ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 18th March 2021

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Something is dirtier than the toilet seat  Vaughan in the Auckland Arts Festival  Top 6: Rich White People Things  Eli Matthewson!  Fletch hit the gym  Producer Jared learnt something  Vaughans new toy  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's brought to you by McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. Oh my God, just remember that. Off by heart. Well done. Because normally I don't. I mean, you say you've said it every day for the last year, but.

Yeah, I know about this. Just a comfort, like a safety blanket of having it written down in front of me. Uh-huh. Well, you didn't need it. You didn't need the safety net. I know. The tight, tight rope. Tight, tight rope. That's tight rope tight tight rope that's tight rope tight rope the tight rope i just got an email from zoom

oh okay what are they doing um they're like hey we're still here how to it's an upcoming webinar okay it's how to um master the virtual meeting oh okay um that is an absolute unsubscribe it's been so nice not to have done a zoom for so long and people are listening around the world have probably been inundated still with zoom calls and it's their daily life somebody unsubscribe me entirely once a week's good for me no zoom i don't need anything from you someone the other day said um oh are you can you have a zoom i said but it's just us just call me on the phone yeah so let's go back to phones Way easier Yeah I'm not Zooming If you're still Zooming

I'm sorry for that I'm sorry that we've rubbed in your face Our Zoom-less lives Our free lives Yeah And touch wood Long may it last Enjoy your Zoom

Here's the podcast Good morning Welcome to the show And that's all the news today. We won the America's Cup. Cup, cup, cup, cup, cup, cup. Cupity, cupity, cup. The cup floweth over.

Runneth over, floweth over. Yeah, and I watched it. You know, I said I was bad luck, but I wasn't. It wasn't me. Great race. Yeah, it was good. I would have liked it to have been a little bit closer. I was just happy to smoke them.

You know, imagine if it was just like neck and neck and they were just pointed at the line and they were both just pinning it. Oh, yeah. Because they went around one of those corners at like 43 knots yesterday and that's faster than my Land Rover's capable of going. Can you imagine being in my Land Rover

and turning that quickly at its highest speed? I saw them out in the water, not just on TV, and they're so fast. So fast. It is insane to see, yeah. Yeah, when they get up on the foils. There'll be a few hangovers today, I'd imagine. Well, yeah. Yeah, I just asked Streety if we could get her,

if she's got any America's Cup contacts. Oh, yep. The lovely Toni Streety. She said, good luck with that. That's, I'd imagine imagine there would have been. Do you remember that time the All Blacks had a parade down Queen Street

and they were on the back of Utes. Toyotas. Because they were sponsored by or Ford. Ford Rangers. Ford yeah. And they were absolutely hungover. You could see they were just gone.

All wearing sunglasses. Like proper pieces of shit. Yeah. But no they great victory. Good on them. What's the Steinlagers?

On the Steinies, yeah. And if you've ever had a hangover from a Steinlager, you know those aren't to be tangoed with. No, no. Give me a big trouble. Well, coming up on the top six, there will be some people that are, I guess, filling a big hole after this win.

Rich white people. Yeah. What have they got, look, what have they now got to look forward to? Yeah. The big boats, done. Well, I guess you've got to wait three years. They can't take their big boat out onto to? Yeah. The big boats? Done. Well, I guess you've got to wait three years.

They can't take their big boat out onto the water to watch other big boats. No. So the top six things that rich white people have still got to look forward to in these trying times. All right. And ZM's $50,000 secret sound is $50,000. That's right.

It's been jackpotted, baby. It's all on the line. It's all thanks to Star streaming now on Disney+. And it's coming up 7 o'clock, your next chance to win that cash. 8 o'clock, ZM's Secret Sound. We'll play the Secret Sound. If you need any of the clues, the video that's online, ZM's Secret Sound, you can pull through.

That's a two-and-a-half-minute video, and the sound is in that video somewhere. ZM Secret Sound. You can pull through that. It's a two and a half minute video, and the sound is in that video somewhere. This is the sound. And I'd imagine the phones will start clogging up pretty soon because we're at $50,000. Next on the show, there's been a study done, some research, and there is a place that has more germs than your toilet seat. The toilet seat, whenever there's one of these studies, the toilet seat, is it a clean place

or is everywhere else just filthier? Because the toilet seat's always like, there's more germs under your nails than the toilet seat. Yeah. Well, I mean, you just sit on it, don't you? You don't really. But then there's always the flush in there. So you'd think it would be quite.

Yeah. This place that's dirtier than your toilet seat is somewhere in your kitchen. And I'll tell you next. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. A study's been done in Britain

and they have looked at the dirtiest places in the home. Is it a COVID-related study? Were they like, what's harbouroring the germies, the viri? Well, not COVID, but just your general, you know, your old school germs. Is it? Because this is a video I saw last night. A guy, I think it was like a compilation of TikToks, but it was put on Facebook. Right.

A guy who goes around cleaning out people's dry events. Oh, no. Oh, I've seen that. And he puts a drill up. Right. A guy who goes around cleaning out people's dryer vents. Oh, no. Oh, I've seen that. And he puts a drill up in it. Yeah. Yes. And he turns the drill on and turns the drill on,

which is spinning like this brush head. Yeah. And then the dryer is on, so it's trying to pump hot air out and then he slowly pulls it out and it just blows all the fluff everywhere. Yes, I did see that. How did that come light on fire?

I know, that's crazy. I've seen that, so it's not that either. It's not that. Because that also, he looked inside? I know. That's crazy. I've seen that. So it's not that either. It's not that. Also, he looked inside the drive tube at one stage, and it would look yuck. Yeah. No, so this has found that there are more germs lurking on kettle handles than toilet seats. Kettle?

The kettle. The kettle. The kettle. The jug. So kettle jugs, the handles, were found to have large amounts of staphylococcus aureus. Oh. Yeah. Which is bad?

Now, this is the kind of thing that can cause skin infections, food poisoning, and toxic shock syndrome. Right. So, not the only dirtiest place in the kitchen. The kitchen tap was the most contaminated area, but just not with like, I guess, the bad stuff. Not as bad as the kettle handle, but it was more effective.

Is it because the kitchen tap would get a wipe down every now and then, right? Probably, yeah. Like when you finish doing the dishes, you got the hot water there and you give it a wipe at the kettle handle. Very, really wiped down. You always...

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Rubbish bin lids, they had the highest levels of deadly E. coli. Because you think about it, you're always chucking your wrappers out,

your meat wrappers or your whatever. Yep, yep. And you might not always wash between. And Sade does this thing where she'll take the rubbish bin out

like weekly and give it like a clean. Oh yeah. But then she'll just put it out to dry in the sun. And I'll do that thing where you just pull open the drawer where the rubbish bin is

and throw rubbish into an empty hole. Oh right. You pull out the rubbish bin but she's taken the bin out and I throw something in and it just goes straight through. Now it's alright when it's paper but I have been known to do it

with eggshells too. So that's problematic. Yeah right. Well there you problematic. Yeah, right. Well, there you go. Maybe get some antibacterial wipes or something or some. Right. Give the kettle a wipe. Give the kettle a wipe.

Gross. Because when you do the kitchen, I never wipe the kettle. Every now and again, I'll give it because I've got a stainless steel kettle. So you've got to wipe the body of the kettle, but what about the handle? I don't do the handle, I don't think. Maybe. Yeah. Our handle's over the top. It's not do the handle, I don't think. Maybe. Yeah. Our handle's over the top.

It's not on the back. It's over the top. And sometimes the steam gets around it, so I wonder if that's good or bad. Because it ought to be heating up the germs. Making more germs. Oh, God. Not giving them a day spa, right, hun?

Pretty much. It's been a study into road rage in New Zealand, and if you've driven anywhere, this shouldn't be a surprise. No. That 1,500 New Zealanders were asked about road rage that they had experienced, and they were told to tick all that applied. Okay.

The highest, 64%, is being tailgated by another driver. So say you sneak in where you shouldn't sneak in, or you cut someone off, and then they get right up your ass. But that's foolish because they just need to slam on their brakes. And you crash into them and you're at fault because you were falling too closely. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So tailgating is the most prevalent.

60% of these New Zealanders surveyed, I should say, had experienced another driver beeping their horn at me. Don't a driver beep the horn at me. Maybe we're all shagged. See, is that road rage? Well, yesterday we turned it, so I was dropping you off, and you just started blindly crossing into our lane, and I got on the horn because it's a warning device.

It's there to tell people, you're going to crash into us. He was trusting his mirrors. He didn't turn his head. If he had, he would have seen your bloody lovely Honda Civic. I should have let him hit us. Accord. Sorry, I called it a Civic, didn't I? No, that's a baby's version of the Accord.

Accord's for the biggies. You should have let him crash into you. I should have let him crash into you. Your bumper's like literally falling off. You could have got a new bumper. I could have got a new bumper. And then you, like, the whole bumper thing is cracked from when that tree was on the road and I was driving to work.

Yeah. That, um... Oh, my God, what were you thinking? Next time, I'm just going to let them. So much life admin. I know, that's the thing about being crashed into. Yeah, admin. But I don't see a horn as, like,

that was a warning when you beeped, when that guy was cutting you off. Yeah. There's the whole, someone at the traffic lights haven't seen it go green, so you give them a beep. Yeah. But then there is the, because I live by a busy intersection, and five o'clock when it's gridlock and no one's moving

and a whole light phase goes and no one can go through. People just start turning. Just get on the horn. It's like, what are you achieving? But it's rage, isn't it? Yeah, it's a venting of it. Well, it's when number two is merged with number three because at 40%, the most popular sort of road rage people have experienced, being shouted or cursed at by another driver.

Now, that goes really well with a horn. Yeah. Move, you stupid man. Yeah. Yeah. You crazy. I'm imagining I get shouted at all the time, but I just don't hear it because people's windows are up.

You're oblivious to it. Yeah. Yeah. Purposely been cut off by another driver, so they get in front of you and then cut you off. Man, that's dangerous stuff. Very dangerous because they could cause a major accident. Another driver giving me the finger is the same as,

so 38% have experienced purposely been cut off and 38% have also. Another driver giving me the finger is the same as, so 38% have experienced purposely being cut off, and 38% have also experienced another driver giving them the finger. Wow, okay. Now, when someone gives you the finger, from my experiences, you act like you don't know what it means, and you wave really friendly back to them, and they hate it. They love it, they love it. They hate it.

15% of people said, I have not experienced any of these. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. Which means they're wildly, they're a driver that's not paying any attention to their surroundings because you guarantee you would have at some stage. They are the one getting the finger at all the tooting. So that's overall 85% of all people surveyed

had experienced some form of road rage. Correct, correct. Wow. 14% of people had been threatened by another driver. Yeah. I've had that. Yeah, that says a lot about you.

Well, I was thinking about Lincoln Road in West Auckland and I needed to turn into the warehouse. Yeah. Now, I'm in the wrong lane so I need to boot it

to get ahead of this truck but he's for some reason thinking, no, I don't want you to get ahead of me so he's trying to boot it in the truck. So I boot it a bit more and and then I pull into the lane,

and then I pull into the wheelhouse. I'm like, phew, made it. And then I look behind, and the truck's behind me, and this guy's like, I'm going to kick your effing head in. I was like, why are you going to kick my effing head in? This seems like a wild overreaction. I was just trying to nip past. It seems.

And 5% of people have been injured by another driver. 5% of people? So actually, another driver. 5% of people? So actually like when a fight's happened. So. Or actually been crashed into. Yeah. Wow. Been injured in some form of road rage has led to them being injured.

And if 1,500 people responded and 5% is five for every 105 times 15 is. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. 75 people of those 1,500 responders. Yep, that's correct. You've copied my maths there. I might be wrong, but the teacher's going to know that you copied me because we both got the wrong

answer. Yeah. They've been injured. That's shocking. That's terrible. That should be nothing. I'm all for a toot and a finger, but I ask me and my friends on a Friday night. It's a toot and a finger. It's a bit' a finger. But, um... I ask you and my friends on a Friday night. It's a tootin' a finger.

It's a bit early for that. But being injured, that's not on, man. That's not on at all. 21 past six. It's a big night for Smithy tonight. He's making his debut in an arts festival. As an artist, I think. As an art...

What? Yeah, on stage as well. You're going to be on stage. For real. Fleshfornughan and Megan The podcast ZM If you're up this early

Maybe a night time activity Isn't for you But if it is Hey, heck Why not come along To the Auckland Arts Festival This evening I can't believe

That's my Arts Festival voice You're in the Auckland Arts Festival Yeah Tonight the Tom Sainsbury Love Hour Which has been rescheduled. Scheduled? Scheduled?

Yeah. Because of COVID. I was supposed to be the second to last. Right. Okay. It was supposed to be tonight and then Saturday night, and that was supposed to be it. But due to lockdown, it was rescheduled. Now I'm the second.

Okay. Tonight. At the Civic, by the way. So he popped in and said, this is like, he does a bit of stand up and then he talks to Kiwis. Yeah, about love. About love. And what love means to them.

And so you're tonight's... I'm tonight's... Person. Love person. Love person. What are you going to do? Is your wife going? She is.

I said to her, I said, you're going to be a lot of the content. Wow. Because she's the only person I've ever said I love you to. Yeah, okay. So she's going to be in the crowd the content. Wow. Because she's the only person I've ever said I love you to. Yeah, okay. So she's going to be in the crowd watching this.

Yeah. I said, you'll be talked about. And she said, it better all be good. And I said, well, I'm the one sober driving. So if you want to ride home, I'll say what I want. Yeah. Yeah, tonight it's happening at the Civic. And you can just go to aaf.co.nz and see that.

Yeah, I've got a group of friends going. We're going to go to Saturday night. So you've got Mike King. Mike King at the Civic. And you can just go to aaf.co.nz and see that. I've got a group of friends going, we're going to go to Saturday night. So you've got Mike King. Mike King. Pinoa Lloyd, Morgana Riley. Those are the people who have left. Angela Dravid was last night. Yeah, okay.

It's been an interesting chat, I think, having met Angela a few times. Tom Sainsbury's Love Hour. Yeah, it's tonight. So I don't know. Because Tom and I have got a very similar story. We're the same age. You're from rural Waikato. What do you mean, are you?

Did you think I was way older than Tom Sainsbury? Executive internet, you're vastly different, aren't they? Yeah. But we both grew up on dairy farms. And I believe like white Catholic families. He grew up in Matam. Yep. And I believe like, yeah, like white Catholic families. He grew up in Matamata. Yep.

Just down the road from Morrinsville. They're kind of like the Shelbyville to our Springfield, although they're doing a little bit better now because of Hobbiton. Yeah. And horses and hot pools. Okay, they've got a few more things. And everything and everything.

They've got a few more things. But what are you going to wear tonight? Well, I don't know because Sade said I had to wear like a suit. Oh, no, that seems a bit much. It seems a bit formal, eh? I'd go semi-formal, like T-shirt and jeans. Yes, that's semi-formal. Or casual singlet and shorts.

We all know that Vaughn would wear some like stainy, mucky T-shirt that's been around the farm. You're going to need a new T-shirt. Yeah. A new T-shirt. So do you think a T-shirt under a blazer? farm. You're going to need a new T-shirt. Yeah. A new T-shirt. So do you think a T-shirt under a blazer? Nah, no one's doing that anymore, eh? That's through 2010.

People that go to arts festivals are ooh-la-la. They wear suits and stuff. Oh, damn it. Big night out. It's a hoity-toity night. I haven't put on a suit in a few kgs, so I don't know what's the... I've got three suits at varying sizes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time I'm not in a brown suit. Oh, is that not a good? You have to do an emergency suit. Oh, God. Well, Hellensteins, I've said it before, I'll say it again. I don't wear suits enough to spend any more than $200 for the entire package. Yeah.

That's a free shout out for Hellensteins there, by the way. They've got a little stretch in their suit too, so you can pile a few more kgs into them. Well, especially when you're overeating at a wedding. It's perfect. Yes, it the way. They've got a little stretch in their suit too so you can pile a few more KGs into them. Well, especially when you're overeating at a wedding. It's perfect. It's great. Just loosen that pant a little

and away you go. All right, well, good luck tonight. Thanks. Let us know how that goes tomorrow. I'm going to have a big sleep this afternoon. If they want a nighttime performance out of me.

Okay. I'm not the nocturnal creature I used to be. I'm the early bird now. Do you get a rider? Do you get just some pillows and a blanket? Yeah, have you asked

like a bowl of M&M's? I haven't asked for anything. Oh, okay. Let's start demanding. I'll talk of an appearance fee. And I said, put it away. I'm doing this for the arts. Oh, my.

I said, put your appearance fee away. Oh, I'm doing this for the arts. Charity. Arts charity. Charity and champion of the arts. Yeah. Okay. Champion of the arts.

Champion of the arts. Not just patron of the arts. Champion of the arts. Oh, right. Okay. Z Arts. Champion of the Arts. Not just patron of the arts, champion of the arts. Oh, right. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I was helping Indy with her homework last night. This is my nine-year-old.

Okay. And homework's changed a lot. Has it finally? A lot. Got too hard for you? No, no, no. It's not too hard, but when were young It was like Answers eh You just answered

All the questions I think so I can't remember Now you're being asked To analyse things What do you mean Analyse Well

So Indy was away Because she had Like a cold So of course You don't send your kid To school with a cold No A-T-M

No Re Well even as C-O-V-I-D As adults we shouldn't No we shouldn't go to work sick. No, we shouldn't go to work if we've got a cold. That's correct. So she had a week off with a cold, and some assignment got set, and she missed it.

And then there was homework. Well, if you didn't do it, you had to do it for homework. Okay. She never got that memo because she was away. So she had, like, all this homework to do. I said, I'll give you a hand. And I sat down. But rather than being like, um...

What's four plus seven? Eleven. Yeah. It wasn't like that. And it wasn't. There was one segment that was like name the oceans corresponding to the numbers. Pacific. That was one of them. Okay, good. Atlantic.

That was another one of them. That was number one. The Indian. Indian was one of them too. Yep, good. But it was a really h Atlantic. Yeah, that was another one of them. That was number one. The Indian Ocean. Indian was one of them too. Yeah, good. But it was a really hucky drawing of the world map. Like the countries didn't have outlines about them either. Right. And then at the end... What country is that below?

Right. India and then... Well, is that the Indian Ocean? Like there was no clues. Right. Were they like, mark on the Indian Ocean where MH370 is? Your thoughts on MH370 underneath. Please analyse where the pilot went wrong on the never found flight MH370 is. Your thoughts on MH370 underneath. Please analyse where the pilot went wrong

on the never found flight MH370. But then there was like, because it must have been like a rap about the world. Yeah. And then there was a video, you had to watch a 10 minute video of all these different cultural dances from around the world.

Then you had to pick two and write like SWAT analysis of them, which was like, not their strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities, but you had to be like, what are their similarities? What are the similarities? So it wasn't like answer this question. Right.

It was like it was quite thought. You had to actually put some effort in. Yeah. What are their similarities? What are their differences? What are their, you know, geographically, how do they relate? And you're just like, I was like, this is intense. Yeah, right.

Nine, I think I got like, write a story and draw a picture. But then I can't remember. Maybe we were getting more. I can't remember it either being that hard. But then so I was like, first of all, when we sat down, I was like kind of provoking questions. Like how are they similar and what they were wearing? Like that. And then she was like,

um, and I was like, okay, so why don't I type and you tell me the answers? And then she was like, um, and it got to the point where like, I've got stuff to do. I'll just do your homework for you. And then Sade comes in, she's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm not doing the homework for her, that's for

sure. She's like, look at the answers you've written. These aren't nine-year-olds' answers. These are 39-year-old males' answers. That would be like so obvious to a teacher when the parents have done the homework. Yeah, no spelling mistakes. Yeah. You know, I take a lot of pride in my grammar and my punctuation.

Yes. Yeah, so I had to. So did she have to start again? Yeah. Oh, so you actually wasted. I actually cost her time. Yeah, right. So it was another life lesson.

Don't let somebody else do your work because it's just going to cost you more time in the long run. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Well, the Emeritus Cup's in the bag, baby.

The cup stays. Where does it stay? In a cabinet, I think. At the Royal New Zealand Yacht Squadron. I like how they're a squadron. I do like how they're a squadron. Who challenged us, by the way? Oh, they haven't said.

But I think they're quite tight with the British. Because there were those rumours that there could be a special challenger series off the Isle of Wight. And everyone's like, don't you remember all that taxpayers' money we gave you? And we missed out on the benefits of all the international visitors this time around. It's staying here.

Was that the taxpayer who rolled it? Floated it? Oh, okay. Interesting. Isle of Wight is... Interesting. Where are you going, Grant Dalton? You come back here. So, well, now that it's in the bag, I'm imagining today rich white people might be wandering around looking a little bit lost. Yeah. What are they going to do with themselves?

Now, there's nothing more dangerous than a lost rich white person. Yes. This is how a despondent fraud happens. White-collar crime. Exactly. Yeah. They get bored and then they decide to commit fraud. Yep.

Or Ponzi schemes. Yes. Bernie Madoff famously just was bored one day and started a Ponzi scheme. Yeah, because it was in between America's Cups. Exactly. When he started that. So I've got the top six things rich white people can look forward to. You needn't be lost.

You needn't be a ship without a mooring. Yeah. Number six on the list of the top six things rich white people still have to look forward to. Drugs. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six things rich white people still have to look forward to. Drugs. Okay. You know the drugs. It's the kind that don't ruin your life because you're rich. It's much the same as the drugs that the less wealthy have,

except they don't have the lawyers to make the drugs look invisible. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You guys get drugs. So don't go. Don't be bored. Don't be lost.

Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six things rich white people can look forward to. Cars. Yeah. Their cars only need a warrant every three years. This is a thing. What? Every three years?

Brand new cars only need a warrant. Like they get one when they leave the showroom. Yeah. And then they don't need one for three years. But then after that, it's every year, right? Yeah, but they don't keep them that long. Oh, yeah, true. Three years and then it's't need one for three years. But then after that, it's every year, right? Yeah, but they don't keep them that long. Oh, yeah, true. Three years and then it's like, pfft.

Yeah. See a car and then they get another car that only needs a warrant every three years. Amazing stuff. Number four on the list of the top six things rich white people still can look forward to. I know that the America's Cup is in the bag. Houses.

Yeah. Yes, plural. Yeah. Beach. Lake. One in the grammar. Houses. Yeah. Yes, plural. Yeah. Beach, lake, one in the grammar zone to make sure your kids only rub shoulders with the elite. Yeah. These are the sorts of houses that they've got. Yeah.

And totally to look forward to. And one day they can sell them completely tax-free. Maybe one down in Owakuni as well. Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about the ski house. And then in summer that can also be a lake house if it's in Queenst well. Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about the ski. The ski chalet. I'd forgotten about the ski house. Yeah. And then in summer, that can also be a lake house if it's in Queenstown.

Yeah, true. Not so much in Ohokuni. No. Ohokuni is purely a winter ski getaway. Number three on the list of the top six things rich white people can still look forward to with the America's Cup in the bag.

Horses. You guys like horses, right? Horse things happen all the time. Yeah, they do. It's a calendar rooming with horse events. Yeah. Like like horses, right? Horse things happen all the time. Yeah, they do. It's a calendar brimming with horse events. Like running horses, jumping horses, trip-trop horses. Clip-de-clop, clip-de-clop. The injury that can't be fixed so they put up a tent and shoot the horses.

These things happen all the time. All the time. Not just every three years like the America's Cup. No, I know. I know. Number two on the list of the top six things rich white people can still look forward to now that the America's Cup is over. Meeting with your accountants and lawyers. Oh, how you'll laugh.

You'll laugh because you've found a loophole or some way of not paying tax, even though you totally could. You just don't want to. Yeah. Because why should you have to? You already pay enough, even though not really. Yeah. Because why should you have to? You already pay enough, even though not really. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six things rich white people can look forward to, even though the America's Cup is over, boats. Come on, guys.

You can use your boats anytime. Yeah. Don't wait for an America's Cup to rub it in our face that you have big boats that you can go on without getting seasick. Upload more photos and videos. I don't know why I want to see them. I want to see what life's like on the sea. Is someone jealous they didn't get invited out on the water yesterday?

No, well, that's the thing. I don't know if anybody with a big enough boat would have invited me. Because a small boat, I'll get very sick. You get very seasick, yeah. I need a big, one of those big catamaran ferry things. Yeah, like the Fullers to Waiheke. Like the Fullers to Waiheke I can go on without being sick, as long as it's flat.

Yeah. But anything smaller and I'll be having a rumbly tumbly and then a day absolutely ruined. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Now, some research has been done looking at drinking levels around New Zealand. Now, this does only include Auckland, Canterbury and the Bay of Plenty.

Why not Waikato, New Plymouth? Where's Wellington at? Well, this does only include Auckland, Canterbury, and the Bay of Plenty. Why not Waikato, New Plymouth? Where's Wellington at? Well, this is the problem. They should have done everywhere in New Zealand. So what they did in this research. We can probably fill in the gaps. Wellington, lots of craft beers. Otago, kombucha, alcohol of kombucha.

Spice, spice, spice. Yeah. So they didn't ask people how much are you smoking and drinking at the weekend and during the week. They tested wastewater. I love the wastewater tests. I know. And because they've done a lot of this during COVID, they can pick up COVID in the wastewater. So they're always looking around the country at the wastewater.

I feel violated because, you know, when you go to the doctor and they're like, how many standard drinks will you be drinking a week? And you'll be like, four to five a day. And you do your urine test and it comes back and they're like, you lied to the doctor and they're like, how many standard drinks will you be drinking a week? And you'll be like, four to five a day. And you do your urine test and it comes back and they're like, you lied to me. Yeah. Whereas this way, you don't have a choice. So they collected wastewater samples from locations around Auckland, Canterbury and the Bay of Plenty over the course of a week. And then they tested them for signs of alcohol and nicotine use.

Now they found while nicotine use was consistent over the week, alcohol consumption peaked at the weekend. And they can tell because they're testing the wastewater. Surprise, surprise. It's also the freaking weekend. It rised up to 171% over a typical weekday in some urban areas. Yeah. Now, that doesn't surprise anyone.

The pattern of alcohol use so differed across the three regions. Bay of Plenty drank most overall. Bay of Plenty? Weekday and... You boomers. Because they're retirees. They've got nothing else to do. A lot of sabs.

Shardy Club. And then they finished the day with a Bay lease. Yes. And then that was followed by Canterbury and then Auckland. So people in the Tauranga urban area drank more than those in the rural Bay of Plenty. They cited obviously more bars, I guess more population in the central area. Rural Aucklanders drank more overall

than those in the city. Wow. And they keep it right up throughout the week as well. Rural Aucklanders, the minute you get too rural, you're on your own. Like we've got our own septic system. Yeah, and do you reckon if you're rural, because you can't, you know,

if I want a glass of wine, I might go, oh, just pop down to the shop and get a wine. Yeah. But when you're rural, you have to stock up. Yeah. And then you have a wine, you're like, oh, might as well have another. We've got plenty here. Yeah. Got a wine rack that's full of wine.

Yeah. Try to destroy that. Oh, look at it. At the weekends, Aucklanders in the city more than double their consumption overtaking those in rural areas. But I'd love to see

them do everywhere. And also, like, to do things like the America's Cup is on at the moment. That's, you know, lots of people

hitting the bars. It's St. Patrick's Day today. Yeah. You know, like, does that change it? But isn't it freaky that they can test the water and know that there's,

like, people smoking? What drugs people are doing? Yeah, because they always have at least methamphetamine stats from it, eh? They always have stats of all the popular drugs and wastewater, and, yeah, they can test for COVID. How do they get it out of the water? Rubber gloves and a dip? Like a ladle.

Maybe it's a designated ladle. Don't put it in the dishwasher. Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast, ZM. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. Soundkeeper Els is in. Good morning. Morning. Now, have you noticed it go up a notch since you jackpotted to $50,000 yesterday?

Yeah, it's got a bit more hectic. Yeah. Definitely. Like, as soon as you turn up to work, the phone lines are ringing. Like, we haven't even started the show yet. People are trying to get through early. Like, they think we're just going to pop them on hold so they can have a guess. Or people want us to call them up.

That doesn't work. I'm sorry. You've got to listen out for the activator. You've got to call when it plays to be in to win. It's ZM's $50,000 secret sound. It's all thanks to Star streaming now on Disney+, including more originals like Love, Victor. You can learn more at Disney+.com.

We welcome. She's managed to get through. Christina, good morning. Hi, good morning. Good morning. Right, so have you thought, just while you've been on hold then during the news, about what you'd do if you won the $50,000?

Like, what you'd spend it on? Oh, gosh, there's so many things that you could do. I think I'd probably invest in the South Island and take my kids on a trip. Oh, nice. That sounds lovely. Nice. Okay, all right.

Well, Christina, you can do that if you can tell us what this secret sound is. Mmm. For $50,000, what is it? I think it's a pool cue hitting a pool ball. Ooh, are you much of a player in a, what is it called? Pool. Pool.

Oh, no, not really. Just when I was younger. Okay. Fun for fun. Now, was there a pool cue, a table or a ball in your video, in the video that's online? I haven't actually had a really good look, just a brief look, and it's so fast, so I couldn't see it.

It's a 2 minute 40 video. The sound is in that video. You can see it at ZM Secret Sound on Instagram or ZM Online. Do you recall a pool cue, a pool ball being in that video? There's a few ball objects. Okay. But no pool table. I don't remember seeing a pool table.

No pool table. Do you think that... If I picture it... It's up close. The microphone's up close. The sound is like... Enhanced. Enhanced.

Ooh. Is Christina onto something, eh? Christina. That's not the secret sound, man. Christina, $100. So four are wrong. Guess and back to the drawing board for you. Okay. Thank you. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and four are wrong guests. And back to the drawing board for you. Okay.

Thank you. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Disneyland. One of the places that I have been thinking I would love to go pre-COVID and now definitely post-COVID, it's on the list. Because you always wanted to go to Star Wars. Yes.

Wallach's Edge. That's what it's called. It's the whole Star Wars edition. I went to Disneyland once in 2008. It's a great story. It's a great story. You got free tickets. Yeah.

Well, we said, because you were there, and me, you, and Sade, my now wife, and we said, well, we can't have a big night because we're going to Disneyland tomorrow. And then whoopsie-daisy, we had a big night. We had a massive night. And then woke up at nine o'clock and we're like, do we go to Disneyland?

And we're like, we didn't have another day free. I was like, damn it. Even if it's just to go to Disneyland, we've got to go to Disneyland. So we got the train. Yep. And then we got out of the train station. There was this lost looking guy. I said, hey man, are you all right?

Because he looked lost. Yeah. And then I saw he was wearing a Disneyland badge. I was like, oh, you work at Disneyland. He's like, we're going to go to Disneyland. Yeah. He's like, I left my wallet on the train. I was like, we'll jump in. We'll get to Disneyland.

I'll pay for the cab because we just want to get there quickly. Because he said our bus comes around every like 30 minutes but it just left us getting off the train. He's having a terrible day. Terrible day. So I said, jump in. And it's all right. It's all good. So we get to Disneyland and I pay for the cab. And then he's like, I tell you what,

you guys are great. You've saved me all this time and you. So we get to Disneyland and I pay for the cab. And then he's like, I tell you what, you guys are great. You've saved me all this time and you've helped me get to work. You can use my staff pass to like, this is for friends and family. So I'll get you into Disneyland and we got into Disneyland for free. And he gave us like all these fast track tickets and stuff. That's amazing. So we could just walk to the front of the line. It was awesome.

Just for being nice. Yeah. Or just for being Kiwis. Yeah, just for being Kiwis and being like, you all right, mate? I wanted something from him. I ended up giving him something. Got into Disneyland for free

but I've wanted to go back because the Star Wars part just looked so good. I know some people that went and they were just like, I love it. And then COVID hit. It's been closed,

hasn't it, for a while? Yeah, it's been like, I've seen some people who work for Disney shows that have been and it's been like, nobody's been there but I think just for like publicity stuff, like've seen some people who work for Disney shows that have been, and it's been like nobody's been there. But I think just for like publicity stuff, like some of the people have been in Star Wars projects

that I follow on Instagram have been there and done different bits and pieces. But I don't think to the general public it's been like all accessible. Well, the date has been announced that it can reopen. April 1st, the California governor said theme parks in the state of California are able to open on April 1st the California governor said theme parks in the state of California are able to open on April 1st. However, there will be rules for

Six Flags, Magic Mountain, Knott's Berry Farm, Legoland, California, SeaWorld, San Diego. We don't go to SeaWorld. We don't do SeaWorld anymore. And Disneyland is that you won't be able to scream.

And, I mean, if you've been to Disneyland or Six Flags, Six Flags has some of the most amazing roller coasters. Great roller coasters. How can you not scream? Like, what are you meant to do? You're meant to wear a mask. So you have to wear a mask the whole time you're in the park. You're, like, going down the roller coaster and the mask will be, like,

like, hugging your mouth while it's open. People to remember what Japan said to people in Japan last year when they still had roller coasters open and theme parks going. Wear a mask and scream inside your heart. Scream inside your heart. And they even

at the time, one of the people, one of the executives of this Tokyo theme park put up a video of them riding a roller coaster at 80 miles an hour, screaming in their heart. Right, because you wouldn't even really be able to open your mouth and scream silently, because it's still, you'd be letting

something out, right? Open your mouth and, yeah, you're thin. I don't know if there's going to be social distancing on the roller coasters, like, maybe if it's like your family, they can go beside you, but otherwise you go on a road by yourself. Yeah, but you'd want to be at the front of the roller coasterasters? Maybe if it's like your family, they can go beside you, but otherwise, you go on a road by yourself. at the front of the roller coaster because if you're right at the back, you'd be getting all the COVID

from everybody. And the vomit, honestly. And the yes. If you've been on a roller coaster where someone has a vom, if you're at the back, you're far more likely

to collect a bit of the vom. See, I'd even be happy just to go to the Goldie and do a roller coaster at this stage. Just to get that fix. Just to get that fix. What's that one at

the movie world? The movie world's got a couple of great ones. The Superman one, but these are the hypercoaster. The villains. That's amazing. Yeah, the DC world villains are amazing. Oh, R.I.P. Remember travel. Yeah. Yeah. How lucky are we? We're one of the only countries

in the world that gets to have their festivals, music festivals, but also comedy festivals. The New Zealand Comedy Festival with Beth Food Mayo, Beth Foods Mayo is happening. Comedyfestival.co.nz for details and tickets. And someone who is performing joins us in studio, Elo Mathewson, good morning. Good morning.

I think Beth Foods is run by Beth Foods as well. Beth Foods. Her name's Beth. Beth Foods. Her name's Beth. Beth Foods. The mayonnaise queen. She's just like, well, this makes sense. We've been giving away mayo.

Do you get a supply? So much. Really? No, any comedian, if you need mayonnaise, go to any comedian's house because they always have a huge stock.

There was one year there was a bunch of different flavours. There was like mayonnaise with a little mustard, mayonnaise with a little chilli. Oh, chilli mayo. That's nice.

Yum stuff. That's good stuff. Okay. Now, we do need to address you've come in very early. This is early, right, for comedians. On the day after St. Patrick's Day and we won the America's Cup last night. So you've dragged yourself in. We're not asking too much, are we?

No, no. You're lucky I'm a huge loser. We asked if you wanted a coffee, and then Executive Intern Anya, who's been here for 12 years? Yeah, nearly. Feels like it, eh? Age 25. 85. Made you a coffee, and then it came in, and I thought it was a milky tea

because it was so pale, and it was a coffee, so we've sent her back to make another one, and she hasn't even got the good Macona out. Look. Look. We've got a secret jar for guests. I didn't know that and also I think it might be an issue with the milk. I think it was a very full-bodied

cow. Oh, I thought you were going to say the milk's gone off. I'm like, don't give him the cow in here. We need to show cow and we need to show barista. It all needs to be happening fresh. I need to know that I was not the one who demanded a second coffee as well. I love being a diva on somebody else's behalf as my favourite sort of diva

because I get to live out my diva, but I don't look too much like a bad guy because I'm doing it on behalf of somebody else. But we couldn't have our guest having a milky coffee. So milky. So there you go. No, I'm really enjoying this now. On to. But we couldn't have our guest having a milky coffee. So milky. So there you go. No, I'm really enjoying this now. On to your second one, Grace. That's better,

but not perfect. I don't know what brand, it's not Makona, but it is. It's doing the job. No, it's the budget Makona. It's the love of Makona. Now, your show

in the Comedy Fest, Daddy Short Legs. Yeah. Tell us about this. Well, I've got very short legs and I've never even noticed that about you. Really? Are you all torso? I'm all torso and I've got very short legs and... I've never even noticed that about you. Are you all torso?

I'm all torso and I've got very long arms. You do have a big span. Yeah, your wingspan's meant to be your height, but I'm quite short and my wingspan's pretty hefty. But I used to feel, like, very shy about having... I've always got to get my pants taken up. Oh, OK. An extra 40 bucks on the top of every pair of pants

if you've got to go to the tailors. And I've decided to kind of own it. Yeah. Yeah. So Daddy Shortlegs is the name of the show. And where does a daddy bar come from? Well. You have.

There has been a transformation. There has. Because you've got full pump. Oh, thank you so much. You're jacked. You're like. Well, it's also. You've been gymming?

I've been gymming. I've been gymming. I've been going to, you know I saw one of the guys from Lunarosa at the gym yesterday. I saw this on your Instagram. He came and stole our equipment in between our sets, like walked up, we were standing in front of it and he just picked it up and walked away and then they lost.

So I think it was the bad karma for his bad gym etiquette. His very bad gym etiquette. But daddy is twofold. It's both me now that I'm in my 30s deciding that potentially I could be an attractive person and owner. Only took 32 years. And also my father came out of the closet two years ago at 64, 63. Wow.

Really? So there's a lot of dad things going into the show. Did you like have any inkling growing up? No, it was a huge and massive surprise. So even when he came out, that was still a massive surprise as well? That was still a massive surprise. Wow. It was hard because it was my thing, you know.

Like stop stealing my thunder. Stop stealing my thing. Classic gay dad's rocking in and stealing all the attention Exactly Classic He's the one demanding extra coffees He's gone full Oh has he gone full

No no he hasn't Well he should if he's been you know How old was he when he 63 when he told me Wow Now he's 65 so Were your parents still together This is too personal

Tell me to stop You've got to come see the show guys Look at all the details. Wow. Yeah. No, they are divorcees. Right. And what did he say when you told him, again,

I've got so many questions, because when you came out to him. Yeah, which was like 10 years before. And did he say nothing about himself? He didn't say me too. Maybe internally. Yeah. No, you know what? He didn't talk.

He, like, was so shocked when I told him because, obviously, I'm such a proud masculine man. You ooze that heterosexual toxic masculinity. So he didn't talk to me when I first told him. But then the next day, it took him, like, 24 hours. And then the next day he took me out to this wonderful pasta restaurant in Point Chiv and we, you know, we had a great time. Right.

And then 10 years later. Wow. Same thing happened. That's so fascinating, isn't it? Did you take him out this wonderful pasta restaurant in Point Chiv and we, you know, we had a great time. Right. And then 10 years later. Wow. Same thing happened. That's so fascinating, isn't it? Did you take him out to a pasta restaurant in Point Chiv? No, we'd actually just been to Boy and Bird on Ponsonby Road prior to that. Right, okay. So a chicken, sort of a chicken meal.

Yeah, full of chicks. Versus a flash Italian. Chooks and gravy. Awesome. Ready to have an intimate chat. So it's comedy, but it's also like this story of your family. Self-discovery. And short legs.

And tiny little short legs. Wow. The plight of a man with legs a couple of inches shorter than the average. Yeah, right. Because that was my only, like, the only reason I wasn't the worst runner at high school was I was a lot of leg so my stride was longer like my legs don't move fast back and forward, not at all

but my stride's not as small as some people's because I was quite good at cross country but terrible at anything short you know, like I could sustain but I couldn't, well cross country too lower centre of gravity you would have been like sticking to the track four wheel drive

and I knew the shortcuts so right yeah so where when and where can people well my show

is in Wellington at Bats Theatre in the middle of May and at Q Theatre at the end of May I believe alright so comedyfestival.co.nz

for all of those details fascinating can't wait to check it out. Eli and Matthewson, thanks so much for coming in so early in the morning. I'm blessed. As well. We appreciate that. We really do.

My pleasure. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday at the gym, went along, and I always start with a little bit of cross trainer in an episode of a TV show. You do start with a cross trainer. I've noticed that. I wondered why you stick to the low impact cardio machines.

Because I've almost given up the cross trainer now. Oh, you don't like it? Is it not your favourite? Well, because I watch my heart rate and it's not getting high enough. I'm not there to muck around. You're up on the stair machine. I'm up on the stair machine.

On the bike. And the treadmill. No, not the bike. I can't get my pulse high enough on the bike either. You're not a fan of the bike either. No, see, I'd like to go for a bike ride. Right. But the stationary bikes, not my cup of tea.

Not the gym stationary bikes. Yeah. I feel like I've been on, you know those ones that they use in a spin class? Oh, yeah, yeah. Or what do they call it? No, it's not a tack. Peloton. It's a tack bike.

Overseas it's Peloton, but yeah, it's like. Tack bikes. Whatever, they seem fine, but but just not those just not the ones that are just I like to just warm up with a casual 20 minutes cross trainer so yesterday

all of the cross trainers were free there's just a big row right next to the big row of like running what do you call treadmills and I was like

well I'm going to go on the end one okay well that makes sense that's my two favourite machines are the end treadmill and the end cross trainer. I don't really have a favourite machine. Well, you should probably get a favourite machine.

Like, they're all the same. They're exactly identical. No, one clunks a little. And I've told them about the clunk, and they said, oh, we'll look into it. And I don't think there's been anything done about it. And so I'm on there for like two minutes, and then a guy gets onto the cross trainer exactly next to me.

Like, I can smell him. Oh, no. Buffer. And all the other machines are free. Yeah. Well, that was obviously his favourite machine. Where's my buffer? It doesn't matter.

Get on, at least have a gap of one. Right. Only get on a machine right next to someone if there are no other available machines and they're full. It's like when you're a, I don't know, executive intern, you're in studio. I don't know if you're, I don't even know if girls do this, but if you walked into a lady's bathrooms, like say here at work and there's a row of cubicles and someone's in the cubicle, do you often think,

well, I'll put a buffer cubicle between me and them? No, cubicles definitely have a couple of favourites. Right, so you'd take a favourite cubicle even if it was right beside the one cubicle in use. Gotcha. Because urinals is, my general rule is... Buffer. Big buffer. You're always a buffer.

Unless you're at a sports event or a festival where it's just everybody, you just need to get in there and you need a Waz. With the exception of if business was being done, then I would take the furthest from... How would you know if business was being done? No, if I felt business coming on. Oh, if you were about to take care of business.

But since you don't know the person next to you is not doing their business number twos. Yeah, true. Why don't you leave a... That creeps me out. That's a bit weird. Not creeps, it's just weird. And what is the protocol

for your favourite cubicles here at work? Because the male's toilets, apart from the accessibility, accessibility toilet, are all exactly the same. I like the one by the wall. I feel safe and secure and cosy. Less neighbours. That's a good play. So if there was someone in the second to last one,

you'd go still in the end one? And I'd say, yoo-hoo! Business time! Anyway, leave a buffer, people. What is wrong with people? A gym buffer. Leave a buffer on everything. Lots of buffers. Lots of buffers.

Some people would say the buffer is the wall between you. Not enough. No. Not in a urinal. And supermarket checkouts are the same. Like, if there's lots of free self-serves, go away from people. Oh, no. You're being a bit silly now.

Just buffer. I away from people. Oh, no. You're being a bit silly now. Just buffer. I don't know. Why would you come right next to me if there's heaps of spare ones? Oh, right. And they maybe go to the one behind your one. Yeah. Or next to it when there's heaps of others. Maybe they might want help from you.

You look experienced in a self-serve. No, I don't. I do know my way around a self-serve. I'll tell you that. Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. It's been a fun relationship to watch. I do know my way around a self-serve, I'll tell you that. It's been a fun relationship to watch. We've talked about it a lot on the show.

Oh, we've watched it blossom, haven't we? We have, quite quickly. The love, the album was dropped pretty quick. I've moved in together quickly, but it all seems to be going okay. Producer Jared has, however, I've just been discussing with him, he has learnt something about his midi that I also learnt

when I moved in with Sade. Okay. Yeah. Producer Jared. What is this insight? Girls slash Emma don't like to get their hair wet every time they shower. Mind-blowing! What do they do with it? Do they wear a shower cap?

Yeah, they tie it up or they, like, move their head to, like, dodge the water. That's crazy. Yeah. Did you know that? No. What, because it's such an effort to dry it every time? Yeah, I assume so. Yeah, and there's a washing, there's a washing, there's a conditioning schedule.

What, so how often is she washing her hair? Slash, how often do females wash their hair? I don't actually, I haven't like kept a register. Executive in 2019, how often would you wash your hair? Every other day. Right, so like three times a week. And then the other times, you're avoiding the shower nozzle. Yes, I actually this year invested in a shower gap.

I feel 80 years old. Hot play from you. Yes. It is a hot invention, guys. You're a monster. Sometimes at a hotel, I like to use all the things. I would love to see you with a shower cap on. And I just put it on and I'm like, hee hee hee.

You look like a worker at a bakery. Yeah, and then I'm like, I'm going to use the shoe shine thing on my crusty shoes. Hee hee hee. Yeah. And then you rip a hole in your shirt just to use that little thing to fix up the hole. Or just put a button on somewhere.

Mountie, how often do you wash your hair? Are you kind of the same every other day? Probably twice a week, max. Right. Okay. Every like three days. And you actively avoid the shower nozzle at all other times?

Yes. And when you do wash your hair, you have to make an event out of it. It's a whole thing? You've got to do a body scrub. You've got to do a condition. You've got to do a condition you've got to do a face mask afterwards yeah goodness well because charlotte says i'm just going to go wash my hair and that means like i can't ask anything of her or rely on her for any help for like three quarters of an hour yeah in the bathroom if you've only got the

toilet in the bathroom yeah that's our relation for an hour totally out of commission and there's the hair drying. It's a whole thing. Jared, this just blew your mind. Yeah. Like she came out the shower wrapped in a towel and I was like, did you shower? And she's like, yeah. Like, bro, your hair's not even wet. Bro, your hair's not even wet.

Bro. What got me thinking about like stuff you only learn about your partner, be it the same sex or opposite sex, when you moved in together. Yeah, or just something that they did like they had a habit, but you never picked up on it until it was too late. Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. How do you dodge?

My favourite part about a shower is when you turn it up hot and you just put your face straight in it. Yeah, it's so nice. Yeah, but they can't do it every time because the hair will get wet and it's a whole rigmarole to dry it. You'd find out if your partner was a sleeper because you'd have sleepovers right before you moved in. No, but you just assume.

I don't know. I didn't really notice it until we moved in. And like Jared said, they come out with a towel. You're not even wet. And they're like no I just I'm talking about say for example snoring you'd find that out before you moved in with someone or maybe you wouldn't

I don't know what is it that you didn't find out about your partner until you moved in and maybe it was too late maybe it was just an absolute mind blow of an opposite sexes thing like the hair in the shower. A male has just messaged,

and I'm a male, I hate getting my hair wet every time. They must have long, luscious locks. They must. They must be a nightmare to try. They're not bald brothers. No. Talking about producer Jared,

who has just found out that his girlfriend, and females in general, do not put their hair under the shower every day. They'll avoid it. The nozzle. That's crazy, eh? At all costs. Some text messages in on what you learnt about your partner after you moved in together. Somebody said, my partner of 15 years, who I've lived with for a very long

time, I found out maybe two years ago, that when he goes number twos, he pulls his pants right down to his ankles. That's how I do it. Yeah. Is that wrong? Well That's how I do it. Yeah. Is that wrong? Well, no, I do it that way too.

If you're in a public toilet, you know when your pants touch in the ground because of possible residue, keep them up. But that's a horrible sit. I know. I find that horrible and restricting for my legs. Yeah. Yeah. Do people go to the toilet with, let me think.

No, because if it's your toilet, put them all the way to the bottom. Yeah. Kick them off if you want. Yeah. Because I like to just really spread out. Yeah. Okay, I feel like we might need to do a poll on that because are we alone in that? No, surely not.

Surely not. And a beauty therapist, because we talked about the joys of sticking your face straight into the shower. Yep. And how glorious it is. And women are missing out on doing this every day, if they're not getting their hair wet. A beauty therapist said, putting your face under the shower flow is terrible for your skin.

You should never put your face directly in the stream. Sister, look at these beautiful faces. We're facing the stream every day. Oh, I was going to say, look at this leathery old face that I've got. Yeah, I think that's the sun. It can take a stream. I think that's the sun.

Is it? Yeah. Sun and a stream. Yeah, sure. We're talking sun I think that's the sun Is it? Yeah Sun and a stream Yeah, sure We're talking about What you learned about your partner After you moved in together Producer Jared has just learned that His partner

And woman In general As a majority But not all of them Yep Don't wet their hair Every time they're in the shower We'll actively avoid moisture

Because it's a whole thing Yeah, you've got to spend all that time drying and sorting it out. So we want to know what you learned about your partner once you moved in with them. I learned that my now husband is very particular about ironing shirts. I tried to do it once and he was like, oh no, no,

no, no, no. Here is the YouTube video that I have passed on to many people on how to learn to do it properly. I've never thought about a YouTube video for that because every time I've done a shirt, it's always so hard. Like it's easy. The front panels and the back are easy,

but then you get to the top and the arms and they get crinkly. You've got to go like that, find your bit, put that down. And then the other arm's on the floor because you're ironing the arm along the length of the board. It's horrible. And it flops open. Should I close a couple of buttons before I iron that? Yeah, see, that's the thing.

I just get mine because, you know, I've only got my shirts for my suit. I famously don't like shirts. So I just get them dry cleaned after every function. And then the next time they're perfect. I would like one of those ironing boards that slides out so that it has no legs so I could do up the buttons and slide the whole shirt over the ironing board and then slowly rotate it.

Do you know, so we've got one of those at the gym. When I was doing the bathroom renovations, I inquired as to how much one of those costs. It will blow your mind how much. What, a slide-out ironing board? It was like $1,000 or something. For an ironing board? Or high hundreds.

It was, I said to the lady, I said, no, thank you, and I went and brought it. We are Briscoe's $30 ironing board. Huh. Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. $1,000. Yeah. Okay, so there we go.

Jay's called in. Jay, what did you learn about your partner when you'd moved in? A couple of things. Okay, so there we go. Jay's called in. Jay, what did you learn about your partner when you moved in? A couple of things. Okay. The biggest one is that the toilet rolls get replaced the wrong way. Oh. So I'd be mad. So does she run it down against the wall?

Yep, that's the one. So it's always a fringe rather than a mullet, right? It rolls over the top and comes down the front of the head rather than going down the wall. Exactly. Every time it's there, I change it. Okay. All right, Jay, thanks for your call. Some text messages.

This is a very popular text in. Yep. After moving in together, I learned that my partner stands up to wipe after number twos. Now, I'm a stand and wipe. Same. I get better access to the area. Yes.

I know my area best. If I was sitting down, I'd get it all over my wrist. Yeah, I know that we've. If I was sitting down, I'd get it all over my wrist. Yeah, I know that we've talked about this. It's a controversial people are a bit 50-50 on this one. Wildly controversial. Another text, my partner didn't cut those fruit muffin splits in half before putting them in

the toaster. How wide was this toaster? And you wouldn't get the middle toaster. How do you fit? I wouldn't be able to fit one of those. I've got very small slots. Yeah, it would burn. It would burn the sides, and the inside wouldn't even be heated sufficiently. Oh, what a monster.

That's monstrous material. You've got to correct that lifelong mistake. They're pre-cut, aren't they? They've got a perforated. Yeah. You know where to put the knife when you're putting the knife in. You're lots of people with the standing to wipe situation. Many people.

I learned that my partner dyed her hair after we moved in together. And that hair is not restricted to the hair on the head. Other hair. The pubas. The pubas area, yes. Oh, okay. That's a whole situation. Just shave them off.

There you go. Sorted. Somebody said you should try having an arranged marriage. It's literally every single thing you learn after you've moved in together. Wow, that's so true. That would be crazy. So many bad habits to break. Yeah.

Oh, no, no. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. Tell me what the secret sound is. At ZM's $50,000 secret sound and we're currently at $50,000.

And it's all thanks to Star. Streaming now on Disney+, more comedy, more drama, more action. You can learn more at Disney+.com. Janae, good morning. Hi. All right, you've got through. Janae, you've done the hard bit. Yeah.

I can't believe I got through. Well done. All right, well, this is the secret sound. $50,000 is yours, Janae, if you can tell us what the sound is. Okay. I'm thinking it's tapping your hand on the surface whilst wearing a ring. Oh, okay. Do you do that often?

I know that I tend to do that. No. Okay. But I watch all the clues. Hold the mic. Just pick the whole mic up and put that down. Let's just listen to this. This is, you're wearing a ring, Owls. Yeah, here we go. Kind of that,

maybe a different ring on a different surface, maybe? Yeah, maybe. different ring on a different surface, maybe? Yeah, maybe. Who knows? And you were wearing rings in the video? Yes, people noticed that I whacked my hand on a car. And I think that's where this is coming from. Right.

Is this a popular guess online? Yeah. A popular theory? I mean, pick anything out for sure. But yeah, this is one of them. Weird that everybody's discussing it online because I wouldn't want to give my guess away. Yeah, it's almost like... You know what I mean, pick anything out for sure. But yeah, this is one of them. I find it weird that everybody's discussing it online because I wouldn't want, no, to give my guess away. Yeah, it's almost like, I can't get through. Here's my guess. Good luck.

And it's like lovely, but also, come on, do it. Yeah, come on, back yourself. Get through. Janae, $50,000. Did she get it? Hmm. Hmm. Janae.

That's not the secret sound. Janae, $100 for an incorrect guess though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. And I had no idea I was working with such an influencer. Oh, well, you know, you should. You should. Very influential. Even before social media, very influential.

Absolutely. Such an influential person. I saw you fishing, absolutely blatantly fishing on social media yesterday. Well, so this is the story. August had swimming sports yesterday. She did well. She won freestyle. Did you always hate swimming sports as a kid? I hated it. I know. It was horrible. I hated it.

She won a freestyle. I cried. I'm sorry. So Kibitay's school had like a, it wasn't even 25 metres. It would have been like a 12 metre pool. It still does. It's still got exactly the same pool it had when I was a kid. And we only ever swim in that. It still does. It's still got exactly the same pool it had when I was a kid. And we only ever swim in that pool to do lengths.

And then we went to the Morrinsville pools at the rec grounds, and it was 50 meters long. That's real skyey. And I didn't know that it got progressively deeper. So I got myself all worked up. Yeah. And I didn't even do freestyle. I did across the pool for freestyle, but then in backstroke they made me do the length.

Oh, horrible. And I hit the cord on the side, the lane divider, and then I freaked out and I tried to stand up, except it was too deep, so I went under. And then I came back up and tried to, and I panicked, and I sucked in water and I choked and I was like, Mom, help! And I screamed at my mom.

And you know, that was seventh form for me. It was pretty embarrassing. It was a hard last year at high school after doing that. No, but it traumatized me. I still can't do backstroke. That was horrible. I can't do backstroke because every time I tilt my head back, I get dizzy and have this like flashback.

They should just at swimming sports call each child in and there's one teacher with a timer and you get in, you do your lap and get out and no one watches. Totally. I'm down for that too. That would be ideal.

And then the kids that are real fast, they still get to brag because they're great swimmers and they get the fastest times. But then if you're a slow chubster like I was, who panicked when he hit the rope, no need for embarrassment.

Yeah. So how's August with swimming? Is she better than you? Way better than me. She won her freestyle. Oh. And she would have won her backstroke except she took after her old man

and went a bit crooked. She swung probably twice the length of the pool because she was like weaving across. But she did so well. That's so great. I'm very proud of both of them how good they are at swimming and how they don't give up

like your old man did when anything got too hard. Yeah. And so afterwards, 100%, I actively avoided anything that looks too hard. I know.

I'm an adult. I can do that. So afterwards, we went to get an ice cream after school as a congratulations, like great swimming because I was,

you know, sorry, I couldn't make it to it, but I had work because it was in the morning. So we're having an ice cream and Indy says, Dad, come over here and look at this thing. You're going to love it.

And if you've got kids, they do this all the time and 90% of the time you don't love it. That's right, though. You go, oh, cool, a cat in a bin. I do love this. So she was not wrong, though, because it was one of the robot lawnmowers. Now, for those that don't know or maybe have been listening, you've got a robot vacuum cleaner. Robot vacuum cleaner.

Robbie. And Robbie the robot vacuum cleaner. That was Shardo's Valentine's Day gift. Yeah. And then for my birthday a week later, we got a walking sprinkler. Yep. So you set it up on the hose and it totals along. So that's great too.

Yeah. And when I shared that online, which was a present that we paid full price for, that wasn't SponCon. So many people said to me, have you considered a robot lawnmower? And I was like, not really. Cause I got my ride on and I do love my lawn mowing. Yeah. But then everyone started sending me videos of their robot lawnmowers and I was insanely jealous. Can we trust robot lawnmowers yet? Are they, because that's a blade. Like a robot vacuum cleaner is a sucky little engine

and motor situation. Yeah. It's not gonna, I mean. Robot vacuum cleaners, if your animals are inside, animals that sleep inside and could poo inside and it's on a schedule, it could spread poo all through your house. Okay, but that's a worse, like for example,

if the cat's on the lawn and doesn't hear the... You would hope the cat would get the hell out of the way. Yes. But if the cat was reclined in a grassy spot enjoying the sun, it could lose the tip of the tail. I don't know. That's a good question.

Okay. Somebody did message me saying theirs ran over a hedgehog. Now that was wildly problematic. So you posted this online with an absolute fish. Oh, 100%. This is in someone's backyard that you're watching. So there's a retirement home beside where we get the ice cream.

Yeah. Retirement village. And this guy just putts around and does all the lawns. Yeah. But it does it daily. So it keeps the lawns so short after the initial mow. Yeah. That it keeps it so short that it's just more or less silent because it's an electric. And does it

collect the clippings? No, because it cuts them so short it mulches them back. Oh, right. And then you've got a self-fertilising situation. Yeah. Which I'm all for. So it does it every couple of days. Well, you can set it to do it however often you want it. Oh. So, yeah, I watched it for 20 minutes and Sade's like, let's go.

I'm like, we're not leaving, because I want to see what it's going to do when it gets to the stump. And the kids are still eating the ice cream. It got to the stump, and it was like, oh, stump, I'll go this way, and it went around the stump. And it knew.

And then it went back around the stump. And did it trim perfectly? Like, it wouldn't do the edges, would it? I don't think it would do, like, not to my specifications of the edge. Right, okay. But you'd't do the edges, would it? I don't think it would do, like, not to my specifications of the edge. Right, okay. But you'd still do those yourself, but everything else would be taken care of. Yeah.

So I put a video up of it, and I tagged in Husqvarna, New Zealand, saying, let's make this happen. Because I could have beat it around the bush, but sometimes these companies are busy. They don't see subtleness. Right. You've got to tag them in and say exactly what you want. This is a new approach to

being an influencer. You tag, you beg a company shameless, dignity free, straight up. Yeah. I'll do it. Right. I'll do it. Yeah, right. It's a product that aligns with me greatly. Have they blocked you on Instagram? They said, let's talk tomorrow during business

hours. Okay. That might have been an automated response of, don't call us after business hours. How much are robot lawnmowers? Can you put a price on sitting on your deck? Can you imagine me on a Friday on the deck, having a beer, watching my sprinkler water one part of the lawn, my robot vacuum cleaner mowing my other part of the lawn

and turning around and seeing Robbie doing the vacuuming. I'll be the happiest chappy. God, and then one day you don't come into work and it's because all your robot machines have turned on their master and have attacked you. Imagine if they team up with the drone and the robot guy becomes a flying weapon. I don't know.

I'd take the risk. For all those chores getting done, it does seem worth it. Oh, my God. I just can't wait to watch it. Fletchforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Well, for long-time listeners of the show, you may remember during the global pandemic a year ago

when we were all stuck at home during Level 4. Was it Level 4 anniversary? Has that been a year yet? No, it's very, very close, though, Was it level four anniversary? Has that been a year yet? No, it's very, very close though because I just on my memory saw a photo of a cast photo of the episode of Have You Been Paying Attention we did with Nano Girl where she came in and explained lockdown. Right.

And then, bam, we were in lockdown. So it must be very close to now. A year ago. Well, Producer Jared, somewhat of a pandemic Casanova because how many matches did you get on Tinder during lockdown? 456. And does current new girlfriend, does she know about how much of a heartthrob you used to be?

How much of a stud I am? Yeah. She's aware. She was actually one of the 456. She won? Yep. She won. So three months ago, you managed to weed through all 456 people to find her.

Yep. Wow. Okay. Pretty magical. At the time, I remember there were big usage stats. Like people were literally stuck inside, so they were on Tinder. Nothing else to do. Yeah.

Well, that's pretty much all I did during my time. March 25th, 2020 was when New Zealand moved to level four. Okay, so yeah, we're a week away from that anniversary. Producer Gerard, I thought maybe seeing as you were such a Casanova, were on Tinder back in the day, I could run this new dating app past you to get your thoughts. Okay. This is launching in about a month in the UK

and possibly rolling out around the world. It's called Thursday because it will – Thursday, Thursday. It will only be a dating app that will let you match on Thursday. I always forget. From what I'm seeing, it's very much like all the other dating apps like Bumble, Happen and Tinder, swiping, matching, but Thursday will be the one day.

That's weird because, like, my thing with Tinder was whenever I had a spare minute or like I was bored, I would pop on and swipe like if I was on the toilet. But only on one day, that's very limiting. Yeah, so I think the idea they're saying they're trying to create a bit of excitement and hype so that it will make you on a Thursday want to go and match. Okay. And maybe on a Thursday because maybe you can

sort something out for the weekend. Yeah, like in Auckland, Thursday is Ferg's Day if you're an Auckland Shore local. Right. What?

No, you've got to explain this. Ferg's Kayaks? No, the Ferguson Bar in Albany every Thursday is like student night. I thought Ferg's Kayak had like a two-for-one deal. Maybe paddle out around Browns Bay. Or maybe Ferg's Burger in Queenstown.

Now we're talking. Ferg's Day. Yeah, I think Thursday is a weird day. It makes sense for a Friday or a weekends only thing. But Thursday, yeah, nah, I'm not about it. I guess their angle is they're trying to make a dating app that people actually pay attention to for the one

day because it's quite easy to swipe and then forget about and just go on with your life like you say. Yeah, yeah, that's fair I guess. But then let's be honest, people will have this but also have Tinder. Oh yeah, you've got to have every single one otherwise you're not doing it right. Your bases are covered.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day, that humans are getting colder. Because of the air con in here, isn't it, Executive Intern Anya? Yeah, it's very nifty. This is good today. Like, this is cold, but it's that cold that keeps you on your toes. Yeah. So there's, like Like I've never been

You've been When you went to New York What talk show did you go to? Colbert? Yeah Cold eh? In the studio Yeah yeah yeah

So apparently they actively Keep it freezing Your Saturday Night Live Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy Fallon Yep Stephen Colbert So you're clapping

You're woo And you're like woo Because if you get hot If it's warm And there's that many people In the theatre If it's warm You kind of get a, if it's warm, and there's that many people in the theatre, if it's warm, you kind of get a bit, and it's later in the day, you get a bit dozy.

I'd rather be on the colder side because it just, yeah, otherwise if you get dozy, you're just like, bleh. So there's been tests over time of human temperatures. Yeah. So it was 1860 when it started in the American Civil War was when they first, like if someone got sick, they started routinely taking the temperature. Okay.

And there was notes taken. So over 157 years, there's been three periods where they've tested it. So it was 1860 was the initial. Yeah. And then 1971 to 1975, this is where oral temperatures became much more commonplace. The little thermometer in the mouth.

Yep. And then now there's the in-the-air machine. Yes. And there's the temperatures over time. They still take it at the other places. There's, of course, the rectal thermometer. Yes. Which can...

Well, China's doing that for all international visitors, aren't they? Well, that's the COVID swab. You're not the temperature. That's the COVID swab. Really? That'll either go really well for China or poorly for China? Well, nothing says come and visit. Yeah. Welcome. Yeah.

Yeah. In there. It's a quicker way, apparently, of testing if you've got COVID to pop it up there. So apparently, the old saying was that the temperature should be 37 degrees Celsius. If you're sitting at 37, it's like, great. Yep. 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. However, it is now down to 97.5 degrees Fahrenheit for a healthy human, which is 36.3.

So we're getting hotter. No, we're getting cooler. We're getting cooler. It was 37. 37 was like, if you're 37, that's good health. Right. That's exactly one you want to hit on. But either side is fine.

Global warming? But now it's down to 36.3 is the middle mark for the healthy human. Why? Just because. I don't know. So there's a few possibilities. They said none of these are for certain, but doctors have said this could possibly be the lower metabolic rate.

Right, because we're eating junk food? Yeah, and we're a little bit more, we're not as active physically as we would have been in the 1800s. So our metabolic rate is slowing down. Think of it like they said, a car engine idling compared to a car engine that's running, like actually moving and having to push itself around, it would get hotter. And also they think just it might have something to do with the fact that generally there's just lower rates of minor infection and inflammation.

Right. Because there's, you know, tuberculosis, syphilis, chronic gum diseases, things that would have boosted the average temperature aren't as prevalent. I tell you what, all this COVID news coverage still makes me to this day want to have one of those laser thermometers that I always see on the TV. They point it at your forehead and you get a digital. I don't know why. They just look real cool. I love gadgets. But don't you have to do it from a certain distance?

And this is another question I've got. If you were at home by yourself and your arm length wasn't far enough, could you shoot it into a mirror, off the mirror, onto your head? Would it remain the temperature of the mirror or the head? Because the head stops, but the mirror reflects. Also, do you reckon I could look out my window and see someone in the apartment next door and shoot the laser at them

to read their forehead temperature? Imagine that. Maybe. I could yell out, you've got a good temperature. Yeah, you're okay. You, stay inside. You're running a bit hot.

Stay home today. Or just freak people out that are walking along the street who suddenly look down and see a red dot on their chest and think they're about to be sniped. But you're not. You're just reading their temperature. By an international assassin, now you're just reading their temperature.

So today's fact of the day is over the last 150 years, the average temperature of a human has decreased a little. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I got a message yesterday morning from my wife saying, oh, something's not right with beer. Our beer's one of our cats. The ginger cat? He's the ginger cat, the younger cat.

Anakin's our old cat. Very old. I picked him up yesterday. He's not weighing a lot. But it's also because he's like, there's dogs and stuff. He's old. Somebody said, I think he's got, somebody said, I think your cat's got anxiety.

Right. Which is apparently a thing. Is it? Cat anxiety. You can get them medicated. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you're not going to get...

Anakin medicated for anxiety? No. What, like kiddie lorazepam? I don't know. I think it is, though. I think you just crush it up and put it in their food. Okay. And it can stop them.

But not him. Bear the fatter ginger one. And he's only, what, a year old? Not even that. And he got him. Bear, the fatter ginger one. And he's only what? What, a year old? Not even that. And he got him for her fifth birthday and she's nine. He's like four now.

Crazy. Where does time go? What? Where does time go? What? So he's not right and they picked him up and he was like, wow. But to me, I'm like, well, that's just, he's just this overweight cat. Yeah. When you pick up overweight cats, they meow because something's got to hurt because they're so overweight.

Yeah, right. He's not doing anything. And he's tried to itch his ear and he can't quite reach. I'm like, it's because of his guts. Okay. But anyway, he wasn't right. So he went to the vet. He had a day spa at the vet.

Yeah. For tests. Yeah, for tests. He's got a shaved patch on his neck. And that was day spa at the vet. Yeah. For tests. Yeah, for tests. He's got a shaved patch on his neck. And that was, at the end of the day, $450. Jeez. For a bunch of tests. Because he wouldn't go wheeze. They wanted a urine sample because they thought his bladder was blocked.

Et cetera. Anyway. May I remind you what? You gifted this cat. So you're responsible. Yeah, but the cat was free. Oh, right. What's the problem with these free cats?

They immediately cost you more than what they cost in the first place. Yeah. But it was timely that this morning we got from Southern Cross Pet Insurance. Is that who you pet insurance with? Yeah, I've got, yep. This isn't a paid promo for them. No, not at all. They do good PR, though, because they send you interesting stats.

Yeah. Which is great. So the 10 unusual claims for 2020 we're in, I'll tell you about some of the more expensive ones, are Hungarian Wiesler. What is that? You will have seen one. It's like a brown pointy dog.

Oh, yep. They're quite beautiful, aren't they? Yeah, they are. They look like they'd be great to take on a duck hunt. Looks a lot like a Hungarian version of like a Labrador, but maybe a little thinner than a Labrador. Kind of like a slim, athletic Labrador. And more golden brown.

Like it's been baked in the oven just right and it's golden brown. Yeah. Oh, they're beautiful. So that ate a container of sewing pins. He swallowed 26 sewing pins and luckily managed to pass almost all of them without injury. The surgery meant that they had to find the last one. But when they were in there,

they found sticks and stones in his stomach. So sticks and stones will break my bones and also block up my intestinal tract. The dog fully recovered $2,600. Okay, but they had pet insurance, so they claimed. Okay. A Labrador cross ate so much grass, she ended up being unable to digest that. It had a big ball of grass in her stomach.

That obviously meant she couldn't eat or poop. That had to be surgically removed. $4,938. Oh, my God. A miniature toy poodle swallowed a fish hook with bait on it. Oh, my God. A miniature toy poodle swallowed a fishhook with bait on it. Oh, my God. And left with the line and tracer hanging out of her mouth. Claim back to get that sorted, $1,400.

So $1,400. Yeah. A German wire-haired pointer cross ate multiple socks, and one got stuck in his bowel. He had to have surgery to remove it. Claim paid out $15,000. What?

Why were the other ones, why were the other ones so expensive? Maybe because it got to the bowel. Oh yeah, right. Don't know, socks. Oh my God.

Socks. There was a cat that jumped out of a window and landed on a palm tree that needed a spike removed from its paw. $700 claim there, paid out. Oh, my God. A dog ate an aspirin.

We laughed, but it had to be treated in the after hours vet for salbutamol toxicity, which poisons the dogs but obviously helps humans get over there. Yeah. Jack Russell Terrier called Rocky ate a rock. $1,600. So lots and lots of claims. So we thought this morning on the back of Vaughn having to pay $400 yesterday and then hearing some of these like crazy amounts, what is the most a pet's cost you?

Like having to take it to the vet Like did it eat something like A ball of grass or some Oh the fish it wants Horrible to even say That's horrible Yeah So we want to know

Yeah your big expenses Yeah and maybe For silly pets And then did you have insurance? Yes or no? Because if you didn't have insurance Imagine being like $15,000 if you didn't have pet insurance. You'd have to make a decision whether or not you put it,

I mean, or can you afterpay that? Can you afterpay at the vet? And six easy installments. God, you wouldn't want to miss your afterpay. No, they'll come around and repo your pet. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. No, they'll come around and repo your pet. Well, we just have been talking about some of the biggest pet insurance claims in New Zealand for the last year. Yeah, some big ones there.

Asking you how much the vet cost you and whether or not you did have insurance. It is a good ad for insurance. It really is. Somebody said Scruffles, our cat. Scruffles. Cost myself and my wife

close to two grand at the emergency vet when she got into some magic mushrooms. She didn't even share them. Could you imagine a cat on magic mushrooms

like running around your lounge and then like looking at you like you're some kind of monster. But then I don't know if it would have the same effect

because they don't have the conscious. Oh, yeah, right. And it might be because they're different species. It might be totally toxic to them. Yeah, right. And by the way, this person said they didn't have like a bag of them that the cat got into. They just ate some mushrooms in the garden.

Oh, wow. Okay. It was like when I was looking after my parents' dogs. One of them came out of the garden with a mouthful of long mushrooms. I was like, get that out of your mouth. Those might have been magic mushrooms. We would have had some bloody golden retrievers tripping balls. Alright, we'll

keep your texts to your calls coming through. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Talking about how much your pet has cost you at the vet. Some astonishing stories coming through. So much money. Somebody messaged in. They don't say what pet

this happened to, but this feels like a dog. Okay. Two knee replacements and a tooth removal. Two knee replacements. When they've been part of the family for that long,

you just do what you can to get them by? $16,000 to what you can to get them by? What? Can you relieve them of their pain? I mean, if I had pet insurance, I'd do it. But if I didn't, then how much would your pet insurance

be costing you for an animal that's that old and decrepit? That's a good question. I don't know. Yeah. Somebody else said my young budgie broke his leg. A budgie broke its leg. How much do you think that could cost

to have 20 bird in a plaster cast? A tiny little 20 bird plaster cast. I'd just break a popsicle stick in two, put a splinter to the side and put some... And tape it. $2,000. I'm sorry, but that's a budgie. Get a new budgie. That's a young budgie too.

Have you really ever known this budgie? Yeah, like it's not like they... I don't know. That's weird. I've never understood the bird thing. Oh, nah, that's so they, I don't know. That's weird. I've never understood the bird thing. Oh, nah,

that's so noisy. Like maybe a cockatoo, the talky ones, the cockatoos? No, because they're fun to like talk to when you're like,

hello, hello. And try to say hello back, but imagine that around the house the whole time. Oh, you'd be annoying.

There's a wild flock of cockatoos that flies past our house. They're the noisiest things in the world. Somebody said, our little kitten was run over by our things in the world Somebody said Our little kitten was run over by our neighbour In the driveway, no insurance, broken knee

Dislocated ankle, internal bleeding $16,000 Wow, Kelly How much did you spend at the vets? Over $8,000 What did it do? What happened? It ate some slug bait

Oh no Yum though, I have always wondered what blitzen tastes like What did it do? What happened? It ate some slug bait. Oh, no. Yum, though. I have always wondered what blitzen tastes like. Yeah. Oh, no. Not that it looks very good coming up, tell you that. And so they survived. The lab survived.

Oh, only just. Only just. Oh, my God. The cost could have gone over $10,000 had she not come through at the $8,000 mark. So, yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. And did you have pet insurance?

I did, thank goodness. Oh, yes. My husband wasn't so keen on the idea, but I think he's sort of counting his lucky stars now. Yeah, wow. God, it's just like an insurance ad, isn't it? Isn't it? He wasn't good on it, but it saved him a lot in the long run. It did.

Hey, Kelly. Kelly, thanks for your call. Catherine, how much it? Isn't it? He was a kid on it, but it saved him a lot in the long run. It did. Hey, Kelly. Kelly, thanks for your call. Catherine, how much did your pet cost you? Just under 10 grand. Whoa. What happened? The dog decided to go to the bathroom in the middle of a race

and my husband actually ran him over with the ute. Oh, so he's driving farm dog down the farm track and it's just like stop right in front of the ute to go to the toilet

and your husband's like I'm good. Goddamn, they always move. He's not really a farm dog he's a Labrador so you know. Oh right and so what did they need to do?

Well yeah we thought we might end up having to put him down, but at Massey in Palmere, the vet said, oh, no, no, we can reconstruct his leg. And so reconstructed his leg. He's got some permanent metal in there, and he lost his tail. Oh, my God. He's like a bionic dog.

And that was $10,000. Oh, just under. We kind of lost count because we were so scared of what the figures were. Yeah. And so no insurance? No, no insurance. But what about a discount for all the Massey vet students that would have been learning about leg rigging? I would have been like, where's the discount?

Yeah. Less half price. Catherine, thanks for your call. Some other text messages. Our dog got sick. Spent $13,000 trying to figure out what was wrong. We had insurance, but we would have sold the house to get our answers, but died in the end without any answers. Oh, that's sad.

Yeah, that's what I'm – maybe it's like the farmer in me, the rural upbringing, but when an animal costs heaps of money, I'm like, well, you better last for ages now because you've just cost us a fortune. But you get your cat high from the vet, you're like, if you don't sit on my lap and cuddle me tonight, this relationship is going downhill. Don't scratch at the door to go out, just to scratch at the door to come back in.

You cost me $400 today, none of that bullshit. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZDM's free and Clinton to listen to subscribe on the I heart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music lives here. ZM.