ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 15th December 2020

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Top 6: Cody Simpson  Community Notices!  12 Days of Fletchmas!  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by five McCafe coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. Now, executive intern Anya has walked in with a cake. What? Why does it say your name first? Because I'm the coolest. Because I'm the coolest. She's just figuring out the microphones. Where should I go? Oh, that's a good looking cake. Now, who's it from?

This is from the lovely Sky Publicity team, Polly and Megan. It's lovely. It says, Dear Anna, Fletch Warner Megan. Oh, wow.

You can't eat the glittery bits, I would assume. Yeah, edible glitter. It's like a cake that looks like a Rudolph. No, you can't eat that.

Yeah, right. I know there's edible glitter, but I don't believe that is edible glitter. Show me. Show me. Show me, show me. Is that icing?

You shouldn't put it on a cake if it's not edible. Show me. She's pulling it out. No, it's not edible. No, maybe it was because I thought it was caramel. Spin the box around your ear. That's not edible. You've eaten an ant leg that's not edible.

Wow, that's beautiful. Oh, wow, it's a Rudolph. It's a beautiful cake. You know, like the unicorn cakes. Yeah, that's... It's a Rudolph cake. One of those cakes. Do you ever get the... Just the urge just to run your finger through all the icing,

just have a little... I always get the urge to smash it. What is wrong with you two? I feel like slicing it like a proper gentleman, offering everyone a slice, bigger or smaller. Just a little slither for me today. I'm off to the gym. Just a tiny slither, thank you.

For me, I shouldn't have too much. There's going to be three more cake appointments for me today. Got a lot of cakes on the go. Yeah, a lot of cakes on the go. It's that cakey time of the year. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleets, Fawn and Megan Good morning Tuesday Morning, morning Tuesday 10 days

Till Christmas Don't let that panic you If you've done very little shopping Yep Oh, if you've done nothing, probably start panicking A bit of light panic Maybe a brief feeling of overwhelming anxiety. Yeah.

Leads to Christmas. This weekend is the last mall weekend, right? Yeah. People are going to be out in force. Have you done, because you famously get all your Christmas shopping done quite early. I'm done. You're done. I did most of it for Black Friday.

Black Friday sales. Right. And have you gone for a theme for your wrapping this year? I have. Because people ask. People do want to know. People message in and say, what's Megan's theme this year? Because last year was all black.

Yeah. It's mostly white. White and silver with a little bit of black this year. Okay. Yeah. Which is problematic, actually, because you wrap something up and you can see through the white paper, which I didn't think about. A see-through top to the club or something underneath.

Either you're going to say white shorts to the beach and you get out and everyone can see your penis. Yeah, that too. Because that happens as well if you don't have a thorough lining of your shorts. I would never wear white. Oh, neither would I. No. I've got white togs. They're very thick though.

Yeah, you've got to test them out. Sort of like an old white canvas marquee. Yeah, strapped in. And they've even got those tie-up straps at the back where they whack a couple of pegs into the ground. Which is good because it gets very windy at the beach. Yeah, you need to be tied down in your marquee tog. The top six is coming up.

And Cody Simpson, who you're obviously Cody Simpson, who more recently you'll know from... Being in a relationship with Miley Cyrus. Yes. Turns out he has qualified for the Olympic trials. Yes. In the butterfly. So Cody Simpson could be at the Tokyo Olympics,

which are next year in July. That's crazy. I mean, he's still got to beat every other be at the Tokyo Olympics, which are next year in July. That's crazy. I mean, he's still going to beat every other Australian at the trials. So do they have re-qualifications? Because I would have thought if you ticked the box to qualify for the Olympics when they were... Well, yeah, because swimmers were no different to us. They were isolated eating chips. Oh, wow.

And they couldn't get in the pool. Whereas like cyclists could jump on the old Peloton. Exactly. And cycle at home, couldn't they? But yeah. He's absolutely the old peloton. Exactly. And cycle at home, couldn't they? He's absolutely ripped. Ripped. Yeah. But he's only just got back into this.

Like five months. Yeah. I hate when people are so talented they're good at a couple of things. He might be one of those naturally talented people. Boo. Struggle with it like everyone else, please. So I've got the top six artists and what they'd compete at the Olympics in. Alright, it's coming up.

Next, I want to talk about an app. Privacy concerns are raised with this new app, which you might actually have. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. I don't think I would download this app just because I don't want them, like, knowing these details about me anyway, but lots of people have

downloaded the new tower insurance app. It's called Go Karma with a C, like car you're driving. Oh, okay, right. And basically it tracks, records and scores how well people drive. So if you're with tower insurance, you download this app. And what the idea is- We did a test of the precursor to this app a few years ago. What's that? And what the idea is... Didn't we do a test of the precursor to this app a few years ago?

What's that? I seem to remember a driving app. A driving app. Did we? Yeah, we drove around to see who had the smoothest drive and everything. Are you sure that wasn't a dream? No, I seem to remember a driving app as well. Yeah, we did do that, didn't we? That's right.

I can't remember who that was for. It was for Tower of Terrorism. Was it? Were we testing it? It wasn't called Go Karma at that stage, though, but it was like a driving app that you had open while you were driving, right? But I don't think you have to be. And it monitors your speed and everything.

And if you behaved well, it meant lower premiums. Yeah, I don't think you have to be. You have an accident, though, and what, they bring up the app and don't pay you out? Is that the idea? Well, if you're speeding. Yeah, but they reckon that's not what it's for. It's purely to assess your own driving. Right, for sure it is.

You don't really get feedback on how well you drive. Okay. So this is a good way to give you feedback. So what happens is the app connects to the Bluetooth and it uses your smartphone to track how you accelerate, brake and corner. And it will give you feedback on how well you're doing. Okay.

But people have a problem with this. Well, obviously, because it's your insurance company. If they're monitoring you and they don't think you're a very good driver. Your premiums are going to go up or they're not going to pay you out if you have a little ding. Well, they haven't confirmed that, but they did say that, yeah, it could reduce the excess on your policies if you're found to be a safe driver. But like... This is like when I drove the work car the other day and they gave me an email about my speeding. They're always watching.

Oh, yeah. Always watching. Because they said nine out of ten Kiwis think that they're really good drivers, but they're not. I mean, we've all been on the road. There's more than that that are pretty terrible. But you get a score out of 100 based on a whole different factors, including like how smoothly you accelerate and brake.

Right. And then how hard you hit the car in front of you. Boom, they stopped very suddenly. Great braking. Reduce their premium. Oh, it was into a tree. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

I would be somewhat reluctant if I was a boss in charge of multiple outlets of any variety. Okay. To- Vaughan Corp. Vaughan Corp is now in 15 malls. Yep. Ironically, I won't go to any of my branches because I don't like malls. What does Vaughan Corp sell, your business?

Socks. Socks. Okay. Just in time for Christmas. Yeah? Socks. Socks. Okay. Just in time for Christmas. Yeah, some socks. Some, like, emergency undies. Oh, yep. Like, if you shit yourself in the mall.

If you have a little whoopsie. Like, emergency undies. Okay. Gadgets. How's business going? Slow. Not surprised. Slow.

Waiting for winter for those socks. Oh, yeah. For the socks to really pick up. Yeah. So the guy who's in charge of, well, basically the place that runs the Pandora franchises. It's called the Howley Group, but they're in charge of Pandora. Pandora is jewelry. They do Pandora bracelets amongst other things, but they've got their own stores now.

So they've branched out. They do a bit more than just the bracelets. Right. However, the guy videoed himself, Joseph Howley of the Howley Group, and sent it around to all the different stores. Now, if you're a staff member of said Pandora store, you were to watch this video.

It was about the upcoming big, busy Christmas season. Okay. See if you can spot whether it goes badly in this video. Hi, everyone upcoming big busy christmas season okay um see if you can spot whether it goes badly in this video hi everyone this is joseph howley i'm the director of the business we're going on to a very busy time of the year and it's so important to me okay and then you are very important to this business don't call in sick okay if anyone's calling sick cancelling shifts i need to know about. You need to talk to me directly. I need your full support. Is that clear?

Don't call in sick. In the middle of a pandemic. And the day that the government launched its new COVID-19 summer ad campaign where the key messaging was, if you're sick, you stay at home. You don't go to work. You don't go to the beach. You don't go to

public events. I feel for anyone that runs a business. And Megan, when you ran your cafe, you knew what this was like on a Saturday morning when someone's hung over and they're just like, I can't be bothered coming in today. I'm sick. There's nothing you can do though, because you just have to,

everyone's entitled to sick days. But like, yeah, I feel for the guy a little bit. But don't put up a video saying don't leave Paul in sick don't leave some evidence he's like the big boss he's like I need to know if someone's cancelled a shift

so there's that intimidation yeah sort of situation talk to me directly yeah which is like ridiculous because you can't tell me the big dude

at a company that owns 12 jewellery outlets is going to be contactable over this summer period he's not working at a store is he and youwellery outlets is going to be contactable over this summer period. He's not working in a store, is he? And you can't say that they don't have enough staff to just kind of like pull someone from another store or something. Well, maybe, yeah, I don't know.

I don't know the situation, but... Don't send around a video of yourself. And that's a New Zealand and Australian company. So that was seen by Pandora stores in Australia as well. By lots of people. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, if you're going to have that message,

say it in person where there's no evidence. Yeah, and make sure no one's recording it. And then just have absolute deniability. Put all your phones on the table. Yeah. I'm about to tell you something. Yeah. Take them into a room with a dryer running like the Sopranos

so they can't hear Even if they're wearing a wire They're not going to get A good recording You're going to have Total deniability Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast

ZM From the oily ZM think tank This is the top six Hello there Today's top six Cody Simpson Australian musician

But most Probably best one on for dating Miley Cyrus after she broke up with Liam Hemsworth. And maybe if he does qualify for the Olympics, he can finally be recognised as Cody Simpson, not Miley Cyrus' Australian ex, Cody Simpson, which is what he's called in all the headlines about this story. He used to love swimming,

but he gave it up to give music a shot. But apparently after breaking up with Miley, he got back into swimming. He's been training a lot. And he qualified for the Australian Olympic trials because he could swim 100 metres butterfly. He swam it in 54.9 seconds and the qualifying benchmark is 56.8 for the 100m butterfly. Wow, so he smashed that by a second. Yeah. He's been training full on for five months. That's not long.

But is this a surprise? Because he puts his mind to it. He gets it. He wanted Miley Cyrus since, you know. Yeah, he was chipping away at that for years. He was chipping away at that for years. He's got perseverance. He does, clearly.

So he put it up on Instagram saying, I just qualified for my first Olympic trials. Many likes, many comments. The photo is of him ripped with his swim bod. Oh, right. Okay. Can you guys do butterfly? Because I can't.

No. It's real hard. It goes up your nose and then you hit the ground and you're like. Yeah, and then you do your arm thing, but it doesn't get you up out of the water far enough. And then you've got to time the legs thing, but I think it's like alternative to the arms. Yeah, and it just looks like you're having a seizure in the pool. Why butterfly? I always wonder why butterfly.

Like, what about freestyle? There's easier ones. See, that's the thing. He's chosen the good one because there's less people. He'll do it. There's less people. And butterfly makes less sense to me than like side stroke. Like backstroke.

No, side stroke. Where you go on your side and you do that thing where you're picking apples and put them in the basket. That's just a drill. No, but backstroke makes sense because you're just floating on your back. No, I get dizzy. I put my head too far back. And then I get water on my head. Yeah, I hate it.

I hate backstroke. Restroke's the great stroke. It's just chill. No, because you don't go fast enough. No, you're like a frog. And you can never breathe every time. You're right. You're exerting too much energy.

Too much energy for how quickly you get in there. Somebody should try to nail sidestroke. I reckon that's a new Olympic stroke. Pick the apple and put it in the basket. That's just a drill, mate. That's what you do at school. Well, I could do it quicker than I could do butterfly, and I could do it for longer.

Yeah, and less danger of drowning too. You could do a kickboard. Someone needs to know how to kickboard. You could be an Olympic kickboarder. Yes, no arms, just legs. Yeah. And you don't have to worry about keeping yourself afloat, so you could just go ham on the legs.

That would be great to watch, actually. You'd need to build up your legs, though. I don't know if you've got Olympic kickboarding legs. They're very strong and there's not much drag on them. That's true. Streamlined. Streamlined. And then shave them.

Yep. You'll go even faster. You'll be like a silky otter through the water. No, because they've got a very thick, dense hair. No, but it goes smooth, doesn't it? Slick. More like a seal. Okay, you're like smooth, doesn't it? More like a seal. Okay, you're like

a slick seal. Seal through the water. So I've got the top six musicians in their possible Olympic sports. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six musicians in their possible Olympic sports,

Taylor Swift doing pole vault. She looks like she could pole vault. Oh, okay. And if she can't, it would be funny to watch. How do you start pole vaulting? God, imagine at the moment. Imagine your first time pole vaulting.

Oh, horrible. What? Terrifying. Yeah. You're doing all the practice and the... Because you only see those videos of people that end up back on the pole. Yeah. That would be me. I'd kebab myself.

Right in the scrote. I'd be a sauteed chicken at the Olympics. Yeah. Who dosed you in peanut sauce? I can understand how you skewered, but I don't know how you got that peanut flavour on. I was wearing the peanut sauce. Oh, you were wearing it? Yep. Already. To be sleek? Yep. Because it's so oily. To be honest, I'd

go more for a honey soy, but that's a discussion for another time. Okay. What kebab I'd be? Well, you were the one that said satay. I know I panicked. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six musicians in their possible olympic sports i can see ariana grande being an equestrian rider yeah she looks like an equestrian right now so tight and then the horse would also have the matching ponytail because you've always got to look like your horse yeah uh number four and

you've also got to be as unpredictable and as crazy as a horse too. Number four on the list of the top six musicians in their Olympic sports, Billie Eilish, skeet shooting. You know that, just the shooting.

She'll be like, pull, boom, boom. She'll just get it. Because she can wear the baggy track suit the whole time too. Yep.

No pressure. Number three on the list of the top six musicians in their Olympic sports. Ironically, Ed Sheeran at the beach volleyball. He's doing a lot of sunscreen. A lot of sunscreen. He gets roasted. Yeah, I know. He gets absolutely roasted.

Lots of sunscreen. Okay. And water. He'd need a shade umbrella next to the court for between matches. Number two on the list of the top six musicians in their Olympic sports are Miley Cyrus and fencing. Oh, yes, she'd be good at that. Something tells me old Miley would be handy with a sword.

And number one on the list of the top six musicians in their possible Olympic sports, Harry Styles on the ball and ribbon floor routine at the gymnastics. Oh, my God. I would love to see that. I think you just made Megan stay. With the little ribbon and woo! Throw the ball up, roll it round his hands.

Yeah. That is today's Top 6. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. New Zealand has had shoutouts this week. We love it even if we just hear someone say New Zealand. I just love it when you hear New Zealand in a movie. Like, oh, their son's

gone to New Zealand. You're like, I can still remember the first time it happened when Michelle Tanner on Full House, her and Stephanie got on the wrong plane

and they thought they were going to Oakland, but they were going to Auckland. Auckland, New Zealand. Pre 9-11, when you could just wander onto the wrong plane. Plane shenanigans.

Yeah, yeah. The good old days. Well, we've had some love on Stephen Colbert's show. Yeah, he's the American talk show host. Very funny man. Yeah. Used to host the Colbert Report on Comedy Central. He came to New Zealand.

We were just trying to work out when that was. I'm thinking it was like January or... Was it this year? Yeah, Jan or Feb this year. And the Prime Minister Minister Jacinda Ardern picked him up from the airport, drove him around, he went to Queensland, all over New Zealand and then did a big show. Promoted tourism?

It was... Nah, it wasn't. When was it? He did it in 2019 because the last part of his where he tricked to remote parts of New Zealand, he wrapped up his epic quest and that was uploaded by The Late Show on the 23rd of November 2019. What's the end of November?

Like end of 2019? But then, no, he filmed it months, well, months and months before that. Because remember he came and everyone was like, he's here, he's here.

Yeah. And then... Oh, time, eh? It's all just moulding into one month at the moment. But yeah, he's just been doing more shows. I'm guessing he's in lockdown and low on content

now that the election's finished. It's just been reeling out all this stuff from his trip, which is kind of sad because you'd want people to book holidays here, but they can't yet. Yeah, but top of the list when they can. Well, yeah, because we were being praised for less COVID than the White House. And, you know, so that kind of thing.

So hopefully that'll be great once things open up. But we have had another shout out. This one was on Saturday Night Live. Timothy Chamolet was on a skit and they did a shout out to New Zealand. So they were all dressed up. They had big coronavirus like helmets on. They were a coronavirus family. So they were all dressed up. They had big coronavirus, like, helmets on. They were a coronavirus family. To give some context of this.

Yeah, they were a family of all different sorts of viruses. And then their auntie and uncle herpes, no, the visiting virus herpes turned up. Yeah. Yeah, it was the whole the virus family. And grandma was the 1918 Spanish influenza strain.

We gave you every opportunity. We paid to send you to New Zealand and now look, zero cases. People are going to concerts there. It's a disgrace.

Think of your poor grandmother, Spanish influenza. Just weird to see Timothy Chamalayan like dressed as a coronavirus. As a coronavirus, yeah. And he was their disappointing son because he came to New Zealand and didn't do anything. Didn't get anywhere.

But then he... 2020. Yeah. I think it was... And then the best line of it all was like the herpes people who were at the door were like, well, I guess we'll see ourselves out. Classic herpes, always turning up during the stressful periods.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM FM. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Community Notices. Hello there and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. Pop them all, buy and sell anything.

There's been a listing here. Something for sale going into the holiday season. Isn't it always lovely to have some lollipops? Lollipops, gently used, $5. Gently used? Gently used lollipops. They look disgusting. I don't know if it's a heat warp or this could be remnants

from Halloween that then went into a Christmas lolly scramble. Do you know my parents took my daughters to the Morrisville Christmas Parade at the weekend when they were down there. Oh, okay, the lolly scramble. Really? Like off the floats. Apparently.

Controversial. That's old school. Old school. Getting back out there. Were kids running under the wheels of the trucks? No, that didn't happen. Which is always good. I think I would have heard it.

I probably wouldn't have talked about it if that had happened. Yeah, right. You can imagine some old mates like, let's just bloody, it's just PC madness. Chuck the bloody lollies off the trucks. And I won't put up scaffolding when I'm working on my roof. Kids should fall off a playground onto concrete. It's how we had it. The next from the Tauranga Buy and Sell,

so just over the bridge there, but it'll take you a while because, you know, traffic, is the listing for, this is for free in Tauranga, hundreds of opera LPs and CDs. Oh, okay. Now these were listed by somebody whose name I can't see

whoever submitted this scribbled out the name. The first comment is not yours to give away. A bit of consideration and asking me if it's okay would have been nice.

Swear face. Swear face. Is this someone's wife throwing out the or husband throwing out the collection? So it seems it's the person who aggressively responded as a female

because someone said, wow, easy on lady. Talk about airing your business in public. So I don't know whether or not it's a separation and getting rid of all the stuff. But those are not. Yeah. Those are not theirs to give away. Remember when you had like rows of DVDs at home? Oh, yeah.

And CDs. Madness. Yeah, madness. Yeah. Next on the community notices board from the St. Martin's Christchurch neighbourhood page. I live on Wilson Road South, says the poster. And I've just noticed over the last 20 minutes, two kids hanging off my fence to gorge themselves on my plums.

The plums are coming in. Our plum tree's got plums on it. And I had a couple. They are yum. They walked away and then came back for another go. I'm not going to publish their descriptions because privacy and all that. They were about seven to 10.

But if your kids have explosive diarrhea tomorrow, that might be why. I had to repair a few pickets in that spot last year because of people clambering over the fence to again gorge themselves on my plums. The most frustrating thing is if they'd knocked and asked, I would have told them to go and grab a bag and I would have got the ladder out for them. Which, with much respect, if your children have diarrhea, tell them they can just ask for plums next time. Okay, right. Again, on community notices,

this one's really interesting. This is on the Upper Clutha community notices. Notices, Hannah writes, Hi, I live in Egypt. Oh, okay. My doorman who sits outside all day and night has a cold and does not have warm clothes. I bought him medicine and fresh fruit

and I have someone visiting me soon from New Zealand and I was wondering if anyone happened to have a very old swan dry or something similar they might want to sell or donate. It's quite hard to find anything like that here in Egypt. Currently, he's in a bathrobe and has a scarf wrapped around his head. He's quite tall, so probably an extra large. Thought I'd try my luck, as I've not found a proper warm jacket here. What a bizarre name.

So she's turned to home. I'm imagining this has got to be home, right? The upper Clover community area has got to be home. Imagine seeing a doorman in a big swan dry in Egypt. That would look pretty cool. How cold does it get in Egypt? Well, that's obviously not this cold because

that's why there's no coats. Yeah, right. But it must have been an unseasonably cold evening. And he's got a's no coats. Yeah, right. But it must have been an unseasonably cold evening. And he's got a cold as well. But who is also right now visiting someone in Egypt soon? Yeah. No one. So in the central area, 10 to 11 degrees is the coldest overnight.

Right, because there's no water. In the southern areas, 0 degrees Celsius. That's cold. So that's cold. So that's swan dry weather. That's definitely swan dry. But if it gets that cold in this area, usually jackets would be available. But also the New Zealander in me wants to say, you've got a doorman.

Yeah, completely overlooked that. Yeah, I just want to know who's going to have room in their got a doorman. Yeah. Yeah, completely overlooked that. Yeah, I just want to know who's going to have room in their suitcase when they go to Egypt. Who's going to Egypt for it? I don't know. And shouldn't he be at home in bed, COVID? Yeah, give them a day off. Open your own bloody door.

Exactly. You just push them or pull them. I found them pretty easy. Sometimes you slide them. Sometimes you slide them. And sometimes they say push, but for some reason your brain tries to pull it. Yeah.

And finally, from the Dunedin News site, we got sent this many times. Regan put on there, I'm guessing someone put their penis where they shouldn't have. Right. What you can't see on this is the four slash tires and coloring in the headlights and number plates. What you can see is the orange like, you know when they mark the roads with that orange spray can so it really

stands out? Yeah. That grade of orange it looks to be a Toyota Surf or like a Toyota Prado or something. A big four wheel drive on one side. On the driver's side it says heartless player. Takes up the whole side. On the other side it says piece of player. Takes up the whole side. On the other side, it says piece of shit.

And then on the windscreen, the C-bomb. Wow. They could have ruined that car. How about that? That's totally happening. So, yeah. If you own that car, what did you do? I want to know.

It's pretty obvious. Yeah, we need the backstory on that one. Yeah, definitely. And everyone tagging in, someone saying, or females are tagging in their partners saying, hey, look at this crazy bitch. When in reality, they're meaning cheat on me and this is exactly what happened to you as well.

So if you see anything of that calibre on your local Facebook page, oh, that's the stuff we like. Screen Cabin, send it to us. FVM ZM on Facebook. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. This is an Australia Aussie homeowner. She is very upset with the tradies in her house

and has left a note. It's not so much passive aggressive, it's just aggressive aggressive. Okay. So, new toilet. Yep. And I'm not sure whether it had a seal or she'd put a seal on it. Some kind of tape.

Oh, to hold it down. You know when you go to a hotel or a motel and they put that little paper thing over the toilet? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's like, we've cleaned this. And I was like, does that? And then you can literally put the seat up and go wheeze and put it down and it's still there. Like, it's not the most foolproof method, that thing, is it? No.

Like, I don't know why they bother. Like, you know you check into a room, it doesn't matter if that thing's on the toilet. Also, they fold the toilet paper into a point to be like, we cleaned it. It's like, well, you could have just folded that into a point and put the tape on there. Yeah, chuck your paper tape on there and away you go. Yeah. But this note, shall I read you the note? Okay.

Dear Tradesman, the toilets in this house are not rightfully yours to use. of tape on there and away you go. Yeah. But this note, shall I read you the note? Okay. Dear tradesmen, the toilets in this house are not rightfully yours to use. We are paying for an outdoor toilet for your use. Not only did you take the virginity of our toilets, but you disrespectfully

ignored the seal sign, ripped the tape and continued to use it. This is the second time I'm cleaning your poos from this toilet. Oh, okay. They didn't brush.

I know, yeah. There might not be a brush. There might not be a brush. This is a criminal act. Please don't do it again. It's not a criminal act. Nadia. Oh, Nadia.

I know. I was on their side up until she said that she's having to clean it. Yeah. Yeah. But you're right. If there's no brush, what are you supposed to do? Mind you, that pie for breakfast that you teamed up with a Monster Energy 500ml can and a couple of cigars, that'll come out at pace.

And that's the thing. She might have got a port-a-loo for everybody to use on the site, but like you say, that pie and that energy drink rips right through you at the same time. Yeah. As everyone else, you need another toilet. Well, smoker, yeah, everyone gets smoker at the same time, don't they? Yeah. Yeah, they need somewhere to go. That's a human right. But that would annoy me

if I wasn't the first person to use the toilet. Would it? Or like if you Yeah, right. The virginity of your toilet. Yeah. It's like back when people used to buy magazines. If you bought two magazines for like a road trip and somebody else who didn't buy the magazine wanted to read one of the magazines first. Are you one of those people?

Yeah, it's like, no, because... It doesn't wear out. No, but they'll start talking about what they're reading or seeing and then they'll be like, oh, look at this. I'll be like, I'm going to when I'm... You should have waited. It'll still look new when you read it. But it won't be fresh.

It will have been perused and things will have already been discussed. Right. But the plumber, if it's for example with the toilet, they're always going to flush it though to make sure it's working when they install it. Yeah. So it's technically not. So technically it's not. It's already lost its virginity.

I don't think a plumber would disrespect a toilet. They would know of the sacred right of the person who owns the toilet. I think if they needed to go they'd go if there's a functioning toilet low and like you're in a house and you're upstairs and you're like desperate you're gonna say you can't go on that toilet slap in a face slap in the face for a plumber to have to use a portaloo because it's kind of like here's a toilet that doesn't need you yeah maybe, maybe it is. It's not in their jurisdiction. No running water. They've got no business with Portaloos. No.

No S-bend. Yep. No, you know, waste being sucked away down a pipe. Yeah. It just kind of plops down, doesn't it? The blue liquid. Yeah, you're right. They should be rewarded with a functional toilet too,

once in a while. Yes. As opposed to always being called when they're... Someone's flushed a G.I. Joe down it. Fletchfawn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Just before we get to the 12 days of Fletchmas with the naughty and nice list, have we heard from the tradies?

I wrongly defended plumbers, saying that they would never do that, surely they would honour the sacred right of having a toilet installed and then letting the owner of that toilet christen the toilet. Because there's women in Sydney or somewhere in Australia has

gone viral because plumbers took her toilet's virginity. She's not happy about it. Broke the seal. At all. So I said plumbers wouldn't do that. I'm a plumber. Nothing better than taking the first mud in a customer's toilet. The first mud.

Grim. Plumber. I'm a plumber. You have to christen it first to make sure it works. Yep. Can't you just flush it? I completely agree with the owner as a trader myself, but I can say plumbers would definitely be the culprits.

Oh, yeah. I would take great pleasure in that. It's so weird. Just push it. You're like, I'm going to use this now. Someone said, I'm a tradie. We deal with nadias all the time. If they make a big deal out of not doing something, you're far more likely

to do it. But that's a human condition, right? Someone's like, don't do that. You're like, why not? Like if someone was like, don't touch that big red button over there and then gave no explanation as to what that big red button did. If you were alone with that big red button. That's not the end you're going to push it. Would you press it?

Yeah, I'd weigh up. Yeah. But then what if you pushed it and the bloody building next door exploded? That'd feel terrible, wouldn't it? That could be a great TV show, the button. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you could blow up random houses. No, they frown on that.

Yeah. The 12 Days of Fletchmas. Well, it's the last few days of the 12 Days of Fletchmas. You've just got to register at ZM Online. We've got amazing prizes every day. And you've just got to be either on the naughty or the nice list when you register. Both are eligible for the prize. Yeah, I think

at the moment I'm about 50-50, aren't I? Yeah, I think so. I've given away to the naughty and the nice people. Yesterday, what was your yesterday? Naughty. You went naughty yesterday. I went naughty yesterday. Alright. Let's meet our contestants. Who's on the nice list?

Sam, good morning. Good morning, how are you? I'm really good. Now, why are you on the nice list for 2020? So I let my ex stay on my Spotify for three months after he broke up with me. And he, like, broke my heart into nine billion pieces and stomped on it and flushed it down the toilet like it was nothing. But I sure am fine now.

But you don't continue to use your Spotify. Yeah, and I didn't even bump him off when I saw he was listening on his phone. You know, when you have two accounts

and it's like green, I would just go YouTube even though I played like Facebook. Oh, Sam. No, you've got it. But so you finally Bump his ass.

You have bumped his ass, right? Yeah, I worked it out. Okay. Yeah. Okay, because you can't carry on like that if you broke your heart. No. I know, and it was like nine billion pieces. Like, come on.

But you still let him use it. Yeah, I'm just that nice. All right, well, you're on the nice list. Let's meet... Ho, ho, well, you're on the nice list. Let's meet... Ho, ho, ho! Who's on the naughty list? Janelle. Janelle.

Good morning. Hi. Good morning. Now, why are you on the naughty list? Um, it was my birthday last month, and my partner broke the two cardinal rules. For one, he bought me a jug and toaster, and for two broke the two cardinal rules. For one, he bought me a jug and toaster and for two, he bought me ugly ones.

So I heard the story that the ugly ones had been recalled and they had to go back to the shop. Oh my god, that's actually amazing. Oh my god, is this not the best way to get out of a horrible gift saying that they've been recalled i had a fair bit of time to prepare my story because

i was sitting in a hospital bed and he actually used my account at harvey norman and they emailed me the receipt two days before my birthday oh he's not really done he's not done a great job of birthday in 2020 is he no i now have a very nice sunbeam drug and kettle that is black and copper oh my god which matches the aesthetic yeah stuck with it but you changed the color change just changed it yeah wow and of course he thinks he's a recall. He's never going to look into it. Yeah. Meanwhile, poor Sunbeam.

Like, there's nothing wrong with our jug and toasters. What are you talking about? I like that. That's a brilliant hack. Until he goes over to a friend's house and is like, oh, those got recalled. You've got to get those out of there. All right. The 12 days of Fletchmas.

I'm really stuck today. Yeah. Sam right, the 12 days of Fletchmas. I'm really stuck today. Yeah. Sam was really nice. Sam was really nice. And Janelle's was really quite funny and quite a good hack. Yeah. Oh. I think what we're going to do is take Janelle's hack and use that.

In life. In life. In life. But reward Sam for being nice. Oh, my God. Thank you. Congratulations, Sam. Well done on the nice list today. You cracked his robot heart.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, you remembered my heart. Thank you. Because you're actually nice. Nice of me. I would have cut off the Spotify the instant it broke off. Yeah. I know. It's his loss, right? Exactly. It would have cut off the Spotify the instant it broke off. Yeah. I know.

It's his loss, right? Exactly. Well, he's off now. Well, let's open this gift. This is a small one, Tate. But I tell you what, that doesn't mean it's cheap. Because today you have won a Michael Hill font bracelet in 10 karat gold. And at Michael Hill, you can find a special guest for everyone on your list.

And this is at great value, $449. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. $449 Fond bracelet in 10 carat gold. All thanks. Oh, my God. Thank you. To Michael Hill.

Well done. Thank you so much. Don't put it on. No, I'm... If you break up with someone, you get it right back, okay? Yeah, I will. Don't worry. I don't know why you'd give it to someone else.

This is for you. This is for you. This is yours. This is yours. I might give it to my mum. She really wants something that's dull, so... Sam, can you stop? Just take it for yourself.

You stop being nice, otherwise I'll give it to Janelle. If you'd like to read this stuff for the 12 days of Fletchmas, just go to ZM online and jump either on the naughty or the nice list. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I guess with COVID-19 cases down and, well, apart from in managed isolation facilities at zero in New Zealand

and a lot of Australian states and cities experiencing the same thing. People are wondering where the New Zealand-Australian travel bubble is at. And there was talk yesterday, but I just, this all just, to me, it's just like deja vu. Yeah. Every month there's like a travel bubble and then something happens and we're like, oh, that was even silly to even think about that. I accidentally looked in the comment section on a Facebook post.

I know. People saying, she's been politicising this for ever. You need to open it up. There's New Zealanders who want to come home and see their family. It's like, well, you can come home. You can either do two months in a managed isolation,

sorry, two weeks in a managed isolation facility and stay for over three months and as a New Zealander not have to pay for that managed isolation. But if you want to come home, you can. You've just got to do two weeks and then you've got to pay for it. That's how it is.

Yeah. People are like, oh, it's fine. Numbers are down. Why can't we be trusted to just isolate with family? It's like, what, so you're going to come here, go into your family home and no one in that family is going to see anybody else but the close member of a small

bubble of family for two weeks. And this didn't work last time at the start of the pandemic. You can't, people were breaking out of managed isolation. Exactly, they wouldn't even stay in them. No, they wouldn't. So, there is talk though that if it all stays on track there could be a travel

bubble by the end of March, perhaps. To where? Not all of Australia, right? Some states, yeah. I think Queensland has done particularly well. Queensland's good. Western Australia's pretty good. Yeah, even Victoria's been fine for a long time now, yeah.

What about New South Wales? Is that the lame duck of the pack? Is it? I know the numbers have been getting better But then you see that it's not non-existent And then you see all the people at the beach So yeah But maybe if you just went to Aussie for a little holiday

You could just do it like a week at home or something Do you reckon that's what they'll make you do? Or you wouldn't even have to do isolation Well the travel bubble would mean no isolation. Yeah, because you can go to Australia now and not isolate when you get there, but coming back still means

you have to isolate. Right, okay. But Air New Zealand said they're preparing for recommencement of quarantine free travel, so they're preparing. I'd rather we all played ball,

did it safe, and opened up some Pacific Islands. Yeah, get into Rarotonga. Get into Raro, your Fijis, your Samoas, your Tongas. And then if something happens, like there's an outbreak, you're stuck in Samoa. Oh, no. Stink.

Oh, stink. Stink. Stuck on a tropical island. But then you have to go to the hospital with the chicken. Or is that in Raro? That's in Raro with the doctors. Oh, but I was thinking more of an outbreak back here so you're stuck over there.

Oh, that would be. And then because New Zealand is back in isolation they have to send all their Mai Tais over to the island. Oh, how awful. I'll help.

Horrible. I'll do my part. Sure. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. A woman in New South Wales,

she has tried many ways to find a husband. These are her words. She really wants a husband. Her name is Leesh and she's 26. She has uploaded her new approach to finding a husband on TikTok. Okay. Given up on Tinder and online dating sites.

So she has now decided that she's going to go find her husband at Bunnings. She's like, you can find everything else at Bunnings. Bunnings Marketing? Gosh, you're so cynical. No, but I did think that as well. I'm like, hmm. The video, I don't think. Excuse me, we're about to hear husbands.

I'll just have a quick look on this little thing I carry around. Aisle 24. The video's not slick enough for it to be a Bunnings marketing thing. No, that's called guerrilla marketing, Megan. Right, okay. Well, I believe that this is just a- So you're believing this is genuine? Yeah.

So what, did she just go to Bunnings and get on the PA? No, she's- And go bing bong, is there a husband here? She's walking through the aisles looking for a guy, looking for guys, saying, you know, like, I'm here to find a husband. And then, you know how you go to Bunnings and you're like, I can't find anything,

so you're going to ask one of the very helpful staff? Yep. She said to an employee, I'm just looking for a husband, and I was told you have guys here. And then find out what they cost and go to Mitre 10 and say, I think you can beat it by 15%, don't you? Yeah, but maybe you're right because then the employee was like, all the eligible men are flying off the shelves,

which is quite a good comeback for someone being caught off the fly. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, they then said if we have any, they'll be in the corner out the back, back left. So she was holding up a sign that was saying she wanted a husband. You know, you go to the supermarket or whatever and you're like looking for a babysitter. Give me a call and then you rip off the tag of the phone number.

Yes. She was holding a sign saying looking for a husband. Can you help me? And then had the tags that you could rip off of her sign. It's probably not a bad idea because there'd be a lot of tradies that are there throughout the day. It probably is a bad idea

because news.com.au's latest headline is single woman flooded with unwanted X-rated messages as Boney's husband search goes viral. Wow. Look at my junk. Want to marry me? I was going to say it's a cute icebreaker if you meet someone in the shop and then they're going to say, it's a cute icebreaker.

If you meet someone in the shop and then they're like, oh, that's funny. We should actually go on a date kind of thing. But then to get flooded with X-rated pictures. Wow, that's amazing. They see a chick. They've seen the phone number. Then they send her a DP. Trust them to ruin it. Yeah.

But given that she's gone off the dating sites and trying something different, would love to know where did you find your partner? How did you do it? Right, that wasn't a dating app. Like maybe you do have one of those stories like you met at the hardware store. Yeah, hot.

Because it is, especially in like these days, like most people a lot of people would meet on apps it would be on apps see quite because it used to be frowned upon

it used to be the frowned upon way like you'd always lie yeah about how you met but now you'd easily say oh we just met on like tinder bumble

whatever because we're so much more socially awkward now too like if you saw someone attractive in Bunnings like I would just run away yeah you're not gonna go up and be like hi can I have your number more socially awkward now too like if you saw someone attractive in bunnings like i would just run away yeah you're not going to go up and be like hi can i have your number well it's

crazy they're just there for some supplies and you're like heading on them and i'll 17. yeah but they're either into it or they're not they just wanted some hinges megan and you're like you want to go on a date excuse me that is not how i how I sound. No, you'd be like, oh my God, hi. I'm looking for a hinge? Yeah. A hangy? A hangy? I just saw at the end of the aisle, is this the aisle for the hangys?

I'd be like, oh my God, do you need a hangy too? So do I. I'm always just like this dwarf. Which hangy are you getting? Could use a new hangy. And then there's guitar Hingys. I love Hingys. So 0800 dials at M.

Let's take your calls. You can text as well, 9696. Where did you find your partner that wasn't a dating app? The more unconventional, the better. We're not taking bars, are we? Nah. Because that's a classic as well. Yeah, yeah.

Or after those kind of like... You're non-conventional. Yeah. So a woman has given up on Tinder and dating apps and has just gone to Bunnings and hold a sign. She's held up a sign. Wanted, looking for a husband. Can you help?

With those little pull tags on the bottom with her phone number. So she's gone viral. And of course, she's been flooded, her inbox, with dirty pictures. Because that's how the internet works these days. No sign of if she's found love yet. Man, so we've opened up the fine lines. How did you find and meet your partner? Not the conventional way,

not dating apps and at a bar, but how did you meet them? Hearing some incredible stories. Somebody said, on school camp. We were both parent helpers and stayed behind to peel potatoes. After chatting and peeling potatoes for about an hour, he asked me if I'd like to have a shower with him. Whoa!

I said, if no, but we eventually got together after the school camp and have been together for 13 years. Do you want to have a shower with me? He must be joking. It's coming hot. Wow. Ain't that someone? I hope they went as single parents.

Like, I hope they weren't. Oh, yeah, right. That was the assumption I was making. Yeah, me too. Yeah. We just heard from Matt as well, who met his now partner of two years at the strip club where he worked. And she worked.

And she worked. Hannah, where did you meet your partner? I met him at a petrol station. He had just started working there and I was just leaving. Okay. And I was kind of too scared to talk to him. So I had a creamy in my hand and I just turned around and I said, how do you eat yours?

A creamy? A creamy. How did he eat his? Did he reply, you know you can get two of those for $2? No, he turns around and he goes, with my mouth. Is that sexy or factual? Sexy or yeah. Did he say it in a sexy voice or was it just like, with my mouth?

Yeah, he was like, what's my mouth? And then looked at me like I was weird. And but you're still together now? Yep. 12 years together and five, six years married. Oh, wow. That's cute. So cute.

You ever drive past a service station and you're like, yep. That was us. That was us. Every Easter we get some crepes. I was going to say. That's so cute. How do you like yours? All right.

I'll wait the hundred dials at M. Thanks, Hannah. Keep your calls coming in. You can text 9696. The unconventional or the weird places you met your partner. Take more of your calls next. Sit down. We want to know the unconventional place you met your partner

after a woman's tried to find a husband in Bunnings. All she's got so far is some dirty pics in her DMs. It hasn't worked so far. Although, it might be a great place to start. So we want to know the unconventional places where you met your partner. I met my wife Evie, my best friend. She was my weed dealer. Also 17 years my senior. I chased her and bam,

11 years later, we're still together. Wow. Yeah. Because that's the cool thing about all these messages. Like these people, a lot of them are still together.

Yeah. And like years later. Yeah, the unconventional stories. All right, Carolyn, where did you meet your partner? Well,

he's my husband now. Okay. So we met, I Well, he's my husband now. Okay. So we met, I think, 21 years ago. Wow. You know, well, I was on a date. I was already on a date with another guy. Yeah. So I dragged my date from Legends to Sinners up in K Road.

Right. 20 years ago, that would have definitely been more seedy than it is now. Wow. Wow. It's a different type of seedy. Well, I don't know. The lights were quite dark, so, you know, they didn't have the strobe lights back then. Anyway, so I met him at Sinners, the nightclub, the gay nightclub. Right. And I was on a date, and he snuck up behind me and started dirty dancing with me. Right. And I was on a date and he snuck up behind

me and started dirty dancing with me. Right. And I thought, you cheeky bastard. And my date in front of me didn't do anything and I thought, well, you're useless. We probably thought it was just a gay guy and you were no threat. Yeah, no threat. No fun.

Hey, hey, hey, well I don't know because he had white pants and what do they call them? Those shoes, periwinkles or something like that? They were disgusting. However, I just thought he was a cheeky bastard. So I told my date to go home. I told my gay friend to go get my future husband and tell him to come here and say, what the, what you're doing?

I like you. And the rest, as they say, is history. And the rest is, well, he nearly blew it. He nearly blew it. I'm worried to hear this side story. Oh, I don't know. No, I don't mean that way. No, no, no, no, I didn't know. No, I don't mean that way. No, no, no, no.

I didn't either. I just, you've got an unpredictable streak and I didn't know what he did to nearly blow it. It's live radio, Carolyn, and we're a little nervous right now. Thank you for your call. Those callers are fun. They're like firecrackers.

Are they going to explode in your hand? Casey, where did you meet your partner? Hi there. I met my partner on a cheer list at Mount Ropejo. Casey, where did you meet your partner? Hi there, I met my partner on a chairlift at Mount Ropehu. Oh, yes! Was it the Moven Pick Quad? Was that one?

No, it was the Giant Chairlift. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was just us two who ended up on the chairlift together because our friends ditched us both. So, yeah, and by the end of it, we decided we'd hang out. And now six years later, we have a kid and we're married. Wow.

That's so cute. Did he have his goggles and that off? Because sometimes half the face is hidden and you can't see what they're like. No, we couldn't see each other. We couldn't see each other. So I was secretly hoping that he'd be attractive. Hot, hot. Because all snowboarders look hot when they've got all their gears on. Yes, yes. But thankfully he was. Hot, hot. Yeah, because all those snowboarders look hot

when they've got all their gears on. Yes, yes. But thankfully he was. He was smoking, so that was a bonus. Brilliant. All right, Casey, thanks for your call. Paul, where did you meet your partner? I went in to get my car serviced at a car.

I went in through a hot check with him there, and next minute I'm buying an $80,000 car to get a number. I've been scared for years. That's one hell of an investment. Yeah, and so you're still still together? Yep,

still together. Right, still got the car? What was that? Do you still have the car? Yeah, still have the car so that was worth it

in the end. Yeah. It's that $80,000 girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She took care of it. Brilliant. Paul, thanks for your call.

Gary, how did you meet your partner? Where did you meet them? A fine foods shop. Oh, okay. Like, not a supermarket, but a posh supermarket. Well, yeah, kind of like that. But I figured out, it took me a few years. She owned the shop, I found out, so I kind of kept going in there for about seven years,

buying one thing, and one day I just decided to ask her out, and we're married for four years now. Oh, wow. Seven years. What was that one thing you were always buying? Was it the same thing? Yeah, it was. I went in there and bought? Was it the same thing? Yeah, it was. I went in there and bought Dutch. It was a Dutch shop, so it was Dutch apple spread.

Right. I'd had it when I was in Holland once, and I thought, oh, that's cool, and I just kept buying it because I liked it, and I liked her as well, so it gave me a good reason to go back to the shop. Right, and do you get that for free now? No. No. More Dutch apple spread.

Hey, thanks, Gary. Some text messages. I saw an ad in the Sunday in the Sun newspaper in the UK where armed forces guys who were away serving overseas at Christmas time wanted pen pals. So I started writing to my now husband. Wow. That's cool because your husband could like kill things and stuff and shoot things.

I was thinking more it's a nice personal connection for a person overseas to have at a time where they maybe don't get to spend it with their loved ones. Yeah but you never know when the zombie apocalypse is coming and you've got an armed serviceman in your house now. Protector. I met my husband of now 16 years in the bottom of Waitomo cave surrounded by eels and German tourists. My husband was my diving instructor.

Oh, okay. Love at first sight. We've been together for 20 years now. I met my partner. We were both in the loony bin. The only thing we have in common is we were both drugged up, but we're still together. Wow.

No further details on that. Okay. I was a gigolo and she was the client. Engaged, now very happy. Oh, okay. True story. I was a gigolo and she was the client engaged now very happy oh okay true story flute lessons when we were both

13 years old flute lessons didn't start dating until we were 23 my son lost his keys at the beach so I called an oxsmith

and an auto electrician I never met the auto electrician but I messaged him saying thanks and if you ever need anything let me know met the auto electrician but I messaged him saying thanks and if you ever need anything, let me know.

Do you want to catch up for a drink? Never met them. Four months later he finally took me up on the drink. Best decision ever. A year later my son found his keys under the seat of his mate's car but we're still together. It was meant to be. Wow. That's cute.

Yeah. Somebody said, this is pretty old school, but it was my parents that set us up. Oh, okay. Yeah, we got introduced through our parents. That never goes well. Drew, really, does that work? I know, and it worked. And somebody said, I actually met my partner at Mitre 10 Mega two years ago.

There you go. There's hope for this woman at Bunnings. They probably didn't TikTok it, though, and then get inundated with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Well, so there's hope for this woman at Bunnings. They probably didn't TikTok it though and then get inundated with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. DPs? DPs?

No. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Come on. Get started. Come on. Get started.

Get started. Don't get Fletch started. Don't get Fletch started in here. Don't get Fletch started. Don't get Fletch started in here. Teenies. In here Don't get Fletch started Don't get Fletch started In here Yeah

Teenies Um Yeah the segment where we Fletch is Ranted about something And we think Oh yeah okay Let him

Let him go Let him have a rant on Hey I'll have a rant But at least I didn't Call the council yesterday Executive intern Anya Compl't call the council yesterday, Executive Intern Anya. Complain to the council like an 80-year-old.

Oh, there's a queue by the school picker. You complain to the council all the time. You used to call them. You'd be like, hello, council, there's some glass, and my bicycle tyre may get popped from the glass. Well, so at least that's doing something about it. You just whinge and chew our ear off about it. Yeah, I'll just vent to you and then it's done. I don't waste council resources like Executive Internania.

Oh, excuse me. This is an issue. No wonder the rates are going up because you're using all their time in the call centre. I emailed. Oh, right. Okay. Because why? Because I live next to a school and there's a real issue of parents

just sitting in the middle of the road. They can't find a park, so they just hover. And I come home. Oh, that's dangerous. Yeah, and it's just foolish. I'm concerned about the children's safety. Mostly I'm concerned about me getting home. It takes me ages.

Yeah, you're concerned about the five-minute delay, aren't you? 15 minutes. 15, okay. You can't tell turn about the five-minute delay, aren't you? 15 minutes. 15, okay. You can't tell me if you were sitting in traffic, unnecessary traffic for 15 minutes, you would be just as wild. You'd be out there screaming at them. But it kind of has maybe a little bit to do with a traffic-related issue.

Oh, just before we get to it though, Megan, what are your thoughts on road markings? They're there, aren't they? I mean, most of the time they go pretty unnoticed. Yeah, I actually quite liked that one where they ran over the dead possum. Yeah. That's funny. So did I.

Bit different. Yeah, and as long as, you know, they're doing their job and keeping people safe. Yeah. That's okay. Fletch, what are you? Well, you know I've got an issue. Because yesterday, I went for a bicycle ride out around the bays. Okay.

And there is, oh my God, lovely new road. Like, you know when they rip up all the road and they put all brand new road and it's beautiful. Yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. And you're riding it and your bike tires are like. And then you hit it and it goes. And it's beautiful. Yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. And you're riding it and your bike tyres are like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you hit it and it goes... And it's real silent.

Yeah, it's that kind of road. Oh, nice. That gives me jazz. I love a good bitumen. Yeah. Oh, I love a well-laid bitumen too. A good bitumen. Anyway,

recently, and they must have done this within days, they have new road markings. Beautiful white centre line. Yeah. You know. This sounds all positive.

All positive at this stage, but it's where the bus stops have been painted in. The white line goes over the yellow, and then one of the white lines doesn't even touch the bus stop. There's a 15 centimetre gap. It's real shoddy, and it doesn't touch, and it doesn't. It's real shoddy and it doesn't touch and it doesn't, it's wonky. So one end is overlapped and at the other

end it's not touching. And I was like, is this an intern doing the road markings? I'm like, you've got a brand new beautiful road and nice white markings and you've just, you've messed it up. And you could just do a little chh to fill the gap but you haven't done it you've gone home

so wait what's the gap what's your major issue that it's not touching or that the one end is touching well no but that end that's touching goes over the bit it's just oh it's so and i was biking along so i i can't i just cannot deal with this like it's like when you say someone puts a drain cover on and it's facing the wrong way or something. Oh, you know, I think if you're going to paint a line over the manhole cover or the personhole cover. Yeah. Thank you. Because women can be personhole covers.

Women can go down those holes too. Yeah. If they want. Yeah. I mean, I'm certainly not going down that hole. I don't know what's down there. Monsters. The Ninja Turtles.

Yeah. If they're going to take the lid off and it's got a white line over it, if I put it back on, I couldn't help. I'd have to twist it until it lined up straight again. If you don't put that person hole cover on with the line correctly matching, it should be 12 weeks in jail. 12 weeks. I agree with that.

Then you're not going to do it. Jail time. You don't agree with jail time. No, no. I agree that you have to put it back in line. No, but there should be a fine because they don't care. They should care. Yeah, okay.

I'll take a photo today if I go for a bicycle ride. Oh, no. And I will show you how annoying this is. Because I'm almost tempted to get a little spray can and just connect the gap myself. But it wouldn't be the same paint. What line got painted first? The yellow bus stop ones or the white road ones? The white ones, because there's one where they haven't put the bus stop on yet.

And I wonder if the guy got told off because he was useless at it. And they said, we'll wait till Barry's back tomorrow. But you said that you could see the white went over the yellow. Yeah, it did on one part. Yeah, it did on the other side. No, but that would indicate then that the white lines were painted secondary. Oh, no, it went under, but it was popping out the other side of it. It popped out the other side. No, but that would indicate then that the white lines were painted secondary. Oh, no, it went under, but it was popping out the other side of it.

It popped out the other side, so it was quite a bit over. Yeah, it's quite a bit. I know that's what I'm saying. It's really disappointing because it's a brand new road and it's looking real sexy. Yeah, so it's going to be there for a while.

So it's going to be there for a while. And then you know what they're going to end up doing is that they're going to go back and they're going to paint over the bit that's sticking out the other end and then you're constantly always going to see that black patch. I know, I know, because that's what I was thinking on the bike yesterday is they're going to paint over it with black and I'm going to paint over the bit that's sticking out the other end and then you're constantly always going to see that black patch. I know, I know because that's what I was thinking

on the bike yesterday. Is they going to paint over it with black and I'm going to see it and know that that's what they've done. And that's going to be even worse. I know. What you're saying is they should almost redo the road. Redo the road. You were bitching to her about rates going up because she made one email complaint about

saving you one then resell a whole road. No, the road marking company pays for it because they messed up. What if at the other end where it's not touching, they came back and they filled it in and also went the same amount in on that end. So at least it was symmetrical.

Yep, that's good. Yep, that's good stuff. That would be pleasing. Okay. Problem solved. Maybe you can ring the council about that, Anya. Get out.

Oh my God. Someone says, I work as a workman cover placer myself. Okay. That's the people that are in charge of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They misalign them on purpose. See, I was right when I said 12 days jail. It should be more.

Just to... Tell them. Put the shits up, people, like Fletch. Someone said it's a temporary pain line as they don't paint permanent paint on freshly laid asphalt. And it's permanent. It's not temporary. It's like big, thick, white bus stops and everything.

It's not temporary. And someone else said they are legally required to have the lines line up. So they're not lined up. No, but there's like a little gap. Well, I'll take a picture and show you, and then you tell me if it... Please, I definitely won't be able to sleep.

I had a pothole on the way to work every day. Can I fill that up? No. Because I can go and get a bag of quick crepe. No, you get a spray paint can, you draw a C and B. A diddle and balls, and then they have to fix it because all the Christians complain. The religious nuts.

Not every... You know the far right people that complain about South Park. Who was the people that complained about South Park? Lots of people. Yeah, those people. Any religion is targeted that way. They fill it in and it's fixed. Beautiful. Right, okay. You're welcome

to that little tip. Okay. The religious nuts, are they at the end of the religious penis, are they? Is that what I'm drawing on the road? Yes. Okay. Okay, fantastic. Ross is excited in his final days at work to deal with complaints.

Ross at setemonline.com. Someone said, where's the pothole? I'll pass it on to the team to fix. I know where the pothole is. It's one right after each other, isn't it? Yeah, it's at the bottom of the hill when you go over the bridge and you dodge one and you hit the other. You can't kind of miss them both.

You have to pick which one you don't want to hit. Yeah. Oh, that's good fun. That's good stuff. Next on the show, a little Facebook memory has just reminded me that 10 years ago today I got something that was supposed to have been temporary. Still got it. Classic Vaughn Smith.

Fletch, Vaughn and. Every morning at work, I go through my Facebook memories for the day just to find some horrendous things I said or did or put photos up of and then hide them. You need to delete something. So that I don't get cancelled for something that was perceived differently. You've always, like, over the years, ever since Facebook started, you were a huge uploader. A prolific user.

A prolific user. Even now you use it a lot. Which is incriminating to other people as well as myself. Yeah. There's been various albums where people have messaged me saying, hey, I was just looking at memories. You tagged me in this photo. Could you delete it or hide it? And I'm like, why? I was just looking at memories. You tagged me in this photo. Could you delete it or

hide it? And I'm like, why? And they're like, because. And I'll be like, hmm, fair enough. I'll change it to only me. And they think it's deleted, but it's not. I still get to see it every year. You've got it over them. Yeah. Damn right. So today, 10 years ago, this was in my mobile

uploads album where you used to like upload straight from your phone to the good old days. Yeah. So December 15 2010 is a picture of my mouth. Okay. And inside my mouth is a temporary filling that says

go go robot tooth. And because it's like an old school grey filling. Now the deal was with the dentist, I said, I only want this temporary because I'm going to Thailand in a few weeks for my honeymoon. Oh, okay. And I'm going to go to a dentist there.

And he was like, that's not recommended. And I was like, you do what you're told. Because I had this issue when I got a crown. So they'll repair, they'll drill out all the... They did the root canal. All the root canal or get rid of all the gunk and then fill it in. They put a mould in, don't they?

And then they make a little one and put it on. So the deal was, it was a temporary filling. I now present to you in person 10 years later the temporary filling! Now five years ago it broke in half and I swallowed half of it.

What are you doing? That would be your cue to like get something more permanent. Huh? Five years ago would have been your cue. No, it's amazing what you can get used to. Yeah. In your mouth. Because that was one that everyone.

Portsmouth 2020. Put that on an Instagram quote it's amazing what you can get used to in your mouth because you know you chip your tooth you can't stop

running your tongue over it it feels massive and then you look and it's just little so it stayed in there and I got used to the filling itself

and then five years in when it broke that took a bit of getting used to but I got used to it and I'm just used to it now did you just switch to Sensodyne

so the pain went away? Every now and then. I do have a tube of Sensodyne. Is it painful? Nah, not that one. The other ones around it flare up every now and then. Probably because of it. Because my wife doesn't have any fillings. I know. You're all the same. I don't have any fillings.

I didn't grow up on the fluoride. I grew up on our bore water because I grew up in the country. Yeah. So I didn't have fluoride when I was young. Oh, what about in your toothpaste? Did you not have stripes in your toothpaste? We had stripes, but they weren't fluoride. Yeah, but I was also the kid that would probably do anything

to get out of brushing my teeth. Yeah. Like I'd go down and be like, and like just put a bit of foam around my mouth and come out and be like, done. And it took me just as long to fake brush my teeth as it would have to actually brush my teeth. But don't tell me what to do. And mum would be like, oh, go back and wipe it.

You've got it all around your mouth. And you'd be like, fool. And then when you're like a teenager and they're like, okay, we need to do five fillings this time. You're like, why? I need a drink of Raro to calm my nerves. Someone get me a fizzy drink and some jelly beans. It's still there broken in half.

And it doesn't cause you any problems really. No. That is nuts. But it's not cheap. I've been to Thailand a couple of times. Why have you never done what you said you were going to do? You get busy on holiday, don't you? You're like, I could go from the beach to a dental office.

Yeah. But I'm here already and it's time for a drinky. But they're pretty flash. The dentist places in Thailand are pretty flash. Oh, yeah. And there was one in Bali as well when I went to Bali and it came highly recommended. Yeah.

But just forgot. Because it takes them all. They have to make the crown, don't they? So you'd need to be there for a while. Couldn't tell you. I've never had it done. Okay, so when I got mine done like a few months ago, they put it in and then they're like book in like two weeks.

And then they send the mould away and then someone makes it. It comes back and then they just glue it on. I could do that myself. Go on, then. Yeah, because I would love to see it. I'll make myself a tooth out of a cow. I'll go to the butcher, and I'll be like, because what's that toughest bone?

I think it's like a thigh bone. Oh, yeah. It's what they do the carvings out of. And I'll get one of those little Drexel, you know those little drill, those things that carvers use? It's exactly like a dental drill. I'll shape

a tooth. Yeah. I'll get this one out with a pair of pliers. Yep. And I'll just in she goes. Or a shark tooth.

How are you going to keep it there? Glue, he just said. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm pretty sure because I saw the guy,

the dentist, it was Yoohoo or Gorilla Grip or whatever. That stuff is pretty intense. That stuff's great glue. Yeah, I'm pretty sure because I saw the guy, the dentist, it was Yoohoo or Gorilla Grip or whatever. That stuff is pretty intense. That stuff's great glue. Yeah, yeah, that'll hold. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day, day The Grinch That Stole Christmas,

written by Dr. Seuss, Theo Seuss Geisel. Was that his real name? He passed away in 1991. And have you read the book, The Grinch That Stole Christmas? I don't think so. Movies? Vaguely familiar with. I think we had a box set of Dr. Seuss books growing up.

Oh, rich. There was a cat in the hat, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, fox in socks, green eggs and ham. The Grinch That Stole. He's written some royal classics. Yeah. And apparently, this is today's fact of the day, the Grinch that stole Christmas was a self-analysis of, a self-anal, analytical?

Like a self-analytical. Analysis. Analysis, there it is. A self-analysis of Dr. Seuss himself. It is referenced that the Grinch had to put up with the Who's celebration of Christmas for 53 Christmases. And when Dr. Seuss published the book, he was 53. When asked about this, he said, yep, this is right.

I was brushing my teeth on the morning of the 26th of December, a day after Christmas. And I noticed that I had a very Grinchy look on my face. I was like, what am I doing? Why do I look like this? Why aren't I happy? This is a happy time of year. I've got to spend it with my family. So I wrote about my sour friend, the Grinch,

to see if I could rediscover something about Christmas that obviously I'd lost. And he felt that that was a little bit of an exploration in the whole story about how he realises that he might have, like, ruined somebody's Christmas and then turns it round and sees the joy in people's faces that he actually did like Christmas.

Huh. Yeah. So his stepdaughter, whose name is Lark, by the way, I didn't know he had a stepdaughter called Lark. Okay. She, in 2003, said, yeah, it was very much realised that Ted, which was Dr. Seuss, Ted was the Grinch on his bad days and the cat in the hat on his good days.

Okay. But, yeah, it was totally, like, well known within the family that he was the Grinch. At Christmas. He was the Grinch at Christmas until he turned himself around, yeah. He could be super grumps, but yet still wrote, like, really great kids' books. Yeah, yeah. And he, yeah,umps, but yet still wrote, like, really great kids' books. Yeah, yeah. And he, yeah, the Grinch that started Christmas was all about himself

and how he turned it back around because he realised that he was being a grumpy bugger at Christmas. So there's hope for... Anybody having any takeaways from this fact of the day? There's hope for everyone. I don't know, are you, Megan? She's Cindy Lou. Yeah. Of the Who's. Cindy Lou. Cindy Lou Who. Yeah. I am Cindy Lou.

Cindy Lou who? Yeah. I don't know who that is. Who grew up to be that gothic chick. Taylor Momsen. Taylor Momsen. But I was in Gossip Girl

so whatever. Yeah, that's true. She's Cindy Lou who and you're the Grinch and I'm the doll. I'd rather be the green eggs and ham. You'd want to be

that green eggs and ham or Sam I am. I just want ham. I just want to be that Green Eggs and Ham or Sam I Am. I just want ham. I just want shaved ham. I don't know any of these books, Vaughn. You're the guy who the fox, I'm the fox in socks, and you're the guy who gets really annoyed by the fox in socks. Okay.

Sure. That works, that works. And also the Grinch. So today's fact of the day is Dr. Seuss' Grinch, how the Grinch stole Christmas,'s fact of the day is Dr. Seuss' Grinch, how the Grinch stole Christmas, was based on his own reflection he saw a day after Christmas. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I want people to not think I'm sun smart because I am. But yesterday was a very beautiful day and I decided to have a lie in the sun.

Got some good weather over the country this week, but we've got a couple of Yaza and Zazu. Zazu. Yaza and Zazu Yaza and Zazu are the two tropical cyclones which could, 40% chance of hitting New Zealand, one of them before Christmas like 23rd of December

so fingers crossed that. They don't think Zazu's coming this way, but Yaza So yeah, yesterday I had a bit of a sunbathe and I slathered myself in sunscreen Because I was like It's hot And I think you're supposed to be pretty careful with your skin when you're pregnant

So I Slathered it So thick It was like milky white And I rubbed it in, rubbed it in, rubbed it in So we're talking like both sides of my hands Like you're a British tourist at the beach. Yes.

Or you just have to be careful. Lips and ears, my eyelids. I was like, I'm going to get everywhere. I put it on the base, bottom of my feet. Really? Because that could be painful. I never do the bottom of my feet. But you always forget that.

Because you're lying with your feet. Yeah. Up. Yeah. Back of the knees. Can't forget that area. So I put it everywhere, thick coating. Did you have to get Mr. Toyboy to do the back?

No, I can't lie on my front. Oh, you see, you didn't bother about that. Okay. But I have to lie on my side, which is where this is my downfall. So we were in the sun for about two hours. I didn't get sunburned anywhere. I'd done such a great job. But I woke up this morning and I was like,

yowch, it's like a new symptom of pregnancy. I've got like this burning on my butt, like between my legs. And I was like, what is that? And when I went into the bathroom, I had missed one little patch where my togs would sit right in there. Were you nude? Were you nude soundbiting?

No, I just said where my togs, you know, like the line of your togs. Oh, yeah. It's just you said where your togs would sit. I thought you were indicating if you were wearing togs. No, I was wearing togs. But because I was lying on my side, the sun had a cheeky wee look in and managed to absolutely roast between my legs.

So are you talking about the gooch? Are you talking about the sizzling vagina, hot platter, or the... Everywhere, if I'm wearing togs, everywhere beside where the togs would be. Oh, my God. Or where they were. In the area. In the area. Who was the famous celebrity that did perineum sunning?

Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. And he said that's not recommended. No. So now I've got just this wee patch that's absolutely on fire. Because I missed. This butthole's on fire. It is.

Not how Alicia Keys meant that song to go. No. But it's just the one little patch that I just must have missed. Because I was on my side and the sun got a sneaky wee look in. Wow. Yeah. It's toasted in. Wow. Yeah. It's toasted you. It's something because every time I sit down, I'm like Have you aloe vera'd down there?

Get some aloe vera down there. I haven't yet. Great cooling, isn't it? Great. Do you put sunscreen in the fridge? Because they're at your Not sunscreen. No, sunscreen they had sunscreen at your at the Christmas party at, sunscreen. They had sunscreen at the Christmas party the weekend.

Someone just had it in the chili bin and squirted it on and it was so cold and delicious. But I don't know. I don't like that. Why? When someone's putting sunscreen on your back and they squirt it on and it's cold,

you go... If you're putting it on yourself, maybe it'd be all right. Yeah, right. It goes straight on the back and you're like... Okay. Right.

But coming into summer, I was like, this is a good warning. My downfall is a good warning for everyone. But where did you forget the sunscreen? Because, I mean, you can get someone else to do it. You can do it yourself. Yeah, I like this. Let's take your sunscreen mishaps and all learn from them. Yes.

Maybe like Megan, it was on fire for a good few days. A few days, do you reckon? I reckon it'll be at least a few days. Oh, yeah. And it'll be that one where you forget you've got it and then you jump in the shower and a bit of hot water hits it.

Hopefully it doesn't peel. Oh! Well, thankfully, no one else will see it. Okay, 0800DARZ.M. Give us a call now. You can text as well, 9696. Where did you forget to sunscreen?

There was a sunscreen whoopsie at a sun angle, and now it's on fire. What would you call that, Aria? Because it's not quite the... I had togs on. It's not quite the... The under ass. It's kind of under your ass.

Yeah, the undercarriage. We'll just call it the undercarriage. Yeah. A scorching of the undercarriage. We'll just call it the undercarriage. Yeah. A scorching of the undercarriage. Megan's got a scorched undercarriage. So we want to, I guess, heading into summer, we want to share your stories of sunscreen mishaps. Kendall, what happened?

Where did you miss? Hey, guys. So it was a scorcher weekend in Wellington, which we haven't had many of. So, you know, I was excited to get a bit of a base camp going on. And did you say, God, you can't beat Wellington on a good day? Oh, absolutely, mate. Legally, you're required to.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so, you know, Megan did say you can't forget the back of the knees. But that's exactly where I forgot. So I've got a natural base camp going on other than the scorching behind my knees. That makes it hard to walk, eh? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I went to the gym yesterday, tried to do legs, and it was not a good fun. Yeah, any excuse to get out of legs, though. Have you ever burned the undercarriage, though, Kendall? No, actually. No, thankfully I have not. Yeah, there you go. I can tell you it's not pleasant. It's not pleasant.

Hey, thanks for your call. Evie, where did you miss? Basically, my whole bum cheeks, all of them. Oh, no. Yeah, my friend had a G-string on and I was like, yeah, I'm going to tan my bum too. So I made my underwear. I wasn't even wearing a proper top. And yeah, I made my underwear, pulled them up my bum,

and didn't put any sunscreen on. And I got blisters and everything. Oh my god. Your virginal bum was just like destroyed. Destroyed. Unless you wouldn't be able to sit. No, it'd be horrible. I love sitting.

Alright, keep your tickets, your calls coming in, your sunscreen mishaps. We'll get to more of those next. Megan got her undercarriage burnt yesterday, sunburned. We are taking your stories now of the sunscreen mishaps and burning mishaps that you've had. Wow, okay, there are some, like, this is scaring me into sunscreening like doubly now.

Yeah, this is good going into summer. It's a warning for everyone. Holly, where did you miss? What did you end up burning? So I had bought some brand new togs. It was like a one piece, but they were a little bit different. They sort of cut out here and there. Anyway, I, just for the record, I am like white baked transparent pale.

So you describe yourself as translucent. Translucent, yeah. And I often go lobster red whenever I do get burned. And then I just go straight back to transparent. No tan whatsoever. But the one time I forgot. So on these new new tops, I had like this diamond cutout in the stomach. Yep.

So the one time and only time in my 24 years on this earth that I got tanned was when I had a diamond on my stomach for the entire summer season. So were you just like in the shower, like looking down, you're like, you've just got a red diamond on you. Yeah. And I thought, oh, whatever, at've just got a red diamond on you. Yeah. And I thought, oh, whatever, at least it'll fade. No, mate, no. It was there the whole summer.

It was the only time I got tan ever in my life. That's like something I do. I just forget. I think, well, I'm wearing full body togs. Apart from the diamond cutouts. I saw my kids' sunscreen cutouts. It's like the kids when they've got straps on the back of their togs. It's just easier to do all your sunscreen before you put any togs on.

Yeah. Holly, thanks for your call. Sam, where did you burn? Oh, I used to work on cruise ships, and I was chilling up on the top deck. Yep. On the top deck with topless deck, anyway. And I threw my arms back, and I got my underarms burnt. Oh! So many people have messaged in that, yeah, they fell asleep with their arms behind their head, deck with topless deck anyway and I threw my arms back and I got my underarms burnt. Oh.

So many people have messaged in that, yeah, they fell asleep with their arms behind their head and their armpits just got smashed. Especially because you don't realise how, until you move your arms, you move your arms all the time. Yeah. So you'd be constantly like rubbing it. And then t-shirts rubbing up in there. But then the hair starts growing back.

Wait, does that hurt? It gets stubble. Stubble on the sunburn is excruciating. And it's not like you're going to take a razor blade and shave you. Nah, you've got to wait. Sam thinks you're cool. Ian, where did you miss the sunscreen? Well,

I was out drinking on the Gold Coast with some mates and I wandered off at 3 o'clock in the morning when the lockdown was and they kind of knew where I was out drinking on the Gold Coast with some mates, and I wandered off at, you know, 3 o'clock in the morning when the lockdown was, and they kind of knew what it was. I fell asleep shirtless on the beach. I got from my whole chest, my face, my underarms, my top of my feet, was completely sunburned because it was 42 degree weather. But I stained my eyelids to the point they bubbled and I could not open them for a week.

Oh my God, bubbly eyelids. What's your course of action when that happens? Well, I just kept drinking and I didn't realise that my friends knew where I was and they wrote a swear word with napkins across my forehead. You need better friends, Ian. Why do you think I moved to New Zealand? Oh, you had to move away from them. I don't know if you can find them here, Ian. You might be the problem.

This is where you find out the common denominator was Ian all along. Hey, thanks, Ian. Lauren, where did you miss with the sunscreen? I got the same as Megan. so the bottom of the bum cheeks. But I was in America at Speed Week on the salt flat, and I didn't realise that salt is like water. It reflects the sun back up underneath the miniskirt. Oh!

So that doesn't feel like your fault, because you had a skirt on. I had a skirt on. I sunblocked everywhere else, and it just reflects back up apparently. Wow, that white surface teamed up with the sun to bounce it up under. Yes. Wow. And how bad was that?

Was it very painful? Yeah, it took a few days to be able to sit down properly again. There you go, Megan. Two days and you can sit back down again. Yeah. Once I'm down, it's good. It's the getting up and getting down. All right.

Hey, Lauren, thanks. You called some messages in. I had the entire underboob burnt. I thought I'd sunscreen. I obviously had not done under the boob well enough. I lay back in the sun for a chat for a few hours. Yeah. And I had one huge blister running from one boob to the other.

You're not wearing a bra. No. For like a week. I forgot when I was putting on sunscreen I was using one of those spray cans I did all the spraying I did everywhere Except the arm that was holding the can

So one arm got very burnt I don't trust the spray cans as much It doesn't seem as like I don't know I like to rub it on like PVA glue You can still rub it in right? Yeah you can still rub it in, right? Yeah, you can still rub it in. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music. Live here. ZM.