ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 24th November 2020

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

Be careful with those Rum'n'Raisin Balls!  Dr Smithee  Top 6: Porirua  Community Notices!  Mitty on the Tools!  Fishy Tank Season 2 Episode 2  Vaughan's Big Reveal!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Morning Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app to get McCafe rewards. Today, a story. I'm just seeing this pop up. Qantas have said that next year they will be asking people to have vaccinations before they get on the aircraft to do an international flight. Suck it, anti-vaxxers. I hope countries are doing the same. You can't come to this country if you're not vaccinated Against this horrendous

Virise Well that's like yeah travelling Oh no you get like those jabs for yourself right When you go to like get yellow fever and all that Some countries won't let you in without them though right Yeah so Australia if you go to South America or Central America I think it is

You're not allowed in Without a yellow fever vaccination certificate. Yeah. Well, this is no different. Which is good. Yeah. Because you're going to be a drain on their public health when you get there if you catch

yellow fever. So you vaccinate before you get there. Yeah. Well, that's serious. That's how you got real serious in there, didn't you? You're real passionate. Quite passionate. Maybe blow your horn just to bring it back to.

This is for those that have just. Yeah. Quite passionate. Maybe blow your horn just to... Yeah, just to bring it back to... This is for those that have just... Yeah, you'll think it's funny now because it's the start of the podcast, but... Also, we really ruined the surprise there. It's a real spoiler there, didn't we? You don't know when it's going to pop up, though. It'll be obvious, though. In what context? It'll be obvious.

Well, find out what that fucking thing is. You told him to play it! I know, and I regret it immediately. That was jazzy. I'll give that two days before your wife loses that somewhere around the house. ZM. Hit music. Lives here.

Fleece Warner Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch Warner Megan. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. Oh, and I look at my screen, I see the 24th of November. Oosh. Nearly one month to Christmas. Christmas, just looking at christmasclock.com,

we are 30 days, 17 hours away. I think it'd be a good day to look at Christmas penetration today. We'll have a peek. We'll have a bit of a gander. Must be getting close to 100%. Yeah, it's sneaking up there. There's a few events this weekend that I think will push it right over. Oh, God, I saw the bloody Christmas parades happening this weekend.

Oh, how bloody awful. I didn't think they would do another Christmas parade. No, it is. No, because it ends outside my house. They all congregate, making noise. Horrible. The sounds of joy as the modern-day Ebenezer Scourge looks down and shouts,

Bah humbug! Or as it's been translated to modern... You literally are the Grinch looking over the... I'm going to have to go away. I'm going to have to not be around. Maybe take yourself for one of your bike rides. You know how you like your bike rides.

I went on a bike ride yesterday. I do like my bike rides. You do like your bike rides. He likes his bike rides. He's always talking about his bike rides, isn't he? He can get away on one of my bike rides. Might take myself away for a little bike ride. No, because then I come back and I can't get across the road because of all bike rides. Might take myself away for a little bike ride.

No, because then I come back and I can't get across the road because of all the floats. Well, just be gone for a longer period of time. But you like them so much, make them a little bit longer. Maybe I'll take a picnic. Now that's an idea

that would put a smile on anybody's face. Isn't it? Isn't it? A little picnic. Or just buy food while you're out. Yeah, sure.

Coming up, long gone are the days of making a field roll. Remember mum used to, did your mum used to make a field roll? Yep, yep. That was a special day in our house because it was the long buns. Yeah, rather than just a sandwich. Yeah, shit, if those were out on the bench defrosting, you knew you were in for a field roll. Not fridge, typically defrosting. You knew you were in for a filled roll. Not fridge. Do you believe defrosting?

Oh, yeah. Always. 100%. Always. Because they were cheap one week, so mum bought eight. Yeah. Did you know they slowly ate them over eight years? You probably know about this because I don't buy a lot of bread,

but I saw brioche loaf at the supermarket yesterday. Now, this is like scone toast, eh? I think scone toast was solely responsible for a good three kgs I put on when scone toast was on the market. Oh, my God. Is that what scone toast was? Just brioche loaf? Scone toast was this super thick cut, ultra doughy. Kind of yellowy?

Yeah. And you could do no wrong with it. Like, it went sweet so fantastically. It went savoury beautifully. It's the basis of a good French toast. Oh, yum. Oh, how great a carb. So anyway, coming up on the show,

the top six. Yeah, the top six looks into rent today because apparently Porirua is more expensive to rent in than Sydney and Melbourne, parts of Sydney and Melbourne. Whoa. That's nuts, eh?

Well, I've got the top six reasons you should be paying more for rent in Porirua than Sydney and Melbourne, parts of Sydney and Melbourne. Whoa. That's nuts, eh? Well, I've got the top six reasons you should be paying more for rent in Porirua than Sydney and Melbourne. Next, we want to talk about a Kiwi dude who got done for DUI. And this season is something you need to look out for. So a Kiwi guy, he lives in Perth. He was indulging on a sweet treat. So he was at a party or somewhere. He had his kids.

So he was like, wasn't drinking, was not drinking. But they, at the birthday party, had rum and raisin balls. Yum. Rum balls. And he was like, these things are delicious. So instead of drinking, he's like, I'll just eat some treats and then, you know, drive the kids home. He was probably of the, um, he was probably guessing

that it had rum essence. Essence of rum, which provides the flavour, the tang, without the alcohol. But every time my mum's made rum balls, and I've made them, you use actual rum.

Yeah. You don't use rum essence. Yeah, made them. You use actual rum. Yeah. You don't use rummy scents. Yeah, it's like Auntie Eve with the trifles. She gets very heavy handed. I've just done a couple of Google recipes of rum and raisin balls because they're a New Zealand treat. Yeah. The Chelsea recipe has a quarter of a cup of rum.

Real rum? Real rum. Other recipes have less rum or like a quarter of a cup of rum. Real rum? Real rum. Other recipes have less rum or like a couple of teaspoons, only a couple of teaspoons of essence. Right. So even a quarter of a cup of rum is what, a couple of

shots? Yeah, two shots. And you'd have to be eating every rum bowl unless somebody's doing a free pour and putting in half a bottle, which would be too much. Some people get a bit liberal with the whoopsies. I always get liberal with my favourite ingredient in any recipe. Like if it's like, oh, 100 grams of butter.

I'm like, well, that's not going to be buttery enough. Yeah, because mum's ones used to absolutely burn my mouth. Yeah, free hand. But he said he had no idea they even had rum in them. He just thought they were delicious treats. So he was pulled over and he has a pea plate. So that's like a learner's plate, right? Oh, so that's like zero alcohol.

0.02. He returned a positive reading of 0.038. Oh. Matt, how much rum was in those rum balls? I know. But also when he got pulled over, he was still eating them. And he's like, you know, hi, officer. So fresh in the mouth.

Yeah. Fresh in the mouth, sir. Yeah. But then they would have done a blood. Surely they did a blood test. Yeah. And he said, yeah, I had no idea they were alcoholic. But the raisins were apparently soaked in the rum.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Because they'd soak up the juice, wouldn't they? Yeah. And so he'd obviously gone to the party and been like, those are delish. I'm going to take some home for the road. He must have had a lot of them though. Sounds like it.

He, yeah, it does sound like it. Especially given that he'd taken some in the car and was like just munching on the rumbles. But that's a wee bit of advice going into the holiday season. Watch out for your trifles. Trifles are another one. Watch out for your rumbles. What about brandy snaps?

Oh, tiramisu's. Tiramisu's. Does brandy cream, that's just brandy essence, eh? I thought brandy was in the snap. Brandy snaps. Not the cream. Is it in the cream? It's in the snap.

I don't think that, that's just a name, isn't it? Yeah, it's just a name. I don't think they're alcoholic at all. You can get brandy cream. Do brandy Snap. It's in the Snap. I don't think that, that's just a name, isn't it? Yes, it's just a name. I don't think they're alcoholic at all. You can get Brandy Cream. Do Brandy Snaps contain Brandy? I usually serve with whipped cream. They're currently made from a mixture of golden syrup, flour, ginger cream, butter, the whipped cream.

The name Brandy Snap has no reference to Brandy the Spirit. Yeah. They're named after Brandy, the 1990s R&B singer. The snap is mine. Always so sharp. Yeah, always sharp. Always so sharp. 12 past six.

Well, if that's got you craving sweet treats to start your morning, the story I'll tell you next will put you off your breakfast. Maybe. I don't know if we need this story. Something. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Okay, a little bit of a backstory to what I'm about to tell you. At the moment, the animals on the Smith farm let are being break fed.

So that means there's a fence and every day I move it a little bit and give them a little bit of grass. Because if I gave them the whole paddock, they'd be really obese because of spring grass. Spring grass has got lots of goodies in it. Right. And so I've been break feeding. So I give them a,

I get home from work and they're all like, meh, meh, meh. And they all want more grass. Everyone says, a cacophony of animal sounds. This is what I need at the supermarket,

break feeding. They just shut off the chocolate lane. Yeah, yeah. That's just what I want. Not today. I had this sort of restraint. If I could break feed myself, I'm going to be like, I'm just going to have a small plate and a little bit on it.

No, big plate and it's going to be full. So then you give them the fresh grass. Everybody's very happy. Yeah. And then when that grass is out, they've got to wait till tomorrow. Okay. And my goats, they're the jumpers. And so yesterday when the break feed had been finished,

I noticed Harold had jumped the fence and was in the other grass just having the time of his life. Northy Harold. Imagine if they did block off the chocolate lane and you scarped it over the thing and then they come, the supermarket person comes around and you're just three Whitaker's blocks deep. Looking so happy with yourself.

Yep. So I grab Harold and I put him back through the fence and I say, naughty Harold. And I say, I'm going to have to tie you up for a bit because you keep jumping the fence. And it's when I'm tying him up that I see this thing on the side of his neck. I'm like, oh, what's that?

So I feel it and it's kind of soft but it's bulbed out basically what I'm looking at here is a giant goat pimple now huge fans of I got a photo did I send a photo

yeah you did you sent a before photo is it like was it like a 50 cent piece like I would say a golf ball half a golf ball plopped on now fans of Dr. Pimple Popper

will stay for this next chat. Everybody else will be done in a couple of minutes. So I sent a photo to the vet and I say, what do you reckon of this?

And she said, and I said, can I lance it? And then use the purple spray. That's a fancy name for just give it a pop. Now at this stage, is she,

would you expect a bill for this? Nah. Well, you're engaging her services in time. Oh, maybe she could charge me a quarter hour. Like a phone consultation. Yeah, just like, what's that? And I can say, can I lance it and purple spray it?

And because purple spray is a magic spray. Yeah. That you have to like, it's like getting a prescription spray. Is it like an antiseptic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Antibiotic antiseptic spray. So she's like, yeah. And I'm like, yes.

So I go in and I say to the family, who wants to watch? And everybody kind of is kind of keen. So we all go out to the paddock and Sade's going to record it. She's going to video it because we're thinking this could be like. Dr. Pimple Popper. Yeah. This could be gross. Oh my God.

You could be the next Dr. Pimple Popper. Dr. Goaty Popper. Goaty Pimple Popper. Dr. Goaty Popper. Goaty Pimple Popper. And so I lance it. What did you lance it with? A very, very sharp blade. Okay. Did you have to sterilize the blade?

Yep. Okay. I sterilized the blade. Mountie's like, Mountie's like holding him out. And then just put the tiniest of nicks in the top of it and then put the blade down. Yep. And Sade's like, you've not cut it enough. I say, you just keep recording. mouth and then just put the tiniest of nicks on the top of it and then put the blade down yeah

and shadow's like you've not cut it enough i see you just keep recording and that's when i got around it i was wearing gloves and i got around it and then i hit it and she's like i'm gonna stop stop recording she stopped recording she couldn't even look she had to hide behind the shed i don't know if i could look i don't know if I could even pop it. Pimples are one thing, but that's. So I get in it and it comes out. It's thick, but it doesn't stink. So that's good because if it stinks, there's like, might be infection or whatever.

So I squeeze it out and there's a lot of it. And it's on the gloves that I'm using. So I go flick and I flick the gloves and then I hear Indy scream. And she's like, it's on me, it's on me. And I'm like, what? And I turn around and when I flick the glove the big glob of it had just gone onto her pants.

She's like, get it off, get it off. I'm like, ah God, I can't, I'm halfway through this, Sade help. And Sade's like, I'm not going near it. What's Walker still doing? Running for the house, screaming, saying, I knew this was a bad idea. And I'm like, just don't panic, Indy. Grab one of those wipes and take it off.

She's like, I'm not touching it. So the whole family's like, and I'm like, just stop. And so I continue to squeeze, administer purple spray, clean up the mess. Born the vet. Do you want the final chapter? I don't know. Do we?

Nah. It's already quite gross. Yeah. You found another one? No. The chicken started fighting over who was going to... No! No!

No! Indy's like... Yuck! Indy screams again. I'm like, what now? She's like, the chickens are fighting over it! And I'm just like... Oh, yuck. Okay, yeah.? She's like, the chickens are fighting over it. And I was just like, Shanae's like,

this is a bad idea. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Welcome to today's,

what was that? Oh, that second swoosh scared me. That was different, wasn't it? Right. Rent is higher in the city of Porirua than it is in Sydney and Melbourne. So you can expect to pay more rent there. It's overtaken Wellington, which was the most expensive place to rent in New Zealand, and Auckland. Wow.

The medium rental in Porirua is $625 a week. They've raised 25% in the last year. And what is the median house size? Three bedroom? I don't know. I'd say so. Year two or three. Wellington's median rent is $600.

These stats are from Trade Me because you know they have all the rental properties. Crazy though, right? Yeah. Auckland's medium rent was $570. And nationally, the medium rent in September

was $510. Wowzers. Okay, so Pardua, the most expensive. And yeah, they've even said, yeah, more expensive than Sydney and Melbourne. Yeah, than parts of Sydney and Melbourne. So, I've, the most expensive. And yeah, they've even said, yeah, more expensive than Sydney and Melbourne. Yeah, than parts of Sydney and Melbourne. So I've got the top six reasons you should be paying for more rent in Porirua than Sydney and Melbourne. Number six on the list, Porirua doesn't have COVID.

This is true. That's a positive. Yep. Old Smithy, always looking for a silver lining. Always looking for a silver lining. Number five on the list of the top six reasons you should be paying more rent in Porirua than Sydney and Melbourne. Porirua is the home of New Zealand's first McDonald's.

Yeah, it is. And also the current site of a McCafe, the show's sponsor. That's a freebie. Fantastic. Buy five McCafe coffees and get your six for free when using the McCafe app. Yeah.

I mean, I say that more succinctly when I say buy five McCafe coffees, get one free on the Maccas app. Yeah, but you've got that written down in front of you. I was using the old grey one. You were free balling. I was free styling, I think. Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six reasons you should be paying more rent in Porirua than Sydney and Melbourne. Porirua has the Royal New Zealand Police College. Oh, yeah, it does. Yeah. They look good in uniform. No, no, the trainees?

Yeah. The police trainees. Creepy. Tying down the creep. Oh yeah, right. They look good, don't they? Just because you won't say it on air

but you'll salivate behind the scenes. Salivate. She gets very saliva heavy while admiring our uniformed defenders both of the armed forces and the New Zealand Police Force

Don't act like I'm the only one on the show Oh look it was our situation last week when we were at the Air Force Number 3 on the list of the top 6 reasons you should be paying more rent in Portadou than Sydney and Melbourne Sydney and Melbourne aren't the hometowns of my

favourite all-black TJ Perenata. There you go. I'm just going to pay a little bit more to live in these areas. Yeah, right. Number two on the list of the top six reasons you should be paying more rent in Portidou than Melbourne and Sydney. Portidou's male-to-female ratio

is 0.95 males per female, whereas Australia's male-to-female ratio is 0.95 males per female, whereas Australia's male to female ratio is 0.99 males per female. So if you're a male, there's more fish in the sea. Right, okay. If you're a female,

less creepy males. Right. Okay, great. Yep. Positive. It's a positive for everybody. And number one on the list of the top six reasons you should be paying for more,

you should be paying more rent. Why do I keep saying you should have been paying? Anyway, I can't speak. That's problematic in this line of work. It is. Limbs the brakes. Number one on the list, Parirua has a neat meaning. It's probably a variant

of the Parerua, meaning two tides, in reference to the two arms of the Porirua Harbour. Whereas Sydney and Melbourne are both named after white guys that came and just took what they wanted. That's today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

After we got out of lockdown, we went shopping, which is good for the economy, but it actually hasn't done too bad. We have had the biggest quarterly rise in 25 years. So after we got out of lockdown, everyone went to eat out, went to restaurants and stuff, because the only place that has seen a fall was groceries, like supermarket

items. Since lockdown finished. But that's okay. That's because that was all anybody was buying during lockdown. But year on year. So for September last year as well. Oh right, so they compared quarters as well. A little fall, yes. And that is, yeah, basically because everyone was like, oh my god, we're free.

And plus we gave them enough money at the start of the year, didn't we? Supermarkets? Yeah, we gave them more than enough. They're doing fine. Yeah. Massive increases in household durables, building supplies, and in department stores. Isn't it?

Do you think it's crazy people are spending so much money? Well, I think the money's all been focused in certain areas now because no one's travelling and

travelling overseas. We're doing kitchen renos, we're doing bathroom renos, we're buying new cars. Yeah, cars went up as well.

Rebounded 47.7% and car registrations as well. what does that mean people who didn't have cars before or they were just buying new cars yeah well yeah 47 because it wouldn't be new registrations would it if you were just buying a used car because it would already be registered on road cost so that would be new imports and new cars. Everyone's just like, if we're hanging out here, I'm going to zhuzh up my house, zhuzh up my home life, get myself a new car. Well, that's what high-end stuff,

it's people who spend a fortune on massive European summer holidays with them and their kids and they're not going to be able to do it. So that money's burning a bloody hole in their pocket. They're going to buy themselves a new car. Who are these people though? I don't know. They're just these ski trips. I don't know anybody that goes on

five week long ski trips to Europe over summer, but I'm always hearing about them now. You meet someone and they're like, oh yeah, no, sales have been great because of all the people not going to Europe for summer. I'm like, who goes to Europe for summer apart from people who are living in Europe.

Yeah. I just had a friend sell a car, and the person that bought the car was, like, trying to buy a house in Auckland, and they're like, I just can't do it. So I'm just going to buy a car instead. There's that too, I guess. Because it's so insane, even the housing at the moment,

can't get in, so they're just like, oh, well, screw it. I'll just spend my money on cool stuff. But they said year on year, the economy, well, the buying and stuff has bounced back almost like with no dent from COVID, which is insane. Interesting.

So we've got lots of money to spend, apparently. So then when people were of money to spend, apparently. So then when people were like, oh, we're killing the economy by locking down for five weeks. Well, it seems to have bounced back, okay. It seems you're working a lot more than countries that are still struggling with it because they didn't take the extreme measures. Interesting.

And, hmm. Fletchbourne and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM. Fletchborn and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. Should we start on the West Coast?

Yes. It's all kicking off down there. Zandria has put on buy, sell, trade West Coast. I have 34 Smeg knife stickers that I do not want to collect anymore. My price is firm at $260. What? So this is a sheet with 34 stickers on it. No.

So $260 price is firm at $260 as this is $680 worth of value. Now. No. It doesn't take much for the local mathematicians to get in. You want half the money, give me half the groceries. This is a flawed sales pitch.

And so is your maths, hon. Oh, out comes the hon. Wow. Tamara, so that was Matthew. Yeah. Tamara says you do realise this because there were free incentive for you to do your groceries. You didn't pay $20 per sticker. You paid for $20 of groceries and got the stickers for free.

Cheryl says, this isn't the spirit. I've been giving my stickers away for free. Oh, good old Cheryl. Good old Cheryl, eh? Okay, so I just Googled on Trade Me New World stickers. There are literally so many. Look at those pages and pages.

Can you arrange it by highest and see what the person's highest or lowest and see what the Absolutely. See let's see some dreamers.

But how much you can get one knife for 35? People are doing that thing where they sell a car and they put New World stickers. Oh just to get a hot reply.

So now I've got 400 pages now so I can't do that. Yeah, somebody said, Gina said, what a space cadet. If you look online, you can find that knife set for about that price. That's what I was going to say. Somebody's selling 32 stickers for $5.50, 51 for $2.50. These are buy now. Someone's got 14 stickers for $1.50.

This almost feels like this should be flagged with Trade Me Under, like scalping or scams because you don't want people dragging them into this. And people should be made aware that you can find that knife set online. 26. Oh, my God. I'm totally going to do this to collect my set. This is ridiculous.

$1.50. For how many? No, but that's not meat. It's reserved, right? I'm pretty sure this is buy now. So this is, oh, yeah, that's current meat. It's reserved, right? I'm pretty sure this is by now. So this is, oh yeah, that's current bid. Yeah. Yeah, silly.

Amateur mistake there. Closes Saturday, 9.04pm. You're putting it on your watch list. I'm going to put it on my watch list. Hop back in there at two past nine. Because I worked it out, didn't I, when this first happened. You need to spend about four grand to get all the knives. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's a free incentive with shopping. That's the idea. That's what people get confused about. You're not paying for a $20 sticker. You're getting groceries and the sticker is the incentive to go there. Yeah. All right. Let's pop up the coast.

Well, no, over the Alps. Yeah, because we're on the West Coast. Let's go. Let's catch the Transalpine to Christchurch. We're Lava Scooters, which are like lime scooters, just electric scooters situation. Lava Scooters wrote, we had a helper in Rolleston this morning.

I'm afraid we're not hiring at the moment, although we do think ginger cats are the best cats. And there's a picture of a kitty cat in the car where they go, like they charge the Lava Scooters and then they go and drop them off again. So there's a picture of a kitty cat in the car where they go, like they charge the lava scooters and then they go and drop them off again. So there's a picture of a ginger cat in the car and also going for a ride. And Bella commented saying, this is my cat, face palm. I previously had a call from someone because he was taking a swim in their spa pool.

He's a bit of a special character. A cat that likes a spa pool. Yeah. Somebody says your cat clearly thinks he lives in a country club or something with all this leisurely driving around and swimming in other people's spa pools. Yeah. Now, here's the case of the missing emu. Thorn writes on the Lincoln, New Zealand community page.

So still in the area, still in the Canterbury area. Howdy, this probably isn't the usual lost pet notice. We're missing an emu. Located around English's Road. She's friendly, don't worry, and likes the sound of a ukulele. Wow. You won't miss her. Wow, okay.

That's true if I saw an emu. There's no missing an emu. It's a very large bird. Yeah. Update found. Never underestimate the power of the uke. I pied Piper to her back. What?

How do you even find out that an emu likes a ukulele? Maybe this person played the ukulele as a hobby. And then the emu maybe grew up around it. Yeah, right. So I would always know that that's the sign that the owner's there and there might be treats. Or, pure coincidence, started playing the ukulele and it attracted the emu in the

first place. But the emu's back, baby. Pie-piped back with the ukulele. And finally from the Funua Pie Community group, so now we're right up in Auckland. Yasmin writes, a bit of a weird offering here. We've got too many pieces of fish from the fish and chip shop. They made a mistake

with our water, but one of those good mistakes. Delicious, crunchy and still hot. If you're keen, we've got an extra four pieces of fish that will go to waste if not eaten. PM me if interested. So there's somebody just offering up their leftover F&C. Chips, by the way, the chips are gone. Oh, chips are gone, yeah.

Can you not eat the fish the next day? I've never had leftover fish and C. Chips, by the way, the chips are gone. Oh, chips are gone, yeah. Can you not eat the fish the next day? I've never had leftover fish and chips. It's a weird one. It's a weird one leftover, fish and chips. No, you can't do that. Fish doesn't do well once it's been cooked, eh? Yeah. It doesn't tend to keep well.

That's a good bit of community spirit to finish it off. Those are today's community notices. If you see something on your local Facebook page that gives you a giggle or a smile, screen cap it and send it to ours, FBMZM on Facebook. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Ho, ho, ho.

Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Okay, we're 30 days, 16 hours and 51 minutes away from Christmas. Yeah. Still doesn't feel as much like it has previous years. But that's okay. Yeah.

It's not even December yet. What time last year did we announce 100% Christmas penetration? Oh, we're generally done by now. Yeah. I feel like we're generally done. I feel like COVID's kind of put it on the back generally done by now. Yeah. I feel like we're generally done. I feel like COVID's kind of put it on the back burner a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. When did the Smiths put up their Christmas tree? Not until December. Are you talking about me? Yeah. Yeah. Because there's lots of Smiths

so I just didn't know whether or not you'd just... Smith household. Or you know, you're like keeping up with the Joneses and you just say like a name.

No, your family. Okay, my family. Yeah, not till December. But I see our local Christmas tree farm's open for business. Yeah, right. It's a good farm. If you buy one of those, do they last?

Yeah. Do they? If you look after them right, don't put disparate in them. Then the people are like, when I was a kid it was a big thing, drop a couple of disparate in for the tree. Because it got a headache. No, just water, right? Just a fresh cut.

Yeah, right. And then into the water. If you leave it for too long, you've got to give it another fresh cut. Okay. Otherwise it seals off at the end and it can't absorb the water. Right. That's a little tip for you. But it is, we just went across to the producer's booth.

Executive intern Anya. I believe this was Farma's that you were in. Yes, yes, yesterday. Were you going for a sheet set or something? What were you doing in Femars? My sister's up from Timaru, so we were doing some shopping. Do they not have a Femars in Timaru? Well, I believe there's more of the clothes range in the biggest centres.

I could be making this up. Okay. But she seems like there was a lot more clothes options. That would make sense because of bigger stores. Always buy my undies from there. Yeah, do you? Yeah. They'll do a good red dot special on a pair of grits. When there's a sale. Yeah. that would make sense always buy my undies from there yeah do ya they'll do a good

red dot special on a pair of grits when there's a sale yeah does she need undies Soph need a pair of grits no no I think Soph's all good on the undie front

she's good on the knickers yeah I'm not sure if that's all cool for you to ask yeah that feels very weird Soph's all good on the knickers front yeah I'll let her know

just think about what you asked for a second has everybody here all good on the knickers front cancelled fine thank you everybody here all good on the knickers front. Yeah, I'll let her know. Just think about what you asked for a second. Has everybody here all got on the knickers front? Fine, thank you. Everybody here all got on the knickers front. I'm not targeting your sister. I'm genuinely concerned about everyone on the knickers front.

Yeah, righto. I'm not going to ask you though because you've given me a bit of heat on the topic. Probably for the best, I think. But now I've left you out. So what would you rather? Be excluded or be... Total avoidance would be great. Okay, from here on out. But why would you send you into

farmers? What was... Oh, yeah, tell everybody what happened. It was Christmassy. Well, it was just Christmas music playing. So, right, because they're big on the decorations early, but they don't go 100% Christmas music. I bought some extra decorations. They had half price, so added to the tree. Last season's Christmas decorations. Well, I see

National Treasure and also TV weather presenter Renee Wright put up her Christmas tree at the weekend. She does a fantastic Christmas tree. Better than mine? I haven't seen your Christmas tree this year. It's the same as last year. Oh. But it is up.

But she said rats had also chewed Santa's face off. She had a rat infestation issue. Goodness. But then it had poisoned the rat and the rat had died. So they had a dead rat in the Christmas decorations box. It's not very Christmassy to have a saucer of rat bait at the bottom of your Christmas tree, is it?

Not really. Draw them out though. In other Christmas news, 30 days away from Christmas, the giant Santa that had lived on the side of the building in Queen Street, Auckland for many years has arrived in Wanaka. We received many snaps of its travel down the country being like, is this it?

And I was like, nah, that must be the other giant Santa. And people were like, oh, there's more than one. I was like, sarcasm doesn't come across well in text. We're learning that. But arrived in Wanaka. They needed a few trucks, didn't they? Because it's humongous. Yeah.

It's a lot. Good riddance too. It was purchased by the National Transport and Toy Museum because it's humongous. Yeah. It's a lot. Good riddance too. Oh. Whoa. You're alone in that sentiment. It was purchased by the National Transport and Toy Museum at Wanaka Airport. Jason Rhodes bought the Santa and the two reindeer.

That thing will be bigger than all the buildings there. There isn't even a tall building. Are they going to put it on the side of a schist cliff in the central Otago region? You know, like the Alexandra Clock? Yeah. That's where they should put it. And then when it's not Christmas,

they just drape a curtain over it. Yeah. And then hoist the curtain up when it's Christmas time. Well, that's what's really throwing us off. Usually when that big dog's up. It's Christmas penetration. Christmas penetration is tapped.

Christmas penetration is at 100%. Well, we've had some other sightings of Christmas penetration. After, remember when I donned Wilson, the Capital City Christmas reporter? Yep. He's just had a minute with everything he sees that could ever be possible.

He's taking his job seriously, and that's good. It's on the verge of being annoying. You asked for it. You literally asked for it. Why did I? You asked for it. Did I? Thanks for your hard work, Wilson.

It's helping the segment. Hamilton Christmas, they don't have it. Did I? Thanks for your hard work, Wilson. Helping the segment. Hamilton Christmas Pen... They don't have to deal with the admin of Christmas Penetration, by the way. These are two people with absolutely no admin involved in this who are like, yeah, good on you. Send more. They've got clean hands. Vaughan loves messages.

Send him a lot. No, I do love messages like this. Tamsin has sent in a picture of her local bakery selling Christmas mince pies. And they're not just some baby-sized Christmas mince pie. It looks like a real decent bakery-made Christmas mince pie. Also reports from Mexico of a giant. Someone's living in Mexico. Oh, okay.

Right. Good. Hola. Hola. Took a while to read. Took a while to. I was like, what are you thinking about? You went, hola.

And also Michelle has sent this in at the local Uncle Bulls in Masterton. Found this at the local Uncle Bulls in Masterton. Wait, did you tell us what was happening in Mexico? A huge Christmas display on their street. Oh, right. Yeah. Michelle sent this in, a $9 pair of Christmas-themed underpants called Santa's Sweaty Package.

So maybe Soph, if she's not all right on the knickers front, could pick up a $10 pair of Santa's Sweaty Package. Oh, my God. Can you go to HR when you're harassing someone who doesn't actually work here? I'm free at 10 past 9 for an HR. Jesus. I could just pop up there and see them. They're an absolute treat.

Okay. So, ladies and gentlemen, 30 days away from Christmas and with all that in mind. Rudolph, warm up that nose. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 89%. Oh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. And if you see any reports of Christmas,

Wilson included, send them in. FBM ZM on Facebook. Yesterday, this is a little segment. This is to give praise to my wife in a segment called Middy on the Tools. Middy on the Tools. Wow. Is that the home improvement thing?

Yeah. I had a very, very vivid dream about a home improvement reboot. Very, very vivid dream. I thought Tim Allen had been cancelled. No, did he get uncancelled? Who's the guy over the fence? Wilson. He died, eh?

He died just after they finished, yeah. That's all right. They'll be able to get a stunt double for that to put a hat on them. It's just that part of the face, isn't it? But anyway, I have very vivid dream. Jonathan Taylor-Thomas wouldn't come back. But that was okay because didn't we recently find out

he's a bit... Yeah, I think we cancelled him. Yeah, because he's anti-things. Yeah. So, Middy on the tools. Yesterday, Sade said to me, because we had a In the La the laundry, which is getting done, and almost done, we had a PowerPoint moved.

Oh, yeah. Now, the PowerPoint, the old PowerPoint resulted in a hole being left in the jib. Oh, yeah. And she said, we need to get that fixed because I want to get the tiler in soon. And I said, well, I've got something on the go today. I'm building a ladder. So Mr. Earl was on the tools. You're building a ladder to climb up on like a roof.

Into the treehouse. It's the treehouse ladder. Should you build a ladder? You should see my ladder. It's so strong. Even my dad said, shit, that looks good because I sent him a photo. I'll strength test it this weekend. How did you attach the rungs? The little bits that you stand on? Do you want the rundown?

A five-second rundown. Okay, so I bought some 90mm by 50mm wood. Yeah. What's that, 4x2? I bought some 4x2 wood. And then I already had a pre-existing drill bit of 35mm, and I bought some 35 mil dowel. And so I drilled the hole and then popped the dowel in.

Well, I cut the dowel into segments and then screwed it in from the other side with a very strong tech nail and held it all together. It's legit. Is it just like a straight ladder? Yeah, a straight ladder. Can they hold an 80 kg man? Yeah, they can.

Did you see how I took your weight down? Yeah, thanks for that. You're welcome. The del when it's obviously long would have a weak point in the middle, but you've made it shorter, so you've increased the strength. Is it treated? Yeah. I feel like it's going to get wet and rotten.

This isn't my first rodeo. So I said to her, unfortunately, I've got something on the go. I'm on the tools outside. I'm killing myself building a ladder. Well, apparently my mum said to my daughters, not to me, I've got something on the go. I'm on the tools. I'm building a ladder. I'm killing myself building a ladder. Well, apparently my mum said to my daughters, not to me, this is classic

passive Christine, she said to my daughters, huh, I see your dad still hasn't built that ladder because my dad built the, dad and I built the tree house and I said, yeah, I can do the ladder

but it's been down the list of jobs to do but then when my mum said that passive thing to my daughters, I thought I better get it done before they get to our house. She knows how to get

smithy to do something. Oh, she knows exactly how to get my dad to do things as then when my mum said that passive thing to my daughters, I thought, I better get it done before they get to our house. She knows how to get smithy to do something. Oh, she knows exactly how to get my dad to do things as well. Passively, like, hint at the fact that it needs doing. So, I was on the ladder, and I said to Sade, I can't get it done today, but if you want it done, you get in. Middy got on the tools. Middy got on the tools.

Does everyone know what middy means? Oh, it's what, like, lads call their partners, right? It's a derivative of misses. Not a derogative. It's not a derogatory term. It's a term of endearment, the midi. So she fixed the hole in the wall.

Midi on the tools. Right. And she did a bloody good job too. A bloody good job. And she said, oh, I don't know if I can do it. And I said, you've got to believe in yourself, midi. You can't be middy on the tools. If Middy doesn't believe in Middy, look inside Middy and you'll be able to find.

It's being tiled over. Not yet. But it will be. It will be tiled over. So it doesn't need to be super smooth. But she did a great job because if I knew it was just going to be tiled over, I just would have been like, well, as long as there's enough there for the tile to hold on to. She'll be right.

She did a great job. She was very thorough. And I said to her, I was like, I'm very proud of you. And she said, that's slightly condescending. I said, well, no, I'm proud because you said you couldn't do it. In fact, this whole segment is quite condescending. But you know Sade, she'll pay someone to do something nine times out of ten. Or get you to do it.

Yeah, but she did it herself. How did she cover up the hole so she could plaster over it? She did a thing where she... Noodles. She used ramen. I always get that one on Facebook and they fill holes with noodles and cover it in. I'm like, what is the point of this? That's what I would have done.

Yeah, she ramen'd it. Have you seen the one where they fill a watermelon with noodles, cover it over it, and then paint it to look exactly like a watermelon? Is that not fake? Is that real? What did they do? I haven't seen the watermelon one. The toilet one was enough for me.

They cover, they fill in, they'll cut a hole in something, like a banana or a watermelon, fill it with noodles, resin over it, sand it, and then paint it to look like there's no point to it. Someone bites in and breaks their teeth on a resin noodle. I don't know. Well, because they always resin the noodle, right? Because I saw

the one where they fixed the toilet. I was like, oh, this is going to end badly midstream for somebody. But then they coated it in resin and I was like, well, that's just kind of cheating. There's really no point to it. But how did she fill the hole? With noodles? No, she put something in behind it.

Yeah. Like folded it down and it went in and then she put an adhesive so when she pulled it back on it stuck to the inside of the wall and then held that for however long the adhesive took

and then snipped the string and then put the filler in. So good. I know, midi on the tools. She did really great. And this is, and I hope people aren't assuming that I think all women are incapable of laborious tasks because that is not at all where I'm coming from.

I'm glad that you pointed that out. Just my specific one. My specific woman. My woman, who I acquired in 2004. Low-k's. My woman. Yeah.

I also noticed that you're talking about this before she's listening. No, I told her to listen. Oh, did you? Right, okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Fisht Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Fishy Tank. Season two. Backed by Vodafone Business. So if you've started a side hustle

and you would like to be into one of our $5,000 prize, you need to register at ZM online and tell us your side hustle idea, your business idea. This is backed by Vodafone Business. Not only will you get the five grand cash, but we'll hook you up with some ads as well. Our FVM business package. Some cash tag spawn in

there. Yeah, it's a great business package. You remember the jingles we made last time? Oh, yes. And the radio ads. Mine was definitely the best. Undisputed. Advertisement. Alright, let's meet our first contestant. Diving into the fishy tank is...

Well, it might not be as big as the shark tank or as big as the dragon's den, but we welcome into the fishy tank Murdoch. Good morning. Morning. All right, so we're going to give you 30 seconds to pitch us your side hustle idea. Your time starts now. Hi, I'm Murdoch, the inventor of Stamper. When ordering a hot pie or sausage roll, would you rather someone just grabbed it for you

with their bare hands or use tongs? It should be fairly obvious what is safer and more hygienic. So why is it okay that your takeaway coffee lid is placed with bare hands? Touching white, where were you about to sip? What if that person had a cold, the flu, or even worse, COVID? What if they were just handling cash? The list goes on.

A stamper is a tong for your takeaway coffee. An ergonomic tool that allows baristas to pick up and place a lid without touching where you are about to sip. Secures the lid every time. Wow! Great pitch! Now, Megan, you've just relinquished control of your cafe. Yeah.

What would you do? You definitely try not to touch the bit where you put the mouth, but you're right. You put it on with your hands, and you have to make sure it's secure. Give it a good push down. So you have created a tool that you can use instead of your hands. Yeah, exactly. So it's got a picture like a potato masher in your hand with a handle at the top and then arms that go down with grippers.

You just hold the handle, pick up the lid, push down, and it seals it every time. What about different sizes of coffee cup? So it's got, yeah, one tall per size. So the standard is the 80 mil and the 90 mil. Okay. I don't even know your mils. And does it accidentally pick up two lids at a time?

Because have you ever, you know, when sometimes you get the lids for your takeaway sodas or whatever and you pick up five accidentally and then you go peel them off and you finger them all and that's just the next person can have your finger on them. I mean, it depends on the type of lid. The best type of lids don't stick together. Okay. Okay.

I want to see this in action. Yeah, I want to, yeah. That's a good idea. All right, Murdoch, fantastic. Thank you. Let's meet our next contestant. Entering the fishy tank next is... Kate.

Good morning, Kate. Good morning. Now, we're going to give you 30 seconds, just like we did Murdoch, to pitch us your business idea, your side hustle. Your time starts now. I'm Kate from Christchurch and over lockdown I started

Two Rocks, which is a wedding planning side hustle. Day to day I was surrounded by people who have partners they love very much. They've got the rings picked out, but they aren't sure how to make their epic proposal come to life. There's a lot of pressure from society to create

an insta-worthy proposal and how do they propose is asked frequently. So I'm working with a group of stylists, caterers, and a photographer who will hide behind rocks to capture the whole thing on camera and we can cater for any budget and make a custom package for you. Oh, wow.

That's a great idea too. Because that's the thing, a lot of people do get very nervous, don't they, about the proposal? Yeah, and if all of the organising is taken away from you, like less for you to be... You just have to show up and we have two meetings beforehand so we can make sure to get to know the couple

and lots of romance and surprise. But there's absolutely no admin or stress. They just have to say yes. Wow. What if they come to you and they say, I've got no idea? Can you come up with the ideas for them? Yeah, even better.

So basically, we just get them to say their favourite food and weekend activity and we can plan anything from there. Wow, cool. I just had an idea when you're talking about the photographer hiding behind the rock. You should get a rock, a fake rock, and make the photographer hide inside the rock.

Yes. Or, like, dress him like those army commandos with bushes on them. Yes. You know how they have, like, trees and stuff sticking out of their helmets? Or, like, when they make nature documentaries and they have, like, a fake elephant that's amongst all the elephants. Because I don't know about you, but I'd spot a weird man behind a rock with a camera.

Yeah, but I wouldn't spot a man dressed as a tree. No. It's a good wouldn't spot a man dressed as a tree. No. It's a good, it's a great idea. Two brilliant side hustlers. Unless it was in a desert, then you might spot the tree. No, you'd dress them as sand. Cactus. Yeah, you'd. Cactuses. Yeah. Like the lone cactus. This side, extra brainstorming, just extra

for the business there, Kate. That's free of charge. That's free, yeah. Alright. Incredible idea, for the business there, Kate. That's free of charge. That's free, yeah. All right. We've definitely hidden a picture. Incredible idea, Kate. And yeah, wow. That's four great pictures already this week. If you would like to register

your side hustle and be in the running for that $5,000, Fishy Tanks Season 2 is back. Go to ZM Online and it's all thanks to Vodafone Business.

There's a TikTok trend at the moment, and it's how people speak in their customer service voice or their work voice versus how they speak when they're just with their friends. So, yeah. Hey, everybody. My name is Jeanette Reyes, and I heard there's like a trend going on on TikTok

where we show how we talk at home Now this lady is a newsreader so obviously I'm here speaking now of the difference between how I would normally talk sometimes and then how I would talk at work. So for example at work I talk like this. Good evening, your time now

is 4.52. My name is Jeanette Reyes and we have some breaking news to tell you about A pet llama has apparently escaped and is running the streets of Philadelphia Your time now is 4.52. My name is Jeanette Reyes. We have some breaking news to tell you about. A pet llama has apparently escaped and is running the streets of Philadelphia. This is a story that has captivated our viewers for the past several hours. Estamos tratando de confirmar los detalles de este video. Yeah. Wow. Straight switch to speech.

And then at home, it's like way different, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So it's just like a little bit of a difference. Wow. We've got this here too. In the producer's booth, executive intern Anya, apparently you're the worst, well, the worst or the best, the most different between how you speak.

How you speak to us. Because, I mean, when you speak to us, it's generally in kind of a fierce tone. Fierce. Fierce. Yeah, that's a nice way to put it. Fierce. A curt tone.

Is a curt? Am I using the right words? Do you think so? A curt tone? Just go with it. Sure. Okay. Okay.

Do your phone voice. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello, ZM. No. No. Hello, Z zm they're like that i don't know i give up it's way it's way sweeter than that like cheesier yeah yeah hello zm can you just make sure that your radio's off behind you please thank you yeah you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit more like that. That's it, that's it. That's a bit more of it. That's it. That's it.

But then you kind of do this too, Fletch. Like when you're talking to people, you always put on your blokey tone. Or only if I'm in like Bunnings or Mitre 10. No. G'day, mate. G'day, mate. I'm after some paint.

Do you have some paint? G'day, mate. Got this in a medium. So we wanted to open up the phone lines. Hey, bro, that's classic. Hey, bro. We wanted to open up the phone lines this morning and hear your customer service voice compared to your normal,

just your everyday normal talking, you know, voice. How do you put on your phone voice at work or your face-to-face customer service voice? So there's a TikTok trend at the moment. Your work voice compared to just your normal everyday conversational voice with friends. And how much they differ. So good.

All right. And we've got, we're getting quite a few coming in. Savannah, let's start with you. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Would you like to give us your work voice? Yes, I can. My work voice is, hi, can you please hold for a moment?

Oh, okay, nice. So it sounds a bit more positive. What do you do? Do you work in customer service on the phones? Yeah, I work in retail, so I do a bit of both. I work in automotive parts. Right. So you're like, wait there, but then how you're talking now is how you normally talk.

Yeah. A little less excited about carburetors and radiators. Yeah. I can feel that. I can appreciate that. Bit of a TikTok trend at the moment. People sharing their customer services voice versus their ordinary voice. and to be honest

I reckon the calls we're getting are better than the majority of the stories on TikTok that are being shared some of them are like there's no

difference or very little difference but we're getting some classic Kiwi differences and putting on that voice for customer service

Jennifer good morning good morning all right good good now give us your customer service voice. Okay, well, there's a bit of context to it. Okay. Back in the 80s, so it was very important that you got the voice right.

I was only about 22, but my voice was, thank you for calling us. How may I help you, caller? Oh, wow. That's very sultry, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, I had a lot of clients who thought I was about 40 and then they'd come and meet this little 22-year-old.

Wow. Yeah. Were you told to make it sultry or was that just what came? Yeah, when I first started, they would listen and they would ring in to make sure I had it down pat. And at Christmas and Easter, you have to go, Merry Christmas. Thank you for calling us.

How may we help you? Oh! You sound like a recorded message. You do. You should voice over that. It would calm me down a little bit if I called the bank and told me they were experiencing high demand at present. Well, Jennifer, thanks.

You called BLEA. Good morning. Good morning, guys. How are you? Good. Canadian accent? Oh, yeah. I'm trying really hard not to do it right now.

Oh, there's a Kiwi. There's a Kiwi. That was a Kiwi hard. So is your customer service voice trying not to be Canadian? Yeah, because I used to live over there. And when I was working there, I was always on the phones confirming bookings and appointments. And I got a lot of, when the client came in, like,

oh, like, you know, I couldn't really understand what you were saying. And I was repeating myself a lot. So I thought, oh, screw it. I'll just mimic a Canadian accent so I could just say it the first time, every time. And it stuck with me. Yeah. So even now to today, I'm trying hard not to do it with you guys so I can sort of show you a difference. But when answering the phones or for an example, it'd be like, we appreciate your call.

Let me just transfer you to the correct person. Wow. Right. Yeah, because when you go travelling in, people can't understand you either. Just as easy as sometimes to say it. In America, when you have to be, I've seen Fletch do it heaps, he's like, Carl. Carl.

My name's Carl. Can I get an Uber? It was like five times with one lady. It was just like one o'clock. And I was like, yes, one o'clock. And they're like, one o'clock. And I was like, you know what? Yes, ma'am.

Your appointment is at one o'clock. We'll see you then. And he was like, oh, thank you. And I was like, what was I speaking before? Exactly. Exactly. Hey, Blair, thanks for your call. Ricky, give us your normal voice. This is me, mate. This is, Blair, thanks for your call. Ricky, give us your normal voice.

This is me, mate. This is, yep, this is just Rick. Just Ricky. Now, what about when you have to deal with customers? Yeah, good afternoon. You're speaking with Rick. Welcome to Jake's. Yes.

Yes. Yes. That's really good stuff. That's real good. That's good. Put it this way. If I'm asking thousands and thousands of dollars out of you to fix your home you know a lot of people would just think oh my god he's just another

lance no but you sound yeah you're right it's weird how the tone of someone's voice completely changes like how you picture them as well yeah exactly exactly like like every radio announcer yes but what about when you go meet up with them? Are you like, hi, it's Rick, or do you still carry on the voice? Oh, you know, it's hard because sometimes you transition through the two. You're like, oh, yeah, you know? Yeah, but it's... You forget.

Only by then you build a rapport. Yeah, I was going to say, by then they know you, Rick. They've already fallen in love with you. Exactly. Hey, Ricky, thanks for your call, mate. Callie, give us your customer service voice. Good morning. I've already fallen in love with you. Exactly. Hey, Ricky, thanks for your call, mate. Kelly, give us your customer service voice. Good morning. I'm terribly sorry.

Mr. Morrison's not available at the moment. Can I take a message? Oh, that's very formal. So proper, Kelly. So proper. Then what do you sound like when you're just hanging out with friends? Well, everyone in the office jokes that I've got Tourette's because every second word is a curse and it's so K-way.

Like, I watched Shortland Street yesterday. Right, so you ditch a bit of the Kiwi. We're talking about a printer. The pitch is higher,

there's more of a Kiwi accent, but then when you're taking the calls, you knock away a bit of the accent. Almost sounds a little bit proper British, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. I was going to say, all of a sudden, I've gone to an English private school and yes, absolutely, that's no going to say, all of a sudden I've gone to an English private school and yes, absolutely, that's no problem. Yes, Mary Poppins finishing school. I love it.

Kelly, thanks for your call. Some text messages. Somebody said, I encountered a funeral director recently and they were speaking there. I'm grieving with your voice. Yeah. Everything was super slow, super low, super hard to hear. And I just said to them, I'm sorry, I'm just struggling to hear.

Yeah. And they said, oh, I can speak in a normal voice if you like. And they're so funeral directors. And I can kind of understand why. Yeah. You want to be slowly approached and grieving. You don't want to be like, hey, guys, grandma died. Terrible news.

Let's get her in the ground. What flowers did she like? Like you as car salesman. Yeah. And somebody else said, died. Terrible news. Let's get her in the ground. What flowers did she like? Like you as car salesmen. And somebody else said tourism. When you work in tourism, when you're doing something, you've got to have your super excited, ultra enthusiastic voice out there. You've got to use those jokes like, it's my first day on the job. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or if you work in bungee, like, Steve, is this time probably before? It wouldn't feel the same, though, if they're like, hey, welcome to Bungie. This is my first day. You'd be like, oh my God, this is my first day. I don't know if I've tied that properly, Steve. Oh my God. Oh my God. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. So when we were in Queenslandstown for our wedding anniversary, Sade spied something in a shop that she really liked. Okay. And it was because she likes decorative things. She wanted a cow's horn. It's like a horn.

Okay. As a decorative item. Where do you put that? On the shelf. Just on the shelf. Yeah, one. It's not like a set with the skull in the middle or anything. It's just one horn. Do you put flowers in it or something? No, you just sit

it there. Oh. I was like, I was kind of surprised she was into it. Yeah. Because it was quite like, what, yeah. Especially because she could just look out the window and see cows. Two cows with two horns each. That's two horns. I know. But it was, I was like, oh yeah, that's cool. You get it horns. I know. But I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool.

You get it. And then I... Because that's like getting a... I don't want to ruin you. You didn't get a conch, did you? What's a conch? No, I didn't, but I want one real bad. What's a conch?

A shell that you blow on a poop. So when I got back, I was like, we had a few drinks and we were just talking about like horns. And I was like, you can probably find them on Trade Me. And I went on and you couldn't find a single horn. It was always attached to a skull. However, I did find a different sort of horn. Have you bought like a bugle or something?

From a Timaru antiques dealer. Oh my God, what is that? What is it? This is your drunk business. An 1800s ceremonial horn. Of course you did. Why would you buy that even if you were drunk? Look at it.

What is that? So the mouthpiece apparently, you can see that that's come off, but one day when I go on the repair shop, they're going to fix that for me. I'm going to tell some big silly story about how this was made. You old 80-year-old. Is this antique, like, don't play it? Yeah.

No, it's, oh, heck no, I'm going to play it. I'm antique like don't play it? Yeah, no. Oh, heck no. I'm going to play it. I'm going to blow it for the first time right now. It's got like a trumpet mouthpiece on it. Oh my god, so that's a horn. See, I'm going to get a leather strap made for it because at the moment it's just on some string but that's been... See?

What makes you blow it? You are the strangest person I know. I knew Jared would be on board. It's very like. You two are both nerd burgers. Yeah. What is the. It's genuinely old.

It's got a stag on the side. It's like a hunting horn. There used to be another little metal guy here, but he's come off. I don't know where he's gone. There's no talk about him. And there's a little shield there. From the 1800s. Yeah.

How much was that? I don't want where he's gone. There's no talk about him and there's a little shield there. From the 1800s? Yeah. How much was that? I don't want to talk about it. That's how I sound the hunt. Do you know? It's a drinking horn too. I was thinking I'll take it to the Christmas party and whenever the horn sounds, you've got to have a drink. Wow.

You know, like some people get drunk and buy like shoes. You give me so much crap about how much I pay for like clothes and shoes. They have a function. This has a function? Hello, are you hearing me blow the function? It's a ceremonial horn. I assume it was a hunting horn. It's also really tacky. Sade's not

going to let you put that anywhere in the house. This is going in my collection of stuff for when the kids move out and I get a room. Right, okay. That was a sweet, that was a good one. Well, that's like echoing. Like, we're out.

Where are we? We're in the bush. That's the other one. So you imagine, yeah. Well, that's like echoing. Yeah. Like we're out. Yeah. Where are we? We're in the bush. That's the other thing. Next time we go on a tramp, I'll take this. You are not taking that next tramp. Yes, he is. I'd imagine a search and rescue would hone in on that. So you probably.

You can do different tones Because of the different You can change how your mouth goes I remember that from my Cornet playing days At Intermediate There's a text And that horn sounds like

My cat coughing up a furball It's not better It's not getting better Let the hunt begin You're the strangest dude I know Easily Of all the things you can buy drunk On Trade Me

That Look how cool it looks I'm going to get a little stand made for it Obviously as I said Replace this Because this is just like Someone's pulled the hood out of their hoodie The string out of their hoodie

And tied it around there Get that properly fixed It'll be bloody shit Little investment This is hope for all those people who haven't found love in their life. There truly is someone for everyone. Sorry, I

couldn't hear your, what I'm assuming was a negative comment. It was a compliment. Over this awesome horn. I'll give it a wake before that mysteriously disappears at your home. You can go soft. You can go soft. Just quickly, an update.

Do you remember that Whangarei Sparky that got stuck on the roof? Yes. And someone stole his ladder. He's got the ladder back. The ladder. It turns out the shop next door just saw it and put it away because they thought someone had just left it there.

Do they not look on the roof? How do they get to national news before they just check with the person next door? I don't know, but he's got his ladder back. And he's off the roof. And everyone's happy. You didn't see a ladder, did you? Do you know what he needed? Oh, when he's stuck on the roof, he could have been like

I'm encouraging I require assistance I'm encouraging You are Oh that one went into my teeth That's what I aim for Every time I blow the horn Someone's teeth rattle

Oh lord 2020's been unique In terms of weddings Don't you. Okay, no. No, don't do a quiet one either. Executive Intern Anya, can you please come in and get the horn? That was a squeaky horn.

No, no, don't come in and get the horn. No. Fine, I won't touch it. No, she's going to get the horn because you've had too many horns. Don't break the horn. Oh, for God's sake, be careful. It's an antique. It's my first antique.

He wants to go on antique. What's that shop? No, the repair shop. Oh, my God. I take my horn onto the repair shop. I'd be like, I don't know the full story behind it, but granddad loved it. And I think he got it from his granddad.

Big auntie. Big auntie. Loved her aunt. So please fix it. Oh, please fix it for me. I'll just be happy with whatever you can do. And then they said about spending weeks on someone's thing. I love that show.

The horn's gone, okay? Moving on from the horn. Gone, but not forgotten. So when it comes to weddings, it's been a tough year for people. They've been postponing, cancelling, everything. So there's some trends that have come out from wedding planners of how people are altering their weddings

and new trends because of COVID. So going into all the rest of this year and going into 2021, there's some new trends and weddings could look a little bit different. People are apparently opting for brunch weddings. So, I mean, usually, not always, but people have like, you know,

the ceremony in the afternoon, party all night. This is where you have it in a brunch setting and then it's done by early afternoon. Are there also bottomless mimosas? You would think so. Before you chunder into the Viaduct Harbour? Yeah. You'd have to put on some refreshments.

Absolutely. And mimosas are, for some some reason acceptable to drink before 10am Absolutely Because of the orange juice I think I think so yeah Single tear or cupcake cakes There was a real trend a while ago Where everyone was having a little one on the top

And then you'd have cupcakes Because it was just the trend But now it could be more hygienic Rather than everyone handling the cake You just grab your own cupcake because it was just the trend. But now it could be more hygienic to, rather than everyone handling the cake, you just grab your own cupcake. Less people touching all of the cake. I always thought you just had one person who dealt with the cake

and then dished it up with using a cake slice. A lot of the time you have like a pile of cake slices. I mean, if you're still going to have a cake or cupcakes, you're still having a lot of people gathered in a room to eat them, right? Yeah. So what's the point? Smaller. And when I'm in the line for cake, I'll often open mouth kiss people on either side of me.

Exactly. Because that's tradition. Also, alternative venues, a lot of outdoor weddings and space. What do you call it? Social distancing. And alternative seating. So like lots of people are doing hay bales. Hay bales.

Not Swiss balls. Hay bales because there's two, like two people would sit to a hay bale and then you space it out and have another person sitting to a hay bale. You can make it look like rustic chic. Apparently that's a trend. Alternative seating. So everyone's not jammed up against each other. You can make it look like rustic chic. Apparently that's a trend. Alternative seating. So everyone's not jammed up against each other.

Females who spend hundreds of dollars on a dress and fake tan want to sit on a hay bale. Generally, you'd put like some kind of nice blanket over it. You're not sitting bum on hay. And then what do you burn the blanket with? Get rid of all the COVID. I mean, I just wouldn't have a wedding and invite anyone who had any symptoms. Asymptomatic. I just wouldn't have a wedding.

No, I just postponed it until whenever this calms down. Until you could open mouth, kiss people either side of you and align for cake. Absolutely. And the last one, I don't know anyone I know that would do this, but apparently fireworks are a massive trend because people were spending less on weddings because less people.

They have some money left over and this is safe entertainment, not for the environment, safe entertainment. Not for animals. No. And a lot of people are choosing fireworks as a way to like entertain their guests.

So is that just letting off the boom box that you bought in November? Yeah. Or from a couple of fireworks ago that got a little bit wet in the garage. But you're pretty sure it'll be dry now. Is this like America

where people have fireworks year round in some states? This is the UK. Oh, wow. So I guess you could do it because some private parties have fireworks. You've just got to get

the permit, don't you? And the money. And the money, yeah. It's not cheap. Yeah. So look out for that in 2021. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the Tour de France. Oui, oui. And how the diets have changed over the course of the Tour de France. Oh, okay. So the first Tour de France was in 1903. Was it on penny farthings?

It was on bikes that weighed over 18 kgs. So if you think about how heavy bikes are now, like what's your, your bike's very light. Yeah, it's still, I don't know actually. How should I weigh it? 7kgs? Tops. Maybe.

And it's not a race bike. It's like an urban commute or something, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah, but some of the, yeah, the bikes are like $25,000 carbon fiber. They weigh next to nothing. Yeah, nothing. So not only were they 18 kgs,

they only had one gear and the roads that they were biking along were predominantly dirt and gravel roads. Oh my God. And the first Tour de France. And they cycled for 15 to 18 hours per day. What did the seats look like? Sheepskin.

I don't know. I hope they had a couple of springs in them. The seats have surely come a long way But they still hurt your bum Yeah Oh they would have hurt your bum I mean you're on it 15 to 18 hours a day Your bum would have been hurting

What are you googling over there? Trying to see how heavy my bike are Oh okay But I've just realised They've made a new version of my bike And it's way cooler That generally happens This is like bloody GoPros all over again

Just got the GoPro 6 And it's up to 10 now. I couldn't believe the other day when someone said GoPro's up to 10. I laughed because I thought it was a joke. Up to 9 or 10? Or is the 10 coming out? I don't know. I got a 5.

I thought it was going to go okay. It's been left in the dust. They literally bring a new one out every two weeks. It's like trying to be cool here. So they would pedal for 15 to 18 hours a day. There were no teams because now there's teams. There certainly was no oxygen flooded blood transfusions

or anything like that. The idea was that you cycled for as far as you believed you could that day. So when it started getting dark was when you started looking for a place to sleep that night. Oh wow, okay. So often they'd pull over at roadside taverns. Now a guy called Maurice Garan, he won the first Tour de France in 1903.

And one day he was asked to keep a tally of everything he ate. Because that's the other thing. You'd just stop and get something to eat when you were hungry. Yeah. He ate 45 cutlets. So that's 45 cutlets of lamb or... Oh, fancy. Pieces of meat.

Yeah. Steaks, just whatever was served to him, you know, cutlets of all different varieties. So in one day he ate 45 of them. He drank 19 litres of hot chocolate. He ate eight cooked eggs, drank seven litres of tea. Apparently he took some on the bike with him. Five litres of tapioca, two kilos of rice, over three litres of red wine,

and coffee, various glasses of champagne, and oysters as well. And that was one day. One day? That was one day. What? So whenever he got food, he asked people to just write down on his list. That's not possible, is it?

And that's what he ate in one day. Did he say three litres of tapioca? Did he have one of those bike racks or something? Five litres of tapioca. No, you stopped at eight. Like if you were hungry, you'd stop and you'd eat and that's how much to you.

It was a race, but you'd stop and you'd eat. I thought he had a picnic hamper on the back. So then the next, sort of like after that, that phase of the Tour de France was over the first however many years, there was a guy, an Italian cyclist, Fausto Coppi, also known as Il Championissimo,

Champion of Champions. He won a lot of Tour de France's and he was asked how the food went. And he said every morning before we started out, we'd have a massive steak breakfast. We'd be up at 6.30 and it was a massive feed of steak, cheese and ham because everybody thought meat made you strong. So everyone got that up. Then you left and you had a bag of food that you took with you. Tried to resist getting into that for the first 100 kilometres.

But once you were in there, it was much of the same. Some boiled eggs um sweet cakes uh some veal uh and he said it was often seen if you were puffed people would stop and have a cigarette on the side of the road because they believed that the warmth the warmth of the smoke of a cigarette would not only warm their hearts but open their lungs to more oxygen wow you'll be puffed because you're weighed down with all the cakes and meats. Yeah. Oh, and on board they had a drink called Binda Zabioni,

which was 20 egg yolks and some sugar beaten up, and you would just scale that as you were going on your bike. I'm surprised they could even get on the bike after eating and drinking all of that. Like, stitch or vomit. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is cyclists who used to ride in Tour de France used to drink a mixture of 20 egg yolks and a little bit of sugar. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A little bit dry. Man, you're a dick.

I just had a rush to the bathroom and I was counting in my head how long I had to go on that song. So as I was walking through the kitchen, I was going to forego water. And then I passed. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. And I said to Anna, would you please mind filling this up for me? Because I've got like 10 seconds. Is that how you asked?

How did I ask? I was pretty polite. She just looked at me like I was, I don't know. I said, I'm in a hurry. I've got to get back in there. on I'm just gonna oh yeah that's good stuff thanks mate you pour a great water oh my god yesterday I get home um and uh I look at my phone once I've parked yep not on my phone while I've parked. Yep. Not on my phone while I'm driving at the moment.

It's in this little holder. I know. You're like, what do you want? Congratulations for obeying the law. For doing what everybody does. So anyway, I get home and I've got a notification on Facebook. Yep. And I'm like, what's this notification?

And I click on it and it says to me, Vaughan Smith, you have been recognised as a top fan of Hyundai Country Calendar. Stand out from the crowd with this top fan badge. Top fan status is refreshed every week. Oh, my God, I might not have this title for very long, but I've got it for the week. Interact more to keep your status as a top fan of Wild Day Country. Oh my god. Does that mean you've been commenting and stuff on the posts? I like

the posts. I don't think I've commented. Just a little liking. Right. When they put the link up, they're like, if you missed tonight's episode it's on demand. I'm like, I like that. You're such an old mate. You should have watched Country Killin' the other night. It was in Nelson, it was in

the hills up behind Nelson. I reckon your dad would be like, yeah, I know where that is, because that's dad's favourite

game, my dad, he's like, alright, where's it going to be? Oh, okay, yeah, I know where that is. And it goes in,

but yeah, I've been recognised. Well, if it's on Netflix, I'll watch it, baby. I love Country Killin' But now, like,

when you comment, you're going to get a little star and it's going to say top fan. I know. Oh, you think that's a good thing? Yeah, I think it's a great thing. Okay get a little star And it's going to say top fan I know Oh you think that's good A good thing

Yeah I think it's a great thing Okay cool I think it's a great thing But now I'm going to have to start commenting So people see that I'm a top fan Because I can't just like things They won't see that I'm a top fan Yeah

I don't see that I take my Calendar ring of countries Very seriously Very seriously Very seriously I don't think I've ever got one of those No do you? I don't think I'm

No I don't care that much. But you just have to like a few posts of things. Yeah, I know, but... I always forget to like things. I just scroll through them like, oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool. And then I'm like, oh, are you supposed to like? I just forget these days. Well, if you've got a passionate feel for it,

maybe give it the old thumbs up. And then you too could be a top fan. What do you get, though? A little badge, but so do you know. You're a top fan. You're recognised for that week as one of their top fans. Don't screw your face up like that. You could be the top fan.

Mind you, what you follow on Facebook, you don't want to be outed as a public fan. I don't even use that much stuff on Facebook. Really, to be honest. I posted a skyd that much stuff on Facebook. Really, to be honest. Right. Like, I posted a video, a skydiving video the other day. The first time I posted in, like, three years. Really?

Like, I never post anything. I'll just scroll through it for news and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But on happy birthdays. Oh, no, because it says you don't like news stories, do you? Nah. Because sometimes it does feel weird if there's, like, a story, and you're like, that's a good story, but I don't want to like it

because it's about something horrendous. Yeah. Like bushfires. Plus I've like hidden all my friends because they're annoying. Babies and engagement. So there's pretty much like the odd news story and a few nine gag posts and that's it on Facebook.

Good Lord. What a place to be. I would like to know. It's a purge of all emotion. If you're listening this morning and you've had a notification that you've become a top fan of something, what are you a top fan of? Maybe you were

jazzed like me when you got recognised as a top fan of something that you're into, like Country Calendar. What a great... I'm going to show my dad that. He'll be like, that's pretty cool. People belong to a group or a page and they've become a top fan. Yeah. Like, what are you... Okay. I'm trying to think of something cool that I can just go and like, like, like a page and they've become a top fan. Yeah. Like, what are you? Okay.

I'm trying to think of something cool that I can just go and like, like, like, like and try and be a top fan. Like all their stuff. Yeah. Well, I can't think for you. You've got to do the part where you're thinking of something you like. Are you looking at me like I'm going to fill in the blank for you? Yeah. It's your like.

A big moment for Smithy. He's a top fan of Country Calendar on Facebook. For the next week anyway. Yeah. I'm going to have to like all their posts about the upcoming episode. This is how they hook you in. To what? Facebook.

To Country Calendar. Oh, Facebook. They've already got me hooked on Country Calendar. Well, it's riveting stuff. Vaughan has been awarded the top fan of Country Calendar's Facebook page. One of the top contributors. Yes. The badge you might have got on Facebook. One of the top contributors. Yes. The badge you might have got on Facebook for commenting and posting a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. To recognise as a top fan. It's great. Country Calendar. Couldn't be more pleased with that representation. A little badge there. We want to know if you've been awarded a top fan's badge for what Facebook page.

Somebody messaged in saying that their dad is hearing this, and he's like, show me country calendar on Facebook. There you go. You're appealing to the dads. Yes. Someone said became a top fan of the mate. Partner became the top fan of the Melbourne Storm Facebook page. And shit, you'd think he'd won

the NRL premiership himself. He was so stoked to be a top fan. Lisa, what did you get a top fan badge for? I'm a top fan of Jacinda Ardern. Oh, really? Okay, so you're always liking the photos in the posts? Yes.

It's hard to be a top fan of those kind of pages because they've got millions of followers. She'd have quite a few. Yeah. I'd like the sweet irony of someone who was only following her to bitch and moan about her politics. Becoming a top fan.

Because they'd comment on it so much more than the average person. They'd become a top fan and they'd hate it. Thanks, you called Lisa. Someone said, I don't know how it happened, but I've become a top fan of the New Zealand Herald Facebook page. It's again. For that reason. For that reason, yeah.

Commenting on it. Yeah, exactly. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, a few things to cover here. Okay. This is how we got onto it. There's an article about a woman who cooks vegetables in the dishwasher. She puts them in little mason jars.

Yeah. She must put a bit of water in with them. Yeah. And then she runs, she in little mason jars. Yeah. She must put a bit of water in with them. Yeah. And then she runs, she seals the mason jar. Yeah. Because you need something with a bit of extra seal and then runs it on a hot dishwasher wash.

Yeah. And it cooks the, it cooks the veggies. It like effectively steams the veggies. Right. But then you'd still have to run the dishwasher again because then you'd have to eat the veggies and there'd be like dishes.

Yes. And then we were thinking like, run the dishwasher again because then you'd have to eat the veggies and there'd be like dishes. Yes. And then we were thinking like, is this wasteful of energy? Also, like how long is your dish cycle? Yeah. Because like it would take 15 minutes to just boil the broccoli. Because our dishwasher actually tells you, because usually you just click the thing around and click and away you go. But our one's got this little display.

It tells you how long it's in there. It's a long, it's gone for three hours sometimes. Three hours? I know. No, you do an eco wash. No, no, no. The eco wash is an hour and 50 minutes. Doesn't sound very eco, does it?

Doesn't sound eco, does it? But then I Googled how much water does a dishwasher use if a dishwasher could wash dishes, which it does. And I always thought it would use way more water than washing them in the sink, but modern dishwashers apparently know. Not as much water. And only cold water.

Yeah. And it heats the water. It heats it itself. Because when I put my dishwasher in, I was like, oh, they've left the bloody red hose off. Idiots. There is no red hose. There is no hot hose.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So it heats it as it needs it rather than just pumping hot water in there. But yeah, there's some that are saying, yeah, it can use like way less water. So then we were talking about-

Just use the stove. But wasn't there a trend of people cooking fish and salmon and like lobsters and stuff? So this is the second Home Improvement episode reference we've had on the show, which is weird. We haven't talked about it for like 20 years. But there was an episode of Home Improvement where Tim, the tool man, Taylor, cooked a salmon in the dishwasher. And now it should have gone right,

but in hilarious fashion, it didn't. All wrong, and he ended up with fish all through his dishwasher. But I remember that, yeah, it steamed it. Yeah, it had to be airtight, right? But a bit of juice in there, and because it gets so hot in there, it kind of like steam cooked it. But you've got a kitchen.

Yeah, probably still would have worked better cooking it that way than that honey I've spent all that time. Because it gets so hot in there, it kind of like steam cooked it. But you've got a kitchen. Yeah. Probably still would have worked better cooking it that way than that honey I've spent all that time and money on a few weeks ago. Thinking back on it. You're going to give that another nudge? Yeah, but I'm not going to make it a big deal next time. I'm just going to do it quietly. And if it works well, I'll put up all the photos I took throughout.

Other than that, I'll keep it on the down low. Right. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.