ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 1st March 2021

Episode Date: February 28, 2021

Top 6: Wiggles in Lockdown  Vaughans Sprinkler  Hayleys Raffle  Where's my Medal!?  What went through the Wash?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!Plus: Vaughan almost Died!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Morning, Megan, with Hayley Sproul Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Get a delicious barista-made coffee from Macca's Drive-Thru today. Well, in case you missed it, over the weekend, we, here in Auckland, have been put into essentially lockdown again, level three. All because some arsehole went to the gym while he was symptomatic and had had a COVID test And was told stay at home motherfucker Got his nose invaded

By the swab and then Went straight to the gym after that I was just having a chin wag By the way at complete social distance With someone here at work At another radio station And we were saying was level 3 Not long enough last time

And I said well there's news today that he went round to that person's house. Yeah. During level three. Yeah. So it wouldn't matter how long level three was. People are going to break the rules. And then what do you do? Do you slam people?

I know, but this is it. Because this is the argument. Oh, you know, they should be hung in public. Hanged. No, you say hanged. You do say hanged. Or, you know, or sent to prison or, you know, fine. But then you're going to put people off coming forward if they have symptoms.

Yes. And they feel like they've been naughty, then they'll keep that a secret and spread the disease more. Jacinda keeps saying, don't pile on. Yeah. Just follow the rules. But shit, she looked like she was ready to absolutely give someone hell at that press conference. Well, it's terrible. I'm about to cut a bitch.

Terrible news for New Zealand, but honestly, terrible news for the marching community. Nationals is in two and a half weeks. You know what this means for Auckland teams? We can't train. So why do you need to train? Because surely you've done this heaps. Oh, you've obviously not

watched the videos that Hayley sends us every day. Yeah, okay, the All Blacks do train. Okay, then. You keep striving for excellence and eventually you'll get there. But so what we've been doing, because we are training on Sunday, so that was obviously cancelled because of Saturday night. We've got training Wednesday. That's obviously cancelled.

Our next training is Sunday from 9 a.m. and the lockdown Is till 6am on Sunday So not quite sure what's going to happen there Can you train by yourself Or does it have to be in formation Well marching is a structural sport So you really do need

Your teamies there But you do get the individual execution So we've been filming Filming ourselves and submitting it to our coach for critique. Where do you do that? That's embarrassing. I do it in my driveway. And I have my military music playing on my laptop with my camera parked in the back of Aaron's ute.

And I do my marching up and down the driveway. I bet you and your neighbours are like, what the fuck has moved in next door? We're going to have to piss in this bitch's bloody car air filter. Oh, I know. She's waking us up on a Sunday morning

with her bloody bagpipe music. Well, my old neighbours, yeah, were teenage boys and they'd find they've just dropped a bit of porridge in your bed there. Oh, that always happens.

It's a porridge catcher. Oh, it's a big bit, is it? Yeah, it was. A bit of big oat. Yeah, my last neighbours were teenage boys. They would have found it very silly,

but my new neighbour is a slightly older woman so i wonder if she's probably from the generation of marches you know being a popular sport so she'll be just seeing me up and down wave my arms around you don't have to do that on zoom together it's just individual filming no because marching is famously about being in sync and Zoom is famously out of sync. Yeah, so my friend who's staying at the moment, he's going to be in, do you call it a pantomime? Oh, he's the panto. Jersey Boys, the pantomime, or whatever it's called. Oh, I don't think Jersey Boys is a pantomime.

Isn't a pantomime always like a Christmas themed Christmas interactive He's behind you! Tell me if you see the bad guy. He's behind you! I don't know see the bad guy. He's behind you. I don't know. But a show. A musical.

A musical. Yeah. And they were meant to start auditions today. Oh, dear. And they have to do it on Zoom. I've done a video audition before live on Zoom, and it sucks. Oh, my God. I said I can't wait to watch this.

Are you going to be home when it happens? No, he said he's going to go in the room, but they have to dance and sing and I'm just like, give him the lounge. You'll just hear him in the back. What's a song from Jersey Boys? What's that? Oh, it's a song from Jersey Boys. Isn't there like any Frankie Valli in the Four Seasons song?

Isn't there like 8,000 songs in that Jersey Boys musical? Oh, they had so many because I saw it in Christchurch. It's quite a good show. I've never seen it. It's one of the musicals I haven't seen. I would love to see. Yeah, they had so many because i was hearing christchurch it's quite a good show i've never seen it's one of the one of the musicals i haven't seen i would love to see yeah they had heaps of songs oh what a night that's one of them so that's what you hear through the through the war yeah yeah basically yeah and you hear him going three four jazz turn rock so yeah fun? Well, good luck. We've got three puppies in here today.

Well, two puppies. And Ralph. And Ralph. How old's Ralph? Two. Oh, still a puppy. Yeah, he's a big unit. And they're adorable.

But, you know, preference to dogs, it's a personal preference, isn't it? It is. It is. Because when someone's like, pugs are my favourite dog breed, I'm like, you know there's other dog breeds? But that's because I was bitten by a dog. Remember I was bitten by that pug that time? Well, you weren't there, but I've told you.

How badly can a pug bite you? It's a trauma. I was a little kid. I was a little kid and we were like running around playing and it just nipped me on the Achilles and dropped me. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Tough time breathing.

Yeah. But some people love them. Like sausage dogs. I don't get those. People think they're the cutest dogs ever. Oh, I think they're kind of cute. Yeah, but I wouldn't want one. But there's another dog that humanity went and were like,

you know what would make this long dog better? Make it longer well not too long its back won't be able to support its increased length i said make it longer like some creep yeah aaron wants a corgi he wants the queen's part why i didn't know have him pinned as a corgi guy really i thought we were gonna. Really? I thought you were going to blame him for Rockwheeler or something. Rockwheeler? Yeah. Rotwheeler. Rotwheeler. They're just rock and roll dogs. They're about Rocky.

Yeah. No, I don't know. We had a friend growing up. They always had Corgis. They're real yappy. They're the cutest dogs when they're puppies. And then that's the case with a lot of dog breeds. Cute puppies and then they get a bit, yeah.

I don't love a yappy dog. Well, there's been a study uh that has tried to find out what the cutest dog breed is using science you know the golden ratio the golden ratio of beauty uh they did it with symmetry yeah they did it with um humans basically and it's like you measure the distance and it's an algebraic equation that uses the distance between your eyes and the to your nose and the mouth that works out how perfect your face is. Well, they used it on dogs to find out which breeds have the closest faces to the golden ratio using this equation.

Number five on the list, the Basset Hound. That's funny. It has long ears, but that's another dog I think we've taken it too far. Their ears, eggs. Their ears, dragon. Because that's another dog I think we've taken it too far. Their ears, eggs. Their ears, dragon. Because that's like a sausage dog, isn't it? Yeah, basically. Number 10 on the list is the golden retriever.

Oh, okay. I would have thought that would have been right. Number 12 is the pug. Okay. Oh, yeah. Really using the golden ratio. But number four, the labrador. A closer.

The labrador and the retriever's face is very, very similar. Very similar. Number three, the Wirefox Terrier. I mean a foxy. I'm not a huge fan of Wirefox Terriers. That's right. As we all Google. Oh, they're pretty.

What else do they look like? Oh, no, they're cute. An old World War II fighter pilot? Yes. Yes. Number two, the Irish water spaniel. Wasn't that what, oh, no, that was the Portuguese water spaniel was what Barack Obama's dog was.

Oh, they're sort of poodly. Are they poodly? Yeah, the Irish water spaniel. There's a little bit of fluff there. These are some curly curls. But number one on the list, and this surprised me, of the most. The cutest dog breed. The cutest dog breed, according to maths, the Dalmatian.

You don't see them very often, but when I see one, they always do make me happy. You don't see them very often, do you? Well, it's because Cruella de Vil wiped out, pretty much genocided the entire population of Dalmatians to make that coat, didn't she? She did. Yeah, she gave them bad press, didn't she? She tried. She definitely tried.

Did you see the story over the weekend about the poodle cross prices in New Zealand soaring? Yes, because we were thinking about getting another dog for Ralph, because our other dog's quite old and sits mostly. And I was going to say you've got three, but these are your parents. These are my parents' dogs.

They've got to go back. And we looked at the price since we bought Ralph had more than tripled. Wow. So there was one that went for sale in the Hawke's Bay that was put up for sale and successfully sold, $5,500. What breed was that? A poodle crossed with what? Is it because the poodle's a...

It was a cavoodle. A cavoodle. So that's what Mulu is. That's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Yeah, and no offence, but I wouldn't pay $5,500 for a stupid dog like that. I wouldn't pay $5,500 for a dog. Aren't poodles said to be the smartest?

No, they're dumb. So dumb. Oh, Iodles said to be the smartest? No, they're dumb. So dumb. Oh, I thought poodles were a little bit intelligent. They're dumb. They just run. Don't poodles run the same track around a lawn and they'll just wear out like the same figure, right? So this woman that is in this news story

was saying she bought a puppy in 2016, a similar one, for $1,200. Yeah. And at the moment, $5,500. Is it just because people aren't going on holiday? That was the theory. People are buying because they know they're not going to be leaving the country for a while.

They're like, well, let's get that dog we've always talked about. This is also where motorbikes are selling. Did you know motorbikes are selling? And boats. Because middle-aged dudes are like, well, I can't go to Spain this year. I'll buy my Harley. And apparently motorbikes are selling really well, I can't go to Spain this year. I'll buy my Harley. And apparently motorbikes are selling really well at the moment

because of all these old dudes. I always think that expensive dogs, like if you Google the most expensive dogs in the world, the ones that are on that list, oh, Rottweiler, 9,000. A rock. Rock. A Rottweiler. The Rocket Wheeler.

They all look a little silly. Do you know what I mean? They're not just a normal dog. They're the kind of dog you've got. Very impractical dog. Huh. That's a Beton Mastiff. Oh, that's what I was about to say.

Those massive, fluffy, big, fluffy dogs. The Chow Chow. Oh, my God. Those are so cute, though. Is that $11,000 for a Chow Chow? $11,000. That doesn't surprise me. Number one on the list of world's most expensive dogs, the Samoyed.

Really? Yeah, apparently. What a nightmare most expensive dogs, the Samoyed. Really? Yeah, apparently. What a nightmare to keep clean, the Samoyed. Doesn't Ben Boyce have a Samoyed? Yeah, he does. And he said it's an absolute nightmare to keep clean. Probably the most expensive dogs in the world at the moment would be Lady Gaga's two French Bulldogs at half a million dollars because she's going to have to pay out that ransom. Yeah. By the sounds of it.

I've got a bit of an update on that later in the show, actually. All right. 16 past six. Well, when the announcement came through at nine o'clock on Saturday night, you knew it wasn't going to be good, didn't you? Yeah. You had a real feeling. Well, I've got to tell you next about some of the things people rushed to do before that closure of- That 6 a.m. deadline.

Yeah, that 6 a.m. back to level three, baby. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Now, when it was Saturday night, and I had a bit of a sniff beforehand through some journalist pals that there was going to be a press conference at 9 a.m. I sent it through to the group, and everyone's like, don't bullshit us, Smith, that's not the time. I was like, strap in, and then sure enough, there it was, 9 o'clock.

Yeah, it's like when producer Anna will say the night before a show, guys, they're requesting an interview with Chris Hipkins tomorrow. And you're like, uh-oh, here we go. Also, hats off to all the people that could turn up on a Saturday night to that without being drunk. Oh, my God, that's what I was thinking. Because if they'd called me. I would have been like, I've got quite booze watching that new...

We're going to catch up with Jason Walls from the Herald after seven this morning. I reckon he had a couple of beers. He had a slight slur and he let Tova

have a couple of questions. She was like, Jason, he's like, Tova, Tova can go. He is a professional. That is not true.

We'll find out after seven. So, this is weird. See if you can work this out. Tattoo Gold, which is in Takapuna in Auckland, saw that it was going to be level three and offered an all-night tattoo service from 8pm till 3am. Now, nothing wrong with that

because that doesn't break the rules. Nope, because alert levels technically change from 6am. Now, nothing wrong with that because that doesn't break the rules. Nope, because alert levels technically change from 6am. Yeah. And those tattoo shops are often open late. You know, they'll do like, they're working on a big piece. Or they want someone to come in after a couple of drinks and get that tattoo they've always wanted. Get one of those

Thailand rush jobs. All people can't get a tattoo of a sheep saying moo at a Perpignan full moon party at the moment because you can't get there. So you've got to get drunk and do that sort of stuff at home now. So, I mean, while COVID wasn't like waiting at the gates to be released

at six o'clock, that's the thing when you saw these events everyone's like, well, at least at six o'clock we'll keep going here and then we'll head home because that's not how it works. So, I can't quite crunch the numbers on this. Seven tattoo artists at the studio, and they reckon they knocked off 300 by 4 a.m.

300 tattoos. Yeah, also is a, like, tired tattoo artist what you want when you've been permanently marked on your body? Wouldn't you want them fresh as a kipper? When did you get that gorgeous portrait of your grandmother 5 a.m. before lockdown. I'm sorry to do this because I actually follow Tattoo Gold on Instagram. I have for a long time.

Do you? I follow a few tattoo places. Do you have tattoo? I do. I've got a few. You seem like a really disappointed parent. Do you have a tattoo? Sade just got a tattoo.

I know. You're not happy about it, are you? Is she here? A butterfly? No, she got her it sounds like I'm being unnecessarily grumpy but I think she only did it to like roll me out

she got our girls initials on her wrist oh that's beautiful she didn't name them she's not forgetting them well she's not going to regret that though she's never going to be like I actually don't like them she could be in a Ryman home one day

yeah she'll be like what does this mean yeah and I said you should have put mine at the front because then it would have been via, like, Vaughan Indy August, via.

And people would have been like, via where? And then that would have been very confusing. But then she may be divorcing you like in the 50s. A hundred percent. Yeah, the kids are here to stay.

As long as she hooked up with someone like Michael, she could change the V to an M. Yep. Or a W. Sure. Or an A. Upside down A.

Could go an A. So, they've actually posted on their Instagram that they did a snapshot of the headline, Tattoo Studio finishes 300 tattoos. And they said, don't believe everything you read in the media. We did not do 300 tattoos. That's a false fact. That's a false fact and not even possible. Because doing the maths, that didn't add up.

No. Exactly. Where did this headline get the numbers from? I don't know. I don't know. because doing the maths that didn't add up no exactly where did this headline get the numbers from I don't know maybe it was just like they were doing hundreds someone said that

but they did offer those late appointments and they assured their customers they didn't breach any of their lockdown rules they were all done by 4am

wow but it's not the only last minute thing I read this article about an Auckland couple that had their wedding their wedding was supposed to be this week.

Then they got the announcement on Saturday and they thought, you know what? This is already a wedding we've postponed. Let's do it. They text and rang. On Saturday night? Saturday night. Rang all their guests, gave them an hour to get over to their house and they had their wedding. And they couldn't believe.

What was their dress code? They would have got like track pants from me the bride was well the bride was in her wedding dress because it was all ready to go for this weekend but there would have been

the hair and the makeup do you get the photos done later do you there's a little photo of them at home in their kitchen and it's really cute but they said

some friends obviously weren't able to make it to their 11pm wedding at their home yeah I wouldn't have been again drunk but they said that it was they were super surprised as to how many people turned up able to make it to their 11pm wedding at their home. Yeah, I wouldn't have been. Again, drunk. But they said that they were super surprised as to how many people turned up. Do you think it'll be a trend in a couple of years when, fingers crossed, this is all

past and we get back to some kind of normality? There'll be a big renewal of vows kind of thing? Yeah, like people got married, they didn't get the weddings they wanted. Or they'll realise, like most people who get married, that they dodged a super expensive day where, sure, they had fun, but they could probably, like, buy a new car or a boat. Yeah, my parents had four guests at their wedding and me and my brother weren't even invited.

Oh, wow. They just had four mates, drunk a bottle of whiskey and got married. Wait, is this a joke saying that you weren't born yet or were you actually born? No, no, we were both bastard children. We weren't invited. Wow. All right, Sprel.

6-24. Lockdown, of course, around the world and COVID ravaging the world. So a lot of people stuck inside streaming. This stat is pretty incredible. 984 million minutes of a TV show was watched in the US in a single week. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. Well, a lot of people streaming at the moment around the world

and streaming stats have been released from the US. And one show has taken out the number one spot with an incredible 984 million minutes of this show streamed in a single week. Now that's 74,000 times through the entire 324 episode series for those that are keeping track.

Good God. Wait a minute. Tell me the minutes again because I want to see how it translates into how many years. 984 million minutes. 984. Now, bear in mind.

Now, that's 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0. The number two show is Bridgerton. Now, this streamed 936 million minutes. Okay. And that's only one series and that's new. So, if you were to put that into years, calendar years, 984 million minutes, and you started on the day our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ was born, zero.

Yeah. It would have taken you to 1872 to watch those all. 1872 years. Point one. So probably into February too. Oh my God. Isn't that so? So that's how much time humanity collectively watched this show you're about to tell us.

So this show is, I have watched a lot of this show. I've probably seen every episode. Maybe apart from the recent series. Criminal Minds. I have never seen a single episode. So I got hooked on it. When Vaughn knows this, I got hooked on this because I went to Columbia for a couple of months. And the only English speaking channel was this American cable channel

and it had Criminal Minds like on loop basically. No, I know this show. I think I might have watched it maybe like it's flicked on

in the background. It's one of those shows with the funky scientist girl, the kind of alternative girl. Is that the one? Yeah, she's

Is she the lab technician? No, she kind of runs the computer. She does all the they're like track this plate. And she's like... Every one of those funky crime-solving shows

has some gothic sort of fringe glasses lab girl. Yeah. Yeah. But if you want to watch... I've never watched it. Because I remember... Well, Criminal Minds in New Zealand is now on Star. So it's streaming now at Disney+.

And they are also bringing a ZM Secret Sound. I know. What an actual coincidence. It's got to be a good show if people are watching nearly 2,000 years of it in one week. One of those shows that's just easy to watch. It's 40 minutes. And it's kind of episodic in that you can just watch an episode. They do have a backstory.

But they follow one case. Does it have like a catchy do-doong? You know how like, what was that? Law and Order? Oh, yeah. It's like, yeah. Do-doong. They do have a backstory. But they follow one case. Does it have like a catchy, do-doong. You know how like, what was that, Law and Order? Oh, yeah, it's like, yeah, they do it well. And, you know, true crime, all the rage at the moment. Oh, crime. Podcasting. Crime, all the rage at the moment.

Just crime. Just crime in general, all the rage. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Do you know it's a good way to make money in 2020, 2021? That's not a feature yet. I was going to say, so in another, you know it's a good way to make money in 2020, 2021? That's not a future yet. I was going to say, so in another 20,000 years. A few years is influencing. They're everywhere, the influencers.

I'm guilty of following a few of them. I'm not guilty of it. I love them. But influencers as a career has been a rising job. And typically you might see your fitness influencers, your young, hip young things. What kind of influencer do you follow? Fitness.

Hip young things, do you see? Hip young things. Hip young things, fashion young things. Okay. Fit young things. Okay. Simone Anderson, obviously, is my go-to. But now they're saying move over Gen Z

because older social media users are owning huge money and huge followers on Instagram now. Talking about people aged mid-50s and as old as into their 90s. What about Jeffrey? Pauline and Jeffrey. Oh, Pauline.

But they don't influence. They're just cute and old. No, I've seen a couple of things where people have sent them something, but it's like, obviously they're not getting paid. They're just old people receiving a gift, so they do the right thing and thank. Oh, my God. Have you heard of that?

Jeffrey Walk. It's Pauline and Jeffrey Walk. And they are just the most wholesome couple. And she fell over. She fell over, and we were just like, this is it. Well, she had to go into an NHS facility and she's like 90 and those things, COVID ripping

through there but they're alright, they're still kicking. Well there's, I mean older people now are hopping on and doing all sorts of things like there's makeup you know, makeup for older people, fashion. I follow one called advanced style which is like older people in people, fashion. I follow one called Advanced Style,

which is like older people in their amazing fashion. Are you just hoping for like some tips? I'm just making sure I'm ready to go to be as cool as I can for as long as I can. Fitness, you know, keeping fit in their older years. I mean, I guess there are a lot of people that age are on Instagram and Facebook now. So why wouldn't they be influenced by their peers?

Exactly. And they've got followers into the millions. So it's becoming a more accepted thing. I mean, look at this old dear having a blimmin' good time. Oh, I follow her. What's her name? That's Batty Winkle. Yeah, Batty Winkle.

She was like a big deal a couple of years ago. Right. How many followers is she up to now? Millions. Millions, yeah. Millions. And so they're making good money from this? Yeah, they are because they're getting the usual brand people wanting to come in and go,

actually, this is a great angle for us that we're not just marketing to millennials who, or not millennials, Gen Zs who don't even have any money. How long before you have to do an ad for Depends and influence on your Instagram? Well, look, I've got one kidney. I'm probably ready to do it now. Do it, but it depends. Yeah. I mean, but they're not.

They're getting cool drinks and makeup brands and stuff. It's not just your usual, you know, adult pads. Baddy Winkle did an ad for Svedka vodka. Yeah. Oh, what? Baking with vodka. Because you can put vodka into baking apparently. Who knew?

I'm going to give a lot of these grannies a bit of a follow? No, you're just letting yourself in for heartache though. Why? They're not going to be around forever. Because they, oh yeah, when they pass on. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm not familiar with, I've never followed like someone

that would be described as an influencer that has passed away. But what happens? Does the account become a memorial account? I've followed a few deceased Instagrammers, and it's like the page will make a post saying, last night so-and-so. And then you just don't see it anymore. Wow.

That's a bit of a morbid end to that story, isn't it? Well, you talk about old people. That's how it all ends, isn't it, for everybody? Yeah. I hate to tell you, but no one's making it out of this alive. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the bustling ZM think tank,

this is the top six. You know, we're pretty lucky in New Zealand where one of the biggest controversies we're facing as a country is the Wiggles tour. Remember how they got managed to isolation and people were like, well, I've been trying to get home and I can't get into New Zealand and there's no spots

left and why is Dorothy the dinosaur in Otrua but the rest of the Wiggles are in Auckland? Why have they split them up? So the Wiggles tour starts on Friday the 19th of March. I just googled Wiggles tour NZ 2021. Viagogo is still

the top research result. How are those sons of bitches still around? What? I thought they were absolutely cancelled. Me too. So, Invercargill on the 19th, they got two shows. They got a morning and an afternoon. That's enough time.

That's enough time, I reckon. It is, but what if everybody takes this Level 3 as seriously as they took last Level 3, which it turns out, not that seriously because someone had to get their pump on at the gym after a COVID test. You never skip leg day. Did you see that look Jacinda gave at the 9 o'clock presser on Saturday? I feel like they didn't want that information publicly stated just yet. And then one of the journos was like,

so what do you think about them going to the gym? And they named the gym like City Fitness Botany. they went the same day after they went for a COVID test. And Justin was like, maybe Dr. Bloomfield would you care to comment because I'm about to lose my shit. So the Wiggles are performing right through until the 1st of April all over New Zealand. I said, but what happens if when they get out of managed isolation, we're still in a restricted level? Well, I've got the top four, top six. Why would it be four?

Top four. Doing this for a few years, now all of a sudden it's four. Would be easier on myself. The top six other ways the Wiggles can still perform in New Zealand. Number five. Why don't we just boot them up their own Freeview channel? Why have you started at number five? No, I meant number six.

Don't say five. Yeah, you did. You said top four of your top six. Are you having a stroke? I'm having a number stroke. Number six is give them their own free view channel. Yeah, right. Give them their own free view.

You do a little of that. That wouldn't be very good for our television industry because everyone would watch it. It is the biggest kids' TV show in the world, isn't it? But to be honest, you can already watch it on YouTube and stuff. Yeah, true. Unless they were going to be dropping some very specific geographical references.

Number five on the list of the top six other ways the Wiggles can still perform in New Zealand. In those bubbles they have at the fair that float on water, you know they set up like a little mini paddling pool. Like a Zorb. Yeah, like a Zorb and they zip it up and you run around in it. They could do that. Everybody could be in one of those. Good idea. Isolation bubbles. Mind you, what's

the deal with air tightness on those? Do you end up running out of oxygen? You don't want to suffocate your Wiggles. Oh yeah, they'll probably get a couple of gigs in though. Yeah. Number four on the list are the top six other ways the wiggles can still perform in New Zealand on an America's Cup boat. They could.

Well, those have been postponed as well. They could zip that up and down the coast. Is there a maritime thing there? Captain Feathersword. No, no. A law that prevents wiggles on boats. No, that they can perform, you know, COVID-free, basically, without level three.

They could go up and down Auckland's waterfront where people were going for their socially distanced walk. Yeah, and perform to them. And they could perform on the way past. Number three on the list of the top six other ways the Wiggles can still perform in New Zealand. At Pack and Save, on the top of the because, you know, Pack and Save's got

really tall shelves. Yeah. They could be on the top of the shelves. Right, just for shopping. So there's social distance and a way to pass the time. And, oh no, because you can't take your kids to the supermarket. Yeah. It actually sounds like it would be torture now. Yeah, well, because the pack and save is already a disaster during level three.

Yeah, everyone's pushing around. Everyone's there. Trolley angst. Number two on the list of the top six ways the Wiggles can still perform in New Zealand if when they're released we're still in restricted levels, a hot air balloon. Oh, yeah. Each in a hot air balloon.

Yeah. Good idea. And going across over the... With big speakers. Yeah. Yeah, good. Over your town. I like that.

It could totally work. And number one on the list of the top six other ways the Wiggles can still perform in New Zealand are at any of those Auckland police road checkpoints. Yeah. Set them up a little stage. The lines to get back into Auckland yesterday were phenomenal. People probably would have liked a Wiggles concert while they waited for hours. Well, would they have?

It sounds like it might have just added to the torture of being stuck in your car on a crazy hot day. That is today's Top 6. Fletchvorner Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. today's top six. Nicole, good morning. Good morning. How was your weekend? It was pretty good, thanks.

Okay, you weren't that person that won Lotto? Nah. I was only very greedy of you to win Lotto and then still be chasing the secret sound. Yeah. But that is be chasing the secret sound. Yeah. But that is how addictive the secret sound is now. ZM's $50,000 secret sound.

It's all thanks to Star Streaming now on Disney+, including more originals like Solar Opposites. You can learn more at DisneyPlus.com. Right, Soundkeeper Owls joins us. How was your weekend, Soundkeeper Owls? Wonderful. Right, you've got a bus stop button now. Yeah Wonderful. Right. You've got a bus stop button now. Yeah. A what?

You've got a bus stop button. A bus stop button? Yes, I do. Yeah. Did you forget you had a bus stop button? I was like, I've got a button in my iPhone. Full of buttons. But I've got another button.

I just love them. So now everyone can touch my buttons. Whoa. Whoa. That is not consent. All right. This is the secret sound. Nicole.

Yeah, so I think it's using a, like, a spiral binding machine, like pulling down the handle and punching the hole. Oh, I used to hate those because I'm a left-hander. Same. So, you know, when you write in a ring binder and the ring binder's in the spine, your left hand, you can't rest it. Oh. Yeah.

Well, why don't you adapt? This is also a small price to pay. You are all Satan's handymen because, of course, that's what they used to say, isn't it? Left-handed. Creative. Psychopath. Stop being in the chore. The work of Satan. Grow up and use your right hand.

Bullied. Okay. Nicole, where are you calling from? Wellington. Okay, so you're not in level three. You've been walking around doing bookbinding stuff on Sunday. Blessed. I can tell you now

that that is not the secret sound. Ah, Nicole. Good guess though. That is a very good guess. $100 for you though, Nicole. Oh, awesome. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, in a sort of a real life

handmaid's tale, New Zealand sperm counts could threaten our human survival. That is how rapidly sperm counts are dropping in New Zealand. Was Handmaid's Tale, was that a sperm problem or a general fertility problem? It was a general fertility problem. Right. Which is also what we have.

There's a number of factors contributing to the drop in our fertility in New Zealand. But is this just New Zealand or worldwide? Why would it just be in New Zealand that levels are dropping? I think it is. Previously, it has been worldwide, but I think we haven't been as bad as other parts of the world. Oh, right. No. And now, like the rate at which our sperm counts are falling,

and they're projecting that they could reach zero by 2045. Wow. That's only 24 years away. And that is real housewives, not housewives, handmaid's tale kind of stuff, isn't it? Because that was the gist is that very few women were able to have children. So those that were fertile became these maids who used to bear children. They're saying there's a number of things to blame.

The obvious things. Microplastics. When I watch TV, I always leave my phone near my balls. Near your balls? When I'm driving, I'll put it between my legs. Right. Is that it? That's not good.

To blame lifestyle things that alter hormone balances and exposure to everywhere chemicals. Could be a bit of that. Phones by your balls. Exit mold. Exposure. Sometimes I don't open enough of a window when I'm ex-molding. There's a lot of science behind it.

It's things around our modern world that impair the endocrine system of chemical messaging in the body. Additional things, smoking tobacco and cannabis, being obese. All these things don't help. With the cannabis, it's more just you've smoked a bit too much and you can't get it up, right? You're sure? This is terrible.

Everywhere chemicals. We've had a good run. Have we? We've done a lot of terrible things as a species. Phytholates. Phytholates. Phytholates. Isn't that the stuff that's in shampoo? Phytholates.

Aren't they like, well, no, what's the stuff that they're like, the shampoos were a few years ago, shampoos were big on telling you they didn't have something in them. Phytholates. No, it wasn't phytholates. Remember the shampoos were like, contains no something something. Oh, sugar. Yep, that's it.

Sugar-free. Everyone's hair was getting too fat. Oh, sugar. Yep, that's it. Sugar-free. Everyone's hair was getting too fat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, if there was ever a call to live a healthier lifestyle, all they're saying is lifestyle changes is a way to get the sperm back up and swimming. Right. This is a call for it.

In 20 years, there's going to be no balls full of healthy swimmers. Right. All right, 12 past 7. Next on the show, a man who I can only assume is very fertile. Jason Walls joins us on the show. I'll ask him if he's running a fertile game. I probably won't ask him that, actually.

How will you know? It's a seamless segue. Do you know if your sperm's good? Mine, I've got two. But still going good? Well, no, I don't know. I have to get the tubes cut, son. Fletch, have you got good balls?

I've heard lovely balls. Many reviews of Fletch's balls. I've got a good trip advisor. Okay. Five yelps out of you. Five yelps and five stars. That's also not a rating. That's just how many times people yelp when they see his balls.

Five. Okay, great. Five yelps out of five. We are joined on the phone by a man who, let's ask him. Let's get this. Let's hit him with some hard questions rather than him hitting everybody else with hard questions. Jason Walls from the New Zealand Herald, political reporter. Good morning.

It's too early for hard-hitting questions. Come on, guys. Jason. Climate change. What are we doing about that? I was going to specifically... Did you... Were you on call on Saturday night?

Like, how come no one at that press conference was drunk? Well, I mean, we were very good at hiding. No, I'm just kidding. We are very professional. I wasn't quite on call. I was actually at the rugby watching the Hurricanes and the Blues, and mercifully, I actually left before the Blues started winning. But no, no, we basically got the message from the PM's chief press secretary.

It was like, hey, somebody should definitely be down at the Beehive for this press conference. And I was actually with my girlfriend, and I kind of turned to her and said, I'm really sorry about this, but I have to go. And so she was actually really good about it. And she jumped on an e-scooter with me and we just kind of scooted over to the Beehive. It's quite romantic, actually. So you were on a date at that 9pm presser?

Yeah. Why? Yeah. Well, I mean, with my girlfriend of about nine months. So, I mean, she kind of understood. She knows the game. It's already fizzled out. So is that why you were being polite and letting Tova have your question a couple of times there?

I noticed, was that just you showing the girlfriend that you're a gentleman and a scholar? Oh, well, she actually was waiting outside, which is a little bit awkward because she wasn't allowed into the theatre. Oh, she's a peasant. She's a commoner. Oh, yeah, that's right.

She doesn't have that ID. She doesn't have correct clearance. Right, okay. So not even a few beers at the rugby? Well, I didn't have that ID. She didn't have correct clearance. Right. Okay. So not even a few beers at the rugby. Well, I didn't say that. Because, jeez, I was absolutely tanked when that came on. I had the night to myself. I was drinking heavily.

So what was it like? Like it was a weird feeling when it was like there's going to be a press conference at 9 o'clock and everyone's like, oh, jeez, it's Saturday night. This can't be good. What was the vibe in the room? Oh, well, we all kind of knew it was coming at this stage. We've been to enough of these press conferences and we know the timing of it that if it's a statement,

if it comes from the ministry, it's probably just something that we don't have to worry about too much. But if it's a prime minister press conference at late at night, we know that that can really only mean one thing. So we were just kind of gearing up to see what exactly that was. How bad it was. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because the rest of the country,

I think it's because it was such short notice. There would have been a lot of people that just don't have news alerts on their phone that would have got that COVID big beeping alert thing and would have thought, what the heck is going on? Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. What about Jacinda? She generally tries to keep quite a cool head.

But the frustration, the frustration was palatable. It was clearly showing in there, wasn't it, that she was effed off. She was blimmin' annoyed about this. Yeah, well,

there's the Ardern Anger Scale, which we talk about down in the press gallery because she's so cool, calm and collected. But when she says frustrated, well, she can't really say frustrated. You'll notice that she is prostrated.

It's a word that she kind of struggles with saying. She says frustrated. No, next time you watch a press conference, watch it. She can't say frustrated. Well, I mean, we all have words that we can't say. But yeah, so in terms of that, she was quite annoyed with this person and she generally doesn't really get too upset. But this is one of the examples where she wasn't too pleased.

Right. So the news today and I guess last night was that there is a link, a confirmed link between the latest positive case and an earlier family. And that was during when they were meant to be isolated. Yeah, well, this is the good news, actually, because if there's a link between the two families, it means that they're all in the same cluster. And the thing that officials in Ardern were worried about is if this new case just kind of came out of somewhere where they didn't know.

So the fact that it's all connected in this one case, Ardern was saying yesterday, which is quite good news, actually. Right. Do you know what they can do if somebody does break the rules? I know they can force people to quarantine under the Health Act, but are there fines? Because that seems to be the talk around the water cooler today. Not that we will be water coolering in Level 3.

No, we're very distraught. But what can they do? Well, at this stage, I don't actually think that there is a process where they can sign them or things like that. I know that now that will be definitely a conversation that the government will be having. And that's probably something that we'll be asking today at 1pm conferences, what actually can be done? Because I think a lot of people are looking at this latest example and saying there needs to be some sort of deterrent to make sure that people are actually staying inside when they are.

But yesterday, Ashley Bloomfield was saying that if people don't answer their phone when they're being contacted by health officials, the police will be sent around to make sure that they're actually staying inside. I mean, nobody answers you. I don't answer my phone. No. If I don't know the number, I'm not answering that call. So I kind of get that. If it's important, they'll leave a message. Yeah.

Even though it's checking voicemail. No, yeah. All right. Well, any more information to hand this morning? Oh, yeah. What's coming today? Come on. Come on.

Give us some news. Oh, no, not today. The Prime Minister will start to press rounds in a few minutes. So keep an eye on her. She might be talking about if there are any more cases overnight. But she did say yesterday it was more than likely that there would be more cases in the community over the next couple of days, unfortunately.

So keep your eyes peeled for any more information on that. Awesome. All right, Jason Walls. Unfortunately, a romantic date at the rugby. Cut short over the weekend, but appreciate you taking the time to talk to us this morning. No problem. Stay safe. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Before this gets poo-pooed as something boring,

somebody did message me on Instagram saying, I want you to know that my dad got an Instagram account just to see what you're up to. Somebody's dad is struggling with technology and this was apparently one of the selling points. The robot vacuum cleaner was like,

he was apparently very interested in a robot vacuum cleaner, but now he's on board for this. Is this your brand? Handy Dad. Handy Dandy Dad. Do you reckon? Dandy Dad. Dandy Daddy.

I'm not quite sure. Well, Gadget Dad. Gadget Dad. That would be cool. So I got what was called an apparently very old technology. Right. But I'd never ever seen them until I saw one online.

This is your birthday present. This is my birthday present. I saw one being restored. I got into this YouTube channel that's basically like the repair shop without all the emotional connection. So it's great because I don't cry at the end of every episode. But they were restoring something called a walking

water tractor. So this is a sprinkler that makes its way across the lawn, its own way across the lawn. And it uses what, like basically the hose as a pulley? Yeah. No, the hose is like a guide. Yeah, right. So the front wheel has got like a gap in it and you put that over the hose, like an upside down U.

Yeah. You put that over the hose so the front wheel can turn and it'll just follow wherever that hose goes. But how does the water come out of the hose? The water goes into the back of the sprinkler where it spins this thing around on top. Now for every like 15, 20 spins it takes, the wheels on the back take a little step

forward. So you can like set it up and walk away and come back and it's just walk this way across your lawn. But it can only follow one track. How long's the reach? walked its way across your lawn. But it can only follow one track. How long's the reach? Well, as long as you hose. Wow. As long as you hose. So you do snake the hose.

You can snake the hose. And it can follow the snake because it's moving so slowly. It's not like a slot car set where it gets to the end and it tumbles over. For an automatic garden tool, it feels like you still have to do quite a bit of work. You've got to lay out the hose.

You've got to lay out the hose. You've got to lay out the hose. So you might as well actually just hold the hose instead of laying it out and hose your own lawn. Hey, can you even know? It'd take forever. This way and this way, you can watch it do it and be like, good job. What do you mean you can watch it do it? Well, you can sit outside and have a beer or just come back and check on it every now

and then. Did you not? And it's walking its way around, watering the... I did this real... I should have time-losed it. I did this snaky bit through the fruit trees, and this thing was just like... You did time-lapse a few.

Did you not see Vaughan's social media over the weekend? No, I didn't. Oh, just absolute hot content. That's my little walk. Yeah. Was it good to know that you've hidden Vaughan? No, I haven't hidden you. I was...

Well, you've got to watch more of my stuff, so I'm, like, right at the front. You've got watch more of my stuff, so I'm like right at the front. You've got to be right up there. You're obviously not right at the top. Can you like and subscribe, please? I have liked and subscribed. And click this bell for notifications. Or whatever they say at the end of every...

Yeah, it really supports my channel. It's gone now. Oh, well, good for you. I can show you in person, though. Who bought you this gift? You feel like you're missing out. Shardé got it for me. What were you guys doing?

So this is time lapse. So that goes way, way slower than this. It gives a thorough soaking. A thorough soaking. And before I hear from anybody about water restrictions, I'm again, I'm on bore. Bore supply water. It's too slow.

It feels like your lawn's going to be absolutely saturated. A mud pool. Oh, no. Well, you wouldn't do it in winter, but when she dries her bone out there. Oh, yeah. So to that dad who's got an Instagram account, I wish I knew his name because I'd follow him back because you know he's zero posts.

Yeah, probably. Until he accidentally sees that there's like bikini models on Instagram, he starts liking them and he doesn't know that that all kind of shows up. Oh, no, Dad. Yeah. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. There's breaking news.

Don't be alarmed. It's not COVID. The Auckland Coast Guard is in hot water after making a mercy dash to fetch bottles of tonic water for a luxury charter launch anchored in a Waiheke Island bay. What? So they sent the Coast Guard for their gin and tonic? Yeah, they said they'd give them a $100 donation.

If they boosted to where to get the tonic? Or just to a store. On Waiheke where they may be. If they boosted to where to get the tonic? Or just to a store. Are they happy to be driving past? I don't know. But, you know, we've all run out of tonic, haven't we, at some stage? Right. You've got to weigh up there with another $100 donation even went to cover, you know, the hours involved and the petrol.

I feel like if you're that deep into a bottle of gin that you've run out of tonic, it's time to just start doing some shots anyway. You know what I mean? Has anyone tried gin and salt water? Meh. Just dip your cup in. If it's cold enough, I bet it's drinkable.

Salty gin and water. Why not? Yuck. Hey, congratulations are in order. Thank you so much. Somebody took home top prize at the weekend. It was actually second prize. Oh, what was first prize? Well, I'll give you the full story. It was actually second prize. What was first prize?

Well, I'll give you the full story. Okay, you're jealous. This was the most exciting thing. So yesterday I was on my laptop doing some work, working from home like a good Samaritan. And I went on my Facebook page and I saw there was a live from a place called Kitten Inn, which is where I got our rescue cat, Rolly.

What is, by the way, I've always wanted to know, where did the name come from? Rolly. Oh, my gosh. Rolly. Rolly. Rolly. Like Holly.

Like Roleston Prison. So it's named after. Roleston Prison. It's named after Roleston Street in Newtown, which is the house where Aaron and I first fell in love. Right, okay. Really cute. Anyway, so Kitten Inn is a rescue place in Lower Hutt, Wellington.

Right, I'm looking at it now. Good reviews. Great reviews. Great cats all round. Five out of five for our cat. Five out of five for their cats. And I had entirely forgotten that I had bought a whole lot of raffle tickets for their raffle to fundraise

because they had been hit quite hard by COVID because people weren't coming and making donations. And cats were still being born and not wanted and left in plastic bags on their doorstep,

which people do. And they rescued them. Where do they get a plastic bag from these days? God, those are hard to come by. I don't know. So if you're out there putting cats in plastic bags, I want to ask you. Why are you using a reusable

shopping bag? Think about the environment. Anyway, so I clicked on this live and I realised it was the live draw of this raffle of which I had invested quite a bit of money. I donated, sorry, quite a bit of money into. Are you going on about

your charity? I am a huge charity giver. I bought 10 of these tickets. Oh, wow. And I saw Chris Bishop, national politician Chris Bishop. He was pulling the drawer. Oh, is he the one that had that mule for a while, that ugly mullet? Yeah, he had a mullet. Anyway, so they were pulling the drawer.

There were five prizes. And I tell you what, the prizes were quite good. There was a fifth prize, it was a high T. Fourth prize was a something or other. Oh, a something or other. Third prize was an air fryer, which I'm absolutely gagging for. What a hot button item to have. I don't have one of those. Second prize, and this is where Chris Bishop said,

incorrectly, even though we've met many times before and have interviewed him, Hayley Sprawl. We thought this is no way it could be Hayley from the telly. No, it's Hayley Sprawl. And I went, oh my gosh, I just happened to be watching this and I absolutely got that adrenaline rush of winning something. And I ran into the room to Aaron and I said, Aaron, I've just won something at the

Kitten and Raffle. And he said, what did you win? And I said, I don't even know. And I went on and here's what I've won. First prize was a one week stay at a holiday home in Waitarere Beach. Beautiful. Second prize and here's where my name was called.

Valued at $1,500. Second prize, and here's where my name was called. Valued at $1,500. $1,500 is a custom outdoor cat house. Like what? A custom built house. So you can choose what you want. You get to sit down with this cat-based architect and go through your plans and they'll spend up to $1,500 building it. Amazing. So it's like all I'm seeing here on this spend up to $1,500 building it. Amazing.

So it's like all I'm seeing here on this, I don't know anything else about it. They've emailed me to say, can we have your phone number? I'm very excited, Kitten, and more than happy to support. Is a weatherboard like a dog house, but it has a cat flap in it. A beautiful, warm little abode just for your cat. But just a cat flap because you're going to need a human flap to get in there so you can clean it. A beautiful, warm little abode just for your cat. But just a cat flap because you're going to need a human flap to get in there so you can clean it. I'm sure there's a human flap. I've only got one

photo of it here. Custom though. So you better know that that is going into my new house in Auckland. I'm very excited. But are they going to want to transport that from Wellington to Auckland? I assume it's a Wellington based... I'll pay what it takes. To Wellington-based... I'll pay what it takes. ...to get it transported.

I'll pay what it takes. This is crazy cat lady. This is not crazy cat lady. This is... You've got a cat house. If she'd paid for it, I would say full-blown crazy cat lady. But she's only got one cat, and this was the results of winning a raffle. Well, I just want to say...

Not yet, but it's well on the way. I'm really... I'm going to keep you guys updated on this. Our cat's actually been in a cattery for almost a month now while we have been moving house. We get him back tomorrow and honestly... Does he even know he's won a cat house? He doesn't even know.

Is he a cat house sleeper? Will he sleep in the cat house? No. We buy him beds, cushions, blankets, everything. He does not sleep anywhere we ask him to. But this cat house could be a goer. Bung it on your back lawn and rent it out to a student. You see, Aaron's already mad because it's going to burn the grass on the lawn. You know what I mean?

It's going to kill the grass on the lawn. We don't have a lot of lawn. Not if you put it in the lounge. Not if I put it in the lounge, Fletch. Anyway, yeah, go and donate to a lot of animal rescue places, guys, because they've actually been hit very hard with COVID. And you know what? There might be something in it for you.

You might win a crazy cat lady house. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Stepping up to the podium for the 10th year in a row, your gold medalist. Where's my medal? Well, it's the segment of the show where we reward those little things that you've done that you maybe haven't got enough recognition for. The medals of mediocrity.

Yeah. We celebrate your small accomplishments. We don't want to hear about your big things. Oh, well done. You got an actual certificate. No. Oh, well done. You donated to charity and they gave you a cat house.

Well done. Stop going on about your charity. I give to charity and they gave you a cat house. Well done. Stop going on about your charity. I give to charity. Save the animals. Charity. We welcome first up Jen. Good morning, Jen. Good morning.

Now, why do you deserve a medal? Well, I wanted to make perfect pork crackling, so I got the pork roast out of the freezer the night before you wanted to have it. Oh, wow. Because if you forget and you're microwaving that sucker, you know, it's not going to work. Yeah, well, it's supposed to sit in the

fridge for an hour at least uncovered so that you can get that perfect crackling, but you can't do that if it's frozen. Wait, so you don't always defrost the roast the night before you cook it? No, normally I'll get it out in the morning and let it sit all day. It's going to be room temperature when it hits that oven. Are you one of those people that takes things out of the freezer

and puts it on the bench to defrost? Yeah, it depends on how late I get up. That's a no-no. That's a no-no. No, it's the only way to do it. You don't leave it sitting on the bench for an instant. You're supposed to thaw it slowly from the freezer to the fridge, from the fridge to the bench.

Right, okay. If you go from freezer to bench, that is bacteria central. So did you heavily salt that pork skin for that delicious cricket? I sure did. Run some scores in that, did you, with a sharp knife? Yeah, sure did. They ran some scores in that, did you, with a sharp knife? Yeah, sure did. How loud was the crunch? It was pretty loud.

It was a good, delicious crackling. It's like you've already had your rewards for your effort put in, you know? A bit of delicious salty pork crackle. But, you know, there were three other people eating it and nobody else really gave me one, eh? Oh, what? They didn't give you a crackling? Did you say Janis' crack other people leaving it and nobody else really gave me one A. Oh, what? They didn't give you a crock? Did you say, Jen, this is crackly crackle?

No, not really. Bastards, Jen. Unbelievable. You've got an ungrateful pack of bastards. All right, Jen, wait. There are medal ceremony minutes away. Maeve, good morning. Good morning.

Okay, why do you deserve a medal? All right, Saturday night I was really strong. I finished work at 1 a.m. Said bus was 18 minutes away, so weighing out the wait for the bus plus the future walk, I have up a hill to get to my house, opposed to taking a cheeky Uber that would drop me to my door. And if I'm being honest, I'll book an Uber like there's no tomorrow. So this was a real character development for me and I would like to confirm I did bus home. Wow, you bused.

You took slow public transport instead of a Uber. There's a huge recession coming. Every dollar counts at the moment. Yeah. Thank you, guys. A $10 profit, I did calculate. Yes! Wow.

Okay, bus. You took public transport. Did you wear a mask on the public transport? I did. I did, indeed, always, and signed in as well. Was anyone else on the bus? Yes, unfortunately it was 1am so a lot of drunk people and sober me was under the bus.

That's why I avoid it. It's quite chaotic. There's a lot going on. Yeah. Yeah. Save $10, $10. I'd pay $10 not to be with a lot of drunk people on the bus. I appreciate you guys understanding this one.

That is incredible, Maeve. All right, wait there. Medal ceremony is just a minute away. Nicola, why do you deserve a medal? Well, so I was at the pub on Saturday night, and I didn't mix my drink. Oh, yes. How did you do it?

What's your secret? Well, it was $5 space, and we were watching the boxing. Okay. Yeah. Hold on, wait, Nicola. From this information, let's try to work out what part of the country Nicola's in. Oh, the South Island? Yeah, it feels like a South Island thing. You know what?

I was in the South Island, but I'm from Auckland, and I had to keep it really on the down low. Oh, yeah. Then I had to try and get home. Are you back in Auckland now? Yeah, I flew back in last night. What was that like? Like at the airport and everything?

It was fine. Like it was normal. And even on the plane, like it was jam-packed. I was quite surprised. Well, everyone had to get the hell home, didn't they? They cancelled a lot of flights. Massive lines at Auckland airport just to get out. You stuck to the $5 spates all night.

Yep, we did. We might have drunk in a tequila shot towards the end. Okay. You're like a self-respecting woman. You didn't get accommodated for being able to drink a spate. I almost said that's middle-weather. Yeah. Oh, good Lord.

And paid for the privilege. It's time for our medal ceremony now. God, I don't, I just don't know. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Gold. Which one do you think gold?

Top, middle or bottom? Okay. Yeah, then that gold. Agreed. And then that one silver or that one silver? That one. Okay. Really?

Okay. Interesting. Well, majority rules. Let's hit that medal ceremony. Today. What are you after, a pen? No, who's third? Show me your list.

Oh, sorry. I need to press the button. That was you. That was your choice. You made choice. For her services to her own head the next morning by not mixing an array of drinks and sugary overload, she stuck to those $5 spades handles all night.

She was in Auckland in the South Island. She kept it quiet. Fearing that dreaded Jaffa joke that they love. How's that bloody Harbour Bridge? I don't know. Something wrong with Harbour Bridge? Nicola, congratulations. A bronze medal today.

Yay. Yay. Thank you. I'm royal leaving. Welcome home. Well done. All right. Today, receiving the silver medal for services to cooked bovine skin.

She defrosted it slowly but surely to ensure that her guests had the perfect pork crackle. Served, I hope, but we didn't confirm it before with maybe some apple sauce. Yeah, and they didn't even say wild. They didn't say wild, Jen. That's amazing pork crackle. We are saying wild, Jen. A silver medal for you, Jen. Congratulations.

Wild, Jen. Thank you so much, guys. Great crackle, Jen. Great crackle, Jen. Just out of interest, guys. Great crackle, Jen. Great crackle, Jen. Just out of interest, Jen, why don't you follow it up with pudding? Oh, we didn't have pudding. Jen!

Jen is just drug cheat. Drug cheat. Jen's a stupid metal. Remote! But to be honest, if you're providing the crackle, someone else should have bought dessert. Exactly.

Yeah, god damn them, Jen. Yeah. Which means... Today's gold medal for services rendered to public transport. Yeah. Putting up with drunk people. Yeah. And also just finishing work at 1am.

Yeah. That's crazy. That's crazy. Maeve, you are today's gold medal winner for Where's My Medal for bussing home, not Ubering and saving yourself $10 and making the most of a vital public transport. This is the best Monday morning ever. Thank you. Congratulations, Maeve. Queen Maeve,

take a bow. Have the best day, guys. You too, Maeve. We need to finish. We need that crescendo today. This is the best I've ever heard. Minute finish. We need that crescendo tonight. God defend New Zealand. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. ZM's $50,000 Secret Sound. Look at what the Secret Sound is. At ZM's $50,000 Secret Sound, currently at $20,000, all thanks to Star, streaming now on Disney+, including more originals like Solar Opposites. Learn more at DisneyPlus.com. Soundkeeper Al standing by, and we welcome Emma this morning. Emma, good morning. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good we welcome Emma this morning. Emma, good morning.

Hi. Hi, how are you? Good, welcome to Secret Sound. Have you been poring over the clues, all of the guesses that we've had? Yeah, kind of. Okay, but you think you've got this? Possibly. All the confidence in the world, kind of and possibly.

It works with the second clue but not really the first one. I'm not sure about the first clue really. Okay works with the second clue, but not really the first one. I'm not sure about the first clue, really. Okay, okay. All right, well, this is the secret sound. For $20,000, Emma, what is the secret sound? I think it could be a builder's nail gun. Oh, one of those air-powered ones? Oh, yeah.

I shouldn't be putting words in your mouth. You might have thought not an air-powered one. Has this not been guessed before? No, a lot of people are guessing it online as well. Yeah. Maybe that's why, because it's not an official guess. Not an official guess. So this is going to, if this is wrong,

it's going to cross it off the list for a lot of people. Yeah. I've always wanted to use one of these. They're crazy. Have you ever used one? Yeah. They're crazy fun. What are they?

We've got one. Like a massive nail gun. The fact that you don't know what one is kind of tells me already this isn't it. But you push it in and this little safety thing goes in and you go, and it fires a nail in and it's just like a long row of nails and you can just be like, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog. Oh, it's so good.

They'll probably use one when they build your cat house. I'd say so. That you've won in your raffle. Do you reckon it'll be jibbed and everything? No, those are jib screws. Those, that, no, jib screws in the machine, that's another fun. Oh, that's a good sound from you. All right, Emma.

Yeah. Time to get down to it. For $20,000, that is not the sound. Damn it all. Damn it all. Hayley, you froze for a second. All right, hey, $100,000. That is not this. Damn it. Damn it all. Hayley, you froze for a second. All right. Hey, $100.

So, Emma, nobody goes home empty-handed. You win either way. $100. Or the big jackpot. In this case, $100 for you. And your next shot is coming up at 11. Why don't you give me a clue? Oh, she's pressed the button.

I'm singing. We've got a clue. Yeah, we do. It's time for clue number three. Toru, clue number three. It is. Stuck in level three, don't worry, Auckland, you're still in play. And that will be up on our social ZM secret sound if you want to hear it again.

Still in play. Don't worry, Auckland, you're still in play. Hmm. Emma was still with us. I wonder if she had any thoughts on that. Does that help, Emma? Kind of. I'm not really sure.

Fair. This sound is killing me. Okay, well, pour over those clues. Your next shot coming up with Georgia at 11 this morning. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We cross to the social media desk now where we have an ongoing drama that we're following just within the show as to whether or not

producer Mountie's earbuds will survive. Yeah. Good morning. Good morning. There was a lot of anxiety on the weekend. Yeah. So these are the Apple, are they the Apple ones? Yes, and they're

the new ones as well. Is it fair to say they're junk? Yeah. Are they junk? What? The earbuds. Are they junk? Well, I think that

everyone has them. Yeah, but are they junk? Has everyone just caught up? It was like when everyone bought Beats by Dre headphones and thought they were the best headphones, but then they were like

made of $13 worth of stuff and they weren't, their sound quality wasn't ever that great, was it? Well, they're very expensive. Yeah. How much are earbuds? These ones were $420

or something. I mean, that's on you. And the other ones, because these are the new ones, the other ones are like $200 and something, aren't they? I think so, yeah, but I got suckered into getting the latest tech. What do the new ones do? Noise cancelling. They look a bit different. And they kind of have the suction

so they stay in your ear better, don't they? Yeah, I think they're quite good. But they went through the wash. They did. Yeah, so on Thursday we had a pretty big night. You had a pretty big night. I had a pretty big night. But by Saturday

I realised that I had a lot of laundry to do. Is this your way of saying you had an adult three day hangover? But by Saturday, I realised that I had a lot of laundry to do. And at this point, I was just... Is this your way of saying you had an adult three-day hangover? I think it's still going. I seriously think it's still going. So I chucked all my clothes in the wash. I didn't really think too much about it.

And then 10 minutes in, I heard a bit of a... That old sound. And I thought thought i don't remember putting anything too buckly in there um you're hoping dear god please let this be a jeans button yeah yeah i thought so but it sounded too thuddy two four hundred dollar two four hundred dollars yeah exactly um so i go check and lo and behold, my earphones or earpods or whatever they are are stuck at the

front of the washing machine so I can see into it. It's a front loader. It's a front loader, yeah. Are they in their little case thing or are they just rogue units? No, so somehow they both got out. They got out? They got out somehow.

So there's the case and then the two earbuds. So I quickly stopped the machine and got them out. They were dripping. Oh, wow. Never a good sign. A lot of people do this because they're in the little case. They leave them in their pocket. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Yeah.

So I quickly tried to dry them with some paper towels and I frantically Googled. And they said to get those little silica towels and I frantically Googled. And they said to get those little silica packets that you get with your shoes. I had such a good collection of silica packets because I had a nasty habit a few years ago of dropping my phone in watery places. And I had a systema full of those silica packets and they work so well at dragging the water out of things. Yeah, you've got to keep them. That was my mistake.

I didn't have any. So I went to the warehouse and I put my earphones in a big soup pot with one of those... Wait, soup's not going to fix this. It's not the time for a recipe, Mountie. No, it's good for the soul, though. Yeah, I put them in a big soup pot with the lid

and one of those damp red containers. Those are the things you pull off the lid and you put them in a damp wardrobe or whatever and it sucks all the... And then like in a week, I've gone through all that powder and you're like, this place is a damp, damp house. Yeah. And I could hear them squealing.

What? What? They were squealing. What do you mean? Like the little absorbent crystals. No, not the crystals, the earphones. They were like... Were you turning them on or was that just with them turned off?

I think they must have been on. Good Lord. That doesn't sound good, does it? So where are we at? Well, I tested them on Sunday and... It feels like you didn't leave them in for long enough. I'll say that right now. It feels like this is a four-day hope for the best.

I left it 24 hours. And did they work? And they now work but I'm just holding out for them to stop working. And Apple has that thing, they've got a little thing inside of things that say if it gets wet, then you can't use your warranty on them.

Like phones. I didn't buy the warranty. Because I've put my iPhone, not this one obviously, it was a goner, through the wash when I scooped up my sheets off my bed for a sheet wash. And I put it in, same thing, and then you're like, you're like, what?

Those are sheets. Yeah. With a phone in the middle. They work their way to the front of the front loader, so they're like, get me out of here. I'm electronics. Well, we want to know what you you put through the wash this morning. Small things, big things, things that went through.

Or things that you leave in and then they ruin. Tissues. Oh my god, I had to do like three washes to get all the tissues out of a load. Imagine when they invent a washing machine that has a tissue removal cycle. Oh, like an alarm.

So when you put in your jean shorts, it goes, beep, beep, beep, tissue in pocket. Or just before you press start, there's a little voice that goes, did you check all your pockets? Yeah. And you'll be like, good call, washing machine. I've shared my journey as a wet-nose woman with you guys. I'm a hanky girl now for this very reason.

Look at that, it's grim. But because Aaron and I, surely he was close to leaving me if I put another tissue in my pocket through the wash. Right, it ruins a black t-shirt. Put them in the bin. Alright, well 0800DARNZM, give us a call, you can text as well. 9696. What have you put through the wash? Alright, ZM.

Hang on, Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. We're back. We're actually just talking about cats. We were talking about cats. Hayley wants to run a cat. What is it?

A cat refuge? I would like to run. Well, I did say once that I wanted to run a cattery when I wasn't, when I was done with this entertainment world. Yeah. But then I read this article because then I looked into it. I thought, I've got a bit of land. Looked into it

and someone had written this like Reddit post about like, don't do it. If you're a cat lover and you're doing it because you think, oh my God, I have this job and I'm surrounded by everyone else's cats.

It's not like that. Oh, the way to start hating your passion is to start doing it as a job. Make it your work. Because you know how the old saying is, find something you love, you'll never work a day in your life. You'll begin to hate what you once loved.

So talking about the things you've accidentally put through the wash, producer Mountie put a new Apple earbuds through the wash. Now they're still, they're working at the moment. So this is probably a lucky escape. Nah, give it a month. We talked about how bad a tissue can be in the wash. Somebody said put the tissue contaminated clothes in the dryer to remove the tissue.

Oh, I'm trying that next. Something about a static charge. Give them a good flick and a good flick out and then chuck it in the dryer and apparently the static charge will make the tissue either easier to remove or remove it itself and get stuck in that little field and cause a house fire.

That's right. That's what I was going to say. It sounds like a house fire. But dryers and fabrics, see what's the word? Yeah, I don't put my T-shirts in the dryer because I have respect for my clothing. Oh, yeah, I have respect for cotton. I've got a huge respect for cotton. Is that why your T-shirts?

No, this is one my wife will always just go straight from washing machine to dryer and not even separate and do a different load of drying for like your underarm. You can do better, Vaughan. Yeah, I know, I can. Monster. Millie, what did you accidentally put through the wash? Well, I went shopping with my mum to my brother for Christmas and I just had this shopping bag with all of his presents sitting on my floor

and there was like some Apple AirPods, a book, and like maybe five items of clothing or something. And I was changing my sheets, put my sheets through the wash and the shopping bag went with it and I didn't realise until I opened the washing machine at the end of the little purple bag. But were the

earbuds still in like a plastic shrink wrap? Were they okay? Yeah, they were. No, they weren't okay though. No, they sort of, yeah, no, they weren't okay. Can you claim insurance on something like that? I don't know. I don't know whether we did, just because it probably doesn't go to the excess.

Oh, that sucks. Yeah, and I had to tell Mum, because I didn't buy the presents. It was sort of from Mum, and I was just looking after them. You didn't think when you lifted up the sheets and they felt like the weight of a shopping bag and everything well you know if it was a lot of sheets you have an industrial sized washer you can't everything's got to have a flick before you chuck it in the washing machine yeah yeah totally hey uh mill, thanks for your call.

Sharon, you have put, what did you put through the wash? Okay, my son put a nappy in the wash. Oh, yes. That's a lot of people. The disposable nappies? Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of people messaging this one in. Is that bad? Yeah. They fill up, so they suck on as much water as they can into those little crystals in the bottom of a nappy, which are usually like real thin and super absorbent. They take on as much as they can

and then the material rips and then just those little beads are everywhere. So I had no idea there were crystals. It's like my cat litter. Yeah, it's kind of like that. You're saying there's cat litter in a nappy. Or like those damp-rid crystals. Yeah, yeah, super absorbent. I imagine there's not damp-rid straight on the hiney, but it's cat litter in a nappy. Or like those damp-rid crystals. Yeah, yeah, super absorbent.

I imagine it's not damp-rid straight on the hiney, but it's some sort of absorbent crystal. Would it work if you put sort of like damp-rid crystals in your armpits? Maybe it would stop. Like pads. Yeah. You just put pads on. Sweaty absorber.

Yeah. Thanks, you're cool, Sharon. Some more at Texin. I put a baby monitor through the washing machine. It was all good. They came out squeaky clean and still work, so that's a win-win. That's good. A bit more advice, re-tissues.

Yep. Tissues. Mum just said, if you get your tissues through the wash, dissolve a couple of Disprin in a big bucket and then soak the thing that's been tissued in the bucket with the water and the Disprins and then wash it again. All gone. You're welcome.

Disprin. That's a painkiller, eh? Yeah, yeah. It's an aspirin. Who buys disperin? I still quite fancy a disperin. Do you like disperin? Is it because of the bubbles? I don't. Could you put like

soda water or soda stream? For your soda stream, yeah. Because that's probably what it is, the effervescence. Sort of set off. Yeah. But aspirins are so tiny. How do you spell that? A couple of disperins, tiny amount of bubbles coming off two tiny disperins.

And it sounds like you dissolve the disperin before you put in the thing and they stop fizzing as soon as they've dissolved. Yeah, no, you see people use bicarb soda at home. That's baking soda. Yeah. To get tissues off. Yeah, or dissolve four aspirin tablets in warm water

and soak the clothing for two hours. So this is a thing. Yeah. How to remove tissues from washed clothes. Huh. Here's a flex. I put my $17,000 engagement ring through the wash. Well, that's fine.

It's just a ring. Well, if it broke and it cost you that much money, you'd be wanting a bit more. Oh, my God. Imagine if the diamondy bit broke off and went down the drain. And then you've just got the ring left. Did you know, this is a good time to

remind you that a lot of insurances won't replace your diamonds on your engagement rings if you don't get your claws checked annually. Really, the claws that hold the diamond? Yeah, so the little claws Who checks it? You have to take it to a jeweller and get them to check the claws to make sure that they're not loosening

because if you can't prove that it was in great working order, they won't replace it. Patsy Sproul learnt that the hard way. Really? She lost the diamond and she hadn't had her claws checked. Hadn't had her claws checked at all.

Well, when have you had your claws checked? Well, I went and got my claws checked literally about a month ago. Because of, right. Claws are tight. So the thing maybe when you change the smoke alarm batteries, get your claws checked. Get your claws checked. One of those things you have to just keep it on top of Because of, right. Claws are tight. So the thing maybe when you change the smoke alarm battery is get your claws checked.

Get your claws checked. One of those things you have to just keep on top of. Oh, interesting. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, about polka dots. Polka dots. Polka dots.

Sorry, how did you just say this? Polka dots. But that's how it's spelt though, isn't it? Polka. And do you know what? It's exactly how it should be said. Because polka dots are only called polka dots because they were

in fashion at the same time as polka music reached its peaks of popularity. Oh, yeah. And people would often go to polka dances and festivals and like concerts wearing polka dots. They became so synonymous

that they became known as polka dots. Do you have some polka music for us? Polka dots. They became so synonymous that they became known as polka dots. Do you have some polka music for us? Polka music. Polka. So what's the fact of the day that it's... Polka dots should be said polka dots and it's named after the music. But, okay,

but polka dots is still the fashion or should it be said polka? It should be, well, if it's going from where it's, I've got six fat Dutchmen here, this is called the dinner bell polka. Oh yes. Polka, polka. It's very happy music, isn't it? It's drinking music, eh? Yeah. Hold on, this one. Oh, I've got a beer fest. So when, yeah, it was just like totally in fashion.

Dots on all your clothing was in fashion at the same time that polka reached its peak popularity. So everyone would go to polka events wearing the dots, and so they became known as polka dots. So when you Google polka dots. P-O-K-E-R. Yeah, it comes back with the first one is polka dot. Polka dot. The Wikipedia. Oh, I've always spelt polka dots. P-O-L-E-R. Yeah, it comes back with the first one is polka dot. Polka dot. The Wikipedia. Oh, I've always spelt polka dots, P-O-L-K-A. Yeah, but never thought about.

But never thought about polka dots. How often are you spelling polka dots? Daily. Daily. Daily I'm writing about them. Are you wearing your dress with the polka dots? Yeah, yeah. You're wearing your little polka dot top.

So it's the definition of polka dots is when the pattern is consisting of an array of large filled circles of the same size. So they've got to be the same size, otherwise that's technically not polka dots. It's just dots. It's just dots. It's a variety of dots. It's really stingy.

And people are always just saying polka dots. I never really think about why it's got an L in it. Well, there you go. You know now. So today's fact of the day is the polka dot should be said polka dots. I never really think about why it's got an L in it. Well, there you go. You know now. So today's fact of the day is the polka dot should be said polka dot because

it's named after the music. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, the world has been waiting for the inside goss from the royal family about Harry and Megan essentially leaving the family to go and live their own non-royal life in America. They've kept very mum on it for now.

There's lots of gossip. The Queen thinks that. They think this. But they haven't spoken about it yet. We know there's an Oprah interview coming out. But James Corden got Harry on for the Late Late Show. They were on the bus.

The top of a double-decker bus doing like a high T. Yeah, and so they go on like an open-top bus tour of LA. And Harry reveals that he's never been on an open-top bus because there's too much press around him and all that, but because they're in quarantine, basically, the streets are nice and quiet and he can do it, and he hasn't had the chance. So there were lots of...

It was actually a really fun interview and a really fun way to see Harry. Lots of revelations about why he left, and it was essentially, again, the media was eating at him a little bit. Yeah, that's you. That's me. Yeah, that's you.

It's hounding him. More the paparazzi, shall we say, than the media. Hounding his family. I've got to get my family out of here. But here's a revelation when asked, do you watch The Crown? He responded this. They don't pretend to be news. It's fictional. But it's loosely based on the truth. Yes. Of course it's't pretend to be news. It's fictional.

But it's loosely based on the truth. Of course it's not strictly accurate. Of course it's not. But loosely. But you do think loosely it does feel like. It gives you a rough idea about what that lifestyle, what the pressures of putting duty and service above family and everything else, what can come from that.

Wow. So he's obviously watched it. He's admitted, they basically admitted that he watches it. Yeah. Wow. And that he doesn't mind it, you know, that it's actually kind of a good show and they talked a little bit about once they get up to Harry and Meghan, who he would like to play him.

I think James Corden suggested himself. Harry wasn't into that. He suggested Damien Lewis. Damien Lewis is Oh, yeah. Damien Lewis? Damien Lewis is way older than Prince Harry. They'd have to get, like, some kid.

And are they going to go that far? Surely they're just going to get to, like... Well, they're up to Lady Di, so we're only moments away. The death of Diana would be the natural end to that show, right? I think they have said when they're ending it, haven't they? Didn't they say they're ending it at some stage? Right. So I don't think it's going to come quite up to the Megan and Harry bit.

But maybe, I don't know. Season five will be the final chapter. Right. So that's the current season, right? Oh, no, The Crown will return for a sixth season. Well, they're full of it. Anyway, it was a really interesting interview. And there's one moment where they go on this obstacle course

Because, you know, James Corden was trying to take it back to his military roots And Harry is fit Yeah Like, fit, fit He does that rope, you know, pulley where you can't use your legs And you pull yourself up and ding the bell at the top Just using his upper arm strength Oh, damn

Tell you what Damn, hot Yummy, yummy What was he wearing? He was wearing a tight little t-shirt and some sort of active wear pants. Right. And then he crawled in the mud for a bit. Do you need a moment?

Yeah. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Zoom fatigue. This is hot, fresh research, and this will be fitting, given that so many people will be working from home. Yeah. In Auckland, but I'd say around the country as well. People take the level seriously and if they can work

from home are encouraged to do so. And apparently there's something called Zoom fatigue as the rest of the world's had it non-stop since basically lockdowns and work restrictions began around the world. We kind of forget about the rest of the world, eh? I know, we're so annoyed about seven days. Yeah, this has been the rest of the world, eh? I know, we're so annoyed about seven days.

Yeah, this has been the rest of the world for the last year. Yeah. And was it yesterday or today was our first case anniversary? Yeah.

It was. Wendy Petrie shared it on her Instagram. She did. She's got a great Instagram, Wendy Petrie. She's got a great brand. Also, they fire Wendy Petrie,

but then she's on the news every second day. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how that's worked out. I think it's a hot play from Dello. He's taking a lot of sick days so that Wendy gets called in

because she's... Yeah, right. Yeah, she's there. Okay. She's so good. Mates looking after mates. So a research out of Stanford University,

a guy called Jeremy, a professor of communication and founding director of Stanford's Virtual Human Interaction Lab, has said that there's many causes to Zoom fatigue. And this is realized that just when these meetings feel even more painful

than in-person meetings used to feel. So what are the symptoms of Zoom fatigue? Well, the symptoms are you're just like constantly bored, but the problems are excessive amounts of close-up eye gaze. You don't see people that close naturally. Oh, okay. In meetings, you wouldn't sit any closer in a meeting than you're sitting to me and I are sitting, Fletch.

You like getting cosy in a meeting. I like getting cosy in a meeting. You sit so close your knees are touching. Yeah, brushing. Staring to each other's eyes. I like to brush against people. So do you think people need to be putting their computers and cameras away from them? A little bit more.

Also a full body zoom. You know, go so far back, you get a full body. Yeah, you could do that. Wide shot. And an increased self-evaluation from constantly staring at a video of oneself. Well, that's right. Do you remember we talked last year,

was there an increase in people that were Googling like cosmetic procedures? Because they're seeing their face so much. All the time. And you're your own biggest critic. You're probably noticing wrinkles that nobody else has ever thought about, but you're seeing them. I can see them. I wasn't referring to mine. I can see both of them.

There they are. That's the one thing about my vision starting to slightly go blurry again. I can't see myself aging. Everybody else can. So apparently Something about my vision starting to slightly go blurry again. I can't see myself aging. It's fantastic. Great. Everybody else can. So apparently Zoom users in regular Zoom meetings

are causing humans to see reflections of themselves at a frequency and duration that has never been seen before in the history of media and likely the history of people. Wow. Well, because you are. You're seeing yourself so much more because that little box pops up and it's got your face in it. He reckons one simple change would be when you get into a meeting,

you can see yourself for like 10 seconds and then it disappears and you only see everybody else. So then you're not constantly worried about what you look like. Right. I only watch myself. When you FaceTime someone and your little box is in the corner, are you looking at yourself more than you're looking at them? I'll glance at them, but predominantly I'm looking at myself.

Because you want to make sure that, yeah. Because the Skype, you can't, well, on our desktop where we Skype my parents from, you can't drag the little box of yourself to the middle at the top underneath the camera. Oh, okay. So you're constantly like looking, just catch yourself looking down the right-hand corner to make sure it all looks all right. So what are they saying? Just don't Zoom as much?

Well, no, they just make little changes, like turn off your selfie window if you can, or zoom could put the option in, so it would automatically hide the selfie window that reflects back to it, and reduce things such as shrinking the size of the video window so that the other faces don't feel so close. Oh, okay, right. You can put them down in a corner.

That's called a phone call. More meetings should be conducted as a phone call rather than a forced video call. Oh, yeah, I like that idea. Yeah, have it as a conference call rather than a conference video call. Because then you could be properly lying down. You know how good it is lying down. You could have headphones and you could be reclined, listening.

But then all their hair is... When you fall asleep. Yeah. If I can just open up this book and just show everybody. Yesterday, it had a glum feeling to it. Yesterday, there was a feeling of glumness. We thought we'd lost Kmart to COVID. Yes.

No more copper baskets. We were worried about, you know, is it back in the community? That's a big thing. That's a big window of time, those two Friday evenings, Saturday evenings at Kmart's and Dark Vape. There was a hell of a high hump for a hump day. We talked to the Prime Minister and she was pretty good about it.

I felt yesterday she was a bit more in an arse-kicking of a mood. She was like, you know, I'm not going to put up with this shit forever, you lot. I feel behind the scenes they've definitely had some yellings at. Oh, yeah, she's had some private one-on-ones. And I believe in the last 24 hours, contact tracers have actually gone round to some houses. Yeah, I hope so. And that's because of us.

Yeah. It was a glum feeling. Team that up with the fact that we started the week, I brought in two puppies and everybody was just on cloud nine because puppies at work are a great thing. Yeah. And while people are like, oh, productivity was down, when those puppies went home,

everybody was just tapping so hard on keyboards getting their work done. Oh, yeah. So we went, you know, we got the news about the Kmart COVID search. The puppies weren't here. It was Tuesday. Executive intern Anya was away. No, it was Wednesday. Yeah.

Yeah, executive intern Anya was away. It was Wednesday yeah yeah executive intern Anya was away it was a steaming pile of a day the linchpin of the operation I mean you would never have known because we're consummate professionals and we did what

every great New Zealander does and buried it down inside our house until we had a heart attack at 50 and just got on with the job at hand but after the show

when the lights were off and the show was over there was that air of glumness now we've got a trick I'll let you in on a trick to get rid of the glumness. Yes. Sugar. So we...

I think the nation's well aware of this trick, Vaughn. So yeah, but I think they need reminding. So we decided we would go for a walk, a longer walk than usual to a cafe a little bit further away because of the amazing selection of slices in their glass cabinet. They have a cabinet that will take your breath away.

And it's a rotating situation until you go one day, next day, there could be a completely different range of slices. And they're thick and they're sugary and they don't skimp on the good parts. And it's worth the walk. Bloody good coffee, bit of fresh air. You get to walk past the gym and sometimes there's some people there who are attractive

and that can make you feel better or you're cancelled to cheer you up as a perv in a slice yeah so we're on the walk yesterday

we're walking we're talking Hayley and I are walking at a slightly slower pace than Fletch who walks if you've never seen

Fletch walk it's like when your mum was in a hurry when you were a kid yeah he gallops got long legs so we got to a road.

There was no designated crossing area. So Fletch went across. It was at that stage, at the corner of my eye, I saw a little shimmer and I looked and I was like, are those sunglasses? And they were sunglasses. And I bent over and picked them up, expecting, you know, when you see a pair of sunglasses,

they're broken and arms broken off them. Yeah. Or they're in some sort of terrible condition. These weren't. These were in, and I picked them up and I was like, ha, ha, ha. Hey, Fletch, I got you some sunglasses out of the gutter. This is where time, like Hayley's indicating, slowed. Yeah.

And I felt a hand, and I was kind of like, I stood up from out of the, picking them up out of the gutter. And I stood up and I was up out of the gutter. And I stood up and my weight was forward. So I took a half a step and then Hayley put her hand on my shoulder and said, wait. And it felt like time itself was like, wait. And then, that is a bus passing me. I think it felt like the bus was going very fast. The bus was definitely going at least 65km. 65, for sure.

It was motoring down a hill. But it's not on the bus because I almost stepped out in front of a bus. It wouldn't have been the bus driver's fault. It would have been, you nearly got hit by a bus. Your hands were outstretched with the glasses thinking, these will suit Fletch. Hey Fletch, here's some gutter glasses.

This is all you deserve. Because as I said, we were climbing and we hadn't had a shirt on. So the shirt was starting to turn. We were starting to turn on each other and get nasty. So my hand was outstretched. I felt the wind of the bus. Had I been another couple of inches, those glasses would have been. Had I been another foot, I would have been.

You would have died. Decimated by a bus. And I was just on the other side of the road just like, oh, my God. Hayley just saved your life. You nearly died. Hayley Sprouse saved my life. Yeah. Straight up.

I would have been dead. You, so you're a hero. Thank you so much. I've had a near-death experience. Fletch just nearly watched his best friend get wiped out by a bus. But not the only thing Fletch experienced, though. Because when we'd recovered from the moment and we realised... My watch, I looked, my watch was recording my heart rate.

It was spiked. Yeah, good. Hayley was so close. If I had been hit by the bus, it would have been like that movie scene of the blood just would have gone across her face and she would have been like. And I was wearing a white blouse yesterday.

I would have been ruined. So you would never have got his blood out. Forever stained. The top's in the bin. Yeah. Keep it as a memory of my life. No, the top's in the bin. I'll wear it to your funeral as a reminder.

Then I can't stop laughing because my adrenaline's pumping and I've almost died. and so I've still got these sunglasses and I go across to Fletch and I was like here's your sunglasses out of the gutter, you piece of trash. Fletch puts them on, the laughter stops immediately because he looks

fantastic in these sunglasses. And like instantly it was like slip. Oh my god. You look great. They're perfect for me. They're perfect sunglasses. You're wearing them right now. You've barely taken them off. They look so good. Oh, my God. You look great. They're perfect. They're perfect for me. They're perfect sunglasses. You're wearing them right now. You've barely taken them off.

They're sporty sunglasses. Because I've got my Ray-Bans, which are great, but I always find it really hard to find sunglasses that fit my narrow, as you've described, bird-like face. Bird-like face. It's not like you're a human-sized bird. You're like a bird-man hybrid. Animorphs.

Remember those boys? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the picture between the kid and the bird midway there in the Animorphs box. Vaughn nearly died. I got free sunglasses. Which look fantastic. Finders keepers.

Yeah, and then we got slices and coffee. Hayley saved a life, so she's got the hero. I had the near-death experience. You're looking absolutely slick. And the sunglasses. By the way, they're Adidas brand sunglasses. Now, you wouldn't buy Adidas brand sunglasses, I don't think. You wouldn't even try them on and that wouldn't even be on your radar.

But wow. And these ones were free. Yeah. And they look fantastic. And had you died, I still would have worn them. Absolutely. In memory. Yeah, in memory.

Yeah. Absolutely. It was quite the afternoon, wasn't it? It was the morning. Oh, my God. See, time itself became Yeah. Absolutely. It was quite the afternoon, wasn't it? It was the morning. Oh, my God. See, time itself became... And then we got slices. Yeah.

And the slices were so sweet, Hayley couldn't even finish hers. So then I got to finish her slice. I had my own slice. You had one and a half slices. And you're still high on life. I got a brioche as well because, God damn it, I'm alive. I'm not going to waste my life with not getting a brioche now.