ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 26th January 2021
Episode Date: January 25, 2021Producer Jared made something Top 6: Sleeping Devices Dr Ashley: The Trendsetter Hayley's got Vertigo!Refund your Date! Don't Get Fletch Started! Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See... omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hello, welcome to the Fletchmore and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast.
It's thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe coffees.
Get one free on the Maccas app.
Delicious.
Now somebody's wasting our nature's resources over here.
Yeah, it's like, what would you call it?
Nature's water.
Water.
I left the...
Nature's water.
I think it's just called water.
H2O.
H2, nature's water.
Yeah, I left two taps on.
Two separate taps
Going all night
Now I'm not on town supply
So don't freak out
That I'm wasting
About to say
Like Auckland's water
And that
Well you're just wasting
Nature's water
Yeah I'm sucking it
From 210 metres
Below the earth's surface
That's mother nature's tears
That you're just
Pissing down the sink
Straight from the teat
Of mother nature
Yeah
How
This is a bad
Worrying sign That you leave two different tips on.
My brain, I finally, over the time we had off over summer,
I've got into a normal sleeping routine.
Yeah, the bags under your eyes go after four weeks.
Yeah, and you start feeling like a human about two weeks
after waking up at normal hours and going to bed a little bit later.
I don't know, it just feels natural
And then last week, back to reality
Snap back to reality
Whoop, there goes Rabbit
My brain's been a foggy mess
Oh yeah, you do
It does fog your brain, doesn't it?
God damn it, I've been walking into rooms
Well, there's this study out this week
That lack of sleep is comparable to concussion
With symptoms
I'm one week into this job and
i i'm well what i've got vertigo as we're about to learn and yeah i feel quite concussed yeah
mood swings roller coasters and so now you're getting sort of some dementia side yeah that's
yeah it totally feels like you know it feels premature but you have been doing this job for
a while yeah well how long has it been? It's going to end in April.
Seven years in April.
In April, it's going to be seven years.
It'll be our anniversary.
Don't they say there's a seven-year itch?
How are you guys going in terms of the relationship?
We've been together.
No, but I mean the relationship as morning show hosts together.
Yeah, fine.
I've got a feeling that Fletch has been fucking other people for quite some time.
Oh, really?
I'm okay with it because
I don't have the energy
to keep up with his... Vaughn doesn't fulfill me
sexually. He has a
rampant sexual appetite.
I get that outside of the relationship, but
then, you know, the rest of the relationship's
fine. That's what keeps us strong.
So separate rooms, but just great buds.
Bert and Ernie.
Nah, they were added. Oh, they were absolutely sexually ramp buds. Bert and Ernie. Okay. Nah, they were at it.
Oh, they were absolutely sexually rampant.
Oh, for sure.
The count stood at the window counting how many times, didn't he?
One, two, three, four.
Oh, four.
A night, too.
Oh, no, that hurts.
So you...
I'm sure Bert and Ernie were well-loved. Night, too. Oh, no, that hurts. So you... You...
I'm sure Burton and E were well-lobed.
I'm sure they were.
Plus their anuses were human hand size.
They were fitting anything in there, let's be honest.
So where did you leave your taps on?
In the garden.
Oh, well, come on.
I thought you meant like a bath.
Oh, no.
I'd hear a tap running in my house.
Good morning. Welcome to the show.
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul.
Three minutes past six.
And yes, as you heard today, a scorcher for a lot of places around the country,
especially Canterbury.
Currently 14.2 degrees in Christchurch, but expecting 36 today.
Oh, that's tropical.
That's like, that's the same temperature as Bangkok, I think, right now.
And that's hot.
It's interesting that you should know the temperature of the capital of Thailand.
I am passionate about Bangkok.
Do you have capital cities on your weather app or something? Yeah,
Bangkok is my jam. See, I'll do
that when I'm going on holiday somewhere.
No, no, no. I'm constantly up to date with Bangkok.
And they are 33 today.
So Christchurch is hotter. Hotter than
Bangkok. Than Bangkok. One night in
Christchurch and the world's your
oyster. Beautiful.
Don't know that last bit.
No one does.
You only ever know the opening of that song.
Yeah.
Everywhere's hot.
Look at this, Mount Maunganui 26.
What are we?
We're going to be good.
What about those stifling spots that you see every now and then?
In the winter, Taumaranui, very cold.
But in summer, if there's no breeze, it gets to like a billion degrees there
and everybody melts.
I don't think it does.
And then they have to reform.
Would we say a billion?
A billion.
I can absolutely confirm without any shadow of doubt in my mind.
Without any reference.
Toa Murunui gets to a billion degrees.
A billion degrees.
That's Fahrenheit.
I don't know if you guys speak in Fahrenheit or Celsius, which I think is about 29 degrees Celsius.
Right.
A billion degrees Fahrenheit.
Coming up on the show, the top six,
and somebody's come up with an ingenious way of stopping your partner snoring.
Yeah.
So a tennis ball on the back of their gym jam.
So if they roll on their back, they're like, and keep rolling.
Imagine though, if they just stay on it and they wake up with a very bad spine.
And it tilts their head even further back because of the elevation.
And then you get that throaty snore.
I don't sleep in gym jams in summer.
You're a nudie.
Well, in winter as well.
We'll have to sew a tennis ball directly into your skin.
Or duct tape it.
Every night before bed, get your little duct tape out.
I'm not a back sleeper anyway.
Nah, neither.
I'm on my front sleeper.
Oh, you're a tum-tum?
I'm on my tum-tums.
Oh, you're on your tum-tums?
Or the side side?
What way do you bend your head?
Or do you just go face down?
Either way.
Either way.
Or I'm on the side.
That's why I've started using a silk pillow,
because it gives you less wrinkles for tummy sleepers because the cotton is just
tearing your cheek apart. But the silk just slides all around.
Forever young.
No. Sounds like satin. Like satin boxing material.
I'm not dabbling in satin here. I'm talking pure silk straight from the worms in us.
Really?
Right. Okay. Sustainably farmed worm poo.
I don't know if it's sustainable,
but look at the quality of my skin.
I've really got to move it.
I've got a hessian.
I've got a hessian pillowcase.
You're using an old coffee bag
that they leave outside the cafes.
Yes, yes, yes.
It's Papua New Guinea.
Yeah, right.
That's what it says,
that sometimes you'll see a pee on my face in the morning
because I've cried in my sleep
and the inks run
and I've got a reverse pee from Papua New Guinea
on my face.
Well, our top six
dealing with this new
tennis ball snoring method.
The top six other things
to stop your partner snoring.
New Zealanders,
we love our food, don't we?
Well, you don't get to be
the third fattest nation
in the world by not.
Are we the third fattest nation
in the world?
Yeah.
Last time there was a, I mean, before COVID,
when we were worried about this sort of thing.
Actually, yeah, I want to see the standings after this COVID pandemic.
We didn't get any skinnier during COVID, that's for sure.
I don't think we went down on the list.
The US or Mexico that were number one.
I think it was America, Mexico, us, and then Australia.
Sure, but don't you feel like the difference,
like maybe we're third on the list,
but the difference between us and America is quite a drop, I'd say.
I thought you were going to say canned cheese
would be the difference between us and America.
If they can start putting out a cheese in a can,
we'll be right up there.
This one we're well down.
Oh, this is 2016.
Yeah, come on, we've blinded ourselves.
We've had a few fat years.
But no wonder, because it turns out Kiwis are among the biggest consumers
of ice cream in the entire world.
Get this, eating each an incredible 23 litres per annum on average.
Each.
Wait, how much?
23 litres each a year.
Holy moly.
I mean, if you divided it.
I think some of us are doing more than others.
Yeah, someone's got to be doing the heavy lifting.
I don't know.
I don't know if I'd do 23 a year.
I'm not a big ice cream person at all.
I'll do stick ice creams more than I do.
But they add up, don't they?
Stick ice creams?
You know, like on a stick, like a Magnum or...
Like a Popsicle.
Oh, yeah, right, yeah, right.
Or a Bubba Lo Bill.
Bubba Lo.
Bubba Lo Bill.
We're just talking about Bubba Lo Bill for the show.
Sometimes I will do a Bubba Lo Bill. Seriously? Just for old time. Yeah, because're just talking about Bubba Lo Bill for the show. Sometimes I will do a Bubba Lo Bill.
Seriously?
Just for old time.
Yeah, because they're real yum.
I don't think I've had one since the 90s.
I'm more of a fruity on a stick and a creamy in a bowl.
You know what I mean?
I'm more of a frugiotropical snow on a stick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then a chocolatey or a goody-goody in a bowl.
Yeah, it's goody-goody you go to.
It is.
Isn't that the most basic thing?
It's really good. It's so good.
What did we say the ice cream flavour was
in the goodie goodie gum drops? We worked this out.
It's bubble gum.
It's just candy tasting
ice cream with candy in it.
So if the average New Zealand is doing 23
litres a year, that is
how many, how big
are those ice cream tubs? Two litres.
Wow. So you're having, I mean
it's not even a dozen.
A dozen. Yeah. So
52, right? No, a week.
No. No, you divide it the other way around.
What was it, 23 litres? So it's like a dozen
tubs of ice cream to yourself
a year. Yeah, you're eating
about a half
a litre of ice cream a week. Yeah. No, one a month. Yeah, you're eating about a half a litre of ice cream a week.
Yeah.
No, one a month. Yeah.
One of those tubs in the freezer a month
per person. So you're eating
a quarter of a tub a week?
But like I say, I think
some of us are... Because my dad eats
a lot of ice cream. He pretty much has pudding
every night. What's his choice? Ice cream.
He's like
whatever's there
but then
just basic end.
French vanilla,
vanilla,
hokey pokey.
A rum and raisin?
He'll go rum and raisin.
I'd love to see
especially after a day
like today
when it's expected to be
what 36 in Christchurch.
By the way
currently at the moment
the warmest place
in the country
is Gore.
It's already 20.8 degrees.
It's 6 o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
They'll be having their breakfast ice cream.
I would love to see on a day like today if, like,
you can see the sails go through the roof.
Yeah.
On a hot day, you would, right?
Because there's nothing like a day slapping around with your bare feet,
licking on an ice cream.
But then you think about that's just ice creams.
What about gelatos
and all those other frozen treats as well?
Like you said, ice blocks, gelatos.
What are those other ones?
The sorbets.
I think that's French.
That's how they say it.
Yeah, that's how they say it.
Sorbet.
Yeah, sure.
We just love a frozen treat.
There you go.
That's the average.
Maybe that's the thing
that's tipping us onto this list
of fatos around the world. That and everything average. Maybe that's the thing that's tipping us onto this list of fatos around the world.
That and everything fried.
We do love a fry.
We do love ice cream.
Well, that's the thing.
If you're going to have deep fried fish and chips,
you've got to have an ice cream afterwards, don't you?
Just to bounce out the salty and the sweet.
Producer Jared is, would it be fair to say,
Executive Intern Anya's stinking out the producer's booth
with his latest creation?
I'm going to HR with a PG.
Wow.
Personal grievance.
So yesterday I noticed a two-level Sistema container,
which I was impressed with.
I said, what's going on here?
I haven't seen this kind of lunch container.
Is this new from Sistema?
It's like the top thing was that soup one they already had
where you pop the top on and you chuck it in the microwave
and it warms the soup.
And then the bottom was for croutons.
That would be perfect for like a curry situation.
You know, curry on top, rice on the bottom.
Yeah, that's a good thing.
That's a sort of thing.
Rice on the bottom.
Always rice on the bottom.
You can put rice on the top.
It's not a versatile.
Rice always goes on the bottom.
It's the base.
It's the foundation.
So in this container, I said, what you got in here?
And I tap-tapped it, which I'm not sure people really came on me
touching things that their food's in.
Yeah.
I've noticed lately when I give people's food containers a tap-tap,
I get some weird looks.
I mean, read the climate.
We're not really touching each other's food at the moment.
We're not touching each other's lunch.
What's in there?
And what was in there was this myriad of colours and textures and... Hey, tell everybody what you're calling it.
My artisanal scroggin'.
His artisanal scroggin'.
I mean, look, I had a look at it as well.
And when you say the colours, I mean, it had the colours of the rainbow
because there were peanut M&Ms?
Yeah, peanut M&Ms.
So just because they're peanuts doesn't make it scrogging.
No, but I couldn't find normal chocolate coated peanuts anywhere,
so I had to slum it with the M&Ms.
I don't know if peanut M&Ms slum in it.
Right, you've made a mix of nuts with M&Ms.
And what else was in it?
Bougie?
Yeah, so I've combined Bougie mix with
chilli lime snippets.
What are chilli lime snippets?
I don't know.
They look like they squeeze out of a machine.
That's what I want all of my artisanal makers to say.
Oh, what's in this? No idea.
Yeah, I don't have a lot of
info about the content.
Are they like a grain?
Almost a grain. Yeah, they look like have a lot of info about the content. Are they like a grain, almost a grain?
Yeah, they look like a small churro.
Yes.
A mini churro, like an inch long.
Oh, it's in Alison's pantry.
Oh, is it?
Okay.
All of this was sourced from the local pick and mix.
Oh, it looks like a whole bunch.
It looks like someone's cat biscuits.
Yeah.
Except the machine wasn't cutting the cat biscuit.
It just squeezed out a long't cutting the cat biscuit. They just squeezed out
a long,
pooey cat biscuit.
Like they could be
cat biscuit offcuts.
Yeah.
Is there anything
in your,
sorry,
artisanal scroggin
we're calling it
that is typically
found in a scroggin?
Nuts?
Raisins?
I've got nuts.
I've got raisins.
But not,
you didn't go sultanas.
No, look,
I can't tell the difference between sultanas and a Raisin Lollipop.
Sultanas are plumper and moister and juicier.
Yeah, way better for a Scroggins.
Oh, okay.
So that was my first mistake.
Next time, though.
Hey, that's the good thing about being an artisanal creator.
Yeah.
Is that you get to learn from your mistakes.
I mean, if you'd made all of this from scratch by hand,
you could probably call it artisanal.
Well, I had to open all the packets and then pour
it all into my fixer did you go to the wall of the pick and mix and then go what do i want to
what do i want to do here like an artist picking his pain so i first picked out my cool new sistema
lunchbox because i was like two levels this is new this is zuti and then i went to pick and mix and
i was like cool i'll grab the snippets because they're delicious. Right. I'll grab cashews because who doesn't love a cash?
Yep.
And then I kind of just grabbed some bar mix and then M&M's.
Some bar mix. Some bar mix.
And raisins.
Wow.
M&M's, raisins.
The snippets have thrown me.
The snippets and the boujah.
I've never ever heard of a snippet before.
And now I'm doing a lot of investigation.
I think my question for this scroggin is its nutritional value.
Oh, probably very low, but it's very filling, and I enjoy it.
Filling for about an hour, and then you crash.
Must have cost a lot.
No, it was like maybe $6 altogether.
It was just lots of little bags of stuff, and then I just mixed it up.
All right.
Jared, I've just looked into the calorie servings of...
Oh, no.
Jesus of Nazareth, those things are
pure calories.
What are they made out of?
50 grams of it, which is next to nothing.
50 grams of carbs.
No, no, 50 grams of snippets
have
28.7 grams of carbohydrates.
So it's half carbs.
It's calories,
250 calories.
I'm a keto girl, and that just sent the bloody shivers up my spine.
Oh, if you're a keto girl, you're going to love the main ingredient,
wheat starch, soy flour.
Oh, good Lord.
Barley malt extract.
27 grams of carbs is probably what I'm supposed to be eating in about two days.
Dirty bulk.
I'm all about the dirty bulk.
You're doing the dirty bulk.
Dirty bulk is the way to go, isn't it?
Yep.
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan the podcast
ZM
from the first class
ZM Think Tank
this
is the top six
hello there
online hack
alert
somebody said
they have successfully
used this to stop their partner
from snoring
so on a tennis ball
into the back of their PJs
and then they wear it
and when they roll onto their back which was their chosen position for snoring the tennis ball into the back of their PJs and then they wear it and when they roll onto their back,
which was their chosen position for snoring,
the tennis ball would like stick them in the back
and they'd keep rolling and roll all the way over.
Ta-da!
Wow.
I mean, it's a pretty smart idea, isn't it?
Rather than the sort of the hourly push that I do.
Yeah.
Or the elbow that I just keep out all night.
Do you have a snorer?
He's a big man.
And there's a lot of them.
So when he rolls on his back, there's
some noise that comes out.
He's doing better now, but yeah.
What else have you tried? Because there's those nose clips.
There's that ring. Do you remember the ring?
The snore ring? You'd wear a ring?
I mean, that feels like it wouldn't work.
My dad got it and he said it worked for about a month. And then I don't know. He's like, I don't know like it wouldn't work yeah it feels like my dad got it
and he said it worked
for about a month
and then I don't know
he's like I don't know
if my body got used to it
or whatever
and I started snoring again
right
so is that these
how does your mum deal
does she just wear earplugs
she goes and sleeps
in the other room
if it gets too bad
see look
I can't get there
I can't get to that point
I might try this
tennis ball technique
yeah
start in the back
of his jammies
does he wear jammies
no nude what do you do big nude sleeper well you've got to that point. I might try this tennis ball technique. Yeah, start in the back of his jammies. Does he wear jammies?
No.
Nude.
What do you do?
Big nude sleeper.
That's personal information,
Barron.
Wow,
but Greg Rover from Nova's
absolutely
Stop it!
Greg Rover from Nova
is a nude sleeper.
Is a nude sleeper.
Wow.
No comment.
Yeah,
Nova want that.
People signed up. So I've got the top. I don't want that. People signed up.
So I've got the top.
Maybe you could put the ball under the sheet on his side.
Oh no.
It would move around.
No, because he's still got a sleeper on that.
Maybe you put it.
Oh yeah, you could sew it onto the sheet.
Well, you've got six ideas.
Yeah.
Top six ideas to stop your partner snoring.
Put a, if they don't wear pajamasjamas, number six will help you out.
Put a brick in the mattress so they can't sleep on their back.
Oh, that's going to hurt.
Yeah, so they can't sleep on the side.
Spoon the brick.
Yeah, but if they lie flat, it'll get them.
And if that doesn't work, you can bludgeon them with it.
Are you talking like a small red brick or one of those big cinder blocks?
I was thinking a small brick in my mind.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, like a fire brick.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Does it have to be fire rated? It does.
Oh, right. I just say for safety's sake, you can't
go wrong. If you've got an electric blanket,
you know, it could be very dangerous.
It would be nice too because it would hold the heat
from the electric blanket. You get rid of
your hotties, guys. Yeah.
You know when you get a hot stone
massage?
Could you do that but in winter?
With a fire brick?
Put in your hot
stones.
That'd be nice.
In the bed?
Yeah.
You are familiar
with bed irons,
right?
Which were basically
stones that you put
on a fire, the
precursor to the
hot water bottle.
And you'd heat them
up on the coal range
or whatever and then
you'd chuck them in
your bed and then
you'd take them out
just before you went
to bed and your bed
would be nice and
warm.
I like that.
Sounds love it. Bed irons is what they were called? Yeah, I think they just heated up an iron and then you'd take them out just before you went to bed and your bed would be nice and warm. I like that. It sounds lovely.
Bed irons, is it, that they were called?
Yeah, I think they just heated up an iron and then ironed the bed, didn't they?
Yeah.
Or you'd put it in, like if you got cold feet particularly, you'd put it at the bottom of
your bed and then you'd take it out when you jumped in and your feet would be nice and
It just feels incredibly dangerous to me.
Oh, wildly dangerous.
House fires, they happen every day of the week.
Yeah.
I was a bed wetter, so I wasn't allowed. Why am I going to the ceiling in the morning?
So you weren't allowed an electric blanket.
I wasn't allowed an electric blanket.
Just in case.
I zapped myself.
You zizzled just in case.
You pizzled and then zizzled.
Number five on the list of the top six ways to stop your partner from snoring.
One of those, you know those fly spray timer things that go off every seven minutes?
Yeah.
Oh my God, it goes psss, psss.
And it always seems to go off right in your face
when you get something out of the fridge.
I was going to say,
have you ever been standing under one
when it goes off and you get a little miss?
You're like...
Oh, no.
You're raining.
Now, see, I grew up in a house
where my mother, every night before bed,
would walk through the whole house
with a can of Black Flag.
Just been like...
Oh.
We won't have mozzies.
So I'm used to a little spray.
Yeah. Reminds me of my happy childhood. I'm used to a little spray. Yeah.
Reminds me of my happy childhood.
Except it doesn't spray fly spray on them.
It's got one of those fart scents in it.
Oh, yeah.
So you just put that behind you and it sprays them in the face.
Right, okay.
And they'll roll over to avoid the fart smell.
Like my friend used to have birds and when they're naughty,
you spray them in the face.
I've never heard of spraying a bird in the face.
Yeah.
It's cats.
What are you going to do there in a cage?
You can't be like, gah.
What do birds do to constitute a spray?
Scream.
They're a bird.
Yeah, well, they're inside.
They need to use their manners.
Quit flying, bird.
Stop doing bird things.
Number four on the list of the top six ways to stop your
partner snoring, one of those dog barking
collars.
So it works on vibrations, right?
So it goes,
so this would be like,
I feel like that
would be worse though in terms of something keeping
you away, your partner getting electrocuted.
Put it right on their voice box. Right on the Adam's
apple. Yeah, so when it goes
there you get a little
Number three
on the list of the
top six. I don't know how this would
work exactly, but I'm just going to
toss it out there. A bed shark.
Oh yeah. So the shark's in the
bed and then when it hears a noise
like that monster on A Quiet Place with John Krasinski and Emily Blunt,
it attacks.
Right.
I reckon that's an idea that needs a bit more workshopping.
Yeah, but it's the start of a great idea.
Yep.
It's the start of an idea.
It's the start of something.
It's the start.
And number two on the list of the top six ways to assert your part of snoring,
a levered ice bucket.
Oh, yep.
Okay.
So when they snore,
you just pull a little,
pull a little rope
and then just get
a little ice on the face.
Also, it's like a cup
of ice or water
rather than a bucket.
It just spills
a little bit at a time.
It's not like you're
just dousing your entire bed
in water.
Okay.
Yeah, because then
you're just in a wet bed.
Yeah, and you've just
had the electric blanket on
so you're pizzled and sizzled.
From experience, I can tell you, it's not enjoyable.
And this number one takes it to the next level
of the top six ways to stop your partner.
It's their own waterboard them.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
Just before you go to bed, just waterboard them.
Is the UN still okay with that?
Yeah, where are we at with that?
Consensual waterboarding is absolutely fine.
Oh, if it's consensual.
Yeah.
They're like, yeah, yeah, you can waterboard me.
Yeah.
I don't consent to the CIA.
No.
I love that just one of those simple nose bridges isn't on your list.
We've tried that.
Or an operation or something.
Yeah, a septum operation.
Instead, we are waterboarding our partners before they sleep.
Is it the septum thing?
Is it the septum wobbling?
It's part of it.
So you're telling me I could have had on this list abused cocaine
like Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac for 10 years
and deviate, you burn it out and you won't be able to snore.
Well, that's a bonus.
That's today's bonus entry and that's today's top six.
ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.
Dr. Ashley Bloomfield's back, baby.
Well, you never really left, but there was a 1pm presser yesterday
dealing with this latest community COVID situation.
Massive lines to get tested.
Yeah, so you did the right thing.
People who waited in that line, thumbs up for you
because you did the right thing.
But they were reiterating yesterday, if you don't have symptoms
and you haven't been to one of these locations,
then don't get a test.
I know everyone's freaking out.
You're clogging the toilet, so to speak.
I think people were waiting about three and a half to four hours
in their hot cars.
I mean, they cranked the window, obviously.
The most frustrating part about last night's news
was that the one news reporter in Whangarei, Helen Castles,
didn't stand in a place with no wind during a cross.
Even Simon had a subtle dig about it at the end.
Did you see?
No.
From Windy Whangarei.
Thank you, Helen.
It was like, oh, you've been told.
You should have found a place without wind.
Wow.
But she wanted to get the background of the car
still waiting, you see?
Yeah, right.
See that trade-off, that visual versus that sound.
Yeah.
Anyway, another audio piece of treasure
has been delivered to us from Dr. Ashley Bloomfield.
An extra 200,000 people turned on the Bluetooth functionality
on the app yesterday,
and I encourage those who haven't done that to do so,
and of course to everybody to not only have the app on their phone
but to use it assiduously.
Assiduously!
I was watching this, and when he said that, I was like, whoa,
I don't know what that means.
I mean, I assume it just means diligently, right?
Or use it religiously.
Diligently.
Assiduous, showing great care and perseverance.
Showing, really?
Because it sounds like the word deciduous.
Which is when the leaves fall off the trees.
Yeah, they fall off the leaves.
Well, I've just learned two new words, haven't I?
Do you know, like a deciduous tree?
A deciduous.
A green tree and a deciduous tree.
That's when it becomes autumn, all the leaves like clog the ground.
I'm from the city.
I don't learn your country words.
I don't have trees around me.
You know, I don't have that green stuff growing.
What is that? The ground, you know have that green stuff growing What is that?
The ground you know The blades of
What is that?
Grass?
Oh what a fancy country word
Not for me I'm a concrete gal
Um assiduously
So you just googled that to find out
I'm assuming you just googled that to find out what that means
Oh when I first heard it I didn't know what it meant
I mean you could kind of draw a conclusion
But it was a flash word Do you reckon it was a bit of a swing it meant. I mean, you could kind of draw a conclusion, but it was flash word.
Do you reckon it was a bit of a swing?
Like he was sort of having a bit of a...
I reckon he got a word of the day calendar for Christmas.
One of those ones where he wakes up and he's like, ah, January 24th.
Assiduous.
Oh, I must use that.
Look at the Google trend line for New Zealanders searching the word assiduously.
It's literally flat for the entire...
Ever.
Ever.
And then it goes literally straight up
to I think that's 100,000.
And then over the next few hours,
it kind of tapered off,
but people still...
Were assiduous about finding out what that word meant.
It's great that we are taking the advice of Ashley so seriously, though.
Yeah.
So seriously that if we don't understand what he's saying,
we're looking it up so that we understand.
People also searching other words like Pullman Hotel, Mangafai.
Oh.
I'm guessing searching all of these locations to see where they are
and if they went there.
Do you know how you said it sounds like deciduous?
Yeah.
Same origins.
Huh.
Am I smarter than I thought?
Ancient Romans, assiduous, which is one of the words it gave us to us,
means settled or rooted in place and consistently present.
Meaning like a assiduous tree would be green all year round.
Yes.
Whereas a deciduous wasn't constant and it would lose green all year round. Yes. Whereas a deciduous wasn't constant
and it would lose its leaves in winter.
Right.
So this is consistency diligently to keep using it.
And that is also the trees that never lose their leaves.
Right.
Was the origins of the word.
People were very turned on by Dr. Ashley Bloomfield yesterday.
People tweeting scans so that Ashley calls you extremely deciduous.
Oh.
Somebody said,
I can only hope to one day be called assiduous anything by Dr. Bloomfield.
He is hot.
People fiend over him.
They do.
It's the knowledge.
It's the power.
Yeah.
It's the like, don't worry, I've got you.
Very modest.
Follow me.
Like you try to ply him with a compliment and some praise and he won't have it.
No.
We interviewed him last year, didn't we?
He's very humble.
Humble man.
Humble hottie.
I would love to know what it's like to be humble,
but being this great, it's hard to play it down.
I haven't even tasted a single crumb of humble pie in my life.
Yeah, it is.
I mean, it sounds like a good idea, but at the same time,
can it compare to bathing in the glory that I have earned
through my excellence?
I doubt it. I worked hard
to be this excellent, and I'm going to enjoy every
bloody second of it. It came naturally.
Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.
The podcast. ZM.
You two
are in trouble. Are we in trouble?
You're in trouble.
Producer Jared,
I don't know how to say this without it sounding creepy.
Notice something about the toilet the other day
and about something that you two are doing
that is perhaps not on.
Do you want to chime in, Jared?
Yeah, you guys have been using the accessibility toilet.
Not very often.
For shame.
If I need to poo, it's my place to go.
There's classier ways of saying that.
When I take a dump.
Oh, for God's sake.
When I relieve myself of fecal matter.
Just say if I was to do number twos, I'd use the accessible toilet.
So, Jared, how did you notice that the lads were doing this?
I think I walked into the bathroom after Vaughan the other day.
No.
Which is a dangerous game to play.
You're not wrong. I haven't pooped in the other day. No. Which is a dangerous game to play. You're not wrong.
I haven't pooped in 2021 at work.
Okay.
But I do use that if I go.
I leave the room, I make myself comfortable.
It's got its own sink afterwards so you can
wash your hands and then grab a paper towel
and leave immediately. That's why I like it.
It's got its own sink, paper towel, you're
done all there.
Also, I want it confirmed.
I want it, for the record, Your Honour,
I confirmed that there is not a person
that needs that exclusively on this floor.
How did you go about confirming that?
Well, you don't know that there's not a visitor to this floor.
You scum.
There are visitors, though.
I'm an employee.
I take priority, right?
Yeah, sure.
So you're using the accessibility toilets as your own personal private room.
Yes.
Well, it gives you the room.
How much room do you need no matter what number you're doing?
There's only one toilet beside it.
Whereas if you use the other toilets, you're surrounded.
That's why I like using it because the other toilets,
they're very close in the cubicles.
Sometimes you see people's shoes and you're like,
who is that?
They're going to know I'm going to the toilet.
I could work with this person.
Okay.
And it's underneath the speaker, the accessibility toilet,
so you can hear what's happening,
but it also drowns out any noise that you might be making.
It's really about hiding our shame.
I don't want to cast aspersions.
I think they're given a higher quality of toilet paper.
I don't think that's true.
In the men's, it's a different
toilet roll holder. It's a different ply, isn't it?
Yeah. Slightly thicker
in the ply. There's a thicker ply.
I don't believe that's the case in the women's.
Also, there's a sign that says
hold down the button for a full three seconds
or something. Yeah, there's one of those
in the ladies as well.
Yeah, to flush it down.
I just like it.
It's a roomier bathroom.
Yeah.
I understand the sort of enjoyment of it,
but why do you need so much room?
What are you up to?
How much are you struggling?
I stretch out.
No, I don't know.
I just like the space.
Sometimes I feel overly confined in the other one.
And this is 100% of the time.
If you need to go, it's in the big room.
Plus, I also think a smaller portion of the population use it.
Yeah.
Which makes me feel better.
Not everybody's as arrogant, are they?
No.
White male arrogance isn't for everybody.
Well, just know that Jared is tut-tutting you
every time you go to the toilet.
Do you take pride in...
Yeah, it's just like confirmation I'm just a better person.
But how much do you weigh?
Like 65 kilos.
See, I weigh way more than that, so I need a bigger space.
I don't think it's worked out by weight.
Oh, it should be.
Also, Jared, you're not a bigger person, a better person.
You've got weird scrogging marks. And you poop at work way more than anybody else. No, Jared, you're not a bigger person, a better person. You've got weird scrogging myths.
And you poop at work
way more than anybody else. No, I don't.
Oh, here we go.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Now, I don't know if you guys noticed something strange
about me yesterday. You are just
getting to know me, really, aren't you? Yes.
You might have just thought it was me, but I went to the
doctor's number of reasons,
but the final reason... Did you need a big box of paracetamol? I always get one. Do I went to the doctor's number of reasons. But the final reason.
Did you need a big box of paracetamol?
I always get one.
Do you go to the doctor with a list of things?
I do.
Really?
I pay a lot of money to go to the doctor.
And so I always write my list.
And I say, quickly, these are the issues.
These are the issues.
Because are you just paying for one session?
You pay for one session.
It's not per complaint.
Yeah.
Right.
See, every now and again, I'll get a big box of paracetamol.
Yeah. Maybe once a year. How good is that? Tucking into it. So good. And they last forever. See, every now and again, I'll get a big box of paracetamol. Yeah.
Maybe once a year.
How good is that?
Tucking into it.
So good.
And they last forever.
Yeah, it's a couple of bucks and you've got 500 paracetamol.
I get it all the time.
Anything like a vitamin, I'll be like, do you guys do this on prescription?
Do you do vitamin C gummy bears?
Yeah.
Anyway, so I sort of noticed in the last few days I was feeling quite dizzy.
And this is normal for me because I've got really low blood pressure.
It's in my family.
Same.
Because my Apple Watch told me.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah.
Remember when you said, oh, that's heart rate.
That's heart rate.
Oh, that's not blood pressure, right?
You've got low heart rate.
What a fit, fit man.
That's that blood pressure machine.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I'm a dizzy gal.
365 days of the year.
But particularly, I've been really, really dizzy.
And so I went there and it's confirmed I've got vertigo.
I've got vertigo.
So this is where you can't stand up straight, hey?
And you fall over.
Yeah, so basically, like, the whole, the room spins.
And, yeah, you lose your balance.
You're really thrown off.
My eyes can't focus.
What song, what accompaniment in the background would you like for this?
U2's Vertigo or Kylie Minogue's Spinning Around?
I think I'll go.
Oh, you want Kylie?
I like Kylie.
Can we get Kylie Spinning Around?
What about?
Because honestly, even saying the word spinning around makes me feel a little bit sick.
Really?
Yeah.
So I've got the kind where, well, I'm going back on Thursday and we'll keep you updated.
What do they do?
Is this a Medicaid or a bill?
So it's like, I don't really know.
I'm going back on Thursday, but something's wrong in my ears.
And you know your ears are where you balance.
Yes.
And that's something is happening in there that's throwing my balance off.
I'm like a drunk toddler
walking around, smacking into my plants in the
hallway.
Yes.
Shall I spin on this chair and see if I...
No! Don't aggravate
the vertigo. Should you have even driven
to work today? Oh, look.
The police are going to be waiting outside
when I come out. They'll be like, you can't drive.
They'll give you
an escort home.
So it's made worse.
This type that I've had,
which I've told is,
what's it called,
benign something or other.
Benign,
which is a good word to have.
Paroxysmal positional vertigo.
Gets worse when you move your head.
So I'm all right
if I just sort of face the front.
Right.
The moment I turn my head
to the reverse.
Like to see if you can
change lanes or to turn a corner or any of the things front. Right. The moment I turn my head to the reverse. Like to see if you can change lanes
or to turn a corner
or any of the things
required for driving.
That's what mirrors are for.
Wow.
It's funny,
even just talking about it,
I feel very tingly
and silly.
It's the crazy thing.
So if you turn your,
what is it like?
Because I get this thing.
You go like this
and then you get
like a big tingling
from your legs
to your arms.
Yeah.
And then the room's just like.
And then my eyes are going like.
And the room sort of jolts.
Is it something to do with your air pressure?
I don't know.
Or something in your ear.
You might have had an inner ear infection or.
All I thought was like my body after one week does not like getting up at 4 a.m.
Yep.
And I thought maybe I was just really tired.
Yep. And no, something is was just really tired. And no,
something is wrong in my ears and we're going to get to the bottom of it and I'm going to
hopefully not be dizzy for the rest
of the four months that I'm here.
Jeepers.
So we might have to get a fill-in
for the fill-in. Yeah, that's terrible.
Like Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul and
Mal Bracewell.
Mal Bracewell.
I mean, it's a straight swap.
Yeah, it's a swap out.
Yeah.
Yeah, anyway, for all you vertigo sufferers out there,
I'm feeling you in the world of Topsy Turvy.
Goodness me.
I know.
The way you just described it, I get this thing,
if I do backstroke...
How often do you do it?
What if I think you're doing backstroke?
Or if I'm just lying on my back in a pool floating.
Or if on the ground and I tilt my head too far back.
It's horrible.
Feels like the world's closing in.
Because there'd be something happening in your ears that is just throwing your sense of balance off.
And you've got to get upright and steady yourself as soon as you can.
Who would have known though?
I had no idea.
I was like, well, here we go.
This is the new norm.
Because my ears don't hurt at all.
Yeah, right.
Anyway, so I've got Vertigo.
That's fun.
We'll keep you up to date with that as I'm literally spinning in my chair.
Somebody has messaged in, I have Vertigo too.
Oh, wow.
I'm 22 and they just drugged me up on anti-nausea pills.
I've got a stack of 500 of them.
They are prescriptions, so you guys will be stoked about that.
Get your shoebox sized. Yeah, good. Anti-nausea. I you guys will be stoked about that. Get your big shoebox-sized.
Yeah, good.
Anti-nausea.
I'm not too nauseous.
The bones in your ear are at a whack.
Yeah, they are.
And the bones in your ears, I think they might be the smallest bones in your body.
They're tiny.
Yeah.
They're the ones that vibrate and help your hair roll.
They're like when you have a roast chicken, you miss those when you're pulling the meat off.
Yes.
And then you have it in a salad and you're like, oh, that's a little bone.
You can try to eat them, though.
You can gristle them, I reckon.
Maybe.
Not that I want to eat anybody's ears,
but, yeah,
ear bones, but.
Or an army hammer.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, army.
That's a weird,
I mean,
let's not go into that situation,
but that's getting weirder
by the day, isn't it?
Oh, I know.
If you've not,
if you don't know about Army Hammer,
he played the Winklevoss twins
in that social media movie.
It's come out he's into weird stuff.
Which is fine.
No, weird is an understatement.
He wants to eat people.
Do that reading on your own time.
Yeah.
Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast.
ZM.
Fleshforn and Megan with Hayley Sproul.
Refund your day.
I depend on me. I depend on me.
I depend on me.
We're giving you the chance all this week to win a refund for a bad date.
So how much did you spend?
How did the date go?
Tell us all the details at ZM Online,
and we could call you back and give you an instant refund.
And Sarah has done just that.
Now, we don't know what the story is with Sarah's date, so let's hear it, Sarah. Why do you need instant refund. And Sarah has done just that. Now we don't know what the story is with Sarah's date,
so let's hear it Sarah, why do you need a refund?
Well basically, it was, it wasn't a date,
it was more of like a call you up.
Oh I see.
A booty call.
A bootay call.
A bootay call.
Yeah, yeah.
Go on you girl, go on you. Okay, was this, how did you meet A bootay call. Yeah, yeah. Good on you, girl. Good on you.
Okay, how did you meet this person?
Tinder?
Yeah, Tinder.
Okay.
And I'd been going around there a couple times.
I'd been there about probably four or five times.
So this wasn't a first date that we're talking about now?
No, no.
Okay.
And then so I got there
And I
So I spent 60 bucks
On an Uber to get there
I didn't
Because I had been drinking
I didn't realise that
How expensive the Uber was
I was just like
Ordered it
60 bucks
For 60 dollars
Where'd this dude live?
It was like
Like a 10
8 to 10k
Drive
Like I had no idea
Surge
Mega surge
You got a mega surge You got a three or four times surge Okay Alright So you pay 18, 8 to 10k drive. Like, I have no idea. Surge. Mega surge.
You've got a mega surge.
You've got a three or four times surge.
Okay.
All right.
So you pay 60. I've been there before and it was like usually $20.
Right.
Usually.
You've been there a few times.
Yeah, three times surge by my maths.
Yeah.
Three times surge.
All right.
And then I got there and he had his mate there and I was like just assuming that I'd been
drinking and he was going to leave.
But he didn't and he was there.
I was there for like two hours just sitting there watching them.
And they were kind of like I just I wasn't sure if I was just imagining that but they were kind of like you know looking into each other's eyes and I don't know.
Almost like they had a thing for each other and I just kind of brushed it off.
And then it was like okay okay, time to go to bed.
And we tried.
Bed, like wink, wink, nudge, nudge bed.
Like time to let's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's retire.
And then he's like,
oh, you don't mind if my friend comes too?
You're totally.
That is something you specify before you go over, I believe.
I know.
And, yeah, I was just like, no.
I don't mean to be rude here, Sarah.
It feels like you were the third wheel.
With the lovey-dovey looks they were giving each other,
like you might have not got your fair share of the action.
Well, nothing happened.
I swiftly left after that.
Right.
Well, nothing happened with you.
It sounds like they might have. Yeah, I think they after that. Right. And then had to pay... Well, nothing happened with you. Sounds like they might have.
Yeah, I think they probably did.
And had to pay another $40 to get home.
Oh, at least the surge had dropped.
$100, but it was still surging.
$100 and you didn't even get a little...
No.
Not even a little...
Right.
Did you contemplate it for a moment?
Definitely not.
Right. Definitely not. Right.
Definitely not.
So not a fan of the other guy then?
No.
Well, it was just so weird.
And I'm not, you know, I'm pretty basic.
You know, I'm not real kinky or anything.
You're like a French vanilla and they were trying to goody gum drops you.
Yeah, 100%.
That was purely an ice cream analogy too.
After I said it,
I realised that could be taken
in a multitude of ways
but it was purely
ice cream related.
So at the end of the day,
you spent $100 to watch
two guys flirt with each other.
Yeah, pretty much
and then go home
embarrassed and awkward.
I don't think you need
to be embarrassed.
No, no.
That's not on you, babe.
Goody gum drops
isn't for everybody.
No.
Like a maple walnut.
Yeah.
Maybe one day you'll be ready for a mocha fudge,
but right now you're not.
I don't know.
A mocha fudge doesn't sound that good either.
A mocha fudge sounds great.
That's too confusing.
I love goody, goody gumdrops, gold rush.
Yeah, dude, you're kinky.
Might get it.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, I thought we were talking about ice cream.
Oh, we kind of were.
I'm just a Neapolitan, a bit of everything, you know?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But predominantly vanilla.
Hey, Sarah, we're going to refund you your Ubers for your bad date.
Your botched threesome.
Your botched...
$100.
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you.
And if you would like us... Oh, Now Siri has fired up and is searching
that entire conversation
Siri's like, I cannot find a botched threesome
let me try to find you one
Finding a threesome near you
Well done, if you would like to get a refund
for your date, you can register
at ZM online, tell us the details
and how much you spent and wasted
in your opinion, and we could be calling you back to refund
your date. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Don't get fleshed out in here. Yeah. Holy majoli.
It was a week ago, almost a week ago, since the Biden inauguration.
Yeah.
So that would be tomorrow, our time.
It was a week ago.
Now it all happened.
He got sworn in.
That was all neat. But without a doubt, the most visually persistent memory we have of it is Bernie Sanders
sitting on what looked like a fold-out lawn chair
with mittens on.
No beanie.
That's crazy.
Did you see he turned that into a hoodie
and then sold it and all the money went to charity
and they sold out as well?
Really?
What did he turn into a hoodie?
His, that image.
Oh, that image on a hoodie.
Yeah, they put that on like some merch and sold it
and all the money went to charity.
Oh, that's cool.
Because it's everywhere at the moment.
Everyone's jumping on the bandwagon.
So that's what I wish to talk about,
the Bernie Sanders wearing mittens,
also carrying something like,
he's got a bunch of stuff that needs to be done.
Yeah, he was dressed for,
not for the inauguration, for a busy day.
Yeah.
For a practical busy day.
He was just popping in and then he was off to work.
But it's everywhere.
People are, I think it's even, is it a Snapchat filter now?
Yeah, you can do that.
Where you can like augmented reality put him beside you if you're sitting down.
Yep.
And it's kind of gone crazy within the week.
And Hayley, do you have any thoughts on it?
Do you like it?
When it first started, I thought it was very funny.
Yeah. You know, it thought it was very funny. Yeah.
You know, it's a very funny image.
And the way he's crossed, like a little nana, you know,
just a bit tired, a bit sad to be out.
I've had enough, to be honest.
I also have had enough.
I feel like I'm often siding with Fletch on these issues.
I just feel, you know.
Well, you were very sensible.
Thank you.
I feel like the funniest ones have happened.
Yes.
There are some I absolutely loved.
Yeah.
And now we're sort of just dredging.
Lazy memeing?
Yeah, we are lazy memeing.
What is the cut off time?
Like, I don't know.
I feel like because of our job, we consume a lot of media and news because that's our job.
We scour the internet and we are looking all the time.
Yes.
And also just get caught in scrolling
like everybody else does.
Yeah.
But I feel like I've reached peak
Bernie meme saturation.
I don't need to see any more.
If I see a band or an organisation
posting a meme today,
I think you're late and you're lazy.
You missed it.
You missed the boat.
Don't do it if you've missed it.
I think when you're asking for what's the time,
I think time's up on this.
Two or three days?
From my deep knowledge of meme history,
a meme won't disappear until a meme takes its place.
Yeah, right.
Do we need to create a new meme?
So there needs to be a new,
and I'll tell you one other thing from my meme history
is going out to create a meme does not work.
Okay. Ask
any business that's tried to get one of those off the ground.
These things have to
naturally take or they won't take
at all. So Fletch, did you find it funny to start?
Yeah, absolutely.
He was sitting, he was so
spaced, obviously because of COVID.
It made it perfect for photoshopping.
It was a hilarious look with his
big mittens and his mask.
But you think it's done now?
I think it's done now, but I don't know.
I feel like I'm only just in a
minority. I've asked on
our Instagram, in a poll,
are you over the Bernie meme?
58% of people say yes.
It's done.
But it's still pretty 50-50.
It's an even split.
42% saying no, loving them.
Keep them coming.
Really?
Yeah, so look at that.
You can buy him.
It's quite a cool looking jumper.
It's a little bit like the Green Party jumpers that went crazy.
But you can buy it for $45 American dollars and it will go to charity.
All sold out.
So there you go.
I'm not promoting that.
Good work, charity.
It's a good jumper, but, you know, it's a bit topical, isn't it?
I don't know if it's something you're going to wear forever.
You wear the jumper and it's like, you know, it's done by the time it gets to you in the post.
Oh, actually, I don't know.
I might be doing a hard about turn.
I'm now scrolling through looking at the best of and it's funny.
I mean, they are great.
Don't get me wrong.
I love the memes.
I just think that they're done now. They've had enough.
Yeah. My favourite one
was the, because he's kind of
got his legs crossed and his arms crossed. My favourite one
was Gangnam Style. And it's him
next to Psy.
That was a New Zealand creation.
It's New Zealand that put together
that one.
At the weekend, was it the UFC?
Yes.
They photoshopped him in that, which was good.
In the UFC.
Like he had, what's his face?
Oh, yes, in a grip.
Colin.
No, who's McGregor?
Ewan McGregor, he's the Star Wars.
Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Yeah, I don't.
Maybe I'm down with the sort of internet meme
and not so down with companies trying to get on board
where we're funny, ha ha.
Right.
You've missed it.
Yeah.
Conor McGregor.
Conor.
Yeah.
Is that the problem?
When it gets to that.
You know, like,
how could we do that?
We're a finance company.
Was there one that tipped you?
If you need a loan.
You won't be waiting this long.
Turn around loans.
Yeah. You know a loan company's won't be waiting this long. Turn around loans. Yeah.
You know a loan company's done that.
That'll turn it.
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.
I was reading an article that's popped up on BuzzFeed.
That's still around.
Because, you know, it used to be everywhere.
What's their list?
They used to always have BuzzFeed quizzes.
18 seriously aesthetic milkshakes
you can slip down in Perth
people need to know these things
22 places that prove Tasmania
this is very Australian Central
they've got a BuzzFeed office in Australia
do they? yes they do
because I always see it pop up in my feed
19 vegan desserts
you must try
this is classic, it should be which vegan dessert are you
Oh yeah
And then you do the quiz
And then you find out if you're a vegan dessert
I'd be an avocado chocolate mousse
Oh I would too
Yeah
I would be
Just a cheesecake
Is that vegan?
I mean
What is a vegan again?
Something about vegetables
And no meat.
Cheese is a vegetable,
I believe.
I don't know.
So vegan,
but it's no dairy,
no animal products.
So no,
you wouldn't get cheesecake.
You can make vegan ones,
but you can be a cake.
Yeah.
But just a cake,
a muddy cake
with no eggs and flour.
More oil.
Oil based.
You'd be an oily cake.
You'd be an oil based cake.
I don't want that.
You're an oily cake.
There's a couple of avo mousses over here. And you're a hard cake. You'd be an oil-based cake. I don't want that. You're an oily cake. We're a couple of avo-mooses over here.
And you're a hard cake.
Hey, how are your avocados fertilised?
How's the flower that turns into the fruit?
How's the flower that turns into the fruit?
I think that's a bee that does that!
A bee!
You are the result of an animal enslaved in a wooden box!
Oh, my.
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Okay. the result of an animal enslaved in a wooden box. Oh, my.
Okay.
Just for the record, Hayley,
don't get him started on vegan things.
So, I'm just saying there's a lot of hypocrisy.
Okay.
So, one of these lists were
people who work at fast food outlets
shared their stories and secrets
and a lot of them you'll know,
like the soft serve machines,
like not broken, it's just not clean
and it's hard to clean and who can be bothered. It's just not clean and it's hard to clean
and who can be bothered?
It's easy to tell people it's broken.
But one thing I read and I saw this
and I thought that,
I've wondered if this happens.
And I wonder if I have been disappointing to them.
Drive-thru hot or not?
So they hear you talking.
Drive-thru hot or not?
At the drive-thru when you're making your order. you talking. Drive-thru hot or not. At the drive-thru
when you're making your order.
By the way,
apparently one of the other things
was they can hear
everything in the car.
So when I'm like with the kids,
I'm like, what do you want?
And they're like,
well, cheeseburger.
Which, by the way,
they're not now.
They're big eaters.
They'll be like,
Big Mac.
I'll be like,
attagoo.
I'll be like,
Big Mac.
They can hear everything in the car.
Right.
So the driver repeating everything often not needed. It's like in a call centre when they say, they can hear everything in the car. Right. So the driver repeating everything, often not needed.
It's like in a call centre when they say, well, just put me on hold.
They're still listening.
They can still listen.
They mute you.
You're off there being like this.
Yeah.
That's why I always, since I learned that, I always say,
even if I'm by myself, I'll pretend someone's there.
I'll be like, the person I'm talking to is being very helpful.
Like that. They're like, the person I'm talking to is being very helpful. Like that.
They're like, right, okay.
I definitely go to the toilet quite a lot when I'm on hold.
Yeah.
You just pop it up there.
They'll hear everything.
But a game like Drive Thru Hot or Not, it's a great time passer.
Yeah, if you've got a job, you know, and it gets a bit tedious,
then you've got to.
You've got to pass the time.
Yeah, with your fellow work colleagues.
You make up these games, don't you?
Yeah.
When I was doing a lot of theatre in Wellington,
and you'd be in a long run of a show, you know,
30 shows or something back to back,
we used to play games, two of them.
One was you'd give each other a word,
and you had to try to slip that word into the script.
And even if it was Shakespeare-
Oh, yeah.
Going against the very idea of this.
Idea of acting and learning scripts.
But then what about Shakespeare and the word you've got to work in his computer?
Yeah.
That word didn't exist.
Who were the actors we interviewed?
And we heard them talking about doing that exact game.
Yes.
Because they do a whole day of interviews with all these media outlets.
Oh, yeah, and they get words into the interviews.
And they had this list of words.
Who were those two actors?
It was lads. I mean, it's a famous game. You. And they had this list of words. Who were those two actors? It was lads.
I mean, it's a famous game.
You do it.
Because you just get bored, and then the whole show or interview or whatever,
you're just waiting for it.
And the moment it comes out, the game is don't laugh.
The other one was, and this is all consensual, was just on stage.
I mean, that's a great start to a sentence.
On stage, you've got to try to see how many times you can boop them
in the rude bits without the audience noticing.
Again,
it was consensual.
Totally consensual
between loving friends
and actors
be it a little boop,
a little boop.
During like an actual
proper performance.
So as you'd leave stage
you might just go
I must take haste
boop
and then go
and make no mention of it.
But also remain
straight faced as well.
And the audience shan't know.
And make it seem like it's part of the plan.
But it just kind of helps, you know,
when you're in the monotony of doing something,
like a job every day.
It's just about sort of adding a bit of spice to the life.
So I understand this, playing a game.
Producer Jared, what was that game that your friend
who worked at a supermarket played that definitely wasn't you?
Basically,
there were numbers on top of the checkout.
So then friend A
would call supervisor friend B on the
phone, Chris line one.
Chris would answer the phone
and then said friend would say,
there's a 10 on 8, which
means there's a 10 out of 10 on aisle 8.
There's a hot hotty.
And then what? You go and just have a look.
Oh, no, you couldn't do anything about it.
You were stuck on your checkout.
But you'd be like.
Yeah, you'd lean.
Hearing down there like a mongoose.
Yeah, right.
Waiting for them to come out the top where you could see them,
be like, mm-hmm, that's a 10.
And then you'd put your clothes sign on until you saw them with their trolley,
and then you'd take it away.
Yep.
Oh, no, I'm open.
So they came down.
Yeah, I'm open.
Please, please, please.
Wow.
I don't have a problem with it.
I hope I was a 10 on the...
That would have been nice.
What would you have given Hayley on the intercom, Jared?
I've never actually played the game, so...
Say you were.
Say if you were.
Say your friends were playing.
What would they give Hayley?
I've just come from the gym.
Oh, definitely a 12.
I thought you were going to say 6.
You started saying six.
I did it.
I think if you listen to the replay, you went 12.
Look, six is a more honest response, but I respect your 12.
It's hard to be wasn't supposed to.
He goes 10 and then Hayley's like, oh, the guy at the workplace I'm filling in for is creeping on me.
Oh, my God.
But then if he goes live, she's like, oh, I hate him.
There was no right answer there.
It was a crack.
Okay so 0800
Dials at End.
We want to take
your calls now
and your text messages
9696.
Do you have a game
at work to pass
the time that the
customers don't know
about?
Or maybe in an old
job that you've had
like this,
like at the drive
through or whatever
you did to pass
the time.
Oh yeah,
enjoy it and get through the day.
So watch a game that the customers don't know about.
Talking about the games that you play at work
that the customers don't know about.
Great ways to pass the time.
Yeah.
Lots of amazing stories.
Some borderline inappropriate, but we're going to get to that.
Olivia, what is the game that you play at work
that the customers don't know about?
Hi, so I used to work at a department store on the customer service desk.
Yeah.
And when it was really, really bored on, say, like a Monday night, Tuesday night,
we'd roll the dice and whatever number came up,
we'd have to say no to the customer that many times before we're allowed to help them.
Yes!
No.
Oh, God, rolling a six would be impossible with a six.
Yes, if they wanted to, like, return something, we'd be like,
no, you can't.
Oh, no, you can't.
And then all of a sudden we'd be like, oh, yeah, sure.
And they were really kind of confused.
Okay, so let's just say you rolled a four and I've come back
and I'm like, hi, I need to return this heater.
Yep.
You just said yep.
I thought you were supposed to say no four times.
No, no, I don't.
Yes, you want to return the heater.
Do you have a receipt?
Yes, I have the receipt.
Oh, when did you buy it?
Oh, two months ago.
Oh, no, sorry.
It's out of 30 days.
I had a news that it's been in the box
Until just like this week
Did you open the box?
Well I had to open the box to get it out
Oh sorry, can't because you've opened the box
There's still two more left
I feel like I'm done, I'm going home
Just say it's consumer law
Excuse me
Carol
This heater is screwed
It just doesn't even work.
Oh, so you tried it.
Should I try it?
Yes, please.
You can see that it doesn't work.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
It doesn't work, sure.
Oh, look, she can do the four.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Brilliant.
Olivia, thanks for your call.
Jason, what's the game that you play at work that the customers don't know about?
Sorry, is this know about? Sorry,
is this me here? Yep, it is.
Oh, sweet, cool.
Yeah, so we were working in a
high-rise building and we would watch
the people walking out of the gym
on the ground level and
we'd try and guess what car
that they would get into. Oh, yeah,
that's a good one. That's a cool game.
Yeah, or whether they're walking or not.
Yeah, so just fully based on what they look like and everything.
Yeah, because you can kind of pick it, like the Lululemons,
they're hopping into their Mazda 5s, you know what I mean?
Oh, I would have said like a Volkswagen Golf or a Polo.
Yeah, Polo.
I love a Polo.
Yeah, love a Polo.
Love a Polo.
To match their Lululemon.
Someone that's there in their blimmin, you know, oversized t-shirt.
They're walking.
Jason thinks you called some text messages.
Somebody said we used to play a game called
Chilly Chilly Nip Nip.
Okay, just based on that,
what do you think that could be?
Sorry, Chilly Chilly Nip Nip.
Chilly Chilly Nip Nip.
Okay, carry on.
Something about hard nips.
Correct.
Yep.
We used to reprogram the air conditioning to 16 degrees
in the middle of summer so that
it would be really hot outside so when people came
into the store, and they don't say where
they work but it feels like a service station
to me. Okay. Something with automatic doors
that's colder inside that people frequent.
Yeah. And
when people got out of their cars
there'd be a quick guess whether or not by the time they left the store,
they'd have stiff nips.
Chilly, chilly, nip nips.
Chilly, chilly, nip nips.
It was a unisexual game.
It was both men and women's nipples.
Okay.
Yep.
That they were sitting with backwards.
So every time that I've gone into a petrol station
and I've sworn that they're checking me out,
they just think if my nips have gone chilly, chilly.
They might be.
I mean, I don't know if we tarnish the whole service station industry
with this game.
No, no, no.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's not fair.
Why chilly, chilly, nip, nip?
At a very large supermarket.
I forgot the name of them then, what all the food was,
because they wrote the actual place where they worked.
Oh, yeah.
But they worked at a large supermarket
where your job was to come up with a few suggestions
for customer bingo.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So like someone complains about the state of the cabbage
or someone removes three things to make it cheaper
or someone screams at their kids.
And when you ticked it off in your checkout,
you'd ring the bell and just say, bingo, like that,
just so everybody else on the checkouts could hear it.
Oh, amazing.
But yeah.
I was a cop 20 years ago.
We used to have egg fights on Sunday nights.
We'd drive around and sneak up on other cop cars and egg them.
And then blame it on a bunch of teens.
I guess you could take it to the thing and be like
I even got egged by a bunch of teenagers at a party
Oh gosh
Yeah
One even hit my hand and broke them
Trousers
Wow
So I'm just thinking now every story I go into they're pouring games
Yeah or they want to see my nips
Yeah either or
Oh yeah to their prying games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they want to see my nips. Yeah, either or.
Oh, yeah.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan,
the podcast.
Stepping up to the podium for the 10th year of Norell,
your gold medalist.
Where's my medal?
Well, it's our first medal ceremony
for 2021,
where we celebrate
these small accomplishments in life.
Do we sing the national anthem?
Oh, you wait.
Do we?
Yeah.
Hold at the outer marker.
Your first Where's My Medal, Hayley?
Oh my gosh.
Let's meet.
Do you think by me asking so many questions
about how the show runs
is a sign that I haven't listened?
And it's not.
It's not. No, it's good
because the consultant's always telling us that
every morning someone could be listening for
the first time, so it's important to reiterate
how everything works. And I'm like,
this show couldn't be simpler if they can't
catch up. Yeah. You've got
to say each other's names more. Isn't that
right, Vaughn? That's correct, Fletch.
Okay, Hayley, let's get this underway.
Cheers, Fletch and Vaughn.
Well, no, because now people don't know which one's which.
That's the problem. That's why
you've got to say the names.
Isn't that right, Vaughn? That's right, Fletch.
You've confused me, and I'm
looking at both of you.
Hannah,
good morning.
Hi, good morning, guys. Why do you
deserve a medal?
I deserve a medal because I decided not to go to a UFC watch party on Sunday
and instead do my assignment, which was due on Monday.
Yes.
Thank you.
Your assignment's still January.
I don't think any qualifications spots were open.
I'm doing summer school papers
so that I can graduate a little bit earlier.
I completely forgot about summer school.
Yeah.
And are you usually a procrastinator?
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a last-minute wonder.
So that really took some effort to do that,
to actually prioritise your work.
And I also had some bets on the UFC as well.
You had bets?
You placed money on
adults beating the hell
out of each other. I did.
A gambler and a studier. Now was
the assignment due on Monday?
Yeah, it was due
last night at midnight. Right.
So it was more the fact that it was
a necessity that you do it.
It worries me to ask because
my nightmare is you'll say something like oncologist or like midwife or something.
But what are you studying?
Oh, don't even worry about it.
I'm a marketing student.
Watch all that shit's last minute on the lift up.
You're on your way to a meeting where you've got to do a big prop to a client.
You're hung over.
Yeah.
Say some buzzwords.
Low hanging fruit.
Blue sky thinking. Low hanging fruitanging fruit. Blue sky thinking.
Low-hanging fruit.
Yeah.
Plot analysis.
Yes!
Keep it simple, stupid.
You just passed the assignment that we sent you,
and you didn't know you'd been sent.
It is.
All right, okay, wait there.
We'll have our medal ceremony in just a second.
Hannah, Madeline.
Hi.
Good morning.
Why do you deserve a medal?
So for the first time in about two years,
I washed my makeup brushes.
Madeline.
Madeline.
What?
Is that making?
Is that a long time to go without washing
or a short time?
To bring you up to it,
you're supposed to wash them.
What would you say, Madeline?
At least a fortnight.
Oh, a couple months.
Oh, Madeline, you grubby, you are a grubby little girl.
This is something you are smearing across your face every day.
And two years it's taken you.
Madeline.
Oh, it was a lot of admin, you know, so I did it yesterday.
It does take a lot of time.
But aren't they like paint brushes? Don't you just leave them in a bottle of a bowl of turps
oh i think give them a flake yeah like the tubes over there straight back on the face
yeah you get like a free chemical peel every day yeah yeah oh well good on you madeline
how do you clean them oh yeah how did you clean yours? So you get a little bar of soap.
That's how I do it.
Get a little swish around the bar of soap.
And then I've got this little makeup pad thing with some grooves in it.
And you wash it around on there.
So you have a specific device for cleaning brushes,
and yet you haven't used it for two years.
Yeah, that's right.
Could you chuck them in the dishwasher?
Serious question. No, no.
I saw a guy do this online the other day.
Yes, did you see this, Madeline? And he
put all his wife's
makeup brushes in the knife and fork thing
and they blew apart.
All the hairs came out. They literally
exploded. Alright, Madeline, we'll vote in
just a second. Courtney is our last
contestant this morning. Courtney, why do you
deserve a medal?
I think I deserve a medal because I ate a bruised banana.
A brown banana.
Yes.
It had three bruises in it.
Yes.
I hate brown or bruised.
I love a brown banana.
Did you eat it?
Did you peel it and eat it or did you put it into a cake,
which is the only place for a bruised banana?
I peeled it and I was halfway through eating it when I first saw the bruise.
I congratulated myself after the first one.
And then I unpeeled it a wee bit more and there was a second one.
And I just thought, I have to do it.
I've got to go for it.
You would gag if you saw Vaughn eating a banana because you eat the brownest,
mankiest bananas out of anyone I know. Mine have to be
slightly green. Oh no, that yuck.
When they're green, they're squeaky. When they're green,
they squeak in your mouth. And when they're brown,
they're sweet and soft.
Alright, it's time for our medal
ceremony. A quick deliberation
from the judges.
A suspense. suspense so this is
this is the story
they told
and then this is the
medal
yes
are we happy with that
yeah absolutely
okay brilliant
stepping up to the podium
to receive her bronze medal
for finally washing her makeup brushes,
even though she has a specific device to do so,
after two years.
And boy, doesn't she look radiant.
Yeah.
Congratulations, bronze medal today to Maddie.
Maddie.
I put Maddie.
I know you're mad.
Thank you.
I don't know if you prefer Maddie over Madeline or are you like...
I just thought it was easiest for everyone, to be honest.
Easy, easy.
Accommodating.
Yeah, very accommodating.
Congratulations on your medal.
Today's silver medal for her services to herself.
Even though she had some money riding on the KOs,
she did her assignment.
But don't worry, it's only marketing.
It's nothing important.
Overwatching the UFC.
Congratulations, silver medal to Hannah.
Hannah.
Thank you, guys.
And you know what?
I graduate in six months,
so if you ever need that stellar marketing advice, I'm here.
Look at this hustle.
I respect that.
I mean, you just literally told us how you leave everything
until the last minute, and you don't really, like, put much of it into work. You will never work in this industry, I mean you just literally told us how you leave everything to the last minute
and you don't really
like put much
of it into work
you will never work
in this industry
I tell you
my professionalism
it's top notch
yeah we've got enough
of those losers
in this industry
I mean speaking
from experience
because we are
those losers
alright hey
thank you Hannah
alright
that means
receiving today's gold medal for her services That means...
Receiving today's gold medal for her services to Waste Not, Want Not.
And eating that delicious, sweet, brown, bruised bit of the Narns.
She did us all a favour.
And now she can use that skin for some potassium in the garden.
She can.
Great addition to the compost.
Sorry, mate.
What a waste.
I want to take back her medal.
Congratulations to Courtney.
Today's gold medal winner. Yes.
Well done, Courtney.
We salute you.
Thank you so much.
You know what?
I've got high hopes now that you've eaten a bruised banana
that you'll eat an apple in its entirety, core included?
But don't the seeds make apple babies?
Yeah.
You get to have a tree growing
in you. You poop out a
seedling.
Couples therapists
have banged their heads together, guys, and they've come up with
a list of the top five relationship red flags.
Because like you say, you spend all day listening to people on the couch.
It's always a couch, isn't it?
Always a couch.
In the movies and TV shows, it's always a couch.
Or like two sort of robust armchairs.
I listened to a podcast about the design of what is known as the therapist's couch.
Oh, really?
I cannot recall any crucial information on it.
Although it was a specific fashion choice,
there was no like...
There's no...
It doesn't matter how the client's sitting.
Sitting down, lying down, there's absolutely no difference.
This person just wanted to have it known as their couch.
Well, in that case, if I was a therapist,
I'd just have some of those $10 warehouse white chairs.
You know, those classic...
Oh, the plastic outdoor ones?
Yeah.
Or a beanbag, perhaps.
Beanbag.
Sure.
Not very hygienic though.
Beanbag hard to get out of once you're in.
White plastic chair, lean back on the legs, that could snap.
Anyway, so they've come up with a list of,
yeah, the things that are mentioned most.
Number five on that list.
When one spouse has a close relationship
with a member of the opposite sex
who doesn't like the other spouse.
The old, they're just a friend.
Oh, yeah, that's...
You know what I mean?
Problematic.
But are they just friends?
No, so it's basically one of them in the relationship
is acting more as if they are a friend
and the other one is in love with them as a romantic way.
But you can have friends of the opposite gender
or whatever gender you find yourself attracted to,
as long as they're friends with your spouse as well.
Like, that's cool.
It's just when that friend doesn't want to be friends
with your spouse, right?
You've confused me, and I'm reading the list.
Well, I was trying to be woke and include everybody,
not just males and females.
So I was like, spouse, whatever gender you're attracted to.
Oh, it's genderless.
These things are all totally genderless.
And often that will lead to cheating
because the person who's in it for the friendship
needs to still get some...
Wop-wop.
Wait, so there isn't a best friend?
The partner is the best friend.
So there's a close relationship together.
One of them is in it romantically.
The other is more seeing the other person as a friend.
That's the number.
Oh, right.
You made it sound like there was another person.
Oh, no.
I was confused.
I assume there was another person they were friends with.
I assume I've confused the whole nation.
Yes.
So the couple, one in the couple is in it romantically,
and the other one is seeing it more as a friendship.
Oh, it's like.
It's behaving like it's more of a friendship.
So they've basically friend-zoned their partner.
Their long-term partner.
Friend-zoned their long-term partner.
Right.
That's a red flag.
But you want to be married to your best friend
but your best friend that you kiss
on the mouth. Yeah, but you also want to want them romantically.
Number four. When I see
a couple in which one or both of the members
are seeking to change something fundamental
about the other person.
You know when there's something about that core thing
in your spouse that you just don't like
and you want to change it. It's not going to happen.
That's what they're saying. That's another red flag.
You're never going to change the fundamentals of another person.
Out you hop.
And then they recommend that you go into therapy on your own.
Number three.
Because you're a horrible person that's just trying to bend the world
to your likeness.
It's not about you.
Number three.
Overbearing parents and in-laws.
When a spouse is more aligned with their parents and calls them on the
speakerphone during fights and all that kind of stuff.
Gets their parents involved
in their relationships.
I'm ringing your mum. I'm ringing my mum.
She'll be on my
team. Well, I'm ringing my mum.
And they're saying that lots of couples
often speak poor of their
partner to their parents.
Oh, so-and-so's doing this.
And then that can lead to a sort of, you know, a strained relationship.
Right.
Number two, couples in a tit-for-tat arrangement.
For example, I cheated, so now you can have a one-night stand and cheat on me.
So it's sort of like I do something to you, you get me back.
That's fair, right?
Yeah, that's fair, right.
Yeah, because they did it.
Is that the exchange?
Well, if someone...
One each?
But then...
I don't know.
Never having dealt with it,
but wouldn't it be like
you get cheated on
and then...
that you couldn't be angry at them
if they cheated on you,
could you?
Because you did it first.
I think you still can.
I don't know.
I think it's still going to hurt a little bit.
It's going to sting.
So that's a big red flag that therapists see quite a lot.
I mean, I think the red flag starts with the moment that the person cheats.
Yeah, I would have thought that would have been a red flag.
Number one, the number one relationship red flag,
as told by couples therapists,
active independence from each other.
I'm not crying.
This is not my issue.
Active independence from each other is a number one sign
that a marriage
is about to go
down a downward spiral.
Is that like you?
What's active independence
from each other?
This therapist said,
as soon as I realise
a couple is doing things
separately all the time,
like applying for car loans
without the other's knowledge,
hiding financial secrets
or planning personal trips
without consulting the other,
that couple is doomed.
Yeah.
I found that with my wife the hard way.
You know, I planned a trip to Fiji.
I just didn't tell her.
She's like, when are you home for dinner?
I'm like, I'm on Fiji.
Yeah.
Just be cool about it.
Okay, this never happened.
That's preposterous.
Who plans a trip anywhere without that?
Yeah, I can see
why that's a big red flag.
Yeah.
I can't believe
someone would do that
and not think
it was a red flag.
Where are you?
Rome.
Oh, okay.
Love you.
See you when you go home.
I would have loved
to have gone to Rome.
Yeah, I know you would,
but I didn't want you to.
So I find you annoying.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'll talk to you
later due to the time difference.
It's the middle of the night
here in Rome. I also don't really care because I see you as more of a friend. talk to you later due to the time difference. It's the middle of the night here in Rome.
I also don't really care because I see you as more of a friend.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Today's fact of the day is about human adaption,
adapting to different things.
And most specifically, in the middle of the 20th century, there was an experiment conducted by an Austrian professor.
He made some glasses that just basically inverted everything,
so everything was upside down.
And he put them on an assistant, his student,
a young man called Ivo.
And there was a documentary film made about this.
So when he first put it on, as I said before,
everything was upside down.
He really struggled.
He held a teacup out to be filled.
And then when someone poured the jug,
it looks like the water was going up.
So he quickly turned the cup over
and of course hot water went everywhere.
This was a while ago,
so people got burnt all the time.
We've gone against burning lately.
So it really confused him
like when a cigarette was to be lit.
He'd try to put it under the match
because everything was upside down.
Helium bloom bobbing on a string.
He was told to hit it and he couldn't work out which way it was going up.
So he wore these.
He said he struggled.
But after 10 days, he had fully adapted to life upside down.
He was wearing these goggles and he could do everything.
Wow.
He could do everything he could do before.
It's kind of like backing a trailer, isn't it?
Once you figure out to go the opposite way,
then you've got it.
Yeah, you're good.
Why did it, so this was an experiment.
He just wore them for 10 days.
It was a experiment on humans' ability to adapt
to changes to essential senses.
And I guess eyes were the easiest way
to try and like directly change something.
And then, so after he'd done this, he did ones that inverted left to right.
So everything was up the right way, but it was all mirrored.
And after 10 days, he said, I believe I've adapted again.
10 days seemed to be his magic mark.
And they said, well, to test you, we're going to get you to ride a motorbike home.
What?
What was the point of all of this?
To see how long humans could adapt.
If there was a drastic change to one of your senses, could you adapt?
Okay.
Because no one had ever worn upside down glasses for longer than putting them on and being
like, whoa, everything's upside down.
This is so crazy.
And then taking them off again.
But after 10 days, he'd adapted to life as seeing things upside down.
We should all try that now
by going 10 days
scanning QR codes.
Yeah, that's...
And then do you reckon that...
But you can't be...
I don't reckon they could.
Do you reckon that
after 10 days
you'd just do it automatically
everywhere you went?
So, you know,
if there was an outbreak
it'd be easy to trace him?
No, I don't...
No, no, listeners,
just try it
and we'll see.
They won't be able to.
It's too hard.
It's too hard for them.
You'll be surprised how fast we adapt as humans.
Yeah.
10 days.
10 days.
10 days.
10 days if you could just stick to it.
But they won't be able to.
It's hard.
I don't think they'll be able to do it really fast
and every time they go into anywhere with one.
Yeah.
I don't think.
Oh, you know what else I don't reckon they'll be able to do?
I don't reckon they'll be able to turn on Bluetooth.
Sure.
Heaps of people did it yesterday, but I don't reckon they'll be able to turn on Bluetooth. Sure. He's the button. He's the people did it yesterday, but I don't reckon they'll
be able to go into that app and enable Bluetooth
for COVID tracing. Does this reverse
psychology work with your children? Yep.
Yep.
And even they love checking into places
we go, so if you can't do it, you
are not doing something that an
eight-year-old and a six-year-old are very capable of.
Shame. So today's fact of the day is
that in the 1950s,
a man wore glasses that made everything seem upside down to him,
and after 10 days, he'd fully adapted to life in the upside-down world.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.
ZM.
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul.
It's 14 minutes away from nine.
Ah!
Ah!
Stop.
Ah!
Is that all good?
No? Yeah.
I actually just shat myself, eh?
What was that?
It was the next thing that should have played,
but somebody didn't press pause at end.
I felt like I was about, you know,
someone was about to storm the room and take me.
Yeah, it felt like it.
Yeah, no.
I would have let them have you if it meant my own safety.
Yeah, you'd go first.
I would go first.
I mean, it's a compliment because...
What is it, last in, first off, or something like that?
First off, yeah.
I assume they're here for the best-looking person or something.
Oh, so that's why they take me.
I'd be kind of like,
um, excuse me.
Well, apparently I'm a 12,
so I'm going first.
According to creepy producer Jared,
you're a 12.
It's not creepy.
He's lifting me up,
lifting my spirits.
Okay.
I was messaged this last evening.
Yep.
Because I'm watching
The Repair Shop at the moment,
so I don't have time
for anything else
at 7pm viewing slot.
That's right.
You are such a granddad.
I absolutely love it.
They're repairing old things.
It is quite a soothing show
to watch.
Oh, it's brilliant.
It is because
sometimes it will accidentally
be on after the news
and I'll be like,
okay, you've got me.
Okay.
I love it when they
polish brass.
Or they clean a painting.
You're like,
how dirty can a painting be?
And that lady's like,
I'm just going to roll
a cute tip over with a little solution. And they're how dirty can a painting be? And that lady's like, I'm just going to roll a
Q-tip over it with a little solution.
And they're really dirty, aren't they? They're filthy.
My favourite is when they repair
something and the producers have got these
people lined up with a really emotional backstory
and the stoic British people are like,
thank you. Oh, great, I wouldn't have
left that. Poi, I'm off home now. And they don't cry
or anything. You can see
them all looking at her like, effing cry. Yeah, whereas in America, the'm off home now. And they don't cry or anything. You can see them all looking at her like effing cry.
Come on.
Yeah, we're in America.
Yeah.
The tears will be flooding.
Balling.
So I didn't see this, but someone did alert me to the fact
that last night on Shortland Street, there was a sit-down scene
and Damo, who's like the quirky character on Shortland Street,
was enjoying with, I don't know, Kota Forrester's character's name.
Desdemona.
Desdemona.
Okay.
And Damo were enjoying some sushi.
Okay.
St. Pierre's sushi, by the way.
Really front and centre with the packaging there.
St. Pierre's.
We're going to love our sushi.
But apparently not so much because he takes a Waddy's tomato sauce bottle
and squirts tomato sauce onto every piece of his sushi,
and it is not acknowledged at any part of the show.
So it's not part of the storyline.
No, that he, no,
Shortland Street hasn't got quite that desperate for stories
as they're doing a whole storyline about Damon putting sauce on sushi.
The bottom of the barrel has been going for a few years.
So are you sure it wasn't like a soy in a red bottle or something?
Somebody screencapped this and put this on
Twitter. That is an unmistakable one of those
upside down bottles.
And he's put a good glob
on each of the sushi pieces.
Now, it was not acknowledged
on the show, but it also was not missed by
the audience. Because people tweeted,
see, I could do a sweet chilli on sushi.
I reckon that'd be legit.
Yeah, because it's within the same sort of cuisine-ish.
Geographically.
But, I mean, tomato sauce goes on a lot of things.
Shepherd's pie.
Yes.
Saucy.
Yes.
Scrambled eggs.
Scrambled eggs, you've lost me.
No, see, not scrambled eggs. So I put hot sauce on my scrambled eggs now,
but if there was no hot sauce, I wouldn't be against.
Yeah, but hot sauce, not chilli sauce either.
No, I'd put sweet chilli sauce on eggs.
Scrambled eggs, just a little dollop, yeah.
Sugary eggs.
Yeah, try it.
It's delightful.
Look how much I ate.
Sweet sugary eggs.
So somebody, and judging by their Twitter,
because they've got their name on Twitter, Brandon,
and then next to that they've got a name on Twitter, Brandon, and then next to that,
they've got a South African flag
and a New Zealand flag.
So they may be expat South African,
confused at this saying,
tomato sauce and sushi
at Shortland Street.
Yeah, I'm with them.
I think that sounds disgusting.
It doesn't compliment the fishiness of the seaweed
and then that tang of it.
No.
Even on a teriyaki chicken or a salmon.
You got it wrong, Damo.
Yeah.
Someone said I started screaming at the television.
My son came running and asking what was wrong
and I said, Damo put tomato sauce on sushi.
And then he was like, why would he do that?
And everyone in our family was very angry.
Maybe this will become a whole movement
and St. Pierre's will start selling little squeezy bottles
of what is tomato sauce.
Tomato sauce.
You never know. They sting you though when you forget is tomato sauce. You never know.
They sting you though when you forget your tomato sauce.
Fish and chip shops with that rip and dip tomato sauce.
You get stung, baby.
Like $4.50 a can.
Walk to the dairy next door and buy one.
Save your money.
That'll teach them.
Yeah, because the dairy wouldn't certainly have an overpriced bottle of tomato sauce.
From 2011.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Now look, I'm new to the talk, the TikTok.
I joined it because I was joining you guys
and I thought I'd keep relevant and something.
Okay.
You don't have to worry about that.
I haven't even tried to keep relevant
for the past 17 years.
Okay, I'll delete the ad.
But something on it blew my mind.
Have a listen to this.
Anything with like a sticker tag, stop peeling it off.
Grab some tape. A piece um maybe this big take your piece and stick half of it on to the tag and rub it so
it's really on there make sure to leave a little bit of a tail then you wax it off wax it off so
she's sticking uh like sellotape on sticker residue yeah so you know know how you might buy a new mug or a new vase or something,
it's always got a barcode on the bottom or a sticker
or some product information.
And you spend all that time peeling it.
It gets fluffy.
You know why?
They make them so you can't just peel them off in store
and stick them on something expensive.
And buy it for cheap, right?
Yeah.
Well, it is.
Yeah, that's why they are impossible to get off things.
I thought it was more so it wouldn't get lost,
so it would be more efficient for them at the thing to scan it.
And it's like those barcodes that have the cuts in them,
so you can't peel them off whole.
Yes, they break.
It's that too, so you couldn't peel it off a product,
stick it on something similar or cheaper.
Well, this girl's way is to, instead of just trying to peel it off,
you put another piece of sellotape on top,
you rub it really hard,
and then you wax it like a wax strip.
And it just comes right off.
That's a good hack.
Because sometimes if you pull a sticker off,
you might get, say, half of it off,
or it leaves a bit of residue.
You just stick the sticker back over the sticky stuff
and it tacks it off.
Oh, because I'm a keeper of jars.
You know, like we had a lot of pickles at home,
and I always keep the jars, and I've got to soak them in a thing, and it is the devil's work. Oh, because I'm a keeper of jars. You know, like we had a lot of pickles at home and I always keep the jars
and I've got to soak them in a thing and it is the devil's work.
No, you get dissolver.
You get a bottle of dissolver.
That stuff's magic.
Well, now it's something easier.
Put some tape on it, whip it off, wax it off like a Brazilian wax.
What do you do with your jars?
I put all sorts in them.
Baking goods.
Okay.
Lunch.
Oh, yeah.
I'm just in the, I'm been preserving pretty hard.
I was just going to actually put a call out for anybody with a fletch.
Do you use a few jars?
No.
What?
Mate, the rate that we eat pickles in our house, I'll get you a few jars.
Do they have the pop-top jars?
So you know when it's sealed?
Yeah.
Oh, those are great for a reuse and preserves.
Well, there you go.
My God, you are sounding like a 60-year-old every day.
Now, the persimmons are only just around the corner.
Are you talking yourself out of some persimmon chutney?
I don't like persimmons.
What do you mean persimmons?
They're not a vegetable.
They're a vegetable, not a fruit.
What is it?
I don't know.
It's just a yuck.
A persimmon's not a vegetable.
A persimmon's a fruit.
It grows on a tree.
That's yuck.
It is yuck.
You're wrong there.
The only thing you guys have to do is get a good persimmon.
Hang in there.
They're green at the moment. If the birds don't you guys have to do is get a good persimmon. Hang in there. They're green at the moment.
If the birds don't get them, I'll bring you in a persimmon.
I was thinking persimmon chutney just around the corner.
I need some more jars.
Persimmon chutney.
Who are you?
Just some plums, some plum jam.
Who are you?
Fee jars around the corner.
It'll be another ripper season for fee jars.
What?
What?
I controversially hate fee jars.
Wow, really?
Yeah, it comes with a story.
I drank fee jar vodka when I was 15 and I've never been able to.
I'm just on a bottle of Fijoha vodka from when my wife worked at 42 Below 11 years ago.
I found it, but I'm not above drinking it.
Well, I can't.
It's a memory I shan't share, but I shan't forget. again