ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 17th August 2021

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

Jetstar  Top 6: Matthew McConaughey  Yummy Yummy!  Ask a Plumber  What did you see on someone else's phone?  Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name!  Vaughan had a Colonoscopy  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play. ZM's Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab any size McCafe coffee. For only $4, conditions do apply. I've just learned something that makes perfect sense, but I've never given it too much thought,

and I can't believe it's been happening this long. Okay. We were discussing, myself and my friends, down trails. Oh, that was and my friends, down trails. Oh, that was. Did girls do down trails? It was guys, eh? Down trails, no.

Guys. That's what I'm talking about. I've been calling them down trails my whole life. They are down trails. Down trails. Down trails. Trail as in down your trousers. No, it's down trails.

Down trails. You Google down trails Nothing comes up Google down trail And I think you'll find The definition says A deliberate lowering Of one's trousers

In public In order to Insult or amuse people God Because that was always The thing at school Like early on Or like up skirts

Is what we got Because we had to wear Jesus Pull the skirts up Oh you got to pull the skirts up Not the photos No guys would lift your skirt up i know it's so inappropriate what because we ended up wearing like undies and then like boys boxer shorts yeah i remember that i thought that was like people peeping up that too jesus and when you got an upskirt why were they

so insistent on girls wearing skirts school uniforms I don't know. But yeah, I said down trowel and they said down trowel and I was like, oh, of course. I've been saying down trowel my whole life. Down trowel. Have you? Yeah. And if you lose like a game of pool, if they sink all the balls and you haven't sunk, their rule is down trowel and you've got to down your trousers and then walk around the table, right?

How old are you? You don't do this now. Well, I haven't been beaten that badly in a game of brawl for a long time but yes it happened once or twice i can't believe i've been saying it wrong this whole time down trowel can't be the only one no you're not but i'm glad that you're wild because i used to hear people say down trail and i'm like i'm not sure who's right here i'm not going to say anything yeah but downel makes complete sense because of trousers. They were never trousers, they were always sweet pants. Easy to down trowel.

But then you just did the ties at the front really tight. No, but then that would bring your undies down. Yes! In the days of silk boxes, the down trowel was so easy because the pants would just slide over those things. And if they gripped it would assist in sliding down over the buttocks.

The worst is when you were carrying something. Yeah. Nip your trousers in, you just be like, now I've got to put this thing down. Got to pull up my pants. Yeah. Horrible. Yeah.

Ah, well. Down. Trousers. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. Oh, those scenes from Kabul Airport. Oh, my God.

Wild videos. I would say they're not for the faint of heart. It's a lot to watch. Humans scrambling for air bridges and survival. On to planes. Holding on. Yeah. and survival. Onto planes. Holding on and yeah. Good God. Horrible scenes.

So on and on. I put my car flat battery into perspective this morning. Doesn't it? I got to turn the key. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And the back door had been left open because I'm going to blame the kids. They went and got something out of the back of the car. I didn't shut it probably since Friday.

That little light's been on. Right, so you couldn't drive it over the weekend. Okay. So I had to push it out of the garage and then get the other car around and back it, got it going, and here I am. But, yeah, at least you're not in Kabul. Correct. So, yeah, in perspective, isn't it?

Correct. I try to cumule in Kabul. Correct. So, yeah, in perspective, isn't it? Correct. I'm trying to cumule in Kabul this morning. Yes. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six things that Matthew McConaughey would smell like. It has been revealed in this weird obsession we have lately with how often celebrities are bathing themselves. Yeah.

But he's another one on the list that's not an everyday. He doesn't deodorize. No. He doesn't use deodorant. Really? Hasn't for, hasn't for four, 30? I thought 30 years. Yeah.

Yeah. In the story I read. So he's got a real natural mask. But does he, we need someone close to him to confirm that he doesn't stink. Maybe he doesn't. Does he use crystals? It's 30 years he's saying. Yeah. Somebody has spoken out about what he use crystals? It's 30 years he's saying. Yeah.

Somebody has spoken out about what he smells like from their encounter with him. But I've got the chopsticks. Other things Matthew McConaughey would smell like. That's coming up. A chance for you to win your bills paid off. Your boring mundane bills at 8 o'clock this morning. A free ride with the movie Free Guy.

Listen out for the activator. Next, a warning for guys. Stop doing this, please. for guys. Stop doing this, please. All guys, are we doing this? No. Well, I don't think so. I think you'd know better. I hope you'd know better than to do this trend. Okay, I'm intrigued.

Vaughn's back today from his colonoscopy yesterday. Still got his plaster on. On his hand, they It's real sticky. On his hand, they put the drip in. Just rip it off. You're peeling it off slowly. Just go. Do it real fast.

I can't get a decent grip on it. Just go. Oh, see, there you go. Oh, God, look at that huge wound. You can't even see anything. Exposed to the elements. Why did you leave that on? I don't know.

You take it off. It's like when you get a priority to take a plaster off. I had a friend the other day who had his COVID jab and had his plaster on his arm two days later. No stickers. They need to get a not so sticky plaster for vaccination.

It's not a sticky plaster. It's not as you go in the shower it just comes off. That's because you two have got acid skin. Nothing wants to stick to you. Some of us have got two have got acid skin. Nothing wants to stick to you. But some of us have got lovely opposite of acid skin. Alkaline. Perfectly pH balanced skin. Sure. So plasters just

love you. Speaking of pH balance, there is something that you should not do with your penis. Put plasters on it. I don't have one and I don't think I would do this. I'll try anything. Will you?

So. Why not? When people go to adult websites, there's a lot of advertising. What ones? Where do you find these websites? I'm disgusted. I'm disgusted. I don't know.

Lots of advertising and in case you've ever paid attention, you may have seen an ad that says, this weird trick makes any penis increase by 65%. And obviously it's... 65% is a massive increase on even a small penis, by the way. Yeah. You imagine, you know, when you get the chocolate bars and they have 20% extra?

Yeah. That's a good couple of inches. Yeah. So you're intrigued. I wouldn't click on that. Some people have. Well, it's obviously a lie, right? Some people have.

That's scientifically impossible. And enough people have clicked on it or heard about this that doctors and stuff have had to issue a PSA and said, don't do this. But apparently it tells you to put apple cider vinegar on your penis to increase the size. Apple cider vinegar. I've used that. Apple cider vinegar is one of those things that pops up everywhere. It's good for like, good for your guts. It's good for pickling.

People have a drink. Yeah, it's good in dressings. It's good for pickling. It's good in dressings. Yeah, but a tang. But a tang. Yeah. So the experts have said it's not going to work and it will probably burn a lot. So people are just sprinkling this on. Yeah, well, I don't know their technique,

whether it's like dip it in or like sponge it on or mess. I don't know. I don't know their technique, whether it's like dip it in or like sponge it on or mess. I don't know. I don't know, man. But there is no evidence to say that it will increase the size or the firmness of it. But yeah, apparently enough guys are doing that they need to say stop. Right. So if you had a five inch penis and you increase it by 65%, it would be eight and a half inches long.

Okay. You think about that. That's a dramatic increase. It's a dramatic, yeah. You've got used to that. Yep. And now imagine it's 65% bigger. Yeah.

And what are you going to do with that 65%? I'm just saying people want these things, don't they? But they don't really think. Be careful what you wish for. Is that what you're saying? Pardon me? Yes. Yeah, right, okay.

I mean, it might get a little bit bigger, but that's probably due to like swelling and it'd probably be quite painful. Yeah. Yeah, so don't be doing that. No.

What is the pH of apple soda vinegar? pH of apple soda. What skin? 5.5. Well, if it's supposed to be... pH 5 or something like that. Is like...

pH of apple soda vinegar is about... 5.5. The skin's natural pH is 5.5. Is that perfectly balanced pH? Well, I did say so. What's your swimming pool? Well, you want to keep your swimming pool at about that, eh?

Do you? Yeah. So it doesn't mess with your skin. You want to keep it pH neutral. Yeah. Two to three is the pH of apple cider vinegar. So that's quite acidic. Mildly acidic, yeah.

Yeah, so pure water is seven, and that's neutral. And then, yeah, bananas are five. How's skin is slightly acidic then? So you'd be better to put a banana on your willy, because it's closer to the skin's natural pH. I mean, if you were going to put anything on it, yeah. It's like a sleeping bag for the willy. Battery acid is zero.

Oh, yeah, so that means it's super acidic. And on the other side, bleach is 13 alkaline. Yeah. That's on the other side of the scale. So what was vinegar again? Two to three. That's pretty close to battery acid. Tangy.

Yeah, it is. It's orange on this pH scale. And I'm pretty sure no one would have to tell you to not put that on your pants. So natural body wash, shampoo and conditioner are five. Five on the scale. 5.5. Right. Yeah.

I've just had my pool guy message me. Okay. Did you actually? Yeah. Pool's pH are about 7.5. The eyes, our eyes are at about 7.4. So that's why you want to match it to about 7.5 the eyes our eyes are about 7.4 so that's why you want to match it to about 7.5 so then it doesn't burn your eyes right and that's pure water seven yeah that's natural yeah there you go actually this message yeah he did he's up early he's seen a pulse

he's got a yeah he's always got the greatest story about people's pools. Oh, yeah. I know. I had a friend that cleaned people's pools as like a summer job and had the wildest stories. Like what? Like rich people with pools. Sex with the woman who owned it? No. That was immediately when you were like, I had a friend.

He was a pool cleaner. No, just like, it's like White Lotus. Like the TV show we'd be watching. It's just rich white people with pools and just how crazy they all are. I need more. I'm not a crazy rich white person with a pool, by the way. Not at all. That was an insinuated no.

We've got a pool guy. He's my pool advice guy. And you've got an electric gate. Oh, yes. That I opened for the pool guy. Sure. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. Well, a whoopsie from Jetstar in Australia.

This is great news for those with Club Jetstar. You knew it was coming. I just had to mention it once. Just one Club Jetstar mention. It's the best. Even still. We were watching MasterChef last night And all the contestants caught a Jetstar flight

From Sydney To Uluru Which looks bloody amazing I looked at it once It's super expensive They had an outdoor restaurant They had 50,000 lights in the desert That after dinner

Did this magical dance and oh, it just looked phenomenal. They caught a Jetstar flight and my kids were like, what's a Jetstar? I was like, get, I said, you've got to remember that next time you see Anna ask her. She loves a Jetstar. I was like, she'll tell you

all about it. Auntie Anna will take you to Wellington for the weekend, alright? What's a Jetstar? And I tell you what, discount luggage. Yeah, 20%. You're all about it. Auntie Anna will take you to Wellington for the weekend, right? And I tell you what, discount luggage. Yeah, 20%. You kids can take a bag, 20% off. Well, one Jetstar flight in Australia, this is from Brisbane, and the incident has, I guess, come to light now because the investigation has been completed.

A plane was taking off from Brisbane, and passengers and an air traffic controller and some of the flight crew reported momentarily seeing flames coming out of the right engine. They aborted the takeoff and it turns out that there was a screwdriver head in the engine that had been there for a hundred flights. Screwdriver head, is that the handle or the steel bit with the... Well, I don't know. Is that the bit, like a head,

and then you put the little screwdriver bits in it? Oh, yeah, one of the little pop-in ones. But it's a bit naughty because... Oh, yeah, yeah, so it's the end. It depends on what it... It could be a Phillips, it could be a flat, it could be a torque. Yeah, right.

Because they've just used a file photo of one of those yellow screwdrivers. Yeah. That's a good screwdriver, that one. But yeah, and I don't know what the dealio is because I love Air Crash Investigation, one of my favourite TV shows. But I'm pretty sure when like aircraft maintenance do like, you're meant to account for all your tools at the end of it.

Yeah, it's like surgery, right? All your screws, yeah. So after the surgery or after the fixing, you're like, do I have all my screwdrivers? But then, I don't know, if it's a Friday and you don't have your Phillips screwdriver, you're probably just like CBF, right? And then what if you counted after the plane had taken off? I know, and then do you say anything?

Because you're like, oh, well, maybe it'll just come out over Uluru or something. Fall in the desert. Yeah, bloody MasterChef are cooking their outback dishes in the handle of a screw driver. Plomp. Oh, that's ruined the Panacona. Gonna have to start again.

From the exotic ZM think tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. The Top Six today deals with Matthew McConaughey's scent. The scent of a man with Matthew McConaughey's scent. The scent of a man. Matthew McConaughey's that man. I don't know why we're obsessed with celebrities bathing and how often they bathe and everything, but he doesn't wear deodorant.

And not everybody has to. No, so he's not worn it, he says, for 30 years. I've tried using a crystal. It doesn't work. You rub a crystal on your pits? crystal. It doesn't work. You rub a crystal on your pits? Yeah. It didn't work for me. You need some high-grade deodorant.

You do. What? How does the crystal supposedly work? Is it a salt crystal and it slowly like... Yeah, something like that. ...mounts or something? Because a lot of people swear by that. You were trying a natural deodorant stick, eh? Yes.

And that has worked for me because I've got sensitive skin and I get like rashy sometimes. Yeah, I can't. I've got to use alcohol-free deodorants, otherwise I get a rash. Yeah, same. It's sexy stuff. That's why I couldn't use licks. Is this why you guys take plasters off so soon? No.

You're worried about your sensitive skin. It's why as a... I do get rashy from the adhesive on plasters sometimes. Do you? Yeah. God, you wouldn't have lasted in the 1800s. I wouldn't have. You would have made it to like, I don't know, 10. Neither would you. Yeah. God, you wouldn't have lasted in the 1800s. I wouldn't have. You would have made it to like, neither would you.

Completely different reason, but... Yeah, I like that. That's good from you. That's good from you. I would have lost my spectacles and probably fallen off a cliff. None of us would have survived. No. None of us would have survived. But a vet, Nicole Brown, she worked with Matthew McConaughey on Tropic Thunder

and she has revealed what he smells like. She got close enough to get a... And apparently he smells like granola and good living. Granola and good living. That is such a good wave. Is granola like a toasted, like coconut or something, like toasted? Yeah. Well, if you've got granola at home,

when you open that bag to pour yourself a bowl this morning. Give her a big half. What does good living mean? Is that musty? Yeah, no, musky. I'd say musky, not musty. And then Nicole Brown, you might know her also. She was in Community as well, the TV show.

Well, I've got the top six things. The top six other ways you could describe how Anthony McConaughey smells. Okay. Number six on the list. De-la you could describe how Anthony McConaughey smells. Okay. Number six on the list. Dealer, dealer, dealer. Is this just going to be? Yeah. Okay, I'll stop now and I'll say I've got a real problem with the English language.

A lot of problems. Okay. But the fact that words that end in I-G-H-T can be ite or ate. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. Stupid. Okay. I mean, it all depends on the vowel preceding the I. The E changes everything.

I mean, I think it's too late for your opinions. On the English language? Yeah. You wait till I'm the dictator of this world. We'll see if that changes. Top six ways to describe how Matthew McConaughey smells. Number five. A bit like Sprite, like Sprite, like Sprite. Kind of like a lemonade-y.

Like when you open the bottle, there's a bit of a zesty, effervescent. Yep. But six different words. Yeah. Do you remember that? Number four on the list of the top six ways to describe Matthew McConaughey's smell.

Candle light, candle light, candle light. You light a nice candle. One of your more, you know. Yeah. One of your more wild scents from the Akoya candle range. Oh, yeah, delightful. Yeah, he's not a French vanilla. He's more of a.

What was that tomato one? Oh, tomato and something. What is that? Fig. That's what it was. Yeah, tomato and fig. Number four on the list, three on the list of the top six ways

to describe how Matthew McConaughey smells. You know that smell, gunpowder? It kind of smells like a gun fat, gun fat, gun fat. Oh my God. Matthew McConaughey top six is a band from now on. Number two on the list of the top six ways to describe how Matthew McConaughey smells. Not everybody can smell it,

but you know you can smell it on one of those days where it's been raining a lot and it clears and you can smell the sun light, sun light, sun light. Okay. And number one on the list of the top six ways to describe how Matthew McConaughey smells. If he hasn't worn deodorant for 30 years, it's fair to say he smells a bit shot, bit shot, bit shot. Good day's work there.

Numb. That is today's top six. That's right. Yummy, yummy. Those big dairy boys. This is what's choking you up.

The thought of milk. Yeah. So before my colonoscopy there's a list of things you can and can't eat. Yeah. And because I eat

porridge every single day for breakfast. Yeah. Apart from the weekend, I'll have like eggs or whatever. Yeah. But at work, everyday porridge, it's easy. Yeah. One of the things was you can have rice bubbles because it's a processed grain. Oh, yeah.

So like dissolved rather than like oats, which can go through your whole system. Yeah. And you put them out as a risk. So for the first time in ages, I had rice bubbles with milk. Yeah. And then poop them out as a risk. So for the first time in ages, I had rice bubbles with milk. Yeah. And then for the rest of the day, I was like,

I got like real milky. I can't, I just haven't done milk for so long. I can't do milk anymore. Right. Why didn't you go Cocoa Pops? Like, why did you go?

No, because you can't have brown. It's got to be, it's got to be, but it's not brown. That's your opportunity to have marmite on white toast. I had that because after I finished the rice,

I was 10 minutes later, I was hungry again. They just seem to just... Go right through you. Dissolve. Yeah. Well, yummy, yummy. We take a look at new food items and a milky goodness. God, it's really got me going.

Lewis Road Creamery have got a brand new flavor and I'm doing a wonderful job promoting it, but this isn't a paid endorsement so they can stick it. But it's Hokey Pokey flavoured milk. Yeah, so it's just another one of their flavours. Yeah. So Hokey Pokey's like a real New Zealand flavour. Like a real New Zealand flavour.

I thought we'd had that. Oh, I'm thinking of, is it Primo that do, did they do a crunchy? Yeah, no, Lewis Road did a crunchy, didn't they? They teamed up and they did a crunchy bar flavour. Well, someone did. That's what we're thinking of. There must be a Wikipedia and a list of Lewis Road milks, right? There must be a Wikipedia that follows every one of their crazy creations.

Because do you remember like 10, was it 10 or more years ago when people were like, or was it seven or eight years ago when people were lining up around the block at outside supermarkets for the first Lewis Road? Like storming the delivery trucks. Yeah. Like they were UN aid helicopters dropping off essential supplies. Yeah. In a war-torn village.

People were trying to intercept the milk before it even got into the supermarket. That was frantic, wasn't it? Yeah, so a new flavour and is it out now or it's releasing? I just went to their website to try to find the history of their milks.

But I can't find it. It says that it was announced on the 16th, so it was announced yesterday, just that it's coming. Okay, right. Just that it's coming. Right. Yeah. But the other ones they've got on their thing,

Banoffee Milk, they did a Banoffee Milk. Oh, yeah, I wasn't a fan of that. I love the chocolate one. Fresh Chocolate Milk. Yeah, that's delicious. Lactose-free Chocolate Milk. Sorry? There you go. Lactose-free chocolate milk. There you go.

Coffee milk, fresh caramel and butterscotch. I always see them, all the flavours, and I'm like, oh yum, but it's not worth the aftermath. Really? Wow. Strawberries and cream. Yum. Did you say berries? Berries and what else? Berries and cream Did you say berries? Berries and what else?

Berries and cream Berries and cream I'm the man who loves berries and cream What is it? A Starburst ad Still one of the best ads in history ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan A relationship expert and dating coach

Has said that a lot of people are guilty of Pedestalling in relationships and it can be sabotaging your chances of finding love. I heard recently that somebody, I don't think it was the same person, said that if in your mind you're thinking that your partner may have had a more proficient lover, shall we say, prior to you, if you've got that on your mind, you're like sabotaging your relationship. If you're like, am I as good as everybody else that they've made love to?

Right. It's very, very bad for your relationship. But everybody does it. Yeah. Everybody does it. And then at the other end of the spectrum, if you were thinking they've never made love to anybody as fantastic as me, probably not good for your relationship either. Yeah.

So it's kind of along the same vein as that. So pedestalling is where you essentially put your partner up on a pedestal. So it's where you think they are unattainable in some sort of way. You think that they may be a little bit too good for you. And you are always trying to help them better themselves rather than working on yourself. So apparently this comes from a bit of insecurity. So if you manage to get this person, you're constantly thinking that maybe they're too good for you. And it manifests in the way that you might be the type of pedestaler who goes for partners you believe need fixing or changing

and then you're constantly trying to like better them. Is that not like most girls? Does it work the same way with, I mean, anybody, guys or girls could do this, that they're constantly saying, telling people that their partner is out of their league? Yeah. Yeah. Because I say it, but I don't really mean it because shada is yeah right yeah finn yeah what a looker yeah she can't stack a dishwasher for yeah so

that drags it down to like a six yeah four points yes that's how bad she is i've seen it it's terrible stacking Yeah It's the Yeah And then she'll be Unstacking the dishwasher Saying things like Oh this dishwasher Hasn't cleaned this very well Well you didn't

Give it a rinse She didn't pre-wash And you've You've put it on the Cuddlery thing But then you've Blocked the jet's ability To get to the

Cuddlery thing By stacking it Something too big On the On the cups rack You're certainly not Peter Stalling here You're bringing her

Back down to earth Why Peter Stalling With the good stuff But then bringing her back down to earth. I pedestal her with the good stuff but then bring her back down. It's the ultimate balancing act. Yeah. But I feel like everyone gets into a relationship and then there's a few work ons. No? She said

people often choose their partners based on the fact that they like them and they're attracted to them but there are a few things that they can work on. Our friend was in a relationship with a girl, and do you remember she got drunk or something and told him he had like a list of work-ons. And he was like, beg your pardon? And then she proceeded to list them.

It's like, oh, no, you've said it. You've said it. That was bad enough. You don't need to list them. So much trouble. I hope he was drunk. No, it ended the relationship. Oh, yeah.

Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. A mum was boasting on TikTok. It said that her daughter does chores. Her daughter's seven years old and she earns money for the chores. That doesn't sound too bad. Yeah. But it's the chores. That doesn't sound too bad. Yeah. But it's the chores. There is a list of chores, including cleaning

the toilet for her seven-year-old. And if she completes these chores, at the end of the week, she gets $7 and then she has to pay $5 for bills. So, for rent, food and water, $5. So then she

gets $2 left over, which she can then keep, save or spend. So what the idea is, mum's teaching her about rent and bills. Teaching her about expenses and life and you do this and you get money. See, people are like, meh. I think it's good because how shocking was it the first time you got paid and in your head you thought how much you were going to get and then tax. And then it all goes away. You're like, whoa.

Yeah. Because we were like told about tax and like economics and accounting and that, but never really had to live it. Yeah. Yeah. So you're saying it would have just saved you from that one surprise once when you were working. That initial shock.

And then you get over it and you just deal with it. So yeah, the internet was like, she's not an adult, she's a child, pay your own bills. But she's not paying, the kid isn't paying any bills. The mother's giving her money and then saying, but

in the real world, I think she should be paying her more than $7 and taking $5 back. So she's only left with $2. Yeah, that's a big tax rate, eh? Rent and everything. But isn't there an argument that you shouldn't put the stresses of that kind of stuff on children

so young? You shouldn't be like, hey... I mean, there's a lot of time for you to teach those values. I don't like getting into other people's parenting now that I'm a parent because people love to do it to me and I don't like it. So I don't want to really... people's parenting Now that I'm a parent Because people love to do it to me And I don't like it So I don't want to really like

What have people been saying about you? Lots of people don't like pacifiers And we're not allowed to call them dummies What are the things you put in their mouth? I don't like posting too much Because I'm scared someone will be like Don't do that This is wrong

What's wrong with his cheeks? I don't know. And their kid's going to school with a mullet and like punching other kids in the face. He's teething. I'm aware. Like, I don't know. I just don't like getting into telling someone how to parent. Right.

Seven does seem a little young. I get the point. No, no. When we get the monthly bills, I'm at the children gatherer around the computer. I scream at them for leaving lights on. I point at the dollar amount. You'll pay me back one day. You'll pay back one day.

Why are you so, you know, why does everybody want me to be broke? Why do you keep spending? Look at this. This is definitely you. Yeah. And then I make them pay me. I make them pay their part of the bill. They're like, Dad, we don't have any money.

Would a seven-year-old be even that good at chores? Like, you'd probably want to redo some stuff, right? Like, you've got to... Yeah, my seven-year-old will tell you she can't do something but be very capable of doing it. Right. But it would just be like seven-year-old chores. That's the other thing.

You can't give a kid chores beyond their age range. Yeah. I just learnt very early on that you do a terrible job. So if I was asked to clean the toilet, I would splash that toilet water everywhere. And then your parents would be like, well, she's not doing that again. You'd just be like, if you make me do this every time,

I'm just going to make a mess. I'll pop a chair in the hallway and supervise you cleaning. That's the sort of guy I am. I'm like, wait there. So what you need to do is you need to go get the mop. I'm going to go get a chair. I'm going to sit here. You're going to do that right.

That's the sort of – Sade's just like, I'm teaching the girls to stack the dishwasher. This is the second mention of this already this morning. But you can't have them picking up her bad habits. No, no, no. And she's like, it'll be quicker just to do it yourself, you know. Yeah. They're taking blah, blah, blah.

You know, you're stressing yourself out. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm teaching them. Yeah. And then I stand there. I'm like, no, just do it yourself, you know. Yeah. They're taking blah, blah, blah. You know, you're stressing yourself out. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm teaching them. Yeah. And then I stand there, I'm like, no, that doesn't go there. That goes there. That goes there. Tomorrow we'll reconvene and we'll do this again. Your stubbornness outweighs your patience.

Yeah. Yeah. What if they end up better than your wife? Fantastic. That's good. And then all three of you will be expert dishwasher stackers. Yeah. I don't want to be

One of those parents Whose kids moves out of Her ear Because she has to Stack the dishwasher I don't want to be One of those parents Whose kids move out of home

And you hear about them In flatting situations Where they're like How does the Laundry machine work The washing machine Where do I put the Where do I put the

Power Yeah I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know Washing machine. Where do I put the powder? Yeah, I had a flatmate once that put, you know those, how the dishwasher tablets are in wrappers? Yeah. They just put it in the dishwasher.

Right. They didn't take it out of the wrapper. And it would just drop into the thing. Yeah, where a flatmate wants. It wasn't a dissolvable one. Who didn't have any dishwashing liquid. Yeah. No, sorry, any clothes washing powder or liquid.

No. So put the tablet that goes in the dishwasher into the washing machine. Those sorts of things. Yeah. It's important. It's important that they don't. And if this child is seven now, leaves home when they're 18 and they've got 11 years of

experience with how a household works. And an 80% tax rate. Yeah. Imagine their first paycheck. They're going to be like, holy moly. Nothing's ripping me off. I pay way less tax

now that I'm paying it myself. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Well, Executive Intern Anya moved into a new Fade last week. I did.

And there's a slight issue already. This, to me, and I think a lot of people will relate to this issue, this is right below the worst problem to have, a low bad shower pressure. But it's not that.

No. And it's one of those things that I probably should have checked, but then, look, in these tough housing times, you've just got to take anything. I wouldn't have checked if it makes you feel better. I don't think I ever checked a flat or a house and flushed a toilet before renting or buying. Yeah, no.

Good, good. I wasn't here yesterday post-show for this discussion. Toilet-based? Toilet-based. Toilet-based. It seems to be quite a recent, is it a cistern? Is that what we call the toilet thing? The top of it, I think so. Well, look, we've got a, we know, we it a cistern? Is that what we call the toilet thing? The top of it, I think so.

Well, look, we've got a, we know, we know a plumber. And so we've decided to launch a brand new once only feature. Look, the plumber's back. I don't know what that is. Ratchet and Clank, Flush, Mario. Yeah, the nerds get it. We welcome to the show our old producer, James Marbeck. James 1.0, good morning.

Good morning. James Marbeck of Marbeck Plumbing. Yes, thank you. Good morning. What an intro. Business plug. You're now running a plumbing empire, James. Yes, yes.

By empire, my father and I, yes, but it's very good. Okay. Are you wearing shorty tradie shorts at the moment? I am wearing shorts. How short are they? Because Bri, your old man now, he's an old school. He'll wear the stubbies. The shorts sort of like show a little bit of cord, a bit of hammy.

What are you wearing? How long are yours? I'm not quite stubbies. I'm sort of, I don't know, 100 mils above the knee maybe with a bit of a rolled up short. You haven't earned the stubby, I don't think. No. Did you feel pressure to wear shorts because Brian wears shorts? There's probably something subconsciously that is pressuring me to wear shorts,

but I don't feel too much pressure, no. Have you gone to anyone's house to unblock their toilet and there's like a horny housewife hit on you? She's like... I don't think I've noticed. Oh, God. I just took a huge dump and used too much toilet paper. God, I'm horny for it.

You'd be like, no, that's okay. No, thanks. Yeah, I'm sure it's happening all the time. I'm just not picking up on it. Now, James, this's okay. No, thanks. Yeah, I'm sure it's happening all the time. I'm just not picking up on that. Yeah. Now, James, this is a problem Anna has. Tell James, Anna. What is the problem?

Okay, the issue is when I go to flush either the half flush or the full flush section, so both of them, it's a measly flush. It's not enough. It's not adequately flushing. No, it's not enough. Essentially, the toilet paper does a small boogie, but it doesn't go anywhere. It just goes shimmies.

It's one of these horny housewives with a blocked shed of it. Oh, wow. My absolute specialty. Now, would this be a number one problem, James? It's a problem that I've come across a specialty. Now, would this be a number one problem, James? As in a problem that I'd come across a lot? Yeah. I wouldn't say it's sort of the top problem that I come across. But, yeah, I can imagine it's very frustrating for you, Anya.

It is. Thank you, James. What a customer service. What can people do about this, James, if they don't have enough flush in their dunny? Well, I mean mean you know based off the very small amount of information i've received yeah and so it sounds like the cistern is not filling to the top like oh okay yeah so if if she lifted the lid off the top of the cistern i I would imagine that it's probably only half full. Or have you lifted the lid off?

I haven't. I'm going to jot this down. James, you've got to give the warning because you can't just pull the lid off because it's screwed on, isn't it? It might have a screw. Some of them. Some of them. Yes.

Is it true, James, that some people make it so that it only half fills, so it's got like a limiter or something on it? Yeah. Well, some, yeah, I guess some people think it's got like a limiter or something on it. Yeah, well, some, yeah, I guess some people think it's saving water, but yeah. I mean, it fills up to like nine litres, I believe. So,

you can change the height. This is going to get very boring very quickly. I know what you're talking about. I recently changed the flush thing in our toilet, and you can, you can change the level. He tank tank it with this toilet. Yeah. And it's working. You can basically change the height

of how much water comes in, and then when you flush it, if it's only half the water, then it's only going to do half the job, isn't it? This is fascinating. If it's a Wee's only toilet, you can lower it right down, don't you? Because Wee's doesn't need a lot, but if it's number one's and number two's, you want the flush. Yeah. The Wee's only't need a lot, but if it's number ones and number twos, you want the full flush.

But it's the wee's only toilet. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, it could also be the actual toilet itself that maybe has a bit of a strange bowl, but I mean, hey, look, for a very reasonable fee, I'm happy to take it. There it is.

There's the sale. There it is. There's the sale. We're renting ourselves the plumbing. You've still got it, baby. This is why he's got the plumbing empire. He's not giving you a freebie. No, but so does that sort of give you the next step?

So lift the lid. Lift the lid. Yeah, but you might have to pop the buttons out before you lift the lid because it's possible Asborne has... It sounds old. It sounds old. It's not going to be a flash one. Oh, okay.

Imagine, this is in my best case scenario, the person that you bought the house off, there was cocaine in there. Drugs in there, yeah, and a gun. Yeah. A gun. And a zip-up bag stopping it from doing it properly. Because the cocaine bricks wrapped around it.

You do. It's the horny housewives checking their cocaine in the cistern. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay, well, this is, I tell you what, You don't. You do. It's the horny housewives checking their cocaine in the cistern. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay, well, this is, I tell you what, I think this could be New Zealand's favourite radio drama tomorrow. Let's find out how full Anya's water level is.

This is ridiculous. Yeah. Just so I know, should I be sort of ready to be called back up for some more free advice? Well, maybe some free advice, yeah. I reckon when you talk to your old man, he knows more. You seem to have given us a politician's answer on this to be totally honest.

Fantastic. Yeah, go straight to the top. Get the shorts and the brains of the operation on the bladder, I reckon. Yeah, nice. All right, well, you've got a pie and a V to have,

so we'll leave you to your trader's breakfast. I love that he's gone from radio. I'd rather deal with other people's shit than our shit. I know. It hurts, James. That's just how bad this is. Far easier.

Far easier. Yeah. All right. Thanks, mate. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan. Play ZM. All I didn't know about this quaint little island, Quail Island, Otamahua in the Littleton Harbour.

It's an island. Yeah. And it is being proposed to be a quarantine island for people arriving in New Zealand in these COVID times. What, so they just set up some... Pods. Pods, okay. An architect has had a vision for sort of like a pod situation.

I'm just imagining like a biscuit floor and a gooey centre. A chocolate roof. Yeah, chocolate roof. A chocolate roof is going to be okay in winter, but in summer it's going to melt and you're going to have to eat the roof. All right, you're in this chocolate pod for two weeks. Yes. You're in some pods.

So, you know, going forward, purpose-built MIQ facilities have been proposed. Do you remember? I said this to Sade yesterday. I was like, do you remember when COVID first happened? Yeah. And they took all the people to a military base in North Auckland, Whangaparoa. That's right. Remember that?

Yeah. Doesn't that feel like five years ago? Yeah. It's been a mentally aging time. I was like, well, that's wild. So, yeah, these pods would be isolated, obviously watched over. Yeah. But it's an island, so they can't get off.

Yeah. Yeah. But food would be... But then why not just keep using hotels? Well, I mean, yeah, because hotels are getting money, right? Yeah. And retaining staff on a level that, you know, they wouldn't be able to achieve if they decided to not do MIQ anymore

because the tourism hasn't picked up. But I think this is for. Going forward. Going forward. Right. Some options. This island looks lovely. Why don't they just use a bigger island like Waiheke? Um, excuse me.

Just cut them off. Summer's coming. Yeah, that's Waiheke wasted territory. Yeah, you're true. Oh, yuck. No. Yeah. You can't have your vineyard tours getting ruined. Yeah, no, absolutely not.

But no, you're right. There are other islands. Yeah, bigger islands. And, you know, the Hauraki Gulf, for example, that could be used. But this is the problem. All of these islands have a history of where they used to put people with leprosy. Oh, yeah, right. You know, all of these isolated spots.

Used to be mental asylums. Is that okay to say? Actually, as it came out of my mouth, I'm like, I'm not sure what that's... What that's called anymore. That's what they were called at the time. Asylums. They were called even worse things at the time.

Yeah, they were. But yeah, these isolated places are generally, you know, associated with leprosy and TB and all those things. But I mean, shit, you're getting into New Zealand. And that's beautiful, by the way. You could stay on an island. That's a holiday in itself. Yeah.

I might just start coughing. I don't know if it's all it's cracked up to be. Nah, probably not. I'm not an athlete. I could sit still for two weeks. All the athletes are going crazy. Oh, I need an exercise. I'd be like, oh yeah, me too.

I'd come to get out and get me covered in cobwebs. Yeah. It would have started rusting. There would be some CRC on it. How did this rust so quickly? I'd say, I know, I'd say, I had a three-day hot shower. The humidity in here was out of control. Your only exercise would be getting up to the door to get the Uber Eats.

Yeah, I know. For the eighth time that day. Oh, you've got to put your mask on to open the door. Yeah, you do. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. This could easily be Fletch. What do you mean? Someone was on a long-haul flight with kids.

Okay, yeah, this could be me. Young children. It doesn't say how many, but she did say that she didn't think they did too badly. And that would just be a nightmare. Because you've got to fly sometimes, and you can't guarantee they're going to be well behaved. And then people like Fletch are like rolling their eyes. And you see it. You feel I'm rolling my eyes, don't you?

Yeah. Well, keep your kids under control. It's not hard. Well, this mum, you know how like someone's sitting in front of you and you can see between like the armrests, between the seats? Yes.

And you can see often what's going on in front of you. She could see that someone in front of her was texting a friend and she referenced the children behind her and called her kids badly behaved brats. So she's like, oh God, someone on this flight has badly behaved brats. Yeah. But then that's their thought that they're allowed to share with a friend.

At least they're not like turning around and screaming at your kids or nagging you in front of everybody. And also she's looking at her phone. Like, she's intruding on her privacy. Yeah, what's the biggest sin here? Intrusion of privacy? Yeah. But yeah, again, she's like, I don't think the kids did terrible,

but clearly this woman had other ideas. So she's messaging her friends about how terrible the kids were. Yeah. But now you've brought up it's a privacy issue. Because I wanted to know what you've seen on someone else's phone. It's a privacy issue. But then if someone on a plane is sitting next to you or in your purview,

you can't help but see. Because sometimes people are like on their laptop. I know. And I love reading. Like if someone's on the plane, I love reading, trying to read like what they're writing and stuff. You know what you do is you put your sunglasses on and you like turn your head like you're pretending to have a little nap. And then you read their stuff. And you keep your head up where it would be and then you just move your eyes down and you read it.

Yeah, I have two stories. What do I know about the kiwifruit industry from a flight to Tauranga? Oh, yeah. That's right. You were reading some really good actually. Yeah, didn't that involve some – Well, yeah, no, no, no. That was like some real scandalous stuff too.

It wouldn't sound like it when you say Kiwi Fred, I'm just kidding. No. Do you remember that time there was a lawyer on a flight next to me and she was highlighting – like she'd printed out an entire – I think we talked about it on air. She printed out an entire, I think we talked about it on here, she'd printed out entire Facebook conversations and was highlighting bits where like someone

had obviously like said stuff they shouldn't have. I don't know if it was like a custody thing or what kind of case it was. And then the other time, do you remember that all black sat next to me and he was like on his Instagram and I was like oh here we go

and his his inbox DMs his DMs he had so many unread like people sliding into the DMs

like you could just see they were all just hot girls what do hot girls say when they slide into DMs in his no he he wasn't he'd never opened them

he'd never opened them what was he doing, though? Was he having a nice bottle of scotch in the cupboard, you know? Save it for a rainy day. And he hadn't even opened them. They were all on unread. And there were heaps of them. And he was just scrolling through.

And I was just like, what is going on here? He was showing off to you. No, he was just bored going through his Instagram, I think. Was he in a relationship? Yeah, because afterwards I was like, I wonder what the deal is here. But yeah, I didn. Was he in a relationship? Yeah, he's... Because afterwards, I was like, I wonder what the deal is here. But yeah, he was...

I didn't see him doing anything bad. I'm not going to out some all black for being a naughty boy. But yeah, it was wild. I was just like... But yeah, there definitely were people with stories.

Yeah. But he wasn't going out of his way to hide his phone, right? No. I think just because I had my... I was watching Netflix, so he just probably thought I was watching Netflix. Oh, okay. But I wasn't even watching. I was just because I had my phone, I was watching Netflix, so he just probably thought I was watching Netflix.

Oh, okay. But I wasn't even watching, I was just looking at his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, alright, well let's take some calls. 0800 DARS at M, you can text as well, 9696. What did you see on someone else's phone? A couple of transports, late buses and trains. Yeah, there were some good stories.

Even just like, I don't know, you just see someone's screen. Maybe something scandalous. Yeah. Some naughty stories. Even just like, I don't know, you just see someone's screen. Maybe something scandalous. Yeah. Some naughty pics. So a woman on a plane was busted talking about... The brats behind her. Yeah. The mum saw her call her children ill-behaved brats.

The mum took offence to this, but at the same time she was reading someone else's phone. But it's got us onto those things that you've seen on other people's phone in public. And wow, there's a wild wild story coming through. If you've got one, 0800 dials at him. You can text 9696.

My hairdresser, I had opened my phone to show her my Pinterest board for hairstyles. However, before the appointment, just before leaving home, I managed to squeeze in a viewing of a naughty movie on their phone.

Okay, yeah. So when I unlocked my phone, It was the first thing there. and went to open my browser, because I knew I had it bookmarked, it started playing again. That's so good. My hairdresser said,

now which one of those hairstyles do you like? So that's good humour Yeah, yeah, yeah We want to know what you've seen on somebody's phone in public Somebody else's phone Whether it was on public transport Or, I don't know, in a cafe There are some insane stories coming through

Somebody said I sat next to the manager of a Premier League football club On a plane So you took a British a Premier League football club on a plane. Oh, okay. So you took a... British? Premier League's British, eh? Is everybody watching Ted Lasso?

I'm saving it up. Oh my God. It's the most wholesome show ever. It's on Apple TV. It's lovely. I sat next to the manager of a Premier League football club on a plane.

I saw him text the club boss and say to buy a player for 15 million pounds. I leaked him text the club boss and say to buy a player for 15 million pounds. I leaked it to the media and another club bought that player for 17 million pounds. That player owes you 2 million pounds. Or a percentage of that

2 million pounds. Or at least a voucher. They leaked it to the media. What? That's... Wow. Wow, that's crazy. I tried to FaceTime my wife media. Wow, that's crazy. I tried to FaceTime my wife with Mr. Wrigley wearing a pair of sunglasses. Mr. Wrigley's

dad. So he put like that Mr. Wrigley was the nose and the sunglasses are above it. My 13-year-old son answered the phone on his FaceTime. That's the thing. The minute you've got kids, never assume it's going to be your partner that answers the phone.

Yeah. Never, ever, ever. That's amazing. Annie, what did you see on somebody else's phone? So it was actually people seeing stuff on my phone. Oh, okay.

What happened? I was in the supermarket checkout line and I had completely forgotten that the last thing I did on my phone was take a nude of myself to send to a lover.

To a lover! I very much enjoyed it. I will send this to my lover post haste. For his erotic pleasure. And I opened up my phone and took a full blown nude of myself and I saw the people behind me for it.

So it was, people have to say, a very awkward supermarket experience. Oh, no. But isn't that cool? They've got a cool story to tell. They'll never recognise you. Oh, unless you're naked when they see you. I don't know if I live in a little local supermarket, you know. Oh, just in a small town.

You've got the fresh choice flasher. Thanks for your you call Annie. James, your friend saw something on somebody's phone in public. Yeah, hey, guys. A friend of mine in real estate was helping one of the older gentlemen in the agency set up his Insta profile. Oh, yeah. And as they were going through his photos,

stumbled across a few of them downstairs with him standing right over her shoulder. Oh, wow. That reminds me, I've just had to search this. If you want a good Instagram account to follow, Lords of Property. It's all the Australian real estate. And there's New Zealanders on there as well.

Just the absolute D-bags of real estate. Hey, they're not all D-bags. It's just cringy. It's just cringy. Yeah, some of them are, but yeah, a lot of cringy ads and stuff. There is a South Auckland branch who redid a Bruno Mars song. They did a parody. That's right.

I wouldn't describe them as D-bags. They had fun. What is it? Lords of Real Estate. Lords of Property. But it's mostly Australian. Oh is it? Lords of real estate. Lords of property. But it's mostly Australian. Oh, the Australian ones are so cringe. It's a world.

It's a world. It's a great Instagram account. It's a world right out there. It's worth it. Hey, James, thanks, mate. Some messages in. I caught my boyfriend bad-mouthing me to his mother because I said no to him when I saw his screen.

Oh. I saw a text from my best friend on my boyfriend's phone saying, I don't care if you use protection with her, you have to use one with me. Tomorrow, the story, no matter how shitty a person you are, still practice safe sex. So that's her best friend. Whoa.

Wow. Imagine seeing that. It was my dad's phone. I was looking at the photos that he'd taken on holiday. Scrolling through, he was like, oh, that was when we were there, that was when we were there. Flicked to the next one and I saw my mother in the midst of an act upon my father.

What? I mean, two thoughts. That's nice. Yeah. But that still, how long have they been married? That's not my first thought. Second thought, how much bleach can I pour in my eyes before I actually mind it? Yeah, or how much therapy can I pay for until this is gone?

Ha! Another problem. What? Wait. Oh, yeah. What was he going to do with that video? Just fine. No, no, it was a picture.

Oh, it was a picture. Okay, still. Dad's not making up valuable memories for the video. Still, no, it was a picture. Oh, it was a picture. Dad's not making up valuable memory space for the video. A picture will do. Oh, God. Good holiday then, Dad. I was hanging out with this girl and she was texting her mum. Yeah.

And I looked at the screen. She didn't think I could see it. And the text said, I think I've just pooped my pants. Can you come and please pick me up to the mum and the next thing she said was oh there's a bit of

an emergency my mum's just missing she's on the way I've got to go so she sharted sharty oh no sharty accident

we've all been there someone said my work mate gave me his phone to help with some work stuff I saw the grinder app on his second page of apps.

Oh. You always hide it on the second page. He's married. What? Yes. And now we've been hooking up for a couple of years. Is he married to a woman or a man? Does it say?

Oh, it doesn't stipulate. Because it would be way juicier if he was married to a woman. I just thought the scandal there would have been married to a woman. Yeah, I feel like that's the kicker. Yeah. Being a vet, people often want to show us photos or videos of what their pet's been doing.

Like if they're worried about behaviour or they've been showing symptoms of sickness, they'll often scroll through their photos and then just go one too far and you're like, yeah! And the things we've seen at either end of the camera roll. Get a photo vault. All these people are amateurs.

Get a photo vault. Oh, people are amateurs. Get a photo vault. Oh, what's in your photo vault? Just don't take pictures of it. It's like going to a concert. You're never going to go back and watch that video. They're allowed to. Yeah, every time you look back at your videos, it's just too loud and distorted. Yeah, and you're like, oh, I was singing too loud. That ruined that share concert.

That's a true story. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. Well, I bet I can guess your mum's name. This is where Vaughan asks you five questions about your mum and then has 15 seconds to guess her name. And, Casey, good morning. Good morning.

An absolute winning streak from Vaughan. I think you'd be at about a 90% success rate 2021, Vaughn. Look, it's not for me. It's not about stats. It's about a skill that I've been given. Okay. A gift, yeah. Yes.

Not everybody has this. By the Roman god of foresight. Yeah. I was gifted this on a journey as a young child. Yep. Bleak. I was starving. Deprived of water.

Some have said it's a, it was a hallucination brought on by dehydration. Sorry, Casey. And hypothermia. No, it's okay. But I was visited. Yeah. By a spirit.

By, okay. That gave me this particular gift of foresight. Sometimes if we ignore him, he wears himself out. And the spirit said to me, force. Sometimes if we ignore him, he wears himself out. The spirit said to me, five questions, 15 seconds, guess someone's mum's name.

And I said, water. Casey might have things to do. And the spirit said, my mother's name's water. And that was how I earned the right to this special power. Okay. Five questions for Casey now. From the oracle over here. And that was how I earned the right to this special power. Okay. All right.

Five questions for Casey now from the Oracle over here. Good morning, Casey. Hi, good morning. First of all, I've got to know for my own satisfaction, how do you spell your name? C-A-S-E-Y? C-A-S-S? Yes. C-A-S-E-Y.

C-A-S-E-Y. Yeah, okay. Okay. Because I've got a cousin, Casey, but she spells it with two SA-S-E-Y. Yeah, okay. Okay. Because I've got a cousin, Casey. But she spells it with two S's, which would be Cassie. Yeah, right. Yeah, I get that all the time. Even though I've only got one S.

So, see, Margaret's on the list now. Because Auntie Margaret. Okay, yeah, right. Casey. Yeah, Margaret. Yeah, right. Okay. She's on the list.

Add a couple more names here. Oh, no, no, that wasn't a question. That wasn't a question. That was number one. What's your mum's favourite alcoholic drink? Probably rum and coke She loves the dark spirit She loves the dark spirit And now Vaughan will think of all the mums

He knows it Does she mix it like Strong Does she do a Karuba? Does she mix it like strong? Does she do a diet cola? Strong, strong. Nope, not diet cola. Does she? She's all sugar.

She's all shugs. She's going to get her buzz on. May I ask her preferred brand of rum for rum and coke? Yeah. Appleton. Oh! She's a classy lady. She's a posh

rum drinker. So have I my dad too? I have a bottle of Appletons. So Ian. The female version of Ian. Lana. Well an I looks like an L. Yeah, okay. And A-N and then just chuck another A

on the end. Okay, does your mum now that I know she's into her dark spirits, perhaps this question may be wasted, but has your mother ever attended church? When she was a child, like with her family, but not in like the last, I don't know, four decades. Yeah. Do you know what religion it was?

Was it Cathaholics? Yeah, it was Cathaholics. Cathaholics, okay, yeah. I'm going to think of some people I was also raised Cathaholic. Okay, right, okay. I'm going to think of some people I went to Cathaholic school with. Right. There was a brook.

No, I didn't go to school. You just went to the Cathaholic church, which has been since demolished in Myersville. It was an earthquake hazard. I would have thought God would have had that all taken care of personally. Yeah, surprising that. The earthquake happens. That's been caused by the homosexuals. Yeah.

Geologists have confirmed it was indeed. Yeah. There were no earthquakes before gay marriage. Yeah, and then they all happened. They can't stop. Yeah. There's been no stopping them. But I thought God would have been like,

crumble, crumble, crumble, crumble, except for the spit. Yeah. He works in mysterious ways. Doesn't he? Okay, a couple more Catholic names on there. Okay. Have I got Christine on the list? She's a failed Catholic.

That's my own mother. We won't like that. We'll have said that. No. She couldn't tell me when she last went to church. All right, question three. Gosh, it feels like we've been at it for a long time, but we're only up to number three. Doesn't it?

What is the month of your mother's birth? January. January. She's a summer. Summer's on the list. Summer. Okay. What else?

Who else is born in January? Gay, because it's a gay old time. She an Aquarius. Gay with an E. a gay old time. She an Aquarius. Gay with an E. Or a Capricorn. An Aquarius. An Aquarius. Susan.

Okay. Do you know a few Susan Aquariuses, do you? No, I just took Aquarius. Okay. What would you say are your mum's hobbies? Last question. No, it's not. I've got one more after this.

She likes gardening. Gardening. No, it's not. I've got one more after this. She's quite, like, gardening. Gardening. She likes gardening, yeah. Gabriel. Green fingers Gabriel. Gabriel. I'm also going to put Maggie

on the list because of Maggie's garden world. Okay. Maggie Barry Gardener, not Maggie Barry Politician. Yeah. Okay. Rude for rude climate.

I feel like you're not going to get it today. No, I feel like you're off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're off today. You're distracted. Jennifer likes the conifers. What about Jenny? I'm going to put Jennifer.

I'm going to put slash Jenny. Okay. All right, last question. I've got quite a list of names today. It's really flowing. What are your mum's siblings' names? Hamish and Dougal. hamish and dougal oh my god that's two ends of the spectrum my auntie's cat's name hamish and dougal

was yeah dougal i don't know if she had a stevenson yeah he was oldie time television presenter wasn't he i'm dougal steven Stevenson. Do you think your names are that old? But then Hamish isn't like a name. It's Scottish, isn't it? Dougal. Dougal. So you're saying it could be a Scottish name. I'm going to put, I only know one Scottish. Merida from the movie

Brave. Merida's on the list. Vaughan, you now have 15 seconds to guess Casey's mum's name. Casey, if you hear your mum's name, yell out, Stop! That is my mum's name. Vaughn, your time starts now. Michelle, Lisa, Rachel, Nicola, Joanne, Angela, Sarah, Tanya, Andrea, Helen, Elizabeth, Margaret, Kelly, Kim, Lana, Brooks,

Sonia, Christine, Summer, Gay, Susan. That's my mum's name. Christine. Oh, what? Was it Christine? No, it was Sonia. Sonia. How did you get Sonia?

The Noyans. The Noyans? Yeah, the Noyans. Sonia Noyan. Yeah. They were a religious family. I really didn't think you were going to get it. They were Catholics.

Lisa was another Noyan. She was on the list because of the Catholic connection. Oh, my God. How do you do this? That is quite a niche. Sonia is quite niche. I couldn't remember any of the other massive Dutch family, but I couldn't remember any of the other ones.

Bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. God, I hate when he wins. I just... I didn't think you were vibing it today. You've won $100, Cassie, but Vaughan now has a bonus round, a chance for you to win $200. She deserves $100 just for putting up with this.

One guess at the dad's name. Sonia and... What are you thinking, Vaughan? Religious name. I'm going to stick on that theme. One from the Bibla. Are you going to go for a Bible name? It's not a Joseph.

Probably not Jesus. That's your headline act. It's not your Moses. I don't think your mum married a Moses. Okay. Noah. Nah. Oh, she laughed at. I don't think your mum married a Moses. Okay. Noah. Nah. Oh, she laughed at Noah, so it's not Noah. Although I didn't think it was Noah. Because that's like come back into fashion, but probably was in a bit

of a dead zone. Peter. So who hung around with Jesus? It's not your Jodas. Judas? Jodas? It was... Joe Jonas. Peter. You're asking the wrong people. No, that's the Beatles. Peter. George. No, that's the Beatles. Peter.

John the Baptist. Bartholomew. Who else? Matthew. No. Thomas. No. James.

No. Andrew. John. Okay, just pick one. You've got to pick one. Don't pick one of the ones that you've already said, though. Oh, there she is. Whoa.

Whoa. That is naughty, Casey. Casey's naughty. She wins money here. Oh, now I feel like we've cheated. Dude, there's a million other names. You shush, Casey. Bloody shush.

It wasn't that much of a help. Peter. Okay, so you're locking in Peter? Peter the, Peter the. Okay. Peter the, he wrote the letters. So is it, Casey, is it Sonia and Peter? No. What is it?

Sonia and Paul. Hey, I knew it, Jesus, too. Did you not say Paul? No. Well, Casey, well done. $100. Robbed! Robbed!

Robbed in the bonus round. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. I would like to talk now about this procedure I received yesterday, but also use it as a way of telling people not to dilly-dally in this area. Okay. Bowel cancer, which includes colon and rectal cancer. Yeah. Depending on whereabouts in the tract it falls,

kind of bowel cancer is the overwhelming. It's not something to muck around with. It's one of New Zealand's most prevalent cancers. And if you have any signs that can just be like a bit of blood in the old stool, pop along to the doctor and get that stuff checked. Because colonoscopies, it's a day but it's done now. And I've got peace of mind. And you've done it

because you've had, why did you get it done? So my family has my grandad had quite bad bowel cancer. He didn't pass away from it. He was on the verge of having to get one of those colostomy bags. But then he told them he was a swimmer so he couldn't of those colostomy bags but then he told them he was a swimmer

so he couldn't have a colostomy bag but he can't even swim someone in hospital told him tell them you're a swimmer and so he's like I'm a swimmer

and I don't know that was his story anyway of how he convinced him not to get a colostomy bag weird weird eh anyway shit I'd rather live

with a bag than die without one you know exactly so it's not and it can be fast moving once it sets in. So I'm saying don't muck around with it, all right? Get it checked.

Because old mates in New Zealand are pretty bad for it. Oh, shocking at it. See when it comes to that area. And it does affect men in higher cases than women. And my mum gets checked. My brother got checked. He had a couple of polyps, nothing cancerous. And so I'm not that much younger than him,

so I thought, shit, I'll go and get myself checked. First one didn't go well, if you're listening to the show. First one didn't go great. The drugs didn't work on you. The drugs didn't work, and I felt it all, and I didn't like it up my bum. That's how that song went, I think. Yeah, it is.

That was fentanyl. Yep. But yesterday, I got to try propofol. Okay, that's a drug that killed Michael Jackson. Correct. Administered incorrectly by a doctor that shouldn't have been administering it. So I went in. The preparation's not much fun.

You have to drink three litres of the stuff that, from what I, if you ever did the lemon detox diet. Yes. It's not that peppery but it's kind of got that real cheap cordial taste. You've got to guzzle three litres of that and boy oh boy, it just blows you clean. It flushes you out. Yeah. You know when you feel like a flush? Yeah.

They should sell that stuff just for a quick flush. I think it's called Metamucil. No, the stuff is Metamucil. On steroids? Turboed. Yeah, okay. And you feel like you're turboed too. You're sitting on the toilet, you're like. Yeah, right. You sound like a souped up Subaru WRX. Maybe you could do that next time you're trying to make under 85 grade rugby.

You're too weak. You'd be no good. You'd have to get so much strength back seconds after weigh in by eating a lot. So that wasn't much fun. But then went in and I got the spaghetti juice. Now, they put a little drip in your hand, and then they put in the stuff.

It's amazing. It stops your brain from creating new memories. So even last time when, apparently, I was wildly uncomfortable, I don't remember. It feels like a really fuzzy kind of dream. But yesterday, yesterday when I got it done, Sandra, I just was talking to Sandra and they went and put that in.

And I said, is that the spaghetti juice? And they were like, yes. And I said, see you later, Sandra. And then they put in the propofol. Yeah. And I don't remember. Anything. Anything.

Right. Not, not, not. That's what you want. See you later, Sandra. And then waking up. I know that's exactly what you want when 1.2 meters of gardenia garden hose with a GoPro on the end is gone. It's not that. Much smaller, much smaller.

And I woke up and I remember being like, hello? My first memory of, now that's good stuff. Because when I was a kid and I used to come out of anesthetic, I'd come out in a panic. Yeah, right. When I had surgery, I was like, where am I? Such a middle child. Yeah.

Hello, I'm back. In the world of the conscience. And I'm going to put on a show for you. But yesterday I just woke up and I was like, hello. And they were like, hello. It all went very well. Oh, that's good. I was like, fantastic.

But I felt like if they'd given me bad news, I would have been like, never mind. Right. And, yeah, I had three polyps, but that's apparently 40% of people have them. They didn't look angry. They've been sent away to be tested, but the doctor was just like, they didn't look.

How did they get them out? What does it say on that? Photo of, yeah. See, I don't really remember sending you guys the full pictures of my colon. Yeah, I got all the details on your butthole. Thank you. Yeah, you literally sent us the full report of your butthole. Like everything they saw in there.

I also noted that it says talked throughout. Now that's what I'm concerned about. What did you say? Because there's a bit at the bottom there, they talk about the colon, the traverse colon, the up, down. It was all good. They said that the quality of the bowel preparation was excellent, which feels good.

Oh, that means you did good. I did good. Yeah. GCS, which is the coma scale, the something coma scale, comfortable, talking, and comfortable throughout. Now, here's what I need filled in. What happened between... You were filled in.

See you later, Sandra. And hello. Talking throughout. What happened between see you later, Sandra, and hello? Talking throughout. What were you saying? What was I saying? Because I'm a gossipy little mistress. I would have loved to have just put my phone on record. Did you not think about putting your phone on record?

You're not allowed your phone. No, you're not allowed your phone. It's in your bag of personal items. Don't wear a wire. Sandra knows too much. No, you're not allowed your phone. It's in your bag of personal items. Well, wear a wire. Sandra knows too much. Oh, my God. So I looked it up when I got home. I couldn't find very many at all videos of people on Propofol,

but there was one woman who wore her Google glasses and, like, recorded on her Google glasses, and she was telling the doctor how good-looking he was. Oh, my God. Imagine if you were inappropriate. My doctor was a good looking dude too. Marius, see, but I was all like, we need to get Sandra on the phone.

Get in there. I'm imagining I was like, get in there, Marius. Don't be shy. Don't be shy. You would have been too. I have no idea And then when Sade came and got me She said

I was like I was just And I did I felt so good Afterwards Like nothing was I don't remember I've got this like

Series of photos on my phone That I don't remember taking This sexy off the shoulder gown one Do you remember that? Well I do now Because I've got the picture of it But I didn't at the time.

Oh, it was great. I don't know. What am I doing there? Pretending to smoke a cigarallo? I sent that photo to somebody and then there's this naughty shoulder number. Can we put those on our gram? And there's me drinking. I don't remember.

He's like, would you like a hot drink? I was like, absolutely. What would you like? I said, I'll have a coffee, okay. Wow. He's like, would you like a hot drink? I was like, absolutely. And what would you like? I said, I'll have a coffee, please. And he brought back a coffee and a Pyrex, you know, like tradies drink out of those brown glass things. Yeah. And I was like, oh, where did you get this?

It was probably like Greg's Red Ribbon. He's like, it's this one. And they held it up with Greg's Red Ribbon Roast. I was like, if Propofol can make Greg's Red Ribbon He's like, it's this one. And they held it up with Greg's red ribbon roast. I was like, if Propofol can make Greg's red ribbon roast. Tastes good. Tastes good out of a Pyrex thing.

What a magic, what a magic drug. Well, thank you. Maybe on behalf of all, I'd like to say thank you to the public health system there for looking after this bloody Yeah, thank you very much.

mess yesterday. Sandra especially. God knows what was put through. I probably need to pay her. What, to silence her? Yes, some hush money. All right. ZDM, Splash, Ron and Megan.

Fact of the day, one for the vegans. Okay. Oh, lovely. Mushrooms. If I was a vegetarian or a vegan, I would eat a lot of mushrooms. It blows my mind when you meet a vegan or a vegetarian, they're like, oh, no, I don't do mushrooms. I know.

Yeah. Because I love them. And they've got a fleshy quality to them. I know some people don't eat them because of their fungi. They grow in the dark. I think Hari Krishnas don't eat them. It's not on the menu. I only eat those white button ones.

Because remember I got hypnotized and I eat the button ones now. But then there was like, you know, there's a million different varieties. The big ones scare me a little bit. I love the big ones. What are those ones called? Portobello's. Portobello's. Fry them up.

You got extra tacos. Yep. Yeah. You got chicken. Those are great. Generally acceptable as a vegan food. Okay. Except for oyster mushrooms.

Okay. As oyster mushrooms. Grow in oysters? Nope. Oh. They eat other animals. What? Oyster mushrooms. Growing oysters? Nope. They eat other animals. What? Oyster mushrooms technically are not vegan

as a lot of their diet is provided by insects. Oh. Insects that they'll grow in rotting wood and they'll get some of their nutrients from the tree, the rotting nutrients. But a lot of the nutrients nutrients from the tree, the rutting nutrients, but a lot of the nutrients come from the bugs that are inside the wood. They'll dissolve them. Their root system, effectively, their root system will dissolve little bugs,

worms, borer, roundworm, and ingest them and use them to grow. So technically, they're not vegan as a result of animals. Huh. Whoa. Okay. So if you're a real stickler for the vegan rules, not just a convenience vegan. You know, like convenience vegans are like the people that eat vegan

until there's free food that's not. That would be me. Or they're drunk at 2 a.m. and there's Maccas. Yum. Yum. Yum. I'm just going to open and shut my mouth if that cheeseburger

gets in the way. I can't help it where that fell. Yep. Like Pac-Man. And you don't want to eat the ghosts but the ghosts

are in the way. So today's fact of the day is if you're a vegan you better avoid the oyster mushrooms because they technically don't fall under your umbrella. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. Train derailing.

Yeah, there's been some delays for commuters in Wellington this morning. Yeah, north of Wellington. The rain, the wind and everything caused flooding, but also a landslide slip, but not like a massive one where the train driver would be like, whoa, I can see that. It's kind of like the tracks were covered. I always think when I drive down the Kapiti Coast,

you always think, man, those cliffs. I know. And the train's right under it. Yeah. So just south of Paekakariki on the Kapiti line is where it derailed. Passengers are all good. No one's severely injured or anything, and the train hasn't sustained an insane amount of damage.

Right. But this is a good opportunity for you to show your kids and say that's what happened when someone put a coin on the train track. So it scares them away from it. Did you get told that often? Living by train tracks? We went too far from train tracks. But, yeah, you'd go for a bike ride and you'd put a coin on.

And wait for a train. Well, you can't do that. It's hard to find the coin afterwards too. That's tracks, but yeah, you'd go for a bike ride and you'd put a coin on. And wait for a train. Well, you can't do that. It's hard to find the coin afterwards too. That's what they don't tell you. The train runs over the coin, but it also flings the coin. Yeah. Well, I don't think it should be encouraging people to do anything like that. No, absolutely not.

No, no. You're not even allowed to go near train tracks. So that's another one. Yeah. Big fine anti-railer train, you'd be in big trouble. Good lesson to be learned there. There'd be also a chance for them to get out. Have you guys seen those?

They're like four-wheel drives, but they have train rails on them. I want one so badly. Oh, my God. How great would that be? I want one so badly. Have you never seen them? No. Land Rover actually built one.

They have little cars, but instead of wheels, well, sometimes they have both. They have wheels, but they also have train wheels, and they can switch between the two. That's pretty cool. The Kiwi Railer got the trucks, right? They've got the little trucks, but they also have train wheels. Wow. And they can switch between the two. That's pretty cool. It's the Kiwi Rail. They've got the trucks, right? Yeah.

They've got the little trucks and they drive on and then they go, and then put their train and it lifts it up, but it all runs off the same. Oh, my God. And I'm always like, it's a car pretending to be a train. Yeah. Because I grew up in Nelson. Trains, we didn't see trains. Oh, they ripped all those up back in the day.

Did they? They were like, trains aren't the future. Yeah. Huh. Incredible fore back in the day. Did they? They were like, trains aren't the future. Yeah. Huh. Incredible foresight in that region. Incredible foresight. Although you can go cycling through the old tunnels

and on the old cycleways. Yeah. It's bloody lovely. See, look at this one. This is a Land Rover that goes on trains. Yeah, that's great. I could get to work on that. Okay.

I could drive down the road and then get on at the local railway and then just punch it in. Hey, I'm paying for the central rail loop. As a rate payer, I've got a right to drive on the rails. I don't know if that's how it works. And you're already late enough for work as it is,

let alone taking a train detour, a rail detour. Yeah, that's very true. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Neil is a relationship expert. Neil? Neil. No.

I refuse to believe anybody called Neil is a relationship expert. Hello, my name's Neil. Okay. I'm here to tell you what you're going wrong with your relationship. What's wrong with the name Neil? Or Neil. It'll be like, I'm Neil. Oh, my God.

Okay. I shouldn't have said his name. Any Neils that would like to complain, you can email neil at zmonline.com. Yeah, it goes straight through to the complaints department. So he has broken down five mistakes that you're making, you're probably making when you're arguing with your partner. Okay.

Vaughn Smith. Here we go. How many? Number one is so you. You think you will win an argument by being louder. I thought you said this is five things you're doing wrong. Yeah. Well, that's absolutely the right thing to do.

Neil says if you have to shout louder to try and win an argument, then you need to pick a better argument. So you're probably in flight or freeze, and that makes the argument pointless because your ability to listen and understand is compromised. So you're both just going to be yelling and no one's hearing anything. Just drown them out into submission. Is that not how you do it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another one you might find a bit confronting is you're determined to win. Neil says why? Why is this victory? Just because Neil's never won. Neil's a submissive. Rolls over, shows his soft belly.

Leave your partner feeling bad about themselves and you, and that is certainly not the point of the argument. No. What is the point then, Neil? You keep repeating yourself. Well, sometimes they're obviously not listening, Neil. Saying the same thing over and over and over again is not going to affect the ability to understand you.

Right, but I don't have any more points. I just want to say the same one over and over. Using alcohol as a truth serum is another mistake you're making when you're in an argument with your partner. So don't use alcohol to try and break down your barriers and say what you should just be saying. Oh, God, no, I agree with Neil on that one. Yeah.

Because you will end up saying something that you don't really mean. Yeah, no. Yeah. Put it on you, Neil. Neil's winning one back there. Okay. And the last one is you believe that a good relationship shouldn't have arguments. When I went to couples therapy for my first marriage that obviously didn't work out,

we didn't argue a lot. And I remember the therapist said that it's not about how many times you argue, it's about how quickly they're resolved. Yeah, communication is key. So a good relationship should have disagreements. How quickly it's resolved, four or five days silent truth? I don't think that's healthy. Not good.

Nah. So don't bury your feelings, talk about it. So Neil's idea of an argument would be a nice quiet one where everybody raises multiple points and they're sober and it's resolved quickly. Yeah. See, my rule is the more points that are up,

the angrier I'm going to be for longer.