ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 19th May 2020

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

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Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's all thanks to McDonald's. Your Macca's favourites are back at drive-thru and McDelivery. ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Christmas. Cancelled. Unbelievable. Christmas in the park. It's an institution. Because they do, they, I mean, it's not until what, late November, December, Christmas in the park? Well, there's a ton of organising. Oh, yeah. I see what Frankie Stevens is up to.

Costumes and rehearsing. Michael Murphy. Ainsley Allen, the rest of the McDonald's Young Entertainers. You obviously haven't been for years. You go, don't you? I love going. I take a picnic. I've never been.

Are you kidding me? Oh, no, you take a picnic. I've never been. Are you kidding me? Oh, no, you take a bottle of vodka. No interest. Fireworks. No interest. You know, I love, I just ooze Christmas. Watch it on, Tally. And I love Christmas carols.

Yeah. And I love fireworks. This is my jam. It's very upsetting. I love carols year round. A lovely woman. All of them. Never met a carol I didn't like.

Remember Carol Hirschfeld? Yeah. What a carol. met a Carol I didn't like. Remember Carol Hirschfeld? Yeah. What a Carol! Yeah, great Carol. Great Carol. So, yeah, no Christmas in the park, which is upsetting. Do you think even, like, Christmas parades will happen if we're under level two? Don't start this, Fletch.

Yeah, Sandra will be spraying disinfectant. Well, you wouldn't be able to sit on Santa's knee for a photo. Oh, Santa would be... Oh, no. We're going to stand two metres to the side of Santa. Oh my God,

imagine you grow up and you're like 20 and you find your photo of you with Santa at Westfields. He's got a mask on. And he's behind a plastic screen.

It looks like you've got to see Santa in a mental asylum. Merry Christmas. And you're like. Or he's got some holes through the perspex with like those rubber gloves and he just holds the kids.

Well, that's even worse. That's horrible. Oh my God. Is that what's going to happen this Christmas? That's horrible, guys. That's okay. We need a vaccine. We just need to do this, okay? Let's get it done. I'm just going to go sit in the park and sing to myself. Oh, yeah, okay.

And then you'll end up in the loony bin. Not a bad idea, Vaughan. You've actually got six ideas. Yeah, I've got the top six ideas to wonderfully recreate Christmas in the park at home. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Remember at the start of lockdown, I had a bung eye.

Yes. I googled my symptoms. God, lockdown, I had a bung eye. Yes. And I Googled my symptoms. Kind of that feels like a long time ago. Yeah. Well, it kind of was. It was like eight weeks ago. But I Googled my symptoms and that's how I found out what I had in my eye. Eventually, everyone freaked me out and I went to the doctor and they told me exactly that's what it was.

What I'd Googled. Well, Dr. Google apparently only works 36% of the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because, I mean, the eye thing, that's one thing. But when you've got a lot of things wrong and you Google, most of the time it's like you've got cancer. Yeah. So you're like, oh, well, great.

Yeah. Great. Great. So this study has been published in the Medical Journal of Australia. It's talking about online symptom checkers. They looked at 36 international mobile and web-based symptom checkers, and they found that 36% of the time, the first diagnosis was correct, and then 52% of the time within

the top three results were correct that's still only half now the problem they've said with you know dr googling is um it doesn't take your previous it doesn't take your medical history into account right so you might have on face value this symptom, but the symptom could be something related to your medical history, which Google wasn't going to know about. So if you have something and you think it's something bad, you should always go to the doctor.

Just to get it checked out. Because yeah, Google's not going to help you. The doctor's expensive. Last week when I was sick, I wanted to go after I'd been cleared of the vid. I wanted to go to the doctor, but they said they were only doing phone consultations. And so I rung up and I described what was wrong and they told me what they thought was wrong. And it's something I get, you know, when I get sinusitis, I get this massive like pressure headaches from behind my eyes.

Because of that long winter when no one told me I couldn't use Otravin every day. You know when I get sinusitis, I get this massive pressure headaches from behind my eyes? Yeah. Because of that long winter when no one told me I couldn't use Otravin every day. I mean, there are big warnings on the packet and the TV advertising board. Yeah, well, you know, like only use for- Use as directed? Yeah. Yeah, well- And then don't use for more than what? Three days in a row.

Three days, yeah. Well, it obviously wasn't big enough because I used that every day, multiple times a day, an entire winter, and it melted me. So that's why you don't do that. Like a coke addict. I know. I wonder if I've got a deviated septum. And I'll go and they'll be like, you must have had some rock and roll times.

I'm like, yeah, I've driven, baby. You get a nose job. No, you need it. You don't need it. I've always rated my nose. I think it's quite cute. It's like a little buttony. It's not pointy, but it's not pointy Yeah you don't have

You don't have any It's not pointy Aren't you screwing up her face Do you not like my nose I've always thought it was quite cute It's fine But I don't think it's a standout schnoz But that's the good part about it is

It's not Put it this way It's the least you worry It's not On there It's the last you worry. It's not. On there. It's the last of a long list of qualities is what you mean. Wow. That was a serious burn.

That was a good burn. It's not where I'd start. It's not where my nose ends and you go up and that's where my eyes start. Like it's all pretty well balanced. You know, side profile doesn't have any like. Doesn't have a bump. You know, I think you've got a good nose. You do have a good nose.

You can't see your nostrils like. No, it's not like a piggy nose. Yeah, no. Not that that's a problem. If anyone listens to a piggy nose, that wasn't an attack. What were we talking about? I don't need a nose job. Yeah.

Step back from that, Otrevin. Right, so I rung and I asked what they thought it could be with my symptoms. And they said, I think it's sinusitis. I was like, no, I have that all the time. This is way different. And they said, I think it's sinusitis. I was like, no, I have that all the time. This is way different. And they were like, let me prescribe some antibiotics. I was like, hold on. What for?

Exactly. Everybody had said that it was a viral thing. Yeah, but I feel if you go to the doctor, you've got to get some pills. Not antibiotics. I want that. I don't care. I want 800 non-branded Panadol. That's my favorite part.

Do you have any Panadol at home you like? No. Paracetamol, right? Yeah. Do you have any Paracetamol at home you like? Nah. It costs like $4. Let me write your script.

It says I gave you 500 tablets a month ago. Yeah, mate. I've been crushing them and snorting them. Why do you think my nose is all up the buggery? Can't take my Otriven anymore. Get in. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A frustrated customer, an Air New Zealand customer,

has taken out a classified ad in the New Zealand Herald. This was taken out on Monday's edition of the newspaper. People do this. Advertising newspapers. Famously, yes. The classifieds growing up were like huge. Yeah, because that was before trade me and stuff. So if you wanted to buy something, you just looked in there.

Yeah, well, if anybody has tried to get a refund for a flight lately, you'll know that it's very hard to get through. And even a side tip, because I needed to get a refund for a flight. This is at the start of the whole COVID thing. I rang up on the way to work one morning at like 5 a.m., got through straight away. There you go. Straight away.

So, I mean, just set an alarm for like four in the morning. And the call centre's only dealing with like American customers or, you know, Northern Hemisphere customers. Yeah. So give that a go. But this ad reads, Attention Air New Zealand. All attempts to contact Air New Zealand have proved futile.

Please contact the person flying on, what do they call the phonetic alphabet? Romeo, Whiskey, Zulu. What's L? Lima? Lima. Sierra Hotel. S is Sierra? What are you doing?

That's what they do in the airlines. They do phonetic. I'm reading out their booking. I'm reading out their booking number. Romeo Whiskey. I thought they were making this some sort of game for Air New Zealand to find them. No.

It spiked my interest. I felt like I was now involved in some sort of treasure hunt. Yes. So you know the six-letter code they give you for your booking reference? Yeah. They've put that in there, which I thought might have been a bit risky, but they haven't put their name.

So if you had their last name and their booking reference, you could probably mess with them a little bit. But, I mean, you can't, can you, because you don't have their name. And I believe they were chased up, and they are now helping this customer with their inquiry because people saw it and were just like, wow. Well done. Brilliant.

Yeah. Power play. Because I guess this is like the old person, the boomer version of going on Twitter. On social media. You know, because that's like a great way of getting some customer service. Whether Telco or any kind of company, Just have a whinge on Twitter or Facebook. Yeah, even if you don't have many followers, right? You tag them in or you use the hashtag

that they have an automatic search on. Because they have a team. Yeah, a lot of places have, you know, one or two people that deal just with social media. Right. So it can be an easy way of getting through. But at the same time, remember the people you're dealing with

didn't make any of these decisions. Oh, yeah, absolutely. They're just doing their job, aren't they? Yeah. Which I'd imagine wouldn't be the most enjoyable job. No, not at the moment when everyone's calling for a refund. Yeah. And then you have to tell them, got some credit for you.

They're like, oh, cool. Cool. Great. That's not going to pay the bills, but sure. Okay, cool, man. Next on the show, the top six and Christmas in the Park is cancelled. Oh. Bad news for everybody that was, you know, starting to,

what would you be in the dirty bulk phase for Christmas in the Park? Cutting for Christmas in the Park. A shred. A dirty bulk for Christmas in the Park going for the cutting phase. Yeah. Around October. Right, well, cancel all that because Christmas in the Park isn't happening. The top six ways, top six things you'll need to create Christmas in the Park at home.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Christmas in the Park. Who owned Christmas in the Park? Coca-Cola. Did Coca-Cola own Christmas in the park? No, I don't know. I think they were just a big sponsor.

Yeah. Who owned? I don't know. It's probably just run by a company or a little group. Hmm. I smell a podcast. An investigation podcast. Into who runs Christmas in the park.

Yeah. Christmas in the Park? Yeah. Christmas in the Park. Colon. Who's pulling Santa's strings? We still haven't recorded our Spark Arena. I've started on them. Have you? Good podcasts can't

be rushed. You've got to do a lot of research on podcasts. Yeah, don't rush into it. Power to the people. The story of Spark Arena. No, the story of Vector Arena. Vector Arena. Like, how did Vector afford naming rights to New Zealand's biggest

indoor stadium? Oh, actually, it's Forsyth Barberga. Because they can play rugby and that's going to refine it. You can't play rugby in Spark Arena. Well, you could.

It'd be a smaller game. And you'd hurt yourself because the floor's hard. Yeah. So what's the Christmas in the Park one called? Christmas in the Park. Who's pulling Santa's strings? Oh, right. Who's pulling Santa's sleigh?

Who's jingling his balls? Oh, yeah. His baubles. Yeah. Can you find anything on who owns Christmas in the Park? No, I'm going to the official website now. I've never really thought who owned the name Christmas in the Park. Because Coca-Cola not. Well, I'm going to the official website now. I've never really thought who owned the name Christmas in the Park. Because Coca-Cola was always on the front.

But as you say, I always believed them to be the primary sponsor. Oh, see, look at you. You're like a dog with a bone. He's investigating. What information? Okay, look, yeah, I'm going to have to do some investigating. Deep dive. It's not happening for the first time in 26 years.

Oh, that's... Yeah, 1994 it started. There was 250,000 people at the first one in Auckland, 100,000 people at the first one in Christchurch. It was the largest free annual event in New Zealand. So there you go. I hope it comes back. I hope this isn't like the, you know...

Well, it's seen such performers as Frankie Stevens, Susie Cato, Jackie Clark, Tina Cross. My husband. Your husband's done it, yeah. I think Tina Cross was there the year that I got absolutely shit-faced on camembert and vodka. You're not supposed to. Camembert and vodka, cheese and vodka.

Yeah, cheese and vodka. That was all that was in the hamper. Are you allowed to drink? No. No, but everyone has a bottle of wine in their picnic. Everyone has a bottle of wine. Andrew's on the list. Is he?

On the Christmas in the Park, the Wikipedia for Christmas in the Park. Oh, that's lovely. Yep, Andrew Papas. Does it say Mr. Toyboy? No, it says Andrew Papas. Can you edit it? No, don't edit it. Andrew, Mr. Toyboy Papas.

You could edit it. I don't know if anybody's going to read it. Okay, everything on the website is just going to Coke. So I think Coke owns this. Maybe they own it. Yeah, well, it's Coke everything, isn't it? Big soda. Big soda.

Okay, there's definitely something we can work there into the title of the podcast. Christmas in the Park. Below the Bubbles. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like that. All right. That sounds juicy.

So it's not happening anyway. It's not happening. Yeah, no. So the top six ways and the top six things you'll need to create Christmas in the Park at home. Number six, entitled white woman plopped into those low beach fold-out seats. You know those ones that fold out but they're really low to the ground and if they're a bit of a bigger birther, they need a hand getting out of it.

Yeah. Always sit in front of you. Yeah, and they're always so quiet, please, quiet. We're watching this one. And then if they don't want to watch that one, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. After a couple of shoddies. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

What was that Remuera housewife mix they used to make with red wine and white wine? What? Remuera Rose. You mix a white wine with a red wine. Ketamine. And some ketamine. And in the mid-2000s, it was those BZP diet pills they were all taking.

Do you remember the epidemic of Remu-era rich white woman dance party pills? They were on BZP because it would kill their appetite and give them a bit of zhoosh to get stuff done, like tennis lessons

and sleeping with their tennis lessons coach. And they were all like, we're losing weight, this is great. But then they found out they were all like, we're losing weight. This is great. But then they found out they were like highly addicted to like an awful drug. Hubby would come home from the legal firm at 9pm and she'd be chewing her face off on the couch.

How does it work? Listen to Peter Ehrlich. She's a bloody remixer. The poor boy's a puddle on the floor. He's like, get me out of here. She's like, I don't like it. And then they dropped the BZP and they packed on the pounds and now they plop themselves down in those beach chairs.

Christmas in the park. Yep. And anywhere that they can carry a beach chair. Which is everywhere because those things are very light and easy to carry. Number five on the list of the top six ways to recreate Christmas in the park. You've got to have lost kids crying with snot pouring out of their noses and only one shoe left.

They've lost a shoe. There might be a sock. It could be a jandal. Either way, there's only going to be one foot with any sort of covering on it. And they've got to be crying, but also the snot just can't be there. It's got to be like linking their nose to their mouth.

It's got to be going in their snot gutters. It's got to be. linking their nose to their mouth. Yuck. It's got to be got to know their snot gutters. It's got to be. Yeah. Otherwise, it's not authentic. Number four on the list of the top six ways to recreate Christmas in the park at home. Of course, to engage all the senses, you'll need that Christmas in the park smell. That's the overpowering stench of staluron, lynx, and a little bit of marijuana. There's always that moment

at Christmas in the Park where we're in a crowded public space. We're like, shit, someone's rolled the dice. Someone's smoked a beer. They're going to get busted.

There's people everywhere. Where are they? They've got to be close because I don't have that great a sense of smell. Where are they? Big soda is not going to take that. No.

They don't need competition. Number three on the list of the top six ways to recreate Christmas in the park at home. Birds. Yuck. You've got to have pigeons, seagulls, sparrows, all wanting feeding, shitting beside your picnic blanket, filthy

bastards. But they've got to be there otherwise it's not an authentic Christmas in the park experience. And you sit under the tree because you think oh we could do some shade from the afternoon sun. But you're right in the shit zone there. You're going to get pooped on by the birds who have just been fed up on one family's fish and chips

when they were trying to find their lost kid who'd wandered off with only one shoe on and the birds had got in and they were away. Spot out its nose. Yeah, and then the old woman was plopped in the chair, but she couldn't get to the chips because she's stuck. So low to the ground. Don't get that low to the ground at that age.

You're not getting out again. Yeah. Dad will have to pull you out. Number two on the list of the top six things you'll need to recreate Christmas in the park at home. Loitering teens bum-puffing cigarettes. Not smoking them, probably. Or these days, probably vaping.

Yeah. But another key thing about these teenagers is they've got more expensive shoes on than you. Yeah. And you'll look at them and you'll be like, how did they afford those shoes? And you'll spend some time

thinking about it. And number one on the list of the top six things you'll need to recreate Christmas in the park at home. Drunk dads quite loudly asking

when they're going to start playing some of the songs from the good old days and why they're playing so many bloody Christmas songs and when can we go? Yeah. Just, we're going to beat the Christmas songs and when can we go? Yeah. Just, we're going to beat the traffic.

We're going to beat the traffic. Dad, you shouldn't be driving. I'm not driving. Your mother's driving now. Pull her up out of that chair. Come on. Jesus, you're a big woman. He's in big trouble when he gets home.

Yeah. Saying the B word. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. COVID-19, the pandemic has changed what dating looks like currently. People are having to do Zoom chats for dates. Well, yeah, because you don't want to meet people because they might have their own. Yeah.

And even like you getting to know people more because there's a lot of chat happening before you meet. Yeah. But there are some new... But it's weird how dates have even gone to Zoom. Zoom always just felt like a place for a professional catch up to me. Yeah. Well, maybe they just mean FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, everything. So do you think Zoom has overtaken Skype

as the word people often use for a video call regardless of where it's happening? Maybe, yeah. Oh, yeah, maybe. FaceTime or Zoom, yeah. Because I feel like, yeah, I feel like no one was Skyping. Because I feel like Skype, you've got to set up an account. You know, you've got to log in.

You've got to download the messenger. Whereas Zoom, you just get a link. Skype's a bit draining. Yeah, you're just done. Right. And then, yeah, FaceTime. Do you have to be friends with someone on Facebook to Facebook call or can you just use Messenger?

You would have to connect on Messenger. Okay. Yeah, but you wouldn't have to be Facebook friends. You can just go and get their code and, yeah. Well, there's some new dating terms that have emerged out of the pandemic and the first one is zumped. Zoom dumped? Yeah. Wow. Zoom the first one is zumped. Zoom dumped? Yeah.

Wow. Getting zoom dumped. I got zumped. But that's, I reckon that's like a nicer way to do it. It's better than just a text. Because at least like that's, you can't meet up with them. That's the next best thing. You're still doing it face to face.

Oh, that would be, I wouldn't want to zoom dump someone. At least just do it on text. What? Oh no, something's happened. What? You're... Yeah. So being zumped is a zoom dumping. Okay. I don't know, can I say this one?

Corona L-I-N-G-U-S Corona Lingus. Wow. I've been born to that. Can I say this? I'll spell it out. Yeah, well, then I'm not actually saying it.

But some people, like, I just did that for the people among us who struggle with spelling. Okay, yeah, right. What is that one? It says it's dirty talk that's happening under lockdown. Oh, that's not what the name would suggest. No. Yeah, no. Yeah. It's misleading, Your Honour. We've already's not what the name would suggest. No. Yeah, no. Yeah, it's misleading, Your Honour.

We've already got a name for that. Dirty talk. Zoom bombing is another one. So this is either when your partner strolls into the background of your Zoom chat that's happening, or someone can just like add themselves into your Zoom chat. Right, okay. Kind of your Zoom chat. Right. Okay. Kind of crash your date.

Yeah. A quarantationship. That's a relationship. Quarantationship. Yep. That's a relationship that's happened in quarantine. It's formed under lockdown.

Right. Maybe you were in a flat. Okay. And then finally you hooked up. Yeah. Quarantationship. And a quarantine. These are couples

who are doing lockdown togetherhip. And a quarantine. These are couples who are doing lockdown together. They're a quarantine. Wait, so not various couples in the same house. It's just the couple that are- Well, those are multiple quarantines. Oh, right. So the team is just the couple that are quarantining. Yeah.

It's crazy now that we've moved out of the really restrictive level four situations to see people in other parts of the world that are either just getting into it. I know. Or still in it. Yeah. And you're like, oh, you've got a long road ahead of you because you've left it till now. We're lucky. Yeah.

Very lucky. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. I went to the mall yesterday. It was like a weekend. Like it was so busy. I was like, I'll go during the week because everyone's gone back to work. No.

What was it yesterday? Because even traffic was, everyone was out doing things. The car park was chocker. I was like, I've made a terrible decision. I waited in line to get into a Kmart like it was da club. Remember, I said to you, I was like, is it worth it? Because you're going to have to line up. Yeah, I know. And I was like, whatever. It's during the day. It's Monday. It'll be fine. I would have waited about 12, 15 minutes in a snaking line to go into Kmart. In their defence though, usually

you'd line up at the checkout. But was there... No. Because they're letting limited people in, you line up to get in, but then when you go to the checkout, you're like, I can come straight in.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that was fine. And everything I wanted was there, but man, they'd been... Depleted. Depleted.

The kitchen area, like all kitchen things. Oh, because everyone's getting into cooking. Yeah. Everyone's getting into cooking. It. Everyone's getting into cooking. It was completely depleted. They must be stocking up as fast as they can. But yeah, I just couldn't believe it.

Absolutely nuts, them all. And they came out at risk of like running low on stock? Because I'm imagining a lot of their stuff comes from Southeast Asian countries. I don't know. Or they have big giant warehouses. They've just got to... It wasn't too bad. Like when you said you went

and everything I wanted was there. Right. No, I waited in line and went in there and what I wanted wasn't there. I was like, oh. Bugger. Yeah. Damn it.

But it's crazy. And also like it's weird. Some stores will like line up and then go in, you know, had limits and stuff. And then other stores were like, you had to sign your name in. So my understanding is like, so we're still doing a sign in. If you're going to be sitting in there for any period of time?

No. Oh, really? It was weird. There were lots of stores that were taking like, had people out with clipboards at the front and you had to sign your name. Right. But then you could walk into another store right next door to it and not do anything. And I'm like, where's the consistency here?

Well, because I believe they, didn't they lift the contact tracing for retail stores? So maybe not all retail have cottoned on to that yet. I'm pretty sure they lifted it for retail. Have cotton on cottoned on? Has anyone been to cotton on? No, because I walked past and they had a clipboard. They had a clipboard to sign in.

They had a clipboard. Yeah, I like the scanning the QR codes and popping through the old email with your name and that on it. That's easy. Yeah. It's, um, yeah, it is weird. I've noticed that too, a bit of a lack of consistency, but then I think that's just. Like I've got no problem doing it, but it's just like, well, if I didn't have to do it

for this store, why do I have to do it for this store, why do I have to do it for this one? But maybe some stores are just choosing the safer. It's not compulsory but they're just doing it to be safe. Yeah. To have that extra level. Also, shout out to JB Hi-Fi in Albany Mall

for having the lubiest hand sanitiser I've ever encountered. It wasn't lube, was it? That's why you gave a store a shout out. I thought it was a prank. I was like, funny one, JB Hi-Fi. You've just put lube on my hands. And then I like keep rubbing. I was like, and then it disappeared like hand sanitizer.

I was like, thank God. Did you get a brand name? No, I didn't. Why? No, I'm just, I'm very interested. You've got me. You shouldn't be using hand sanitizer as lube. It was very I'm not going to be used to hand sanitiser as lube. It was very, it was like. That sounds like

it would be less drying than other hand sanitisers. No, it dried up. No, no, no, but I don't like bad for your skin. Oh, you're right. Is anyone else's skin just absolutely wreaking havoc at the moment? With all this hand sanitiser? I had to put some

cuticle oil on last night. It's so dry. My cuticle's all dried up. The cuticles are the bits around your nails, eh? Yeah. Are mine fine? No, yours are lush. Thank you.

You've actually got lovely nails. Thank you. Lovely, shiny... I don't do anything to them apart from chew them. Lack of bloody hard work. That's his problem. Hey, I push all these faders and all these buttons. Well, push them harder.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fletch is just randomly trying. Well, I know. I'm just buying. Randomly trying discount codes. I'm buying a wheat bag. Yeah. And I tried 10 off and wheat, and those coupon codes don't work.

What else would be a coupon code? Just to snuggle, or have you got a sore bit? No, I've got a sore calf muscle. Have you tried my rub? That rub I've got? What rub? That orange rub. No.

O-M-R, rub. Right. That's a non-paid endorsement. And you would just rub it on and does it fix everything? It's great. Well, that sounds like it'd be great with it. Is it like a deep heat? Yeah, but it's not as hot.

Oh, okay. It's bright orange. Are you on that website that you told me you were buying it from? No. Because I've got a code you can use for that other website potentially. 25 off. I'm the old codester. She's back.

25 off. No. Luke, of course they don't do codes like that. No, but you know they always have the same like sale 10 or 10 off. I'm going to hit you with a link to my rub. I don't want you to tell too many people about this. Because I buy one pot every five years and I don't want it sold out. Also, you're buying a wheat bag.

It's an industry secret. Why do you need a dislike code? How much is it? 20 bucks. Yeah, no 20. Yeah, 2019. 99. Oh my.

That's expensive for a wheat bag. It'd be nice to. It's a nice wheat bag. What does it look like? I went to the pharmacy and they had like nana looking ones. Well that's probably a fair indication of your usual demographic for wheat sacks.

Excuse me? And hot water bottles, yeah exactly. I said Megan's got a sewing machine, she'd just make one. Don't you just put rice in it? Wheat. Nah. You put like barley or something. Barley. You don't have a period so you don't have a wheat bag. Am I right?

Yeah. Nodding in the producer's booth. Really? Period wheat sack. Yeah, you cramps. You have a wheat bag. There's a market there. Oh, my God. Cute ones.

Now, tell me about your period. None of these codes are working. None of these codes are working. We're having a focus trip after work. I've got lots of questions about periods. We'll see how long that lasts. Would it be cute if the wheat sack for the period was shaped like a blood drop? Like a blood drop.

No. You know when you go and give blood, they'll often give you something in the shape of a blood drop. No? That's good. This is what I need my focus groups for. It's a move. Let's shake it.

Now, we need to help producer Jared, who has a little bit of a con drop. No? Okay, that's good. This is what I need my focus grease for. It's a move. Let's shake it. Now, we need to help producer Jared, who has a little bit of a conundrum. You'd say a bit more of a conundrum than me finding a coupon, an online coupon.

I don't know. I'd put it on par. It's not life or death. It's frustrating maybe. Yeah. And we're joined now from the producer's booth. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Now, what is the issue? frustrating maybe yeah and we're joined now from the producers booth good morning

good morning good morning now what is the issue you I have a song you have a song yep and a few of my friends

and I have been trying to figure out the name of the song for about a week now and we only know the hook okay did you hear the song somewhere and no one

managed to shazam it in time or one of them heard it and then through conversation we were all trying to figure it out so we had shazam out like singing into it in time? One of them heard it, and then through conversation, we were all trying to figure it out. So we had Shazam out, like, singing into it. We had Soundhound. Oh, that doesn't work.

I was going to say Soundhound would have got it. Soundhound is the one where you sing to the best of your abilities. Yep. Okay. Does it actually work? Because I don't think I can. Yeah, but you have to have the right. You have to sing it all right.

All right. Okay. All right. No offence, Jared. Oh, that's all right. Okay. All right. No offence, Jared. Oh, that's all right. Yeah. All right. Well, why don't you sing the song for us,

and if anybody listening knows, text in. Give us a call. All right. Okay. Go for it when you're ready. Here we go. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- It was on an ad, right? It's an old... Was it a music? That must be the... Executive producer Antonania, you're looking very puzzled.

This is riveting stuff, listening to you three butcher the song. I feel like we recently talked about this song. No. No, like recently within like the last year. I've got no idea. I know when you went the do-do-do, do-do-do. Somebody's messaged in an option. Shall I play it? Yeah.

I think that's it. That must be something. Oh, hold on. No, no, no. Sorry. That's an ad. That was when I was telling you before about how Randy Quaid. Dennis Quaid? One of the Quaids. Not the crazy Quaid. Which is the good Quaid? Dennis Qu Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid, one of the Quades,

not the crazy Quaid, which is the good Quaid? Dennis Quaid? Yeah, Dennis Quaid. I didn't know he was a bad Quaid. Randy, he's a bad Quaid. Jerry Lee Lewis and a pretty bad looking biopic in 1989.

Anyway, that's the stuff we talk about off here. Okay, here's the, okay. Oh, what do you want to go into this listen? Mel, do you know this song? Yeah, it's K by the Tuts. Okay, I've got that song.

That's a general consensus. Oh, here we go. Yeah, it's K by the Tuts. Okay, I've got that song. That's the general consensus. Oh, there we go. Yes, there we go. Look at that. The people came together. And after a week and a half from 2017's album Get Into Club. Yeah, this has been on ads, lots of ads. Mel, legend.

It's an absolute banger. An absolute banger. Thanks, Mel. Thanks, Mel. Well, ads. Mel, legend. An absolute banger. An absolute banger. Thanks, Mel. Thanks, Mel. There you go, Jared. I think Mel wanted us to play it. Fletch just gave, he didn't even give that a full shake.

He gave that a disapproving. Don't mention that in front of your mother. Head shake. I was like, mm-mm. Yeah. All right, it's quarter past seven What was it used on though? No no no no

It was like a promo for a TV Or something Okay there's a Wikipedia page on it The tarts It featured on C4 A New Zealand music television station As the C4 theme song R.I.P

It came out in 2006 a New Zealand music television station as the C4 theme song, R.I.P. And also, it came out in 2006. I don't know why they put it on an album in 2017. Yeah. Recycling. Oh, yeah, recycling. Recycling. Jack has said that it was on Outrageous Fortune too,

which is probably how we know it. Yeah, right, okay. Now you're thinking of the Gutter Black song. There was more than one song on Outrageous Fortune. Not the theme song. No, they played the one song on A Rageous Fortune. Not the theme song. No, they played the one song for every situation. Over and over again. Yeah, yeah. Lying in the gutter! And then they'd be down at the pub and they'd be like

put a song on, Wolf. And Wolf would go to the jukebox, he'd be like cluck, cluck and they'd be like, lying in the gutter! And then they'd be on the way home in the hold and they'd be like, turn on the radio and they'd turn on and they'd be like, lying in the gut it. It was the only song they could afford. We're joined on the phone by somebody giving another couple an amazing gift. Rebecca joins us on the phone.

Good morning, Rebecca. Hello. We read about this story and we thought, heck, that's a lovely thing to do. Selfless and all three of us struggled to imagine it. As we're very selfish people. You've got children of your own, correct? Yes, I do. I've got Rocky is six and Ruby is four.

Oh, God, I thought you said eight. Yeah, when you were like, I was like, goodness me. But you say you've got two of your own and now you're helping another couple have a child. I am. So I'm being surrogate for a couple. I live in Christchurch and they live in Wellington, Tess and Dan.

And I'm, what am I, 13 and a half weeks pregnant now. The amazing bit about this is this happened online. Yeah, Instagram's like the Tinder for mums, the Tinder for couples, the Tinder for surrogates. So I literally met them on Instagram and was like, I can do that. Wait, so you didn't know them before they,

because from what I understand, Tess and Dan put out a call. Like, did they put out a call or did they just mention that they couldn't have any more kids? So I knew them kind of in a business capacity. Right. Tess had spoken at an event that I was at. And so I knew her story. And so then I was following her and she just put out a story that said we're going to start looking for a surrogate. Right. And then I was actually in Australia and my husband was back here in christchurch and i just couldn't stop thinking about it so i text him and i said hey um what do you think and he

text back and said as long as we don't keep it i'm fine with it because we are done he's happy with two and three he's two and three but he doesn't mind you carrying, not that, I mean, it's your body, your choice, but, I mean, this is a partnership, right? But also, like, yeah, and, yes, you've got two children, so pregnant people can also be interesting. So he does have to deal with a lot. Have your pregnancies been kind of smooth sailing? Is that part of the reason why you thought it would be okay?

Yeah, so I don't mind pregnancy. Like, it obviously has its moments. Trust me when I say that being in your first trimester when you're in lockdown with your children and you didn't plan for that, it's a total nightmare. So I knew that the first trimester was going to be, like, a little bit icky. It's not, like, the funnest. But I also knew I could drop them at school, go going to be like a little bit icky. It's not like the funnest. But I also knew I could drop them at school, go get a hash brown and go back to bed.

Couldn't do that. And I also really enjoy giving birth. So that's this weird quirk of mine. So I don't mind childhood. You don't mind it? I don't mind it. So, yeah, I did the other day I was sitting on the toilet though and I thought

to myself, wow, I've actually got to push this out. So, you know, there's some moments. Wow. And all because, wow. And they're in Wellington, you're in Christchurch. What's that distance like? Are they, and as you say, you've been in lockdown, so it's not like they can pop down for the weekend

to see how it's all going. lockdown, so it's not like they can pop down for the weekend to see how it's all going. Yeah, so we talk once a week, and it's definitely had its challenges with the lockdown because they've missed, like, they expected to come to and planned to come to a scan. So I've had one, I've got one tomorrow, and there's been challenges with that, with not being able to have communication in the scan because of primacy laws and things um and so there's definitely been like that's not been

super nice but i'm a very laid-back person so i think that balances it all out i'm just like yeah she'll be right um so it kind of balances it all out but it's definitely yeah lockdown's not we go through a year's worth of counselling and you go over every single worst case scenario like you could ever imagine. But you don't go over a bloody pandemic, do you? No. No. You don't.

You don't. Have you found that this pregnancy's been different? Because, I mean, genetically, it's different. Yeah, so, no. So, yeah, this child's 100% biologically theirs. So, the backstory is Tess had to have it. She'd got a little girl Indy, and she had to have a hysterectomy at childbirth

to basically save her life. So they were able to keep her ovaries. So they were able to IVF make the baby. And then I literally am just an oven. They shove it in. Shoving it in, of course, is the medical term. It's the medical term, yeah. So this is the other dynamic of myself and Tess.

I actually had to Google some information last night about the situation because Tess knows everything and I'm just literally like the worst technical terms of everything. And then I'm like, if you want the information, go to Tess. But it's not being, I had a very straightforward, if I didn't look pregnant, could not have told I was pregnant with my first child.

And then my second child was, I was nauseous. So I expected the nausea. And I basically, like I said, it's just like a hangover every day. And I stopped feeling nauseous a week before lockdown finished. Wow. Yeah, so that was great. And so very very just normal. I feel amazing right now.

It's just knowing that I get nausea at the start. So that's fine. It's an incredible thing to do. For people that you didn't even know on Instagram. I know them very well now. Do you ever message her and be like, baby wants McDonald's? No, but I did joke. Like, we have pretty different lifestyles.

They would definitely be more healthy than me. And I joked, I remember before I was pregnant, I joked that her kid might come out looking like a McDonald's, and she was like, um. But it was fine. My thing's bacon and egg McMuffin combos. I can't get enough of them. Yeah, right.

I can't see it. Oh, that's brilliant. Rebecca, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us this morning and doing an amazing thing for another. Thank you for having me. No. What an interesting story. And hopefully, it's been interesting because people don't,

I've had people message me and be like, what, you can be a surrogate in New Zealand? So I'm really into people realising there's many ways to have a child and it's not that hard. Like, nine months of hell and then just ruin your vagina. It's fine. Oh, I love you, Rubeca. What an awesome person.

Peace, Kate. Humans have been doing it for thousands of years. Peace, Kate. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier as it heralds new podcast the front page is your short sharp daily news podcast join me

Damien Venuto every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and news makers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts Find the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. ZM's Fletch, Va't get Fletch started in here

Don't get Fletch started Don't get Fletch started in here Yes, normally don't get Fletch started, but today Vaughan came in whinging. My own, God, he does this all the time. I wasn't whinging. I said, what do you think of this? So today we thought we'd get Vaughan started.

Yeah. Megan, how do you feel when you're waiting in line and someone in front of you is taking ages? Well, they're taking their time. I just guess I wait until it's my turn. I actually 100% agree with you on this one, Vaughan. So it's not people. Yesterday, I had to go and get Because children grow

Don't know if you know this about kids They grow Yeah So you buy them a pair of shoes And then you have to buy them Another pair of shoes Oh yeah Because mum would always

I'd say I want those ones They're real cool Cut the toes out You'll grow out of them They're not wasting money You'll do That's exactly what I said On Sunday

I was like We don't need to get those ones They're expensive She's growing like a bloody Just cut the toes out And then they can grow as much as they like. Like a weed. Yeah, but then the school's like, your kids are cold. Well, I was cold back in the day.

I wasn't. I was very warm. Thanks for asking. Yeah. But I had to go and get some shoes. Yeah. So I found the cheapest place in Auckland to get them. And I went after work yesterday. It was quite busy. Yeah. Because I'm guessing a lot of people are good. Like the kids place in Auckland to get them. And I went after work yesterday.

It was quite busy. Yeah. Because I'm guessing a lot of people look good. Like the kids are going back to school. Maybe there's been growth spurts or whatever. Just there hasn't been the ability to get kids shoes. Because you've got to try them on most of the time. Yeah.

So I went in to pick up Indy some school shoes. You had to sign in. I was fine with that. Not a problem. But then the lady at the shoe store said, we're at our capacity on the floor. Could you please wait in the waiting area? Okay.

And I sat in the waiting area. And that was fine too because I was like, this is how we're all a day. This is the world we live in. This is how we're all a day. Everybody's doing their part. Yep. And that's where I see,

and that's where I'm privy to, a little girl getting shoes. She would have been like four. Okay. Three or four. Little tiny child. Yeah. And the mother was letting her pick which shoes

she wanted, but the kid didn't really have any vested interest in what shoes. She doesn't know the cool brands. Yeah, right. She doesn't know, she's not at that age where somebody at school said, oh, you're wearing rugged sharks, Vaughn. What are you, poor? And you're like, oh, we're out of

dog bodies. This will stay with me forever. And then 20 years later, he brings it up on the radio. No, that wasn't, that child wasn't of that age. Yeah, right. Tiny child, and she's like, I don't know. And the mum's, and the kid's just like a little bit bored because shoe shopping sucks when you're a kid. You just want to go and play

with the toys in the corner. But they've taken those away because of the virus. Yeah. So she's like, come on, there's four. Which ones do you want? I don't know. She's trying to encourage her. There's four.

No, just buy the kid shoes. Do you like this one? And then she'd say, this one's got this and this one's got this. And the kid's like, I don't know. And then, what about this one? This is the other one. This is this. They were all black shoes.

The kid didn't care. The mother was insisting on the child making the choice. Now that's my problem. Kids don't know. You make the choice for them. If it's black shoes, you make sure they fit, especially when they get a bit older and they can kind of make a decision. But not if it's holding people up. There's a line out the door

now. There's a three or four person deep line. They're all practising distancing. Yeah. This woman's insistent that her child picks which shoe that she wears. The kid has said, I don't care. This isn't like when the kid says, I want my sandwiches in triangles

and you cut it in squares to spite them and then you have a parental standoff at the kitchen bench. This isn't that situation. The kid has said, I don't care what shape the sandwiches are in, but the mother's like, pick a shape. And she's like, I don't care what shape the sandwiches are in, but the mother's like, pick a shape! And she's like, I don't care. But she's trying to encourage decision making

and bringing forth a personality. Decision! The kid does not care. The kid has said, I don't know, like five times. It's like when you're at a restaurant and as soon as you get the menu, the first people you get their decision off is your children. You're like, what do you want? These are the options. Quick. And then when the person comes back, you order for the kids first.

Yeah. And then you order for yourself because if you leave them to last and you haven't prepped them, they'll be sitting there. And then there's the extra shyness factor of having somebody standing there looking at them. And that was the case in the store. The woman was waiting to make a system in which shoe they wanted. And so there's kids extra shy because they're like, I don't know.

And it went on for a long time. And then the woman who was helping them looked at me and she said, in quite a passive aggressive tone, which I really appreciated,

is there something I could quickly help you with? To which I said, yes, these are the exact shoes I wanted and she's like,

got them, boom, paid and I was out. That woman was still saying, which one do you want to use? I think people

need to be aware, I had this with a one into the dairy, the store by my place over lockdown. It was a one in, one out policy. Yeah, right. And they let this person in and he was just wandering around the store

like in no rush, just like looking at biscuits. And then he was like looking at others. Deciding what snacks he wanted. No, when there's a line of 10 people, you get in and you get out. Where do you have to be all the time? Not in a line.

Anywhere but a line while someone's indecisive. I'm just a real cash perusal. I hate lines. I hate queues. If I look at my maps and it's exactly the same time home, the shorter distance, but I know I'm going to be sitting in traffic or I take a longer way,

but I know I'm not going to have to stop. Yeah. Always take the longer way. We're crossing now to the producer's booth to talk to our highest ranking intern, executive intern, Anya. Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. Now, somebody said something mean to you yesterday. Yeah. You were so excited about this. You told me about this before you went. Yeah. I was pretty jazzed to treat myself to some microdermabrasion yesterday.

What is that? Is it like a sandblast of the face? It's sort of like a vacuum of the face. A sandblast vacuum. Is it like a rug doctor for the face? It's a clinic-like exfoliant. How do they do this? They slap some stuff on, they steam some stuff off, and then they zhuzhi with this device called a microdermabrasion.

It's a little vacuum-y tube. It is like a vacuum. So what does the abrasion, the stuff they slapped on earlier? Now, that just preps it. I think it brings all the gunk to the surface, and they vacuum off the gunk. Correct me if I'm wrong. Isn't there some sort of crystally blast going on?

Yes. It feels like sandpaper. Couldn't you just do a couple of face washes in the shower with a scrub, a face scrub? Get a St. Ives foot scrub. Get a St. Ives apropos foot scrub. Do not use foot scrub on your face. And one of those green scouring

pads from 3M. Megaderm abrasion, I call that. See, it takes off like the top layer of your skin. You're supposed to come out looking absolutely radiant and glowing. And I did, except that I was crying when I came out. But it started off

with her saying, now, do you use SPF on your skin daily? Classic. You know, and I was like, I smell an upsell coming on. And I said, yes, I do. And she said, now, now, now, don't lie to me. Oh, now, now, now, don't lie to me.

Yeah, to which I was like, oh, here we go. Because we're about two minutes in at this point. We've got 43 to me. Yeah, to which I was like, oh, here we go. Because we're about two minutes in at this point. We've got 43 to go. Yeah. So, yeah, so that was initially, she was like, oh, okay. That was initially not great. And then she said, are you concerned about this pigmentation? And I was kind of a bit irate at this point.

I was like, it doesn't keep me up at night. She's not talking about your freckles. She meant pigmentation. I think she's talking about my freckles. I don't know. Are you concerned with this thing heaps of thousands of millions of people buy? Yeah, and then she put this fancy light over and was like, she made that noise.

This is all snake oil, baby. This is all tonic sales and crystals and shenanigans. What was the light? Is it like the one they use on CSI to find bodily fluids? She's going through her upsells. She started with an SPF. Then she was going for a laser pigment treatment. Because you've got an SPF, so she's got to up you.

Yep, and she's like, are you satisfied with your current skincare routine? And I was like, absolutely, over the moon. Couldn't be happier. Loving every step. And then to wrap it up, she said, have you ever considered injectables? Like Botox? Yeah. And I said, actually, no, I haven't.

I'm 23. And then she said, really? You've got to have a really. Yeah. And she's like, you probably could consider it. I was like, I'd consider actually getting up and leaving right now. That's the only thing I'm considering One day, when someone says that to me I just turn around and say, have you considered it?

And I'll probably say yes And be like, mum Yeah, I did it Right here I did my hair for you Now I have my hair back That's not good Asking a 23 year old

Do you not have Botox? No How do you not have Botox? No You've got How do you not have any wrinkles? We've been trying our best To put some good solid Canyons in that For like

Coming up 12 years You're not close enough If you don't think I've got wrinkles You should be a plasterer I also don't have children You don't want to get in a smooth couple With the materials I'm like when I get children my face is going to fall off.

Yeah, within like two years, I got children, two of them, and started Breakfast Radio. And I think I aged like 85 years in those two years. And also when you're bald, you do all your aging when you lose your hair. Right. Yeah. Don't go to this woman, otherwise she'll plug your hair. She'll ruin it.

That's a real shame. We want to know from to this woman, otherwise she'll plug your head. She'll ruin it. She'll ruin it. We want to know from you this morning what the meanest thing someone has said to you, a stranger has said to you. Executive intern Anya yesterday offered Botox. Injectables, what, worried about your pigmentation on your face. There's a whole lot of upsells. Wow, there are some. There's a lot of of upsells. Wow, there are some. There's a lot of tests.

Because I can't, I just can't imagine going up to someone I don't know, even someone I do know, and just saying something so ruthless. Especially when someone's coming to you and paying for a service. Yeah. Because they're not coming back. No.

Elaine, what happened? Hi, guys. I was about 15 years old, and a bunch of friends and I were going to meet up at the old Waltham Pools in Christchurch. So here I am. I've already got my togs on, all excited, towel over the shoulder, bounding down the street.

And this lady smiled at me, and I smiled back at her, and then she goes, oh, can I tell you something? I'm like, oh, sure. And she goes, did you know you're really fat? Oh, my God. What the hell? What the hell is wrong with people? Well, yes, I did know.

So that kind of changed my outlook on the rest of the day, having to get out of my clothes and dive into the pool and all that kind of stuff. How long ago was that? Well, I'm 48. See, and you haven't forgotten. And that's what people think. I have never forgotten. I mean, I was.

I would have been about size 14. At 14, I was quite chubby. But then that's the thing. It's like when I started losing my hair. People would say, do you know you're going bald? It's like, yes, I look at this dumb face every day. Yeah, I do have mirrors, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've seen it. I know what's happening. I don't need to be reminded. Cool. Talking about the meanest thing a stranger has said to you. Monique, what happened? Hi, I was about 18 years old

treating myself to some coffee and some cake and the lady behind the counter asked me if I'd want some cream with that. And before I could say anything, she goes, oh, probably not with your skin. Ouch. What do you even say to that? I know.

Luckily, her manager was just behind her and fired her on the spot. Oh, wow. I was going to say, because I was just behind her and fired her on the spot. Oh, wow. I was going to say, because I had just assumed that they were somewhere involved in the management of it. But, yeah, you wouldn't say that to customers, would you? No. Wow. Oh, amazing, Monique.

Thanks for your call. Belinda, what was the meanest thing a stranger said to you? Oh, me and a lovely workmate. Oh. Oh. Oh. We've just lost her. We've just lost her. Did somebody just burn down a 5G tower again?

Oh, God. It was a 4G tower anyway. They're burning down the wrong towers. Some text messages. We'll try to sort the phones out in a sec. Somebody said they just had a random call one day that said, I hear you're pregnant. Would you be interested in selling one of your horses?

And I was like, no. And they said, what, are you not selling your horses when you're having a baby? I was like, no. And she proceeded to tell me I would be a terrible mother. I'm an absolutely horrible, selfish person. And she didn't know this person. Who is this? And they had no idea.

And it was just like, what? How did you even get my number to inquire about a horse that's not for sale? Yeah. Horse people. Yeah. Always smell like oats.

They do, they smell like hay and oats. It's a band, isn't it? Hay and oats. Halls and Oats. Hall and Oats. Yeah, right. I liked it though.

Hay and Oats. It's a horse's favourite band. Yeah. That's a good joke. Yeah. I'm going to tell my auntie that one. I'm going to message her. What's a horse's favourite band?

Hay and Oates. Hey, yo. But it's not Hay and Oates. It's Hall and Oates. Yeah, but it's close enough. That's the idea with jokes, Megan. That it's close enough? It's close enough.

Okay. You've got to do a bit of work as a recipient of the joke. You've got to bridge the gap to make that joke. Okay. Well, continue this joke workshop after the show. You've got to remember, my auntie's a bit older. She would know who Hall & Oates are. Yeah, but she'd probably greet you and say,

it's Hall & Oates, not Hay & Oates. And I'll be like, yeah, it's a joke. And then you say to her, you've got to meet me halfway to make this joke work. Yeah, that's how jokes work. Okay. I give you half of it. You've got to fill in the blanks. Yeah, right. Oh, that's joke work. Yeah, yeah. That's how jokes work. Okay. I give you half of it. You've got to fill in the blanks.

Yeah, right. Oh, that's crosswords. Yeah. Some more text messages. We've had so many messages. Like, this is nuts. Somebody said, I had exactly the same thing as Anya.

It would be interesting to know if it was at the same place, but it was fully to the upsell. Right. I just think they've done it to so many people that they've become numb to exactly what they're saying to people

and it's just the sales pitch. They don't know that it's actually hurting people's feelings. Yeah. Are you going to say the one about the Oh yes, we didn't get a hold of him. I was wondering if we got, he went to get a male Brazilian and

he believes that the waxer said, that's not very big. Unbelievable. He could have been a grower, not a shower. That's a thing, eh? But maybe she was referring to the bushiness of it. The what? Because the forest was large and shimmery.

He might have been like, I've been putting this off and it's having a control. Or she just figured I can say this because he's not going to complain. Who would. He might have been like, I'm, you know, been putting this off. Or she just figured I can say this because he's not going to complain. Who would tell anyone that I'd said that to him? Melissa, what was the meanest thing a stranger said to you? So I work at Mitre 10 and when I was serving customer, I asked him, I was like, oh, hey, how's your day going? And he was like, oh, all the better for seeing you. And the next customer in line was like should have gone to spec savers they combined tag-teamed old mate jokes but they did the compliment i kind

of let the guy away with it i said that was too clever i'm not going to even phone you about about that oh my god you do have to admire oh what a jerk but wow your way to, you do have to admire that. Oh, what a jerk. But wow, your way to bring you down. I would not have let him away with that, and then I would have got fired. I know, he was pretty quick on the comeback, so I kind of just let him away with it. I would have taken his ear points, his scam card. Well, if it had an account, I bet I can guess your mum's name. It's the return of I bet I can guess your mum's name. Vaughan asks five questions and then has 15 seconds to guess your mum's name.

Playing this morning. Hello, Rachel. Good morning. Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but in the last seven weeks, the country has dipped into an awful recession, and we do not have our usual $100 cash prize. But Vaughn has just whipped around the office and has managed to find today's prize for I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name. You will be playing for a pair of nondescript size 9 gumboots.

Who? Where were they? Now, these have been in the office for months. I've got the feeling Bree and Clint got them for something. For Gumboot Day. Was it for Gumboot Day? It was for Gumboot Day. Now, that's been over a year.

So these have been sat there. Retailed at $29.99. And they've still got that new boot smell. Yeah. They're not totally clean, but we'll give them a wipe down. We're not going to give them a wipe? Oh, yeah, we will give them a wet wipe down. We're not going to give them a wipe. Oh, yeah, we will give them a wipe, actually. We'll use our in-studio disinfectant wipes.

Yeah, we will. All right, so what a fantastic prize. But it's not really about the prize. It's about the journey. Absolutely. That's what the boss says when he doesn't have money for prizes. It's not about that. It's not about the sausage.

It's about the sizzle. So let's get some sizzle, Rachel. And Vaughan, you have five questions to establish Rachel's mum's name. Okay. Rachel, how old is your mum? She is 58. Is she? She looks young, 58.

Okay. Okay, 58. Okay. Okay, 58. Okay. Done. Where you're living, is that where she was born, like in the same sort of area? No. Okay, so she's moved since she was a child.

Okay. A transient, if you will. Right, okay. Does mum have any special skills? She's very good at sewing and all of that stuff. Yeah. Sewing? Crafty.

You would say crafty. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is good to know. I love it. Sometimes I think these questions give you no hope at guessing your mum's name. I know. They give me lots of...

Do they? What's mum's favourite TV show? What does she always like to catch on the telly? Probably, like, sport. Oh, okay. Yeah, but then she loves to soccer for a good, like, soapy too. Oh, okay. Loves the soap and sport.

Cora or Shorties? Actually, probably neither of those two. Emma, okay. Loves the soap and sport. Cora or Shorties? Actually, probably neither of those two. Emma down the farm. She actually was probably a bit of a

sucker for a bit of like keeping up with the K. Oh, really? Okay. Okay, Mum. Okay, so that, okay, now I'm

thinking. Okay, yeah, right. The craftiness. Yeah. Put her back. 58. Maybe a bit more of a modern name. Yeah, okay.

That's what I'm feeling. I guess that's four questions. What's her signature dish? What's her mum dish? There's two. So nachos or lolly cake. You got your sweet things. Oh my God, that sounds like dinner and pudding.

Yeah, that's Fletcher's dream. That's my dream. It's a perfect meal. Lolly and pudding. Yeah, that's Fletcher's dream. That's my dream. That's a perfect meal. Yeah, that's a great spread. Yeah. Okay, I've got some names. All right, Vaughan Smith, you have 15 seconds to guess Rachel's mum's name. Rachel, if you hear Vaughan say your mum's name, yell out,

Stop, that's my mum. Okay. All right, 15 seconds, Vaughan, say your mum's name. Yell out, stop, that's my mum. Okay. All right, 15 seconds. Vaughan starts now. Sue, Carol, Bev or Beverly, Emily, Alan, Mary, Rita, Shelley, Jordan, Scarlett, Karen, Kelly, Zoe. Stop, that's my mum.

Which one? Which one? Which one? Kelly. Kelly. Wow. I thought you started too old there, some of those. I know I arranged through. Oh, my God.

That was brilliant. Kelly. You did it. Kelly. Oh, now we get to guess your dad's name. Bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. No questions.

Just one guess. Are we allowed to brainstorm? We can brainstorm because we've only got this right once. Bruce? I was thinking Brent. We always go for Bs, though, don't we? Yeah, we do. I think we're always drawn to Bs.

Wayne? Kelly and Dave? Aaron. See, maybe I'm wrong. Aaron. Kelly and Aaron. Kelly and Aaron. That's a very young...

Yeah, it is. It is. You might get it. Craig. Kelly and Craig. Kelly and Craig. I reckon Craig, yeah. It goes well, but that might just be my... Steve? What about Steve? I love alliteration. Kelly and Steve. Kelly and Steve. Kelly and Craig. Kelly and Craig. I reckon Craig, yeah. It goes well, but that might just be my...

Steve? What about Steve? I love alliteration. Kelly and Steve. Kelly and Steve. Kelly and Craig. Kelly, we've both got like a B word, eh? But Bruce?

Peter? Peter? Oh, God. Well, you've got to lock something in. I'm going to go with you, Fletch, because basically I want a scapegoat for when this doesn't work. You can use me as a scapegoat for when this doesn't work. Is your dad's name Craig? No.

Oh. It's Mark. Mark! I feel like we were in the right zone. Mark, yeah, that was the age zone. Kelly and Mark. Kelly and Mark. Well, congratulations.

Either way, Rachel, you have picked up a lovely set of gumboots. Some great gumboots. You call it a pair of gumboots. You don't call it a set of gumboots. That would be if you had like a collector's set. Yeah, well, there's two. You've got the set. You've got the set, yeah.

Congratulations, Rachel. A set of gumboots. Thank you. I've won it today for, I bet I can guess your mum's name. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast Friday That is the day

That Fletch Becomes a Father A cat father What do you call a cat? A cat daddy A cat daddy A meow daddy

A meow daddy It's finally time To get a new cat A name You've been very excited You've been sending me Little updates Your little photos

When you get sent The photos with the time and date stamp in the bottom right-hand corner of the photo, proving that the person who's selling you this cat... Excuse me, does he send you pictures? Yeah. Fletch, we've spoken about this. Excuse me. I showed you the pictures this morning. No, I sent

them to Vaughan because he shows Indy in August. Because they love kittens. I'm sure Andrew. I'll put you on the mailing list. He's allergic. I know, but I'm not going to touch your cat. I'm just going to look at it. It's very stressful.

I'm getting the cat on Friday and I don't have a name. Whereas when I, the name for Karen just happened. We're just chatting with friends and it came up and it was funny because it's Karen. And this was even before Karen and Speak to the Manager and the memes. But this is hard. It's harder because Karen was such a great name. So do I go for something, you know, like that now,

like an older person name? Yeah. Or a name that's not in vogue, I guess you could say at the moment. Like Heather. We found out yesterday. But you want to go M because it's got the moggy M on the forehead. Well, it's kind of got a marking like an M on its forehead, but that's quite a common thing.

So it doesn't have to be an M, but maybe that would be. So ZM Online did a post last night and said, look, Fletcher's getting a cat. Do you have any name suggestions? And there's actually a couple of good ones in there. But it's hard, isn't it? So you don't want to get the cat and then like, you know how some people wait until they have a baby to see like what name it suits or something.

Like did you wait? I mean, I know kids aren't the same as cats. We had options and then when they were born... You looked at it, and you thought, you're not a Gertrude. Indy, it's Indy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, okay. Indy was going to be Florence.

That's right. Oh, okay. Yeah, she was going to... And then she came out, and we were like, oh, nah, not a Flo. That's an Indy. Yeah, okay. See, that's the thing.

I don't want to commit... I don't think I'll commit until I actually see it. Yeah. But there have been some good options. Now, I've put a photo of the cat on my Instagram story just now, because some people say, well, you I actually see it. Yeah. But there have been some good options. Now, I've put a photo of the cat on my Instagram story just now because some people say, well, you need to see it.

Yeah. To name it. So Fleet Chain Z, it's up on the stories. Any suggestions, welcome. I was thinking, I've done a little focus group with friends just to bounce names off.

Murray. What do you think about Murray? Because Vaughn and I both have an Uncle Murray. So, like, I think that's quite cute. Now we all have a Murray. Okay, here's some others on the list. Major Fluffington. What about Major Murray Fluffington?

I like that. I like giving animals ridiculously intricate names is quite funny. Yeah, yeah. Minion or Minnie? I'd say I like Minnie and Minion. Yeah, that hasn't... I've run that past some friends and some of them are disgusted by it.

Because I didn't know this, because I love Minions. Because you know how I just get all giggly and cute. Minions are racist or something, aren't you? No, but some people have a real hatred for those cute little yellow Minions. Why do they hate Minions? I don't know why it is. It's so cute. I can't wait for the next

Minion movie. I'm a grown man. Here's the problem and this is part of the reason why people don't tell people their names they're thinking of for children, eh? In case they're like,

that's horrible. Just like, just call it that and then everyone just has to call it that. Here's another suggestion that was left on the ZM post. Abercrombie and Fletch.

I love that. So, they're Abercrombie and you're Fletch. And I'm Fletch. Because we can just call it Abs, Abby. Abby. Abercrombie, Abba. Yeah, but it's a, yeah. Okay.

I mean, it is a boy cat. Somebody suggested Vaughn. No, no, don't do that. What? Somebody suggested I call the cat Vaughn. So, at home, it's Fletch and Vaughn? No, don't do that. What? Somebody suggested I call the cat Vaughn. So at home it's Fletch and Vaughn. Um, excuse me. Ouch. No, the cat toy

can be Megan. Well, you have to absolutely get another cat if you're going to do that. Or get a third one, yeah. The Warden? I like The Warden! That's quite cool because it's not a name. It's like a title. Wardies. Wardles. I don't like it as much as Major Fluffington. Wardies. Wardles. Wardies.

I don't like it as much as Major Fluffington. Major Murray Fluffington. Major Murray Fluffington. Twink? Because it's kind of, it's a bit whitish grey markings. Oh yeah, that'll be the reason. What else you got? Twinkies?

They have a twink living with me all the time. You know that. Zippy. Very demanding. Zippy. Zippy. Zippy.ippy it reminds me of rainbow yeah how did he do it there are some people that have no idea what we're talking about right now zippy from like an old British kids TV show.

It was played here. So yeah, I don't know. Those are kind of, at the moment, I think Murray or Major Fluffington or Major Murray Fluffington.

Major Murray Fluffington has got everything in it. I can't be like, Major Murray Fluffington. Muzz. Muzz. Muzz. Muzz.

Yeah. Muzz. Major. Major. Mage. Mage. Mage. Fluff.

You've got options of plenty. Fluffles. Major. Major. Mage. Mage. Mage. Fluff. You've got options of cleaning. Fluffles. Were you the same with cat? We seem to get an animal and then it just gets eight different names anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, every pet in our house has multiple names. Yeah.

Well, thank you for your suggestions. I've now got till Friday. Major Murray Fluffles. Major Murray Fl Major Murray fluff That's definitely winning At the moment isn't it Flesh, Vaughan and Megan The podcast

ZM Fact of the day Day Day Day Day According to studies into the human eardrum, the minimum sound that a human eardrum can detect

is 1 times 10 to the power of negative 12 watts. Not me. I'm deaf as anything. I wouldn't hear that. Yeah, you wouldn't hear that. They're like, can you hear this noise? Your computer plays sometimes and you can't even hear it when we're on here.

I've got my headphones on, that's why. But we can hear it. We've got headphones on and we're further away from it. You're like, phone chip in your laptop. And then you look around like. What? I don't know. You guys are all half deaf as well. Getting there. Yeah, getting there. And then you look around like. What? I don't know. Mom. Mom.

You guys are all half deaf as well. Getting there. Yeah. Getting there. So. Are we going to be able to sue the company in our retirement for like making us deaf? They didn't turn your headphones up that loud. It's not what suing's about, is it?

You know, you look at America, they're just like. The facts. It's not what suing's about. Sue them later. Go willy nilly. Yeah. You'll do a couple of America, they're just like. The facts, that's not what it's about. Sue them later. Go willy nilly. Yeah. You'll do a couple of sponsored posts for Bay Audiology. Oh, that's all I've got to look forward to, yeah.

Yeah. At the moment, it's all fun, bloody, hello, fresh and shit. Shut up, Dick. And then it'll be Megan and Mr. Toyboy. We're in our Ryman retirement home with our Bay Audiology. And then Ryman's up your ass because you've tagged in another client on their paid post. Herring aids are expensive. Who's getting them for free?

I want this, bitch. I'm not pre-pouring it. I want free herring aids. It's hard. I'll do it. Sponsored post for adult nappies. Swipe up for a discount. Yeah.

Sade and I were having trouble getting down to the supermarket until I got one of these nifty Fisher and Park mobility scooters. If you want 15% off, use my discount code and get free delivery. Hashtag

collab. Wow. That'll be it. Yeah. No, I'll still be getting my kids through the hard yards on those sponsored posts. Dad, what happened to all our money? How do you think Dad got these sweet hearing aids? Did you use my code to get the hearing aids? Yeah.

No, I used my own code. Oh, right. I'm not using your code. I want my insights to be better than your insights. Fletch will be peddling that Activa bloody yogurt that helps you do poos. Need to have a good flush out before the weekend. Okay. Buy some Activa yogurts.

Okay. Use my discount code. Fletch's poos. 30. Anyway, we were talking about the human eardrum. Yeah. It's because the eardrum basically, Soundwave's had it right? Yeah. And the vibrations go down a magic

wire into your nose, brain, and it tells you what you're hearing. I had the COVID test. I can tell you the brain's right behind the nose. My friend just had her eardrum redone because a firework went off in it and exploded it. Oh, my God.

So they put like scanning from... Yeah, mostly. Wow. Not fully. Like eardrum reconstruction. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Terrible, eh? Well, also amazing that they can do that. Yeah. Terrible, eh? Well, also amazing that they can do that. Yeah. Terrible that it had to happen. Amazing that they can. But so sound waves hurt your ear. So to put it into perspective of how we might understand it, if your eardrum was the size of England, the country.

Okay, this is. Yeah. So I want you to imagine your tiny minuscule eardrum and compare it to the size of England Do that pinch thing where it zooms in and it's the size of England Is it real pixelated now? Probably

No, because it was one of the good Google satellites And your eardrum is the size of England If someone dropped a banana on England, you could hear it Wow That's how good we are at hearing If someone dropped a banana on England, you could hear it. Wow. That's how good we are at hearing. Wait, so did they drop the banana on my eardrum? Yes, but your eardrum's the size of England.

Right, okay. So the banana's so tiny, if it was to get in your ear, you could tilt your head and the banana would fall out. Or get stuck in there to absolutely no consequence. It would probably get gunked up in earwax, and then the next time that fell out, it would take this tiny, this minuscule banana with it. What if your eardrum was the size of England,

but you'd been working in radio all your life? Would you still hear that? It would take a lot of bananas. A truck crashing. Yeah, right. A truckload of bananas. Great. Could crash, and maybe you would lightly hear a,

like a light, super light thud. So today's fact of the day is that if your eardrum was the size of granted if you not already got your hearing aids with the discount code

Vaughan30 Megan or Megan30 80 are you getting 80% you're getting people 80% off yeah

that isn't good maths from Bay Audiology at all today's fact of the day is if your eardrum was the size of England you could hear a banana being dropped. Fact of the day!

Day, day, day, day! ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. You got any slippers? Yeah. Maybe a slippers. Yeah.

We've got some slippers. Slide-on slippers? No, they're like little booty ones. Okay. Low boots, not a nug boot. No, not a nug boot. Not a nug boot, hi. Low ankle ones with like sheepskin on the inside.

Okay. Fletch? Sheep fluffy. Nah, I'm not a slipper person. Do you think it's because I live in an apartment? Whereas I feel like slippers are handy for around the home because you might just need to go on the deck to get something. Right.

Or I don't have sock wet. Or if you don't have a house full of carpet. Like if I had carpet everywhere, I'd probably wouldn't bother. Yeah, right. But wood floors, I'd definitely have slippers. On the cold bits. The cold tootsies. Well, a South Island woman based in Twizel,

or Twizzle as it's known to the locals. Yeah, locals call it Twizzle. She ordered some slippers. I'd say from the look of them, higher than your boot, Megan, lower than an Ugg boot. Okay. A mid-Ugg. Should we call it a mid-Ugg?

A half-Ugg? A half-Ugg slipper. A mid UGG. Should we call it a mid UGG? A half UGG? A half UGG slipper. A quasi UGG. Yeah, okay. It was a quasi UGG, $25 it retailed at. She said, have a ray, my warm feet. Yep. And then when it arrived, she opened the box

and she found stuck to the outside of aforementioned quasi UGG, a plaster, a plaster. The sort of plaster that I've got here on my hand. Except much cleaner. Right. It doesn't look like a really dirty plaster, but regardless, it is a plaster. So do you think somebody tried them on in store, the plaster came off, they put them back in the box, and then that box was sent to a customer?

Maybe. Or the person packing? I don't know, because surely you would look. It must have been on the down, because you know how when you pack boots, you pack them one side facing down.

It must have been on the downside because surely you'd open the box to make sure everything's there. I don't even know if I'd do that if I was sending it out. I'd be like, that's the box.

They've got to check they're both the same size, right? Yeah, yeah. You don't have two lefts or two rights before you send out your slippers. So I don't know at what stage the plaster has.

This lady has wished to remain anonymous, hoping for a refund. Did she not? But why did she go to the press? Did she go to the press first? Why didn't she just? She said she hadn't received a reply from Number One Shoes. Oh, right. I was hoping for a refund.

Right. And then I guess when she hadn't heard from them in the 20-minute window that she'd allowed it to happen. I know. I was going to say, how long did she give them to reply

when they're obviously very busy right now? She might have gone to local community page or maybe Number One Shoe warehouse Facebook page, lodged the issue and then a journalist saw that

on their daily scootings of the internet and made a story out of it. She remained anonymous. She has remained anonymous, though, so we can say without slander because there's no name attached, that she may have planted their own plaster. Do you think so? Never put it past people in Twizzle to plant a plaster.

Do you think that she purchased them and she was like, I don't like these? Immediate regret. Put a plaster in there. But they may have been on sale, so she couldn't return them. Yeah, right. What does the plaster look like? Because you know when you take off a plaster, it's always crinkled. Is it flat?

It's... Like it's been put on there? No, no, no, no. Or is it crinkled? How I would describe it is it's one of those plasters that comes and you take off the backing on each side and then it's got the gauzy bit in the middle. Yeah. It's just a plaster.

Yeah, no, it was not one of your cut your own. Thanks for explaining how plasters work. It's not a cut your own and it's not a character plaster. Okay, right.

It's one of those plasters. Now, one of the sticky sides has folded underneath the gauze but on an angle. So like that. Oh yeah, right.

So there's still a sticky side, there's still a bit of the stickiness exposed, but the other end, which is sticky, is stuck. That's what's holding it to the plant. I'm sure they'll give her a new pair. Yeah. I can't believe this is news.

The stuff that ends up as news, I'm like, you could have dealt with that without going to the media. You know what I mean? Yeah. Then what would we have talked about now? Very true. Touché, Vaughan, touch Then what would we have talked about now? Very true. Touché, Vaughan.

Touché. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. New Zealand, we've hit a milestone. It's been officially, because we've been saying how we're a team of 5 million, right? Over this COVID-19 situation. Well, it's official.

We are a team of 5 million now. We did it. When was the 5 millionth? Yes. I think they thought sometime around March 31st. Oh. Which is, what? It was ages ago.

I was going to say, what were they doing? We could have had that news then. But I guess everyone was a bit busy. Locked up. Be a bit busy just staying at home and stuff. But Amber had to wait till it was official. Right. Okay.

But I remember, do you remember when it hit 4 million? I feel like I remember them saying, this is the day it's going to hit 4 million. Yeah, right. With projections and stuff. It was in 2003. So in 17 years, we've got a million more people. Wow.

Okay. I want to know exactly who ticked it over. Was it a baby? They said it is not possible who to tell the 5 millionth New Zealander actually was. I'm just going to start telling people I was the 4 millionth baby. How cool would that be? 17 years ago. 17 years ago.

Yeah. Okay, 3 million. I was the 3 million, and I'll make a certificate, and I'll get the Prime Minister to sign it. I wonder when we hit 3 million. Because I know they talked about all the different kinds of... 45 years ago when Fletcher was born. In 1973.

Excuse me, bitch. In 1973. Yeah. So 40... So not then. Okay, damn it. Seven years ago. Can I say it was the 3.5 millionth?

It's not as exciting though, is it? I'm going to say four millionth. Because the thing is, no one will check. No one will do the background research. I would absolutely check if you told me that. Yeah, if someone made an extravagant claim such as that, I would be checking it straight away. Just to bring you down.

I'll get a fake news clipping. Because they love those stories in the newspapers, don't they? Oh, yeah. Here's little Toby. He was a baby born. Yeah, three millionth, baby born. Yeah. Yeah, so you could lie about, I think you could lie about three million Here's little Toby. He was a baby born. Yeah, three millionth baby born. Yeah. Yeah, so you could lie about,

I think you could lie about three millionth and just say it was when you were born. Yeah, you're closer to 47 than you are 17, sweetheart. She's very sassy this morning, isn't she? Just, I mean,

it's just facts, isn't it? Yeah, it is. See, she's closer to 47, but her husband's closer to 17. Facts I'm