ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 18th November 2020

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Ryan Reynolds New Purchase  K-Mart Linen Pants  Top 6: Bouj'ify your Quarantine  Megan's Baby Diary  We did something Yesterday!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Warner Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. Yes! Memorial Day. I just had to Google, is there a name for an anniversary of death? Because, you know, your birthday is the day that you... Death Day doesn't sound very nice.

No. Memorial Day or Commemoration Day. The 20th Memorial Day of my virginity today. 18th of November in the year 2000. How can you even remember that? Because that was my brother's birthday. Oh, yeah, of course. Otherwise you wouldn't remember, would you?

And there's a photo of me and the young lady. Yep. Feels like I said young lady there just to really drive home my heterosexuality. Not at all. I just pictured the photo. And it definitely wasn't another man. You took a photo afterwards. No.

We had this dinner with my family for my brother's birthday. Beforehand. And she was invited. Yeah. Or this was before or after. What do you mean? We were seeing each other, but it was before the deed. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Or this was before or after? What do you mean? We were seeing each other, but it was before the deed. Oh, right.

Okay. Yeah. And famously, this song was on. Because the movie City of Angels, Nicholas Cage, Meg Ryan, was on the television. And we turned on the television to drown out, you know that thing where you turn on the drown out any possible sounds. Yeah. It's a very quiet movie, though. Fun fact, that's Meg Ryan's son. And the boys out any possible sounds. Yeah. It's a very quiet movie though.

Fun fact, that's Meg Ryan's son. And the boys. And the boys. Jack Quaid. Yeah. Yeah. I see it now. Like a perfect mix of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid.

Dennis Quaid, yeah. Hmm. Not Randy Quaid. He's the other Quaid, eh? I don't think he's invited to Christmas. He's a weird one, isn't he? He's deep end, I think Yeah

But anyway, yeah, 20 years ago today Congratulations How about that? Yeah And I've done it a couple of times since I don't want to show off 11, 11 times About my sexual prowess

Yep I've done it again Do you have the dates of those times as well? Yes, I've got them all Yeah Do you have the dates of those times as well? Yes, I've got them all. Yeah. Do you want a list? No. No?

Okay. I'll just pass you. If you are going to write down all the dates you ever have sex, make the font really big so it takes up more than one page. Ha ha ha. takes up more than one page. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleech Warner.

Megan, amazing people finally dumping Pete Evans. It's only taken until now to realise he's a crackpot. Well, I don't even know what to say about him. It's just something happened. Something happened. He's a dum-dum.

He is. Anyway. Anyway. Onwards. Onwards. Onwards, Sans, Pete, Evan. The top six coming up. What's on the agenda today?

Well, did you see the Prime Minister yesterday on Instagram shared how one returning chef was bougie-ing up their quarantine meals. Which don't look that big in the first place, but then this dude was like whittling them down for presentation to make them look almost inhalable.

Looked incredible. It was such a fun game, like what did he get, and what did he... What's he made out of? So on the back of that, It was such a fun game. Like, what did he get? And what did he... Whoa! What's he made out of? Whoa! So on the back of that, but not Ferdinand, the top six other ways to burge you up your managed isolation stay. Yeah.

Did you see, we talked last week, it was the week before the US election, to Jack Tame. Did you see he got Hamilton? We joked about that, didn't we? We said he'd probably end up in Hamilton. And he did end up in Hamilton. Or maybe Rotorua. But it was definitely not in Auckland. Right.

I felt like it was Hamilton. I felt like I saw it on his Instagram that he was in Hamilton. Maybe that, because I only know the hotels from famous news stories. Yeah. I think he's at the distinction. Someone scaling down the side with blankets. Do you remember that mum and her kids escaped from that one? Yes. I think it's that one. Yeah, I think he's at the distinction. Down the side with blankets and sheets. Do you remember that mum and her kids escape from that one? Yes.

I think it's that one. Yeah. So I hope he's doing alright. Well, I don't think he'll be trying to escape. No, I think he'll be fine. Yeah, I think that would be a great look for Jack or TVNZ or anybody. Rogue Q&A reporter. Jack Tame makes a break for the border.

Next on the show, Ryan Reynolds is in the news. Hot. Would we say he's one of our favourite celebrities? Yeah, Ryan Reynolds is pretty great. Just as a show. Yeah. He's a good man. Down to earth man, despite his millions of dollars.

Well, he's bought something. With his millions of dollars. With his millions and it's raised some eyebrows. Ryan Reynolds has spent his millions of dollars because he got 60 million. Was it more than that for the gin company? But then joked he's going to take a month. Yeah.

Aviation gin. Do you listen when I tell you these stories? I listen, Megan. I heard you say. I tell you these stories I listen Megan I heard you say I remember I can't remember Aviation Remember George Clooney When he sold his tequila company

Didn't he get Way more than that No but Ryan Reynolds got But doesn't he Still have a share I said 60 million I meant to say 610 million

You were saying You would have Do you listen To your own stories Did he get 6610 million? I'd sell my gin company for $610 million. He was partners in that, so I don't know if he got all of that money, but he did make a joke about how it was going to take a while for that money to get to him.

Right. I think it's got to him because he's been frivolously chucking away a couple of million. He has, along with a friend, bought one of the world's oldest football teams. Not just any friend. Rob. I've never known how to say this guy's last name. McIwany. He's the co-creator of Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Right. Okay. So he'd be

cashed up too. He plays Mac. Yeah. Right. They paid US 2.5 million for this team. They play in the fifth tier of the English League. So that's like buying a rugby team that plays in the third division or something.

Yes, they're buying Horofeno Bush or Thames Valley or yeah, Buller. But they are going to document their foray into sports. It's going to be like a fly on the wall TV show. Like a comedy.

Maybe. Yeah. Do you think he's a fan of succession? When, what's his face, bought a football team? Roman. Roman bought a football team for his dad. The football team is called Wrexham. Never heard of it before.

Right. It's one of the old, it's home stadium is the, according to the Guinness World Records, the oldest stadium in the world that still functions as a stadium. It's got a 10,000 capacity. But yeah, it's like this Welsh football team. It's old. It was formed in 1864.

I can tell you that. But what's he, is he going to go to games and stuff? It must be a comedy. Imagine being so rich you could just buy a football team and make a comedy about it. Yeah. He said you may never heard of Rexham before, but you will.

So they're planning on making it a global force. I don't know. I think it needs a redesign. I think the shield needs a redesign it's too complicated it is yeah right it needs simplicity in these in these complicated times well hopefully they give that a judge yeah but then you wouldn't want to because if it's old and people are like sitting there but then it was flailing so that's how they could afford to buy it anyway right apparently it wasn't even that much, right. Apparently it wasn't even that much. Just reading this article, it wasn't even that much of like a big deal

to get the people who owned it to sign it over. They're like, yeah, no, you can have that. That's shit, mate. They haven't won for ages. It's still 2.5 mil. That's so much money. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. At the moment, the Tourism Summit Aotearoa is happening.

This is where all the tourism people get together and summit. Who's driving the jet boats? Who's clipping the tickets at the luge? Yeah, it's the bosses. What, are you telling me if I go to the luge, I'll just be able to keep going because no one's there to stop me? They're not sending the guy that clips the tickets at the luge to the Tourism Summit.

That would be quite a job elevation. Okay, so what about the guy driving the jet boat? Do I get to drive my own shot over? You get to drive your own shot over. Oh my God. Because they're all at the summit. But one idea that was floated, and this is just an idea at the summit,

it's not like the government that's floating this, is that every Kiwi should be issued with a $200 domestic travel card to give a boost to the tourism industry, which of course has been decimated because of COVID. Yeah. But how cool would that be? That would be cool.

Think about what would you do with your $200. The taxi driver I was talking to in Queenstown said New Zealanders should all have a card to show at tourism places that get us discounts and it should be in place even when international travel starts again. Like a locals card. Yeah, like a New Zealand locals card. Yeah.

We don't tell the tourists about it because they'll want to use our card. It'll be like when you're at the supermarket and they're like, you got your flybys and you're like, no, and someone behind you is like, you can use mine.

Except it'll be the opposite. We'll be like, yeah. They'll say, are you a Kiwi? And the tourists will say, yes. And then they'll say, got your card. And then they'll be looking around and be like, can I use your card? Be like, they'll say, are you a Kiwi? And the tourists will say yes and then they'll say, got your card? And then they'll be looking around and be like,

can I use your card? No, no you can't. They have that overseas, eh? Where like locals get discounts at tourism spots and stuff. They get it a bit cheaper. They get it a little bit cheaper.

Yeah. To encourage them to do it more. But what would you, if you got this, if this became a thing, what would you spend your $200 on? I could spend it on anything.

Yeah. Do you reckon there'd be a, could I spend it at the cafe, like up the luge? Yeah, if you just wasted on some food. Just want some lamingtons. Oh my God. I'd go, nah, well, you've got luge in my head now. Right, okay. But I'd do the luge, I'd do two lots of five.

Yep. Two lots of five, okay. Two lots of five. But I'd do the luge, I'd do two lots of five. Yep. Two lots of five, okay. Two lots of five trips and I'd buy a photo. Oh, you'd get the photo. I'd get the photo.

Oh, okay. And then maybe a little key ring as a reminder of the fun trip. I'd get the key ring package of the photo. Yeah, right,

No one ever gets the key ring package. Yeah. No one's like, you know what I need on my key ring? A reminder of that time I went on the luge five times. I don't know. There's lots to do.

Could you use it for accommodation? Well, it just says tourism. So maybe. Yeah, maybe that'll get you a night somewhere. I want to go black water rafting. Is that in the dark? No, because I don't like caves or water. Because of earthquakes.

What if you're doing black water rafting and there's an earthquake? And then you're stuck in there and you have to eat the people in there. I'd go see a glowworm. Yeah. I'd see a glowworm. Same, but that's got an easy exit, the glowworm cave. Yeah, and you're in a boat. Yeah.

The dark scares me, but not as much as water. But combine them, and that's my worst nightmare. Like, me floating in the open ocean at night time is absolutely terrifying to me. I'd rather be floating in the open ocean at night time than the day time. Why? Because the wind is hot.

It'd be nice. No, and then something brushes your leg, and you're like, this is how I die. I don't want to be in the open ocean full stop. Neither, yeah. Oh, I imagine I'm in a boat. No, no, no, you're just bobbing in the ocean. No, absolutely not.

No, absolutely not. No. I'd like to hope that a team of dolphins saved me and we became friends. Yes. And I became their leader. No, you're not smart enough to be the leader of the dolphins. Who made this guy leader?

He can't even swim fast. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Who made this guy later? He can't even swim fast. Well, if I think back on the long and luscious past of the Vaughan Smith pant, one of my favourites will always be the linen pant that I've had a few pairs of. The fisherman pant from Thailand. Yep. That was where you pull them right up, you tie it, and then you fold the top down over. That's a great one

that can rock full length or three quarter, all depending on how snug you're willing to make your genitals, I guess, because you can rock them a little bit low for full. They're great. They were great in Cambodia, but in Cambodia was where I bought the elasticated ankle,

more of a bloomy parachute linen pant. I feel people buy, though, these kind of linen pants when they're travelling with the hope of wearing them back home, and they never do. Well, neither of those pairs had pockets. That was its major downfall. Right, okay. That was, I would say, the only thing that I couldn't quite get, you know, used to.

Well, there's no pockets. Imagine Vaughan Smith's surprise when he sees the latest Kmart trend. A breezy pair of $20 pants from linen, from Kmart, that are like a linen pant. Now, I'm only seeing photos of women wearing these at Kmart and they're very patent, which is against my vibe. You want a Richard Branson kind of linen pant.

I want either, yes. I want a white pant or a black pant to go with a matching linen top. Very close to just dressing like Richard Branson in summer. I would absolutely love it. Get me a heart-shaped island and a billion dollars and I'll dress like Richard Branson and just chill out. Yeah. That would be great.

But yeah, oh, they just look adorably. What are your thoughts, Megan, as a fashionista? Well, thanks. Well, linen's very in at the moment, and especially going into summer. But, I mean, I don't think I'd get my... I had linen shorts last year. Remember?

And I was on the live scooter, RIP. The black ones. No, I didn't shit myself. What are you... No, I went to Scoot Scoot and I ripped them. The linen, because the crotch was a bit lower. And it's not very forgiving linen. It doesn't stretch much.

No, it doesn't. And then those were ripped in the crotch so you have to throw them out. So I'm not doing linen again. That was my only chance. Linen's had its chance. Will we not see as many? I was just thinking because without the travel to Bali, without the travel to Southeast Asia

this summer there'll be less of the linen pant because that's where everyone gets it. Yeah. They want you to know they've been away that year when they start wearing linen pants in summer. They're like, oh my God, where'd you get those from? Oh my God, babes. I went to Bali in July and you're like, God damn it, I've been tricked into asking.

But it's just like looking on the iconic, you can get a pair of what is described as tropic drawstring linen pants for $172 Australian dollars. Okay. Taking the piss. That's just how much clothes cost, Vaughan. I'm not wearing anything. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

From the majestic ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Sam Lowe, coffee expert, New Zealand barista champion, 2016. Ooh. Chinese gastronomy. I'm not saying that right. Gastronomy. Gastronomy, yeah. I said that right.

Chinese gastronomy enthusiast. Oh, okay. Okay, the dude's got a specialised food account. So, do, do, do, do, do. Instagram account. Yeah. Oh, okay. This is a great ad for his Instagram.

And you know what? He deserves it because these quarantine meals that he's juiced up and changed and replated are incredible. Phenomenal. So Jacinda Ardern shared it.

If you want to see Sam's, it's underscore Sam, underscore low, underscore. Low with an E? No E. No E. Just low.

And he's a returning chef coming back to New Zealand, currently in managed isolation, and he's been getting meals and zhuzhing them, for example, for breakfast that looks like waffles, yogurt, peach, scone, orange. And he's turned into, I don't even know, how would you describe that, Megan? Waffle. Deconstructed waffle.

Deconstruct, yeah. Window waffle, because he's cut the top of the waffle. He's even cut the little bits out of it. Yeah. He must have some really sharp knives. I was going to say, has he got a good knife in there? He bought his, didn't Jacinda say he bought his cutlery with him? Like his knives and stuff?

Oh, right, his knives. Did he juice the mango and made little? Yeah, he did. He got, the second he got some hotcakes and some muesli and some yogurt and like a pastry egg thing. He made an apple swan. Did you see that? Oh, the dude swan out of the apple.

Yeah. Oh, what's he done with his hotel towels? I bet he's got a swan on his bed too. Oh, he's got a swan everywhere. And that's the thing. He's actually like chucked a fishing line out the window to the park next door. He's caught an actual swan. Great.

Stay tuned for how he cooks that in a microwave in his managed isolation facility. Oh, God, cooking a swan in a microwave would stink. At least he can gut it. He's got his nice knives. Sure. Do that in the bath and then be like, I need room service.

My bath's a mess. Anyway, he's really bougie'd up his stay, and it got me thinking of the top six other ways to bougie up your MIQ stay, your managed isolation quarantine facility. Number six, bath towel animals. Make your own bath towel animals. You can Google how to do that. Swans, elephants.

My mum had a monkey once, so they met a monkey and it hung in the bathroom. Last time I saw one of those wasn't in Thailand. It was in that Nelson Motel that we stayed at. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. And we had a lovely swan or an elephant towel. I'm always like, how do they do that? Oh, it's a real skill.

Yeah. Also, they've touched the towel a lot to do that. Maybe don't. Yeah, maybe in this new age they're not fondling your towel. Unless they're wearing gloves. In which case, knock yourself out. Because that touches your balls. So technically their hands have been on your balls

and God knows where their hands have been. And now your balls have been there too. For me to consider. Number five on the list of the top six other ways to booze you up your MIQ stay. After every shower, you can pick your pubes out of the bar soap so it looks new next time you use it. Don't leave them in there.

Because if you jump in next time you're going to have a shower and you think, oh, I'll pick them out now. You never do. The magic's lost. The magic's lost. Number four on the list of the top six other ways to bougie up your managed isolation facility stay. Keep that clean toilet seal that's on when you arrive.

And they're like, this seal means this toilet's being cleaned. And then just pop it on, back on after every time you use the toilet. Yeah. It always feels like you've got a clean toilet, even though you don't. Number three on the list of the top six other ways to booze you up your MIQ stay. Get someone to drop off big bottles of booze so you can refill the mini bottles and drink them every day with gay abandon. Just be like, you know what?

I will have the mini bar. Blug, blug, blug, blug, blug, blug. And at the end of it, refill it. Do they let you have the mini bar if you're on one of those? No, I don't think so. I think you're entitled to one drink a day. Right. Yeah, so my choice would just be Methylated Spirits.

Oh, my God. Numb the pain. You want someone to go the distance. And number two on the list of the top six other ways to

bougie up your MIQ stay are tuck your sheets in so bloody tight it's impossible to get into bed. Sometimes you go to a hotel

and you're like God! God! Come off you bastard! And then you go to bed and then you rip five layers off

there's an electric blanket, a duvet cover. Yeah, a mattress protector. You got it all. And number one on the list of the top six other ways to bougie up your managed isolation facility stays. Pretend no one has ever boiled their undies in your jug to clean them because they have. They definitely have.

Never use the hotel jug ever, ever, ever. Or the first time you use it, like hold down the boil switch until it almost melts. Yeah. And then pour that out and then boil yourself some non-undies juice. That's today's top six. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. So while everyone's working from home,

some people have made some confessions. So 60% of people's working from home, some people have made some confessions. So 60% of people, while working from home, have said that while they're on the clock, they have been getting it all. So they've been paid to live to their partner. Right, so I'm assuming their partner's also working from home. Yeah, like, yeah. They're in your bubble. They're in your bubble. They're in your household.

Yeah. And there's something sexy about you sitting on that laptop and your gym jams. No, it's boredom, isn't it? And you can't exactly, like, pull the curtains and play with yourself if they're sitting at the computer right beside you, so. And you've already eaten heaps of carbs. Yeah. And done the washing.

Yeah, I can't think about it. That's the attractive way possible. But 60% of people were doing it. Huh. 68% of millennials said they've tried out new positions since the pandemic. Look at the millennials branching out. What?

Okay. They didn't say what specifically they'd finally got around to trying? Half of them, just over half said they'd finally brought up their... Pink. Yeah. I was trying to think of a nice way to say it. Really? Something they were really into.

They finally brought it up with their partner and they've given it a burn. But isn't it weird that it's taken like a lockdown and shutting everything down for you to finally say to your partner, I wouldn't mind trying. Insert kink here. Well, because you've had to communicate a whole lot more. You're just like sitting there and you're like, oh, this is my moment. Before this, everyone's too busy getting up, going to work, getting home,

watching TV, living life. Not communicating. Wow. But 43% have also said they've brought in toys. And 37% have tried... Well, that was, I remember at the start of lockdown, they were deemed an essential service, weren't they, in the old

adult toy megastore was doing a roaring trade. Yeah. And 37% said they'd brought in some kind of food. We didn't need to add any more food to anybody's quarantine. Anybody's lockdown, 37% said they brought in some kind of food into the bedroom. We didn't need to add any more food to anybody's quarantine, anybody's lockdown, anybody's COVID year, surely. Yeah.

Also, how do you make sourdough bread sexy? You wear it as a boobie. Sourdough wasn't mentioned. You put it over your boobies. You carve out the back and you put your boobies in it. It's like a bread bikini. Like a sourdough bra. Like a coconut bra.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you pull out all the soft bit of the bread and the crust is the... Yeah. And then afterwards you could use it as a dipping bowl

if it didn't get all like wet and soggy. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Well, now I've got something I want to write down. Salad Oprah. Yeah, baps. Yeah, baps.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We've, in the Papadopoulos household, we've had some pretty disruptive sleeps, but it's fair to say it's mostly... You just wait. Yeah. I love it when parents give me all this feedback about negative things about being a parent. It's so good.

Gotta be stern, gotta be stern. I don't know why you do that. Yeah, I was about to say, Fletch is like, why are you doing this to yourself? But at the moment, it's just, there's a lot going on. Fletch has other sorts of disruptive sleepovers. I don't know why you do it to yourself. Yeah.

I don't know why you do it to them. I don't really want to know how you do it to them. I'm turning your mic off. Carry on, Megan. But this one wasn't me. So it was about two o'clock in the morning and I am a fairly light sleeper at the moment because pretty uncomfortable.

But I awoke to at 2am a dark figure on the top of the bed, on top of the sheets, kneeling on the bed with their arms up in the air. Oh, jeez. Okay. I didn't imagine it. I was like, this is the end. This is how I die. So I literally woke up, saw this and was like. And it was Andrew on top of the bed because he was lying face down,

which he never sleeps, never sleeps in that position. So face down on the pillow and a cockroach had landed on the back of his head. Literally launched itself and landed on the back of his head. And he woke up and he could feel it crawling on him. He flung it off onto the bed and then it proceeded to scuttle towards me and that's when he's launching himself up to try and like flick it off

the bed. That's what he's telling you. He was launching himself off the bed. You caught him mid abandoning you to the cockroach. He's like jumping off and you're like, what's going on? You're like, I'm saving you? Flicks the line on and I'm still unsure who this person even is. And then gives it the squish.

But that was among one of the worst wake-ups I've ever had. I really thought like this is the end. You can see why Oscar Pistorius just shot into the dark. Can you get that scared? Yes. I think even given that, had I had a gun in my hand. Mr. Andy Toy get that scared? Yes. I think even given that I had a gun in my hand.

Mr. Andy Toyboy is also South African so you're lucky he just didn't open fire wildly on the popcorn. Yeah. But yeah, one of the worst wake-ups

I've ever had. But your first thought wasn't on what's Andrew, what's Mr. Toyboy doing? I didn't know who it was. There's a stranger on my bed. Well, it was dark. It was just a silver wet.

Again, wait till you have children and you, like, can feel something really close to your face and you open your eyes, like, half asleep and your kid's like, dad. And you're like, ah! It's literally like a nose lengths away from you. You see the whites of your eyes. Where's the iPad? It's 2am. What are you doing the iPad for?

It's so early in the morning. I think I'm having a heart attack. Call 111 as a precaution. Help me, help me. Well, off the back of that, I'd love to know what woke you up, whether it was your kids. Rude awakenings are the best.

Or a bug. Launching itself on the back of your head. Wild animal. Who wasn't the guy woken up by a possum in their room? They were like in their house and a possum was like, what's up? I'm a possum. My worst nightmare is like if you're staying in like a hut

or a camp or whatever, or in a tent or whatever, and a mouse or a rat got in there. That would be the most horrible way to wake up if you just feel like... Oh yeah, that'd be horrible. But they do their best to avoid you. Yeah, totally. Unless they want to get in your womb. I'd imagine if you

were in a tent, a wild pig running through it would be slow. Yes. A puaka on the charge, looking for some food. Alright, well give us a callaka on the charge looking for some food. All right, well, give us a call. 0800 DARS at M. You can text in as well, 9696.

What woke you up? What was the cause of your rude awakening? Yeah, maybe it was a lorry hanging out your lounge wall that had come crashing. A big lorry. A lorry or a bus, yeah. We'll take those stories too. We want to know what your rude awakening was. A cockroach landed on my husband's head

and I woke up to him on top of the bed. I thought I was about to die. I'm just so glad it didn't land on me. That would have been horrific. I haven't had anything like that, but I've had the, when the building fire alarm goes off God that thing is loud

You'd wake the dead Which is the idea But I tell you When you're in a deep sleep And that goes off Yeah Somebody I just said before

A possum Getting woken up by a possum And you're a bit scary And I said who was that Referring to someone I knew Who it had happened to But someone I've never met Messaged her

Saying that was me That's right That's right You're urban legend Yeah Referring to someone I knew who it had happened to, but someone I've never met, messaged her saying, that was me. That's right. That's right. Your urban legend. Yeah. They said they were in suburban Christchurch, second story,

window got a window open because it was hot and a possum welcomed itself in. What? In suburbia. Those things are razor sharp, their claws. Yeah. How do you get it out? You have to ask nicely.

In an Australian accent, because they're Australians. Right. How do you get it out? You have to ask nicely. In an Australian accent because they're Australians. Sure. Stacey, what woke you up? So I had surgery in the UK and I was coming around and they brought me back to the ward and I was still heavily under the anesthetic and there was a lady standing next to my bed in a white gown holding my hand like a knife. And I started crying because I thought, oh, my God, I've died.

And I don't know this person. I thought, when you die, whoever comes to get you, you know. But I didn't know her. So I was screaming and crying, going, I don't know you. No, no, it's not me. It's not me. And then the doctors came in, or one of the nurses came in, and he realized it was an elderly patient who had got lost

or was hiding or something. And she just did this to my bed, holding my hand. I was so scared. She's here to take me to heaven. But I don't know you. You're not hanging out for me. You're in the wrong bed. You need to move on.

Stacey, what if it was like your great-great-great-grandmother who you never met but was your guardian angel? To be fair, I probably still would have said it weren't me. I probably still would have said you. It needs me. Brilliant. Stacey, thanks for your call. Matt, what woke you up?

Yeah, as kids, some people would know, I came to Curious Cove, top of the South Island. We were about nine or ten and we were in a bunk room in a cabin. And at about three o'clock in the morning, a quite large kuni kuni pig walks into our room and starts eating the toothpaste tube. At three o'clock in the morning, when you see a pig that's got a mouth full of toothpaste, which honestly grows all white.

It's bloody scary as a nine-year-old. It looks like a rabid pig because it's frothing in the mouth. Wow. Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, the coony coony's just like, in pig language, asking for a glass of water because they've got tangy now. I can't wait to come around and meet your coony coony pigs. Now I want to brush their teeth.

Thanks for your call, Matt. Susan, what woke you up? Morena. Morena. So we had a final living with us. They couldn't find a rental, so we chucked all four kids, our two and their two, in the same room.

And my four-year-old son had a habit of getting up and jumping into bed with me. And I woke up at like three o'clock in the morning, feeling this presence next to my bed. And I'm like, oh, God, Elijah, go back to bed. And this little voice, it got real close, real raspy, and it went, It's not Elijah. It's Elijah. I'm trying to get into bed with this.

It's not Elijah. Oh, wow. That is so good. You get past the creepy stage and it's all fine. It's all fine from there. It's me, Satan. Brilliant. Susan, thanks for your call. It's me, Satan. Brilliant. Susan, thanks for your call.

TJ, what woke you up? Oh, I woke up to a spider. Oh, how big was it? It was actually crawling in my ear. Oh! No! No! Why they like it, though, eh?

Because it's warm and it's moist and that's like spider's web 101. So you went to the doctor and what, they flushed it out? Oh, no. I chucked on earbuds to try like, you know, blast some music to get it out of my ear.

Right. And they ended up crawling into the earbuds. So when I went to the hospital, they couldn't find it. So I was like, oh, okay, I must have just been crazy. Yeah.

And then when I put my headphones back in my ear, crawled back into my ear. Oh, my God. So I had to go back to the hospital and get a review. So the spiders playing hide and seek, it's like, I'm just going to go in here, just going to go in here.

Are you going to go in here? Yeah. What was the music that you were playing when it... Oh, nothing much. Just ZM, you know. Oh, okay. Good man. Good man.

Good taste there. Good taste there. Good answer. The spider probably heard our voices. It was like, oh, those are nice voices. I'd like to cuddle up to those. I'm going to follow that source. Brilliant.

TJ, thanks for your call, mate. Ask some text messages. I woke up because I could feel movement in my pillowcase when I was a kid. And it was ferreting around in there. And then it had a little squeak and it was a mouse. So I was like, this is pretty cute. I went and said, mum, there's a mouse on my pillowcase. And she said, go to bed and stop making up lies.

And then the next morning it peeped its little face out. Mum screamed. So I was like, there it is. See, I'm not crazy. Told you. I was w, there it is. See, I'm not crazy. Told you. I was woken up by a baby penguin on an island called Double Island by Great Barrier with some friends. We stayed overnight. I thought it was a rat as the island's pretty rat infested.

It turns out it was a penguin. I was like, making little penguin noises. That's pretty cute. Also, yuck. Go sound a rat on an infested island. That doesn't sound inviting. Yeah, I don't think I'd sleep outside. Doesn't sound good for the penguins either.

No. Somebody else said, I woke up when I heard a noise and that was the hook coming out of the wall and then a large framed painting fell on my face. It was very terrifying because I just heard the noise and then the bang

and then it fell and it hit me and I was under a lot of art. It was very terrifying because I just heard the noise and then the bang and then it fell and it hit me and I was under a lot of art. It was very scary. I looked up and I was under a big art. Somebody said if you do have a possum or a large animal in your room, open the window and then leave the room. Yeah, and then hope they leave. And then they find their own way out. Yeah.

Unless you come back and they're like, my room now. That could totally have happened. All right, next on the show, a couple of schoolboys from Sydney. Thought they had the perfect plan. They sure did. They found a loophole, but they got busted. And now they've got something to explain to mum and dad. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast.

ZM. Now, there's still a lot of restrictions worldwide. We're a very lucky country with our COVID restrictions and even when, you know, there is a little... Outbreak? Managed?

Sure. Keep using the tracing apps. And just a reminder, tomorrow on all public transport in Auckland... Yes, and all flights all around the country. All over the country, yeah.

Masks will be mandatory. So, in New South Wales and Australia, there's still a lot of restrictions regarding size of gatherings. And two Sydney grammar students attempted to be able to have an after party for the year 12 formal. So they were allowed the year 12 formal, but they weren't allowed the after party. Right.

Now, to get around this, two lads, two of the lads that go to the school, seniors at the school, got married. They had a fake wedding. And then they were going to say the after party for the ball was also their wedding reception. As you are allowed to have guests of up to 150 guests at a wedding rather than the standard 30 limit. For a party. For parties of any other sort. Which is weird.

I don't know why weddings have such a higher thing. Higher than the average party. As we saw, they can be. They're far more likely than the average because there's more kissing and close contact and the dancing and... Yeah. Yeah.

Drinking and everything. So these lads thought they were going to get away with it and thought they were going to try to get one over with this little loophole. This is like some kind of Shortland Street plot. Yeah. Or some kind of like... It's quite...

Or like a high school movie. Yeah. Like Seth Rogen produced. It does feel like Shortland Street, like the cheeky younger characters aren't allowed an afterball so two of them get married to have a reception instead that can be the afterball but not in COVID times generally. Well, it

got shared around on social media and that was when their parents found out about it. And that's when so it must have been like happening because they said the parents rushed home to shut it down and put an end to it. And then's when so it must have been like happening because they said the parents rushed home to shut it down and put an end to it. And then they said it was clearly a silly teenage idea

with no long term thought put into it. Because now they're married. Yeah. So did they actually get married? Yeah because there's photos. So there's photos and everything but they didn't have any legally binding aspect of it. They hadn't signed the marriage certificate. Okay.

Yeah. But they had like, yeah, well, they were in suits for the formal. Yeah. And they said they were getting married so that they could have the after party. But yeah, they didn't actually sign the... Which is, because if they'd been caught, they would have had to have produced that anyway to prove they did get married. Maybe then they just quickly sign it

because you'd need the other guy to witness but then when you do actually meet someone you want to marry and you've got to fill out the divorce papers to divorce your mate from school I can't even be mad I know a lot of people are like people are pretty 50-50 on this they're like this is a genius idea

but people are also like, well, COVID's been ravaging our country and we need to stop the spread. Yeah, right. I think it's one of those situations where just because they may not have been

the most affected by it, they weren't thinking about how it could impact others. Like, you know, if those young people go and see their grandparents or it gets to their parents and then their parents

give it to their parents and then that's when the deaths start happening, when the older. So, you know, oh, you know what, I'll say it's irresponsible. I'll say they're silly buggers.

Silly buggers. Now, if it wasn't COVID, if they just wanted to have an afterball, I'd be all for it. Yeah, right. No harm, no foul, but there is a harm

and there is a foul. You've changed. You would have married your mate Callum at school to get an afterball. He's a cutie. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

Megan's Baby Diary. You missed the intense roll of the eyes. It's such a comfortable place to talk about. So, yes, I am pregnant. 28 weeks. Hit the third trimester.

And, ooh-wee, the heartburn has really picked up. Oh, yeah. Megan will be like, ugh. Every time I eat anything now. I'm like, oh, did you just have a shot? She looks like when you have a shot of tequila and you're like... No, it's like lava coming up your throat.

I woke up choking on some reflux last night, which was just the best. Because I don't want everyone to think that it's all fun and games. I've got swollen ankles now, so that's good times. I don't think anybody's under the impression that Brickle says it's fun and games. Even I've seen some posts recently

and people were like, oh, just like... I isn't funny, guys. No. Even I've seen some posts recently and people were like, oh, just like, I don't want to be too specific. Just really fanging about in the third trimester of their pregnancy being like, starting to get a bit tired. I'm just like, shut up. Megan, that's just Instagram. No one's on Instagram moaning about how bad it is. Yeah.

And if they are, it gets a bit boring. I can see why people do lie on Instagram. It's more exciting. It is, yeah. Having a great time being pregnant. Yeah. Nothing's wrong. And then if you do say, I'm having reflux,

you get people like Fletch commenting, well, you did this. I don't know why you did this to yourself. You chose this. It's only going to get worse. Yeah, yeah. Not only that. And then they're going to leech off you for 18 years

until they move out of home. Oh, my God. So I haven't actually had too much advice. People are pretty good these days. I'm not opposed to advice because I've never done it before. But everyone said that you would get people telling you things. Not so much advice, lots of comments. I've had countless amount of people asking me if I was ready to pop.

And you're like, no, actually, I've still got a long way to go. I've still got a little while. And do you know what'm actually gonna change I'm going to say an earlier due date because I'm sick of it I'm sick of people literally telling me that my like oh you're gonna go early how are you gonna hold on for that long referring to yes and getting compared to other people's bumps it's like it seems like such a trivial thing but when you're pregnant you're already not feeling yourself like come on man it's just weird a trivial thing, but when you're pregnant and you're already not feeling yourself, you're like, come on, man. It's just weird that people say that. Yeah, it doesn't surprise me. That great Auntie Ethel Boomer or what?

Yep. You've had some comments, so you don't want to repeat what that was said. Okay, yeah, right. But there's certainly people not using tact. No. And, yeah, when you see people you haven't seen for a while and they make a joke about how much weight you've put on,

you're like, well, I am pregnant, but thank you. It's not even a funny joke for a pregnant woman. How many weeks you got to go? Oh, okay. It's going to come early then, isn't it? Because look at you. Just constant. So just on behalf of any other pregnant woman, maybe don't do that.

Right. Because, yeah, it doesn't make you feel very good. Can I do it to Fletch? Yeah. Rude. You know I'm not expecting till mid next year. I'm hardly even showing. You haven't even put up your Instagram reveal and your sonograph yet.

Don't ruin my announcement. Sorry. Don't ruin your announcement. So rude. Yeah. Don't ruin my announcement. Sorry, mate. Don't ruin your announcement. So rude. Yeah. That's all. Right. Just be kind. Do you want people to go the other way now?

If people hear this and then they see this. Oh, I'm looking so skinny. You're tiny. What are you, 12 weeks? Yeah. Don't you just start in the show? Do you need us to really ramp that up? No.

It's fine. I'll do it. Okay. Here's how I'll do it. You're only just starting the show. Do you need us to really ramp that up? No, no. It's fine. I'll do it. Okay. Here's how I'll do it. This is me arriving at work tomorrow. Okay. Sorry I'm late.

That's how I always start. I'm just trying to say the same thing. Vaughn, this is the same time you arrive every day. Oh, traffic was killer. Vaughn, there's no traffic on the road. Good job. Megan, have you lost weight? I thought you said yesterday you were 28 weeks. Oh, traffic was killer. Vaughan, there's no traffic on the road. Megan, have you lost weight? I thought you said yesterday you were 28 weeks. Oh, my God.

Thank you. Jesus. You're about as far along as Fletch. So rude. Nah, you're looking good. Did those military overalls yesterday. You were cutting quite a... I saw the ladies on the military base.

I saw way too much of you. Yeah, we saw. It's not my fault the harness bunches up in the gooch area. In that area. Oh, was that a bloody billboard? ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. You may remember ahead of the last

long weekend group toot, the lovely people at the Royal New Zealand Navy said, come on down and use the brand new HMNZRFQSSTUV. Yep. WXYZKFC, NBA. Aotearoa. Aotearoa, our new ship to complete the last two blasts of the long weekend group toot.

And we said we'd love to. And we popped down and then they said, do you want to have a look we were like sure absolutely it was incredible and then they um let us um torpedo a fuller's fairy yes coming back from whiney whoopsie sorry about that if you lost the grandma but um we thought it was empty because there was no one who had paid to be on there but of course she'd used her gold car only the whole henstoo went down on that as well oh they loved it though. Because they got rescued by the Coast Guard and then they thought it was a stripper, but it wasn't. So anyway, we did that.

We had a great time. And then it turns out that the Royal New Zealand Air Force were like, well, we can't have that. We can't have those fish. Are you trying to do a... We're trying to trash talk between the armed forces. But they do love a bit of banter between the armed forces. There's definitely inter-armed forces banter.

Rivalry. And they said, well, we can't have that. Let's sort out a day where you can come out and during a training jump out of a Hercules, you guys can tandem skydive with some of our parachute instructors in the Air Force. And we were like, yep. I reckon we could probably manage that.

And then kind of the date got put in the calendar. And then like on Monday, producer Arden is like, hey, guys, don't forget we're skydiving. Yeah, tomorrow after the show. And I forgot to tell my wife. I said, oh, that skydives this week. She's like, what are you talking about? She's like, these are really the sorts of discussions we have as a family now that you've got children.

I was like, that'll be right. And then she doubled my life insurance and that gamble did not pay off because I survived. But, yeah, yesterday we got to go out to Funuapai Air Base, which I drive past pretty much every day on the way to work. Yeah. And I see these planes flying all the time. But now whenever I see them flying, I can say I've been in that one

and I already have because four or five times yesterday afternoon I said, hey kids, dad went in that today. And it was great bragging. They're pretty much sick of that now, but I reckon I've got a few more weeks of definitely reminding them every time I see one. Yeah, sure. And chucking it a salute.

So where we got to go in the back of one, we climbed to 13,000 feet over Auckland. Megan, you didn't jump, but you came on the plane. Yeah, I got to take off and land in the plane. Yeah, we chucked your stunt double executive intern, Anya. Out of the plane. Because Vaughn and I have both skydived before. Yeah. Commercially, but this was your first time.

You'd never done it. No, I did a commercial one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, why were you so scared? Well, I'm not sure. I think because... You were so white. I swear you'd never done one before.

Yeah. No, I had. I think it's because the door was bigger. There was just... Because here's the thing. We were in the Air Force Hercules. There's a video being made of this. Yes. Yeah, no, I had. I think it's because the door was bigger. Here's the thing. We were in the Air Force Hercules. There's a video being made of this.

Yes. We can explain it and the video will show it, but there's nothing quite like experiencing it. No. Because six minutes before jump, the flap comes down. The butthole flap. The butthole flap of the Hercules. At the back of the plane, its official title. And if you've seen Operation Dumbo Drop,

which is a great movie. It's just like that. Kind of like that when the back of the plane, it's the official title. And if you've seen Operation Dumbo Drop, which is a great movie. It's just like that. Kind of like that when the bat comes in and you shove the elephant out the back. But we're just sitting there watching the sky out the back of a plane, out the back of the open door. So anyone's just casually sitting there, standing around, joking. She made a casual gesture with her finger,

round and round and round, and you're like, oh, what's happening? And then the gaping butthole flap opens up. And all you can see is clouds. And immediately the temperature drops. It was nuts, wasn't it? Amazing. Just to be like, I could just roll out there if I wasn't harnessed in and completely safe.

Yeah. And we did. We did just roll out there if I wasn't harnessed in and completely safe. Yeah. But good lord. And we did. We did just roll out there. It was, yeah, mind-blowing. My adrenaline was humming. So we flew around. We had the drop zone.

Fletch went first. So Fletch dropped. I'm like a meter behind him, like looking over the flap into the, you know, the abyss, looking down at clouds in Auckland City, just about to jump. They're like, hold on. We need to go back around. So they pulled me back from the edge and I checked my Apple Watch.

My heart was beating at 135 beats a minute. So it was like I was doing cardio, which was great. I was like, get me back out of here. I'll close my rings. Your rings were closed. My ring was very tightly closed. 13,000 feet looking over the edge. The ring didn't even open.

Yeah. And yeah, it was just amazing. It was just phenomenal. So you guys came back around and dropped in. Yeah, yeah. I tell you what though, you guys missed some of the most epic turbulence I've been in in my life.

There was a big shudder and it felt like it was going out of the sky. The trouble is you can't see because you're sitting down, you're strapped in these seats. They have tiny little windows, but they're above your head. So you can't see on what're sitting down, you're strapped in these seats. They have tiny little windows, but they're above your head. So you can't see on what angle you are or what's happening.

Yeah. And then we just had to kind of hold on for landing because we also weren't sure how close we were to the ground. But the softest, most gentle landing. Oh, that's high praise. That's high praise for the pilots. Big, beautiful Hercules. And it just is like, doop, down on the ground. Kiss the ground. Just kiss the ground. Yeah the ground yeah right yeah it's a big one like have you ever seen like a um a chicken

land wait okay right because that's how you expect it to land like if you've so if the chickens at my place get over the fence or get out i chuck them back over the fence and they go flap i'm trying and they kind of like have a rough landing that's how I'd expect a Hercules to land. Yeah, me too. Heavy, big girl with a big bum and they hit the ground, but they don't. Gentle giant. So smooth.

Yeah. Because we watched you, we beat you to the ground surprisingly. We could fall faster than the plane could land. Yeah. And my one thought was when we were coming into land, looking down at the Air Force Base, a lot of lawns to mow. Right. A lot of lawn to mow. A lot of lawns apparently the guy they were just mowing non-stop that's my kind of job watching planes mowing lawns all day long um but yeah the video is being made that'll uh be up online uh at some stage yeah but yeah

worth a watch and again thank you to uh everybody at the uh at the royal new zealand air force yeah army defense force it's your move now yeah well that's the thing they've got to everybody at the Royal New Zealand Air Force. Yeah, Army. Defence Force. It's your move now. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. They've got to outdo the Air Force. Yeah. And I think that's only going to happen if there's explosions and grenades. Pregnant women can throw grenades, eh?

Pregnant women can throw grenades, eh? We can ask. Yeah, well, let's just remember that next time there's a war and someone wants to throw the grenades when they're pregnant, everybody gets drafted. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Off the back of just seeing a couple of photos, our mid-skydive of the skydiving we did yesterday

with the Royal New Zealand Air Force, I thought we could talk about when you thought you were going to look a lot cooler than you did. Because it felt real cool. Yeah. Because you were in the uniform. We were both in the uniform. Yeah, the full overalls.

Yeah. And when you were wearing your sunglasses, you looked real, like in a movie. Yeah. You looked pretty cool. I was just getting ready to climb up that little ladder into a fighter jet. Yep. And down the ship. Because I'm imagining I'd be the sort of pilot that would

take off from, this is a story I write for myself in my head. I don't take off from land. I take off from those ships. Okay, right, yeah. And then when I come into land, I drop the little hook. Yep. And it catches me. You land on the run. You can't expect too much though because you looked cool when you were by yourself but then you get strapped in

to another man who then carries you while you're like wee. I'm like a little baby in his front pack. Leather pouchy beanies on your head. Yeah. They weren't flattering. They made us look like cone heads, didn't they? Yeah.

The leathery hat. Yeah. But I even thought with that. And your constant wedgie. Yep. And the camel turned the bunching. But you did look cool. What are you talking about? Well, in my mind, I would have looked a lot cooler.

You're just kind of like, man, what we're doing is cool. You expect the look to be on par with the experience, I guess is what I'm saying. It's like I was reminded of when I did like, I've done a few bungee jumps, but I think the third one I was like, oh, I've done this before, and my brain's like, I think I've done a few bungee jumps, but I think the third one I was like, oh, I've done this before. And my brain's like, I don't care.

I'm like, come on, brain, get on board, do a jump, look cool. And the brain's like, no, I'll meet you halfway. I'll fall. But I thought I fell like arms out. Gracefully spread. Jesus Christ pose, like woo! But it was like this. I was in a kind of a ball on the edge of the ledge,

and I was like, hey! I did a staple when I bungeed, and it was terrible. I never shared any photos. I just looked like a staple. Yeah, and you just... Hanging mid-air like that. But you think you're going to look cool doing cool things. Yeah.

And then you see a photo of yourself, and you're often let down. Right. But there's some photos that have been sent through. You look really good in one of them. It's hard to look good skydiving because your face gets all flappy in the wind. Well, I've got a beard and it hides my flappy face, but

my moustache caught the wind and killed up and that kind of looks cool because I look a little bit like a super villain, like a Dr. Robotnik from Sonic or something. With the big... Oh, yeah, well just there's so many things. It's like snowboarding, learning to snowboard. You get someone and you're like, take a photo of this.

I'm going down here and not falling over. And then you see it and you're all like crouched over like grandma. You're like, don't fall over. Real slow. Yeah. When I played Roller Derby, I felt real badass that people take photos and you literally look like a grandma on skates. Like, don't fall over, don't fall over.

So we were wondering, let's share our experiences of thinking we were going to look a lot cooler than we actually were. Yeah, so maybe you saw the video, the photos afterwards. Or even you ended up seeing yourself on, like, the news. That would be a harsh question.

That would be harsh Yeah Okay so yeah 0800 You can text 9696 Of when you thought You were going to look A lot cooler than you did That's most of our

Photo shoots Do they Oh you feel good Because there's like Lights and stuff And then you get them back And you're like Who invited the troll

Yesterday we jumped out of The Air Force Hercules With Well Megan didn't because she's pregnant obviously, but you came along for the ride. Everyone was asking me if I would do it. I think I would. That's too cool an opportunity. The best thing about being strapped to someone significantly stronger than you is you don't have a choice.

Yeah, like they literally just walked us out the back of the plane and off we go. Our feet were tucked up. We didn't have to do anything. Just go for the ride. I said to my guy Kingston, he's like, let me take your weight. I was like, I don't know if you're going to be able to. And off we go. Our feet were tucked up. We didn't have to do anything. Just go for the ride. I said to my guy Kingston, he's like, let me take your weight. I was like, I don't know if you're going to be able to. And he was like, I'll be able to.

And I was like, he's holding me. Like a baby. Daddy, I'm in the front pack. And you know when you ever see a kid in a front pack, you're like, man, I'd like an adult version of that. It's pretty sweet. It's pretty good, yeah. It's pretty good stuff.

But it was that jump. I thought we'd look a lot cooler of that. It's pretty sweet. It's pretty good, yeah. It's pretty good stuff. But it was that jump. I thought we'd look a lot cooler than we did. Than I did. I shouldn't speak for you. I don't know what your expectations were of yourself. I have always liked anything in life. Low expectations. Yes.

So if there is a good photo, I'm pleasantly surprised. Yeah. But we want to know what you thought you looked cool doing. And then maybe when you saw evidence evidence video or photographic evidence, you didn't. You didn't, yeah. You didn't. So we've had some text messages and wakeboarding, someone said God, if you've ever seen a photo of yourself wakeboarding

agreed. No, but I see some people wakeboarding and they look real cool doing it. They're like the cool dudes, but when you first start and you're standing up, you're like, I'm not falling over. Sade, take a photo of the whiteboard. Got a real cool stance going. Yeah, but you're not.

You're like, hunching over and holding on for dear life. Yeah, your ass is sticking out and the life jackets pulled your pants down and your ass cracks out and you're like, hey, cool. Juliet, what did you think you looked cool doing until you saw photos? I was doing a photo shoot for a play that I was in, it was just for a local newspaper. So I had to dress up and it was a traditional, like, had a sword going on and like a kilt. But I was a little bit worse for wear because I'd gone out the night before. So I tried my best and then I seen the photos later on and it just looked awful.

I've got a sword and a kilt. This is going to look cool. It's going to look great. Big smiles and yeah. It's going to look great. Yeah. Could have been worse. It could have been worse. I don't know how. I'm just trying to make you feel better. Hey, thanks you good

Juliet. Kelly, what did you think you looked cool doing until you saw photos? I've been building up to clear this jump on my mountain bike for a couple of months and someone's pumping me up going, yeah babe you've got this. Take the video for the gram and I'm like, I've cleared this by metres.

Yeah. Jumping, anything feels like that when you're not like a, one of them people who are light and like aerodynamic. Yeah. I know. I'm like, next run down, I'm going to be able to whip this.

No. No. Yeah. It's like you've got to video me on my snowboard. I'm going to go over this jump. You go plop, and then you're like, let's not put that anywhere. It was good to know. Thanks for your call, Kelly.

Libby, what did you think you looked cool doing until you saw photos? Oh, my gosh. So there was this one time my friend and I were on our local beach, and there was a steel pup, and a lady approached us, and she said, look, I'll take a photo of you, and you'll be in the newspaper. And we thought, oh, my gosh, cool. And the wind was blowing.

My hair felt like Beyonce. And then the paper came out, and there I was on the front page. There was dribbles flying out the side of my mouth. I looked like a serpent who had just crawled out the water, and I was so emotional. Oh, that's an evil photographer. See, that had it all. You were at the beach, so people looked good photographed in that beach sun.

There was a seal pup, so you've got a cute animal. That's another thing that adds to it. The wind's blowing. You're like, my hair feels good. You're like, this is all adding up to be a great photo. And then you see it and you're like, what went wrong? I don't know. It's like you'd followed the recipe and it still didn't work.

Oh, it set me up. Yeah, brilliant. Lovie, thanks for your cool text messages. We watched someone bowling at cricket and I was like, man, they look terrible bowling. And a friend of mine said, you should see yourself. I was like, what are you talking about? I look like what? I look great.

They videoed me bowling. I was like, oh my god. Why didn't anyone tell me? It's terrible. Somebody else said, I always think I look really good when I get dressed in the morning and then I walk in front of a mirror and I'm like, oh God, what have I done? Oh, that's so mean.

I've been doing MMA for a while and my trainer decided to do a video to see how my technique had improved. In my mind, when you're doing MMA, you look badass. I did not. This person is like, no. That's the thing with any fighting, you're like, I'm I did not. This person is like no. That's the thing with any fighting, you're like

I'm fighting so I must look tough, right? You're boxing you're like ooh. Yeah, and then you see how you punch and it's like real scrappy. Okay, this is pretty great. I practiced for a long time and then I asked my husband to video me doing the WAP dance. Oh no! Oh, no.

Oh, we've got it. Yes. Hello, Kelsey. Hello. How long did you practice for? So I decided, I was like, no, I'm going to learn it. Like I've seen everyone on Instagram doing it. I'm going to learn it.

And we had a couple of drinks at a wedding and I came home and I was like, nah, I've got it down. I reckon it's going to look really good. Film this. And then I saw it and I was like, this is not good.

No one should ever see this ever again. See, again, the elements around you told you this is going to be good. You'd been at a wedding so you're feeling festive. You're pretty boozy.

You'd done it at the wedding and people had enjoyed it. And you'd talked about it with your mates who had probably told you you were capable of it. And then you do it and you're like, this is all adding up to greatness, and then it just does not. Yeah, no, I had a lot of people be like,

videos, you wanna see it? It's gonna look so great. And I was like, yeah, right, I can do that. Yeah, it's happening, baby. Yeah, no, not good. Wap, wap, wap. I think my favorite one's been, have you seen Jack Black doing the whap dance in the last couple of days?

Oh, no. I feel like he'd nail it. It's really good stuff. And Speedos. He's in Speedos and someone's spraying him with a hose. It's really, really good stuff. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. It was yesterday, just before Fact of the Day,

or during Fact of the Day, that I had a mystery of the day where I had seen somebody in Queenstown staying at the QT when my wife and I were there for our anniversary who I could not identify but knew by looking at. I was like, that person's familiar. Like you'd seen him on the news or something, do you think? I said I also at that time saw Mike Pirro mortgages. He was having breakfast.

That's not his full name. No, it is. I saw him in the breakfast. Yep. Where the restaurant is where we have breakfast. Right. So he wasn't the mystery businessman. Okay, right.

However, I believe he may be able to identify the mystery businessman. So I have on the phone for part two of this mystery solving. No one cares about the mystery businessman. Mike Perro, hello. Good morning. Good morning, guys. How are you good thank you you're damn right it is it's taking time out from doing the otago rail trail to speak to us yeah yeah yeah i'm just just we're just about to start our last day so where do you where do you end can you do that can you do it both ways yeah you you do it both ways? Yeah, you can do it both ways. You can go

from Dunedin or you can go from we came from Clyde. So we dropped, you were right, we were in Queenstown and then we headed to Clyde and last night we stayed in Coconut Lodge which is near Waipiata. Right, lovely.

And somehow you heard that Vaughan had been talking about you. Yeah, someone said that. I'm just trying to And somehow you heard that Vaughan had been talking about you. Yeah, someone said that. I was just trying to think where I heard that. So I thought, I better put the records right, because I know how frustrating it is when you see someone and you think, who the hell was that? I knew it was you. You're very

identifiable. Can I just say, purely from one male to another, plutonically, you are aging fantastically. It's all the surgery and all the Botox and all that oil. Yeah, I need some of that oil. Yeah, none of that. Did you see another person staying at that same hotel that, like,

I can't identify him. I think he moves in business circles. He's kind of like an older dude, shorter than you and I. He'd be like, I reckon he'd be about 5'9", maybe 5'8", 5'9". Yeah. Oh, I'm just trying to think who that is. Yeah, and he has like white hair. Yeah.

And he looks a little bit like who the National Party had as Speaker of the House. He's just retired from politics. It might have been him. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was. I just can't put my name on it. So you saw him too and you were like, I know that guy from somewhere.

Yeah, there's people everywhere in Queensland. You meet your neighbours and you meet all sorts of people from Michael Hill to, you name it, Lance O'Sullivan. We bumped into Lance O'Sullivan, the jockey. Oh, yeah. From Cambridge.

Yeah, there's all sorts of people up here, down here, I should say. Yeah, yeah. I didn't get invited to Michael Hill's place. You didn't get invited out there, did you? No. Maybe next time we can go out there for a round of golf. Are you now friends with Michael Hill? Yeah, I just invited myself along.

Okay, great. All right, well, if the name pops into your head, Mike, just let us know and I'll continue to think. Oh, I'll call you back when I figure that one out. Sounds great. Hey, enjoy that last day on the rail trail. Okay, thanks, guys. I appreciate your time.

Thanks, Mike. See you, Mike. This is lovely, isn't he? The mystery continues. Well, nobody cares about your mystery. It was just some old mate you saw at a restaurant. No, he looked. It was in the lift.

It was after the restaurant. We've almost done. If Mike had left the restaurant just after us, he may have seen the other end of the lift ride. Even Mike was like, this is the strangest conversation I've had in a while. Hmm. All right, well, it's time for... We'll get to the bottom of this.

No, we really don't have to. I think the nation needs it. Don't care. It's time for... Fact of the Day. Day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day is about RLB. The Tooth Brush Company.

What do you reckon the B stands for? Brush. Got it. Earl Brush. Are you kidding me? Is that the fact of the day? Yeah. Wow.

Fact of the day. Day, day, day, day. Oh, my God. Wow, that was the most underwhelming fact of the day on record And the fastest Was somebody a bit excited after skydiving yesterday? They didn't get time to prep a fact of the day No, there was more, but I just thought we'd talk to Mike Pero

Yeah, Mike Barrow. The one little other thing was they wouldn't tell Procter & Gamble what it stood for officially until Procter & Gamble bought them. Well, Procter & Gamble were stupid then, because we worked it out in two seconds. You know, they might have suspected it, but Oral-B were like, not telling. Oh, it could be bacon.

Well, it could have stood for anything, because the guy that invented it, his name was Bob. Could have been Oral Bob. That's a nickname you give someone that's got a reputation. Oh, Oral Bob. Because he was a dentist.

I'm off to see old Oral Bob. How do you get that nickname? Well, he's a dentist. Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Oh, ho, ho dentist. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. And today, the 18th of November,

36 days, 15 hours and 22 minutes away from Christmas. Yes, Vaughan. I just wonder if... Now, let's give it another 10 minutes. What are you doing? I'm just going to pencil something in. Oh, God.

All right, cool. Just so I don't forget, it's my brother's 40th birthday today. He lives in Australia. He won't hear this, but happy birthday. That's the only present you're getting. It's my brother's birthday too. Cute.

Same day. Don't we talk about this every year? We're surprised that our brothers have the same birthday. Oh my God, you too? We do it. I don't get him anything either. We're like a couple of old girls in an Alzheimer's here today. Everything's a surprise to us.

All right, 36 days away from Christmas. Here we are. The big story for Christmas penetration today is that the famous Farmer's Santa from Auckland that always donned the corner of Queen and Victoria on the Whitcills building, the old farm, and it used to be up on the old farmer's building. Forgive me for painting a picture in this medium that requires theatre of the mind. Recently joined by a reindeer on each side and very decorative presence. It's not going up this year.

What? That's confirmed now as it's been seen being trucked to apparently Wanaka. What? It's retiring to the central Otago. It's a 1,500 kilometkilometre journey to a museum. Did we know this? I knew he wasn't... I felt like someone said he wasn't going up.

Because it was saved a couple of years ago because it's so much money to... Restore it and keep it going. Keep it in storage and put it up. And I feel COVID was a good out. I think it was decided before COVID. Weren't they even like, this is the last time? Yeah, right, maybe.

Yeah, it was like mum and dad threatened us and we didn't believe them because they always say they're counting to three. But now they did count to three. Yeah. So they counted to three and now Santa has to go to Wanaka. So are they going to put it up at the museum year round or just for Christmas? I don't know. And what museum?

It just says museum. It would have been better at that puzzling world. You get to the end and find Santa. Christ, that'd be puzzling. That'd be puzzling. You'd be up on a giant face and the little fingers moving again. Come have that. 13 pieces is how many bits it was broken down to.

I'm really upset about that. I don't feel like we were formally notified. I know, Dad's just left in the middle of the night. Santa going up is always our 100% Christmas penetration marker. It's not 100% until Santa goes up. So I've been with the board of the beginning to look a lot like

Christmas committee and we're just sitting on what marks 100 now. Which is worrying. We have had other reports of Christmas, however, in Wellington Wilson, who's made multiple reports from the capital city. He's all over capital Christmas. Yeah, in Wellington, Wilson, who's made multiple reports from the capital city. He's all over capital Christmas. Yeah, he's all over the capital Christmas vibe.

Has sent in this tree. Oh, yeah, beautiful. Where's that? Courtney Place? Yeah, it is. That's the Courtney Place tree. I would like to report my community tree's gone up in Cumbie. That kind of came from nowhere.

Yeah, the community tree. Yeah, it's on this big bit of grass behind the florist. That's a tree at someone's farm, isn't it? Or is it?

Which is a tree that I noticed before. Brad reports that it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at New World Thorndon in Wellington as well. Surprised Wilson

wasn't all over this given his penchant for capital Christmas. He might be a countdown. Might be. He might be a countdown. Might be. He might be collecting the glass bowls. Yeah, because, you know, Advent calendars,

chocolate Santas, they're one thing, but now festive hams. Ooh. Festive hams. The hams are out. Yeah, and they've called that festive hams so that if you don't celebrate Christmas but enjoy the festive season,

you can also enjoy ham. Mm. Because ham isn't a religious thing. It's just yum, isn't it? Sliced whichever way you want. Multiple other reports of community Christmas trees going up, some with lights, some not yet with lights. Someone said, I think, oh, we'll send you a photo again

when the lights are on this tree, just so we can say that there's a couple more percentage of Christmas penetration. It's got to have lights, otherwise it's just a tree, isn't it? Correct. Yeah. A pine or an Orphic pine, one of the two. Maybe a Douglas fir if you're a traditionalist. Yeah. But with all that in mind, and 36

days away from Christmas... Oh, Jesus Christ, these PlayStations are getting more and more complicated. Christmas penetration is at... 89%! Ooh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Santa's going to the BSA. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Oh, no, I was just confused by something, but I can work through that a little later today. I just had this wild non-work-related confusion. Is it the end of the year yet? It feels like it. It really feels like we're all in the departure lap. Can you just focus for a little bit longer? Mentally, it feels like Plemble.

That's the mythical 18th month of the year. Sure. I don't know. All right. Now, behind the scenes, and Megan, you're involved in this. You, producer Jared, and executive producer Anya, doing something behind the scenes that we have deemed boomer. It's not like you guys poo-poo on something that we do.

No, but it's weird. I wasn't of the opinion that instant coffee was Burma, but people have been telling me the fact that I drink my corner half a bit is the same. That we drink that.

That's a real Burma trick. Instant coffee's a mark of a Burma. Because they take, like, their coffee jar to work like we do. Now, see, I don't think it is. I think that's just the norm. No, I don't know if it is. Across the board, everybody... No, I don't think it is. I think that's just the norm.

No, I don't know if it is. Across the board, everybody. No, I don't think it is. No, it is. It certainly is. Well, if you've decided, then that's gospel, isn't it? Well, we've decided.

But what you are doing, Megan. Yes. And Anya and Jared. No, I can understand Megan's approach. Thank you. She's got an excuse. She has to have... She has to...

Plep timber, guys. It's a thing. She is not going to do caffeine during pregnancy. And I don't know if the decaf stuff here at work... Do we have decaf at work? No, exactly. Oh, right. It's in unmarked jars.

So you can mix it up. So you're bringing your own decaf. You're all bringing sachets. The boomer sachets that they sell in the boxes. A Girard. Yeah. Nescafe, actually. You've got the Nescafe,

yeah, sachets. Now, do you get a free chocolate sprinkles in that? Yeah. You do. Because you open up my parents' drawer

and in the pantry at home they've just got hundreds of chocolate sprinkles containers. God forbid they should throw them out. We'll never use those. Someone might, though, put them in the drawer. The drawer's full of chocolate sprinkles containers. God forbid they should throw them out. We'll never use those. Someone might, though, put them in the drawer.

The drawer's full of chocolate sprinkles. Take out the oldest ones, but don't throw them out. Put them somewhere else, maybe in the garage. You never know when you're going to need eight tons of chocolate sprinkles. Executive intern Burma Anya, how many chocolate sprinkles containers do you have at home in the drawer? Well, none because I use them. You're a sprinkles.

You use them. Which one do you get? I get the cappuccino. Usually the moccas, but Jared actually just this morning, not minutes ago, introduced me to the hazelnut one. Oh, dog. That is sensational. Yes.

I'm down for the hazelnut one. Hazelnut what? Hazelnut latte or something. Is it latte? Because they have a coconut latte. This sounds sponsored. This is all in a sachet. What about the planet? Hazelnut latte.

What about the planet? You don't give a shit about the planet. Isn't it a great argument point when you want to win an argument? Yeah. What about the planet? What about the planet as he burns a tire when he gets home just because he can? Stay warm and send a smoke signal. They're handy.

It's exactly the amount you need just in a little sachet. Yeah, I only think of them as for old people because the only time I'm ever offered them is when I go to my nan's. Marlene will be like, now, do you want a coffee? Now, what do you want? Because I've got these and these are pretty flash. I know they think they're real fancy, eh? I was like, oh, no, thank you.

Do you guys chuck a couple of equal tabs in as well? Do you carry those in your purse? Got a bit of sucral? Got a bit of sugar. Got a bit of sucral? I can't get on board with the stevia. I can taste it. Have you ever tasted when your parents use artificial sweetener in like a coffee or something?

They're like, oh, I can't drink stevia. I don't like the taste. You drink that and it's like, oh my God, it's painful. We should do a back home for Christmas bingo. And one of them is mum pulls out the equal sugar tabs out of her purse. She gives us out two claps. Your father's allowed three because he's got a sweet tooth. You've got to watch that cholesterol.

No, he does. He just goes extra sugar. He doesn't like that shit. Good man. He's at the age where he should be able to enjoy some bloody sugar.