ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 25th May 2020

Episode Date: May 24, 2020

Top 6 - Building Consent  Fletch's Kitty Update  Bluff or Stuff!  Hype Hype Hooray!  Fletch went on a tripSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's all thanks to McDonald's. Your Macca's favourites are back at drive-thru and McDelivery. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Good morning. Coming up, I want to talk about a new reality show that's actually, like, pushing the boundaries a bit too far, I think. Even for a reality show?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Interested to see what you think about this one. It's not one I would participate in. How far away are we from a, what was that book, Lord of the Flies, where they go crazy on each other on an island? Like, how far are we away from

Celebrity Treasure Island where they have to kill each other and the last one like Hunger Games yeah do you think we're far away

from that not really if you sign your life away then that's your dumb fault not if everyone

keeps ignoring science we're just on a one way track to a Hunger Games-type existence. Yeah, doing that anyway. Right, but no one's dying. No, no one's dying. Tell us about that reality show soon.

Our voting in the top six is coming up. Yes, there's been change to the building laws. You can now whip up a sleepout, a hay barn, and various other things without council or resource consent. Great timing for you for this tree hut you've got. Well, that's still questionably high off the ground, so I don't know. But great time to just get out there and whip up a shed as long as it's no bigger than 30 square metres.

It's six by five, and if you live in an Auckland apartment, that's probably about that size. Probably. So you could, that's probably about that size. Probably. So you could, you know, build your own. Got to be single level. So I'll tell you the top six things you could whip up this weekend without having to get resource consent. All right, it's coming up. There's a new reality show.

It's called Labour of Love. And it is 15 men competing to impregnate one woman. So the woman is Christy. She's 41 years old and she's always wanted to become a mother. So they've kind of

just, they're going to skip the dating and go straight to the mating. That's their motto. Wow, this is where we're at. and go straight to the mating. That's their motto. Wow. This is where we're at as a reality show. Yeah, wow. So she's been saying, look, before you judge me,

this is to empower women. And it's totally her choice. That's understandable. She's had a very personal journey for me, something she's been thinking about for a long time. And all of that I understand. Like, why would you want to tacky it up with a show like this? Reality show and producers trying to create drama.

Yeah, and when I say tacky it up, listen to this little snippet. All right, you guys. Part of this process is figuring out if you're all fit enough to be fathers. I mean that in the most literal sense possible. Waiters, please come in. Is that a shot? Oh, my God. We know that cut.

Y'all are ruthless. Oh, my goodness. Okay, everybody needs to take one, please. Oh, lordy. It's a specimen cup. Those are specimen cups. I did not see this coming. No pun intended.

Yeah, this makes it real. We're not here to mess around. Okay, what's a... It's at the start, apparently. Like a cocktail party. Yeah. And they bring out those. And the host is the... Kristen Davis?

Yeah, of Sex and the City. Yeah. So the voice sounded familiar, that's why. Yeah. I feel like she does a great job. Is she going to have IVF with one of these men, with the winner's material? Or are they actually going to do it?

I believe they're actually going to do it. As far as I've read, there's no IVF brought into the situation. At the very start of the show, you'd want to find out who has the best swimmers, otherwise you could be wasting time. Valuable reality TV show time.

Yeah, and I don't know how she's eliminating people. Whether it's like, okay, bad quality, or like, I actually like you. Or like when you're filling out like a health insurance form and it's like, do you have a history of, a family history of heart problems? And you're like, yes. And she's like, you're gone.

So yeah, I wonder if that made any of the contestants lie. Because if you knew you were going to go on this show. Well, it's not, it's not unheard of. Like, because it's the same as getting a donor. Yeah, yeah. They go through, they tick the boxes on different things. But it's just kind of weird when it's. Yeah.

And she was on a season of The Bachelor too. Oh, so she loves fame. Yeah, she was on like season 11 or something of The Bachelor. She knows what she's in for then. She's aware. Wow. Or best of luck to her. So is it only just, are we getting this show here or is this just America?

I don't know. It's on Fox. So if we got it, where would we get that? The trash. The trash network. The trash bin. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The Podcast

Level 2 In this ongoing COVID world we live in And the rules changed So bars were open at the weekend Now this is a return to Hospitality Yeah I did a BYO at the weekend

How was that? Bloody great Now that would be more classed As a restaurant wouldn't it? Yeah Which had been open Yeah But everybody was kind of spaced out But it was was just good to see, like, a restaurant full of people.

That's good. It's great. That's good. But two bars could not follow the rules, and they were shut down by the police over the weekend in Auckland. One in Counties Malaco and in Auckland, CBD. Which ones? I want to know. They won't tell us.

They don't name them, and they won't say what rules they broke. Oh, that's BS. If you're going to name and shame, or shut a bar down, you should make an example of them. Make an example, yeah. Yeah. But, no, I didn't venture out. Went out for dinner on Friday night.

Yeah. That was nice, as you say. Yeah. See people. But didn't, no, I didn't like that part. But I like the food part. Yeah. It felt weird walking away from dishes.

Yeah, right. You're that used to it now. Yeah, that you eat and then do the dishes. It just felt weird getting up and walking away and just looking at them and being like, should we stack them up? That's weird. Do they need a rinse? I did this thing the other night where I was like, well, I'll just go out and get some food

and then I was like, well, actually in the fridge I've got that and that and that. I could just make dinner. Yeah, I did that the other day too. I'm going to make dinner and I was like, I would have never have done that

before COVID. No, you'd just gone and got it. Yeah, I just would have gone and got food and then probably chucked that food out. Yeah, just because, or ate it in another day.

Hopefully those are the new. Yeah. Executive intern Anya, did you go to... You went to club. You went to club at the weekend? I did. I went to two of the clubs.

Whoa. Yeah, big night for hen dog. How was it with the social distancing? It was, the first place it was fine and you didn't really notice it. But then we went to go to a second place a couple hours later. It was a bit busier and we had to queue for about 20 minutes half an hour to get in and the queue was jam packed like we were little sardines waiting

to get in. Oh, so there was no social distancing in the queue? Nah, and then when we did get in, so they were very strict to the 100 person limit, which was fair enough, my friend gave the bouncer a smooch to say thank you for letting us in. Words had to be had. Lessch. Words had to be had.

Lessons in COVID had to be had. Yeah. So that was to club. No. Yep. Right. Not to club. So what happened when people danced?

They just didn't? They just sat at tables? No, and I think they tactically had like, well, one place didn't have any music and the other place had it on really quietly. So I think they were encouraging people just to come in, have a drink, sit down and then head off. Well, yeah, they put the music low so you don't have to yell to talk to other people because then that extends your moist breath zone. Are you allowed to dance?

Was there any dirty grinding on the D floor? No, you're not allowed to dance. No, no dirty grinding. No dirty grinding. Just smooching the bouncer on the way floor? No, you're not allowed to use that. No, no dirty grinding. Just smirching the bouncer on the way in. Imagine if everyone smirched. Oh, my God. Imagine if everybody smirched the bouncer.

I know. That's just what I said when I gave my mum lecture on the way in. Did you put them into the back of the Hyundai Tucson and give them a ride to the home? Oh, here we go. Here we go. All right, mum doesn't bring the Tucson out for no reason on the weekend. You've got to behave.

Get out of here. Scientists think that they have discovered a gene which is linked to thinness. So that could in turn, they reckon in about four years' time, could make us a skinny pill. Have they just rounded up all those skinny people that can eat whatever they want and never get fat and then just do tests on them? Totally.

Good. Exactly what happened. 47,000 people. They compared the DNA of those who were normal weight to those who were naturally thin. They looked at the skinny people who weren't athletes and didn't suffer from any kind of illness. Yeah. And they looked at them and what they had in common. And it's a part of the DNA called the ALK gene, and it doesn't work properly.

Right. So... Is it because the biscuits damage it? No, it doesn't work properly in the skinny people. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, okay. And it's, yeah, so...

Because back in the day, this would have been back in the day, I'm talking like thousands and thousands of years ago, it would have been a bad thing to have. Yeah. Because you wouldn't eat a lot, so you'd want to know that you'd pack on some reserves for the times where you weren't. What, being chunkier? Well, you'd be lucky to be

chunky. Oh, yeah, like a thousand years ago. I know, but we've taken that to extremes. Well, it's changed now, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, like a thousand years ago. I know, but we've taken that to extremes. It's changed now, hasn't it? Yeah. My mum used to say that to me when I was little. She was like, you know, if you ever get sick, you'll be okay. Yeah, lost on a desert island. You'll have some reserves.

Yeah, I was like, I've got reserves. Wow. Made me feel better, though. Yeah. So they've done tests on mice and the ones without the ALK gene got fatter. So they fed them a high fat diet, the normal mice became

obese while the ones missing that gene stayed skinny. And the scientists have said that the gene is druggable so there could be a pill in the future to get the same effect. Huh. How crazy does that sound? The gene's druggable. The gene's druggable. The gene's druggable.

Great. Yeah. So the big question is, would you take it? Give it a go. Yeah. Give it a go. But how, I was just thinking like, when do you stop? Yeah.

Like, do you take it to lose a bit of weight and then just come off it? Or is that something you stay on forever and will it constantly make you skinnier and skinnier? Yeah, you're right, because people would probably abuse that. Yeah. Because they'd just think, well, I've got to keep going. Famously. Yeah. People will abuse the drugs.

But is it, you know, like lap band and gastric bypass. Yeah. What happens there? Is that you forever? You can only eat like a quarter of a... I don't actually know. Well, doesn't it... I'm not too sure.

Well, no, because it wouldn't affect... The pill wouldn't affect how much you ate because these mice are still eating. They're eating high-fat diets in the same amount. No, but I meant like... Because you said, oh, would you just have to take this pill forever to stay on top of it?

But does lap ban last forever? I think so. Or does it fall off or dissolve or something? Or like the staples of the way? Like grommets or something. After 18 months and it disappears? Or do you go and get it taken off? Okay.

So that's you forever. You can only eat a quarter of a muffin. Yeah. Oh. There's not a lot of joy in that. I think I'd rather do the pill because I love smashing heaps of food. I love trying everything. I love the flavours.

Gastric bands do not last forever. A gastric band that deteriorates can kill or seriously harm a patient if it's not removed. So it's like a rubber band that goes poing and it just shoots into your heart and you're dead. Good Lord. So when you said about this that there was a skinny pill, Fletch said whatever happened to Zinacal?

And you mentioned all the time. And people had some wonderful success with Zinacal. Lost a lot of weight, got healthier. I just remember being in the pharmacy one day and there was like a thing, it was like, this is what a kg of fat looks like. And it was just this big globby thing and you just poked it and it went wobble, wobble.

Yeah. I was like, oh my God, that's like a kg. That's so much. But it's probably just there to scare people.ble. Yeah. I was like, oh my God, that's like a KG. That's so much. But it's probably just there to scare people. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. But I felt that that was everywhere.

So you can still buy it. Yeah. You can still buy Zinacal from an online pharmacy and all you have to do is answer a couple of questions. It's $172 for 84 capsules. And I think it's a capsule a day. Good Lord. Right.

So probably about the same as what you pay for your gym, actually. True. But then I was like, one of the side effects of Zinacal. Common side effects of Zinacal include oily spotting on underwear. Okay. Because basically how it works is it prevents fat from being ingested. Right. And it doesn't absorb the fat, so the fat just passes through you. Right. So that's why there's oily spotting on the underwear, because you'll cough and a little bit of fat

will literally pop out your butt. Oh my God. Flatulence, urgent bowel movements. So you're just like... Shut yourself. Go, go, go. It's like when you park your really old car in the garage, you're going to have to put down a tray underneath it. Yes, an oil tray or an old rug.

What are described as very slippery, fatty, oily stools. Yeah, right. That's good though because sometimes you squeeze it and you're like,

if there was a bit of oil up there, you'd shoot out. Increased number of bowel movements. Gas with discharge. That's the scientific way of describing a shark. Wow, okay. Stomach pain, diarrhea.

Yeah, so I think jaundice was a possible one. Very dark urine. Clay-coloured poo. Okay. Lots of possible side effects. Great, doesn't it? But now that I've Googled that, I look forward to the targeted advertising.

Jesus, I'm going to be absolutely hammered with it. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. New research out of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and it shows that the more expensive a person's car is, the less they give way to pedestrians and the more of an a-hole they are, basically. Did we need a study for this? Just entitlement, isn't it?

Yeah, I would have assumed they just considered themselves more important. Like that Maserati or Flash Audi never sees you on the pedestrian crossing, does it? No. Big blind spots in those cars. Well, I mean, you can step out if you want. Wouldn't it be an honour to be hit by their car?

Yeah. To be hit by a... But then they've got poor person all over their car. If it was going to get run over by a Maserati, if I could see it coming, I'd get my elbow, I'd make sure I put all my pointy bits into that bonnet. I'd jump just a little bit so I went through the windscreen. Yeah.

Now you've got glass everywhere. What an inconvenience to their day. I know. Actually, I'd probably bounce off the windscreen. It's probably like not that glass. It just goes everywhere. Yeah, it's rich person's glass. Bulletproof.

So it found, so bear in mind this is in America, which in my experience when I've gone to America, I've always found that people are very, like if you accidentally step out or jaywalk, like they don't want to hit you because they don't want to be sued. Yeah, true. So I've always found people in America

are like probably more overly cautious. But this study found, they looked at pedestrian crossings and they examined drivers and they found that the cost of the car had a relationship to giving away. The odds that a driver will stop for a pedestrian decreased

by 3% per $1,000 increase in the car's value. That still rings true in terms of being sued though because people who don't have flashcards probably don't have the money

to go through the courts. Whereas rich people just don't care too much. And probably have insurance. They'll just bury you. Bury you in litigious fees. While they were advertising the video analysis,

it showed that drivers also were less likely to stomp for black pedestrians than white pedestrians. I knew. And also added that drivers also tended to stop less for men than women. Stop less for men. Oh, okay. Oh, cool.

Yeah. So if you're a black man, don't. Yeah, don't. Don't cross the road. Don't take a chance. What does that say? But then it didn't, like, obviously rate the attractiveness of the women crossing the road, because I'm sure that would also have something to do with it.

Yeah. And I mean, whether they get, like, harassed as they cross the road in front of the car. Yeah, true. Yeah. I mean, they're stopped for you, but. Wow. That's so true, though, because, Because Like there's a really Um Ooh la la

Supermarket Out near Vaughan Where all the like Oh of course it is Yeah Those rich farmers live Okay That car park

Is the worst car park To walk through Because people just Do not stop for you In their fancy Well one Range Rovers The New World

Oh I mean you're fine There's full of a-holes. Honda Civic. Oh, you're fine. I'm sure you'd stop for me. Oh, yeah. People pretty ding your car with a trolley just to try and get you out of there.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, if we ding this car, maybe he'll leave. Yeah. Every time I drive in that supermarket car park, I'm like, I'm going to have an accident or someone's going to run me over because there's just a bunch of a-holes. Yeah, when I drive my um european car excuse me i drive a land rover it's very european european we don't need to talk about its current condition and whether or not it's not going to get its next

warrant of fitness the black smoke that comes out of it. But as a European car driver, I'm very courteous. Yeah, right. Okay. I think we're more talking about modern European cars. Fancy Range Rovers. Yeah. Oh, Range Rovers. Yeah.

Is that a Range Rover? Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Exemptions to the Building Act are going to be introduced in August and it'll mean that you can take on a low-risk project yourself. It has to be up to building standards.

Wank, wank, wank. Is anyone going to check? How would they know, though? Because you don't have to apply for a consent. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It would be a low risk. So we're talking your carports.

Could you build a little shed? You could build a little shed. So there are rules. It's carports up to 40 square metres. Yeah. Single story detached buildings up to 30 square metres. It'll be interesting to see it in more detail. Yeah.

What else the things are that you can do. And then the next time there's an earthquake, you'll find out how good a builder you are. When you build like it. Oh, that wobbled right down. That sounds cuter. That wobbled right down. It wobbled itself right down. That sounds cuter. That wobbled right down. It wobbled itself right down.

My insurance, it just wobbled itself right on top of my car. How good. This is one of the things, not on the top six, but you can build a short span bridge on private land that doesn't have public access. You've got to build your own bridge. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Do you have a creek or something?

I don't have a creek, no. My dad's got a creek. Oh my god, he can build a bridge now. He's got a bridge there. I'm pretty sure last time the bridge washed away, he just put it back. Right. And chucked a couple of bolts. There's a bit more to it than that. Right. I'm pretty sure.

Okay. Maybe it was consented or built before that was the thing. When you build yourself like a deck, do you have to get a consent thingy? No, there was rules. As long as it was no more than a metre off the ground and under a certain size,

I think you could get away with it. Yeah, right. All this red tape bureaucracy. Well, it's getting cut away. You can do ground-mounted solar array panels. Yes. I've always wanted to do that.

To just, I don't know, have a solar panel on your lawn. Sure. So the top six things that you'll be able to whip into this long weekend. Oh, actually, no, because it doesn't come into August. Just say you built it after August. Get a head start. Put a tarpaulin over it in case Google Maps busts you. Yes.

And then just say it was a pool. A green tarpaulin. Oh, yeah, a blue tarpaulin. But then you've got to have a consent for a pool still. Oh, yeah, use a green. And use a camouflage net. Say it's grass. Yes.

Yes. Okay. Top six things you can build at home this long weekend. Number six, a hay barn. But if you don't have animals or hay, just call it a carport. And then when you get animals, it can be a hay barn. Right, okay don't have animals or hay, just call it a carport. And then when you get animals, it can be a hay barn. Right, okay.

Put your stupid car in there. Number five on the list of the top six things you can now build at home are somewhere for your parents to live when they get old. Now, it might leak and be drafty,

but that's what you want. You don't want it too good because then they won't stay for too long. It's so evil. Yeah, that's the problem. I'm thinking of going to put a couple of holes in the roof of our outside room

so that Shardo's dad doesn't get any ideas. It's very leaky. You train a couple of rats to chew faces, but primarily his. Number four on the list of the top six things you can build at home now are greenhouse. You actually can build a greenhouse or a grow room for tomatoes. Or after September's referendum,

maybe you don't need to lie about them being tomatoes. Yeah, true. Number three on the list of the top six things you can build at home now are pizza ovens. You can build your own outdoor fire. No consent required. Good to know. The one we built at our last house never had any consent.

Someone else's problem. That's not a problem anymore. But apparently the way around it. Yeah. So Barry, the chimney builder told us. The what builder? Chimney. Chimney.

No, he built chimneys for a living and he called them chimblies. He did not. It would be like us working on the radio, but I'm never calling it the radio. Radio blah. Radio blah. Did he have a sign written car? No.

Okay, because that would mean he was undoing. He may have at some stage, but it was very much chimblies. He said chimblies every time. Oh, he did. Did you correct him? That's so cute. No, let it happen. Yeah, right. Let it happen. He was one of those traders. Barry, he did. Did you correct him? That's so cute. No, let it happen. Yeah, right.

Let it happen. He was one of those traders that you got him to talk. Barry, it's a chimney. You were paying him by the hour and he was yapping. Just don't talk to them.

Get a bit of the yap going. That's why they yap because they see the money. Yeah. They're getting paid to yap. Yeah. Get back to work. Number two on the list

of the top six things you can build at home now. No consent required. The dog, you can build a dog house that your consent required. The dog, you can build a dog house that your dog deserves. Right. Make it comfortable enough to sleep in

when you're in trouble too and then you go, there you go. You got a big dog house. And a dog box. Yeah, yeah. Maybe a Timberley. Yeah. For the little outdoor fire.

Yeah. Don't. And number one on the list of the top six things you can build at home now, a pub. You could build your own pub as long as it's small enough. Wine bar, cocktail lounge, pub. You can build your own. You're not getting free licensing.

You have to still get a license from the council. You're not selling it. Oh, aren't you? Just you. Yeah. Right. Okay. Maybe your friends can come over.

Okay. BYO. Yeah. Or a token gift on the way in of money. Right. To pay so they're not buying it. Yeah, right. It's a gift.

You love a loophole. Old Smithy loves a loophole. Huge fan of a loophole. Huge fan. That is today's Top Sex. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. The whole world's been in lockdown of varying degrees. Wow, still in. Still is.

Yeah. We're pretty lucky in New Zealand, but two in five adults have found that they have changed for the better thanks to lockdown. So, 43%. See, they've changed their ways for the better

and it varies. So creating new podcasts, new computer skills, fitness classes. I can agree with that. I do online fitness classes now. So you cancelled your gym membership?

Yeah. Have you? Yeah. Just doing it all the time. It's just not the same. I love going to the gym. I love the classes. I mean, I'm more,

you know, not really. What do you do in your classes? I've got a 10kg kettlebell and we're going to get some weights. But have you tried buying weights at the moment? Oh, yeah. I looked online

during lockdown. It's nuts. All the benches were sold out. I went to a couple of places literally like empty of everything. Why buy weights when you can simply put on weights? You eat

food and your body is magical and it translates it to weights and then when you squat, you're squatting more weights. Yeah. Because it's on your tum tum. I mean that too. I don't know how people like lost weight in lockdown. I was just like mmm biscuits. Oh you know I counteracted the more like lost weight in lockdown. I was just like, mmm, biscuits.

Oh, you know, I counteracted the more exercise with treats. More treats. Yeah, yeah. For sure. So that stayed the same. I've missed about not going to the gym is I'm not watching as much TV. So when I go to the gym, I take an iPad and I just watch Netflix while I'm doing cardio.

And man, when I was going to the gym a lot, I got so much watched. Yeah. And now I've fallen right behind. Yeah. Smithy time. Yeah. Because at home, I just get home and I look out the window. I'm like, well, that needs doing.

And then I go outside rather than sitting down and. Yeah, right. Yeah. But during lockdown, they said that people connected more with loved ones because you just stayed at home and video called them. Yeah, you probably did. I definitely think I would have talked to, like, friends more than I normally would because you just get busy, don't you? Yeah, and it's kind of easier

because you just stay at home. You don't have to drive anywhere. You can fit in 20 minutes chat quite easily on a video call. But then I just can't see that continuing. Can you? Well, yeah, we'll probably get back to our old habits. No, I just made the video calls.

I don't want to bother video calling people anymore. But then I reckon that, like I said before, the making your own dinner and stuff. Yeah. I just got so used to doing that. Whereas you'd have takeaways a few times a week. Yeah. There would be a lot of people who learnt how to cook

and, you know, bake and stuff during lockdown. That was two out of five people. Two out of five, yes. Reckon that they've changed for the better after lockdown. Yeah. Should we take some calls? I'd love to hear from people. What do you think you've changed for the better?

How have you changed for the better after lockdown? Like maybe a new skill or a new habit? More exercise. Maybe you broke a habit. I don't want people to call up and say they've lost heaps of weight because that's or a new habit. More exercise. Maybe you broke a habit. I don't want people to call up and say they've lost heaps of weight because that's just rubbing it in. Confronting. First weekend with the new kitten.

Yep. Major Murray Fluffington. Yep. He's got his own Instagram. Major Murray Fluffington. I have been cat spamming everyone on the gram all weekend. I don't think anyone's complaining. When will they get sick of it?

Well, you know how you get sick of people's baby photos? Yeah, but babies aren't cute. Kittens are cute. Yeah, no, that's what you're not quite understanding yet. The babies are only cute to the parents. No, I don't think you've ever felt that way. Kittens are different than babies. Okay.

Kittens are universally accepted as cute. Kittens and cats are the one thing that's managed to get through that robot shell. Yeah. So first day, he was quite shy. Friday. Had a long travelling day. So new environment. Was quite timid.

Yeah. Slept under the couch quite a long travelling day. So new environment. Was quite timid. Yeah. Slept under the couch quite a bit. Oh. Did use the Kmart Playtoy thing. Did use it. Which took me hours to build. The cardboard. Thankfully.

The cardboard box, right? He just hid under the ramp. Slept under the ramp for a while. And that's okay. Then Saturday, came out of his shell a bit more. And yesterday Really playful Like we're best friends now Oh that's so cute

I think he realises That I feed him So we're best friends So very playful yesterday And it was I got up really early On Sunday morning For a little nana wheeze

At four o'clock And he sleeps under my bed He's been sleeping under my bed And I just hear this little meow And then he climbs up The side of the bed And sits on me And starts purring and I'm just like, oh my God, we're best friends now. Oh my God, that's so cute.

So cute, so cute. And then last night, I get into bed and I'm just like on my phone and he jumps up and just sits on the bed. Yeah. So he's going to sleep on my bed now, I think. So we're best friends. Okay, cute. And so I'm in bed and I'm like, okay, well, it's time to go to sleep now.

So I, now at this stage, you guys know I sleep nude. Yes. I'm a nude sleeper. And I was like, well, and the cat's on the bed. He's kind of asleep, kind of a little bit playing and licking. And I'm like, well, I'm going to get up. I need to turn off the heater and the light. So I get out of the bed nude and I walk around and he looks up and gets a fright,

stands up and he arches his back, his tail goes all fluffy and he goes, because I'm naked and he hasn't seen me naked before. He was so appalled by your nakedness. He was so appalled by my nakedness. I was like, excuse me, bitch. But it's like those videos where somebody puts a cucumber behind a catnip. And they think it's yours. It's like, it's a snake.

Your pain is green. Yeah. I'm just like, why is he doing this? Oh, I'm naked. I just came up behind him naked And he's just like so appalled He's hissing at me A cat hissed at me

He's scared of snakes Yeah I take it as a compliment I just thought he was so appalled I was like excuse me Major Fluffington We've all put on a little bit of weight over lockdown I do not need your body shaming And this fat shaming at this time of the night. You're sleeping outside. Oh, wow.

So you got put out of the bedroom. No, he got to stay. Did you put pants on? No, I just got back into bed and I was like, better go to the gym tomorrow. No, that's the sort of inspiration you need at the start of the week. Yeah, to be fat shamed by my cat. Yeah. Yeah. I better go to the gym tomorrow. No, that's the sort of inspiration you need at the start of the week. Yeah, to be fat shamed by my cat. Yeah.

Yeah. Just keep going because you might have had a good week last week, but you might think I'll take it easy this week, and then your cat's like, no, you've got a long way to go. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Bluff or Stuff. All right, 0800-DARLESS-ZM right now if you would like to play Bluff or Stuff, and we have a fantastic prize up for grabs today. GHD Platinum Plus Styler.

Ooh. If this doesn't get won, can I have it? I can't see why not. Take it off. No, I will not. Here, take it out of my hands. Not yet. Oh.

I would if you were holding it, Vaughn. Melissa, good morning. Morning. How are you? I'm really good. How are you? I'm good, thank you. Can I just say your kitten is super cute.

Oh, thank you, Melissa. He did fat shame me, so he's in the dog box at the moment, or the kitten box, so to speak. That's all right. My cat hates me, so it's fine. Cats only like you when you're feeding them for like 10 minutes a day. Now, Melissa, up for grabs today, the GHG Platinum Plus Professional Smart Seller. Now, one of us is holding the box, but we are all going to tell you that we're holding it.

That's how Bluffful stuff works. You've got to correctly guess who's holding it to win the GHG prize today. Okay. And I mean, I might as well start because I am holding the box. And it is, it's a beautiful box. You can see it from where I am. Sure. How would you describe this box? I would describe it as

smooth, minimalist. Rectangular. Excuse me, it's my turn to tell Melissa I'm holding the box. If I turn over the box, you can see ghdhair.com. This is the website. There you can go to it. It says what's in the box. It's got UltraZone with predictive technology.

Predicts your hair's needs, guaranteeing ultimate results with 70% stronger hair. How does it do that? And two times more colour protection. He wrote this down from the website when he looked before. It's got a sleep mode, too, Melissa, for 30 minutes. If it's not used, it'll switch off and it won't burn your house down. That's great. What about its wishbone hinge design?

And the swivel cord for convenient styling. So that you can do any style you possibly want. Yeah, I can see that now that I've got the box open in front of me. Okay, if you've got the box in front of you, why don't you wiggle it and make a noise? Well, that would be giving it away, wouldn't it? What temperature? Tell me what temperature for optimum styling. Don't read the website.

Don't read the website. I'm not. I'm not. It's 185 degrees. This one also has three years. Well, they'd have three years manufacturer's warranty. You can see because I've got it on the box. And the good part about winning this, I've just checked. The plug that plugs into the wall is a New Zealand plug. You don't have to

import this from AliExpress and then buy a... Of course it does. Buy an adapter. Melissa, at this stage, we would like you to eliminate one of us. Who is definitely not holding it? Vaughn. Correct. Correct.

That is correct. He's such a good liar. He is. Usually it's hard to pinpoint, but you're right. Because he couldn't jiggle the box, could he? He couldn't jiggle the box. No. I don't know a lot about hair things.

All right, Melissa. It's now a 50-50 chance. Did you say, have you mentioned that it comes with a heat-resistant bag? Yeah, I did. I said that, yeah. And the plate guard? Yeah. Sorry, I'm just reading the back of the box and making sure I've got everything covered.

Melissa, Bluffelstuff, to win the GHD, who is holding the GHD? I feel like it would be too obvious for it to be Megan, and then you really sold it, so I... My first thought was Fletch, so I'm going to go with Fletch. Are you sure? Yeah. That is correct. It's been a while. Yeah, I'm obviously a terrible liar,

but maybe because I did that big spiel. Oh, my God. You're going to love this, though. GHD Platinum Plus Styler. It's worth $395. And Cobalt Blue. Cobalt Blue. It's yours now.

Congratulations, Melissa. Well done. Thank you so much. That's awesome. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Friday.

Let me set the scene. After the show. Yep. Fletch says, I've got no coffee left. I've got no Macona left. That's what he says. And I say, well, I was going to go to, well, I was going to go to the bolt shop. Oh, my God.

You guys are so jazzed about the bolt shop. Well, no, I was interested because Vaughan said I need to buy a bolt. A very specific bolt. Yeah, and he said I'm going to the bolt shop. And I'm like, what? Just go to Bunnings or Mitre 10. Yeah. But this is a shop and all it does is bolts.

So I walked in with one bolt and I said I need exactly this bolt. And the guy was like, I'll be back. And then he went into this library of bolts. I know. And he came back with one bolt. And I was like, yeah, that's perfect. And he's like, $1. I was like, this'll be back. And then he went into this library of bolts. I know. And he came back with one bolt. And I was like, yeah, that's perfect. And he's like, $1. I was like, this was not worth your time.

And that story, I responded, oh, cool. And Fletch responded, oh, my God, that's amazing. We need to go to the bolt shop. Bolt shop. I just wanted to see what a shop with just bolts looked like. All it had was bolts. Yeah. Oh, and nuts.

And nuts. And nuts. Other things like that. They were trying to sell some screwdriver sets, but no one's going there for a screwdriver set. We discussed that you would need a screwdriver set, but also be going for a bolt and an urgent need of a screwdriver set to buy a screwdriver set from the bolt shop.

But it wasn't that that I got excited about. No, because it was after that to get a huge tin of Makona, number five, medium roast. Yeah, we're a medium roast kind of show. I took Fletch to Gilmore's. five, medium roast. Yeah, we're a medium roast kind of show. I took Fletch to Gilmore's. Oh my God.

Megan, I know you, because you own a cafe, you go. We go all the time. And for those that don't know, Gilmore's,

and it's called Trent's like down south. Wellington it's called. In Christchurch, yeah. Yeah. It's where like the whole service.

Dairy shop. Yeah, dairy shop there. Cafes, restaurants. You go there and you don't buy a kinder surprise. You buy a box of kinder surprise. I know.

I saw a box of kinder surprises. I know because every time I have to, of all the things, every time I have to stop myself from getting a bulk pack of chewing gum, I'm like, no. Not today. Not today. It's like one of those boxes that chewing gum comes in. But that's where I get my three KG jars of gherkins from.

I got one of those. Did you? Yeah. So Megan, oh my God, my first time walking in there. And for those that have never been in, it's like walking into a pack and save, but everything is bulk size. Yeah.

Huge. It's like going to the supermarket in America. Yeah. That's what I imagine. It's like Costco, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

It was amazing, Megan. So Vaughn gets a trolley because I'm like, well, I saw a big jar of olives. And I was like, I always buy little jars. I'll buy a big one. And so we ended up getting a trolley. So we're going to do a full shop. We're going down every aisle. I got told off when I got home.

Yeah. For buying things we did not need. I've been there. Yeah. What did you buy, though? So you bought bulk gherkins? Yep, bought bulk gherkins. Oh, I bought five litres of the tomato sauce that the girls like.

I bought five litres of sweet chilli sauce. Oh, my God. You bought a huge thing of those calamari olives. I bought two massive things of olives. Wow. Because I love snacking on those. What else? We bought a big tin of...

We got the coffee. We got a big tin of coffee. What else? We bought a big tin of... We got the coffee. We got a big tin of coffee. What else? Oh, we got alcohol too. They sell alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. And when we were shopping, we ran into the lovely Hilary Bowery.

What? I know. Yeah, she's a bulk buyer. Yeah. What? And she was just as shocked to see us, wasn't she? Because I think we'd busted her bulk buying. We both caught in the act.

Yeah. Yeah. What was in her trolley? Massive chocolate bits. Yeah, for cooking. She said, I love these. The Whittakers. And it was like Whittakers, but I don't know if it's seconds or whatever,

but it was like chocolate chunks. Right. Huge. For baking. Yeah, yeah. So she said, this is good quality, that. Yep. And then.

Was she popping in the wine aisle or was she resisting the urge? She did pass comment at the fact that we were talking in the wine aisle. Yeah, we were. But good to... And I think she said she gets maybe some meat there as well. Yeah, she does. She was off to the meat section to get some meat. It's so good to know she's a bulk buyer too.

Yeah. Because I just was walking around thinking, I don't belong here. Well, everybody else there, you found... Everybody else was buying stuff that would indicate that they had a restaurant or a takeaways or a dairy. But does Hilary Barry have a dairy? No, Hilary Barry doesn't have a dairy. What was she doing there then?

Shopping. Do you know what I was also thinking about why Hilary Barry goes there? Why? Can you imagine what a punisher it would be being Hilary Barry and going to the supermarket? Yeah, but there's still people at Gilmore's. No, but everybody's on and on.

They might be like, hello, but they're not going to be like punishing Karens. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, fair point. They were like, now what were you thinking

getting your tits out at 7pm? A woman your age. You know those punishing people that comment on, you know, non-important things like what somebody

was wearing on the news or whether or current affairs show. Instead, she just got our punishing chat. Yeah. But our chat was, I said, I don't want to keep you. And she said, no, that's fine. I don't want to keep you. And so we came to a mutual agreement that we were keeping each other.

Yeah. So we parted ways. But she. Oh, I'm gutted now. I've never seen Hilary Barry or anyone exciting in my Gilmore's trip. It's always good seeing H. Bizzle in the wild. Yeah. She's so lovely.

This is the second time I've seen her in the wild. It's good. She's like a rare Pokemon. All right. A couple of minutes away from a report of a strong earthquake, if you felt this, 30 k's west of Levin, 5.9 at a depth of 34. So that happening at 7.53 this morning.9 at a depth of 34. So that happening at 7.53

this morning. I'm seeing reports all over. Hope everybody's okay. Wellington, people on Twitter, Wellington, Hawke's Bay residents reporting it, Central North Island reporting it, so she's a big one. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. We've had some

correspondence from a listener who has found themselves in a predicament. They've been shocked by a revelation by their partner. This says, hi guys, I have a dilemma. I've just found out that my partner of one year is actually seven years older than he initially told me. Oh no. One year.

He said he was 35, but he's actually 42. Right. Oh. Is it because when they first met, he was like, well, this is probably just a hookup. It doesn't matter. They won't ever find out anyway. And like, at what point do you find the moment to say,

hey, this relationship's got off the wrong foot because I lied to you right off the bat? Yeah. And there's actually seven, because it's not so much the age, like seven years difference. Well, obviously, she obviously found him attractive in the first place. So it doesn't really matter, does it? But it's the lie. And then he's carried it on for a year. Wow. I just guess you're getting

too deep and then yeah, like you say, when do you tell someone? And they're in a different like decade, you know? Yeah. Like 35 to 42. You're in a different decade. Yeah, I know, but no than what he initially said. He said he was in his mid-30s but he's

actually early 40s. Nah, but there'll be a sweet period there where it won't be a different decade. Like when he would have turned 40, but he'll only be 47. Yeah. That makes it not as bad. Yeah, right. Wow, okay. Wow.

Well, off the back of this, I'd love to know. It's the lie, though, right? It's the lie. It's the lie. It's not even their problem. It's the lie. And how long they kept it going for. Yeah.

A year. But I thought maybe we could take some calls this morning on people that have found out something about their partner. Maybe it was longer than a year. Maybe you've been together for ages and you've had a revelation that shook you. You hear of people that find out their boyfriend was actually married and just never said anything.

What, previously married? Yeah, previously married. Married right now. Or even still married but just never said anything. What, previously married? Yeah, previously married. Married right now. Or even still married, but they've broken up. Yeah. They just don't mention. They don't mention it. Previous significant relationship.

Or that they've got a kid, but the kid's not in their life, so they just didn't tell you about it. That's what you want in a partner. Someone who's just going to walk away From their job Or you find out That your boyfriend Was in prison

Oh yeah That'd be a good one That'd be a juicy one Because they don't really Talk about a two year Period of their life What for? What were you doing

In 2009 through 2011? Oh nothing Nothing Just didn't Oh yeah Man I did nothing Nothing We've had some Correspondence from a listener who's in a dilemma.

They've found out that their partner of one year is actually seven years older. He's 35. Well, he said he was 35, but he's actually 42. Hey, but good on him if he can get away with it. Like, looking, like, younger than he is. Yeah, sure. Just trying to find a positive out of all of this. Yeah, well, we might learn something from other people.

This listener might learn something from other people's experiences. So we want to know what you found out about your partner after a period of time. Yeah. Adam, this happened to your mate. Yeah, a friend of mine a long, long time ago. It was kind of reversed. He lied that he was five years older. But yeah, but basically same thing.

And I wonder if it's the same situation because he got caught out by his birthday. So his birthday was coming around and he was like, oh, no, they're going to find out because somebody's going to say something. So they were forced to confess. And if this woman's finding out after one year, maybe this guy's birthday is coming around the corner. Yeah. Because I guess all your friends that you've had for a while are going to know your age, or roughly. Exactly, yeah.

Someone's going to call it out. And the funniest thing is, like, I thought back over the year, and I noticed, because this is when Facebook was just sort of booming in the early days, and I noticed that she was always writing about how baby-faced he looked and things. I'm sitting there going, well, yeah, but he's not that bad. But it was because he was five years younger and she's thinking he's older, but he looks really young. And so what happened in the end? Did he end up telling her?

Yeah, he told her and funnily enough, they're actually still together. So as far as I know, I haven't caught up with him in a long time. But as far as I know, they're still together. She forgave him and carried on. So that was great. Wow. Keep the lie going long enough that they're in too deep, you know? Exactly. Adam, thanks.

You're cool. Lou, your husband lied. Oh, ex-husband. Let's make this clear. Okay, ex. Ex. Oh. So was it the lie that ended it?

Oh, that and the other million ones, but this was the best one. Okay. Okay, so what was the lie? So we'd gone on a work conference over to Vietnam about seven or eight years ago, and we were having this big dinner one night, and he'd napped off somewhere to go talk to somebody, and I asked another man at our table, oh, has anybody seen my husband? And he said, oh, look, he's over there talking to that fella that used to be in the SAS.

And I thought, oh, that's impressive. And this chap goes, well, that shouldn't be impressive to you because as your husband is a former Marine. And I was like, you what? What, he told everybody he was in the Marines? He was in the Marines. He told everybody he was in the Marines. And apparently when we were having our eldest, who's 18, he was on tour in Afghanistan. And I must have found it really difficult.

And I'm like, oh, at least let me in on the lie. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. I thought he had been in the Marines, but he just failed to tell you. But it was just, he was telling other people he was in the Marines when he was not. No, he was in the Jehovah's Witnesses, if that makes any sense. It's like he wasn't in the Marines. That's God's Marines.

That's out there. Using, you know, the word as his weapon. Thanks, you call it. Becky, what did you find out about your partner after a while? It wasn't my partner. It was my friend in South Africa. Okay. She was, I think it was like over a year that they,

well, they're still actually together, but she had her sister over one night who is a really strong Trump supporter. Okay. And she discovered then that he is like a really avid Trump supporter and that obviously just never talked about it before. He can't be that much of a Trump supporter then because they're pretty quick to tell you.

I feel like they tell you, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Wow, that's instant grounds for just... They're typically doing other things to talk about it. Surely instant dismissal. I don't think I could overlook that. No, neither.

Yeah. Well, they're still together, so... Wow. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe she's talked him around, I don't know. Yeah, right. Well, the new national lady's so. Wow. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe she's talked him around. I don't know. Yeah, right.

Well, the new national leader's got a Trump hat, doesn't he? Mueller. Mueller. Yeah, something. Mueller. No, Mueller was the guy that investigated Trump. That's right. Mueller's the guy with the hat.

He's got the Hillary pins, too. I just. Yeah, right. Are you a collector of paraphernalia? Yeah. That's what it seems like. All right. Thanks, you, Kubecki.

My partner told me he had a degree in commerce. Six years and two kids later, I found his scrunched up failed transcript into the car seat while cleaning up his KFC rubbish.

After this and 100 other lies unraveled, we're no longer together. So there was a lie about qualifications. Wow. My granddad did this to my nana.

They met when he was in the Navy from Ireland. He said he was 10 years older. It was actually 20 years older. Jeez. She found out after they were married and she saw his passport. He also had another wife and family back in Ireland.

And when he went back, he got imprisoned for a year for bigamy because it was illegal when Nana was pregnant with my mum. Woses. But then did he fly back? Did he divorce the Irish family? Oh my God, I need to know what happened next. He must have left the Irish family when he got out of jail and divorced. But of course, you've got to do it the right way around.

I left my partner after nine years and two kids and found out six months later that he'd been paying for prostitution. He'd been paying for prostitutes to have sex with him while we were still together. Oh, wow. Good Lord. What was it? So much drama. What does that come through as on your Airpods?

I don't know. I was just thinking that. Or imagine it was cash, right? You'd get cash out from the cash machine. Why are you withdrawing lots of cash all the time? Yeah, I feel like I would notice chunks of cash. Yeah, well, I don't know. It was lying, so obviously I had a lie built around it.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about internet speed. Okay. A new world's fastest internet speed has been set in Australia. Okay. Researchers from Monash. Monash.

Monash. Yeah, I think that's how it's said Swinburne Don't know And RMIT Not RM Williams RMIT University Although RM Williams University would be pretty good Sounds great

A lot of checkered shirts Yes And leather boots 101 Yep Gotta put those on And you gotta have a nice pair for when you have to go to a nice wedding or something. Yep. And you're round home here.

It's the old pair round the home. Yeah, that's right. That's right. They use a microcomb optical chip containing hundreds of infrared lasers to transfer data across existing communications infrastructure. Well, that's good because then we don't need to dig up all the cables again. Yeah. Oh, no, that's crazy, then we don't need to dig up all the cables again. Yeah. Oh, no, that's crazy, right?

So this is off existing things. They recorded the speed at 44.2 terabits per second. That would allow you to download 1,000 HD movies in a second. Oh, my God. That is a million times faster

than the average Australian broadband speed now. Because Australia's speeds are really bad. Not as good as ours. Yeah, we're really lucky for internet speeds, especially with fibre. Yeah. I mean, you hardly wait for anything with fibre, but imagine that. You wouldn't wait for anything to load.

It'd just be up. Could you just, like, watch a movie in, like, real time? Megan, you could watch a thousand movies in a second at that speed. No, I couldn't. You couldn't, but your computer could download them if you had the ability to watch. That's crazy, right? Yeah, 43.4 megabytes per second

is the current Australian download speed, so that's a million times faster. Even when they make this happen, you're going to still be on your rural shitty broadband, so don't get too excited, mate. No, I know. Because the existing infrastructure, I'm imagining,

isn't the copper wire that runs in on the phone line. No, I wouldn't think so. Nah, if it is though. Mate, look, I'd just be happy with current fibre on the copper. Yeah, right. That'd be okay by me. Yeah.

I'd be, I'd be all right. I don't need too much more than that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's how I do it. But today's fact of the day is a new record for internet speed has been set and it would allow you to download 1,000 high-definition movies in a single second.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Hype Hype Hooray Hooray Hooray Hype Hype Hooray We get your jazz For something we've got to do on Monday

Might be lacking a little bit of inspiration Yeah To make the most of it. You know, the weather also. Oh, yeah. It's rainy. Especially when you stay in bed. Yeah. Snuggling. I mean, it's good to get rain. Especially for areas that are a little droughty.

Yeah, parched. Yeah, low water reserves. Auckland, looking at you. But that weather can cost you some motivation. So we're here to inspire you. Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't supposed to laugh at that. Give you a rev up.

Xavier, good morning. Good morning. All right. How do you need some hype, some motivation this morning? Well, I've actually got a 3,000-word essay that needs to be done in two weeks, and I just can't be bothered writing that much, if I'm honest. Oh, you've got ages. Yeah.

I find the words seem to flow better when you've got about eight hours left. That's the goal. But then, right, what time of the day is this, Joe, sort of first thing in the morning? I believe it's late at night, but I just need to get a move on, if I'm honest. You just need to start. So you've got two weeks from today, or you've had two weeks? I've got two weeks from today, but I've had one week already.

Oh, okay. See, this is not how the segment works, guys. One third's down. You were saying just procrastinate until then. We need to inspire today. Have you done one of those maps where you put the subject in the middle and the different aspects of the subject you can cover? One of those mind map things? Yep.

Oh, you've done one? Yeah, I've done I've got the preparation I just need to write it. Alright, you need to get going. What are you writing this on? What's the topic? Radio promotions. Oh, we can't help you. God, I I never listen.

Just do a sausage sizzle. Just do a sausage sizzle. Write about a sausage sizzle. Boom. With free balloons for the kids. No, we're not doing that post-COVID, are we? Oh, God. Is this a post-COVID world radio? Yes.

Yeah, it is. Oh, okay. Okay, well, do the sausage. Send us that essay when you're done, and I'll take it to the promos department and look like quite the genius. Just do the sausage sizzle under a

giant plastic bell. What? I mean like a giant. No, you put sausages under a big... and then have a hole for the sausage and just poke it out. So you have a bit of thing at the top for the smoke to go in. And the gas. And you gas you. So you have a bit of thing at the top for the smoke to go out and the gas. I have a smoke and get out.

COVID can get in. And you wear your PPE and you just pop the little sausage with your glove out the hole with the tongs. And then people come along to the radio promotion

and just take the sausage. Sort of a sausage glory hole situation. It's just a little hole opens up, out comes the sausage. Yes! And what?

He butters his own bread. He's not helping, Xavier. Yeah, you can bring your own bread to Brownie's mattress to wreck. We're not supposed to be writing, as they say. We're just supposed to be inspiring him to get going. Start putting words on the paper. Don't do that. You're not going to pass.

I'll try to get 3,000 words out of the sausage system. No, this is what, for anything I don't want to do but has to be done, allocate yourself five minutes. And guaranteed after you start your five minutes, you're always going to end up doing more. Because starting is the hardest part. Yeah.

And just remember, if opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. Yes. How good is that, guys? That was really good. That was good right there. Do you feel motivated, Xavier? I do. I'm ready to get into it now.

You're ready to get into it. Good. Look at that. Good start. Good morning, Justin. Morning, team. Morning. Now, you need some motivation on your Monday to do what?

I do. We're breaking up with my boyfriend today. Oh! Does the boyfriend see this coming, Justin? Not sure, but he's been cheating like he has. Oh, well then, stuff him. What do you need? You deserve better than that.

Just rip the band-aid off. Stuff him. He's been cheating on you. Yeah, yeah. What's he likely to say? This is a great way to do it. Let's run a little role play so you feel prepared. Yeah, yeah. What's he likely to say? Let's run a little, this is a great way to do it. Let's run a little role play so you feel prepared. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, who's played the role of your boyfriend? Okay, all right. My name will be... Let's not use his actual name. Henry. Apple. Apple. Did you just look at my apple?

I was looking around. Okay, Justin, let's run through this. You break up with Vaughn slash Apple. Apple. Hey. Does he call you babe? What is this sort of the... Hey, babe. Yeah, yeah's run through this. You break up with Vaughn slash Apple. Apple. Hey. Does he call you babe? What is the sort of the... Hey, babe.

Yeah, yeah. Babe will do. Okay. Hey, babe. What time of the day are we? Justin, is this turning you on? Are you into big hairy bears? Yeah, not quite.

Okay. Just imagine Vaughn's a twink. It comes with age. Imagine Vaughn's a twink. Hey, babe. That's a stretch. How are you going? Good?

I love the sound. What have you been doing today? Just got back from work, but what I'm going to tell you is we're not going to have any more sausage sizzles. But I love sausage sizzles. Famously, I've enjoyed many sausages. Cooked by

yourself. That's all. No! What? Wait, is it the plastic dome over the barbecue that you've got a problem with, Justin? No, always plastic dome your sausage. Always. Safety. Safety first. I haven't been

cheating on you. Do you have any proof? Yes. Oh. you have any proof? Yes What kind of proof? Nah, liars A considerable amount Nah, liars Really? Like what kind of considerable amount of proof do you have?

Do you have like texts and videos and stuff? Yeah, well it was a lockdown affair Oh, okay, right Yeah, so I went home to see the family and he took that as an out-of-jail-free card and away he went. But he shouldn't have been in lockdown. He shouldn't have been breaching the bubble.

Yeah, absolutely correct there. I would report him to Dr. Ashley Bloomfield immediately. I would break up with him and I would report him to the government. Yeah, because surely Dr. Bloomfield's email address... You've already reported them. Nah, not yet. Not yet.

That would be amazing if you did. Now, would you like a quote from me to make this easier, Justin? Because I do scour the internet for incredibly motivating quotes. Fitting, motivating quotes. Yeah, if it's one I could use, that'd be fantastic. I think you'll find this great in your current situation. A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches

don't know how to count. How good is that? I would write that one down. Gandhi. Gandhi said that. I can imagine him saying that sitting there in his little toga with his little specs on. He's like, some bitches don't know how to count. Good luck with that, Justin. I hope that's in there in his little toga with his little specs on. He's like, some bitches don't know how to count.

Good luck with that, Justin. I hope that's sufficient motivation. You deserve better. I also hope he doesn't listen to ZM. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. An earthquake this morning. When was it? An hour ago now?

Yeah, it was seven minutes away from eight this morning. It was 30 k's northwest of Levin and the depth 34. That's not that deep, is it? No. That's quite shallow in terms of earthquakes. Yes, it is. Hence the wide reports of shaking around the country. Felt everywhere.

Well, the Prime Minister was live on television when it happened. She was on the AM show. I don't know why she keeps going back. Well, I don't know. I wouldn going back But um Well I don't know I wouldn't play this clip If it was Duncan Garner Or Mark Richardson Just those old white men

They just get me riled eh Yeah You're so woke sister Thanks brother I'm also sister Thanks sister Um Uttered

Neither But this is when she was Live on telly Answering the hard hitting questions I don't know. Neither. But this is when she was live on telly answering the hard-hitting questions when the earthquake struck. Just having a bit of an earthquake here, Ryan. Quite a decent shake here. But if you see things moving behind me, the beehive moves a little more than most. Has it stopped, Prime Minister, or is it still going? Yep, no, it's just stopped.

Okay, and you're feeling safe and well to continue the interview? No, we're fine, Ryan. I'm not under any hanging lights. I look like I'm in a structurally sound... Okay, all right. When he was like, is it still going, she was jiggling. Yeah. So, yeah, I'd imagine it's still going, Ryan. I'd do that if I wanted to get out of an interview

and they were asking curly questions. I'd be like, shaking the desk. Oh, I just don't. Well, yes, you know, we're in Wellington. Oh, yeah. And then I'd just be like, slam the camera down. Boom. The camera would hit the ground.

You need the camera and on it. Yeah. To do the shaking. You need GeoNet and on it. Because then there'd be no reports of any earthquakes. Well, it's a government department, isn't it? Oh, yeah, perfect. Boom, dial it in. Well, it's a government department, isn't it? Oh, yeah, perfect. Boom, dial it in.

Well, that's something Trump would do. Yeah. Do you know that's how they used to do in old Star Trek TV shows? Yeah. When, you know, like the spaceship gets hit and everyone, whoa, they'd be like, go. And the camera guy would shake the camera and they'd all be like, way! Yeah, yeah. Is that not how they do it these days?

I don't know if they still do it that way It would disappoint me If it wasn't done that way Yeah I think they just do some fracking Near the film site Right And that just causes it

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