ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 24th July 2020

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

The Final Straw.  Shark Bus!  Did you get a pet tattoo?Producer Jared is a Hustler  Poll-y Moly: Cheating Edition  MEGANS BIRTHDAY!  Pickle & a Beer  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fleets Mornin' Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab yourself a delicious barista made coffee for only $4. And we are on the eve of Megan's birthday. And as you'll hear in today's podcast, you may have already seen, spoiler alert, our social media. You may have already seen Megan's present, but wow, what a present ahead of your big day tomorrow. It's something. Yeah. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's something. That's what you meant.

What are you actually doing? It's all in the tone there. On your birthday? Working. Are you working tomorrow at the cafe? I am working hopefully just the morning as long as no one calls in sick. Touch wood. Please don't call in sick.

Oh, that'd be great if you had to work on your birthday. Yeah. Thanks. A little sarcasm. What? And then I don't actually know. Andy P's planned. Oh, a little surprise.

Surprise, surprise. No, don't get too excited. It won't be. It'll be like lunch or something. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. What's pretty low-key?

What? He doesn't let him all over with that. He always goes. No, because we're going out for dinner to my favorite restaurant tonight. Oh, you're going for a pre-birthday dinner? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, that's what we've booked thing. No, because we're going out for dinner to my favourite restaurant tonight. Oh, you're going for a pre-birthday dinner? Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Oh, that's what we've booked to go to, two fleets. We've booked two tables, two adjoining tables. Yeah, okay. What time?

We're like, surprise. It'll be early. We're going to be there from open to close. I promise they'll eat one platter of tapas every hour on the hour to make it worth their while.

They'll kick you out. You're only allowed a limited time. Not if I'm spending, baby. Not if I'm spending. I'm a spending table. That would be great. Not since Vaughan crashed your

Maratongan engagement holiday. Has there been so much fun? Has there been a crashing? Such a crashing. Well, if you want to see us eating some food and having a pash, then you're welcome to come along. Do you pash at a restaurant?

I will if you're there. But would you pash at a restaurant? I will if you're there. But would you pash at a restaurant? Nah. Neither? Nah. Oh, bullshit. I've seen you at that big round booth at Burger King. You're an absolute horndog with your leg over.

He's on top. I'm getting too many. You're describing it too well. Yeah. There's not a lot of room in there. Wow. What is that? You know the booth that Joy's on at BK? The big round one. Yeah.

But it was a pain in the ass once you got in there because if you were stuck in the middle, what a fucking nightmare to get out of. Any booth at any restaurant that wouldn't. We went out for dinner a few weeks ago. You end up getting stuck right around the back. You need to go wheeze. Everyone has to shuffle out. I mean, the booth's a good idea.

Like, it looks cool, but very impractical for a group setting. Very true. But you can't beat a good old table with individual chairs. And don't give me a bench seat either

because if I want to push that out a little bit, I've got to okay it with the rest of the bench chairers. And then some of the other bench chairers are like, oh, I need a bit more room for my guts.

Yeah, or I want to be closer. Or I'm too skinny. It's just individual chairs. Yeah. Can't be beaten. What have you got? I know you're fine at the cafe because you've got the seating on the wall, but you've only got one table.

So it's easy to get out either side of the table. Yeah, at least you push them together and then there's a group and then you get stuck. Yeah, but then you've made the rod for your own back there. Yeah. Oh, do you mean if you guys push them together? Yeah, well, if someone comes in with a big group and they want to be shoved together. No, that's on them. They came into an individually tabled area

and wanted one big table rather than leaving a thoroughfare for the person stuck against the wall. Anyway, if you want any more advice on how to run a successful restaurant, talk to the guy that's never run one. Talk to the guy that will bitch and whinge about seating anywhere he goes but won't actually do anything for himself. Alright, enjoy the podcast and have a great weekend. Good morning, welcome to the show.

Fleets, Vaughn and Megan. Whoa, my shadow just scared the shit out of me. Your shadow? What are you, a dog? We've been talking about unsolved mysteries and it's just like got me on edge. Oh my God. I watched the French episode of Unsolved Mysteries last night.

Le Unsolved Mysteries. That show just gets me so angry at the end of it because I need to know what happened. Every episode is left unsolved and unhanging and you can delve into all the Reddit. Unhanging would be. And just hanging. Sorted.

Unsolved and hanging. Yeah. I can't hold you before bed. So you're saying every episode of Unsolved Mystery. Is unsolved. Is an unsolved. Mystery. Sells my head in.

But I'm setting up a Google News alert for unsolved mysteries. So every time, because one of them, they've exhumed a body. Yeah, because they're getting tip-offs. They're getting tip-offs. And the FBI have a reward in place for that information. So some of these might be solved mysteries, which would be great. Megan's birthday tomorrow. Yeah, so I get out of anything today.

Woo! Wow, that's what you think. Look, it's not really... I'm letting you off the hook this year. It's really not necessary. It's not actually my birthday. Feels weird to do anything when it's not your birthday. We've also missed a birthday invite, haven't we, for dinner?

Megan's going out for dinner tonight. I told you, it was a romantic dinner for two. What way to make a romantic dinner more romantic than to have your chums at the table next to you? Absolutely not. Well, we're booking. It's my favourite place. You can't stop us booking.

You don't know what time we're going. Can you book online? We're going to book the whole thing. The whole night. We'll order mains. I get hungry after I've eaten. If I sit around long enough, I can eat again. It's not a Mains place.

It's like tapas. Oh, I could sit in a tapas place all night. Yeah, you asked. Shaday, every time we leave a tapas place, I'm like, man, that was young. But I tell you what, I'm still hungry. That's me every time I leave a tapas. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Well, we have a birthday surprise for Megan at 10 to 8 this morning. This is, we put a lot of effort into this, didn't we? And there was at least two meetings where I had to leave. Yeah. I would say actually that whole 10 to 8 or 10 past 8 segment of the show today is going to be great because I've got a Friday flashback that everybody knows what it is. Ross Moss' ticket approval, Fletch will shit the bed.

Can you stop playing? I was like, why is there no... Anna was genuinely concerned for your health when I said this. I was like confused why the no Fletch chat group

was lit up last night. I just, why do you play really old stupid songs? Because people love them. Yeah, and partially because it pisses you off.

You played that Dolly Parton one from like 1912. Working 9 to 5. What a song that was and everyone was like, yes, they were jazz like 1912. Working 9 to 5. What a song that was and everyone was like, yes, they were jazzed to go to their 9 to 5. Oh my god. And tell the patriarchy to piss off. You're not taking this seriously. Alright, well

8 o'clock this morning for Friday Flashback. Coming up on the show, the top six. Ashley Bloomfield. Yep, thanks mate. Ashley Bloomfield has a rugby nickname. It's called what? The Eliminator. The Eliminator. Yep, thanks, mate. Ashley Bloomfield has a rugby nickname. It's called what? The Eliminator. Yeah, he revealed that at the press conference yesterday.

He's playing in the parliamentary game. Yeah. It's this weekend. So I've got the top six other nicknames that we could chuck at Ashley Bloomfield for a bit of on-field action. Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast. ZM. A man has got a new career after-field action. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. A man has got a new career

after his marriage ended. So he was with his wife for 13 years and it ended over, in his eyes, dishes in the sink. What, no one would wash them or put them in the dishwasher?

He just left his dirty dishes by the sink. His fault. Not in them. Right, okay. I don't want him to make another sandwich in a bit though. No, the particular one he talks about is the drinking glasses. He left like, I don't know if it was him and his mates,

but he left drinking glasses beside the sink. But it sounds like they had a lot of little fights. Right. He said, I tried to help her around the house. I was doing tasks like a lot of laundry. I tried to help wash a load of laundry. I'd put it in the dryer and maybe even fold them too. Guys, a little load of laundry.

What's your engine of it? And then maybe I could fold them occasionally. But one time, and I don't know how this happened, but he left a pen in the pocket of her jeans and put it through the washing machine and ink went everywhere. And she got mad about it. No, he left the ink pen in her. No, he would have been doing a load of washing

and he wouldn't have checked the pockets, but she was the one that left it in there in the first place. He wouldn't have been wearing her jeans. Once I left an ink pen in the pocket of her jeans. Yeah, so there's a pile of washing and he's like putting it in the washing machine and he didn't check all the pockets of the jeans. But she still left the pen in the pocket of her jeans. Yeah, so he didn't take it out. There's a pile of washing and he's like putting it in the washing machine and he didn't check all the pockets of the jeans. But she still left the pen in there. She left the pen in there so it's on her.

I don't really check the pockets. No, I wouldn't check the pockets. Because I never put stuff in pockets. Especially other person's pockets, other people's pockets. Always check the pockets. But yeah, obviously the ink ran and he said she got really mad about it, like really mad. I thought she was being unfair because it was an honest mistake.

And then he said she, like really mad. I thought she was being unfair because it was an honest mistake. And then he said she just got really mad all the time and he considered himself to be a nicer person than my wife. And it all fell apart and the final straw was dishes being left by the sink. Do you have to put that in your divorce thingy?

You can if you want. I think that just goes under irreconcilable differences. I tried to make her put the dishes in the sink. But dishes in the sink was what made her go okay, that's it. It's enough. It's over. But to his credit, since then, because he posted

about this online, and since then he had such an overwhelming reaction especially from men being like I feel your pain, like I did this, she gets angry, that he started an online one-on-one coaching course about talking and dealing with your partner. Because he said,

the most common thing I see instead of listening to their partner, digesting the information and caring about why they feel bad is they just get upset and think that their partner is overreacting rather than like listening to why they feel bad is they just get upset and think that their partner is overreacting. Rather than like listening to why they're upset and maybe changing or working together. But he, I don't know if you have to pay for this course, but he educates other guys.

That's good. Hmm. What? I don't know. I'm torn between saying he sounds like he might be better off

but we've only heard his side of the story. Yeah. And is he the right person to be coaching? If she blew up about a pin in the jeans yet she'd left it

in the pocket. Yeah, but it doesn't sound like that was the only happy time. It doesn't sound like a happy relationship. It doesn't sound like a... No, but it doesn't sound like it was the only strike. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why we're only hearing his side of the story, so she might have a different... Yeah. She might have a wildly different... Yeah. Take on it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Always a lot of talk recently about a travel bubble or travel bubbles that could happen. Yes. I think we've all given up collectively on Australia, right? Yeah, oh, hell yes. With what's going on in Australia at the moment. Everyone in Melbourne yesterday, did they have their second or highest day?

Yeah. Of like 400 cases and like five deaths. So we're not going to Australia anytime soon, but the islands are certainly being mooted as an option. And a Hamilton councillor is lobbying for Hamilton Airport to be used as the airport for flights to the islands. Okay. Because do you remember ages ago, I think we went to

Fiji ages ago on a... Remember there was that airline, Freedom Air? It was like Air New Zealand's cheap airline. And before Freedom Air, there was out of Hamilton, there was Kiwi Air. Yeah, and the flights were like super cheap because it was out of Hamilton. But you had to drive, obviously,

to Hamilton Airport to get the flights. Grave of people from Hamilton. Right, exactly. And I think up until 2000, where was it? 2012, Hamilton Airport was used for flights to Australia and some places internationally. It's pretty limited nowadays. It's just regional.

Yeah, just regional now. So from 94 to 2002, there were international flights from Hamilton. Oh, mate, a trip from Hamilton to the Goldie was... Yeah. Oh, what a treat. The idea and what they're saying is that it's hard to mix, you know, all these people coming back into New Zealand that are going into quarantine

with people that would want to go to a travel bubble country. Right. Okay. That makes sense. So they don't want to go to a travel bubble country. Right. Okay. That makes sense. So they don't want to mix those people up, so they're saying, we'll just go to Hamilton. Hamilton could be because it's just going to the islands. Yeah.

If the travel bubble happens, you wouldn't need the big super flash airport. Yeah. And it's done it before. And it's done it before, so they could do it again, yeah. So you're not going to have a little duty free, are you? No, there was duty free shops there. Well, see how. Yeah. I guess they could set one up. Little ones. They just need bourbon, won't

they? For Hamelin. For Hamelin bourbon and ciggies. Definitely. Like, just a little bourbon sandwich and ciggies. Bourbon flavoured wine. Yeah. Everything. Bourbon flavoured cigarettes actually, that's just the one. If you're just going to have one. Or cigarette flavoured Bourbon. Bourbon-flavoured cigarettes, actually. That's just the one. If you're just going to have one.

Or cigarette-flavoured bourbon. Either. One of those magical products. Cigarette-infused bourbon. Yes, tobacco bourbon. Yeah. Tobacco bourbon. Yeah, there was hope that Rarotonga travel bubble plans

would be announced this week, but Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has said no apparently. Shut down that speculation. So whether or not that will happen. That's alright. It's holiday here. Yes. We can continue to holiday here and look forward to a bright future of

going to Rarotonga. Flesh for Namegan. The podcast. ZM. From the ZM think tank. This is the top six. Hello there. Parliamentary game of rugby on this weekend. Is this going to be on Sky Sport or any of the... Because they must be absolutely...

They'd love to... They'd love a bit of content. Love some sport. I don't know. I don't know how we televised. Where's it being played? Probably just some local park. Yeah.

I wonder if it's. Yeah. They could free up the stadium. The cake tin? Sure. Do you know that it's got a new sponsor? The cake tin? Yeah.

It was Westpac for years. Yeah. And now it's Sky Sports Stadium. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was trying to think who it was. And then we were, because when we were in Wellington, we drove past,

I was like, whoa, someone blew their marketing budget. And then the Christchurch Stadium is called Orange Fiery or something. I don't know. Orange Fiery. AMI? Yeah, it's not AMI Stadium.

It's like Orange Feisty or something. Orange Feisty? Are you sure? Is that a company? I don't know. I just heard them when I was watching the Super Rugby and I was like what is Orange Theory Feisty Stadium? I was like Orange Theory Fitness.

Yeah, that's, I don't know. Christchurch Stadium soon to be known as Orange Theory Fitness Stadium. It's like an F45-esque. I mean, they'd probably hate that because that's probably their direct competitor. Yeah, right. A revolutionary science-based fitness brand taking the world by storm.

Yeah, Orange Fiery. Orange Fiery. We'll see you at Orange Fiery Stadium. Orange Theory. Yeah. Orange Theory Fitness Stadium. How much is that costing them? How do they afford that?

Maybe we should get a stadium. It would be great publicity for the show. We should, like a small town stadium. Yeah, imagine that. Like a fielding. Yeah, because that's probably all we could afford. Oh, yeah. I was thinking like a big one.

It's not cheap. You're going to cost millions. Oh, okay. So, yeah, we'd have to get a small regional stadium. We could do that. Oh, my God, I love that idea. What's involved? Which one?

A Megan Stadium or Arena. Or, like, the Trafalgar Centre in Nelson. Yeah. Oh, no, we couldn't afford that. That would be quite expensive. Is that a basketball place? Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, that's...

There's no way. That's too... Because you'd probably have to chip in for, like, the Powerbill or whatever. Oh, we're not doing that. Is that what you do when you get a naming rights for a stadium? You help them take care of costs. Some little regional town would take $500 to name the stadium. Well, I know there's Campbell Park in my hometown of Morrisville.

Well, that's so nice to me. There's rugby and netball courts. The Fletchville and Omega Park. You know what we need to do? I actually wouldn't want that because you'd get lynched when you went home. I'd get lynched because I'd gone home and it's been Campbell Park forever and a day and I've changed it. And you know how well regional New Zealand takes to a name change. You know what we need

is to find a park named after a racist. Yes! Like an early settler racist. Yes, and then we come in and we rename it just to quell that argument and then boom we've got an easy marketing campaign.

Brilliant, I love that. And then some of your secrets get leaked and all of a sudden we have to renege on our name and it's just called the Vaughan and Megan. Stania, piss off. Small Town New Zealand would probably rather have their park named after a racist than whatever you it is you're going to have to. Anyway, tomorrow on a yet-to-be-discovered field,

the parliamentary rugby game happens. Not that many MPs playing, which is disappointing. I think it's an indictment on the age, health, and fitness levels of our representatives in parliament that they're not able to play. So I've got some more information. It's at the Wainuiomata Rugby Club. And it will be the 25th annual game this Saturday. Let's go up over the hill.

Up over the hill. I reckon there'll be a lot of people go to this because of Ashley Bloomfield. Yeah. So Ashley Bloomfield is playing. And he is the eliminator. That's his on-field nickname. Well, I've got the top six other Ashley Bloomfield on-field rugby nicknames. Number six on the list, Daddy Destroyer.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one, Daddy Destroyer. Number one better be good. No, it's not. Oh, that should have been number one. That's a great one, Daddy Destroyer. Number five on the list of the top six Ashley Bloomfield on-field rugby nicknames. Just saying he's got

Field in his name. Yeah. And then we're saying on-field. That's just an observation that I thought I'd say out loud. Number five,

Immunity Booster Bloomfield. Yeah, good. He'll boost your immunity but he's also like a booster which means he can he'll be fast. He'll be fast.

Yeah, he'll be fast. Number four on the list of the top six Ashley Bloomfield on-field rugby nicknames, the public health hard-out. He's worried about public health and he gets hard-out when he's out there. Yeah, good. And he's hard-out about public health. It's a bit of a mouthful, though. Ashley public health hard-out Bloomfield Yeah it is actually Number three

On the list of the Top six Ashley Bloomfield On field rugby nicknames The Virus Vaccine Vacator Okay That's just three V's Yeah It's a bit of alliteration

It doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense But it's got three words in there Yeah We'll start with V Number two on the list Of the Top six Ashley Bloomfield on for rugby nicknames,

social distancing daddy. Oh, yeah, okay. Social distancing, he'll put a bit of distance between him and the opposition. I just thought of another one. So did I. What's yours?

But you will go at the end. I'll go number one and then you go. Number one on the list of the top six Ashley Bloomfield on for rugby nicknames, the isolation enforcer.

Oh, yeah, because I was thinking quarantine kid the quarantine kid the quarantine kid because of the Carmo kid it's a little bit like

no they called Ian Jones the Carmo kid the quarantine kid the quarantine kid what did they call Christian Cullen the Summit Express yeah

where was he from up from Wellington and it was a train you could take the train yeah it's on the Carmo Pike Akariki Express yeah something like that

was that it I can't remember I was too young piss off You can take the train here. Yeah, it's on the company coast. Pai Kakariki Express. Yeah, something like that. Was that it? I can't remember. I was too young. Piss off. Come on. No, you weren't. We all know it's your 84th birthday tomorrow. What was your nickname idea?

Well, because he kept on saying it wrong. You literally said Boomfield at one point. I was like, Boomfield. Oh, yeah. Ashley Boomfield. Ashley Boomfield. And that's what they go, boom, when he drops his shoulder into somebody. There better be some quality footage on the news on Saturday night.

I'm looking forward to seeing some of this. We'll just be careful of him. Are we expecting a slight, because we've only ever seen him in a suit. Do you think he'll have slight legs? Or do you think he's going to surprise us all with some muscular calves? I don't know what his calves look like. Actually, he's going to be wearing shorts. Is he about ready for this?

Yeah, he's not going to be in a suit. What about that picture he posted on holiday? He wasn't in a suit. And he's not going to be wearing his glasses. Yeah. He'll be headgear though because he's not a... He'll wear headgear because he's a health professional. Yeah, he doesn't want the knocks.

Oh, I'm excited. Good luck to everybody playing. Yeah. That's't want the knocks. No. Oh, I'm excited. Good luck to everybody playing. Yeah. That's what I stopped saying. I forgot. That's what I was going to say at the end, eh? I totally just totally forgot. Have you had a head knock?

Yeah, I didn't wear my headgear. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I don't know if people in New Zealand are still Zooming. Zoom meetings. It was so massive for us. Oh my God. Do you remember that? Yeah.

We were all on Zoom and then we just don't talk about it again. I don't want to do that anymore. No. But then I think overseas, we're lucky. They're still doing that. I know, we're back to work.

I mean, the odd person still, I mean, it's freed people up to try working from location and working from home and avoiding traffic if that's causing them to use stress on them. Something that's still

being used occasionally, but overseas, it's probably still a huge part of business. Yeah. So this is from the UK, and a lawyer has said that, well, they thought initially when more people were working from home, there'd be less sexual harassment cases

because you're not in the workplace. Right. But 34% of women have said that they were told to wear more makeup during Zoom calls and 27% were asked to dress more provocatively during their Zoom calls. What? Wait, someone said that. Oh, you could be wearing something a bit more revealing.

Both of these things happened to me. When? When we were filming Have You Been these things happened to me. When? When we were filming Have You Been Paying Attention from Home. Really? Right. You've got to put more powder on your nose. You're shiny.

And I was like, excuse me? And they said, can you undo that top button? Yeah. Because I had the top button done on my shirt. And they were like, can you undo that top button? And I did one. And they were like, yeah, just do the, we'll try the next one as well. And I did that too. Oh my gosh.

They wanted to see Heavage. They wanted to see Heavage. Have you thought about taking TVNZ a grievance against them for that sexual harassment? Yes, well I hadn't until now. Well you just, did you just hear some dollar signs ringing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the bosses kind of like use the excuse that it would help them get clients on board or it would be more pleasing to clients if they looked nicer for the team. So then they put the guilt on with the rest of the team.

That's pretty crazy. A lot of them said they complied because they felt like they wanted people to think they could take a joke. They also said that they were concerned about the impact it would have on their career if they didn't do it. Yeah. I think one of my Zoom calls, I think Ross actually said to me, why are you making such an effort? Like, you're just at home. Like, chill out, mate.

Like the opposite. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I remember that. Did you do your hair for the Zoom call? Yeah, didn't we have Friday drinks and Megan comes on all glam and everyone's like, what are you doing? Calm down, mate. Calm down.

Everyone's in track pants and hoodies. Yeah. And looking like two weeks of lockdown has just been too much. Yeah. Ross said the opposite. So, I mean, we don't have that problem here. But isn't that sad? Yeah, that someone would say that.

And then they comply because you're just worried about your job. Man, we're so lucky here. I don't expect it. I'm always carted out as eye candy for clients. Absolutely. You know, I understand that that's my role here. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to laugh at yours. Could you guys not have laughed for 15 seconds until the end of the break? Just let me have that one. Laugh at yours. Fragile end of the week. No, you're both still laughing. That's good. I'm beginning to think I'm not the eye candy for clients.

Flesh, fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Saw this pop up last night. For sale. The Kelly Tarleton shark bus. I love this bus. The whole front is a shark mouth.

Yeah. I don't know, like, it's just a minivan. It's a 2005 Toyota Coaster. Now, I didn't expect it to be 2005. It feels like it's been around forever. I expected it. Maybe they bought it near bloody brand new. And then it's got, like, a fiberglass shark head on the front of it.

Yeah. With teeth, and then it's got the fin on the... I love this thing. It's a running joke with a friend because she hates it. She the front of it. Yeah. With teeth and it's got the fin on the... I love this thing. It's a running joke with a friend because she hates it. She's scared of sharks. So I'll snap it to her. She knows it's not real, right? Yeah, she just doesn't like it.

So I always, when it goes past me, I'll just take a video and send it to her. Oh, they're going past. I've been taunting her forever. Okay. It's selling with the fiberglass shell, right? The whole shebang. Oh, this is upsetting because it's listed

under buses and it says various buses can be converted into your own personal camper for summer. Imagine taking it

to the beach like up north and going to the Bay of Islands. How good is that for like the open road because it's just used around the city

to pick up tourists, right? There'd be a lot of drag on that fiberglass shark head. Yeah. And you wouldn't be getting through a drive-thru very tall. The fin would, yeah, the shark's head and the mouth and the nose and everything. Currently at $14,000. So are they looking to upgrade or is it just, because like can they do like maybe an octopus or something?

Sadly with the lack of international tourists needing to be picked up from, like, bus spots, most people would just be driving to Kelly Townsend. Yeah, just do the hotel pickups. Yeah. So maybe they don't need it anymore, which is sad. Okay, so it's done 378,000 kilometres. It's getting up there. Okay.

What else do you want to know? Weighs three and a half tonne. Is there a buy now or is it just an auction? No, it's just an auction. Okay. What else do you want to know? Weighs three and a half ton. Is there a buy now or is it just an auction? No, it's just an auction. Wow, okay. 21 seater. The interior is reasonably tidy. Seats are intact.

Some stains showing. Oh, okay. That'll be a tourist had a milkshake on the bus or something. Or dropped the mayo out some burger or something. Some dents and scratches. Drove okay on a test drive. So you're looking to replace the Honda Accord? This is perf...

Oh, it won't fit under the garage. It won't fit in the parking lot. Oh, it certainly wouldn't. Oh, get under the garage here or at home. What is that? Down here, two metre clearance. Oh, yeah, it wouldn't even get.

No, you'd hit the shark head on the building. And then you'd probably turn in and swipe Mike Hosking's Maserati. That's some more drama, isn't it? That would be the absolute least of my worries. I'd be like, he'll never know who that was. It was a shark, Mike.

You'd crash into people, you'd be like... You'd be bitten. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I want to tell you a really sad story. Orlando Bloom has revealed that he's got a tattoo over his heart. This is in honour of his Labradoodle. Is that what Lulu is?

No, Lulu's a Cavoodle. Oh, Cavoodle. And Ralph's a Retrodoodle. Right. This is a, what did I say? Labradoodle. So a Labrador poodle. And I believe it's brothers with Katy Perry's dog.

So it looks just like Katy Perry's dog. His name was Mighty and he went missing a week ago. Now, Orlando apparently just like scoured the neighbourhood, went through manholes, under roads, searched every backyard and creek, he said. And sadly they, I don't know what happened. They got two sniffer dogs involved trying to find Mighty. Wow, okay. And I don't know what happened,

but he said that they found Mighty's collar. So they have, I guess, a series. They live in LA, right? Coyote? Yeah. That's what happened to him. Or like mountain lions and stuff. Like you forget it because it's like a huge area.

Yeah. Remember that happened to Demi Lovato's dog? Yes, she got taken by coyotes. She had one of those ridiculous, silly little dogs, didn't she? Well, that's what... His dog was small. I'd expect a labradoodle to be bigger. I thought it was bigger.

It's very tiny. He's holding that in his arms, isn't he? Yeah. So, yeah, they found Mighty's collar. So it's been eaten. So, in tribute, because he's just devastated. He's like, I absolutely

loved that dog. Has a little tattoo now. It looks like a heart. And then Mighty written across his pec. Right. I've never heard of anybody getting it like, I've heard of people getting like you know, parents

or children or friends or whatever tattooed in memoriam on them, but I've never heard of anyone getting a dog or a pet tattoo. Have you? No. Who had a paw print? Eve.

In ink. You got what you need, so tell me what you need. Not that Eve. She did have the paw print with the scratch, but somebody put the dog's paw in ink and then put it on and then the tattooist did the paw. What, before they buried it? Nathan. Didn't Nathan have it?

I don't know. I'm not talking about a really well-known Nathan. I thought Nathan had a dog. Something from his pet. I don't know. Someone I know has definitely done that. Right. But, like, I mean, nothing's happened to Leo yet,

but, like, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't. You don't do tattoos, though. You don't do tattoos. Yeah. You were saying in a fit of grief. In a fit of grief, you might do it. I mean, not on my shoulder or anything. I don't do tattoos. Yeah. You were saying in a fit of grief. In a fit of grief you might do it. I mean not on my shoulder or anything. I don't know where I'd put it.

Tramp stamp. Just a big paw print. No, him peering over your pants, your jeans. Oh, gross. Jesus. With his big googly eyes like. God, no. Don't speak about the fictional death of my child like that.

So, well, he's, like, absolutely distraught, though. He's like, mighty was the meaning of true devotion and eternal love. Oh. So, and, like, because he posted a picture of it. He doesn't have any other tattoos on his torso. Like, that's it, just mighty across his pec. So that's his only tattoo? On his torso. Does he have any others? No, no, right, yeah's it. Just mighty across his pec. So that's his only tattoo? On his torso. Does he have any others?

No, no, right, yeah. Orlando Blue's got heaps of tattoos. Oh, does he? Okay, yeah, right. I was gonna say if you just jumped in and that was your first tattoo. Nah. I think we've got to take some calls. I want to know if anyone else has done this. Got a pet tribute tattoo. Well, I had that pet snake and when it died

I got that tattoo remembering that. Yeah, sure. You see people with like pictures of dogs and stuff but you're like, was that their dog or is it just a cool picture of a dog? Because I thought he's had lone wolves for a while and dolphins, but it just turns out they just get them, don't they?

Because they look cool. Dragons. I don't have a pet dragon. I want to know if anybody else does this because I would have thought it's quite rare to get an animal tribute tattoo. Maybe you lost a pet and you were like, that's it, I'm going to immortalise the pet with a tattoo. Do you get a Karen tattoo?

No, I didn't get a Karen tattoo. I'd say from the 12 or so texts we've already got. You're kidding. But right now, talking about Orlando Bloom, who sadly lost his dog. They reckon maybe Mountain Lion or Coyote. Coyote, yeah. Aida's dog. Because all these celebrities live up in their mansions in the hills, don't they?

Or Orcs. Could have been Orcs. Orcs. Orcs. Orcs. You know what? He's got a history with Orcs. He does.

It's a Lord of the Rings reference. I know. It's gone over your head. I know. Don't look at me blankly like that. Give me something. I thought you meant orc's cord. What?

And it got tangled up in an orc's cord. Oh, I see. I get it. That's a way to go. Oh, I see. Yeah. How did he go? Tangled on the orc's cord.

It was a horrible death. What a horrible way to go. Just wanted to play some tunes. Yeah. So he got a tattoo on his pec of his pet. Mighty. Mighty. Yeah.

We want to know if you've ever immortalised a dead pet, a dead animal, with a tattoo. And wow, overwhelming response. Because Fletch does not understand this at all. Well, I'm just not a tattoo person. But Grace, you got a tattoo. Your cat passed away. Well, my cat actually hasn't passed away yet. He's still with us.

Oh, but you've got a tattoo. Yeah, so I got married at the end of last year, and obviously we couldn't have our cat there with us, so I decided to get him on my ankle so that he could walk down the aisle with me. Oh, my God. That is so cute. Did you think about just taking him along in a cage with a bow tie? I really did, but he's not good with people, so I didn't think it would end well.

Because some people walk their cats on leashes, but, yeah, your cat wouldn't deal with that. No. No, not well at all. That's brilliant. Amazing. Grace, that's pretty cool. Jordan, your wife has a pet tattoo Yeah she's got a couple of them

She's She had a spirit in In Czech Republic When that passed away She got a paw print And she's also had two rats And when they passed away They became an entire sleeve

On her arm Wow She Okay How did the rats Did the Department of Conservation You said that In Czech In Czech in Czechoslovakia, in the Czech Republic. Czech Republic. Czech Republic, yeah.

Did, um, did Department of Conservation give her a good pat down when she arrived? Ah, you think so? No, so they passed away. Oh, actually, no, they were still alive when she came over here. So they were, they were, um, she pretty much got the news when she was over here. And that's just the forefront. But, yeah, when her rats passed away, which was actually about a year or two ago,

she got an entire sleeve devoted to them. Wow. Okay. So she's got rats. The two rats don't take up, like, the whole sleeve. Like, what? Yeah, so actually it's a half sleeve, so it's pretty much just below the elbow up to the shoulder.

Okay, right. And it's the two faces, Charlie and Minky, yeah. Oh, how long do rats last, though? Like, if she gets rats all the time? Not long. Yeah, she's going to have a lot of rats. That's a surprise, you know. If she keeps getting rats, she's not going to have much skin left.

She's going to have an infestation. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. So brown rats have a lifespan of two years and black rats 12 months. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, so she's going to be, like, yeah, covered. These ones are about two years. Yeah. Yeah, so she's going to be like, yeah, covered. These ones are about two years.

Yeah, right. Okay. And does she still have rats as pets? No, she's got a dog now and she's actually thinking about a plan for him once he passes as well. So, Kevin.

Kevin. Oh, Kevin. Well, if the rats are small, if they've got half an arm, Kevin's going to need a whole back. He needs at least a back, yeah. Jordan, thanks. You're cool.

Shay, you got a, a workmate's going to need a whole back. He needs at least a back, yeah. Jordan, thanks. He calls Shay. You got a workmate got a tattoo for his past dog. Yeah, he did. Okay, so how big is this tattoo? I'd say it's roughly in between one and a half to two hands long on the side of his calf. On his calf, okay. Is it the face or a name?

It was pretty, yeah, the face and the body of the dog. What kind of dog was it? I actually can't say off the top of my head. I don't want to get it wrong. Okay, please say it was like a silly little chihuahua or something. No, it wasn't a little dog. Oh, it was a big, big dog. Okay, all right, Shay.

Thanks, you're cool. Some text messages, So many coming in. A tattoo artist messaged in saying, I can't believe you didn't think you were going to hear from anybody. Must be a huge amount of work for them. My partner has her past dog's names tattooed in crossbones on her forearm. We once had a non-dog related chat. It was pretty unreal.

So obviously obsessed. Yeah, right. I haven't got a pet tattoo yet, but I am booked in to get it done. I'm getting a tribute tattoo to my black cat called Jet. Passed away six months ago.

I've been tossing and turning on the exact design, but in two weeks I'll get it as I've got the design confirmed. Somebody said, my friend gets, every time one of her horses passes, she gets another horseshoe.

That's cute. It could end up with a bloody... Yeah. It's like when World War II fighter pilots shot down a Nazi. They'd put a stamp on their plane, wouldn't they? It'd end up with a whole lot of stamps. You look like one of those instant Lucky Charms instant Kiwis. With all your lucky horseshoes.

With all the lucky horseshoes, you're really hoping. Oh, I've got three of them, $2. I've got tribute tattoos for three of my animals that have passed away. Somebody said, yeah, another person reporting a whole sleeve dedicated to a cat. A farmer. I'm a farmer. My farm dog's still alive, but I've got the name and paw tattooed on my heart. Oh, Ziggy.

That's cute. Ziggy the dog. Both of my bulldogs, I've got portraits of and paw tattooed on my heart. Ziggy. That's cute. Ziggy the dog. Both of my bulldogs, I've got portraits of them on my back. Yep. Wow. Yeah, tons of people. They're part of the family. That sounds like the vast majority of work for tattoo artists, doesn't it?

It does. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Producer Jared came in this morning with a grin on his face. Didn't he look chuffed for himself? He did. He did look chuffed. He looked chuffed like the cat that got the cream. But he was the lad that got the pizza.

And he wants to share his hustle with you. Good morning, hustler. Good morning. Good morning. I'm a bit of a czar dude now. You're a what? A pizza. Oh, czar, czar.

Oh, yeah, czar. Okay. Czar dude. Don't come around here with your? Pizza. Oh, za. Oh, right. Don't come around here with your fancy words. Za boy. So you think you've got a hack for free pizza? Yep, it's pretty simple. Okay. So what I did was I ordered my standard pizza,

but then I made it a bit bigger, so I got an extra large version. And then I removed two toppings and added two new toppings on. Right. Can I just, out of pure interest, pre-hearing your hustle, ask you what your standard pizza is? What's your pick go-to? I've got a few, but the other day was a Supreme.

Okay, what did you take off the Supreme? Capsicum and mushroom. You took off mushroom? Yeah, not a fair mushroom. Capsicum is what makes it a supreme Yeah yeah yeah What did you add to it? Chilli flakes and barbecue sauce

Okay no I'm not against that I'm not against that I'm not against that Chilli flakes would be good What was left on the supreme Once you took the mushrooms and the capsicum? It was a bunch of various meats Bacon, pepperoni

Oh yeah good okay Cheese, tomato I'd eat that It was kind of like a meat lovers But there was pineapple on it too Why didn't you just get a meat lovers Bacon, pepperoni. Oh, yeah, good. Okay. Yeah, see, that sounds good. I'd eat that. It was kind of like Meat Lovers, but there was pineapple on it too. Why didn't you just get a Meat Lovers and add pineapple? In hindsight, I could have done that as well. Yeah. Wait a minute.

Just where was this from? What pizza? I don't know if we want to say that. Oh, we're not saying that. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't. I think it's probably going to become obvious. It was a pizzeria.

A pizzeria. Okay. So how did you get this free then? Well, there is an option to have it delivered in under 20 minutes. Oh, we've all worked out who this is. Just don't say it. How do you... Do you tick that option?

It doesn't come standard. You have to tick it and pay an extra like $3, I think. Right. For express delivery. Okay, right. However. So the $3 is to guarantee that it's there in 20 minutes. And if it's not, you get a free pizza.

I get a free za. But it's not free because you just paid $3. I paid a little bit extra and because of the toppings and all that. Yeah, right. I may have taken a loss. Yeah. But in the end, it's a long-term gain. Right.

So how much did you, so did you pay for it and then what, did they just credit your account for next time? They sent me a voucher. So they didn't get there, you're saying they couldn't get there

in 20 minutes because you mucked around with all their toppings? Yep, they were a minute late, suckers. Oh my God, you're the person standing there with the stopwatch. You are, yes.

Do they trust your timing or do they keep track of time as well? Well, when you place the order, it says order placed at this time. Yeah. But something went wrong, so mine just kept loading. So I actually called up the pizza place and said, what time was my order placed? Oh, my God. You're that person.

You're like a junior Karen in the making. I'm a Jaren. You're like a junior Karen in the making. I'm a Jaren. You're a Jaren. Yeah, you are. Yeah, so now I'm the proud owner of a free traditional large pizza. Oh, my God. How do you pay for that? How do you pay online for that?

Does it have a voucher code? Yeah, redeem code here, kind of box. But technically, you've paid for it yourself because you paid $3. Is this a $5 free pizza? Yeah. So they're just technically taking a loss of what they would have made.

No, he's $2 up. Yep. And if you compound this. Yeah. That's what it's all about, baby. You've got to think of compounding. It's always compounded interest. Yeah, right.

I'll have made so much money. Oh, I thought you were going to have us an exact figure there. And I was going to be very impressed that you'd work on... $1,200. Oh, my God. Okay, they're not going to be late every time. They're only a minute late. What if you were having a za'apah,

which is what I've just thought I'd call a pizza party, a za'apah, and you ordered heaps of pizzas and ticked that box? Would it be $3 per pizza or $3 of the entire order? Hopefully the entire order because that's just value. Maybe they'd probably have a maximum for express delivery, surely, because otherwise how are they going to get like 20 pizzas done that quickly? Sure. I couldn't do this because I live literally 100 metres away

from the pizza place. I'd be like, damn it, Jared, this did not work. A roadblock? Yes. I couldn't do this because I live literally 100 metres away from the pizza place. I'd be like, damn it, Jared, this did not work. A red roadblock? Yes. Down the road. Oh my God, I've got to hire, equip and hire those. You know those brick things they put between lanes? Yes.

Those and you fill them up with water. Yeah, I'll fence off my entire apartment block so they can't get through. They have to climb the fence. I'll have to pay for all the high-ridge of that. Yeah, what's the high-ridge on that? Probably more than $3. But if you buy it then and keep it for five years, even if it costs

you $1,000, you'll still be $200 up after five years. It's all about compounding. It's the cheating edition of Poli, Poli, because we have had some politicians. Some high-profile cheating. Yeah. Because it was interesting, you know,

they go around the streets and they're like, what do you think of the politician that's cheated? And the old people are like, it's really terrible. And then some of the young people are like, oh, let's see what the problem is. It's just cheating. Everyone does it. So I was like, it'll be's see what the problem is. It's just cheating. Everyone does it. So I was like, it'll be...

I hope they don't have a partner. Exactly. I hope that young person's like, you're going to blow my face and disguise my voice, eh? Because, I mean, this is a small town. I'm very recognisable. But I couldn't believe that people were saying that. I was like, well, yeah, obviously some people don't care. So we thought we'd put it to you and see what you think.

So the very first question is, people cheat, but is it worse when politicians do? 68% said it's just as bad. And 32% said yes, they're in the public eye. But some of the comments, they're held to a higher standard. You should practice what you preach. Especially if it gets in the way of your job. Like workplace relations. The minister of the way of your job, like workplace relations. Well, I mean, he was the minister of,

the latest one was the minister of workplace relations and was having relations. Yeah. And it's only just as bad if it's after hours. So daytime cheating's okay. Well, like in Parliament. And daytime cheating's worse. Right.

And it's only just as bad if it's after hours. Right. When they're not on the clock. Have you's only just as bad if it's after hours. Right. When they're not on the clock. Have you heard all that, like, apparently there's a bar in the Beehive. Is there? No, it's back benches next door to the Beehive. There's not a bar in the Beehive. Are you sure?

I mean, people might have some, like, Winston Peters would probably have a case of scotch. I don't know if there's a bar in the Beehive. And who stocks it? Oh, yeah, man. Gotch. I don't know if there's a bar in the Beehive. In Parliament? And who stocks it? Oh, yeah, man. The taxpayer better not be stocking it unless I'm getting a little sip-sip. I know, I think it's over the back benches as always. That's why that bar became what it was, because it was the closest bar to Parliament, right?

Bellamy's included a bar known as Pickwick's. The parliamentary catering facilities of Bellamy's. Because I, yeah, just heard all these stories about politicians getting OTP. Did you see yesterday, John Key was quoted. Now, I don't know whether or not someone just asked him, but the headline was John Key has said, yes, being in parliament is very hard on your marriage.

I was like, what are you doing? You got out, bro. You got out. Don't get back in. Don't comment on such things. Yeah. She probably knows. That might be why she was like, you know, we need to get you out of here.

Here's a story from 2013. The sorry state of the third floor beehive bar known by workers is 3.2 was revealed in a survey of staff, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So it's in, I don't know if that's still open, but it sounds like it is. Okay. Interesting. All right, next question.

Just add it to the list of reasons why being a politician would be a terrible job. Yeah. Have you ever cheated on someone? 78% of people said no and 22% said yes. Unfortunately, yes, 10 years ago and I still feel guilty about it. Another comment. I want to know if they're still with the person. If they feel guilty

you wouldn't need, oh, you could feel guilty if you'd moved on. This is a different comment. Yes. They don't know though and never will. We're still together. Oh no. Have you been cheated on? 48% said yes.

Caught my boyfriend in bed with two girls. Grabbed all their stuff. Looking back, it was hilarious to see them get dressed on the side of the road. Wow. I love a place to get dressed. Have you ever cheated with your partner's friend? 5% said yes. Wow.

That's close to home. When you're looking at votes of over 10,000, 15,000, that's still quite a few people. And someone said, as someone who has done this, it's the riskiest thing they're bound to find out. Yeah. So I don't know if that's speaking from experience or they're saying they're bound to find out about them.

Yeah. What does constitute cheating? So a few answers here. Anything you wouldn't do in front of your partner slash tell them about. What I mean, like that's eating Tim Tams and stuff. That's cheating. That's cheating.

You're putting hot chocolate in your mouth. Yeah. In your mouth full of delicious, rich chocolate. Anything from flirting to sexual contact, they consider cheating. Acting on desires. Pashing. What about liking a hot photo? What about liking a hot photo on Instagram?

Well, no one's written that, but I mean, that's an argument. That's an argument definitely to have. All right. 14 minutes away from it. Next on the show, we'll reveal Megan's birthday present. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers

going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Tomorrow is Megan's birthday.

She is currently blindfolded. You've been blindfolded for the last three minutes during that song. With my headphones on. It's actually horrible. Like, all my senses were taken away. I couldn't see or hear anything. All I could feel was occasional, like, cold things of, like, wind when someone maybe walked past me. Okay, are you ready for your birthday present?

ZM's Megan. Fletchinborn. Yeah! No, I like that. There you go. present. ZM's Megan Fletcher and Vaughn. Yeah. No, I like that. There you go. That's just a butter you up, to be honest.

Is that a permanent change? No. God, no. We have to change all the marketing. All right, I'll let them in.

Okay. Now. You're not letting anything in. Oh my God, you got me an elephant. Okay, hold out your hand for your prison. Hold out your hand for your prison. No.

Okay, put your hand on the table just next to your computer for your prison. No way. Oh, my God. No, I don't want a... Put out your ring hand. I don't want a tralanchola. I said to you, I don't want a spider. Are you giving me a spider?

Hold out your hand. Hold out your hand. I really don't want to. No. I really don't want to. I almost swore. It's not a spider. That was just warm with a banana peel. Okay.

What did it feel like, though? Kind of cold, actually. Yeah, it was wet. I would have got a feather. I said get a feather. No, this feels weird because it's all cold and like crummy and stuff. Oh, yeah, right. Okay, that's not your present. We just wanted to mess with you.

No, it's actually not a spot. Do I actually have to put out my hand? Now, I think at this stage, Megan can take your blindfold off. Uh-huh. Take your blindfold off. If I've smudged my mascara, you're in so much trouble. Quickly. No, you're fine.

Your mascara's fine. Now, what's that? Just describe behind you what you're looking at. You have, it looks like a present. It looks like a really large square present. Yes. It is. That producer Jared is holding up.

He is. Now, it's nicely wrapped. Jared, how long did that take you, Jared? At least an hour. Yeah, he wrapped that into a great wrapping. Great wrapping. You get a job in the mall at Christmas. You've done well.

To supplement your income. Now, you are about to move. Yes. You and Mr Toyboy are moving into your first home. You guys are cool, but I don't want a portrait of you. You two in a weird portrait or something. That's very rude. That's or something. That's very rude. That's very rude.

That's pretty rude. Wow, that's incredibly rude that we would be giving you a present and you're already not even knowing. I mean, it's a bit weird, though, when people come to your house and there's a portrait of you two. Well, I mean, let's not judge before we've seen it. We'd like you to now turn around,

Megan. We'd like you to turn around now and open your present. Okay. You can open it. We'd like you to now turn around, Megan. We'd like you to turn around now and open your present. Okay. Do I have to be gentle or do I just rip it? No, just rip it open. Rip it open. Oh, is it going to jump out at me? Who knows? Who knows?

Oh, good. Great wrapping. Oh, it's upside down. Jared, turn it the right way. Oh, for crying God, you can't. Turn it around. It's upside down. Jared, turn it the right way. Oh, for crying God, you can't. Turn it around. Megan, would you like to explain?

Jared, it's too big for Jared, isn't it? Oh, my God. Could you just explain to people what are your prisoners? So I was pretty on the money with my final guess. I've got a somewhat of a glam rocker shot of the two of you. Yes, on a sexy couch. On a sexy leather couch. You're twirling your hair, your long blonde mullet wig, and Vaughn's provocatively got his finger.

In my mouth. Yeah. On a beautiful leather couch. Yeah, we popped out and saw Peter photoshoot.co.nz Yeah, brilliant.

He was fantastic. Had it all set up. He had a smoke machine. Yeah. And the lights from the top. That's a smoke machine. Wow. Jared, take off the

wrapping on the side. You're missing the smoke. I really appreciate that you guys dressed up for it. Yeah. That's really dressed up for Vaughn. We double denims. You're missing the smoke. I really appreciate that you guys dressed up for it. Yeah. That's really dressed up for Vaughn. We double-denimed.

That's not dressed up. It's literally what I wear every day with a denim jacket on the top. That's a bit of a camel toe there, Vaughn, and a stain. Is that a big stain on your pants? I don't know if that's a big stain on my pants. I don't know if that's a stain on your pants. But it looks lovely. It's a camel toe.

I was actually really impressed at how my jeans fell on that. It makes it look like I'm packing. Oh gross. Yeah. And it's right in the middle of the picture. It's like your eyes

are drawn to it. Yeah, we'll get that up on our Facebook page and Instagram. There's other options too. We did a whole photo shoot. We're thinking there could be a calendar of us

looking Glamrock. Have you got a Flames t-shirt on? Yeah. It's a commitment from you. It really is. Yeah, you're welcome. I don't quite know where to put that in my house. Well, somewhere.

I'll find a perfect spot. Not the garage. I was thinking the foyer. Yeah. That's the first thing people see when they... Yes. Beautiful. Or maybe if it is going to hang in the garage,

when you drive into your garage, I want it to be like when you... It's the first thing you see when the... Yes. Beautiful. Or maybe if it is going to hang in the garage, when you drive into your garage, I want it to be like when you... It's the first thing you see when the door goes up. So you're like, I just left them, but here I am. I'm home and they're here already. So it's a big glamour. Happy birthday, Megan. Thank you.

For tomorrow. If you would like any sort of photos taken, be them glamorous double denim 80s glam rock wigs with the smoke machine photos. Peter underscore at underscore photoshoot on Instagram or photoshoot.co.nz. Yeah. That might be the best you two have ever looked, to be honest. When we were leaving, they were doing all the real estate people.

Yes. That's where they get their photos done. Yeah, they do. Pretty fancy. Really? And do athletes and stuff. Yeah. So, I mean, that's high quality, Megan.

You're welcome. Has your wife seen this? Yes. She requested a couple of that's high quality, Megan. You're welcome. Has your wife seen this? Yes. She requested a couple of prints. She was turned on. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Friday Flashback.

But. Oh, it hasn't been dropped in yet. Jared, do you reckon you can drop it in? You know what it was, eh? Oh, piss off. Good man. It's in there. This feels fitting now. I know, eh? Oh, piss off. Good man, it's in there. This feels fitting now. I know, right?

Yeah. This is a very happy coincidence that this song comes from 1987 and would be sort of like the Everest of hair rock from the 80s. And that is kind of our dress there that we're dressed up as for Megan's big birthday portrait. Now, there was a no-fletch group chat last night that I'm aware of

because you were floating this idea. Ross Boss is on board. Yes. He got across the board yeses, including Ross Boss. But also partly because we know it will wind you up. It's very old, though.

Yep. It's a banger, though, isn't it? It's really good. The singer of this band has a bigger vocal range than Mariah Carey. Because she can go higher, but he can do far lower. Right. So if you, like, match it up, he's got a larger vocal range. Very outspoken against Donald Trump, too.

Is he? I didn't know that about him. Okay, that's good. This particular song reached the US Billboard Hot 100 number one. In New Zealand in 1987, it got to number five. Across the ditch in Australia, it only got to 11. It's a beautiful song for today's Friday flashback and probably best watched while looking at the photo there, Megan.

I feel like you're just going back to all those songs from your Outback days at like two in the morning. This is 1,000% a club banger from the mid-2000s. Yeah, okay. Because it kind of had the retro feel now. Even just the intro gets everyone to the thing.

It's going to get you jazz. Yeah. From the album Appetite for Destruction. Wow. From 1987, Friday Flashback, Guns N' Roses, Sweet Child of Mine. It's five minutes 44 long. I know. We don't have songs this long on this station anymore.

We can go outside, have a smoke. We don't smoke. Do whatever radio announcers did when songs are still five minutes long. Get in. Get in. She's got a smile that it seems to me Reminds me of childhood memories Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky Now and then when I see her face

She takes me away to that special place And if I stare too long I'd probably break down and cry Oh, sweet child of mine Oh, sweet, oh, oh, oh, see the love of mine guitar solo She's got eyes of the bluest skies As if they thought of rain

I'd hate to look into those eyes And see an ounce of pain Her hair reminds me of a one-state place Where as a child I'd hide And pray for the thunder And the rain to quietly pass me by Oh, sweet child of mine Oh, sweet love of mine guitar solo Oh, sweet child of mine Oh, sweet love of mine

Oh, sweet child of mine Oh, sweet love of mine guitar solo Where do we go now? Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go? Where do we go? Oh, where do we go now? Where do we go? Oh, where do we go now?

Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Where do we go now? Oh, where do we go? Oh, where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go? It's Guns N' Roses, your Friday flashback, sweet child of mine. Thank you. Where do we go now?

Mostly positive feedback on the text machine. Vaughan, for your pick. Very positive feedback. Upper class bogans saluting. Wait, wait, wait. You know that the club DJ would have faded that out into a... Sounds like a cat fight. Yeah.

And also, I'd forgotten that was in Step Brothers Yeah We're in the car The guy's tearing his wife against the shreds Because they can't hit the harmonies That's very good Great feedback Dropping the kids off at school

Blaring this banger They hate me now But hey I'm living my best life True Somebody said Pulled up to the lights. I looked to the right. A guy's doing lead air guitar.

I looked to the left. Someone's doing the drums. I thought it was only right that I wind down my windows and I sing. Yes. So that's like a whole Guns N' Roses at the lights.

That is just great. Gridlock band. Now, Brian and Clint have got Friday Okie tonight. Oh, that'd be perfect. In Hamilton. That'd be perfect. Whylock band. Now, Brian and Clint have got Friday Okie tonight. Oh, that'd be perfect. And Hamilton. That'd be perfect.

Why not? Because you are struggling to think of a song to sing tonight at their Friday Okie. Get along. Get the bank. You said that's like a Hamilton wedding song. Oh, it's a Morrisville first dance. First dance, yeah. Yeah, someone said this was their wedding song.

Yeah. In all the feels. Great first dance there. Really give you a chance to get the mullet really shaken. Getting into it, yeah. Shaken. Those are the good times. I think good.

Yeah, good for you. Great feedback. Don't doubt. Never doubt. Somebody said my grandma could play this on her violin. Now that is something I would have loved to have seen. I don't know if there's a family recording of that, but I would have loved to have seen. I don't know if there's a family recording of that, but I would have loved to have seen that. Executive intern Anya joins

us. Went to a funeral this week. Yes. And there was a whoopsie daisy. Yes. So yesterday, off to beautiful Nana's funeral. Very sorry to hear that by the way. Thank you guys. She had a great innings though

didn't she? She had a long and very happy life. What did she make it to? Oh she'd hate me saying but 97. 97! You should be proud of that. God that's such a long time. Yeah a great run. Great run. So we said our farewells yesterday and

of course you know running around and when it's your family member like like, things are a little bit more hectic on the prep side. You've got a few more sausage rolls to put in the oven. It was a bit more hectic than usual. So we left my house and went to go and pick up another family member at an Airbnb.

Oh great, I'm in a power suit. I've got a black blazer, her favourite colour top, and then some black jeans. And when I got out black blazer, her favourite colour top and then some black jeans. Good. And when I got out at the Airbnb, I just hear this. And my pants split right down the middle. When you say right down the middle, like whereabouts?

So you know when you've got, like, okay, you know how your jeans rub together in the inner thigh? I saw it the other day and I thought, heck, you're getting a bit thin. But, you know, I've had bigger fish to fry this week. I've not had a church to chop at. I got mine reinforced the other day at the alteration place. That's what I needed. But I ignored it and I was like, she'll be right.

She was not right. So we split right across the inner thigh and kind of around past the bootay. Oh, wow. Okay. Can't be going to a funeral

showing a bit of bootay. And he was like, you'll be fine. You can't even see it. You'll be fine. You can feel the air coming in, eh? Yeah.

So we're pressed for time at this point. Yep. We have to race back home. I put on a dress and I've not shaved my legs. I've not tanned. She's in absolute state. So I grab some moisturiser.

Okay. And I'm running to the car at this stage. I've got shoes in one hand, dove body in the other. What's the dove body for? For the legs? Well, I thought I'll just shove a bit of moisturiser on and then they won't look as bad. They're not going to look great.

They'll be hairy, but at least they won't be scaly. Exactly. No one will even be looking at my legs anyway, but I just thought it would make me feel a bit better. And then the moisturiser gets on the dress. Oh, girl. I don't know if you've ever seen white moisturiser on a dress. Doesn't look great.

No. Yeah. But I just had to roll with it by that point. Right. We'll not go back a second time. Yeah. So there we are. At least that would have taken people's gaze away from the hairy legs.

That's true. Every cloud. Every cloud. Oh, she's spilt mayo on her dress. She's had a pre-wedding burger. You get a filet of fish on the way to the... I've had a chicken. Oh, yum.

Not beyond the realms of possibility. Yeah, that's true. You're right though, there is, it is where you're supposed to be like celebrating your nana's life

and yet people who probably haven't seen it for five or ten years just roll in casual, no stress, yet the family who are supposed to be mourning are the ones that are like

freaking out and running around and it's all chaotic. So things do go wrong. They're a high-pressure situation, the old funeral. I like to think that the people who are no longer with us that have a good chuckle, though. Yeah. Would Nana have been the sort that would have had a good chuckle and a ripped pants?

She would have had a belly laugh at this whole situation. She would have loved it. We'd like to take some calls this morning on funeral mishaps. Yeah. Because it is weird how it's... Some people are very serious about funerals. I don't know. I'm personally like it's a celebration of life day, right?

Like it's sad. They're no longer with you and you remember the times and it's sad and stuff. I personally find it quite funny if when I died, my coffin fell off. Like, that would be hilarious. And you've come out. I don't even see you tumbling out. Like that, you know, I don't believe in like, you know, the afterlife or whatever, but if I was looking down, I'd be laughing.

I'd be cackling away with the cackle. And I'd be like, that's funny. That's good stuff. That's great. That's a wobbly wheel. All the handle falls off. If there's. And I'd be like, that's funny. That's good stuff. That's great. That's a wobbly wheel. Or the handle falls off. If there's like, I'm just like, brilliant. That's also funny.

You ever been a pallbearer at a funeral? No. That's heavy. Is it? Yeah. Well, I mean, it depends on the person too, doesn't it? But even just coffins themselves. I remember the first time when my granddad died and I hiked one up.

It was the first time I did one. I was like, because he was a big lad. I was like, that's very heavy. I'm emotional. I'm sweaty. I might drop this. And then you're just gripping with white knuckle grip. Well, you can't be the one that drops it.

No, no, no. I really wanted my brother to be that failure. But he didn't either. So then it became sort of a sibling thing of how tight you were going to hold it. You should put Vaseline on his handle. Oh, great idea. We've still got one grandparent left. Could you undo that and vast the handle?

Vast all the handles. I'll be like, which handle am I on? They're like, front left. I'll be like, fantastic. I'll just go around vasting all the other handles. And everyone drops a coffin, but you're the only one holding it. You're like, hmm. I'm like, disrespectful!

Pick it up, the handle's a slippery. We'll get a hand underneath it. All right. Well, yeah, obviously the lighter moments at funerals. All 800 dials at M. You can text 966. I was going to say that part. Don't fight.

I was going to say that part. You can both say that part. What's the text number? I'm going to Vass your handle. That was supposed to sound equally erotic and threatening, by the way. That was the intention of that. Save it for after the show. Talking about funeral whoopsies.

And so many stories. Oh, yeah. You've got to have a laugh. Oh, you've got to have a laugh. They would have wanted it. They would have wanted it. They would have wanted it. A little laugh.

Yeah. Somebody messaged in saying, at my great aunt's funeral, they hadn't dug the hole at the cemetery, so we had to wait. And this guy's like, no, no, it won't take me long. I'm going to go to those little diggers. And I was like,

everyone's just like, this is so weird. And then like, uncle started telling me he was doing it wrong. And then somebody else said, come in from another angle. You don't want to say this. They should have gone away for a coffee,

a cup of tea and come back. Yeah, but you can't take the coffin to the local cafe. Well, the guy doing the digging can watch it. Oh, you don't leave that there on the rollers. You'll come back and you'll be like, oh, God, we should go now. Now, you talked about vassing up the handles, Vaughn. Yeah. As a pallbearer.

Liz, you were at a funeral, the handles came off. I was carrying the casket with my six head. Oh, my God. I know. And did like a whole dip to the ground. Oh, no. Had they just used a poor quality handle and screw combination? No.

Well, the funny thing is, you pay a lot for these. And it turns out that they're plastic. The handles are plastic. Get out of town. So did it snap? Yeah, I know. And it snapped. And thank goodness someone walked past and literally just had to, like, do like a, you know, one of those rugby catches when the ball's about to go on the ground and they flick it up?

Yep. That's what he did and caught it just in time. He would have laughed. Harvey would have thought that was hilarious. Surely they would have looked at your stepdad and been like, this is a brass handle guy. I know. He was a brass handle man. But you don't really think of that when you're going and choosing something. It doesn't

assure you that it's not brass. I'd be really pissed if my handle broke at my funeral. I'd be like, oh, really kicking me from the grave. Just while we're talking about this, I want those kitchen handles on the drawers. Oh, that don't stick out. The ones that are built in. Yeah, I like those. Yeah, those are good because you don't

knock your thigh on them when you walk past. So I'll have those ones. Sam, funeral whoopsies. What happened? Yeah, I like those. Yeah, those are good because you don't knock your thigh on them when you walk past. So I'll have those ones. Sam, funeral whoopsies. What happened? Yeah, hi, guys. My dear old gran got an ease of 93. Oh, wow. So I have the funeral service and you go back to the private family,

one out at the cemetery place where we were, and the private room and you go in and you say your final farewells as a family and they lower the casket down although there was a little incident

and the old casket got a bit stuck on one side and started tilting and tilting and my uncle was a couple of steps up to go fix it

and then all of a sudden poor Gran just drops about three feet with a massive bang and we all just look at each other and just go oh I think she's trying to get back oh Jesus just dropped about three feet with a massive bang and we all just look at each other just go

oh i think she's trying to get back oh my god was that another poor quality handle incident is this another point no i think they just misaligned it and it was too far on one side and just got caught and then just slid and dropped about three feet. Wow. Gran would have seen the funny side of it. Yeah, yeah, brilliant. I don't know how to put this gently, but then I don't want to imagine my gran for eternity is like crumpled up at one end of the coffin.

I don't know that she's comfortably spread. She was a little lady, so she's probably slid to one end. I'd like to think they open it back up and just... Check. Just pull a... I don't know. Yeah, can't they do that? Yeah, I don't want to know about that.

Yeah. Okay, Sam, thanks for your call. Hayley, funeral whoopsies, what happened? So when my grandfather died, they had him cremated, and my grandmother and the three boys decided they'd go to a UK military graveyard. We're not actually meant to scatter ashes, but because he was in the army, they thought they'd go there. Just do it and don't worry about it.

Yeah. Yeah. So Grandma had to go. She tried to scatter them elegantly, and nothing came out. So she passed it to my father, being the eldest son. Dad gave it a go. No, no success. Gave it to the little child.

And he gave it a good, you know, kind of pat on the back. And granddad just came out in one big pile in the middle of this graveyard. So because they're not meant to be there, they had to scatter granddad with their feet. Like he came out the same. You know when you get jelly meat and you're shaking the tent and it goes

boom. Yeah. Oh, grandad. Very concentrated spreading. Grandad. Oh, God. Would have been

great for a bit of lawn though. Yeah, brilliant. Hey, Hayley, thanks for sharing. Let's go to Annie. Annie, what was the funeral whoopsie?

Oh, my dad passed away last year, and I've been organising his funeral for a while with Dad's help on what music he wanted. Yep. And we had to bring in the coffin. My friend was in charge of the music to play Love Me Tender. Okay.

And the music she played was Love Me Tender, but it was post Malone. Right, and was that... Not the slow... Not the slow version. No. And does it have swear words in it? It just wasn't the... Yeah, and everyone just looked,

and all I could do was laugh, and I could literally hear my dad yelling at me and saying, this is what happens when I leave shit up to you. Were you like, come on guys, Post Malone is in right now. My kids were cracking

up laughing because they could see my dad yelling at me. Yeah, right. Okay. Well, I mean, he's got a lovely voice but yeah, it's not the original, is it? No. She was trying to apologise and everything. Yeah, right. But everyone found it funny, so.

Okay. And everyone could pick the dad. Yeah, amazing. Annie, thanks for sharing. Some text messages, funeral whoopsies. My papa passed away during Level 4 lockdown, so we had to have his memorial last week. My dad was first to speak

and he kicked a glass of water over by the lectern. So everyone who got up to speak was standing in a puddle and then every single person walking back to their seats, their shoes were like squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. Everybody, I like to think Papa would have enjoyed that. Yeah. Ah, man, so many stories of people saying little moments lighten up what was a pretty grim day.

And somebody said my cousin was a pallbearer and the handle snapped. Not only did the handle snap, it fell on his ankle and broke his ankle. We laughed. He was granddad's least favourite cousin. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. It's time for... Fact of the Day.

Today's Fact of the Day is the ancient Romans, the old Romans, loved olive oil so much and imported so much, they made a mountain out of its containers. Huh. There is a Monte Testaccio in Rome. It is a man-made and woman-made mountain that was put together with the clay pots, the jars that olive oil was delivered to Roman. Oh, my God.

Look at it. Good to know even then they went into recycling. And now they're having to clean up their mess. Clay pottery you could totally use again. Yeah. So testa means a fragment of pottery. Have you shown Fletch the photo there? Yes, look at that. It still stands.

Yeah, right, wow. It was kind of forgotten about. It was about 145 to 200 and something AD that they think was when this was made. Right, okay. So over 2,000 years ago or thereabouts. And so when they got the jars, they'd be full of olive oil. They'd use them and they became such a problem. There were so many of them.

They're like, what are we going to do with them? And this town planner apparently came up with the situation where they could terrace it. So apparently the bottom layer is all the really old ones. And then they made layers and layers like, yeah, they just layered it up. Yeah, right. And they did reinforcements at every

level so that it wouldn't spread too much. And it's believed to be the largest man-made mountain. Huh. Because there are so many. Good to see a town planner that doesn't just put in a roundabout. It kind of looks like the size of Mount Victoria, right?

In Wellington? Yeah. Nah, it's not that big. Is it not? Nah, nah, nah. It's, nah, because that's quite a, when you take into the whole of town. Would you say it's more of a mound than a mountain? It's a high mound. It's mound-y.

Mound-y. It's mound-y. It's mound-y. You know, it kind of looks like local North Head on, over by Devonport in Auckland. Oh, yeah, where the tunnels are, like moundy like that. Yeah, like maybe a really old volcano-y moundy mound. So just picture an old volcano-y mound. Yeah.

A really old worn down volcano-y mound and that's you. You've got a man-made mountain of pottery from ancient times. So today's fact of the day is that the ancient Romans loved olive oil so much that they smashed the containers and made a man-made mountain out of them. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Science. Science.

This is science. Apparently, we're told that a beer, when coupled with a pickle, makes it an overall more enjoyable experience. A pickle? A pickle. Are you crazy? Megan, you're very well known for just opening a jar of pickles and smashing the whole thing. I love a pickle.

How good are pickles? I have a 3kg jar at the moment of pickles. Yeah, we got one too, and the kids were like, this one takes ages to get through. Guess who's three quarters of the way through it? About a week after they opened it. Is that a bulk buy at Gilmore's? Yeah, it was a Gilmore's bulk buy.

Now, when you say beer and pickle, does that mean the pickle has to be in the beer? Yeah. You drop the pickle in the beer. And then afterwards, you can eat the pickle. I was going to say, like, a beer-infused pickle could be yum. So, in studio, we thought we'd try this because this finding came to us in a news story.

Actually, you're kind of like, it's very vinegary though. So you're kind of putting vinegar with your beer. I think you'd shake a bit off, right? Because you know I don't like beer. Is this going to work in my long white? I don't like beer either, so it's going to taste nasty either way. Have you seen the targeted advertising? Maybe you're not being beer fans, you don't. Have you seen the targeted advertising? Maybe not being beer fans, you don't.

Have you seen the targeted advertising for that thing? Because, you know, if you don't drink out of a can, you open the can and then pour it in a glass. It's always really hard and it foams and you get a lot. This thing goes around, so it turns the can into like a jar and then you can just pour it in and it doesn't like foam up or anything. It's an easy pour machine. It's like a can opener for a beer.

But it does it itself. You just sit it on top and it works its way around. I mean, it makes a change from all the weird stuff you get advertised for from Wish. Yeah.

Gosh, the Wish tried to sell me something very inappropriate. They said it was for my my penis, but it looked like it would have done some serious damage to it.

Okay, right. So this is along the lines of like putting a lemon in your beer, putting some acidity into it, but this is a bit stronger. Yeah, right, okay. So would you do this?

There's pickles in this. Can I just get my fingers in? Jackie's. No, don't do that. That's yuck. Well, we don't have time to get a fork. Just finger the pickles.

Let's get in there. These are baby pickles too, which is good because we've only got small. Plop. Okay, right. But the thing is, you've just done that, but you don't know what the beer tastes like pre-pickled.

No, no, no, don't put them both beer. You're supposed to have a control. You just try. Maybe chuck in another pickle into that first one. Pretty young. Okay, so you've tried the beer without pickles. Now you've put too much pickle in for your ratio. You put two pickles in.

But these are small pickles. These are baby cucumbers. You're only supposed to put a slice. Okay. Now try the beer with the pickles in and see if there's a difference. I needed to have a little bit of the... Because you licked your fingers, didn't you? That's the problem.

It tastes like beer. This is a craft beer. It's an IPA, but those are all good by me. Okay. And this is the beer with pickles in it. Did you give it a swirl? No, you can totally taste the pickles. It just tastes like you're having a pickle.

That's good for me. Because I love pickle flavor. I'm in love with the fact that so many chip companies, cracker companies, all the, are like, yeah, this is pickle flavor now. I'm like, yes, yes, yes. I love pickles. But you only fill that glass up half and then you put two pickles in.

Two little pickles. Pour a bit more beer in because I think your ratio is out of whack. That's cross-contaminating though. Okay. Who else wants to try this? No. Not really. No, you're on your own, mate.

We were supposed to do it like a couple of people, so at least then if you have a differing opinion you can tell me what you don't like about it and then people won't. You've given us your assessment. That's enough. I'm going to go to the pub tonight and I'm taking my pickle jar. It's Friday night. It's game night for the Smiths. This could be a great, you know, bars had it tough during lockdown.

They're trying to get money. They could charge a dollar for a pickle. A dollar for a big pickle. And you could probably just use the same pickle all night, right? So you could take your glass back up and be like, or eat it and get another pickle. Yeah. Great idea. A bit of pickles.

So good. A pickle add-on. Not a pickle onion. No. This is a pickle pickle. A pickle pickle. Not a pickle onion. A cucumber-y, gherkin-y pickle.

Not a pickled onion. Although that would probably be pretty yum too. If you've eaten so many pickled onions, your mouth just gets absolutely destroyed. Like stung to bits. Yeah, you're just sitting there, you're like, uh-oh, eating a jar of pickled onions.

No, I've done that with a whole bag of cheese balls, though. Same effect on the mouth? Yeah, same effect on the mouth. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here.

ZM.