ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 16th September 2020

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

Tickling...  Top 6: Political Tattoos  Vaughan's Gym Show  I Hope I'm Not the Only One!  Fishy Tank: Episode 2  People are Lowering their Standards  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe Coffee for great tasting barista made coffee on the go. And today's podcast will be Sanz Megan, who has got the hay fever really bad. She gets really horrendous hay fever, usually takes a daily dose of antihistamines, but her pregnancy has meant that she can't continue on her standard antihistamines. And so she was off to the doctor to find out what she can take. But rather than go through that explanation during the show, you'll just hear her say she's got the shits. Because it's easier.

It's funnier too. Also, I Googled you can get an antihistamine if you're pregnant. There's certain ones I Googled. Now, most people would think, Fletch, that's a kind of you, thinking of your pregnant friend and having advice for her. But as we know, I'm an architect. An architect from the person's reality type. The first thing I did when I was in bed and saw Megan's message this morning was,

surely she could get something. No, it was actually out of curiosity. I was like, is the poor woman going to be like this for the next three months, making my life living hell, having to do extra work? There it is. Am I going to be at all put out by Megan having hay fever? months making my life living hell having to do extra work there it is there it is am i gonna be at all put out by megan having hay fever yeah that was uh yeah so but no you can you can get a um you can get a um one that there's a couple you can take when you're pregnant yeah but megan's also

uh megan's problem is she doesn't um she should have done this the other day shouldn't she um she's very well known for mucking around. Where she's moved. Oh, yep. She lived by a forest. There's a pine forest. And we went to a restaurant with a friend of mine who gets bad AFR and the dude just couldn't even breathe when we were at the restaurant by Megan's new place. Really?

Yeah, it was just like. I'm like, what did you think of that? It's only spring though, eh? No, it was just like I'm like, what do you think of that? I was just like, Jesus It's only spring though, eh? No, no, it's just all year round It's just all year round There's pollen It's any time

There could just be like an unseasonal bout of warmth and trees are like Oh, shit pollen everywhere That's amazing The very same thing that makes honey, etc The bees Yeah, right

What happened in the 1800s if you had hay fever? Oh, you died. Really? Well, it would have been like natural, but you wouldn't have had any fun. Yeah, right. You'd have itchy eyes the whole time.

Huh. No, I don't think you'd die of hay fever, but you'd be just awfully uncomfortable. You'd be awfully. Well, that's why she's not here today. Yeah, that's why she, and she's got the shits. She's got the shits. Yeah.

As you hear us say many times in today's podcast Hate fever related diarrhea Yeah ZM Hit music Lives here Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast

Welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Diarrhea She's got diarrhea Again Again A strong bout of the diarrhea So yeah Megan not with us today It's just like the old days isn't it

Yep Have to change her name On all the stuff for the day Probably change it for the day Is she back tomorrow I mean the longer she stays away The more value we're going to get out of changing it This is why you don't take a day off.

She'll be here. She won't be hearing this. If you're not in the room, though, you'd be a game. That's the roasting rules, I believe. 100%, that is the rule. Yep.

Coming up on the show, the top six. Yes. I don't know if you've seen this, everybody, but a man in Te Aroha, just next to Morrinsville, where I grew up.

Yep. Te Aroha was like Morrinsville, where I grew up. Yeah. Te Aroha was like Morrinsville, Shelbyville. You know, on Springfield versus Shelbyville and the Simpsons. Yep. That was it. And then Jacinda, who's from Morrinsville, her baby's middle name is Te Aroha, and then a man from Te Aroha went to Morrinsville

to get a tattoo of Judith Collins. 2020, that's peak 2020, isn't it? Yeah. She's all go. So the top six other political tattoos that could be a goer. I would like to track this man down on the show today, somehow, and ask why.

The guy with the Judith tattoo. The guy with the Judith. Because, you know, he's obviously a big fan. It's the same tattoo artist that did the... Famous Dave. Famous Dave who did Ashley Bloomfield. Correct.

See, I could imagine that. That makes sense to me. But not... Not Judith. It's Bondkill Judith. It's like the... Yes. One where she's got the gun

from many years ago. Crusher Collins. That's, yeah. Right, okay. Next on the show, a woman has divided the internet, a parent. Yeah, doing something to your children, she says, is a form of abuse. But everyone else is like, are you kidding?

It's the greatest way to automatically gain, 100%, gain control of the entire situation with this one thing. Fletchvorna Megan, the podcast. ZM. This is something I'll do in a situation at home if either like no one's listening or you need immediately to gain control of a situation. Right.

Is that you'll, and this goes across the board, this is children and wife. Okay. A tickle attack will immediately register them unable to do anything apart from agree

with what you're proposing. Right. Is it a sneak attack or do you sound an alarm? Like an air raid siren, like the tickle monster's coming. No, I never do that. I just get straight in. Surprise attack. Right.

However, and it's kind of a valid point. I haven't really thought of it from this viewpoint. As a mum saying, if you are tickling your child and you ask them to stop and they say, stop, stop, you stop. Because as a parent, you're teaching your children that it's their body and if they're telling someone to stop doing something to it, the person should stop, yet you don't. But that's the thing with tickling.

It only gets fun when you do keep going. But that is a very valid point. Yeah, because it's an age where they're learning a lot about consent. Like, I tickle my kids and I was thinking about, if they're like, stop, I'll stop. But then they'll be like, oh, you can keep going

if you want. You know when you're a kid and you're like, stop, you can kick it out if you want. You know when you're a kid and you're like, stop, stop. And then you stop and it's like, oh, well, I'm not listening again. And then attack. Right. But Sade's the best to tickle because it just renders her completely incapable of anything. She just makes this horrible noise and just can't fight or anything. Right.

And then we'll try to bite because biting's about all she can do. And she's like, I will seriously bite you if you don't stop tickling. Right. But this has divided the internet. People are quite divided on this. People are like, when have you ever stopped tickling a kid? And they've been crying most of the time. They're like, just laughing so hard.

Somebody said, I think it's a bit of a stretch to say child abuse, because that was where it went. It went down that path. People saying, well, then it's abuse if they're asking you to stop. You're not stopping. And somebody said, well surely if your kid doesn't like it, you don't do it again. But if they like it, then you can continue to tickle. But yeah, it kind of divided the internet. But I never really thought about that from the consent angle. And it's a very valid point. If my kids literally hated being tickled,

I wouldn't tickle them. Yeah. So do you think tickles will stop in the Smith house? If they're asked to stop. Okay. Otherwise, continue as per. All right. 13 past six next on the show.

There's been some contraband found in prison. I like when they do this. The corrections department's released what they found in Rumut's been some contraband found in prison. I like when they do this. The corrections department's released what they found in Rumutaka Prison as contraband. Now, either there's some guards on the take or stuff going over the fences or there are some giant cavities in some of those prisoners. Some big old smugglers.

ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. There's been a discovery of contraband trying to be smuggled into the Rumutaka prison. And apparently this was in one delivery vehicle. But they say what delivery vehicle, but they don't say what it was delivering. And then I'm wondering if it's like a metaphorical vehicle. Like was the person in the vehicle?

I doubt it because if you read this list. They might have had a big van back there. A big boot. They might have had a big old boot. 1.5 grams of methamphetamine, which I don't know much about meth, but 1.5 grams isn't much. If I think of, like, is meth like salt?

Like, it's a crystal, right? Yeah. So, like, a quarter of a teaspoon of... I'm just going off Breaking Bad. Yeah, me too. That's my knowledge of meth. More than 50 grams of cannabis. Cannabis is lighter, so it's probably a bit bigger.

And 10 mobile phones. Yeah, that's the part you couldn't fit up your jacksie. No, no. And one delivery vehicle. 30 LSD tabs, 200 grams of tobacco. Think of those old, roll your own 50 grams, four of those. So that's the contraband. And that was in one.

Yeah. It's like bloody deep heart and Rheumataka. It's a bloody party going on in prison. They're having more fun than I am. I don't know why you'd take acid in prison. No, it'd be bizarre, wouldn't it? Yeah. Maybe escapism.

Maybe a bit of escapism. Absolutely. I don't know. Have they also been in the news, this prison for corruption or there's an investigation at the moment? Because weren't some guards being bribed or something? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. There was those guards at Mount Eden that were set up a bar tab. Oh, that's right. But they declined the bar tab. Good. But then there the bar tab. Good. But then there's deniability there. You don't have to know who set you up a bar tab. Rumour time.

Possible corruption. Been under investigation for the past eight weeks. Wow. Okay, well, maybe then this contraband, this delivery vehicle. Very hard to get stuff in, though. They say the various methods, either concealed in a prisoner's body,

posted in the mail. That says on, not in. Concealed on or in. But ins are very real. Well, that's an option, isn't it? Posted in with mail and property. You'd think that they'd check that, right? Or would you hollow out a crunchy bar?

Acid, wouldn't you? You could just have it on the actual letter and just have the paper soaked in the stuff and then you just tear off a little bit as you need it. Or want it. You want to be careful licking the seal to post your envelope. Yeah. Or reading the envelope and licking your finger to go to the next page.

Yeah. Throwing it over a perimeter fence or smuggled in by a visitor. So those are all the ways that stuff gets in. Because it always blows your mind when you see these news stories and they have cell phones and stuff. Yeah. Nuts. But then I also don't know whereabouts is Rumutaka Prison.

Could you just walk up to the fence and throw something over? Slingshot some stuff. Build a giant slingshot, probably. Drone drops? Yep. That's happened before, hasn't it? Yeah, that has happened before. They are too noisy, though.

They'd hear it coming. You'd want a nice, wholesome pigeon delivery, I think. Sure. It would be quiet and stealthy. Can't fit a lot on a pigeon, though. Next on the show, the name Karen. You'd think it's not popular with young people. No, apparently, you know, when we picture Karens,

we picture middle-aged complainers. There might be more to it. Fleshfvorna Megan, the podcast, ZM. We were just talking about the contraband in Rimutaka Prison. Interesting. Somebody said

it may not be an issue with the guards because some people from there are allowed to go and do day work. Oh, okay. And when they're out, they might be given something or something might be waiting for them and then they try to bring it back in. That's an issue.

What kind of day work are they doing? Um, accountants. Of course, yeah, of course. Um, Xerox repair machine. Yeah, okay. Uh, and somebody else said, my mate did a year in jail and he had a cigarette on him and had to go somewhere where you weren't

allowed the cigarette. Okay. So he taped it to the backside of his penis. Now, the backside of the penis to me is the underside. Yeah, the bit that would rest against your balls. Is that what you mean? In a normal flaccid situation, it would be against the balls. So he taped it to the backside of his penis to get through the strip search. Now, where was he going?

I imagine in his cell, he's got one of those sellotape dispensers. Are you allowed those in prison? You wouldn't even want to put too much. You'd probably double-side the tape. Yeah, I'd double-side it. Because otherwise, they'd be like, I can see you've got a bit of sellotape under there.

Unless at the prison tuck shop, they sell that double-sided tape. Oh, that would be, or Blu-Tack. Yep. Anyway, going through the strip search, they made him squat and it fell onto the floor. And then you have to do the little thing where you look at it and you're like, yeah, not mine.

No, I don't know where that came from. And then they'll be like, it fell out of your butt. And you'd have to be like, oh, no, no, no, no, because the lesser of the two evils is just to have it taped under your penis. Interesting. Hard to tape. Very sweaty. Yeah, it's not an area where tape would work very well.

No. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Today's Top Six, the Top Six New Zealand political tattoos I'd consider. Okay. A Te Arawa man, Nick, has a Judith Collins tattoo. Now, it's Judith. I've done some research.

It was indeed a pistol. It wasn't a taser. Yeah. It was when she was Minister of Corrections in 2014. Apparently, that photo also, well, that visit to the pistol club where she's shooting that pistol broke some rules

and someone like lodged a complaint about it okay but yeah it was a gun in 2014 yeah I'd just have that

on my billboards if I was her yes she's trying to smile it just looks weird and that time that she crushed the car

yeah I'd have that in front of the car crusher that's when they started calling her Crush Collins I'd just have that on an ad on Loop National. This is the shit we do. Something like that.

The boomers would lap that up. Tough on crime. Yeah, tough on crime. Taking down crime. Yeah, crushing boy racers. The boomers would lap that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they go away to their beach house driving their V8s far too fast. But they're not a problem because they're Australian made and not a Japanese import.

Sure, right. Right? That's the difference. Number six on the list of the top six New Zealand political tattoos I would consider is a Nando Tanchos. This is a Green Party blast from the past. If you don't know who Nando Tanchos is, ask your parents. They were who parents got rolled up about before Chloe Swarbrick.

There's always someone in the Greens that's triggering the parents. They're very triggering to parents. I look forward to the future where someone in the Green Party triggers me. What have they got up their sleeve? I can't wait. When does that happen? What age? You're getting very close.

You're getting close. Yeah, 45. And then all of a sudden there's somebody in the Green Party that really irks you. Yeah. And they're really nice people where there's just, no, you can't agree with them. Anyway, Nando Tanchos, the tattoo would be of Nando smoking a bowl and playing hacky sack. He had big dreads, didn't he? I remember him.

That was the part that my parents couldn't get past. Dreads, yeah. Somebody with dreads was in Parliament. Yeah. Because they're boomers and everything's on appearance. Yeah. You can't have dreadlocks in Parliament. Yeah. Because they're boomers and everything's on appearance. Yeah. You can't have dreadlocks in the Parliament.

You meant? Absolutely not. Number five on the list of the top six New Zealand political tattoos I'd consider is, oh yeah, back in the 90s

when Ruth Richardson rolled Jim Bolger. Not Ruth Richardson. Jenny Shipley. Jenny Shipley. The ship rolled the bulge. And if Megan was here today and not sick, we'd say

something along the lines of, oh, that's your cousin Jenny. Because it is some family relative. Megan looks very similar in a power suit. Yeah, and Megan also hates it. And this is a tip if you ever meet Megan, to say, oh, your cousin

Jenny was the first female Prime Minister of New Zealand, but not elected. She loves that. She loves that. She loves that. She staged a coup. She wasn't elected. Yeah, she hates that. Number four on the list of the top six New Zealand political tattoos

I would consider. This is regional politics. Okay. Tim Shadbolt. Tim Shadbolt in his Merrell chains but with his bike shorts on. Beautiful. He used to love a bike around South London, didn't he? He does.

I think he still does. Does he still love a bit of a pedal? We met him in bike shorts. He was in his bike shorts. That was certainly an eyeful. It was something. Number three on the list of the top six New Zealand political tattoos

I'd consider. John Key mid-ponytail yank. Oh, that's right. Famous incident. A little tug on the ponytail there. Number two on the list of the top six New Zealand political tattoos I would consider. Winston Peters then and now.

Okay. Like when he first got into parliament. Yep. Bit of a fox. Yeah. And now, obviously, the ladies who have aged with him still find him a bit of a fox But a different sort of fox A silver fox now

A silver fox, yeah Versus the smooth The smooth brown fox Yeah The quick brown fox Yeah Of his early years And number one on the list of the top six

New Zealand political tattoos I'd consider would be a drunk Robert Muldoon Punching a freezing worker in the guts This was our famous Prime Minister That called an election drunk He Politically Him and I don't see eye to eye. Drinking-wise, I'm pretty sure I'd love a night out with Muldoon because he drank a good whiskey and he wasn't afraid to drink a fair bit of it.

And one time he got drunk and caught a snap election and lost. And another time, the jury's out whether or not he was drunk, but he was in Southland and a freezing worker came up to him and had a go and Rob Muldoon punched him in the guts. Now, can you imagine that happening nowadays? Can you imagine someone saying to Jacinda, tech Cinda, and her just turning around and jabbing them in the guts? Great.

With a... Deserved. While she's got a skin full of whiskey? I can't imagine it. I'd be all for it. I feel like he wouldn't have lasted a week in the current and modern environment. He would have been either me too'd or...

He would have been cancelled. Yeah, definitely. Cancel culture would have come from Odin and you know what he would have done? Got drunk, punched it in the guts. That is today's top six. Chef's pencil, which is not a metaphor for a chef's, you know,

because they're more likely to go with their spatula. Yeah. But Chef's Pencil. What is Chef's Pencil? It's like a food website. Right. Okay. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Have you found some delicious recipes? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Have you found some delicious recipes? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Do you need a moment? A Swedish princess cake. What's a Swedish princess cake? It's a dessert. Okay. I know that much. So you've gone to a food website and immediately gone to dessert. They are.

Well, no, it was on the front page. Oh, okay. Right. Swedish princess cake. Prinzertartata., well-known Swedish cake, often served as a birthday cake or even as a wedding cake. It's essentially a cream and marzipan cake,

easily recognisable by its green colour and always decorated with a pink rose. Hmm. Yum! Anyway, I did not come here to tell you about Swedish princess cake, although it does sound pretty good. It is the chef's pencil who has used Google trend data

and revealed that Kiwis, New Zealand, is the fifth ranking country for veganism in the world. Wow, okay. The UK is number one, Australia, Israel, and Austria. And they're saying it's unusual because those five countries generally have diets of meat and dairy. Well, you had a lot of dairy producing in those countries. Yeah, for sure.

I've noticed because my supermarket recently had a Reno. And I've noticed so many more like non-meat options. Like there's a whole section with like your patties and prawns. Yeah, like there's a section, but it's not prawns and stuff. Like chicken. It's not chicken. It's vegan, like meat-free substitutes. Ah, like pork.

Yeah. No. Huh? I'm surprised you even brought this up. Wait a minute. Fish. No. I mean, it's good for the planet, Vaughn.

I know you love meat and you're not going to change. I'm... But it's probably good that some people are because it's not sustainable. You do you. You do you. You do what you want. So apparently meat-free eating in New Zealand jumped 15%. Okay. Yeah.

Apparently Auckland and Christchurch. I would have thought Wellington. But Auckland and Christchurch are the vegan hotspots in New Zealand. Vegan hipster level. Yeah, but also Wellington, Nelson and Dunedin are all on the rise. You see Nelson, you can imagine, because you've got a lot of hippies, but then also a lot of boomers way even that out.

With the meat and three vegs. I was thinking more of how much, like, Huff Puff goes on. Right, okay. And the drive-thru is just easy, you know,

but then that's the other thing, is that there's so many meat-free options at the fast food outlets that have traditionally been beef or chicken dependent. That's right, yeah, true.

Yeah, you can get, um, meat substitute burgers. Yeah. I know, I know you're done talking about this I've tried them, they're okay

Yeah Like, they're good I had a meat-free burger recently Someone was doing burgers It tasted real yum Yeah I was like, I can't tell the difference here Yeah

I could But you love devouring meat I can tell the difference Obviously But the thing is, with enough sauce You can't tell Drown anything in sauce, and it makes it taste great.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I hope I'm not the only one. Beautiful. That was pretty good. Beautiful, was it? That was pretty, pretty bloody good. We welcome to I Hope I'm not the only one, Eva. Good morning.

Good morning. Eva! Like on WALL-E. Yeah, I've heard that about a thousand times. Well, here's a thousand and one. Eva! Do you get sick of it or is it cute every time? I mean, it's only cute when born, does it?

You know what? That's a cute with Vaughn does it you know what that's the rule with so many things that's a general oh god I get away with Mida so much in the workplace Eva I hope I'm not the only one we want to look at things that people do where they think I'm alone

I'm the only one that can do this surely and I think at this stage every time we've done this we've found someone at least one or two people that also do this, surely. And I think at this stage, every time we've done this, we've found someone, at least one or two people that also do this. Now, what's your habit? What's the thing you do that you think you're the only one? So I'm like super afraid of snails. Oh, okay. Like absolutely petrified. But it's not like a,

oh yuck, snails. It's like a terrified. Yeah. Absolutely terrified of them. Like if someone chases me with a snail, I will run like sprint. My heart will be racing and I'll cry because I'm so afraid.

But they can't do anything to you though. It's not like I can imagine being scared of a tiger or a shark or a rare. They're worse than that for me. I'm so afraid of them. And, like, I'll go for walks at night and I'm anxious because there's, like, a rock on the footpath. Yeah. And I think it's a snail and I'll cross the road because I'm so afraid.

I just don't want to encounter it. You should not be going for a walk at night. You should be going for a walk in the heat of the day because it's too hot for snails to be out. I know. Well, sometimes I don't always get the chance to do that. Now, have you ever had the chance to eat a snail? No. You never will. Why would you eat a snail? Why is you terrified of it? Would you eat it? No.

But like, there's even been a time I was in year 12 and we did a thing in biology on snails and there was a snail on the screen and I was like gagging and I had to get out of there

and the teacher was like, what the heck is wrong with this girl? And I was like, no, I'm actually really afraid. Like I can't, I can't be in the class.

I can't be in the class. And everyone was like, what the heck, she's joking. And I was like, no, I'm actually really afraid. Like, I can't be in the class. I can't be in the class. And everyone was like, what the heck? She's joking. And I was like, no, I need to get out of here. Does this irrational fear of snails come from any event as a child or you've always just been terrified of them? No, like I used to be able to play with them with my brother when I was like four.

But then when I hit about six, I don't know, it just all took a turn. I wonder if you were playing with them, something's happened and you've just, you've cornered off that section of your mind. Yeah. You've shoved it in a box, you've taped the box

and you've put it in the back corner of your brain. The Vaughan Smith shrink 101. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do actually remember having a weird dream about like snail eyes growing out my fingers, but that never like traumatized me when I was a kid. But if I think about it, I can be like, maybe that was it because there's literally nothing else

that I can think of that has caused this fear. My brother-in-law, terrified. I'd say on the level with you, but slugs. Really? Very similar. They're snails without a shell, aren't they? Really? They're different. Does They're snails without a shell, aren't they? Really? They're different.

Does he do prepackaged lettuce? Because one of those will slip in every now and again. A slug and a lettuce. And a prepackaged lettuce? Sometimes. You might get a little green caterpillar, but I've never had a slug. You always get a slug when you pick your own lettuce.

Oh yeah, the big lettuces always have a slug or two. Oh yeah, the big icebergs. Mum's growing some icebergs and she's like, take an iceberg with you. You've always got to take off thetuces always have a slug or two. Oh yeah, the big icebergs. Mum's growing some icebergs and she's like, take an iceberg with you. You've always got to take off the outer shell to find a slug or two.

He'd never do that. Oh no, he's too petrified. Eva, I know because people are scared of like clowns and to the same level. So I'm sure there's

got to be someone listening that's petrified of snails. Yeah. Well, they're just everywhere, though. I know. That's awful. All right.

Well, 0800DARLSATM, give us a call right now or you can text 9696. We want to see if Eva is alone. Do you know anyone or are you yourself afraid of snails? Ah.

A snail- A snail-ph Ah, a snail- A snail-phobic. A snail-phobic. No, because phobic is hate, right? I bet she hates, but she's- Yeah. Primarily it's a scared.

She's scared of them. I hope I'm not the only one. Beautiful. Again, beautiful. Well, we just heard from Eva moments ago who is absolutely petrified of snails. Has to cross the road. Could not come face to face with a snail.

If she goes walking at night and she sees a stone on the path, she'll cross the road because she thinks it might be a snail. It might be a snail. That's how afraid of snails she is. So we want to know, is she alone? Is she the only one? Ben's messaged and he said, Up until recently, I've been very petrified of snails.

This year, we have to eat snails for French class. I'd be sick that day if I was you, Ben. Just call in sick. Are those just straight up garden snails? I feel like I've had them ages ago. Oh, you went on cold turkey. Aren't they sautéed in butter and garlic and stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what breed of sna But are they just, what breed of snails are they? Because have you ever seen those big snails that we've got here in New Zealand? Are they cold snails or are they just medium?

I think the ones we had were medium. Right, I'd still be hungry. That's what I'm saying is can we get a couple of those big native snails? Yep. And a croissant.

Make a snail sandwich. I have a phobia of snails. During winter, if I go outside, I need to be carried. Walking to the bus stop during uni, I'd walk on the road instead of the footpath. Wow.

Snails can go on the road. Eva is not alone. Michelle, you're absolutely scared of snails. Yes, I'm petrified. I have a true phobia. Right. So have you seen them on the footpath and you've had to, like, what, cross the road

or walk a different way? I'd rather walk on the road, so I wouldn't care if I got hit by a bus or anything, but to avoid snails, I'd rather walk on the road and that's what I did. But is it because they're slimy? During my childhood, I had one that crawled up my leg and I guess that's where it started. Were you asleep? Like, they're not exactly a fast move, they know. I was in the garden playing, and yeah, I felt one up my leg. And then ever since, I'm sure I had like a shower like five times or something like that.

But yeah, ever since. It is weird when you touch a snail, how much it takes to get the slime off your hands, like to wash your hands after you've touched a snail. Do you know what I mean? Michelle, thanks for your call. Clea, are you the same? Yeah, anything without legs, like I can't even deal with it. I couldn't look at a photograph of a snail.

Oh, right. Really? So worms as well, they don't do it for you? Yeah, no, worms, slugs, snails, and then anything with legs one to eight, I'm perfectly fine. Like spiders, cockroaches.

But then centipedes, caterpillars, millipedes, I'll die. I will cross the road if I see a snail with some money. I love a millipede.

Or a worm. Oh, God. I love it. I'm just imagining you counting the legs. Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, No, ten. I'm out. What about if I you counting the legs. Yeah, one, two. No, ten.

I'm out. What about if I got into my sleeping bag and zipped it right up and I was slinking around like a worm? No. No. I don't know. I'd probably beat you with something. I don't know.

That's somebody's pick. I don't know. That's somebody's sexy, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. If you can imagine it, it's somebody's sexy. Brilliant. Hey, thanks for your call, Claire. More text messages? A lot. Somebody said, and imagine it, somebody's sexy. Brilliant. Hey, thanks for your call, Claire. More text messages.

A lot. Somebody said, and I'd like to know if this is the case with, if we've still got Eva. Somebody said, my son is deadly afraid of snails. He couldn't watch SpongeBob.

He loves SpongeBob because SpongeBob has Gary the snail and it was his worst nightmare. Eva, how do you feel about Gary? Well, he does freak me out a little bit, but not so much anymore. So you just wish Spongebob would just get a cat? But I still get a little bit weird.

Like, I still get a little bit anxious. Right, okay. Greg's called through. Greg, your wife, petrified of snails? Yeah. But it's quite funny, actually. I came home one day after being out for, I don't know, two or three hours, and our ranch sider doesn't unlock from the front. And came home one day after being out for, I don't know, two or three hours,

and our ranch sider doesn't unlock from the front. She'd gone outside to do some washing, do some other stuff, and there were snails on the concrete back step. She went into it and sat in our shed for an hour and a half until I got home so I could get rid of the snails before she'd go inside. Did you tell her that the snails love sheds as well? Yeah. And they're famously slow moving.

Yeah, like you could outrun a snail. I know. So what do you have to do? Now I have to cover the back step in salt all the time so the snails and slugs stay away from it. Oh, yeah, because that dissolves them, doesn't it? It's like rain on candy floss. That's kind of fun. It's inhumane

perhaps, but it's kind of fun. Thanks you, Cool Greg. I've actually Googled molluskophobia. Mollusk, yeah, because they're mollusks. Yeah, and that is a phobia of slimy creatures. Slugs and snails and worms and stuff like that. Okay. So that's actually, it's quite a common, probably's quite a common, probably not like mainstream common, but it's common enough. Somebody said, well, I'm not scared of snails,

but I do have a snail that's living somewhere in my house and it leaves its trail on the carpet and I can't find the damn thing. I follow the trail, but I can't find it. So I've got this. That would freak these snail, these mollusca phobics out, right? Eva, how are you feeling hearing that you're not alone? Oh, much better.

I feel not so weird. I can tell my fiance I'm not the only one. You are certainly not the only one. Somebody did message in that you want to avoid when travelling

as a thing again. Macau in China, they had a walking track behind their house and the snails were bigger than their fist. Oh, no. Never.

So that's just a place to be avoided. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Now the term mask fishing. Can you figure out what that means? Executive in 2019 is in for Megan. Do you know what that means? Is it where you don't cut the elastic straps that go around your ears

and then a dolphin gets into the sea and a dolphin catches a dolphin? No. It's like catfishing, but it's mask fishing. It's where you're basically hiding most of your face so people can't tell if you're hot or not. So is it when you do really beautiful eye makeup?

Yes. And then laser? So, yeah, it's popped up first in Urban Dictionary around July and it's become a bit of a talking point in cities like London where there's the tube and everyone's got the mask on on public transport. So someone said, for example, you spot a hot stranger, perhaps you eye flirt on the tube, giving them your best smize, an eye smile.

But then they remove their mask when safely off public transport and they are not as hot as you imagined. That's your fault. That's your fault. Yeah. For getting carried away with yourself. But you got hooked in. Manage your expectations.

You got hooked in with the hot. It's very similar to being at the ski field, isn't it? Oh, 100%. Because everyone's got their goggles in. They've got their goggles on and they've got a balaclava pulled up and they're in like snowboarding stuff. And you're like, oh, wow. And they come in, they go, and they stop real quick. And you're like, well, that's hot.

They've got to be hot. You must be hot. And then you see them at the cafeteria and you're like, no. Yeah. That's the rules though. Yeah. It was big day out rules as well. When the big day out used to happen, you had to take a couple of points off because everyone looked hotter at the big day out it wasn't

everyone's hotter at a festival everybody was hotter at a festival everyone's hotter when they're on the ski field when they've got half their face covered but then that's just about you managing your expectations yeah yeah yeah don't blame the person with the mask on for smiling at you with their eyes and you like being like wow, this is it. This is love. I'm getting married. It's straight 10. And then they're not. It's very hard to smile with the eyes. You just get a lot of wrinkles.

I just end up looking like Robert De Niro and be like, you talking to me? So background, I've been building a vegetable garden for a while. Got some stuff planted there. We talked about the vegetable garden the other day. Some sexy content on what sort of potatoes I should plant.

People recommended Jersey Benny. And that's your Christmas spud. I found some. I planted them yesterday. So we've got that underway. We're relieved. I was emailed by Donna, who works for Sky, saying a movie's coming out on the reality,

on the Rialto channel. Okay. A channel that I've never watched. Okay. I've never paid for Rialto. Well, no, I know that because you've got to pay extra. Independent films and stuff. But I mean, some of the stuff on there is really interesting.

She said, this is going to be called The Biggest Little Farm. Oh, okay. And I was like, okay. And she said, I'll send you a link so you can watch it. So I watched it. You got that email too, but I deleted it. Did you? Well, it wasn't in my wheelhouse.

Yeah, nah, not really your cup of tea. I don't want to watch a guy on a farm. Not your cup of tea. Nah. It was a fascinating watch. Okay, what's the premise? She's a private chef. Yeah.

And they were living in LA and she was just growing like tomatoes and stuff on her porch. They had like a small apartment. He was a cameraman. And one of the shows he worked on, he went to an animal hoarder's house. She had 200 dogs in her house. So all these dogs were getting put in care or put down sadly. And there was one dog there that came and sat and looked at a beautiful dog, black dog, blue eyes, and he said it looked into his soul.

And the dog was called Todd. Todd. I know, great name for a dog, right? Great name for a dog. And so they took And the dog was called Todd. Todd. I know, great name for a dog, right? Great name for a dog. And so they took Todd in and they loved Todd. But every time they went to work, Todd would bark. And their neighbours were like, don't mean to be, because I know he's a rescue dog and everything,

but your dog barks from when you go. So her dream was to grow her own food. And he was like, well, I want to show Todd the best life I can. Okay. And so they buy this rundown, wrecked farm. I saw that coming. They're moving to a farm. Because of the title.

Yeah, because of the title. And they totally rejuvenate the farm. Fascinating. I'm really interested in that sort of stuff. So it was right in my wheelhouse. Why did this upset you at the gym? Oh my God. Because I emotionally bought into it too much.

So I'm at the gym and there was one part where I didn't sob, but I definitely had a welling in the eyes and I had to start breathing through my nose. On the cross trainer?

On the stair machine. Oh, okay. On the stair machine. Right. And it got me. And I was like, how did it get you? Well, I don't want to spoil it

for people who will watch it. Nobody's going to go out of their way and watch this. People will watch this. It was up and it was down and there was an emotional what do you think happens yes not todd not todd vaughn the writing's on the wall for todd okay but then also like at one stage because this is in america and this is the other thing like they go farming in the back blocks of california yeah and they've got like mountain lions and coyotes.

Coyotes start absolutely making a meal of their chickens. Like it's like coyote and roadrunner, except the roadrunner is not running away. The roadrunner is just like, right. And so the coyotes are just feasting. Right. And so he has to shoot a coyote. And he's like, this is all.

And then so after he shoots the coyote, he's like, I can't believe I've done this. Like I said, I wasn't going to, this is. And then his dog Todd just like looks at him for a day being like, you just killed a coyote. Somebody folded on their principles, didn't they? And he said like the dog like looked into his soul and ruined him. But that wasn't there. That wasn't the part.

That wasn't what made. Yeah. There's like a sick pig at one stage and you get a bit upset about the sick pig. And then in one of his cows, he sells the cow and he gets a bit upset about that. I always look at what people are watching on the cross trainers at the gym. It's always reality shows, but there's old you watching a film. A documentary about land rejuvenation and getting very emotional about it. ZM's Fletchborn and Megan, the podcast.

Dive into Fletchborn and Megan, the podcast. Dive into Fletchborn and Megan's fishy tank. Wow, there's Shark Tank, the TV show. There's Dragon's Den where people pitch their business ideas to these business mentors. And possible investors. Yeah, and we've

decided to launch our own style to celebrate the fact that so many people are into the side hustle now to help out with the side hustle. I saw one news, had a story last night about how many people are now listed as self-employed. Okay.

And they said they... It's not officially yet released, but they believe people registering businesses has kind of gone up during lockdown. Yeah, since March. Okay, so what we're going to do is over the week, we're going to pick our favourite three side hustle ideas and then you get to vote on your favourite

and the winner gets a cash prize, $500 and a business package from us. Oh, full investment. Including a Fletch and Vaughan radio jingle. Megan's way sick today, but she would attest to our radio jingle success. Her cafe, the graph went up. That's all you need to know.

The name Beaufort & Co. was at the top of mind. It certainly was. So we've got three ideas for Fishy Tank this morning. Julia joins us first. Good morning. First to enter the Fishy Tank is... Julia. Hi, Julia.

Hi, how are you? Great, thank you. What's your business? What's your side hustle? My side hustle is called Christmas Treezy Peasy and we hire out beautifully decorated Christmas trees for people's homes, businesses and events. Oh, that's a good idea.

And do you know what? Today, we're in double digits now, 99 days away from Christmas today. Gosh. So people need to start thinking about it now. Because when you buy Christmas decorations, you're stuck with them for a long time, but you've got so many you could switch or change every year.

Yeah, we can. So, yeah, often people, they want to have a different Christmas tree every year and they want to have it beautifully themed. But to do that, it's really quite expensive. So this is a cost-effective way of having something unique every year. Right. Okay.

And I guess also people just don't know how to do it properly themselves, a lot of people. You'd agree when you see people's Christmas trees. Yeah. They're a bit wonky. But could I supply the tree because I like a fresh pine and then you decorate it? Yes, we could do that. Okay.

Now, Julia, I'm just worried about the business model from December 26 on. Well, that's why it's a side hustle. Right. Okay. So what's your full-time job? I'm a chartered accountant. Oh, okay. So you know how to take that income that comes in in one part of the year and spread it through the year.

Yes. Well, wouldn't it be lovely if you could just work for three months a year? Oh, wouldn't it be? And then spread it the whole way through. Yeah. We could diversify and do some kind of Easter theming. Yeah. It's not quite as popular in New Zealand yet, but if we went along the way of America, it could be.

Could be the next Easter. No, no. Easy peasy crucifixion. Crucifixion Friday. All right, brilliant. Julia, thank you. Fluffing about in the Fishtank is... Anthony, good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Now, you are, I believe, our youngest Fishy Tank applicant. How old are you? I'm 12 years old. 12. Oh, man. Look at you go.

So what's your, well, I'm guessing you don't have a full-time job, so this side hustle is kind of your hustle. What is your side hustle? So this side hustle is kind of your hustle. What is your side hustle? So my side hustle is fixing broken cables. Oh, okay. Okay. Like, because I've got one of those in the lounge. I've got a big iPhone charging cable.

It's a three-meter one, and it gets right to the couch. Yeah. But the ends, I can see the wires inside, Anthony. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem that I was trying to fix. Okay, so how do you fix that? So I sell heat shrink cable sleeves on my website and they'll arrive to your house.

You use a hairdryer to shrink them on to where it's broken and it's pretty much good as new. Wow. You're 12 years old and you have a website. Yeah.

Did you make that yourself? Did you sort that out yourself? Yeah, I did. Square space. That is unbelievable. That is so cool. What about, Anthony, I'm just thinking for the Follickly Challenge, my wife has a hairdryer, but Fletch, do you have a hairdryer at your house?

No. Is there any other heat source that would work? The toaster? Yeah, pretty much any different heating source that would be able to heat up like a specific area of a cable. Right, so you could pop the toaster down and then rotate the cable above the toaster. Yeah.

At all times, strictly watching it. Yeah, that could work. That's a good idea, Anthony. That's awesome, man. So what's your website? Just while we're here so we can tell people. My website is www.yourcablerepair.com. That's amazing.

.com as well as international. 12 years old. You're international. Brilliant. Okay. Anthony, thank you. We've got you in the running for the final three. Making a splash in the fishy tank is...

Alison, good morning. Good morning. Good morning, guys. Alison, I'm not going to lie. I'm very excited about your side hustle idea. This is right up my alley. Perfect. Mind you.

Before we hear what your side hustle is, what's your full-time job? So I'm a nurse. Okay. So your day job, your full-time gig is a nurse. But now, interestingly enough, what's your side hustle? So my side hustle is called Oh My Lolly, and it's a candy subscription box. Yum!

Yeah, so every month we'll send out a box, and inside will be six containers of premium candy that we've sourced from around the world, and we'll deliver it straight to your door. Right, so it's like a subscription, like those shaver ones where you get a couple of shavers every month. Yeah, Dollar Shave Club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, so it is, yeah, but you can buy one-off. We do have some one-off if you want to give it as a gift with Christmas coming up and things. Alison, what if one time you're going to send out aniseed and I don't like anything with Aniseed in it?

Yucky. Well, could I opt out that month? Well, you could always, you could opt, yep. So you can manage all your subscriptions. You can opt out. You can even send me an email and I won't include any Aniseed products. Oh, okay. If that's what you prefer.

Because do you, is it just one subscription or is there like, say for example, Old Man subscription where it's old man lollies, boiled sweets, dad lollies, yuck, Macintoshes and stuff? Yes. So for right now, it's one, but that's absolutely where we're heading. We're thinking of soon there'll be theme boxes based on countries, maybe based on preference. I like that.

Great business thinking, great side hustle thinking, Alison. Thank you. I just like the direct contradiction between working as a nurse and then, like, loading everyone up with sweets. Look, sometimes you've got to, everything in moderation, right? Everything in moderation. Sometimes you have something a little bit of fun. And sometimes our jobs are very serious,

so it's nice to come home and do something a little bit fun. Also, got to keep yourself uh you know keep your customers don't you exactly feedback exactly allison how much is a lolly subscription so it's 29 okay um a month and yeah okay we'll send that out and you just get the lollies we got amazing yep okay sorry you know you just get lollies every month i like this it's great. We got amazing. Yep. Okay. Sorry. No, you just get lollies every month. I like this. It's a great idea, Alison. Great plan. Flawless. Yeah. So it just takes away that, you know, late night supermarket runs. You got your stash in your house every month and you get topped up every month as well, which is great. I still think I could get

through your lolly box and then go back for that late night run too. I think your dentist would agree. Yeah. No, I saw him yesterday. He would actually. He would. He certainly would. Alison, in the running for our final three, which we will announce on Friday, voting over the weekend.

Those are three great ideas. I know, we've had some brilliant ideas. Fantastic. We had our Christchurch axolotl rescue yesterday. Surprisingly, 29 axolotls needed rescuing. The dog collar and bandana idea. The wing woman. Yeah. Lots of great ideas.

If you would like to register your side hustle and be in to win, super easy, go to ZM online. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Well, it was news yesterday that famous Dave of Morrinsville has done another one of his ripper tattoos. Now, he's the tattoo artist that did the Ashley Bloomfield. Yeah.

The big Ashley Bloomfield portrait. The big Ashley Bloomfield portrait. The big Ashley Bloomfield tattoo, yes. I believe that was on a female. Well, yesterday I was in the news that there is a new tattoo on the block done by Famous Dave, and it's a tattoo of Judith Collins, the famous Judith Collins with the pistol picture from 2014. It's got the New Zealand flag behind it. It's big.

Yeah, it's a golden gun. A little bit of a James Bond vibe. Yeah, and it says Crusher Collins underneath it. And that man that got that tattoo, Nick, joins us now. Good morning, Nick. Morning, Clint. How are you doing? Good, mate.

Good. Now, is this tattoo over your tattoo of Todd Muller, which is over the tattoo of Simon Bridges? No, look, he only had time to stencil them before they got brilliant. He was doing up the artistic interpretation and you're like, hold your horses, we've got to change. Yeah, yeah.

Judah's been there more than five minutes, so she lasted the distance. Wow. So is this a long-term like crush on crusher that you've got oh it has to be now doesn't it well yeah you know because what why nick like it says forever isn't it why not and and politicians come and go like yeah they do but hey it's 2020 and it's been a bit of a smoshin' of a year, so what better thing to commemorate it?

Yeah, no, very true, very true. A smoshin' of a year. But you've never met her at all? I haven't. I have since lately spoken to her a few times on the telephone, so we're mates now. Right, so, and interestingly enough, born not too far from where you live in Walton. Did you know that?

No, I didn't know that. Well, you learn something every day. You do learn something every day. Yeah. Well, we've got her on the phone as well. Judith Collins, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys?

And Nick, great to talk to you again. Hey, Judith. Again, yeah. We've been together. You didn't know I was from Walton? Oh, okay. No, I didn't. Yeah, it's been a matter of my own fault.

Yeah. Yeah, it's been all right. Judith, how did you feel when you saw this gigantic tattoo? You couldn't take the smile off my face. I just thought it was so cool. And now I'm thinking I might need to get some ink myself after the election. What will you get? A picture of Nick?

Well, possibly not. My husband might be a bit funnier than that. But I just think that we'll think maybe something small. I'm thinking I should do it now. Just like, why not? And as Nick says, hey, you only live once. And life's so short, so you should have fun.

You'd probably have to go to Famous Dave and Moran's for you to get it done because he does a great job. Yeah. I think I do. Yeah. I mean, I know Moran's really well, so, you know, it's like, why not? Yeah. Right, because you went to school with my mum in Matamata.

Oh, who's your mum? Christine. She was Christine Holmes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I know. Yeah, all the Holmes. She's H-O-L-M-E-S, isn't she? Yes was Christine Holmes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I know. Yeah, all the Holmes. She's H-O-L-M-E-S, isn't she? Yes.

That one. Yeah, yeah. Yep. I went to, yeah. Okay, so yeah, I know all the more. Yeah, you know all the more. Familiar with it. And Vaughan went to school with the Prime Minister,

so this is just New Zealand through and through, isn't it? Everyone knows everyone. It speaks a lot for the Eastern Waikato. We've got a lot going on. Well, Vaughan probably knew my brother, who is a teacher at Morrinsville College too, Gary, but he was known as Mr Collins. But, yeah, so, I mean, it's just like everywhere.

Everyone's related. Yeah. We'll find out. You can't go too far, can you? No. Without finding out. Have you ever come across anybody else with a Judith Collins tattoo? Not yet, but I'm hoping that this is going to start a trend

and that they all go to Famous Dave's in Morrinsville to get their Judith Collins tattoo. I loved the Bond look. I just thought, fantastic. I mean, who doesn't love a Bond girl? Are you a bit like looking at your husband now, being like, well, you know, it's time for you to step up because...

Yeah. Yeah, do you know, we haven't had that conversation yet but I think we'll have that conversation. Jesus, I hate having that conversation. It sounds like an

intimidatingly scary conversation. But anyway, we'll let you go. You've got a campaign trail to hit. Yep. That's right. We're about to say you today campaigning.

I'm in Wellington today because we've got the economic bad news stuff coming out today. Lots of red ink as opposed to the excellent blue ink that I saw in the black ink. So anyway. A bit of gold ink on that tattoo. Oh, I love the gold ink. Oh, I love

gold. And I love all the jewellery and even have my ruby ring down. Oh, it's fantastic. There you go, Nick. Your attention to detail has not been, you know, missed there, Nick. And I will turn up one day, just when you're least expecting it, signing it. Jesus.

I look forward to it. Okay. All right, we'll let you go. Thanks. Okay, see you all. All right, bye-bye. Bye, Judith. Everybody gone. Everybody's gone, yeah. Thanks. Okay, see you all. Bye, Judith. Everybody gone. Everybody's gone.

Wow. It was a lot, wasn't it? Oh, well, on we go. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There's been a study done by, and this is really interesting. It is a

online, because we've got is it RealMe here? Like your log on for your IRD number and everything? Yeah The government RealMe

Yeah and you sign up and all your government stuff's in there Yep Well RealMe in the States is an

online company that is trying to get verification in dating apps. Oh, okay. So you can't have a fake profile. So you can't be catfished.

Yeah, so you sign up and you give details and they do a thorough check. Right. Criminal background and everything apparently. Oh, wow. And so if they've got the RealMe tick or the RealMe verification, it means that they've been looked into by a company with access to these details and they can verify this is who they are. Right.

And they don't have any criminal. It's a good idea unless you love a bad boy. And then you'll be looking for people that don't have a tick. Don't have a tick. Yeah. Lie to me. Cheat on me. Yeah.

It's exciting. Well, they also found that 64% of people surveyed had lowered their standards uh considering themselves far less picky with the online matches because of covid due to just a desire to meet someone wow because i was reading a stat the other day that dating app compared to like the same period last year usage of dating apps in america alone has gone up 20%. Wow. Like compared to 2019. Yeah. Just because everybody's stuck inside. Apparently,

the number for millennials using online dating was at 64%, which is up considerably, apparently. But then people are dropping their standards. Yeah.

So what a time. Like you're like, I wouldn't normally date you. Yeah. What a time to be a five. Yes, what a time. Like you're like, I wouldn't normally date you. Yeah. Bye. What a time to be a five. Yes. Or a four.

These new standards, you're like a seven. And then if you've got a bit of personality to back it up, you could be edging up there towards an eight and a half. So you're saying that COVID times, dating times, have made you get a three plus. However, people are less likely to want to have physical contact. 72% of online data said if they did happen to meet somebody in person, their physical contact wouldn't be something they'd prioritize.

Unless it was full PPE. But that's not sexy, is it? Oh, it's somebody's idea of sexy. Sure. You can make it work. My only thing would be how foggy the mask would get. Yeah. Which if you're a five would work in your favour maybe. God, you're always

thinking of the fives. I'm always thinking of the positives. Always thinking of the silver linings. But 76% of people said that they would also invest more time talking to one person. Okay. And 90% of people said that they would try to take these new habits

into the post-COVID world as well, like actually trying to get to know people, but then that's probably the same amount of people that said, oh, I'm definitely not going to eat as much as I did last lockdown, and then did. Yeah, there are certainly always good intentions. Oh, the best of intentions. I was talking to a friend the other day,

and they were saying they spoke to someone, like, all through last lockdown. Level three. Level, yeah. And then, like, all this time, and then they just, like, hung out with them a couple of times in real life, and they were like, nah. They were like, nah.

Yeah. But oh well. Chalk it up to experience. That's what you've got to do, right? Yeah. Everything that's bad. Sure. Sure.

You're like, well, I can't explain my way to this one. We'll just chalk it up to experience. Megan's homesick today. Diarrhea. Very bad diarrhea. Like crippling. Crippling. If you don't turn up at work, you just get rolled.

Your sickness gets assigned to you. It does. But that does mean That we will be down a voice For the fact of the day jingle But we will Oh gosh Give it our best Okay here we go

It's time for Fact of the day Day Day Day Day Today's fact of the day Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- At the same time, cash for you to win. If you can answer a question, if you get through, about this fact of the day at midday and four o'clock, $500 each time.

So a pangram is a sentence containing every letter of the alphabet. Oh, okay. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog is like a great example of it. Is that every letter of the alphabet? That's every letter of the alphabet. There's 36 letters in that. Okay.

When zombies arrive, quickly fax Judge Pat. That's another pangram. 56 big red jet planes zoomed quickly by the tower. Okay. Where was the Z in that? Zoomed.

Zoomed. Quickly past the tower. I've got to imagine if I read one that's wrong. Five boxing wizards jump quickly. Oh, that one's pretty good. Yeah. That one's pretty short. But the one most people are familiar with is the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

They'd make you do it to type because it meant you touched every letter on the keyboard. Yes, because I remember doing Mavis Beacon Teachers Typing, the computer program, and there was a few lazy brown... That's why there's little notches on the F and the J on your keyboard, right? That's where you put your index fingers. Yep, F and J.

And then you go from there around and around. Yep. And nothing should cross that middle line between the G and the H and the T and the Y. Unless you're my dad, you just use one finger and then do each letter. Yeah. Really slowly. And then make a mistake and go delete, delete, delete. And then when they want to do a capital letter, they press caps lock and then press one letter and then they press caps lock again. Yeah, really slowly and then make a mistake and go delete, delete, delete and then when they want to do a capital letter

they press caps lock and then press one letter and then they press caps lock again. My wife does that. Does she? I tell her off. She doesn't hold down shift. She's told the kids how to do it. She's like, you press caps lock, you press the button. I was like, wait a minute, should I take time off work to homeschool because I feel

like you're really burdening them with the caps lock function. Why doesn't your wife use shift? Shift for a letter. If you're going to write a long spiel in caps lock, by all means, caps lock up and get in. But it's almost redundant now, the caps locks button. Oh, that's actually... It's confronting.

I cannot believe she does that. Yeah, well, 10 years of marriage is crumbling before my very eyes. Reason for divorce. Yeah. She doesn't use the shift key. I'll be like, Your Honour, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. And they'll be like, we don't have juries. I don't know if that's divorce proceedings.

I'll be like, 12 people I've paid to be here to play the role of the jury. I don't mean to lead you, but she pressed the caps lock button and presses one letter and then turns it off again. And they'll be like, Order of the court! Order of the court! She does what? I'll be like, I know. And all I'm asking is that she stops or we get divorced.

She doesn't do it every time, does she? To death, to death, to the gallows, to the gallows. And you're full custody of your children. No reparations need to be paid. All because of the caps locks. Oh, man, you know what? That's fair enough. She's messaged me. What did she say? She said, oh, I use shift now. This is convenient. And then she wrote good Lord, but she spelt good, good Lord. So that's another thing. She didn't even check the spelling of that before she sent it through. Right. She's lucky to have me, isn't she?

Don't you laugh? What are you laughing for? Anyway, we're not even covered the fact of the day. Yeah, okay. There is a shorter pangram. Okay. And they believe at 30 litres long, and there's 26 litres in the alphabet, so only four of them get used more than once. Okay. And they believe at 30 litres long, and there's 26 litres in the alphabet, so only four of them get used more than once.

Okay. How quickly daft jumping zebra's vex has been recognised as an official sentence because people have done other ones, but it doesn't make sense in a sentence. It has to make sense in a sentence to be a pangram. Okay. So the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,

32 letters. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs, 31. But the best with 30 is how quickly daft jumping zebras vex.

Wow, okay. It's the shortest pangram that makes sense at present. Huh. Interesting. So today's fact of the day is next time someone says,

type the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. It means you touch every letter of the alphabet. Say, that felt like a whole person, like I had a person. How quickly daft jumping zebra is vexed. Say that instead. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Plain to see we carry that jingle most days. Yeah. We're going to need to do that a lot when maternity leave kicks in. Unless you want to chime in, Executive Intern Anya. Yeah, she's right. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Producer Jared said his Tinder bio needed a refresh.

And we were like, well, come to a guy who's never done online dating and someone who's literally like, if you imagine the old saying, there's more fish in the sea, Fletch is running a South Pacific trawler. Like there's just a net behind and he's just absolutely pillaging the ocean. And every now and then he wheels in a Maui dolphin,

but he doesn't care. He puts it in the tuna tent. I'm a sustainable fisherman. Catch and release. You do release. You always release. There's no dolphins in the tuna tin. I'm a sustainable fisherman. Catch and release. You do release. You always release. I don't know. There's no dolphins in my tuna.

Sometimes the fish is wrecked, but you'll chuck it back in the ocean. It can go back into the cycle. Vaughn Allen Smith. Feed other fish. Vaughn Allen Smith. Well, Jared does need some help because I don't know what happened

to these 450 matches. Did you start again after lockdown? Yeah, I took a wee Tinder hiatus. Okay. I got too much. The classic, delete, and then you're like, I needed that. Back we go. Crawling back.

And you need a bio. Is your current one not working? I just couldn't be bothered retyping out that acrostic poem because it's quite an effort and then I would change words every now and then. I think you can do better than an acrostic poem too. Okay. How much better can he do? It worries me if he does better

than the acrostic poem with the 450. Yeah, but I thought the reason you got the 450 wasn't the acrostic poem it was that everybody was locked inside. Yeah, that was definitely the contributing factor. As we've seen with dating statistics, the app's up 20% on last year alone in America, just because people are locked inside.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, using it more often. And to be honest, they're not really locked inside that much in America, are they, in the scheme of things? No, they're not. So we thought we'd put the call out this morning and ask you, listening right now, have you found a Tinder bio that really tickled you? What made you swipe right?

What made you match with somebody because of their bio? Mate, not like a lame pickup line. That would be lame. That would turn you off, right? I mean, they must work for some people. Right. I don't know. Do right? I mean, they must work for some people. Right. I don't know. Do they?

Did a lame pick-up line work? I don't know. Oh, maybe. I mean, I wouldn't think it would. But for some people, maybe it does. Talking about those bios on dating apps at work that hooked you in. Producer Jared needs some help with his. Well, he doesn't need help.

His last one he did fine. Well, he's been crying out for it. What did he just want to do? He's been crying out for it. An opinion. Okay. What else he could do? Oh, what about a haiku?

Stick to the poetry. That would have been good. I'm not hearing any messages through about haikus or poetry working in Tinder bios. Jared, sorry to burst your bubble. That just means no one's nailed it yet. Right. How's this one? From Tessa.

My name spelled backwards is asset, which is appropriate because that's what I am. An asset. And that worked. And that worked, apparently. That works, okay. Paige just put, imagine something funny here. And she said that worked for her. Okay. That worked, apparently. That works, okay. Paige just put, imagine something funny here. And she said that worked for her. That worked for her.

I'll treat you like I treat my houseplants. I'll make sure you're fed and watered, and then I'll sit you in the sun. I can use that one. I'll treat you like I treat my houseplants. You'll be dead within the week. You'll be dead. You'll start going brown on the outside, and I'll be like, uh-oh, better give you some more water, and then you'll be dead within a week.

And then you'll be drowned. It wasn't a water problem, it turns out. It was some kind of leaf disease. Was it? How did I get a leaf disease? I don't know. I've got a couple with brown leaf disease on them. That's not a disease.

It is. It's a disease. Brown leaf is neglect. It is a disease. It's too dry or too wet or too light or too hot. Lucy, what worked on you back in the single days? There was this guy and I went to like kind of a rural school, but he was somewhere in New Zealand.

And he put on his bio, I look after 300 ladies every day and I'm looking to make that 301. But all his profile pictures was with him and all his cows that he looks after. So you were just like, this guy is funny. Well, yeah. I think I'm pretty sure he carried on talking about hesses and stuff as well. So I was like, oh, my God. I don't know.

Would that work in the city? Farmer Needs a Wife is a very successful show. Yeah, true, true. Lucy, thanks for your call. Eloise, what did you see in a Tinder profile that worked? There was a guy that had created a whole like PowerPoint presentation.

So he had made like each slide like describing why you should date him and use them in each and every single one of his photos. Oh, I like that. It's a bit different. I just appreciate the creativity. Yeah, and so you were like, this is a match. I was like, the effort that went into this is just astounding.

So I have to say, yeah. Okay, so you matched and now you're married. Of course not. Oh. Dad, did you even get a match? I don't even remember. I just remember seeing it. I was very impressed.

Okay, well, that stuck out all these years later. That's certainly a good tip for producer Jared. Eloise, thank you for your call. Some other messages. Somebody said, I put in mind not looking for anything serious, just a husband. Two years on, I now have a husband. Okay, that's funny.

That worked, okay. My bio just said kids, which worked because my current girlfriend also wanted kids. Okay. But yeah, I could understand that was also, it could have been misinterpreted, but thankfully my current girlfriend did not misinterpret it. Yeah. 020400, if that's the start of your phone number

yeah right oh they didn't put their phone number no they wrote like that's yeah you can't even read that out it's not like dirty it's just like it's the equivalent it's an add on equivalent

of milk milk lemonade round the corner chocolates mate okay that did not work It's the equivalent. It's an adult equivalent of milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolates, mate. Okay. That did not work. You can't tell me. You must be insanely hot if that worked. Yeah.

Producer Jared, any ideas out of all that we've received today? Definitely not that text that Paul sent. Yeah, that's grim. Who wrote that? So no poetry. So we have thought that maybe we can help you some more, Jared. Oh, yeah? Meet Jared. Born in the Chinese year of the dog, he's just that.

Loyal, loves a pet and treats, but will also try to sniff your crotch. He's been single for a while, but that's got nothing to do with how much Dungeons and Dragons he plays, which is a lot. So, roll a 20 and make a skill check. It's time to meet the Dungeon Master Jared. That's right.

You will be our next contestant on Radio Tinder. I'm sick of all these ambushes. Yes, it's not fun when you're on the receiving end of an ambush, is it? Now, I believe, when have we scheduled this in for?

Eight o'clock tomorrow morning. If you want to date Producer Jared, now is your chance. Okay, well, you can register. ZM online? Send us a message

on Insta. Yep, it's the NZM. Okay, there we go. And are we going to put Jared's profile up so people know what he looks like? Oh, yeah.

Okay, great. There you go. Great, thanks, guys. You are loving this like? Oh, yeah. Okay, great. There you go. Great. Thanks, guys. You are loving this way more than anyone else. It's great. Evil. I love it.

All right. So tomorrow, producer Jared returns for Radio Tinder. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here. ZM.