ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 26th July 2021

Episode Date: July 25, 2021

Toilet Cleaning  Cooking Dog Meals  Olympic Update!  Top 6: Worst times to go to an ad break  Megans Birthday!  Vaughans Unboxing  First Date Investments  The 2021 Debut of....See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Play. That means Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe Coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. Yeah, welcome back. Welcome back to, well, you're welcoming yourself back. Welcome back to me. I was welcoming back the podcast listener to the podcast experience. Yeah, after a two week hiatus, a little mid-season break there.

A little break. Still season whatever we're up to. We're just episode whatever. I hate it when they do that. A mid-season break. A mid-season break. It makes me feel like they didn't get it all done quick enough. But it's because they always break for American summer.

Because everyone goes away for holidays. All right. That's what they call the mid-season. That's what we didn't have, the mid-season cliffhanger. We should have thrown a spear at you on Friday's show and then today

we see if you made it through. Why me? You were the first person I looked at. Also, I feel Vaughn would not take a spear well. I'd take a spear well. Oh my God,

we'd hear all about it. You'd hear about it, but it's the mid-season bloody clipping. You've got to hear about it. Look at this picture I just found of someone shaved their horse

to make it have eyebrows. Oh my God, that's amazing. And now this horse looks really concerned because it's just got horse eyes. I would have done

angry ones. But yeah. Oh yeah, you wouldn't go near the horse would you if it had angry eyebrows? No. Shave eyebrows on your horse.

It'll make your horse very unapproachable. Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleach, Vaughn and Megan. Good morning. Happy birthday for yesterday. Thank you.

Yeah, wow. In your 40s. Ready to be noughties. I'll always be younger than you. Don't buy it. You're not yet in your 40s, ready to be noughties. I'll always be younger than you. Don't buy you, Bina. You're not yet in your 40s. Let's get a test. Didn't you do some test and you had an old person's body?

Oh, yeah, so don't bring that up. That's just a sort of a test. I don't need that test. I can't believe that was years ago and you remember that. Your biological age. Yeah, didn't you do that test like six years ago and you were like, at the time you were like 47 or something? Yeah, I think it was pretty...

That was your hip though, wasn't it? But you've got a new one now, so you should do that again. Yeah, maybe I should do it. No, no, you do a test once, you don't do well, you never do it again. I can't believe you remembered that. You've done things to make yourself better. I know my biological age is getting older because this noise as I get up is getting louder.

You can divide that. The decibels divided by your actual age equals your biological age. And I know I'm getting older because it was raining so hard on the way to work this morning I had to turn the radio off to concentrate on driving. But shit was... Shit was wild out there. So just, if you're... I don't know what the rest of the country's doing

precipitation-wise, but Auckland was getting slammed by it, so just drive... It was a heavy rain warning for... I only know this because my mum was always saying, oh, there's a heavy rain warning in place or something. My mum's love a heavy rain warning. Usually I'm just like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, she's the west coast of the entire country. It's looking pretty wet this morning. So, yeah, take care out there. Coming up on the show for the first day back after the holidays, we have in studio a giant ZM super sticky grid. Now, this is your chance to win on the show before seven 7 this morning, cash, all thanks to Super Sticky Post-it Notes, with two times the sticking power. You, you'll be lucky to unpeel those, Megan.

You'll be lucky to unstick them. Really? Because you've got two times the sticky power. No, I think they've gone two times the sticky power because after a little while, your standard sticky might not have enough stick. Well, if you re-stick, if you take your nose away and then put it back. Yeah, this is going to give you multiple re-stickings. Well, underneath our grid are cash amounts.

Some of these spots don't have a cash prize, and that is because it will jackpot the cash tomorrow. So, listen up for the activator. It's coming up before six. The top six is well on the way. Yeah, the top six worst times to cut to an ad break. Oh, your TV TVNZ under fire at the Olympic opening ceremony

because of a moment of silence. I wasn't watching the opening ceremony. It was for people who had died of COVID-19, right? Yeah. The moment of silence and TVNZ are like, go to ads!

Because they've got to squeeze their ads in somewhere. Oh, yeah. And that opening ceremony goes on and on. But the top six worst times to cut to an ad break. All right, that's coming up. We'll also update you with all the Olympic action overnight,

and it's coming up today soon on the show. All of it? Because there's a lot of boring ones. Some of it. The exciting ones, all the ones that New Zealanders are directly involved in. Speaking of exciting, next you've been cleaning your toilet wrong.

I will tell you what you've been doing wrong. ZDM's Fletch, Ronan Megan. This TikTok has gone viral. Everyone's like, what? We've been cleaning our toilets wrong. In fact, cleaning in general, because someone from the Big Clean Company in Australia put up a TikTok basically saying that using supermarket

sprays, just disinfectants that you use from supermarkets. This is how I clean my toilet. I do the toilet duck, although I don't think it's official toilet duck. I've gone for a cheap one. Bog goose. Bog goose. Bog goose. Yeah. The bog goose would be good. The bog goose. Bog goose Yeah

The bog goose would be good The bog goose And it's some marine or lavender scented Crapper swan Crapper swan Yeah And so I squirt that in there Shitter poo kickle

And I'm just trying to think of birds But I can't think of birds I'm just thinking of the swamp By our place and what's in there It's got to be a bigger bird. It can't be a small bird. Like it couldn't be a sparrow. No, no.

Because it's the neck, right? That they say is like a duck. It's much more like a swan. Yeah. Lavatory lorikeet. Oh, and I went for a little break. You couldn't get enough liquid in a lorikeet, Megan. Not that much smaller than a duck.

Okay, so how do you clean your toilet? So. Not that much smaller than a duck. Okay, so how do you clean your toilet? Well, so I'll give it the budget toilet duck. Yeah. And I'll leave that and then I'll come back, I'll scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub and then I'll, with the spray and wipe, again, it's a budget brand, and I'll spray that on the seat and I'll wipe

that down straight away and then give it a flush and then it looks real clean. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah. That's wrong. Right. Because apparently using, because this is like an industrial cleaner,

so they've got special cleaners. Okay. But if you're using supermarket disinfectants, you need to leave it on the surface for 10 minutes. And apparently it says it on the bottles, which I've never read. So I've grabbed the Dettol from the office. Yeah. And it says on the bottles, which I've never read. So I've grabbed the Dettol from the office. Yeah.

And it says on the back how to use turn nozzle to on position whilst directing trigger away from the face. General household cleaning. That's where I've been going wrong. I always point it at my face when I do this. Spray soiled area, then wipe clean. For disinfectant,

put on, let stand for 10 minutes and stovetop spray. Wow, but wouldn't it like evaporate and dry in the toilet seat after 10 minutes? I don't know. It would start to dry. It would start to dry. When you're wiping it, it's not like wiping it away. It's still, the spray is still there, right?

You're just kind of like rubbing it in and then it kind of dries. But then I worry about like if I sit on the toilet for a long time and my body heat activates the spray and wipe. You know, what if it... And then, uh, I don't know. Well, your ass could do it, the queen. A high-grade

disinfectant. Water blast, even. You need a water blast. A sand blast, I'd say. Yeah, a sand blast. Yeah, get all that old crusty paint off. Oh, God. You need a water blaster. A sandblast. Yeah, a sandblast. Yeah, get all that old crusty paint off. You need a real sandblasting. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. Well, I said I looked at dog owners. Megan,

you're a dog owner. Yes. How many have you got now? Eight? Eight dogs. You'll be able to tow a sled soon. Oh, that'll be my dream. Get one of those sleds but strap some wheelbarrow wheels on it. Yeah. And nip down the shops.

You've got the worst dogs for sled towing. Yeah. One of them would need a ride. That'd kill Lulu. Lulu would need a ride and she'd be shaking like. Well, it turns out dog owners really do love their dogs. This may come as no surprise, but two in three Americans admit that they've cooked a special meal for their dog,

especially for the dog's birthday. Does that include baking? Cooked. Cooking. So it's not opening a special packet or something. It's not giving it a treat. This is cooking a meal

for their dog. Because I made Leo pupcakes for his birthday this year. He was five. It was a big one. He got a little... He's seen a thousand sons though. Looks old. Looks like he's been

through some stuff. Ouch on his behalf. He's seen some stuff. He's seen some things. No he hasn't. He's always kicked out of the room. That's why his eyes are like He hears what's happening That's enough He chews through a jib

You know when someone's dog chews through jib They're like I left my dog home and it chewed through jib I was like what? What is it saying? Some state just wanted to escape something So Desiree has chewed through a wall So birthdays aren't the only reason dog owners Go out of their way to cook a meal

So 44% do it for their birthdays Like you Megan 22% of people have cooked their dog a special meal go out of their way to cook a meal. So 44% do it for their birthdays, like you, Megan. 22% of people have cooked their dog a special meal after coming home after, say, a holiday. Oh, okay. Because you left them. You felt bad. Yeah, or maybe a long weekend away.

Yeah. 18% do it on the dog's anniversary, adoption anniversary. Oh, that's cute. I don't even know when that is. Oh, right. Yeah, that's cute. I don't even know when that is. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. That's a rescue dog special, though. Yeah.

And then also, out of all those owners that are specially cooking for their dogs, 63% when buying food prioritise premium quality ingredients. Like, if they're going meat, it'll be top of the line. No. No.

You give them the rubbish. If the dog gets a steak, it's because I find a steak in the chest freezer that's got a bit of freezer burn. Oh, yep. I'm like, oh, that dog's not going to know the difference, but my wife will know the difference. Yeah, yeah. Producer Jared, you've gone out of your way to do this.

Yeah. I made my dog a meat birthday cake. So I got like mints and carrots, her favourite food, and just kind of put it in a pile. In a mound. And I like put a bowl on top and smushed it so it looked somewhat like a cake. Your dog's favourite food was carrot.

Yeah, she'd frost a carrot. Really? So you would cook that mound of mints? Yeah, I'd cook the mints, but I wouldn't season it or anything. Would the oven cook it or pan fry? Pan fry. With seasonings? Not really.

Oh, okay. No, do dogs not do seasonings? No, no, no. Too much Tuscan. They can pick up some mixed herbs. Yeah. I don't want that. Some salt and pepper.

Was there a candle involved? You shaped it to a cake and then... No, I didn't want to put a flame right in front of her face. True. Because it was a beagle, right? So I just would have eaten the entire candle. I would have been like, well, I'm a beagle. I'll eat it.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Now... Yes, good Olympics music. If you'd asked me In the lead up to the Olympics I said they shouldn't be happening Yeah Not in this climate

I felt sorry for Tokyo They'd spent all the money Before COVID came out Like I was watching The soccer ball last night Uh huh And the empty stadium It's so sad

That's what There was swimming I was like where is everyone Oh that's right Yeah God how dare they not Oh that's right And Yeah. God, how dare they not come? Oh, that's right. And they built those stadiums, right?

Yeah. A lot of them specifically built. So, yeah, I was in the lead up. I was like, not a great idea. We shouldn't be having it. But now that it's on, I'm like, okay, well, it's happening. So I've got to watch bits and pieces of it. And I get a little bit excited.

Great. I think the hockey team so far, 3-0. If I could just, that's my sport of choice. Well, you're a former Wynacatto representative for hockey. Under 15,

representative B team. And coach at a distinctive coaching. This is certainly your strong point. Yeah, definitely. Got hockey tonight, actually,

within this team. I'm all jazzed. I'm on Olympic fuel, so I'll be out there pacing that. No, but I still pace the sideline. Shouting advice. Do you still have your big All Blacks coach

jacket? I've got my Steve Hansen full-length puff of jacket. You betcha. You're not in the actual coach's ear, though, are you? God, that would be annoying. No, no, no. I stay down the other end from the coach. I'm sort of the other end. Coach. I don't scream abuse, though. It's always encouragement. So last one, if you missed it, Honduras beat the,

they're called the Oli Blacks, like Olympic blacks. Right. The football team, 3-2, and we were leading. Ah. Honduras, though? Oh, yeah. That's a Central American nation. Let them have that.

Well, they were favourites going into it. Yeah. Can I tell you what the, did you guys see any of it? Because I flicked it on for the last 20 minutes because I saw we were winning. So I was like, well, I'll get on this bandwagon. Yeah. And then went to bed like, ugh, waste of time. So they're wearing white and they, because it's like 30 degrees over there and really

humid in Tokyo. So the white goes see-through and they're all wearing these kind of like blue bras, sports bras underneath. What's with that? Is it the trackers? Maybe. So they can track their... But it's not.

We haven't thought that through. They need to make those white as well. So when girls and guys used to wear black G-strings under white jeans, and you could always, under the blue light of the clubs in the early 2000s, you could see them. You're such a perv. Vaughan Smith 2000s peran Smith, 2000s perv. Early 2000s perv.

Okay. He's retired. Yeah, okay. Do you ever do this thing? So Honduras bet us, I'm now looking up their national debt and they're worse off than us. This is what I do. You look up the national debt. No, I look up something and I'm like, I've got to find something that we are better than that.

They're murder rates. They're murder rates through the roof. They haven't handled COVID well. Everybody's getting out of Honduras. You don't take being beaten well. Not well at all. Even when it's not your... Not well.

Or even Indy's hockey team, when they lose, I'll look up something about the school and I'll be like, oh, yeah. Do a credit check on the parents. Yeah. Oh, they're a decile below us. Take that in funding. No, they get more funding.

Do they get more funding? They're a decile below. Oh, that in funding. No, they get more funding. Oh, do they get more funding? If they're a decile below. Oh, goodness. So that sometimes doesn't make you feel better when you look at that sort of thing. What about the canoe slalom? Yeah, Luca Jones qualified third. I talked to her about chickens.

When did you talk? We talked about chickens. She was on the news talking about her chickens. Once, when we got chickens, being like, yay. And I saw a blue tick. And then I was like, oh, that's like you were at the Olympics last time. Interesting. So we talk about chickens every now and then.

So she qualified third in the K1 canoe slalom semifinals, which just looks like I'd like to go down there on a big inflatable tube. Yes. I hope they open that up afterwards for inflatable tubes. That one in South Auckland, beside the motorway. Yeah, I always see that. Quero. Yeah.

I'm always like, when are they going to let me go down that in a $20 inflatable Boxing Day pump-up boat? Well, they could. Yeah, maybe. That'd be great fun. So let's look at what's happening today. It's the triathlon. That kicks be great fun. So let's look at what's happening today. It's the triathlon. That kicks off at 9.30am.

We've got the men's. We've got two men in the men's triathlon. We've got surfing today. That's Ella Williams, who changed her mind on vaccinations and got one before she went, so proud of her. Shooting. We've got the women's skeet. That's the one where they go,

Oh, I like that one. I'm good at that. That's good. I mean, not Olympics good, but... But you like it. Like, women's skeet. That's the one where they go, Oh, I like that one. I'm good at that. That's good. I mean, not Olympics good, but. But you like it. Like, he's party good. Sevens kick off today. I think this could be our toughest game of the sevens for the Olympics as well. We're going up against Korea.

Well known for their prowess in the sevens field. They are. They certainly are. We've got Erica Fairweather competing in the women's 400 metres freestyle. That's a long way to swim. You walk 400 metres. And then imagine swimming it. Yeah.

Real quick. Then we've got some sailing. Sam Meach. He's doing race two and three today. I don't know what that means, but heaps of white people on the North Shore of Auckland will. Billy Stairman is doing surfing today. So both men and women surfing today.

We've got the men's cross-country mountain biking. And then tennis, Michael Venus and Marcus Daniel doing some tennis. Rugby sevens, we then take on Argentina after no doubt getting thrashed by Korea earlier in the day. And then swimming, Erica Fairweather again. Women's 1,500 metres freestyle. So if 400 metres is a long way, imagine 1,500 metres. When are we winning some medals? And we're playing hockey tonight at quarter to 12 against Japan.

Right. I can't wait to pull out that per capita. We're doing better than anyone else. Yeah. Currently, what's ROC? What country is ROC? Russian Olympic Committee. Oh, put Russia.

Well, anyway, they're fifth on the table. No, I mean, because Russia's a bit of a tainted name when it comes to the Olympics now. Right. It's ROC Russia. Well, anyway, they're fifth on the table. No, I mean, because it's when it's... Russia's a bit of a tainted name when it comes to the Olympics now. Right, it's R-O-C, Russia. They're fifth on the medal table. South Korea is fourth. The United States are third. Japan is second. And China is first on the medal table with six golds, one silver, four bronze.

Wow. And a slew of human rights violations. See, I can't let anybody be better than us. And a few illegal militarised man-made built islands as well. Yes. Let's not forget about that. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. So, look, I'm going to get attacked in this break.

I defy you, Vaughan Smith, to not bring up any historical references to this. But someone on... Your honour, if I may approach the bench. At the early stage of receipt. It took me a second to remember, but yeah, you are wearing it. Someone experienced something nasty on a plane. We crossed to producer Anya.

Good morning. Hello. Where were you jetting off to at the weekend? I was jetting back from Chichar. What? Were you jetting on Jetstar? No, I was jetting on Air Newichar. What? Were you jetting on Jetstar? No, I was jetting on Air New Zealand

and I'll tell you what, both ways was delayed. So Jetstar wins. You don't get that with Club Jetstar, do you? You don't get VIP treatment and 20% off baggage. Can't feel your legs

when you get a fiver, but whatever. At least you're there on time. And you just get baggage. At least you're there on time. I've said no one ever about Jetstar. Anyhow. Do you still have to do the Jetstar jump before they let you on board?

Whatever. Just because you can go into Kauru. So, yeah, yesterday I was on the plane and coming back from Christchurch and I had an aisle seat. I was pretty pleased about that. And the person next to me in the middle had shoes on when we took off and then when the seatbelt sign was off, so were the shoes. What kind of shoes?

Sneakers. Were they socks or BFN? Socks. Cool socks, I'll add. Nice socks. Okay. What Socks. Cool socks, I'll add. Nice socks. Okay. What do you mean cool socks? They had like a red and white stripe sort of thing to them.

I was like, oh, those are neat, but yuck nonetheless. Okay, this is an hour 20 flight. Mm-hmm. I feel taking your shoes off, it's the same as reclining a seat on a domestic flight. You shouldn't do it. Yep. I agree. It's a no-go.

That's a no from me. International? International? I get swelling. Thank you! Yeah, no. We were on an international flight when I took the flight. I wasn't going to bring it up. You asked me not to bring it up, but you've just opened the door. I feel you've got to explain for

new listeners now. Yeah, Megan and I were on a flight to Sydney. What was it for? A junket of some sort. I think I was going to ask the movie star some questions. Yeah. Megan and I were on a flight to Sydney. What was it for? A junket of some sort. I think I was going to ask the movie star some questions. Yeah. And,

or it might have been that time we met Ariana Grande actually. Yes, it was. And you were already there because Mardi Gras or something. So Megan and I

were on the plane and we sat down and she took her shoes off and they were a strappy sandal. And I thought, how? And she took it off and immediately I could smell something. And I was like, how was the smell caught in the sandal? And it's the worst smell I've ever smelled.

Oh, okay. And I drop my guts. Badly. I know you do. I'm not shy about a fart. Yeah, I know. I'm saying it's definitely not the worst smell you've ever smelled. It's up there.

We live in an I2, I believe. The worst smell I've ever smelled on a plane. Yeah. It was a sandal that's different

to taking off like sneakers. And I believe, was this your first flight on the brand new Dreamliner? It was a brand new aircraft. Oh yeah, that's right. Dreamliner 787,

we had the fading windows. I thought it was going to be a wonderful Avid Hiori experience. But my senses were attacked. Yeah. Well, we did a poll because keep in mind that was international. This is a domestic flight.

You see, reclining your seat, shoes off, international's fine. Although even a trip to Sydney, if you're just three hours away, I don't know. I'll take a recline. No, for a shoe. Yeah, and they were sandals. I don't think I'd go like, just take your sneakers off. Okay, so what are people saying on the poll? Taking your shoes off on a domestic flight, 87% said it was yuck.

Yes. 13% said it's all good. Did you get a whiff though from their feet yesterday, Anya, or no? I didn't, but no, but I didn't want to. You know what I mean? Like I had a scarf on and a mask. Because everyone's got masks on at the moment. Yes, so you wouldn't know.

Yeah, I think that helped. I'd probably have words if it was. Seeing someone else's, a stranger's bare feet if they were in the middle seat would be a bit gross, eh? I always get a bit gross When people are wearing Jandals on a plane You know

Because your toes And then they just Scuff them off I don't like the idea Of wearing jandals on a plane Because what if they have to Run out of the emergency exit On the flaming wing

They'd kick them off On the flaming wing They'd melt to the flaming wing Oh yeah Yeah And they'd be like Evacuate Sarah I'd be like I can't

I don't have my jandal It's lost somewhere It slipped under the seat In front of me when we impacted into the ocean. Yeah. ZDM Splits, Ronan Megan. From the triangular ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. The opening ceremony for the Olympics Friday night was broadcast on TVNZ1.

Obviously, they still had a commercial agenda to stick to, playing ads, et cetera, and pretty hard to squeeze it in, especially once the countries start coming out. Because did you see that they came out in the order of the Japanese alphabet? Oh. I flipped it over at one stage, and it was like, and first out tonight, India. I was like, what?

With the Japanese alphabet, the I is the first one. They come down from the top like the books? Because they read down, don't they? No, they read... Is that the Japanese that read down? No, they read back to front. Oh, okay. So rather than turning the pages left to right, flip it over to the left, they

start at the back and they go left over to the right and read... Well, that's when I've bought Japanese comic books or something. Yeah, right. Okay. No, they didn't do that. And then Afghanistan came out. And then I heard somebody say, I think it was Scotty Stevenson,

New Zealand's a long way down the list. I was like, good night. And I went to bed. That Tongan flag bearer came out again all oiled up. Yes! That's the third time. It's too all oiled up. Yes! That's third time. It's too many times. Nah.

But it ain't broke. It's hot. It's hot up there. It's the Summer Olympics, baby. You've got to grease up. It's obviously hot. Also, he's maintained that ball. I know.

He has, hasn't he? Yeah. That's the hardest part about it. Maintaining it all that time. So I've got the top six worst times to cut to an ad break because TVNZ cut to an ad break during the moment's silence. So a lot of wrath online to say that's a terrible time to cut to ads. Yeah.

I don't know what ads played, but they're always quite loud. Assuming somebody was selling a large TV to watch the Olympics on. But the top six worst times to cut to an ad break. Number six, mid-lotto draw. Oh, yeah. Imagine that. Because some people still do that, eh? They circle it as it goes. They circle them as it goes. That's mind-blowing.

So cute. Number five on the list of the top six worst times to cut to an ad break. Mid-awkward late-night sex scene. If they're, you know, getting down to business and then it's like, we'll just cut to ads here and then it comes back and it's still a sex scene. Oh, it's still. No, it's not finished.

Well, it better be even worse. Yeah. If it was a four minute sex scene, they're like, we'll just go to ads. No one really wants to see this. That's the only reason we're watching. Number four on the list of the top six worst

moments to cut to an ad break in the middle of the weather. Oh, yeah. Imagine that. That'd infuriate whatever island hadn't been done yet. Imagine if they did the North Island and they're like, ah, we'll be back in a minute with the other one. The other one. South Island would be like, I'll show you

other one! Number three on the list of the top six worst times to cut to an ad break, mid-ad break. Inception. Cut to another one. So you're in an ad break. Yeah. And halfway through an ad,

it cuts to another series of ads and then cuts back, finishing that half an ad left to go, and then you've got the half an ad break to follow. Right. What a confusing time for everybody. Yeah, that'd be horrible. And we'll be back with more messages from our sponsors after these messages from our sponsors. Number

two on the list of the top six worst times to cut to an ad break in the middle of the final chase. Oh no. Imagine it. Absolutely not. Are you missing the chase with all the Olympic coverage now? Yes, sir. Yes, I am. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I love a little bit of pre-news chase. Can I put on the news last night? I always watch the last 10 minutes of the chase before the news if I watch the news. And last night there was one where they had pads on and they were hugging each other, but then they'd kick each other. Yeah, taekwondo. So pointless. The New Zealanders.

Isn't that mind-blowing to think that someone practices all their life at this thing? Yeah. Padded cuddling, kicking. Yeah. And I just dismiss it in a second. Tom Burns. But you can break down any sport like that.

Like skateboarding, you're standing on a board with wheels. You can minimise anything. It'll be somebody who will watch it. Yeah. And they never get to see that on TV, and then the Olympics is the one time they get to see it on the TV. Yeah.

And then you're out there saying they're wearing socks and kicking and cuddling. Well, it was aggressive cuddling. Hot. My mum told me those socks have sensors in them. Yeah. The slippers have sensors in them, so it can tell where on the body the foot made contact. What does she know

so much about Taekwondo? Because she watched it for the first time yesterday for five minutes so she's an expert now. Okay, yeah, right. That's how the Olympics work also. Yeah.

Everyone's about to become an expert in a sport they've never watched before. And number one on the list of the top six worst times to cut to an ad break is... ZM traffic. Play ZM's Fleshphone and Megan.

I want to talk about Jesus. Jesus? I felt like you were about to introduce me to the Lord. No, I'm here to talk about Jesus. No, I'm not here to talk about Jesus. No, something happened last night.

I'm going to ask over our holidays if I ever considered going back to the Lord. To the church. Who by? Oh, somebody. I don't know. It was out of the blue. It was a message on social media.

Did they know you? Because they'd heard me saying I'd been raised like a Catholic. Oh, yeah. I'm a fab Catholic. And they were like, let's just listen to an old podcast. Have you ever considered going back to the Lord? I was like... I don't think he'd have me.

No, I don't think he would. No. He knows what I've done. If he's been watching, he won't be able to look me in the eye. You and little Naz X aren't allowed back. Oh, no. We'll be like, hey. And he'll be like, okay, you two need to leave.

It'll be more fun downstairs, though. I think so. I'll see you there. Yeah. We should carpool. Because say what you will about Satan. Yeah. He's all for the environment.

Yeah. Well, he's going to live on this planet too. Yeah, he does. And if he keeps burning these fires. But I'm not sure he's worried about God. His fires are clean. Anyway. He burns only the cleanest car.

Anyway, last night. Anyway, last night, there was a wee incident at my house. I was eating a bag of lollies. Okay. As you do. And I lost a purple dinosaur lolly Purple The best one

You couldn't let yellow go Don't cut the dinosaur daddy Was there someone in your house calling you daddy? No there wasn't No it was just me Don't drop the dinosaur So I dropped it And it went

On the floor And then Under the couch I was making a run for it. It actually made a run for it. And it was a purple dinosaur lolly. I was like, like you say, a yellow. Because I think there's a couple of Maltesers under my couch.

I just let those go. Good Lord. But the purple one, and I was near the end of the pack and I was like, I need that. I need it. Two second rule, I need that. So I got down and I couldn't see it. So I knew it was right under the couch. So I used the old camera torch.

Got under there. The phone torch. Yep, there was a couple of cat toys under there. And there I found it, the purple dinosaur. Next to an old Malteser, but we left the Malteser. And then I picked it up, I brushed it up and I ate it. It hadn't been there that long. What are you talking about, the Malteser or the cat toy?

No, the purple dinosaur one. Right. Yeah. But then it got me thinking, like, how great is it that now we have torches on our phones? Yeah, we've got a torch on us the whole time. And then it got me thinking, like, how often do you use the torch on your phone? All the time. All the time.

And what did you do pre, like, I was trying to think growing up, like, we had a torch if your phone? All the time. All the time. And what did you do pre, like I was trying to think growing up, like we had a torch if the power went out maybe. We squinted. Before the phone torch, we squinted. Or you'd have to like get up and turn the lights on. And felt. Yeah.

It's even like when you're driving a car you're not familiar with and you've got to pop the fuel thing and you just turn it on and you just look, have a look around. You don't even really need it, but it's going to save you three seconds in the scheme of things.

Time's money. But then don't leave it on because that's embarrassing. Oh, when you accidentally turn it on. Oh, hon. But I thought, could we take some stories about when the phone torch has really saved the day? Has rescued you. Has rescued you.

Or maybe someone's got a great story about when they've had to use the phone torch has really saved the day. Has rescued you. Or maybe someone's got a great story about when they've had to use the phone torch. Because I got my purple dinosaur lolly bag and I ate it. That's a great story to get the ball rolling this morning, guys. I think we risk never finding a story as good. Can you beat that?

Can you beat the story of a Sunday night purple dinosaur hunt? I mean, it's, you know, starting low. We're starting the bar low. The bar's low for stories. But 0800DARLSATM, you can give us a call as well. 9696 to text in. When has the phone torch really come in handy?

When has it saved the day? Well, last night I rescued a purple dinosaur lolly from under the couch using my phone torch. I did one of those cleans over our break where I lifted the couch. Oh. Like moved the couch. Oh, no. Sade was away and I spent, I timed it so I could rub it in her face when she got home. I spent five and a half hours cleaning the house and it was.

I saw she even gave you an Instagram story shout out. Like she was hot for it when she got home. She was like, Mr. Smith, you're about to get it. Did it actually work? You bet. Yeah, we kissed for a solid 30 seconds, and then I was just exhausted. Was that worth the five and a half hours? Well, I was so exhausted from the five and a half hours clean,

that's why I can only imagine a 30-second kiss. Right, okay. A steamy night in the Smith house. Yeah, one clean Smith house. Save, one house. In the clean Smith house. Save up enough energy to go the full marathon. Rescue your sex life aside, rescuing the purple dinosaur lolly from under the couch using the... That's actually one of the moves.

That's one of my sex moves. Okay, yeah. Rescuing the purple dinosaur. Coincidentally, you said moving on And then said that And I thought we were still on it Okay well we'll move on And rescuing the purple dinosaur With the aid of

One of the greatest inventions Of modern times The phone torch It's so underrated Yeah It's so underrated Like everyone's like It's great

You've got a camera on hand All the time with your phone You can answer any question By googling it Everyone is always forgetting how handy it is having a torch on you the whole time. And want to take your calls now and your texts. 0800 dials at M9696.

When has the phone torch saved the day? Really come through. Really come through. We've got some calls coming in. Let's start with Jack. Jack, when did it save the day? Hey, guys. Phone in the 10 mil socket in the engine bay.

Oh, yeah, mate. Now, is that the little thing? No, that's the one that you always lose first, the 10mm socket. The little one. Someone will bloody use it. Take it off and forget it. Are they the things you put on the big thing? The ratchet.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep, that was fun to play with in Dad's toolkit. It would always fall off and disappear, so it was good to find it. Okay, and then how did you get it out, though? A magnet on a stick. No, using these two fingers. You always go in with the middle finger and the index finger,

and you go pinchy-pinchy in a tight space, don't you? Okay, Jack, thanks. You're cool. Daryl, when did the phone torch save the day? It comes in handy at night when I walk out the backyard to check on the chickens, make sure they're on their perch. Is that a youthism? Checking on the chickens is another one of my moods. Yeah, yeah.

But I'm a barefoot kind of guy, so it just avoids me stepping in the old dog landmines that late at night. Gotcha. Gotcha, yeah, because those go up between the toes. Those are really yucky. And you can wash your foot for as long as you want. You can still feel it there.

John, when did the iPhone or the phone torch save the day? On holiday in Rarotonga there a couple of years back, there was a driving along the road, and I see people riding on their scooters. One guy driving a scooter with one hand, holding an iPhone in the other hand, torch. Scary as hell. So his only way of spotting

the very popular Aratonga pothole was the iPhone torch that could only see about a metre, two metres in front of him. Or the very popular

other car coming towards him. Jesus. You'd be better to duct tape that onto your helmet or your forehead. Wouldn't you?

Anything else. It doesn't have the distance. It's great for an up-close flashlight usage, but it doesn't have the spotlight distance. Yeah. I thought these scooters had headlights. No, it didn't have anything. It was just him holding it.

Bulbs blow. Bulbs blow. You can always recharge your phone. Thanks, John. Some text messages. We were doing an escape room on Friday, and the first step was turn on the lights, and someone pulled their phone out and turned on their thing

and found the lights just showed away. Saved us a lot of time. Take that, escape room. Yeah, that's why you're supposed to leave those outside. Quite a few people who have set off for a little bit of a tramp, and it maybe ended up being longer than they thought, and they've had to end the tramp getting back to their car or their accommodation using the phone torch.

Yeah. Tongarello Crossing, for example, one mate vastly overestimated their ability to complete the tramp. Because that's quite long. That's like 20-something Ks. It's like a half marathon. The best part of 12 hours. He ended up walking the last hour by the light of our phone torches

because no one was prepared to be out that late and no one had bought a torch. I wouldn't go on a Tongarero crossing with someone to walk that slow. Couldn't do it. You would abandon them. My friends are just like, can you slow down? Yeah. You do have an epic stride.

Someone said, I'm a sparky. I had to find a cable in the ceiling that was being built. So I used my phone torch to find it. Put my phone up there, found it, but left my phone there to mark. Yeah. I came back and they jibbed the entire ceiling. So my phone was stuck find it i put my phone up there found it but left my phone there too mark yeah i came back and they jibbed the entire ceiling so my phone was stuck on the ceiling i was like i got great news you gotta pull that kind of hole no they just pulled this whole sheet off because they hadn't like jibbed the jib stopped it yet um somebody said i use my phone torch for food delivery job at night every single shift. See, that sounds like you should have a headlamp or a torch for that. Yeah, nobody has a lit pathway.

And Wellington's residential paths are just shocking. Bunnings need to get in there with their solar power. Garden lights. Yeah. Tacky. I use it every time I night feed my baby. I'm going to go out on a record and say solar powered pathway lighting is tacky. My mother is going to come for you.

The way you stab into the ground, tacky. Those were never UV light graded plastic, because a couple of summers... Don't come at me with your plastic standards. A couple of summers and they're just cracking. Oh, you're rubbish. But now you can get metal ones. Can you?

I'm just saying, if it was a But now you can get metal ones. Can you? I'm just saying. It's tacky. It's still tacky. Chic black metal ones. Yeah. With sort of a disguised solar panel. Yeah, right. Next on the show, somebody had a milestone birthday yesterday. The big 4-0. What was the milestone?

Oh, no. You're nearly there, though. You want to go there? You two are both older than me. But we're men. My expiry is imminent. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan. Play ZM.

Well, yesterday, a big day for Megan Louise Papadopoulos. And yesterday, it was also nearly, well, halfway to Christmas,

right? Yeah. Or are we over halfway to Christmas? End of June. End of June. So we're five months from Christmas. I mean, it's your birthday. You should know.

Today is 152 days away from Christmas. That is madness, isn't it? Wow. It's crazy. Well, it was Megan's birthday yesterday. Yeah, back to me. She had eggs lap-de for breakfast. Lab-nee.

Lab-nee. Wait, now, did you have a party and not invite us? No, it's just family. I didn't give a shit about the party, but the ham. Is there leftover ham? Oh, no, the ham's gone. We had a midwinter Christmas dinner. Some glazed ham?

Yeah. Glazed ham? I mean, I wouldn't have come because of the baby, because they're loud. The baby was asleep. And they wake up and make noise. But still, the invite would have been nice just to say no. I always love saying no to an invite, but I would never say no to a glazed ham.

It was just the fam. It looked like a delicious glazed ham. You know, like lots of South Africans would do that. I love it when there's South Africans there. I get the pasta with my accent. They do love your accent. They say it. They say it's really good.

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm going, now you got to all tell me when you go into the toilet, you don't want to surprise me in the dark. They love that. They love that one. They love that one. Yes. You know, I was a bit a thing on that because I think you're lying

because you said that, but then when you panned around the room, you didn't show who was there. So I was like, what you're doing is you're saying to us it was family. Right. And we don't know that it was. Okay, yeah. I know your best friend Ali's in Rarotonga, so I know she wasn't there. No.

But even still, so jury's out on that. Don't lie to us. Okay. And it's like Vin Diesel said in Fast and the Furious 1 through 10. Family. Yeah, exactly. You used Vin Diesel said in Fast and the Furious 1 through 10. Family. Yeah, exactly. If you use that joke on your Instagram, you can look it up. I thought that was text.

I thought that was a text use of the joke, and now I could do it as a verbal look forward to a visual version of that joke sometime soon. Family. Family. But we got you a present despite the fact that I'm not getting any ham. Yeah, yeah, I know. The scales are unbalanced. We weren't invited to the midwinter Christmas party. I'll make you a present, despite the fact that I'm not getting any ham. Yeah, yeah. I know. And we weren't invited.

The scales are unbalanced. We weren't invited to the midwinter Christmas party. I'll make you a ham another time. But we got you a wink present. Okay. Bring in the present. Bring in the present. Oh, it's in a bag.

Oh, it's in a little. Okay, it looks like a legit present. It's in a cute little box. Oh, does it? Does it look like a legit present, does it? Does it look like a cute little box, does it? It's in a cute little bag. Oh, does it? Does it look like a legit present, does it? Does it look like a cute little box, does it? It's in a cute little black bag. We'll open it.

Oh, wow. Better open it. Did you just call that a black bag? A cute little bag. I thought you said a cute little black bag. I'm like, Megan, that's white. You've lost your mind. We should have got her an OPSM voucher.

It looks like a legit present. Does it? It's like a card. Uh-oh. It says spring on it. It looks legit. Yeah, it looks legit. What are you?

Look at your face. I want to open it. Open it. Slowly. Uh-oh. Why are you giving me a legit present? Are we, though? Yeah, it says it's a facial.

What's the catch? You're going to need that. Why? Why? Why? Well, you'll find out. What? Maybe at the facial.

No, what's happening? Well, you'll have to stay. You'll find out. What kind of facial is it? Is it something weird? No. No, that's a? Well, you'll have to stay. You find out. What kind of facial is it? Is it something weird? No. No, that's a proper look at the treatment menu. Is it?

We paid a lot of money for that. Okay. Okay, cool. Thank you. Thank you. What's happening? You'll have to wait and find out. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan.

73% of adults cannot imagine going, and I don't even know how you would actually, most people, going a full day without looking at a screen. TV, computer, tablets, smartphones. I mean, you could go bush. Yeah. You could go for a hike overnight. But you wouldn't go for a hike without your phone.

Yeah, you'd want photos. No, I was thinking like emergency. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But would it count if you took an old phone? Because that's not like an LED screen. Yeah, I guess so. But then a lot of it, if you go backcountry,

you don't get reception anyway. So you don't need to take your phone. Oh, my God. I was just thinking, we went on the Ernst Law when we were in Queenstown Yeah that's that big polluting coal ship I won't have a bad word said I've seen the inner workings of it now

Yeah Oh my gosh Beautiful How does this have to do with screens? There was an old boy on there Yeah And I was just like These two are adorable

And they'd never been on the Ernst Law before And they were like old old Like late 80s sort of thing And he whips out his phone and he says to because I'm just by there and they're kind of like

looking at the phone and they're discussing things and then they said excuse me and I looked and he said how do I find the camera on this

and I was like oh that doesn't have a camera that is like a Nokia it was a

it was like remember a few years ago, Nokia like relaunched. It looked like a newish phone, but a burner phone like a drug dealer has it. Oh, yeah, right. Because it's 20 bucks and drug dealers don't need photos on their burner phones. What did you say? You'd take a phone and send it to their grandkid or something? To their email? I didn't even think about it because like they're not going to know their grandkids.

Oh, they might have had the number on their phone. They might have had an email address. Oh, they wouldn't have known it. It would have been a Yahoo. Did they have a cyber shot or something? No. Oh, wow. If Vaughn's like, give me your granddaughter's phone number, they're going to be like, oh, no.

That's all right, sir. That's fine. We'll remember it as best we can. But, yeah, it had a screen, remember it as best we can. But yeah, he didn't have a... It had a screen, but it didn't have photos. Yeah, so 70, what, 73 of adults can't imagine going a day without a screen. I mean, if you work with screens, you have to look at them. Yeah.

And then, like, a lot of cars have, you know, like, screen situations in them. I mean, you literally... I couldn't get by a day without... It's not whether I mean, you literally, I couldn't get by a day without, it's not whether I would want to, I just couldn't get by without a screen. I was thinking even if I went into the middle of nowhere, I'd probably take my Kindle because that's a screen too, isn't it? Yeah.

But you could, there was this alternative to a Kindle. You might not have heard of it. It's called a book. Okay. It's a lot like a Kindle. But how does that work of it. It's called a book. Okay. It's a lot like a Kindle. But how does that work? Well, the words are written on a page. Now, a page is what screens were

before they were screens. It's generally made of paper. That must be huge. The paper's quite thin. Thicker than a Kindle. Yeah. But that must be very heavy. I know, but here's the thing

that's going to blow your mind. Yeah. The book can only have the one story in it. Oh, that sounds preposterous. How many trees died for that book? A portion of a tree. A branch.

A portion of a tree. It's a small branch. Yeah, it was like a pulpy. Okay, yeah, right. There's paper. It's quite amazing stuff. But yeah, books. You could take a book.

So if you were going to try to do this, there is an alternative to a Kindle. Well, I don't know about you guys, but Monday, for some reason, it's always Monday morning at like nine o'clock. I always screen the daily screen time report. And it's like, yeah, okay. What would I do with all those hours if I wasn't looking at a screen? The things I could achieve. No, you would just sit there doing nothing.

Yeah, probably just get lost. Eating. I would eat a lot more. Yeah. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. I'm excited about this This was one of those Purchases

Spare of the moment Spare of the moment Exciting purchases Warming up my eyes For the eye roll Megan knows all about These kind of purchases Yeah

You talk about me Being frivolous with my money No this is This was like 20 bucks Yeah Okay And by the way 20 dollars For a massive box That's With my money? No, this was like $20. Yeah. Okay. And by the way, $20 for a massive box.

That's per square centimeter of box volume. Although Amazon are known for chucking the tiniest things in a massive box. That is a big box. With 100 packing bubbles. Yeah, 100%. What category are we in? I'm super excited about this. Will I guess what it is?

No. Okay. Okay, what about a clue? It's a recreational activity. Something for a recreation. That producer Jared and I got very fizzed about before we went on break. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, Vaughn Smith has entered the magnet fishing game.

Oh, my God. This is... I thought you would show me. I didn't know you actually ordered it. A super high-powered magnet, and you put it on a rope. Don't put it next to your phone and laptop. The case is lead-lined. It's plastic.

Okay, it's plastic. Also, wasn't this $20? Yeah. Put your phone on it. Okay, I don't think it's going to be light. It's a pinching hazard because the magnet's so strong, so don't get your fingers through the magnet. Oh, my God.

You might get one of those. Do you ever get those little blood blister things when you pinch your skin? Yeah. Can you shut your finger in the microwave? Yes. The magnet jumped out of its holder. Did it? And look, it's stuck to the carabiner.

Oh, my God. So for those that don't know, this is quite popular in canals and rivers in Europe where people will quite often fish up a World War II grenade. Yeah. Except we're in New Zealand, so we'll be fishing up countdown supermarket trolleys. Producer Jared and I got real fizzed watching videos of the things that people were fishing out of rivers and harbours and stuff. And so I've purchased a fishing magnet kit.

So the magnet would be the size of, say, the circumference of a coffee cup, right? Yeah. And it's about, like, maybe three-quarters of an inch thick. Yeah. Wow. How far away from... Do you reckon I could hum a spoon?

Yeah, yeah. How close do I get before it hums a spoon? Hang on, I'll put my... Here's my spoon. I'll put this down here. Where do I... How do I attach it? I need to read the diagrams down here.

Okay. This is... How close can you get to the spoon before it... You have to be right beside it. It sucked a spoon across the table. That was amazing. It was like, look, it's like three centimetres. But you think about how, like, that's coming at the thin edge of a spoon.

Well, so you've got, it's quite a heavy-duty rope. So you put the rope through the magnet and you chuck it in a river or the sea. And then you just reel it in. And if there's nothing on, you just throw it in a different spot. What's the load? Like what's the biggest thing you could pull in with that magnet? I believe this was the one that was flat. If it clicked onto something flat and metal, it could lift 350 kgs. Because it was a more expensive one that was. That it clicked onto something flat and metal it could lift

350 kgs because there was a more expensive one that was that's a plane that was can you lift that table no this is

700 kgs there was one that was like double as well and I was like I wouldn't be able to pull that in and I don't have

a vehicle oh my god you need to get a Suzuki Jimny with a winch oh god a Jimny wouldn't be able to pull it no handbrake on no let's with a winch. Oh, God. A Jimny wouldn't be able to pull it.

No, handbrake on. No, let's get a winch for the Honda Accord. Oh, that would be the end. That would be the end of the Accord. Was it before holidays or after I backed into our other car in the Accord? Now, the Hyundai took it all in the tow bar, so nothing, but now the Honda's got a wonky bumper on the back. Of course it does. Of course it does.

Should we go after the show? Can you see if you lift that table? It's not metal. The bottom is metal. No, I feel like you need a better. We need a big hill. Yeah. There must be a middle.

Not that I'm getting into this. What about your laptop? Lift your laptop. What could go wrong? We need a new one. I am taking this thing out. Yeah, we're definitely

going to go office fishing. To be fair, it's good that you're cleaning up the ocean, you know? Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Yeah. Imagine if you find a gun from an armed hold up. Somebody said, porn won't throw it out in six months with the price tag still on it. Well,

no, it's already out of the box, baby. It's happening. Are they saying you're not going to use that? By the sounds of things. Oh, you'll use it, right? I doubt it's rude. Well, no, it's already out of the box, baby. It's happening. Are they saying you're not going to use that? By the sounds of things. Oh, you'll use it once.

I doubt it's rude. Oh, okay. We'll let some, okay. We'll keep you updated with the magnet fishing. Are you allowed to just like... What do you mean, is it legal? I don't know if it's in public domain. I'm just double checking.

But the good news doesn't stop there. Producer Jared, I got you your very own fishing kit. That's what we call charity. Oh, my God. I knew that. You were really excited about it, but there's going to be times where I'm not going to be there and you want a magnet fish.

And maybe I thought, shit, let's send Bezos to space is what I thought. Oh, thanks so much, Smitty. So you've got your own fishing kit. It'll just be two best friends magnet fishing. What if our magnets can fly? Don't cross the magnets. It'll just be two best friends magnet fishing. Oh, no, what are you doing? Don't cross the magnets. That'll be a real pinching hazard. We're just going to catch each other.

Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. Well, back after a couple of weeks of annual leave, some holidays, and I tell you what, I've done a lot of eating and drinking. Oh, I know. I need a bit of a detox. No, you don't. We went out for a dinner, didn't we, in Queenstown? I would.

Blue Canoe. Just a shout out to how amazing that food is. What would you describe Asian fusion? Polynesia is what they call it. Yeah. It's Polynesian Asian fusion. Oh, I'm looking at the menu. We rolled out of there.

That was my second time there. We rolled out. I didn't learn the first time about my limits. You just dusted yourself. Well, we ordered and the lady. You just dusted yourself. Well, yeah, the lady, she was really lovely and we ordered and we said, is that too much? She's like, um.

It's getting a bit too much. It's getting a bit too much. And we said, well, look, we'll take doggy bags. We can take a doggy bag. There was no doggy bag. We ate all of it. After the entrees, I was like, uh-oh. But then the four mains arrived.

I was like, let's do this. Cracked my neck, found second gear, and away we went. Yeah. Also, adding to restaurant, I was in Wellington with a friend, and the fire alarm went off mid... I saw that. Mid, but that was great food as well. I forget the name, but yeah, it was great. I love how you needed to finish your cocktail before you

exited. I was in no rush. I've had many fire alarms. It's always a drill. Or it's always a false alarm. That will probably be how I was in no rush. I've had many fire alarms. It's always a drill or it's always a false alarm. That will probably be how I die in my bedroom. It's a false alarm. Yeah, casually. Casually, yeah. But also I went out with some friends at a restaurant and

witnessed something at a table next to ours that I wanted to talk about. It was quite a nice restaurant. We were like, let's treat ourselves. We'll go out for a lovely night out. Yeah. And at the table next to ours was a first date in the wild. I love that, though. You can't, like, suddenly just your table go quiet because it's too obvious that you're listening.

Because do you ever do that thing where you go out, like, to a cafe or a restaurant and you're with your friends and you talk and then you leave and you're like, the people next to us totally would have heard what we were talking about. Yes. I've been in that game where we've been somewhere and you and Sade are shocking for it. You'll be talking and I and you're like, the people next to us totally would have heard what we were talking about. Yes. I've been in that game where we've been somewhere and you and Shade

are shocking for it. You'll be talking and I'll just be like, and it's me being like, no. We always do that. We're always way too loud and it's generally inappropriate.

And like, if I'm on the other side of that, I'll always listen to what the table next to me is talking about. Absolutely. 100% I'll listen. Anyway,

so it was first date and we were just like, it was all questions like you'd ask on a first date because they obviously didn't know each other. So it was questions getting to know each other. Was one asking more questions than the other? He was doing all the talking. Oh, really?

She was just little answers. Oh. She wasn't into it. I didn't get the feeling she was. But at the same time, I was like, that's a lot of money to spend on a first date. Don't you reckon? To like a fancy restaurant. Like a nice restaurant on a first date?

Like when you don't really know the person? Nah. I mean, if they're hot, maybe, but. Well, that's the exception to every rule. Anything about dating, but then you can tag the end with, but if they're hot, you know. But it's just the getting trapped there for all the time, right? Like at least if you're getting a coffee or something,

you can quickly drink it and be like, I've got to go because I've left the element on. On purpose. I've left the stone on. In case this wasn't going well, I left the element on on purpose. Yeah. If it was going to go well,

I was going to let my house burn down. Yeah, or still go back, but they could just wait while I turn the element off. Yeah, do you want to come back and I'll turn the element off and then we can... Yeah. But then are you going to want to start a relationship with someone that leaves the element on? Yeah, I like that sort of like crazy attitude. That crazy.

I love that frivolent, you know, expectation of... Fast and loose with your life. Yeah. You're just like, are you insured? And they're like, I don't know. But it got me wondering, could we take some calls? What's the most money that you've spent on a first date? Because even if they were going halves, nice restaurant,

that's still like a lot of money, right? Yeah. You just want to go to like a cheap and cheerful trending place that like the food comes out quickly. Like a BYO. Or an RSA. Okay. Well, I don't know if that's first date material.

Well, I'm just saying $4 handles. You're not going to go past that, are you? I mean, limited choice. Some do a buffet. Yeah, they do a veggie buffet. Yeah. Okay. So what's the most that you've spent or someone's spent on a first date?

And maybe it was a waste of money. Because like this date didn't sound like... They weren't into you. This date didn't sound like she was into him at all. And he was doing all the talking, and I was like, oh, this is... You want the questions to be happening both sides. Yeah.

But then, I mean, she might have been really into it. Might have been... Nah, I don't think she was. I'm just trying to be positive here, but I don't think she was. But 0800 dials at M, let's take some calls. How much have you spent on a first date? Like, can you beat, like, a fancy dinner?

Or more than, like, 50 odd dollars? I'm sorry, now you just seem like the cheap ass. You know, have you ever been on a really expensive date? Like, have you ever, you know, like, oh, $50? Have you ever spent $50?

Well, you brought your alcohol at the place rather than brought it with you. Oh, my God. Have you guys ever been on a first date and not preloaded? I don't know. Like, it's a lot of money to go to a nice restaurant. I thought you were thinking, like, hundreds of dollars. I was thinking, like, if he was paying for both, it would be easily, like, $100 and something.

Right. For a first date, that's too much. Yeah. We want to know how much somebody has spent and invested on a first date. And maybe it didn't go well. And that money was wasted. We witnessed a first date at a table next to us at a restaurant, my friends and I. And yeah, it just seemed one-sided.

The guy was into it probably more than the girl. Yep. I like how you didn't consider it, you know, like you go on the date, you spend the money, you know, you learn, you're not for them. You're like, money wasted. It didn't end in me getting lucky. You would count this as money wasted. No, I just think like a nice restaurant is like a second, third,

fourth kind of date thing, don't you reckon? Once you know you're actually interested. Yeah, once you know that you're not wasting like a second, third, fourth kind of date thing, don't you reckon? Once you know you're actually interested. Yeah, once you know that you're not wasting like a couple of hundred dollars. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I agree. Look, as a guy that once took a woman to a wood-fired pizza out there. Oh, my God.

I can tell you what, that was a pretty expensive meal for a first date. Is this like the eighth time you've mentioned the wood-fired pizza this year? How much was the pizza, by the way? It was like $25. Yeah, for a student, that's like $8,000. And it was like 2003. Okay. Yeah, for a student, that's like $8,000. And it was like 2003. Okay. Yeah, take into account inflation.

That's like a $90 pizza. Yeah. Are you not on top of what it is? I could have bought a house. I should have taken the pizza money and I could have straight up cash purchased the house in Hamilton. Now, an anonymous caller has called up. Anonymous, you had a lot of money spent on you on a first date.

Yeah, I did. I had met a guy in a bar the weekend prior, and then we exchanged numbers, and he had gone to Sydney for work the next week, and he was like, you should come over. And I was like, no, I'm a poor student. Sorry, I can't. So he flew me to Sydney for a birthday.

And you met up with him. And how did it go? Yeah, okay for me, not great for him. So we went out for dinner. And I realized I wasn't really into it. He was kind of a bit of an odd guy. So I just went to the toilet and ghosted him and went and hung out with some friends for the week instead.

Did he care? You weren't even like, I feel sick. I've got to go. I think it was the oysters. You weren't even like, I feel sick, I've got to go. I think it was the oysters. You were just literally like, I'm just going to go to the toilet and never came back. Yeah, pretty much. Oh my God. Did he cancel your return flight?

No, he didn't. I really did consider that that might happen, but no, he didn't. Where were you staying? Were you staying with him or did he get you a place to stay as well? Well, no, he kind of like, you know, really heavily implied that we'd be sharing a room and I was just like, well, I don't really know of that for me. Yeah, that's, yeah, okay.

You didn't sign up for that? Yeah. Did he message you after you ghosted him? Yeah, he messaged me once and I just didn't reply and then he just deleted me off everything and I was like, cool. This is where we got him. Would you?

Because I was just thinking an approach to ghosting. You could have ghosted him and then messaged him and been like, where have you gone? And then he's like, what? I'm still at the table. You're like, no, you're not. I'm at the table. Yeah, like made him think he was crazy.

Yeah, like he's slipped into a parallel dimension. Just gaslight him instead of ghosting him. Yeah. He was really. Yeah. Yeah, like he's slipped into a parallel dimension. Just a gaslight him instead of ghosting him. Yeah. He was really quite awful. So I wouldn't have felt bad. So like buying flights a week out pre-pandemic, it would have cost him like $1,000 or something. Yeah.

And dinner. Like $1,200. He was on a first date. Yeah. Well, he was obviously good for it, you know, and he was like... Yeah, I mean, he didn't offer it. Like you said, he wasn't a nice guy. It comes across a bit pretentious, doesn't it?

Like, I've met you and I liked you and now I'm spending $1,200 flying you somewhere for the weekend. Like, think of me as... Yeah. I did kind of get the vibe that, you know, had that been what he wanted, he really could have just spent that money on an escort. Yeah. Anonymous, thank you for your call. that, you know, had that been what he wanted, he really could have just spent that money on an escort. But it was lucky. Yeah. Anonymous, thank you for your call.

Niamh, how much was wasted on a first date? I spent $250 on parasailing tickets for both of us. And then the whole time we were up there, he cried because he was scared of heights. Money not wasted. Money not wasted because you can tell that story forever. Yeah. That's a $250 great story.

Did you surprise him with it? No, no. I said, let's do parasailing, and he was like, yeah. I don't think he knew what it was. And then we're on the boat, and we get up there, and he just cried the whole time. So no second date? I was with him for a couple of years.

After the parasailing incident? Yeah. You can still like him because he's scared of heights. Yeah. He's scared of heights and then he's crying about heights. I know, but I kind of like that he wasn't afraid to cry in front of her. It would have been like in the notebook, sure, but this was just like doing a fun tourist activity.

Well, I mean, it obviously worked. There was a couple of years, but still $250 invested and wasted on the first date there. Thank you, Niamh. Some text messages in. Somebody said, I've been on a bunch of expensive dates most of the time because we'll start with a cocktail and then they think it's just cocktails all night.

Oh, yeah. And at the end of the thing, I'm paying and I'm like, $18 cocktail all night. Yeah, you can't start with an expensive drink and then cut them off. No. Yeah. So on a first date, would you start with a house wine?

No, start with tap water. Tap water. Yes. Just tap water and that says... Oh, my God, dating is so says, order them a tap water. How do you say you're paying for your drinks and like, I don't know. It's just weird.

Oh my god, awkward. First date, dinner at a restaurant and drinks and then the Macklemore concert and drinks after. You can't say that. I've forgotten. It's been so long since Macklemore's been on the radio but Vaughan still can't say it. Macklemore. Macklemore. It's been so long since Macklemore's been on the radio, but Vaughan still can't say it. Macklemore. Macklemore.

It's really your Pacific. Specifically. And performing. No, I said that right. I said that right. Thank you. Current partner booked us a suite at the Hilton. Dinner in orbit, paid for the Uber and room service,

alcohol and breakfast, even slept on the couch to prove he was a gentleman. Oh, okay. Oh, the whole time he was like, why is she not inviting me? Yeah, he was waiting for the invitation. Yeah, yeah,

totally waiting for the invite. But current partner, so it's worked there. I'd still never let them forget about that couch though. No, I wouldn't have slept on the couch. Yeah.

But also, should have maybe booked a room with two beds. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, two king singles and then if it goes well, push them together and ask them to bring up

the big mattress. Or that thing they put over the top, the mattress topper. This is my thing about hotels. They put the mattress cover over, but you can still fall in the gap. It's like you told me this was a king bed on the booking side. How vigorously are you slamming down onto the bed to drive the beds apart? You have to ask that question. I can feel it's not a king bed. You need to chill out on the thr apart. You have to ask that question. I can feel it's not a king bed.

You need to chill out on the thrusting. You just need to do it on one hand. I'm a centre sleeper. I'm a centre sleeper. 8.26. And on your side and you wiggle so that you just become the splitter.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about nine pin bowling. The precursor to ten pin bowling. Primarily only played in Europe now. I saw some friends on my Instagram story temper bowling at the weekend. I was like, I haven't done that for ages. Yeah, it's not that. You think it's one of those things you haven't done in ages and you go back.

No, I just like, to me, if I go to a temper bowling alley, it's got to have one of those speed things on it that tells you how fast your last bowl was because that's all I can do. It's just rocking it down there as quick as i can oh you just end up going with someone who's like a real shark and they're like oh and you're like and they do that thing where it spins out and you're like ah it's going to the gutter and then it spins back in you're like son of uh how'd you do that so you pull out the gutter things yeah the rails so it can't go in the gutter and they just go real and it goes ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding yeah if you wear

those shoes for a dollar, bleh. Oh, yeah, they're high. They're those dollar shoes that are yuck. If you could just prove to them that you had non-marking soles, would they let you wear those shoes? I don't know.

Probably not. I don't know. So, nine-pin bowling was the original 10-pin bowling. Okay. But was it in a triangle? But it didn't have the one at the front? It was a different sort of triangle. Yeah, by the looks of? But it didn't have the one at the front? It was a different sort of triangle. Yeah, by the looks of it, it doesn't have the one at the front.

It was a slightly... And also, the nine pin ball, no finger holes. So you had to hand it. The finger holes in nine pin bowling were the equivalent of the rails out. So it was for amateurs. It was for like little kids and stuff. If they were playing and they couldn't hold the ball in the time of their hand. I haven't been temping bowling in these COVID times, but do they sanitize the holes?

They might do now. Did you? No, because your hands always smelt a wee bit after. Yeah, you'd be like, never. You would be like, I'm a shocking face toucher. And then during the pandemic everyone was like, you've got to stop touching your face. I was like, I can't.

And they're like, beards are bad because they're all bacteria. I was like, I am doomed. Yeah. But because I'm such a shocking face toucher, I can always smell my hands. So the minute they've been somewhere curious. Yeah. Like Vaughn would be at Bowlerama and he'll be trying the balls.

He'll be like. No. That one's the right weight, but the finger holes are too small. And that one's all good apart from. And I'm just giving that a sniff. No, stinky fingers have been in there. I can't share. They spray those.

That's a good call actually now, cleaning in the holes. Yeah. I've probably got a tool for that that's the same shape as a finger, hopefully. Like a bottle brush. Like a sponge. Yeah, a bottle brush. A finger sponge. And they just go bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

A round one. Yeah, you'd hope so. I hope so. That's a great idea. Well, in nine-pin bowling, the reason in America it turned into ten-pin bowling was several states and cities around the US banned nine-pin bowling

because of the moral panic over the supposed destruction of work ethic gambling and the involvement of organized crime in nine-pin bowling. Wow. Basically, nine-pin bowling, when it got turned into ten-pin bowling, was basically like TikTok was to Donald Trump in the last part of his presidency. He was worried about the moral corruption of society due to TikTok. So they said nine Nine pin bowling's banned

So literally People just added An extra pin And it became Ten pin bowling And they got around The laws that were Put in place

Wow Isn't that insane And now we have Ten pin bowling Yeah And smelly ball holes Yeah And you know

Now that just makes me think I want to get the ramp out Yep And put the sides in So I don't have to Put the fingers in the hole Yeah And just give that

A bit of a Down the rail So today's Like your have to put the fingers in the hole. Yeah. And just give that a bit of a humph down the rail. So today's fact of the day is that before there was 10-pin bowling, there was 9-pin bowling. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, they didn't get COVID, but those parts of Australia did. But anyway, they were very lucky to get home. So there was no need for Vaughan Smith to become Vaughan Smith Dairy Farmer in the second week of our break. Yeah.

They were very lucky. And when they got home, I was just chatting to them about what it was like to be home. Dad's straight back into it. Carving season's upon him. He's busy. Right. And then I was just talking to Mum, and for some reason we got onto the house burning down while they were away. Right. And then I was just talking to mum and for some reason we got onto the house burning

down while they were away. Lovely. Like if the house burnt down while they were away. And she said it would have been a blessing because my mum, the only thing my mum has, I've never heard her ask for anything. Yeah. She's a very simple woman. Yeah.

All she's ever wanted is one day to live in a new house. Oh. That's all she's ever, the house they're in is like a bit renovated. It's not in this, but it was built in like the last part of the 1800s. Yeah. 1890 or something. It's a farmhouse, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a farmhouse. I was at bits and pieces. All she's ever said was, oh, one day I'd love to live in a new house. Has it still got the 70s carpet? Yeah. That's something, eh? That carpet.

There's a name for it, and she tells me every time I ask. Anytime I'm at my parents' place and I put up a photo and there's just a slight bit of carpet and people are always talking about the carpet. So she said it would have been a blessing if it had burnt down. And I said, what about the photo albums and stuff? And she said, I never look at them anyway.

That's just my mum's thoughts on photo albums. Memories of your family. I was like, whereabouts? I was looking for a photo a little while ago. I was like, where would that photo be? And she's like, I don't know, in the garage somewhere. And I went out there and there was just like this place, a container that had kind of been left half open

and there was just like mouse shit in the corner of the photo albums that had all been chewed on and stuff. And those are the second rate photo albums. So those are the ones with all your children's memories in it. The ones that are still in the house, you know, unimportant events like her wedding. Yeah. Her childhood, et cetera.

So she's like, I'd never look at them anyway. So I said, what about everything else? And she's like, well, the only thing would have been like my jewelry and I buried it before I left. And I was like, you're going to need to stop there, Christine Smith, Christine Jenny Marie. I've got further questions. I said, what do you mean you buried it? And she's like, I found a spot in the garden and I buried the jewellery

in case the house got burgled or it burnt down. And I said, what did you bury it in? And she's like, an ice cream container. And I was like, oh, what? No, that's not. And she said, French vanilla ice cream container. And Matt like, oh, yes. No, well, Mum, of course I was going to say that was a silly idea,

but French vanilla, of course. They're better sealed ice cream containers. We know those containers seal better than a Hokey Pokey. Oh, my gosh. You would never use a Goody Gumdrops. No. Bugs could get in there, right? Yeah, why not use a Sistema or a Clack or a Tupperware?

You're not Sistema. You're that guy going to have dirt on it. Of course. And I said, so this is when she'd been home a week. Wait, wait, was that wrapped in a bag? A plastic bag? In a bag.

In a bag. Yeah, right. But she's also using those very sparingly because she can't get those anymore. So she's got a few countdown bags there

and she doesn't... Plastic gold. Yeah, you don't want to go crazy on those and if they do get used they get washed and hung out so you can use them again. So they're very much

not single-use plastic bags. But she said, and this was like a week after, I was like, oh my God, well, have you dug it up? And she was like, nah, no, you haven't found the time. I said, what if you die and no one knows where the, I don't

know, she wouldn't tell me. Oh, you don't know where in the garden? No, apparently she gave my sister a few light clues. That would be a treasure hunt at Christmas. So literally, like, if they had passed away on their holiday, it would be like their, I don't know, morning and stuff. And Michelle would be like, she did give me some clues. That's where the jewellery was hidden.

And I'd be like, I beg your pardon. Get the spade. We're getting digging. Four steps left from the clothesline. Yes. Is she going to be upset that you've told people? Because someone who knows Christine can go into a garden. She's got all manner of gardens.

It would take you weeks of non-stop digging to find which random spot she'd dug it. Also, no offence, but I imagine she'd be wearing a wedding ring, an engagement ring. So what else would be there? That's another good question. Would there be anything? I remember there might be like a couple of family things that she'd inherited.

But then none of our family's ever been wealthy, so it's not like we have ancient gold or anything. But then I remember as a kid, she had this jewellery box and I just used to like opening it because when you opened it, there was a ballerina that danced around in this mirror and it kind of blew my mind and you'd wind it up, you'd wind it too far and you'd hear it go

clank clank and you'd be like, I've broken it so you shut it and run away and wait till your brother played with it so he'd take the blame. But I remember in there there was like this knot of gold necklaces. And as a kid, I was like, what are these? And she's like, they're necklaces. They got knotted up. I'm going to undo them one day.

Like maybe two years ago, I looked in there, still in the knot. So I imagine she just took the pot and did a knot of cheap gold necklaces. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. Boom is in. Yeah, it. Okay. Yeah. Boom, boom, a say. Yeah, it's so good. Ho, ho, ho.

Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Uh-oh. Here we go. Yeah. Today is the 26th of July. So what, it's August at the end of this week? Yes. Yeah, it's madness.

It is 151 days till Christmas. I'm ready for the music, though. Now, there is, at this time of the year, you've really got to separate your midwinter Christmases. Yeah, we don't accept. From you're looking forward to actual Christmases. If you're new to the show, you've never heard, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

It's where we take a look at the Christmas, the level of Christmas penetration around the country never heard, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It's where we take a look at the Christmas, the level of Christmas penetration around the country. Yes, it's sneaking in. When we hit 100%, which is normally around September? No, October. November, start of November. Start of November. Come on now.

You start getting high around September, but it's not until the start of November you get hit 100. Right, when we hit 100%, we play Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas. All I Want for Christmas, the absolute classic. Yeah. But we've had reports, our first report so it is time to dust out

the feature. This is why it's important to clarify the difference between midwinter and Christmas. Stephanie sent this in, Christmas Penetration in July. They said this isn't a great photo I had a grumpy toddler with me but the local fruit and veg has a mother flipping Christmas display up already. There's chocolate-filled Santa tins and other chocolate-based Christmas wares.

Yeah. And it's a photo of Veggies Direct with what looks more like a midwinter Christmas display, if I'm being honest. I mean, it's got Christmas chocolates in it, which has blurred the line somewhat. I'll give you that. Either because you had a midwinter Christmas. That's what you called your party at the weekend. But it's not Christmas. It's July, not June.

You should have done that June 25th. But it's the midwinter. Semantics. But it's a midwinter party. Don't call it a Christmas midwinter. Well, I had ham, so it was a Christmas. It had a Christmas element to it. Okay, well, that's not the only. It had a Christmas element to it.

Okay, well, that's not the only one, because Guy messaged in to the show saying he can report that this is indeed looking forward to Christmas 2021. A restaurant he went to, already taking bookings for the upcoming busy festive season, and they've got the dates and the times the set menu all set out for the Christmas season. If you and your workplace want to go to that. He said this was very surprising to see. As Christmas penetration snuck right up on me on this one.

Yeah. Further details, the three-course lunch, 19 pounds. This is the other thing to consider. This is in the UK. This is in the UK, right. Because they dropped all the rules, right? Yeah. For COVID restrictions. Big giant petri dish of an experiment in the isn't the UK. This isn't the UK, right. Because they dropped all the rules, right? Yeah. For COVID restrictions.

Big giant petri dish of an experiment in the UK at the moment. Quite like, quite cute that they think they're going to be around at Christmas.

Another one, April is in Yala. Now this would be, it's spelled J-A-L-A but it would be spelled Yala as it's a small Mexican town. Oh yeah, would it be Hala?

Hala. Yeah, Hala. Christmas decorations up. Okay. Christmas decorations up. And not midwinter. Goodness me. No, because it's summer there.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. But they said Christmas decorations, unmistakably Christmas decorations up in Hala. Here in London London somebody else said it's July, it's summer, but there's Christmas decorations up around this doorway. It's not a midwinter Christmas. They don't mention a midwinter

Christmas, just Christmas decorations. Lazy. Lazy people. And a flirt with the upcoming Christmas. Again, telling people to book those Christmas functions. So that is when we first start to see penetration. It is people booking their work functions as it can be a busy time of the year.

Yeah, but you wait until those dates lock in. Those hardware stores are next, getting in all their displays. The lights and stuff start to pop up. And then the supermarkets roll in. So 151 days away from Christmas. And with all that in mind... Oh, we're getting warmer.

Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 2%. 2%. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.