ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 18th August 2021

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

Level 4  Top 6: Toilet Paper Alternatives  Vaughan sent a Message  Chris Hipkins!  Group Scream  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Clay. Women's Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to McCafe, grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4. Megan was just pretending the mic stand was a penis. I've never seen her do that. Conditions apply.

Please excuse me, Megan. I'm reading my line. Sorry. It's very rude. I think we're all in a weird mood after today's show. The first one here in New Zealand, level four lockdown. I don't want to do a lockdown. Yeah, no, I know.

None of us do. Ashley Bionfield on a lockdown. No, it's what we've got to do. We've got to do. I think everybody knows it's the right thing to do. The vast majority of people. I know it's the right thing to do, but I don't want to. And the early, remember when the first one that was six weeks long. Yeah. when the first one that was six weeks long, the first Level 4 that was six weeks long.

Was it? Yep. That was because COVID had established itself in New Zealand. Everyone was a bit like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. And then there was like, what was it, like 50 cases? Yeah. And we were getting those massive amounts every day. And then we Level 4'd and stomped.

So it's good that it got stomped at one. There's four more today but we've got to stomp it now. And if you're doubting it all look at Australia. I know it's an absolute dumpster pile. New South Wales is fucked. It actually is. It's proper fucked and it's so fucked it's spread to

everywhere else. Is your brother in lockdown in Newcastle? Well he's a pharmacist so he's got to go to work. Right. Hasn't he not been rolled by a pharmacist, so he's got to go to work. Right. Hasn't he not been rolled by a chemist's warehouse yet? Nah. Really? Because he's one of the, he's like small, rural New South Wales. So he's like a small town.

A chemist's warehouse wouldn't consider it a big enough population to settle in. And there's lots of old people. Right. And they still like going to a pharmacist. Yeah. Is he allowed to take home leftover pills? Do they have leftovers? I don't think

Is it like a bakery? No, he packs the pills He packs the pills What do you mean packs? So he gets the capsules And he tips them Into this thing And they're half capsules

And then he pours A certain amount in And then like Rolls it round With like this credit card Like coke And he just keeps doing that Until all the pills,

there's a perfect amount to fill all those pills. So when they get full, no more can fit in. And you scrape around until they're all full and then you put the other half of the thing and it seals them like the capsules. Wow. But is the top half, there's no stuff in there? No.

Oh, okay. Unless it's one that you also pack that side. Yeah, right. No, but then when you put it together, it'll all fall out, won't it? Yeah. It's like when you do a sandwich and you do a sandwich in two parts. Yeah.

And then you go, and slam it. Right. Something always falls out. It's always a tomato. So when he slams the lid, does he get like a whiff of Stiffy Pills? No, because Stiffy Pills come in a pill. This is all like- Ah, he's packing his own.

Capsulated. He gets to pack his own pills. That's pretty fancy. He packs his own capsules. Yeah, he put a video up once of doing it. I was like, wow, that's packing his own. Capsulated. He gets to pack his own pills. That's pretty fancy. He packs his own capsules. Yeah, he put a video up once we were doing it. I was like, wow, that's pretty cool. Right. I thought they all just came from the factory like that.

Not all of them, no. Okay. No. Mixing up a special concoction. Yeah. You make me want a sandwich. Hey, mate. Well, it's important you get me.

You're going to get a white bread sandwich. I just realised I can't order a moccacinio. Nah, bro. Fuck. Nah. You could get a giraffe sachet on the way home. I got a moccaccino sachet. When I finally turn into a boomer. Megan brings a sachet to work, a cappuccino sachet.

Mom shan't be judged. Didn't you get a sachet recently, or was it just a flavoured macona? No, I've got the flavoured macona. It's delicious. I mean, let's not throw stones from inside our Burma glasshouse. Do you want my sachet? I didn't have it today. You can have it.

No, I don't know. Is that a giraffe? I've got it at home. It's a Nescafe Capitino, actually. A Capitino. Built-in cinnamon. Can you make a ginger slice? You know it's not me.

I am not a baker. I know, but could you ask Mr. Toyboy when he gets home, please? Because I'm Miss Ginger Slice. I know, but could you ask Mr. Toyboy when he gets home, please? Because I miss Ginger Slice already. Yeah, okay. When he gets home, the first thing is, everyone would like a quiche and a Ginger Slice. Ginger Slice. Everybody wants everything.

Then ends Fleetspawn and Megan. Thank you, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleetspawn and Megan are in level four. Yeah, that happened quick, didn't it? Well, they did warn us if there was any outbreak, it would be swift. Yep, and it was the right move, I feel.

I'm looking at the, let me just refresh here, the motorway camera is just in Auckland, New Zealand's largest city. And for this time of the morning, she's pretty quiet. Like, look at this, Megan, just scrolling through. Oh, wow. Wow. Like, you see the the morning she's pretty quiet. Like look at this Megan just scrolling through. Oh wow. Wow. Like you see

there's still cars still cars and trucks like even coming into work this morning there's still quite a few people on the roads. Yeah. The essential workers

getting to work but yeah. Wow look at that. It's like a ghost town. Yeah I like to do that when you're driving in at the summer morning in these conditions

you look at other drivers and you're like, what makes you essential? Yeah, when you stopped at the traffic lights. You're like, hmm. But I'm sure they're looking at me and thinking the same. You're not a nurse. What makes you essential? And then they look essential. What makes you so sensual?

Sexually sensual. We're going to update you this morning throughout with developments, as you would have heard Ash just mention Waiting for the genome sequencing See if there's a A link to the border or MI2 Because I mean that's the best news If there is right

Yeah because otherwise Way to get it from Chris Hipkins joins us On the show this morning at 7.25. And just to talk about it all, and he might have the remaining areas, places of interest, because there were 23. Yeah.

Was it 13 in the Coromandel and 10 in Auckland or the other way around? A couple at the Star and Garda. That sounds like a bloody good night out. Doesn't it? That's where they watch the ruggers. Yeah. But hopefully we can get those other spots. Yeah, so only two in Auckland have been announced so far.

A pharmacy in Devonport and a cafe in Grey Lynn. And you can go into the COVID Tracer app and enter where you were over the weekend if you didn't. Yeah. And if you can remember where you were. Oh, look, let's be honest. I think it was at the lowest point last week.

COVID tracing. Wasn't that a story on Friday or Saturday? Yeah. That our rates were abysmal? Yeah. I scanned into the supermarket yesterday for the first time.

In a while. Yeah. Go back through your EPOS and credit card records to see where you spent some money and it might jog your memory of where else you were as well. And pop those in.

We'll just keep you updated this morning on those locations of interest as they get announced. All right. So, yeah, Chris Hipkins on the show this morning, 7.25 for the latest coming up, though. Yeah, next on the show, if you are into budget brands when you go to the supermarket,

there's good news for you. That could be all that's left after the panic buying last night. If that. ZDM's Fletch, Ronan Megan. Good news for those of us who like to buy bougie brands at the supermarket. Even, you know, like the Countdown brands or, you know, the supermarket- The home brands. The supermarket-owned brands.

Yep. And budget brands. They've done a massive study, and this was over a period of 2015 to 2019. 4,266 own brand products and 19,000 branded products. Yep. So it's massive.

Because there's a stigma that they're not as nutritionally good for you. They're not as nutritious. Apparently, this is what the study said. Right. And so for most food categories, they've found there is no significant difference in the sodium or sugar content between the brands.

And so they're saying, look, there's absolutely no difference in nutrition depending on how much you pay for your products. So they're saying, look, there's absolutely no difference in nutrition depending on how much you pay for your products. So they're all as bad for you. They did say there is still room, a great deal of room to improve the healthiness of packaged products sold at the

supermarket. So yeah, it does kind of say. Right. Whether it's branded biscuits or... I don't need to be told this. I don't need to be told this on a day where I'm Going to go into a biscuit shop No but what it's saying is you can get the home brand biscuits Right

Even then I felt like we all took a turn A left turn at negative avenue Towards how nothing Packaged and processed is that good for us Come here Come here I just feel people turn their nose up at the supermarket brands. I don't.

There's no difference with, especially your things like butter and sugar and flour and milk. That's literally the same factory. Oh, it is. Yeah. That's what I always thought. Same factory, different rep. Except when it comes to spaghetti.

That's different. You gotta go, you gotta go, you waddies. Yeah. You can't argue that that's the same. Yeah. Don't put oak, it's not the same.

Don't put oak in your basket. What else? There's a couple of things. Cereals? A couple of things. We've talked about it. Yeah.

That's one of our favourites. Choccy puff puffs. Yeah. Choccy puff bits. Like, they're never as good as Coco Pops. Also, didn't we work out once that some of the Australian biscuits were made here, but

with just slightly different chocolate? Hmm. Our chocolate's better than Australian chocolate. Yeah, way better. That becomes prevalent every Easter when someone buys you the cheap eggs that have been imported from Australia and they're just junk whole. Yeah. Yuck.

Yeah, that junky Australian chocolate. Right. So what the study's just they're just junk hole. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah, that junky Australian chocolate. Right. So what the study's just like, just go ahead. Yeah. Buy the supermarket brands. Isn't the budget Nutri-Grain Grains or something? That's like way better. Power Stars.

At one stage it was called Power Stars. That's like way better than like the branded stuff. I mean, they're both terrible for you. Well, isn't it like Iron Man food? You've got to be doing an Iron Man straight afterwards to warrant the calories you've just taken in, that's for sure. When I was a student and I just ate the hugest bowl of it for breakfast, I'd be like, well, I'm ready for the day.

It might be all that's left anyway, supermarket brands, after the rush to the supermarkets last night. It's like pillage yesterday. Why do we keep doing this? It's not like... I found the news was really hoping. They had reporters stationed outside some of the biggest pack and saves, and they wanted those chaotic scenes,

but they weren't really getting them. And I felt like the more they kept saying, oh, yes, we're seeing panic buying, even though it was obvious there wasn't. There was no queues outside and stuff. I'm imagining there will be today with the more they kept saying, oh, yes, we're seeing panic buying, even though it was obvious there wasn't. Like, there was no queues outside and stuff. Like, I'm imagining there will be today with the new rules in place, the distancing, and only so many people allowed in.

But I felt like that was just perpetuating it. Oh, this panic buying makes you think, like, well, maybe I should get in. Literally saw my neighbour pull up with, like, must have been two of those 18-pack rolls of toilet paper. Oh, for f... And I was just like, what? Yeah, what?

Your bum's going to explode. We're going to deal with that in the top six. Yeah, that's coming up soon. The top six other ways to clean your butthole. Should you find yourself short of toilet paper. Yeah, it's the one thing I don't understand people bulk buy. Unless you've got everything in your house food-wise, you've settled it and you're like,

I'm not just going to the supermarket for toilet paper. I've got the top six other ways to clean your butthole. All right. Next on the show, though, Taliban tourist. You'd think of all the countries to go to right now, you'd give Afghanistan a wide berth. Yes. Not the case.

Not the case. This guy's become a bit of a douchebag. Yeah, some people are calling him a legend. Other people are just saying you're an idiot. Heavy drain on the economy, I'd say. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. A man

popped over to Afghanistan for a holiday. It's a 21-year-old describes himself as a thrill-seeking tourist. Miles Rutledge. People thought he was faking it at first. People thought he had... Yeah, I did. ...photoshopped and...

Because he had, like, pictures of him with guns, eh? Yeah. And a vest. Just so, he popped out of Afghanistan for a few days. He wrote under a selfie from the bird market in Kabul. Seems more peaceful than London to me. And then, of course, it wasn't. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it turned very quickly, didn't it? Yeah, very quickly indeed. And he has been extracted by the British armed forces. So he wasn't faking it. Yeah, right. No, he wasn't. He was actually there. Yeah, so when it all started going bad,

apparently found some British armed forces, said, I'm a citizen of the United Kingdom. Yeah. Help. Help, I've made a terrible decision. Because what he came out and said, I want to visit the 10 most dangerous places in the world. Yeah.

And Kabul was considered one of them. And yeah, so he's one of four, apparently so 4,000 UK nationals, according to their foreign affairs ministry, said there were 4,000 UK nationals in Afghanistan at the time that the Taliban took over upon Western withdrawal. So we've got, how many do we have? 30?

Is that the number? 30? And our big bird's getting sent over. Yeah. The one we jumped out the back of. And some of the Hercules. Yeah. Some of the immediate families, I reckon there could be like 200.

Right. Kabul isn't even on the list. I've got a list of the top 20 most dangerous cities in the world. Most violent. Tell me. Oh, these are most violent. Would that be the same thing, right? No.

There might be different sorts of dangers. Like, uh... Well, there's murder rates. Earthly dangers. Dragons, for example. They're not a violent creature. They're just defending their gold stash. You know, all manner of things can make a city dangerous.

What was on that list? Is that the list they're counting it by most homicides per capita? Yeah, I think they are, yeah. Tijuana is number one. In Mexico. Yeah, Acapulco, Mexico. Number two, Caracas in Venezuela. It's not looking great for the middle Americas there.

I've been to Tijuana. Everyone has though, right? You go across the border and everyone's like, don't go. That's the first time I saw like, well, actually the only time I saw a machine gun in real life. I was like. Was the dude just holding a big machine gun? Standing outside hotels, they had machine guns.

Yeah, it's not a very good representation of Mexico. It's a beautiful country. Lovely people, but yeah, it's not the best representation. Hey, Lord's just released a new song. Great timing. Just saw it there. Mood rings out now. What is the mood?

Locked up? It's purple. Mood rings purple. Mood rings purple. Not happy. Not. All right. 623.

We've got Chris Hipkins on the show this morning in an hour's time at 6.25. We'll get the latest from him. Still waiting for the genome sequencing to see if the case is linked to the border or any previous cases. We officially find out if it's Delta today, but I mean, yep. Safe bet that it probably is.

Well, all the ones in MIQ have been for like the last month, right? ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Air New Zealand have announced this morning if you have flights coming up over the next wee while that they are waiving change fees and the fare difference and that if you do have travel booked and you obviously can't go now because of Level 4, you can get credit for flights up to August 30.

So pretty best to check with Air New Zealand. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern yesterday did say she is giving people 48 hours to get home, which includes your husband, Megan, who's in Christchurch. Man, they spent all night on hold with Air New Zealand. So just like a wee message, if your travel isn't urgent, let the people who are, you know, urgently trying to get home sort out their airfares and stuff first. And be nice to the people on the phones. Yeah. I was sitting

here on the way to work this morning, just passing like shops and stuff. I was like, how many businesses would have food and stuff? Oh my God, I was so triggered because we don't own a cafe anymore, but we did during, you know, 2020. And you order food, like Tuesday was a big day for us to order, you know, like all the food you need for the next few days. So there would have been businesses and cafes and restaurants that had got, you know, food in. And then what do you do with it? Feed it to my piggies.

All the prep work that's just in the fridges. Well, maybe you end up giving it to, I don't know, like the city mission or something will freeze it. We gave it away as well, but it doesn't provide you with an income, does it? No. Also, it's a tough year for New Zealand designers. New Zealand Fashion Week last year was cancelled, obviously,

because of COVID. And with it due to start on Monday, it's been postponed as well. Which is very upsetting for Carwain at the social media desk because I believe you were looking forward to seeing people in their knickers, weren't you? The jockey show. Yeah, all blacks in fact. Were you going to that as well?

Yeah. Remember I asked you if you wanted to go and you're like, no. What, all blacks are strapping on their knicks? I actually don't know. I don't think they're announced yet. Yeah, it might be a surprise. Because it might be the one, because aren't they,

weren't they due to get out of here, go on tour or something? The All Blacks. Yeah. And then leave to Australia. It might have been their last hurrah. It might have been like old All Blacks. It might have been like,

and here's Buck Shelford. And he walks out and he's like, yeah. And you're like, that's a real man in his knits. Yeah, and Carl Wayne's like, I don't know who this is. Exactly. Terry Wright. Terry like, I don't know who this is. Exactly. Terry Wright, 1990s rugby sensation. Terry Wright, skinny legs, but quick.

He'd look great in a pair of jockeys, wouldn't he? He'd like a white pair of white fronts. I think he's a classic man. And he'd do that thing where old mates do, where they go wheeze, they don't take their pants down, they pop it out the bottom of their short shorts. Everybody's dad. That old mate's love that is the urinal.

Did your dad do that growing up? I can't say I ever witnessed that or heard of it. Maybe I just saw it more because we were on a farm. Yeah, your dad's done. I never saw my granddad do it because my papa always wore long pants. Truck drivers love it. Truck drivers, anybody, they stop for a whaz and they just pop it out the bottom of the short shorts.

I'm looking forward to when mine's long enough to come out the bottom of the short shorts. I'm looking forward to when mine's long enough to come out the bottom of my short shorts. Yeah, when do you get your man... When does it stop growing? I just pissed all down my leg. You get your man tea later, don't you? Oh, yeah. Fingers crossed.

40th? Is it a 40th person? You're still waiting for it to happen. I was late to first puberty. You're a late bloomer. So maybe I'm going to be late to second puberty. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. I mean... You'll be on your deathbed in your rest home. When do I get my man days? And then it'll be like blah, blah, blah. And then I'll be like now because it shrinks

when you get older. Oh, I can't. No, it's like ears and noses on men. It just never stops growing. Yeah, it just keeps getting longer. Don't give him false hope. Don't give him false hope. I don't want to be lied to. That's getting longer. Don't give him false hope.

Don't give him false hope. I don't want to be lied to. That's all he's got. From the unsightly ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Top six today

dealing with the ever-present issue of toilet paper. God, people were going crazy again last night for toilet paper. Yep. Like there's ever been a toilet issue of toilet paper. God, people were going crazy again last night for toilet paper. Yep. Like there's ever been...

A toilet paper shortage. Yeah. We've never run out. No. People who make toilet papers just be rubbing their hands together every time this happens. But then do you think you use more because you've got more in your house or then they sell all this toilet paper,

then there's a little bit of a lull because everybody's set for toilet paper for a month. God, I'd love to see some toilet paper graphs from the toilet paper people. Who are the toilet paper people? There's that Kiwi brand, there's the Kleenex. Even the supermarkets to see their sales, whether they have a massive lull for the next month.

Yeah, they can't bloody get rid of it. Yeah. But I've got the top six ways to clean the derriere without toilet paper. Okay. If you find yourself that you're all sorted at home and you don't have. Number six, the portable electric bidet. I didn't know this existed. But if you don't have the ways or means to get a bidet installed in your house, and face it, who does?

You can get the small portable electric bidet. I have found one at themarket.com slash NZ. Okay. $87. You get this magic little wand and you fill up the base with water. You put it at the back. Yeah. It's got a very small nib

and you can either select high or low for the pressure you'd like back there. And you can just give it a little spray off. As someone who grew up with a bidet, I never used it. We had a bidet

growing up, did we? Up on the hill. So you sit on it and would you push the button? It just has like a little tap, but the nozzle is maneuverable. Did you have a separate bidet or was it built into the toilet? Separate bidet. I used to want a hotel once in Vietnam. I love them.

It's wild. I absolutely love them. And the seat was warm. It was bizarre. The best ones are the ones built into the toilet so you don't ever need to get off. And then this little thing comes out and just gives you the car wash. That makes more sense. Having a separate one was just like... Yeah.

It ended up just being something we watered the pot plants with. Did you have to... It would need cleaning and stuff, or did you... I left before the hot wax. I couldn't deal with it. Oh, I know. The glow is the best part. It's like a hot-breath angel down there.

Yeah. And you open the windows and you let it warm up everywhere. Number five on the list of the top six ways to clean your posterior without toilet paper. In New Zealand, the broadleaf dock plant. Oh, okay. You guys, again, this might just be a farming thing, but if you're ever down the farm and you really needed a poo,

you'd poo in the hedge or as close to the hedge as you could get because often hedges are a bit prickly. And then you'd fight a broadleaf dock plant and wipe your bum with it. Do you know what a dock plant looks like? No. I think so. But just get on the bloody motorbike and go back to the house. Big day, bloody time for that, mate.

Yuck. I'm not running you back to the house to Big day. Bloody time for that, mate. Yuck. I'm not bringing you back to the house to do a dump. Do that. Yeah, I know what they look like. Get a couple of dock leaves on the way past. But then I looked up what other plants you can wipe your posterior with. Because you want to be careful. Couldn't find a New Zealand specific list,

but found a list called cowboy toilet paper. And it's like for Americans that are out and about. And some of these like, I don't trust a furry plant. No. Because some plants look soft and furry but the soft and fur, those are like thousands and thousands of little needles. Yeah.

That can be stuck in so. You don't want a reaction on your butt. Yeah. Your butt hole. You don't want to be wiping your butt with something that could be very poisonous or cause a reaction. Number four on the list of the top six ways to clean the bottom

without the use of toilet paper. The garden hose in the bathroom window with a trigger fitting. That's what we call a DIY bidet. Get that going, but it's got to have that trigger thing on otherwise it'll just be running non-stop. Number three on the list of the top six ways to clean back there without toilet paper. An old bottle of toilet duck. This is basically a made-at-home bidet.

Make sure it's got no toilet duck in it. Yeah, wash it out. Give it a good rinse, but great shape for access. Yeah. It's already got the thing on it. Give that a squeeze and spray and then let it drip dry. Number two on the list of the top six ways To clean back there without toilet paper Do as the Romans

Sponge on a stick That's what the Romans had At public bathrooms Public bathrooms So you're sharing your sponge on a stick with other people And number one on the list of the top six ways To clean it back there without toilet paper From the prophetic

Meaning prophet-like, mouth of a good friend of mine and flatmate that didn't last for long, Luke Collins. If you've got a toilet paper, just jump straight in the shower. That is grim. It's a Hamilton flatting story, isn't it?

You can see why we weren't flatmates for too long. Yuck. It's basically a bidet that you're standing in. That is today's top six ZM's Fleshworn and Megan play ZM we'll actually just heard the latest from the Prime Minister's office

is that it is the Delta variant in the community, five cases now, so all of New Zealand just a reminder is in COVID-19 alert level four the alert level will be reviewed after three days for all areas except Auckland and the Coromandel. So likely at this stage to be a period of seven days, although now that there is an outbreak in the community, that may be longer. We will have the latest updates with the news next.

Also, the government likely to reveal new rules for mandatory mask use today. It's already obviously compulsory on public transport. But if you go into supermarkets today or you need to go to the server or the dairy, make sure you're wearing your mask. Stay home where possible and follow the Alert Level 4 guidelines.

This will stop the spread of COVID-19 and save lives. Everyone is asked to wear a mask and keep a two metre distance from others whenever you leave your home. If you're sick, call your doctor or health line on 0800 358 5453 for advice about getting tested. Keep scanning the QR codes whenever you leave your home. You can do that retrospectively as well. If you remember where you've been over the weekend, that would be a good idea. Practice good hygiene, wash your hands often. Services including

supermarkets, pharmacies, clinics and petrol stations will stay open at alert level four. I know if you've got your vaccinations in the next couple of days, they've been cancelled and they're asking you to rebook at a later time. And I'm guessing they'll advise when it's safe that they can get vaccinations up and running again. Yeah, and if you want any information on Alert Level 4, it's been a while, get a refresher at covid19.govt.nz. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Vaughan's a little bit vulnerable.

You've just gone to the vending machine to get a muesli bar. I feel vulnerable too. Days like this, you don't deprive yourself. I think the mood changed 10 to 7 when they announced that there are now five cases in the community of COVID-19. Auckland Hospital. Auckland Hospital nurse is one of the ones that has tested positive and that is linked to the Devonport case.

We will have Chris Hipkins on the show just around 7.30 this morning. And you can sit there and speculate how she got it, but it's not going to do anybody any good. Wait till you hear the facts. Yep. You actually messaged the Prime Minister, you know, while she was very busy last night. I thought we told her to stop doing that. Locking down the country.

I thought she might want to hear from a friend. A friend, yep. Not some reporter who wants to trip her over on a technicality. Okay. I sent her a picture because when it was announced that we were going to lockdown, I skirted off to the local booze store because I didn't have any Jamesons in the house. You guys are amateurs. I've got a drinks trolley.

When will you not learn? No, you're an amateur drinker because if I had the drinks trolley, I would be drunk. Yeah, that's true. I have self-control. I've spent a lot of time not drinking over the past. Look, I don't need everybody weighing in on this. 2020 was really dry for me. I'm catching up now.

Yeah, well, no, that's right. You had a baby on board. Yeah. Yeah. So I nipped off. And on special, I got a couple of bottles of whiskey. My wife messaged me saying, I've just had an alert that a certain amount of money's been spent at the booster.

I was like, I don't need you. She has an alert set up. How much money did you spend? When you go pay with Apple Pay, all the linked accounts get the little notification that, right, it's been paid. But do you get that when she goes shopping? No, because she pays the old-fashioned way with a card to alert. She knows.

She knows. She knows. Or I'd be like, can you split this payment into small chunks? Bit of bit, bit of bit. But then Vaughan would just get five notifications that you've spent $20. And I'm good at maths. I can add things together. But I doubt that there was a bottle of that Lafroig.

I don't know what that is. Is that flash? It's a very nice whiskey. Very nice whiskey. And I know the Prime Minister likes a bottle of Lafroig. I know she's partial to a Lafroig. Is she a whiskey drinker? Really?

Is that one of those nice bottles of alcohol that it's in a cardboard box? Yep. Like a chute? Cardboard chute. Oh, yes. With Lafroig, when you buy it, every time you buy a bottle, you get what is called the Laphroaig passport, and you're entitled to one square foot of land.

How much is this whiskey? If you buy like a thousand bottles, and then you can have a thousand square feet. Can you build a house on it? Well, I don't know because it might just be like in the, because it might be where they get the peat from. Right. The boggy stuff. So it might just be bog. Right. I don't know because it might just be like in the, because it might be where they get the peat from. Right. The boggy stuff.

So it might just be bog. Right. I don't know. Weird. Okay. Yeah, so it's this Laphroaig thing and I sent the bottle to the, I sent the picture to the Prime Minister saying.

Hang on, what time did you send this to the Prime Minister? Eight o'clock. So she just literally finished her Jalabersian. I said, we both made good calls today. Yours slightly larger than mine. But I got this one. I recall this being a favourite drop of yours. And she said,

oh, it is. Have one for me. I said, I think you're totally entitled to one, by the way. I think if you want to have a whiskey, you're allowed to. And then they should very much understand.

And she said, I feel very cruel making these decisions. I was like, absolutely not. This has got to be done. It would weigh on your mind though. Because it affects her. It affects her business and everything. But then, just like when you're picking a whiskey, you know.

But I think we've all seen like Sydney and Australia in the last like three or four months, and it has been a dumpster fire. And that's... A shit storm. Much like a dumpster fire that got tipped over the fire. Yeah.

Like, this isn't... Remember when original COVID... Did it have a code name? No, just COVID. Was it Alpha or was the first... I don't know. COVID was COVID-19, and? Or was the first? I don't know. COVID was COVID-19. And then Alpha was the first variant.

Remember when the first one, I was like, this is a highly contagious, very dangerous flu. Very, very dangerous. And compared to Delta, it was nothing. It was nothing, yeah. I mean, it was obviously killed a lot of people and was still something. But in terms of how transmissible

it is now. It's insane. Jet Park, right? So they reckon the doors were only open for three seconds at the same time, but it went from one room across the hallway. And they were wearing masks. Like crazy stuff. So yeah, if you're out and about today and you do need to go to the supermarket or an essential service.

If you leave your house, put a mask on. Yeah, there is talk that they are talking about bringing in compulsory masks in public and COVID tracer app scans, which a lot of people have been calling for. Chris Hipkins joins us at around 7.30 this morning for the latest.

The COVID-19 website as well with the locations of interest. And to give you an update on what level 4 is. Play ZM's Flashphone and Megan. Hey guys, just trying to keep it light here. Okay. Yeah. We're all dealing with...

We're dealing with... A bet. Five current cases of COVID-19 in the community. It's the latest Chris Hipkins minutes away. Yeah. What will you be... And you're probably asking yourself, what is the most popular sofa colour of 2021?

People buying sofas and asking for colours. Oddly, I would click that link. Yeah, I think that's the kind of light news we need right now. Well. No. Let's guess. Oh, it's got to be a grey. It's got to be grey.

Yeah, because I've got a dark grey. I've got a grey. What grey? You've got a light grey? Light grey. I think I've got a middle grey. So who am I here? Mummy bear?

You're just the middle child of the show. Yeah. So grey is indeed the firm favourite. Oh, is that? Yeah. Okay, I love being in the majority. According to homedit.com. Oh, were we right?

Yeah. Oh, that was boring. So grey's still number one. Here's the surprise. What do you think number two is? Blue? Brown. Pink.

What? The second most popular sofa colour. My mum's got a pink couch. What? Actually, mine... Yeah, no, they do. It's pink. My parents' couch would kind of fall under a pinkish hue too.

Yeah. What? Like a coral. What? Yeah, coral is in the pink family, isn't Yeah. What? Like a coral. What? Yeah, coral is in the pink family, isn't it? Corally pinky. Blue is in third and white is in fourth. What?

Do these people not have pets or children? Oh, white. Who's getting a white couch? No, never get a white couch. Okay, so I sat on a free, it was an Airbnb, sat on a white couch and and I was eating chips, and a bit of the chip went in and kind of stained it. Who has a white couch in an Airbnb?

I know. So I was like, oh, well, this is going to be easy. They left the room, so I flipped the cushion, but somebody else had already flipped the cushion. Another stain was there, and it was even worse. That's them. That's their problem with having a white couch. What were you eating?

Doritos? Cheetos? Cheeseballs. Oh, jeez. I love cheeseballs. I love cheeseballs. Those are staining. Greasy and staining.

And I just kind of got under my cheek and kind of smooshed in. Did you ever hear from them? No. We got away with that. Just crying. There you go. I gave it a little, like, damp cloth. But you could still see a light orange

The grey would have probably hidden that sin That's on them again though for having a white couch Orange couch though, you'd never know you could eat all the burger rings, cheese balls, rations you like spilling them all over yourself rolling around on it

but then you've also got to have an orange couch for the 99.9% of the time you're not eating cheese balls. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. A little social experiment now, a little chance to vent. We don't know how this is going to go because I've just looked at the motorways around the country, the webcams. Yeah. I mean, there's a sprinkling of cars.

Still quite a few. That's good. Some, but you're most obviously essential workers out and about. But yeah, the majority for this time of the morning, you'd say the motorways compared, dead. I've been in studio, I've been physically venting, just keeping moving. Yes. You may have noticed, like fidgety.

Yeah. I just think moving. Yeah. Move around. So we would like you, we'd like to now all scream. Yeah, a bit of a group scream. Bit of a group. A verbal vent.

Now, we'd like people to call us. And so the idea is we do a continual scream just to vent our frustration that we are in a level four lockdown just to get it all out. So technically we'd go down the phone lines, and when we answer the line, you'll be screaming. Yes. Is that how this would work? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if you're calling and the minute it starts like ring, ring, ring, ring. And you hear a doo-doo, you'll be on air. That's when you're on air. Yeah. Oh, that was funny. We're in the radio station and getting through and hearing that. Hello.

Hello. Radio station name here. How can we help you? Hi, can you play Aqua Barbie Girl? Obviously, I'm recalling the exact call I made as a child. We don't play that at the rock. Oh, come on, peachy. That sort of, yeah. We're all doing what we can to get through.

Okay, so we, I mean, I don't know if this is going to work because A, it's level four. People are out and about. Yeah. Like they normally are listening. If you're listening and you just want to scream, let's have a scream. I screamed into the wall before. That felt pretty good.

Yeah. Okay. It was one of those screams that hurt. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll wait a hundred dollars for them right now. We need you to call. Yeah.

We've got Richard standing by. Good morning, Richard. Morning. Good morning. What need you to call. Yeah. We've got Richard standing by. Good morning, Richard. Morning. Good morning. What are you doing today, Richard? I'm at home. Okay. You're listening to the radio at home.

I'm at home, you know, where you should be. Why are you, like, in bed sleeping? I was. I just got out of bed. Okay. You got out of bed. Here you are. Still in your gym jams?

Yeah, still in my gym jams. No, I wouldn't even get out of those today, Richard, if out of bed. Here you are. Still in your gym jams? Yeah, still in my gym jams. No, I wouldn't even get out of those today, Richard, if I were you. Unless they smell. But it's a routine. It is. It is. You're right. You've got to get up.

You have a shower. And then just go back to the couch. Yeah. I mean, the whole day is planned around the 1 p.m. presser. Am I right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Even if you're fidgeting about doing a task outside,

you're like, oh, it's 20 to 1, I better get in and wash my hands. I wonder if we should bring back the 1 o'clock presser drinking bingo. You do a shot when he says katawa, everybody. And then that's a drink. And then, yeah,

I don't know what else. Another one could be if the sign language person does something that could be misinterpreted as sexual. That's true. I saw a lip lick on last night's. Yeah, okay. Now, was that sign language or was that just a dry lip?

I think they needed water. Alright, Richard, we're going to start with you then. I'll wait 100 times at him right now. When we come to you, you've got to be screaming. Yeah, just a vent. It can be a yell. It can be a... Yeah.

All right, so, Richard, we're going to start with you. Our group scream this morning for Lockdown Level 4. Go. Yes. Emily. Yes. James. Yeah, that was a good one. Jaleese, yeah.

Hello. Hello. Jaleese. Jaleese. Jilly. Jilly Poo. Jill Jill. Jill Jill.

Jaleese. Jaleese. Oh, we've lost Jaleese. Jaleese Poo's gone. She was using a Windows phone. Yay! Wait. No, wait. That'salise. She was using a Windows phone. No, wait, that's not a yay, Danielle. She can yay. We didn't set the rules.

Yay. Yeah, no, I think we just need to do the right thing. Say hello. Good attitude. This is a good attitude. And support local, you know, order online. I work at a butchery and we're still operating, so go online and support local.

Yay. How are you operating? What's the deal here? Order online. I work at a butchery and we're still operating. So go online and support local. Yay! How are you operating? What's the deal here? Online website orders, contactless delivery. We have to keep reducing. We deliver to supermarkets and hospitals so we can deliver to your house as well. You don't have to go to supermarkets. Support local.

This is great. Yeah, great stuff. So you're ticking all the boxes on the rules that have to be followed? Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. Good on you, man. We can't stop. We can't close. So, yeah, just go online and support local where you can.

What's your butchery? Yeah, what's your butchery? Give everyone a plug. Cameron Harrison Butchery. So, yeah, we're based in the Wellington region. Wellington? And we can ship nationwide if you need. I was hoping you were in Auckland.

I was going to be like. She can ship nationwide. Get some ribs. That's a big stake. Yeah. Danielle, thank you. All right, let steak. Yeah. Danielle, thank you. All right, let's keep going. Katie, group scream.

That's good. That's good. Hold on. We should hear their scream and then give it an out of 10. No, no, no. Try to work out their situation from their scream. Because that felt like a mother that's going to have to homeschool her children's scream. Is that right, Katie?

Definitely not. And now you've just aged Katie 10 years as well. That's right. Katie, brilliant, brilliant scream. Thank you, Tina. Yay. Yay. Are you going to give us a group scream?

Yeah, a little vent there. It's good. Did that feel good, Tina? It feels awesome. I hate being at home. I hate working from home, and it has to be done. It's good. Did that feel good, Tina? It feels awesome. I hate being at home. I hate working from home, and it has to be done. It has to be done. That's right.

That's the attitude. You don't have to love it, but it has to be done. What's your home office today like? Well, I've rearranged the dining table, and I've got everything set up, and I'm ready to go. Is it just you? Who else is in your house? Oh, I live with two smelly boys.

Are they your smelly boys or are they non-related? Well, they're not boys, but they still stink. Sorry, how old are they again? I forgot, 21 and 16. So, yeah, they're mine. I work with two smelly boys. Hey, hey, hey. Very rude.

Very rude. Tina and Megan, very rude this morning on our first day of lockdown. Tina, thank you for your call. Social media desk, Cohen, is it your flat that's turned into a call centre? One moment while I put my headphones on. God, it's not like you work in a radio station. We could come to you at any moment. Sorry, I'm doing the live stream, all right?

She's busy. Yes, yes. One of my flatmates is a student, but also does call centre at night. She's just moved in. Call centre like? No, not Winkler. Hey there. No.

Nobody does that anymore. Doing surveys. Oh, right. Oh, okay. Yeah, and last night we were trying to work out how to plug her headphone thingy into the fibre internet. I don't know how to do it. So she's like ringing random people in your lounge.

Guess so. Wow. I said, it's all right. We'll just walk in and like say funny things every so often just to put her off. Wow. And so it could be a different call center each day. Yeah. I'm not sure how it works like that.

But yeah, maybe. Is she the Colmar Brunton? Maybe. Wow. I don't know if she's allowed to say. I want to be run for Colmar Brunton. Ask who you're going to vote for and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. maybe. Should we call Mar Brunton? Maybe. Wow. I don't know what she's going to say. I want to be run for Mar Brunton. Ask who you're going to vote for and stuff. Yeah.

Okay, fine. Well, there we go. We've had a vent, New Zealand. We've had a vent. We feel good. I like the attitude there. Yeah. There was frustration in the fact that it's happened,

but a lot of understanding in the fact that this is how it has to be done. I think we've got a very good listening base. I think the people that listen to this station, they aren't no turkeys. They get it. They aren't turkeys. No one listening is going to be going to any of these pages that are spreading the nonsense and the fake news. Yeah, well, I mean, we've seen how Australia's dealt with this in the last

three months and they haven't gone on top of it. Still ongoing. Yeah. So we'll just get down, knuckle down. Knuckle down, get it done. Be the team of five million, wear a mask. We've got Chris Hipkins on the show soon. If you missed him earlier, just our chat with him, just to go over all the basics, all the questions, the latest that we've received this morning.

Play ZM's Fleshphone and Megan. Yesterday, just as, you know, we were getting all the news announcements about lockdown and the government holding a press conference, there was also a news story that, again, we were being told that we could have our power cut. Did you guys miss this or see this yesterday? Yes, I saw this.

It was like 10 past five. They're like, oh, by the way, it's going to be really cold tonight and we might have to turn off the power again to some places. Oh, we know you're in lockdown. And that's when I was like, better turn the heater on just quickly to warm the place up. That's when I hovered my finger over the jug and I was like, no, I'll just have a whiskey instead. I'll do my part for the national power grid.

You'll do your part. Because I know jugs are hydrant devices. They are. And so I think it was about seven, three, they're like, okay, no need to worry, guys. We're good for power. Like we're some kind of third world country. Bizarre, right? Like so weird. Anyway, so we're good apparently. And we've got a third world country. Bizarre, right? Like so weird.

Anyway, so we're good apparently and we've got enough power. So yay. The amount of power is not the problem. It's the lines, right? Or it's producing it, I think. It's like the power stations. But isn't there something that needs to be fixed?

Oh shit, I don't know, man. Listen to me, guys. I did my Form 2 science fair on hydroelectric dams. Did you use a lettering book? Did I what? Oh, great. Did I what? That was the most time-intensive part of a science fair.

Yeah. And working out how to spell hypothesis. Yeah. Grant Robinson says there will be enough power, but warns the cable won't be fixed tonight. There's a cable. That's what I'm telling you.

Where's the cable? Where's the fat enough cable? Imagine that water coming down a hose. Right. Or just get a bigger hose. I reckon Chuck can get another cable.

Yeah. Can we just not burn some coal in Huntly? God, do I have to think of everything? Well, anyway, I was leaving for work this morning.

It was 5am. It was just before. It was 10 to 5. Opened my door into the corridor of the apartment building that I live in. And, anyway, I was leaving for work this morning. It was 5am. It was just before. It was 10 to 5. I opened my door into the corridor of the apartment building that I live in. And that is when I noticed an extension cable coming from underneath the door of my neighbour's

house. Apartment door. And plugging in to the body corporate or the apartment power in the hallway. That's good stuff. And I was like, what is it usually used for? Vacuuming.

Vacuuming, yeah. That would be it, right? The only thing. The vacuum. Yeah, the cleaner will do the jetpack vacuum. Yeah. Ghostbusters. I know.

I love those vacuum cleaners. They're so space age. And I was like, oh, my God. And then I'm guessing that they wake up before anybody else wakes up. Not before you. Not before me because I'm up at 5 a.m. And so I'm guessing what they do is they plug it into the hallway, put on the heater or whatever high-drain device they're using, and then unplug it.

And then all the while, the building's paying for that power, not them. Isn't that genius for free power? But you'd think they would unplug it before 5 a.m. because people were going out. Yeah, I reckon 5 a.m. would have been their alarm. Right, so he's just before. You were at 10 to 5 or 6. But then I don't.

6 is too late. 6 is late. You could risk someone, especially like this morning, a lot of people would have been, if they needed to go to work, nipping in to grab their stuff to bring it home because nobody took it home yesterday. But I was like, isn't that genius? If you live in an apartment building or somewhere with like shared power

in a communal area, run an extension cord and heat your house for a couple of hours for free. That's so cheeky. Very cheeky. But I've got a photo of it. I'm just like, should I narc? Because we all have to pay for this. Or should I do the same thing?

Does your body cork fees remain static? Are they the same every month? Or do they change depending on how much power was used? They'd change each year if the power was more. Yeah, they'd go up. But then maybe I should get in on this and just run it because there's two plugs. There's a free one underneath.

So I could just run a power cord to the other one. You're going to need a long cord to get to your bedroom. You're going to need a real long cord. Yeah, well, it'll be like a 30 metre. And do you reckon these people just coil it up and leave it at the doorway? Yeah, 100. So they don't pack it up the whole way every time. Yeah, they coil it up and leave it at the doorway? Yeah, 100. Pack it up the whole way every time.

Yeah, they coil it up and leave it at the doorway. Oh, what if they've got one of those pull-outs? Have you ever seen, like, you know, garden hoses go on the reels? Oh, yeah. Those are pretty cool. Maybe they've got one of those. It's very cheeky. Tell everyone on your level to get out on it.

Yeah, just don't tell level three. Losers playing claim their power. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is elephants don't get cancer. Okay. There is a tumour fighting gene We've got one of them Okay One

Have they Obviously they've investigated this right Because Let's just inject ourselves with elephant juice I'd be keen to grow some tusks Okay You can get injected with the gene Yeah

Meaning you'll never get cancer But two of your teeth turn into tusks. Okay, you can get injected with the gene, meaning you'll never get cancer, but two of your teeth turn into tusks. Little mini ones? Yeah, how big? How big? Can you file them down? Oh my god, yes, because that would be a perfect phone holder for when you're on a plane. It's too close!

It's too close! It's too close. It's too close. Are they ivory or teeth stuff? Yeah, so you could just be walking down the street and someone would just slaughter you and saw them off. No, I'd cut my own off and sell them. You're walking and then you just hear... And then you go down and you wake up and someone's filed them off.

Sawing them off. Cut them off. But then that's okay because that's what you do anyway, right? But okay, okay. So you grow the tusks, but the surgery to have them removed, very expensive. Yeah, I don't know. So it's tusks or cancer. Because cancer can be expensive too.

But then you can get hit by a bus, couldn't you? And all that was for nothing, having tusks. In fact, the tusk could obscure your view of the road when you step out and you didn't see the bus. No, it's here. Because of the tusk. And it was all for nothing. There's a blind spot.

Yeah. You have many blind spots. I didn't see that bus in my tusk blind spot. No, they're not that far. Maybe they would be. No, they're not that wide. They're not that far. Oh, maybe they would be. No, because the elephants, they stick forward. Yeah, but if it's that close to your face, it's a pretty big blind spot. Okay, what if, ditch the tusks.

Okay. Your ears get big. Oh, no. No. No, that'd be weird. That would actually, because you'd turn your head like that, and the big floppy ear would come over that, and then you'd look that way, but it'd be here,

and then you'd get hit by the bus. You'd always fall asleep on your ear. But you could hear. You could flap your ear. Yeah. You could flap flies off your face. I think that's a positive. Okay.

Okay. Ditch the ears. Okay, yeah. Your nose grows a little bit. Like a trunk. Yeah. But don't guys' nose constantly grow? That's why you see old mates with big noses.

Old mates with massive ears. Ears and noses. Big nose. So that's happening to you anyway. So there's been two independent studies that have looked into this.

What's the fact of the day again? Is that elephants don't get cancer. Oh, that's right. How elephants avoid cancer because they've got these tumor fighting in the DNA.

Yeah. The pairs of genes. They've got 20 of them. We've got one. Oh, wow. Okay. We've got one tumor fighting pair of these tumor fighting genes., they've got 20 of them. We've got one. Oh, wow. Okay. We've got one pair of these tumor-fighting genes, but they've got 20 of them.

So they're saying that because of how big they are and how old they live, the cells in those animals would have divided so many times that just through the randomness of genes mutating and leading to cancer is that they would be an animal that would be predisposed to it. But due to the fact they've got 20 copies of these genes that fight tumors, they just don't get them. Huh? So today's fact of the day is elephants don't get cancer.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Now, a friend, actually we all know, friend of the show, in MIQ at the moment after the Olympics. And a couple of days ago, in the group chat with some friends, you know, just we're, you know, trying to be positive and saying, you know, you'll get through it. But now we're all in lockdown too. So we're like, anyway, we just, yep.

Just remember those words of encouragement we gave him. But as a joke, because I didn't know this, if you get something in MIQ. You get sent something. Yeah, so if you do like an online order, they just check that it's not like full of like cocaine and stuff So they actually open the gifts? Yeah, they open it. So what do they do if it is full of

cocaine? Well, I think they say you can't have it. Are they like, one for you, one for me They're just like, I'll just test this and blow that. Yeah, no, I don't know I think they don't get it. So we thought, well, that's quite a funny thing if we were to send him all adult fun toys. Those aren't cheap.

Yeah, no, they're not. No, we said it initially. It's a real commitment. I know. I had to spend quite a lot of time on an adult website finding something that was like $20. And my one, I've just got a courier tracker, is out for delivery in Rotorua at the moment

and it's about to be delivered to the hotel. So I'm waiting at the group chat. Here's what was sent yesterday. I'm just going to show you, Megan, without What? That wouldn't have been cheap. No, I don't. And then in the group chat, our friends are like, who sent me this? And we're all like, oh, I don't

know. We don't know. The name, I don't know. We don't know. Like, we're all playing dumb. The name, I need to know what it does. Don't say the name. What do you mean, what does it do? Show me the name. I mean, the name speaks for itself. I don't know.

There's two. Look, I don't know. And is that considered a medium? Considered about a medium. No, that looked more like a large... Yeah, look, I don't know, Vaughan. But heck, what a fun game if you've got a friend in MIQ because they have to check all the parcels.

Yeah. And then they knock on your door and then your friend opens the door and it's there. Do they attempt to wrap it back up? I guess they put it back in. But then it's a surprise for your friend because they get a parcel, a present, and then they open it. But they've also got the embarrassment of knowing that the entire MIQ staff

know that that's been delivered to their room. And that's the first of how many? We're all doing this and there's like six or seven of us in the group chat. So, yeah, my one's on route at the moment. What did you buy? Oh, I can't mention that on air. No, but show me the one that you. Because if the same person keeps bringing them to their door.

Yeah, I got that. Can I see? Can I see? Oh, Jesus. Oh, Carl. Yep. You know, I'm just a winner because that's your first name. $20.

Yeah. That's not bad. Check me that box. Check me that link. How long are we locked in?