ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 23rd June 2020

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

Towel Debate  Fletch's Scratches  Top Love Making Jams  Fletch, Coach & Megan  Netflix Charty Party Movie Reveal!  And of course, Happy Birthday Fletch!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by McCafé. Grab yourself a delicious barista-made coffee for only $4. ZM. Head music. Lose the air. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Double jacketing. Don't try and change the subject from what I'm about to say. Happy birthday. Thanks. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Carl Peter Fletcher. Happy birthday to you.

Thank you. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. To a birthday party at the weekend for a kid, they did that. They did a very long version of for she's a jolly good fellow. Really? Very long version. Oh, too long.

I was ready to wrap it up after. No, they just did it, I think they just did it through again. And then some hip-hip-a-rays. And so say all of us, and then some hip-hip-a-rays. Yeah, it was a very drawn-out effect. Fletch said yesterday,

I'm going to call in sick tomorrow, I'm not going to come in. Well, I'm not in the mood for your shenanigans today, I'm too tired. Too tired. What did you do last night on the evening of your birthday?

No, nothing. Nothing, didn't you? Just a lot of, finished a show, went to bed, Too tired What did you do last night On the eve of your birthday No nothing Nothing Didn't you Just a lot of Finished a show Went to bed That's it Yeah

Nothing There's nothing that exciting No Exciting plans today Um Not really Just another day Isn't it

Oh It's just always What I remember My grandad saying Yeah It's just another day I remember my grandad saying. Yeah. It's just another day. Oh, don't you want to celebrate your birthday?

No. All right, here's a block of chocolate. See you, grandad. See, give me a block of chocolate, I'll be stoked. Yeah. Well, we have absolutely nothing planned for you today. Certainly not around the 8 o'clock mark. Oh, God. Just remember it's your birthday next, Megan.

Just remember that. The top six is coming up. A UK school during a COVID lockdown gave their kids homework and the homework was funeral planning. Oh, dear. It's realistic. Realistic life skills. I mean, I haven't been intimately involved

in any of my grandparents' funeral. No. So maybe these kids were a tad on the younger side. But an interesting real life experiment. Yeah. So the top six today is the top six other real life homework that could be said.

Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Good morning, Wellington, first of all. And you know, you can't be beaten on a good day. However. That's what they say. That good day lasted all of six minutes. And the week ending Sunday the 21st of June.

So, last week. Yep. Ending on Sunday. There was only six minutes of sunshine in the entire week. And it was just after 2.30 on Sunday. Now, this was as the Hurricanes were about to play. So people walking to Wellington Stadium might have been like, ooh, sun's out, lovely.

Six minutes later, gone. And that was the only time that there was direct sunlight for the capital city last week. This is officially measured also by Met Service. That is crazy. Now, you might be thinking that that's not great and that it's been a bit dreary of late. However, the previous week, there was 45 hours of sunshine.

Oh, wow. Six and a half hours a day. And that's actually higher than the average for June. Right. So the week before had had a lot of sun for June. More than this year. And then they followed it up with a week where there was literally only six minutes of sunshine and it all occurred in sequence in one block.

Yeah. Well, the great news is just looking at the forecast, there's some sun this afternoon. Great. For Wellington. Lovely. What's it looking like? We're going this forecast, there's some sun this afternoon. Great. For Wellington. Oh, lovely. What's it looking like? We're going this weekend, but I think it's raining all weekend. Yeah.

It doesn't look good. I think the high was like 11, so. Great weekend. Great weekend. Great weekend for it. Great weekend to go to Wellington, primarily for vineyard stuff. Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter if wine gets wet, does it?

It's getting wet where it's going. It's down my mouth. Wet. A wet hole. Yeah, that's how most wine tasters speak. And then it comes out wet, doesn't it? Yeah. Wine comes out wet.

Yep. Fact. Even if you drink too much and you vomit it back up, that's still wet. It's a little bit stingy. You're so classy. I don't think you're getting a job with Wine and Food magazine. Lovely vintage.

It went and went. Went and went. Came out very wet. Classy Vaughan Smith. And then I flushed it down the bog. I mean, take all the poetry out of it. That's pretty much Wine Tasting 101. Pretty much. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.

I have a question. Someone across the story, police in 2018, I don't know, it's just coming out now, maybe it's a court situation, or it's been released to the media, but in 2018 they raided a Hawke's Bay property, and they found buried in the ground $310,000 in cash

in bread bags. And it looked like ammunition tins. Oh, yeah. And they also seized a car and they sold his house. This was a guy that was in the mob, meth, drugs, that kind of thing. All up just under $800,000 of unlawful benefits. And so they take all that.

Who's the police? Yeah, so here's my question. Is that like free money on Monopoly? It should go in the middle of the board, free parking. It goes in the middle of the board and we should get some of that. What do they do with... I don't know what they do with that. What do they do with confiscated cash? Because, like, all the other evidence just goes in a room, right?

Like, guns and blah, blah, blah. But, like, money. Oh, what do police do? And it said with confiscated cash. Because once... But it would also be different in different countries, wouldn't it? I'd say so, yeah. More than 48...

Okay, so here's a story from 2018. More than $48 million of criminal money spent fighting drugs and organised crime. Police have seized or restrained more than half a billion dollars worth of assets from New Zealand drug lords, fraudsters and gangs, and the money is funding a crackdown on international drug smuggling.

Oh, wow. As of September 11, police had... Not related. Police have stripped criminals of more than $255 million worth of cash and assets and restrained a further $258 million pending investigation. Wow. And $48 million worth of that money have been paid out to agencies to fund projects targeting drugs and organised crime.

Oh, so it's like a self-funded. Yeah, but wouldn't it be great if we got some of that? Criminal Money also funded a $1 million police liaison officer position in China in 2013. It funded $100,000 for a customs project that aimed to build on cooperative relationships with

Chinese drug enforcement agencies. So it looks like they're using it to... I mean, it stops drugs coming to the community, but I'm just saying, well, why not build a police hydra slide that we can all use for free in summer? Imagine that. That would put everybody... Bought by drug money.

That would be so much fun. And good steed with the police. And you didn't have to wait for the green light to go down the slide. You could just go whenever. I was going to say, the reason you know to go is because instead of a green light, it has like a siren light. It's like how you know how to go. And the lights go and then you can go.

But sometimes I think those hydro slide lights wait too long until the person's off the hydro slide. It's like I could go halfway down. Yeah, but if they had a dry spot, they'll slow right down and then you'll come in hot potato behind them and you'll clear them out. That's where it can get dangerous. God, I love hydra slides.

They are pretty fun. Great fun. Yeah. I just don't like walking back up the ramp to get to the top. Or up the stairs. Do you want an escalator or a lift? Yeah. I just get cold.

I think any hydra slides with a lift or an escalator, because you're right, that is the worst part about it. Would the pouring water dripping into the escalator cause a problem? Yes. As I'm standing there? Yeah, because that's the thing when you're running up that ramp, there's always water dripping down. Lots of water dripping down. Yeah, it probablyator cause a problem? Yes. As I'm standing there? Yeah. Because that's the thing when you're running up that rampart, there's always water dripping down. Lots of water dripping down.

Yeah, it probably would cause a problem. But then I've seen outside escalators. What about like a chairlift? Like you jump in a bucket and it's warm water in the bucket. That would be quite heavy. Yeah, maybe that'd be too heavy. But like some sort of warm water system keep you warm on the way back up in the chairlift. It's like a spa.

A chairlift spa. Yeah. Well, no, it'll be summer. You don't need to be keeping warm. And that way, you're not like burning any calories and everybody gets fatter and then you can go faster down the hydro slide. And then you can make your green light shorter between the distances. Because everyone's fatter and going faster, you don't have to wait.

It's always the skinny, wavy kids. Yeah, win-win. That slow down on the corners. Yeah. You never saw a fatty slow down. Oh, no. Speaking as one, as a child, we hit the water pretty quick. Yeah, yeah. Good times.

Good speed. Good velocity. There's that problem solved. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. From the ZM Think Tank. This is the Top Six.

Hello there. A school in the UK in the firing line from some parents as children were asked to plan a funeral for homework. This included picking flowers. What colour do you want people to wear? Do you want it to be your traditional black on black? Yeah. Morning or a brighter colour?

Nice. Songs? Gkets. You're going to have to do it sometime in life. Good Lord. But like, way to show the kids their mortality. Yeah. Yeah. I would, I hope my parents don't think they're getting a fancy coffin.

I don't waste their money. I always see just put me in some, I don't know. When you're not allowed to just grab an old fridge box from an old Leemings, you've got to use one of their posh ones, don't you? Just get me the cheapest one. I'm literally not going to be there to give a shit about it. No. And it's going to get crushed and stuff.

I quite like those, you see, wrapped in linen and then popped in a kiti. A woven flax. Are you allowed to do that? I think so. Because that would be legit. You know that guy that designed those flash toilets up in Kawakawa? Yeah. He, that's what his vibe was.

Okay. He got wrapped in a bit of linen cloth and some harakeke flax woven into a. Yeah, right. A casket-y sort of thing and popped in a hole. I mean, does that take a while? Does that take a long time? For what? To weave it.

To weave it. Oh, my God. What a what? That's a lot of flax. Okay. You see, that seems like a waste then if someone's like artistic skills. You're just going to bury it. You pay them accordingly.

Oh, right. Yeah. You don't just hold someone hostage and get them to weave you a kitak coffin. So on the back of this, I've got the top six other real-life lessons that could be controversially taught in school. Okay. Number six, how to not seem guilty during a GST audit by the IRD. So explain to me how that was essential for your business.

Entertainment? Right, no, that seems fair. How many more questions? I can't handle too many more of these. Number five on the list of the top six real life things that could controversially be taught in school. Top tips to seem not drunk when you come home late after a night out with the girls.

Oh my God. Are you just getting home? I am fine. I'm fine. What time is it? It doesn't matter. I've been here for ages. Oh, that voice is so creepy.

I just went to the toilet. Okay, okay. I just went to the toilet. Oh, my God, your breath. Have you spewed? Maybe I've spewed. Just to make up. Tip one, don't do that. I've speared. Just to think I'm sexy.

Tip one, don't do that. Number four on the list of the top six real life things that could controversially be taught in school. How to blame someone else in the workplace for that absolutely disgusting mess you just left in the work toilets. You walk back in and you're like, wow. Straight away, the first person would be like, wow. I can't believe somebody did that. Jesus.

The thing I have just seen. And then immediately you're bringing it up. Yeah. You wouldn't bring it up if you did it. No. Number three on the list of the top six real life things that need to controversially perhaps be taught in school are how to turn up to a potluck dinner with all your friends,

sporting a $2 garlic bread and eat yourself a massive buffet of delicious food and desserts, also turning up with two beers but somehow drinking 15. We've all got that friend. We've all got that friend.

Yeah, we've all got that friend. Hey, guys. Oh, did you bring anything? Oh, yeah, I've already put it out in the kitchen. That's how you do it. And then you just move around getting your beers from different spots. Number two on the list of the top six real life things

that could controversially be taught in school. How to spew mid-party and not only cover it up but keep partying. Now I've never managed that. Once I spew, I am through. I'm done for the day. Yeah. Week. I'm done for the week.

I'm going to need a little one of these. And hot add up. Yeah. Week. I'm done for the week. I'm going to need a little one of these. And hot add up. Good night. I am going home. But you know, there's some people that come back and they're just like, I spewed. They get a second wind. It's unbelievable. Party!

Your body's literally saying no more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've ejected what you've been putting in me due to my inability to process it. Well, how about we have some more? And number one on the list of the top six real life things that could controversially be taught in school, how to get a job with no experience

and then bluff your way into a management position. Plenty of those, people. Plenty of those. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Get ready for some sexy content. We're going to talk about towel folding. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I love a towel. This is not going to be on your sexy list, but I love a towel roll. Okay, so this came into the debate later. So someone has, a woman has uploaded this picture to the Home Decorating Mums Facebook group. Oh God, that would be a horrible group. This went crazy online.

Yeah. It's one of those groups from the outset. You're like, well, that seems like a supportive place, but it's not. It's just hoeing into each other about what you're doing wrong and how you're a terrible mother and your children are going to be drug addicts. Yay, feminism.

And then we just really love to tear each other down. Yes, yes, yes. So, option A, she showed how she folds her towels and then asked, how do you fold your towels? Is she a radio station? I mean, we're talking about it, aren't we? Interestingly, how do you fold yours? Option A was folding the towel in half

To form a large flat rectangle It was large like squarish flat If I had a big towel cupboard Like I was using the hot water cupboard That's probably how I would do it Really? Only because like Well it's just easier isn't it?

I don't think my towels are big enough isn't it? In half, in half again? I don't think my towels are big enough. If I did in half and then in half again, they'd still be, like, a pretty tight rectangle. Do you have a big spa towel? No, they're small. Oh, they're small. Yeah.

Oh, right, okay. So option B involves folding the towel towards the centre to create a higher, thinner rectangle and a more rolled finish. See, I do that because I've got like a little, like a cupboard, but it's not very deep. So that's how I folded it and then I was like, oh, I love that

because then they look really nice all stacked up. So lay it out lengthwise. You fold it in half lengthwise so now it's really long and skinny. Yeah, and then what do you do? Top to bottom.

Yep, top to bottom. And then... And half again and roll it into the the third And then over again Oh okay right Okay How big are your towels I can't do that many folds

Oh babes You need to splash out And get some nice Sheratons Some big Sheratons I don't need big towels Treat yourself And then when you push it in It would appear to just be one

Yes Like it just looks like One fold has been put In the entire towel And it looks nice All the ugliness Is hit on the back side. Because you're hiding the edges and stuff. And the tickety thing, the label thing.

Yeah, the tickety thing, the label. You've got to have a big towel, Megan, because there's nothing worse than wrapping a towel around you and it only just goes around you. Yeah. And you feel fat. No, because then you're always like, oh, am I going to expose my food? You've got to have a split on the side.

And then if it's a thin towel, does it cover both nips and nuts? It does for me because I'm short. Right. But yeah, I guess if you were using a thin towel. Yeah, because if you had a big spa towel, it looked like you had a big lava lava on or a dress. Shade always mocks me because I wear my towel covering my breasts. You do. I've seen you do that.

My ex used to do that too. Most dudes just go around the waist. I was like, what are you doing? But I go up around here. Like a dress. Like Oblux from Asterix and Oblux. He always wears those things around his waist. Why do you do that?

I don't know. I just always have. Are you worried about it? I find I get cold in the midsection if I'm around the waist. I get cold. Is it because you don't want your puku out? Don't be embarrassed No, it's at my house.

I don't give it. No, I don't care. I don't care. I just always have. Maybe it's because It's more comforting. It's more of a cuddle. Is it because my mum,

like when I was a little kid, it was mum that taught us how to bathe and stuff. So she probably just like, we got out and she dried us and then she put the towel around and said, go stand in front of the fire.

And then that's just how I always feel comfortable. That's how women do it because they have to cover the nungs. Why do they have to cover the nungs? Well, they don't have to. But now I agree with you. It's just like if you had it around your waist, you'd be cold. The top half gets cold. It's still weird.

I've seen you do it and it's very weird. Go stand in front of the fire. That was the winter bath that I had. Now go stand in front of the fire. That was a winter bath at our house. Now go stand in front of the fire. And you'd stand there and you'd be so toasty warm. And the towel was so dry. And you'd turn around and you'd lift the leg up a little bit so the hot air would hit your butt and your balls.

As a little kid, your mum would come out and you'd have your leg up. She'd be like, what are you doing? You'd be like, just warming up. She'd be like, oh, don't do that. You'll burn yourself. Well, this post on how to fold your towels got 4,100 comments of people arguing on how to do it. What did people vote for mostly? So I actually think quite a few people went for B,

but then that's when everyone came in with option C, which is the roll. Because everyone was like, well, this is how you're supposed to save room and stack in your cupboards. Yeah, the roll is the most room-efficient way of storing a towel. Because we had a packed hot water cupboard, linen cupboard, whatever you call it. And when I rolled it, we had extra space left. I was like, oh, it takes longer, though, when you're doing the washing. It does, it does.

And you've got to have it perfect, otherwise it's sad again. Yeah. There's lots of arguments, though. Someone said you've got to do the flat one otherwise they get creases in the towel and it gets all bunched up. It's a towel. This page is lit. I don't iron my shirts. I'm not going to worry about

a crease in a towel. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. I saw this pop up online. A man named Nick shared this. And the photo that he shared is a screen cap of a targeted ad for the New Zealand National Party. Okay. We're going to get a lot of these on the way up to the election.

Yeah, it's an election, yeah. Do you know, I think they should ban the hoardings. You know, when's it going to be? So what are we in? July next week. July, August, September. Three months out. When are they going to start putting up those ugly core flute signs?

I've got some core flutes down the road from my house already. Has anyone drawn a moustache on the candidate? No, not yet. They're just a waste. When has anybody driven past one of those and been like, well, that's changed my opinion. Yeah. Like if these people have been on the internet, people get pretty concrete into their opinion.

I'm trying to get the swipe voters. I remember the Meryl one. I saw that billboard and I was like, I'm going to look into that person because they look young and fun. You said he was cute, so you voted for him. No, I looked into his policies. And you said lucky he was cute and had you voted for him. No, I looked into his policies. And you said lucky he was cute and had good policies. Yeah.

So you're saying it'll only work for the cute politicians. Man. So three or four. Or if they look really friendly, you might be like, okay. See, they must spend like thousands putting up all those hoardings. I would be much more likely to vote for someone if they knocked on my door and gave me $5. Like, imagine that's what I'd do if I was running for Zona Legal. See, at least mine was more responsible because, like, yes, he was cute,

but then I looked into it. Yours is just, like, bribery. Now, Fletcher will take his $5 and not vote for him anyway. Yeah, 100%. You got me on the day, mate. That's five bucks. I'm going to get some lolols. We'll get lolols.

I know you very well. I love lolols. So it says the New Zealand economy has shrunk by 1.6% in the first three months of this year. I don't know if you can kind of count this year as anybody's fault, regardless of what side of the political spectrum that falls on. The biggest fall in 29 years. Forecasts predict the economy is to fall by 8% over the course of the entire year,

which is the equivalent of $13,000 per household. Because of a global pandemic. But National have a plan, team and experience to get your economy back on track. Then there's a picture of a house. This is where the problem arises. I mean, it's fraught with issues so far. Anybody making these sorts of claims. And then it says an 8% fall in GDP is equivalent to a $13,000 drop

per New Zealand household. And there's a picture of a house. Nick commented on Twitter saying, Oi, New Zealand National Party, would it be nice to at least ask before using a photo of my house in your ad? Or at least wait until it was cleaned? Oh, no. I realise I'm not Eminem, but a heads up would be in order, I would have thought. Obviously, Nick doesn't care too much

Nah But would he have a leg To stand on Like Nick wasn't naked In the window or anything right Let me just confirm No I can't say Nick's Nakedness

But still if your house Wasn't cleaning You hadn't done your lawns He'd be a bit pissed Like It's taken from the road So he's like I don't even know

Would I have a leg to stand on. Probably not. Because that is from public. It's public, isn't it? There's no like private details. I don't believe you can see the number on the letterbox. Let me just check again. Does it just look like a quintessential Kiwi home?

Yeah. Maybe it looks like a red brick. Right. Some of that stucco stuff up the top, et cetera. So yeah, pretty standard looking New Zealand home. But maybe that's why that was taken. So yeah, pretty standard looking New Zealand home. But maybe that's why that was taken. But yeah, no specific details.

But yeah, he's like, could someone have been like, hey, is it alright if we use your... Or surely one of the people in the National Party own a home. Or just use a stock image of a house. It might look more American and that wouldn't look... Yeah. There might not be many stock images for Kiwi homes.

Damp Kiwi house. Slightly. Slightly damp. Slightly damp. Not horrendously well insulated. Leaky. A little bit drafty. Yeah.

New Zealand. I mean, we're not specifically talking about Nick's house now. No, no, not at all. He's got a lovely home. But yeah, he's just like weird to see your own house pop up in an ad. Especially if you weren't like a national. That's what I was thinking. Does it say who he affiliates with? He doesn't.

Nah, he doesn't. He doesn't specifically say that he votes for them or he doesn't vote for them. As far as I can, I've looked into his tweet and some of the main replies and his replies to them. Yeah, right. What's fair to say is on a green supporter because that would be a yurt otherwise, wouldn't it? Okay, boomer.

That's about the most spitting reply there could have been. Oh, lols. We're just having lols. Lols on the show. After we had the lovely Chloe Swarbrick in here. I wouldn't have said that to Chloe Swarbrick. She would have eviscerated me. I know.

She would have. When she left, we were all just like, oh, my God. Imagine debating her. No. She would absolutely eviscerate you. You'd go down in flames. No, thanks. I don't want to.

Yeah. All right. Coming up on the show. I do that thing if I was in Parliament and she stood up to debate me, I'd fake a heart attack. I'd fake like, I'd be like, I feel a mosey. Get me out of here. Didn't the Mayor of Hamilton do that last week to get out of some, no, she wasn't. I don't know if she, no, I don't know.

She was on the AM show, right? You're talking about changing the name of Hamilton? Yeah. That question came up. She might have been put to sleep. They said she fainted, but to be honest, she might have just fallen asleep. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. I don't really know how to bring this up.

It's embarrassing. I've got scratches on my back. Excuse me. I just had a swallow. A substantial mouthful of rather hot coffee. Yeah, what now? I was changing my shirt at the gym and I was like, a substantial mouthful of rather hot coffee. Yeah, what now? I was like changing my shirt at the gym and I was like, oh my God, I've got to quickly put my shirt on.

So I was like the other morning, I just, because my phone charges down beside my bed because the cord's not long enough. So if I want to check my phone. You just have a long cord in your bedroom. No, I have got a long cord. I need an extension and then the long cord because it's on the other side of the bed, the plug, so it runs all the way across.

Anyway, so I have to hang off the bed and kind of, I'm hanging off to check my phone, and that's when the cat walks in and jumps up onto my back but then realises that he can't jump that far because he's a kitten and scratches all down my back as he falls off me. Oh, my God. Likely story. And then, like, yesterday, well, I clipped his claws

because I took him to the vet yesterday for some vaccinations. Yeah. Because I'm not an anti-vaxxer cat parent. Oh, no. So your cat's got autism now? Yeah. Kicked in yesterday. I saw him just sitting there.

Yeah. And, yeah, before I... And so I've got a scratch on my tummy because he resisted that. And I've got to get, like, laser on Thursday. They're going to be like, what's all these scratches on your back? But then they don't look like human scratches.

They're too fine. Because they're too fine. But still, it looks kinky. Your mistress could be wearing, like, gloves with, like, a fine nail on them. Like, stiletto nails. Yeah. I wonder, so you, when you get your butt lasered, do you,

because technically you just have to take your pants off, right? Yeah. So you leave your top on? Yeah. Unless you're getting your back done and then you put your... Oh, yeah, right. But they don't like... I'm fully nude apart from that little paper G-string.

They say, they've seen, I mean, they're seeing that. So a few scratches isn't really going to. But like, I wonder if they'll say anything. I wonder if there'll be like a, or. Would you say anything if you saw scratches down someone's back as you're lasering them? What happened here, you might say. Then what if. I know, this is why it's embarrassing, isn't it? What if it was some bedroom kink?

I mean, not kink shaming, that's fine. No, but if you're asking someone about it, then... How bad are they? I mean, they're not too bad. I'm not going to show you. How far up the back are they? Like from the middle all the way to the side. Oh, okay.

Also kind of noticeable. They won't see that. They won't see that. Yeah. Right. It's just embarrassing, isn't it? Do that thing you do when you're a little kid and you've got to go wheeze. Megan, you won't know, but you stand and you always put your pants right down.

Well, sometimes I do that just for a laugh. And you hold your shirt up with your thing and then you do the wheeze. Why are you holding your shirt up? Well, you don't want wheeze getting on your for a laugh, yeah. And you hold your shirt up with your thing and then you do the wheeze. Why are you holding your shirt up? Well, you don't want wheeze getting on your shirt. Oh, right. If you just leave that flapping in the breeze, you're a little kid. You're learning how to drive it. You've got to put your shirt up under your arms.

Yeah, you don't want wheeze getting on your shirt. Especially if your mum buys your clothes a little bit too big so you've got time to grow them. You could do that. I don't know. I reckon there'd be any questions asked. Okay, great, great. Alright. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

A list of songs that's been released of what we or not me, because I've never actually listened to music while Megan swilleth. Megan, Megan swilleth. Is that what you said, Mr. Toyboy? Do you want to make sweet love? Do you want to make sweet love?

He's like, yeah. Why do we talk like that? I don't know. Make it, we love. Make it, we love. Okay. Make it, we love. That's a tiny shift.

Make it, we love. So it's not so much songs, but I've got a list of artists people like to listen to when they're making sweet love. Okay. Maybe the top artist might have something to do with the movie they're associated with, Fifty Shades of Grey. People like to listen to The Weeknd. Oh, beg your pardon. Excuse me, Mr. Weeknd. Mr. Abel.

So he is the top artist to listen to. What was that song called? I Feel Like Coming. What? Okay, no, I'm just looking. I just want to see, like, I don't know. You know that song we played like a thousand times? Did you?

He says the title over and over again. It's four and a half minutes long, though. What are you going to do with the other two and a half minutes? Or earned it from Fifty Shades of Grey. But Drake is in there as well. One of the top artists people like to listen to. Usher. It's very sexy. Oh, yeah. Usher. It's very sexy.

Oh yeah, Usher. Sexy. Beyonce, that seems like that's pretty straightforward. That's a powerful song. In terms of females, Rihanna is the top placing. She's sixth.

Of course she is, yeah. You're loving this DJing. Yeah, it's like I'm in the club again, guys. And then Miguel. I would think Rihanna's Pondi replay would be. Well, I mean, yeah. At the base from the speakers, run through your sneakers. Yeah.

Would that be your choice? Bitch better have my money. Yeah, I love that. In terms of doing it by yourself, they've also looked into what people like to listen to when you're, yeah, by yourself. Post Malone is up there. Post Malone.

Is it the bass? Is it the bass? Yeah, it's that bass thing. I don't know. It doesn't seem right. See, I can think of just, I can understand music for lovemaking, maybe a mood set,

but music to play with yourself, that's unnecessarily romantic. Yeah, isn't it? You're there for a good time, not a long time. Get it done. Okay. This sort of thing should be done. Well, the chilli, yeah, the chilli peppers are in there.

I couldn't imagine. Red, the chilli, yeah, the chilli peppers are in there. I couldn't imagine. Red hot chilli peppers? No, that's weird. Lunch away, green day. That's got, that's too high a BPM. You'll hurt yourself

trying to keep up. It is ferocious. It is ferocious. Don't want to be an American idiot. And then, thankfully the radio is saving you from seeing Vaughan's hand movements. Yeah, if that wasn't weird enough, also making the list is a bit of Bach.

Yes. What a regal. Regal. Is that what the Queen? I'll just retire to my study. Don't disturb me. I'll be doing my readings. She's a gin for breakfast and then...

Megan! You can't speak about the queen and stuff. But she does have a gin for breakfast. Yeah, but then you're insinuating after her gin. She pops into the study, locks the door and plays it herself. I was just being a regular accent. Oh, no, that wasn't my queen voice. Hey, you can't shame the queen.

93, she rides horses. You know what they say about those horse girls? Crazy. Vaughn. They are. I'll be happily proven wrong, but good luck. Might not only be the gin that's got her to 93. Jesus, Megan.

Doubling down. I'm just saying. Have a go at Prince Philip. Don't drag the queen into this. Well, have you seen Prince Philip? He's not doing a lot. God, he's not a poster child for playing with yourself. If he's doing it.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. You can now. Here we go. Refer to me as. Coach. Coach Vaughan. Coach, you know every now and then you'll. Refer to me as Coach. Coach Vaughn. Coach, you know every now and then you'll meet someone whose nickname's Coach.

You'll be like, how did that come about? And it's not always because they coached. Some of the old mates were like coaches. And he's likely to call you Champ. Yeah, come on, Champ. Come on, Sport. Come on, Sport. Come on, Sweater.

Come on, Love. Come on, Coach. Send me in, Coach. I'm ready. I'm like, you're not ready. Because I had totally forgotten. But at the start of the year, pre-COVID, like COVID was sort of on the horizon, but seemed like it wasn't going to be that much of a massive problem.

Didn't you tell us that you put it down as if no one else was available? Yeah. It wasn't a no. Yeah. I volunteered to be the coach of my daughter's hockey team. Right. So obviously there was no one else available. And so yesterday I got an email saying that I had indeed become coach

of the hockey team. This email came through my wife, which is good. She's going to take care of the admin so I can really concentrate on coaching. Right, so she's what, your PA? She's my PA, but I've also got a manager, which is great. So we've got a coaching structure in place. Who's the manager? Kylie.

She's the manager. She looks organised. Is she another mum? She's another parent. She's a parent, yeah. She's a parent from one of the other One of the other kids Do you feel pressure?

I feel a bit of pressure for you They asked me And this was just like We'll work around you When does practice suit? These are the times that The turf's already booked So I was like

Well, let me have a think about it So I had a thought about it So Wednesday afternoons Did you just choose from one of your days So you're always free? All of them. Did you really have to think that hard? I had to think it through, what day works for me.

Oh, God, which afternoon? I've got all of them off. Yeah. Well, Mondays, no, I had to like, Mondays game night? Yep. So like Tuesday, that's recovery. Mondays game night? Mondays game night.

But you've just been hung over and all that from the, oh, they're kids. They're kids. That's right, okay. So I was going to say Monday after a weekend. But it is after school. It's like pretty soon after school. Yeah.

I'm going to need to get them jazzed right up on some candy before we play. I don't know. What do you feed athletes before the game? Are you allowed to give kids Powerade? I don't think, I don't know. Or these? Red Bulls?

That's what I'm very much frowned upon. Our orange tree's coming in hot with oranges. I can do that. I can do the coach halftime oranges. You played hockey at school and famously your mum was the coach. I sucked at it. I didn't suck at it. You only played the team because your mum was the coach.

This is a flashback to physical education with Mr Hampton who did not take me seriously, even though I was on a Waikato representative team. Because your mum picked you. Mum became the coach after I got on the team. And she was the deputy coach, whatever that's called. Do we need to bring Christine and get her feedback on what you were like as a player?

She'll be honest. She will be honest. Now, she'll probably say she spent all of her times at practice separating my brother and I because we were on the same team and shit got real. And you had weapons. Do you know how to coach? Because coaching is a different kettle of fish, Vaughn.

I don't, but maybe this is like he was a pretty good player. That's what they'll say about me in the annals of time. He was a pretty good player, but he was an even better coach. You know people that don't quite crack the game and then they become like a coach or a referee and it's where they really find this thing. Yeah, right. You always hear about them because people love hearing about someone who failed at a sportsman and became a referee.

They know what it took to be good, but they were just too lazy to actually do it. They knew what it took, but they just couldn't accomplish it. That's you to a T. Yeah. So I just want to get it out there now. I'm open for corporate sponsorship. Oh, okay. They've talked about uniforms, but I don't want my team playing in secondhand uniforms.

I'm probably going to have to source some brand new, freshly printed uniforms. Well, so even if they lose, they'll look slick ass. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. You want to look cool. Do you want me to do sales for the sponsorship? Yes, yes, yes. But I'll take a commish.

That's okay. There won't be any commish because it'll all just be. So at the moment, all the uniform's free for sponsorship branding? Yeah, and we need a van to get there. So can you source us some transport? Jesus. Good Lord. Just look for a quick way to make some money.

Kylie and I have got, she's got to manage these sorts of things. My dad can sign right the van for you. Boom. Done. Yeah. We're all on board. Why do you need a van? They're already at school.

No, we're not playing at school. We've got to travel. Oh God, this already got too hard. We're going from the west to the north. Are you going to make your daughter captain?

Of course. Is she embarrassed by the fact that you're the coach? She was so stoked when I told her. I picked her up and I was like, hey, did they tell you about hockey? And she's like, what? And I said, oh, they've asked me to be coach.

And she's like, oh, that's going to be great. That's cool. And then August is like, can I be on the team? I'm like, no, you're too young. Well, I'm coming to the practices. I don't know why she would come to the practice and just be like, I'm tucking into those oranges. I'll be like, leave the oranges up for the players.

This is typical. Yeah. How long before she's embarrassed by you? You're on borrowed time. I don't know. You've only got a few years for sure. I'm just going to ride it as long as I can. I wonder, could we take some calls this morning

on when your parents got involved with your sport and maybe went a bit overboard, Like Coach Vaughn here. Yeah. Because how long before you get a branded jacket with Coach on the back of it? Maybe it's been ordered. Exactly what I mean. This kind of thing.

Maybe it's been, you know. But you know, you hear of those parents and they go overboard. My mum was never the coach. She had no official affiliation with our netball team. But she used to come down and I was like, go shoot. She used to stand where I was shooting. Oh, no.

You had to have the netball. You're not allowed to stand on the end of the court. You had to stand on the side of the court. At me, at what I was doing wrong. I was like, mum, what did I do? She would have been dragged out of the Morrinsville netball courts. You're not allowed to stand there. I can't remember.

She stopped coming and I can't remember if it was I told her off or she got an official warning. I'm not sure. And then there was that time at Marty she hired that speedboat to come up beside you and tell you to row faster. You're like, Mom, the wake! Mom! And she's like, I'm going to ram Rangitoto. Boom, through Westlake girls.

You rich schools with your flash boats. Vaughn is now the coach of his daughter Indy's hockey team at school. Coach Vaughn? Yeah. What is the team called? The Hawks. How rad is that? That's a rad animal.

That's a great, yeah. Bird of prey. You should get that on the back of the uniform, like a hawk picking up like a sheep. Like a harsed eagle. Just like and tearing it in half. Yeah. And the blood, the entrails just like falling out everywhere.

The other primary school age children won't even take the field seeing that gory graphic detail. Yeah, that's sports psychology right there. It is. And we want to know how intense your parents got and how crazy they got with your school sports. Tiare, how insane did your parents go? So, my mum

was the coach of my intermediate netball team and she was the coach for a full gear. And I was quite a good player. I made some rep netball teams, so you know, I was pretty good. Small brag, but anyway. My mum, one game, it was our final game, was literally chasing me

up and down the court, screaming at me so badly that I started crying and turned around in the middle of the game and told her that if she knows how to play so well, she could play instead. Oh! And threw my bibs at her and left. Wow. Because I feel like a lot of these stories we're getting through,

a lot of parents are maybe, like, projecting... Yeah, their own. ..their failures onto their kids. Oh, yeah. And after that, she made me player of the year, which was like a huh. That's it. Would you give your kid player of the year? I was the player of the year, so I deserved it.

Yeah, I know. Brilliant. All right. I wouldn't want to decide player of the year. Somebody else. Talking about your parents who went overboard and got very intense with school sports because Vaughn is a coach now of his daughter's hockey team. Where do I order team drink bottles?

You know those ones you carry and they all go together? Yes. And they've got the names on them so there's no cross-contamination. Where do you order those? I'm going to need one of those and I need a rack to carry them. And I'm going to need, for my sunglasses, I'm going to need one of those wetsuit bands that goes behind my ears to hold it on

so when I'm running and they fall off I can just keep running along the sideline. You should get one of those headsets from upstairs at work with the microphone so you look like one of those American football coaches. And have a clipboard. Do you have a whistle? You should get a good whistle.

I'll get a good whistle. Where do you get a good whistle from? Shopping list. Whistle. Good whistle. Yeah, I don't want one of those. No, you deserve a good one. Yeah, I want one of those stainless steel ones

with the cork ball in them. Yeah. You know, those last, not these. And I want the ball in it because these new whistles, they don't have the ball in it. Do they not? They're just a plastic whistle. Right. They go. And I want the ball in it because these new whistles, they don't have the ball in it. Do they not? That is a plastic whistle.

Right. They go, but I want that that you got from the ball whistle. Yeah, right. So we want to know how intense your parents got at school sports. Danny, Dad was very supportive. Yeah, he was. I used to play. Sorry, can you hear me?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to play this sorry, can you hear me? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to play this game called underwater hockey. Yeah. And I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's not really a spectator sport, right? No, because you're underwater the whole time, right? Yeah, yes.

But Dad was very passionate about it anyway. He couldn't see much, but he supported me fully. And I played for an all-boys team because in the region there was no girls. So being the only girl, I often got kicked around by the boys a lot. Oh, no. And one tournament,

I was kind of got a little bit sick of being pushed around. So I was like, right, I can do this. And I started playing probably a little bit dirty against the rules and anyway I got sin bin um and I turned around to dad to kind of like expect a little bit of a bollocking like you know how most parents get into it and like you shouldn't have done that but dad had the biggest grin on his face and he gave me a high five because he was like yep that's my girl the coach wasn't happy but dad was like stoked because I was like the only girl in a my girl. The coach wasn't happy, but Dad was, like, stoked because I was, like, the only girl in a boys' team and had got some bend, yeah.

Brilliant. Get a bit of mongrel. You do, Danny. Thanks for your call, Noah. Mum was very supportive. Yeah. So... Yeah.

Go on. So I entered into this, like, point kickboxing tournament. Oh, yeah. And it turned out my first opponent was good as, like, I think he almost knocked out the person after me. Oh, no. But there were no coaches available for my corner, so my mum stepped up.

Oh, that's pretty cute. And so first round, I'm just getting bashed out there. I'm not even landing anything. This guy's knocking me down like three times. You know, I'm just getting bashed. I come back to my... Carry on. I come back to my corner and

my mum gives me the classic Oh, honey, you're doing so well. Just keep doing what you're doing, okay? keep doing what you're doing okay oh really i was yeah i was just like i just need some advice i had no clue what to do and i'm just getting just keep doing what you're doing okay i'm so proud of you sweetie it's like mom are you even watching this my eyes are bleeding, man. Noah, thanks. You're cool.

Alan, your dad was helping out at primary netball. He got into that. He sure did. Okay. How intense did he get? So, yeah, I was playing primary netball, and he didn't really know any rules. He only knew two rules, standing too close and the replay ball.

And he mumbled under his breath, replay ball, like you would at a football game. And this lady came over, stormed over, and was going off at him, saying how this is a trainee umpire and you can't be saying that. And she doesn't need your input. Anyway, the game stopped and the umpire and this lady stormed off um but i always thought it was just funny thanks dad without the umpire could the game continue uh no i don't think it did oh my god dad

that's so in fact that's lucky you found it funny. I'd be mortified. Yeah, me too. Thanks, you're cool. Alan, some text messages. Somebody said that their parents have been with them the entire time, that they've been playing sport all through school, but they've never said boo. They just sit on the sideline in chairs,

and people are like, do your parents enjoy coming, or do they feel forced to? And then I asked them, and they said, no, we really enjoy it. And they were just like, weird. Yeah. But I just couldn't because my mum was a yeller. She was coached and she was a yeller. I come from a family of yellers.

That might surprise you. But also I've been getting some great inside word on what kind of whistle to get. This is the Fox 40. The Fox 40? What is a Fox 40? That does look like a space age whistle. That's a P-less whistle. So there's no ball in it.

And that one's got a ring. So if you're a ref, you can have it over your fingers so you can just be like, so you wouldn't drop it or have to keep it in your mouth. Does it have a lollipop in it as well? Huh? A lollipop so you can... And then that is the Acme Thunderer.

Now, somebody messaged in there, a school teacher, and they said that's the one that will bring children to their knees with pain to the ear when you blow it. I don't know if I want that. No, but that's what you need because they hear those higher pitches, don't they, the young children? Naming these whistles. I know, the Acme Thunder and the Fox 40.

Pearl. Okay, I'll look into that on my own time. Brilliant. Next, on the show, it's Fletch's birthday. Yay! The big 5-5. What? It's pretty great.

He doesn't look at it. I'm not so good for 55. He doesn't look at it. What is his secret? We are not delving into that. That is not for primetime radio. Absolutely. That's the sort of thing that gets you

Broadcasting Standards Authority complaints. Is it? But we do have a couple of little treats after 8 o'clock. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Turn my microphone on, please. Today, the 23rd of June, that is Carl Peter Fletch's birthday. Yes, it is. And just loving life.

What a year it's been. Where is this going? What a year it's been. Where is this going? What a time to be alive. You're so sour. He's very worried about what we've got. So sour. I just remember it's your birthday next, Megan. That's all I'll say.

Yeah, this guy's throwing caution to the wind because he's already had his birthday. They happen every year though. Yeah, true. You'll keep. This, hey, look, I think I've given enough on my birthday. I've cried like two times in the last three years. Oh, but yours was nice. Well, I'm a nice person.

This is not nice. It was nice, Megan, because I'm a nice person. So you would say this is fair as to reflect Fletcher's personality as well. Because for your birthday today, we opened up the anonymous Carl Fletcher complaint line. I believe you had the audio in front of you if you could play the first segment. Wait, do I press play on this? So we have. Do I press play on this?

Yes, but I just explained it. We opened the line for complaints. People wish to remain anonymous so that you didn't hold the grudge and carry it forth. This is my birthday. It's not a Comedy Central roast. It's reflective, isn't it? Unbelievable. It's on your birthday that you often just have to face yourself and who you are.

Yeah. And no greater way to do that than ask people if they had any complaints. Okay. Hello, you've reached the Fletch Complaint Hotline. Please leave your message after the tone. All right, where do I begin? You've never in over 16 years let me have my name go first. I actually don't like being called a cougar

because 10 years isn't really that much. I mean, he's one to talk. This one time I saw Fletch throw out a mug just straight into the bin because he didn't want to wash it himself. I've worked with Fletch for about 14 years and I'm still scarred from when I was the junior guy. And Fletch used to come into my little studio and do a sexy dance in front of me.

And I was like, oh, this is all fun and games. And then I realised he didn't have pants on. I've worked at NZME for two and a half years and I'm pretty sure Fletch has no idea what my name is. Fletch only really likes me because I've got a really funny driver's licence photo. So whenever he sees it, his face lights up. But, you know, I see him in person and it's not really the same. Fletch goes out of his way to call me the wrong name. It's not even a joke. It keeps me up at night.

I've worked with Fletch for a while now, and since that time I've been running a tally on how many times he asks me a personal question. Currently, that tally sits at zero. Fletch, if you're wondering, I'm good. Just, you've never asked me how I am. I know Fletch always comes to the company-wide meetings, has a sausage roll and leaves.

Fletch ordered me an Uber probably about three minutes after we made love to each other. Fletch once called me a lazy f***ing useless c***. F***. And then he smiled and walked away. I've actually never had a problem with him, eh? The guy with the kids, eh?

The other one. Yeah, f*** that guy. You have no new messages. Well, some of that was defamation. And some of it was edited out as there was 17 minutes of audio. Was it? Was it? 17 minutes.

That was honestly like, oh, do you want to say anything? People were a little reluctant But once they got going Oh I could pick Some of those voices too I know I know who those people are And you picked Some of the true stories

And to be fair I only threw out The coffee mug Because it had a crack in it And the bin was closer Than the dishwasher And that was the CEO Who said he notices

You come to the meetings Just to grab a sausage roll And then run away Yeah I always make a scene Yell out So he notices me And slip who said he notices you come to the meetings, just to grab a sausage roll and then run away. Yeah, I always make a scene, yell out. So he notices me and slip out. But he notices you're leaving. Yeah.

Yeah, as well. Well, there you go. Thank you so much. Harsh feedback, but it's not over yet. Oh. We've had the bad. Next, we'll have the good. We're going to hear from someone who loves you very, very much.

Oh, my God. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. It's Fletch's birthday. We've just had the anonymous Fletch complaint line. Sorry, people have been messaging and asking how they can. Oh, the line's shut. Also, we had to shut it down. We had to shut the line.

We blew our budget when we made it. Free call. Oh, man, so many people just wanted to call up. But that was the, what are you shaking your head about? That was the anonymous. Just all this. I don't like the attention. That's not. It wasn't so much of the fact that it made that,

that was a moment of realization for you. It was just that you didn't like the attention from it. Oh, yeah. It was like, oh, no, those people. All those people are wrong. That's exactly, they are wrong. You're not allowed to hit any of them up because you said you recognized the voices. Oh, I recognized so many of them. I'm like, okay, well, if that's. You're not allowed to hit any of them up because you said you recognised the voices.

I recognised so many of them. I'm like, okay, well, if that's how you're going to play, some of the very specific incidences. Interesting. Those are from people who had problems with you, but we've now got audio from someone who loves you very much. I don't want soppy stuff. Who do you think you can identify?

I don't know. Someone that loves you very much. They think you're pretty great. Do they? Are you ready? Yes. Let's now hear from Major Murray Fluffington, your cat. What?

Hello, Father. Thank you for being a friend. A lot has changed since I came into your life. Like, I don't call you Daddy anymore. I've heard lots of other people call you that in my short life. So I think I'll stick with a more formal father. Because after they call you Daddy, we never see them again. And I want to hang around.

It's your birthday. And the first of your birthdays I've been around for I hope we can have some visitors that give me pats on my tummy not just ushered in and ushered straight back out of the flat after calling you daddy Now, I had lots of ideas for presents in mind, half a bird

a headless rat, some socks I found somewhere, but I'm not allowed to go out of the apartment so I don't know how I'm supposed to do any shopping. I tried online shopping, but I got so distracted by the mouse, I ended up chewing the cord. My bad. Add it to my tab.

If you have a cake, can I suggest a meat-flavoured one covered in kitty biscuits, sprinkles, I love those. So, yeah, I've got to go lie in the sun, ignore you, lick my private parts, and then attack some houseplants at random. So, um, have a great birthday. Buzzles and scratches. I love you sometimes. birthday, buzzles and scratches. I

love you sometimes. From your puss-puss Major Murray Fluffington. Thank you for being a friend. See, that was nice, wasn't it? That was. What a

lovely message from a loved one. If cats could talk. Yeah. Well, they can. They just did. Yeah, can't they? That was what that was. That was definitely the cat.

In need of some therapy. Yeah, that poor thing. Seen some things at such a young age. Wow. Haven't they? Well, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you.

That wasn't as bad as you expected, eh? No. You were expecting God. Megan was winding up something rotten for you later. Well, happy birthday. Happy birthday. That wasn't as bad as you expected, eh? No. Megan was winding up something rotten before we laid out. She was like, did we get legal? Did legal get sign off? We're just like, nah, nah, nah. I did ask if we really thought this was a good idea.

Propped it to the boss. Well, it's your birthday next. Yeah, but that was cute. Remember? You laughed so much. Okay, we did laugh. We laughed and waked. We laughed. We laughed. Happy birthday. Thanks, team. Thanks, but that was cute. Remember? You laughed so much. We did laugh. We laughed, didn't we? We laughed. We laughed. Happy birthday. Thanks, team. Thanks, guys.

Next on the show, fact of the day. I can't believe my cat just talked to me. Fleshfawn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Coming up on the show, you're just choking up there at that song and also the fact that tomorrow it's our charty party. We're going to try, with your help, New Zealand,

to corrupt the Netflix top ten charts, and we're going to announce soon the movie that we want you all to watch tomorrow night to try and get into this top ten. Hopefully get number one. Yeah. All right, it's time now, though, for... Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's Fact of the Day is the owner of the world's oldest cat, current record holder, says the secret to its longevity was broccoli, eggs, turkey bacon, a coffee with cream, and every second day an eyedropper full of red wine. What? Actually? Cream Puff, the cat, not the owner. Yeah. Jake was the owner of Cream Puff. Cream Puff lived from 1967 to 2005.

Wow. Meaning it was 29 years old. Whoa. No, no, sorry, sorry. It wasn't 29 years old. The photo it has taken is when it's 29 years old and it looks very, very healthy. Okay.

It was 38 years old. Human years. Cream puff lived 38 years and three days. It was a tabbypa from the up Lived 38 years And 3 days It was a tabby mix From the United States The other The second Oldest cat

Baby Was born in 1970 And died in 2008 Yeah That was a male cat And that was in the United States 38 years old Only

So only like 3 days short Of the record Was that cat On the red wine as well, though? No chat as to what kept baby alive. Baby wasn't owned by the same person. But the fifth cat, Grandpa Rex Allen, was owned by Jake and apparently died at 34 years and two months.

Was that one getting the same diet? Yep, that one was getting the same diet. But I don't understand because coffee is like toxic to cats and dogs. I know. I know. Because you shouldn't put it in your coffee grounds if you want to put it in your garden. It's good for your garden,

but you shouldn't if you've got like a cat or a dog. Was it decaf? Maybe it was decaf. Decaf coffees. Coffee with cream. So go through the diet again. Broccoli. So consistent mostly of dry cat food.

Right. Not the wet meat. Okay. So dry cat food, and there was some broccoli, eggs, turkey bacon, and coffee with cream. Now, every two days, Cream Puff also received an eyedropper full of red wine, as Perry said, that circulated the arteries. And that was good for the heart. Cream. Now, every two days, Creampuff also received an eyedropper full of red wine,

as Perry said, that circulated the arteries. And that was good for the heart. Good Lord. I don't think we should be eyedropping wine into our cats. No. Does it sound good? No. Mind you, if you're alone and you need someone to drink with.

Or if that's the thing, you pop a whole bottle, eyedrop it out into the cat, and you're like, oh, well, I've got to finish the bottle. Oh, yeah, you can't leave that alone. It'll go vinegary. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So apparently Creme Puff was also kept active. The garage was turned into a movie theatre

which played nature documentaries to the cats on loop. Wooden steps were built into the walls so the cats could climb up and reach higher areas. And he had a screened enclosure in the backyard for his pets where Cream Puff would enjoy the outdoors. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty cute.

That's probably more the reason because they were kept active in their mind and their body. They were engaged. But this guy also sounds level 10 crazy cat lady. Yes. Yeah. Very much so. But yeah, he owned the oldest cat and the fifth oldest cat. And Grandpa Rex Allen at five at 34 years old. Ma was the cat's name.

Lived to 34 years, five months. Puss Puss, classic name. This is born in 1903 and lived to 1939, so 36 years. I don't trust the record keeping back then. Yeah, it was a bit sketchier. What's to say they didn't switch out a tabby? And it was a tabby, it was just a male tabby. Switched one of those out.

And Baby, the second oldest, lived to 38 years old, just shy of Cream Puff's record of 38 years and 3 days. So today's fact of the day is the owner of the world's oldest cat, still current record holder, believes the secret to its long life was coffee with cream and an eyedropper full of red wine every couple of days. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

A do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- It updates daily with how many people have viewed it in New Zealand alone. And then it updates again the next day. And it takes data from the previous 24 hours. Now, we did think about filming an entire movie, releasing it onto Netflix. But it takes too long. Yeah. And so it's easier for us just to pick an existing movie. We just thought we'd use one that's already there. So we asked you and you told us that you wanted us to use the Will Ferrell Christmas Classic Alf.

Oh. Alf. Alf. I thought you were putting the fact is that I forgot about the drum roll. I thought you were putting that as that to play the clip from. Now play the clip from Alf. Remember when we were like, we'll do a drum roll and then we'll play the clip. I was all for the drum roll and then

I just got too involved and totally forgot. Yeah. Alf. Okay, people. Tomorrow morning, 10am, Santa's coming to town. Santa! Oh my god! Santa here? I know him. I know him.

I know him. God, this is a great movie. So good. And also, I think it's quite timely because it's mid-Christmas. It's mid-winter Christmas. Like, we're halfway to Christmas. We need a little bit of Christmas cheer, too. And also, like, if we do this, if we accomplish this,

we're going to see the Netflix top 10 and a Christmas movie is going to be in the top 10 it's brilliant yeah it's also yeah because it's got no place in being there no yeah exactly

so we'll stand out so tomorrow we need to all get together to watch Elf not in the same place because we need as many different

accounts and from what we can see even within that account, if you've got profiles, the different profiles count as a view because those are different people watching it. So if you can have three profiles going at once on three different devices, we would also encourage you to do that with the movie Elf. Because I've got it on my phone, my laptop,

and I can watch in different accounts, right? Yes. Phone, laptop, TV. Just leave it going on the phone when you go to bed. We'll see if we can push it in there. We'll leave it on the TV on another profile. Go to bed. Well, I was just going to watch all three

on different sized screens at once. You can do that too. Okay. Yeah. If you wanted to get up and watch the movie all day tomorrow. Do that as well. Over and over and over. Yeah.

You can do that as well. But we're thinking we might do a viewing party in the evening tomorrow. Yeah. So that we can all watch along together. The elf viewing party to try to get elf into the Netflix charts. Just to see if you can. Yeah. Join us.

Please join us. And maybe get the flat together. Yeah. Or the family. Whoever you live with. Or maybe the flat in different rooms under one log on. And sync it up. Log in.

Log in. Log in. Yes. Log on. Log on to your log in. And sync it up. Login? Login. Login. Login. Logon. Logon to your login. To your login. Yeah. And watch it on different devices under different profiles

so that it gives you that extra tick. I can't wait to see Thursday if we've penetrated the charts. Yes. Oh, that'll be a, won't that be a great feeling? Yeah, but it'll be one of those things

where you try and tell your parents what you've achieved and they'll be like, what? What's that now? Well, let's not get too worried about telling our parents about something. They'll be freaked out. They'll be like, did you make a movie? Your father didn't tell me you

did on that. Alright, well join us tomorrow for our Netflix chatty party as we get Alf hopefully into the top. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. I can tell you the age you are when you are most likely to start acting like your dad. I wrote down 34.

Okay. What would be your main, like, reasons that you've started acting like your dad? I don't know. What are your main examples that you've taken from that? Just, like, pottering around doing stuff and then, like, I don't know made examples that you've taken from that just like um pottering around

doing stuff and then like doing one job and then being like oh shit noticing another job and start doing that job not finishing the first job

and doing that for a string of time that's a classic dad move yeah yeah and then being out and then realising heaps of times pass and then you go back in

and your wife's angry at you because you haven't been around to help with cleaning or getting dinner ready. You're a little bit ahead of schedule than everyone else. The average age is 37. Okay. The guys start acting like their dad.

So some of the skills they reckon they've picked up from their dad, 37% say barbecuing skills, 35% say handy DIY maintenance, home maintenance stuff. Well, I'm such a good builder. Yeah, because your dad was. I learn a lot. My dad comes and does that stuff.

He do the builder stuff. He do the builder stuff. Well, he do the builder stuff. He do the builder stuff. He do the builder stuff. He do the builder stuff. He does the builder stuff. And I learn, but he doesn't want me to do it anyway, so I just do what I'm told. I would never assume to take charge. I'm assuming that's just alpha male.

Other examples of people doing things that they're like, oh yeah, I'm turning into my dad. 22% said they started noticing they mute TV commercials. When the ads come on, they press mute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 37% or one in four say they grunt when they get off the couch now. That's just a getting old thing, isn't it? That's just everybody.

Females do that as well A grunt up Do they? It's not like But it's like 25% said they can't help but falling asleep while watching TV now I feel like that's what happens when you get to real old mum and dad age Fall asleep watching the TV

Or just like when you get up early in the morning Just tired people Yeah So 37 is the age. Or just like when you get up early in the morning. Just tired people, yeah. Yeah. So 37 is the age to start acting like your dad.