ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 20th May 2020

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

Vaughan has ANOTHER new Podcast  How brutal was your teacher?  Fridge Bingo!  David Farrier stops by to talk 5G Conspiracies  We got a complaintSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's all thanks to McDonald's. Your Macca's favourites are back at drive-thru and McDelivery. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Four minutes past six. Megan just told me I'm hungry. And I'm tired. Fix it. I was like, um, do you need a coffee? Yeah. Meth. You won't be tired and you won't be hungry. I mean, people fall out and you'll have no money and your life will fall apart. It's not great for my skin.

Yeah. But. I think this job will go down the toilet, but yep. Yep. Won't be hungry and tired, that's for sure. This is true, yeah. I get you a mocha then instead. Yeah, okay.

Coffee. Ah, that's what it is. Coffee and a cigarette. An okay drug. No cigarette. A vape. No. Okay, well, you're going to stay hungry.

Enough coffee. You'll trick yourself into thinking you've eaten. All healthy things to do. Yeah, coming up on the show, the top six. Vaughan Smith, what's on the top six agenda today? Well, there's ideas being floated to get this economy going. We're going to need some more public holidays. Businesses.

Tourism's one of our big industries that suffered thanks to... Good one, COVID. Good one. And tourist operators have said universally they do better during long weekends and public holidays. Yeah. It gives people a chance to plan a bit of a weekend away maybe. Yeah, head away with the family and friends.

So more public holidays are being floated. And you know what, after Queen's birthday weekend, which is not this weekend, weekend after. Yeah, not this Monday, Monday after. Yeah. We enter that hiatus of public holidays. Until October when we don't get one. So you've got June, July, August, September.

End of October. Yeah. So five months. So let's call it a five-month stint of bugger all public holidays. So I've got the top six ideas for public holidays in those five months. Okay. Some serious. Some not so serious.

There's an amazing babby in the UK. Lula, she is 15 weeks old now, but she was able to support her own weight at 8 weeks old. So she can stand, and then, not like leaning against something, she can stand and just stand there. And balance. Yeah. Holy shit. At 15 weeks.

That's terrifying. How old is a baby normally when it can do that, Vaughn? Uh, like 8 months? There's babies that walk at like 9 months, but that's pretty early. That's really early. Nine months is the average. Yeah, standing and balancing and then walking comes kind of after that.

Yeah. So the Guinness World Record at the moment for the earliest walking baby. So they don't take records for when they stand. The only record they have or they take is that when they first start walking. But the record for that is six months old. It's a baby named Ruben. So this baby could take it if it

starts walking. She's just standing there. Would you start training it? Training it? Training it for what? The baby. Six months and it's only 15 weeks. Surely it's going to, surely.

I just get up some rails. I have it walking. Go on. Every day. Walk, walk, walk with the rails. Maybe some harnesses. Yeah. And then I take them off.

Phil might send it to Guinness. It's quite terrifying because it's only a little baby and it's standing. I know. Babies aren't smart. Even when they start to walk, they walk into tables and stuff. It's just a little baby and it's like standing there. It shouldn't be able to. Wow.

It's tiny. Yeah. But the dad is into strongman competitions and she sits on his knee and watches them. So he's like, this is why it's happening. But also he's been training, lifting heavy weights and stuff since he was 13. So maybe strong muscles are in her genes. Is the baby on the prites? On the prites, yeah.

She's doping. Doing the gains. Doing the gains. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the gains. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Spending stats are out for level three and two. What we've been spending money on. And obviously, during level three, they're not good. Not a lot of money.

No, well, spending during lockdown dropped 90% outside of supermarkets and liquor stores, which makes sense because nothing was open and you couldn't. So spending for the week ending May 17th of the week just gone, which included a little bit of three and two, was only 11% down on the same week last year. So we got out of lockdown and we went nuts. And if you've been to a mall, you know this already. Did you end up

going to the mall? Yeah, I went on Friday last week and I was like woohoo, there's a lot of people here. Beauty and hairdressing sector. Yeah, right. With sales currently running 61% above last year's figures.

Yeah. At the same time. So compare all the haircuts and money spent in the beauty and hairdressing sector this time last year, 61% up. When I went to get my nails done, there was people waiting. It was packed and people waiting. And the same with, I saw the eyebrow kiosk. They had like four staff in there and it was just cranking. People getting their eyebrows done Because we came out of lockdown

Like unpolished gems Just needed a little bit of polishing A little bit of spit and polish That's crazy To be fair My shopping has This week I've spent a bit of money.

Same. And it's weird because you haven't been, eh? Yeah. And then you're just like, oh, I've got to rein this in. In lockdown, I didn't spend anything, like online or anything. I was so proud of myself. And then I've come out and I'm just absolutely making up for lost time. And it's weird because you think, well, I didn't need it then, but I need it now.

Why do I need it now? Yeah. Yeah. But hey, we're helping the retailers. Yeah, I'm helping the economy. We're helping the economy. Exactly. Yes, you're welcome, economy.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Great news for our podcast listeners as well of the show because we've just signed the Apple podcast photo release so we can change the photo on the podcast of me because I'm called Nick Fletcher on the podcast. Oh, no, that's the bio.

I'm not sure why that is. We've got to sign our lives away for this. Oh, Nick to stay. Nick for an American. We should talk about that other podcast I have just started listening to after various recommendations. Okay.

The CIA wrote the famous Scorpion song, Wind of Change, to disestablish the Soviet Union. You are welcome. That whistling skills are off the charts. Just to stop, I'll just play it. Like, this is madness. Absolute madness. Does the whistling carry on to that part or does it start singing?

This song. So what's the podcast about? So this song, these guys are German. Germany's biggest band of all time, by the way. Yeah, right. This song, Wind of Change, their biggest song ever, and was written just after the Berlin Wall came down, but before the Soviet Union collapsed.

Right. This song always reminds me of playing laser tag for some reason. Yes! It's a bowling alley song. It is a big bowling alley. Bowling alleys love power balance. Yeah, it was on, I remember playing laser tag, and I was fighting for my life, obviously.

Oh, this would be great. This would be like a, because it builds, I remember playing Laser Tag, and I was fighting for my life, obviously. Yeah. Oh, this would be a great, this would be like a, because it builds, and you're like, pew! And then you just, pew, pew, pew. And then, mew, that little thing on you, mew, lets you know you've been hit. You would have been a hand over the sensor. A big hand over the sensor guy. A hiding guy.

Low to the ground guy, too. I know. I just hide and wait until heaps of peopleiding guy. Low to the ground guy too. I know. I just hide and wait until heaps of people die and then come out at the end. Campers. Yeah, that's me. That's what I do in war.

That's what I do in Fortnite. That's what I do in laser tag. So the basic premise is, and I've only just listened to the first episode, but the CIA wrote this song and gave it to the band. The CIA?

The CIA wrote the song. But who was in the CIA the band. The CIA? The CIA wrote the song. But who was in the CIA that was a good songwriter? John Lennon. Because he wasn't actually shot in 1980 by Mark Chapman. Yeah, right. Yeah, but so basically, I haven't got into the crux of it. Yeah. But yeah, they've semi-convinced me already.

Really? And next week I'm burning down a 5G tower. I'm easily convinced. Yeah, yeah. Okay. What's the podcast called? Wind of Change? Wind of Change?

Where's my phone? Oh God, did I leave my phone in the car? I could have told you, but I don't know. It's on my phone. Did the CIA come up with the whistle bit? Yeah, it's called Wind of Change. Wind of Change is what the hook is. But it also delves into other things, apparently.

So they, yeah, the CIA funded, like, art that they knew Russians hated. Yeah, right. Like, abstract art. There was a book, Dr Zhivago. It's been a movie and stuff since. Yeah. The Russians hated that, so they paid to have it printed and smuggled back into Russia and distributed.

This is the kind of spy stuff I'd love being a part of. Yeah. Yeah. No guns, just books. Yeah. But you know, if it's true, it worked, didn't it? Exciting. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, and a guy licked a lollipop 1,250 times. That was all we meant to talk about here. This was a bored man with a chuppa-chup. And he's like, I wonder how many licks. Not just putting it in his mouth, but licks. Did he do a tally or did he count? He counted as he licked.

It was like one, two. I wonder also how often he lubricated his tongue. Yeah, well, apparently he got a sore tongue, didn't he? Well, he'd get a very sore tongue. He should have just stuck it up his butt. It would have been more exciting. Quick way into the blood system. I don't know if you should recommend shelving chuppa chups, Megan.

No, I wouldn't take the stick off. Oh no, and tie a string to that. Stick, yeah. Yeah, because safety. That's the exit. Otherwise you end up in A&E. How do you tie a string to that slippery... With a tiny hole in it.

Yeah. With a needle. Yeah. Not only the needle in it, go through the... Yeah. Stick with the needle. Yeah. And drag for a thicker thread.

Okay, great. If you get... Look. If you're going to do it, do it safely. That's all we're asking. Don't rush out and do it. But if you were going to do it anyway, safety first. Make sure there's an exit strategy.

Yes. Megan's just been telling us about Harry Styles. Watermelon Sugar, his music video. I've only watched it five times. Very sensual, wasn't it? Wasn't it a sensual express? He is pervering that watermelon. Someone say a little too vaguely.

Slow it down. I don't think so. From the ZN Sink Tank, this is the top six. Are you doing your physio stretches? I'm just going to put a tightness. I'm just so very aware of my posture at the moment. It's bloody terrible. Today's top six deals with the fact that we may need more public holidays,

which, as a man who is allergic to work, medically, I think this is a fantastic idea. Great, yeah. Because work is slowly killing us all. It is. That's why the unemployed live for so long. I don't know if that's a fact. Is that a fact?

You know those old people that are always on, it's like, what's the secret to long life? They all fail to mention them. Never worked a day. No. This would be good, though, because then we could all go away for long weekends and spend on the tourist sector.

Yep, get out there, spend some money. So I've got the top six ideas for public holidays. Now, there's pretty much a five-month period where there's no public holidays. Yeah, so from Queen's birthday, normally June, till end of October Labor Weekend. But you'll be aware that this is a top six. Yeah.

So I've done one for each month and a floater. Oh, okay. And the floater is number six, Matariki. Oh, yeah. It is the Maori New Year and the seven stars of Matariki twinkle in the night sky just before the sun rises. They've been talking about that for a while, having a Matariki. Yeah. It's been on the, and it's definitely getting a bigger deal.

It's become a bigger deal. But I don't remember learning about it at school. But every year the kids do like a study and learn more about it. Pretend to care if we get a national holiday. What? I'm being honest. I think this could be like New Zealand's Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Like big feasts. Like it could become a tradition. A hangi. You do a hangi. Go home for the family. A hangi in winter though. You lighten a fire. What are you whinging about?

You'll be right, mate. You'll be nice and warm. At the end of the day, for the first couple of years of trying anyway, you'll probably fill your belly with half-cooked chicken at the end of the day. Yeah. And an overly smoky kumara

before you nail your hangi technique. Yeah. But it's like Easter. It's done by the lunar calendar. Right. So it floats around each year. It can change, which I'm all for.

I like a floating holiday. I like the unpredictability of Easter. And then I reckon just make it a four-day weekend one as well, like Easter. Yeah. I reckon. Number five on the list of the top six ideas for public holidays, Kiwi Fruit Day. Did you know it was on the 15th of June, 1959,

that the Chinese gooseberry became the kiwi fruit? Huh. Right in the middle of June 1959 that the Chinese gooseberry became the kiwi fruit. Huh. Right in the middle of June there. And it is our national fruit. I prefer the gold kiwi fruit. That's my go-to. But the green one, I'm not a huge fan.

What is wrong with you? The sensory white bit is too firm. Don't eat it then. It's too firm. You're eating a, no, you're eating a kiwi fruit that's not ready yet. Yeah, it's not ripe. The orange.

The yellow one. You ever eat it, fur and all? You ever eat a whole kiwi fruit? That's good for you. You are a kiwi fruit, mild and not too fluffy. Tone it all down. Okay, boomer. Number four on the list of the top six ideas for public holidays

would fall on July 9th, and this would be Gay Day. Oh, okay. What happens on Gay Day? In 1986, on July 9th, the Homosexual Law Reform Bill passed, which meant it was no longer a criminal act for consensual homosexual male-on-male practice. Right. What about female-on-female?

I think the politicians were already okay with that because it was hot. Yeah, and they were mostly holding to them. Yeah, right. Okay. They were really, really good with that. Yeah. They were very fine with that.

And... Yeah, 1986. So we have a long weekend to... Okay, yeah, right. I know it coincides with... No, but it could coincide with Gay Ski Week in Queenstown. Yes. No, July, that's too early to rely on the snow,

especially with global warming. And I was going to say, it's not really good for the parade because there's a lot of arseless chaps there, and that's... Frostbite. Yeah. You don't want to get a cold tuchus. Yeah. All right, so maybe we can figure out another way to celebrate

the homosexual law reform in July for a public holiday. Number three on the list of the top six ideas for a new New Zealand public holiday, August, we have Minnie Dean Day. Do you remember Minnie Dean? She was a child killer. Why are we having a public holiday for? Very famous New Zealand child killer

She was hung She was the only woman hung in New Zealand history Really? Yep Why do we Not all the public holidays have to be good news Megan When was this? How long ago?

1895 God we were good at it She became the first and only woman in New Zealand to be hanged And her story exposed the stark realities of paid childcare and the lack of choice for many women in the period. Oh, wow. So we could celebrate early childhood educators. It sounds a bit dark, Vaughan.

I don't know if people are going to go for this holiday. Maybe. Number two, it's a day off. I'm pretty sure they'll take it. Number two on the list will fall in September. And this is Heart Day on the 3rd of September. Because did you know the first ever

open heart surgery in New Zealand was done on the 3rd of September, 1958? Hmm. Yeah. I think it might have been the first open heart surgery.

Sir Brian Barrett Boys did it. Okay. On an 11-year-old girl with a hole in her heart and revolutionised the heart operation so we could celebrate that. Heart Day. Yeah, right. That's a big one in the medical field. Yeah we can celebrate that. Heart Day.

That's a big one in the medical field. Yeah. And finally, number one on the list of the top six ideas for a new public holiday to fall in that winter hiatus of no public holidays would happen on October 4th. And it would be called Jandal Day, as that was the day that the jandal was trademarked. Oh, okay.

As the Japanese sandal by Morris Yock in 1957. October 4th could be Jandle Day. It might still be a little bit chilly, but maybe we all wear jandles and socks. Try to kickstart spring. Yeah, nice. Yeah, jandles and socks, that actually should be quite a hot look. So there you go. Top six ideas for the public holidays.

I'll leave that with the powers that be. That's today's top six. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. holidays, I'll leave that with the How's it be? That's today's top six. There's a whole street for sale if you're into it. Just if you've got a spare how much? Ten houses. Technically it's a cul-de-sac. Okay. Five houses on each side.

Yeah. It's in Westport. There's the catch. But you can buy the whole... I'd say the price is probably the catch. The whole... I don't know how much the price is. It was originally built in the early 60s

for people to live in when they worked at the cement works. Okay. But that got shut down in 2016 and now all the assets that that company owned are being sold off. Right. Because it's a beautiful

part of the country. I mean, it's rugged. And it's coastal. You're right on the coast at this particular property. Right.

This cul-de-sac. So it's like sea views, right? 100%. God, imagine if you had like, how many houses is it all up?

10. Do you know how much the RV is? Nine. If you had nine other friends, you could all like, live on the same street, live a little commune, have like a mad veggie garden. Yeah.

Like it could be like each house is in charge of a different sort of veg. Oh, veggie, yeah. And then you... Then harvest. People will be like, well, I don't like cherry tomatoes. I like corn more. No, you've got to all agree on like ten veggies. Oh, no, just because one household doesn't like cherry tomatoes,

that doesn't mean cherry tomatoes are off the menu. I don't want cherry tomatoes growing in the communal garden. I don't like them. Do you not like cherry tomatoes? Hate them. Why household doesn't like cherry tomatoes, that doesn't mean cherry tomatoes are off the menu. I don't want cherry tomatoes growing in the communal garden. I don't like them. Do you not like cherry tomatoes? Hate them. Why don't you like cherry tomatoes? I don't like them. Do you like normal tomatoes?

I don't like tomatoes full stop. Oh, well, that doesn't matter. They're very easy to grow. We're not putting that much resource into tomatoes. Order, order, order. Cherry tomatoes are the little sweet treats of the tomato world. Yeah, they're the candy of the tomato world. Larson Street, call to order.

That's what it's called. But if you own the whole street, you'd rename it, right? Oh, you could do whatever you want, surely. That's your street. Yeah. So the rateable value is... Should we guess? Yep.

Of all 10 houses. All 10 houses. And they all look like they're in nice big quarter acre sections. 700,000. All houses are 120 square metres. So, you know, back in the 60s. 10 houses. A million dollars.

Three million. For all 10. Rateable value. Yep. $1.5 million. For all 10. But there is spare land for building, apparently. Who do you mind 10 houses?

That kind of, oh, yeah, the real estate agent's like, oh, it'll probably be around the $2 million mark, but that's the real estate agent. Ugh, real estate agent. Knock 50% on that. We'll start negotiating low. Yeah. You can't go low once you've started negotiations.

That's what my dad always said. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're selling, you can go lower. Yeah, totally. You can't go higher. Yeah, true. So shoot high.

They might meet you halfway. Wow. Imagine that. Buying a whole street. Because wasn't there a town? Yes. There was a town for sale. A whole town.

In central New Zealand. In central North Ireland. No, I thought it was South Island. It's by the railway, wasn't it? You know, near Arthur's Pass? Was it near around there? Oh, was it? A whole little town. Wasn't there one where all the locals had their guts for and they weren't getting anything out of the council

and they were going to sell their town? Yeah, right. So if you want Powerball, that's something I'd do. Are you talking about Lake Waitaki Village? That was for sale in 2018. It's north of Dunedin. Oh, okay. Nah, that wasn't what I was thinking of,

but if you're on Powerball, that's something you'd do. Would you? It's actually like, looking at the map, it's at a real cool spot. It's out of town, it's out of Westport, but it's on like this peninsula. You'd probably face a fair, you know, the weather and stuff would smash you because it's coming straight in off the Tasman.

But it's actually like a really cool looking spot if you're in the area. You could do an Ed Sheeran and just plough those houses and make a little like village, your own little village. Well, why would you plough the houses? They're already there. Then you're going to rebuild a whole village. Make one big house. Oh, yeah, but then that's not a village.

That's just a big ass mansion. It's just, okay, Chris Hemsworth. Make myself a mall. Chris Hemsworth, yeah, yeah, but then that's not a village. That's just a big-ass mansion. It's just, okay, Chris Hemsworth. Make myself a mall. Chris Hemsworth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the climate was warmer, this could be the Byron Bay of the South Island. Just get it started. Yeah.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Kids are back at school this week. Level deux back at school, which is nice. But it is weird getting home. The house is so quiet. Yeah, right. I know. And I'm even in it, which is amazing.

It's generally where I go, noise follows. That's just my life without kids. It's great, isn't it? How great is it? You must hear all sorts of things because there's no other noise. Like birds and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buses.

And cars. Amazing. and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buses. And cars. Amazing. In the city, yeah. So they came home with some... August came home with some drawings and stuff because to get back into it, obviously they're doing a bit of maths but doing a bit more art than usual maybe

just to ease back into being at school. Because the thing was, when we were doing homeschool, we'd just get it all done in the morning. Yeah, right. And then they'd have the afternoons off. Because that's because

we could give them the one-on-one time, but teachers are obviously dealing with the whole classroom. Yeah. So they, it takes a little bit longer and they'd, you know,

et cetera, et cetera. I mean, however you want to justify these kids' half days at school, sure will. So, yeah, and then we started drinking at lunchtime.

All of you. I said to the teachers, I said, get your job done by lunchtime and you can start drinking. That's how we did it. And some,. I said to the teachers, I said, get your job done by lunchtime and you can start drinking. That's how we did it. And some, August came home

with some drawings. She had drawn a pug eating a hamburger. Was that the homework or did she just come up with it? No, she just came up with it. She's like,

what are two things I like? Wolves. And there was a wolf making a FaceTime because she had made it, she had drawn a cell phone and then the screen and then drawn a wolf making a FaceTime. Because she had drawn a cell phone. Yeah. And then the screen, and then drawn a wolf in the screen.

Oh, yeah. And I said, what's this? And she said, it's a wolf on FaceTime. God, I love it. I love it. My favorite was a flamingo because she loves drawing flamingos. Okay. Because she loves flamingos.

She's good at drawing flamingos. Yeah, because she watched a YouTube on how to draw them. Oh, okay, right. So now she draws a flamingo, and next to it was a cup of coffee. Yeah. Because I told them when you draw, like, little, because I'm terrible at drawing. Yeah.

But little tips, like, if you want to make something look hot, you put those squiggle lines over the top. Oh, yeah. And so there was a cup of coffee and squiggle lines over the top, and I said, what's going on here? And she said, well, obviously, he's waiting for it to cool down. The flamingo. Before he can drink the coffee.

Yeah. Wow. And I was like, these are so great. Like, look at this, the imagination here. That's fantastic. Yeah. What did your teacher say? Oh, she really loved it.

And that's when Mountie, producer Mountie, piped up with what I don't know how to describe, was a very sad, traumatic childhood memory. Mountie. Now, how old were you when this happened, Mountie? I was pretty young. I would have been about eight, maybe. Okay.

And tell people what you were drawing. Well, this is very traumatic for me. Okay. Because I consider myself quite a creative kid, and I'm still kind of like that type. Yeah. So I was kind of hit by this flashback of when I showed my teacher some art,

pretty basic stuff, but the sun in the sky, I decided to put a smiley face on it, as you do when you're a kid. Yeah. And the teacher told me that that isn't very realistic and I should redo it. Then I'll see Teletubbies.

No, clearly not. You would have grown up on Teletubbies, right? Oh, yeah, definitely. So, like, every time that baby smile sun came up, you would have been like, right, gotcha. The face in the sun. The teacher's not wrong. I would have said to the teacher,

well, you go look in the sun and tell me there's not a smiley face in there. You're not supposed to look at the sun. You'd be like, well, exactly. We don't know what's there. I wasn't going for anything realistic. I mean, it would have been a circle with some triangles. And you were eight.

It wasn't like an art competition, was it? It's so brutal to say to an eight-year-old. Did you do triangles to indicate the sun's radiant energy? I always did triangles. I always did lines. Yeah, I did lines too. I was a lines kid. Long ones and then short ones in between.

That's not very realistic. No, and that's not realistic either, is it? To let everybody know that the sun... Had rays. Yeah, but they were different. After this brutal comment from a teacher, we thought, and we do know teachers do an incredible job. Oh yeah, but some people that were teachers

and I don't, maybe there's still some left but it feels very much like old school teachers. Old school teachers. They just fell into the profession. Yeah. And they weren't the encouraging like we've just heard. Yeah. Type. They were.

Too straight and narrow. We want to know the most brutal thing a teacher said to you that you still remember to this day. Yeah, the brutal... Do you guys have any? Art takedowns of a teacher. Well, whether it was art or not, just something that a teacher said to you that you'll always remember.

My classics teacher wasn't... Because I only did classical studies because I needed to fill a gap. Because I don't know what... that was just drawings on vases and stuff. Lots of dicks. Lots of dicks. Huge and boobies. That gave me a teenage insecurity because they were all pretty massive.

Because the carvings I was okay with because they were small. But then on the vases they were always very large. And I just love to make jokes about the dicks on the vases. My teacher was like, you're never going to get anywhere in this life. I was like, oh. Well, I might as well have a bit of fun along the way then.

Weird that that was like a subject. Classical studies. What's the point of vases and boobies? It was Roman Empire. It was like arts and ancient history. Yeah, but how's that helped? I don't know. I got like 38%.

Somebody has to run the museums. I was really stoked I got 38% because I did nothing in that class. Yeah, right. I loved that. I loved classes. Okay, well, give us a call. 0800 DALES at M. You can text through 9696.

What is the most brutal thing a teacher said to you at school? Flesh-forn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Producer Mountie, still scarred to this day being told that a smiley face on the sun in a piece of art. Very unrealistic. I can't believe you remember that from when you were

eight. Yeah. What else was in the picture with the sun? Was it like a diagram of the solar system? Or was there a diagram of the solar system or? Or was there a house with a chimney and smoke? Curly smoke.

Nothing as advanced as the solar system. It would have been a landscape of some sort. Right, yeah, okay. Trees on the horizon. Yeah. It's a bit rough, isn't it?

Because sometimes you draw a house, you'd have a door but then the windows would be in the middle of the house and that's unrealistic too. It'd be too high.

It'd either have to be on the first story or the ground floor. Yes. You weren't thinking about architecture at eight, were you? No. Some text messages in on the ruthless things your teacher said to you. Somebody said, my teacher

took me down for handwriting in front of everybody. Okay. Made me write on the board in front of everybody and then said, look at this. It's just sloppy and disgusting. That is ruthless. Katie, the ruthless thing a teacher said to you

that you still remember? Well, when I was, I was only about seven and this radio station came to our school to record the kids singing Happy Birthday. Oh, they bloody love that, don't they? They bloody love that. And they play it back and all the mums are like, and this radio station came to our school to record the kids singing happy birthday. Oh, they bloody love that, don't they? They bloody love that. And they play it back and all the mums are like,

Timmy, you're going to be on the radio? And then they get hooked into that radio station. It's like, wait for the kids. We should do that. We should do that. Oh, horrible. You have to go to schools. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not this age we don't.

Parents record their kids singing happy birthday. They send it to us. Oh, yeah. But then we've got to play all these awful happy birthday. No, all, no, not this age we don't. Parents record their kids singing happy birthday. They send it to us. Oh, yeah. But then we've got to play all these awful happy birthdays. No, all at once. Oh, right. So Timmy's listening, but you can't hear Timmy. Right.

But then we've got him. We auto-tune it. We'll auto-tune it. Yeah, anyway, sorry, Katie, carry on. We're just going to show me some radio marketing here on the fly. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, well, my parents never heard me anyway

because after we were rehearsing, my teacher took me aside and asked me just to mouth the words while we were singing it because I wasn't a very good singer. Actually, that reminds me of something a teacher said to me at primary school.

She said, put your hands behind your ears and cup them. That's what you sound like. You can hear yourself singing. And I was like, oh, bitch. Why is that?

You don't sing now. Yes, why don't you sing? Why don't I always sing and you're just like, oh ouch. Why is that? You don't sing now. That's why I don't sing. Vaughan and I always sing and you're just like, oh. I'm exactly the same. I don't sing. And it's all because of that. So awful. No, I sing.

They told me to not sing as loud and I said, not today. And I sung louder. Classic Vaughan. Yeah, it's good anyway. Yeah. Classic Vaughan. Sing like no one's listening. Thanks for your call, Katie.

Some text messages. I got called a trollop once in the early 2000s at college. A trollop? That's a horrible word. I didn't really know what it meant. Trollop. But I asked mum and mum was like, that's a terrible thing to call a child.

Yeah. Did a project on narwhals when I was 10. Unicorns of the sea. Yes. My teacher told me it had to be on something real and that she wouldn't accept my project. Was that me? This was before the internet,

so I couldn't just Google and show them it was real. I was describing it and they were like, no. Yeah, that's if Megan became a teacher. Yeah. Oh, I'm not accepting this topic on reindeer. We need real animals. Real animals. Tom, the most brutal

thing a teacher said to you, what was it? Hi there. I was in a parent's evening when I was about seven or eight and I was sat down with my teacher and the teacher just sort of looked at my mother and said, it's a shame we don't get sent down the coal mines anymore.

I don't get it. What? Children working in the coal mines. The teacher was basically saying he should be in a coal mine instead of at school. He's too dumb for school. He should be down a coal mine. Tom, that's interesting that you went to a parent-teacher interview because I always thought the parents went along without the kids

so they could talk about them. No, no, I had to get drugged along. So, yeah, that's my experience of school. I never went to a parent. No, neither. Wow. I didn't need to hear what they were saying. No.

Thanks, Tom. I was told not to sit an exam two days before the exam in front of the class because I'd fail. And I said, is this one of those trying to, you know, get me G'd up to do the exam or are you actually telling me not to sit it? And they said, no, I'm telling you not to sit it. Because you bring our average down. Yeah. I got 93%.

What? And the best part about asking them whether or not they could, if this was just one of those G up, you know, you can do it, but you've got to concentrate situations. They said it wasn't that, so you could go back and actually rub it in their face with that and then being like, I told you this was just what you needed. You just needed to cook up the arse.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. What would Ray Ray say? Joining us on the phone is the titular character of this particular segment. Ray Ray, good morning. Good morning. Morning, Mum. Now, Megan's mum, known for her...

Pearls of wisdom. Yeah, direct advice. I like how after working together for so long, we all went in three completely different directions there. No one for her, and I'm like, pills of wisdom. You're like... Directness. Directness.

Candor. Candor. Three different things. Yeah. Well, you see, how come I've told my kids what to do and neither of them took any advice? So I wish you luck. That's a good thing about being a...

I still don't know what you told me to do. What did you tell me to do? just anything oh sometimes I told you not to get married and you didn't listen oh yeah

that first marriage I did it twice that was a bloody but she hasn't had her own kids yet Ray Ray that's when you start realising that

mother knows best kids are nothing but trouble yeah just clarification she told me not to get married the first time she didn't tell me that the second time.

Ray, we've had some questions in from listeners, some situations that you can help out with. First one, Mum, I just can't get into dating apps. Any ideas on how to meet a man? Well, I mean, you could

go to the gym. Now, our gym down the road has got a lovely cafe. You could sit there and you could go to the gym. Now, our gym down the road has got a lovely calf. You could sit there and you could check out the talent. Yeah. Because you look for muscles, energy, and you can check out the butts in Lycra. I mean, what more could you want? Because that Lycra.

Yeah, right. It's fabulous. Okay, so you're looking for a Lycra butt. Fabulous fabric. Wow. It has a great fabric. Okay, so you're looking for a Lycra butt. Fabulous fabric. It is a great fabric. You've got to check out the energy. Energy. Right, right.

You want that big dick energy. That's what everyone's saying. Don't say that to my mother. Never say that. No. That's what you mean, the BDE. That's what the kids are calling it. No, it's a saying, Mum.

Yeah. It's like you've got the energy of someone with a big dick. Oh, right. Okay. I can't believe you're explaining this to my mum. Big, big... It's like you've got the energy of someone with a big dick. Oh, right. You don't have to have it. You don't have to have one, but you have to carry yourself like you do. This guy's very confident. Did dating apps blow your mind, Ray Ray? Because when you

met your husband, Megan's dad, there were no dating apps, were they? No, I fancied him from school. I used to sit there and look at him across the desk and I thought, oh, you're a hunk. Were you the high school sweethearts? Yeah. That's nice. That is.

Alright, next piece of advice. Okay, my flatmates are always using the tumble dryer even if it's sunny. How do I stop them? Yeah, that's very tricky. Well, you could tell them to sling their hook. But the other thing is you could get your fish sauce, get out your bottle of fish sauce and dip your finger in it

and rub that around your barrel of your tumble dryer. Because fish sauce, when it's heated up, is worse than a Russian wrestler. Right. But, Ray-Ray, then you wouldn't be able to use the dryer after them. Well, you're not using it anyway, are you? Because you're just grizzling

because... Mum famously has a dryer that she never uses. Oh, no, same with my mum. But we're going into winter. This is a spring-summer game you're playing here with this fast and loose

use of fish sauce. But we're going into winter. You just rub it round where you know you've put it. As soon as they put the clothes in and heat up, because, oh, that stuff stinks. Right. It's repulsive.

Even Jamie Oliver says that. It's terrible stuff. Does he? And then they'll say, oh, there's something wrong with the dryer. And all you have to say is, well, you know, sunny day. Why aren't you hanging it out? Yeah, I'll get on to that. There might be a mouse in there or something.

You could say that. There might be a dead animal. Yeah, something wrong. The electrics might be playing up. You better not use it. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, last one.

I need motivation to start being an early bird. I've been sleeping until 2 p.m. every day. Mum's not going to like that. Oh, no, not going to like that at all. I mean, what kind of lazy fart are you to be in bed? Well, obviously you work at night and the mind boggles. Yeah. And if you're sleeping until 2pm, well, what they need is you need someone

to get out there with a chainsaw and get you motivated, get a bit of noise going. Yeah, right. I mean, it's kind of scary if you're still in bed during the day, but obviously you're a night worker. Must be. Or just one of those people that got still in bed during the day but obviously into night worker. Must be. Or just one of those people that got into a bad... We won't go into that.

Might have got into a bad habit over lockdown of just staying up watching movies late. Yeah, but what about work? I mean, you've got to get up and do your chores and you've got to... Make the most of the day. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to get out. Well, go to the gym to meet the man.

Yeah, and the Lycra. And the Lycra. Have yourself a muffin at the cafe, start the day the right way. That stuff is amazing. It fits where it touches. She's doubling down on the Lycra. Wow, big fan of Lycra.

Big fan of Lycra. Well, then we're all better people. That person's half dead. Maybe he's got COVID. Who? The person that's still in bed at 2 o'clock. He's feeling tired. You're saying they might be semi-asymptomatic.

Okay, so go get a test in that case. See a doctor. Double up on Lycra. Great advice, Ray Ray, as always. Fantastic. Thanks, Mum. Hang in there. We're all in a wiser, better place after that sterling advice.

Thanks again. Thank you. Bye. Fascinating article on the spin-off. You've probably seen some of this on Facebook before, unfollowing or hiding from timeline. But people seem to be really on board with conspiracy

theories at the moment. Maybe it's the extra time stuck at home with nothing to do but peruse YouTube. And one man delved into the 5G conspiracy world online, and that man is David Ferrier. Good morning. Good morning.

What a world it is. We were just saying, do you want to do, like, happy stuff? Because you've done, like, the tickling, the dark tourism. Yeah, for some reason, I just get really sucked into these really bleak, weird places. But it's also kind of, I don't know, there's a weird fun to it as well. Because once I started seeing these kind of people being terrified of 5G, I joined all the anti-5G groups on Facebook. And my whole Facebook experience has just been taken over by just, it's utterly mad.

And my whole life at the moment on Facebook is just how evil 5G is, how it's going to kill all of us. And it's kind of fascinating. Yeah, I watched an interview the other day with a journalist who made a Facebook account and just followed Trump stuff. And he was saying it was so crazy how even he started to doubt

what was actually fact in real life. Really? Yeah, because it changes your whole experience so quickly, right? Yeah, because he then goes out of his bubble into another bubble and is just consumed with this false news and different reality.

Is that what you'll find? Yeah, the alarming thing is in New Zealand is that, you know, there? The alarming thing is, in New Zealand, is that we've had this spate now of people actually not just behind their laptops and phones, but going out and actually setting fire to cell phone towers, which is incredibly dangerous because you're cutting out cell networks in vulnerable communities. And so it's really alarming.

Yeah. And also, they're not even burning down 5G towers, right? Aren't they attacking 4G towers? Oh, it's really alarming. Yeah. And also they're not even burning down 5G towers, right? Aren't they attacking 4G towers? Oh, it's absolutely, I mean, they're not smart. I mean, I wrote this article and I'm in all the private groups and they haven't even kicked me out yet, you know, so I'm still in all these places. Are you worried?

You say they've firebombed and set fire to cell towers and you're kind of poking the bear. Are you worried about that? No, I mean, I think I'm fine. I mean, there's a lot of, they talk a big game online, but I think I feel safe. I mean, I've met a few of them because I did this weird thing. I did this ad for 5G last year and I was really worried

that I was going to just get abused for selling out, which is very reasonable. I've got an approach by so many I mean, I've described them mostly as hippies really, just sort of approaching me, abusing me for propagating this

evil in the community. So that's been a really weird experience and quite enlightening in a way. So what do they, at the crux of it, believe 5G is going to do? So there are extremes of the theory, but the basic one is that 5G has been created to lower our immunity, to attack our immune system.

So COVID-19 is much more likely to take hold. The other theory that was going around for a while, which isn't as common, is that 5G was actually like a transportation network for the virus, which is very funny to me. Yeah, and of course none of this at all has any scientific backing, does it, the 5G? Oh no, no, none whatsoever.

And I think the trouble is, if you've got any friends on your Facebook timeline or on Twitter or on Instagram that believe this stuff, you're not going to be able to talk them out of it. I think the only way you can really talk to them is to point out that its origins go back like four years from this absolutely lunatic YouTube video, which then just slowly spread to different places. Eventually, it went onto Reddit. Then it's back on YouTube. Then it's a Twitter hashtag. Then it's being backed by celebrity chefs.

And suddenly, it's here and everyone thinks it's real. And I think if people can see that the origins are so insane and bizarre, then maybe they'll see the truth. But the trouble is

if they believe this stuff, they're probably too far gone. Yeah. How do you deal with, because you've been in amongst like the strange world of tickling, you've done the dark tourism, you've met some different characters that believe some wild and out there things.

How do you deal with it? How do you have conversations with these people? I would just find it very hard. Oh, I think you do just fine, to be honest. But I think it's nice to, to be honest. But I think it's nice to be reminded that not everyone thinks like you, and a lot of the time that can be a really positive experience. Most of Dark Tourist

was great because you're meeting these people from just wildly different backgrounds that have unique outlooks on life. This conspiracy stuff is way more depressing to me because the truth isn't the truth anymore. It's just whatever bullshit you grab from the clouds and like insert into your brain, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's annoying because like Dark Tourist was incredibly sane. Tickled was much more sane. There was a reason people were doing this. They were doing it for money. Like people were being tickled for $3,000. This conspiracy stuff, people are choosing to believe absolute falsehoods

just because it makes them feel special and in control of their lives and it's really frustrating especially when it leads to people actually taking out

cell networks in New Zealand which we need for if someone needs to call 111 from their mobile phone. Yeah.

Wow. This is the world we live in now. It's really wound up about it from their mobile phone. Yeah. Wow. This is the world we live in now, isn't it? I get really riled up about it. I really do. Yeah. It's so annoying to me. Because you're right, you can't argue with these people, and it's been proven, like the whole Trump stuff

and Trump supporters, you just can't argue with these people. No, and it's something we saw in America with Trump that generally the people that were buying into his stuff, and he, by the way, is really great at spreading big conspiracy theories like QAnon, which is a whole other kettle of fish. Oh, I only know the tiniest amount about that, and that's next level, isn't it? Essentially, you know, kids have been kept in dungeons and pizza houses and under Central Park by Hillary Clinton in the deep state. It's really mad, but Trump is very on board with that. houses in London Central Park by Hillary Clinton in the deep state. Really mad.

But Trump is very on board with that. But Trump has attracted these typically kind of like free thinking, kind of leftist people into his rhetoric because he's so sort of not the norm. And it's almost the same here. Like I think a lot of the people falling for this 5G stuff,

they're traditionally kind of like quite left and free thinking and they've somehow been sucked into this very right wing hole and that's really depressing because they are honestly in New Zealand, they're kind of like happy hippies

in West Auckland or they're from the far north. They're poorer, smaller communities that would typically lean left, but they're picking up on all this clearly right-wing bullshit, which is really annoying. It's incredibly fascinating. The article you can find at the spin-off, David Farrier,

we're going to hang up on you now because the 5G, we can feel it coming through the phone. Your brains are being radiated. Get off the line. It's mind control. The vaccine contains microchips. You're brain's been radiated. Get off the line. It's mind control. The vaccine contains microchips. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Fridge Bingo. Fridge Bingo, it's you versus another listener, and it's just basically a delve into the nation's fridges. Yeah, we see what's in the old fridge. Born in lockdown, wasn't it? When we were all stuck at home. Visiting the fridge

on the red. Wondering if anything had magically appeared in the last five minutes. I'm still doing that. Just a habit. In fact, I've always done that. Yeah, we did it

before lockdown. It's so disappointing when you haven't, like nothing appears, eh? Yeah. And it's really only your fault. Yep.

Not to blame. Zach, good morning. Good morning. All right, how's your fridge stocked up at the moment? It's not too bad. My missus was shopping about three days ago, so. Oh, good. Okay, all right.

Well, today, Zach, you will be playing against Gemma. Gemma, good morning. Good morning. All right, Gemma. Gemma's going to be dong. Dong,ma. Gemma's going to be dong. Dong, okay. And Zach's going to be ding. So you just buzz in with your allocated buzzers there.

All right, let's... If you've got the thing, you've got to spin the randomiser. See what we've got here. Slowing down. Something past its best before date. Dong. Dong? Dong.

Dong? Gemma, what have you got that's past its best before there, Gemma? Chunky tomato relish. Okay. How past its date? Because you can probably still use that. Yeah, it's very sugary. December last year. No, you'll be all right, I reckon use that. Yeah, it's very sugary. December last year.

No, you'll be right, I reckon. Yeah. Until at least November. Yeah, get a spoon in that. Scrape off the mould. You'll be good to go. All right. All right.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hey! Oh, a controversial one in some households. Yep. Eggs. Do you have eggs in the fridge? Ding and dong. Ding and dong.

Ding and dong. Ding and dong. We've got eggs in the fridge household. I don't know, because it's weird. You buy them at the supermarket. They're on the shelf, right? Yeah, yeah. But then you take them home, you put them in the fridge.

You take them home, you put them in the fridge. Because the fridge has got the egg holder. Yeah. This is encouraging you. But you don't need to. But why aren't they refrigerated at the supermarket? Because they don't need to be refriger Yeah. This is encouraging you. But you don't need to. But why aren't they refrigerated at the supermarket? Because they don't need to be refrigerated. This is big egg.

They last longer when you refrigerate them, apparently. But who's ever get through a pack of eggs quick enough? Yeah, very true. All right, so it's 2-1. Zach, if you get this one, you've won. No, Gemma. Gemma's up 2-1. Oh, okay, right.

I don't give Zach that sort of false hope. Up. Hey. Hey. Water. Has anyone got water? Dang. Zach?

Yep. Gemma, do you? Gemma, you don't have any water in there? No water. No water. That's not good. Okay, two-a-piece now. Two-a-piece.

Always good to keep a water jug in the fridge. Something unedible. So something that's been stored in the fridge. Zadong. Oh. Zach got in first. What was it, Zach? I've got aloe vera, the stuff that you put on sunburn. Oh, it's good in the fridge.

Yes. Gemma, what did you have out of interest? Gravy, homemade gravy from a roast about a week ago. And that's not edible, you don't think? I wouldn't eat it, no. Oh, I would. I'd give that 30 seconds in the microwave. Just give it a minute.

Give it a boil. Yeah. Congratulations, Zach. Today you've won a six-pack of Kleenex Everyday Softness on the Go pocket tissues. Perfect for a funeral or a wedding. That's the only time I'll ever put them in a pocket. And a Harry Styles fine line mug. Excuse me.

Is that yours to give away? That's mine. No, that's yours over there. This was just in the office. This was unused. He's won a mug. We'll see if you get that, Zach. No, that's yours over there. This was just in the office. This was unused. That's one of Mark's. We'll see if you get that, Zach. That's what prizes have come to in the current climate, Zach.

We go into the office and we steal stuff off people's desks. All for you. Congratulations, mate. Well done. Winner of Fridge Bingo. You get a certificate as well to hang on the fridge as well. Here's the situation a man faced at the weekend. This is in New Mexico, in America. He went to the ATM. When he got to the ATM, next to the ATM was

a foot-long sack. I thought you were going to say a foot-long subway. Me too. I was like, eat it. Eat it. Is it still wrapped? You'd eat it? Eat it. I wouldn't eat it. Because it'd probably be soggy. Is it meatball? I don't know. Well, anyway, it was a footlong clear sack filled with $50 and $20 notes. All up, $135,000 was in this sack. Was it in a, like you say sack and stacked, so it makes it sound like the people were supposed to restock the ATM

but put it down and didn't. Exactly what happened. Exactly what happened. So he's standing there and he's like, in this moment, he's like, I could take all this or I could, the bank was shut, it was the weekend, or I could hand this in to police. What would you do?

All I know, ATM machines have got cameras. So what I'd do is I'd nip back to the weekend, or I could hand this in to police. What would you do? Well, I know ATM machines have got cameras. Cameras, same. So what I'd do is I'd nip back to the car, put a sweatshirt on and cover my face. Yeah. And then come back and take the money and leave. So then it makes it look like I'm not the same person that was just there. Would you walk with a limp? I was going to say I'd walk like a real hefty dude.

I'd probably scramble in like a demon. So then they were like. they can't analyse your gait it's a demon right so that when they yeah review the photo but then they'd just go back one and be like let's talk to this guy he might have some clues

and I'd be like I heard a demon I think I didn't hear anything else he called police because he was like I don't want to be on the run I don't know whose money this is how much was it? 135,000 US dollars.

Could I take a thousand? Would they notice? Just be like, oh, someone must have taken a thousand. Well, they would because they'd do the tally and realise this is what we were meant to stock the ATM machine. There's some missing. So he rang local police. He's been since praised for his actions. He's even got a plaque.

Oh, did he get any money? Lame. No. Where did he get any money? Lame. No. Where did you get the plaque? From the police. To take home. There's a photo of him with the police. So it's like a certificate.

It's like a year's certificate. Yeah. Just saying he did the right thing. I'd want that publicly displayed. Like, here once a hero took action. Yeah. So the bank or police didn't give him any money, but a local businessman

was like, this is such a good thing. Here's $500. And his plaque is for integrity, fairness, pride and respect. But it's not $135,000, is it?

And I don't have those things anyway. So I'm willing to give it up for $100,000. Sure. So here's what I wanted to ask the question of this morning.

Have you ever found yourself in a hand it in or keep it dilemma? Like you've found something, whether it's something valuable or not. Because I've found like 20 bucks. And I'm like, well, that's mine. That's just, you know, finders keepers. I'm not going to go. Although once I was at an ATM and someone had left their money. And this was before,

I think, they built ATMs that could suck the money back in if you didn't take it. Right. So the money was just sitting in that little... Yeah, it was. How much was it?

Like a couple of hundred bucks. And did you give it in? I took it into the bank because the bank was open. Because I saw their receipt and they didn't have much money. If they'd had like 100,000, it would have been like, sweet. Oh, a drop in the ocean was open. Because I saw their receipt, and they didn't have much money. If they'd had like $100,000, it would have been like, sweet.

Oh, a drop in the ocean. Yeah, a couple of hundred bucks. You know that's someone who's just got money out. Yeah, and apparently the lady told me later that, yeah, it was like for rent or something like that. So I was like, that's the right thing to do. I'd construct in my head an elaborate lie or situation as to where the $200 is better,

not in that person's hands. Like, what if they were going to spend that $200 on heroin? And that would have been the heroin that they overdosed on and died. So it's better that you spend it. It's better that I take it and spend it on chips, which will kill me long term, not short term. Okay, so however you justified it, have you ever been in a hand it in or keep it dilemma?

And what did you do? Which way did you go? No judge. So a man went to an ATM at the weekend, found $135,000 in a sack next to the ATM that they were meant to load into the ATM. So he's then faced with this dilemma. Well, do I keep it or hand it in?

He handed it in. See, I think it'd be... Yeah, that's a lot of money. It would fine you. It's going to get to be caught, you know. Yeah. And the camera's around ATM. So he did the right thing.

He ended up getting 500 bucks in a certificate. But we want to know if you've ever been in that situation where you had this little dilemma. Do you hand it in or do you keep it? And which way did you go? Some scrupulous, folkless thing to the radio. I know.

My partner and I stopped at the Rotorua TAB for a punt on our way back to Napier. Scanned a random betting voucher that was left at the terminal and it was a $500 winner. We left straight away. So they kept the money. They kept the money.

They kept the money. I found a super flash smartphone in the snow When snowboarding And handed it to one of the mountain staff Who most likely put it in their pocket And kept it Those deros They are deros aren't they I once found a

The thing with stealing I don't know why anyone steals a smartphone You can't use it can you Only if you steal it off a boomer And they haven't set up all the two-factor authentication and stuff. I once found a few hundreds in $20 notes in Pack and Save. My daughter and I stopped to think about it, but I handed it in and they just said thanks. That's another problem. You've got your daughter there.

So she's going to see you. You've got to teach them that it's okay to do it. So you say to them, mummy's going to go hand this in. Wait here by the cornflakes. You put it in your purse and walk back. And you're like, they said thank you. She goes on to say when they went back the next week,

the person said, the person came back who had lost the money, they've left you a thank you gift at customer service. So we went up and my daughter got really excited on the way around imagining what they could have possibly bought them and they bought them a $3 box of chocolates and she's still pretty angry about it.

Wow, that's amazing. All right, let's take some calls. Robert, you were faced with this hand it in or keep it dilemma? Yeah. Okay, and what faced with this hand it in or keep it dilemma? Yeah. Okay. And what happened? What did you do? Well, me and my brother were doing like cleaning automatic doors because, you know, back ages ago,

we were both working together and we were sitting in the car park ready to go and get some lunch. And then all these $20 notes started, you know, flying over my side and his side of the door. So I picked up $40 on my side. He picked up $20 on his side. And the rest went over the fence line. Robert, I just want to say, you and your brother would be terrible in a cash machine. One of those blowy, whinny machines where you play with the cash.

Two notes. Two notes, Robert. Get out of the car and get... What's your brother's name? Michael. My name's Michael. I opened the door and I got that money. Okay, Robert, you do this.

No, well, we just seen it flying over and we both just looked and we just picked it up. And then the customer comes up and goes, oh, have you guys seen any money? My brother was quickly going, yeah, here's 20 bucks. We just found only $20. I ended up splitting my 40 with him

and then we went and had some lunch. Free lunch! I love how you're like, if we get back 20, the 40 we stole is okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a fine to speak, isn't it? It's brilliant. Robert, thanks for your call. Alex, you had this dilemma.

Morning, crew. Morning. What did you do? Did you find something? Yeah, I was just at the pub having a beer after work. I won 10 bucks on the horses, so I thought I'd put the money in the pokies. Okay. Had a bit of a round, and the dude next to me had just won the jackpot.

And I said to him, congrats, mate. Raised my beer to him, and he just looked at me like, oh, whatever. And I saw him drop his whole stack of money from his pocket straight onto the ground, and he's on a barge here. He's still going on the machine. He hasn't realised yet. I said, are you all right, mate? And he just looked at me snob snobbed at me i was like oh that's all right oh sir you just dropped your money on the ground there and he looks down he's like oh

picks it up and looks at me looks at his money and he just walks off i was like you still got like 14 in your machine mate what what so you got so you jumped on his machine no i just left like it wasn't my machine. Oh, you're too honest. Someone's rude. So this guy rooted you out like four times and you never got payback of taking anything off him? It's not about the money. It's just about the honesty.

So I put a cup on his machine and put a reserve button on and just walked away. I went and had my cigarette. Oh, that's so sweet. You're too nice, Alex. You're too nice. I wouldn't take any of his money. This story really ended you.

Like the $14 I was expecting you to reach over and just go max bet or full lines. Yeah. And then you win thousands or something. Alex, thanks for your call. Noticing it is all guys as well here, being honest or dishonest. Ben, good morning.

Yeah, how you doing? Good. What happened? I had another ATM situation. I turned up to withdraw some money and tried to stick my card in and realised there was already somebody else's card sitting in the machine with, you know, pitted and everything. Right.

So, yeah, I was pretty torn. You know, I thought there's no harm in checking the balance and seeing if it's a little bit healthier than my account. It was about 13 grand sitting in his checking account. You know, whereas mine's saying something like $70. So, you know, I thought about it once or twice, but ended up cancelling the card and handing it into the shop next door. But, you know, my motives for doing that were more on the lines of, shit, I'm going to get caught

if I withdraw anything rather than more doing the right thing about it. Yeah, see, if that machine, imagine you're in the middle of the desert road and there's just an ATM machine in the tussock. There's no security cameras. There's no cars. Is it a ban in there or is it an actual functioning ATM? What a nightmare for the Chubb security to have to restock that in the middle of nowhere. Here's my point.

There's no cameras. There's just you and that machine in the middle of the desert plateau. Yeah. Would you have taken the $13,000? Oh, a much tougher decision. I probably would have withdrawn as much as it would have let me. That just screams trap to me.

Yeah. Because why is there an ATM in the middle of the desert road with nothing else around it? Yeah. How is it being powered? Yeah, I did think it could be some sort of a set-up or, you know, an entrapment type thing. Yeah.

Bloody Jono and Ben pop out from behind the tussock. Bloody pranksters. You got me, guys. Cool. Can you blur my face when you hear this on television? Because I don't want to be abusing the street. Brilliant. Rebecca, you faced a dilemma.

Hand it in or keep it? What did you do? Handed it in. What did you do? Handed it in. What did you find? So when I was in my early teens, there was a car accident down the road from us. We live in a country area. And me and my friends were just really nosy.

So we went to go have a look at the car accident the next morning. And we were walking over a bridge and we saw a big black rubbish bag. And it looked like it was moving. So being we were like oh puppies will get into in there the most country kid thing i've ever heard oh yay someone's trying to kill puppies but it didn't work i'll get in there but yeah so we walked down to the river and have a look and it was a bag like a big black rubbish bag full of jewellery. And a rubbish bag. I know, it was like one of those big black sack rubbish bags. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we took it home, my mum made us ring the police but it was like linked to like 30 different robberies when they pieced it all out and found out where it all belongs. Insurance sort of paid for all that stuff anyway, you could have kept it. I know, I mean, my mum let us go through it and have a look first, but we weren't allowed to keep anything.

Yeah, right. I would have been like, wow, this is really interesting. Mum, look over there. You've got a Rolex. Yeah. Fantastic. Rebecca, thanks for your call. Some text messages.

I found a handbag in the toilets in Taihape, handed it in to the police, and they found the lady who owned it. It had $8,000 in it, and she gave me a pot from Ponce and B Pots to say thank you for my honesty. Do you remember when I went overseas with former producer James and the electronic boot opened up and the bags all went out and I lost the bag? And that lady handed it in and said thanks to Jesus. And that lady handed it in. That's right. And said thanks to Jesus.

And I was like, yeah, that's great. So she said the reward will be my eternal salvation in heaven at the right hand of the Father. And you were like, cool, thanks for my bag. I was like, there's two grand in that bag. Wow. Thanks for that. Okay.

Oh, Lord. You've got to wonder how much her Jesus would be worth to her If she knew it was two grand Yeah yeah exactly I'd take a little bit for Jesus And if she knew anything about you I know right Like I'll just burn up at the gates of heaven

Hi um Carl Peter Fletcher reporting for heaven Oh you took a wrong turn son Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast ZM Fact of the day Day day day day to and some. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is in Japan, it's considered rude to tip staff at restaurants as it's considered an act of pity. And you know how pity's like real. You don't want pity in Japan. Like people wouldn't put a status on Facebook in Japan. Oh my god.

Worst date ever. You wouldn't even believe. Yeah. Dot dot dot. I'm in hospital. Dot dot dot. Cool. Yeah, that's kind of a tension answer all at once. But yeah, you don't tip in Japan. It's rude.

It's kind of saying to them, you're probably not doing very well. So here's a little something to help you along the way. They're very proud, right? Very proud. Very proud. Because I take money from anyone, anytime. I'm not too proud.

Yeah. Well, yeah, because your mum still tops up your car and gives you... She offers that. Who am I to say no? I don't want to hurt her feelings. There was that time I was waiting for Sade outside a shop and I was humming a tune and someone passed me some money. They just put it in your mochaccino cup.

Yeah. I was like, oh, no, I was just sitting there in front of me because I hadn't found a bin yet. And I was like, it's okay, mate. We're all going through our own struggles. You really need a bedroom. You take the coins. Have you tried to book in anywhere or is it all full?

No, they won't do bed trims in level two. It's too much fidgeting around the mouth and the nose. Right. Apparently. But then somebody else did tell me they went to one hairdressers, one barber's, and they were in full PPE situation. They said we can cut your hair but not your beard. And they went around the corner and there was another hairdresser

and no one had anything on not even a face mask or gloves and they were like yeah we'll give you a beard trim so there seems

to be some discrepancies there but no the official ruling was no beard trims in level 2 so you just keep looking

I'm bushing out to level 1 baby I'm just I'm bushing might give myself a trim that always goes

terrible but yeah today's fact of the day is you don't tip in Japan I'm just bushing out to level one, baby. Okay. I'm just, I'm bushing. Might give myself a trim. That always goes terrible. Yeah. But yeah. Today's fact of the day is you don't tip in Japan because it is considered very rude. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So I'm about to tell you the age you're best at everything. This is going to be very depressing, isn't it?

Very confronting. Yeah. It's when you're best at something. It doesn't mean you can't be at other times in your age. Would we be allowed to debate? Yeah, for sure. If we feel different. Yeah, it'll vary from person to person.

But learning a new language, you're best at learning a language when you're seven years old. I was going to say that's seven. That's all. They always say seven for that. How do you know that? I've just heard it said before. Yeah. Seven, because you kind of got a grasp of your primary language.

Yeah. And so then you can move on to understanding other languages. So am I screwed if I want to learn like Cantonese? You're not screwed, but it's harder. Right, okay. They say they don't really know why it's harder for a human brain to learn a language in adulthood, but it definitely is. Right, okay.

What language would you learn if you could learn a second language? Spanish? Yeah, that's pretty hard. Because it's pretty hard. It sounds hard, doesn't it? Yeah, I didn't learn a whole lot. Spanish? Yeah, that's pretty hot. Because it's pretty hot. It sounds hot, doesn't it? Yeah, I didn't learn a whole lot. And there's lots of countries around the world that speak Spanish. Yep, exactly.

Yeah. Yep. I'm learning a little bit of Afrikaans. You could be a diplomatic attaché. I could be an attaché. What's an attaché? Argentina. Argentina, yep.

What's an attaché? I don't know. It's just what they say. It's in the movies, isn't it? Yeah. They're an attaché. It's like a diplomatic representative for your country and another country. It's like if you work for the consulate, the New Zealand consulate in another country.

Is that right? Can you Google that, please, Norm? What do you want me to Google? What is an attaché? What is an attaché? I think it's just a diplomat, isn't it? And they get a special passport, too. A person on the staff of an ambassador having a specialised area of responsibility.

There you go. So you might be the naval and air attache. And then I believe if, like, for example, you got done shoplifting or, like, you crash your car, you just leave the country and there's no consequences. Yeah, you're on a diplomatic immunity. Yeah. Yeah. Life satisfaction, there are two peaks.

Right. So if you've missed the first one, you can maybe wait for the second one. Okay. Or just, hey, make your own peak, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, make your own peak. Make your own peak, man. Hey, what have you got there?

Happiness. Where did you find that? I made it myself. 23 is your first peak. You don't have much. I would have thought it would have been later in life. But you said there's two peaks. 69. Really? Nice.

Nice. It's the second peak. Really? Because I would have thought like in your 30s or 40s you're a bit more like. You've got a bit more financial independence when you're early 20s. Maybe you're fast and loose at 23. You've got your youth.

Yeah, true. What? Yeah. And not everybody takes 30 well. I know some people that I know didn't take 30 well. They were like, this is not where I thought I'd be at 30. So maybe there's that. Are you talking about Megan?

Yeah. I didn't take 30 well. You're not 30 yet, are you? No, I'm not. Oh, my God, babe. It was Megan. It was me. I didn't take 30 well at all.

No, he's the one who didn't take 30 well. Are we still going to be working with her when she hits 40? Because Jesus. It's going to be real bad. I'm going to fly off the handles. Do that thing lots of other people on radio do. Just hit an age in your mid-30s and just say that's your age for the next 15 years. Brilliant.

Women are most attractive At 23 Maybe that's because they Maybe that's where the peak happiness comes in Yeah right okay So I don't know See I don't know About that

Maybe I'm getting older But I've got a I've developed a taste For the more mature ladies No It says Men find women In their early 20s

Most attractive Even as men get older Their preference for 20 something women Stay the same You get older But they stay the same age But then I was gonna cite

Kate Beckinsale As Oh yeah right Halle Halle Halle Berry Halle Berry Halle Berry

Yeah Dame Helen Mirren Yeah oh 100% She's an absolute anomaly. But then that woman, like Jennifer Aniston, they're all a woman in their late 40s now. I feel like that's changing, isn't it? Like that early 20s thing.

Does that still apply? Because, yeah, like, not all guys are like that. I couldn't handle a woman in her early 20s. Too much energy. Yeah, she'd want to go out. She'd want to go to the club. And you're like, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Muscle strength peaks at 25. Yeah, that's a fact. That's why going to the gym's good. Keep up that bone density. Gains, bro. She said muscle strength, not bone density. Well, that too. Hand in hand. Yeah, hand in hand.

Because osteoporosis is seen. Are you on money from big calcium over there? Working in this bone density when she said muscle. You're like, oh, yes, and bone density. Make sure you get your calcium. No, the physio said that the other day, so I just repeated it. Have you got osteoporosis? No.

Why was the bone density in chat? I can't remember. It just came up in conversation about gymming and stuff. Carry on, Megan. Finding a partner

for marriage, 26 years old. Now that's not getting married at 26. That's finding the person that you'll marry at 26. Right. Shit, I've missed that boat,

haven't I? They could be 26 though. Good call. You're best at playing chess at 31 years old if you're into that. Remembering faces, though. Good call. You're best at playing chess at 31 years old, if you're into that. Remembering faces, 32. When you're 32, you are best at remembering faces. You've missed that bit too, Fletch.

That's why you're always seeing people and they're like, hey, and you're like, hey. And I was like, who's that? And you're like, don't know. But you know. And lastly, men have awesome salaries at 48, but just all the time. At 48? 48. Men earn the most when they're about 48 or 49

and their salaries continue to grow until this age. Doesn't mention women, but I guess we could just take 75% of that dollar. Fair. Yeah, fair. No comment. Next on the show there has been some feedback

about today's show the program earlier that we need to deal with next. We've received some correspondence I guess maybe you could call it a complaint. It was something we did earlier. We have this new segment,

What Would Rere Say? We talked to my mum and pitched her problems that have been put to us from listeners. One of them was where to find a good man. And she mentioned that the gym was a good place. You've got to check out the energy. You want that big dick energy.

That's what everyone's saying. Don't say that to my mother. Never say that. No. That's what you meant, the BDE. That's what the kids are calling it. No, it's a saying, Mum. Yeah.

It's like you've got the energy of someone with a big dick. Wow. Oh, right. So glad that you talked my mum through that. I forgot we were on the radio Yeah, that was said I've had conversations in private with your mum along that vein

They're very open people I always feel very comfortable around them Yeah, okay Amber has messaged the show Yeah, I wasn't going to say her name No It's too late now It's too late now, it's out there

Do you want to read the complaint, Bourne? Just walked my kids into before school care. Now that's before school starts. If you've got work, you can drop your kids off early. Just walked my kids into before school care and my son, who's five, walked up to the teacher and said, my dad has big dick energy. Thanks, guys.

Face palm emoji. Try laughing emoji. Thanks, guys. Face palm emoji. Try laughing emoji. Thanks, guys. Ha, ha, ha. So I don't think that is a complaint. And that is an observation of her child's fantastic ability to listen. So we educated my mother and her five-year-old today on BDE. I thought that was too early in the show for five-year-olds to hear that,

but obviously it wasn't. It was at 25 past seven. It was absolute prime time before school dropped off. Maybe you should know that next time before you open your... Yeah, it was like I met somebody a while back, and they said, you know how you try to sneak in some more risque subjects in the 6am hour? Yes, here we go.

I said, yes, we put it there, you know, knowing that the school audience isn't awake or in the car yet. And they said, oh, that's when I dropped my daughter and all of her friends off at water polo practice. They had quite the education. Yeah, and then you can see you say something they don't understand. They all get out their phones and Google what you're talking about. They're going to learn about it as best they learn

in the safety of mum's seven-seater Mitsubishi. Yeah. Exactly. With adult supervision. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts and music lives here ZM