ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 18th January 2021

Episode Date: January 17, 2021

Where are the Lemons?!  Vaughan made Hay while the sun shone!  Top 6!  What won't you touch?  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!  Deck ChatSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Morn and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees, get one free on the Maccas app. Just checking, producer Gerard's recording. He did leave the room. Thank you, executive intern Anya. And Hayley, your first show. Yeah. Which actually, this is a bit meta because we've just finished the show, but the podcast intro is recorded after the show for before the show in the podcast so let's not hype it up too much as to how it went because it's about to go yeah yeah so let's leave that but you just learned moments ago yeah that siri can have accents

yeah i so i've always had siri off because i think my very kiwi accent always used to turn her on you know like okay yeah they should always pop up and be like, I'm sorry, I didn't understand. But now that she's Irish, I might bring her back. Vaughn and I have had Irish for a while. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. So that's American. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant.

Aussie. Australian, yeah. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. British. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. British. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Indian. Was it? Yeah.

She sounded un-RP. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Mm-hmm. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. That's my one. That's my one. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. I love the Irish one.

I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Oh, that's New Zealand. South African. Oh, right. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant Oh, that's New Zealand South African I'm Siri, your virtual assistant Oh, okay Siri's a lady I'm Siri, your virtual assistant

Is that an Irish male? Oh, really? Because he's actually a Lady Siri, eh? Are they all actual people? I guess so I'm pretty sure they talk to the actual Lady Siri I feel like in another life, this could be my job.

I went to drama school and learnt some accents. Hi, Siri, your virtual assistant. You go to drama school, they're like, okay, your job's Siri? You're like, I'm sorry! I didn't quite hear that! What's that you ask? Sure, I can remind you of that later on!

God,, people. Always so dramatic. ZM. And music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul.

Oh. First and last name. Wow. Is that my name? It is. It was your name. Hello, is that my name? It is. It was your name. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleeche Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul.

Good morning. Good morning. So exciting to be here. You have hit the ground running with some first morning energy. I'm feeling bright and bushy tired. The first alarm went off at four and I sprung out of bed. Did you? I did.

Do you know what's also cute is that her mum woke up. You told me, didn't you, that your mum woke up as a backup. Yeah, because I'm not an early riser, so they're very nervous that I wasn't going to make my first day. So mum set her alarm and texted me right on four saying, you up? Oh, bless. Yes, mum, I'm up.

Is Patsy still awake or has she gone back to bed? I don't know. Patsy there? Probably. She'll be listening. She's proud. I'm going to wait for an answer. If your name's Patsy Sproul, please ring in.

Does it take her a long time to do a text message, though? Yeah, she's not great at the texts. Okay. And then you've panicked her, so you know how parents get very fumbly when you've panicked them? Yeah. When the pressure's on. Spooked them with a bit of tech.

Yeah. Your beard's looking quite long. Have you trimmed that at all over the break? Nah. Goodness. How is the wife, Sade, liking that? She's not a big fan because I've got to the point where I can twist the moustache and get a little curl going on there. I like that.

Yeah, me too. I like that too. My partner, are you a soft or a coarse? It's soft at the moment. I feel it's soft. I've got a bit of a stelo fiancé. Oh, do you? You know what I mean? He grows a very good beard, soft at the moment. I feel it's soft. I've got a bit of a stelo fiance. You know what I mean? He grows a very good beard, but it's rough.

Is it like a stelo pad? Does it have the detergent in already? Yeah, it's built in. Self-cleaning. And after you really scrub a pot really hard, it just falls to bits. Yeah, it does. It needs to be repacked. Classic. Good to have it on hand, though,

for cleaning all sorts of pots and pans without harsh scratching. Well, we're back for the year, and that means the top six as well is back. Yeah, I don't know if you saw this absolute Dean Barker kerfuffle yesterday on the Quattamata Harbour, but he crashed a very expensive boat. There would have been some rich white people not sleeping last night. Yeah.

Poor them, eh? Yeah. Ice tough. They'll Poor them, eh? Yeah. Ice tough. They'll be like, why us? Another someone trying to knock us down a peg. This is the worst thing to ever happen to us. Yeah. It's incredible footage if you haven't seen it.

Like, it literally gets airborne and then stalls. Yeah. And then crashes. It was like, here we go. Oh, no, wait a minute. We're a boat, not a plane. Doosh. But they kind of are planes nowadays, aren't go. Oh, no, wait a minute. We're a boat, not a plane. Doosh. But they kind of are planes nowadays, aren't they?

The way they hover above the water. Did they end up sinking? No, so they managed to float. There was a hole in it. Yeah. They managed to re-float it or get it buoyant and then took them hours to tow it back. So it got in late last night back into the viaduct. Because did you see Team New Zealand took them out pizza?

I thought that was a real slap in the face. That's the Kiwi way. Oh, really? You think it was Schneid? Oh, no, it was an absolute. They should have taken their America's Cup boat out, went round and round and round and round. We got your pizza.

We're going to drop it off next time. We're going to throw it to them. See you later, suckers. It's a good move. Yeah. Oh, no, I think it was done. With, you know, with good hearts. Yes, dignity. Yeah. See you later, suckers. It's a good move. Yeah. Oh, no, I think it was done. With, you know, with good hearts. Yes.

Yes, dignity. Yeah. But at the same time, having a look and be like, oh, that's screwed. Yeah. Well, the top six. Yeah, the top six replacement boats for the America's Cup. The USA team. Yeah.

America's Cup entry. All right, that's coming up next on the show, though. The professions where you're most likely to find a serial killer. Ooh, radio? No! Who told you that? Flesh,

Fauna, Megan, the podcast, ZM. The, one of the, a news website in the UK actually

over the weekend, Kiwis attend largest concert since pandemic began with Brits stuck in lockdown and it's 660's Waitangi concert at the weekend.

20,000 they reckon. Is that right? 20,000? Are there that many New Zealanders? Who didn't go? When did we last count? One. Two. Three. Yeah, I'd say

20 could be right I don't know It seems a lot It does Oh just on this Before we get into The serial The professions

Where you're most likely To find a serial killer Night Stalker On Netflix Have you watched Yes or no What's Night Stalker The Jake Gyllenhaal movie

No What was that one called Where he chased ambulances? Remember that one? He chased ambulances. Why did he chase ambulances? Because he... The ambulances are the good guys.

No, no, no. He chased them to record. Maybe he chased them... Oh, that's right. He was like a reporter or something, wasn't he? Yeah, he got fascinated with being like the first

on the scene of accidents and recording things and selling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was called Night Stalker. Maybe. Maybe you're right. No, this was yeah. I thought that was called Night Stalker. Maybe, maybe you're right. No, this was a serial killer in the 80s in California.

And they've just done a Netflix show with the detectives that chased him down and recreations. It's so well done. Okay, my partner's watching this right now and it looks terrifyingly over his shoulder. Do you know Jake Gyllenhaal? Speaking of serial killers and Jake Gyllenhaal, I watched The Zodiac again last night.

Do you remember that film? Oh, yeah, that's good. Because they still haven't caught that serial killer. Yeah, open cold case or whatever it is. Was he in it? Was he the guy? No, he played a reporter who was trying to crack the case. And he did, basically.

Oh, okay. It was too little too late. All right, so a criminologist and professor Michael Artfield, he has written a book, Murder in Plain English, and he's a criminologist so he knows a thing or two, and he has broken down into different skilled and unskilled occupations where you're likely to find

serial killers working based on previous serial killers and their jobs. Okay. Skilled occupations. You are most likely to find serial killers working as automotive upholsterers, shoemakers or repair people, or aircraft machinists or assemblers. Automotive upholsterers is very specific. Yeah, there's a whole lot of automotive upholsterers going to work today to recover the seat of

a 1965 Holden. So not mechanics. No. Specifically upholstery. And specifically upholstery within a vehicle. Maybe it's the upholstery glue maybe that's getting to them. Or that thick needle needed to penetrate leather. Yes.

Didn't you also say shoe repair? Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Thick needles. Putting a sole back on. And it must be kind of like stitching skin. Mm. You know.

Semi-skilled occupations, warehouse managers, truck drivers, and forestry workers. Well, they've got somewhere to bury them, don't they? Yeah. Yeah, in the back blocks. Yeah. They've got the digger. Unskilled occupation, gas station attendant, which you were as a part-time job. And you haven't ended up being a serial killer.

That we know. Look on your face to juice. Haven't been caught. Hotel porter and a general labourer, such as a mover or a landscaper. More likely to be serial killers. I don't think you'd call a landscaper an unskilled worker. Absolutely.

There's a lot of skill involved in landscaping. Hey, I didn't write this list. No, this criminologist is about to get killed by a landscaper. A spade to their head. Professional and government occupations. You are more likely to find serial killers as a religious official, military personnel, or police. Yeah, positions of power. Yeah, I thought dentist was going to be on the list. Yeah, positions of power. Yeah, I thought dentists was going to be on the list.

Yeah. I had a strong inkling at the start my money would have been on dentists. No, dentists are there to help you. Until they kill you. Yeah. But they would have like... They've got those little pickaxes.

I don't think they're going to do much. It's going to take a long time, but you're all hopped up. You don't know what's happening. Death by bleeding out the gums. Yeah. I'll take this leg if it takes me all day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Lemons. Delicious. Not a bad citrus, if you ask me. Top five citrus. Top five? Grapefruit. No. Lemon, lime. Orange. Orange. Oh,pefruit. No. Lemon, lime.

Orange. Orange. Oh, I love mandarins. The mandarins. Tangello. Love a satsuma. Satsuma. This is the other name for mandarin, isn't it?

It's not a brand of mandarin, is it? Satsuma. It's just what some places call a mandarin. A brand. Mandarins by Satsuma. Well, you know, Zespri is like a brand as well as. Of kiwi fruit. Because they made them.

Is kiwi fruit citrus? Yes? No. It's got vitamin C though. A lot. A ton of vitamin C. More than orange, I think. Yeah.

And I tell you what, it'll cleanse the bowel out. Are you on citrus? Are you on Zespri money? She's on the kiwi fruit dollar. On the big kiwi fruit dollar. I do love a manufactured gold kiwi fruit. Yeah. Stunning.

I'd buy some black market gold kiwi fruit if I could, and I know they're out there. Hang on, the black market gold kiwi fruit. Well, there's a lemon shortage. You may have noticed it's hard to get lemons at the supermarket. New Zealand's lemon industry continues as per usual, but our lemon industry, a very small industry. We import most of our lemons.

Yeah, I did at the supermarket notice there were no lemons the other day, but I didn't really think too much of it. I was just thinking, oh, they must be useless at their ordering. You've got to head to the baking aisle where they sell the bottled stuff. That's 99.9% lemon and you wonder.

What is the 0.1? That keeps it so long, fresh, so long. 99.9. Yeah, okay, it's a 0.1. Yeah, 0.1? What is the 0.1? That keeps it so long, fresh, so long. It was so long. 99.9. Yeah, okay, it's a 0.1. Yeah, 0.1. It's an emulsifier. Yeah, something.

It's a colour. Baking soda. But it comes in that little yellow thing and it's got a spiral on the top. They do a yellow lemon and a green lime. Yeah, I buy a lot of the green lime, margarita. For margaritas. Yeah, man. Yeah, well, limes get very expensive.

Yeah. But fear not, I've got a lime tree coming in. It'sgarita. For margaritas. Yeah, man. Yeah, well, limes get very expensive. Yeah. But fair not, I've got a lime tree coming in. It's got its first limes on it. Yeah, that's years away. Let us know in five years. Yeah, exactly. No, it's not.

It's got limes on it. How big are they? Well, they don't sit there for five years waiting to get to a size that they will fall off otherwise. They'll be ready for like big size limes.

Proper limes. How many limes are you expecting to produce? Enough to bring someone for us? In year one, there'll be a, proper limes. How many limes are you expecting to produce? Enough to bring someone for us? Year one, there'll be a bag of limes. Okay.

I'd say. One bag of limes. You both arsehole yourselves out of limes. You talked yourself out of not getting any limes. I'm very lucky because my neighbour

has a very fruitful lemon tree and I just help myself. It's very close to our shared fence. Right, so you're not in shortage. I'm a night time picker.

Right. Well, that's the situation is because. I'm a night time picker. Right. Well, that's the situation. It's because it was one of those fruits that everybody had a tree for once upon a time. But now because everybody sold their properties to developers, all the lemon trees have been replaced by flats. Oh, yeah.

That was the old state house rule, eh? Washing line and two citrus. Yeah, right. On a quarter acre block. You remember growing up, we'd have citrus and stuff in the back garden. Yeah, yeah. So what's acre block. You remember growing up, we'd have citrus and stuff. Yeah. In the back garden. Yeah, yeah.

So what's the problem? Well, it's the supply chain. It's like heaps of stuff with COVID. There's a massive supply chain issue of getting it into New Zealand, getting it here, and also at the other end of it, like in California where a lot of citrus are growing that we here in New Zealand enjoy, they haven't been able to get out there and do the picking as much.

Because of COVID. Yeah. So when it comes here, do they need to... Fumigate it. Right, okay. And that's taken longer as well because of how busy the ports are. Yeah, I saw trucks lined up waiting to go onto the port the other day, so they haven't sorted out the issues, have they?

This sounds like such a huge process. Maybe I should just share my address. My neighbour's tree is bound to fall. And you can all just come and help yourself. I know it's your first day, Hayley, but you don't

share your personal address on the air. You saved that for the second week. So what are you supposed to use instead of lemons? Lemons you use in everything.

Desserts. Yeah, well, they're great. They go everywhere. Salads. I don't know what dressings. Sometimes you could use vinegar,

but a vinegar meringue pie is not going to really set the dinner party on fire, is it? Don't knock it. Do you? I might make one and bring it in. Try my tangy vinegar pudding. Balsamic meringue pie. Oh, okay.

Now we're taking it somewhere. Flesh Warner Megan, the podcast, ZM. While Megan is on maternity leave, Hayley Sproul is in the big seat. Bonjour. When do you reckon you'll just start calling her Hayley? Even off here, you've been calling her Hayley Sproul every time. There's not like another Hayley. It's not like there's three Hayleys in the class, so it's like.

It's a sign of respect, I think. Yeah, no, it is. Lady Sproul. Miss Sproul. Yeah, yeah. Sure. So just before the show started, executive intern Anya said to me,

what happened to you over summer? You've not written anything in this little email of a personal nature. And I said, I don't know, what do you want from me? And so I said, I can offer up the fun story of how I made hay. She rolled her eyes and I said, pencil it in. So here we are. You make, because I saw this

on your Instagram story, you actually made hay with a tractor and the thing on the back, the baler. I was like, what is dripping to you? I didn't drive the tractor. Who was driving it? It was Simon from down the road. Ah, Simon from down the road. Who I'm guessing

has a tractor. What do you mean you made hay? It's not something you make, is it? Well, where else would it come from? Mother Earth. Oh, yeah, well, no, but that's so I had to manage my pasture. I just feel like you're taking full credit for this hay. Yeah. Well, I had to

manage my pasture. So you let the grass go real long. Yeah. That's what you could have said. Manage my pasture. Yeah. I didn't mow my lawn. You basically didn't mow your paddock. Yeah, I didn't. But I had to keep the stock fed.

Right. I had to manage their expectations of food. Stock, they're your children. Call them by their names. I had to say, stay out of the grass, children. And I had to feed them a little bit, a little bit, because they could see the grass growing next door. Yeah, right.

And they had moo and bar and whatever, like goats bar as well. But it's more of a, is that why we decided when we saw McDonald's? Had a farm. Do goats bleat? On that farm you had a goat with a bleat bleat here and a bleat bleat there. Yeah. No. It's a bar and a ma, isn't it?

No, you're wrong. I was going bar for sheep, ma for goat. How many did you get? 75 conventionally sized bars. 75? Wow. I know. I'm impressed and I don't even know what you're talking about.

But conventional size are those ones that you can pick up. Yeah. Because they make them real big now and you have to pick them up with your tractor. Because what are those ones that you see in paddocks and they put like a big giant condom on them? Yeah, they're wrapped. Bailage. Yes. That's bailage.

So hay you have to cut and let it dry. Oh, yeah. And then you bail it. But bailage, you cut it and you bail it almost straight away. And then it goes in that wrap and it sits in the sun and it like ferments. It's like kombucha for cows. Oh, delicious. Yeah, because it's the fermentation and it's good for the gut, isn't it?

What's that other stuff that ferments, the cabbage-y stuff? Yeah, sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. It's like sauerkraut made from grass. Huh. Yeah. Wow. So that's the stuff you can do straight away,

but hay you have to have a streak of fine weather because you don't know what your hay getting wet when it's on the ground. Right. It's got to be bale dry because then if you put it away and it's been packed in, so that machine that goes around the baler, it scoops up the hay and there's this thing smashing it and then it wrap puts the string around it right and then the it puts the string on for you yeah but you're so excited so what's simon's fee for bringing his tractor down? Did you have to give him one?

So, the What? Like a bail of hay? I was going to say Oh, jeez No, I didn't give him one I paid him You paid him?

I paid him Yeah, okay You pay He comes down, he cut it It's a service He flicked it Right Well, there was a lot of time

He flicked it You gave him one. He came down and cut the grass, and then he came straight back and flicked the grass. Kind of like turn it over to get the sun on all the squares. I'm lost in this innuendo, to be honest. And then he bails it. But you literally made hay while the sun shone.

While the sun shone, I made hay. Wow. Yeah. I was really excited. And it smells real nice. You just huff it afterwards. The smell of hay. I sat in the shed for a minute. It smells like sweet. It's hard to explain how grass can smell sweet. Right.

The imagery of you baling hay all day and then sitting there huffing it is quite something, Bourne. Yeah. I'm pleased with that. Honestly, what a holiday. Good times. Can you bring some in? I want to see it.

Have you never seen hay? I could bring a baler. I'm from the city, okay? I could bring a baler. I want to see it. Have you never seen hay? I could bring a bale of hay in. I'm from the city, okay? I could bring a bale of hay in. I'm from the city. We don't have those things in the city. All right, Hayley. It's all sex in the city, isn't it?

There's hay in the country. Yeah. Or sex in the country if Simon pops out at the right time and you can't afford to pay him. Poor Simon. Simon, I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement. Oh, my Lord. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Damn it. I wanted to say this is a bunch of horse shit, but it comes from the Harvard Medical Branch, the branch of Harvard University. Yeah, okay. So it's medical stuff. Could still be. Ah, human.

Yeah, but it's kind of good. Yep. But it's also bad. It's about expiration dates on food. But then this shouldn't be news to anybody because it's different foods. And also there's a difference between an expiration date and a best before. What's the news? It's that it could be bad for you and shorten your life significantly

if you eat food past the expiration date. Now, that should be no surprise, but some foods worse, obviously, more critical than others. Well, like you say, there's a difference between that and a best before. Yes. Because I'll always squeeze a bit of best before. Same. Yeah.

Because it's best before, but still okay-ish now. Okay, so here's something that happened to me over the holidays. We, a friend and I were... Is this safe for a broadcast? Absolutely. A friend and I were having a cheese board

with some other friends and they were hosting and they had made the cheese plateau. Who was hosting? The friends. This is a... Because you said friend

with you. So I'm with a friend and we go visit her friends and they put on a cheese board. Okay, yes. Crackers, all kinds of different things. As all hosts should.

The camembert, I'm like, this is different. What kind of camembert is this? Yum, yum, yum, yum. Anyway, later on, we're cleaning up and I see the best before date. The reason it was all like different is because it had gone manky. Tangy. And it was really tangy camembert. And it was like best before October.

I was like, you can't serve your guests best before October. Eat that yourself, you know, if you must, but don't serve your guests best before cheese. I mean, cheese is mould. Yeah, and that was the only thing I was like, you know what, like

maybe in the future I'll dip into some Best Before Camembert if it's a month old. My mother-in-law freezes her cheese. Tell me more. Is she a serial killer? Because sometimes after there's been a soiree,

and if you host, you know how everyone just like leaves everything behind? You're like, oh, don't forget your cheese. No, you keep that. You're like, oh, don't forget your cheese. And they're like, no, you keep that. And you're like, damn. Left with a lot of knobs and stuff as well. Yeah, and then you're like, well, could I freeze this? So does it work? No.

So she'll freeze it, and then the only thing you can do is grate it afterwards. Yeah, it's good to grate into cooking. Just leave it in the fridge and grate it in, or make it like a five-cheese mac and cheese. It's like, you know, when you leave parmesan in the fridge too long and it becomes a brick. Yes. But you can still grate it into a meal and have the flavour. Yes. So that's what happens. She grates

it from frozen. Yeah. Good living, everybody. There you go. Does this study from Harvard mention any foods that we should definitely not eat? It said they did a whole lot of tests on fruit flies and mice on different types of old food. Yeah.

And they found that old food consistently shortened each of the sample lifespans by 10%. Well, and if you're a mouse, that's not long. Well, when you're a fruit fly, it's even shorter. Yeah. This was the weird part. When it came to the mice, it seemed that the old food only shortened the lifespan

of the female mice. The male mice lived the weird part. When it came to the mice, it seemed that the old food only shortened the lifespan of the female mice. The male mice lived the full life. This is the patriarchy at action again. So that's probably best where you eat all the leftovers, to be honest. That's why your dad can eat the mints in the fridge when it's orange. Bit of mints and a bit of spag bol and it's been sitting there for five days. He's like, forgot about that. I'd rather orange mints than grey mints.

Uncooked grey mints. Oh yeah, gets a grey on it. That kind of greeny grey. You're like, where'd the brown go? It's drained away. Dad'll still eat that though. Waste not, want not. Of course he will. I'm just going to find the sweet spot to hold my ZM. From the triangular ZM think tank, this is the top six.

I'm just going to find the sweet spot to hold my headphones in. There it is. I think that's it. The top six things are sea creatures of the Waitemata Harbour thought when the USA Magic boat crashed yesterday. Did you see the headline in the paper? Open that. American tragic. boat crashed yesterday. Did you see the headline in the paper? Open that. Oh.

American Tragic. Oh, because it's American Magic. Yeah. But tragic rhymes with magic and they suffered a sort of tragedy.

Yeah. That's very clever, isn't it? Yeah. But, you know, given what's happening back home. Not really tragedy,

is it? Really down there on the list of American tragedies. Yeah. Happening at present. Why? What's happening back home. Not really tragedy, is it? Really down there on the list of American tragedies. Yeah. Happening at present. Why, what's happening? Oh, nothing.

It's just burning to the ground. It's truly on fire. Nothing much. Did anybody else think when this happened, oh, Dean Barker. Yeah. A bit embarrassing, isn't it? Oh, yeah.

Not really. Not really. No. But he left us to go to them. Yeah. Or did we fire him? No, I think they just paid him more. Yeah.

They paid him more. Something tells me America has a little bit more money than us. I mean, something we all would have done, but it's just nice to rag on him, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when we did the same with Russell Coots and Brad Butterworth. Remember when they left? We're like, fine, off then. Get out, we didn't even want you.

We were heartbroken, weren't we? So that crash happened. But what about the people of the neighbourhood where it crashed? Not the people, the creatures of the neighbourhood where it happened. Well, we went here at the Top Six and we interviewed sea creatures about what they thought when the USA Magic crashed yesterday. Number six on the list are dolphins. They said, ha, ha, ha, leave the jumping out of the water to us.

Yeah, right. Okay, good. Which is their forte, isn't it? They get scarily out of the water and fast, eh? Like, it's nuts to watch. They don't even look like they're swimming. I always hate it when they get under the nose of the boat. Because, you know, they swim along. You're hate it when they get under the nose of the boat.

Because, you know, they swim along. You're going to get chewed up. We're going to hit you. They're smarter than us, aren't they? Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. What did he do?

Out of calm. I was on the inter-island ferry and I was looking for dolphins and there were none. Oh, so sorry. Hey, if any of your friends saw dolphins over summer, you definitely know it because they put it on Instagram. Oh, yeah, I would have Instagrammed that shit in a second. You don't actually see them. Yeah, you just see it through a little screen. Yes.

Number five on the list of the top six sea creature reactions in the Waitemata Harbour yesterday after the USA Magic Bow Crash. A starfish? Yeah. Nothing. Yeah. Number four. No reaction from the starfish.

No. Sure. Famously mellow. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can pick them up and throw them. Well, you're not meant to. You're definitely not meant to, but you can, but it doesn't mean you should.

No. And they're just like, yeah. Float, float, float, float. Number four on the list of the top six sea creature reactions on the Waitemata Harbour yesterday when we hit the water

to ask them what they thought of the USA magic crash. Snapper? Yeah. Don't eat us. That was what they said. Right. Famously, we love to eat them.

Oof. They're always the most expensive fish when you ring the fish and chip shop. Like two bits of fish? Oh yeah, do you always ask what fish options there are and then pick the middle one? Yeah.

Yeah. Terikiki. Snapper. Gurnard. Shark. Marco Shark. Yep. I know it's going to be gamey,

but it's only $3 a piece. I'll take it. Number three on the list of the top six sea creature reactions to the America's Cup crash yesterday. Whales. We spoke to whales. They said, that'll teach you. You're all singing that old sea shanty song about killing us.

How do you think that makes us feel in 2021? And that's right, because that sea shanty song that everyone's loving, that's about whaling. That's about killing whales. Bring it back. Yeah. Bring back killing whales. Sorry, move on.

Bring back sea shanties. They are back. Yes. But not the killing whale bit. Nothing used to light an oil lamp like whale blah, blah, blah. Take me back. The smell and everything. Number two on the list of the top six sea creature reactions

to the USA magic boat crash. Seals, we talked to them and they said, oh great, more plastic in the ocean. Thanks humans. Yeah. I said predominantly carbon fibre and they said, that's what you said about that TV you threw in the harbour last week, Thorne. And I said, hey! And number one on the list of the top six sea creature

reactions to the USA magic boat crash yesterday on the Waitematā Harbour. We spoke to an octopus and they said, this is sweet revenge on Dean Barker of Barker's Track Pants for not making an eight-legged track pant. I thought that was a fair call. Fair call. That is fair. I'll support that. Because they've got eight legs. They'd have to buy

four pairs of Barker's Track Pants. That's his family. $800. They're not cheap. They do that. Now, does he do the juice cordial as well? Because that's delicious. No, different Barkers. How can they still call themselves barkers. How can they still call themselves... That is a premium cordial.

How can they still... Because I'll tell you what, the lemon... What's that? Lemon and aloe flower. Oh, yeah. It's delicious with the gin. They do a fine chutney as well

with a malty cheese. So it's not the people that do the track pants. How many barkers are there? How can they use the same name? Barkers of Geraldine. They're Barkers with the juice. They're the South Island Barkers.

Are they related to Dean Barker in any way or the TrackPant family in any way? I am on their website now. I will contact them and I will ask them. I like that. That's a question. Good. They've got an Instagram. This is going to get me a quicker answer.

No one's reading the email forms, are they? The nation must know. Barkers of Geraldine, I'll ask them. We'll let you know soon on the show, hopefully, when I get a reply from their social media team. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Saw a Reddit post yesterday that concerned me greatly

and I thought we needed to deal with this on the show. I'm certainly not meaning to hype panic, but this is a PSA for central Aucklanders. A user on Reddit wrote, don't touch the crossing buttons at traffic lights with your hands. I was driving down Queen Street yesterday and watched a guy pull out his penis. Wow.

And start urinating on the over-crossing button. I thought he was going to boop it. No shame. The city has gone so far downhill lately. You know how when you approach the crossing and you get your elbow ready or your knee?

Sometimes, if I'm feeling flexible, I'll use my foot. But you don't ever pull out your Johnson and give it a boop. No. I'll hip boop it. Yep. Elbow, back of the hand, never the fingers. Never the phalanges.

No. Never the flat palm. Never the flat palm. Never the face. Huh? Never the face. Sometimes the face. Maybe a kid could do a head butt.

That'd be the right height. Do we know which Because I obviously walk down Queen Street every day after work To and from but I don't I'm a jaywalker so Bad boy for a regular inner city badass I'll try not to push the button

Well Certainly won't be touching it now But this is the reason you shouldn't press Any buttons ever anyway. No. Like if you use the ATM, I'm always knuckles. And I wouldn't say I'm a germ freak.

But knuckles are still your hands. Germs will crawl from the knuckle to the tip. If you're going to itch your face, you're not knuckling your cheek, are you? Do you imagine, like when you said about how germs will crawl, do you imagine as soon as you touch it with your knuckle, is there sort of a thing in your head?

Is this how like germaphobic people work? They just imagine it immediately beginning an invasion of the body from that entry point. Like ringworm, yes. I don't know. Yeah, just spreads. That's not how I think. No.

What do you think? The germs just move into that one area and are happy. They just stay on the knuckle until I hand sanitise or I wash my hands. They just wait to be eradicated. Well hand sanitise or I wash my hands. They just wait to be eradicated. Well, next time try your penis. Yeah. That is disgusting.

Yeah. Wow. That's gross. But it makes me think about what people won't touch because you said ATMs. I never touch the handrail on escalators. You never do. Oh, no, no, no. Never.

I'll put my elbow on it if I'm wearing like a hoodie or a sweatshirt. Yeah. But even a bare elbow, that's alright, isn't it? I'm hands up the whole time. Yeah. Don't touch a single thing. Yeah. I always say to the children, don't touch the sides. Yeah. Use me for support. Yeah. And I'll go one leg on the step down to provide extra support. That's terrible parenting because they're gonna be

teenagers and you're not gonna be there and they're gonna wobble. And they'll fall. You've to set them free at some stage. If my largest worry when my two daughters are teenagers are they might wobble a little on an escalator, God, wouldn't I be so... God, they're out late. I hope they're not wobbling on an escalator.

But they could be because you haven't taught them. I hope they're not wearing jandals on an escalator. You haven't taught them to hold on. I hope they're not wearing jandals on an escalator. You haven't taught them to hold on. I hope they're not taking a shopping trolley on an escalator. Could we take some calls now? And, I mean, I don't know, maybe you're not even a germaphobe, but are there things that you just don't touch? Because I know some people will wear gloves if they have shopping trolleys.

Oh, yeah. Although, you know, if you're wearing a hoodie or a sweatshirt. Well, there's the hand sanitising stations at most. Yeah. Or you get a wipe, don't you, there's the hand sanitising stations at most. Yeah. Or you get a wipe, don't you, and you wipe your trolley handles. Yeah. But is there something that you just don't touch?

And maybe when you go to like an ATM or you use something in public, you have to, I don't know, take a pen or something or a stick. And what's the origins? What's the origins of your fear of touching this thing? All right. Did you see someone rubbing their genitals on it once?

Or you saw like this guy in Queen Street yesterday urinating on a button. Can we get confirmation from Auckland City Council that those get a rinse every now and then? A wipe? How often do you think those get a rinse? I don't know. You know when you see that little guy going down the street in a golf cart with the sweepy things. Yeah, I see that most mornings, but I don't see him. Maybe you should stop and give it a spray wipe. He can't drive the thing up the pole.

Give that a scrub. He's focusing on the concrete. Just a PSA. It's a public service announcement from a Reddit user saying that they had seen someone urinating on the crossing buttons on Queen Street. I want to apologise for that.

Pardon me? That would be very crossing buttons on Queen Street. I want to apologise for that. Pardon me? You want to apologise? That would be a very impressive feat. For a female to do. The hip thrust would be intense. So I would have imagined you would have backed up onto it. Oh, we have different images of me doing that. See, I'd imagine it would involve a stepladder.

Just purely for everything. Carrying around a small box. Anyway, it's got us on to the things that you just won't touch. Yeah, what don't you touch? When you're in public. Some very good points coming in. Okay. And a lot of them I do, and I didn't even know about it. Somebody said never push a door at the standard height.

Like never use the handles on a door. You always either grab it above. That's a good school person's... Heather, you've called and you do this as well. Where will you push the door open? Yeah, so I'll always push it above where I think people are going to push, usually above the push sign. See, I do this as well here at work in public toilets,

but I'm thinking now if everyone's like you and I, we're all pushing it the same way. Yeah, we're all pushing it the same way. I think the grubby non-hand washers would use the standard height though because they don't care, obviously, because they've not washed their hands. Yeah, good point. But if you're reaching high, you'll probably wash your hands because you're worried

about that sort of thing. Definitely. I think it's easier for a tall person to do. Yeah, and also, because all the grubby small people can't reach as high as we can. How tall are you, Heather?

Grubby small people? I'm just under six foot. Oh, I'm just under six foot. We're grabbing at the same place, babe. We're all right. So we're all right up there. Yeah, we're high graders.

And we've all cleaned our hands so we're good. Yeah, do you guys all wash your hands? Yeah, we're good. Absolutely. Not like those grubby small people.

That's horrible little under five and Not like those grubby small people. That's right. Those horrible little under five and a half foot grubby little trolls. They should have their own toilet. Little gnomey grubs. They should have their own toilet. Segregate the heights.

Laura. Six, nine, five, nine and above. Laura, you won't touch anything in a public bathroom. No. So I use toilet paper for every sort of step process of going to the bathroom.

And actually, I just remembered that when I was a young kid, my Nana's sister, she used to get a strip of toilet paper and actually put it over the toilet seat. So she used to not let me sit down on the toilet without the toilet paper. Wait, and this is on every toilet, not just the public toilet? No, not every toilet, just public toilet. When you say you don't touch anything, do you do the hover?

You know, like the sort of wall sit, quad burn, hover above the loo? Quad burn, definitely. You've got to do that. Oh, I don't have the quads to do that. Because I do that. I hover slightly above, but I remember reading once that that's actually more unhygienic. Really? Why?

Or more chance of... Splash factor. Because of height. So when you're adding more height... You're dropping it from a... If you're well hydrated. And then, of course, the germs that come up from that actually less than if you just put toilet paper. Because sometimes I'll get a little bit of toilet paper if I'm in like like if you have to stop at the gas station or whatever

and i'll open the door with the square of toilet paper yes and then put that back in the toilet here at work they need a rubbish bin outside the toilet yeah to deposit the hand towel and that you've used to open the door to get out yeah and what about what about the hand dryers the dyson because if i touch the edges of those or the manky bit of water at the bottom, I'll wash my hands again. Yeah, they're disgusting. I do use the same,

I do the same toilet paper for every step for a flush to open the door. I've also taught my 10-year-old son does the same. So if he needs to lift the toilet lid, he uses toilet paper to do it. If there's no urinal,

it's just... Yeah. Yeah, I said I wasn't a germ freak, but I'm sounding like I am one, eh? Yeah. Just hygienic. You've got quite a bit of eczema going on your hands there. Somebody said they once saw somebody,

speaking of the Dyson hand dryers, these are the ones you put your hands in, you slowly remove them and it blows the water down. I like them. Don't get me wrong, I'm an advocate. They saw someone drying their genitals in the child height one. Oh, dear. Would that be a bit harsh on the balls?

Could you put the balls and the penis in at the same time? It's a Dyson. That thing has power. You'd be better to swipe it across like an EFTPOS card, wouldn't you, if you were doing it that way? Just because to pull it out the top, you could get caught. Wow. Okay, now I'm not using the Dyson either.

No. Somebody said when they were a child, they saw a kid standing at the bottom of an escalator coughing onto the handrail. There you go. And they've never touched them since. Who's letting their child unattended go? Flesh, Vauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM.

1st of Feb, 7.30, TVNZ2. It's the first step of the Bachelorette NZ. Oh, I'm very excited. I'm a real Bachelorette addict. And Jack, welcome to the studio. Jack Beecroft, one of the hopefuls vying for Lexi's heart. Welcome. Great to have you. More in a team.

Thanks for having me. Jack, have your head braces, Jack? I have, yes. Great teeth. Great teeth. Great teeth. Thank you. Your parents loved you, did they? They did.

Mine didn't. Interesting. Mine didn't either. I was like, no, can you chew with them? You'll be right there. Can I look at your teeth, Paul? They're great teeth. They're good.

All right. They could be better. So you're doing the looking for love? Yeah. On TV? On TV. What made you want to do that? I'm asking myself the same question, to be honest.

I think COVID made me do a little bit. Got a bit lonely, got a bit, yeah, quiet there and just thought, hey, why not throw my hat in the ring and see how we go. It took a global pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well. I had way too much time the global pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well.

I had way too much time on my hands, so... Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. So it says here, your dream girl, you're looking for someone independent, fun-loving,

friendly, and easygoing. Yeah. Is she out there? Take those off. I'm sure she is. Yep. It's not me.

I'm the opposite of all these, son. Right. They're very cliche, but... Or very highly strung. Yeah. Right. It's all filmed I'm the opposite of all these sons Right They're very cliche Or I'm very highly strung Yeah Right It's all filmed It is

And obviously you can't tell us too much about what went down But do you think looking back you're going to come across good? Or are you going to be like a villain? Oh yeah Because you know some people have no idea how they edit it And then they edit like They'll pull a scene from another scene that they filmed And you'll have a reaction that's different.

You were dressed as a Nazi? Yeah. And they take the tile out of context. Well, of course they're going to make me look bad. It's hard to look good when you're dressed as a Nazi. I mean, you look good because they were snapper uniforms, but, you know. Yeah, there was no hailing going on. Good, good, good. Jack, clever good jack i think we're all right yeah without um giving away too much we i'm yet to meet

lexi what's she like lexi's cool she's a little firecracker um there's a sparkle in his eyes guys the girl's life been described as a firecracker a little firecracker i I don't know. Is that the saying? I think I'm a cracker bit. She's got a spark. She's got a spark. There you go. Because that makes it sound crazy. She's a firecracker. She went crazy one night.

A little bit of crazy is all good. A little bit of crazy is all right. Okay. So last season, there was a real boys, boys, boys energy. Like, I didn't know if it was about meeting love or just meeting the boys pack. What's the gang like this year? The gang's a good gang. I think it's a little bit similar this season as well.

I mean, yeah, I think they struggle with us a little bit because we're all such good friends by the end of it. It's kind of hard to get drama around when you're all mates. They want you to turn on each other. There were punch-ups and the likes usually in Bachelorette seasons. Can we expect the same? You have to wait and see. Is there a mole this season? likes usually in bachelorette seasons. Can we expect the same? You have to wait and see. Oh, don't. Yeah.

Is there a mole? Is there a mole this season? Do you remember when they popped that question? And everyone was like, this guy is a bit out of place. But oh well, we'll roll with it. Well, it's a seal. Oh. It's a seal.

I hope so. That's something a mole would say. Yeah, that's something a mole would say. They thought I was a mole for a bit on screen. Because that's the thing. You go into what you would have seen last season, you'd then, the mole might not work as well this time

because everyone would be like, well, are they a mole? I was a bit quiet to begin with, so they were kind of like, oh, this guy's a bit reserved, like what's he about, you know? He's the mole, yeah. Okay.

Hey, interesting. Do you guys know your love language? Yes, we did this last, I'm big spoon, eh? Is that what I am? You're a we did this last... I'm Big Spoon, eh? Is that what I am? You're Little Spoon. I know I'm Big Spoon. You're Baby Koala.

So mine's words of affirmations, both giving and receiving. And yours is acts of service? Yes. Like what acts of service? Are you a volunteer fireman? No, not yet. But maybe that's a future job for me down the line if this doesn't work out.

So that's like doing things for other people. Yeah, yeah. I like, I don't know, just being helpful wherever I can. Massages. Oh, yeah. Carrying bags. And then in turn, do you like people to do things for you? Not necessarily.

Oh, okay. One way street, you're a giver. You'll give the massage and then not expect one back. That's perfect. Oh, no, I'm a receiver. I don't mind giving a little massage as long as I get a little massage. So I'm both a giver and a taker.

Versatile. Versatile. See, I'll get the massage and then they'll want one and I'll do a minute and then I'm like, that's enough. Just slap them on the back and they're good to go.

How good's that? You do that thing they do when they're wrapping up a massage. And then make yourself the victim. You just do those final slaps and you're like, oh, here we go. You're like, I've got pins and needles in my hand. I once got a massage so bad that I cried.

Oh. From your... No, from my voice. Please, stop. Enjoy the massage. Very excited to have you in the studio, Jack. Well, yeah, and it's back. The first of Feb, 7.30, TVNZ 2.

The first episode of The Bachelorette NZ. Good luck. Look forward to watching you. Coming up... Ooh, that was a bit pervy. How's this? I've been watching too much Bridgerton. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Light page, executive intern, Arnie to the studio, please. Into the studio. So, Vaughan, you arrived later than everyone else. Hayley knows this now. We're all here just after five. Yep. And Vaughan saunters in around 5.30. Well, I did the mail run when I got to work,

and I collected all the mail for everybody. There's nothing for you. There was something. Oh, no, actually, there's a couple of little letters, but they didn't look like juicy. It didn't look like anything. Oh, that was my Dollar Shave Club that I've tried to unsubscribe from like five times. I've got so many

goddamn razors. I think I'm good for life. They keep sending me every month. I'm like, I'm not going through this many. Are you still paying? Shave your arms. Yeah, I don't know how to... I've got to put another effort into cancelling it. It's really not hard. Well, Executive Intern Anya joins us in studio.

It was something that I found in the mailroom addressed to you. I feel sick. That I would like. Here we go. I now present to the court. I now present to the court the Easy Buy catalogue. Address to Anna Henvest. To Graham Street. Kira ZM.

You get the Easy Buy catalogue? Jesus, do you get the Post-it Plus? Please explain. I'm actually so relieved. I thought I might have accidentally got an adult fun toy delivered to work. So this is a real relief. Oh no, we would absolutely encourage that. I've got five of those sent to my home.

I thought this was, when you said it was about mail that arrived here, I thought I'd been sent the other five here. Adult toy megastores, send me the top five sellers from 2020. Hashtag influencer. That's me. No batteries, though. Most of them are rechargeable. Just interest there.

So easy buy. Do you want to be putting those so close to your computer to recharge? On a USB? Do you trust this device? Absolutely not. God, no. Look at it. What does it do?

The thing with the Easy Buy catalogue is I was also a culprit of this. I had Easy Buy catalogues delivered to me because I think I bought a quilt from there maybe 10 years ago, which is the only thing. What, was it backseat of your car? So what was the last thing you bought from Easy Buy? I've only ever bought one thing and it was mum's Christmas present. How many years ago? Last year.

Oh right, so this is your first. This is your inaugural Easy Buy catalogue. These are seasonal. I think they come four times a year. Oh wow, okay. Wow. Oh my god. Should we pick something? I think they come four times a year. Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. Oh my god. Should we pick something?

I think you'd look good. Now, I'm just going to hazard a guess. I haven't opened one for decades. Is everything in there floral? Yes, yes, yes. I present to the court a very floral page of blouses. Is this something you would wear? It's not, but mum gets it and we will

quite often sit down together and like go through the catalogue and mark out potential like blouses for her to get. Does it still have the order page that was perforated that you could rip that you could fill in and you would rip out and you would post to them and they would send it or is it all online now?

Well they've posted this. I feel like the models and the age of the models rather doesn't represent your average easy buy customer. I feel like the models and the age of the models, rather, doesn't represent your average Easy Buy customer. I'd imagine no other place would get as many people ordering and then getting it and then trying it on and being like, oh, it didn't look like this in the catalogue. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

And how many catalogues will you receive per item you buy? Yeah. Oh, God. The ratio's not good. Good luck. Thanks so much. Oh, she's flicking through already. Oh, God. The ratio's not good. Good luck. Thanks so much. Oh, she's flicking through already. Yeah, I might actually have a wee browse.

Okay, to be fair, there are some nice looking things that they're out there. Oh, absolutely. And they do sell a fine quilt. Right. Good linen sheets. Oh, do they?

Oh, yeah, yeah. They've got a good bed wear section. Fletch isn't convinced he's a thread wear snob. Yeah, I have a high Thread count Oh no no They're really good They're really good

You pay the price But you get quality You're big easy by money Fletch, Fawn and Megan The Podcast ZM I'm all Get started

I'm all Get started Get started Don't get Fletch started Don't get Fletch started In here Don't get Fletch started Don't get Fletch started. Don't get Fletch started in here. Don't get Fletch started. Don't get Fletch started in here.

Ah. Just before we get into Don't Get Fletch Started. Yep. Anybody get a massage over summer? Only, I was going to say only privately. Not a public massage. Not under the escalator at the mall. I didn't.

Is it technically a private massage? If they pull the curtain, it is. Okay, yeah. No, I had, you know, I had some lovely rubs from my partner. I'm just kidding. I had a couple of lovely rubs. A couple of lovely rubs. I did not pay for a massage.

Right, okay. But I'm a big fan. Big fan. A couple of lovely rubs. I did not pay for a massage. Right, okay. But I'm a big fan. Big fan of massages? Oh, yeah. I love one. You know I'm a big fan because after I climbed the beautiful Monga in the backyard in Tabernakee, I was feeling very sore. So I didn't use those parts of my legs and body for a while, walking up a giant seat mountain.

And I was like, you know what? The next day I'm going to treat myself and get a massage. Where do you go in New Plymouth for a massage? Well, that's the thing, because I didn't know if people in small towns know how to do massages. Most massage joints in New Plymouth would be a different situation. I guess.

No, but they've actually got a few proper legit places. Oh, good. Because that's the thing. You know around your area where the legit ones are and where the not legit ones are because you've got to do your research. Wait, are the legit ones actual sports massages

or are the legit ones the ones that will go the extra mile? Because I'm confused as to what you would consider legit. Those are the non-legit ones. Okay, non-legit.

I'm sure you can opt out. Right? If you've got... Would they give you a lovely rub... A lovely rub? Lovely rub leading up to the point where they're going to do that bit. You can just be like, I'm good. Well, anyway, I found a place and this is what tipped me off is the price difference

between the oil massage and the non-oil massage. Right, the hot oil. And this is what I was saying to you before when we were talking about massages off air, which got me going, is you're telling me you can't buy oil for a couple of dollars. It should be one or two dollars more because it makes

it easier for them to massage you. Here are my reasons why. Their fingers don't go down your back. Oh, yeah. They don't grip your skin And so especially if you know The person you're massaging is gross It's just easier

And it smears it more doesn't it So it's easier to massage I didn't ask for oil and the massage is like yeah but you're gross I need my hands to slide I need a barrier I'd be like it's complimentary we're doing this And the other reason is They have all that,

there's like five minutes of towel rubbing you down. So they soak up the oil and then they go away and they get a hot towel. That's minutes you don't have to be touching them. Oh, right. It's actually in their benefit to do an oil massage. Every time. Because then there's less massaging time. They're not using $15 of oil.

No, and that's the thing. Look at this. Olive Arnie, I'm on the Countdown website, Olive Arnie, olive oil, extra virgin, 500 mils.

I've never had a massage and it smelt like I was an olive afterwards. 500 mils for $9. Now, I don't know what oil they're using, but it'll be cheaper than Olive Arnie

and this is $9. So, even if, like, I mean, come on, it should be $2 max. Because I would have thought it would be clean up. Yeah. But then they probably have to wash the towels and everything anyway. And you leave big greasy marks on the leather table and, you know, there is a lot of extra work. I don't know.

I think the price difference of $15 to $20 extra is too much. Is that on an hour? Is that on an hour? That's on the hour, yeah. Okay. Could you ask them for just a couple of drops to sort of ease the pain of that juddery burn? Could you take your own?

Of skin? P.Y.O. Oh, my God. I bet you people have done that. Get a little Sistema. P.Y.O. Full of your olivine. And have done that. Get a little Sistema. B.Y.O. Full of your olivani. And they dip their fingers in.

No, you need a squirt bottle. You can't just have a Sistema click-clack thingy. Full of your olivani from Countdown. Collect the grease from your barbecue. Yeah. And put it in one of those B.Y.O. spray bottles. Nothing like beef drippings to get the old shoulders relaxed. Oh, yeah.

Smell like a pot roast. I think the industry needs to look at itself. I wouldn't get a dry massage if you paid me to. Oh, no, it's horrible. That's the thing, you've got to do the oil because otherwise they judder up your back. Yeah, I mentioned it before. I got one in a mall.

I won't name the place, but it was one of those ones where it was dry and... Through the clothes? Through the clothes, you know, really like ripping the skin. And I cried into the chair. And the Kiwi way, I didn't say a word for an hour. Did they say, is that okay? And you were like, yep.

Yep. He asked me if the pressure was fine. And I said, mm-hmm, it's nice. As tears strolled down my cheeks. I was bruised. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan The podcast We learnt yesterday

She kept us quiet At the time Very quiet Very quiet at the time Weeks have gone by There was a lot of chat About the fact that Executive intern Anya

Who much like myself Is a boomer in nature Like a quiet time don't we Oh you go to the club Every now and then. I've worked out that four hours is my people threshold. Yeah, yeah. And I can use that at any point of the day.

Yeah. But once I get to that four hours, I'm like, I've had enough. I will be going. Social exhaustion. Yeah, I'm done. Yeah, me too. Me too. So a three-day festival, as you'll realise, goes outside of that.

It definitely exceeds the four hours. So you go to, I believe it's pronounced Jisban, to attend Rhythm and Veins. you are... I shouldn't laugh at that. It was very funny. You are camping. It's a soft G, you see. Okay. You are camping.

There's a tent. Run us through what happens You arrive You pull into Gisborne Yeah so I left it To very much the last minute I had

I was like Oh yeah I'll go to RMV for New Year's I'll go to RMV Didn't actually have a ticket So the only ticket's available Like a few days out With the VIP Premium camping

And I thought Heck There's no travel this year We'll buy it Mama is rolling Yeah So it was $650 Yeah and I thought, heck, there's no travel this year. We'll buy it. Mama is rolling. Yeah, so it was $650. Yeah.

What bucket did that come out of? Is it Barefoot Investor or Rich Dad Poor Dad? I have a new bucket called the Effort Bucket. Right, so there's buckets in your savings bucket and your splurging bucket. And these are just in your lounge. Like, are you worried that someone could break in and steal these? That's such a dad joke. Get out.

Yeah. So we get to R&B on the 28th. What did $650 include? As I later found out, not a lot. So your tickets. The ticket, we got flushing toilets. They were like kind of a port-a-com of... Oh, I'd pay good loads.

That's good. That's worth the money. Where was everybody else shitting? Portaloos. Vineyards. Yeah, peasants. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So we got there on the 28th, and that's kind of like a warm-up night. So we set up the tent, but I'd actually booked an Airbnb. Oh, my God. What bucket did that come out of? Was that part of the $6.50 or actually booked an Airbnb. Oh, my gosh. What bucket did that come out of?

Was that part of the $6.50 or additional? No, that was additional. Okay. So we set up the tent and we were like, okay, cool, spot reserved. Let's go to the Airbnb. We went to the Airbnb and there was a spa there. There was a lovely, friendly cat. It was very close. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

So you had the Airbnb for one night? Yes, because I knew going into this I was not good at camping, so I thought I'd have one night of good sleep. You put the luxury at the end. It wasn't available. You can't go from luxury back to poverty. No, I did it all in the wrong order. So I got there on the 29th, tent set up,

absolutely pissing down with rain. I was like, oh, this is not going well. Okay. And I saw Dave Dobbin. That was quite nice. Was he playing or did you just I thought you were bummed to do it all day The way you said that made it sound like you'd run into him and you had a chat

with Dave Dobbin He was on stage but then I got hungry so I went and got prawn dumplings so I missed slice of heaven and then at like 8 o'clock I felt a tickle and I was like oh god and I went to the tent and I was like oh god And I went to the tent And I was like I'll just have a 30 minute recharge

And then go back out But I couldn't and then I couldn't stop thinking That whole night I was like what if I'm the person That brings COVID into R&V So I self quarantined in the tent Wow Now you'll realise at this point I've only heard Three Dave Dobbin songs,

none of which I knew. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was a deluge of rain overnight, and the tent was not waterproof, we later discovered. We should have put the fly on. We did. Wait, no waterproofing.

$6.50. No, you have to BYO tent. Oh, my gosh. Wait, you had to BYO tent? I assumed you were saying some sort of glamping a rent or something. It was a few hundred dollars more. So we're BYO tent and we're in

between these lovely fellas who the whole night were screaming nice one brother the entire night. And then they started diving into tents. But I was still self-quarantining,

so I was just like yelling through the canvas, like, please stop. I've got COVID. I need to get a test. Don't dive into my tent, I've got COVID. And then the next morning, I woke up and I was feeling better. I was like, okay, this is a good sign.

I'll go and have a nice hot shower and then I'll reassess. And like the water was probably maybe three inches deep in the tent. Everything was soaked. We were pretty miserable. And then we went there and they were like, oh, so sorry, the showers are actually out of order.

So you have to go to the like normal camping showers. And that was it for me. I was like, time, I'm out. I can't do it. And then so you left the R&B. Yeah. After three Dave Dobbin songs. And the dumplings.

And the dumplings. I paid $150 to hear three Dave Dobbin songs. That's over $200 per song. It was very good, though. Yeah. And three songs you didn't even know. He's a national hero, but even I wouldn't pay that much. No, you did see the Ashley Bloomfield video.

So I really saw Ashley Bloomfield too. That was $50. And then $200 for a double and a half. The prawn dumplings were excellent though. And extra. I notice that Vaughan hasn't been too harsh on you. Yeah. You actually let me down very lightly.

I left him in Vines after one night too. Back in two... How old are you now? 24. Same age. Really? I had had enough. It was bonkers. You don't like people though. I don't like people. We were told we were in the quiet

area and then some guy ran over a tent in his car in the middle of the night and the guy was inside the tent and the guy was driving and the guy was apparently passed out drunk in the tent and the guy was driving and the guy was apparently passed out drunk in the tent getting dragged around and people were like, stop, you've run over

a tent. And the guy was like, whoo! And then when they eventually stopped and they pulled the tent out and this guy was like, what's happening? It's like, dude, you almost died. Imagine waking up and you're like, am I a caterpillar turning into a butterfly in this cocoon?

And then this guy was walking around with all the cans of double brownie drunk taped together saying, you shall not pass. I was like, we gotta go. I don't want to die here. It's 2021. Why are tents not better at this point? Why are they still wet and still foldable under a car? Yeah.

I don't know if a tent structural issue with car crashes is going to be fixed, but they're certainly waterproof. Carbon fibre, that's what we need to be building them out of. This is what we want to ask this morning and take some calls on. What were you in the middle of and you realised it wasn't for you? Maybe it was a festival.

Like Executive Internania, who realised during the middle of Rnv after paying 650 dollars oh my festivals aren't for her has anyone ever done opc the outdoor pursuit center yeah and halfway through just been like actually no no i don't like any of this i like inside because i think it's one of those things that looks cool because people only show you the cool part about it but you don't see the other parts where people really have to like

find their inner strength. Well, it could be anything. It doesn't need to be a festival but what did you find yourself in the middle of and maybe you'd committed to it and then you were like, you know what?

This just is not for me. Like a dry massage. Yes. Or you sign up for a hike or something. Like a multi-day hike. Yeah, and you're like, no. Like the El Camino, you know, and like the big walks. Yes. Or you sign up for a hike or something. Like a multi-day hike. Yeah, and you're like, no. Like the El Camino, you know, like the big walks. Yes.

And you're just like, you know what? I'm out of here. Thighs rubbing, feet hurting. 0800 DALES. You can text in as well, 9696. What were you in the middle of? And then you realised it wasn't for you. And talking about those things that you've got into,

you're in the middle of something, or maybe you've just begun, and then you realise, this isn't for me. Oh, no, I don't like this. Like Executive Internania at R&V, who realised VIP camping wasn't, even VIP camping wasn't for her. You don't even get a tent.

It doesn't sound very VIP. I think they need to change the levels of VIP. So we want to know from you, when did you maybe call it quits halfway through? All right, Caitlin, when did you call it quits? Laura. Laura, good morning. Good morning, how are we?

Laura, a.k.a. Caitlin, when did you call it quits? So I called it quits. I did a sale in Croatia, so it probably cost about $2,500. And I was really, really hoping for a quiet one. Which, okay, my fault. My fault. That's like going to R&V or going on a Kentucky

and saying, I hope I get a quiet one. We're going to find some we meet. No, you need to be on one of those Trafalgar tours that mum and dad do. I think it's called a cruise, isn't it? Yeah. Yes, and I think I would have thrived there because I did not thrive on this sail Croatia. Yeah. So we get onto the boat and there was no air con, which I was okay with,

but the friend I was with couldn't handle that. It was very hot thick of summers over there. And so we get on this boat. I got three nights in and I just couldn't hack a day. There was just like a whole, it was just non-stop partying in the middle of the ocean. People were going shots out of their assholes. And I thought, I've got to get off of this boat. I mean, Shelba gets in Leah quicker way probably,

yeah. But he's in out of it. Yeah, do you mean that they were putting them in the arsehole

or they were shotting them from someone else's arsehole? Someone else's. So you would lie down. Oh,

I think the strong arse would go in there. your arsehole and I would strip it out of your arsehole. Okay,

okay. Wow. That gorgeous sleep back there. E.coli. What else can you catch from that? No, but anyway. Hepatitis.

Hepatitis A and B. Sarah. Oh, my God. Sarah, what were you in the middle of and you were like, this isn't for me? I got four years into medical school and decided that being a doctor

was definitely not for me. Four years? What was the straw that broke the camel's back? I think it was just some of the stuff that I saw in the hospital and I was like,

yeah, I can do better than looking at this every day. I can do better than helping people. I agree. So what did you do? These three people are back from that rowdy South Croatia trip and they've got a shot glass stuck up their boob.

They deserve every injury they have. So what did you do after four years of med school then? I just, like, left and found a job, really. To pay off your four years of med school? Yeah, yep. Still going on that. What are you doing with yourself now? I'm just, like, working in environmental field work.

Right. That's the thing, if you're not happy, then, you know, good on you. Absolutely. Yeah, life's a long time, yep. Very true. All right, hey, thanks for your call. Caitlin, when did you get in the middle of something and you realised this isn't for me?

So I had bought a friend a present of wakeboarding in one of those zip line type ones where they have the line above on the dock. And yeah, about halfway out and I just swallowed so much water and I just kept falling flat on my face. And I just went, no, I'm done. And so I was stuck in the middle of the dock, just floating, going, just let me die. Leave me here. Wakeboarding, snowboarding, skiing, all of those things that look really cool. And you're like, I'm going to look so cool doing this.

Yeah. You realise that they require skill as well. Hey, thanks. You call some text messages. I decided I was going to play Women's Rugby League last year. Okay. Halfway through, I decided that this wasn't a good idea. They hit pretty hard.

I know. It hurts. I remember rugby at school. I was like, ouch. I'm not a sports person and I stand by it. I remember rugby at school. I was like, ouch. I'm not a sports person and I stand by it. I thought you were going to say halfway through I realised I wasn't a woman. I'm

running through these women. Somebody, a lot of people messaging in their relationships. They found out midway through their relationship that it wasn't really for them. Midway? Yeah. I like to find out at the end, to be honest. And I'm out. Somebody else,

quite a few people saying childbirth. They thought it was going to be quite a holistic situation. They were going to breathe through it. And then they decided halfway through that they'd made a horrendous mistake, but it was too late to put it back. You can't really leave that on day one, can you? And just go, nah, I'm out.

Well, then you've done the hard part. I want the VIP experience. Where's Dave Dobbin? Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. That was terrible, wasn't it?

How did I go? I feel like I threw it. You what? You threw it? Yeah, like I threw you guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe just hang back. Do you reckon?

In the next one. We'll lead and you just maybe, yeah. Note taken? Yep. Uh-huh. I might add some more lyrics in there. Skint on the lyrics? Skint on the lyrics.

It's an acapella. Big on the heart. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Today's fact of the day is about inner speech. Okay. This is inner speech to solve verbal problems.

I don't know this, but it's called elliptical inner speech. This is where you talk to yourself. Oh, yeah. To sort a problem out. Because some people don't do that, eh? Was that a thing on the internet last year? Some people like don't have an inner monologue. Yeah.

What do they hear? I don't know. What's their head full of? Empty this. Jeez, that's sad. I know. It's really weird that people don't play out. And sometimes other voices are in my head.

I know that doesn't sound right because they sound like they're telling me to do things, but they're not. But like if I'm imagining how a conversation would go with Fletch, I can play both parts. Maybe because I know I'm so well. And I hear his voice in my head as his part of that might be internal dialogue versus internal monologue. So this is a news article. According to Holbert, who must be some kind of psychologist or something, estimates that an inner monologue is a frequent thing for 30 to 50% of people. So that would mean like there could be

half of people that don't have anything in their head. We're just sitting quietly. What's happening? Maybe I'm misunderstanding what an inner monologue is, but it's thinking. It's a commentary, right? You're just like, oh, you're doing this. I'm talking to myself all day long. Yeah.

I'm my own best friend. Or is it when you're doing things, you're kind of doing a commentary as well? What, like a VO? Hayley walks up to the bathroom. She grabs it and presses it to her lips. Yeah. I don't know why I made it sexy. I guess if that's what you're thinking about internally. But sometimes if you're like listening to a podcast or reading a book and then you're like, hold on, I haven't been paying attention for two pages or two minutes. Oh yeah, yeah. Because I've been talking to myself.

Having another story. So I've wondered, what is the rate of inner speech? How many words a minute do you think your brain talks to itself at? Heaps, I reckon. Heaps. I mean, I'm a fast talker anyway, but I reckon it's a bit faster in the head as well.

Mm-hmm. So per minute. How many, what's normal? Extended word count. So what they did is they asked people to solve problems, and then once they'd solved them, they timed how long it took them to solve them, and they said, okay, we need to know, re-speak now your thought process on that and what you heard internally as it was going. And then they write down the words, how long it takes you to vocalise it versus how long

it took you to solve the problem in your mind. 4,000 words a minute you are capable of talking to yourself. Wow. We've got a supercomputer up there, don't we? Yeah, we do. It's really humming. Wow. Because you know, sometimes you'll like be talking about something

and then there's a period of quiet and then you might laugh and someone's like, what are you thinking about? And you say, oh, trains. And they're like, what made you think of trains? And then you follow back how you got to thinking about trains from talking about the mishandling of dairy exports to Russia in the 1980s. Was there a mishandling? I don't know if it was a mishandling.

Oh, boy, was there? I had no idea. They tried to give us a nuclear submarine for butter. Why didn't we take that? We were anti-nuclear. Oh, yeah. But even now I don't know if we'd take it. How cool would it be to say we've got a submarine in our Navy?

Do you see how quickly we've changed topics from speech pace to this? And it can happen quicker internally. I think if we were going to get a nuclear submarine, leave it at Samoa. Oh, my Lord. So then we can still be like, well, we're nuclear free. Not Samoa. Don't go looking under that fake island in Samoa, though. Keep your bloody nose well out of that business.

But yeah, they tried to buy butter off us using. Wow. But instead, we got a whole lot of larders. The cars? Or the place where you store cheese. Is that a larder? Well, that's refrigerator, right? Oh, right, yeah.

That's a word for like a refrigerator. But so they gave us a whole lot of larders instead of the nuclear submarine. Probably would have been better with a nuclear submarine. Exactly. But yeah, so that's not today's fact of the day, though. That's just a sub story. But you can talk to yourself. Today's fact of the day is that your inner elliptical speech is capable of processing

and speaking yourself at 4,000 words per minute. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. The home of sexy content as we delve deep. We've just been talking about Bridgerton and still off air talking about Bridgerton. Yeah, we are. Now that's sexy content,

but the following is a different sort of sexy content. Just on that, are you and your wife Sade going to watch Bridgerton? Because I feel like Sade would love it. Some friends of yours said, somebody thought she'd loved Downton Abbey once too. And I know that wasn't like a sexy one, was it? No.

But she watched one of us. She was like, oh, this is boring. This definitely, yeah, this isn't boring. Right. To me, it feels like a soap opera with way more sex. But her friends told her about the build-up and then they said you got there and it was like, oh, well, that's happened now.

That's sex. Yeah. That's just life, yeah. That's how sex runs. Oh, yep, cool. That's happened. What happens now? Okay, well, yeah and downs. Oh, yep, cool. That's happened. What happens now? Yeah, interesting.

Okay, well, we'll look into that. You, however, are making a life change this year. You'd like to make an announcement. What are you? You are a creature of habit. People will know this. You find something you like and you stick to it. Well, yeah, I do.

And you know what? I thought I'm going to change it up because it's 2021. You're the guy that buys 15 navy blue hats at a time because you know that you're going to like those hats. I do and you know what I thought I'm going to change it up because it's 2021. You're the guy that buys 15 navy blue hats at a time because you know that you're going to like those hats. I like these hats. It's a good hat. You buy 5 litres of body wash at a time because you know that that's your flavour. I love a bulk buy. You're a bulk boy.

So normally with my breakfast I'll do oats every morning and I'll make little containers and I'll have nuts and sultanas and oats. And this year, you know what, I was like, I don't want to do that anymore for breakfast because it's actually yuck. Every morning I'm like, oh, I don't want to do this.

It is the blandest food in the world. Yeah, it is. Oats. It is. And so I was in the supermarket and I saw all those bougie mixes of cereals that are like mostly nuts. They're a bit more expensive. A bit more. A bag of oats is $2. These are

like $15 to $18. $14, $15. But you'll get like a few breakfasts out of it. And if you think about going out for breakfast for an Eggs Benny, you might be paying $25. Absolutely. So compared to that You're singing my song. I love those. And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna try

and I brought like a couple of different bags and I'm trialing a new breakfast cereal. You're trying to find a new. And I'm going to find my new. And then I'm going to award the contract to my favorite. And then I'm going to eat it every single day forever. Wow. You are speaking truly like someone who doesn't have children in the house.

You don't get a nice box of cereal because you'll say, don't eat that, that's mine. And then you'll come out and they will have been like, well, we wanted to try it and they've poured themselves a massive bowl and they're like, I didn't like it. And it's gone soggy. Oh, that's hiding material. You don't need children for that. I've got a partner that does the same thing. Oh, really?

And I have to reiterate that he's not allowed the $15 a bag cereal. But I might like it now! Yeah. But it's mostly nuts because I'm wondering if I could just make it myself by buying a lot of nuts of different kinds. But the money comes

in those freeze-dried fruits. You know what I mean? Because that's the thing that makes it bougie is always like freeze-dried straws or something like that. And they're like $7 a bag. Any yogurt-covered raisins

in this bag? No, there's no yogurt-covered raisins. I love a yogurt-covered raisin. Do you? Love them. We're going to fall out over this. I could eat a bag of yogurt-covered raisins in this bag? No, there's no yogurt covered raisins. Graham, I love a yogurt covered raisin. Do you? Love them. We're going to fall out over this. I could eat a bag of yogurt covered raisins. Yeah, right.

Okay. It's certainly, I tell you, it's quite nerve wracking because this morning for breakfast I was like, how's this going to go? And it was actually delicious. You feeling good? Yeah, and I feel real good. But I'm like, oh, I don't know,

like tomorrow I've got a different kind. What are you going to do with the rest of the bag from today's? Well, I've mixed it up. I've got know. Like tomorrow I've got a different kind. Well, what are you going to do with the rest of the bag from today's? Well, I've mixed it up. I've got every couple of days I'm doing a different one. How many boxes of cereals do you have? I've got three different bags. Okay. And so every day I'm doing a different one.

And then when I get to the end, I'll award the contract. That's $45 worth of cereal. Yeah, but that's going to last weeks. No, it doesn't. No, I have a little one. I don't have a big one. What's your serving size like? What do they say?

50 grams? I don't know, just a heap in the bowl, isn't it? Are you looking into other aspects of these cereals or is it purely on taste? Well, yeah, it'd be taste, but also I don't want like it's got to have lots of like... Fiber? Well, yeah, a bit of fiber, but mostly protein. A lot of these are less

carbs. Yeah. But good omega-3s, good fats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bit of fibre, but mostly protein. A lot of these are less carbs. Yeah. But good omega-3s, good fats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keto Life, baby. Do they have any trading cards in them? No. No, they don't. No All Blacks cards.

There's a classy cereal starting. They could have Bridgerton trading cards. Imagine that. Imagine if they did Bridgerton trading cards. There's only one card I would want. When we were kids, everything had cards

in them, eh? Yeah. Everything had a collector card in them. No one's doing a good collector card anymore. I don't think if you're a sanitarian person

you'd be allowed to watch. Bridgerton. Oh, yes. Because there are, what's the seven day? Yeah. Adventists. Is that really

allowed to watch? They should. Bridgerton. Open their eyes to the world. Maybe they can. I don't know what they can do. Sure make Weet-Bix taste plain afterwards, wouldn't it? Don't sully Weet-Bix.

No, what I'm just saying, after you've tasted the exotic flavours of the world, it's hard to go back to a crushed... What is that? Malt? Wheat? It's malt. A flaky wheat?

A wheat bar? Yeah, try going back to that. I think everyone knows what it is. Got to episode six of Bridgerton. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. But the debate rages, and I've dealt with this personally before. When you're putting down a decking and you're using treadboard decking, which way does the tread go? Up,

meaning the ridges would be up, providing you tread or grip, or down, meaning that the smooth side is up and the ridges are underneath. And people who will promote the underneath ridge will say, so air gets in and doesn't rot

the wood, or something like that. When it's treated, that's not true, because the wood's treated. Yeah. So that doesn't matter. I'd say you want grip on a deck, don't you? Tread on the top. Yeah. I know because all the tread decks get all manky

and you have to water blast them and they fill up with gunk. And you go out on your bare feet and it hurts. I like a smooth deck. I like a smooth deck. I like a smooth deck. You should be, but you could put the tread up and then treat your deck with an oil or a stain. It's literally called tread. Yeah, yeah.

It's to provide grip. So you tread on it. Why not? I know, but I like it the other way. The reason that it's smooth on one side and tread on the other is it's completely up to you what you want to do with it. And we live in a world where you choose. You choose.

Freedom of choice. It's privilege, isn't it? Tread up or tread down. Tread up or tread down. It's our First Amendment right to choose which one our debt goes. It is actually in the New Zealand Constitution. I believe it is. It is.

It's our First Amendment right. How many people are actually up in arms about this? How many people are engaged in the debate? So online it's quite hated. Really? Like everyone, builders and people that have got decks. I've been putting a deck in before and had photos of it and people were like, you put that in the wrong way.

It's like, I have not put this in the wrong way. Because you chose your first amendment right. Yeah, and I changed it. Now what did you do then? Well I had on the stairs I had tread up. Which makes sense. Because you want the extra grip on the stairs onto the deck. But then it doesn't match the rest of the deck. But then that's good

because it highlights that there's stairs. Yeah, that's true. And if you've just got someone walking and not paying attention, it might be enough just to let them know that something's about to change here. Because their toes hit the tread and they're like, uh-oh. They'll feel it. Slow down now. Yeah, yeah. Hello.

And you can use it as purely decorative as well. You can have maybe around the outside of the deck tread down. So in your investigations, Yvonne, do you have any poll results? Poll results, yeah. We asked on our Instagram page and stories what side of the deck panels goes up. Ridge side up, like tread up or smooth up. 66% said tread up. Yeah.

Correct. To provide tread. It's called tread. See, the picture here. There it is. Tread down is designed to draw the moisture away. The picture we've used here, that's a nice tread. That's a good board.

But you know that classic Kiwi decking tread board? Everyone knows it, right? Everyone knows it. 150 by 19. Yeah, that's not nice, that. It's just a bunch of splinters waiting to happen. It is. Whereas this one's like a real wide tread board. Looks real

nice, that one. It is nice. Someone believes it should be taken into account to your environment. Now they said up in North Island, tread up is never going to catch and have water freeze causing slippery. Oh, I didn't even think about that.

I take my laugh back. That's very wise. But if you were in somewhere like Queenstown where in the winter regularly freezes. Yep. Like your rain sitting in your grooves. And then there could be a freeze. It would be extra slippery. And then so would the smooth side.

Also, just a warning, that may happen in the next couple of days because apparently we're getting a storm. Even the Rimetakas, they reckon, could get some snow down to some low levels. Yeah, next couple of days. And yeah, down south. That's not fair. Snow on the peaks. It's January.

It's quite romantic, though, isn't it? I like how you spin that. That's very positive. Hmm.