ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 1st February 2021

Episode Date: January 31, 2021

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Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app, buy five McCafe coffees and get one free. And today it is a public holiday for half the country. It is. The upper North Island and Bulla. Does Bulla have a day off today? Bulla!

Oh, no, you made me miss Fiji. Well, no, different Bulla. But yeah, public holiday today. But we're still here working. We are. We're charitable. I was going to say Traffic will be better But you know

4.45 in the morning It's No one's out anyway No exactly Yeah I was just looking Who else does have A public holiday

Oh that was Fuck all that I always feel like Public holidays They call them a holiday But there's always So much pressure To do things

On that day You're like Monday's public holiday We're going to trim the hedge We're going to do this We're going to pack up the thing We're going but there's always so much pressure to do things on that day. You're like, Monday's public holiday. We're going to trim the hedge. We're going to do this. We're going to pack up the thing. We're going to clear the wardrobe. We're going to do this. Yeah, yeah. Just put your feet up, guys. Yeah, relax. Okay, so Nelson today. Yeah. Nelson,

Monday the 3rd of February. The 1st of February. It's the 1st today. Oh, I'm looking at 2020, guys. Forget about me Don't take us back to that horrid year Here we go Monday 1st of February is Auckland

Buller correct Fletch Nelson Northland And the Waikato as well And I believe the Bay of Plenty Oh wow But everybody else like March, April, Westland, you wait till November.

Oh, look at all these regions. Can we claim day and a half of the time in lieu if we broadcast into these regions but we're not based there? Oh, I've said that several years, but management won't listen. Right. Oh, well, fuck them. We'll just take these days off then. We should take every day off to where we broadcast.

Yeah. Oh, this is really added. We're really raking in some public holidays now. Could you imagine rocking into contract negotiations and saying we want every public holiday in New Zealand off? Regional. Regional. Anniversary days. We want them off.

And Arbor Day. And show days. And what, you know, like fake holidays. Like it's Friendship Day. Yeah. The International Pancake Day. Yeah. It's Mazda Day. Is, it's Mazda Day.

Is that where all Mazda owners come together and celebrate? Yeah. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. Two minutes past six on a public holiday for most of the Upper North Island today. And the first day of February. Oh, yes, this is the perfect month. The perfect looking calendar unless you're born and you start your weekdays or your weeks on a Sunday.

Yeah. Monster. Disgusting. Is that still going to be the perfect calendar? No. Sunday to Sunday. No. Because it would have to have the perfect calendar? No. Sunday to Sunday. No. No.

Because it would have had to have started yesterday. It's always exactly four weeks. Yeah. February. Oh, apart from on a leap year. Yeah. I've got a friend whose birthday is on a leap year, and he's 13. But he's actually the first.

Let me work it out. Oh. You work it out. I want to work it out. On the show today, the lovely Art Green joins us in studio. Oh, I love a bit of art. Because tonight, The Bachelorette starts. Quite the objective there for art.

What's that? The lovely. I would say muscular. The muscular, lovely. Charismatic. Strapping. Tall. Tall.

Erotic. Good white teeth because Matoodles gets all the free toothpaste. Oh, yes. Probably got a pair of jockeys, too. Probably got a clean pair of jockeys. Oh, yeah, 100%. Well, he'll get time and a half and a day in lieu, hopefully, from TVNZ today for all this publicity that he's doing for the show tonight. He'll be in joining us 7.20 this morning.

I think we just paid him time and a half in those compliments. Yeah. Absolutely. Build the man up. Compliments don't pay the power bill, though, do they? I've tried. Yeah. You tried?

How did that go down with... Nova. Nova, yes. Not well. Not well. Okay. All of this has happened. The top six coming up.

They have named Mike Pero from Mike Pero Mortgages as the... And Mike Pero Real Estate. Yes. More from the real estate now, eh? Did he sell all of that, eh? I don't know. They use his name. And his face.

And your face. He is the apprentice dude. What do they call it on the host? The CEO of the Apprentice New Zealand. Is he the one that says, you're fired? You're fired. Right, okay. Do you reckon he'll come up with his own catchphrase?

I don't know. Do they do that? I don't know if they're allowed. Get out. Get out. Piss off. Piss off. See you next week.

Okay. Piss off. So I've got the top six people that Mike Harrow bet to be The Apprentice CEO. All right, that's coming up in the top six. And next, what is the ideal number of previous sexual partners? Boy, wouldn't you like to know, Vaughan. What, so this is what you tell your partner you had? Yes.

Okay. So then what, they've worked out the average of people's... At what age? Oh, I'm looking forward to all these details. All right, the next. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. In 2016, which is shockingly five years ago. Oh, wow.

Ugh, pains me to think about. A university in Bristol did a study, did a survey, and it showed that the ideal number of previous sexual partners was three. This is in 2016. Okay. Three was the ideal number of previous sexual partners to be attracted. Not at once.

No. Not at one time. Okay. Just in total. Right. So you would say if you started seeing someone, I don't know, how many dates, Cindy, start talking about how many sexual partners you've had?

Never. Oh, really? Not for you. I think women are ready to talk about it because in this very survey, only 30% of the women surveyed said that they didn't want to know. The other 70 were like, give me

all the gritty details. Anyway, so this university has done the same survey again in 2021. The number has now jumped from three, the ideal number of previous sexual Anyway, so this university has done the same survey again in 2021. Right. The number has now jumped from three, the ideal number of previous sexual partners, to 13. It's quite a jump.

Oh, wow. Okay. Five years, we've added 10 partners as our acceptable amount. Do we blame Tinder and dating apps for this? Potentially, yeah, as sort of being a bit more sort of accustomed to casual flings, perhaps. Right, so in five years, they've added 10. How many of you have added in those five years, Fletch? 10?

I just stick into the ideal number. So there's sort of lots of information that's coming out of this survey. So 13 is the sort of median number that everyone came to. Right. Being the ideal. People were saying that anything above 18 is a bit of some alarm bells that you might be, for women, hard to please, and for men, a bit of a womaniser.

Right, okay. But anything under six, which is now a big jump from three being the ideal, may be a sign that you're a bit inexperienced, shall we say. Oh, wow, okay. It might be a bit awkward, and the other person's going to be really taking the lead. So if you're under six, you should probably lie to the new partner.

Yeah. But don't go too high. Yeah. At what age is this? Well, yeah, that's the other thing. Because also like mid-30s, 13 would be better than say 18. It actually doesn't specify.

Not better, but I'm just saying it might be, you said it freaks people out. Yeah. It doesn't specify the ages. It was a number of, you said it freaks people out. Yeah. It doesn't specify the ages. It was a number of, you know, it was a wide range of people surveyed. So it doesn't say the age. I mean, I know what you mean. It's like it's different if you're 20 and you've had about 200.

Yeah. Or if you're 80 and you've had 200. Unless you did your 200 in the rest home you moved into 12 months ago, then all right. Do you know, apparently STIs are rampant. They tear through, yeah. In rest homes. In rest homes.

Because they're like, who cares? But then they also forget that they've got something. Or they've had sex. They forget if they've had sex. That'd be good because then it'd be like

your first time every time with somebody new. a new partner. Other information from the survey, 67% of women, well now I don't know if I can trust this survey, 67% of women lie about how many sexual partners they've had. So what? What is that, 13 or what?

Yeah. What, did they lie to bring it down or lie to boost it up? Does it say which way they lied? Bring it down. To bring it down or lie to boost it up? Does it say which way they lied? Bring it down. To bring it down. Women, be proud. Because they're saying, so in the 2016 one, they haven't released this information this time,

but in the 2016 one, the ideal number was three. But the average number was six for women and 8.4 for men. That means that 2.4, that was another dude then. Potentially.4 for men. That means that 2.4, that was another dude then. Potentially. Yeah, maybe. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A new study has been done about learning to drive and teaching people to drive.

Have either of you two ever taught somebody to drive? I don't want that responsibility because I'm an overly confident driver, I would say. And I feel like I wouldn't have the patience to teach a nice, easy, calm style of driving. Right. You're like, go, go, go, go. Hurry up. Pedal to the metal.

Yeah, I'll teach my children all my bad habits like, oh, I want that park on the other side of the road. Stop. Indicate. Just pull across. Dad, you're holding a pebble. I'm like, no, wait. Yes. Yeah, so now I haven't taught anyone. Well, two in three that were studied out of thousands of people

say that giving a driving lesson is much scarier than learning to drive itself. Yeah, because you're out of control. Yeah. And when you're learning to drive, you've got a bit of youthful bravado, right? You're like, this is easy. I reckon this is going to be easy. But when you're teaching, it's your car on the line. Yes.

Like you said, you dinged your dad's Lexus. I did. The very first time, he shouldn't let me drive it. He had a Lexus. It was secondhand. Let's calm down. Okay. But we got in the driveway and he wanted me to just creep forward,

creep back, creep forward, creep back. And then for some reason, the fall made me back out of this quite long driveway so that we could get out onto the road. Oh, yeah. And I just went quite quickly and slammed into the letterbox. It was a classic crash. Yep. Left a good ding.

And clearly, I obviously wasn't insured to drive the car. Well, in this study, the average driving lesson will consist of five yells to brake. Yes. Brake. Brake. Oh, yeah, my mum loved a brake. And like going into a corner, mum would love a, it lasts longer than it looks, slow down.

Brake on the straight before it's too late. Also, there will be six attempts to step on a non-existent brake at the instructor's feet. Oh, yeah. Do you do that thing, though, when you're driving with someone else and you brace against the glove box? You know, when someone sort of... I do that all the time with Aaron. I'm a wonderful

passenger, but yeah, my wife's a shocker. But that's like, calm down. Oh! And then you, like, freak out and brake, and she's like, calm down. And then you like freak out and brake. And she's like, you wouldn't have been on the brakes if it wasn't for me. I was like, yeah, I know I wouldn't have been. There was no need to. You freaked me right out.

But it's not like, I mean, this is why getting a professional driving lesson is probably a good idea. Because one, you don't learn your parents' bad habits. Yeah. And two, you're in those cars that actually, they have a brake. They have it, I know. So they can take over if you're going loo-lally on them. That's what your wife needs. No, she certainly doesn't.

Maybe you could just secretly install a little brake. She would just be like, slow down a little bit. The car will be burning. Have you driven with Vaughn? He doesn't. His following distance is a very... Are you a tailgater? Oh yeah, I'm a tailgater. He's following distance is a very... Are you a tailgater?

Oh, yeah, I'm a tailgater. He's a terrible tailgater. I'm a tailgater if they're driving significantly under the speed limit. I don't tailgate just for fun, but if you're driving... So it's an aggressive tailgate. Yeah. Yeah. But if I'm being tailgated, I'm a brake tapper.

Yeah. I'm like, oh, yeah? You want to cause a crash? you want to cause a crash? Keep up. Come on. I'm no fan of horse racing, which God, if my nan heard me say that, she'd be so angry

at me because she loves the ponies. Loves watching trackside when there's some racing going on. But it was pretty crazy to see at the Wellington Cup at the weekend, which I'm guessing was full of people who also aren't fans of racing, but just fans of getting on the turps and the beautiful Wellington sun. Dressing up. Dressing up and chucking a fascinator in the old follicles.

And a guy ran onto the racetrack. This footage is nuts. And it shows you how fast horses are running. Oh, yeah. I thought that was the craziest thing because he jumps on and stands still and they go past him in the flash of an eye. You wouldn't even know.

And they're heavy. Oh, my God. The maximum sprint for a horse. How many kilometres an hour do you reckon a maximum horse sprint? I don't even ballpark. I'm like, are they a slow car or a zippy scooter? Are they Usain Bolt? They'd be faster than Usain.

88 kilometres an hour. That's fast. What's faster, a horse or a greyhound? A German shepherd can do 48. A camel 65. Camels are freaky to run though. At least a horse looks like it was made to run. A camel, 65. Camels are freaky to run. At least the horse looks like it was made to run.

A camel looks like it's in a pinch when it runs. Same, 48, top speed, 30. No, that's a German shepherd. What did you say? Great. Oh, yeah. You don't go to the track to watch German shepherds run. Mind you, that's terrifying to know that if you're trying to get away from a New Zealand police dog. Exactly.

You better be able to run 52km an hour. Oh, jeepers. You still have a 4km an hour. Oh, my gosh. 72km. Okay, so they're not as fast as a horse. But they're still pretty bloody fast. Yeah.

The footage is absolutely... I know. They are so narrowly... He gets flanked by them. Jockeys apparently said after the race, Well, we were very lucky to by them. Jockeys apparently said after the race, well, they were very lucky to miss them. You're going to get a complaint about that. Very annoying.

We went this way, we went that way. Oh, my God. Terrifying. They are just... But I still haven't had it confirmed why he did it. Whether or not it was like a drunken, I bet you can't jump on the track, or it was an animal rights protest. Somebody thought it might have been an animal rights protest. But you don't protest animal rights by getting mowed down by them.

You would get killed if you got hit by a horse. Also, if a couple of horses hit you and tumbled, they'll have to shoot them. Yeah, they'll be dead. So where's the animal rights in that? It honestly looks like, because they don't, the footage is obviously following the horses and suddenly there's this guy there. It just looks like he's trying to cross the paddock. Yeah.

You know when you're sort of darting through cars like, oh, sorry, sorry. I've never been to that race course before, but is it one of the ones where they... Yeah, he just had to jump two barriers and he was on there. Oh, right. Yeah, they're basically right up on the barrier, the crowd. But do they park and party in the middle? No, no, no. No.

Oh, right. Okay, so he shouldn't have been there. No, no. He absolutely shouldn't have been there. He's just... Do you know what? There's a screenshot on NZ Herald, and he's wearing a white shirt, black pants.

He looks like a kind of young guy. I reckon it's a drunk. Yeah. Apparently he had the shit beaten out of him when he got off the track. Why? People were very upset. Oh, because they had bets? And it messed up the race.

And they would have totally freaked the horses. Yeah, everything about it was like crazy. Like he could have killed the horses, could have killed himself. You can see one horse looking him in the eye like, what? What the bloody hell is he doing here? Who's he? And, you know, the real shame of the matter, between races, apparently some other drunk guys between races got nude

and ran from one end of the track to the other, but no one's talking about it because the guy almost... Yeah. Yeah, and totally nude, like, schlongs out, whapping around in the sun. He's searching for the video. I don't mean they televised that because it's between races.

Oh, right, okay. This guy's 24 years old, so he's definitely a drunk booze, a uni student, I reckon. Like he's not dead, like a horse leg to the head. Absolutely. He did get arrested, though. He's on bail. He's going to go to court, so.

Oh, he's in trouble. Do you reckon he'll wear the same suit? Yeah, probably. So he's recognisable. He wants notoriety from this. Yeah, white shirt, black pants. I've been quite vocal about the fact that I'm moving house. I won't be as vocal as to give my new address. As Aaron reminded me, he was like, look, I've been quite vocal about the fact that I'm moving house. I won't be as vocal as to give my new address.

As Aaron reminded me, he was like, look, I've been listening and you're getting very close to telling people where we live. A lot of clues. So we're leaving this lovely flat that we've had for a long time and it's getting a bit much. I told you guys about these renovations across the road. They've lifted two houses, they're building apartments. And now students have moved in to the house next to us.

And I'm 31 now. I'm past that. And I feel like in a way, the world is paying me back for when I was a student because I had parties fortnightly in my house. Fortnightly? Oh, mine was the party house. You know what I mean?

But I am suspicious that my student neighbours have been getting up to no good and doing some pranks on Aaron and I. Pranks in the form of stealing my stuff. So not long ago, we woke up in the morning and our outdoor furniture had been moved and stacked along the side of our house. I was like, what a very odd thing to do.

Why have they done this? So they climb the fence. Do they have to climb a fence? No, they probably just come out into the street and come into our driveway. Oh, right, okay. Our house is quite close to the street. But they stacked it.

Yeah, so I don't know if it was then, but I was really suspicious that we came out and I was like, our outdoor furniture is gone. And then I went around the corner of the house and it had just been stacked neatly on their side of the house. Right. And I've just been noticing as I'm moving that quite a lot of my clothing is missing. There's some of my favourite undies.

Oh, undies. A couple. Okay. A skin coloured bra that's missing. Two of my favourite t-shirts, a pair of shorts. And there's just no reason for it and i am suspicious that they've been stealing it because our washing line is one of those ones that stuck to the side of our house yeah and it's on their side of the house and the bush is quite

low there so they can see it directly from their house and i reckon they are they're getting back at me because i yell at them quite a lot what do do you say when you yell at them? So they had a party. They had a party and they had some boy racers out the front. And I ran out and I screamed. I put a swear word in and I won't say it now. Okay. But I said, this is an effing quiet cul-de-sac. Oh.

And I went back into my house. Wow, okay. I just want to remind them of the co-pupper of the street, that we don't have parties. And another lie that I've told them is that I have a baby. Because your baby's sleeping and they need to be quiet. Anytime they allow, sort of past seven o'clock or something, I'll open up my kitchen window, which looks right onto their place,

and I'm like, I have a newborn baby. Can you please be quiet? So I've adopted this character of a stressed new mother. Yeah. And I reckon that- They never hear the baby cry. They never see the baby. They're in an elevated,

you said they look right onto your washing line. They've never seen diapers. They've never seen baby clothes. All they will be able to see is me and Aaron having a blimmin' gin and tonic in the backyard. With no kid. All the time. That's why you want them to be quiet so they don't wake the baby during your

gin and tonic time. Yeah, I was one step away from, you know, sort of swaddling a pumpkin or something and coming out going, please! Please, my child needs sleep! Please be quiet! And the pumpkin slips out and smashes and they're just like, this lady is batshit crazy.

Yeah, but no, that's good. That's a win-win because then they think you're crazy enough to wrap a pumpkin. You could like kill them in their sleep. Yeah, I could. Yeah. Do you think they're getting drunk and parading around in your clothes?

Oh, I bet you they are. Oh my God, yeah. They've got on your knickers and your bra and like a T-shirt and they walk. Oh, my God, yeah. They've got on your knickers and your bra and a T-shirt, and they walk out, and they're like, be quiet. This isn't a party street. This is a nice, quiet cul-de-sac.

Blah. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Mike Pero. It's his birthday this month. 26th of February, we'll see Mike Pero turning 61 years old.

He's looking good. Yeah, he's like McRoberts. Yeah, he is. They've both embraced the silver foxness. Yeah. And it really sits beautifully against their white teeth

and golden brown skin. Do you reckon he's had work done? Who knows? I mean, he could certainly afford, should he want to. He's just got very gorgeous skin. Maybe it's O-Natural.

Yeah. Born in Christchurch. It all kicked off in mortgage broking for him in 1991. He'd be a well recognisable face with all the years of TV ads. Yeah. Wouldn't he? Yeah.

He recognised everywhere he went. Yeah. And that jingle is just so, it's like, it's Kiwiana now. Yeah. Mike Perro. Mortgages. And then it became Mike Perro, real estate. Real estate.

Everyone was like, excuse. Didn't work, didn't fit. Didn't fit, no. Squeaking round hole. But he's going to be the boss dog on The Apprentice. Right. They call it the CEO. He's six times national motorcycle road racing champion.

That's hot. From 1977 to 1982. He set the land speed record for a 350cc motorcycle in 1979. A record of 238 kilometres an hour still stands today. Jesus. The dude's an adrenaline junkie as well. So was he just like, I'm bored with being a very successful businessman? No, this was before.

This was when he was a younger man. Younger man. My word. I've got the top six people that Mike Pero bet to be the Apprentice CEO. Number six on the list, the dude from Charnui Tea that does his own ads about Charnui and then he'll talk to a couple of old dears. They love a Charnui.

They love a tea. They missed the trick by not getting a jingle like Charnui. Like a Chahoo. I don't know if that fits the brand though. Could you imagine your nando in there? I'm just going to have a char-hoo. Everyone loves a char-hoo. Yeah, I don't know if that fits the brand, though. Okay, okay. Well. Could you imagine your nando in there? I'm just going to have a char-nooey. I don't think people are char-hooing a cup of tea.

Tony, char-hooey or char-nooey? Number five on the list of the top six people Mike Pero bet to be the Apprentice CEO, Suzanne Paul. Oh. She would have been great. She would have been pretty good. Yeah. I totally agree. Entertaining. She's got a guest star at least, surely.

She's got to pop up. Yeah. Tell them, was she on the old, you know, when they used to do The Apprentice with Terry Serapisos? Yeah, I don't know. Can't remember. She should have popped on to give them the, for the episode on how to do a good advertorial.

Number four on the list of the top six people Mike Perro bet to be The Apprent apprentice CEO, the Mad Butcher. Oh, yeah. He'd probably be a bit too sweary. Yeah. There'd be a lot of editing required if the Butch was on. And all his rings would be a nightmare delight.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it'd be shining. The clink on the mic. They'd be like, sorry. Butch, we're going to get into you. You don't take my rings off me. Number three on the list of the top six people that Mike Perra bet to be the apprentice dude, Lily from Big So Furniture. Oh.

Always ordering too many couches. Yeah, and I also think, again, the sound guy just being like, I'm going to pull your volume back a little bit. She's pulled back. I know. It's a new calm, Lily. It's hard, though, because everyone was like, shut up, and then she did a quiet one, and now we're all like, oh, bring her back. I know. It's a new calm, Lily. It's hard though because everyone was like, shut up! And then she did a quiet one and now we're all like,

bring her back. We won't do it because we like you. Number two on the list of the top six people Mike Pero bet to be the Apprentice CEO, the Briscoes lady. Tammy could be right up there. What a list. This is like a list for a dream dinner party. I know.

And number one, I would imagine also a dream dinner guest, the top six people that Mike Perrault bet to be the apprentice CEO, Mike Poru. Always, people always get into them. Yeah, yeah, they are. Yep, yep. Both about the same age, I think. Is Mike Perrault 60?

No. Oh, Jesus. Is he? He's not, no. Apologies all round. He's lucky you leave work before he arrives. In the afternoon. Yes, he's such a physically threatening man.

What would ever happen if I ran into him? Oh, my goodness me. If he hears this, he knows I'm joking. Don't you think that would be quite a good couple's costume to a Halloween party? Someone as Mike Pero and someone as Mike Peru. Would be great. That'd just be a hot couple full stop. Oh, would be.

Imagine Mike Pero cuddling up to the back of Mike Pero on a motorcycle. Who's Big Spoon? Oh, well, Mike... Mike could be Big Spoon. Mike Pero would have to be Big Spoon because he'd be on the back.

Mike Pero would be driving, thus being Little Spoon. Yes. And people would be like, is that Mike Pero on the back of Mike Pero? Was that the Mikey P double? That is today's Top 6. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. Refund your day. I depend on it. I depend on it. Alright, we're hearing about your terrible dates

and we may be financially reimbursing you for money spent on that date. That's right. Yeah, we'll take your application and feed it into the machine that you've got there, Vaughan. Yeah, I built this machine. And it will decide if you get a refund. Charlotte, good morning. Good morning. Now,

you're applying for a refund for a date. Tell us what happened. Okay, so we all know last year we went into lockdown. Now, we went into lockdown four days before my 25th birthday. And, like, I was excited. I had friends coming up from Wellington to celebrate. Well, then COVID happened.

Yeah. So I was like, you know what? We'll, you know, swipe through Tinder because what else is there to do? So I got talking to this guy and when lockdown was over we decided, oh yeah, we'll meet up and da da da. So I went and I booked a

cosmetic appointment. Yes, yes, yes, I'm with you. I'm with you. I got Uber Eats, he came round, life was great. He then went home and I got a text a week later saying, hey, look, I'm just going to, you know, go and visit my GP just to, you know, make sure I'm all good.

Now, I knew that I was good because I've got ITNC specialist during lockdown. So I got a clean bill of health. Well, then I got a phone call from my doctor saying, congratulations, we gave you an STI. So you're going to come in for some antibiotics. So not only did I pay for Uber Eats, the cosmetic appointment, I then had to pay for my doctor and a week's worth of antibiotics because of the Tinder date.

So it's safe to say I've not done that for almost a year now. Yeah, wow, okay. What lesson did we learn? Don't swipe on Tinder during lockdown. That's your takeaway? I love that. Alright, so how much

are we applying for here for a refund, Charlotte? I think in Taito it was like $152.70 or something like that. Is that including your personal cosmetic appointment? Yeah. Oh, okay, that's fair. Fair enough. I think you should include that, yeah. Yeah, no, okay.

All right, well, let's... Your date refund request has been... Oh, it's been accepted. Oh, yeah. The machine spat that out after I punched a series of holes on this card that tells the machine the situation, then I put it in. Good. And we've got for you $152.70, Charlotte.

Congratulations. Thank you. Good on you, girl. Good on you, girl. Be careful next time, please. Yeah, get out there. Oh, yeah, no, this is not happening again, I can you, girl. Good on you, girl. Be careful next time, please. Yeah, get out there. Oh, yeah, no, this is not happening again. I can tell you that.

Well, Hollywood is basically shut down at the moment, isn't it? Not a lot of movies are being made over there. I had movie vouchers and I didn't even know how to use them because no one's releasing any films. Because there was bugger rule. There's a few on. Oh, now there is. But at the end of last year, it was just absolutely like... There was nothing

was there? No. We were doing repeats. Which has meant, obviously, in New Zealand we're flourishing. We've absolutely nailed it, though. You know, we're in a few cases going on at the moment, but... Don't tell the world that! But what it means is that the

New Zealand film industry has gone absolutely nuts because people are coming over here so that they can film in level one conditions. And stars are flocking to our country. Who's here at the moment? We had Benedict Cumberbatch. We had Kirsten Dunst. We've got Sigourney Weaver.

Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt still here? Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in Wellington, wasn't he? Yeah. There's a lot of people here to film a lot of stuff. Avatars won the new Lord of the Rings series which is... So a lot of... Some of the Lord of the Rings people

I don't know because they've done a bit of a Game of Thrones haven't they? And they've picked some real up-and-comers and some... They're going to make stars

out of that TV show. Yeah, but a lot of them are coming in from overseas. The guy from the... What was that? Nicole Kidman one? Was that the undoing? Yeah, the undoing.

He's great. He's in the new Lord of the Rings. Who's that? Which one? The moody boyfriend of the woman. Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, yeah.

But what New Zealand is struggling with as a small country with a bit of a housing crisis of our own and a rental crisis is rental properties to house all these people. So we're not talking about your mouldy, dingy student flats. So if you've got a spare room in the student flat,

that's probably not what Hollywood's looking for. It's not what they're looking for, but they want places to house celebrities and big names while they're over here filming long term. Because you don't want to put them up in a hotel, or all of our hotels are otherwise occupied at the moment. I guess if you're going to be here for a long time, you don't want to put them up in a hotel, or all of our hotels are otherwise occupied at the moment. I guess if you're going to be here for a long time, you don't want a hotel, do you?

Even a nice one. You'd want a home, wouldn't you? What are those things called? Service departments. If you run out of toilet paper, you're on your own. You're on your own, but it's like a, yeah, those things. So, I mean, I'm sure, I mean, I've heard rumours about the budget

on this Lord of the Rings TV series, for example, and it's absurd. And so they're looking for fully furnished rentals in Auckland, particularly out west way. Now, I'm just down the road. Could I make a shantytown of caravans in my paddock and charge an absolute mint? Again, we're not looking for sort of a shanty buy. That's all we've got.

Biggest carpet chooses. Rental properties. That's the good thing about caravans. They're already furnished, aren't they? Because the furnishings are built in. But imagine being able to say when you sell your house and Sigourney Weaver stayed here for six months. Like when anyone from The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings stayed in Wellington, they'd always have a nice little place on

Oriental Parade. So the only thing with this is it's adding more pressure to a pretty already tight market in the rental properties. And they can afford to pay a good dime

for the rent, which means rents could go up. So you know, if you go to a flat viewing and then you see Joseph Gordon-Levitt there, you're probably... He'd do a dance. You're probably not going if you go to a flat viewing and then you see Joseph Gordon-Levitt there, you're probably...

He'd do a dance. You're probably not going to get it. Do a dance and a song and the landlords would be like, yes. Yes, I want it.

So, yeah, if you've got a rental property out there in the Auckland and Northland region and it's fully furnished and it's bougie AF, then get in there. And bank some cash.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, most of the upper North Island today, it's a public holiday and this coming weekend, it's another long weekend, but this time for the entire country. Waitangi Day will be Monday. Is it Monday-ized? It's Monday-ized because it's Saturday.

It's Saturday, Monday-ized till Monday. So that means the very first long weekend group toot of the year. Make sure you're joining us from 8 o'clock on Friday. The Bachelorette Season 2, New Zealand's very own, is back and Art Green is hosting it again, meaning you must have done an okay job the first time. Oh, thanks, man. The powers that be must have been like, you know what, that Art Green,

he was all right. That's a real compliment, isn't it? Well, look at you, you didn't get fired. All right, things are going well. Look at you, your TV show wasn't cancelled. Welcome. Thanks, man. And welcome back to New Zealand Television Screens.

Thank you very much. Yeah, I'm pretty stoked to be back, actually, because, yeah, obviously I did a reasonably average job last year, so it's good to, yeah, get the call up again. Yeah. Thanks, man. Did you get in Lexi's ear and were like, you bloody well picked someone in the final episode? Ooh, no, I didn't need to.

Or did I? Oh. Ooh. Oh. Who knows? Good, but you end up getting quite close with the bachelorette, don't you? Because often, you know, when they're not hanging out

with the boys, they're hanging out with you. Yeah. Yeah, I do spend quite a lot of time with the bachelorette. And it was great actually spending time with Lexi. She's really cool. A great, you know, she's just a great person. Good to chat to. Have lots in common.

So, yeah, I didn't mind it at all. The big thing you've got in common is that you were the bachelor. She's the bachelorette. Did you have words of wisdom for her? I did have a few words of wisdom. Did she take them on board? No, I think she did actually. I think it was good.

Yeah, like, I mean, last season we had Lexi and Lucina who had each other to talk about stuff with. Lily and Lucina, not Lexi and Lucina. She's back.

She's back for another day. Maybe we should get someone whose name doesn't start with L. Yeah, that would be helpful. It certainly would. So yeah, Lily and Lucina had each other. So they could bounce their problems off each other and talk things through.

Whereas Lexi didn't have anyone. So I was kind of that sounding board a lot of the time. Let me put the timeline together of how this went down. You get offered hosting season two. You find out your wife is pregnant with your second child. So you're like, good luck dealing with this toddler and the fact that you're pregnant. I'm off to hang out with a woman who will rely on me

for my knowledge of how I got you. See you later. And she's like, have a great time. She's like, have a great time. Mid sort of throwing up every morning and trying to be happy for me. Dealing with a child approaching the terrible toes. And you're like, see you later.

See you later, have fun. Do you feel any pressure being the crown jewel of our Bachelor franchise experience in New Zealand, you and Matilda? We definitely felt pressure at the start. Yeah. You know, like coming off the show, we did definitely feel there was a little bit of pressure.

Were you like, we hate each other, but we have to stick together? It wasn't quite that bad. But no, we did feel like we wanted to give it a good go. And at the start, it definitely didn't feel natural. It's not a natural start to any relationship. So it was weird. And you're trying to form this relationship

in complete secrecy for a couple of months until the show finishes airing on TV. So it's very, very weird. But we kind of months until the show finishes airing on tv so it's very very weird um but we kind of like pushed through the weird stage and then i think that the weird stage helped us form pretty strong foundations to our relationship and then i don't know it's just worked out well and we just feel really lucky that we've met each other last year you guys got to go to argentina that's not happening this year is it i'd only be a roll of the dice if you went to argentina this time.

We need to go Huntly or something. Oh, if only. Go check out the old electrical power plant. No, we, yeah, we went to some pretty cool locations. I heard a rumour

Nelson was in there. I can confirm Nelson was one of the locations. Wow. Yes. And what a location it was. Along with Russell.

Oh, nice. Russell was great. Russell was probably my favourite. Did he get a little fairy over, along with Russell. Oh, nice. Russell was great. Russell was probably my favourite. Did he get a little fairy over, eh, from high here? Yeah. Beautiful spot. I got a quick glimpse at the trailer before tonight's premiere. Can you give us a quick summary of what's in store for season two?

I saw some kissing. I saw a lot of kissing. What? Kissing? Yuck. Was there a lot of kissing? Yeah. I mean, there's a decent amount of kissing What kissing Yuck Was there a lot of kissing Um There Yeah

I mean there's There's a decent amount Of kissing I'd say Yeah And It's hot There's a decent amount Of kissing

There's a decent amount Of kissing Could have done with A smatter more kissing If you asked me Yeah So there was enough kissing And

Are some of them real gross Like you know when Sometimes you see someone kissing You're like oh my god Have you kissed anyone before Well The worst thing about it On TV is you can hear it Yeah Yeah Are some of them real gross? You know when sometimes you see someone kissing, you're like, oh my God, have you kissed anyone before? The worst thing about it on TV is you can hear it. Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't actually see much of the kissing at all because I'm not really around during those single dates. You're not just hanging out on the day? I'm not lurking behind some bushes. As much as I'd like to be lurking, I'm not on those ones. So yeah, I didn't see much of the kissing, but I'll see it on TV. I know that a lot of kissing went down. There was a lot of, you know, there's a bit of drama

from, I think Lexi finds it really hard, especially towards, you know, the end. It's pretty challenging. The whole, it's a journey, you know. It's a love journey. It's a love journey. Yeah, but there's some cool dates. There's a lot of laughs.

And I had a lot of fun just taking the piss out of myself. So it a love journey. Yeah, but there's some cool dates. There's a lot of laughs and I had a lot of fun just taking the piss out of myself. So it was good fun. You have done a great job telling us absolutely nothing. You have.

That's what I do. I should be a politician. Here we are, not any more in the light about what the show will contain apart from

Russell. Well, you can catch it tonight. It's the first episode of The Bachelorette New Zealand, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 7.30, TVNZ 2.

Great, thanks. Thanks, guys. A chance for you to win tonight as well during The Bachelorette. Look for the little pop-up during the show. Text the keyword to 9696. It's your chance to win $2,500 towards the ultimate date. All thanks to The Bachelorette NZ. Kia ora, I'm Jane Yee.

I'm Alex Casey. And I'm Duncan Grave. We are the hosts of The Real Pod and Confession Cam Time. We bloody love reality telly. If we sound like your type on paper, join us each week for your fix of reality TV news, recaps and gossip. On The Real Pod, it's perfectly fine to like reality TV.

It's a safe space, so let down your walls, wear your heart on your sleeve, and remember, it is what it is. And what it is, is the RealPod. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network and available wherever you get your pods. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. East Auckland Grapevine. Sasha's got a question. Does anyone know what these poops are from? After seven years, these have just started appearing three nights in a row in the carport. In the carport.

Are they a little poop? Oh, hedgehog? A little poopies? Maybe a hedgehog. They're little pallety ones. Yeah, little pallety. In the carport. Oh, hedgehog? Oh, little. A little poopies? Maybe a hedgehog. The little pallety ones. Yeah, little pallety. That's a goat. No, no, no,

that's far too small to be a goat. You look at that, your average size cinder block there, I'd say it's a rodent of some description. Oh, yuck. That's quite big for a rodent.

How big is rat poo? That'd be the size of sultanas, wouldn't they? Rat poos. I'm going to look up. These would be, I'd say, yeah, on the small side of a sultana. I'm going to go hedgehog poo. To see what a hedgehog poo looks like.

What does it look like? It might be a hedgehog poo. Because I remember I found some possum poo and I thought it was a rat poo, but it's a possum poo. Oh, Google is so prude sometimes. It's just showing me pictures of very sweet, cute little hedgehogs. I want to see their proppings. I want to see their faecal matter.

Hedgehog faecal matter. You their proppings. I want to see their fecal matter. Hedgehog fecal matter. You keep prompting. Maybe poo was too casual. Let's pop down to online garage sale Blenheim where Anna's trying to sell a double bed. She said double bed is for sale, but without a tape measure, all I can provide is this 1.68cm model for reference.

I can't find a tape measure, pick up only $80. Wouldn't you just say that's a double bed? Yeah, because then you can look up online. What the size of a double bed is. Yeah. Got to get the double bed sheets. Or do they not know what size? Now, one thing you might not be able to spot from that distance

is that this model is packing. Oh, really? Jeez. There's even a call in the, what time is it, 7.35? Am I allowed to say semi this time of day? I don't know. There's even comments alluding to the fact that the model is packing a semi. Right, automatic weapon for any children listening, which is terrible.

Yeah. Wouldn't a softer mattress, would you have a softer mattress available for this? This one looks a little stiff. George wants to know how much it is for a spin on the model. Oh, okay, right. A spin, my lord. Could you please post a picture of the model next to a standard door frame for a size comparison as I need to know how...

It's a double bed. It's a double bed. It's a double bed With an attractive model Laying sideways over it This is why I hate Selling anything on Trade Me Or anywhere Just stupid questions

Like have you ever Tried to sell clothes On Trade Me All the time What's a centimetre From the neck to the arm I know What's the measurement

From the armpit to the You're like no no no And then they don't buy it It's a size medium Yeah it's a medium Just deal with it If it doesn't fit you, sell it on. You should say, what size do you want it to be?

I mean, just say it's that size. Yeah. Can I just circle us back? So I've just got some photos of hedgehog poop. Oh, okay, go. No, they're a log. Oh, they do a log. They're a singular log, so it's not pellets.

No, this is a pellet. This is a pellety per little log. That's a possum or a rat by the looks of it. Yeah, I'd say rodent-y. Let's go to the Otomotai community page. This is in the Bay of Plenty in Tauranga. Simon posts, Hi guys, I just had a delivery for 301B arrive at my home,

which is 305B. Okay. It doesn't say what road it is, but enough that if you were expecting a parcel. I've left a parcel in my letterbox, which is 305B. I hope whoever owns the package can pick it up. It looks like it's from Wish. Oh, okay.

It could be a myriad of things. That could be anything. So he has received at 305B a package for 301B. Mark comments, why can't you just drop it two houses away? Good call. And Simon says, hey, Mark, of course I would but life isn't as easy as that. I'm just trying to help

the peeps out to let them know where their package is. To which Jess says, life isn't as easy as that. You have to put it in their letterbox. Surely less effort required

than making this post. Yes. And also you're just telling people there's a wish present in your letterbox. They could come and steal it. They could come and steal it. Mark again comments, you might remember Mark from a comment ago saying why don't you drop it could come and steal it. Mark, again, comments.

You might remember Mark from a comment ago saying, why don't you drop it two houses away? And he said, I'm confused. Is there a reason you can't drop it off? I'm sure if you can't manage, someone here would happily volunteer to do it for you. And he said, yeah, it's in the letterbox. Sorry if I've offended people. I'm just trying to help. And he said, whose letterbox

is it in now? Is it still in your letterbox or has it gone back to their letterbox? And he says, no, it's still in mine. Look, I'm just trying to do the right thing here. And Jess weighs in again saying, doing the right thing would be putting it in their letterbox. So I feel like also he's just spent all that time typing. Yes. He could have done it by now. Just walk down

and be like, oh yeah, it's in your letterbox. Hey, we don't know. They might not be able to leave the house. We don't know what is... Oh yeah, that's true. Do we have an update on this? No, no update. No update if it got to leave the house. We don't know what is... Oh, yeah, that's true. Do we have an update on this? No, no update. No update if it got to the right person. Can you please follow this post? Because I have to know what happened.

I have to know. Oh, I'll do a chase. Do we know what page that is? Did you say what... It was the Otomotai page. Can we join even though we don't live there? Community. Well, sometimes...

Oh, unless they've got one of those crafty questions. Address verified. Yeah, because sometimes they're like, what colour is the bench in the park? And you're like, shit, they've got me. Well, surely it's brown. How many swings does the local park have? Green.

Green. I've seen it blue. Or just pure wood. Yeah, they might do a varnish on the wood. Oh, that's a trick question. It's a natural look. I'm stumped. I have to move there, I guess, to follow this saga.

From the One Tree Point grapevine. Now, One Tree Point is up by our Whangarei area in Northland. Oh, okay, lovely. Amanda posts, hi, all. I'm looking to get back in the game and I'm new to the area. Would anybody know if there's a massage parlour locally that's currently hiring? I'm a hard-working 30-plus lady that swings both

ways. I'm STD and COVID-free. Oh, I see. Now, this was posted before Northland became a COVID hotspot. Oh, okay, yeah before Northland became a COVID hotspot. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. So it's good to know. If that's happening, it's COVID free.

Some of the messages sent in and people were actually encouraging. I would have thought disparaging comments would have been found plentifully. Yeah. And that section was actually quite proud of the area, trying to help somebody else back into employment in this time where jobs can be hard to come by. So those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to us, FVMZM on Facebook.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A recent survey was asking the question, how soon is too soon to spend Valentine's Day with a fresh relationship, a new lover, perhaps a first or second date. Right, because you don't want to go overboard, do you, if you've just matched with this person on Tinder or Bumble? Yeah, I know.

I mean, the day itself has so many sort of expectations around it. Because it was two weeks yesterday. So, like, if you met a honey over the weekend, that's a non-gender specific term of adoration as well. Like, guys can be honeys, girls can be honeys.

Yeah, yeah. We're all fly honeys. We're all totes fly honeys. Well, would it be too late? Too? Too late if you just hooked up and it's looking fledgling.

Yeah, right. You've got two weeks. What does your report tell us? Well, it says that 47% of people they surveyed think you should wait until at least the second or third date to even suggest celebrating Valentine's Day together.

But they also said, 47% said that. The outcome of it was that generally it's all about your intention. How do you want the day to go? Are you setting it up to be the most romantic Valentine's Day ever? If so, you maybe need to wait a little longer. Or if you're just going to have a little bit of fun on Valentine's Day, it's absolutely acceptable to be asking a new match, perhaps. So do something low key, not too full on. So if this is your second or third date and you're like, let's spend

Valentine's Day together, maybe not a dozen roses and a romantic dinner. Maybe you just go and do something like go to a movie or keep it casual. Picnic? Don't put too much picnic. No, that's too romantic. Is that too romantic? What if it's a shit picnic? Oh, yeah, like a terrible location.

Like a deli chicken and some filled rolls. Yeah, and you don't even take them. No, deli ham. Deli ham. Everything's in the plastic bags. The ham's in the plastic bags. You just sort of dip out of it. Yeah, no utens don't even take the... No, deli ham. Deli ham. Oh, okay. Everything's in the plastic bags. The ham's in the plastic bags. Yeah. You just sort of dip out of it.

Yeah, no utensils, full fingers. You've got to rip the bun open with your fingers and poke the ham in it and then pour the coleslaw in and then the juice goes everywhere. Is that not romantic? No. Okay, right. Oh, yeah.

That's where I've been going wrong. I always have this with Aaron, my partner. Yeah. I make a platter or a picnic. Oh, yeah. Everything's unwrapped. I'll put everything into ramekins he does it

and it's like slap the hummus in the plastic thing and then just the bags of meat there yeah right yeah oh and Aaron

just texted me saying thanks hun I think it was separate I think it was for a different thing not regarding his sloppy hummus yeah

habits but I so when I was in high school my first date with my first ever love was on Valentine's Day. Really? Yeah. What did you do?

We went to the Foo Fighters. That sounds like a great first date. It was excellent. That sounds fantastic. We went to the Foo Fighters. We'd met each other That sounds fantastic. We went to the Foo Fighters. We'd met each other on a bus and we went to the Foo Fighters in Wellington. Isn't that crazy? That was on Valentine's Day.

So that's it. Did you get a kiss afterwards? Yeah, man. We hooked up. At the concert? Nah, afterwards. Right, yeah. Yeah, at my friend Lucy's house.

We had a little kiss in the driveway. Why did we go to Lucy's house? I don't know. It was after the concert. A few friends went back. Right. Yeah, we all lived sort of nearby. Went to Lucy's house, had a passion in the driveway.

Had a passion in the driveway and then that was it. That's my fell in love. But yeah, Fletch, what's your most romantic Valentine's Day? Should we just move on? I mean, it's probably not a great hint that before you thought like a sloppy... A coleslaw out of a bag is a great... Ham roll situation. Yeah.

I think if it's Valentine's Day and they're relatively new into your life, the consensus is make a little bit of effort, but not too much. Not too much. You don't want to overwhelm them with romantic gestures. And then if you're still together next year, go all out for that Valentine's Day. Yeah. Go from a bagged chicken to a diamond ring

in the space of 12 months. That's a big jump. That's the expectation. Fleece Fauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fleece Fauna Megan with Hayley Sproul while Megan is on maternity leave. Yes, I was given the job because I have an empty belly. Well, she doesn't.

Well, she will soon. Joining us on the phone. Good morning, Megan Papadopoulos. Good morning with a very full belly. A very full belly. Very full belly. What time did you wake up this morning? Four minutes ago.

You bitch. Unbelievable. Oh, my God. This is early. It's so early. You wait because you know what? Babies famously they don't have an alarm. They don't sleep in. They do what they want. So what are we?

39 weeks now, yeah? 39 weeks today and no, there's no, I haven't got any hints that he's coming anytime soon. My mother is staying with us and every, there's no, I haven't got any hints that he's coming anytime soon. My mother is staying with us and every morning she's like, in movement, have we got any water, anything in the bed? No. Okay.

So, yeah. Mom, boundaries. You worry about what happens outside this room. Those boundaries have gone well out the window. I'm the same with my mum. Do you reckon you're going to try some of those tricks? Bouncing on a Swiss ball now. Bouncing on a Swissie or eating a hot curry?

I was going to ask what if he knew, because I've been bouncing on the Swiss ball and there's the hot curry situation. And then what else is there? Because I went for a, well, what do we say? A brisk walk? I went for a walk. A waddle? A waddle. Don't they say that having a little

Yeah, a little hanky-panky. Yeah, mum's staying so she's, I mean, her bedroom's not too close to her bedroom but I don't know if... Send them to the dairy to get some milk.

No, you can't. That's a good walk from the first place to the dairy. Yeah, that would be at least 15 minutes. Yeah, that's enough for three times. Yeah. Okay, no, both mine and our daughters came early. We didn't have to do that thing when you were trying to bring it on. They just were just like, we out. Yeah, right. and our daughters came early. We didn't have to do that thing when you were trying to bring it on.

They just were just like, we out. Yeah, right. I'm uninvited and unannounced. Mum, every time we go somewhere, we're like, should we go to the movies or something? And she's like, well, take a towel. I'm like, what do we need to take a towel? She's so concerned. Every time I go to the supermarket, she's so concerned that I'm just going to drop my

waters on the floor. Put a tarp down. Yeah. She's going to follow me around with a tarp. Megan, what does that look on your face? Quick, unfold the tarp. So drunk. Yeah.

We don't want to burden anybody with the clean up. And then I don't know what she's going to do with the tarp. Fold that up and put it in the car. Oh yeah Somebody's texting saying Eat a whole pineapple That's what helped my wife

Or walked on the beach on an uneven surface That's a lot of sugar That's just going to make me fall over Yeah like you took it to the camber Like an onion Like a lane I didn't know that one. Surely these are old wives' tales.

Is that what you call them? Can you just throw it up and down a curb or something? Would that work? I don't know. Another text. Tonic water, bit of licorice and curry. Boom. Oh, that's a good combo.

Yuck. Tonic water, licorice and curry. I eat those things all the time. I love a little licorice this is going to make me shit myself yeah you don't want to eat the licorice exactly and then the birth starts

it happens to a lot of people but you don't want to have to this may be controversial and my mum Patsy will not be happy that I'm going to share it but I arrived because my mum had a glass of champagne holy moly and then as soon as her water breaks arrived because my mum had a glass of champagne. Holy moly. And then as soon as her water breaks, she didn't wake up my dad. It was like one o'clock in the morning after a glass of champagne.

As soon as her water broke, she hopped in the shower and shaved her legs. And then quickly woke up Craig and was like, we've got to go. And she's so ready. And a little bit drunk. I have found an article on Old Wives, they'll nipple stimulation. That's another one. She's been gently rolling, rubbing and massaging her areoles for an hour. I'm a little bit drunk. I have found an article on Old Wives on nipple stimulation. That's another one. Generally rolling, rubbing, and massaging areoles for an hour, three times a day. Is that something I do myself?

Or do I get someone to do that? That's up to you. You can enlist somebody, yeah. Then you've got spicy food, pineapple, red raspberry leaf tea, castor oil. That tastes yuck. Walking, acupressure, a bumpy car ride. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. No, it's down on your sharkty mat. Oh, you should turn me into Landy. Excuse me, that's a very smooth, classic ride. Puss in the Water. I want your water breaking all over my... Mind you, the old Land Rovers are good for that. You can't just hose them out.

Yeah. Easy. Easy peasy. Well, you keep us updated. I will. And good luck. I wasn't going to take any photos, but I was like, you know what, maybe I will, just for flesh.

I might take some pictures. Oh, but absolutely not. Yeah. Absolutely not. Yeah. Okay. He'll be like, what's that? I'm going to call that thing.

It's been a while. Is that what those look like now? Oh, I miss you guys. Yeah. I don't miss us. All right, all the best, babes. Keep us updated. Okay.

It's quite interesting learning what hotels are COVID isolation facilities. I mean, they've all got like chain link fences and stuff around them. Big fences, yeah. But you've still got to go looking for them. Well, I know when your parents came up, they wanted. We did the mini tour. Yeah. They wanted to see all of them.

They wanted to see the ones that have been on the news. Well, I lived down the road from the Pullman Hotel. That's been the big one lately. That's the big one lately. That's where the latest COVID in the community came from, right? down the road from the Pullman Hotel. That's been the big one lately. That's the big one lately. Because that's where the latest COVID in the community came from, right? Yeah. It was linked to that. Do you reckon on like booking.com or those

websites, after COVID's all done and dusted, they might have to put a little sticker being like we had it. We had a clean? We've had a deep clean. We're going for a complete rebrand. There will be hotels rebranding like no one's saying at the jet park after this. My parents loved the jet park.

They loved the jet park. Yeah, my parents. Because you'd stay the night there before you flew out. They would take you to the airport. Yeah. And you could leave your car there. Convenience personified. Yes.

And now it's the COVID hotel because that's where you get shipped when you've got the vid. Yeah. Anyway, Grand Millennium Hotel. Add that to the list of high-profile managed isolation facilities because this was the home of the now infamous 20-minute rendezvous between a staff member

at this managed isolation facility and a person on, in, sorry, managed isolation that had just arrived back in New Zealand. And it was such a hot, steamy encounter. While he gave us minimal details, Chris Hipkins was really flustered by it. Look, I, regardless of, I didn't inquire into specifically the nature of the encounter, but there was a 20 minute encounter. That was enough for me to know that that was unacceptable. I didn't ask for an explanation of exactly what the interaction had been.

That person was in the guest's room for 20 minutes. Is he a virgin? Yeah, I asked. One of them had a willy and one of them had a fanny. And, well, I think his mouth went on her mouth. Because

he was pressed on what was brought up to the room and it was a bottle of wine wasn't it? So there was a wine delivery yeah but there'd been a bit of back and forth there'd been like

the meal dropped off maybe they spotted them when they were checking in there was a note on a mask Slipping little note Do we have do we have the genders? Have those details been

because I don't think I've noticed I heard somewhere male and female Is it male and female? I can't find now that I'm looking at a because I don't think I've noticed. I heard somewhere male and female. Is it male and female? I can't find now that I'm looking at a story, I can't see that it's definitely confirmed. And it was a hotel worker.

It wasn't an army. Was it an army or a... Well, it said it was a managed isolation facility staff member. Right. Because I caught up, had some dinner and drinks with a friend who's been over from London back. And to quote him, said all the army guys are very young and hot and he can't blame them.

Oh, I've had a lot of experience in the military. I tell you what, it is. It's steamy. It's steamy. Go on. But I'm just surprised this hasn't happened sooner. Well, we don't know that. Because it's happened in Australia.

In Melbourne, it was shocking. It's what caused... Three of their big outbreaks were due to the fact that people in isolation facilities were hooking up. Were sleeping with the staff. Shag City. And then the staff were going back to live in their flats or, I don't know, back to their wives

and taking the COVID with them. Yeah. How did this get released? Like, how did we come to find out this information? Rumours, right? Other people work in there. Sounds like jealousy to me. Other people work in there and then they check the security footage

and then there's this 20-minute gap of them going into the room, which they shouldn't have, and then coming out. 20 minutes, eh? It's long enough, isn't it? Yeah. Good on them. Plenty long enough. Gosh.

Twice. Yeah. Just wait. Like, it's only two weeks. They could have been halfway through. Plenty long enough. Gosh. Twice. Yeah. Just wait. Like, it's only two weeks. They could have been halfway through. Just wait another week. Yeah, if it's a blossomed romance, you can wait. Carl Peter Fletcher.

All the people in this room to say, wait two weeks. You can't help yourself. You can't wait 15 minutes. Let's be honest. If you were bored, right, in managed isolation, wouldn't it be the ultimate challenge? I bet I can't wait 15 minutes. Let's be honest. If you were bored, right, and managed isolation, wouldn't it be the ultimate challenge? I bet I can get one. No.

Don't put that down. There's a terrible work in there. We've got to keep us COVID free. I thought you meant the challenge was not to do it. Hayley agreed with me. Yeah. To resist the urge. Yeah.

And this is a question we wanted to open up the phone lines and ask this morning. Who should you really not have hooked up with? Like someone who potentially has COVID? Or just someone like maybe it's the boss's wife or the boss or someone at work. Yes. You shouldn't have hooked.

Or like a friend's brother or sister. Yes. You're like, I really shouldn't do this. But it happened. But the body wants what the body wants. The body wants. Where do we stand on year 13 soaking up with student

teachers? I reckon that's a hard no. It's a hard no. Well, it's an instant job loss, isn't it? Not until they've left the school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember I was in town once and I saw my old primary school teacher and I thought, yummy, yummy. Your old primary school teacher and I thought, yummy, yummy. Your old primary school teacher?

Yeah. Well, nothing happened, but I remember going like, I understand how. We're talking about who you should not have hooked up with. The managed isolation facility story with the 20 minute rendezvous is what got us onto this.

I'm surprised it's taken this long for a hookup and MIQ story to come out or happen. Yeah, it might have happened, but it hasn't come out. But we're all on high alert again. Yeah, nothing like being alone in a hotel room for 14 days. Nothing else to do. To get your googly's tickling. To get your googly's tickling? Do you have genitals?

That is the sort of thing a mannequin would say if it came to life. Oh, my googly is a tickling. I'm trying to be censored as I have been told to be. Right, okay. It's going well. It's going well. Just play with yourself. I know.

They've got Wi-Fi in the hotels, don't they? I'm pretty sure they'll turn a blind eye to it. Incognito mode? Yes. Get it done. Go for your walk. So we want to know who you really should not have hooked up with. You knew it was wrong and you were just like, well,

your googly's are tingling. Yeah. Afterwards when your googly's are untingling and you're riddled with guilt. Anonymous has called us. Anonymous, who did you hook up with you knew you shouldn't have? Hi, guys. It was when this person was famous, I was living in the UK, and I hadn't been living in New Zealand for about 10 years.

Okay. But he recognized this person, but he was in the red living in England for about 10 years. Okay. But he didn't recognize this person, but he was in the Redbacks in England. Anyone that's lived in London knows the Redbacks. Okay. And everyone was all so super excited to see him. And anyway, I did go home with him. And it turns out he was actually in a relationship

with the mother of his children. Oh! So when you found that out, you're like, I should not have done that. Yeah, did you know? That was the worst sex of my life. Okay, now you've got to hang around afterwards and tell us who it is.

Oh, yeah, we're just going to pop you on hold. We need to fulfil our own need. The juicy gossip on who's no good at sex. Wow. And then next time we'll see them maybe on television or wherever they are prominent, we can be like, huh, are you no good at sex? Or we interview them in studio all the time.

We're just thinking they're bad at the sex. Yeah. A terrible lover. Another anonymous caller. Who should you definitely not have hooked up with, Anonymous? My sister-in-law's brother. The night of my sister-in-law and brother's wedding. So your brother got married to a woman

and that woman's brother is who you hooked up with? Yes. That's good, though. Christmas numbers down, family unit tight. So there's no blood relation there But how does it, do you reckon if you were to get With your Sister-in-law's brother

That it would all sort of circle back And connect in some way And your kids would be cousins But be also very similar to siblings Yeah, your family tree Would look like it needs a trim. More like a grapevine. Yes.

No, I don't know how to say it. Like a blackberry bush. Did you manage to keep it secret? No, after a few tequila shots. It was quite apparent to everyone what was going to happen. Wow. You should not, but you did anyway. Brilliant. Anonymous. I hope it was good.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That makes up for the unnamed New Zealand celebrity. Thanks, you call anonymous. Some text messages. Someone said I should never have hooked up with my co-worker with the no strings attached because he's caught feelings and I was just trying to have some fun

but now we're going to work together and he's caught the feelings. Someone said, I shouldn't have slept with upwards of seven people I went to church with. Admittedly. Admittedly.

That's fish in a barrel though, isn't it? I mean, say a little prayer. I hooked up with an ex-parent of mine. So this person was teaching at a preschool and then a month or two after they left, they hooked up with one of the parents of kids.

I was a student teacher and I hooked up with my mentor teacher while still on the placement. So what do we feel about that? I think that's more acceptable. Yeah. But is there still like that power dynamic? Yeah, and is it still, you know, like when you're in a workplace

you have to declare a relationship to your boss? Would they have to do that? How far down the track do you have to be? Do you have to be official before you declare or declare before you announce official? I don't think you declare that you're banging. I think you declare it if you were thinking it would go further. Right. One of my tutors

at drama school. Maybe you could weigh in as this is from your number. One of my tutors at drama school. This is weird. We were playing a game of pool after class

at the local pub and he said if he won he got a kiss. And if I won I got to have what I wanted. Hadn't really thought about it before. So he won and I got with my tutor. Can you text

them back and just ask them what school and tell me off here? I just, I have to know. You have no... Someone just accusing Fletch there of something. Very rude. But totally justified. Somebody said, I hooked up with my mum's best friend

at my mum's 50th birthday party. Safe to say they aren't best friends anymore and she's no longer married. So this was a married mum's... Wow. So we split up a best friend relationship and a marriage. And a marriage. And a marriage. Oh, wow.

Again, I hope it was worth it. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Good from you. You nailed that. I'm in. I told you I'd be ready by today.

Today's fact of the day is about bed scarves. Know about bed scarves? Do you mean a valance? Nope. I don't mean a valance. Otherwise I would have said a valance, you dummy. What's a bed scarf? Because I was always told, you know when you're sick and you wear a beanie to bed,

but never wear a scarf because you might strangle yourself. Oh, that's a good call. My mum was always very concerned that I might strangle myself if I was cold. Huh. Not bed scarves like that? No, no, a bed scarf is, you know when you go to a hotel and there's that like two foot wide bit of fabric at the bottom of the bed? Yes. And that's across the bed.

What is that? Wow. This is crazy. The bed scarf. Is it because you put your dirty shoes on it? Exactly. If you lie down on the bed with your shoes on,

it is to stop you soiling the entire duvet and rather making it easy to clean the bed scarf. Because why is it that at a hotel you always lie on the bed and put your feet on it with your shoes? You do.

But at home, you would never do that. Because no one takes their shoes off to go into a hotel room, but at home, you take your shoes off to go inside. Yeah. And there's not a lot of room and there might not be a couch, so you just get on the bed and kick back for a bit.

Yeah. Yeah, because often when you're getting into a hotel room, you're like, oh, yes, I'm here. The door closes, chuck down the suitcase, on the bed with your shoes. Yeah. I always thought it was an aesthetic thing, like just a little bit of decoration.

Yeah, it is. It also has a decorative purpose and can add a colour or texture to the bed. You can have a plain bedspread, but you can keep up with the fashion by charging your scarf. Unless, you know, when you're at a motel and it's quite cheap, you've saved a bit of cash on this motel and the whole bedspread is just a multicolour.

Yeah. That's awesome. Like bus seats. Great way to hide all matter of sins. Absolutely. Yeah, they're usually sort of like a metallic-y sort of colour, you know, like a gold or something like that. With a little bit of a shimmer.

A shimmer. Floral, quite often floral. Yes. It'll hide all the stains. So also they're on the bed, on the bottom of the bed, because if you arrive in the room and the room doesn't have a luggage rack or if you're travelling with your partner and they've only got one luggage rack, someone always chucks their suitcase on the bed,

and often or not suitcases can be quite dirty from being in transit. So the bed scarf wears that as well. And then this third point's rubbish, but if you're asleep at night and you get cold feet, it's an extra layer of... But everyone chucks that thing off, right? Oh, I chuck that thing off, yeah. Horrible.

And they would never wash it. No, that bed scarf is the utmost oft-washed. Oft-washed? Yeah, because it gets the dirtiest and you can see that it's dirty after you put your grubby feet on it. And you know what? You or I, any Tom, Dick or non-hotel staying, Charlie can buy them if you're into it.

What, for your own bed? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't do this. I don't like over-decorating the bed. Like people that have multiple pillows, you just have to chuck them all off and then in the morning put them all back on. You are wrong. How many pillows have you got?

Two, four, six. Do you have a European? Two many pillows have you got? Two, four, six. You'd have eight. Do you have a European? Two big European pillows? Yeah. Two, four, six, seven. Oh, eight. Eight. I knew you'd be an eight pillower.

So European sleeping pillows. Two euros. Two sleepers. Sleeping pillows. Decorative. Nice pillows. Cushions. Cushions.

That's it. Cushions. So you've got a cushion each. So there's two kind of decorative cushions. The pillow that is the duvet pillow. The pillow that is actually I'm going to put my greasy hair onto it pillow. Do you have one of those round logs? Not a log.

You should get some logs. I could get a log. I think that's what you're missing. Because when you sleep, you chuck the log and you hold on to it. Yeah, I really want one of those pregnancy ones, but I don't think that's quite a decorative. You wouldn't place it on the bed, would you? You could put it under the bed. Yeah, you need a slat bed so you can on to it. Yeah, I really want one of those pregnancy ones, but I don't think that's quite a decorative. You wouldn't place it on the bed, would you? You could put it under the bed.

Yeah, you need a slat bed so you can hide your shame under the bed of the snuggly pillow. So today's fact of the day is that stripping material across the bottom of the bed in hotels or maybe your home if you've got one is called a bed scarf.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Here's an unpopular opinion. Bridgerton sucks. Bridgerton, the Netflixerton The Netflix show is a boring heap of crap and the people on it apart from that one dude are all pretty average looking and I was

sold a lie. The main dude He's hot. There's no doubt about it I just watch, just edit everybody else out and I watch him. How long are his scenes? Vaughn, Vaughn, Vaughn I liked the bit when he was a kid and his dad was real mean to him. That made me laugh. Can I ask you what episode you're up to?

I watched one and fell asleep in the middle of two. See, you just, look, I didn't enjoy episode one either. I'll admit it here and now. I just, I persevered and I watched it. You've got to wait. You've got to hang out. There's too much to watch in the world without having to persevere through something that doesn't immediately. The consensus is you stick it for a couple of episodes and it's good. There's too much to watch in the world without having to persevere through something that doesn't immediately catch you.

The consensus is you stick it for a couple of episodes and it's good. It's a good watch. And people are like, oh, you've got to hang in there until episode six and get saucy. I'm like, yeah, but there's like 12-minute online videos that get saucy. Because I realise 12 minutes. So last week Netflix actually came out and said it is their biggest show ever. Yeah. Ever.

Worldwide. Most amount of watches ever. Oh, this is boring. And I think I was scrolling through Netflix last night. It's number two at the moment. Yeah, what's number one? Can't remember. Oh, I remember what it was.

Boring. I'd watch that main dude ride a horse for a while because he's a good looking dude and he looks cool riding a horse. Yeah, right. But everybody else, I was like, what the? Are they talking? Top 10 in New Zealand, The Dig.

The Dig is number one. That's right. It's about some guy that goes to dig up like an archaeologist. And the World War II is coming. And I looked at the trailer. I was like, I don't want to watch two hours of a guy digging a hole. Right. And by the looks of it, he finds a boat and some artifacts.

Yeah, it looks like you'd probably enjoy that. But number two, and how long has it been out now? A while in New Zealand. Like a month. Bridgerton's still. You got to hang in there. Don't you want to know who the gossip is? It's Stuart's Sound of Music.

She's the narrator. She's the narrator. Julie Andrews, spoiler alert, she doesn't come out at the end. It's been me talking the whole time. It's been me talking. She doesn't do that. No, it's one of the characters. Oh, I don't care.

You will care. No, there's one of the characters. Oh, I don't care. You will care. No, there's so much stuff to watch. I demand you stick with it. Nah. Because Sade kept watching when I went to bed. She's like, oh, I'm growing to like it. And I was like, oh, what did my main man get up to? That's all I want to know.

What's he up to? Yeah, right. And apparently he whispered in his dad's ear. What did he whisper in his dad's ear? I'll take the title but I shall never give birth to linear chase things. Something like that.

It was quite good actually. Yeah, so I'm sure he's just going to keep me up to date with what my boy is doing but everybody else sucks, boring

and not attractive and the costuming was pretty impressive but like, we've all seen that stuff before. Also, not factually And not attractive. And the costuming was pretty impressive, but like, bleh, we've all seen that stuff before. Also, not factually, historically correct. Well, no, it's not factually, historically correct, but that's the fun of it, isn't it? Yeah.

Do you know, I was reading an article yesterday. The reason that Shonda Rhimes made that Bridgerton show is she went on holiday and she didn't have enough books to read. And I think she just found, I don't know if she had an Airbnb or whatever, just found some books lying around. And she was like, oh, I might make a TV show out of this. So she read the book purely coincidentally.

Holy moly, because she must get sent people's books and scripts all the time. Just constantly flooded with them. But she didn't have enough holiday reading material. And she's like, oh, I'll just try this romance novel. Fantasy. And yeah, it was just like, let's make a TV show.

Now she's made the biggest Netflix show ever. Which Vaughn hates, which I'm sure Shonda Rhimes is really losing sleep over. You know what, Vaughn? I hate you. Yeah.

That's not very bad. I gave you one episode and I'm bored. Not hot. And I'm bored. Not hot and I'm bored. And not enough sex yet. I'm not sticking around for five episodes to wait for it. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

I'm a Spotify user. I'll admit it. I prefer to use iHeartRadio, the company's streaming platform for podcasts and music. Oh, as do I, as do I, as do I. Yeah. I've got both. Sure. You're a contract.

But Spotify has, Spotify, I'm doing anything to get fired recently, aren't I? Spotify has been granted a patent for some new technology that aims to use recordings of users' speech and background noise to determine what kind of music to curate and recommend to them. So you know when this all came out about your phone is listening to you and you talk about something, you get it advertised? Well, now Spotify has painted this technology to have access to listen to you and your background noise

and then use all that, including things like your age, gender, sexual preference, accent to help curate the kind of music they think that you'd want to listen to based on all those things.

Age and gender and all that, that's kind of, you'd fill it in when you're registering your account. Yeah, they'd get all that info Or they'd drag it in from your Facebook if you used that for a log on It feels a bit scary You'd still have to give them permission to listen Yeah, you'd have to opt in But that's some black mirror stuff, right?

I don't, I would Your phone hears you breaking up with someone Or arguing, for example, with your partner And then it's then suggesting, what, some breakup music? Yeah. Some sad music? It's going to listen to things like your intonation, whether you sound stressed, how fast you're talking.

And then, yeah, use that to curate music depending on your emotional state. That is crazy, right? I mean, look, I'm an anxious person. I feel like mine's always going to be like, some sort of smooth classical. Yeah. And you're like, no, I'm in the gym.

Spotify HQ is like, she's a little bit stressed. Play the Enya. Yeah. Yeah. Play some relaxing forest sounds. I mean, it's pretty impressive technology, but I don't know who would opt into that. But it'll be one of those little playlists on the home screen, right? Yeah. They'll be like, today's top hits, or pop hits,

and the next day it'll be like, especially created for your mood. Your mopey bitch. Your mopey bitch. Your sad sack. The playlist called Cheer Up Charlie. Yeah. Or if you're anxious and like angry, hey, just calm down. Yeah.

Because that always works. Yeah. Being told to calm down. Or the playlist, you want to murder your office workers, your, just calm down. Because that always works. Yeah. Being told to calm down. Or the playlist, you want to murder your office workers, your office friends because they're driving you crazy and it's like angsty, I don't know, some rock hits maybe. Yeah. Oh, that's when I do my murdering, it's always the 90s rock ballads.

Yeah. I don't mind maybe sort of, because you can search, you know, like calming music and calming playlists and all this kind of stuff. I don't know that they need to know or listen to me. You know, that saying here that they'll even know when you're alone. Well, I don't want that. I've got my address.

Don't come into my house and then ask me, what kind of music do you want right now? I'm here. What music you after? Imagine if it was just a human who had to listen to this all the time and be like, oh, he's. Like there was that documentary that was on Netflix, The Social Dilemma, where they were, you know,

acted out your feed. Right. Did you not see that? No, I didn't watch it. Oh, you didn't watch it. None of you. You're just looking at me like, no. No, happy to live and anger and bliss on this one.

Yeah. I know what I'm doing. I was waiting to see if it was one of those shows you'd be like, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. And then they give the details. at me like, no. I have been living in a bliss on this one. Yeah. I know what I'm doing. I was waiting to see if it was one of those shows you'd be like, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. And then they give the details, you're like, no. No. Anyway, it's not clear whether or not the technology currently exists or they're patenting the, patenting?

Patenting, yeah. Patenting the idea. So if you ever get anything popping up on Spotify saying, can we use a microphone Probably say no They want to listen Yeah ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast

If you enjoyed this podcast Why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app Or wherever you get your podcasts Hit music Live's here ZM