ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 21st April 2021
Episode Date: April 20, 2021Cops Caught Top 6: Things that lasted longer than the travel bubble Bluff or Stuff: Snow Lying Edition Producer Carwen learnt somethingVaughans never tried something When did you hide as a...n adult? Hayley has a biiig surprise! Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast.
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I'm a bit embarrassed because I'm off to the dentist.
Again?
Yeah.
Didn't you go last week?
That was the hygienist.
Oh yeah, okay.
I visit the dentist regularly, Vaughan Smith.
What a loser.
Very regularly, but I know I've got some work to do.
I've got a few, I'm a grinder. You regularly. But I know I've got some work to do. I've got a few.
I'm a grinder.
You've got a grinder?
I've got a grinder.
I've gone up with dudes when you were a dude.
No, no, no.
I'm a tooth grinder.
All day, all day.
Is that like the tooth fairy, but I'm a grinder?
Yeah.
No, it's like.
Oh, like an anxious.
I think I grind a little bit in my sleep, maybe.
Yeah, I just constantly grind all day.
You're a grinder in your sleep.
Probably. You just leave it maybe. Yeah, I just constantly grind it all day. You're on Grindr in your sleep. Probably.
You just leave it open.
Oh, right.
Anyway, so I've got a few little chippy teeth that were getting fixed,
and then I'm getting a new retainer made,
a splint retainer to really keep the teeth in place and stop it.
You have to put that in when you sleep?
Yeah, every night.
Oh, is that horrible?
No, I wear a retainer at night anyway most of the time,
but I haven't been because I wore through it with my grinding.
Jesus.
I love to grind.
It sounds like a mouth guard.
You grind and you sleep and it chews it up.
Yeah, but I'm a bit embarrassed because my mouth is in absolute state at the moment
because I ate a bit of karaage chicken.
Oh, yeah, the hot karaage.
And it was Hyping hot
And I've not only
Sort of
You know when you burn
The roof of your mouth
The little skin comes off
Yep
There's a bit of a hole
Happening
Jesus Christ
It melted through
Your upper jaw
Yeah and then I've been
Eating quite a lot
Of my allergic food
So my tongue's a bit
Swollen at the moment
So that's also got
Some bites and ulcers
Up the side
And I feel like
Between last week
Going to the hygienist
and this week going to the dentist,
she's going to look at him and be like,
what the hell have you been doing?
It's an absolute mess in there.
Do they judge other aspects of the mouth?
Well, have you seen those stories during the rounds
the last few weeks?
They can tell if you've been...
Fillating the willy.
What?
Who?
Dentists can tell.
Can they tell if you've been fellating the not-willy?
Like the...
No.
The vahain?
No.
No telltale signs?
I can't say it.
It's too rude.
What, bruising?
Yeah, it's like a light marking on the roof of the mouth.
Oh my God, just calm down with your fellating.
Emma can produce a Jared's midi who works as a dental...
What's her title, Jared?
Assistant. Dental assistant. So this is a thing. thing yeah she was telling me about it the other week yeah I read an article it was
on TikTok for a while eh and that people were saying dentists were like here's all the things
dentists can tell about you and it's like you've recently given a pleasant gift to a willy right
now I'm out of the game when it comes to these pleasant gifts for a willy. Right. Now, I... Right. I'm out of the game
when it comes to
these pleasant gifts
for the willy.
Right.
You're deep into a marriage.
How are people doing it
that's leaving marks?
Well, it's just what happens
because it hits the...
Without going into details.
Why are you doing that?
Jared, what's the kind of time
before you go to the dentist
so they don't know?
Oh, I'll ask her tonight.
Two-week gobby.
Give us a two-week gobby mark, all right?
And for God's sake, don't do it so aggressively.
Look after yourselves.
I'm not bloody worried you'll choke.
Just everybody calm down with the wildly aggressive blowjobs.
On with the show.
ZM.
Hit music.
Lives here.
Fleecehorn and Megan.
The podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleece, Fawn and Megan, the podcast.
Good morning, welcome to the show. Fleece, Fawn and Megan with Hayley Sproul.
Good morning.
Happy Wednesday. Long weekend ahead, the long weekend group toot on Friday at 8 o'clock.
I feel like the top of the year is really just full of long weekend, isn't it?
Yeah, then you get that, you get one in June.
And then you... Winter hiatus.
Yeah, then you've got to wait until, what, Labor Weekend, end of October.
Yeah.
Although, Matariki next year.
Oh, yeah.
Exciting.
Just getting all my stuff sorted.
Just got hair.
Another day.
No blood in the stool.
That's always a good thing, isn't it?
When you go person, there's no blood in it.
Am I the only one? I've got a family history of bowel cancer,
so always watching for the symptoms.
Right, I don't know if that's...
Every day when there's not
some blood in the stool, it's a good
day in my books.
Oh yeah, okay.
Come on!
It's true, it's true.
Everybody should check.
Yeah, absolutely.
If nothing else is going your way today,
and you take a poo and there's no blood in it,
then two thumbs up.
No blood in the stool.
Right, okay.
The intestinal tract is humming.
Good to know.
Good for you.
Good for you.
Thanks.
Your chance to win before seven.
That doesn't mean I'm clean.
I've got a colonoscopy on the horizon.
I know, yeah. It's good you keep it regularly checked. I doesn't mean I'm clean. I've got a colonoscopy on the horizon. I know, yeah.
It's good you keep it regularly checked.
I don't think you should scare people.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Well, no, as I just quite clearly stated,
no blood in the stool.
Yeah, you're checking because of family history.
I've got a family history and I'm of an age.
How depressing is that shit?
Nothing's wrong with you, but you become of an age.
Vaughn's also a hypochondriac.
I'm not a hypochondriac. The doctor said to me. You always
think you're dying.
Yeah, well, we're all dying. I hate to
again bring the mood down. Yeah, but if there's no
blood in the stool, slightly slower.
Utterly morbid start to the show.
It is.
Don't take it morbidly. It's a positive.
Right, can you sit up?
Also, you take way too long in the bathroom.
I was pooping.
I need a poop stool.
We need to have a good inspection afterwards as well.
Gotta have an inspection during.
Pick it up.
Have a good look.
Pre, during and after.
Your chance to win coming up on the show before seven.
Bluff or Stuff returns to our Snow Lying edition.
We've got Up for Grabs, a five-day multi-pass to Kadrona Alpine Resort or Treble Cone.
So your chance to play just before seven o'clock.
The Prime Minister joins us on the show this morning.
Yeah, she's a good friend of mine.
Yep.
She's got some explaining to do.
Does she?
We're going to be asking her the hard-hitting questions.
Yeah, like, why did you give that guy COVID?
Yeah.
Yeah.
At the airport.
No, that will obviously be a line of questioning.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
She's on the show this morning at 10 to 8.
She might have some stats for us too, like how many Aussies are here.
How many people are...
Yeah, true.
Because the bubble opened as Australian school holidays ended.
Oh, right.
Because my nieces have just gone back to school.
Are we on different ones than them?
Yeah, we are on different.
Is that so there's not too many lines on the Goldie at the Dreamworld,
on the roller coasters?
I don't know why those don't always marry up.
They're not on like a three-term year or anything.
Okay.
Well, she's on the show with us at 10 to 8 this morning.
And your chance to win with Add to Count, speaking of the travel bubble,
it's the travel special all this week.
Yesterday gave away flights to the Goldie, Melbourne on Monday.
So more travel goodies on Don't Peek.
Who's peaking?
8 o'clock is the first Add to Cart.
The top six is on the way.
Yeah, the travel bubble lasted all of two days before the first.
It's still going. Well, Well, it's still going.
Well, no, it's still going, but there's a pin hovering by it.
Pin of somebody who works deep cleaning planes from COVID hotspots.
Yeah.
Pin lingering near the bubble.
But I've got the top six things that lasted longer than a completely open travel bubble.
Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.
There was a Tesla crash in America recently.
A 59-year-old and a 69-year-old died.
The Tesla hit a tree, burst into flames,
took four hours for firefighters to put out.
Is that because of the battery? The batteries.
Have you seen the state of the aftermath of this?
Yeah, it's like melted metal.
How hot it was.
Everything's going crazy.
They were going down a cul-de-sac in Texas.
Yeah.
It's only a 300-meter-long street in a gated community.
Rich-like people.
Yeah, look at those little...
Everyone's got a pool.
Yeah.
And about 20 different roofs.
And there's like a leg at the end of the road
there's two legs
two legs
like gated community situation
yeah right
so how the hell did it
pick up enough speed
to hit the tree
well apparently Elon Musk
has the
the data
right
because all the cars
kind of live feed back
to Tesla HQ
as to what they're doing
at the time
yeah
and didn't everyone say it was on their autopilot feature?
Yes, at autopilot.
And Tesla said to engage autopilot, a person must have their hands
on the steering wheel at all times.
But people are saying it's as easy as wedging an orange
into the steering wheel, like around the top,
and then with the horners, you jam it in there,
and that gives the pressure.
It's enough on the pressure.
Because people have posted on Twitter other things,
like they've put drink bottles in there, jam it in there.
Yeah.
Because they, correct me if I'm wrong,
but they weren't sitting in that no one was in the driver's seat
when this accident happened.
That's what they say, that there was footage of one was in the driver's seat when this accident happened. That's what they say.
There was footage of them not in the seat.
It wasn't the autopilot.
Even if you could auto-drive a car
like you can a Tesla,
you'd want to be in the front seat,
right? You have to be. That's the thing.
They've designed it so that you have to be and people are like,
nah, I'll put an orange in there and have a
nap in the back. Unless a nap in the back.
Yeah, unless you're hankery-pankering.
But then you wouldn't do that on a 300 metre long street.
No, you wouldn't often have a hank-pank in the middle of a cul-de-sac.
But I'm assuming they were coming home, right?
So they could have been auto-driving the whole way and it was the end.
Is it that good?
Is the autopilot that good that it can get through?
Like, they're in a gated community, so at some stage they had to stop.
Well, yeah, because it would sense that there's something in front of it,
so it would stop.
Oh, I didn't know that it was, like, full-blown autopilot.
I just thought it was, like, if you were on the open road,
like a highway, you could be like, go, and this speed,
and stay this far in front of the car,
and it would just stick to the lines.
Because people are saying that the laws haven't really caught up
with auto-driving cars.
Yeah.
Because if you could do this, like, is that illegal?
If you could put an orange in your auto-drive car
and sit in the back seat?
I mean, I don't know if that's written up yet.
Like, could it be, should it be the law
that if you've got an auto-driving car
and you've got to be in the front seat,
if you're not, like, you're in serious trouble.
That's like...
It's a ticket.
No, it's more like careless, dangerous driving.
Oh, right.
Endangerment.
Because if you...
This car could have driven into someone else.
That's the thing.
If you want to be a dick...
Crazy.
Because Sade's car's got this thing where you put it in cruise control
and it won't let you get too close to the car in front of you.
Oh, you have driven a car like that?
It's so good.
It's so good.
But you've got to have your hands on the wheel for it to work.
And if you take your hands off the wheel,
it will hold in the same lane,
but then it'll go...
And then if you don't put your hands back on the wheel,
it stops itself.
Yeah.
So if you, like, fall asleep,
we've got the driver assist on and the cruise control,
and you fall asleep, it stops the car.
Wow.
Okay, that's cool.
I once had a hire car when I was in Dunedin
and if someone got too close or you got too close to the lane,
the whole seat would vibrate because it thought you were asleep.
Oh, hot.
Right, so you were just constantly...
Yeah.
Playing dodgems on that highway out of Dunedin.
You arrive at the airport, you've got like a scar on your face,
your hair's all a sundry.
That's going to need a deep clean.
There's been a TV psychic.
His name is Morris Amdur.
He's just been hit with a hefty $180,000 court fine for lying.
So he's a British TV psychic.
He was in a car crash.
He was driving a Jaguar XKS convertible, very rare car.
Okay.
And someone crashed into him from behind.
And he had a neck injury and a back injury as a result.
And then he sued the insurance company of the driver that hit him,
saying that the injury not only made him impotent
and therefore lost his girlfriend at the time,
but also made him lose his psychic abilities.
And so he wasn't able to work for
two years. That's actually a really
good ploy. Yeah. Yeah, isn't it?
So he sued them
for half a million dollars.
Half a million Kiwi dollars.
What? They didn't pay that out, did they?
No, no, no. So that's
when they went to court, then the judge was like,
you're lying. Like, you're just
trying to get something out of this incident
by suing this company for, yeah, $450,000 Australian dollars.
And so he ends up getting fined for lying.
He ends up getting fined for lying,
saying that it's fundamental dishonesty.
You know, he's denied it all,
but they've just said it's absolute rubbish
and you've absolutely wasted everyone's time.
And so it's a court fine.
So it's going, this is the amount of time you've wasted,
the amount of people's money you've wasted.
You have to pay $180,000.
I was going to say he should have seen that coming,
but he had the accident so he couldn't.
So he couldn't read. He couldn't he had the accident so he couldn't see what
was happening. He said it was
two years of not being able to read
people because of his injury.
And he lost his
erection as well.
Don't get Vaughan started on TV psychics.
There's psychics
and there's mediums, right? And mediums
talk to ghosts.
Spirits.
Yeah, psychics see into the future.
Psychics.
Read the person.
Yeah, read their future, but is it through the help of the ghost?
He said he reads people.
So that would be, you know, like you'd come into me and I'm a psychic.
Yeah.
And he reads the room, reads your insecurities and then sort of like plays to them
Yeah, exactly
Yeah, yeah
Have you guys ever been to a psychic?
No
No, I'm too cynical
I'm very cynical, I've never been to a psychic
But a psychic was a client of my dad's
And used to ring him all the time and be like,
oh, Craig, I was just, you just popped into my head
and should give some sage advice.
And then like it would kind of come true.
No, should give some general sweeping statement.
It's like when you read your horoscope
and you're like, oh my gosh, that
relates so much. And then you're looking for
it all the time. And then you'll be like,
oh my horoscope says this is going to happen.
And then you're looking for it and then you find it. Yeah, because you're looking for it.
It's like when you're like, there's no other
Hyundai's on the road
and you get a Hyundai and then every
bloody car's a Hyundai because you're looking
for them now. And then you can't find it at the Westfields, can you? Yeah, exactly. car is a Hyundai because you're looking for them now.
And then you can't find it
at the Westfields,
can you?
Yeah, exactly.
Takes you a while.
You can't walk around
pushing your key button
hoping for the best.
I'm really sorry
to this Morris Amder
and that he's lost
his psychic ability
and now because he has
to pay $180,000.
Wow.
That's a good bill.
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan,
the podcast, ZM.
One of my favourite TV shows at the moment, Line of Duty.
Have you guys...
Yeah, I haven't watched any of it.
No, but I'm familiar with it because you keep saying,
Bent Coppers.
Bent Coppers, yeah, Bent Coppers.
Bent Coppers.
It's about the unit that investigates the Bent Coppers.
Bent Coppers.
The naughty cops.
It's got one of my favourite actresses in it.
What's her name?
Vicky McClure.
Yeah, McClure.
McClure.
How is she one of your favourite?
What else has she been in?
This Is England.
All of this is England series.
She plays Lol, and it was just one of those series I loved.
Yeah, she's one of the regulars.
She's incredible.
What's This Is England?
Oh, babe.
You've got to watch it.
It's devastating, though. You've got to watch it. It's devastating though.
Right. Where is that
available?
Has somebody been illegally
downloading TV shows? Have they?
There's a website. I can't remember what it's called.
Right. Well, Line of Duty,
that's Netflix and I think the latest season
is TVNZ On Demand.
Oh, yeah. And there's only like
two or three eps left of the season,
and there are spoilers everywhere.
Producer Jared's just absolutely got hooked into the show,
haven't you?
I'm a fiend.
But what are you up to now, season two?
Season two, episode four.
Yeah, it's one of those shows where they have callbacks
to all the seasons all the time.
Right.
And the characters come and go,
and to binge it all at once would be incredible.
You know, this is going to cause a ruckus.
But I always.
I'm always ready for a ruckus.
I'm always hesitant to get into a drama.
And not hesitant, but like always not in the mental head space.
Yes, right.
To sit down and dive into a drama.
When there's some seasons ahead of you because you feel like it's a big job.
Yeah, and you're going, oof.
No, but see.
I always talk into a comedy.
That's why I love to jump into a drama like that. Because I know that if I like it, it's a big job. Yeah, and you're going, oof. No, but see, that's... I always talk into a comedy. That's why I love to jump into a drama like that
because I know that if I like it, it's there to binge.
Yeah, true, true.
Like, it's all there.
A comedy or an action always seems like the easier undertaking.
Yes.
Than a drama.
Than a drama.
Yeah, fair call.
You're just going to sit there and...
I don't know if this would be a theme or a possible episode for the TV show Line of Duty,
but two police officers in Lancashire in the UK have had to apologise
after they were caught kissing in a patrol car in a supermarket car park for 20 minutes.
They were kissing for 20 minutes?
Yeah, one witness said they saw the officers kissing for 20 minutes in the car park.
The witness said the female officer then got out of the patrol car
and walked to the driver's side to continue smooching through the window.
Oh, new.
That's a new relationship.
Yeah, one man said he was so stunned that he began filming the interaction
in the supermarket car park.
All right.
Just let them smoochie.
Just let them smooch up, yo.
Yeah, but I guess
they're on work time, aren't they?
It would be like...
No, they were having a break
is what they've claimed.
You know, they're entitled
to their lunch break.
Right.
Both of them are entitled
to their lunch break.
But is that...
I mean, I guess it's not illegal,
is it, to kiss someone?
It's actually quite hot.
A lot of people are saying
it's inappropriate.
Yeah.
You know, we look to them
to protect us
and they're just
kissing
busy
yeah having a
a kiss session
laughing
joking
and kissing
sounds nice
sounds nice in the middle of the work day
sounds nice
I don't know why I looked at either of you
when I said that
all the while
all the while
in a stab proof vest
you know that's pretty hot
that's hot stuff
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six.
Hello there.
Woke up from a nap yesterday to a barrage of bloody negativity in the group chat.
Now, good old last.
This is the end.
The end times are nigh.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Bring out your dead.
Repent your sins.
God is coming.
So there's a case of COVID-19 at an airport border worker.
This is an airport border worker who works in what is described as the red zone
where planes get
clean and items
get cleaned. And they picked it up
from the plane. Yeah, so they've apparently picked it up from
the plane. They have got some close contacts.
There's some, this is why we've still got to be scanning
in on the bloody scanner, guys. Oh yeah, I've
nearly got my badge of consecutive
days. Have you guys got a badge of consecutive days?
I haven't been anywhere.
Because here at work, when we use our swipe card,
it keeps a track of where we've been in the building and everything.
But you don't go...
There's days where I literally come to work and go home,
and that's it.
And it's glorious, and that's how I wish every day was.
I wish I never had to stop for petrol or food or anything.
You've nearly got my 14-day badge.
14th Street.
I've been a bit bad.
Well, get...
No, I was religious.
Hayley.
And I've just been a bit bad.
So points of...
Locations of interest include...
St Luke's Mall Food Court at the weekend, Sunday.
Bunnings Newlyn, which is your Bunnings.
Did you scan into Bunnings when you were there? I didn't go to Bunnings. Did Aaron scan into Bunnings when you were there?
I didn't go to Bunnings.
Did Aaron go to Bunnings?
Aaron was away at the weekend, wasn't he?
So me can't have gone to Bunnings.
It would have been truly one of the only days he didn't go to Bunnings.
And Movenpick Dominion Road, all on Saturday, April 17.
It appears at this stage the risk to the public appears very low.
The person had been vaccinated, but again, that doesn't mean you can't get it.
Oh, my God.
It just wildly lessens the effects.
People in the comments yesterday, see, vaccines don't work.
They're lying to us.
This is why we've all got to get vaccinated.
Yeah.
So Jacinda's going to be on the show later on today.
Yeah, she is, 10 to 8.
We'll ask her what the latest is.
What the vibe is. Pretty keen to hear about the vibe. Yeah, she is. 10 to 8. We'll ask her what the latest is. What the vibe is.
Pretty keen to hear about the vibe.
Yeah, I'm keen to get the vibe.
You know, I'm pretty keen
on a vibe read.
Like a vibe check.
Okay.
And your vibe attracts your tribe.
Yeah.
No negative vibes.
So, that...
Please don't get the Prime Minister
of New Zealand on and say...
I'm going to ask him
a bit of what's the vibe.
What's the vibe?
I will.
What's the vibe at the moment?
Vibe check. What's the vibe? Who will. What's the vibe at the moment? Vibe check.
What's the vibe?
Who knows how to answer that?
What a horrible question.
So I've got the top six things
that lasted longer
than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere.
And to point out,
the travel bubble
is still go.
Yes.
It's still okay.
It's an area that the public
don't...
Look,
if we get stuck
in some community cases,
maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.
It's a bit of shame, isn't it, though?
Australia gets here, like,
this whole time we've been like,
New Zealand is nailing it.
And they finally get here and we're like,
oh, we're going to be hurt.
Sorry.
Hello.
So a day and a half or thereabouts
is how long it was.
So the top six things that lasted long
in the clean travel bubble.
Number six,
the marriage between
Britney Spears
and Jason Alexander
in 2004.
That lasted for 56 hours.
Really?
You didn't even get to 48.
Jason Alexander
is the name of the guy
that played George Costanza
on Seinfeld,
but it's not George Costanza
as another Jason Alexander.
Was he a dancer?
Was he a dancer?
I think so.
No, that was Kayfied.
Kayfied was a dancer.
He was. They annulled it anyway. It got annfied. No, that was Kayfied. Kayfied was a dancer. He was.
They annulled it anyway.
It got annulled.
Right, okay.
Yeah.
Number five on the list of the top six things that lasted longer than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere.
The days of Christmas required to give you a true love, two turtle doves and a partridge
in a pear tree.
Yum.
Yeah.
Didn't even get to the partridge in the pear tree if you were making the direct comparison.
Yeah. Number four on the list of the top part which is the pear tree if you were making the direct comparison. Yeah.
Number four on the list
of the top six things
that lasted longer
than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere,
Jack Bauer
saving the world twice.
Yeah.
In the show 24.
God, I loved 24.
Mmm.
Oh, mmm.
You did.
You loved the box set 24,
didn't you?
Binged it all
when I got adult chicken pox.
Oh, dear.
Which is another viral
thing that you can be vaccinated against now. Yeah, you can. Can you be vaccinated against? Yeah. You get adult chicken pox. Oh dear. Which is another viral thing
that you can be vaccinated against now.
Yeah, you can.
Can you be vaccinated against?
Yeah, you can.
You get the chicken pox.
But not when I was a kid yet
to go to a chicken pox party.
Yeah, you were encouraged.
Yeah.
Really test that immune system.
Thanks, mum,
for not taking me on one of those.
You couldn't have handled it.
You're a weak child.
Anemic.
Anemic looking weak child.
Didn't eat your vegetables.
You only wanted to eat processed meats like luncheon and chicken nuggets.
Yum.
Number three on the list of the top six things that lasted longer than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere.
People working together as a team to make a short independent film as part of the 48
hour film fest.
Oh yeah.
You would have done a couple of those in your time.
You would have.
Do you know what?
I've never done it.
Haven't you
I know crazy
It screams you
It used to always
Be over a weekend
And I was always
Marching on the weekends
So I never got to do it
Should we do it
I always get roped in
No
I always get roped
Into doing something
My mates always do
One and I'd always
Do like a voiceover record
Or some sort of audio
Submission
And they always
Everyone's fighting
everyone's tired
I know and I'm glad
it's happening in Wellington
and I'm in Auckland
it's a distance thing
Yeah
Number two on the list
of the top six things
that lasted longer
than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere
Mosquitoes
The average
common mosquito's
life cycle
from start to end
is 14 days
Oh okay
So a mosquito
wouldn't have even
got out
of its little gross little squiggly larvae thing
in stagnant water.
Oh, yuck.
Blech.
And number one on the list of the top six things
that lasted longer than a clean travel bubble
with no COVID nowhere,
kids doing the 40-hour famine.
Yes.
You couldn't have even got that done
in that amount of time.
You're not even famine-ing.
You're actually having barley, sugars, and raro
the whole time.
Yeah, and sneaking along.
It's cheating.
Sneaking along. You had a couple of donuts once doing the 40- whole time. Yeah, and sneaking a little. Sneaking a little.
You had a couple of donuts once during the 40-hour period.
Yeah, same.
Mum used to sneak me a couple of buggies.
Yeah, I was like, hey, the kids are still getting the money
and I'm getting donuts.
Yum.
Yum.
That is today's top six.
Good morning, Phoebe.
How are you?
Morning.
Good, thank you.
How are you guys?
Good, good.
Phoebe, if you win Bluff or Stuff today,
are you ready to have five of the most fun days of your life?
Absolutely.
All right, well, up for grabs.
A five-day multi-pass to Kadrona, Alpine Resort or Treble Cone.
You can be the first to ride a new chairlift
and explore the Willow Strain in Soho at Kadrona.
Amazing.
Now, one of us is wearing a snowboarding helmet.
Okay.
Well, Phoebe, I'll start because I can't actually hear you very well because the headphones
don't fit over the helmet.
Of course.
Yeah, right.
I've got to sort of wear them around the back of my head because they don't go over.
You're looking at me.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm trying to actually hold my headphones up with the helmet.
You can hear me tapping the helmet there.
This is what a helmet sounds like.
Oh, you just tapped the microphone.
No, don't call me out like that.
Absolutely.
And I can see my reflection.
I can see my reflection. I can see my reflection.
And I look
pretty silly.
You're a good actor.
You're a good actress.
I do have a degree in acting.
Toy Fakade. Is that right?
Toy Fakade, yeah.
Well, there's no acting degree here.
I can tell you I'm wearing a helmet.
It's a general use helmet.
It's not specifically a snowboarding helmet.
It's a skateboarding helmet.
I've used it.
It's my helmet.
Yeah.
Which isn't a lie.
I've used it for...
But the rest of what you're saying is a lie.
Well, no.
Well, you just inferred that the rest of it was a lie by saying that, didn't you?
Well, I mean, anything we say, any of us could possibly be lying.
This is true.
You know what I'm saying?
But the one thing I can confirm is that A, I'm wearing the helmet,
and B, it's my helmet.
I'm just like rubbing my hand down it.
It's so dusty and filthy.
Like this obviously sits in your garage and hasn't been used for a while.
You can only see that it's dusty and filthy because it's on my head.
You wouldn't have known to rub the helmet.
No, because I can feel it. I just tapped it. You wouldn't have known to rub the helmet. No, because I can feel it.
I just tapped it.
You wouldn't have known to rub the helmet.
What it's doing to me, Phoebe,
is it's actually choking me a little bit
and giving me a bit of a double chin as well.
The chin strap, I've put it too tight.
That's really good luck.
The main reason I grew a beard, Phoebe,
is to hide my double chin.
All right, Phoebe, to win the five-day pass,
you've got to tell us...
Wait, eliminate one person who's definitely not
wearing the helmet.
Well, first of all, can I
just get you all to really quickly try
and lean down and put your heads under your
desks as fast as you can?
Yeah. Okay. Go.
Yep. Yep. Oh, I banged
my head because I stuck my head under the desk,
but I missed.
What do you want us to do now we're down here?
What do you want us to do now we're down here?
Can you come up one at a time, and as you come up, say your name,
but really fast.
Okay.
Okay.
Fletch.
Vaughn.
Ah!
Vaughn.
Hayley.
Does that help?
Would a helmet wearer bring their head up slower?
Is that the idea?
No, you've got the extra inch and a bit on top of your head,
so you're not likely to know exactly where your head ends
and you're more likely to bang it, which is what I did.
Yeah, right.
Phoebe, who's definitely not wearing the helmet?
So I think Hayley is wearing it because her tapping it sounded very helmet-like.
Right. Oh, so you're just going straight to guessing who actually has it on.
Well, this is process of elimination.
Phoebe, we can tell you that.
Thinking out loud.
Are you going to lock in Hayley?
She's definitely wearing it.
No, not yet.
Oh, okay.
She's not done.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Was it Fletch who said that it was your own helmet and it's multi-use?
No, it was Vaughn's helmet.
It was Vaughn.
Okay.
So I can agree with you that it is multi-use,
but you'd get very sweaty if you decided to go skateboarding in it.
You should always skateboard in a helmet.
The footpaths are wildly unforgiving.
And the curb.
100% you should.
But what's the lining like in your helmet there, Fletch?
Oh, just hard.
Hard?
Fletch is famously quite spongy. Oh, I'm just hard. Hard?
Famously quite spongy.
Oh, spongy. Fletch is ready for you to close the investigation, I think. He's just
like, come on, Phoebe. Come on, mate. We're not here all day.
Okay.
Well, I don't think Fletch.
I don't think that's a skateboarding
helmet. It's not going to be hard on the inside.
It's going to be soft and fluffy. I'm just wearing a hat,
Phoebe. You're out.
So is it Vaughn or Hayley?
Lock one in.
This is really tough.
I'm going to go with Hayley.
Best instinct, the tapping.
I feel like a mic would be softer.
Give it a tap.
That's me tapping the helmet on my head, Phoebe. Because she's wearing the helmet.
Congratulations, Phoebe. You've's wearing the helmet. Congratulations.
Phoebe, you've won a five-day multi-pass to Kadrona or Tribble Cone.
Congratulations.
All yours.
Thank you so much.
Hayley, don't take the helmet off.
You look like a lady who cycles to the supermarket but doesn't take the helmet off when she gets to the supermarket
and she does all her supermarket shopping in the helmet.
Reliable days, reliable snow, fewer closed days and more fun
on the slopes from only $75 a day. The sale
ends April 30th.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
So,
in the evenings,
in the night, in the afternoons,
in the PM, in the twilights,
the sunsets, the dusks,
we'll often communicate via email for the dusks We'll often communicate
Via email
For the show
We'll all just send in
A whole bunch of topics
This is what people
Talk about
This is a thing
This is another thing
This is what happened
To me today
Yes
Yeah
Neighbor updates
And the likes
And the like
And Carwen just joined
The show
In official capacity
Last week
She's on the social media desk She's on the social media desk.
She's on the social media desk.
She sends through.
Just make sure and look and drop any bombshells and ruin.
Spoiler alert for the show.
She said, hey, a Dunedin boy's sleepwalked half a kilometre.
Maybe we could talk about what you've done in your sleep.
Great suggestion.
Yeah, great, great suggestion.
Yeah, really strong.
Very on brand.
Newlyweds return home to their house in flames. Phone her what went wrong at your wedding. Yeah, that's great.. Yeah, really strong. Very on brand. Newlyweds return home to their house in flames.
Phone a what went wrong at your wedding.
Yeah.
That's great.
That's great.
Perfect.
The tone is perfect.
People love talking about their weddings.
There's now an app to tell you if what you're posting is racist.
That's good to know.
Good to know.
I mean, if you have to ask, the answer's probably yes.
Yeah.
Sure.
There's going to be a media shower this week.
Oh, okay.
We'll put that in there.
Oh, these are all great things.
Yeah, yeah.
Why have we not talked about the media shower?
Is that on the sheet?
Right.
Michael Keaton to be new Batman.
That's the one I read last night.
I was like, that is adorable.
And immediately a roasting began.
I was going to say, it was pretty much a one-man roast
because no one else was really roasting Carl.
Well, you love Batman.
Oh, man, when I was a kid, I think the Batman movies were some of the
first movies I ever saw at the cinema.
And I was quite scared because they were quite, like, dark,
Tim Burton-esque, Michael Keaton Batman.
But Carlin didn't know that Michael Keaton was Batman.
It was the original movie Batman.
Yeah, this was news to you last night, Carlin, wasn't it?
Yes.
Okay, I'm sorry.
What do you know Michael Keaton from?
Nothing.
He kind of went
quiet and then he had a resurgence like in the
last few years with Birdman.
And the McDonald's one. He was great in the
McDonald's one. The founder?
Yeah, in the McDonald's movie. He was the vulture,
the villain in the first
Spider-Man when they rebooted Spider-Man again.
But in the late 80s 90s, he was huge. Michael Keaton was one of the biggest movie stars in the first Spider-Man when they re-bid Spider-Man again. But in the late, what
was it, late 80s, 90s,
he was huge.
Michael King was.
One of the biggest
movie stars in the world.
Yeah.
And he was Batman.
And he was Batman.
But you'd never known
he was Batman.
No, I wasn't born then.
How old are you?
Defendable, defensible.
22.
So what did you say?
Wait, so does that mean
you were born in like 1999? 98. mean you were born in like
1999
So you were born
after George Clooney was Batman
Did you know George Clooney was Batman?
No
Do you know who Val Kilmer is?
If it's to do with Batman my Batman knowledge is very lost
He was also Batman
I'm just naming everybody that's been Batman
Who out Ben Affleck?
Christian Bale was Batman. Ben Affleck. Did you know
Christian Bale was Batman? No, I know
who that is though, kind of. You didn't know Christian Bale
was Batman? He's the Batman. He would
have been your Batman. I've never seen Batman.
Everybody's, we've never seen a
Batman. Right, that's it. For the rest of
the show, we're not doing anything else. We're just gonna watch
Batman. All of the Batman.
All of the Batman. Yeah.
I was Clooney era
Batman. Right.
You know, the kind of silly,
it was a bit silly. Super campy.
Camp is kind of silly. Can you say camp?
Are you allowed to say camp?
Can we get a check if you're allowed to say camp?
Are you allowed to say camp? You're cancelled.
It was renowned as like the campy Batman era.
And it was who Danny DeVito played the penguin.
So he was in Michael Keaton's Batman.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy in George Clooney's Batman.
Yeah.
But we were talking, so now we're into Batman.
We're doing the Batman, right?
And Carmen's like, look, I didn't know this.
I thought this was going to be his first outing as Batman.
And he's going to be Batman in the Flash movie.
Right.
With Ezra Miller.
Is that his name? Anyway, he's going to be Batman in the Flash movie. Right. With Ezra Miller. Is that his name?
Anyway, he's going to be Batman.
But it got us thinking of, like, what have you kind of just learned?
What did people maybe expect you to know, but you weren't born then?
Yeah.
Yeah, true.
Maybe it wasn't your specialty subject.
Like, Batman obviously isn't Carlin's specialty subject.
Like, Today I Learned.
Yeah. That kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the subreddit.
Today I
Learned. I was today years old when I
learned. Yeah.
What did we just tell
you? Oh, when we were talking
about Schitt's Creek. That the
girl that plays Twyla is Eugene
Levy's daughter and Dan Levy's
sister. Yeah. She's less obvious
looking as a Levy. She doesn't have the brows.
She doesn't have the eyebrows. I'm more of a Levy
than she is. You are more of a Levy than her.
So what did you find out that absolutely
blew your mind and shocked
you, but you probably should have known a lot
sooner? Yeah. Like maybe a
fact or something or maybe something historical
or maybe someone had died and you didn't know.
Oh, I would love to know if would love to learn something about history like a major part of history like maybe you just
learned that the titanic was actually real oh yeah people think that's just a movie don't they yeah
did you know that carlwin all right just check carl and did you know that titanic actually
happened yes okay i've got to check. I've got to check now.
I've got to check everything.
You weren't born in 1997.
Or 1912.
We want to know,
what you've only just learnt recently.
After all this time on Earth,
you've only just learnt this.
Yeah.
Carwin, who's just joined our team,
thought that Michael Keaton was the new Batman,
was brand new to the role of Batman.
Yeah. Not aware he was the Batman., was brand new to the role of Batman. Yeah.
Not aware he was the Batman.
Yeah, now to be fair, he was Batman a long time ago
and she wasn't born when those movies came out.
His costume was very cartoony as well.
I liked his costume.
The latest ones.
We were just talking about George Clooney's Batman had nipples.
Yeah, had hot nips.
So we want to know what you've only just learned.
Rebecca, what have you only just learned?
There are speed cameras on the Harbour Bridge.
What Harbour Bridge?
Auckland Harbour Bridge.
The Auckland Harbour Bridge.
No, there's not.
Yeah, there are.
Yes, there is.
What?
Are you kidding me?
Well, I am not kidding you.
I was doing, despite the fact that the on-ramp where I get on the motorway near my house
says 80 on the big red circular sign,
I always assumed it was 100.
So I was doing 100.
And then I got this ticket.
And I was like, why the hell did you give me a ticket?
And my father was like, well, you were 20 kilometres over the speed limit.
I was like, no, I wasn't.
I always thought the digital signs weren't like,
I thought they were just an indication.
No, no, no.
Because they're digital.
Unless it's a hard sign.
It's exactly like those merge lights.
Yeah, exactly.
My theory is that if it's red and there are no cops around
and there's no camera, go for it.
You know what, Rebecca?
You're the worst kind of Auckland driver.
Yeah.
I've probably been on the road with you and cursed your name.
Even if someone had only just joined the show
and didn't hear a reference in the Harbour Bridge,
they'd already guessed you were an Aucklander
by the way you drove.
I've never seen speed cameras on the Harbour Bridge.
They're right on the middle of the bridge,
right at the top of it.
In the middle lanes or the outside lanes?
No, on the thing that goes over the bridge that you drive.
All of the lanes. All of the lanes. That little the thing that goes over the bridge that you drive. All of the lanes. All of the lanes.
That little metal thing that goes over it
and it has the big black screens on it.
There are little cameras on top of it.
I thought those were just to watch traffic flow.
Same. I don't know your monitoring speed.
Me too. But it turns out,
no, no, you get pinged. There you go.
Well, you learn something every
day. Slow down on the bridge.
Slow down. Yeah. The bridge is famously falling down on the bridge. It's breaking.
Yeah.
The bridge is famously falling apart at the moment. It is unbelievable.
That's why I want to go over it as quick as possible.
Because if it breaks and I'm halfway across,
I need to have gathered enough speed to dukes of hazard over the bat.
Tom, what have you only just learned?
Yeah, good morning, guys.
Good morning.
I just learned that capsicum, there's not three different types.
It's just the same thing.
It's just different phases, yeah.
Different phases of brightness.
Yeah, I learned that.
I always just thought that they were all different, eh?
Yeah, like a red one was a red one and a green one's a green one.
And a yellow and an orange and a...
No, they're just in different phases of their lives.
So is a green one the early one?
Yeah.
Yeah, into yellow.
Yeah, the real young one.
Oh, you don't like that? You don't like the
tart green caps? Come on.
No, I'm a red fan. Very fresh.
I'm a red. Red's very sweet.
I don't mind a yellow.
Sweet. Also sweet. Just to give the stir fry a different
colour.
You've got to eat the colours, Tom.
How many colours have I got in the stir fry? We'll get whatever that one is.
Tom thinks he calls some text messages.
Somebody said, there's a couple here that are a common theme.
I watched The Green Mile for the first time the other day.
Now, I was always aware of The Green Mile,
but didn't want to watch it because I thought it was a little bit scary
because I always assumed it was based on a true story.
No.
Even the part where he was sucking the cancer out of that woman
with the black flies, I was like, that could happen.
And then somebody said, you know this isn't real.
I was like, ah.
And then somebody else said that they just learnt that
Forrest Gump isn't based on a true story.
Aspects of history are in it, but it's fictionalised history.
Victoria, what have you only just learned?
So,
the little piggy who
went to market actually wasn't just
going shopping. He was
going to the meat market, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Have you just learned this now?
No, three days ago.
I text all of my friends that are parents
and told them to never teach their child that.
Well, if the piggy doesn't go to market,
we don't get our delicious bacon.
Oh, but we can go shopping.
It's much more fun.
I think it's weird that one of the piggies has roast beef.
That should be, that's a fun one.
You shouldn't feed pigs meat.
All the meat, actually, may be worse.
Yeah, they'll get a taste for it.
They might need to dissect
this whole thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It does sound a bit out of,
okay, thank you, Victoria.
Why did that pig have rice with it?
Some other,
I just learned,
I was singing Ariana Grande's song,
Thank You, Next,
and I always thought it was bacon and eggs,
and I'd never really listened,
but when I was singing it out loud, someone corrected me,
and I was like, are you kidding me?
You were singing bacon and eggs.
Bacon, eggs.
Thank you, eggs.
I was just yesterday,
I learned that the Falkland Islands are not above Scotland.
Now, whenever I hear about the Falkland Islands war,
I was always like,
well, it must have been near England.
Otherwise, why would they have been involved?
No, it's Argentina.
Yeah.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
I only just learned, like, in the last 18 months,
it's on the other side.
It's on the left, right?
No, when you're looking at it,
it's on the right of South America.
No, it's on the left.
I always thought it was on the left and someone showed me the thing and it, it's on the right of South America. No, it's on the left. I always thought it was on the left, and someone showed me the thing,
and it said it was on the right.
Someone's about to have an absolute...
This is absolutely not my territory at all.
Oh, I love when you look up the Falklands Wall,
there's always lots of pictures of Land Rovers.
Okay, that's beside the point.
I'm zooming out.
Oh, it is on the right.
Yeah, it is.
It's on the right.
See, this is what I just learned.
I always thought it was on the left.
I always thought it was on the left as well.
Why did I think that?
But then that would be Chile.
It's Chile's side of the dangly bit.
It's real close to Antarctica, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
That's why it's so chilly.
I mean, Argentinian, but it's cold.
Yeah.
Some other text messages.
And my wife, whenever she heard the term battery hens, assumed it was a battery powered hen.
Oh no.
But she thought they were toys.
She thought they were toys.
So she thought a toy
was laying an egg.
No, she didn't think they were laying eggs. She just thought
why do people get so concerned about battery hens?
Are they that much of a popular toy?
Obviously never looking into actual photos
of a battery hen.
Someone said, I was 37 when I learned peanuts grew underground.
Yeah, they're a legume, aren't they?
They're a legume, yeah.
There's a bush that grows on the top of the peanut tree.
Nothing on that.
All the peanuts are underground like a potato.
Somebody else said, recently learned flake bars don't mount in the microwave.
What? They don't know if you mount a microwave with flake bars don't mount in the microwave. What?
They don't know if you mount a microwave with flake, it's going to burn.
Are you kidding me?
I don't remember why.
Because it's just cranberry chocolate all over.
They'll crumble all over your t-shirt, won't they?
Absolutely, they will.
Or over your pavlova.
That's where my flakes go.
Um, somebody said, I only learned Eeyore was a donkey.
What was in their mind what animal was? If you could just let us know what animal you learned Eeyore was a donkey. What was in their mind what animal was?
If you could just let us know what animal you thought Eeyore was,
that would be helpful.
Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.
Last night we were watching television and an ad came on
and it's a zhuzhed up ad for honey puffs.
Remember the old ones? It was like, honey puffs. Remember the old ones?
It was like, honey puffs are made to stay fresh, stay something,
stay something all the time.
I keep looking for the honey, honey bees.
Honey puffs are yours and mine.
Yes.
That was like the old one, but now I think the bees rap.
Oh, what?
No, they don't.
Listen up, listen up.
Listen up, we're buzzing in your hood, looking for your flowers.
Can get enough of the honey puffs.
Yeah, yeah, stop spraying past the side.
Yeah, colony collapse is a very real issue for us.
You want honey puffs, bitch?
Put the roundup away, what up?
That's pretty much it now.
Right.
Okay, how does the new ad go? Bitch, put the roundup away. What up? That's pretty much it now. Right. Okay.
How does the new ad go?
Keep looking for the honey, honey bees.
I don't know.
Just a jazzy new version.
And it's the same.
CGI bees.
Is it the same song?
Kind of.
Okay.
It's got a familiar element to it.
Okay.
But it's CGI bees.
Yeah.
Not the old hand-drawn bees.
Oh, yeah.
And anyway, my daughter Indy said to me What do those taste like?
Honey puffs
I said I can't tell you
I've never had honey puffs
And it was almost like
The record went
And she was like
Haven't you?
And Sade's like
Hold on
You're telling me
You've never had honey puffs
I was like
I've never had honey puffs
And she just couldn't believe it
She's like
Growing up
Would you have never
Got honey puffs?
I was like You've met my mother Of course up, would you have never got honey puffs? I was like, you've met my mother.
Of course we wouldn't have got honey puffs.
Yeah, we were the same.
We didn't have any.
I think we had ricey puff puffs.
Ricey.
Which were ripoffs of rice bubbles.
Ricey poof poofs.
Yeah, and you just add like Milo to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make your own.
Make your own Coco Pops.
Coco Pops.
But you'd go Coco Pops before you went Honey Puffs.
Well, that was the thing.
Coco Pops over anything.
On the very rare occasion that we were treated to,
like if we went to our grandparents,
like both sides of my grandparents,
he'd get there and they'd be like,
what cereal do you want?
If we were staying there for a week,
we'd be like, Coco Pops.
Like the words couldn't get out of our mouth fast enough.
Yeah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And so they'd buy you Coco Pops.
If you were given the option
of a bougie cereal
outside of your traditional
rolled oats,
Weet-Bix,
or Corn Flakes.
You would never have opted
for Honey Puffs.
That's madness.
There's Fruit Loops too.
Don't forget Fruit Loops.
Oh no, that was a no-no.
No, no, we weren't allowed that.
We weren't allowed them.
They were just colour and sugar.
Two things that young Vaughn
had adverse reactions to.
I think I'd left home by the time I had fruit.
I was like 17 or 18 because I could buy them myself.
I'm a big boy now.
I'm having my bowl of fruit loops.
Honeypuffs, not for me.
Nah.
I had them.
They're not crunchy, but they're not soft.
They're yuck.
They taste like they're stale.
Yeah, they are disgusting.
Oh, that's not for me.
I'm glad I've never had them.
And then add milk and you're just like,
it's like you're eating those rice cakes.
They're like, oh, yeah, no.
Yeah, that's...
Do you know what I mean?
And the honey makes them...
I've never even really seen them in person.
What do they look like?
What are they, a puff?
What are they puffs like?
Is it a corn puff?
It kind of looks like a round popcorn. Is that what they look like? What are they? A puff? What are they puffs like? Is it a corn puff? It kind of looks like a round popcorn.
Ay. Is that what they look like
from memory? Is that what they've honey flavoured?
Corn? A honey puff.
Maze? Yeah, probably. A kernel of
corn? Wheat.
It's a wheat. Right.
It's weird though that you haven't tried it at least.
Never had a honey puff. You've never encountered it.
Never had a honey puff. And then we got into the
honey puffs got a good half hour of our lives last night.
We were talking about honey puffs
and then we were like, shut up.
I said, how often would you have them?
And she's like, not very often.
And I said, did you buy them because of the advertising?
And she said, probably.
And I said, and then we got into like,
why are they still advertising?
Surely the company that owns honey puffs
would be better to spend their money
on another brand worth advertising.
Because honey puffs has been around long enough
that if you're going to eat Honey Puffs,
you're already eating Honey Puffs.
But I think they're newly re-advertising.
Yeah, but why bother?
Yeah, because they haven't advertised for ages
and now the Honey Puffs ad is back and remade.
Right.
I'm on board.
No.
Wait, you're not on board? No, I'm on board. No. Wait, you're not on board?
No, I'm on board with you.
Oh, yeah, good.
Don't bother.
Welcome aboard to HMS.
Why are you wasting your money advertising honey puffs?
Yeah, look, now it's all gone modern.
Honey puffs got a backwards cap.
You're surfing a honey puff.
Get a grip.
Bees can't surf.
They can wear hats.
I've got wings. Why would they surf? That's very true. If I could fly, I'd give a surf. They can wear hats. I've got wings.
Why would they surf?
That's very true.
If I could fly, I'd give a surf.
Very good point.
Right.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Yuck.
Yeah, yuck.
Plain-ass.
Do you know what's the worst one?
Plain-ass puffed wheat.
What's that one?
Nutri-grain.
Nutri-grain.
Thank you.
Instantly got it.
I used to eat Nutri-grain when I was younger.
But did you do the required amount of exercise after eating?
No, absolutely not.
That insane amount of sugar?
Absolutely not.
My mum used to buy it for my brother and honestly,
I found the taste of it was feral.
It was nicer than honey puffs.
I thought you were going to say it had niacin in it.
And I was like, okay, go on.
Corn, oats and wheat.
Is that what's in Nutri-Grain?
Yeah.
Corn?
Iron Man food.
Corn?
Gross.
Why is everyone sneaking corn into everything all of a sudden?
I don't know.
If I'm eating corn, I want it on a cob.
Or popped.
Yes.
Yes.
Or in a toasted sandwich that's going to burn my mouth badly.
Yeah, creamed.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Watch this professional padding as we wait for the Prime Minister
to call through on the hotline.
I shall sit back and observe and learn.
A little bit of padding.
No, you were meant to be involved in the padding.
You can be involved in the padding.
I can pad.
Yeah.
It's a light.
What I'm looking at at the moment light to moderate padding
I don't think it's going to
require heavy padding
right well it is
10 minutes exactly
to 8 o'clock
and she is meant to call through
at any moment
however
if she's been doing
other media this morning
they may have been
quite
that's working again
that's what we've got to talk about
in about an hour's time
I've got a
I've got a big problem
Vaughn yeah Vaughn does have a big problem I've got a huge I've got to talk about in about an hour's time. I've got a big problem.
Vaughn?
Yeah, Vaughn does have a big problem.
I've got a huge, huge problem.
It's a first world problem.
I do not want to hear you complain about how your Apple Watch is not working.
It's not working, guys, but there's more to it. It's a multi-pronged story.
You think it's going in one direction, and then it'll pull you in another.
You're down the rabbit hole of trying to fix your own device.
I'm talking to somebody online.
No, you're talking to a robot online.
Do you think it's a robot?
They're a very clever robot.
Those little chat bots that pop up, if they're real or not.
Yeah, same.
Because I think when they respond too fast, I'm like, robot.
Yeah.
You're not listening to me?
You're pulling out keywords.
Sade Rung went online to cancel Sky.
Oh, yeah.
Finally.
What are you, a boomer?
I have been fighting to get rid of it for a long time.
And she's like, oh, I'm chatting to somebody.
I'm like, you're chatting to a bot.
And she's like, no, no, no, no, it's somebody.
They're answering.
I was like, Sade, you have no idea how clever chatbots are these days. Yeah. Ask it're chatting to a bot. And she's like, no, no, no, no. It's somebody. They're answering. I was like, shut up. You have no idea how clever chatbots are these days.
Yeah.
Ask it if it's a bot.
And she's like, I'm not asking if it's a bot.
That's insulting to the person on the other end.
I said, it's not.
It's definitely not a person.
Yeah.
I'll tell you that much right now.
Did she ask?
So she went through a series of things.
And then she's like, yeah, so we want to cancel it.
And they were like, oh, like, what's your number?
What's your membership number?
Yeah.
And she's like, see, a robot couldn't ask that.
I'm like, the robot is getting all the information it needs.
And then it said, okay, someone from our team will be in touch.
They'll call you on your number.
Is this still your number?
And she's like, see, a robot wouldn't have known my number.
I said, it's in your account.
It's in your account.
It's a clever robot.
So then we had a furious debate about how clever chat robots had been.
And then I made her sit down and watch furious debate about how clever chat robots had been. Right. And then I made her sit down
and watch me Google about how smart
chat robots are. It was
raining yesterday. She was very
very sick of me by the time we went to bed.
Do you guys remember Smarter Child?
On MSN Messenger? No.
And you used to be able to, you'd say something
in an MSN Messenger and you used to
be able to just chat with a bot.
Like back in the early, early 2000s.
You didn't have many friends, did you?
Like if you went on MSN Messenger and nobody was online,
you would
chat with a bot.
My dude, I'm so sorry to hear that.
No, I used Messenger like in the
peak of my emo times, just
before my gothiness.
And my, you know,
he could have an MSC name.
He had all the like little.
Yeah, yeah.
Symbols and squiggly bits and a tilled sign.
Yeah, it was always like, my black bleeding heart dies for you.
Tilled, tilled.
Like 13, 14 years old.
All right.
Are we being stood up by the prime minister?
Are we being stood up?
They don't know where she is.
He doesn't know where she is.
Back in my days of the early MSN Messenger was,
you rung,
no, she can wait now.
And if none of your friends were online,
you disconnected as quickly as possible
because that shit was constant.
You didn't want to say.
Yeah, we're going to get you out of here.
You didn't want to say.
All right, well.
Joining us on the phone,
good morning to the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern.
What is it?
How are you?
Man, you missed it because you were on the phone with somebody else
or whatever, but everybody listening just witnessed some padding,
like some absolute professional padding.
Sorry, sorry.
I think I'm three minutes late.
I'm so sorry.
No, that's okay.
If there's a radio award entry for, like, best padding whilst waiting for guests, I think we just won that one. Yeah, we did. No, no, okay. If there's a radio award entry for best padding whilst waiting for guests,
I think we just won that one.
Yeah, we did.
No, no, no.
Please don't apologise.
It was a thing to watch, I tell you why.
As a new person to radio,
I had an absolute schooling just now.
I'm talking shit.
And Hayley didn't even know she was padding,
but she was padding.
But anyway, the padding's over.
Let's get to the meat of the situation.
What's the vibe?
What's the vibe check at the moment? We've got to do of the situation. What's the vibe? What's the vibe check at the moment?
We've got to do a vibe check.
What's your vibe?
Oh, good, actually.
I mean, I'm still, you know, really excited about the fact
that we've got that next phase for us of, you know,
bringing back a bit more normal with Australia coming back in.
So, yeah, I'm still really, really excited about what happened at the beginning of the week.
So that's a personal vibe and sort of a national vibe.
Well, that's a bit of both, I guess, yeah.
Okay, cool.
So when you got the news yesterday about the case, were you like, oh, not now, not day two of the bubble?
No, I mean, look, it's New Zealand's luck is a little bit skew-whiff on these things.
So I have to say, I don't know whether or not I always, you know,
I'm always prepared for things like that to happen to us.
But actually looking pretty straightforward,
someone who's routinely tested is being picked up in routine testing.
They've had both their vaccinations.
And one of the reasons that's important,
it's not because the vaccine stops you getting COVID.
It's really good at stopping you from getting sick from it.
And it's also, we believe, at this early stage,
so waiting for all the research overseas to come in,
at this stage, we believe it also reduces the likelihood of you passing it on.
So that's another reason we look at that.
There was a lot of that online yesterday, Jacinda,
people saying, see, I told you the vaccine doesn't work.
No, no.
So what the research tells us is 95% effective
at preventing symptomatic onset.
So that's just a technical way of saying really good
at making sure that unlike when most people get COVID,
they get unwell and some people get really unwell. It's very good at making sure that unlike when most people get COVID, they get unwell and some people
get really unwell. It's very
good at stopping that. And so you'll
remember we had a cleaner a while ago
and
I believe she was a mist cleaner who
was also vaccinated.
No symptoms.
We picked her up through our routine testing.
So it stops people getting
really sick and that's the really important part.
We don't want people to die.
So that's what the vaccine's doing for us.
So if it makes, I was just thinking about it.
You said it reduces the spread of it, even if someone does have it.
That's what we believe.
Yeah.
Even if it reduces their symptoms and they're not coughing and spluttering,
then they're not blinded in people's faces.
That's exactly right.
That's got to help.
You're spot on.
That's exactly why we believe it's likely to.
The reason it's hard for us to know that piece of information
is because most countries in the world aren't testing vaccinated people.
They're testing people who are symptomatic.
And if you're not having symptoms, you might still have COVID,
but that's not being picked up.
So we are picking up some interesting things in New Zealand because of just the environment
we're in. And the person that had COVID that worked at the airport was working
on what was called the red zone. Is that right? So they cleaned flights
and so they go on and clean the planes after we all disembark.
So they're cleaning the planes, including the planes
that are coming in from, you know, obviously countries that are carrying people who might have COVID.
So, again, we always talk about the fact that the most common way to get COVID is person to person.
But because New Zealand, we are so free of COVID, we're picking up really interesting things including when people are picking it up
from non-human to human context.
Yeah. Right.
Today,
the government announcing a significant
and I'm reading the headline here, a once in a generation
health shake-up. Yeah.
Could you give us like a little... Crystals!
Crystals.
Everybody's getting a wellness crystal.
It's amethyst and zinc.
Your Himalayan salt lamp.
Yes. Give one of those a lick.
And just more indoor plants, really
purifying the air.
I didn't see that in the speech,
but now that you mention it, a real missed opportunity
there. We'll just get it in next time.
Rose quartz.
Do you know, the really basic
and so without giving away too much from, because we haven't quite, I think it's
Andrew Little is giving that announcement as we speak.
The thing that for us is, we have an amazing health system
but there are bits of it that don't work really well. And
for us it's about saying, well, no matter where you live in New Zealand, no matter where you live,
you should expect to get, you know,
the same high-quality health care as anyone else.
That's not really happening the way our system works at the moment.
And also, you know, certain population groups are worse off.
So for cancer in New Zealand, if you're Maori,
you're going to have a worse outcome for every type of cancer
with the exception of melanoma.
So there are things in our system that aren't fair,
aren't working well, and it needs a good shake-up.
And COVID also taught us that as well.
Awesome.
Well, I like you gave us a little bit.
It's quite big.
It's quite big.
Didn't rain on Daddy Fix Next Parade there.
You're going to let him have his big announcement.
I am, I am.
But just to give you some context, that's why
it is big, because we just think we need to reorganise
the whole thing. Cool. Alright, well
thanks for the updates and
good to know on the vibe, actually.
Good to know on the vibe. You'll all be
googling health reforms after this.
Oh, heck yeah. I'm looking forward to my salt lamp.
Yeah, same. Thanks for the advice.
I've got a bit of a scratchy throat.
Sniffing amethyst.
Pre-purchase the yoga mat, guys. Yeah, get a yoga mat.
Get stretching.
Prime Minister, thank you.
Well, it's been a fair few days
now since the funeral of Prince Philip,
but it still stings
to think about.
But there was a photo released,
which, I don't know why it's really making me giggle.
This absolutely tickled me yesterday when I saw it.
I know.
So, you know, Prince Philip basically designed the whole funeral himself,
from the car to the music to, you know, what everything looks like.
But he also organised, personally arranged,
for the son photographer, Arthur Edwards, to take the photos of the funeral.
The official photos for publication.
And they organised for him a special hiding spot so that all the photos weren't murkied by a photographer.
Yeah.
And what they did was they built these fake pillars
and honestly they look like a high school production set.
Yeah.
Of Spartacus.
Like is that what kind of pillars?
Is that like a bit of a Greek pillar?
So it's like these things here that are out the front,
they're like, they're made to look like stone.
Yeah, like a turret.
And if you look in there,
that's the photographer hiding through it and then his people. They've like, they're made to look like stone. Yeah, like a turret. And if you look in there, that's the photographer hiding through it.
And then his people. They've like cut a hole.
Cut a rectangle for him to look out of.
Like a pink tom at a funeral.
He's like a duck hunting my-my.
So if you look at it, like it looks like there's no photographer.
And then you see the photo that he got.
It's super up close.
Oh, yeah, wow.
Right by the door of going in with the coffin.
And he's hiding.
Like he would have been there for so long on his like crouching
because they're low.
They're not standing right.
He would have been there crouching with his little camera, absolutely.
The minute I would have got in there, I would have needed to go wheeze.
Now this is a lifelong problem I've had with a good hide.
The minute I find the spot, I get into the spot, I'm like, got it.
Perfect spot.
And then I just automatically need to go wheeze.
That's why your private investigation firm hasn't taken off.
I've missed so many murders because I had to go wheeze.
The photographer, Arthur Edwards, he said,
when his coffin went past my hidey hole.
Is that a euphemism?
I'm quoting a word for word.
When his coffin went past my hidey hole
and into the chapel,
my last sight of the man I photographed for 40 years,
I was overwhelmed with memories of an incredible man.
It was a hidey hole.
At a funeral?
And this was organised by Philip himself.
Would you have a hidey hole at a wedding?
No, but photographers at weddings,
they're blocking the view all the time.
Yeah.
First kiss, they're right there.
Yeah.
But then you want those photos, don't you?
Some people have the hidey hole photographer for the engagement
because it'll be a surprise engagement.
They want somebody to be like,
hide in that cutty grass.
Hide in the cutty grass. Photographer's like, oh, I can't fit. They're like to be like, hide in that cutty grass. Hide in the cutty grass.
Photographer's like,
ow, I can't fit.
They're like, get in.
Get in your hidey hole.
Kicking them into the cutty grass.
Yeah.
Get into that toy toy.
It's such a funny image to me
amidst so many,
amongst so much sadness
is just a little man squatting
and peeping out a hidey hole
waiting for a coffin to come past.
That's the question
we want to ask you now this morning.
As an adult, when have you had to hide?
I do it as a gag sometimes.
Okay.
Like if you guys were to pop out, maybe I'll hide under the desk.
Hide under the desk, yeah.
You know?
Or hide in a cupboard if you know someone's going to open the cupboard.
And yeah, give them the old blah.
Didn't you hide from some door knockers recently?
Oh, no, when we lived in suburbia, we had a tall fence, so that was fine.
They couldn't see that you were in there.
But then they'd walk down the neighbour's long driveway.
The fence got shorter.
And you'd see them and you'd be like, hide.
And you'd be against the wall.
And you'd be like, don't.
No, don't.
Don't move.
It's like we were treating Jehovah Witnesses like they were the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.
We're like, don't move. My kids are like flashing the torchhovah Witnesses like they were the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. We're like, don't move.
My kids are like flashing the torch on and off.
I'm like, turn off the torch.
The little thing.
Very heavy, very heavy footed Jehovah Witnesses.
But yeah, you'd just be like up against the wall.
Yeah.
The thing you're overlooking is that Jehovah Witnesses
have very good sense of smell
and they can smell you hiding in the lounge.
You always hear them
by the door.
Yeah.
Scratching under the door
like the rap duels
in Jurassic Park.
Guys, I've watched
a lot of Jurassic Park recently.
Yeah.
Under the door,
they're clever girl.
I'll get you.
So, 0800DARLS.N
We want to take your calls.
Text as well, 9696.
When have you had to hide out
as an adult?
Maybe you've gone on a stakeout
to like find a cheating boyfriend
or a partner and you've had to hide
in the car or something. I did a lot of hiding
when I was a late teenager
for different reasons.
What?
During the... Did somebody come home?
Just some visits. Really?
We're talking about hiding as an
adult. A photographer
at Prince Philip's funeral
was in these
like makeshift
hidey holes
that were made
especially for the day
so the photographer
wasn't in the photos
but could get good photos.
Yeah.
So as an adult
when you hide
it's weird isn't it?
Well you're so much bigger
when you're a kid
you're like
I'm going to hide
under this bed
and you're like
straight under
and then you're as an adult you're like I'm going to hide under this bed. And you're like, zhoop, straight under. And then as an adult, you're like, I'm going to hide under this bed.
I'm stuck.
Shadi, help.
If someone sits on this bed, I'm squashed.
Yeah.
Also, as an adult, you're just allowed to do anything you want.
You know what I mean?
I feel like as a teenager or a kid, you're hiding because you've been naughty or something like that.
But as an adult, you're like, don't tell me what to do.
So as an adult, when have you had to hide?
Anonymous, what happened?
Oh, basically, there were some robbers who broke into my house.
Yeah.
And I basically had to hide in the bathroom for a bit.
What?
And eventually, I couldn't hear them leaving or didn't know they were in the house.
So I unscrewed my window for the bathroom and got out the house and phoned the police.
Wow.
Was your heart racing?
Were you terrified they were going to come into the bathroom?
Oh, basically, yeah.
So I was trying to see if they were going to leave and basically, well, I had to get out.
I just didn't want to stay there.
What did they take?
Lucky they didn't need some hand soap
or some shampoo and conditioner.
Yeah, what did they steal?
Oh, there was a laptop and phone, some electronics.
The usual.
It was pre-COVID, so they weren't off to the toilet paper.
Fair enough.
That would have been a hot property.
Oh, my gosh.
That would have been very scary.
I would be so scared.
Oh, yeah, definitely. But luckily, it's once. I would be so scared. Oh yeah, definitely.
But luckily it's once off and didn't happen
again. So that's good. Yeah, nice.
Good hiding, good hiding. Yeah, good hiding as an
adult. Thank you, Anonymous. Nikki, when did you
have to hide as an adult?
So I was with my
boyfriend at the time and he was on his
restricted. Okay. And we
were driving
and he spotted his dad coming towards us.
And he made me hide under, you know, where you put your feet,
like where the glove box is.
Yeah, they fit well, yeah.
Under there.
And then his dad pulled up next to him,
and I had to awkwardly, like, get out of the hiding spot,
sit on the seat, and meet his dad for the first time.
Oh, no. Oh no.
The shame.
And you weren't wearing a seatbelt.
Everybody knows if you're carrying passengers on, you're restricted,
you put them in the boot.
If you get pulled over, you won't be seen.
Exactly.
Nice. And Nikki, thanks, you called some text messages.
I never had a girlfriend to put in the boot
when I was on my restricted seat.
Be like, oh yeah, no, no, sweet as a year, we'll go to the movies. One catch, you've got to put in the boot when I was on my restaurant. They're like, oh, yeah, no, no, sweet as a yeah, we'll go to the movies.
One catch, you've got to go in the boot.
Yeah.
Some other text messages about it.
Somebody said, at my old job, we had a very creepy customer
who used to try to look for my workmate.
Oh, yeah.
One day he showed up and asked where she was.
She usually sat behind me, so I turned around and she disappeared.
And I was like, I don't know where she's gone.
And he went around, he went like looking for her.
And then when he left, I found her hiding in the pantry.
She was very squeezed in there too.
She did really well to get in there so quickly.
And also, I feel like that's when you ask the boss to ban that person from coming to your shop.
Yeah, or get a restraining order.
Or your workplace.
Somebody else said, I'm an early childhood teacher
and I've hidden way too many times in hide and seek.
It's always so anticlimactic and boring.
Save the teachers.
We hate hide and seek, especially when kids just give up before they find you.
Oh, yeah.
You're sitting there being like, are we still playing?
Are we still playing?
Yeah.
I'm here.
Should I do this?
Someone said,
I hid out in a tree hut for two days.
That was actually quite a little adventure.
No backstory as to why they hid in a tree hut for two days.
Why?
I need to know why.
We'd love to know more about that.
My sister and I were at a friend's house
and thought someone was trying to break in,
so we hid.
And then in a panic started making weird
noises to try to scare them.
We were like,
It turned out they were construction workers.
Oh, right.
They just got on with the job that they were
hired to do.
Somebody else said, I once
thought I had a great hiding place. I
dove under a table and I was like, they're never going to find me under here.
And then I looked up, it was a glass top table.
So I had to scatter and find another place to hide, but I got caught.
Oh dear.
That's a great hiding as adults.
Flesh, fauna, Megan.
The podcast.
ZM.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Today's fact of the day is about cats.
Yes.
And their nipples.
Okay.
How many nipples does a cat have?
Boy or girl? Do boys have nipples. Okay. How many nipples does a cat have? Boy or girl?
Do boys have nipples?
Yeah, my boy cat, he over-grooms his nipples.
A bit of nipple stimulation.
Over-grooms them?
Yeah, so he like rips out all the fur around his nips.
So he's got exposed nips.
Oh, really?
How many nips does he have?
Two.
Maybe they were overheating.
Maybe.
He's very fluffy on the belly. What about Major Murray Fluffington? Check the nip. I think I've seen a nips. Oh really? How many nips does he have? Two. Maybe they were overheating. Maybe. He's very fluffy on the belly.
What about Major Murray Fluffington? Check the nip.
I think I've seen a nip.
Right, you've seen a nip. I've seen our nip but they're very covered because he's very fluffy.
He's real fluffy. Well I will tell you
male cats and female cats have the same amount
of nipples. No they don't. No they don't.
They do but
there's more to this fact.
So female cats, let Okay, so female cats
Let's concentrate on female cats
How many nipples does a female cat have?
Is it six?
I want to say six or eight
Six for the bubbers?
Here it is
Some cats can have four nipples
Some cats have six nipples
Some cats have
Eight nipples
And some cats have ten nipples. Yeah. Some cats have eight nipples. Oh. And some cats have ten nipples.
Ten nipples.
It varies.
It varies from cat to cat.
It can be as few as four or as many as ten.
Imagine if humans were like that and I just took my shirt off and I had eight nips.
But you only had two.
Yeah, I think I'm happy with two.
People talk about the third nipple, but it's not a functioning nipple.
They have rows of nipples, the cats, two rows.
That's why it's generally an even number.
But if your cat has an odd number of nipples, that's no harm, no foul.
Yeah, right.
That doesn't affect the cat's health.
And male cats are the same.
Male cats have different amounts of nipples.
I'm going to go home and count Major Murray Fluffington's nipples.
Rolly's definitely got two.
But maybe I'll find some further up. You're going to find some
more. His are quite low down.
You can only see them because he's
over groomed.
He's aggressively over groomed. I've never even
seen our cats.
We've got two male cats. I've never seen
their nipples. Hairy underneath.
Never gone looking for them. Theyy underneath. Yeah, right.
Never gone looking for them.
They won't let you touch their belly.
They would for like a little bit, but I could all go horribly wrong.
You've got a split second before your hand is shredded.
You have to really...
Now Raleigh's open.
Yeah, same.
He loves it.
Yeah.
Well, he over grooms it, so, you know.
Yeah, he loves the belly.
He probably doesn't mind a bit of a nipple tweak.
Nipple tweak. Nipple tweak.
Nipple tweak during a belly scratch.
Yeah, so today's fact of the day is cats have different amounts of nipples.
There's no set amount.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I've been here for about three months now,
which seems absurd, covering Megan on her maternity leave.
And you would have noticed,
and I think it really tickles you, Fletch in particular, how much I love promos, how much I love radio,
you know, the fuel, the free fuel.
Secret Sound.
I love the beat, the bomb, the secret sound.
The day we gave away Secret Sound and you weren't here,
we got a message.
It was like, F you.
You know I wanted to be there.
We're like, we could unhelp it when the person gets it right.
You should have told them to wait.
She's very angry.
But one of my absolute favorites
is of course coming up the long weekend group toot yes on friday it gets my heart racing it
absolutely i just it brings a christmas grin to my face but i did think um you know you've done
it a couple of times now and i and i did think that it needed a bit of a shake up. Okay. Perhaps a bit of rebranding. I am leaving soon
and I wanted to leave my mark
on your show.
So me and some of our team
have worked on a little something
to share with you now.
Because I've been sent a Vimeo link.
Yeah.
So there's something to watch
as well as listen to.
Is that correct?
Indeed.
So Fletch, you can watch.
You two can watch.
Okay.
And listeners, you can listen.
This is the new Long Weekend Group Toot theme song.
Can I say this is very presumptuous?
This is a round to stay.
This is the new Long Weekend Group Toot theme song.
It's called I'm Horning.
Wow. Continuing this spray of'm Horning. Wow.
Continuing this spree of complaints that I've had.
Learning what's appropriate to say on commercial radio.
Okay, hold on.
Volume up.
I think this is all right.
Can you see any problems here before I press play?
No, it looks fine.
Because I'm going to press play and the mute's going to be on.
You're up.
Yeah, we're ready to go.
We're ready to go.
Oh, my God.
That was gratuitous. But I can't find the telephone I sent a message through the internet But it rejected
I wrote a letter and I sent it with a post
The post, it takes so long
So I've got to sing this song
To let you know how I feel
What's the deal, baby?
And I can't wait for you
And the things you make me do
My heart is ringing
So I'm singing this song for you
I'm horning, horning, horning, horning
So horning
I'm horning, horning, horning
I'm horning, horning, horning, horning
So horning
I'm horning, horning, horning in the morning
That is your new long weekend group two theme song. I love it. Hor morning in the morning. That is your new long weekend group two theme song.
Oh, I love it.
Morning in the morning.
And the video's great as well.
Absolutely.
You've got a steering wheel there.
That will be up online for everyone to enjoy.
But that was particularly for you.
Wow.
That's lovely.
Love it.
It's up now, in fact.
It's up now on the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan social media.
There we go.
Check it out.
I love that.
That is so great.
You have no idea how hard I had to make sure I was saying horning.
Horning.
I did notice you did over.
New Zealand as well.
Horning.
I'm horning.
Love it.
But yeah, I'm really fizzed for the long weekend group too,
coming up on Friday.
Yeah, 8 o'clock.
Hold on.
My dad's messaged. on. My dad's.
Oh, dad's messaged.
Okay.
My first review.
She is so, so clever.
That's good.
That's a good review from him.
It's been a while since a live feedback from my dad on the show.
Oh, bless you.
Yeah, fantastic.
All right, well, the Long Week in Group 2, now with its new theme song.
Make sure you join us from 8 o'clock on Friday.
Now for the story, to get the full effect,
I need to take you back 11 months ago.
Okay.
You may remember lockdown, six weeks lockdown,
which I loved.
But I also was that person that's not like,
you know what, this is lockdown.
I'm not going to like freak out about not being able to go to the gym.
You know, I'm going to get outside if the opportunity presents itself.
But I'm also not going to say no to snacks.
I feel like we all need snacks.
And I came out the end of lockdown a little bit heavier than I went in.
Yeah, same.
I reckon I smashed so many mint.
I went through a bit of a mint slices.
Those mint slices phases
during that six week lockdown.
That was so bad.
We were like,
chips,
and then like,
you can't go to bed on the savoury,
so you have to have a bit of sweet,
and then you have a little bit more savoury.
Snacks all day,
because there's nothing to do.
Insane amount,
like there was a lot of drinking.
Yep.
I just feel like,
you couldn't go out,
so you're doing your drinking at home,
and then,
well you can't leave that bottle of wine half drunk,
because it'll go to vinegar. So, you should just at home. And then, well, you can't leave that bottle of wine half drunk because it'll go to vinegar.
So you should just eat it.
And then I got onto like stews.
I was making like big stews.
Yeah, same.
Because I had the time.
Coming up with different recipes, breads and stuff, baking.
Never made my own bread in my life.
And the KGs piled on.
They got on.
Piled.
Of lockdown.
Folded on.
Me and the KGs rolled upon us.
The KGs just rolled in like the tide.
So at the end of it, myself and three mates, we were really close friends.
We all kind of encouraged each other.
We were all going to do it.
Over a month, how much weight could you lose?
Oh, yeah, okay.
And we were saying, what did you do for
activity today?
When you started the challenge, did you all have
to weigh yourself? Yes, and we had to take a photo of
Did you put some rocks in your pocket?
Because that's a little handy
tip if you're doing an office weight loss
challenge. Rocks in the pocket.
Put heavy stuff in your undies.
You drink as much water as you can in an hour
or two leading up to the biggest loser weigh-in.
And then already that day, you're off to a 2kg winning start.
Yeah, the next day it's gone.
Boom.
No, but we were just kind of being honest about it.
Yeah.
But then...
Honesty.
Boring.
Fascinating.
It's a fascinating take.
Yeah.
So I was using my Apple Watch to keep a tally of like
calories burnt
so if you were going
to go for a run
you'd be like
outdoor run
away I go
and it's called
closing the circles
there's a stand circle
so you've got to stand
for at least one minute
every hour
for 12 hours of the day
that's why sometimes
during the show
your watch will just beep
and Vaughan will stand up
I'll stand
I'll push my chair away
and I'll stand
which they love
at the social media desk
because they have to
follow you with the camera
keep them on their toes and then there's another circle and that's how many I'll push my chair away and I'll stand. Which they love at the social media desk because they have to follow you with the camera.
I keep them on their toes.
Yeah.
And then there's another circle and that's how many minutes
of exercise you did that day.
Yeah.
So when you go for a run
it just automatically starts counting.
So there are three rings to close.
And the outside one
is calories burnt.
Right.
And that's just for monitoring
your heart rate and stuff.
So at the start of that challenge
I closed all three rings
every day for that month.
Yeah.
And won.
I won the challenge.
Oh, yay.
Granted, most of them stopped doing it about two weeks in,
but I'm very stubborn and I really like winning things.
You are.
So then at the end of that, I was like, I've done that for a month.
I could probably do it for another month.
Well, they say three weeks is the amount of time to get a routine, right?
Yes.
Break a routine and start a routine.
And then even like when we went into other lockdowns,
if I couldn't go to the gym or whatever,
I would go for a run or I'd do like a big walk with the family.
I'd do some exercise.
You were closing rings every day.
I did it for two months in a row.
I was like, there's no reason I can't go for 100 days,
which is just over three months.
I had 100 days.
I'm like, 100 days.
Smashing goals.
There was a couple of days in there where I didn't feel like doing it, but I did it anyway. You wanted to close the rings. I got to 200 days. I'm like, 100 days. Smashing goals. There was a couple of days in there where I didn't feel like doing it,
but I did it anyway.
You wanted to close the rings.
I got to 200 days.
Wow.
And I was like, I could do a whole year.
Yeah.
And as of today, I am at 335 days in a row, closing all three rings.
Oh, so close.
There's been days where I've been hung over.
I've like, I've gots to.
Yeah.
I've gots to do something.
So I've been out and done something.
I'm 30 days away.
Do you know what happened last night?
What?
My Apple Watch died.
You're not going to close the rings today.
I've got no, hold on.
Sometimes it makes a noise.
As to what's not in the moment.
So the display got a bright white line down the side.
I sent you a photo.
I was like, has yours done this?
What's the vibe?
And then literally like five minutes later, it was just like gone.
Vaughn sent some very panicky messages to me last night,
like I was some kind of Apple tech service desk.
Help.
Help me, Apple genius.
What do I do?
Help me.
So, yeah, I went to the gym before work this morning
because we've got some stuff happening after work.
And I like tried to get it to do things. went to the gym before work this morning because we've got some stuff happening after work and I
like tried to get it to do
things but look, so I've done 64
minutes exercise but
I've definitely burnt more than 600
calories. 1400 calories is my goal
every day. I've definitely, because I was
keeping a tally on the machines that I was working on
and it was like 1600 by the time
I left the gym. No, this is from today.
So it's monitoring that something's happening,
but not the full experience of the workout.
You're not going to close the ring.
You know what?
I am.
I'm going to go and buy a new one.
I am not falling short of the 365 days.
I don't give a goddamn.
Nothing's going to stop me.
What are you going to do with your broken one?
I'm going to send it in to get fixed.
And then what?
And then when it gets fixed, I'm going to give it to Sade.
But why don't you just do the same amount of exercise knowing that you would have closed the ring? Exactly. It's not going to send it in to get fixed. And then what? When it gets fixed, I'm going to give it to Sade. But why don't you just do the same amount of exercise
knowing that you would have closed the ring?
Exactly.
It's not going to get...
I have, but it's not going to be in there.
But your body is still getting the physical effects.
It's not going to be...
I'm not going to get the badge, the achievement.
The numbers are all going to be gone.
He's hot.
I know.
135 days every day.
It's like, congratulations, you got your longest move strength.
It's 300 and then we're going to have 300.
And then the fact that you're fit, you're looking good, you're feeling good.
Yeah.
Do you want to borrow my watch and just reset it?
Reset it to me.
And then you can use mine while yours gets fixed.
And then close those rings.
Because I don't care that much about not wearing my watch.
I would absolutely like love, I'd owe you one.
So you can close your ring.
So I can close the rings.
Let's do that.
And you've got a backup on your phone,
and I've got a backup on my phone.
And then all I've got to do is close these goddamn rings.
Well, this thing's been sent away.
I get to continue my streak.
That's the nicest thing you've ever offered to do for me.
Vaughn is genuinely quite overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed by your act of compassion.
Wow.
Okay.
That would be so kind of you.
I've got to get my 365
days. We'd hate to get in the way of that.
There were days where we went on holiday and
they were eating and the drink and I was like,
I've got to do something. Because of the rings.
Because I've got the rings.
And then what do I do when I get to 365?
I kind of almost wish
I hadn't offered now because just to
see what would happen tomorrow.
Yeah, I think you need a break.
Just so you know that the rings
aren't controlling you. The rings aren't controlling
me. I'm not Smeagol. I'm not like
Malpoint. You look very red in the face.
I can give it up anytime I want.
Or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hit music lives here.
ZM.