ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 20th October 2020

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Tova Throwsdown  Top 6: Summer Shortage  Vaughan's Hangi  Radio Tinder!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!Fletch's Laundry ConundrumSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Warner Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe Coffees. Get one free on the Maccas app. During the show that you're about to hear, we talk about babysitting mishaps. Yeah, there's been a list come out of the most expensive places where you can get a babysitter. Yeah, and you'll hear me mention the Bonner Boys as some lads that I used to babysit just up the road. Like, as troublesome as they sound. They locked you under the house.

Yeah. I just got a message from one after they heard the show. Hey, mate, what about that time we were throwing standards and Fijos at you off the top of the tree hut? Standards are those temporary fence things that you, like, stab into the ground and then put the electric fence through the pig tail at the top. Are they metal?

Yeah. They could have killed you. Didn't you and your brother, though, fire one into your sister's foot? My brother threw it. Yeah, but it went straight through her foot. They are so dangerous. And no, I don't actually remember that. So one obviously hit me in the head.

Wow. Yeah, that's just a light look into the, I don't know how the appearance did it. I would have, have like had them tied down. You're lucky you've got girls. Until they become teenagers. Yes, I am well aware of that. I'm counting my blessings early and often. Good morning. Welcome to the show.

Fletch, Fawn and Megan. Hearing Ash mention the National MPs that are leaving, because that's a tough thing. If you're an MP, you've only got three years, then you might have to find a new job. Apparently, each of the National MPs will receive a silver platter, but the engravers will have their work cut out for them, 19 of them. Oh, you mean a physical platter?

A physical, like a silver platter. No, not like a meat platter. I thought there was another name for like a golden handshake. Like they get a little bit of cash. A silver platter on the back. A silver tray, like one that Nan has. It's all nice and it's got fancy, ornate squiggles on it and design. And they give them a grave, don't they?

I believe so, yes. It's like, hey, sorry about that. Good luck out there. It's a shitter of a job market. Like that sort of thing. That kind of thing, yeah, exactly. Wow, okay.

Who pays for the silver platter? Is that us? Are we taxpayers? Are we in the building for that? Yeah, I don't know. Well, if you've been in the job for a while, it's a bit of a

shitter of a person, isn't it? So that's regardless if you've been in it three years or 30 years, you're all getting the same thing. Pretty much, yeah. Is Jerry Brownlee getting a platter or is he still around on the list?

I think he's on the list. Can't get rid of him that easy. He's like a stubborn oil stain. You put a bit of friend on it and you put it in the wash and it comes out still there. Yeah. Are you going a hot wash to melt the stain or should you go cold? I never know.

I thought you said we need to put like WD-40 on oil stains. Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm saying is you think you're going to get it out with that friend. It's not friend because it doesn't have an I. Right. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend.

Coming up on the show, the top six. Yep. Let me get in here and find out. There's a shortage. At the back of the year, there's a watermelon shortage, isn't there? Yeah. So the top six other summer shortages we bid not have to suffer through. Because you know, it gets to summer, there's always a shortage of some sort.

Yeah. Cash as well to give away this morning. Our COVID rain check is back at 8, so make sure you register. Send them online. Just tell us what you've missed out on because of COVID and we could call you back. All thanks to Save My Back and Brianne Clink giving you a chance this afternoon as well. Next on the show, a study's

been done on more than 15,000 penises around the world. Okay. I'll tell you why. That's a lot to go through. Who conducted this study? Anyone we know? Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. This is so interesting actually. 15,000 penises around the world were studied to determine the average length. This has been done before. Okay, I've got a question. Yeah. Someone knocks on your door, Vaughan, with a white lab coat and a clipboard and a measuring tape.

My penis is already out. I'll be like, oh, you must be hearing about my penis. They're like, can I measure your penis for science? Like, how are they getting these measurements? Surely it's people who are already volunteering for medical studies, right? You're there to take a pill that they think is going to

impress Avicii and Ibiza. And they're like, oh, while you're here, can we measure your penis? Like, just for science. And they'll be like, oh yeah, sure. They're already there. They take, and I might be incorrect here, but they take three measurements

according to the study. Circumference. Flassy and hard. Yeah, okay. So you've got to do that in front of someone or do they trust you? Because I'd add on an inch. They're not going to trust you. They're scientists.

So here's the thing when I say it's been done before. They say that every other time it's been relied on self-reporting which is not accurate. Oh, okay. So this time they were like, okay, we're going to do this properly. They sorted out a proper measuring system.

So where exactly to measure from. Whereabouts it came up to on the shampoo bottle. Yes. And then you get later on you like just have a sneaky measure of where it came up to on the shampoo bottle. And then you get later on, you like just have a sneaky measure of where it came up to on the shampoo bottle. And some people are a bit,

because if you've got a ruler, you just push the ruler back a little bit. Yeah. So it like adds a couple more. My best mate's granddad, I remember this was Wilder in a property, he told us measuring, we were like 18,

so it's not like he said this to a bunch of seven year olds but he's like measuring your penis is like measuring a cat's tail you started the arsehole okay oh my god

this is why you can't trust people to measure their own junk it'll give you the it'll give you a couple of extra I was like Graham what about

the balls oh my god that's great advice from Graham Graham's solid advice. So to get around the self-reporting, which is not accurate, it was done by health professionals, and they followed the standard measuring procedure.

So, yeah, people volunteered and went along to a medical professional, and they measured them. Now, Christian, if you had a tiny, tiny penis and you were embarrassed by it. You'd opt out. And it's nothing to be embarrassed about, but if you were, then you wouldn't go, would you? What you're saying is the results are skewed

towards the larger end because people with a larger penis would be happy to have a measure and talk about it. Exactly, they'd be happy to just stand there and be measured. I don't know. Would you want to go along? Because I feel like they'd judge you. Because they would have just seen heaps. I don't know how they would have guaranteed a big range.

Right. But they have said, first of all, there's no correlation between other body features, so foot size, hand size, anything like that. No correlation. Or you do that thing where you hold your... Do you ever do that? No strong or consistent associations were found. Also, they have found that the average...

What's a nice way of saying it? Balls. What are you talking about? What's a nice way of saying it? The two forms of the penis, the average... Grower and shower. Yeah, the average grower length is just

over 13 centimetres, which equates to 5 inches. Okay. Then only 5 men out of 100 Wait, you, I think you've got the grower and the shower confused. The grower is the small... I just mean the erect. Just say flaccid and erect.

Yeah, we can... Megan, we are all adults here. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, five inches. And what's that flaccid? Erect. Okay, that's not bad then.

That's bright in my day somehow. That's bright in my day. Because I was freaking out when I thought it was flaccid. Only five out of a hundred have one longer than 16 centimetres, which is 6.3 inches. Right, okay.

So 5% of the population stood up to get measured. Yeah. Well, did they measure like after you've done a lot of exercise and you're tired? Because it's always a bit smaller. It's always a bit smaller. And was it a cold day? Was it a cold day?

I'm sure they would have had it like a nice, moderate temperature. A climatise. Was there any... Because I think last time these results came out, it was around the world. And they said which were the biggest. No, there's nothing in terms of... Nothing geographically defining.

Okay. Okay. All right, 14 past six. Maybe we can't travel there anyway. Not that I'm doing a penis tour of the world or anything. Oh my God. That sounds fun. Just for...

All right, Mum. Yeah, come to me. Imagine walking into Flight Centre and saying, I'd like the penis tour of the world, please. What's that? I don't know. Just all the countries with the biggest schlongs. You walk over to the big Flight Centre wall mat and you're like,

now, I don't know what this country's called, but I remember it having a very large number. I'll go there. They're like, that's Holland. You're like, yes. Yes. Straight as an arrow. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.

Tova O'Brien, who during lockdown press conferences wore a bit of the nation's frustration at the same question. And yours. Yeah, totally. At the same question, been asked four times and then one out of fifth,

but has redeemed herself completely with her Sunday morning interview on, what's TV3's version of The Nation called? No, theirs is The Nation. TVNZ's Q&'s is Q&A. Oh, yeah, okay. Sunday morning, you flick on the TV, it's either going to be What Now,

a whole bunch of preachy, singy, dancey, happy clappies, or some hard-hitting political stuff with Jack Tame. Great options. Three jarring options for a Sunday option. Yeah, I know it is. It's all pretty full on. Yeah.

And people get gunged on all three. So, I know it is. It's all pretty full on. Yeah. And people get gunged on all three. So Tova O'Brien had Jamie Lee Ross in, who, quick recap if you don't know, he was in National. It's not been a great term for him. He was ousted. Accusations. Yep.

And then he left and he's like, I'm starting my own political party. And then that Billy TK guy was like, I believe in a bunch of bullshit. And Jamie Lee Ross is like, I like bullshit too. Let's make a team. And they made a team that pretty much peddled misinformation and bullshit. And they got trounced. Well, foolishly he accepted an invitation on Sunday morning to go on The Nation with Tova O'Brien and she set upon him. You know exactly what you were doing. You were whipping up fear

and hysteria among vulnerable communities. Not at all. If you go and look at the mortality rate of COVID-19 compared to other flu epidemics. I'm going to stop. Nope. I don't want to hear any of that rubbish. You can't just give me that and not allow me to answer. Well, if you're going to come on

the show and say things which are just factually incorrect, I can do that actually. It was a savage I think the clip online was like four minutes. Four minutes. Savage. And it has been shared all, I had messages from friends in Australia and the US yesterday, just like, who's this woman? Is this what your politics and TV's like? But people who don't even know who Tova is or who Jamie Lee, who Jamie Lee Ross is,

have commented on that that's how lying politicians should be handled. They shouldn't be given a chance to get back on and keep spreading mistruths. This has been shared by all the big news anchors in America. Jake Tapper. Yeah, Jake Tapper from CNN. One of the big MSNBC hosts who's got like a million followers as well. Here's Morgan in the UK,

although I don't really like him that much. Not a huge fan, but yeah. And other people said things like, this is the most savage interview you'll ever see. She has no chill. It's like watching someone's anxiety dream. What's she going to do? Somebody else said that this is so savage

and so fantastically done by the journalist, but the Kiwi accent makes it seem like it's like a sketch. Aww. Which is pretty cute. Yeah. And someone said they're officially renouncing their gayness as they're hopelessly in love with a woman, and this woman and this woman only following a masterclass

on how to deal with bullshitting politicians. So, yeah, getting... Because I saw her tweet yesterday. Well, that's something to wake up to because obviously she went to bed and then it went crazy and woke up and we've been tagged in a million things. Well, yeah, good on her.

She's savaged him. Totally. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. From the triangular ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Watermelon shortage predicted as biosecurity concerns hold up the Tongan supply.

I didn't even know Tongan was a big... Neither did I. A big watermelon producing nation. I mean, it makes sense. It's got the climate. Yeah. But I just hadn't considered it. Watermelon shortage.

Hi. Watermelon shortage. Full stop. Hi. That's howottage. Full stop. Hi. That's how you introduce yourself to people. Oh my God, have you heard about the Watermelon Shottage? Hi.

I mean, you know we don't do parodies, but I almost think that would be worth doing. It's worth mentioning and then never mentioning again. What about just like a chorus? We just did it. It's just that over and over. Yeah. I mean, people can fill in the blanks if they want one. I want to hear that over and over again.

Watermelon shortage. Hey. Hey. So imports from Tonga were halted because of a live fruit fly larvae. They were detected. Okay, well, we don't want fruit fly. We've got enough going on with COVID and the like. They just mullied up all of those watermelons, did they?

Or did they just take them into the middle of the ocean and they were like, huh? Because they're circular, they'd make a cool splash sound. Yeah. And they'd probably go, boink, and chuck one of those. Like cannonball. Yeah. You'd probably even take a sl and chuck one of those boink. Like cannonball. Yeah. Perf. Oh, you'd probably even take a slingshot out there and get them going.

Yeah. But you wouldn't want to do like, you know that famous clip online from like The Amazing Race or something where they pull it back and let it go but it twists around and then shoots straight back in their face. I'm really surprised that person didn't die. They've totally got to have died since. But this is a, I mean, that's a

Kiwi institution. The side of the road watermelon. There's still going to be the side of the road watermelon because I'm imagining those people are just growing their own watermelon and selling them, right? The side of the road watermelon. The sweet corn on the side of the road. The avocados now on the side of the road. It's one of my

least favourite fruits, so I'm not at all upset about this. It's the one I look forward to the most. It's one of my least favourite fruits, so I'm not at all upset about this. It's the one I look forward to the most. Strawberries and watermelon. I'm most excited because it's used as a cheap filler in a fruit salad at a buffet, a breakfast buffet for EG. Right.

So it's not going to be filling it up. It's going to be great. It's going to be a whole lot. The guy who hoovers a million mandarins. More premium fruit for me in a fruit salad buffet. I wasn't a huge fan, but it was because my mum always kept them in the fridge

and so that hurt my teeth. Like hot day, bite into it. And I know some people are into that coldness. What about when you cut a hole and then stick the blender stick in there and mull it all up. I've never done that. And then pour your white spirit of choice.

And you can make a sorbet, just put it in your ice cream maker. And then pour your white spirit of choice. And you can make a sorbet. Just put it in your ice cream maker. And then put the lid back on and sneak it into a sporting event over summer. Yeah. I'm like, man, that guy drinking that watermelon is getting pissed. So the top six other shortages we couldn't possibly handle this summer. Number six on the list. What is burger sauce?

Yeah, don't even think about it. It's becoming a wildly versatile sauce. It says burger sauce, but the other day I had it with fish and chips and it was good. I had a burger pizza the other day. Yeah, they're good too. Did it just have burger sauce on it? Yeah, and lettuce. And gherkins.

Lettuce on a pizza. It was like a Big Mac pizza. A Big Mac pizza. No, a lettuce. Yeah, I know. It's controversial. It would pizza. A Big Mac pizza. No, a lettuce. Yeah, I know. It's controversial. It would wilt. No, but an iceberg would hold its form.

You'd have to go spinach, wouldn't you? Baby spinach. No, it was like a lettuce. I don't know if they add it last minute or at the end. I think they might add it at the end with sauce. Yeah, they don't cook it in the pizza oven. You add it afterwards. You just chuck the lettuce on afterwards.

But then it's got warm by proxy nah, it's got room. It's got warm by proxy. But that's like a Big Mac. You've got. But that's like literally last minute. Pizza's. No. It was, it worked. It worked.

Did it? Trust me. And then they just have the burger sauce on it. Yeah. Because you can just put the burger sauce on anything. It tastes like a burger. I know, yeah. It's the dill pickle.

Oh, yum. Number five on the list of the top six other shortages we couldn't possibly handle this summer are goody-goody gumdrops ice cream shortage. That won't happen. There's no way. Tip Top are all over that. They'll never let that happen. Didn't it take a back seat, though?

To what? Remember when there was no goody-goody gumdrops for a while? It took a back seat. Because it fell outside the top five favourite flavours or whatever. And it was a real nightmare to clean the machines between something like that. And there was a while where there was no goody gumdrops and then it came back. So it could happen again. Don't you say never because it could.

Number four on the list of the top six shortages we couldn't possibly handle this summer. Because, I mean, we've had a hell of a year. A shellfish shortage. Do you remember the toxic algae blooms of the 1990s? We'd be at the beach and we'd be all getting ready to go down and get ourselves some tour tours. And then on the news they'd say, What?

No, we weren't. Yeah, I never did that, but I was going to let them have it. Did you not? You didn't even do that. Yeah, we had onion sacks and you took them out and you went up to your knees and you did the you did the twist with your foot and then when you found it you put your

you're being stupid you didn't do that Smilly you were deprived of childhood if you never went tour tour and then you'd bring them back and you'd put them in a bucket outside with salt water

and they'd spit out all their sand and then your granddad would make tour tour for it we'd go scalloping off the boat I'm sorry I've got a boot and I've got a blue tech We'd go scalloping off the boat. I'm sorry.

I've got a boat and I've got a blue tick. Father, pass me the binoculars. I think I see some poor people in it, shawl-gathering tutus and an onion sack. Oh, my God. Isn't that a Nelson thing? Do they not have boats? They've got shellfish at Nelson. A boat? They're going shellfish at Nelson. Oh, bloody hell.

They're going to make them into patties. Don't be jealous because you were burying your feet in the sand. What, did you just drag one of those dredge things? Oh, you're great. No, you're definitely the hero in this story. It was the early 90s. What do you know? You're just ruining the delicate ecosystem.

Well, we know that now, yeah. Father, I can hardly hear my music over the scraping and dredging of the ocean floor. The scallops. How quick we're getting too close to the poor people on the shore with their feet in the sand. Number three on the list of the top six other shortages we couldn't possibly handle this summer. Pavlova shortage. Yeah.

There's pavlovas in those things. Oh, that's yuck. Yeah. Excuse me, bitch. Marshmallowing. Yum. There's so much better than that. Cabbage fritter on top

because the best part is having multiple Christmases. Someone will do like cabbage fritter on top. Someone will do strawberry on top. For an average dessert it's too hard to make I've never made one

don't get me wrong I'll happily eat it number two on the list of the top six other shortages we couldn't possibly handle the summer fruit drew ice block shortage

that won't happen grapefruit yeah what if they were like oh we're out of grapefruit chemical it's just not going to happen and number one

on the list of the top six other shortages we couldn't possibly handle this summer, either Nestle reduced cream shortage or onion soup mix shortage because if either of those are in shortage, we're not going to be able to make the... You know when you go to someone's house or

auntie's house and she's used a different soup mix and you're like, no, it's good. No, no. If it's a good soup mix, no, I'm all for it. I tried seafood once. It was like gross. But now I know. I won't do it again.

Use brown gravy, though. You get yourself a hell of a party. That's just between you and me. Keep that quiet. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and me, keep that quiet. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. A woman has given birth in a spot. Headlines, it's kind of one of those stories

that will probably go around the world in New Zealand. She gave birth mid-flight on the way back from Waiheke Island to Auckland in a Westpac rescue helicopter. Oh, so you're going to say she was coming back from the vineyards. I was on the Fuller's Ferry. Oh, my gosh. She didn't make it. No, she was in the big red helicopter.

Wow. It takes eight minutes from Waiheke to Auckland City Hospital. Does it? She was like, nah. And it happened right there in the plane, in the helicopter. So there's nowhere on the island, like they'd have a medical centre, right? But I guess you'd just prepare if you were pregnant, you'd just come to the city. No, you could totally give birth on Waiheke.

Huh. You could do home births. Right. There must have been like a complication or she was over there, maybe the baby was unexpected. Yeah, right, early or something. Yeah, and apparently halfway through the flight, the mum said to the paramedic,

I think this baby's coming out. And she gave birth just over Motuehi Island. Oh, wow, okay, so what, halfway on the way over? Motu, there's a good name. So that only been in the air like three or four minutes. Yeah. Good Lord. Yeah.

Well, at least it was a rescue helicopter. So those people, you know, are prepared for that kind of thing. Rather than like the fullest ferry where everyone's having a gawk. That would be horrible. Yeah, but they're probably more prepared because people are bombing on there all the time. And after a winery, they're used to cleaning. Oh, you'd take her out the back because it would be easy clean. Yeah, but they're probably more prepared because people are bombing on there all the time and after a winery... Oh, you'd take her out the back because it would be easy clean.

Yeah, right. Just get a little hose and squirt down the back area. They'd probably be like, can we get you anything? A Gordon's G&T in a can? A muffin? And she's like, yeah, something to be great. They'd be like, okay, just give us your card

because it's like 18 bucks. So the guy who delivered it said that he'd worked in ambulances since 2000 and with the Auckland Rescue Helicopter since 2011, had delivered babies at home or in ambulances in that time, never mid-flight. Wow, so it's a first. The weather was fantastic. Oh, I bet it was.

It's lovely. The weather was fantastic. Imagine if that was, because for a lot of people who haven't been in a helicopter, imagine if that was your first time in a helicopter. When you were giving birth or when you were born. Or when you were giving birth. Right. She'll need to do it again because I don't imagine she took in much other than what's happening.

She'll need to do it again, helicopter ride. Yeah. Oh yeah, I was going to say give birth or something. Well, that's up to her actually. Does it say anything about the name or? Nah. Nah, but everybody's hoping for a. Chopper.

Chopper. Chop, chop. The middle name Chopper. The nickname will definitely be Chopper. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast. ZM. This is just a good heads up for me. Right.

Mum has given her daughter, her two-year-old daughter, her phone, when she was post-bath drying her hair, obviously, because kids hate it when you touch the hair, eh? Oh, yeah, that's what Sade does. I'm not allowed to wash the girl's hair. Oh, I'm too rough. Look, I'm trying to get a job done. So, yeah, distraction.

Gave the phone to the toddler. And she didn't realise that she had taken pictures and then sent them on Snapchat to all of her mum's contacts. So I am assuming they were like bathing together because the mum was naked. Right, okay. And the daughter took pictures probably from every kind of angle.

Like they weren't even ones from her camera roll that she had posed for. Right, okay. And then she sent them, yeah, to all of her contacts and she didn't catch it until the replies started coming in. Oh, and then Snapchat, once it's gone, it's gone. Yeah.

A co-worker texts back, thanks for the nude. until the replies started coming in. And it's Snapchat. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's out there. A co-worker texts back, thanks for the nude. 15 people, including uni friends, a work acquaintance, former clients and co-workers got the nude. Oh, you would be mortified. Wow.

Like at least if it was one from your camera roll, you took it and you like did some quality control of the image. Yeah. You know, so you'd be like, at least they were getting a good picture. Yeah. So, I mean, it wasn't a good picture, but it definitely had nudity in it. And also one of her foot and like the ceiling.

So I think you could say, you could pass it off and be like, that was my toddler. Because the photos weren't great. But they've still seen your bits and pieces. If you got a message and then before you'd seen it, you got another message saying, don't open that last message. Oh, I'd open it.

Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. It depends who it's from. But that wouldn't happen in Snapchat because it brings up the first message first. So you'd click on it. Right.

If I got a messenger from you though, from Fletch, or either of you two being like, don't open that Snapchat, I would absolutely be like, I'm not opening it. I don't need that. But how are you supposed to do it? Because you know when you go up to someone and you say, don't look now, and they automatically look. Aren't you supposed to say, okay, so look at, when you go up to someone and you say, don't look now, and they automatically look. Aren't you supposed to say, okay, so look at me?

Or keep looking. You don't start with don't, eh? Because your immediate human wiring tells you to do it. Like that time at the restaurant where you said, don't look behind you, right behind you. I always say, I'm about to tell you a story about someone around here. Okay, okay. Don't react.

I like to say, like looking keep looking where you're looking because I'm about to say something and don't like and then you just turn around and look give it but like give it 15 seconds

I'll walk away you turn around and look like you're looking for where I've gone but you look at the person it is amazing we've come this far and we haven't seen anything

dodgy on Snapchat from Fletch I don't know on Snapchat enough absolute master yeah Snapchat's kind of yeah yeah only the really dodgy on Snapchat from Fletch. I don't know Snapchat enough. Master. Yeah, Snapchat's kind of, yeah. Yeah, only the really dodgy ones are still using that.

Megan. Megan's got the, Megan's the one with the vault with a password on it. You're both deviants. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This is one of those instances where someone's got in trouble, but I can't judge them because this would be me in their role.

It is a judge in a boxing match. So it was during the Joseph Parker victory three years ago. And apparently this is hotly disputed. So the judge. Who was Joseph Parker fighting at the time? Miguel. I don't know how to say his last name. Miguel. hotly disputed. So the judge... Right, it was Judge Parker fighting at the time. Miguel... I don't know how to say his last name.

Miguel... Miguel... Miguel... Miguel... Miguel... Miguel... Angelo. Right.

Pizza loving. Why has this just come to light now? Was there a replay of something and someone spotted it? Well, there's a video and someone's put up if that's a phone and I presume it is,

then the BBB of C should immediately remove him. Right. So obviously a judge who is watching a boxing match needs to be watching the whole time and needs to be aware of what's happening the whole match so that they can accurately judge who's the winner. So they can be like, punch, punch, punch,

punch, punch, he's punched again. Yeah. There's another punch. That's a good punch. Oh, bad punch. And at the time some people described it as the worst decision they've ever seen in boxing. Well, this video shows one of the judges scrolling on his phone. During the fight? Yeah.

Literally, like, arms folded and casually looking down in the corner like where his phone is and scrolling. Like you say, though, I can't judge that because it phone is and scrolling. Like you say though, I can't judge that because it's something I do. Like I'm always on my phone. Meetings. But you think if you're watching a boxing match

or like judging it. Yeah. Engrossed in what's happening. But obviously he was just like, oh, what's on the ground? And he's like, to the other judges, what I miss. Eight punches.

Eight punches. But yeah, it doesn't say how long he was on there for, but like literally sitting on his phone. Yeah. See, I couldn't even do any kind of refereeing or umpiring even if I didn't have my phone as a distraction. Like, I don't know cricket umpires. I don't know how they do it.

Or tennis umpires. Like, those matches go on so long and you've got to be paying attention the whole time. In tennis, they're sitting up on that chair and it's hot and a little bit of shade and you're not off. Being at the beach you'd just be like Because I used to ref netball and I'd

you'd physically be watching it but I'd daydream and then they'd stop and you're like oh something's happened to you. You blow the whistle and you're like green. Okay I'll hear you both out. What happened?

No, you shush. You bugger off. You let her do it. You're like, oh, just do a toss for the ball. Were you a teenage netball player? Yeah, yeah. Oh, a nerd. What?

What a nerd. No, you were required to if you played. You were required to give it back to the younger grades. I thought you were one of those people that opted out of playing because you had that... No, I played. ...power thing where you were like, oh, no, I don't want to play.

I just want to tell people that they're not playing right. Yeah. You know those people that were like, I'm not good at sport, but what I can do is tell other people that they're breaking the rules of sport. No, that wasn't me. So what's the outcome then?

He's on his phone. He needs to be investigated, everyone's saying. How did this not get picked up at the time? Everyone's watching what's on show in front of them, as he should have been probably. But like, there's no one watching. The judges are making sure that they're doing a good job. If I was a boxing judge, I'd just fingers crossed for a knockout.

Guys, I won't lie to you. I nodded off in the third round. I sure hope this ends with a good job. If I was a boxing judge, I'd just fingers crossed for a knockout. I'd be like, guys, I won't lie to you. I nodded off in the third round. I sure hope this ends with a knockout. Fletchvorna Megan, the podcast. ZM. This weekend, Labor Weekend, I wanted to start a tradition. I don't know if it's going to be

like a Labor Weekend tradition or like it feels like more of a Waitangi day. But also Indy's birthday, my daughter's birthday is Waitangi so often we could probably be busy with that but I'm putting down a hangi this weekend laying a hangi. I love this I've watched so many

videos and some completely in te reo that I did not understand but I was just like watching and I was catching the gist and I'd hear words like kumara and I'd be like I know that one so I've watched heaps of watching and I was catching the gist and I'd hear words like kōmara and I'd be like, I know that one. So I've watched heaps of videos. I've read heaps of instructions. Everybody's got kind of a different take on the hangi. I've even watched videos on the umu, which is like not quite as underground. So this weekend you are going to be cooking food in the ground. Correctamundo. I love this. Correctamundo.

Growing up, we always had a Waitangi Day hangi with mum's work. Every year. So good, I loved it. We didn't have many, I went to a very white rural primary school. We had one Maori family in any tradition. Fell upon them to carry, but

white, bolshie farmers were like, give us a bloody spade then. And they'd rip in there and like hank and just like drive dirt straight into the food. And then later on they'd be like, tastes like dirt to me. Looking back, you're like, I can see why it tasted like dirt. You just went on bloody guns and all. And I've learnt in my instructional videos,

you've got to be careful taking it off. You have to be, yeah. You've got to be careful putting it on. You've got to be careful taking it off. It's a very delicate process. Always the whole thing's ruined. So a while ago we talked about

how I was like a hobo walking up and down the train lines looking for old railway iron. I got a whole lot of railway iron.

And then I read online somebody said the railway iron can not evenly it can be really hot at the start but lose its heat quick.

I'll get some rocks for the hangi as well and to work with. And so yesterday I went, I did some research, asked some questions, what makes a good rock, river rocks but a volcanic nature. And I learnt that and I was

talking to a guy, Rewi was his name. And I said, I don't want your rocks, but if you could point me in the direction of a good hunting ground, I think the whole process of hunting out the rocks would be then special to have the rocks. Make it just roll around. And he's like, I want to hunt out the rocks. He's like, yep, I've got a hunting ground.

It's called Central Landscape Supplies. Wow. The traditional Maori hunting ground of Central Landscape Supplies, Swanson. supplies. Wow. Okay, so you really... The traditional Māori hungy rock contributed to central landscape supplies, Swanson.

So I went in there and I said to the guy, Scotty Morrison, I've been asking everybody for their opinion. Okay, yeah. Stacey and Scotty Morrison have been very helpful.

Yeah, okay. And he said you whack the rock with a hammer and if it ting, like a ting sound to the rock, there's no hollow aspect to it because if it's hollow,

the air can superheat when it gets super hot and explode or crack. So I was out there in the central landscape supply yard going, ting, whacking a rock

and listening for the ting. I'd be like, that'll do. Did you find any hollow ones? Yeah, there was a couple of thud ones and I put them back. Oh, good, good.

I put them back. But did you damage them? Someone's going to put that in their garden. No, no, no, it's super hard. Oh, good, good. I put them back. But did you damage them? Someone's going to put that in their garden. No, no, that's super hard. Oh, right, okay. I'm standing there going, bang, bang. So if they're hollow, they'll explode. Is that right?

Yeah. Yeah, they could. So you're trusting them not to explode with a tap? You're trusting your ting. My ting. While standing in the landscaping supplies. Right, okay. So then I got them home

and I was like, well, I better test them. So I lit a fire, just a smaller fire and put the rock on above the flame. No crack. So then I took the thing off that I was holding it above the flame with and put it actually in the embers and got that fire roaring. I sent you guys a photo

last night. I got the rock like red, red hot and it still hadn't cracked. I so thought that was going to explode and go through you or something. Yeah. Boy, I'm glad it didn't. So it's all go. This is all going. Today I'm picking up Hessian Saxon muslin cloth. Okay.

Yep. You need those. You need that for the layering. Yep. And I think you're all good to go. Can't help but notice we haven't had an invite to this, Hungy. Oh, you're more than welcome. I don't want a pity invite.

I don't want a pity after invite. You've been telling us about this the whole time, and then you even started to tell us the guest list that you've got. So it started out, my friend Johnny's coming up from Wellington, and Callum, we don't catch up very often in person. We always talk online, never catch up. So we were like, we're going to do something special for when they come up. And it was about our Hungy. But we also were aware, we're going to do something special for when they come up. And it was about a hungy,

but we also were aware that we'd never done it before and it could be disastrous. And so then my wife got drunk one night and she kept saying to people, you should come to our hungy. And I'm like,

hey, we need to calm down the invites because this could be a disaster. We weren't even a drunk invite. I know. You weren't there when she was drunk. Okay. And so then it extended further, but then like everybody else that's coming We weren't even a drunken bunch. I know. You weren't there when she was drunk. Okay. And so then it extended further,

but then like everybody else that's coming is also bringing a skill. Right. Rewana, heard of that? That's Maori bread. It's like Maori sourdough. You've got my mum's recipe for... For a steamed pudding. The hungy steamed pudding.

You know, that's Bev's recipe. You can't write all Bev's... I'm by association. Stuffing. I looked up how to make stuffing. That's a lot of hard work. I'm just going to buy a pack of it from the supermarket. Do you put gravy on it or is that not?

Gravy on what? The whole honey. I mean, you could. Because I make a pretty good gravy. You make a good gravy. Well, you just bring some gravy then. I'm excited to see how this turns out. I didn't know.

I forgot to tell you. I had honey baskets made. What? You had them made? Because I found things that could have been used for honey baskets except they were galvanised which is no good for heat because it can release a chemical. And New World wanted their shopping trolley back. No.

Shopping trolleys have got a plastic coating. Oh do they? And then some of them are predominantly aluminium which would melt under the extreme heat which would be no good at all. So yeah, I had some made from an engineering mate. She's all go. Have you researched the ground that it's going in?

Because the soil matters. Yeah, it's dirt. Oh no, you haven't researched. It's a dirt ground. No, I've seen as long as you don't hit like a water table, but then someone's like, it's good to have a bit of moisture in the ground because it's all about the steam.

Yeah, right. Okay. Because I was going to like dry out, it's good to have a bit of moisture in the ground because it's all about the steam. Yeah, right, okay. Because I was going to dry out, dig the hole, and light a fire, and they just dried out. People are like, I know you've got to squirt a bit of water in before you get going again. Or put a wet cloth on the side. Do you reckon you'll do more

than just one hungy? You reckon you'll do some? You know me, Megan. I'm all for the first time and then totally forget about it. Right. No, I want to start a tradition. I want to do it well. I think I'll pass on the first one just in case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to meet Prime so I can check the chicken when it comes out.

Right. Okay. All right. Well, we'll find out, I guess, on Tuesday after the long weekend how it went. Yeah. Oh, I could be in hospital with salmonella or something. So you'll find out either way. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Joining us on the phone now is divorce coach, Kimberly Sweeney. Good morning. Good morning. So you're like the Graham Henry of divorce. The Graham Henry of divorce. I love it. Except probably with less yelling, I'd imagine. Yeah, I don't yell.

I laugh more than I yell, which is, you know, not ideal all the time. So there's been a rise in this kind of, I guess, thing, the divorce coach, whereas in the past people would just, I guess... Navigate it themselves. Yeah, try and navigate it themselves or, you know, like go straight to a lawyer. So it's nice that there's somebody in between those two options to support them and guide them through the process.

Because both options there, I've been through a divorce, and both of those options are scary because there's so much to navigate if you do it by yourself, especially if it's messy. And then when you go to a lawyer, suddenly that's quite scary too. Yeah, that's right. You're in between. I am in between.

I mean, my ideal client comes to me first before they try and do it themselves or go to a lawyer because often things can get quite messy quite quickly if they haven't kind of got some advice and some guidance on what it can look like and how they can do it. Hopefully amicably, you know, and when there's children involved it's really about thinking about how they're going to co-parent after the separation and what's going to be best for the children as well, you know. So all of those types of things are really good to get some advice on before you jump right in.

Do you get people coming to you before they've even had the discussion? So are they coming to you saying, hey, I want to get a divorce? And they haven't even told their partner? Yeah, often. Often there's one person in the relationship that's been thinking about it for quite some time and trying to work through whether they want to leave or how they're going to do it or how they're going to say it. Isia, do you offer a service where you tell the other person?

Kimberly, can you tell them? Look, for a little bit extra. You can break some hearts. Yeah. So what kind of thing do you say to people who are like, I don't know how to do this? Like, how do I even have that conversation? Yes, exactly.

And that's often the case. And so I have workbooks that we kind of work through on their own and then with me to help just answer a few of the questions going around in their head, get the clarity that they need to kind of move forward. And often when you're in that space, you really do want to leave. We obviously do explore what they've done to try and make the relationship work. And if they haven't quite explored those options, then maybe some relationship counselling or

therapy together as a couple to just try and give it one last go. But otherwise, just asking them certain questions that kind of help them work through in their head what they do really want to do. And then from there, I help them craft the conversation to go home and have with their partner about next steps of, you know, perhaps separating. Yeah. Wow. How is it different?

I mean, apart from the glaringly obvious difference, a couple that's divorcing without children versus a couple that's divorcing with children? You look, it's much easier, you know, because when you're divorcing without children, you just split everything and you go separate ways and probably never have to see each other again, you know. That would be ideal in everybody's world. But there could be pets, though, for even the people that don't have kids, which can be just as important. Absolutely, yeah. Look, I've had clients that share custody of the pets or one client that

actually fought through the courts for the dog. So, you know, there is other things to consider than just the children. So in terms of the relationship counselling, is that something that you do as well or do you send them elsewhere? I send

them elsewhere for couples therapy if they're working together. Yeah, I can work with my client one-on-one with some relationship coaching tools to take home and try and start putting in place. But if they want to explore couples therapy together, then I've got different experts that I can refer them on to.

Yeah, you don't want in that awkward chat. Have you ever had anyone though that you've given the advice and you're like okay, this is what you say and then they've come back and they're like, actually, I'm going to give this another go or I couldn't do it? Yes. Yeah. Well, not that I couldn't do it, but they went and had the conversation

and then their partner kind of opened their eyes to other possibilities of trying to, you know, work through things and stay together. So I have sometimes had people that have made it work and stay together. Wow. Sometimes it's only worked for a year or two and then they've come back. You're like, ha, I knew I'd see you again. Wow. It's quite amazing.

Fletch obviously doesn't have what it takes to be any sort of therapist or coach. Ha, I knew I'd see you again. I think it in my head. Having gone through a divorce, it's kind of nice to know that there's someone like you out there that can help you with the bits and bobs,

but also with the mental struggle of it. Because you go to a lawyer and they're not going to help you cope. They're just going to help you with the paperwork. Yeah, that's right. And, you know, there are some amazing lawyers out there that are quite empathetic as well, but that's not, you know, that's Yeah, that's right. And, you know, there are some amazing lawyers out there that are quite empathetic as well,

but that's not, you know, that's not where your money's best bench, you know? You're better to get that outside support that's not costing you, you know, your legal fees to sit and cry and talk about your problems, you know? You just want to use your lawyer for the legal side of it. So that's where I come in.

Wow. Support you through the process from beginning to end. So fascinating. I didn't even know that this was a thing. No, neither. Degreeseofseparation.co.nz if you'd like Kimberley's help. Kimberley Swaney, Divorce Coach. Thank you so much

for talking to us this morning. Pleasure. Thanks, guys. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. So they've looked into the price of babysitters around the country. Yep. How much people are being paid on average.

Mallory should get paid the most because she had glasses and seemed like the most responsible. Now that, I'll explain it because you both look confused, is a reference to the Babysitter's Club books. And Mallory was the one I had a crush on because she had glasses and I had glasses too. You read the Babysitter's Club? Yep.

Okay. Interesting. My sister got the books for Christmas and it was a very rainy summer holiday at the Mount that year. You were finding yourself? Yep, everyone had dreams of sweet curly-haired Mallory with her glasses. Yeah, right.

How do you break down how much you're going to pay a babysitter? Shut up, Siri. Because I would just go, when I used to babysit, I'd just go and they'd just round it up to a certain amount of notes. Yeah. So if you were there for ages, you'd get like 50 bucks or something. Or if the parents came home drunk, they'll give you more. Is that the idea?

Yeah. How much do you charge, Smithy, for a babysit? How much do I charge? How much do I pay? How much do you pay, rather? I should charge. My children are a delight. About 20 bucks an hour. Oh, okay.

Is that a going... Executive producer, Arnie, you do a little bit of babysitting. Have you babysitted Vavon? Is he the high end? He's the high end and he bought me Maccas. What?

Yeah, you got a treat. Because he knew that you were going to tell everyone about it. Yeah, it was the best. You got a treat. Does he let you into the pantry? Is that a free reign of the pantry? I think there was like a

help yourself. Yeah. But I was too busy in the pool. Right. Oh, yes, God. Yeah, okay. Now, what not looking after the kids? Yeah, where are the kids? They were in the liquor cabinet and I was guys do you wanna see a bomb it was so cool so who what's the most you've

been paid oh probably when i used to like nanny babies like 25. yeah but babies are a lot more yeah those baby twins that Oh, good lord. You deserve $25 now. Well, the average babysitting rate in New Zealand is $17.56 an hour, which is below minimum wage, but yeah. That's the average for all of New Zealand. But you're just watching Netflix, aren't you? Yeah.

Screaming out. Turn that light off. You're also, let's be honest, getting cash. Cash. No tax. No tax. Minimum wage you pay tax on. Yeah.

Up to a certain amount. Yeah. So in Auckland, it's $17.95. That's the second highest. But the region that will pay the most is in Queenstown. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, but that's like a lot of people on holiday want to go out to the vineyards or night on

the town. They need a babysitter for the kids. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like, just give me some of those Euro ones. Or Pandora. Oh, those were the days when we had tourists. Remember when we used to bring foreign currency to New Zealand

and it was worth more than local currency? That was cute. $18.50. Wow, okay. Is what you'll get paid. Any other surprises around the country? Or is it all pretty standard? Where's the cheapest?

The cheapest it seems is Invercargill and Napier tied Both on $16.87 So I mean it's all Pretty much around the same Everyone's getting $20 an hour, right? And then like depending on You might be there half an hour less or whatever

Do you feel the pressure when Like you're paying a babysitter per hour that you've got to go out and, like, make the most of that time? Like, eating and drinking and doing your going out activities? Or you're rushing back. You're rushing back because you're paying by the hour. You're kind of in your mind. You're like, okay, so it's going to be four or five hours.

And then you've got to be behind by that. Yeah, right. That's all the cash I've got out. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then I always got to be behind by that. Yeah, right. That's all the cash I've got out. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then I always wonder like if you're a few minutes late, how much leniency

is the babysitter going to give you? Because imagine getting stood over by a teenager who's like, nah, I ain't leaving until you pay me. You were five minutes late. That's a quarter,

I'm rounding up to a quarter of an hour. Yeah. Like a lawyer. An hour or part thereof. Well, off the back of what, babysitting at Smitty's house seems quite sweet, getting Maccas. But like, what is your best or worst babysitting story?

Because there would be some people that have like babysat for like celebrities or something. Yeah. Like people that do those rich nannying gigs overseas. Yeah. Always have some great stories. I was always terrified something was going to happen to the kids and I'd have to call emergency services. Or you were babysitting and the house caught fire. Oh, my God.

Or the kids, I don't know. I was babysitting the Bonner boys. It was three boys, rambunctious little buggers. Rambunctious little buggers. And they went under the house and I was like, you've got to get out from under the house. And they were like, nah. So I went in under the house to get them, but they went out the other side under the house and I was like, you've got to get out from under the house. And they were like, nah. And so I went in under the house to get them.

But they went out the other side of the house and then came around and shut the door behind me. And I was locked in under the house. And then when I finally started squeezing out, they started throwing rocks at me. They were loose. They could have killed you. I'm pretty sure they killed three or four babysitters before I got there. Did you babysit them again? Yeah, but I went in like hard line.

Like I went in as rough as I got it the first time. Just like pushing them over and stuff like that. Respond well to that. All right. Well, 0800DARMS.M, you can give us a call now or text in 9696. Hit us with your best or worst babysitting story. So we want to know from you this morning. Your best or worst babysitting story. So we want to know from you this morning. Your best or worst babysitting stories.

Meg, good morning. Good morning, guys. How are we? Good. You've got a bad babysitting story. Oh, boy, oh, boy. So I was helping a friend out and babysitting her friend's kids for the night. So I arrived, small kids, really, really young.

Yeah. And they said they were going to be home at 10 o'clock. So at 10 o'clock, there was a text saying they'd just be a little bit longer. Well, at quarter to six in the morning, they came home drunk as, and the kids were just waking up for the day. No idea how they got through the day. Did you get overtime? Oh, yes.

Oh, God. What? So eight hours late. Yeah, it was unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. The kids were waking up for the day. The baby was screaming. The husband walked in drunk,

fell asleep on the ground. I had never seen anything like it in my life, but they paid very well, and I just never responded to the text to babysit again. Yeah, because you'd never... I need to know what happens. It sounds like the Hangover movies in between 10 and 6am. Doesn't it? Meg, thanks for your call.

Talking about your best and worst babysitting stories. The cheapest and most expensive places to pay for a babysitter in the country have been revealed. Queenstown is the most expensive or the one where you make the most money. We're hearing stories of your best and worst babysitting from both sides of it. Yeah. Phenomenal. Has anything been set on fire? I haven't read any fires yet. Okay.

A kid I was looking after convinced me to go on a scooter down a really steep street outside their house. I ended up flying off when I hit a stone and sliding along the road on my stomach. I ended up on the side of the road bleeding and crying and the kid just sat there laughing and pointing at me. Oh my God. I used to babysit for this one family. Their son was fine, but dealing with the parents was real work.

Long, boring conversations both before and after the gig. It drove me insane. They paid very well, however. I saved every penny from it, went on a massive overseas holiday, then never did it again because the parents were so annoying. Kristen, you had a bad experience babysitting. Oh, I had a horrible experience babysitting. Okay.

I was in Tiana on holiday with my parents. I'd just turned 14, and I decided that I was going to get some money, put an ad in the local supermarket that I could do some babysitting. Yeah. And so they detected me, turned out a bit bogan, a bit single mother, but no dramas. Like, I can handle it. Yeah.

And she left, like left me with the kids. Sorry, I'm walking to work, so it's a bit noisy. That's okay. She left and then half an hour later, her ex-husband turned up and started banging on the doors and the windows and screaming at her that he was going to take the kids. And she was, I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say on the radio, but she said a lot of bad words. Wow.

Okay. And what, did you have to call the police or something? No, I just locked the doors and shut the curtains and cried. And then I finally fell asleep, and like 2 a.m., this random group of friends turns up and tells me that the lady is not coming back because she found a man at the pub, and this drunk share offered to walk me home. And I didn't know the town, so I was like, oh, okay. And decides that we should jump some fences because, you know,

it's a shortcut, no dramas. And he gets us stuck in this backyard and could not get out. Finally, he gets this very drunk, very large man over a fence with some massive help and has to call him a taxi because he was far too drunk to go anywhere. Oh, my God. At 14, the banging on the door would have been enough to go anywhere. Oh my god. At 14, the banging on the door would have been enough.

I know. I'm out. Kristen, thanks. You called Jessica a bad experience babysitting? Yes, yes. Very bad experience. I was 16 at the time and I heard about this family that couldn't hold on to a babysitter and I was like

oh, it should be fine. And so I went round there and it was 7 o'clock and their son was already asleep. So I was just like, cool. It was for a police officer. So I was like, oh, it'll be absolutely fine. Yeah. And then I, so he was asleep. It was really good pay.

And I was like, this will be great. And then every time they'd come home, they'd come home with another couple. And I was like, why? Why are they doing this? And then I'd been babysitting for about three months. And every time they came home, they always came home with another couple. And then I finally found out from other friends who had babysat for them that they're swingers. So they actually brought them home to have a little fun once the baby is gone. So why didn't they hold on to a babysitter? Because the shenanigans happen after you leave,

right? Yeah, but it was just so awkward when they'd come home and you're always wondering, why is someone else there? Why is there always another couple? And you imagine being the parent of the kid. The kid comes home.

How was babysitting? Good. They came home with another couple again. The parents were like, you can't go back there. Oh, yeah, right. Freaking out that their kids were going to be exposed to it. Hey, thanks, Jessica. Lena, you had a good experience for a celebrity?

I had the most amazing babysitting job for a while last year. It was an actress who was in New Zealand filming a show and she had two really lovely kids who like I actually I looked forward to spending time with which is not that common in babysitting no an amazing house like I looked up the house like value online as you do it was worth like million dollars okay i know and they always had the best snacks like all the things that you see in the supermarket you're like oh that's too expensive they had them and i ate them i ate them did they say you get to save free rain to the

kitchen just help yourself pretty much yeah um they were like oh you know and one time the mom had even made granola and sent me home with a jar of it. And I was like, this is incredible. Oh, my God. How big is this celebrity? It wasn't someone that I knew, but when I looked you up on IMDb,

I was like, okay, this is a lot of shows that I've seen. Wow. It wasn't someone that would be like front page of the magazines or whatever but would recognise a lot of the work Did they pay more than $20 an hour?

They did and they paid me more so I'd ask for $20 an hour and she was like oh well this other babysitter that we use sometimes pays charges $22 so we'll pay you $22 and I was like okay sounds good and she always rounded up like well what a champ that's amazing i know i really want to know who the celebrity is now well i'll say that she's in a new show that's out now called the sounds the sounds yes on neon i believe i've seen it on when, I believe. I've seen it when I open up Neon. Yeah, I've seen it as well.

I've seen it as well. I'm like, I must watch that. Give that a little go. Yeah, I think I need to watch that. Okay. Oh, you haven't watched it yet? Well, you know, I'd have to sign up for Neon, and now that they've left, my babysitting phone's dried up.

So she needs to come back to do season two so you can afford to watch season one. Brilliant. Lena, thanks for your call. Some text messages. I babysat for a family for the first time. Got there. No furniture in the house and also no power.

Were they squatting? I sat on the cold floorboards in the dark for four hours. Oh, my God. Come to think of it, I never even saw the kid. What? I think I never even saw the kid. What? I think I would almost pay $80 to have someone sit in a cold, dark, empty house thinking they were babysitting but actually not doing anything just to see how long they could last.

Sounds like some kind of prank TV show. Yeah. Oh. I was babysitting a five-year-old and they called me an effing B, but like the proper four words. Yeah, right. Wow. Theyyear-old and they called me an effing B, but like the proper four words. They also bit me and spat at me. I think you're allowed to smack them if they do that, aren't you?

Yeah, I'll give it a go. What could go wrong? I was babysitting for someone just down the road and my mum repeatedly prank called me and got me really, really scared. Joke's on her though. She had to come and pick me up because I was too scared to walk through the dark paddocks home.

That's what a mum's like. I'm watching you. Fleshforna Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fleshforna Megan's Radio Tinder. Well, it's time to play Radio Tinder. We welcome in studio Dylan. Good morning.

Good morning. Let's find out a little bit more about Dylan. He's a craft beer loving Closet Board Games fan who loves a sunset vista. With a particular attraction to spicy redheads, this 29-year-old Aries is after a gal who's compassionate and won't mind him interrupting conversations to pet a good boy. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Meet Dylan.

Wow, spicy redheads. And a dog man. There we go. That's a great intro. Thanks for that. You're welcome. You're welcome. What board games?

What board games are tackling your fancy? Oh, see, that's why it's a closet board game thing because you probably haven't heard of them, like these really niche ones. Board games have made this weird resurgence lately, though. I love them. Lots of people get together for the board games. Is that a lockdown thing, though?

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe it was. But do you not find that they can be a source of anger and their ends in tears, board games? I don't think so. I mean, it all depends who you're playing with. True.

Are you not competitive? No, no, no, no. Oh, you are? What about the likes of Cranium, like a game like that where you've got to rely on your partner, or wife in my case, being able to decipher what you're humming when clearly you're doing a great job. Oh, okay, yeah, that would be a source of tension right there. Yeah, there you go. That's a problem. But then if you can play

a ball game with them, maybe it's going to like... Maybe that means it's going to work out. Yeah, you could last forever. There you go. Do you have a dog? No. That's why whenever I see dogs, I've got to pet them. Right, okay. Okay, so are you rolling out cat people, listening?

Up until this year, I would say cats are the worst. But I met a cat this year that has been changed my opinion. How did this cat change your opinion? What kind of cat was it? Where did you meet this cat? I moved into a new flat. His name was Nutmeg. I feel like we're going we're talking more about cats here.

It's fine. Learn a lot about a man from this cat preference. The thing is, it was more like a dog. Right. So it's a cat with personality. preference. Well, the thing is, it was more like a dog, so. Right. So it's a cat with personality. Exactly. Speaking of personality, you like personality tests. Oh, I froth over them.

Right. So what are you on that? The Briggs, what is it? The Briggs-Stratten. Briggs-Meyer? Briggs-Stratten. Briggs-Stratten is the little Meyer engine. It's the Briggs-Meyer personality test.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. ENFJ. Oh, what's it? You know the code. Which one am I again? I'm that 2% of people. I'm a dictator. No, we're...

An architect. An architect, yeah. We're mediators, Vaughn and I. No, mine got changed, remember? Because Mountie wouldn't accept it, so... You had to redo the test. You're a protagonist. Yes.

Oh, stoke the fire. This is why you love board games. Natural born leaders full of passion and charisma. Forming Oh, Stoke the Fire. This is why you love board games. Natural born leaders full of passion and charisma, forming about 2% of the population. Oh, wow. Is that the same as you? Yeah. They make good cult leaders as well.

Why wouldn't you? Barack Obama's a famous protagonist. You're supposed to be selling yourself. Yeah, that's true. All right. What else? What would be your ideal date? I'd want to get, like,

start with some good food. Okay. But then something out of the box. Like, there's a place on Queen Street here, which is like a sensory maze. So it's like smells, sounds, like feeling stuff. And I'm like, I mean, that, like feeling stuff. Right.

And I'm like, I mean, that sounds interesting, but. Yeah. How do you smell your way through a maze? I haven't done it, so I don't know. Okay. So something like that. Okay. What else do we need?

What are you looking for? Do you have an age range? What's the, how does it go? Half your age plus seven. Okay. Sure. So you're not f range? What's the, how does it go? Half your age plus seven. Okay. Sure. So you're not fussy? Not really.

Okay. I mean, there's probably an upper age range. Right. 60. Yeah. Let's just say under 60. Someone is here to discover the wonderful world of Helen Mirren. Yeah.

Okay. Anything else we need to know before we open up the phone lines for Radio Tinder? No, I'm... Oh, we didn't ask favourite colour. What's your favourite colour? Does that matter? Are we going for it?

A teal. A teal? Yeah. Teal? Like a vibrant teal. Like a 1990s New Zealand teal. Yes, that's it. That's teal. Yes. That's it. That's exactly it.

Yeah. That's a niche choice. It's an interesting colour. I like it. We're joined in studio by Dylan, who is looking to find some love today. Did we establish how old you are, Dylan? It was in the intro, yeah, 29.

That's how I heard 29. 29. Pay attention to your own radio show, please, yeah. 29. That's how I heard 29. 29. Pay attention to your own radio show, please, Megan. Dog lover. Dog loves dogs, board games. And Air New Zealand teal. It's his favourite colour.

It's a beautiful colour. Alright, well, we have some contestants ready to meet you. Gracie. Hiya, how are you? I'm Gracie. I'm 22. I'm from Tauranga and I'm an early childhood teacher. Nice.

Half your age plus seven, it works. Yeah. I know. I was thinking that. As soon as you said that, I was like, this is perfect. This is a match. So have you got some questions for Gracie? Yes.

Well, Gracie, first question. What's the best thing about you? Best thing about me? Oh, I would have to say I think I'm pretty funny, but that's debatable, I guess. It's beyond your opinion, doesn't it? Sense of humour.

We'll go with sense of humour. Yeah, yeah, very good. And what's your favourite emoji and why? Oh, that is a good question. I'm going to have to go with... Oh, gosh, what a choice. I'm going to have to go with the angel. The angel.

What you're seeing is that I think I may be the opposite from that. Oh! Goodness me. Oh, that's a no from me, there. Hello! Goodness me. Oh, that's a no from me, sorry. Oh! Seriously? Too spicy! Oh, my, too spicy.

I thought that had sealed the deal. That was a thumbs up. That's why, right, but no, it wasn't. It was a swipe left. Too spicy for Dylan. Too spicy. I like my redhead spicy. Okay, Jenna, good morning. Morning, I wasn't. It was a swipe left. Too spicy for Dylan. Too spicy. I like my redhead spicy. Okay.

Jenna, good morning. Morning. I'm Jenna, 33 from Wellington. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you? I'm good. Awesome.

Hey, Jenna, what's the most important quality in a partner? I think compassion and honesty. Oh, I like it. I like it I like it And what music or movie Do you love that would surprise Your friends and family Oh

I don't know if there's one that would surprise Oh Okay I really There we go Um So I really love Jurassic World Is that the new one but the second in the new trilogy?

No the first in the new trilogy I think I liked it too It was good, it was alright I liked it too, I liked dinosaurs You sound like you know a lot about it like you're like oh I think it's the second one in the trilogy. You sound like you know a lot about it. Like, you're like, oh, I think it's the second one in the trilogy.

But really, I think you're a big fan. Let's go swipe right. I wanted to be a paleontologist. Oh, wow. Okay, swipe right even more. You're in. You're in, Jenna. Congratulations.

Yes. We meet our next contestant on Radio Tinder, Olivia. Hello. Hi. I'm Liv from Hamilton, and I am a student. And I'm 21. 21. Oh, just in the range, I think. Plus eight.

Yeah. Where would you go in New Zealand this weekend? Support local. Support local. Support local. Probably be a bit mainstream and go to Queenstown. Okay. What would you do in Queenstown? Not the on-stem pools, but...

Oh, why not? Why not? Oh, I don't know. I get overheated very quickly. I get't know. I get overheated very quickly. I'm with you on spa pools. They're great, but only for five minutes. Yeah, yeah, only for five minutes, and I'm sitting on the edge for 25, you know?

Yeah, that's what you do, baby. In and out, you regulate that heat. Wow. That's great. And what nice things would your ex say about you? Oh. My family's pretty cool. We're pretty active and we're pretty fun.

So pretty cool family. So your ex would pretty fun. So pretty cool family. So your ex would say you've got a cool family. Yeah. I was good. I like cooked for him and I was pretty nice. Ran around, ran around. It is actually a great question, isn't it? He's your ex.

There's obviously, yeah, wow, okay. I like the sound of that. We'll swipe right on that. Swipe right. That's a good one. There you go. Congratulations, Olivia. Let's meet Jana.

Hi, I'm Jana. I am 27 and I'm in Auckland and I'm kind of like a speaker. Hi, Jana. Hi. Wait a minute, what's going on here with you? Why do you look like you know Jana? We've been on a date before. Oh, actually.

How are we doing? Hi, good. I thought this would be really fun and now I'm really awkward, but it still seems funny. This is great. You were like, I know this guy. We've been on a date. I'm really awkward but it still seems funny. This is great. You were like, I know this guy, we've been on a date, I'm ringing up again. Oh yeah, let me go.

Wow, okay. Why has there not been another date? I know, I think, well, he lived in the crash hatch for a bit, so he moved out but then COVID, you know, I could have gone on one of the COVID, you know, I could have gone on one of the COVID, you know, what I missed out on COVID kind of thing.

Yeah, right. Okay. So, right. Is there anything about Charlie you want to know then? Oh, I feel like she'll have

a great answer to this one. What's the craziest adventure you've been on? Oh, um, oh, the craziest adventure. Um,

maybe, um, okay, maybe when I was in Morocco and I got my phone stolen and it was pretty crazy. I did a stakeout with some policemen and then I didn't get my phone back, but it was definitely fun. You were in a Moroccan police stakeout? Yeah, I know. It was pretty fun. So were in a Moroccan police stakeout. Yeah, I know. It was pretty fun. So you were fine. Did you get to use a walkie-talkie?

No, no. They were like musty cops, honestly. I kind of, it was pretty catchy. I kind of like, you know, went to it, but then I was real scared. Jana, were they actually police? Well, they called me down a policeman. Oh, my God. We're so lucky you're here. I know, I know.

So good. We got time for one more question? One more time. Yep, okay. What's your best celebrity impression? Oh, my God. That one's so hard. Best celebrity impression? I don god! That one's so hard. The celebrity

impression? I don't even have one. Okay, I'm trying to think. Can I skip to the next question? Is that how it works? Alright. How much would you have to be paid to shave your head? Oh.

$5,000. There you are. You've got to be realistic. Swipe right on that. Swipe right. Swipe right. Back in. You've got some options. Congratulations, Jana.

Let's meet Chanel. Hi, I'm Chanel. I'm 24 and I'm a life and period coach. A what coach? A life and period coach. Life and period? A period coach. Yes. So like a period in time

or like menstruation? And then like menstrual period, yeah. Wow. So how do you, like this is one of my questions, how do you coach that? How do I coach a period? Like, come on period, let's go. That was a rubbish first half period.

You've got to step up in the second. So basically, like I help women who are like having troubles with their period or like fertility problems. So I help with mainly their diet and then also like tapping into like this feminine energy and trauma and that sort of a thing. Wow. Okay. So like deep work.

Very interesting. Yeah. Tell me about your nails. I've just found out recently about acrylic nails. Right. I'm very intrigued. What are your nails like? I definitely don't wear acrylic nails.

No acrylic nails. Okay. No acrylic nails. I'm like a bit of a bare bones kind of gal. So I might every now and then paint my nails. Yeah, yeah. Do you take care of your cuticles? Of course.

Of course. It's number one priority, right? Are you a fan of acrylic nails or not? Oh, I don't know if I love them or I'm just horrified by them. They're kind of freaky, aren't they? The process is incredible. Like a few of the pointy ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. So you won't get pointy acrylics with Chanel by the sounds of things? Okay. Good to know. Good to know. I'm just not feeling it. We're just going to swipe left. Sorry, Chanel.

Oh, this is so rude. Please. I'm sorry not feeling it. We're just going to swipe left. Sorry, Chanel. Oh, this is so ruthless. I'm sorry, Chanel. Well. No, fair enough. It's not a bad hit right there. Three, Jenna Liv and Jana. Ruby, congratulations.

Fantastic. Well done. Thanks for that. Great fun. I think you'd be our most ruthless to date. Really? Yeah. All right.

Okay, ruthless though. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah. You know, it's just like, no, that's a true nah. Well, if you'd like to take part in Radio Tinder, you can flick us a message on our Facebook page, FVMZM. Good luck, Dylan. We'll hook you up with the matches.

We'll give you the details. Great, thank you. And you'll probably live happily ever after because this is just how these things work. Every time. Every time. Every time. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

ZM. Fact of the day is about disposable ships. Who'd have disposable ships? Like a disposable razor? So you use it a couple of times and then just chuck it on a ship, yeah? You would use it once and then its journey would be finished. Well, and this is terrible news on Recycling Week. Per.

So have you not seen all the posters? There was a poster in the toilet in the kitchen. And it was a shock to me because I just threw a microwave into the ocean yesterday. That is what? World Recycling Week. Well, Recycle Week this week, yeah. What about all these paper posters they're putting up?

That seems like a waste of resources. You can recycle them. I think they're printed on recycled. But are they guaranteeing me everything that's going to be recycled? I don't know. I'm sure. Well, these ships were actually a tax dodge. This is when America, well, America and Canada

had all these logs that were the forests that were being felled. And Britain were like, hey buck, we've got our own timber trade here. So you are going to be taxed on every piece of, every log, every piece of timber that gets bought in. When you unload your ship,

there'll be somebody there counting it and they'll tax them. However, the ships themselves weren't taxed. So they started making disposable ships, which were just logs kind of hucked together. And I say hucked together because many sunk on their journey across. They were minimally staffed. They'd pretty much sail these massive rafts in and be like, hey, it's our boat, but got bad news.

She can't sail again. And they'd take it in and they'd take it to bits. And most of it was still just made up of full logs that could then be milled. When was this? Oh, it wasn't recently. How far are they traveling? It was like in the 1800s.

On these rafted ships? They were traveling from America across the Atlantic. Oh, my God. So they were quite intense journeys. How many people died? Quite a few. That seems like a lot of effort to go to to make a raft or a ship. To dodge the tax. Yeah. But the tax was quite a lot of effort to go to to make a raft or a ship. To dodge the tax.

Yeah. But the tax was quite a lot. The tariffs were quite a bit when you pulled in, you know, you'd then have to sell them at a higher rate to make your money back. So these guys would just cruise in and be like, oh, this is our ship, but unfortunately she's no longer seaworthy. Right. And they'd be like, oh, this isn't a very well-made ship.

But there was no rules on how well your ship had to be made. If you wanted to sail it across the ocean, that was at the risk of you and your staff. So then they'd pull in and pull the ship to bits and then send the wood to the mill and it could still be built. Did it have a little cabin to sleep in or something? Well, there was lots of them. They were all different. Some of them were super basic. But did it look like a pirate ship? Like a wooden pirate ship or not really? It looked like a standard... I'm Well, I mean, it was following the basic rules of the world. I'm just thinking about like a log raft.

Yeah. It was like a log flume at Rainbow's End. No, it wasn't just huge logs. They were tied together in the shape of things but they were predominantly

untouched to the point where they could get them there then mill them in. Because if it also came fully formed, they could tax it because it had been milled timber.

Right. So they had to get it there looking as much like a tree as they could tax it because it had been milled timber. Right. So they had to get it there looking as much like a tree as they could. So then they'd get them there, pull out a few crucial things holding it together. They'd all fall to bits and they could mill it. And they'd dodge the tax. So today's fact of the day is to dodge the tax on imported timber, they just used to make disposable ships. Fact of the day, day, day, like, do you remember last week we,

in our Q&A with Judith Collins, asked her about toothpaste? I forget the question, but it was, she chooses a different kind of toothpaste every time she goes to the supermarket. Loose. People like that are monsters. I mean. Same stuff every time. I get the same stuff every time. Toothpaste is time. I get the same stuff every time.

Toothpaste is different because I get the same stuff too. If I'm going to deviate from toothpaste, there's got to be

a big reason. I'm always on the same stuff that Colgate in the gold tube. I'm in the gold tube too.

I like that one. I thought you did the standy up toothpastes. Sometimes I get the standy up one. Can you get

the gold one in the standy up one? It's like the whitening. I believe it's tartia control and whitening and it's Colgate. Anyway, I've done that forever. Forever.

And when I buy things, it's always the same, like sauce packets, everything. I always get the same brands. I always get the same ones that I like. Creature of habit. So imagine my surprise a couple of weeks ago when an article came out from Consumia NZ, who do all the testing of all the products, saying that the laundry detergent I use was only just partially better than water. That I had used for ever. Was yours one of the, what do they call it?

Fragrance water. Does it add fragrance in a day? Pretty much. And I was like, what did you use? I was like, I can't remember. I don't know. I can't remember the brand of it, but it's like I always buy the big two-liter one, the liquid.

I pour it in the cap, put that in. You had a massive go at me because I use powder. But at least my washing was actually getting washed you're just using glorified water is it was it the ylang ylang no it wasn't yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no it's not cold water surf it was um well i had the sensitive one but they didn't do the other one that's like an orange flavor which is normally the one i use but i'm guessing the same stuff okay um but i was so shocked i was like well this it. I've got to get a new detergent, a laundry detergent that's liquid. And you're like, oh my God, my foundations have been rocked.

I've been rocked. Like, it's like finding out something's not real all this time. You've got to pick. You've got to pick. Yeah. They don't do sample sizes, do they? And I was in the supermarket. I was just looking at the shelf for like 10 minutes. Do you not just get the cheapest,

I just get the cheapest washing powder and then you change up the scent. Do you want thrush? What? Do you want a urinary tract infection? Why would I get that from my soap powder? But I've got... Don't people always say, don't change their soap powder and they've got a urinary tract

infection? Yeah, because I always get like the sensitive powder, like laundry liquid, sensitive, because all the fragrances make me itchy and stuff. And so I got this one, I forget the brand, but all my t-shirts smell like bleh. They just smell like your new smell. They smell like, and it's not a me smell.

But you have like a... It is weird how you start. Oh, that doesn't smell like you, actually. It's weird how people's houses, because I remember my nan and my nana had different smelling houses, and I worked out one day, it's just the laundry detergent they use. Is it?

What is that? I think it's a, what's in the blue? It's a blue thing. Dynamo. Or something. Dynamo. But it's just really overpowering. They didn't have a sensitive one at the supermarket. So now I'm just like, well, that's a whole waste of bottle. That's why. I'll just use it on towels or something. But I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board and find a whole new detergent. That's why your detergent was pretty much water because you needed the sensitive one. Well, maybe. What a wimp. What do you

need the sensitive one for? You don't have dermalogical issues. Do I get itchy? Did you get Dynamo Professional seven actions in one wash? Yes, because it was seven actions. It was seven actions in one wash. So you might be thinking, how the hell did Consumer New Zealand test this?

How did they test it? Well, they did tests on everyday grime. Yep. Collar and cuff grime, which is apparently a different kind of grime. Is it? Right, okay. Grass stains, olive oil, which is a real... Because you know I'm always spilling olive oil on me.

Yeah. With your Mediterranean nights out. And tomato. Oh, okay. And tomato. And so the detergent I normally use apparently was only because they did a water test on this. And my detergent was only just slightly better than water. Barely better than water.

But then this other stuff that's the winner, which I purchased with seven actions in the wash. Yeah. Is two. Wait, did you get seven actions? I don't know. Seven actions seems to have got the highest across the board. Yeah, but I don't want to smell like this all the time. I know, but don't you have like a fragrance you can spray on?

No, because then I'll smell like this and then the fragrance. So I'm in this horrible situation of just, I don't know what to do in life right now. You're letting your general scent be dictated by your washing powder, just whatever. So it could be like ylang-ylang. And that's what you smell like for the day. We're on the ylang-ylang.

Right. And then I'll get a tropical lily every now and then just because I'm looser. Yeah. I'm glad, though, that this is the biggest problem in my life, though. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, if you're going to look at it like that. It's a problem, but on the scale of world problems. It's little.

Low. It's really got you fired up, though. It's a real kick in the teeth's really got you fired up, though. Mm. It's a real kick in the teeth to know you've been washing your... I know! Washing your clothes for years or something. Barely better than water. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. I have the amount of time it takes to text him back and what it means about you and him and your relationship. What if they text back, like, you've just gone on your first date and you're like, well, that was lovely. We'll talk soon. And they message you back, like, in your relationship. What if they text back, like, you've just gone on your first date and you're like, well, that was lovely. We'll talk soon. And they message you back like in five minutes.

What if, is this a him to a him? Is it a her to a her? It could be a him to a him. It's a him. The him is sending. All we know is the him is texting. So it could be him to him, him to her, whatever. So you want to know

how many minutes are we talking? Like five. Like maybe five minutes. Yeah. Okay. If he texts you back within, I've got within a few seconds or within 10 minutes to an hour,

which would you like? Now is this not after a date? This is like when you send them a message, right? Yeah. Okay. So if he texts you back, say you're currently sending your response and they message back before you've even finished typing.

Yeah. Yep. He's definitely your soulmate. Either that or he's just really super duper into you. Obviously, because he's getting back to you straight away. How were you when you were texting Mr. Toyboy in the early stages? Because you are an notoriously shocking texter and replier. He's the only

one that I message back instantly. So she sees us messaging. Yeah. Because I always say, people are like, how long shall I wait to text back? I'm always like, no games, just if you like them, just text them back. And this one here was us. If he texts you back within a few seconds,

rapid fire responders are another sure way to show that someone's interested in you and also that the guy doesn't want to play games. If he's just replying within a few seconds after you've texted back, no games, just efficient communication and they're into you. I reckon a duck boy could. I reckon a duck boy could play that game. That's their special skill, to appear to be someone who might be interested in something more.

That's the hard thing though. Like duck boys are a special breed because they appear really into you but they're really into the idea of what they can get out of you.

Despite what you've been told you shouldn't feed them bread. It swells in their stomach. It does, yeah. So if he takes you back 10 minutes to an hour like torture but it's pretty standard

they've said. Anyone who has a day off and also has other commitments in some sort of life might not be by their phone or might have something else to do. Because yeah, we're the kind of people that you're like, well, you know, if you're at a restaurant or a cafe with your friends you find it rude if people are

on their phone. Yeah. So what? Do you want them to put the phone down for the whole hour and not text anyone? Or do you want them to text someone back? And that's hard too. If you're someone who's literally got your phone attached to you at all times and you'd be like,

well, you would have seen my message. Whereas I'm not like that. I could come back an hour later and be like, oh shit, text back. Yeah. So they've just got a life. They'll probably still into you. Chill out.

If he waits to text you back at the same interval, like clockwork, so maybe he takes 67 minutes to text back every time or 17 minutes or it's exactly the same amount of time each time. He's playing a game. Yeah, he's playing a game or he has read some book or some article about the perfect time to text you back. Probably because a woman said you've got to wait an hour. You've got to wait 24 hours.

65 minutes is the perfect time. Yeah. She'll be hanging out for your reply, but not long enough to make her think that you don't like her or something like that. But like you say, if you're into them, just message them back. Don't play games. Yeah. If he texts you back the next day, I disagree with this.

Okay. If he texts you back the next day, it might be a little bit weird, but you shouldn't be alarmed because sometimes dudes or humans just get busy and forget and they go to sleep. So if they text you back the next day.

Not if they're into you. That's what I reckon. If they're into you and they're waiting a day, then you're not a priority. They've put things before you. That's what I reckon. If they're into you and they're waiting a day, then you're not a priority. They've put things before you. Absolutely not the priority. And that's the last one.

If he takes several days to text back, he's just not that into you. You're flirting with my dad, okay? And I ask you to stop because he doesn't know what he's doing. He's very heavy on the emojis. And mum also reads his phone. So stop it