? Like kitchen cupboards. Apparently it's rude to make negative comments to the real estate agent. It might hurt their feelings. I don't know if it hurts their feelings,

but it's rude to put down a property in front of other buyers as well. In front of other buyers, right. But then that's a good tactic, hey? That's a good driver down. Where you go, oh, my little mobile meth tester says this place is really good. It's going to cost a fortune. Yeah, and be like, oh, my God, is that like Bora in the wood? Yeah.

Say stuff like that, and then that puts other potential, because it's a hot market at the moment. Yeah. Put other people off. Oh, totally. Woo. Oh, my God, did you guys hear that ghost? That's right.

Right before an auction of a house you want to buy, you say something like, have they fixed the leaking roof problem? Yes. And then everyone else at the auction is like, oh, we can't buy this, Trevor. It's got a leaky roof. But it doesn't, and you buy it. Did they remove the skeletons under the house?

Yes. Yeah. And did they ever find out if that was an ancient Indian burial ground? How long did it take the crime scene cleaners to get the blood out of the carpet? Stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The sofa dilemma. Apparently sitting on people's sofas isn't cool. Well, no, because they're taking their Zwift. Yeah, yeah. Unless it comes fully furnished. If you're going into a place and they're selling it fully furnished, test it. But otherwise, that's not your couch. Get your ass off it.

What if you're having a chat to the real estate agent? Stand. Stand. Land. Stand on the porch. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There's a RuPaul conspiracy.

Just side note, I spent my whole maternity leave watching 13 seasons from the start of RuPaul's Drag Race. So very busy with the baby? Yep. I've never watched. I have not watched one episode.

I'm so obsessed. I don't know what the deal is. Over the top obsessed. If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anybody? How's it going to get an amen up in here? What is that from? I'm assuming it's from the show.

Amen. But who says that? RuPaul. Is that the catchphrase? Yeah, it's at the end. Every episode? Yeah. Ah.

Do you know? A bit long, a bit lengthy. Okay. Not as the Rove had it. Say how do you mum for me? Remember that one? Short. Short to the point. Yep. Okay. Well, there's... Not as the Rove had it, Say Hi to Your Mum For Me. Remember that one? Yeah. Short.

That was a good one. Short to the point. Short. Yep. Yep. So RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under is, or was filmed here. Yes.

Now, there is a conspiracy that started on TikTok, and it sounds like a Scottish or Irish, I'm not good with accents. Okay. And they claimed that the editing of the show makes it look like RuPaul is not

in the same room as the drag queens they're saying and hence not even in New Zealand they don't actually think that

they are here so this took off and everyone's like yeah the editing is really weird they don't think the laughing matches the scene

what was happening matches the scene, what was happening in the scene. But then RuPaul just has like an over-the-top laugh anyway. Yeah, right. But this has taken off and lots of people saying that they were never here at all. What do you think? No, I think it looks like, to me it looks like they're in the room.

Because other people are saying, well, this is COVID. Yeah, a lot of, but then this is... At this one point, were they in the same shot? COVID. Yeah, a lot of... But then if it was filmed in New Zealand, we didn't have restrictions. No, but I wonder if everybody was just playing it safe, you know? Right. And then some people in the US are saying, no, that's just what TV looks like in New Zealand.

Ouch. Ouch. But yeah, lots of people are saying it's a conspiracy and that they were never here. Because did RuPaul actually either post a photo out of a window of isolation or at a beach or in the Viaduct at a fancy restaurant or anything? I don't know.

Because Michelle Visage was here. Yeah. 100%. Michelle Visage came in. She came into the studio here. Yeah. Why was Michelle Visage came in? She came into the studio here. She posted like, yeah, videos and everything. So she was definitely here. Yeah.

So why would RuPaul not be? And RuPaul's makeup artist Raven, which I've just found out was Raven. Oh my God. This is all going over your head. I don't know what that means. Was here as well in my queue. No, no, no. Raven, that's so Raven. She'd see the future or well in my queue. No, no, no.

Raven, that's so Raven. She'd see the future or something. Disney Channel. That's no. Raven was one of the drag queens from earlier seasons, but now does RuPaul's drag makeup. Oh, wow. It's a wild conspiracy theory, and it's... Yeah, there's no photos.

I'm looking at RuPaul's Instagram feed. Like, no one ever spotted them? Yeah. Yeah. Because if I saw RuPaul's Instagram feed. Like no one ever spotted them. Yeah. Because if I saw RuPaul on the street, I would lose my mind. RuPaul's very tall, right? Very tall. 6'4 or something.

At the social media desk, Karween, you've been monitoring these social media channels because that's your job. It's just all she does. What would your take on this conspiracy theory is like very elusive right person like they don't post a lot on socials

you go onto their instagram and everything is very much promo kind of stuff yeah okay so um and i have inside word that they were on set they were here they were in new zealand you know production words you know production people oh oh she can't Zealand. You know production people. Do you know production people? Oh, she can't hear us. Oh, you can't hear us. Do you know production people? Yes, production people. You're in a so-proof room. You can't hear. Don't just yell at her.

Change headphones. My headphones weren't working, alright? Do you know production people? Yes. Okay, so you do know for certain. What would they like? But how do you know that those people aren't lying to you because they've signed an NDA and they'll be sued for more money

than they ever will have? I don't think they care that deeply. What a choogy answer. Oh, don't. That was, oh my God. Darwin said I should have done a top six on the chugi And I was like, I don't know what the chugi means

So now I'm trying to Now you are chugi Now I'm trying to say chugi Which is apparently a word that people say now Yeah, it is Yeah But there's drag queens that were on the show that were like RuPaul was definitely here

But then again, did they sign a contract? But if they signed a contract, surely they just wouldn't say anything. Yeah, that's true. Well, now I'm going to be looking. I want to look at an episode and really see who's in shot. Yeah. And whether it looks like green screens around the edges of RuPaul.

You know how you finally get that funny edging on the green screen? If it's a bad one, yeah. Just this real budget green screen and some bad CGI. I'm in Auckland. No, you're not. It means they can never wear green as well.

That's a good... Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. Just quickly, we have had reports in that people actually saw RuPaul or photos. There were photos. In New Zealand. So put that rumour to bed. Unless they were photoshopped. We haven't seen said photos with our own eyes.

Okay, QAnon 1 and 2. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Q1? I sure am, Q2. It's time to storm Parliament. Well, this is a yummy, yummy that you could do today. Yeah. I don't think there's anything stopping you from doing this today. But maybe not on the way to work.

Maybe it's an after work. I think it's an after work. Maybe it's a little bit of a mid afternoon. That sounds like judgment. Pick me up. Well, I'll tell you how it works. This is a guy called Brad. He's in Melbourne. He saw a video from the UK of a woman ordering

a vanilla thick shake at the McDonald's drive-thru and an espresso shot. So like a short black? Right. From McCafe. From McCafe. The show sponsor. They are. Can I mention at this point, if you buy five McCafe coffees,afe, the show sponsor. They are. And can I mention at this point, if you buy five

McCafe coffees, you get one free on the Maccasat. Well, you could put all five into one thick shake. I don't think that's... A, you'll be energised.

B, it'll blow right through you and clean out what you've got going on. I remember growing up, mum used to have this coffee essence in like a bottle

and you'd pour a little bit on ice cream and be wired and not go to bed until like one o'clock in the morning. You you'd pour a little bit on ice cream and be wired and not go to bed until like one o'clock in the morning. You're like, this is like coffee ice cream. We did the same as kids with Kahlua. Didn't know that was alcoholic. Coffee liqueur. Mum and dad would go out to their rock and roll, rock and roll dancing. At the local hall. At the local hall, they'd do rock and roll dancing. We were old enough to babysit ourselves. The minute they left, we ate like four frozen pizzas and like two bags of chips.

Like it was wild. And then we worked out, we thought it was chocolate syrup, the Kahlua. Right. But we'd get some ice cream and like sprinkles and then put like a bit of Kahlua over the top. And be like, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That actually sounds amazing though. It was. Like as an adult.

Yeah. Did mum not work out? What do they call that? Afagato. Yeah. It was like an Afagato. That an adult. Yeah. Did mum not work out? What do they call that? Afagato. Yeah. It was like an afagato. That would have been delicious. But what happened when mum and dad got home

and you guys were passed out on the couch? It wasn't enough. Oh, right. Okay. Because what? My brother must have been 14 because what's the rules on staying home by yourself? 14?

No, if you're in the country, it's just any age. It's just nine. Yeah, it's just nine. It's just don't burn the house down and the police will never know. You're driving a car and a tractor around the farm at, you know, seven. But it wasn't a lot.

We weren't like pissed. It was just like a couple of big spoonfuls. So like a couple of shots of car lure. On a Tuesday. I was 14 and you were what? 12. Yeah. And you'd wake up for school

and be like, mum, where's the powerade? Mum would just like open the curtains and drag the duvet over here and be like, oh, bloody enemy woman. She's like, like, oh, get out of here woman. She's like, it's Wednesday, get out of bed.

Bloody Wednesday, eh? Got a bit carried away with the boys last night. And by the boys, I just meant one boy. Well, my sister would have had one.

She would have been like two years younger than me so she would have been like 10. Young. Wow. But anyway, this is basically the grown-ups version. The non-alcoholic version. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, this is basically the grown-ups version,

the non-alcoholic version. Yeah. Yeah, you can just get a vanilla thick shake, an espresso, pour it in, stir it up, and you got yourself a yummy coffee-flavoured thick shake. That would be amazing. That would be so good. Yeah. And like a good mid-afternoon kind of a...

Yeah, because it's a lot of dairy to start the day with. That would be my only concern for your farts in the workplace. All right. Well, great news. As the government clamps down on banks' merchant fees with your credit cards. You know when your credit card in some places are like, there's a fee...

Two and a half percent to pay with credit card. Or, yeah, one percent or whatever. Yeah. So the government apparently are planning to clamp down on how much banks charge businesses when people pay by credit or debit cards. Oh, that's good. And this is, yeah. Are they, is pay wave, remember during COVID they say, hey, you've got to get rid of the

fees for pay wave? Well, they said you should, but they haven't. Didn't enforce it. Yeah, because I reckon get rid of that too. paywaves? Well, they said you should, but they haven't. Didn't enforce it. Yeah, because I reckon get rid of that too. Well, I don't... How good's paywave? Reading this, it doesn't seem like that's going to happen, but it does say businesses will gain $74 million a year

if the government caps the fees. Wow. So that means we'll save because we're not paying those fees. So it's just for credit cards. Because, you know, some places claim back the credit card fee. So when you pay with credit card, you know, it comes up on the machine that you pay like a little bit extra and you're happy with that. They claim it back because they're doing so many transactions at the end of the year.

It costs them so much money. Right. So they claim back a little bit from the customer. Is this what, that's what's being canned? Because that means that the banks are incurring that cost rather than the customer or the shop. And it also makes me feel banks famously, I don't know if you know this Fletch, banks don't like to shoulder any uncharges. So I feel like they're just going to be passing it on to us in other ways. But they made quite a profit though, didn't they?

Yeah, apparently our New Zealand's merchant service fees were unregulated and much higher than in Australia. And so, yeah, retailers have to pass on the cost. So they're hoping that this will mean that more places can do pay wave. Yeah. Because there won't be as many fees and they can be like, oh, well, we can do pay wave now.

Right. But they're not. It says here that the pay wave, the inserting your card will still be zero. Right. But they're not. It says here that the pay wave, the inserting your card will still be zero. Right. But the pay wave will be 0.2, up to 0.2%. So they're not getting rid of that. I always found it so funny how inconvenienced people were by inserting a card. Because when you had the cafe, you didn't have pay wave.

No. And you had to always save. Yeah. For small businesses, it's expensive. Yeah. And then you have to decide as well if small businesses, it's expensive. Yeah. And then you have to decide as well if you're going to incur those credit card costs or if you're going to put it back on the customer

because that's also another negative thing if someone has to pay and you have to hike the bill just a little bit for the credit card. And the good news is obviously we'll get stuff cheaper and not have to pay these fees. But they're also saying that if you've got like a credit card that has like air points or loyalty program,

they're saying that could be like either deeply kind of cut, cut back or removed. It could ruin those. But then they say that, but then Australia has loyalty programs. Yes. And they're charging lower fees. Lower fees and they're charging you way less than we're getting charged. But is that economies of scale because there's more Australians? Maybe.

God, this is such, we sounded so smart in this break. Did we? So smart. I don't know. You just said economies of scale and I was like, yeah. I love saying economies of scale. I don't know what it means, but I was like, good on you. The more you make of something, the cheaper it gets per year.

Somebody was paying attention in economics, weren't they? I actually really liked economics at school. I wish I'd listened a little bit more. Same. Right. I liked the supply and demand stuff. I totally got that because if there's an oversupply but an undemand, there's an oversupply.

You should have heard when the Suez Canal was blocked. Oh, my gosh. Supply and demand. And it's all he talked about. Of course. Fletch, Vaughorn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hello there. Welcome to the top six. After 3,051 episodes. That is a phenomenal amount. And that doesn't include the 19th season. The 19th season, which has been announced,

it will be its last. God, that's a lot of episodes to pretend to care about, people. I know. Be kind to one another. Camera's off. The Alan DeGeneres Show is finishing. 2003 it started. 18 seasons to date and 3,051 episodes.

One last season with an unspecified amount of episodes in it. And all because she's just reached her creative end, she said, yeah. Doesn't find it creatively challenging. Nothing to do at all with last year's events, where it was revealed she was a yeller. A little bit of a topseller. Workplace.

She claims that after season 16, she wanted to sign on for one more season, but with affiliates and clients and everything, they wouldn't let her. So they signed her on for three more seasons. And she's like, so this was always the plan to come to an end after season 19.

And Ellen's estimated net worth is approaching half a billion dollars. She doesn't care what you think. Nah. She, um, they've sold a few of their properties this year, her and Portia Rossi, and they were, like, crashing at Courtney Cox's house. What, like in the spare room?

Yeah. Oh, God. If someone's worth nearly half a billion, I'm not having them just crash. No, get an Airbnb. Yeah. Get a long-term Airbnb. That's not even going to put a dent.

No. That's not even going to put a dent in it. That's not even going to put a dent in it. Well, going forward, she wants to be creatively challenged. And I thought taking into account her empathetic nature of caring for everybody, the top six creative challenges for Alan. Okay, yeah. Number six, an early childhood educator. Very creative.

You get to do all the sculpting one day, painting the next. There's a whole lot Very creative. You get to do all like the sculpting one day, painting the next. There's a whole lot of creative and nothing will test your patience more than children. So this is perfect for her, given her empathetic nature. She's going to yell at the kids. 100%. Hopefully not.

Number five on the list of the top six creative challenges for Alan, a nurse. Oh, yeah. So caring. Her bedside manner would be phenomenal. Yeah. Patient and empathetic. And also a creative outlet.

You know, you've got to solve some problems. You've got to balance a few things. She'd say, don't look at me. Talk to my producer nurse. Having a producer nurse. That's nice. Yeah. Swoop in.

When the family's there, the family leaves. No audience. She's like, you take it from here. Producer nurse. Number four on the list, the family leaves. No audience. She's like, you take it from here. Producer, nurse. Number four on the list of the top six creative challenges for Ellen. A dentist. Oh, yeah. A dentist.

Because she gets them to open their mouth and then she can do all the talking. Yeah. They have to be quiet. And if she doesn't like them, she can just drill into their nerve and say, oh, maybe I didn't do enough numbing. We'll go back and we didn't do enough numbing. We'll go back and we'll do some more numbing. I could just say she'd quite like being a dentist.

Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six creative challenges next for Alan, a vet. Oh, yep. She could be a vet. Is there a vet shortage? Was I reading that? There's a, in New Zealand, is there? A vet shortage? Yeah.

I'm pretty sure that's what I read. I'll Google. I feel like that's what everyone wants to be when they grow up. Yeah, but then it's real hard and expensive. Really hard. And there's only one place in New Zealand to do it, right?

Yeah. Vet shortage nationwide, pushing staff to breaking point. This was a story 15 hours ago in New Zealand. Yeah, but then I was the one who went to a vet recently who said a lot of people do the study and everything and then become a vet but then don't want to

move to the middle of nowhere. And put their hand up a cow's boot on. Well, putting a hand up the cow's boot on is not a problem but you just don't want to be doing it

in a negative three. Yeah, true. You want to be close to a city or something because you're still young and like a bit of the social life. Whereas for me that sounds perfect.

Number two on the list of the top six. Whereas for me, that sounds perfect. Number two on the list of the top six creative challenges for Alan next, marriage therapist. Yep. Should be understanding to all involved. Yeah, she would be.

Again, empathetic and a creative problem solver. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six creative challenges for Alan next after the Alan show, librarian.

Just can see, you know, every now and then, they're nice, they'll help you out, but if you're, they're nice, they'll help you out, but if you're talking in the library, they'll snap at you. A swift shutdown of any jibber jabber.

That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Okay, I like this. I like this. I've read about it, I've got the details and I'm on board.

Although I am always open to be swayed back to negativity. Okay, right. Glass half full or glass half empty? Yeah. You tell me. Air New Zealand is going to launch a trial of something called a discount air club, which is basically...

Oh, Henny's in Club Jetstar. You love your Club Jetstar. This is another Club Jetstar. I'm big on to Club Jetstar. You love your Club Jetstar. This is another Club Jetstar. I'm big on to Club Jetstar, guys. Explain to me the Club Jetstar approach. You pay how much a year? I think it's about 50 bucks now. That does get cheaper if you're a loyal member.

Right, and they give you deep vein thrombosis, don't they? By jamming you into the seat in front of you. You are such a snob. I've had deep vein thrombosis. It's a thing. It's a very serious issue. I have knees. Oh, my God.

They don't like being smashed into the seat in front. All right, one percenters. Calm down. You're not a one percenter if you fly Air New Zealand. Jetstar's fine. Anyway, so you pay like 50 bucks, and then you get 20% off your baggage

and also you get advanced access to sales, which is quite handy. And then sometimes when you go in it'll be like normal price and then club price. And that's usually about kind of $4 to $6 cheaper. Oh, that's good.

Any free muffins? Is there a club you can go to $6 cheaper. Oh, that's good. Do you get any free muffins? Is there a club you can go to before your flight? Unfortunately, no muffins. But you could use that $4 that you saved on the flight to go towards the $12 muffin in the airport terminal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, good. Now we're talking.

Okay, well, that's pretty good. Okay. Well, this is called Grab a Seat, Gotta Get Away, the New Zealand version. And you pay $95 annually. So $95 annual fee. Okay. Well, this is called Grab a Seat, Gotta Get Away, the New Zealand version. And you pay $95 annually, so $95 annual fee. Okay. And then you receive up to 50% off return domestic

flights around New Zealand. But you've got to book and travel within seven days. So maybe on the Monday you could book a thing for the Friday. But then you're not going to be able to book anything. Could you book your return? Yes. Or you'd have to wait a few days. Oh no, going to be able to book anything. Could you book your return? Yes. Or you'd have to wait a few days.

Oh, no, you'd be able to because it's seven days away. Yeah. So you'd be able to book your return but the return would have to be at least two nights later. That's the deal. You've got to stay away for at least two nights but you've got to be back within two weeks. So you could do a Friday-Sunday? Is that two nights?

Yep. So you arrive on the Friday, Sunday? Is that two nights? Yep. So you arrive on the Friday, you go off to work on the Friday, you stay Friday night, Saturday night, and you come back Sunday. But those are not going to be the flights at a half price. No. So the deal is there'll be an advertised price, and it will be half price. Oh, wow.

If they're available. But you're paying for that fare a week out, right? Yes. So it's going to be an expensive flight anyway. So it could be more expensive and the fact that it could already be full. Yeah. Or very near full. But then that's quite genius because even if you got a flight to,

say you got a flight to Queenstown for like 50 bucks or 60 bucks. Yeah. And the one back was 200. That's still 260. That's still pretty good. 250 return. Yeah, totally. To Queenstown

At like last minute A week out Yeah Who's getting 100 buck fares To Queenstown a week out though But they might need To fill that plane Yeah sometimes

We're lucky We're lucky Because on Friday We could be out of here baby We could be out of here Bloody 9 o'clock Yeah right Or we're bloody at the airport

And get one of those Mid morning flights That are always the specials Yeah Yeah And then come back Whenever on Sunday Yeah bloody at the airport. And get one of those mid-morning flights that are always the specials. Yeah. And then come back whenever on Sunday. Yeah. So we'll get the Friday,

the Saturday. Yeah, although if there are no cheap flights, I'll come back Monday so you'll just have to deal with that. Oh, right, okay. I'll just be late.

Deal with that problem. So that's the deal. You pay $95, you have access to that and I thought from a family perspective, what's the deal? Yeah, right.

Okay. For me, going away like, fine for you, Fletch. You're up and gone, mate. Yeah. You missed the solo. Fine solo. Relies on nobody. I'm Jason Derulo over here.

Yeah, you're riding solo. You're like a tiger. Yeah. You're out by yourself. But I'm more like a pack animal. Yep. I've got to travel with the Fano. Yep. So $95 for the first person. Let's say a pack animal. Yep. I've got to travel with the whanau. Yep.

So $95 for the first person. Let's say that's me. Yep. And then $50 per person up to four people. Oh, so you could put the whole family on for... So I could go, this is another great reason to stop at two children. Everyone's like, have another children.

No. Have more children. Have another child. It's like, no. Yeah, because then you've got to get another... Three, you've got to get a bigger car. Have another child. It's like, no. Yeah, because then you've got to get another. Three, you've got to get a bigger car. Yeah, yeah. Travel's a pain in the ass.

Yeah. All that jazz. Or you could save the $100 fee there and just put them, give them to your parents every time you and Sade want to go away for a weekend. Well, that's totally 100% an option as well. So then they can. You shouldn't fly with a baby yet. You should give it.

I'm absolutely going to. Four, you've got to wait five. Aren't they free I'm absolutely going to. You've got to wait five. Aren't they free for a bit? No, you've got to wait five years when you have a new baby. I'm going to wait and book the same flights as you. Then they are free for a bit, eh? Oh, they shouldn't be. Are they free when they're on your knee?

That's why people take them, Fletch. Oh, you're kidding me. Yeah, because the last flight, when I went to New Plymouth, I checked in my noise-cancelling headphones, and they had this little baby. I was like, you should be driving. Safer to go on a plane than a road. Yeah, probably is, actually.

Especially those roads, yeah. And those people can continue to book the fares without the initial person who paid the $95, by the way. Oh, okay. So I guess you just link it with your AirPoints number, and you pay the $50, and then you're in, so you can do it as well at the moment this is a trial 1 000 people selected for the trial i wasn't selected did you apply no no i think didn't they just email random grab a seat people ah i think you have to be in uh like and get their daily emails i get the daily

emails oh well you see you weren't selected. But I might have been selected, but when I'm not travelling, I get shitty when I get the daily emails on sales. I'm like, no, I'm not allowed to travel. I can't go anywhere right now. So I have to delete it. Yeah, well, I'm guessing if it works well, that's something that we could all jump.

No, Rup. What? Registrations to become part of the scheme will shut on May 16 with successful applicants selected at random and advertised shortly afterwards. Oh, my God. Don't give it out. No.

Let's not advertise that. We're going to get in on that. Get some bloody cheap flights places. And it's just domestic, isn't it? It's not international. Not that we can go many places at the moment. Yeah, nah, it's not. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The Podcast. ZM. Don't get Vaughan started. Another bloody email from the IRD. They're not punishers. God, email from the IRD. They're not their punishers. God, leave me alone at 7.13am. This is not tax time. Well, why don't you pay them? I've paid them.

They just keep wanting more. Okay, don't get Fletch started. This is one of the shows where something that probably most people will be like, oh yeah, we've witnessed Fletch get all wound up about and gets on a bit of a rant about it. I'm just a sensible person. What? A rational, sensible person. Now this read its head yesterday at a coffee shop.

A café, as the French would say. Yeah. Café. Well, you weren't there, were you? Yes, I was. Oh, okay. She literally asked me about it. I wasn't at the counter. you weren't there, were you? Yes, I was. Yes, I was. Oh, okay. She literally asked me about it. I wasn't at the counter.

We were at the counter. You didn't get anything, did you? No, yeah. Yeah, that's right. You just took up a valuable seat. Now, someone who used to own a cafe, you should know if you're not eating, you ain't seating. Yeah. And so at the moment, when I'm being healthy, when I'm not being healthy, I'll get a brioche

and a mochaccino. I've been being healthy for ages, and I've not received nearly as many compliments as you have in the last week. God, the amount of people falling over from South Sir Fletch. Oh, you're looking great, aren't you? Oh, yeah. Have you been working out? Where are these compliments coming from? Oh, bloody everybody.

Middle-aged man said it to him yesterday. Oh, you're looking after yourself? I think it's just because I puffed up quite dramatically. And I've puffed down a bit. You've puffed up and puffed down. That is the secret, though. A good puffer always leads to a good puff down. But so when I'm being healthy, I always get, and this is like,

I feel like this isn't a big thing in New Zealand. Who got you onto this? You did. No, actually, it was Jase. It was Jase from Jase and PJ. He always used to get the Piccolo. Yeah. So the Piccolo is,

it's always in a real cute tiny cup, like a shot glass. Yeah, it's in the little shot coffee cup. And it's just a shot of coffee and then like a little bit of like frothy, frothy, frothy milk. Can you say frothy? Thruthy.

Thruthy. Thruthy milk. Thruth milk. Thruthy. Thruth milk. Can you say frothy? Frothy. Frothy. Frothy milk. Frothy milk. Frothy milk. So it's not a flat... It's just like a teeny tiny coffee. No, it's not a flat white. It's good because, you know,

long blacks are too much coffee and it's meh. It tastes like mud water. Long blacks? Yeah. It's too... You need a little bit of milk. That used to be my go-to.

Yeah, so it's a tiny bit of milk and it's not like a flat white or a cappuccino where there's so much milk it's like, well need a little bit of milk. That used to be my go-to. Yeah, so it's a tiny bit of milk, and it's not like a flat white or a cappuccino where there's so much milk, it's like, well, your guts start rumbling. So wait, how do you make it? Long black with milk on top. Yeah. With a rough milk.

They literally just spoon a bit of milk in from someone else's coffee they're making, right? Yeah. And then they mix it, or it just sits like that? No, it just sits like that. But here's my issue. What wound me up yesterday is that's like the same price as your coffee and you got lots of water and the other person that got a mocha channel.

Oh, you know water. Water, the famously expensive water. No, but they get like a whole milk, like a mocha. That's a whole cup of milk. That's expensive. Yeah, but I'm getting like teaspoon of foamy milk and a coffee shot. That should be $2 max. It's the coffee you're paying for. It's the coffee you're paying for.

It's the coffee you're paying for. Is that not the cheapest bit? I thought the milk was. No, the water's the cheapest bit. That's why I can get the coffee shot with water in it, and it's the cheapest coffee there is. Yeah. You're paying for the milk and the coffee.

You're still getting milk. It shouldn't be the same price as a cappuccino. But it's not the same price. It might be slightly cheaper. It's cheaper. When was the last time you had a cappuccino. But it's not the same price. It might be slightly cheaper. When was the last time you had a cappuccino? Never. Yeah, exactly. I mean, they're more expensive than you think so.

I've had moccacinos a lot, and that's pure milk and chocolate. Moccas and cappas are usually the similar price. Same price. Did you get fancy milk, or did you get straight-up cow's milk? No, I just got regular. I just asked for... Normal milk. Yeah, normal. But, like, should that not be less? How much did you get straight up cow's milk? No, I just got regular. I just asked for... Normal milk. Yeah, normal.

But like, should that not be less? How much did you pay? You paid $4.40, didn't you? Yes. Yeah. So, I mean, anything below $5, I would have thought that was a pretty cheap coffee. Oh, okay.

Well, I mean, you used to run a cafe, so you'd know. But I just feel like I'm getting a cute... When you were treating yourself to a mocha and a brouche, how much was the mocha? Oh, like $5.50. Yeah, so you're paying... Some places $6. Yeah, right.

Yeah, so that's like a dollar... That's comparable. Yeah, but it's a cute little cup. It's like real little. It takes four seconds to drink. It should be $2. Right. No, because you're paying for the coffee

and the thrift. Yeah, right. And you've... Do you know some places you go will charge you $2 for a fluffy? See, that's... Oh, yeah, but that's $2 for a fluffy and? See, that's $2 for a Fluffy and then add a shot. And that's just Fluffy. How much is a shot?

Fluffy is a junk too. You can get like a Fluffy hot chocolate, which is like a good part of the Fluffy, but then you've got some hot chocolate underneath. That's your better option. Huh. I wonder how much, should you get a Fluffy, order a Fluffy and then order a shot? How much did you used to charge at your cafe for a shot? I don't know.

What's that? A short black. A short black. Short black's not very common. I had a short black the other day and the cup was so comically small I couldn't even like get my fingers on the little handle enough. How much did you pay for your short black? $4 probably.

Megan, it was in the Koru Club. I was not paying. I was only drinking it because it was free. It was my third coffee. I was a little rusty. But no, I never usually get short blacks because I drink them too quick. And like you say, it's over and done with

and you don't feel like you've got your money's worth. Add a bit of hot water to that thing and it'll last you a couple of minutes. You feel like you're getting more bang for your buck. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, someone that might not live to see winter is... The juicy Jared. They're three weeks away, so I hope so.

Well, no, he might die today or, you know, soon. Or he might just be on the toilet for a long, long time as there's been a raw chicken incident. We cross now to the producer's booth where we'll hear the story of this poultry gone amiss. Yeah. So I'm quite a big fan of enchiladas. Who isn't? Now enchiladas are rolled

up and then they're grilled, eh? Yeah, baked with cheese. And you put beans on the side. You can have beans on the side. Yeah, keep your beans. I'm not a huge beans guy. What about the lunch special at Mexican Cafe with the beans on the side of your cheese. Yeah, keep your beans. I'm not a huge beans guy. What? Oh, okay. I don't like, nah. What about the lunch special at Mexican Cafe with the beans on the side?

Do you not touch those? My absolute least favourite part of Mexican food. No. Refried, no. Nah. It's empty carbohydrates. They make you tooty,

don't they? It's not empty. It tastes delicious. He's after some compliments, so he's not eating beans at the moment. No, it's, I'd rather have a guac.

I'd rather have more salsa. Yeah. I'd rather fill up on chips. Yeah, right. Now, this isn't... These aren't enchiladas at a Mexican restaurant, are they? No, these are the pre-made ones from the supermarket because I'm not quite skilled enough to, like, roll

and keep all the stuffing inside and then put it into a tray. No, the trick is you just... You sit it on its flap, you know, so that it doesn't... That's awesome. Life advice. Sit on the flap there to seal it. I'll jot that one down. Yeah, go ahead. Valuable life advice.

From old flaps herself. Excuse me. Great life advice. Absolutely. How dare you. And I've recently moved flats. I've changed supermarkets. Yes.

Flats. Oh, I hate that. Yeah. So my old one, Countdown, did beautiful little pre-cooked chicken enchiladas. So this is in the frozen section? Yeah. I had no idea they did enchiladas.

I've seen them. Do you know what I love in the frozen? Who's doing them? In the frozen section, the wontons. Oh, yeah. In the frozen section, the dumplings, the bao bun. No, that's what I mean, the dumplings. The dumplings.

You're talking about in the meat section though, right? You can buy like... Yeah, they're like in the cold meat section, so they're not frozen. Sometimes part of like the three for 20 sitch. Yeah, yeah. I live by that three for 20. They make them in the meatery

and then put them in the package. I couldn't tell you. Or something like that. Okay, right. So they're Countdown made. Woolworths made. They're not like another brand of Mexican food. Yeah, I think they might be like a teagull stamp

somewhere on the packet. Gotcha. Teagull or a mordshaw. Okay. Let's check them. So I've been, for years, I've been smashing back these pre-cooked enchiladas. So like slap them in the oven for 20 minutes.

Don't even check. Eat them. You're fine. But last night I got, I finished one of them because I'll eat three or four at once and I was like, that was chewier than I expected. And then I like dissected the next one and I was like oh god. Oh, these

are so raw. You ate half. So you'd gone from countdowns pre-cooked, which only needed warming through, to where had you gone to? Pack and Save. Pack and Save.

And now doing a completely raw enchilada. Yeah, I think so. Maybe I got like a dud one. No, you meant to cook it, Jared. But then if you're making enchiladas, you always cook the chicken before you put it in the thing.

Once they're in the enchilada, it's like a grill. Heat through, melt the cheese. Yeah, melt the cheese on top. And the moly sauce. Oh, yeah, moly sauce. But I made a slow cook moly sauce once. Did you?

Is that the one with chocolate in it? Yeah, it's got a chocolate. Which sounds crazy, right? It's dark chocolate, but it's delicious. It's chocolate, but it's spicy. Right, so you didn't follow instructions, is the moral of this story. No, I did. I cooked it for the recommended 20 to 22 minutes.

Right. Was it frozen? No. Okay, that could trip you up. So it hadn't been cooked before it got put into the... Yeah, I don't know. See, something tells me this is on you. I don't want to blame the supermarket chain on us.

I don't want to blame the supermarket either because I used to work there. And they already give me looks when I come in every week. He's back. What, like, oh my god, he can't keep away. One of those people that leaves a job, they're like, oh, here it is again. Yeah, we got a text last time I talked about the place and

they mentioned one of my supervisors and then I saw the supervisor last time I went and she was like, hello, Jared. Oh, she remembers. She gave you the raw chicken. That'll teach you. I was just checking the incubation period actually for raw undercooked poultry. I thought you were in the safe zone but it's two to five

days. Yeah, that's all. People eat something and ten minutes later they're like, I don't think it was cooked properly. It's barely hit your guts. I got Camp Labecta once and I was at the U2 concert. I shit myself two hours after dinner. It was quick. I would have and I was at the U2 concert. I like shit myself two hours after dinner. It was quick.

I would have just shit myself at a U2 concert hoping to leave early. I have to go, guys. I really squeezed one out there on there. I've had an Encelada accident. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Talked about it yesterday. It was around about this time that my wife sent the soccer parents group chat a message saying morning lover.

Have you had your morning lover message this morning? I haven't had my morning lover message this morning. Oh, do you think it put an end to it? She said she was very nervous about messaging me at any stage yesterday that she could have messaged the wrong group. But she put it up on her Instagram and said, great start to the day, this is what's happened. And she just said she's never received as many replies

with people sharing stories of when they did it or when they were in a group that did it. The best one, she said the juiciest one. Someone messaged her saying when they lived in South Africa, they had a group chat. Again, it was for their kids' football team. Okay. And one morning, this was before you could unsend a message too.

Oh, my God. In Facebook Messenger. Because that's a new thing, isn't it? Like a year or so, yeah. But I love seeing someone unsend a message. I'm like, oh, that must have been good. Yeah. What did that say

So somebody Sent to This is not in our soccer parents This is in South Africa someone told my wife That they sent a full nude To This woman sent a full nude To the soccer parents

And there's no unsend And there's no unsend. And there's no unsend. Oh, my God. That her husband was also in the group. It wasn't for him. Because he's like, what's going on here? I was sending you a nude, baby. That never did it before.

Out of the blue. This wasn't the sort of, apparently, everybody was like wildly surprised when this woman sent through a nude because they were like the quiet couple. Do you know it's always the quiet couple and the real deviants. But they just said nothing about this couple said. And then the guy's like, what's

going on here? And the wife is like, it turns out she was trying to send it to her lover. Side piece. it turns out she was trying to send it to her, what do you call it? Lover. Sidepiece. What do you call it?

Yeah, sidepiece. What do you call it? Toy boy. Toy boy. A sign indicates age, but I'm just trying to think mistress, but the male version. Oh, what is the? Sidepiece.

Let's say sidepiece. Yeah, sidepiece. The guy that she was cheating on her husband with, whose name started with the same letter that the soccer team did. Oh, God. And it all went down in the group chat, like the whole thing. They were privy to it all. When you're sending a nude, like quadruple check, you know,

before you chuck that on a messenger. So we thought we would have to open up the phone lines this morning because the stories that were coming through was so juicy. Yeah. About specifically groups. Yeah. Like what's been sent to a group. So it's not just like, oopsie-daisy, someone sent something to you.

When it's been sent to a group. Yeah, and it's always someone in the group meaning it for their partner. Yeah. And they picked the wrong group. 0800 DARS at M. We want to take your calls now. You can text in 9696. When did you accidentally send something in the group chat

that you should know? And who, what was the group? Oh yeah. Because if it's a group of people that you only know through like your children's sport and that you hardly know. How are you ever those kids are dropping out of that sport We're talking about when you've accidentally sent something to the group chat.

Maybe meant for one person. Yeah. And instead an entire group of people saw it. This accidentally happened to my wife yesterday. Very tame, though. She just said morning lover to the group of soccer parents. And she heard from so many people yesterday with their stories of when they'd done it or when they were in a group that it had happened to.

Did that make her feel better? Much better. Okay, so yeah. Yeah, yeah, much better. Some text messages in. I was sending a super graphic picture to my girlfriend. Must not have closed my phone properly and accidentally uploaded the same picture to my Facebook story. Oh my God.

Oh no, that's my worst nightmare. It took an hour for a friend to tell me. An hour? Yeah. I woke up on a cold morning to see a nude photo in my university study group chat from a girl who had apparently sent the photo and then must have just gone to sleep. Accidentally? Yeah.

That is so bad. Yeah. Lots of people accidentally send it to a group. Kate, you accidentally texted a message to WorkChat. Yeah, it was my first week of working there, but I also worked some other jobs, and they had said to me, you've got to come to a mandatory open day. And I went, well, I'm not going to make it.

But they kept honing it in on me and on one day where I'd worked 12 hours on my three different jobs they checked someone texted me with a misprint on their Facebook page and I thought it was my other friends having had one gin and tonic so I replied well good effing luck to them. I'm not even going to be there. I told you that they gave me crap about it, didn't I? Oh, and you said that to the work group. Yep, and this was in a time where deleting text messages wasn't a thing. Wasn't a thing.

No one's sending. No one's sending. Whoever invented group chats, why was deleting a message not an option from the very start? Yeah. I don't know, but they continued being terrible to me for the rest of the time I worked there. But I

was thinking it was about a birthday party. Yeah. Yeah. Just get back to the gin and tonics. That'll sort that out. When you make you feel better. Thanks, you called Kate. Tyler, you sent something to the work group chat? Yes, I did. I was on my way to work and so I was driving, so I was like, oh, I'll just text on my Apple Watch.

Yep. So I thought I clicked my boyfriend's name and I said, oh, good morning. Just want to let you know I really love and appreciate you and everything you do for me. And all my work friends text back and they were like, that's so nice to hear, but I don't think you meant that for us. Well, obviously they're not doing enough for you if they thought that couldn't be for them.

Clearly not. Clearly not. See, that's all the lighter in. At least it wasn't like a rude picture. I know. It's so awesome. I've read all these, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Those are so bad. It could totally get worse.

I like this text. It says, I sent a picture of my rashy chest to my dance carpool instead of my best friend. Now the entire carpooling situation and their kids have seen my boobs. Yeah, that whole relationship is tarnished now. Yeah, exactly. Forever. Totally. carpooling situation and their kids have seen my boobs. That whole relationship is cutthroat now. Yeah, exactly. Forever. Thanks, you call Tyler.

Somebody said a guy on Snapchat, I was on the other end of this, a guy tried to send the same chat to multiple girls on Snapchat but instead created a group and he outed himself to the 16 girls that he was chatting up using the same opening lines.

I know someone that's done that. Yeah. It's pretty funny. 16 girls. Even if eight of them reply. A lot of admin. Bit of burly, isn't it? You're putting out the burly.

You're putting out the burly. And then the first come, you haven't got that many hooks. Like. Yeah. Why not start with one or two? It's a lot of admin here. A lot of balancing. Who are these guys?

Somebody else said, I screenshot an argument to send it to a friend and I accidentally sent it to an entire group who were then all weighing in on the argument. It was actually quite helpful in the end. Yeah, right. You know, that whole thing happened. Like a consensus on who was right. Yeah.

A friend of mine sent a D-pic with a saucy caption to his rugby group chat. Oh, God. Oh, you would forever be, you would never live that down. Never has. Never ever. Never has. But then he obviously thought it was a pretty good pic. Yeah, didn't you send it out to him?

Hey, they must see it in the bloody changing rooms afterwards. In the showers. But maybe that's why. That's not your best angle, Steve. Exactly. Maybe that's why he hasn't lived it down. That photo that he sent was, you know, using angles and lighting, and they're like, Steve, that's a wild misrepresentation

of what it looks like in real life. That's not what I see in the showers. No, Steve. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. We have got a guest on the phone, a very, very, very, very special guest, a veteran of four space flights, including commanding the International Space Station on three different expeditions.

He piloted the space shuttle's Discovery and Endeavour, has been involved in a servicing mission to the Hubble Space Telescope. He was selected for a year-long mission to the International Space Station to study the effects of space on the human body, and he has 19 medals, including the Russian Federation Medal for Merit in Space Exploration. We're joined on the phone by retired astronaut Scott Kelly.

Good morning. Good morning. Thank you so much for chatting to us. We just always wanted to talk to someone who's been to space and you are ticking that box. No problem. My pleasure. Not only have you been to space,

you spent an entire year there. Where did we start? What was the hardest time when you first got there and there was a year ahead of you or midway through where it wasn't the start and it wasn't the end

or when you were counting down the days to coming down or did you love the whole thing? Oh, that's a tough question. You know, I loved it most about it. What was the hardest parts? You know, I loved most about it. What was the hardest parts? You know, we have this thing like when you're like two thirds of the way through any like space mission, you start, you know, feeling like the walls are closing in a little bit, but and you're ready to come home.

Now, I had flown a six month flight previously, so I kind of knew what I was expecting, and I think I planned accordingly and didn't really feel all too anxious when I was getting towards the end. What kind of preparation goes into spending that much time in space and in zero gravity and all that kind of... Oh, there's a lot of preparation. You know, it's an international space station, right? So there's, you know, 15 different countries around the world. Not New Zealand yet, but I almost said Australia.

Wow, you would have killed me. Many people have said that. You've seen both of us from space, so you should know that there's a difference. We're a lot skinnier. You would have been getting a lot of nasty letters if I would have said Australia. Yeah, so not New Zealand yet. You're not involved yet. Maybe someday.

But yeah, because it's this international program, there's countries that you have to train in around the world. Japan, Germany, Russia, United States, Canada. So it makes the training somewhat complicated in that you're associated with a lot of long-distance travel. So, you know, a lot of New Zealanders or Kiwis know that, you know, because you guys got to travel a lot yourselves to get anywhere long distances. And when you're doing that, you're jet-lagged, you're tired. It's kind of hard to function and pay attention the hardest part for me of the training was always just being jet lagged all the time do you have a favorite part to look out to i mean you've seen the entire world i always love seeing the images of new zealand like from space the high definition images and i'm like

wow but do you have a favorite can you pick pick a favorite? You know, New Zealand's pretty beautiful, but you got that long cloud, right, that's over the island most of the time. Yeah, land of the long white clouds, yeah. Yeah, that's true, the long white cloud. It's often one over New Zealand. But, yeah, New Zealand is, of course, beautiful. I mean, New Zealand's like my favorite country to visit.

But, you know, there's places on Earth you fly over more often and you see more often because of the weather. I always say the Bahamas from space are particularly strikingly beautiful because it's a very wide expanse of blue color, blue and green water. Wow. Yeah, just get rid of that cloud and I'd say New Zealand. What about the desolate places when you're flying over? Like, I'm imagining there's parts of Russia, it's so massive that it just must look like nothing down there or deserts but in their own way, beautiful from space.

Well, certainly, like water, right? You know, water and deserts where, you know, places where the people don't, you know, you don't really live on the water. You don't really live in a desert generally. At least a lot of people don't. And it's interesting that those are the most beautiful places. So, you know, you would think an alien coming to visit Earth would be attracted to the most beautiful place.

So it's kind of hard to understand why they always go to that trailer park home in Roswell. Speaking of which, Scott, and I don't want this to come across like a stupid question, but what are your thoughts on aliens? Have you seen anything weird that you can't explain? Do you believe that there's life out there? I believe that there's probably life out there, maybe even like intelligent life. The numbers of, you know, stars and Earth-like planets, it seems like the probability that we would be it

would be hard to, and it's hard for me to reconcile that. And if you think, well, if there's life on at least one other planet, then there's probably life all over the place. Now, do I think they visit Earth? I don't think the physics supports it much. You know, the fact that you could have any kind of species travel those such far distances in space that would take, you know, tens of thousands of years. What we understand our current capability with technology is as far

as how fast we can go and it's also maybe it's quite possible too that you know if you look at how humans have treated this planet uh let's say since the industrial revolution i mean if you look at you know just consider like 200 years ago what the earth must have been like compared to where technology and, you know, the expanse of humans has brought it to today. Maybe, I don't know, maybe like, uh, you know, intelligent species just don't live that long. You know, they get it, they get a certain level of capability and they just, you know, destroy their surroundings. And so, yeah, so maybe it's not, maybe there might have been intelligent life out there at certain times.

Maybe it just, I don't know, maybe they just don't last that long. Do you ever wish you were born 50 years later so you could go to Mars? Do you ever, like, you're watching the current Mars, sort of like the excitement that was for the moon is now, you know, redirected to Mars. Are we getting ahead of ourselves with Mars? And if you were in the age group when it does become possible, would you have gone? Well, I don't, and nor do I regret not being born earlier and, you know, not having had the opportunity to go to the moon. The way I look at it is I was incredibly fortunate to be in the right place at the right time with the right background and experience

to have the privilege of working for NASA and flying in space. And it's not like, you know, it's not like there was two space programs going on at the same time and I was on the wrong team, right? It's like, you know, I was on this team and I'd rather have been on like the All Blacks or something. I am loving the amount of local references you're throwing us down here. That is well-researched, well-researched. I just felt fortunate to have the privileges I've had.

No, I don't dream about. I'd go in a second as long as I could also come back at some time in the future. Right. Okay, just hold there, Scott. We'll be back with astronaut Scott Kelly with more questions next. We're joined on the phone this morning by astronaut Scott Kelly. Which space movie do you hate the most? Which is the most unrealistic and you just can't watch?

You know, I look at those movies for what I like about them and not what's wrong with them. Yeah, right. Like, you know, I watched the movie Gravity while I was on the space station. Wow. Which is actually, it's actually a lot like watching a movie of your house burning down.

That's why they don't show movies on planes of plane crashes. Yeah. Exactly. Right. We can play anything we want. What about after a whole year on the International Space Station, what was your first meal when you got back? I had, on the airplane bringing me back to the U.S. from Kazakhstan, I had like a salad and like a steak or something.

It was kind of like a, it was catering. Right. Things like airplane food. After a year in space, your first meal was airplane food. The salad, your burger, fries. Mind you, that probably. Actually, the first thing I ate was a banana. Right.

Right. Wow. Okay. And was it amazing? ate was a banana. Right. Right. Wow. Okay. And was it amazing? It was pretty good. Yeah. What is it feeling like feeling gravity after you've spent a year in space? Ooh, it's rough.

Gravity gives you a beat down. It's tough on your joints, your cardiovascular system. You get, you know, your body has not been opposing gravity. So your heart doesn't even know like how to in your cardiovascular system doesn't do very well at keeping the blood up into your head. So you get like swollen ankles. My skin didn't touch anything for a long time. So I kind of rashes and hives anywhere my skin had touched anything with pressure. You're you're dizzy. You know, you're nauseous and dizzy because of the effects of gravity on your vestibular system that you

haven't experienced. You're tired. You've lost blood volume, but with that volume, you get the volume back quickly. Well, you don't get that back as quick as the red blood cells. So, yeah, there are a lot of negative impacts to being in space for a long time. Wow. Oh, my God. How long did that take until you were feeling sort of 80% again? I would say 80%, probably about six months.

Oh, my God. Okay, so it was a year in space, but then, you know, the hangover. It's like drinking. You were there for a while, but the hangover is another thing to deal with. I was going to say, the fountain of youth is going to space, but the net downside is coming back. Just stay in space. Our producer's got a question.

With the amount of satellites and space junk orbiting the Earth, is it a worry to you that one day we won't be able to leave the planet safely? Is that something that is on the horizon? Does it worry me? I think the bigger problem with regards to the space junk is just littering up space.

You put enough junk up there and garbage and old rocket bodies and pieces of spacecraft, old satellites and stuff, and eventually you're going to be in a position where you can't operate there because your hardware is getting hit all the time. It's a big issue. And humanity doesn't seem to learn, does it? It kind of like, well, we'll live primarily in this part of the world. Oh, it's a bit overcrowded and a bit messy, so let's go to another part of the world. They do that. We polluted the ocean, and now we're polluting space

before we've even properly explored it. Yeah, we have proven, definitely proven, that we pollute on a massive scale wherever we go, right? Yeah. What are your predictions for space travel? Is NASA getting back to the moon anytime soon? Or has COVID put the brakes on everything? Or has it been business as usual?

I'll tell you, we want to go back to the moon, but we need some help from New Zealand. We've got Rocket Labs, a New Zealand rocket company. They've been setting up some payloads into the atmosphere. They're just a startup that are totally doing their thing. Yeah. You know, they've been doing great work. So, yeah, I think, you know, we'll get back to the moon someday

and Mars someday. We'll get to Mars. I just don't know when. You know, it's a matter of, jeez, the world has so many competing priorities right now that we just got to figure out how to do this in a way that makes sense. And we will someday. I just can't predict when it would be.

And I would just like to know what you say to flat earthers. Have you come close to punching any? Who? Exactly. Oh, my God. As someone who has seen. I try not to even talk. Yeah.

I try not to even talk about those boneheads. You know, I used to think it was funny. Like, oh, it's a joke. Yeah, big deal. A lot of those guys don't even believe that. But, you know, when you're able to not believe in something as absolute as the Earth being a round sphere, then you're willing to believe anything. Like, you know, climate change is a hoax. Like, yeah, all that kind of nonsense.

Like vaccines don't work, you know, that stuff. And those things, you know, the flat Earth thing, you know, it's kind of a joke. And it doesn't really have a harmful effect on its own but what it does is is call into question other forms of science and fact and reality that can be harmful um well scott we really appreciate you taking the time to talk to little old new zealand covered in cloud but when when this whole covert thing blows over you are always welcome back oh i would love to and i think your your prime minister is doing a great job there setting an example for the rest and when this whole COVID thing blows over, you are always welcome back. Oh, I would love to. I think your Prime Minister is doing a great job there setting an example for the rest of us

and I would, you know, love to come back to New Zealand someday. Fantastic. Well, we can't wait until the world can do all that sort of stuff again. Thank you so much for talking to us, Scott. All right. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast.

ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about wasp flavoured vodka. Okay. Waspflavored vodka. Okay. Wasp-flavored vodka. And you're hearing me right. I'm saying wasp as in, like, bees, but they're on meth and they're angry and they're fuzzy and they don't make honey.

They don't bring anything to this world except flavored vodka. Yeah. So this happens in Japan. Yeah. It is made with shochu which is a japanese liquor that is most similar to vodka in the way it is distilled okay uh and basically uh one man i don't know why yeah he claims uh passed down through the ages yeah he found found the recipe was told about it uh makes wasp infusedinfused vodka. How do you do this?

Well, first of all, you wait for someone to say that there's a wasp's nest, and then you go and you snaffle up that wasp's nest. Okay. Just like beekeepers catch wild swarms of bees and add them to a little hive and they make the honey. So you catch the bees, the wasps,, and then are you in a mason jar? So it's got to be completely sealable. It's got to be a full seal.

You carefully put some wasps into the jar. Alive. Yes. With the shochu, which is like the vodka I was talking about. I think you're going to need a little funnel with a trap door, a one-way flap. Yeah. To get the-way flap. Yeah. To get the wasps in. Yeah.

Or would you use little tongs or something? Well, I was thinking you would almost like hold the mason jar upside down. This is not what they said, but this is my theory on it. And put it over an opening in the top of the bag so they fly up into it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's smart. And so they're going up. Yeah.

And then take the jar off and put a sieve over it so they can't get back through. But then you can fill it up with vodka then. Oh, yeah's smart. So they're going up and then take the jar off and put a sieve over it so they can't get back through. But then you can fill it up with vodka then. Oh, yeah, right. Because they say that they're alive. Next, you put the lid on and you shut it and you leave it for three years. Oh, what? They die pretty quick.

That's horrible, though. I know they're wasps. I know, but they're dying. They're drowning in booze. We can all hope to die in such a delicious manner. They're way too boozed to realise what's going on. This is how Vaughan wanted to go. In a vat of whiskey.

He fell into the Jameson's vat, didn't he? He did. The family believe it may have been on purpose. If anybody's going to drown during a Jameson's tour Of the factory it's you Yay The Augustus Glum Of the Jameson's tour We said we've lost somebody Where's that big man gone

Splosh Oh no Get the Irish Oompa Loompas Oompa Loompa They're just leprechauns They're just leprechauns Get the Irish Oompa Loompas. Oompa Loompa Doopity Dee. They're just leprechauns. They're just leprechauns. We've got another riddle for ye.

Jameson's factory missing a trick if they don't have leprechauns. Yeah. At their factory. But anyway, this is in Japan and it's vodka. So you leave them in there and there is a sign. The sign you look out for years later is that the wasp's bodies have properly fermented and all the necessary nutrients have seeped into the liquid. So basically there's a bit of dust in the bottom, but other than that, they've dissolved to nothing.

The liquor will then be dark, muddy-esque brown. It was at that stage that this person who went and tasted the wasp-flavored vodka opened the lid for the first time, and they described the look as awfully unappealing. The only thing less appealing was the smell. Regular vodka with a hint of rotting flesh. They took a sip of it, and they said it had a salty aftertaste, and it is something they never wish to taste again in their life.

Now, what is the benefits to it? Well, this guy believes it's led to him having better skin. Oh, yeah. I don't know if there's something in the venom. Okay. But it's been in the booze for so long, I'm not sure. Yeah. Has also said that this has aided with recovery from fatigue

and the prevention of lifestyle disease. And that's where the repetition of your daily habits lead to sickness and depression. Japan talks a lot about that. Yeah, yeah. About how if you just do the same thing over and over, there's this lifestyle disease. But I think it sounds like depression due to, you know,

no new experiences. Well, they do 60-hour weeks, don't they? Yeah, insane amount of work. So maybe wasp-flavored vodka is the answer to that. Right, and so did this take off because this guy's like... Well, I'm not saying it's taken off. Don't get me wrong. It's, I mean, here's a picture.

This is no good for anybody at home, but you can see it. It looks like... Oh, no, it looks like puddle water. Yeah. It looks like estuary. If you've ever had one of those... It looks like estuary. It does look like estuary.

Yes, it does. It looks like an estuary. Yeah, when they scoop water out for like a story on water pollution, it'd be like, see? Yeah. That's what it looks like. So I'm not saying it's taken off, but I am saying that this guy swears by it and makes it,

and you can try it if you go to Japan. So today's fact of the day is you can go to Japan and taste wasp-infused vodka. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I kept forgetting to tell you this. This happened on Monday. Okay. Filming for

Have You Been Paying Attention. Right. I was going to get my makeup done, TV makeup, and then they just glam me. I just sit in the chair and I say, glam me.

Yeah. I reluctantly go like, don't make it look too bad. They get out the filler. Yeah. Fill in the lines. They Botox me. They do everything.

Match your shiny head. Yeah. They don't have to do my hair. They save a lot of time on that Yep But then they have to like Powder my whole head We should ask for the cash equivalent then

Of the hair thing Of the hair thing Yeah Yeah Totally Or beard extensions or something Yeah yeah So I was sat in the chair

They make you put on the nice shirt Because they give me the shirt to wear Because imagine if I had to Provide my own clothes It'd be a shirt I'd be in a t-shirt every week And they don't want that No So I was They make you put on the shirt Before wear because imagine if I had to provide my own clothes. It'd be a shirt. I'd be in a t-shirt every week. I don't want that.

So I was, they make you put on the shirt before you get the makeup on because then if you put the shirt on after the makeup, you can get stains on the clothes. Yeah. And they return them, don't they? I don't know. They wash them and use them again next week. Oh, okay. Right. Sometimes they make up stains.

Yeah. So I'm sat in the chair in this collared long sleevesleeved shirt that's made of some weird woven material. Wool? Nah. Nylon? Polyester? Cotton? Nah, it was like cotton.

Okay. But it just had a different sort of a... Like a weave to it. Yeah, a weave to it. Okay. So I was sitting there and Tash, who I will name in shame, was doing my makeup and she said, oh, you've got an eyelash.

And she reached down onto my chest and grabbed what she believed to be an eyelash but was actually my chest hair poking through the weave in the fabric. And she went, pull. And I went, oh. And she went, oh, it's stuck in your shirt. And was like, yoink, and yoinked this chest hair through the shirt. And it was like, and I was like, that was a chest hair.

And she's like, it looked like an eyelash. I said, well, only the very end of it was sticking through the. Oh, that's yuck. She plucked you. She plucked me. She plucked you. So I've shaved my chest now. So it doesn't stick through.

I shaved it right down. What kind of material was this? It had holes. But it was like this woven that's why something was woven it had these

teeny tiny little it was nice because the shirt breathed it breathed so it didn't sweat so much I didn't see

the Tuesday night episode but were you wearing a mesh singlet I was wearing a fishnet a fishnet yeah it was a theme

it was a themed episode but yeah and then she realised what she'd done she got really embarrassed and she had to go realised what she'd done and she got really embarrassed and she had to go and hide around the corner while she was really embarrassed and all the other make-up women were like laughing at me and her. Oh, yeah.

But I didn't feel too much shame about it. But then she came back and she said, that's not even the first time I've done that. She's like, I've done that before to like a young female. I was doing her make-up on her face and I was like, oh, eyelash. And I grabbed her hair on her face and went, she said she pulled it, but it didn't come out. It went, yoink, yoink, and pulled it off her face.

She was like, I'll just leave that there. And then she like patted it. I'll just leave that there. Yeah. So. Is that the first time you've shaved your test? No, I do. I trim it down all the time, but I haven't done it for a while.

Otherwise, it gets a bit bushy. Usually, it's like when, because before I go and get my back lasered, that's got to be shaved. So I'll just get in the shower, and that's a full shave, top to bottom pretty much. I'll do the whole shebang there, front, back, up, down. And you blame the three other females in your house for the clogged shower. No, because this is all like long, it's a little short here.

That flows right down. It's the long stuff that gets all wound around the plug and gets all tangled and awful. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. A survey has been done on Kiwi travellers. 61% of Kiwi travellers have admitted they look nothing like their passport photos after the past year. After what we'll call 2020. 26% said their looks had changed due to extra kilos after COVID.

Well, that's the thing, it makes your face go a bit rounder, doesn't it? Puff out. Yeah, ouch. That's a quarter of people. And then 17% say it's because of the hair. They let it grow out or they've cut it or something's happened. Yeah. You know, like they changed their looks after the pandemic.

Do you know also it's estimated around 400,000 Kiwis have had their passports expired? Yeah, that was kind of big news a few weeks ago. That's nuts. Yeah, and people that are like, oh, let's just go to Aussie or the Cook Islands are like, oh, that's right. Aren't they back to 10-year expiration? Because I got mine right after I got married, and then after that I dyed my hair and I was blonde. I didn't, that's not, so I was brunette in my passport photo,

but blonde in real life. Is that a problem? Because that was like that for years. I don't know. No, because it scans your face. It scans the shape of your face more than the colour of your hair, I think. Right.

I just look majorly pissed off in my passport photo because I think they told me I wasn't allowed to smile. Well, yeah, they do. Don't smile and you're like... But then often in those scanny things, I've had them tell me

I had to go to the desk because maybe your face doesn't look like... Oh, yeah, I had that once too. Yeah. I mean, I got my photo taken right after I was shredding for the wedding, so that's a bit much. So it's a kick in the teeth, isn't it, to get the scan? They're like, sorry, chubs, you're going to have to go to the dentist.

Just go to the chubs line to get back into the country. Ouch. Yeah, I've had it when my beard's been longer going through that thing. It's like, no. Because I guess I can't see the shape of your face as much. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right. But I always thought it was the facial recognition stuff

was done on like distance points between like the darkness of your eyes and then where the brow goes and like it detects a whole lot of like darkness points and works out the distance between them. Yeah, but that thing if it's working out points and your cheeks have puffed up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And your cheeks closer to your nose. There are going to be a lot of people up at the desk, eh?

Yeah, I think the next week, yeah, the next year, they might just have to, I don't know, can they just loosen up the settings a bit? Yeah, just turn up the chubs. Yeah. So that way you don't have to go through the separate line. Yeah, but again, if you're thinking about a trip to Aussie or the Cook Islands, another reminder as well,

you check your passport expiry because you have 400,000 have expired. And even if they haven't expired, you need a certain amount of months for different places. Well, not that we're going. Yeah, that's true. But you also, if there's a bit of a backlog, like if they get flooded with requests for new passports, it might take a bit longer than usual too.

Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music, live here. ZM.