ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 23rd February 2021

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

PUPPIES!!!Top 6: Ways to slow people down  MIQ Security  Tom Sainsbury!  Vaughans New Friend  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. My five McCafe coffees get one free on the Maccas app. Generally, this is the time where we, just before we start, we say, oh, what should we do for the podcast intro? Because it doesn't have to fit the normal rules and regulations of broadcast. No. Fuck.

Yep. Fuck that. Say that if you want. Yep. I was going to say the C word, didn't i stopped saying it's not classy unless you're using it as a compliment uh spoiler alert though we we are gonna spell great on the show today and there are puppies in today's podcast yeah they're having a little they're having a little fight with a piece of string to take a war over a little broken lanyard or something well

producer jared has floated something that we can talk about in the podcast intro we have no idea what this is no idea uh and if it's terrible, we will quickly cut back from the producer's booth and change tact. And fire him immediately. And fire him immediately. Producer Jared. Good morning. Good morning.

So buckle yourselves up because... Buckle your seatbelts. Buckle yourselves. Strap yourselves in. Strap yourselves in, yep. Either or. I would like everyone's take on my shirt that I'm wearing today. It's a long sleeve.

Yeah. What you got? Is it black. It's a long sleeve. Yeah. What you got? Is it black or navy? Black. Black. Stripes of the elbow. Around where the elbows are, there are stripes. Quite a masculine shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. So Emma and I have recently moved in. Okay. This is from Glassons, guys. Come in here. Come in here so we can talk in here and look at it. I've always dreamed of, well, not always,

but I often thought every now and then if Shadow had a good pair of boots, I'm like, man, I'd like to wear those boots. Come on, microphone three, please. It's pretty cool. Goodness me. That is a mask-looking shirt. What does that say about your body? Oh, hey.

Hang on. Let's see the label. That you're a petite, lovely... Glasses medium. Size medium. That's lovely. You're a medium ladies. Does that mean you're a small male? No, I'm a medium male.

You're a medium male as well. Are you a medium? I'm a medium. Okay, yeah. Well, now, see, I wouldn't have even... We've said nothing today, though, have we, about this? I wouldn't have even... I would have never picked that as a glasses top.

Did you notice? No, I didn't notice at all. Yeah, that's why I left it For the pod intro I wanted to see if anyone Pick up on it Oh it's a good looking shirt It's got some length to it as well

Do girls have different fabric In their long sleeve shirts? What is that? It feels like it Yeah we get nicer softer fabric You do because we're all Just like As long as it's bloody

You can be made of sandpaper mate As long as it covers my nips We'll be fine Put the t-shirt on Yeah Put on my bloody Well you're really pulling that off now Does she know you've done this?

Yeah, she put it on as a pyjama top last night and I was like, no, no, I'm going to wear that tomorrow. I'm wearing that tomorrow. That's romance, eh? Are you wearing a randies

or anything like sexy? You are, aren't you? You are. The thong is killing me. Yeah, I bet. Good work. Can't ride in on the anus. Those do.

I don't like thong. I don't like Gs. I've said it before. Megan's not here to defend them. They touch too much in the the anus. Those do. I don't like thongs. I don't like Gs. I've said it before. Megan's not here to defend them. They touch too much in the butthole. Hayley, what are your thoughts on the G-string? I only wear a G-banger at the gym. Because you've got your leggings, your tight leggings to sort of keep everything in place.

Could you go undie-less? I go undie-less at the gym. No, no, no. I like a little bit of coverage. Do you have mesh? No, we've talked about this before. It's a fine lining. It's not like a grippy, grunty mesh.

It's not like a sieve. It's like togs. Like togs have a grunty mesh that grates your dick. Yeah, it looks like a cheese grater up here. Yeah, it does. The sharpest. You have a whole day at the beach in meshy, graty. Chuck a bit of sand in there.

Oh, God. Yeah. No, G-Bang is at the beach in meshy grating chuck a bit of sand in there oh god yeah no g-bangers at the gym only right uh never with a dress because when you walk with a dress with a g-banger on your cheek catches the back of the of the dress and pinches it sucks it in and it sucks into your bum and everyone laughs at you you just look at my undies i'm wearing i'm wearing a full brief a full comfortable brief for a high-waisted full brief. Well, good on you, Jared. Thank you.

You do whatever you want. I'm bucking those gender roles. Are you comfortable? Back in my early days, I bought a couple of pieces of jeans from Glass Ons because men's didn't have the flair. Yes. And it hugged my ass and everyone went crazy about it. Did it also say juicy on the back?

You did. In diamantes. Yeah, and then I went for a couple of shopping trips to Supre. The music was very loud, as I recall. I got Daddy's little slut on my jeans. That was confusing for everybody. That's right. They had those t-shirts and everyone was like,

I don't know if you can do that. Yeah. 12-year-olds. Yeah, who was your primary target market, Supre? 12-year-olds. Really? Some of that's wildly inappropriate. Yeah. All right. can do that yeah yeah 12 year olds yeah who's your primary target market super eight 12 year olds really some of that's wildly inappropriate yeah all right i'm with the show good morning welcome to the show fleets forna megan with hayley sproud and and two puppies. Fletchford and Megan with Hayley Sproul and two puppies.

Yep. Your house, no, your dog sitting. Dog sitting. My parents' new retriever puppies. How old are they? Like 10, 10, 10, 12 weeks old. Because we were just sitting here. Vaughan was late as per usual. And we're like, where's Vaughan?

And we're all just a bit like, ugh, and then we see the puppies and all is forgiven. All is forgiven. All is forgiven. All is forgiven. Yeah. We turn up late every day with cute animals.

It reminds me of like leaving the house when our kids were little. You've got to like be walking out the door 15 minutes before you intend on actually starting the car. Right. Because it's just they they scramble and... Yeah. There was a wheeze on the lawn, which is much like taking my kids somewhere.

They like to do a wee on the lawn to mark their territory just before they leave. There's been a little ploppy in the studio already. There's been a couple of little ploppies, but it's good to get it out early, I think. Three poops in the studio, one on paper, one very dry, and one needed a little bit of a spray with some disinfectant. Oh, my God. I'm just walking around. This is going to be a very distracted show, I think. I think so.

In the best way possible. We're joined this morning after seven by comedian Tom Sainsbury, who you know from his many Snapchat characters. My favourite one is the wine. Fiona, right? Fiona's wine review. Tastes like wine, I guess. Yes, tastes like wine. Everybody knows Fiona. Famous for's wine review. Tastes like wine, I guess. Yes, tastes like wine. Everybody knows Fiona.

Yep, famous for his Paula Bennett. Yes. Back in the day. Ginger Nut. Was it Ginger Nut the cat? Oh, yeah, that is retired. He's retired, that character. But he's got a new show coming up, a comedy show.

Part of the Auckland Arts Festival. He's going to do the Tom Sainsbury Love Hour. Featuring a number of hot happening celebrities in New Zealand, including yourself, Vaughan. I was very honoured. Your love life? Yeah. Interesting.

I said, you should... What? And he was like, it's just, it's baffling to me. I was like, well, that's an insult. Baffling? That you have a happy marriage? Yeah. That you can be like this and have a seemingly happy marriage and an attractive wife. Baffling. Baffling that you have a happy marriage? Yeah. That you can be like this

and have a seemingly happy marriage and an attractive wife and two nice children. It's baffling to him. So I guess he's going to try to get to the bottom of it. He's in after seven.

The top six is coming up soon. Yeah. A proposed 200 speed bumps in Manurewa to stop people speeding down streets. I've got the top six alternatives to

200 speed humps. Bumps. Humps. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're called speed bumps. Speed humps. Speed humps. A speed hump is when you

Yeah. You don't have a lot of time. Yeah. You just have to get it done quick, don't you? Four past six. And next on the show we're calling it

the Arizona Ice Cream Law It's a new law in Arizona And what's it got to do with ice cream? Tell you next Alright You'll remember there was a little bit of a What do you call it? A phase?

A fad? An online trend Of people licking ice cream. They'd go into a store, they'd open the ice cream, they'd open the freezer, they'd pull out the ice cream, they'd open the lid, they'd like put two fingers in it. I feel that was even like a year. It was pre-COVID.

You're right, actually. Definitely pre-COVID. This shit would not have flown. It was TikTok was to blame, wasn't it? Yeah, and Ariana Grande, remember she licked that donut? Yeah, that's right. And then she said she hated America or something. That's right.

It was super weird. And then she's like, there's only one way people are going to forgive me for this. I take my career to the next level and I start wearing less clothes and I start singing about more scandalous things. And everyone was like, she can lick my donut. And I didn't mean it quite like that. I was imagining a donut shop owner saying that. Right, not your average.

Anyway, so all was forgiven in the court of judgment for Ariana Grande. But then your average American was like, well, that'll make a great TikTok, and was doing it. And then people would buy ice cream, get them home, open it up, and two-finger gouge or like a lick mark. And you were lucky if you could see it, because then at least you could be like, gross, go back to school. Mankey.

Yeah. And they were filming it and putting it online. It is now illegal in Arizona. It has been passed into law. Gun laws still, you know, can't decide on anything there. But licking ice cream and putting it back into the freezer, illegal. Illegal.

The Arizona ice cream law. It's so, only in America would they need to enforce a law to not lick ice cream. There was a problem. There was no law that took into account. That's what stops me doing everything. We don't need a law for every little thing that we shouldn't

be doing as humans. Because you remember when someone was putting stuff in strawberries, like needles and pins and stuff? We've got food tampering laws, don't we? Already. I think that would cover any kind of ice cream looking in New Zealand. Right. I think I would know because I'm a real seal checker.

You know the little click, click, click, click, click, click, but you have to peel off first. It feels good. It sounds good. I always check. Right. Yeah. So if someone had fingered my ice cream, I'd know about it.

You'd know. You'd know if someone had poked your hokey pokey. I would. You'd know about it. No, immediately. Getting the goody-goody gumdrops out. So what's the punishment for about it. No, immediately. Getting the goody-goody gumdrops out. So what's the punishment for... Death. Oh, wow. Again, very

American. By licking. You get locked up in stocks, they come down, they lick you until there's none of you left. So don't lick ice cream. There's a food tampering law. I don't know if it specifically goes into licking ice cream, but just don't do it. That's what I mean. Do we have to word every food that you shouldn't tamper with

and how you shouldn't tamper with it? Yeah. It feels like that just worked without saying, but now it is a law. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, a new study has come out talking about mobile phone time and usage in people's sex lives.

What's the connection? Well, the average person spends three hours, 15 minutes, either talking, staring, or using their mobile phone every day. I've just looked at my screen time report. Oh, I don't like that. Mine was down. Mine was down. Oh, yeah, mine was down 48% from last week. 48%? That's a massive drop.

My daily average is three hours, five minutes. Mine's two hours on the dot. Does that include when I watch Netflix on the gym? I've wondered about that. At the gym? And listening to podcasts and stuff. Like when I drive to and under, this sounds like excuses though, doesn't it? I know, but actually, yeah, if you look at the most used, Instagram, 53 minutes.

Well, that makes sense to me. Spotify, 41 minutes, which also makes sense because I listen to my Spotify in the car. That doesn't feel like screen time to me. When you add up the average, 22 hours and 45 minutes a week. Every single week, that is the average. 22 hours, 45 minutes for people using their phone. That's nearly a whole day. And they're saying that that's time

that you could be doing other... Yeah, well, so the Durham University in the UK, they surveyed couples about the effects that mobile phone use had on their sex lives. And 40% of respondents confessed to delaying sex to use their smartphones or tablets. Oh, dear. That's yikes. Yes. One third of participants also admitted to use their smartphones or tablets. Oh dear.

That's yikes. Yes. One third of participants also admitted to interrupting the act so that they could answer incoming calls. That's a no-no. Let it go. Yeah. They'll leave a message. Yeah, that's, it always blows my mind when,

yeah, in movies or TV shows or whatever, and someone, they're in the middle of it and a phone rings and they're almost like, oh yeah, I've got to get this. It's like, who would do? You would be in so much trouble. That would be not worth the fallout afterwards of having to deal with that. Did you just pick up a puppy? I'm just picking up the puppy because she's having a little cry and I think she's chosen me as her owner today.

Oh, she's put her paw on the mic. That's what's happening. I would never, I would never. This is so distracting. I would never. Hello, we're talking about sex and phones. I'm getting kisses. Speaking of kisses, I would never stop.

You can't prioritise a phone call coming in. Yeah. No one's that important, are they? No. Unless you were waiting for a really important call. Yeah, unless you had been waiting to hear back from the power company. Oh, yeah. Why are the power company calling you?

I bet you discount. Oh, right. You rang them up and told them you were thinking about going with a different company unless they could meet your demands. And then, you know, Electric Kiwi's calling you back. It's time to take their call. Yeah, joke. Vaughn does this.

He plays power companies off against each other all the time. Every year or so. All the time. Every year or so. You see what the best ones, because sometimes they might be like, oh, we'll give you a free TV. And you ring the one you got, and you're like, these guys are going to give you a free TV.

What you got? You always play them off against each other. That doesn't just mean they're not going to do power. Do that to all the big companies. Why can Sky Television afford to give their newcomers free sport for a year and not you? There's no reason. Call them. Call them. Cancel it. Have a go at them. Forgotten new customer. Alright,

it is 16 past 6, a new episode of The Bachelorette NZ tonight. Make sure you're watching from 7.30 TV NZ 2. There's $2,500 up for grabs, the ultimate date. You can win it just when the little keyword pops up with our faces. You text that in to 9696.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. From the first class ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. How does 250 speed hump sound? A lot, right? Yes, a lot. A lot. So I love this term.

It has been known as Auckland's largest traffic calming program. Traffic calming? Calming program. God, I hate that. They're just a little bit obnoxiously high. Unless you're in a rental car, you can just go. Because it's not your car.

Give that Yaris all the power God gave it straight over that speed bump. The work cars, what are they? No, they're i-something. They're i30s. There's a mix. There's a mix of Hyundai's

and some cars. A couple of Corollas in there. They love a speed bump. They also love first gear. But more than that, they're automatic, not if you hold them there. So there's going to be 250 speed humps, raised zebra crossings, and raised speed tables in the south Auckland suburb of Manurewa. So you've got a speed hump as a flat old judder bar.

Yep. A raised zebra crossing is a pedestrian crossing, but it's ray. Like, you hit it with a bit of a doof-doof to get up to it. And raised speed tables are basically those pedestrian crossings without the zebra marks. Do you know what I'm a fan of? Instead of the humpy pedestrian crossing, when they put the lights in the road. Have you seen when they do that? The lights in the road?

Like, they put warning lights in the road. That doesn't slow people down though. So they like flash. Yeah, it does because you freak out. You're just like, what's in the road? There's lights in the road. You know what doesn't work? Those signs that tell you how fast you're going. Oh, yeah. And they don't go all the way.

Nah, it just gets to like 55 and it's like slow down! Oh, I know. They don't want you having a competition to see how fast you can go. Yeah. And I also think they're never the same as what's on My Speedo. No. So who's that? What car is it picking up?

Yeah. And that's the other thing. When you're on a bike or a scooter, you try to make yourself as big as you can so that you reflect enough laser beam back so I can tell you how fast you're going. But as yet, I've never succeeded. But 200, so it's not only Manurewa. Te Atu South and Papakura are also being targeted for this traffic calming program.

Would you rather, do you know, what are those ones they put in some of the roads and they're like windy chicanes? I don't like those. No, because you don't like them. I prefer a bump. Because of that ad where I was like, it was Schum, through the ass.

Do you remember that ad about speeding? And it was like, no, they're there to slow you down. You're not supposed to speed up to try to zip through it cooler. See if you can get through it cleanly. So I've got the top six ways to slow people down that's not 250 speed bumps. Okay. Number six, potholes.

That shit slows people right down. Old school. It does, yeah. Yeah, just dig a hole, but you know they usually, the bottom of a pothole is like gravel or dirt, and so it gets deeper and deeper and deeper. But make it an actual nice tar-sealed bottom

pothole. Yeah, okay. Slow people down. Like, you know, make it. Put some bloody effort into your potholes. Number five on the list of the top six ways to slow people down that's not speed bumps, stairs. Have you ever seen a car drive up or down stairs? So how would that look?

How would that work in your brain? Like a speed table. Like a ramp. Except it's got three or four stairs up it. Okay. Will you need a four-wheel drive? No, but you'll have to drive slowly and that's what they want. Okay.

Not terrible for manual drivers. Yeah, actually they have to be quite long too because you want to get to the top, like bottom out your car on the stairs. Yeah, I've got quite a low car. Yeah, we need to, okay, we'll work on something else for your car. You can't go down that road. That's the new rule.

All right. Number four on the list of the top six ways to slow people down that's not speed bumps. On corners, put ice patches, like an ice skating rink with a rock wall on the side. Okay. So you'd go really slow around that, wouldn't you?

You would because otherwise you'd lose control into the rock wall. Yeah. Take that, sucker. Number three on the list

of the top six ways to slow people down that's not speed bumps, concrete wheelie bins stuck in the middle of the road. Now here's why this works.

Yeah. It's because even if it's not a concrete wheelie bin but it gets blown onto the road. Now, here's why this works. Yeah. It's because even if it's not a concrete wheelie bin, but it gets blown onto the road, people will slow right down. Yeah, right. Because they don't know whether or not it's one that's filled with concrete or not. Okay. Yeah, nice.

And then people will have to slow down to go around them. Yeah. Or they hit a concrete wheelie bin. Number two on the list of the top six ways to slow people down that's not speed, but it's 250 of them. Just speed cameras everywhere. I mean, when speed cameras were very prolific on our roads in the early 2000s. Yeah.

And they used to hide them. Yeah. They do that in Aussie. There's a bit of an uproar at the moment because they don't tell you where the speed camera areas are and they're putting them in like wheelie bins, hiding them. But I think that's better.

Oh, I don't know because what are you wanting? Are you wanting to catch people or are you wanting to cause them to slow down? Because ours are in plain sight and you always have to give your brakes a little tap. So they don't even need to have...

Do you remember back in the day they'd be like, no, that doesn't have a speed camera because it doesn't have the orange. You can't see the orange bulb? Well, heaps of them don't have speed cameras in them. No.

They rotate them around. But they still work. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Just have things that look like speed cameras everywhere. That's a cheaper way of doing it. Yeah. And, exactly. Just have things that look like speed cameras everywhere. That's a cheaper way of doing it. Yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six ways to slow people down that's not speed bumps, trees. Just have random trees planted. And then you've solved your green problem too. You've got trees. Yeah, return to nature. Everyone loves trees. You're not going to speed around the corner because it could be a tree in the road.

Exactly. You don't know where they've just planted a new Nico palm. Exactly. And make them native bush. Yes. So it's even, you know, you've got to be more careful. Or maybe a bit of gorse in there every now and then just to keep people on their toes.

You should send this to the council. You reckon I just copy paste? I think this is a great idea. Straight to the council. This will slow me down for sure. Done. Done. That's today's top six.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There was, which, which, whoopsie-daisy-heel, COVID, actually wasn't linked to any. What are you saying, Sendinson? Are you having a stroke right now? I'm just literally vocalising my stream of conscience. This is how it goes. It wasn't linked to any COVID cases, which was bloody lucky.

But do you remember a few weeks ago, there was 20 unaccounted for minutes from a security guard who took a fancy to somebody and managed isolation facility. Yes. By the way, I need to follow up on that. Did they, you know, when they were out of lockdown? Like, are they in lockdown now? Yeah.

Are the isolation facility members allowed to fraternise with the general public? No. Because technically they would be. Absolutely not. No, no, no. Do general public? No. Because technically they would be... Absolutely not. No, no, no. Do they isolate? Surely.

I hope they're getting paid well. Because you think about that, they're just pretty much living in isolation. Living and working in isolation then. So they've announced that MIQ are hiring their own security force. Yeah, there's 32 managed isolation and quarantine facilities

and they're going to hire their own security force for that rather than private contractors. I think it's going to have a bit more control over it. The army's there. Yep. And then there's like private security firms. Yes.

Like that do the cricket matches and the rugby matches like Red Badge. Oh, yes. I don't know if Red Badge do it, but you know there's Chubb. Yeah, they're at the gigs making sure you don't climb over the barrier towards the stage.

Yes, that's the one. Pulling you out of the mosh pit. What's the idea of doing that, that the government has all the control? Correct. And that if you get caught... And there'll be like a consistency and a standardisation of security protocols and policies against the network of isolation facilities. Oh, right.

Will it have a cool name? Ooh. Yeah. Like a MIQ force or something? Yeah. Imagine that. And they get a taser. They probably get tasers.

Isolation force. Or pepper spray. Yeah. Or at least. And a baton. Yeah. So epidemiologists, a professor, Michael Baker, said, look, if it improves consistency and quality, it's an absolute win.

And not that people aren't doing a good job. Yeah. But, like, we just named three or four different private security companies and there'd be different protocols within those companies and businesses. Yeah, so it'd be one standardized way. Right. Yeah. That means that they're going to have a security force.

And I guess maybe they'd all like go through the same kind of job interview and meeting. Yeah. I'll put a couple of questions to you guys to see if you'd make it. Okay. These aren't official interview questions. Okay, right. I do have quite a prolific LinkedIn profile, so I probably am.

You probably, right. I'm qualified to run a job interview. Okay, so we're sitting in an interview for the new position at MIQ Security. There's multiple positions. Okay. You'd really have to stuff yourself into the job. Well, it's my position. Yeah, are we going for the same job? Are we going for security? Okay's multiple positions. Okay. You'd really have to stuff yourself. Well, what's my position? I'll get the job.

Yeah, are we going for the same job? Are we going for security? Okay. Security. Hi, guys. I'm going to play a character. Oh, shit. Okay.

What are you going to play? It's not drama class. Oh, God. Here we go. What was your drama school called? Toy Fakari. Toy Fakari. I'm going to play Rebecca.

Why are you Australian? From Bondi. Right. Are you like a dual citizen? You've moved back to New Zealand? Yeah, my son. Or your husband's in New Zealand? Yeah, my husband's Kiwi.

Right. And we'll come here to raise our children. Okay, great choice. Rebecca, wasn't it? He's a man. We're going to bring in the money. Okay, right. So Rebecca's gone looking for a job.

Okay, Rebecca. I'm just going to be me. Okay. Because I don't... You don't want to? Okay, Rebecca. I'm just going to be me. Okay. Because I don't... You don't want to? No, because I can't do... You should be your Irish character. I can't do...

Who inevitably always turns into an Indian character. I can't do any accents. You won't get cancelled for the Irish. That's what's keeping your accent strong. Okay, great. Just follow Rebecca. Yeah, okay. Okay, hi, guys.

G'day. Hi, Vaughn. Now, I'm not Vaughn. Are you... I'm Bruce. Bruce. Hi, Bruce. Bruce is just me. Put some character work into it, for God's sake. G'day. Hi, Vaughn. Now, I'm not Vaughn. Are you? Who are you? I'm Bruce. Hi, Bruce. Bruce is just me.

Put some character work into it, for God's sake. G'day. Hi, guys. Bruce hates his life. Oh, I'm just going through some stuff at home. See what happens when you ask me to character? I can't stick to the character. So, okay, so this is a test.

What would you do in this circumstance? Okay. You're in charge of level seven at the Pullman. Okay. And the new busload of quarantine eyes come in. And you see one that really catches your fancy. Yeah. Oh, they're hot.

Like the look of him. Yeah, they're hot. Now, Rebecca, you've got a husband, so just... Both a professional and a moral quandary to deal with here. See, this is the backstory that I'm working with. Now, you deliver this person their food. You can slip them notes. You know, should the opportunity arise

and they were to invite you into their room, you could do that almost unnoticed. What do you do? Oh, absolutely, if they're hot. Oh, yeah, I'd have an absolute hoon. Okay, neither of you. Have an absolute hoon. Was that a hoon?

Oh, yeah. Hoon. Well, me and Doug, you know, we've had some issues. What'd you move back to New Zealand for? If you and Doug are in the middle of some issues, you should have stayed there. I just thought a change of scene might be... Might fix things.

Might keep your marriage. I think we're change of scene might be... Might fix things. I think we're getting sidetracked from the story. Neither of you are getting the job because you said you'd have a hoon and Fletch absolutely would if they were hot. I'm just saying

these are human people. These are humans. It doesn't matter who's employing them. If there's someone that's single and there's someone hot, there's going to be... The body wants what the body wants.

The body wants what the body wants. They'll just put on a M38 mask or whatever they're called. No kissing. I would maybe wait for their day three swab. And then have a home. Because then there's that you know, you're saying

no, no, I can't, I can't. You're putting it off for a few days and then the sexual tension's really rising. And then after day three swab negative, straight in there. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Do you reckon that, like, I'm just,

I'm just brainstorming here. This is like the plot of a new movie. Like, these are the movies that are going to come out. Like a love tale. And isolation. And it's the person

working at the hotel and they open up and they get the test results and it says negative and they go, I'm going to do it. It's kind of semi the story of that KJ Apa movie that got released and everyone was like, no.

No, not the right time. Not the time. Read the room. Not the time. All right. So if you're in security and you can resist sleeping with people after their day three swab, as my two workmates cannot, there could be a job for you.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Here's one to for you. Could be a job for you. Here's one to make you feel a bit uncomfortable in the morning. A man in the UK, a HelloFresh customer, and I'm not going to drag the brand. They're everywhere. They are everywhere. Were they the ones that... Massive German international, they're New Zealand's third largest grocery supplier

after the two big supermarket owners. Big dogs. I can't believe how many people do the food boxes. Well, I've done it before and, you know, for a short while because I like to cook and I like to create in the kitchen. It's my habit though. But the food's delicious. Yeah.

But this man in the UK, I don't know if his food's going to be delicious. So he got his HelloFresh box and he opened it up. And it was full of ice packs that he'll have no other use for ever. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to use these ice packs. And then they just end up taking so much valuable freezer space. They take up some freezer real estate. And that, I don't know if it's HelloFresh, is it my food bag that's got that? Sheep wool?

Yeah, that's really good in the garden. BT dubs. And if you're repotting a pot plant, just a little bit of living, everybody. Put it around and under the pot plant because it holds moisture really well. So you might be going away for a week. Water before you go. The moisture sits in that coconutty husky outside. Well, I don't think that this guy in the UK was really worried

about what he was going to do with the packaging. He opened it up and there was, you know, his salmon, his capsicums, his pre-packaged nuts, his recipes. And a Coke bottle filled with urine. Now, how did he know it was urine? I mean, there's a picture. You can just... There is a picture.

I don't think you need to open. It's not like apple juice. No, no, no. It's definitely urine. So here's what... He opens it up. There's this Coke bottle there and it's filled with a light amber liquid.

And he opens the lid, gives it a whiff, and that is human urine. Oh, he gave it a whiff. I wouldn't have given it a whiff. So he hops on Twitter, which is the first thing you would do in this instance, and he said, Hey, HelloFreshUK.

I'll keep it simple. Why have I received someone's bottled up pee as part of my order? That was his only tweet. Look forward to your response on this one. And then he tweeted again saying, Give me an address. I'll send it to you

and you can have a whiff in case you're sceptical. He said the box arrived unsealed and the liquid inside the Coke bottle was definitely human urine and not apple juice. I mean, that could have been like tampered with by a neighbour. Well, HelloFresh doesn't do drinks.

They don't deliver drinks as part of their meals. No, I was going to say, I've never had a fizzy. Is it one of those situations where the staff are so overworked, like Amazon, they don't give them a break, and so they have to weigh in the packaging?

Oh, yeah, or like the clothing brands, where they stitch Help Me into their labels. Could be. So HelloFresh tweeted back saying, we truly lack the words to describe how sorry we are. Could you please DM us? And apparently they've made a gesture of goodwill to try to put it right.

But nothing would put right the act of opening up a bottle and smelling another human being's wee-wees. I feel sorry for HelloFresh if that's just a neighbour that's like slid open the box and then just chucked it in there. And re-taped it. The box was unsealed. It was unsealed, right. Yeah, so it could be a neighbour,

it could be a courier, it could be anyone. But they're investigating it with great urgency and hopefully this doesn't happen to anyone else. This is why you always need one of those doorbell cameras or a security camera

at the front door. You've got one of those, don't you? Well, he does, but he uses it for the rats. Yeah. You use it for rats and... I put it in front of rat traps so I can see them. So you forego your

home security. Oh, I know. When we go away, I put it up. Oh, right. If we're out, I'll chuck it up. But yeah, at night time, I'll just randomly have it by rat traps to sort of monitor rat activity. I've got a food box being delivered today. And it'll be there when I get home from work

get home ASAP I'm not sure it hasn't been tampered with Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast ZM ZM's $50,000 secret sound ZM's $50,000 secret sound, all thanks to Star launching

tonight on Disney+, more movies more episodes, more originals. You can check out Disney Plus NZ on Insta for more. Lena joins us. Good morning, Lena. Hi. All right, you've managed to get through. The current jackpot for ZM's $50,000 secret sound is $15,000. Now, here is the secret sound.

That $15,000 is yours, but you've got to tell us what that secret sound is. Soundkeeper Els is standing by in the bunker next door. I'm ready to hear your guess, Lena. Is it like sanding off ceramic? Oh, sanding ceramic. Right. Like you've made some pottery on the wheel.

You've killed it. It's hard, but it's got a slight bump or... A bit of grit. Yeah. So you're like, oh, I've got to sand that off before I paint this. Right. Do you do a bit of sanding of ceramic, Lena? No, not at all. So how did this never happen before?

How did this come to you then? Yeah, I don't know. I just saw it. I was scrolling on Facebook and it was an ad and I just saw it and I thought, oh, maybe. It's meant to be. Maybe. Right. ad and I just saw it and I thought, ooh, maybe. It's meant to be. So your targeted advertising is sanding for ceramics. Because maybe,

and this isn't out of the realms of possibility, your phone's listening to you and you've listened to the secret sound so much that it's matched it up with something. Oh, please, please. Imagine it. Alright. What a wild ride. Yeah, this is wild.

All right, I'll get down to it, though. Lena, thank you for calling up. You are walking away with something, but that is $100. That is not the secret. Oh, Lena. Nope. I'll stay here. That is not the, yeah, yeah, it's not.

Yeah, we're back to, that was a winner bed, but it's not. You're not a winner. You're not a winner. Oh, my gosh, what a team. I meant to play the loser bed. Well, what a mistake from me this morning. Well, you have to pay Lena $15,000. All right.

Hey, well done, Lena. A hundred bucks. Even if you guess it wrong, you get a hundy, and another shot is coming up this morning for you to play ZM's Secret Sound. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. What happened there? Did I turn that off? Did you not turn me on?

I didn't turn you on. Sometimes you get to the stage of the relationship and you forget to turn your partner on before you start. We've been doing this too long. Sometimes they neglect Vaughan's need. I'm not just here to cover maternity leave for Megan. I'm here to spice up the relationship. That's the thing.

I don't ask for much. Just a little push of the button before we get started. Sure. Sometimes. Yeah. No. And sometimes I'll push my own button and then be done. And then I'll push the other button and I'll be finished before you've even...

I get angry when he does that because he doesn't need me. No, it's just get it done yourself. Anyway, a Toronto burger bar called Good Fortune Burger has renamed all of its menu items so that it looks like you're buying office supplies. Okay. And then you can charge it back to the company. I love this idea.

But do they change the name? Can they change the name of the restaurant? Do they give you a receipt? Yes. Or is it going to be like staples, glue and pens from... And restaurant receipts look different to stationery shop receipts. They just have a whole different vibe to them. You don't want to be buying your pens from Crab Shack.

No, exactly. It will stand out. So they've renamed them. So there's a basic steel stapler. That's a burger that used to be called the Fortune Burger. Looks like a big grunty hamburger. How much is this burger? $10 Canadian dollars. And how much is

a stapler? $10 Canadian dollars. $10. A silicon keyboard cover. That's the BYO burger. You can just make your own burger there. That's $10. The ergonomic aluminum laptop stand.

Okay. There's a bit more of a Bougier burger coming in at $12.50 Canadian. The mini dry white erase whiteboard, $11. But that's a chicken burger. And the veggie burger is the wired headphones with mic, which of course you'd need. And actually these, okay, now reading in more about it, these are all things

you'd need to set up your home office. Right. And of course people have had to buy the stuff and then put the expenses back through work. I see. But that would still illegal, right? Because you're saying that you're claiming back your business. The business would be saying, here are my employees that purchased the stationery,

but it's in fact food. But how would you ever catch them? It's very naughty. It's very tricky. It's very naughty. It's the equivalent of if you go to a restaurant and work says put it on a work credit card or something but you can't have drinks on

the work credit card. The company policy is food, yes, absolutely not a problem. That's when you get the most expensive steak that they've got on offer. All the time. And the other option, you know when it comes to drinks, you could say can you put it through the equivalent as like pudding? Right. Maybe your

company's pro-pudding, anti-drinks. And you're like, well, I don't really want pudding, I want drinks. I don't want pudding, I want drinks. And you could ask them to say, put through your jug of craft beer as two tiramisu's if it comes to the same financial value. And then it says that, and this is something that some restaurants will do for you.

And I don't believe it's illegal because it's still a declared income that that restaurant is saying, yes, we earned this money, we'll pay GST and tax on it. And your company is paying for your food. It's just not exactly what they intended. It's more of an ethical quandary. Is it? Than a legal one. Look, it's a legal grey area. But there's so many legal grey areas.

I don't know if anybody from the IID is listening, if they would call that a legal grey area. So this is in Canada. Now they've advertised that they're doing this? Exactly. Yeah, I think it's probably a gimmick just to get people in. It's far more of a marketing thing. But Vaughan and I have done this a long time ago.

Now, the statute of limitations. Have you passed that? Is it seven years for a tax-related infringement? I don't know. It is seven years. I mean, it would be our old radio station that goes to prison for it. So, I mean, let's throw them under the bus. Oh, here we go.

Who do you arrest when you arrest a radio station? The boss. The desk and the computer. The morning show. You arrest the morning show. Well, that's their fault then. But then that's also our fault. We might be responsible

for ex-employees. We might have to go to jail. No. It's almost been seven years. I'm not going to jail for Pauline Gillespie. I absolutely will not go to jail for something she did.

So don't talk about anything she didn't do. She hasn't done anything. After the seven years of statute of limitations. No, we were, what did we do? We bought ice and chips at the liquor store, but it wasn't ice and chips. It was liquor.

Because we were allowed to buy ice for the chili bins and chips because it was a snack to sustain us, but we weren't allowed to put booze on them. How did you, did it not say on the receipt? No, the lovely person gave us a bottle of vodka and actually they should go to prison.

They'll go to prison. You guys are fine. And then just said we bought 10 bags of ice and like 10 bags of chips. It probably wasn't even that much. Wow.

Because you know how expensive chips are at a booze store? Oh, they add a couple of dollars. Oh, seven bucks? Drag you over the coals. Yeah. Yeah. If you get a bougie, if you get a bougie chip. What, naughty? Just of dollars. Oh, absolutely. Seven bucks? Drag you over the coals. Yeah. Yeah. If you get a bougie chip.

What, naughty? Just let everybody pay tax, please. Everybody pay their tax. Oh, hey, don't you worry about that. I've paid my fees here. Oh, my God. Okay, I think you've done enough to stay out of prison, Vaughan Smith. Yeah.

16 past seven. I've been in one of them easy prisons, though. One of them white-collar prisons. It's like a Tikiwiti motel. I'd actually love it. I'd love a treat. Do a bit of gardening. Pick up a bit of...

They're probably going to lathe. And you know how I want to lathe. So badly. They don't let you lathe in prison. Why wouldn't they let me lathe in prison? It's a white collar prison. I'm not going to lathe up a shank or stab somebody with it. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan.

The podcast. We're joined in studio by Tom Craig. Dolores Sainsbury, good morning. Good. Oh, good? I just answered the next question. Where did you get that? Where did I get that beautiful name?

Where did you get that name from? So my maternal grandmother's mother was Dolores Craig. So we took those two names and we're like, well, it's two first names. Let's throw them in. Let's throw them in. Let's get it in. Let's see how it works. How does the Tom Sainsbury love our work? Good.

Wow. Good question. I've got to warm them up with a bit of stand-up to bring them with, which I'm still working through. And then I invite my – so it's like Jimmy Kimmel or something like that. Okay. Aspiring to be. And then I invite my guest for the night on stage.

I have one guest a night. Then we talk for an hour about all things love. And there's fun bits like a dating, like what do you look for in your perfect date and all that kind of stuff. And then if I'm gauging it, like each guest I have to gauge how we can go because I really want to find out about

how to deal with heartbreak and things like that. And then there's going to be an agony aunt section as well so if people have questions like what would you do if I'm always flirting is that okay and then and this is all live this is all live in front of a live audience yeah and every night it's a different well-known New Zealander correct and Vaughan can I give the can guest line up? You can. So we've got Paula Bennett in there. She'll be a laugh. She's opening night. And you guys have a personal connection, of course. And romantic chemistry.

Now that's undeniable. Will her husband, Alan Bennett, do this? He will be there. He wouldn't dare let his wife go out on the razz with you without me letting her hold her hand. The two of you are unstoppable. He's going to be staring daggers at me the entire night just in my periphery, but I'm just going to keep going

because the chemistry is undeniable. And then the following night, you take a very large step to the left. Chloe Swarbrick. That's right. She's on. Hilary Barry, the following. Correct. And then the next week, Anika Moore.

You got it. Huge star so far. Week after that, Vaughn. Yeah. Vaughn was like on my top list. Thank you, Tom. You'll have me know. He's the most vanilla

lover you'll ever meet yeah apart from that position you were googling yesterday oh yes I must try that well the thing is is like

it appears that it's so successful so it's like I want to get it like Vaughn's so successful in the ways of love I want to go I want to know

what those tips are yeah yeah and then you wrap it up of course with national hero Mike King yeah who's like and that's the good thing love is so many strains of love what those tips are. And then you wrap it up, of course, with national hero, Mike King. Yeah. And that's the good thing.

Love, there's so many strains of love. Like COVID-19. Yeah. There's so many strains of love. Who's the British or South American love? Sometimes they warp as well. They warp and what's it called? Mutate?

Mutate. And you can turn from friends to lovers. But there's sexual love's There's sexual love There's the love one has For friends Yeah The family Yeah

Your family love But the final bit of it Is all about you know Like your fun hobbies And things What do you What gets you jazzed Yeah

Yeah Bit of that How deep do you plan on going Into the nitty gritties Like the goss Well I have to gauge it As we go I mean that's Hayley that's all I want? Well, I have to gauge it as we go.

I mean, Hayley, that's all I want to do. Yes. I want to get in there within the first... I'm asking this because I know that you'll want to just get straight in there. I want to get into the first minute. But I'm going to give the chunk, I'm going to give the genres and a couple of the questions to the guests beforehand, and they can say to me, I've just been through a terrible divorce. Can we not talk about that?

I'll be like, okay, we'll just talk about your first crush. One of the other elements of your show, this is exciting, is that it's going to be on the stage. Yeah, so you'll be on the stage and the seating will be behind us, all lit up romantically. And then the stage was where everyone

will be seated. What about Tom Sainsbury's Love Life? Do you explore that? Kevin? Yeah, let's turn the mirror on. Exactly, exactly. Do you put on your miner's torch and delve into that? So last week I did a fake interview for all the powers that be at the art festival.

And my note afterwards was like, you need to inject yourself more into it and you need to talk about your own heartache at some point. I was like, oh, really? What if you cry? Young man from Matamata, surely you popped out to the first tower there for a cry in the...

That's my neighbour, did you know that? My house is... Or the Opal Hot Springs, did you ever have any romantic... I was very frigid back in the day. What? Someone's touching me, Someone's touching me. Still am. I'm still dealing.

That's probably what I'll be talking through. Right. Your frigidity. Prudidity. Prudidity. Prudence. Prudence. Prudence.

Prudence. Who would have thunk it, eh? Prudence. Tom Sainsbury. The prude. Physical creatures, a little bit prudy. Or was. Still am.

I've always felt a great deal of sexual tension with you, Tom Sainsbury. It's weird. I know. I feel very felt a great deal of sexual tension with you, Tom Sainsbury. It's weird. I know. I feel very sexual with a lot of, what? No. I feel very flirtatious with a lot of, like, I love it.

Yeah. But then I guess it's like, you know, it's that thing where you flirt, flirt, flirt, and then they take it to the next level and you're like, what? Yeah. We'll just settle the blame.

We've got completely mixed messaging here This is very exciting Tom The Tom Sainsbury Love Hour The Civic Club You can buy tickets Aucklandlive.co.nz It's a part of the Arts Festival Correct

Fancy All the tickets are aaf.co.nz You can search the Tom Sainsbury Love Hour Thanks for coming in Thanks for having me guys It's always a pleasure. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

It is fair to say we are huge fans of the LGBTI plus community here at the show. Lots of time for them. Huge fans. Huge fans. Bought all their albums. I've been to all the concerts. Yep. You know?

You've got the t-shirts. I get the newsletter. Yep. I get the newsletter just to know what's happening. Well, I very quickly signed the petition put forward by the Green Party rainbow spokesperson, Elizabeth Kedikedi, last week. Everybody did. And this petition went crazy.

Yeah, the first post, they were aiming for 20,000. They got that. And like every 10 minutes or something, they were just posting again being like, let's reach 50, let's reach 60. And what did they get in the end? Over 150,000. Oh, wow.

And this was calling for urgency and banning of conversion therapy. Conversion therapy was basically an old school practice of, oh no, my son's a homosexual. I shan't be a respected member of the community if my son's a homosexual. To the church with him. And then the priest would be like,

it's evil. It's evil. Suppress it. Suppress it. I mean, sadly, this was still happening. Yeah. I know. I was doing the old timey voice,

but it's literally not illegal and it does happen in New Zealand and even more so in other happening. Yeah. I know. I was doing the old-timey voice, but it's literally not illegal, and it does happen in New Zealand and even more so in other countries. Yeah. It's big in America. And the thing is it's like the tactics they use are borderline, well, not even borderline, torture. Yeah, and emotional. Yeah, and it can leave people quite damaged.

There's a great movie, Boy Erased. Yes. With Troye Sivan and Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman. Great movie. And that was based on a true story. Within the last 10 years in America. Yeah. So everybody of right mind was against it.

I know people that would call themselves Christians, that are of religious denominations, who were also wildly against it. It was just a very particular corner of that. I don't think it goes hand in hand with modern religion. No, definitely not. Just some corners. Well, that petition was so strong.

This has been prioritised with the government. Minister of Justice Chris Fafoi on Monday said that the government planned to bring the legislation to Parliament by the middle of the year. So then you've got to get all the wording right and everything so people can't skirt around the edges and be like, it's not conversion therapy. It's like rewriting of sexual preference. You don't want it to be rushed through because then people get done

for other conversions. It's got to be very specifically written, like converting an old bus to a mobile home or a rugby conversion. I'm feeling very inadequate, by the way. Just like that. I could not convert an old bus to anything livable. Right. And I'm seeing it everywhere on Facebook at the moment.

What was the trend? Shipping containers. Shipping containers into houses. Yeah. I couldn't do that either. But a bus, you're very limited. But surely it is weird that they can't just do it, get it through, write it and do it.

And get it done. But I guess there is a process when you're going to pass a law, it's got to be done properly and it does, unfortunately, take time. So if they get it, if it's been prioritised, get to Parliament by the middle of the year, get all the wording and everything right, get the lawyers to put an eye over it.

Conversion therapy, outlawed by the end of this year or February 22 at the latest. Right, fantastic. I reckon, though, like, don't wait. If you're doing it, stop now. Yeah, stop. You don't have to wait for the law to come into place to stop being a D-bag.

It is crazy that, like, it's 2021 and that is happening. It's still happening, yeah. It's still crazy that people are like, you've chosen this way of life Yeah We're going to return you to gold Yeah I mean

If you find it hot Then that's up to you Right? If you find it hot That's how it works Yeah we all find different things hot What if you find hot? It's your choice

Flesh for an Amegan The podcast ZM An international story Drawing headlines Because it's one of those ones That an online news source puts up Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. An international story drawing headlines because it's one of those ones that an online news source puts up just because they know that everyone's going to have an opinion on it. Yeah.

Good bet. This woman is 31, Aldina Jagajach, I believe. She's from Denmark. Okay. My Danish isn't absolutely up to scratch. Your Danish is appalling. She has what she describes

as a full monobrow and also a moustache. Hair on her upper lip. And she says she got sick some years ago. She got sick of constantly putting effort into maintenance. Yep. And she said,

I don't know why it's all on women to be hair free. She said, some men that comment on my unibrow have one themselves. Yeah, right. Which is the old saying of the pot calling the kettle black. It's got very, yeah, very thick brows. Yeah, she does. So she said she just leaves it now

because she feels like it weeds people out. So she's saying that if she did find a partner that was accepting of this, she would then maintain. Yes. She's single at the moment, so she said she wants to find someone who likes her for her, and then if their

preference would be two brows, rather than one, she would... Her preference would be two brows. Rather than a unilateral full-face brow, she'd take care of it. Right. So it's a little test, a little.

Yeah, it's a little test at an early stage of a relationship. To see if you're a decent person. I mean, it's certainly going to weed out the people that are, what's the word? Shallow. Yeah. Or, yeah. Superficial. Surface level.

I mean. But it's your first impression when you do meet someone. It's the first thing, even before you smell them. I mean, you think about the prep that goes into a first date. Oh, my Lord. You would be, you know. You would be. Hours.

You would be bald from the neck down. Yeah. You're keeping your goatee there. From the nose down. But, I mean, body hair on women is becoming way more acceptable, right? Like we see a bit more leg hair on women or maybe women that let their armpit hair grow out. Armpit hair doesn't bother me at all

because if it did, I'd shave my own, right? I don't know. I'm not really. Maybe it's maybe a younger Vaughn probably would have had a, but he was a dick. He was a real douchebag. It takes time to normalise these things and maybe the upper lip and the monobrow.

And I do speak as a woman with an upper lip issue and a monobrow. Right. Thank you to polycystic ovarian syndrome. Are you having a little look? I couldn't say. It was unbelievable. You let it right in. Thank you to polycystic ovarian syndrome. Are you having a little look? That was unbelievable. You let right in. Can you see it from a distance? No, I've

known you for ages and I've never even noticed. I deal with mine. And I dealt with it even stricter when I was dating. When I was sick before I met Aaron. I've definitely relaxed a bit now.

Yeah. He doesn't care. Whatever. Yeah. But I remember my first, you know, when I was casually dating or maybe even my first date with Aaron, I would spend hours getting ready. So we thought we'd ask now and this morning, is there a little test that you run people through on a date?

To see the quality. Yeah, to weed out people that, you know, might be superficial or, you know, not worth your time. Not be worth all these dates and in the long run. Yeah, like maybe you go on a date and say some really horrible points of views and see if they agree. You can't do that.

That's an entrapment, Your Honour. But then they're going to think you're a douchebag. Yeah, don't do that. That's an entrapment, Your Honour. But then they're going to think you're a douchebag. Yeah. Don't do that test. With horrible views. If you do that, that is a wild test. Or what about on purpose for getting your card or your money, your wallet, your purse?

To see if they look after you. To see if they look after you. To see if they've got the goods. But then that just looks like you're trying to scam a free meal, right? Yeah. What about like they could see how fussy they are. You could do some, I don't know, but, you know, it would be my worst nightmare to get into a relationship with someone

and then they're like, I don't need that. I don't need that. I don't need that. Oh, yeah, right. I'm just like, well, actually, that wouldn't be my worst nightmare because that just means more food for me. Okay, that could be something to look into next time. We're talking about if you have a little test to put people through

on the first date, if there's any little first date tests. Yeah. A woman. A woman. A woman. A woman. One of the many. In the world.

She's put people through. She puts people through a test. She doesn't groom when she's single. And then she goes on dates with people. She grooms? I'm sure she showers. Oh, she showers. She doesn't pluck any facial hair or take care of any facial hair.

Running quite the monobrow. But if you end up settling down with her, she'll go to two eyebrows. You know, a monobrow used to be a symbol of power. Really? Yeah. It used to be a symbol of, like, upper class. So did a little belly, eh? Because it meant that you were wealthy enough to be fed.

Well, ooh-la-la Hayley. Queen Hayley Sproul. She is. You would have been quite the catcher on, what's that show? Bridgerton. I would have been. My little belly, my monobrow. I put on a deep Aussie bogan accent.

What? Because if they can't handle that, there's no way they'll ever be able to handle my family. So they come from a... Oh, you're right. A bogan-y family by the sounds of things. But then do they just relax the bogan accent over a period of months? Over time, yeah, they slowly decrease it. You spend the night with them on your first date

and you wake up in the morning and you forget your accent. And they're going, who are you? Oh, I've bumped my head and I've lost my accent. Oh, my gosh. Somebody else said the beep test. That's the test. First date, if someone's putting you through the beep test, I'm imagining that's why you have so many first dates

because no one wants a second one. PTSD from that thing, eh? Oh, my God. Even the sound of it. Beep, beep. Level four. Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep.

And you're like... No, I made it, I made it. I have a platonic girlfriend show up and I pretend she's my ex I haven't seen her in a few years we hug and wish

each other well and then I gauge their reaction no one likes a jealous Janet and do you think that also works because then that

makes the new person want you more yeah that's probably a double yeah that's probably a good idea. That's a double dip of the chip there.

Wow. I look at their hands to try to judge what their feet might look. Whoa, hold on, hold on. I should have read this one. If I don't like the feet,

I'm done. I'm a girl. It's not a fetish, just a foible. A what? What is a, what is a, what is a foible?

They said, I'm a girl. Bonus if there's an opportunity to see the actual feet. So maybe a beach walk? Because no one likes walking on the beach in shoes. She wouldn't like my feet because you know how I've got the real long toes? Yeah.

I can peel a banana with my toes. I've heard this at least twice now. And I see a banana in that bag. And I'm not leaving this office until I see it. And peel the banana with his toes. Well, I don't want to eat that banana today. I'll show you them if it... Clean your feet first.

A minor weakness or an eccentricity in someone's character. So they're not a fetish. So that's entry-level fetishes there. I like the person that counts the questions. So yeah, that's what somebody else said. They said they'll count how many questions they get asked

versus how much this person just talks about themselves. Because if they do nothing but talk about themselves and don't inquire, you get the feeling they're a little bit more selfish. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Our next Bangers Bingo is Thursday in Wellington at the Garden Hotel.

Following that, the next one will be Crush which 11th of March at Wales Street Pub. If you want to come along you and your mates team of four you and three others register at ZM Online powered by Jingo

it's like bingo but with music not numbers cash and prizes bar tabs throughout the night as well and that means a trip away to Wellington

yeah buckle up buttercup because you know how I like to look at the bar's menus before we go yes so do I I'll never go anywhere without already knowing what I I like to look at the bar's menus before we go. Yes. So do I. I'll never go anywhere without already knowing what I'm going to order.

How annoying is it going to be? It's not an easy find of the menu. I never do that. Really? I just like to get there and be surprised. No, no. I like to get excited and then I'm like, ooh. Right.

Okay. You've got some decisions to do before we get to Wellington. The Garden Hotel's where we're going. Buttermilk chicken parmigiana. Oh, because you know I love a parmi. You bloody absolutely fiend. He fiends for a parmi. Yeah, because you go to Aussie, you've got to have a chicken parmi.

Got to have a parmi at the RSI. Yeah. They've got pizzas there. It's delicious, but there's always more on the menu better than a parm. Look, can we get a parm to share? Get some share plates. Maybe just have a quarter parm. What about a parm for the table? Yeah, can we get a palm to share? Get some share plates. Maybe just have a quarter palm. What about a palm for the table?

Yeah. I reckon we strip this palm. Yeah. Have a strip of palm. There's, oh, damn. Smoked brisket, chilli corn tart. You can look at the menu on your own time. We're not discussing what you're going to eat.

Pork belly tacos. Pork belly tacos. What kind of sides do they have? Because that's where I like to land. Fries. You've got your fries. You've got your fries. You've got your snacks. You've got chicken wings.

Halloumi fries. Halloumi fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are good. Or tea. Or tea. I'm going to need to spend some time with you, menu. And also, I'm thinking while we're in Wellington, we hit the presser.

We hit the 1pm presser. What? At Parliament. We're media. Are they going to let you in? We're media. They don't just let any media in. Otherwise, the TV Guide would be there. Can you text Cindy and see if she can get in? The TV We're media. Are they going to let you in? We're media. They don't just let any media in. Otherwise, the TV Guide would be there.

Can you text Cindy and see if you can get in? The TV Guide is there. Have you not heard their questions? What? No, I never. I haven't, no. They're like, what's black and white and red all over? And they're like, what?

And they're like, a newspaper. Hey, Kids Club, TV Guide. And that's what the TV guide does when they're there. And then they've put them in. They had a little centerfold of Ashley Bloomfield and Jacinda Ardern. She is a busy woman. Do not go to this presser and waste her time. But they don't always do one o'clock.

They won't do them now. I think it's just a press release. We fixed COVID. I reckon there'll be a presser. Refuse to wear your mask on the plane down. And then they'll have to deal with that in the media. And then you can be there to comment on it at the presser. Refuse to wear your mask on the plane down and then they'll have to deal with that in the media and then you can be there to comment on it at the presser. Shut him down.

It would actually be a dream to hear you ask a question and see it all working. Sometimes I ask a question when I'm watching the presser. I'll ask a question in my head and then maybe when it's like, it's a game as to like how many questions get asked before a question kind of along the same lines I was asking. My best is second.

Yeah. I'm also pretty sure they don't let you into Parliament to ask questions unless you've had some kind of like background check. Yeah. You can't just scroll on in. I know the Prime Minister. There's no greater background check. We went to school together.

Hello. What, are we going to say it? Security? Who are you? I'm in Morrinsville College. Hello. I was Deputy Counsel under Jacinda. That was Morrinsville Intermediate.

Yeah. It's Intermediate Deputy. Let me in. Come on. Z under Jacinda. Yeah, it's intermediate deputy. Let me in. Come on. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM's $50,000 secret sound. Soundkeeper Owls is in her little

bunker. Through the studio we can see you. Hello. I've seen two little puppies walk around. Can I have a hold? No. We can send one puppy in for one minute. The amount that they have are defecated and urinated in the studio. We don't need to

messy up your bunker. I have seen poor producer Jared just come in and out with toilet paper. It smells like an animates in here. It does sound like an animates in here. It does. Alright, so we have Carla. Good morning, Carla. Morning.

You have a shot right now at $15,000. No pressure. It is the current jackpot with ZM's $50,000 secret sound. It's all thanks to Star which launches tonight on Disney+. More movies, more episodes, more originals. You can check out Disney Plus on Insta for more.

Carla, this is what the secret sound sounds like. You're saying that like you're only hearing it now for the first time. You should have had a little think about this. I'm second guessing. Okay, well, Carla, that $15,000 is yours. If you can tell us what that sound is. Now, I was thinking, is it picking a strawberry? Okay.

How does that relate to the clue? Has there been, what's the word? I used Google and it showed there is a strawberry farm out west in Cougar called Greg's Strawberry Farm. Yeah, Phil Gregg's been there for an ice cream or two in my time. Oh, I think I know the one. Yeah, and the clue was on the left-hand side, so I'm kind of relating that to west, so. And it's on the left-hand side of the road on the way out west. I've got quite a bit of thought into this, actually.

I did pick some strawberries pre-Christmas. Did they make this harsh static sound? No. Did you hear that? How aggressively is this person picking strawberries? They had a no eating the strawberries sign. Yeah, well, they want you to pay by weight. Yeah, well, I got a couple in.

You can just pick them and eat them. It's not a free restaurant. Let your Augustus glump of strawberry do it. All right. Hello. We'll get down to it. I like doing the cough before it makes it more serious. Oh, it's good.

It's drama. Thank you. That is not the secret sound. Oh, Carla, we've got $100 for you, though. Every wrong guess wins $100 for you, though. Every wrong guess wins $100 cash. Another shot coming up at 11 and 1 with Georgia in 4 and 5

this afternoon with Clint and Caitlin. And don't forget, of course, Secret Sound. ZM Secret Sound on Insta for all the wrong clues and any clues that we give you so you can pour through those. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. I have a new friend, a new pal, Jen.

I'd like to tell you guys about how Jen and I became friends. Well, apparently we're old friends. Okay. But yesterday at 7.09am, I received an email and I thought for the purpose of brevity, we could reenact the email correspondence that Jen and I have shared through the last 24 hours. This is your friend, your good, is she a good friend?

Well, we'll find out, I guess. All should be revealed. Right, okay. All will be revealed. So this started just over 24 hours ago. You haven't been replying to emails again. I did. I've told you that when you do this,

and this is why if you ever get a spam email, you should never unsubscribe from it. Unless it is something that you remember subscribing to because then that says to these people that your email is active. So what do you do if you get spam? You just delete it. You just delete it or put it straight to the junk box. That's a pain.

Oh, I hate seeing junk box 50. Beside junk box. I know, and then you can't, yeah. You've got to empty the junk box. There don't need to be any notifications of any variety. Right. So yesterday at 7.09, I got my first email from Jen. Okay, so is Hayley going to be Jen?

Hayley's going to play Jen. Okay, right. Okay. I'm just trying to think of my character, but I won't distract with a character. This is your story. Email received. Vaughan, hello, it's Jenny.

Goodness me. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Oh my God, Jenny. How long has it been? Vaughan, I live near you. My name is Jen. I am 29 and still very beautiful. My pics are in my profile on this site.

Link. Link. Please sign up there. It is free. Find me there. My nickname is Jen underscore C. Exclamation mark. Jen, do you live close? Where do you live? How close? Are you my neighbour? Have we seen each other?

I'll be in my private chat today. Join me in 30 to 40 minutes. I'll show you something. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Smiley face. This is where my private chat page is. Link. What's your nick there? Nick? No, I'm Vaughan. Old friends should know each other's names, Jen, you silly goose. I haven't signed up.

Old friends like us should probably just have a beer down at the local because we live near each other. Vaughan, again, please contact me on this site. Link. Do not write to this email anymore. If my husband reads it, he will be very angry. A husband, Jen? Jennifer, why did you not mention this husband previously? This is a slight snag to our plan,

but old friends i cast can work something out i'm sure hola please do not send emails here contact me on site if he finds your messages he will both of us oh as the french say a menage a trois. Hot. I'm in. As long as he pays me the due attention and not just concentrates on you entirely. Honey, this is my last email. It is not secure for me to talk here. Please visit this dating site link.

Sign up there. It is for free. Wink and contact me. My name is Jen underscore C. I will be online for the next two hours. Your Jenny. Smiley face. My Jenny? Whoa, pump the brakes.

What about your husband? What does he look like? Do you have any pictures? Do you have any pictures of that presumably big and handsome man? Hey, come on. I was waiting for you two hours on my chat page on the site last time. Angry face. No more jokes.

Contact me only there. Sad face. Jen, you've gone quiet on this husband. Does he have his own profile on this site? Here's my profile link. My name is Jen C. Add me. Yes, you said that before.

What's your husband's profile name? Vaughan, no. My husband can't find out. I have emailed. Please stop emailing. Well, what's his email then? I'll email him directly. He doesn't have an email.

Goodbye, Vaughan. Come on, Jenny. Don't hog me. There's enough to share me around. Jenny, give me your husband's number, Jenny. I thought. Come on, Jenny. Don't hog me. There's enough to share me around. Jenny, give me your husband's number, Jenny. I thought we were friends, Jenny. Error message. Email no longer exists.

She blocked you. Yeah, I can't email Jenny anymore. Unless her husband blocked you. Well, Jenny's the one who started this whole thing. She turned around, didn't she? I know, didn't she? She was all like, I'm going to cheat on my husband. And then I was like, well, there's no need who started this whole thing. She turned around, didn't she? I know, didn't she? She was all like, I'm going to cheat on my husband. And then all of a sudden,

there's no need to cheat. Let's involve him. And all of a sudden, like, no, she doesn't want to share me? How rude. You don't want to be with someone like that who's a selfish lover. No, I know. I know. She really led you on there, Vaughan. I'm so sorry that happened. If I'm going to experiment outside of my marriage, I just don't want to experiment with what I've already

got inside my marriage with boring heterosexual stuff, you know? Live a little. Yeah, I know. Good on you for celebrating Pride Month, though. Yeah, and what a way to celebrate. Exactly. Curiosity. I've told you, stop replying to these people

because now they put you on a database. I've got a lot of time to build. Obviously, obviously. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Seek New Zealand have conducted a survey and the findings revealed that more than 50% of

respondents agreed that they would be interested in a workplace relationship. Is this so that Seek's the job people, aren't they? They do job listings. Yeah, I don't know why.

I don't know why they're... So they're like, well, if you don't like your workplace at the moment, maybe there's someone that's your future husband or wife at another workplace. Oh, at another workplace. But then would you want, if you were an HR and you were doing the hiring, would you want to know that the person you're hiring's like, just came for a

lunchtime rendezvous? Don't question that side of it too much. The finding is the interesting bit. And it also found that one in five Kiwis have been in a romantic relationship, whether it was a full-blown, you know, relationship, or if it was just a casual liaison.

I thought it would have been more than that. It's only 20%. Yeah. I think people are lying. But then the study shows that people are into workplace romances quite a bit. Yeah, they're like, this is a good thing. They should totally be allowed. So a psychologist has now chimed in with some tips

if you're interested in beginning one of these relationships. And they say the reason that a lot of us are drawn to it is because we get to see the person in a natural environment. So not so much pressure. You're not on an intense date in a bar or you haven't been set up or anything. You're just sort of living your life.

And there's a lot of fantasy element to it. The old boardroom swipe. You might see that person under pressure handling some drama or a crisis. That's hot, eh? Exactly. Unless they're crumbling. Unless the pressure's been put on and they are absolutely crumbling. There's a few things to be aware of. Obviously, potential complications when you're working with your lover. Power imbalance.

That's obviously something in the workplace that'll add a little bit of awkwardness potentially. And you also might make things a little bit uncomfortable. You've got to think about the impact on your other co-workers. So say you and I, Fletch, you know, we started a relationship here. How's that for Vaughan? Don't let me out.

We're over in the corner playing footsies and little messages and stuff. I'll go and play footsies. Sexy emails. Guys, I'm going to play footsies. Sexy emails. Guys, I'm going to have to middle child this situation. Everybody look at me. So this, if you and, I've used the example, you and Tony in accounting just can't resist each other. Here's some three tips to make your workplace relationship a successful relationship.

Oh, okay. Here we go. Number one. Strap it. Approach the relationship with transparency and sensitivity, yet without shame or secrecy. Oh, God. Why did they have to put so many words in it?

So basically, like, don't be, like, hiding in the stapler cupboard. That's the hot part about it, isn't it? How many staplers at your workplace? This is an office that joins things together. They've got a lot of staples on the guy. Right, okay. But you also don't want to be parading it around. A bit of sensitivity there.

Number two, consider the needs of co-workers who may feel uncomfortable, as we said before. Me and Fletch, we're over here, having an absolute hot and heavy time. And you're just standing there. But then also, you're providing your co-workers with a good bit of gossip fodder as well, so don't feel bad about that. But that's distracting from the work you're just standing there. But then also you're providing your co-workers with a good bit of gossip fodder as well so don't feel bad about that.

But it's distracting from the work you're supposed to be doing. No, but they say that workplaces that gossip and friend groups that gossip are really stronger. Stronger connections. And this third one is just a bit wishy-washy.

Celebrate and nurture your union with gratitude. Oh, God, that sounds like a star sign. So again, I'll just use the example of me and Fletch here. We've gotten together somehow. Somehow. Against all odds. Against everybody's better judgment. As we said earlier in the show, the body wants what the body wants.

You just have to give each other love and gratitude. And when you break up, you know, keep the gratitude and the love going. But interesting that like half of Kiwi surveyed are all for the workplace romance. They don't see anything wrong with it. So don't feel bad. Don't feel bad at all. It's a long held fantasy, isn't it? Carpool.

What? Same part of work. Use the same car to work. Use the 2-2 line. Oh, yeah. I'm just thinking of positives of a workplace romance. Romantic music. Share a little cup of joe in the morning. Yeah, catch the same bus,

and then you don't have to sit next to her like a smelly weirdo. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day Today's fact of the day is about rally cars Have you ever watched a rally stage? Yeah, it scares the jeebies out of me. I've been in one with Hayden Patton and it was terrifying.

Was he going easy because you were in there? He wasn't going race speed, but he was going trial speed or something. It was way too fast for me. They're on gravel roads. They go around the corners. I'm like, how do more of them not just end up in ditches? How do they slide off the track? And all the people always watch it right by the corners. I'm like, how do more of them not just end up in ditches? How do they slide off the track? And all the people always watch it right by the road.

That's today's fact of the day. Oh, okay. I'm going to give you a little bit more background about rally because I didn't know this. So Group A rally was where cars had to be a car that was in production for the vehicle, like a Mitsubishi Lancer, for example. Mirage.

Hmm? A Mitsubishi Mirage. No, is that another one? That was my first car, 1992. Was it? Yeah, good. A Mitsubishi Mirage. I didn't buy it in 1992 when I was three years old.

I think I'd watch rally, I think I'd watch more rallies, like I don't watch any rallies, but I'd watch them if they were like nana cars. Yeah. Like how cool would that be to see like racing car drivers race like nana cars? Yeah, Like how cool would that be to see like racing car drivers race like nana cars. Yeah, just Santita coming around the corner.

Yeah. And doing that thing at the start line where they're revving and it goes and they're off. So you had your Ford Seras and your,

I'm just going down a list of these pictures of cars here. Peugeot 306. So that was group A, right? Yeah. And that was pretty quick and everyone was pretty excited. But then in 1982, they were like,

so what if we made these cars ridiculously fast? Would we still be driving it on gravel? Yep. Okay. So that was where Group B was born. Okay. And that was where it was competition in sports car racing and rallying. It was modified, but these cars were insanely powerful.

Right. And they didn't have to be cars that had been production cars. That's where it leads in today's fact of the day, because Group B didn't last very long because it was too fast and the gravel was too gravelly and many of them got flipped and whoopsied and quashed. My God, was everyone okay? They, well, you'll be familiar with, as you said,

how close people stand to the road. Yep. There was a tradition in Portugal that when the Rally of Portugal was happening, you would see if you could touch the cars as they passed. That's where they stand, right next to the road. It was good luck. This was when Group A was a big thing.

They'd be like, boop, got one. You'd get your wrist snapped off. Boop, got one. Yeah A was a big thing. They'd be like, boop, got one. You get your wrist snapped off. Boop, got one. Yeah, by a wing mirror. When they launched Group B and these cars were going absolute gangbusters, they decided to keep up the tradition of trying to touch them. And that was after a rally in 1982, why two mechanics working on a Peugeot 205 found three fingers in the bonnet.

Is that the fact of the day? That's today's fact of the day. Someone touched a Group B rally car as it flew past them and it tore off three of their fingers. From my research, no one ever came forward saying, I lost three fingers. I'm stupid. That was me.

Shaka. Shaka's for life now. So people wanted to touch the cars this was a tradition born in group A it's kept going in group B

yeah right someone put their fingers out the car was going so fast when it went past the fingers I don't even know how it got caught

it just literally ripped the fingers off ripped them off clean off too well you have to message your best friend Hayden Patton ask if he's found

any fingers in his grill any phalanges in the boot? In the boot? How'd you get the boot? That's a case where they slam their fingers in the boot at take-off and they're like, wait, wait! Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

So today's fact of the day is mechanics working on a Peugeot 205 of the Group B rally in 1982 once found three fingers in the bonnet of a Peugeot. Fact of the day, dayughan and Megan, the podcast. The story we talked about yesterday about this perfume called Molecule 1 that has just gone crazy everywhere. And it's a single chemical in the perfume rather than a mix.

And so apparently the reason it's going crazy is because when it comes into contact with the pheromones on your skin, it produces a unique scent that is unique to each person that wears it. Right, so it's not like you're going in and you go around all the bottles and you spray them and you sniff one and you find one you like. This is quite a neutral smell.

It's quite a neutral smell. Apparently, especially the person wearing it, because it's their pheromones, which we can't smell, often can't even detect it. But the people around you are being drawn to your natural pheromones. And pheromones are what draw us to people a lot of the time. The smell of another man or woman or whoever you want to smell.

So we talked about that, and it's this crazy thing that's going crazy, that's blowing up everywhere. So then we received a message from Trina who said, I heard you guys talking about Molecule 1. I'm a perfumer. Miller Road Fragrance Studio in Devonport. Molecule 01 is a molecule called Iso-E Super, and it's one of my favorite perfume materials,

along with Molecule 2, which is ambroxan, which is a synthetic version of the whale vomit. You know, have you seen that? It's been in the news again lately. Oh, because people find it on the beach and it's worth heaps of money. It's worth tons of money. So this would be a base in most perfumes. Ambergris, that's correct.

Yeah, so typically this would be the primer, you know. This is the, I've got it in my hot hand here. We've been sent a little trial. So this is sort of like what you would add the smell of, what's your favourite smell? Oranges. Oranges too. And chocolate.

Orange chocolate. Now you smell like a Terry's chocolate orange. Well done. You smell like a sexy Jaffa. A big sexy Jaffa. Yeah, right. So now what, people are just skipping all the other fragrances. And just going for this plain one that does have a scent to it,

but amplifies your own personal scent. And apparently Fragrance Primer 2 and Broxin, which is a synthetic ambergris extract, it's also called Sexy Man. And it's because it's a... Which one's that? The Primer 2. Oh, shall I spray it on my arm? And do you want to come over, Hayley,

in a purely platonic way? We have made a pact that this won't impact our relationship. Just a smell of that doesn't smell particularly masculine, does it? I wouldn't describe it as musky or anything that we usually... Yeah, come over and sniff my arm. Okay. And you should walk past Hayley. Like, she's in a over and sniff my arm. Okay. And you should walk past Hayley.

Like, she's in a bar and you walk past. Okay. So you have a seat. Hayley and I are having a Mai Tai. I'm just sitting here with my drink. That is weird. What is it? Oh, I just got it. What is it?

What's it doing to you? Uh-oh. Now, we made that pact that we weren't going to hook up with each other. That actually smells quite. That smells really good. That smells amazing. Because I've. You've amplified it.

What does it smell like on me? I just got excited and I farted a little bit. What if it amplifies the fart? God damn it. Of all the times to have an excited squeak. I got excited. I was jumping around. I was really excited because of how nice you smell.

And I was excited for you because this is going to be great for you. Oh my God, you just absolutely ruined. And then I farted and now I'm worried that's going to be the dumb. What if I spray it? You smell amazing. Fletch, can you put it on? And can I see if your pheromones are doing different things to Fletch's pheromones? How many did you give yourself?

A couple. A couple of skirts. Did you do the pat? No, I didn't do the pat. People always are a bit weird with the pat. No, people, you're not meant to do the pat. No, you know, don't. Okay, now, Warren, if you go over to...

I'll go over here a bit because... Fly the fart away. But you go to Hayley so that you're... Also, this studio does have dog wheeze in it, so I'm wondering... Yeah, there's been a couple of retrievers. Anything's going to smell good to us now because my parents' puppies are in the studio.

Okay, hold on. A mix of animates and Vaughan's bottom. How's that? How's that, Hayley? How does Vaughan smell? Go back to the mic. Oh, no. That's not good.

No one wants silence. Okay, I don't know if I'm losing my mind here. But on you instantly, Fletcher, I was like, far out. That smells, that man smells great. With you, Vaughn, not as much. Oh, man. Oh, so, okay, so your pheromones are individual, aren't they? Yeah, they are.

So maybe you're not as horny for Vaughn. Well, let's see if Vaughn's horny for me. Okay, let's see. Fletch, are you horny for me? I'm not going to lie. The smell. The smell you did. You really.

You really. I'm not horny for you at all. You're not horny for me. I can't smell anything on you. The primer too didn't make you horny for me. No. But it made me horny for Fletch. And it made me horny for Fletch too.

So hang on. So we'll try me now. Fragrance primer number one. This is the Molecule 01, which is like this one that's gone crazy. But it's insane. So all this is like the base of fragrances. Why do they put the rest of the stuff in? Because this is all good.

Well, because there's people like me who just smell like an onion apparently. I smell like a sack of onions. Okay. One of those. No, you've got to let her walk past you. You've gone into her zone. I'm walking past. You've got to get the fresh.

Yeah, it's all right. It doesn't make me horny for Hayley. Stop being the guy everybody's horny for that's not horny for anybody. You walk past me now. Let me see if you're horny for me. Sit here. I got nothing. Yeah, I know. I got nothing Yeah I know

I got nothing I'm not horny for you Okay so What we can Tank from this Is that you're Both horny for me Yes

But we're not horny For anyone else It's good to know It's like a It's like a love triangle But it's an open Bottom triangle And you're the top

Of the triangle It's like a pyramid scheme Okay everyone's horny For you But that thing of It's kind of not It's not that detectable To Okay, everyone's horny for you. But that thing of, it's kind of not, it's not that detectable to the wearer.

Why does it make you, because the minute you put it on, I can smell you, but I put it on me, I can't smell the phone. Because I've got great pheromones. Can you smell yourself? Yeah, I smell great.

Are you horny for yourself? I'm horny for myself. You smell fantastic. You're a horn factory. Oh, well, this isn't fair. This isn't the same. Well, thank you to Miller Road Fragrances for giving us that.

He's saying thank you because he's now... It sounded like a joke before about getting on an electric scooter and driving around uni, but it's not... Vaughan, we're turning Vaughans, Michael. We don't need that. Thank you very much. Little bit of barley. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. With COVID and level changes recently, it's had an unexpected... Hmm? It's had an unexpected problem. It's caused an unexpected problem with bike servicing. Because I couldn't get my bike into the bike shop to get fixed. That's a real warrant of fitness.

Yeah, it's like, so you know the gear clicky thing? I'd go click, click, and it wouldn't change the gears. So you push the lever. Yep. And the cable that changed the gears wasn't doing its job. I could do three gears. The real easy one, the middle one, and the real hard one. And nothing in between.

Okay, because I was going to say, is it loose so it's only getting to the bottom part or the top part? I don't think it was loose because you could still go up all of them. The big one. It was losing its precision of its precision change. So the gear changer. And of course, I can change a bike tire, but other than that, I've got zero clue how to do anything else. And so.

You did just call it the clicky gear thing. I don't think it's. So, but I rang up like three different bike stores and all of them were like, either we're not taking bookings because we're completely full up because of COVID. Everyone decided to go on their bike or get a bike or get them service so they can have a bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is good because, you know, people are being active and stuff.

If you're trying to keep active, there's only so much running you can do before your knees are like, stop this. Yeah. What are you doing to me? So I was like, well, I can't get a service for ages. I'm going to just have to fix this myself. So I did a YouTube.

DIY Kiwi attitude. Some old mate from a bike store in Australia was the first person to come up. He's like, G'day, it's Tony from Tony's Bikes or whatever. Here's how you fix your gear thing. I was like, okay. And he's like, fiddle this

little turny thing at the back of the gear changey thing, and that should do it. Now, were those Tony's exact words, or did he use more of the professional term? I'm paraphrasing. Was it a screw or like an Allen key? It's like, okay, so the cable from the clicky thing that you press with your thumb. That's got to be tight.

That comes down the bike. Correct. It's like a wire, and then it goes into the back of that thing. So when you press it, it pulls it. Yeah, Shimano. Was it a Shimano gear? It's a Shimano gear thing. So I'm twisting that thing, and I'm turning the pedal,

I'm changing the gears, nothing's happening. I'm turning it some more, turning the wheel, turning it some more, like you said on the video, turn it, and then the whole thing just popped out. A spring came out. Oh, did you loosen it? Oh, yeah, while I was doing both. And then the cap came off that, and. A spring came out. Did you loosen it? Were you loosening it around the tongue? Yeah, while I was doing both.

And then the cap came off that, and then the wire came out. It all unfilled from the frame. Far out. And so now there's a wire hanging off. There's a casing for the wire. This is going to be so embarrassing. Three bits. When you get to actually finally go to a bike store,

you could have gone with just a slightly other than an issue. I know. Now you're turning out with an absolute slightly other type of issue. I know. Now you're turning out with an absolute bombsite of a bike. I know. So I've got all the little bits that came out in a glad bag. Yes, you do.

It's the bag of shame. The wire that I'll just wrap around the handlebars and I'll wheel it in. Because I did manage to someplace email and be back yesterday, almost like the universe knew I needed help, saying that Thursday I can get an appointment for a bike fix. So I'm going to have to take it in there.

Are you going to do what I do when I inevitably try to make something better and make something worse and blame someone else for tinkering on it? I'm just going to be like, oh, my God, I was just biking along and it all just came out. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. No, but how would you have found all those bits? That's unrealistic.

A friend of yours claimed to be a bike expert and then you go, like that, like you you go, like that. You're as frustrated with that. And now they won't even have the bloody guts to come in here and tell you what they've done wrong. I know. But it's getting to the stage where my bike is almost like a printer. You know when you actually go to buy ink cartridges,

and it's like more, all the service and ink is more than the printer itself? Than just a new printer, yeah. I genuinely just did this the other day. Went to get ink, more than the printer itself? Than just a new printer, yeah. I genuinely just did this the other day. Went to get ink, left with the printer. Yeah. But you know they only half fill those printers with ink. That's why they run out real quick.

I know, but it just... Not a keeper. It just felt like a deal at the time. Not if you open the box in warehouse stationery and just pop it up and put a new printer in there. Pop it in. No, you do it when you're there and you pay for it. Oh, you don't have to go back. Yeah, right, okay. And it's still, you know it when you're there and you pay for it and you don't have to go back.

They'll cut your deal. Haggle with these people. I don't think they haggle, but you can surely pay full price. Well, I can't go to Bali or Thailand, so I need to get my haggling fixed. I'm haggling with everybody. I'm haggling at New World. I would be so embarrassed to be with you. Are you going to chuck this milk in for free? Fine, I'll leave it.

I'll leave it. And you walk away and they're like, sir. And you're like, yeah, I thought so. And they're like, you just can't leave it. Gross. Go put it back. I'm like, can't I? See you later.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and clean to listen to? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.