ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 19th February 2021

Episode Date: February 18, 2021

What you learnt about your partnerThe Bakery of the Day The top 6 ads to be banned.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fleetsworn and Megan. The podcast. Hello, welcome to the Fleetsworn and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe coffees. Get one free on the Mac. Is that, Vaughan, your birthday this weekend? You're going camping? Yes, tomorrow I'm going camping. Just one night camping. Tonight I'm watching WandaVision. That's my pre-birthday birthday treat. I'm saving that up to watch all at once. I'm reading good things though.

So every episode has been like working its way through the decades and kind of themed like a different sitcom, and tonight's apparently is Modern Family. Like the camera work and everything is similar to Modern Family. Really? I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch. Last week was like Malcolm in the Middle. Oh.

It's like, it sounds crazy. It's an insane watch. It's so well done. So many people are talking about it. I haven't watched it sounds crazy. It's an insane watch. It's so well done. So many people are talking about it. I haven't watched it at all. You showed me a photo of the kid that was in Modern Family. It's now like 22 and he's ripped. Oh my gosh.

He's got like abs. Luke, the young guy, and they showed a picture of him in his first episode of Modern Family where he's like seven or something. And now he is 22. Wow. And a genius, right? Is he a genius? He's a genius. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ariel is he doing he's a genius no no no no no um ariel is a genius no no no in real life he's the no and she's a genius in real life oh no am i wrong no he's the genius i know how much of a genius oh i'm thinking of uh uh big bang theory that woman

is no they played no they played no what the one of the women is actually like a space scientist. Are you telling me you watched that? No, no, no, no. Did you like that? Because I will thank less of you. No way. Okay, thank you. That's a steaming pile of turd. Because I thought I'd figured you out,

but I was going to have to... Did I throw a curveball there? I was going to have to go backtrack. Here's another curveball for you. Modern Family's Nolan is hot, hot, hot. Look at this glistening six-pack. Yum!

Shit. Yum! Jesus. But the confusing bit is, if you look at this, I'll just remove his face. Hot, hot man. He's got the gutters and everything. And then you come up. The gutters. Yes, the gutters. Then you come up and his face is still so young and fresh. Yeah, it does look weird, doesn't it?

I don't think he can grow a beard. He's got an IQ of 150. He's a member of Mensa. Oh, my God. Yeah, it does look weird, doesn't it? I don't think he can grow a beard. He's got an IQ of 150. He's a member of Mensa. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's an insanely smart dude. When does he have time to work out and get so ripped and be smart? He reckons, I read the article on how he got so ripped

because I'm always looking for a shortcut, and he said apparently hard work during lockdown. Oh, no. I hate him. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. And even if you don't like cricket, that news just then that Kyle Jamison has been signed to the Indian Premier League team.

I forget which team. Was it? Mumbai? Mumbai. 2.65 million. Was that New Zealand dollars or US? Oh, it's got to be New Zealand, right? That is insane.

That's an absurd amount of money. Like, how many games do they play? Ten? Isn't it? It goes for like four weeks? Six weeks? Yeah. Not long.

That is insane. To be fair, though, when you think about basketball, how much people get from basketball, you're talking like... What did Stephen Adams sign for that time? Wasn't he ridiculous about some... Tens of millions of dollars. But it's baseball that's the big money sport, right? Yeah.

Is it? Yeah, baseball, because Japan will pay you a fortune. And so America has to pay them more to keep them there. Wow. So, is it A-Rod? Is that his name? He was earning phenomenal cash. That is insane.

So, what? So, Carl Jameson, 2.8 million New Zealand dollars. Or 15 kore rupees. Okay. 26-year-old. So what's that, like 250,000 a game? Not bad. Not a bad rate.

Yeah. Imagine if you sprained your, like, R. Kelly's or your hammy or something. Like, are you out? Do you still get some money? You'd get some insurance, wouldn't you? Oh, probably. Income protection insurance. Hello, I'd like to claim some insurance.

Sure, how much? $2.86 million. He's a tall lad. And he's 26. Could you imagine being 26 and signing a $2.65 million deal? Also, imagine all of his friends who were also 26, who were still sort of winding up their bachelor degrees, you know, their arts degrees.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So apparently he said he wouldn't be staying awake for the auction. He's staying at the Black Caps Christchurch Hotel. Oh, yeah. So imagine when he goes down for breakfast this morning. I'd just be booking it up to his room, eh?

He's going to be all of his mates are going to be leeching off of him now. Yeah. Some scrambled eggs and some Dom Perignon, I reckon. The bigger, the only one that made more money was a South African called Chris Morris. Okay. He got $3.1 million. And then Glenn Maxwell, Australia, went to the Royal Challenges from Bangalore. By the way, that's where Cole Jameson's going, the Royal Challenges of Bangalore. By the way, that's where Cole Jameson's going, the Royal Challenges of Bangalore. 2.7 and 2.6 for Jai Richardson to the Punjab Kings.

He's Australian as well. But then what if you don't get any wickets or score runs? That's what I mean, the pressure to then perform when you haven't paid that much. Who cares? You've just made 2.65. Even if you don't get signed again, you're set for life, right? I'm good now.

You're good? Yeah. I mean, you're earning it in one six-week cricket stint, get signed again. You're set for life, right? I'm good now. You're good? Yeah. I mean, you're earning it in one six-week cricket stint, what most people would struggle to earn over their entire careers. Yeah. Wow.

We've chosen the wrong job. All right, coming up on the show are the top six, and an ad has been banned. The Meadow, cute little ad where the mum and dad are a little bit anxious but the girl sets off

to buy a jug of milk. It's really cute. The dairy owner texts the parents saying the jug, the bottle of milk, oh, she's safe, she's well.

Yeah. You might be thinking, why was it banned? Was it because she was too young to be unsupervised on the way to the dairy? Maybe that young girl

had a terrible criminal record. Was it because the dairy owner was too be unsupervised on the way to the dairy? Maybe that young girl had a terrible criminal record. Was it because the dairy owner was too happy? Like, everything about that ad is unrealistic. Like, no one's that happy. Oh, you need a bit of dairy. You've got to get out of these Auckland Central dairies. You'll find some suburban dairies where the dairy owners aren't happy. No, no one's happy.

They're just happy you're not in there stealing shit. If you're not stealing shit, they're pleased to see you. Yeah, they give me that look like they're about to set off the fog screen because I'm trying to rob some ciggies off them. And that orange spray that comes up under the light and then the police think you're a suspect. No, it was banned because she was riding her bike on the footpath. Someone complained.

Right, okay. I'm looking at you, Anka. Trying to take down the Meadow Fresh, trying to take down the competition because they've got a sweet ad. But I've got the top six other ads that need to be banned in New Zealand then. They just need to be banned. All right, it's coming up in the top six. Hayley, next on the show.

We're all sick of spending lockdown with our families, but one man in the UK has gone to extreme measures to escape his. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. A wanted man in the UK has handed himself in to police. And the reason he's done it is because he wanted a break from lockdown with his family. He wanted what? Peace and quiet? He wanted peace and quiet, genuinely. I guess you'd get that in prison, right? Because you're locked in your cell.

Yeah. You might have a cellmate. He said that he just wanted a little bit of time to himself. He was a wanted man, wanted on recall to prison. So he handed himself in so they could take him away to a quiet, peaceful prison cell. Right. We're so lucky. I was thinking about that, like, walking back on, from work on, I think it was like Tuesday during lockdown

and just like seeing people, you know, in apartments and... Oh, yeah. And just thinking about like, yeah, just London and like that's been their life for like the last year. Yeah, and everyone in London generally lives in a tiny little place. Not a lot of space, not a lot of greenery of your own. With ten others.

Exactly. Well, this guy was living with his family and he preferred prison. Good on it. This is not a surprise, though, because people, aren't they saying that divorce inquiries and breakups and marriage counselling and all that are up like 300% because people are locked down in these houses with people that they generally get to leave.

Right. You know? But they're stuck with him 24-7. So they helped him for prison. Well, I mean, he was wanted anyway. He would have ended up there. Oh, yeah. He did the crime.

He should do the time. But he was on the run, basically. What's nicer? A remand prison or a prison prison? Well, where do they put the rich people that just do accounting fraud? Like a white collar crime. Yeah, those minimum security. They've got those ones that have got a garden and it's like a motel.

It's more like one of those retirement village situations. It's like a Ryman Healthcare. Retirement village. I'm going to Google, are they remand prisons nicer? That's Mount Eden, right? Is that where you go before you go to prison? Before you go to trial, yeah, if they believe you're

a risk. But what's the cushiest prison? It would be minimum security, right? Like even the one that was in Orange is the New Black, that wasn't too bad. Clean. I have thought about this before. I don't necessarily want to commit a crime, but I will if I need the time off.

Just a white collar crime. You know when things are just full on and everyone's just wanting something from you. You're just like, I might just do a little bit of fraud or something. Just to get a couple of months in a prison. Right, but you'd probably, knowing you're like, you'd get home detention. So you'd be straight back at home

and not allowed to leave. Then you'd be stuck there. Then you'd be really stuck there. You need one of those, I've seen a documentary, Norway's prisons. Have you seen their prisons? Yes.

Some of them, and they're like on farms. And they just wander, they're like free range chickens. Yes. Yeah. And they're always a happier chicken. Yeah, exactly.

They obviously, a lot of the time. And they're always a happier chicken. Yeah, exactly. A lot of the time those chickens won't murder someone again. I always feel like I'd set the time aside, I'd do some exercise, work on myself. See, everybody thought that about lockdown too, but no. No, it didn't happen. Famously, that doesn't go that way. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. That's my favourite intro. We should just use that all the time. It's concise. It's clear. That's exactly what we're about to hear. It does exactly.

Carries flow straight in, doesn't it? Yeah. Same theme. Does the job. Well, a Meadow Fresh ad has been banned from TV because a girl rides a bike on the footpath for what is estimated to be about three metres. She is scooting out of the dairy. Is she wearing a helmet?

Yeah, she's wearing a helmet. Oh, okay. And, I mean, this has been around for a little while, this ad. Yeah, a long time. Somebody complained that when she's going to buy milk, she briefly rides on the footpath on the way to the dairy. Under the land transport road user rules, cycling on the footpath is illegal unless delivering mail or newspapers. Or if the bike has a wheel diameter under 355 millimeters.

Yeah, let's cancel that little girl. Yeah. Who is the person that made that complaint? What? How miserable is their life? Yeah. Yeah. Who is the person that made that complaint? What? How miserable is their life? Yeah. Yeah, miserable. You know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to scale two litres

of milk just to show my support. Okay. We'll make sure it's meadow fresh. Yeah, let's just all... Yeah, of course, meadow fresh. Just to show our support to meadow fresh in these trying times. You do have to wonder, right? Who is taking the time to watch their ad and go, hang on.

The complainant appealed the ruling in a lengthy email citing the number of overseas studies which shows riding on a footpath is more dangerous than riding on the road, that the law might possibly change does not help and makes no sense. Is it now okay to smoke marijuana? Oh, my God. The answer is no.

So would an advertisement showing a person returning home from a walk to their dairy to buy chocolate also smoking marijuana on the walk home be acceptable? What an argument. What a legal argument. What a stupid idiot. What a stupid dum-dum. Don't you think that would be a great clap back from Anchor

if they then had the next ad with that little girl and she's just having a little joint. Massive dupe. Just be like, yeah, I'll get your milk, mum. Chill out. Dad, do you want anything from the dairy, mate? He's like, go back and get some chips. And a packet of rations and a big orange juice.

I'm going to get some chocolate milk. Banana milk. I'm going to get a packet of rations and a big orange juice. I'm going to get some chocolate milk. Banana milk. I'm going to get a range of flavored milks. Anyway, this person complained. Ridiculous. I'm complaining about that person. Yeah, well, that'd be good if you can complain about the complainer.

So I've got, well, if that's the case, here's the top six other ads that need to be banned from television and why they need to be banned. Number six, those skinny mobile ads with those two females. Oh, my God. Are they flatmates or lesbians? Well, that's why it needs to be banned. Number six, those skinny mobile ads with those two females. Oh, my God. Are they flatmates or lesbians? Well, that's why it needs to be banned. Right. I'm confused about their relationship.

I'm halfway through watching it. I'm picturing them in the throes of passion. And then I'm like, well, maybe they're just friends. It's very confusing. I'm going to, I'll clear the air as one of those women. For those that don't know, this is the Skinny Mobile ad that Hayley is in with Brinley Stent.

So Brinley Stent and I star in a skinny ad and we play flatmates. But in my head and you might see it subtly in my performance, I did go to drama school for three years. I know. I believe the relationship will develop. Right, you think there's more to it because I initially thought

oh okay that's good lesbians and I thought it's very unprogressive and skinny and I thought that's great and it's pride month indeed and I think I have a natural

sort of sexual energy about me that I think you're not misled oh no you can feel it in the room maybe you should come out on the skinny ads

for pride month absolutely you know what no because then they're going to find out that she's in a heterosexual relationship. Oh, and you'll be cancelled. You'll get cancelled because you're Scarlett Johansson. There's so many lesbians that could have done that role. For Pride, I could leave Aaron, come out.

Hook up with Brinley. Hook up with Brinley. Yeah. And then once Pride's over, I'll reconsider maybe taking Aaron back. Or for a few thousand dollars. She's done far more for far less. Number five on the list of the top six other TV ads that should be banned then if we're banning Meta Fresh because the girl rode on the footpath are those ASB bag ads with Ben

and his midi. Oh, big Ben. The latest one's a real contentious issue. He once bought her those awesome slippers that I really wanted when I was a kid. I had some. What? With the claws. You didn't have any? I didn't have any animal claw slippers. I so badly wanted

them. Did you not have a warehouse in Morrinsville? It came later on. When I was too old, I thought I was too cool for the animal slippers. They were so comfy. What ones did you have? I can't remember, but they were real cool. They were really cool. They were so colourful. What ones did you have? I can't remember, but they were real cool. I had the exact green ones that are in the ad with the claws.

And I had the tiger feet. Because at my primary school in winter, we had to take off our shoes to go into the classroom. And so we were allowed to bring slippers. So then when we were like five and six years old, it was a competition about who had the fresher slippers. Yeah, I know. It was a ranking of slippers. Good. Well, that's my problem.

I find it traumatic, so I think the ad should be banned because no one ever bought me slippers. And I find it ridiculous that a kid could afford to buy another kid slippers. Yeah. Unrealistic. Wildly unrealistic. I'm so sorry that your parents didn't love you. They certainly didn't love me enough to keep my feet warm.

No. Number four, we lived in a very uninsulated house too. I bet. We had that fire cranking the whole time. I just grew up thinking everybody cranked fire the whole time. It was just going out all the holes and drafts in the windows. The old 1800s house we lived in. Number four on the list of the top six other ads that need to be banned and why.

That Toyota Hilux ad where they all meet up in the high country. I love that ad. I don't know why, but the first time I saw that, I was like, that is so good. Yes. So clever. I loved it. You'll feel good. Right up until the point,

I thought, most of these are diesels. And I find that very confronting for the environment. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. And they're really up that hill, aren't they?

Yeah, they're really. So the diesel fumes are just. Dropped out of gear and pumped some black smoke out of it. So cancel it. Yeah, cancel it. Okay. It's done.

Number three on the list of the top six other ads that we're cancelling just because, I don't know, because we're cancelling them because a girl rode on the footpath for three metres in one ad. That new Blair Bird Penguin ad. Blair Bird Penguin. My new Blair Bird Penguin. The blue bird penguins show up to the party because there's chips opened. Oh, they're in the pantry.

Penguins everywhere. They're in the pantry. Wildly unhygienic. Have you ever smelt them at Kelly Tarleton's? Yeah. They are foul. Yeah. Well, that's just how they smell.

They're sea creatures. They're a sea creature. Yeah. Not all sea creatures are smelly. They shit everywhere, those feral penguins. What sea creature doesn't smell? Thank you. Orca. They shit everywhere, those feral penguins. What sea creature doesn't smell? Thank you. Orca.

They probably stink. Oh, I reckon if you got up close to an orca and gave it a sniff, it'd be pungent. But is that because if you could get up close to an orca

and give it a sniff, it would be probably like dead on the beach? Probably. It'd probably be rotting. That'd be the problem there. Number two on the list of the top six other ads

that need to be banned and why. Let's go ahead and cancel Greg Grover from Nova. Oh, don't do that. For those that don't know, that's Hayley's fiance. Is he a power company hawking Jehovah Witness or what's the deal? In the latest

ad, I'm pretty sure he just opens the door. Yeah, without permission. She doesn't open the door for him because he opens the door and the woman's on the other side of the room. So he's a home intruder. He's a home intruder. No. He's a home invader.

The woman opens the door. And he's got a beard. You can't trust people with beards to just be rocking into houses. Don't cancel Greg Grover from Nova. Do you should just sit on the couch and wait for ad breaks? It's the only time we get to see each other, really. There's a new one. There's a new one. There's a new one.

That's the latest one. Yeah, with the woman. Yeah, that's a new one. But that only just started super recently, right? Yeah. Well, it's cancelled. It's cancelled. And number one on the list,

this should require absolutely no explanation as to why this ad needs to be cancelled. Number one on the other ads that need to be banned if that girl riding on the footpath is getting that. Meadow Fresh milk ad ban the ad from Electric Kiwi. This thing I think that's what they

want you to say. Yeah, it's convenient for them to say now. It's so bad isn't it? The singing's bad because all you guys said it was bad. I'd like to see their working proof that that was their intention and they just aren't terrible singers.

Right. That is today's Top 6. Good morning, Rachel. Good morning. All right. Have you been pouring over the sound? Yes, I have indeed. All right.

This is the secret sound. Now, every time I see a guest go up on the Instagram, is it secret sound, ZMM or ZM Secret Sound? ZM Secret Sound. I'm always like, oh, that's a good guess. Yeah, same. That's a good guess. Like, it's just a short little whoosh or something. Yeah. I'm so sure

every time someone rings, they've got it right. Well, no. They haven't yet. Soundkeeper Owls joins us from her living quarters through the window. Kia ora. Alright, we refresh. Are we ready for another day of soundkeeping? Yes, we are. I'm doing well, I think. Am I doing well?

You're doing a great job. It's a heavy, heavy burden to carry. I'm doing my best. You're doing such a good job. Thank you. Dawn, any feedback? No. No. Some minor improvements to be made. Well, I feel like you guys both said nice things, so I don't need to.

It's not been outstanding in its field or anything. Tear the woman down. Yeah. Well, no, I just didn't build her up. You guys are giving her fault. And then when she does get fired, she'll be like, but Hayley and Fletch said I was doing well. And I was like, well, that's why I made mum.

All right, I'll take notes from you after. Yeah. I've got many notes. Born to do private notes. Of course you do. All right, Rachel, for $10,000, it is the current jackpot with ZM's Secret Sound, all thanks to Star launching Feb 23 on Disney+.

More movies, more episodes, more originals. Check out Disney+, NZ on Insta for more. What do you think the Secret Sound is for $10,000? I think it's when you run over those cat's eyes on the road and it goes... Yeah, that. That is a great... Did you run over one yesterday and you're like, oh my God. That's it.

Because I drive to work and listen every morning and then I'm always running over them when I'm trying to turn up the radio. Jesus, are you swerving through the lines? Please don't crash into anyone on your account. I don't want to be there. Wow. Okay, well, great guess. Quite humorous for this morning.

But I'm going to have to say, unfortunately, that isn't the secret. Oh, dang it. Hey, but it doesn't matter. You still win $100 cash. Every wrong guess gets $100. So that's you, Rachel. Congratulations. And another thing that we can cross off the list.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Before the show, we were discussing what we were going to discuss at this very moment in time. At this very moment. And you pitched a story about shampoo. Yeah, so a hairdresser has come out online pointing the finger at all of us because we haven't been

washing our hair correctly. Well, I shan't have a finger pointed at me. Yeah, this is why when Vaughan and I raise the point that maybe this is insensitive because we don't have

hair to shampoo. Well, you get cancelled. If you don't have hair, you can take a little break. How are people doing it wrong? So, what,

you know, well, okay, this is going to be unrelatable content to you so I'm going to say this to the listener. Okay. You know when you this to the listener. Okay. You know when you go to the hairdresser and they wash your hair,

you get your hair done, and for some reason your hair just feels incredible and it lasts for days. And the burpees touch the back of your head? No. What? They're getting too close. Right, okay. Do you get?

I remember it as a young man. Do you do that? You just sort of lean back into it? You just push back. Anyway, the reason that your hair feels nicer for longer when you go to the hairdressers is, as this hairdresser on Twitter has called out, you're supposed to shampoo your hair twice.

And then condition once. Shampoo twice, condition once. Because the first time, you just cleanse all the oils and product buildup. Yep. The second time is actually the shampoo doing what it's needed to do on the new fresh hair. And that would also solve the timeless issue of always having heaps of shampoo left when you finish the conditioner. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, when it comes to conditioning, I do that the full palm. Yeah. So do your bottles run out at the same time? I don't double shampoo. So no. This is news to me. Right. So what I wanted to raise here at this point is

I don't shampoo my hair, but like I'll have people stay over, like the spare room and stuff, and guests will stay. I need shampoo for my shower. So I've just run out of the shampoo and conditioner that I had for ages because I looked at it and apparently it went off. It can go off. Yeah, shampoo has a – Yeah, it had a best before, so I chucked it out.

On beauty products, there's this little sign that has a lid and it says how many months it lasts for. Is that what that symbol means? That little tub with the lid up and it says how many months it lasts for. Is that what that symbol means? That little top with the lid up and it says 6M or 12M or 12. Really? Yeah. That's expiry. Check the mascara, check the makeup. Once you pop it.

Once you pop, you've got that much time. Because mine actually had a best before date like a food product. I suppose it goes off because it does have natural products in it. So I was at the supermarket and I was looking at all, and it was so foreign to me because I was like, well I, like a food product. I suppose it goes off because it does have natural products in it. So I was at the supermarket and I was like looking at all, and it was so foreign to me because I was like, well, I haven't used shampoo and conditioner for ages. And I was like, I want a nice shampoo for guests,

but I also want nice bottles. Head and shoulders. No. So I was like, I need to ask you guys. V.O. 5. No, I don't know if that's. No. So what's a nice one that I can put in the shower that everyone would like?

Well, what do you want to. Like, guess at stay. Because this is the thing. Like, shampoo bottles are kind of like the new wine bottles in terms of the design. Oh, yeah. You know, you're getting funky with the design. It doesn't mean it's a nice product, though. Pantene.

I mean, Pantene is fine. Herbal essences. No, don't do it. Look, if you want to be an absolute gift to your guests and women and men of the bleached hair nature will understand me here, you want to put Olaplex in your shower. Olaplex? Now I'm going to tell you it's going to cost you about 80 bucks.

One shampoo and one conditioner. It better be five litres each. One bottle. Show me what this looks like. This better not be in our shower. It better be five litres each. One bottle. Show me what this looks like. This better not be in our shower. I'll hit the bloody roof. Okay, do you know what? There is no way your wife has told you how much shampoo costs.

But there's a range. You could get a $3 shampoo if you just, whatever. How do I spell Olaplex? O-L-A-P-L-E-X. Oh, here it is. Here it is. You want to get the full system of Olaplex. Oh, no, we don't have that one.

I'm not paying $80. I was thinking $5 or $10. Do you know what you could do? You could be super woke and you could go to like Lush or something and get like a natural shampoo bar. Yeah, but how long is that going to... No, I don't do bars. No, he doesn't do bars.

Because of pubes. Theresa May. I would say for the amount of... How often would you have friends living? I don't know. Renown again? Oh, I would go for the amount of... How often would you have friends living? I don't know. Bring it on again. Oh, I would go for the bottle. Go for the bottle.

Just get a nice bottle of, like, Living Proof. They're quite nice. Pams? No, not... Home brand? Red... No, okay. You're completely...

No, because the bottle's got to be nice as well. What are you doing after this recording? That matches the black shower. Oh, so you need a black bottle, do you? Maybe a black bottle or one of those, like... Yeah, look, I don't know. Look, I think after this, I'll just pop you down to New World or the supermarket. Okay, and we'll go for a shot.

Because that's the other thing. This is only $3. Some of them are like colours and split ends and dry hair. Do you want it dry or an oily? Like what's an all-rounder? Just normal. Normal hair. It's all bullshit anyway, isn't it?

I don't know, is it? Get some bloody olive oil in there and you're right as right. You just need to get some, and then when you tell your guests, don't forget to wash twice, condition once. Look at this. You get a $3 bottle at the moment at Countdown of Schwarzkopf Extra Care Marrakesh Oil. It's the brown bottle. Not a bad shampoo.

No, see, brown doesn't go with the black shower. Yuck. Oh, Tresemme could be a go with the black bottles. Sunsilk, Sunsilk. I go with the black shower. Yuck. Oh, Tresemme could be a go with the black bottles. Hmm. Sunsilk. Sunsilk. I've heard of that one. No.

I've heard of that one. Hayley's like, no, absolutely not. All right, next on the show. Next on the show. Should I just put a block of palm olive soap in there? Yeah, one of those old yellow blocks of hardcore sunlight. Sunlight soap with always a rogue pube slash and or chest hair. All right.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. It's thanks to Star launching Feb 23 on Disney+. $10,000 is the current jackpot. Even if you get it wrong, you get $100 cash. This is the secret sound. And I noticed Soundkeeper Ours has had a button, a giant red button

like a game show buzzer button put in to her living area. There's changes every day in there. Yeah, there's... The aesthetic in there is getting quite horror filming. And you always wonder as well with the secret sound if those things in the

background mean anything. So if you see her on any live videos or any snaps, Insta stories, it could be a clue. Could be. I'm trying so hard to be a red hearing. I just felt in my body when I heard it then that I recognised it, but instantly then my brain let it go, and so I just...

Still no. Well, one of the guesses yesterday was indeed a SodaStream bottle. Yeah, the little... At the start when it gases. Which seamlessly brings me onto a story about refilling my SodaStream bottle yesterday. Can you stop saying...

What a professional broadcaster. Stop saying refilling. You swap it. Oh, yeah, swap of what? Yeah, they don't take your one and go... No. Into that. Do they have to send that away to get that done? I think they send it away somewhere, yeah, Swap of Quartz. Yeah, they don't take your one and go into it. Do they have to send that away to get that done?

I think they send it away somewhere, yeah. Now, my other question is, can I buy a bock bottle of food-grade carbon dioxide and have it, like, you know how when you get your L-gas dropped off and it's just your big gas bottles? I've wondered about that. And then you have a pipe to your sink and then you have a fizzy tap. A fizzy tap.

I want a fizzy tap so bad. Everybody wants a fizzy tap. If I was, like, a million billionaire and had a mansion, I'd get a fizzy tap. Yeah, a fizzy tap. That would be... I want a fizzy tap so bad. Everybody wants a fizzy tap. If I was like a million billionaire and had a mansion, I'd get a fizzy tap. I think you'd probably get one. You don't need to be a million billionaire. Are you sure?

No, because it's like a... They're at every cafe. Yeah, you can get a bottle. You just get one of those fountain taps. Yeah, I want one on my sink. Don't ever do that again. Just that little action you've got there. You were like pretending to hold

that gun thing. Like a squeegee gun. Where they pull the trigger and the coat goes into the glass. I'm talking about those ones, you know, where it's like cold water and you go still or sparkling. Because we've got a cold, hot one out there in the reception area. You can get a bubbly one. We used to have a bubbly one. I want a bubbly one.

The bubbly one. There was hot, cold and the green one was the bubbly one. Because there's nothing worse than perhaps, you know, trying to mix yourself a nice cocktail. You pour in your liqueur of choice. You go to get the soda straight. And it's like. It's the sound. It's like an old person breathing into it.

So I was refilling it, and my refill spot of choice was Mitre 10 on the way home. Oh, okay. So I called into Mitre 10, scanned and used the QR code because I'm a conscientious member of the team of 5 Billion and I'm walking through the store and I hear Hey! Right behind me and I freak out

and it's my wife. Oh, okay. She always talks to you so aggressively. She was trying to scare me. Did you coordinate this trip? No, it was completely coincidental. She was after a new pot for the fiddle leaf fig. You guys need to communicate more.

Yeah, we do need to communicate better. And I'm like, oh, what are you doing here? And she's like, pot. And I'm like, what are you doing here? And I said, refilling the soda stream. Swapping. Swapping the soda stream bottle. And then she's like, oh, okay, come and look at these pots.

So we walked up there. And I must say the highlight of my day yesterday was three different members of the Mitre 10 Westgate staff saying, g'dn how are you by name oh jesus so much they know me my name yeah because i asked them all the questions and stuff and shadow's like what's going on here how do these people know you by name i was like look i might call in a couple of times a week on the way home i don't need this i don't need you and she's like yeah this like came up for me i was like yeah but came out people don't know your name because you're just one of the many basic bitches. So we had an argument over whose favorite store is better.

But anyway, refilled the gas bottle and swapped out the soda stream bottle. And I got to put it in her car with all the other stuff we've purchased, potting mix, pots, et cetera. And she's like, oh, no, you put that in your car. I don't travel with compressed gas. What? I was like, since when don't you travel with compressed gas? And she's like, I don't want it exploding.

I was like, it's not going to explode. It's a soda stream bottle. And she's like, I don't trust any form of compressed gas here. No, I'm with her. What? Yeah. I don't like having them in my car. I absolutely freak out.

Yeah. What, do you think it's going to explode like Fast and the Furious or something? I don't know. I just, I assumed, because the last time I went to get it done, I put it in my car and then I had to go to a meeting and then the whole time I was like, it's getting hot. It's getting hot in the car. It's going to explode. It's going to explode.

Well, she was worried that she was going to go around a corner and it was going to roll and hit the side and go poof. It'll hit. Poof. She has more chance of dying of Legionnaire's disease from the potting mix. From the potting mix. That's what I said. The potting mix is far more dangerous.

The potting mix, the thing that's fertilizer and potting mix. Always wear gloves. I did potting yesterday and I didn't wear gloves and the whole time I was like, well, that's it. I'm dying of Legionnaire's disease. Yeah. But, and I said, this is, and she's like, no,

because remember, and she cited like three different times. I was like, I've got to go fill up the gas is, and she's like, no, because remember, and she cited like three different times. I was like, I've got to go fill up the gas bottles. And she was like, okay. And I was like, do you want to come? She's like, no. But we have taken like a gas bottle to the beach when we've had like a barbecue on the beach before.

How did she deal with it? And I said, what about those times? And she said, I'm always, I always make sure you are between me and the gas bottle. Oh, my God. So if there's ever an explosion, I'm mutilated. Yeah. I'm shredded to pieces by shrapnel, but I shield her so she can go on

and find another husband and live a happy life and use my life insurance. Yeah. Right, okay. I think I'm with her. I'm always afraid that they're going to explode. I've never had a problem with that. I'll, like, put them in my backpack, jingle-jangle them, walk them home because I've got a couple if I do a refill. Or I'll put them in my backpack, jingle jangle them, walk them home because I've got a couple if I do a refill.

Or I'll chuck them in a car. I don't care. Imagine if you've got them in your backpack, though, and they bang together and they're both banging the ends off and your backpack becomes a jetpack. Yes, I'd be so good for that. And you're on one of those e-scooters and you just get an extra boost. All the way home.

That's how you're going to get to work now. Yeah. Carbon dioxide powered jet pack. But it's been like, I didn't know this about her and we've been together for, it'll be 17 years this year. Wow.

That's too long. I've just, it is a bit. We get on each other's nerves a lot. But I was just wondering if anybody listening has been with their partner for a really long time

before they learned something new about them. Okay. Like after two years with Aaron, I learned what his face looked like. What do you mean? Because he had a beard. He has a beard. And he shaved it off. He shaved it off and I went, grow it back.

What was it like? Did you not like it? I instantly said, grow it back. Yeah. What's his chin like? Has he got like a bum chin? Has he got a defined chin? He has a sweet chin.

Oh no, no man wants a sweet chin. Every man wants a chin that can take a punch. Is it not defined? It's defined. Does it have a little bum? You know, a little, you know, I can't remember. I've only seen it once in my life. We've been together for a decade. I'm going away. I'm moving out for once in my life. We've been together for a decade. In 10 years, you've seen your husband's...

I'm moving out for four weeks until there's adequate facial hair to cover that. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Now talking about the things that you've just learned about your partner after you've been with them for a while.

I have... Oh, there's some juicy stuff. Oh, there's some good ones. Some really interesting ones. So I have just learned that my husband's ex-wife was his first cousin. I've been sworn to secrecy. Are you allowed to marry?

No, no, no, you're not. First cousins is no. Not allowed to marry. Second and third cousins knock yourself out. Oh, have a hood. Well, didn't you almost famously, you told us that, didn't you find a second cousin or something pretty hot once? Oh, stop it.

He might be listening. I don't want him knowing I've got a crush on him. I have a cute second cousin. Okay? I wouldn't. You wouldn't go there know I've got a crush on him. I have a cute second cousin. Okay? I wouldn't... You wouldn't go there but you think he's cute. All I said was

I was glad when we met at my grandmother's funeral because otherwise who knows? In New Zealand it is not illegal to marry your first cousin. But it was said

first cousin marriage was far more widespread than many would think and there were many misconceptions about the health risks it presented. A lot of people married

their first cousins. Oh no, that's still weird. I wouldn't do that. Shout out to my cousins. Neither of you have a chance. Well, now you're just going to make them try harder. I'm glad that you clarified that. Andrew, what did you learn about your partner after being with them for a while? So I was with my partner for eight years before I found out she prefers margarine on her popcorn than butter.

Oh, yuck, dump her. That's disgusting. No one does that. Andrew, the butter is delicious. Yeah, I'm with you. Like, I prefer butter, but I did question it for a while. Margarine doesn't even melt properly. Andrew.

You're preaching to the choir, man. Andrew's like, I know. Andrew, are you okay? I would recognise this Andrew anywhere. This is my brother-in-law. Hey, Andrew. This is Greg Roman from Nova's Brother. It is, yeah.

Actually. Yeah. Anyway, tell her she's getting roasted at Christmas. That's disgusting. Marjorie. Yeah, it really is. Thanks, Andrew. she's getting roasted at Christmas. That's disgusting. Marjorie. Yeah, it really is. Thanks, Andrew. That's so yuck.

Melissa, what did you find out about your partner after a long time? We've been married for 12 years, and one night my husband just wasn't eating his dinner. I was like, oh, what are you doing? Do you not like dinner? And he said, oh, I'm just praying. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And that was the first time I've learned that he actually prayed

before he ate his meals. Was this a new thing that he was doing or is it something that he's done for the whole 12 years and you just found out? It's something he's been doing his whole life and I just found out then. What? And he does it in his head. He just does a silent prayer. Yeah, just a silent prayer. Who's he praying to?

Oh, God or Jesus. I don't really ask. So it's a Christian, it's the Christian deity or? Yeah, yeah. So his mum has been Christian his whole life, but I didn't really know. Did you just apply the handbrake? Yeah, yeah, she tried it. She gave it, I was hoping it was the handbrake

because it did otherwise sound like a bit of a grotty fart. Melissa, did you know he was even remotely religious? Oh, he grew up that way, but he's been in New Zealand for a wee while now. Wow. It's fascinating, Melissa. Thank you for getting so many. Trump's a little grace before one man grace. So many texts and calls.

We'll get to a few more of those. We're talking about what you've just learnt about your partner after being with them for a while. I've learnt my wife doesn't like to travel with compressed gas of any nature. Someone has brought up a good point. What about hairspray? But she doesn't have a perm, so she doesn't use hairspray. Oh, yeah.

Or what about if she buys fly spray from the supermarket? Yeah, I guess that's in the boot and a constant worry to her. I don't know. I've got so many questions now about compressed air. Some text messages. Somebody said, my partner can't poke his tongue out fully. Wonder where and how you learnt that.

He's like, blah. What does he suffer from a short tongue? You know when cats have that weird thing where cats have their tongues just like... Just the tip out. Yeah. But that. I've been with my fiancé for seven years,

and I recently only learned that his largest fear is ghosts. He's a man's man. He's not, like, spiritual in any nature, but you can fight a robber, but you can't fight a ghost, is the reason he's scared of ghosts. Yeah, right, okay. I mentioned to my partner of 13 years that I'd love to do some ziplining. Oh, great fun.

Great fun. Oh, it's super fun. The old zipline. He said, absolutely not. I'm terrified of heights. I was like, since when? He said, always. Why didn't you mention it?

You never asked. Oh, and the fight ensued. Yeah. Steve, what did you find out about your partner after a long time? I found out after a couple of years that her eyeliner was tattooed on. Oh! You just thought she was staying on top of her eyeliner 24-7. Yeah, after one day I said, why does your eyeliner never smudge?

And she says, oh, yeah, I got it tattooed on years ago. And you were like, oh, my God, how many years had you been with her? I've been with her for seven years, but this was after maybe about two or three years I found that out. So you were just assuming that she didn't clean her face before bed? Or she just had some really good eyeliner that didn't come off. You'll have to inform Hayley maybe, or Steve, does eyeliner fashion change? Would you be running the risk of getting tattered

eyeliner? Does it ever change? I would say eyeliner, you know, are you talking about on the upper lid or the bottom lid? Uh, I couldn't tell you. Around the eye. I'd say it's been pretty constant since the 1920s. Right, it's been fairly consistent.

Okay, brilliant. Steve, thanks for your call. Jess, what was it you learned about your partner after being with him for ages? So he had to eat like Twisty with his spoon because he doesn't like the residue on his hands. What? Do you know once I ate cheese balls with chopsticks out of a bowl and it was revolutionary.

It was classy. It was quite fun. It was very classy, yeah. Very international cuisine. But I kind of like... But I kind of like licking the twisty or the cheese ball dust off my fingers. So how did you discover this? He just opened up a bag of twisties.

Yeah, well, we've obviously never been around them. We've eaten them before. But one night we were watching a movie and he had some. And I'm like, why do you have a spoon? And I discovered it. And I'm like, why do you have a spoon? And I discovered it and I'm like, wow, okay. It's different.

Like a child. And were you like, it's over? Or were you like, no, it's fine. Just deal with it. I'm still trying to cope with it. But it's definitely

fearful here. Hey, GSX, you call? I'm a sex messenger. I've been with my husband for over 30 years. I've just recently learned he couldn't blow his nose. So I've had to try to teach him, but he just can't blow his nose.

Can he breathe out his nose? That's what it is. You just breathe hard out your nose. It's a hurry breath out the nose without it coming out the mouth. Without it coming out the mouth. I have been with my husband for 15 years, and just last night I learned that rations are his favourite flavoured chip.

He's not wrong. That's on the light end of things to learn, but that is a delicious chip. It's a delicious chip. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So this was yesterday very confusing. I don't know what the hell was happening, but something's happened with Facebook,

something's happened with the Australian government and news. Yeah. Don't know. Removing news. Something's happened with the Australian government and news. Yeah. Don't know. Removing news. I was going to some Australian, like the Batuta Advocate, very funny satire website. Yes.

You'd go to their Facebook page and there were no posts. Even though they're satire. And then apparently even Facebook's own page was blocked in Australia and also like an Australian domestic violence website and other odd websites that have nothing to do with news. And even our page, for some people, people can't see posts. Going back forever. Somebody just sent in a screencap, Cherry,

who is in New Zealand, in Warkworth, and said there's just nothing on the page. Can't see anything. And this is happening for a lot of organisations in New Zealand and Australia. And joining us to explain it, hopefully in layman's terms, from the Herald, Murray Kirk.

Kia ora. What's the... Why? What's happening? What's Australian done? What is Facebook doing? What's the story? So the Australian government's trying to pass a law

to force social media companies and big tech to pay content creators for their content. So this won't just be news in the end of things. This will be anybody creating content. Yes, kind of, but obviously dealing with mainly media companies. So large and small. So in return,

Facebook threatened to turn Facebook off for news. And once it went through their lower house, so one section of their parliament, Facebook turned it off. Wow. So yes, that was yesterday. And so we've seen all the news companies, their Facebook posts have disappeared,

along with a variety of other. So health, there's a great deal of consternation about the fact that all sorts of health news has been removed. So in our country, it would be the Ministry of Health. Anything about COVID, gone. The Bureau of Meteorology, gone. Now, look, their algorithm will eventually catch up, I suspect,

and that will return. It was interesting yesterday, some companies got round it by replacing the images in their news feeds with pictures of cats. Oh, I like that. Because cats are allowed. Yeah, and cats were allowed. So the whole dispute comes back to media companies like ours Oh, I like that. Because cats are allowed. Yeah, and cats were allowed. So the whole dispute comes back to media companies like ours wanting paid for the content we create that is used by, you know,

Google, for instance, I think is worth $1.8 trillion and pays us nothing for our content. Right. They're leeches. So clearly the Australian government has been pressured by media companies and others to introduce legislation to stop that, to make these big tech companies pay for that content. Right.

So Google is negotiating, which it's really interesting. The two biggest companies have taken completely different tax. Both of them were unhappy about the proposed law, surprise, surprise, but Google's negotiated with News Corp 7, 9, and paying them. So 9, for instance, has reportedly done a deal worth $30 million a year for five years, which is obviously worth a lot to 9, $150 million. I'm really bright with maths.

But Facebook have just said, no, we're turning it off. And clearly most of us would look at that and say, well, it's not just about Australia. Facebook will be very nervous that every other country in the world will say, we want that to happen here. So whether that be India or Britain or New Zealand, they're fighting a fight against a middle-sized country where they're obviously hoping to dominate and win the battle, if you like,

for the Australian government to cave and say, oh, okay, you don't have to negotiate. Right. And they're the perfect size because the small guys know they're not going to be able to do it, and then the big countries will be like, well, they couldn't get it passed. Too big.

Yeah, too big. So, you know, I think if Australia wins the fight, it'll be interesting to see what happens around the rest of the world. So why do they want to be paid for it? Because then say someone shares a news article in Australia and people will see it in their Facebook feed and click on it and it takes them to their page so they still get the click. Yes.

And surely they would get a lot more clicks because people might be on Facebook who wouldn't ordinarily be on their website. So the click itself is not worth the value of the story. Right. So at NZME, for instance, the Herald has introduced premium. We're looking at lots of different ways to try and monetise our content. So media companies have had to – I mean, we've been far too slow. You know, we're absolutely guilty in terms of the challenge in the digital environment compared to traditional radio or print. And in a digital sense, scale alone doesn't necessarily equate

to instant money-making or profitability anyway. There is revenue, but that doesn't necessarily translate to profit. Well, like it used to be back in the day, the advertisers would pay to be in the paper and then you'd get money for the paper. Correct. But now... So in a digital sense, in terms of print,

if you look, you know, with which I'm most familiar, print was based, in terms of print, if you look, you know, with which I'm most familiar, print was based, in terms of advertising, was based on jobs, cars, houses. Yeah. And all of those, of course, in the last maybe 20 years have migrated to digital. I mean, who now buys the paper to have a look for their next job or their next car? Cars, certainly. Yeah. And some do. I'm not trying look for their next job or their next car? Cars, certainly. Yeah. And some do.

I'm not trying to say that those things aren't advertised in print. Of course, houses are a really important part of what the Herald does, and OneRoof. We all know how important that is to NZME. But the reality is it's not like the old days where print is the behemoth of those particular platforms. So, yeah, we're just trying to claw back some revenue. And the reality is that we do know the big tech companies, for instance, pay very little tax in any country. We work for a company that's based in New Zealand that pays New Zealand business tax, but Facebook, zero, right? Famously, the big techs, they don't pay tax. And that's an issue around the world. So lots of companies are grappling with, you know,

and the likes of Facebook's really interesting in terms of, so we saw in the wake of the terror attack we saw in Christchurch through to misinformation about elections where Facebook throws their hands up and say, we're not responsible for the content or we can't possibly turn it off. It's too hard to control. And in a day they turned off news. Really?

Yeah. You've got to ask who the good corporate citizen is here quite frankly What can New Zealand companies do if their Facebook pages have been shut down or banned? So the Herald for instance we have a market in Australia and we saw our numbers yesterday go back slightly on the back of that

The reality is that we just need to teach people that they can come direct to source Facebook's only a delivery service at the end of the. The reality is that we just need to teach people that they can come direct to source. Yeah, okay. You know, Facebook's only a delivery service at the end of the day. Yeah. A really important one. You know, it's a big audience for us through social

and we're well aware of that. So you'll see the Aussie media companies are really imploring people to come directly to their websites. They're working really hard on email services, those kinds of things to find different ways to get people to... And then if you go direct to the source, you also don't have to deal with the scumbags in the comments section.

That's absolutely true. Absolutely true. They're the worst people in the world. And lots of people say, why don't you just turn off the comments on Facebook? Well, if only we could, because there's an awful lot of interesting people out there, that's for sure.

The other big concern, apparently, for people not of my generation is that people of my generation will start following people of your generation on tick tock and and actually find out what you're really up to what you're really up to and that's apparently the beginning of end time it's a real compliment to these guys that you consider us part of oh yeah someone thinks i'm off the tip brilliant uh murray thank you for uh letting us say it's a pleasure news at uh nz hero well uh we will watch this story and if i might be time to get out the Brilliant. Murray, thank you for letting us see. It's a pleasure. Head of News at NZ Herald. We will watch this story. And if I might be time to get out the Bebo or the MySpace.

Oh, I was a big MySpace. Or I could return. I'm going to have to say I forgot my password for Bebo though. Send to my old hotmail address, which I no longer have. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. There is someone in Pouranga who was trying to scam locals for a

reason. I mean, I think we can all relate. Well, we can't relate. If you own a house, you relate. So it's not any of us. I'm sorry to exclude people. It's really hard out there. The market's gone crazy. It's a warning for people that may have received a dodgy looking parking ticket in Tauranga recently. Well, dodgy looking, but you see

these parking tickets that were placed on a few people's windscreens. Yeah. The first thing you'll probably notice is that it was printed on paper, not the glossy ticket paper. Yeah, not the stuff that can last if there's a light shower of rain. Sort of a waxy coating.

So it had the Tauranga City Council label on it, their number, their address, their bank account, but it had the Tauranga City Council label on it, their number, their address, their bank account, but it had a scanning code down the bottom. So if you were to take this to a post office and they were to scan it, what you would have ended up paying is not this fake ticket, but you would have been contributing towards someone's rates payment.

Which is so stupid because it's a paper trail. Yeah, it takes one person to look at it and be like, why does it say when I'm doing a bank transfer, the number's there, sure, but the reference is somebody's name and their particulars are rates. Yeah, not great. I mean, they really went in.

This is an unidentified person who's done this. Right. One ticket, they asked for $400. And the reason they printed on the ticket was failure to display license plate. And they put a lot of effort into this. You've got to love a tryout. It looks quite legit from a distance.

And I think if you're old and maybe you might... Yeah, I think a lot of innocent people go, oh, you know, I've done something wrong here. I'll quickly pay that. We'll pop into the post office. And then you're inadvertently paying someone else's rates so they don't have to. Wow. So obviously the police got involved

and actually no money was paid. So nobody fell for it. Nobody fell for it. But yeah, I mean, that wouldn't have taken a lot of work from the police, would it? Like literally search that rate payer, go around to their house and say,

what are you doing? What are you up to? I love, yeah, he's a copper. He's a British copper. What the hell are you doing you doing? What are you up to? I love, yeah, he's a copper. He's a British copper. What the hell are you doing, mate? What you doing, mate? Anyway, so if you get a ticket in Tauranga, just be cautious. Double check that.

Make sure it's an official one. Make sure it's an official one. And then even then, I don't know. Oh, I don't think we're encouraging a letter. I always, with a parking ticket, always try a letter. Always try a reason as to why. Yeah, all the time. I'm from the country.

I didn't know about bus lanes. That's worked for you before, hasn't it? That only worked because I was driving my dad's ute at the time and if they checked where it was registered to, it would indeed be the country. But there's always an excuse. You've got to be able to

back up your claim because I did this as well. I got a $200 fine for driving in a bus lane and I said, I wasn't even driving there at that time and they sent me back a photo of me grasping the wheel, driving quite fast,

down a bus lane. How do you think they caught you? I don't know. On camera? I was calling their bluff. And they caught mine. Yeah, always call bluffs. And I gave them $200.

Always want to see some evidence. Craft a good yarn yarn All of the above ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast Bakery of the day Wow The bakery of the day It's becoming a Friday tradition

Yeah And basically it's just a way That's a well established Friday tradition A way for us to get around the country And eat our way And I also have heard From the International Calories Board. Okay. If Bakery of the Day, if you eat from there,

on the day that they get Bakery of the Day, the calories don't count. Oh, that's fantastic news. Just like on your birthday. In and out. So zero. Christmas, New Year's. Right. If you're on holiday.

Custard Square. Absolutely zero zero. Christmas, New Year's, if you're on holiday. Custard Square. Absolutely zero calories. Oh, fantastic. You try putting it into MyFitnessPal. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. It refuses to take it. All right, our first bakery of the day.

Bakery number one. Lauren, which bakery would you like to nominate? Valley Bakery. Valley Bakery. Now, whereabouts is Valley Bakery? It's on Henderson Valley Road in Henderson. Okay, and what makes you go there? What's their best thing?

The chicken kebabs. Oh! Oh, my God. I'm always somewhat apprehensive to get a chicken kebab from the hot cabinet at a bakery. That's a bit of a curveball for me because, yeah, that would be my last pick when I go to a bakery, that kebab. There's only ever two.

And I always buy the last two. Do you? Wow. I'm looking at Valley Bakery now. Wait, are we talking about the skewer chicken kebab? Yeah. Okay, your skewer, yeah. Your skewer chicken kebab, of course.

It's always there with the saucy rolls, your savouries and there's just always a couple of kebab sticks. It's nestled in between Valley Takeaways and Valley Super Red. They're really focusing on that Valley branding there. They are.

A couple down. Does it have a laundromat in that block of shops? Yes, it does. Of course it does. So Lauren, these chicken kebabs, do they have a coating? What's on them? I don't know what it is, but it's amazing. My daughter gives me grief because I go every day to buy at least one.

You would say this is an addiction? It kind of is. But that's how good they are. That's how good they are. All right, Lauren, I'll wait there. We're going to hear from our second contestant.

Bakery number two. Holly, hello. Hello. What is... Good, thank you. What's your recommendation for bakery of the day? Yeah, I'm just going to apologise before I pronounce it because it's French

and I don't want to butcher the French language. Oui, oui. But it is Chateaubriand in Devonport, Auckland. Oh, see now we've got a classic head-to-head here. We've got the working class bakery of Henderson Valley.

You know, your chicken kebabs. Your $1 slice. Yeah, your $1.50 savoury. Yep. Versus what sounds like quite the bougie situation going on in Devonport. I will say on Google, Chateaubriand has a 4.9 rating. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God.

They've got a photo of an in-house made croissant. Oh, oui, oui. And an in-house made pain de chocolat. Oh, my, oui. And then in-house made pandouille charolais. Oh, my gosh. There's a pink latte. What is it that you love most at Chateaubriand? It is the panneau raisin. It is like, it's like custardy and buttery.

And honestly, it just like melts in your mouth. And yeah, oh, my God. I'm looking at a photo. It's parked up right beside the almond croissant. Love an almond croissant. I'm looking at a photo. It's parked up right beside the almond croissant. Love an almond croissant. I'm torn here. I'm torn here because I love chicken kebabs, the skewers.

And Valley for Money. You're a huge fan of Valley for Money. I love Valley for Money and chicken. So I think my vote is on the chicken kebab. You're going to be in us in Valley. That's going to be my favorite. That's going to be my pick today. And my vote is on Chateaubriand. God damn it.

I don't know if this is what you did to me last week. That's going to be my pick today. And my vote is on Chateaubriand. God damn it. I don't want to. This is what you did to me last week. You made me pick. Yeah. And I went against my hometown. I went against the wagon wheel. And you should have seen my inbox over the weekend. Oh, was it the hate?

Was it? Oh, lambasted. Lambasted. Lambasted by my people. God damn it. You turn your back on a wagon wheel. Dub-dub is what people said. I don't know if this will help you. I just want to point out that Chateaubriand is licensed. I'm bastard by my people. How dare you turn your back on a wagon wheel dum-dum, is what people said.

I don't know if this will help you. I just want to point out that Chateaubriand is licensed. Oh! Oh, you're saying a glass of Chateaubriand. Would we argue Chateaubriand is more of a cafe? Oh! Oh, than a bakery. Holly, what would you say to that accusation?

I don't know. What defines the cafe? to that accusation? I don't know. What defines the cafe? Because they serve coffee? I don't know. You're right. This does have more of a cafe feel to it. I think that they serve wine. I'm sorry, Chateau Blanc.

You must sit down, you fool. Lauren, you have one bakery of the day. Not that it's your bakery. You're just a loyal customer. I just support them. Hopefully, next time you go there, actually, no, maybe you go every day, You have won Bakery of the Day. Not that it's your bakery. You're just a loyal customer. I just support them. Hopefully, next time you go there, actually, no, maybe you go every day. So maybe in a couple of days, you may see the certificate for Bakery of the Day.

Valley Bakery, Henderson. You go every day. Do you know the name of the proprietors of Henderson Valley Bakery? No. Oh, well, for God's sake, introduce yourself. Lauren, congratulations. That is our Bakery of the Day. ZM, for God's sake, introduce yourself. Lauren, congratulations. That is our bakery of the day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

A Queensland car yard has a sales tactic that is, you would say, gone viral. Now, I saw someone tag somebody else I'm close friends with in this, and I was like, what the hell's going on here? I've seen several friends tag in and everybody's tag. If anybody that runs a Facebook page knows, it's hard work to get cut through with posts these days. Oh, yeah. Like unless you're paying, and this is Facebook's tactic,

unless you're paying, your content's got to be pretty. Eye-catching. Eye-catching or incredible to go viral. Yeah. Really. To get these kind of likes. So what has happened is there is a, this car yard is called Southeast Auto Sales in Queensland.

Slacks Creek, 9 Randall Street, Slacks Creek, Queensland. So Slacks Creek. Martyrs out there trying to sell some cars. They're hustling. They're like your typical car yard really,

aren't they? Are they second-hand cars? Yeah, there's a 2009 Toyota Land Cruiser GXL. This actually looks pretty bloody good. This would be good for a beach. How many k's on the clock? Beach drive. Hold on, I can't see.

Oh, 300. Jesus. 318,000 kilometres. Oh, she's gone into the outback a little bit. Yeah, but she's a turbo diesel, so they last. They'll hold their value. Price at $44,000 Australian dollars. You would be struggling to find any car yard in the world

that is getting the amount of likes on that post that these guys are posting. It's outrageous. Although, in fairness, there is a real discrepancy between a post like you just mentioned. Correct, which has two likes and two comments. Well, that's not a lot. Versus when they sell a car. For example, here they've sold this man with two cocker spaniel dogs, a orangey mini, a modern mini.

Okay. And he is flanked by two dark-haired, attractive females in short skirts. That's had 4,500 likes and 8,700 comments. Holy crap. Again, next down, a 2011 Holden VE2 SS Commodore. 50 likes. Oh, it's red and it looks really fast. Okay.

And a few comments. Okay. Underneath that, they have sold a ute to a man, a short man with a baby and a goatee. Yeah. And that's had 5,000 likes, 10,000 comments because, again, he's flanked by two very attractive females. So they put these hot hotties next to the baby. Yeah. And a car.

What about the old couple? Oh, my God. That's the funniest photo. I think that's had like 10,000 likes. This is the one that I saw someone tagged in. And I was trying to work out why. I was like, is that their grandparents? What's the story?

Here's this old couple. Oh, my God. The sort of old couple if you get stuck walking behind them at the mount or like anywhere they're slow and you're trying to get around them. I feel in my soul they're Canadian, you know, or from Minnesota. Yeah, yeah, they've got that real Midwestern feel to them. There's a real gap though between the husband and the hot car model though. She looks like she's six foot two and she works out.

He's wearing Velcro strapped sneakers. Yeah. She's got old. And she works out. He's wearing Velcro strapped sneakers. Yeah. She's got a fresh tan on. And you know Cheryl there's like, Dave, you've got no chance with her.

Dave liked his fatter. So they get, they get these sort of measly little posts going with no hotties in them. Yeah. And then they put

the hotties in once they've sold them. Yeah. I feel like they're doing it wrong because they should put the hotties in when they're trying to sell the car. No, but see, I think that the comedy or the thing about these photos is how awkward the

old people are in these photos. That's what makes it so funny. It is awkward. But if they're wanting it as a business tool. Yeah. To sell the cars in the first place. They need to bring the customers in with the hotties to buy the cars. The girls look like, you know, the Gold Coast meter maids?

Oh, yeah. That they have, like, classic Queensland promo girls. They seem to have a real range as well. It's not the same girl every time. So I don't know if they are hiring different. Maybe there's an agency they work with. Yeah, with promo girls. Do you think this is what we need to do for our Facebook posts

to get some cut through? I'm happy to put on a little frock. A little frock? Calling it a frock means you're the old lady in the photo. Not the hot young thing in the photo. When did that happen? Yeah, it just happens one day. Yeah, you're 30 now, so.

Yeah. It's Warner Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.