ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 15th March 2021

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Warner and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees. Get one free on the Maccas app. It was a big trip to the mailroom for me today. Yeah, you turned out with like five packages. Yeah, so the Proats Bro. You got your Proats? I think I still always say Proats Bro or Proats Bra. Bra.
Starting point is 00:00:18 It's more of a bra. Bra. Got my Proats Bra. I got this book. This is a book. This is for for the girls it's like an Easter book it's like a New Zealand Easter book oh okay
Starting point is 00:00:27 these sheep are on some sort of Easter egg hunt and they keep stealing endangered birds eggs at the end the sheep get eaten
Starting point is 00:00:36 by they're killed by farmers they're eating the native birds I don't think they take any birds eggs right
Starting point is 00:00:43 but this is the I bought online. I won a trade me auction for a 1949 Land Rover Series 1 model. How much did you pay for that? 20 bucks. Okay. 20 bucks. I'll accept that.
Starting point is 00:00:55 I think it's 1989. Still in its original box. Sade is never going to let that on the shelf. She won't notice. It'll just get popped up there, and then it'll get a little bit of a sticker price on there. It'll get popped off. Put alcohol on that.
Starting point is 00:01:10 How do you clean? I saw someone online. I must Google it. You know how this was see-through plastic, and over time it yellows? Oh, yeah. You can clean that somehow. Really?
Starting point is 00:01:20 You can. You can remove the yellow, and maybe it is something like that. I watched them do it at the box restoration. Because I was like, oh, they're just going to print it out and make a new box. But they didn't. They just cleaned that. You've got to be careful, though, because you don't want to ruin that box.
Starting point is 00:01:32 Otherwise, that thing is truly just a waste of space. I feel like someone's being a little feefy. We did hear the rumour that New Zealand restoration TV show is coming. You could take it in there and be like. The repair shop. Yeah. They're doing a New Zealand restoration TV show is coming. You could take it in there and be like. The repair shop. Yeah. They're doing a New Zealand version. So just make up a.
Starting point is 00:01:48 This would have us believe. Make up a backstory. Like, oh my God, my granddad left this to me. He died last week. He died with it in his hand. In his hands. And he said, give this to my boy. And then he did, but it needs to be restored.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Producer Jared is messaging saying, make a paste of baking soda and water and then you wet the plastic with it. I don't like the word paste. Why not? I don't know. Just the idea of a paste. Well, you dip an old toothbrush in and kind of like squish it around,
Starting point is 00:02:17 scrub it around. But how do you not get the cardboard bit of it wet? Yeah, that's going to be tough. You'll get water staining on it. No, and that doesn to be tough. You don't want a soggy box. No, and that doesn't dry out well, does it? So I might just stay slightly yellowed at this stage, I think. Yeah, I think it gives it more a vintage feel. Yeah. OG. So yeah, that's
Starting point is 00:02:35 my mail run. And you've also got some sunglasses that make you look like a bad boy. Well, it makes me look like a douchebag. It's the Something with sunglasses. You've always got to try them on before you buy them,
Starting point is 00:02:46 but somebody said I didn't buy them, I just got sent them. Not everybody can find free sunglasses in the gutter. Nah. And those are still, you didn't take them
Starting point is 00:02:54 at the weekend though, I didn't notice in the wild foods. They're my activity sunglasses like riding my bicycle. Perfect for that. Oh, they're sport wear. I wear my Ray-Bans
Starting point is 00:03:03 for summer, you know, for out and about activities. Right, for casual. But if you're tryingwear. I wear my Ray-Bans for summer, you know, for out and about activities. Right, for casual. But if you're trying to look sportay, it's the sunglasses that we found in the gutter.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Oh, great sunnies. Big sunglasses, Vaughn. Honestly, best day ever. There's a tradie somewhere who's missing them. Yeah. Yeah. And he's trying
Starting point is 00:03:19 to find them again. It was for the best. Well, he should have taken better care of them. ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Flesh, fawn and Megan. The podcast for the best. Well, he should have taken better care of them. ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Welcome
Starting point is 00:03:30 to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. And as you just heard Rachel mention, 660 live at Eden Park has been announced. Helen Clark won't be happy. Oh, she'll be rightly pissed. She's not a fan. Well, initially, I think she was one of the people that was against a concert. Oh, she'll be rightly pissed. She's not a fan. Well, initially I think she was one of the people
Starting point is 00:03:45 that was against a concert. Yeah, she lives nearby, right? And she's like, I won't be able to sit quietly. Well, I remember even when you lived a few blocks away from Eden Park, you'd have strangers urinating in your letterbox. Yeah, that's right. After
Starting point is 00:04:01 cricket and rugby games, people would park on After cricket and rugby games, people would park on our street and then walk and then come back and do a little wee in the letterbox if the mood so took them. So Helen Clark's probably had a couple of people urinating on her New World mailer. I thought you were going to say Helen Clark's probably weeded a few mailboxes over her time.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Maybe she's weeing in the mailbox. So all the locals would be anti these events. What? That's a far-fetched theory there. Yeah, so it's out there. It's wild, but I'll stick by it. Well, they've sought out Western Springs, two years running, and ZM is stoked to present 660 live at Eden Park.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Now, this will be on the 24th of April, so that is Anzac weekend. And we have a couple of tickets up for grabs, the first double pass on the show this morning. We will give those tickets to the first caller through when 660 plays first during the show. Now tickets have gone on sale a week today.
Starting point is 00:04:55 It's Monday at noon. Ticketmaster, all the details, will be at ZM online. And Eden Park's bigger than Western Springs, right? Yeah. That's going to be an amazing show. It's going to be an amazing show. It's going to be so good. I always find because I always get a little bit nervous about outdoor concerts and the sound quality not
Starting point is 00:05:11 being great, but I've seen many a show at Mount Smart and it's so good. So good, yeah. Well, Adele, I remember Adele played like three nights there. Yeah, I mean, I didn't go to Adele, I did go to the Eagles. That's where we're different. This is one of the many differences
Starting point is 00:05:28 between us. But the Eagles. Oh, man, they were bloody good. Alright, coming up on the show, $40,000 to jackpot with Secret Sound. 7 o'clock this morning and 8 o'clock your chance to get through all things to star. Streaming now on Disney+. And the top six is coming up. There is
Starting point is 00:05:43 a proposal to put a sperm bank on the moon. Interesting. Not 100% sure why we need that there, but I've got the top six problems with the sperm bank on the moon. And in that time, I will also research why they think we need a sperm bank on the moon. I just saw the headline and I thought,
Starting point is 00:06:00 that's funny enough for a top six. Is it in case something happens on Earth and we all get wiped out by an asteroid? I'm saving the human race. Yeah. Probably want to stick some eggs up there too. I was going to say, no use having a whole bunch of sperm up there.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Famously can't do much by itself. Yeah. That's definitely a man that's playing that one and they're going to get up there and be like, hang on, I knew we needed that for something. All the sperm. Bloody hell. Just stick it in and we order to see if anything happens.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Unless we just leave like a dozen fertile women on the moon all the time. I'd be all right with that. At a moon base. Okay. We can't risk a man's life by leaving him on the moon base, but women, dime a dozen, aren't they? Absolutely. Expensible.
Starting point is 00:06:40 What else are they going to do with their time? Paint their nails? We can put a professional up there in the moon base. Well, that could be some of the women. Professionale and a couple of 4kg dumbbells. But you don't want the woman who we're relying on their fertility to be huffing those fumes all day long. Oh, yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Okay, no nail. No, sorry, no profession. What about a juice bar? Give us something. A tank? Yeah, a tank. Okay, we'll give you a tank. It'll cost us a fortune
Starting point is 00:07:10 to get all the fruit there. We'll freeze it. Oh, we'll freeze it. Okay, you can have a real fruit ice cream. I'm not going. I'm 31 years old. I'm past my prime.
Starting point is 00:07:20 They're not going to put me up there. I thought you'd been elected as spokesperson for a woman. And I'm doing a great job up there. I thought you'd been elected as spokesperson for women. And I'm doing a great job of that. Alright, so the top six is coming up on the show. Top six problems with the sperm bank on the moon. Alright, next on the show though. Well,
Starting point is 00:07:36 I'm sorry to hit you with some sperm heavy content, but I've got the results of a study that shows that we might be doing something a bit more than usual. The old tickle of the pickle. Is this because of lockdown? Yep.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Right, okay. It's time to talk about a little bit of self-love. Taking care of yourself. Love thyself. Yoga. Yep, eating well. Yoga. Yeah, good food.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Yep. Walking. Mast Eating well. Yoga. Yeah. Good food. Yep. Walking. Masturbating. Okay. Right. Self-love used to be like 15 years ago, self-love didn't include masturbating. Self-love was like a bath. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:18 And reading a book and having you time and sitting under a tree and feeling a breeze on your face. Yeah. And now it's you time. It's you and you only. It was like the joke of like self-love. Someone would be like, you need to love yourself more. And everyone's like, yeah, do it a bloody couple of times a day.
Starting point is 00:08:35 And it was always a joke, but now it actually does include it. It does indeed. So there was a study, a poll, questioned a lot of single people. So this is based on single people. Because when you're in a relationship, potentially it's a bit different. Okay. So this is for single people only. Found that three out of, well, 30% of them were having a session of self-love.
Starting point is 00:09:01 You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. love. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Yep. Having a session of self love more than once a day. More than? More than once a day? More than once a day. In fact, the average was three times a day
Starting point is 00:09:18 during the pandemic. Three times a day? Well, there's nothing else to do, is there? Yeah, okay. I was going to say, do they have nothing else to do but lockdown, pandemic? Three times a day? Well, there's nothing else to do, is there? Yeah, okay. I was going to say, do they have nothing else to do but lockdown, pandemic. Three times a day. Wow. And of those people, 34% said that they experienced their most incredible peak. Big O? The big O.
Starting point is 00:09:41 The biggest O of all O's. Thank you for helping me through this. Ever. Their best and biggest O of all O's. Thank you for helping me through this. Ever. Their best and biggest O-est ever. During their self-love sessions during the pandemic. I guess he's just investing a bit more time into exploration. Maybe investing more money into the Satisfyer Pro 2. Well, those sold like hotcakes during lockdown, didn't they?
Starting point is 00:10:03 There was something like a 1,000% increase on sex toys sold during lockdown. And good on you. Why not? You know, stuck at home. Yeah, 50% of people saying they've upped their frequency. That's fascinating. They're doing it more than ever before as a result of their isolation. I find it interesting that people can pinpoint their
Starting point is 00:10:25 best ever. What do you do? You finish and you're like, I'm just going to write that down or mark that in my diary, the best ever. That was phenomenal. Tuesday. Maybe they make a little voice memo afterwards like, Monday 15th
Starting point is 00:10:42 of March. Tell you what, I'll try and put it into words but I can't really talk right now that's the only way I can describe it so you know what get it get it why not
Starting point is 00:10:59 if you're stuck at home if you're stuck at home nothing else to do breaks up the Netflix you're not working and even not single people god you can't even stand looking at your partner let alone Stuck at home. If you're stuck at home, nothing else to do. Breaks up the Netflix, doesn't it? You're not working. And even not single people. God, you can't even stand looking at your partner,
Starting point is 00:11:11 let alone anything else. So pop away to the bathroom. Judgment free. Judgment free. Absolutely judgment free. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Ten years ago, February 22nd, ten years ago, Christchurch earthquake, a woman lost her handbag.
Starting point is 00:11:31 I mean, in the scheme of things. Is that the biggest story to come out of those earthquakes? Well, no, no, definitely not, definitely not. In the scheme of things. People were ringing up looking for their loved ones and she's ringing up, clogging the police line saying, oh, my handbag is gone. Handbag, what kind of handbag? She's like, oh, it was an expensive one.
Starting point is 00:11:45 It wasn't a Digley Pony. It wasn't anything crazy. But she's got it back. After 10 years, it's been in the cathedral rubble and she has been reunited with the bag that she left. God, she was lucky to get out of there. Yeah. So was she in the cathedral?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Yes. Yeah, she was. Well, good on her for not, you know, when they're like, just go, don't grab everything. Yeah. So was she in the cathedral? Yes. Yeah, she was. She was in. Well, good on her for not, you know, when they're like, just go. Don't grab everything. Yeah. She didn't. So she. You ever think that on a plane?
Starting point is 00:12:13 Oh, yeah. They're like, you know, don't leave everything behind if the plane is going down. I'm like. I'm like, not me. That's the people who don't have nice stuff in the back. I've got a lot of stuff on this laptop. It's not backed up to the cloud. I can't afford to do that.
Starting point is 00:12:26 If none of us survive but they find the laptop and then they go into the hard drive and they're trying to work out who it is, I don't want my family to have to explain a lot of that. Just my luck, they'd go through all the bodies and the fuselage and there'd just be one person hogging up the door with a big suitcase and it's you or me.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Just blocked to the entrance, just perfectly stuck in there with their bag and towing another bag. I feel like on a domestic flight, I'd be sweet to leave my bag. But on an international, you've always got your passport and stuff. I'd just be like, grab that bag. I'd be ramming half the minibar into my pockets as well. I don't want it to go to waste.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Yeah, well, there's no point. Just unclip the trolley. You know how they push them in and clip them? Yeah. So she dropped her handbag, got out of the cathedral, survived, but her handbag was trapped for the last 10 years. At the time of the
Starting point is 00:13:13 earthquake, she was the artist in residence. Now does that mean she played the organ? Or she played some sort of... No, she does, you know, like police courtroom sketch artists. She, at just any time, she's painting the interior of the cathedral. Right. For the news.
Starting point is 00:13:28 So when you go to church, you can get a little caricature done. Caricature, yeah. She's like, do you like roller skating? You're like, no. That would draw me into religion a bit. If you could get a caricature. Yeah, it's a bit of fun, isn't it? Until you saw how big they did your nose.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Oh, my gosh. The last time. I've only had like two caricatures in my life, but I've got this little flick at the end of my nose, and it was like, they did like a ski slope. I looked like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yeah, yeah. Hooked nose.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I've never had one done, and I think there's a part of me that doesn't want to have to pay $25 to be insulted. Because it is insulting, isn't it? Yeah, but when you're in Paris, what else do you do? I pay $10 to be insulted. Go up to Montmartre and get a little caricature. Just cut off a Frenchman. She said her handbag had her bus card in it still.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Yeah. Her wallet, her car key, and her Nokia telephone, which apparently completely unscathed and the battery was still going. But she said it's my Nokia phone. And she said, oh, yeah, it's been in there for 10 years. But to be honest, the phone looks like it was 10 years old when it was in there and now it's 20 years old. Wow.
Starting point is 00:14:37 And going past the cathedral the other day, they've put up one of those, you know, in Europe when you go to a landmark and it's got scaffold up and they put up a picture of what it looks like, so you're not disappointed. They've done that on the front so you can't see into it anymore. Is that also to keep the pigeons out?
Starting point is 00:14:53 Because ever since 2010 that thing has just been riddled with pigeons. Because I think they're starting the reconstruction. I was all for bowling it. Yeah, I don't know. So much money. Build a new cool one. I don't know just so much money just build a new cool one
Starting point is 00:15:07 I don't know I just can't believe it's taken so long every time I go down there and you'd look into it that's because there was the back and forth of the argument
Starting point is 00:15:14 what to do with it yeah so many people say I pulled it down it was a bit of a painful reminder wasn't it it was right in the
Starting point is 00:15:20 middle of town as well that's right remember that horrendous time yeah was there any cash in there we're still using the same cash yeah we're still using the same cash Right in the middle of town as well. That's right. Remember that horrendous time? Yeah. Was there any cash in there? We're still using the same cash?
Starting point is 00:15:29 Yeah, we're still using the same cash. Ten years ago, probably a bit more likely to have cash. I can see a couple of coins in her little coin purse. Lovely. But just the bus card mostly. No, she probably... And she would have cancelled all her credit cards. Yeah. Her driver's licence.
Starting point is 00:15:42 New set of keys. That's a pain. Yeah, car keys. Get them cut. Get a mobile lock. New set of keys. That's a pain. Yeah. Car keys. Get them cut. Get a mobile lock. Especially if they're a bloop bloop. Cost you a fortune.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Fleshfauna Megan. The podcast. ZM. Now, I love a good meme. A meme-y. It is meme. Oh, no. It was GIF is the one that was.
Starting point is 00:16:01 GIF. GIF. Is GIF. Is GIF, yeah. That blew my mind. Official. I love a good meme. And you know Bad Luck Brian?
Starting point is 00:16:09 One of the classics. It was a terrible school book photo of a guy called Kyle Craven. And it went viral in the early 2010s. Well, it's just sold for 36,000 US dollars. Has he got braces and like a red sweater? He's got a tartan red sweater vest,
Starting point is 00:16:34 a ginger sort of flat mop on his head, and yeah, a big mouth full of braces. It's 36,000 US dollars it's sold for as a piece of crypto art, which is apparently a thing now that people are buying the digital. So these are NFTs.
Starting point is 00:16:52 I don't fully, you can buy them with cryptocurrency, so it's not cryptocurrency. But the artwork is in the blockchain. Is that what it is? Yes. So the artwork is, you've got the code for it and only you can have it? Like cryptocurrency? Is that right? Yeah, basically.
Starting point is 00:17:07 The thing with memes is that people use them all the time. You'd just copy it and make your own meme out of it, wouldn't you? But this is the original artwork. It's the original photo of it. But it's digital. He owns the, well, the person who bought it owns
Starting point is 00:17:23 the digital ownership of the meme. The digital ownership of the digital. It's the digital. He owns the, well, the person who bought it owns the digital ownership of the meme. The digital ownership of the meme. So then if people did use it, they could place a cease and desist on them because they own the image. Yeah, but. I guess so. Apparently, look, the NFT meme market is red hot.
Starting point is 00:17:38 It's red hot. Put your money into a savings account for God's sake. What do you mean? What are you buying memes? Imagine saying that to your accountant. Sorry, Hayley. I just see here there's $36,000 missing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Oh, yeah, I bought a meme. I bought a meme. Now I own the rights to all the memes. I don't totally understand NFTs, which stand for non-fungible tokens. Fungible. Fungible. Fungible. Because I believe the Kings of Leon's latest album was released as an NFT as well. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:11 So you could own that and it's part of the block. Look, I don't understand it. I don't know. But all I know is that someone spent $36,000 on a meme. We need to... Grow up. We need to check our privileges in life. What is a fungible token?
Starting point is 00:18:27 It's a digital file. No, no, I'm asking, you've said non-fungible, which indicates to me that there is the existence of a fungible token. I don't know. Fungible. What does fungible mean? I mean, can someone text in if they understand it and put it into layman's terms?
Starting point is 00:18:46 Dumb it down for me because... Fungible meaning of goods contracted for without an individual specimen being specified. Replaced by another identical item. With every description of it, it gets more confusing. I know, yeah. I know. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Breakfast smoothies.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Hayley, big fan. Every day you bring your smoothie. I have been, yeah. Every day there's something wrong with it. You never nail it. I never know. There was that one day that I was like, hmm, that's good. I nailed the smoothie.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Yeah, I've just been missing. I ran out of oat milk. I've been trying some milk alternatives because I'm not supposed to really have a lot of dairy. Right. Sometimes it's too runny and thick. Sometimes it's too watery. What are all your milk alternatives now? You've got oat, almond, soy, coconut.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Chat. Cashew. Yep. Cashew milk? Yeah. That would be an expensive milk, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would be. I've never seen a nipple on a cashew.
Starting point is 00:19:42 I haven't even milked that. Put it on the bottom. Actually, a cashew looks like a nipple. Have you ever seen it? Because it grows seen a nipple on a cashew. I haven't even milked that. Put it on the bottom. Actually, a cashew looks like a nipple. Have you ever seen it because it grows at the bottom of that fruit thing?
Starting point is 00:19:48 It does. It's the little nip of the fruit. Big pointy long nip. Like a sausage nip. Some of those milks, like, they must have to waste
Starting point is 00:19:58 an awful lot of, like, cashews and almonds. Oh, they are terrible for the environment. So you think you're, like, you're doing a good thing because you're not drinking dairy, but then you're also wasting
Starting point is 00:20:09 like a lot of other, I mean, do cashews and almonds, do they get used to something else when they've been milked? Oh, I don't think so. What, all the husk left over? I don't think so. I think almond milk was like,
Starting point is 00:20:22 had a way bigger footprint than the dairy industry. It was terrible. I don't know the actual stats. Okay, was like, had a way bigger footprint than the dairy industry. It was terrible. I don't know the actual stats. Okay. So you're ruining the environment with your smoothie. Yeah, yeah. I don't care for the environment very much at all.
Starting point is 00:20:32 I need my smoothie. But I ran out of this, I ran out of oat milk and today I just had water. Right. As the base. Now my question is, when you have a smoothie, how long will you,
Starting point is 00:20:41 how long will it take for you to finish it? Well, I got here at like 10 past five and it was gone by 10 to six. Okay. 40 minutes. Oh my God, that's just sipping. I've got a problem with liquid. When it's put in front of me,
Starting point is 00:20:55 I just chug it. I can't. My tummy just gets too full. Well, a guy, a doctor, Zach Turner has written a piece in Australia about smoothies. He does like a column and he was asked by someone has written a piece in Australia about smoothies. He does like a column and he was asked by someone, what do you think about breakfast smoothies? And he has rung a bit of an alarm bell and has some tricks for breakfast smoothies.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Because he says a lot of them can be really high in sugar. Oh, yeah. And people hit the smoothie. People might use like honey to sweeten them. And there's a lot of sugar in the fruits. He's saying a lot of people can crash by 11. And the trick is to include low GI foods. Things like seeds, nuts.
Starting point is 00:21:34 They burn at a slower rate throughout the day, which means you stay energized for longer and you don't crash. But he's saying, and this is the big message here and the big shock, you should sip your smoothie over three hours. Rather than drinking it in five minutes. It'll separate. My smoothie is already, I've left a little bit because it was foul. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:57 I have not nailed it today. It's already, it's all separated. Yeah, gross. And I do because I love me some low GI, and I put pumpkin seeds and chia seeds in mine, and the chia makes it all froth and just like... So it gets like gelatin? Yeah. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Who's sipping their smoothie over hours? So I didn't know this, and this will be if you take Proats Bra. You take Proats Bra. Bro, I've got some Proats in the mail room. Yeah, so... I've got a fresh delivery of Proats Bra. When you put a bit of protein. You know when you put a scoop of protein into your shaker and it's like 40 grams or 28, 30 grams of protein in every scoop?
Starting point is 00:22:31 You're jacked. The gastrointestinal system can only absorb 8 to 10 grams of protein an hour. So if you're having a protein smoothie or a heavy protein breakfast smoothie. Is that why it gets a bit farty down there? Your body's just OD'd on prop. If it doesn't, does it hold it to then process it later or does it pass
Starting point is 00:22:54 through you and doesn't? No mate, it actually hits straight to the muscles I think you'll find. Mine just stacks on. Just stacks on the muscles. Stacks on to the seps. Yeah right. So by that you should just have one bite of your protein bar per hour or like your mix two really weak. Yeah, but then don't they say when you've gone to the gym,
Starting point is 00:23:12 it's really important to get the protein in that first hour or straight away? Do you remember when I first started here, I was having like two protein bars a morning and a smoothie. You were jacked though. I was. Oh, shit. In fact, it got a bit too much. You got your full pump on.
Starting point is 00:23:27 You got really aggressive. Yeah, yeah. I've rounded out a bit. Instead of shoving us around. We were just like, it just needs to be calmed down a little bit. Well, the roids weren't helping.
Starting point is 00:23:33 There you go, just some, no. Your balls shrunk to almost nothing. Just pop back inside me. I looked up, just to bounce back
Starting point is 00:23:44 to the start of the conversation when we were talking about milk alternatives, almond got cancelled because of how much water it used. Yes. It used a lot of litres of water, and rice milk also got cancelled because of its water usage. Where are we at with the oat? Oat is, by the looks of it, like emissions produced,
Starting point is 00:24:01 the amount of land that needs to be used, and the water used, oat and soy are the best. But oat uses a little less emissions, but maybe a smidge more land. Okay, so cancelled. Dairy. Dairy. If you're a cow, you're done.
Starting point is 00:24:17 You're done here, cow. And rice. Yeah. Rice milk. Yeah. And gollywogs. Gollywogs. And Piers Morgan.
Starting point is 00:24:23 And Piers Morgan. Gollywog milk I had when I was a child. And I liked it just as much as I had white milk and I had gollywog milk. I had all the milks. It's just milk to me. It's just milk. You're milk blind. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I see them. They make me happy. Why are people taking away my gollywog milk? We saw one in a shop, didn't we? I know. Because that whole thing we just did, that was acting. But when I saw the gollywog in the weekend, I went like this. Like that.
Starting point is 00:24:52 It took me by surprise. I was reading about them a while ago and they're on Trade Me and people are just like, a cute collector's item. You're like, no. Oh, mate. Flesh, Vauna, Megan, the podcast, ZM.
Starting point is 00:25:07 From the dusty ZM think tank, this is the top six. Scientists. What do they know? Oh, God. They think they know everything.
Starting point is 00:25:19 So, they are proposing, not all scientists, might I say, a small group of scientists and researchers from the University
Starting point is 00:25:28 of Arizona okay they have revealed they have an ambitious plan and that ambitious plan is that there is a bank or an ark
Starting point is 00:25:36 placed on the moon containing sperm eggs seeds and spores of our planet's 6.7 million different species and plants species of animals and plants 6.7 million different species and plants.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Species of animals and plants. Because we've already got the seed bank in the Arctic Circle or Norway or something. What is that island called? If it all goes belly up, there's kind of a seed of every plant on Earth so they can repopulate. Really? The Norwegian seed bank. The island's got a really cool name.
Starting point is 00:26:03 You're Googling it. I'm Googling it. The Svalbard. Svalbard. Svalbard Seed Bank. Svalbard. Global Seed Vault. Svalbard. Yeah, it's north. It's very arctic and they put it there because it can just stay at the right temperature with minimal
Starting point is 00:26:17 energy. There's just like this concrete kind of real... It's real cool. Yeah, brutalist architectural looking thing that just comes out like a James Bond kind of real... It's real cool. Yeah, brutalist, architectural-looking thing that just comes out like a James Bond kind of layer. Remember the fact of the day that there was another seed bank, and was it in Libya?
Starting point is 00:26:32 And then when that all went to shit and the Civil War happened, these guys, these scientists, did like a mission into Libya, like a... It would make a great movie one day, a mission into Libya behind the lines and the scientists that were there
Starting point is 00:26:47 handed them the... Yeah, right. They extracted the packages and took them back to the Slavs. I pitched that one, Vaughn, for a movie. Look, John Krasinski is attacked. Attached? John Krasinski? He's attached. To the script. My script. I've written a script. Right, okay. Wow.
Starting point is 00:27:03 But it's all going in there. I didn't know this at all. I love that instead of just trying to be better with the planet that we have, we're like, okay, let's just start getting prepped for the fact that we've stuffed this beyond compare. We've screwed this one. Yeah. We're going to go to the moon and we're going to the Arctic. So the paper also has a rad name. The paper in which they propose this arc on the moon.
Starting point is 00:27:21 It's called Lunar Pits and Lava Tubes for the Modern Arc. And they're saying kind of the tunnels and stuff already there, the old moon lava tubes. Could be like these massive underground halls. Right. Which we've never talked about when it comes to living on the moon.
Starting point is 00:27:35 No. Lunar pits and lava tubes would be such a good duo. Yes. Yeah. A folk duo. Yeah. Okay, write it down.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Write it down. Let's get that folk duo happening. Earth faces probability of peril from various natural disasters and human threats like global nuclear war, climate change, etc., etc., or an asteroid just could smash us and destroy us, but then the moon might wear it as well. But today's top six,
Starting point is 00:27:58 the top six problems I can see with a moon-based sperm bank. Okay. Number six, aren't rockets phallic enough already without filling them with sperm? The sperm would feel right at home, though, on the journey. Yeah. In a phallus. True. And it moves quick.
Starting point is 00:28:14 And the rockets move quick. So maybe it would be relaxing for the sperm. And they're a bit juddery as well. I don't think it's a smooth ride. It's a juddery, thrustful takeoff. It is. In both situations. Number five on the list of the top six problems
Starting point is 00:28:28 of the moon-based sperm bank. Isn't our toxic masculinity best restricted to one planet? Yes. We probably don't need to spread that around the entire solar system. When you said eggs, I'm going to assume you mean ovarian eggs. Ovarian eggs,
Starting point is 00:28:45 but also... A couple of number sevens. A couple of chickens. A couple of farmer browns. And some rooster sperm as well. It's not just sperm from humans, it's sperm from a range of animals. We're not going to mix it up. Well, that brings us to the next problem, number four. What if there's a moonquake?
Starting point is 00:29:02 This is problems with the moon-based sperm bank. What if there's a moonquake? Yeah. This is promise of the moon-based sperm bank. What if there's a moonquake and the sperm shelf falls over and mixes with some seeds, and then we have a half-human, half-apple tree? Yeah, that's a risk. Yeah. We need to be aware of that. Absolute risk.
Starting point is 00:29:17 The dog sperm gets in with the human eggs, and then there's a werewolf on the moon, and they're on the moon, so it's always a full moon. Oh, my God. He's exhausted. He's just like, oh, man, I don't want to go there. Gets to 9 a.m., and he's just, I've had enough. Yeah, honestly, I quit.
Starting point is 00:29:36 And then the astronauts come. Number three on the list of the top six problems of the moon-based sperm bank, the Moon is made of cheese. Yeah. Hello, idiots. Dumbies. And number two on the list of the top six problems of the Moon-based sperm bank, the flat earthers.
Starting point is 00:29:54 They don't believe that the Moon's real. They believe it's a hologram. You don't. So they won't want to supply any sperm for the ongoing humans. That's good, though. Good, yes. Oh, no, it's a real problem. Who will we laugh at?
Starting point is 00:30:09 No, true. Who will we point at and say, they'll believe anything? And number one on the list of the top six problems with the moon-based sperm bank, what if the rocket explodes on takeoff? Or soon after takeoff? Grimmest clean-up ever. Oh, my God, the rugged and sweated. On a side note, can you smell burger rings?
Starting point is 00:30:33 Can anyone else that just, oh my God. Yeah, from here. Who's the poor astronaut? Who's going up with that load? You just hope they die immediately, eh? Not land and then be like and be like Oh God!
Starting point is 00:30:51 I wish I hadn't survived from coming in here to do this. So that's today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM's $50,000 Secret Sound. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. Karen Jackpot, $40,000.
Starting point is 00:31:12 All thanks to Star Streaming. Now on Disney+. More comedy, more drama, more action. You can learn more. Disneyplus.com. Soundkeeper Al's good morning. Good morning. Hi.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Do you know what? We had all weekend at Wild Foods Festival and our triple A and crush it. What's the secret, Sam? Yes. I even got a little bit of it over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:31:33 I was like, I don't know. I'm telling you. Yeah. And then people don't believe us when we say we don't know. That's the thing though. You can say you don't know
Starting point is 00:31:40 and I'm just like, oh. I get all quite weird. I don't know. Yeah, that's why I do not need that responsibility of accidentally saying it or being bribed. And I can get a little bit loose-lipped when
Starting point is 00:31:51 I'm on the old savs. Melissa joins us. Good morning, Melissa. Good morning. Alright, so you've got through. That's the hard bit. Now, we need you to identify the secret sound. Now, this is the secret sound. And this was the part of the TikTok clue that came out last week.
Starting point is 00:32:15 So, Melissa, for $40,000, what do you think the secret sound is? I think it's water hitting the side of a speeding boat. Okay. Wow. Oh, that's a good guess. And people have been out on boats because of the America's Cup. Of course. Were you watching the America's Cup yesterday and thinking, oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:32:35 I've got it. Yep. Okay. And yeah, that's that real, you know when you get a bit of air and you're like. Yeah. And then the water sprays up. And it's like that, you know, that splash. Yeah, that real, you know when you get a bit of air and you're like. Yeah. And then the water sprays up. And it's like that, you know, that splash. Yeah, that real hard slap.
Starting point is 00:32:49 The hole, the hole designed to cut through. Yeah. Yep. What about the clues? You can just give an example of one. How does that relate? Um, oh, I had them written, I had all of them written down. I didn't have them on me.
Starting point is 00:33:04 That's okay. But yeah, but you're one of them like Aucklanders, you're still in the game or? Yeah, yeah, there was that one definitely. Yeah, because we've got water in Auckland. Yeah. That's where the America's Cup is happening. Yeah. Okay, well
Starting point is 00:33:17 Melissa, $40,000 that would be a great way to start your week. Absolutely. Is it yours? I'm sorry, Melissa, that's not the secret sound. We've got $100 so far. A wrong guess. Oh, awesome.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Thank you very much. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. We went to Wild Foods at the weekend in Hokitika. Beautiful. What's the wildest thing you ate while you were there? The podcast ZM. We went to Wild Foods at the weekend and hookah took a beautiful. Oh, what? What's the wildest thing you ate while you were there? Um, hoo-hoo.
Starting point is 00:33:51 We each had a hoo-hoo grub. Yeah. We did the, no, locusts. What do they taste like? The ho-hoo grubs taste like chickeny peanut butter because they're squishy, kind of. A bit bland. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:03 Yeah, I could do with some hot sauce. I reckon if you could dip it in a bit of sweet chilli or even something a bit hotter. Or like a soy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. A soy would actually go really well with a light fry soy. A salt-based.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Yum, yum. And maybe in a sesame oil. Snails? I'm not a... Are they... Your bog-standard garden snail. Yeah. Cooked with garlic and butter.
Starting point is 00:34:21 It was just like... It just tasted like shellfish. Tasted like a garlicky prawn, didn't it? Yeah, yeah. And I had never had before a pickled punga. Yeah. You know, like, pungas. Punga tree.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Punga tree, the punga tree. Pickled. So in the middle, like the core. You know when it shoots off a new spirally frond? Yeah. Right at the base of that, at the bottom, you can eat that. You know when it shoots off a new spirally frond? Yeah. Right at the base of that, at your bottom, you can eat that. They pickle it, and I guess it was kind of like a savoury pineapple.
Starting point is 00:34:55 It was like the core of a pineapple. It was quite chewy. Yeah, it was like that. Fibrous. Oh, odd. Great for the intestinal tract to get a bit of fibre from there. It is. You've got to have a lot of fibre. You had mountain oysters.
Starting point is 00:35:04 Yeah, I did you're not an oyster fan no sheep's balls mountain oysters so am I a fan of sheep's balls no yeah
Starting point is 00:35:12 I had a bite of the sandwich actually it was just like it was fine it was delicious I would have been terrible there because I just get
Starting point is 00:35:19 the mental I can't get past the mental side of it of going like these are testes. They have heaps of normal food as well. Had probably one of the nicest pizzas I've ever had. I was going to say that was probably
Starting point is 00:35:31 the wildest food. I had a vegetarian pizza. You know these pizzas without meat on them? What's the point? That's what I asked myself, but it was delicious. It was amazing, yeah. And a great day, a huge crowd, amazing day. We had Bangs Bingo as well the night before. Yes.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Fantastic crowd there. Thank you to everybody that came along to Stumpers. Now, it was at Wild Foods that producer Jared disappeared for a bit. Yeah. He didn't skip out on any responsibilities. It was during a little bit of downtime. We took five minutes to get some water and enjoy some shade, and producer Jared disappeared,
Starting point is 00:36:00 and he came back with a big grin on his face. Oh, where's he been? Well, he'd purchased something from the merch tent, and he came back with a big grin on his face. Oh, where's he been? Well, he'd purchased something from the merch tent and he had a plan. He had purchased LMNOP's album on vinyl. Now, this isn't a new LMNOP album. What year did this album come out? Ooh. 2000 and...
Starting point is 00:36:16 Yeah, early 2000s. It's his second album, right? Yeah, Trouble in Paradise. Trouble in Paradise with 1157 on it. Yep. That's probably the biggest single off the album. And he came back and he had it on vinyl. And he was very pleased.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Very excited. It was released in 2005. Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. Okay. Pre-teen JP absolutely frothed LMNOP. You listen.
Starting point is 00:36:41 Yeah. And this is when producer Jared told us, guys, I need to find a vivid because I'm going to get them to sign it. Wow. Yeah. Oh, guys, it took like an hour to hunt down this Vivid. I went to like different stalls. I was digging around in like the promo vehicles.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Finally sourced one. Snuck backstage. Look at this smile. I know, he's still buzzing. I can feel it. He said to me, how do you get backstage? I said, man, it's Wild Fuzz. I think you just push that fence aside and just squeeze through.
Starting point is 00:37:07 No one's going to stop you. So were they performing there? Yeah, they were. Yeah. They were part of the musical lineup. But by the way, side note, quick, if I might judge Approach the Bents for a side address. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Permitted. Bo Runga was there. Yep. Stella. She's 52 years old. Oh, man, she looks good. She looks so good. Stella. She's 52 years old. Oh man, she looks good. She looks so good. Mind blowing. What is she up to with
Starting point is 00:37:30 that skincare? I reckon it's margarine. You reckon? I reckon she has a margarine sandwich every day. I don't know if that's it. The sandwich changes, but it's always got a Liviano margarine. Right. That's what's keeping her youthful looking. So you sneak back, you get backstage, you didn't sneak, you were
Starting point is 00:37:45 well within your rights to be back. Yeah, I had a media pass, which was pretty exciting. And you went and you met LONOP. Yeah, I just like swanned in, I was like, g'day. Obviously I was a lot less casual than I am now. Yeah. And I was like, hey, I'm a huge fan. It's actually one of the
Starting point is 00:38:02 first albums I bought with my own pocket money. Oh my god, is that not the cutest thing ever and then uh gibbo as i call him yeah well now you're on first name terms without gibber yeah yeah i signed my album my vinyl and then the rest of the band signed it too and then actually i used to work with their tour manager which i found out so she signed it as well oh no she shouldn't have signed have signed it. No, I wanted her to. I wanted her to. What did she contribute to the album? She managed the tour, so.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Well, not the tour, the album. Yeah, but she would have got them to Wild Foods. Oh, right. I don't know, I wouldn't have let her sign it to me. I think you devalued it there.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Yeah, she's muddied the waters. Nah, nah, I dig it. Because it's like a personal touch there. It's like someone I used to work with. Agree, disagree. So you, when did that high run out? Because you were still pretty stoked on the flight home. Well, yeah, I was pretty stoked on the flight home
Starting point is 00:38:54 and then I got to work and like unloaded all the tech gear and I was so tired I left it at work. So then when I got to work this morning, the hype was like fully renewed. Epic. But you didn't get to show the midi Straight when you got home No but I took a photo
Starting point is 00:39:07 So I was like babe look And then I like zoomed in Did she care? Nah Was she like Whose is this fifth signature? Nah And you're like
Starting point is 00:39:17 It's a girl I used to work with And she's like Who? I just find it funny how Yeah Just interesting that you get her to sign it I mean she wasn't even there. Fine.
Starting point is 00:39:26 That's fine. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, our segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. From the Wellington Live community, Pete posts on Saturday morning. Just another Saturday morning in Lower Hutt where we get boats parked in the street and
Starting point is 00:39:54 cars parked in the river. And there's a photo of a boat that's come off a trailer. Oh no. There we go. Look, there's the boat off the trailer. Oh dear. And there's the car and the drink. So the cars off the trailer. Oh, dear. And there's the car and the drink. So the car's in the water.
Starting point is 00:40:08 It is a small master, perhaps? Doesn't look like a four-wheel drive. Maybe a Demio. That's not going to get out of there in a hurry. In the comments, though, that's my car, says Sammy. It was stolen last night from Eastbourne. Oh!
Starting point is 00:40:24 Pete said, sorry about that. That sucks. I hope there's no damage. And she said, yeah, thanks, Pete. Hopefully not. Someone else is like, it's literally in the sea. I'm pretty sure there'll be some damage. I grew up in Eastbourne and the cars would go into the ocean all the time.
Starting point is 00:40:39 You go around the bays. It's very windy. Would that end up in the drink? Yeah. Shallow. Shallow enough. Holy moly. From the Te Amutu Buy, Sell, Air exchange page,
Starting point is 00:40:53 someone has got something for sale. Friendly little satanic Baphomet statue. Now, Baphomet, I may be saying wrong. It's not a term I'm familiar with. B-A-P-H-O-M-E-T. Baphomet. Baphomet? Oh, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:05 That's about 12 inches tall. We kept this in our baby's room to watch over him. However, we just upgraded to a 32-inch version. This was originally purchased from Peronius Satanic Society a few years ago. Wow, okay. Yeah, right. Interesting. 32 inches of Satan.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Yeah. I probably could take 32 inches of Satan. Yeah. I probably could take 12 inches of Satan. But 32 is a little too attention grabbing. Okay, yeah. You know, you just want to space your Satan. Yeah. This next post comes to us from the Dunedin News page, Douglas Posts, and had a lot of reports from this over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:41:41 A phone. So I just found this phone in the octagon. Sorry, I just found this phone on the footpath, face down, about 50 feet from the octagon. The screen was smashed and I picked it up and it was exactly like this. No joke. Get it in touch if it's yours.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Fletch, I'm just going to open this up. You deem whether or not it's fitting for the, so they turned it over The screen is smashed And they're in a Snapchat group Oh yeah In a Snapchat group You see what that Snapchat group's called
Starting point is 00:42:12 And deem whether or not that's Oh no Oh no We can't read that on air Hang on Hang on I don't think so. Is that what people are using Snapchat for? I think that's a
Starting point is 00:42:32 hilarious name for their group. I don't think that's what happens in the group. But then you never know. You don't know. You don't know with people. Yeah, well, Bread sent the last video and the group in this is dedicated to videos of them pooping. Also, who doesn't put a lock screen on their phone after a minute?
Starting point is 00:42:49 I know. And a security pin. Hello. They might pick it up straight away. Maybe. Straight as it fell. Next is an international community notice. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:42:58 An Australian podcast listener sent this in to us. This is from the Coriong and surrounding buy, sell, swap page. Looking to buy a car in Corion, Victoria for $1. Oh, okay. Only needs to travel 800 metres because I'm driving it through some C-Words house. Let me know what you've got.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Whoa! How good is that? They're buying a car. They want to buy a car. All they want to do with it is drive it through someone's house. Wow. I would almost sell a car to someone for a dollar. Same. And then be like, can I come and watch when you do it? Yeah. But make sure you sign over the ownership papers before that happens.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Yes. Very important. And finally today for community notices, from the Leaston Southbridge Ellesmere Community page. Oh, okay. Mark writes on it. And I say Mark because it's M-A-R-Q. Oh, okay. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Oh, Mark. Warning, capital letters. The next person that buys my 16-son, means 16-year-old son. Yep. Next person that buys my 16-year-old son cigarettes, I will have you charged for, dot, dot, dot, supplying tobacco to a miner. Mum. Miner spout
Starting point is 00:44:06 M-I-N-E-R as in someone that mines coal gold. Yeah right. Well their lungs are stuffed anyway it doesn't matter. That's what
Starting point is 00:44:13 somebody said in the comment section saying confining your 16 year old to being a miner for life. First comment is from Mark's son
Starting point is 00:44:23 who is the 16-year-old, who has been cigaretteting. Won't stop me from smoking, Dad. Laugh face, laugh face, laugh face. Wow. And in his profile picture, he's got dog ears, I'm in a dog nose, and a cigarette in his mouth. Oh, bad boy, bad boy for life.
Starting point is 00:44:41 Yeah. He's a smoking dog. He's riling old man up, isn't he? He's riling his dad up. His dad's sick of him smoking them cigarettes. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it by all means.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Yeah. Send it to ours. We're FEMZM on Facebook. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Now, we went to Wildfords. We were lucky enough to go to Wildfords Fest at the weekend.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Last time we went, five years ago, we drove the Arthur's Pass. Beautiful part of New Zealand. Oh, it is stunning. Gorgeous. Those alpine plains up there. The Springfield Donut. Arthur's Pass. The cheeky kias.
Starting point is 00:45:22 The cheeky kias. Gosh, they're cheeky, aren't they? The braided rivers Oh that The whole thing Gorgeous So last time we drove This time we flew
Starting point is 00:45:29 Oh Give us another one of those Oh The views The beautiful views It's a quick trip You take off from Christchurch And you literally
Starting point is 00:45:38 Start your descent In a little plane Yep Little puddle jumper 200 Yep 20 minute flight Yep
Starting point is 00:45:44 So next time We've got to take the train. Yeah. We've got to do the Trans-Alpine. So we can tick all of them off the list. On a 20-minute flight, did you get a snack or a water? Yeah, I think we got a lolly and a water. Yeah, a lolly and a water. So when we were flying back to Christchurch after Wild Foods,
Starting point is 00:46:02 we got on our plane, which was a little bit delayed because I think the pilots wanted to watch the America's Cup race. They said it was paperwork, but I really feel like it wasn't. Yeah. Because as the race finished, we then were like, all right, paperwork's arrived. Here we go. It did seem like that, didn't it? But then we got to the end of the runway and we did that little thing where you go down
Starting point is 00:46:22 to the runway and they're like, here's your seatbelt and all that and there's no Air New Zealand safety video on the small planes so they just give you the old quick like here's your safety belt work and don't smoke
Starting point is 00:46:31 and all that but we got to the end of the runway and then we just sat there for a bit and it felt weird like we've been sitting here for a little bit
Starting point is 00:46:37 and then it was like ding ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking just letting you know we are expecting a slight delay in takeoff as there are seagulls on the runway.
Starting point is 00:46:50 We'll get back to you. They shouldn't take long. Seagulls seem to land and then they take off again. So we'll get back to you soon. We'll expect a time off to go. My ears feel violated. It was so intimate. It was.
Starting point is 00:47:03 I was right in there. He actually had good pilot speak, that pilot. Because, you know, normally you can't make sense of them. No, he was great. But seagulls were on the end of the runway. And I was like, well, okay. Scare them off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:20 But, like, literally Hokitiki Airport is tiny. It's, like, the cutest little airport. So why can't they just go out there and get out of the bloody way? Well, they thought they might take off by themselves. The woman sitting in front of me said to her husband, I don't know why we just don't bloody run them over. And I was like, you've obviously never watched any air crash investigation because even the tiniest bird can destroy a prop.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Yeah. Get sucked into the engine, into the propeller. And we'd all be- Splatting their innards onto the windows as you're flying. That's not very nice. So, and there might have been some endangered birds. So anyway, we sat there for a little while, a little while, a little while, a little while, a little while, a little while. And obviously the seagulls had made themselves at home.
Starting point is 00:48:00 They weren't going anywhere. But were they nesting? So maybe they were looking for the right place to nest. So then we got another bing bong. at home, they weren't going anywhere. What were they nesting? So maybe they were looking for the right place to nest. So then we got another bing bong. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. The seagulls don't seem to want to move. Just radioing her back to the tower. I'm not going to send a vehicle down to scare away the seagulls.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Also, when you say tower, I think they meant just the tiny terminal. Yeah, yeah. Jono's shed. Yeah. And then, so, yeah, this little vehicle must have gone out and, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, bugger off, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. And then you see the vehicle go back and the captain's like, ladies and gentlemen, mission successful with the pissing off of the seagulls.
Starting point is 00:48:46 We are good for go. And then we took off down the runway. But it was just so beautifully Kiwi that we were delayed for like 15 minutes because some seagulls were like, land here. Now what? Sit. We wait. Someone could bring some chips. You stand on one leg.
Starting point is 00:49:04 I'll stand on two legs. And then later on, I'm going to go to one leg and you can go back to two legs. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. You mentioned it a number of times this morning and it still stings. You guys got to have a fantastic weekend away in Christchurch and Hokitika. And I wasn't allowed to come. I didn't come. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:26 I was busy. I was marching. It's Marching Nationals this weekend. I always forget to set up a new chat where you exclude the people who are in the usual chat. Yeah. So you had all the group chat going on. The group chat like, hey guys, I'm by the hotel ready to go to dinner.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Hey guys, get in the van. We're heading off to the festival. Hey guys. Oh my God, that was so fun. Here, look at this yummy food I'm eating. Where are you?
Starting point is 00:49:49 Where am I? I'm in Auckland. Yeah, it got too much because It did get a bit too much. So I You piped in. I piped in.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Hey guys, it's me. Remember me. I'm filling in for Megan while she's on maternity leave. And I managed to use my acting skills. I have a degree in acting,
Starting point is 00:50:05 Bachelor of Performing Arts, bracket acting, bracket. Yeah. And I managed to make myself cry and I sent you a photo of my crying face. Which I thought was... It's a skill I have on a CV. Yeah, it just more looked like you just made your face game. It's hard to get the crying across in a still photo.
Starting point is 00:50:25 It is. It is. But then you guys tried. Everyone sent me back a photo of them crying. I thought my crying face was beautiful. I'm reviewing it now on the group chat. I was like. What's happened?
Starting point is 00:50:36 It looks like your face is melting. My lip is trembling. Yeah, but that's the thing. In the photo, it's hard to see that the lip's trembling. You can't see the tremble. It was better than your crying face. You look like you just stubbed your toe. That might be the start of a cry.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Okay. Yeah, so that's... It's a pout. It's a pout. I want to have a... How much of your drama course was spent on crying? It wasn't about the actual act of crying. It was about feeling like you were on the ocean or something, was it?
Starting point is 00:50:59 This is what we were taught. It's not about you crying. It's about the audience crying. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's more about opening up your pool's about the audience crying. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's more about opening up your pool. We used to call it a pool of emotion. Right.
Starting point is 00:51:10 I once cried to my voice teacher because I didn't have a pool of emotion, which was really funny because I was crying as I was telling him that I didn't have a pool of emotion. So you did have a pool of emotion, but you just didn't even know about it. I just couldn't access it. And I was like, I just don't feel like it's there. And there was an acting teacher like, Hayley, you just did. And you were like, Hayley. Right like it's there. And there was an actor in the audition like, Hayley, you just did. And you were like, Hayley.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Right. It's flooding. But I thought we'd have a crying competition live because I need to see it in action. And this will settle the argument over who cries better. Who cries the best. I'm not going to win this because I don't know if you know this, I'm a terrible actor.
Starting point is 00:51:40 No, you're fantastic. You are BAFTA nominated. Thank you, BAFTA. The other day we acted like we were on a date and you did incredibly. That is exactly my point. Okay, give me a scenario that I would cry in. Okay, you're a little bit hungover and your cat walks into the room and you're like, Rolly, come here.
Starting point is 00:52:03 And then Rolly goes, meow, and walks out of the room. No, I thought you were going to mean like the police knock on the door and they said, oh, your cat's dead. Oh, no, no. I was going to go with that one. No, because that would be easy to cry. She loves the cat. I wanted to just be like dealing with the light rejection of a cat.
Starting point is 00:52:18 I'm going, Rolly's dead. Okay, Rolly. The police have knocked on your door and they say, in a high-speed chase, no, we've run over Raleigh. Oh, my God, it was our fault. Then there's nothing left. Ask the New Zealand police. That's pretty good so far.
Starting point is 00:52:36 Pretty good for the facial, really. No, I totally understand. You were just doing your job. Oh, yeah! Thank you. That was so short. That was it. No, I want to hear more.
Starting point is 00:52:51 I want to hear you. Give me the music. Give me the music. Yeah. It was about five years old. It was a rescue cat. I felt a great deal of responsibility to him. He was my best little friend.
Starting point is 00:53:11 No, but it's fine. Thank you so much for telling me. Bravo! Oh, my God. I'm never going to beat that. I just can't stop laughing. I think you've made it. You're gonna make the dude cry.
Starting point is 00:53:26 And it is literally crying right now. Poor Rolly. He's so sad. Oh my God, there's a bloody Glenn Close in studio. Why did you go first? That ability cost me $38,000. Okay, Fletch. I don't want to do this because I'm not very good.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Okay. You're on your way to the supermarket. Okay. In the CBD. Okay. And a young girl comes up to you. She tugs on the back of your jacket and you turn around. And she says,
Starting point is 00:54:08 Fletch, I'm your biggest fan. I'm dying. Oh, my God, she's dying. Fletch is like, oh, fuck. I just wanted to go to the supermarket. I'm dying. Why is she dying? She's terribly unwell.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Okay. She says, I'm dying. All I've ever wanted was to meet you. And then a car comes around the corner and hits her. She shouldn't have been on the road. I would just be like, oh my God. Cue the music. Cue the music. She's in your arms.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Why is she in my arms? It's terribly inappropriate. Oh my God, your eyes are glazing over. She's in your arms and she says, at least I got to meet you before I die. And then... Go. She's gone.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Go. Don't laugh. That was beautiful. Farrow the brow. Farrow the brow. I don't feel any emotion in this situation. Open your pool. Where are you, parents? Open your pool. Where are you, parents?
Starting point is 00:55:25 Open your pool. This is terrible. How do you go to acting school, Hayley? All right? You're doing all the right things. Your eyes are glassy. I imagine he's looking around me like... Can we get the cry test from Anna here?
Starting point is 00:55:45 Anna, any tears from you on that one? Didn't even touch the sides. But it was probably more of your acting as the little girl that was more emotionally moving there than Fletch. Thank you. Because he was just like... It was good, though. We got some water going.
Starting point is 00:55:59 What's Vaughn's scenario for his cry test? I'm going to imagine this is an animated movie, by the way. He sniffs. You've got sniffs. Yeah, your tears have gone into your eyes. I think you test. I'm going to imagine this is an animated movie, by the way. He sniffs. You've got sniffs. Yeah, your tears have gone into your eyes. Yeah, go die right in front of me. I think you did better than you expected to. Okay, Vaughn.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Okay. You go home. Oh, yep. I'm not that twisted. You go home and you go out to feed your hairy cows. Yeah. One of them's lying down for a nap. And you're like, I don't want to disturb them,
Starting point is 00:56:33 but I know that they're hungry. You go, come on. Hey, hey, come on. They're dead. Both of them. No, the other one is standing near it going. Oh, no. Oh, God, I'm doing what he's doing.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Okay, fine. I'll go there. The girls come out. Dad, what's happened? The cow's dead. It's okay. Don't worry about it But we're It's dead
Starting point is 00:57:09 Oh no you're in dad mode No no no The girl's up there My immediate thought is I'm going to have to dig A pretty big bloody hole For this thing Where am I going to dig a hole?
Starting point is 00:57:18 Am I going to have to Hire a digger? You're digging the hole For one of the cows Oh it's going to take A long time So you're just getting Straight to practicality.
Starting point is 00:57:25 You cold, shut up man. And also they'll be real heavy, so I'm going to have to dig the hole pretty much right beside where they were. And what if they're over the septic system? Oh my God, this is a nightmare. I'm going to have to get the motorbike out and pull them down into the hole. I'm changing the scenario because we need to get a tear out of you. You've just finished watching Lion.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Can do. Yeah. Gadoo! And at the end, as the credits are about to roll, we see the real Gadoo. Gadoo. I'm going quiet because I'm trying to squeeze a tear out. Nah, it's right out.
Starting point is 00:58:03 I got halfway out and then it went back in. At least I cried better than Vaughn, right? Am I second? I'm second place, right? Thank you for giving me first, as it should be. Yes. I'm second place in acting. Second place, a worthy performance from Fletch here.
Starting point is 00:58:17 And in third, the coldest man I've ever met. I really teemed down. A cow died and upset your daughters and that gave you nothing. Yeah. And then we went to Gadoo. But I had so much work to do. Such a hole, such a hole. The admin.
Starting point is 00:58:29 You've got to dig it deep enough. No, maybe I should call someone and get it taken away. And also, like, do I keep the head as a prize for the horse? No. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. ZM's $50,000 secret sound.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Tell me what the secret sound is. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. Currently $40,000 to jackpot. All things to start streaming now on Disney Plus with hundreds more TV series and movies. You can learn more at DisneyPlus.com. Soundkeeper Al's is in. Hello.
Starting point is 00:59:02 A reminder that all the clues that we've had, all the wrong guesses, are on the Instagram. ZM Secret Sound. ZM Secret Sound. Check us follow. Thanks. There's some good guesses on there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Well, last at 7 o'clock, we had water hitting the side of the boat. And when you played it, I was like, ooh. You know, you get a bit airborne. You're bouncing off. Yeah, it's a tiny part of the sound. I just imagine Soundkeeper Al's hanging off the edge of a Fuller's Ferry. Yeah. And rock seas.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Keep going. You've nearly got it. Nearly there. Yeah. All right, we welcome James to The Secret Sound. Good morning, James. Hey, how's it going? Good, good.
Starting point is 00:59:40 You've got through. So, we just need you to tell us what the secret sound is for that $40,000. No pressure. Okay, so I've been listening to all the clues, listening to other people's guesses. I reckon it's a shot glass being slammed down on a table.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Nice confidence. And we were just talking about that. Wouldn't it be more of a... Brunches? Do you have a glass? I've only got a cup. You've got a big mug. Wouldn't it be more of a... Brunches? Do you have a glass? I've only got a cup. You've got a big mug. You could act it out, but... No, that's a mug.
Starting point is 01:00:11 That's a ceramic cup. That screams mug. On sort of a formicotone. But you can kind of imagine, yeah, the little shot glass, knock it back and then down on a wooden bar, maybe. Maybe. James. I'm missing that glass that glass sound though isn't it Like a chink
Starting point is 01:00:29 Yeah A little chink A chink A ding ding What's How does that Give us an example of one of the clues That it works with
Starting point is 01:00:36 Well I just went off With a tequila Snapchat Sorry Story Yep Yeah the TikTok clue Right And then what somebody else guessed A lid being screwed off a tequila bottle Sorry, in the story. Yeah. Yeah, the TikTok clue. Right.
Starting point is 01:00:47 And then what somebody else guessed, a lid being screwed off a tequila bottle. So this is the sound that was in the TikTok clue. That could be... That could be slamming something down on a surface. Hey, I can tell you right now if you want. Oh, please do. Please do. That could be slamming something down on a surface. Hey, I can tell you right now if you want. Oh, please do. Please do. Enough speculation.
Starting point is 01:01:13 James, I quite like the guess, but is it correct? Sorry, mate, it's not. That's not. $40,000. James, $100 for a wrong not. $40,000. James, $100 over for a wrong guess. All right, sweet. You don't go home empty-handed. And back to the drawing board.
Starting point is 01:01:31 ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We want to talk about your weird house-sitting stories because this was asked of some house-sitters. I saw this a few places over the weekend, people talking about in Nelson, the opportunity to house sit had arisen. And the catch was $230 a week to house sit. You have to pay to house sit.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Oh, no. Whereas I thought it was almost like you did it for free, but you had the responsibility of, say, feeding some pets, watering the plants. I think the confused house sit with rent. Short-term rent. Rent, or what's the word? Sublet. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:12 So $230 a week to look after this place, and you have to be a professional woman, age between 25 and 70. Okay. Okay, so... Here's... You're out. I mean, you're nearly 30, but you're not professional. No. Okay, so... Here's... You're out. I mean, you're nearly 30, but you're not professional.
Starting point is 01:02:28 No, no, no, no. Here's the weird... This is the chapter that... This is the... Sorry, the paragraph that gets me. This is a rental focused mainly on cat sitting. You will be the main caregiver for our cat, Tigger, requiring you to buy food
Starting point is 01:02:40 and feed him two times a day breakfast and dinner. No! So you have to pay $230 and you're also in charge of buying the food. You have to buy this cat's food. For their cat. Yeah, they don't leave you a cat budget, a cat feeding groceries budget. What planet are these people on? Wait!
Starting point is 01:03:00 Vet care also not included, if any required. So they're saying if this cat all of a sudden Takes a turn to the worst Gets hit by a car Or comes in with a gash You're responsible for paying for their cat's fix up And they get it expensive They don't have like a proper accident
Starting point is 01:03:19 You'd look at it like 10 grand Do they have cat insurance? What is your cat's insurance policy number? I need to know these things. I'm not paying the excess. You can't ask someone to do all of that and look after your house. And pay $203 a week for the pleasure of it. You know if you find someone who, for some reason, accepts this offer,
Starting point is 01:03:40 and then your cat gets sick or something, they're just going to let it go. Yeah, exactly. When people house sit, I'm always like, look, the cat needs a vet. This is the vet they have. Just get in touch. You've got insurance. I've got insurance. Pop up on the pet food. All the pet food's there and I'll always buy stuff for people that are house sitting
Starting point is 01:04:00 or give them something. Same. And I need very detailed instructions. Yeah. Here's the Wi-Fi. Have fun. Have fun. Knock yourself out. Thanks for doing this. I'm at like IOU really.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Do you have a document? Like one that you print off? Copy and paste to them? Yeah, like what the Wi-Fi is and stuff. You've moved to a new place recently. You're going to need to redo your house sitting document. Yeah, we are. Our old one was we had like an electric oven
Starting point is 01:04:25 and all the dials had worn off. All the numbers had gone. So we used to have to draw a diagram of the oven and say this one's hot. And were you like, in brackets, good luck simmering anything. It's going to be a hot boil. It's boil or cold.
Starting point is 01:04:39 Yeah, that's the one. Well, we wanted to know off the back of the having to pay for this animal's food rather than just being left a whole lot and also the vet bill on you, should it happen to Tigger, we want to know what weird things you've been asked to do or
Starting point is 01:04:53 you've come across while house-sitting. Yeah, maybe you had to look after someone's house, but there was some odd instructions or an odd way to feed the animals or they just asked too much. When we had a house sitter over Christmas and I sent him a picture of every plant we have, of which there's probably about 40 at this point,
Starting point is 01:05:12 with a very clear instruction on how much water it needed. Okay, so we'll be expecting a call from Hayley's house sitter over Christmas. Yeah, I'm expecting a call. You killed a lot of them. I left very clear instructions. But that's not on them. They tried. Did they?
Starting point is 01:05:29 Did they try hard enough? Did they follow the instructions? Some of those bad boys were bone dry a month later. We're talking about unusual requirements of the house sitter. A Nelson-based ad looking for a house sitter, but the fact is you have to of the house sitter. Yes. A Nelson-based ad looking for a house sitter, but the fact is you have to pay the house sitter and you also have to pay for all the cat's food. That's not what house sitting is.
Starting point is 01:05:52 No. It's purely being in the house, right, and making sure plants... It's like I'm going away, the house is going to be empty. I'd rather it wasn't empty. Feed the cat, yes. Oh, absolutely. But be required to pay for the food to feed that cat?
Starting point is 01:06:06 That's a solid no from me. Anonymous, what were you asked to do when you were house-sitting? So I showed up to a really easy house-sitting job. There was nothing special about it. They were gone for three weeks on an overseas holiday. And when I arrived after they had left, they had left their toddler at home. What? Hang on, hang their toddler at home. What? Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Starting point is 01:06:28 Is this a home alone type or on purpose? On purpose. Are you sure that when you were reading the instructions for this house sitting job that you didn't just miss this? No, I didn't because I'm a nanny, so I would have been charging if the kid was there. It was definitely just water the plants, collect the mail, and when I got there, the kid was there, and I couldn't get in touch, so I had to take care of this. Wait, hang on.
Starting point is 01:06:53 You arrived and the kid had been by themselves for a while? Yeah, like five or ten minutes, I think. Oh, my God. That's a long time, isn't it? And where had they gone? Like, overseas? Yeah, they were in, like, I think Rarotonga or something. For how long? Three weeks.
Starting point is 01:07:13 And had they paid you to house it, or was it just that you had the place to live? They got me some gas vouchers for my car. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my. When they came back... I would have 100%
Starting point is 01:07:25 called whatever government agency deals with these sorts of things and I'd be like, you need to come and get this kid. Oh my God. I kind of knew the family
Starting point is 01:07:33 so she wasn't terrified of me which was good, but yeah. And when they came back, how did that conversation go? Yeah, what did you say? I was like,
Starting point is 01:07:42 what did you do? And they were like, hey, thanks for that. Sorry to kind of spring it on you. And I was like, what did you do? And they were like, hey, thanks for that. Sorry to kind of spring it on you. And I was like, what? So they knew. They knew there was no misunderstanding.
Starting point is 01:07:51 Who are these people? Did they offer money? Did you say, hey, that's not cool? No, I said, hey, that's not cool. And like, don't expect me to do this again. But they were like, we didn't think you'd say yes if you knew she was like, if we were going to leave her. Oh my God, they stitched
Starting point is 01:08:05 you right up. How long ago was this? Uh, I want to say, like, like, three years ago. Do they still have the kid, or has the kid been taken away? This seems honestly, like, they probably shouldn't have the kid. I think they've had another
Starting point is 01:08:21 since her, so. Oh my god, how citizenly? Well, the oldest one will be able to look after the youngest one soon, when we I think they've had another since her. Oh my God. House sitters beware. The oldest one will be able to look after the youngest one soon when we can holiday again. That's the good news, I guess. Anonymous, thanks for your call. Sarah, what were you asked to do when you were house sitting? Okay, so I was asked to house sit with my friend
Starting point is 01:08:40 and she lives with her grandparents, which was cool. I've been there many a time. Yeah. And she's like, okay, so we have done it at six o'clock. I was like. Like, I've been there many a time. Yeah. And she's like, okay, so we have dinner at six o'clock. I was like, okay, we'd like all good, whatever. She was like,
Starting point is 01:08:51 okay, so it's time for tea and biscuits. And I was like, oh, this is a bit strange. You've never had tea and biscuits before. The tea and biscuits weren't for me. They were for the dog. Right. So they have a scheduled tea and biscuits every night.
Starting point is 01:09:05 What do you mean tea? Why are you giving your dog tea? Isn't tea bad for dogs because it's got caffeine in it? I have no idea. I was like, is this even allowed? I was like, I don't even like tea. But they also had little sauces and little tea cups. That's pretty cute.
Starting point is 01:09:21 What kind of dog was that? What breed of dog was it? I think they were border collies But I was like I don't look like If we're allowed to do this But Yeah
Starting point is 01:09:28 Very British dogs Now I'm imagining The border collies Off Babe the Pig You know that movie? Yeah So you'd have a little Cute tea party
Starting point is 01:09:34 With some border collies That's pretty cute It's pretty cute They'd have a little English accent Oh I love a cup of tea Brilliant Sarah Thanks you called
Starting point is 01:09:40 Some text messages I had to look after My brother's dope plants That he had set up in his wardrobe. Didn't know about that until I got there, had agreed to house it, and then he messaged me when he was already gone. Imagine asking someone to water your plant.
Starting point is 01:09:53 You're like, here's the swan plant. Yeah. Or here's the monstera. Imagine you're in charge and he's waving that sweet, the police raid. Yeah. You're like, I just didn't. I honestly didn't know.
Starting point is 01:10:03 It's not mine. I'll take him. I housed it once. The lady told me her method of feeding the cats was to get the biscuits and then throw them up the hallway because if the cats had to find them to eat them, it slowed them down and they're eating a little bit. And there was one cat that had to be separated for feeding and you had to mix Metamucil into her wet food otherwise she couldn't poop.
Starting point is 01:10:25 Somebody else said I was house-sitting. There was a very elderly Great Dane dog. The lady was a vet nurse, and I feel like she was just doing anything to keep this dog alive. And one of the instructions was, after eating at night before bed, I would literally have to help the dog take a poo by taking it outside onto the lawn and stimulating the area
Starting point is 01:10:42 to encourage pooing. You can't ask a house sitter to stimulate your dogs. To stimulate any area. No. I was house sitting for someone and my wife and I found an ounce of oregano. Oh, yeah. We'll put those in speech marks. So we had a little bit of that.
Starting point is 01:11:00 Yeah. As you do. That's just house sitting tax. That's like seeing biscuits in the pantry. Oh, yeah. Free reign. Oh, yeah. They left the biscuits behind.
Starting point is 01:11:09 When I was house sitting when I was 18, I was told to ignore the dog walker that came and took the dogs for a walk. Okay. Ignore them. I didn't know why. Is it just a power play? I don't know. You want the dog walker to know their place.
Starting point is 01:11:20 Yeah. They walk dogs and that's all. But on the third day, this hot uni student turned up. Oh and that's all. But on the third day, this uni student turned up. Oh, that's why. Who walked the dogs. She'd just broken up with her boyfriend and she was sad
Starting point is 01:11:31 and I consoled her and well, 18-year-old me just thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. So he didn't ignore the dog walker? No. He walked the dog walker.
Starting point is 01:11:40 Why did they not want the dog walker? Did they know the dog walker was going? Maybe they thought that they'd hump at their house. And not walk the dogs. And not walk the dog walker? Did they know the dog walker was going? Maybe they thought that they'd hump at their house. And not walk the dogs. And not walk the dog.
Starting point is 01:11:48 Perhaps. Okay. Leave a mess and the dog still needs to be walked. Sure. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about what you used to say when you smiled for a photo before you said cheese. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Any guesses? Well, the reason we say cheese is because it makes you go cheese. And it pulls it out, yeah. Pulls your mouth wide. Oh. Any guesses? Well, the reason we say cheese is because it makes you go cheese. And it pulls it out. Pulls your mouth wide. Onion. Onion. Oh, my God. What's that do?
Starting point is 01:12:32 No, but you're just doing. Onion. Onion. But onion doesn't make your mouth move to cheese. Yeah, it does. Onion. No, but you're just smiling and saying onion. Onion.
Starting point is 01:12:41 Say onion. Nutrally. Onion. Onion. No, I'm smiling So back in the Like 1800s When photography First appeared
Starting point is 01:12:50 And you'd go And you'd take your family And you'd sit And get a photo taken Yep It was an expensive situation The black box Yep
Starting point is 01:12:56 They put the curtain Over their head And you had to hold Really still for exposure time Didn't you And not move Hold for a bit And the big finger
Starting point is 01:13:04 Go Blow a big flash out Yep Well people didn't you? Yeah, you'd hold for a bit and the big finger would go and blow a big flash out. Well, people didn't have great teeth. Oh, okay. People had bad teeth. So when you say cheese, it shows your teeth, kind of a natural smile shape
Starting point is 01:13:15 and it shows your teeth, but they didn't have good teeth. Oh, right. So they'd pay all this money to get a family photo taken, they'd get home and it would just show that they had not. Yeah, it would just face tune it.
Starting point is 01:13:22 They didn't have great feet. Yeah. Just face tune. Up the contrast. Whiten up those bad boys. Just draw a couple on, I guess. Is that how you face-tuned back in the day? You just scratched some teeth into the black marks where your teeth used to be. Well, people
Starting point is 01:13:36 used to say prunes. Prunes. Because it drags your mouth out and it gives you that like now if you kind of go and do a blue steel. Like a pout of go and do a blue steel like a pout a duck face a bit of a pout yeah
Starting point is 01:13:47 say prune someone's taught me this this was an Olsen twin technique that you know when you get that kind of like slight duck lips
Starting point is 01:13:56 in photos now like yeah you say prune prune prune yeah look at that and it pumps it out
Starting point is 01:14:03 at the at the so they at the ooh sound. So they would say prune. They'd say prunes. So a whole family doing like pyrobanks models. Prune. Yeah. Prunes.
Starting point is 01:14:14 Wow. Okay. So yeah, it was even like official in the Kodak how to take a photograph book. It would tell you to tell people to say prune and it would give them like a good facial structure but hide their teeth so that you couldn't see that they had like nasty, nasty teeth. So today's fact of the day is before you were asked
Starting point is 01:14:33 to say cheese in a photo, you were asked to say prune. Prune. Prune. Say prune. Fact of the day day, day, day, day. Yeah. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. What is the salary New Zealanders need to be happy? That is the question I'm going to answer for you.
Starting point is 01:15:14 A website called Expensivity has calculated the salary level in each country that would prevent unhappiness. New Zealand has come in fifth most expensive country in order to achieve happiness, which is not good. It is not. You know when you go to the supermarket like in the UK and you're like, oh my God, things are so cheap here. Yes. Supermarkets are crazy. Or even America, like you've got the big, is it Costco's or all those big supermarket places.
Starting point is 01:15:38 You're like, oh my God. But also like, I don't want to eat a one pound whole chicken because how did they raise a chicken to be one pound? Yeah. One pound, I'm talking the cost. I'm not talking one pound the weight. I'm probably going to eat a pound of chicken. It'll be a little like eating a sparrow.
Starting point is 01:15:56 It's funny. You'll probably crunch the bones. But I don't know. It might cost more, but I kind of hold our food to a higher quality. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, same. I think we all know we live in a very expensive country. Yeah. Because we're
Starting point is 01:16:07 down the bottom of the world. Yeah. So they've got a bit of a formula to work it out including local living costs per country and they add that to this happiness premium thing that they've worked out. So apparently the salary that New Zealanders would need to be
Starting point is 01:16:24 happy $178,328. $178,328. Jesus, okay. $178,000. What if you're a couple, your joint income was that? Would you both be happy or would you not be happy because you'd need $340,000? Yeah, I'm not sure if that's per... No, for individual incomes.
Starting point is 01:16:43 So not joint. Wow, okay. The figures produced, for individual incomes. So not joint. Wow, okay. Figures produced were for individual incomes. That's how expensive our country is. Does it say the most expensive country? Fifth most expensive. Like Norway or something? So...
Starting point is 01:16:57 Sweden? Switzerland. Oh, Switzerland is out of control expensive. How much was it? Because I've got the open, the paye.net.nz calculator to tell me my take home after. Oh, okay. $178,000 roughly.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Yeah, okay. $328,000. Am I putting in a KiwiSaver? Is this after tax or before? This is going to tell me my take home after tax. Oh, your salary. Okay, right. You know, I reckon you do KiwiSaver.
Starting point is 01:17:20 I'm going to do KiwiSaver. Have I got a student? Oh, okay. I'm opting into KiwiSaver. I'm going to do... But that to me... 4%. 4%.
Starting point is 01:17:27 I wouldn't have a lot of... I mean, I'm younger than you guys. But I wouldn't have a lot of friends that would earn that much money. No. Like, that is... That's a lot. That's a top tier salary.
Starting point is 01:17:42 Yeah. Do I have a student loan to pay back? No. I'm selling students. No. Just for have a student loan to pay back? No. I'm saying student loan. Just for the interest of brevity, Vaughn. Just chuck in anything. No, you've got to be, some of these stories need details. So the top, where is it that I was just, the top five countries, so with us in fifth, behind
Starting point is 01:17:59 Bermuda. Jamaica. Oh no, Bermuda, sorry, I beg your pardon. Ooh, I want to take you. Bermuda is the most expensive. Right.ermuda, sorry, I beg your pardon. Ooh, I wanna take you. Bermuda is the most expensive. Right. Well, the triangle's not cheap to keep. Yeah, Bermuda, then Australia.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Well, they keep bringing the money in and it goes missing in the triangle. Bermuda, then Australia, then Israel, then Switzerland, then New Zealand. Is Israel expensive? Because of the soda streams. Well, expensive. Everybody's constantly wanting sodaodaStreams. It's expensive to be happy. How much are we taking home at the end of all this?
Starting point is 01:18:29 Our take-home pay an hour is $55 an hour after tax. That's $83 if you're working a standard 40-hour week. So how often do you want to be paid? Fortnightly? Fortnightly, you'd be getting $4,466. Monthly, you'd be getting $9,677 in the hand after all your tax and everything has been. So 2.4% of working New Zealanders earn over $175,000.
Starting point is 01:18:54 So only 2% of New Zealanders are happy by what you're saying? Yep, according to this. I've met the rich people, they're not happy. The average New Zealand salary is around $70,000 a year. So they're having a shortfall, their happiness shortfall of $100,000. Why do we need that much money? We live in the most beautiful country in the world.
Starting point is 01:19:17 And that's the thing, it's a saying, isn't it? Money doesn't buy you happiness. Apparently, it does. I mean, we'd all love to win Lotto and try that out though, wouldn't we? Yeah. I would burn through. Producer Jared and his middie had their second argument.
Starting point is 01:19:34 He keeps us up to date with your arguments now. Yeah, it's good to know. They moved in relatively quickly. After how many months, Producer Jared? Three? Was it three months you moved in? Yeah, exactly three months. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:44 And we said at the time you moved in together before you'd had an argument. But the arguments so far have been very, very placid. What was the first argument again? Oh, I actually can't remember. It was squeezing the toothpaste. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. She grabbed it.
Starting point is 01:20:00 The Barbarian. Yeah. No, monster, absolute monster. Fear recalled that argument. I was on your side. Yeah, me too. So the argument over. Yeah. No, monster. Absolute monster. Fair call, that argument. I was on your side. Yeah, me too. So the argument over the weekend, again, fairly light. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:10 Nothing too serious, is that she said she was going to cook spagbog. Yeah, and I took great offence to that. Because it's spagbowl. Yeah, so she was like, but it's spagbog. And I was like, no. And I wrote down spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. And like handwritten wrote it spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. And like handwritten wrote it.
Starting point is 01:20:27 Bolognese. And like pointed out where the L and the G were. Yeah. And yeah, it just, we butted heads over this. The G is after the L, isn't it? Yeah, the G is like a whole couple of letters after the L. There's no excuse. Well, I mean, I have to admit something here.
Starting point is 01:20:42 And I can feel you're going to turn on me. I'm from a spag-bog family. We have said spag-bog throughout the 90s, right into the early 2000s. Just because you were doing something in the 90s doesn't make it right now, Hayley. No, no, we've been learning that. We've been learning that, yes.
Starting point is 01:21:00 But yeah, we're a spag-bog. I say spag-bol a little bit more now because I think I've been brainwashed by society. Into their norms? Conform to their norms. Spag-bog. Because it works better with spag. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:21:15 Spag-bowl. Spag-bog. And it is a bit boggy, isn't it? It is a bit. It's a boggy dish. If you do a nice sort of slow cook on it, let it really reduce down. Okay, so we did run a poll, and the nation, it turns out,
Starting point is 01:21:27 you're not alone, 4%. I'm basically alone, though. I mean, you're in the margin of error. You're kind of like that minority of people that voted for that party. And it was as it believes in tinfoil hats. Yes, yeah. They didn't get 4% of the vote. They got well under that, thankfully.
Starting point is 01:21:43 0.4. Good work, New Zealand. But then also the vote box was real small, so I reckon some people would have accidentally ticked bog. Hit bog. Right. Yeah. Spagbog. Bowl. Let's bring it back, I reckon.
Starting point is 01:21:58 Spagbog. Spagbog. What are the origins of your family calling it spagbog? I don't know. Just like a cutesy nickname for spagbog. It's just inherited behaviour. And I feel like, especially when we were growing up, we ate lots of spagbog. What was the go-to? It was easy.
Starting point is 01:22:12 It was mints. Very easy. Mints and spaghetti. Two hungry kids and... Yeah. Yeah, I'm really good at a spagbog now, though. From scratch, you know? I used to be, when I was a student,
Starting point is 01:22:22 I did the old grey premium mints. No, not premium. The cheap mints. Yeah, cheap mints. And then like a dolmio jar. And then when you start earning more money, the mints gets a bit richer in colour, doesn't it?
Starting point is 01:22:39 Yeah, I like a wagyu. Oh! Queen Margaret's. You've got to have good fat content in the mince. Yeah, that's why. That's what gives it its flavour. That's why I don't mind buying the cheap mince. Yeah, no, I know.
Starting point is 01:22:53 It doesn't matter. It looks better, but it is lacking in flavour. You've got to do a half beef, half pork. That's the way Nona does it. Yes, yes. A mixed mince is absolutely key to most mince-based dishes. It's all about your flavouring, isn't it? Oh, it is.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Actually, do you know at Wild Foods Festival at the weekend, there were a couple of people dressed up as OXO cubes. You bloody, you will not stop going on about it. I thought it was such a great costume. It was so great. Yeah. And then a drunk guy hit them up and he was so excited to see the two people dressed as OXCubes.
Starting point is 01:23:25 He was like, oh my God, I've got a couple of you in my pantry. We all do, babe. We all do. And we all, as a child,
Starting point is 01:23:32 mistook it for some sort of a sweet, you know, some tender, drippy wrapped chocolate. Pop that in the gob and spit it in the sink very soon after.
Starting point is 01:23:40 ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music. Live's here.
Starting point is 01:23:53 ZM.

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