ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 27th August 2021

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Nirvana  Level 4 WoF  Top 6: Exam Delays  Fletch got an Email  Vaughan Smith: Patron of the Arts  Urzila Carlson!  Fridge Bingo!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Clay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Excuse me, I'm trying to do the intro. Hi, it's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, well, okay. Done.

Welcome to the McCafe. No, because there's no McCafe today. Oh, because it's level four. So it's just the podcast. My five coffees get me six. That's what you sound like. Someone's had Welcome to the podcast.

Someone's had a fan pain. A fan pain. A fan to champagne. The sugar is going into me. Who spilt the bloody fan pain?

I knocked over a shanter. Is there any left in there? I think I think I've shanty. Is there any left in there? I think I've eaten something bad. Is there any left in there? My mum's got a friend, no names, who will drink like three bottles of wine. No, it's not.

Tracy. It is not. Beverly. It is not Mrs. Pickett, who is a goddamn saint. They'll drink three bottles of wine and then the next morning they'll be like, I must have eaten something bad What's her name? Nah mate

What's her name? Nah mate It was one of the three bottles of Pinot Noir You absolutely Sandra You hoovered that didn't you? Absolutely Absolutely

It's happened to a world of hurt Yeah Happy International Dog Day today Yes We were just talking about dogs The world of her. Yeah, happy International Dog Day today. Yes. We were just talking about dogs. I don't want to jinx it by saying we're looking to adopt another dog, but we are. Why?

Because. You have too many mouths to feed. There's so much love to give. I got so much love to give. Look at this dog. It's a golden retriever. I don't want to give it out any more details because I don't want people snaking the dog from me. It's four years old. Yeah.

What's wrong with that? The most annoying part about dogs is when they're puppies. That is so true. No, but it's the cutest. Once they get past that part. You want a puppy, but then I hated Leo so much when he was a puppy. The chewing, the yapping, everything. He's so smart.

They are way better when they get just a little bit older. I'm finally like, Ralph's, our other dog's good now. He's redeeming himself after he bought his first dog from a puppy mill. Well, that dog's on its last legs. Lasted bloody well for a dog churned out of a puppy mill. Yeah, yeah. If you've never heard this story We got our dog Lulu

Sight unseen Is that where you did the brunch as well? Lulu Yeah And I went my lala lemons Yeah I took my dog and I go for a brunch With the fabulous

Memusius And We got Lulu Sight unseen Yeah As is where as No waffle ridge And she turned up We're like oh this is neat And we got Lulu sight unseen Yep As is, where is no waffle ridge And she turned up, we're like, oh this is neat And then like literally three months later

Campbell Live did a story about this atrocious puppy mill And I said to shut up, we still got the receipt And I checked the receipt And it was the exact same address I was like, wow But you didn't know Oh my god No, but it shows that you've got to look into these sources.

Yeah, that's better than the time I was on Campbell Live saying I love sausage. Remember that? Yeah. God, RIP Campbell Live. Oh, what a great show. Thank God that's gone. He did so much stuff. Bad for both of us, that show.

Part of the mills and sausage. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning, welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Good morning Happy Friday Is this the longest week in the world ever? Yeah Yeah, but we're here now I thought it was Friday on Wednesday

Vaughan's not even in the studio Vaughan When he even in the studio. When he gets here though, his headphones aren't even out. Yeah, I know. Glacial pace as per here we go. He's just opening the door. Just has not to spill the coffee.

Hi everybody. It happens at 6 o'clock every day. Sorry, I heard the ads and the news on the radio out there, and I assumed it was us, but it must have been one of the other radio stations that this company owns. Yes. Hi. Yeah.

Good morning. You've brought in a bottle today. A bottle of Bubbles, baby. It's Mimosa Friday, is it? Yep, it's Mimosa Friday. Yeah, you're missing your Lulu's Inn. Oh, you know me and my bottomless punches, my Lula. Yeah, your Lula. That's the. Oh, you know me and my bottomless punches. My Lula.

Yeah, your Lula. That's the one. The Lula. The Lula. Lula does the hula. Yeah, so much so. Me and the girls. Yeah, you're missing it.

Get on your nice white frocks. And head down there with a freshly painted nail and a shoe. I assume we're wearing shoes. Well, you've lost a shoe. We're going to nail and a shoe. I assume we're wearing shoes. Well, you've lost a shoe. We're going to later lose a shoe after the later. Loo-loo-loo-lay-lay.

Loo-loo-lay-lay-lay. Yeah. So, yeah, I just thought we could have a mimosa reach just to... Lovely. Just to celebrate Level 4 on Friday. Just to bring drinking into the AM. Just one, just a casual. Yeah, totally.

Just a casual. We've got a chance here you to win some cash, get your boring mundane bills paid off again at 8 o'clock this morning. Get a free ride with the movie Free Guy, which will be back in cinemas soon, guys. Yeah, the top six is coming up. NCEA exams have been delayed.

Pushed out. And what happened last year? Didn't they make it a bit easier to get into uni? Yeah, you just had to put your name on the right piece of paper and you were in. Because of the delay. I know, yeah, there was talks about how the, what was it? The levels of acceptance

were put down due to the significant disruption of the learning year. Okay. And so what, there's a bit of a two-week extension now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

It's being delayed a little bit, the old e-exams, which is good or bad because that means two weeks less mucking about, isn't it, over summer. People might have been ready to go. Yeah. But it's chunking into your holiday now. So the top six will be dealing with the shift dates of exams. All right. The baby from the Nirvana cover is now 30 years old, by the way.

And he's decided now he's 30 that he's not happy. Most of us, when we got to 30, decided we weren't happy. Our knees got a little bit sore Our hung overs Lasted a little bit longer Especially after me And the girls Have a big day

At the bloody Lululala Down the lala lulu Have you done a bottomless Weren't you there For a bottomless Was not invited Was it Caitlin's

Or Maddie McLean's birthday I was not invited I didn't make the To make the list No I've never been to a bottomless brunch oh that's why is that so always upset at the lila lolo lilo and lula spencer alden is the name of the baby featured on nirvana's nevermind album. The baby underwater, like reaching out for the... Dollar.

The note. Is it a dollar note? Yeah. Yeah. He's now 30 and he has just filed a lawsuit in the US against Kurt Cobain's estate and the surviving members of Nirvana, accusing them of child exploitation. So he says he was obviously too young to consent to being naked on a album cover.

One of the most famous albums of all time. He said Nirvana exploited me when I was a baby to sell their music, but there is a person behind every image. Now that would be fine if he didn't do a photo shoot a few years ago. Five years ago, he did. Because was five years ago the 25th? Yeah, 25th anniversary of the album. Wait, so it was the 1991 album.

I always thought it was the 1994 album. I don't know when it was released. Well, it must be. Guys, I wasn't really, I've said it was the 1994 album. Never mind. I don't know when it was released. Well, it must be. Guys, I wasn't really, I've said it before, I wasn't really a Nirvana kid at the time. Yeah, it was released in 91. In utero is 93. That was the one, that was thing in 93.

It must be 30 years old, right? Yeah. Because he was a baby. Yeah. It's 2021 today, yeah. So in a month, that album will be 30 years old. Good Lord. Wow.

So yeah, five years ago, he recreated the photo shoot and said to the photographer, let's do it naked. But he thought that would be weird, so I wore my swim shorts. That was five years ago. He was fine recreating the photo. Well, there's been a pandemic since then. Yeah. And Matt, have you read some of the comments on any of these stories online?

People are just like, oh, so he must need some money now. Is he broke? Well, that's the thing. He said, I'm just asking the band to do what they should have done 30 years ago and redact my genitals from the image. That's not just what he's asking because he also wants $200,000 from each person named in the lawsuit. So he wants, what, a couple of million or something?

Yeah, something like that. Right. One lawyer called it the most offensive, frivolous lawsuit in the history of my career. And that's something coming from a lawyer in America. You can sue anyone for anything. I know, right? Wouldn't you have more of a case suing your parents?

Yeah. Like, aren't they the people you should be suing? They gave permission. They were your guardians at the time. And they gave consent. Actually, there's someone who took the photo, said that if you look closely at the picture, you can see the handprint of his parents

because they were holding him up in the pool. And then obviously right before they took the photo, they let him go. And you can still see the parents' handprint on him. Ah. But apparently Kurt Cobain wanted to have a baby being born, but that was obviously too graphic. So they went for a naked baby in a pool.

Next closest thing. Baby being born is dancing with me. There's nobody. Why are you singing that? Just when you said baby being born, it sounded like you said the same tone as Lady in Red. Oh, okay.

Baby being born. I feel like you're really sullying Nirvana with that. It's dancing. Oh, you know, it wasn't a Nirvana cover. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. On Monday, BNZ is launching the annual Scam Savvy Week again. That's good. Yeah, they scare us with a whole bunch of stats.

I've got them. They're very scary. That's my bank. Okay. I had to check that I wasn't being scammed by my bank. Oh, okay. Because I got an email saying part of your mortgage has gone back onto floating. Right.

That's a different rate. You fix it. Floating's higher. It's way higher. The great debate, floating or fixed, has been heavily slanted in fixed's favor of late. Yeah. So they said this has lapsed. But the language, it was like a bot.

Oh, okay. Hello, Vaughn. Your thing's lapsed. What would you like to do? I said, I've got a mortgage broker. He deals with this. Well, it would be quicker for me to deal with it now. Like that.

Oh, you're right. The whole thing felt weird and scammy. Yeah. So I said to the mortgage broker, do you reckon this is a scam? Because how would they possibly get any money out of me? I'm not giving them any details. They're telling me the details. The email address looks legit. And then they were like,

here are the rates. And I said to the mortgage broker, what do you think of these rates? And he said, Kiwi Bank's doing a little bit lower. See if they'll match Kiwi Bank. And I said, hey, can you match Kiwi Bank? And they said, no, we're not matching Kiwi Bank. And I said, hey, can you match KiwiBank? And they said, no, we're not matching KiwiBank. And I said, ah, stink. I thought the bank loved me.

Like that. And they replied, we do love you. Like the whole thing has been the weirdest interaction with the bank ever. They were chatting with you like a chatbot. The emails were coming quite quickly back like it was a chat. Oh, it's a scam, sweetie. But it's not because they can't get anything.

They had all my details before I... Yeah, but then they'll get the details out of you, won't they? No, I'm not giving them any details. All I've agreed to is a new rate. No, it sounds... You've got an email back saying, we do love you.

I'll read it to you. I don't think... I think it's a... It's a bank copyright. What does the email at the top say? Does it say, like, bank at hotmail.com? No, it's a... What does the email at the top say? Does it say, like, bank at hotmail.com? No, it's a legit at bnz.co.nz.

Well, then it's legit bnz legit. Pricing have come back to say that we're not matching Kiwi Bank rates, and this is the offer. Blah, blah, blah. Let me know your instruction. Let me know your instruction. That's... Oh, yeah, but that might...

Warm regards. Oh, yeah, But that might. Warm regards. Oh, yeah. Nobody speaks like that. And I said, yelch. No love from the bank. I guess I'll go for the two years fixed. And they said, okay, it'll all be tied up. I'll email you soon.

The BNZ does love you, Vaughn. Don't feel like that. Like. Oh, yeah. That sounds a bit weird, doesn't it? That sounds dodge. That's nice't it? That sounds dodge. That's nice to know that they love you. Well, you know, where's my pens?

So, I've got to get something. The annual Scam Savvy Week starts next week. And here are some stats. In the last 18 months, New Zealanders have lost more than $30 million to scams. Four out of five Kiwis have been targeted by a scam, while nearly a quarter of us have fallen victim to one. Now, the top scams targeting New Zealand, remote access scam,

is that when they ring up and they say, we're from Microsoft? Yeah, you've got a VR-us. Yeah, look, just give us your credit card and we'll dial in and fix your computer. Scams masquerading as government services or departments. And I guess that could fall under, like, people pretending to be Trade Me or the bank or then they get your ID. Yeah.

Inheritance scams, 20%. Who's falling for that? Well, like, you've got a long-lost auntie. We just need your bank details and then you get your million dollars. Okay. Crypto investment scams, 16%. Apparently, if you're a business, one to watch out for, invoice scams. They continue to target businesses and generate the most losses by value.

So it must be big companies. And you imagine old Cheryl's on account. She's just getting absolutely pummeled. Yeah, she's getting an invoice for whatever and she's like, oh, well, I'll just pay it. Because you think about all the invoices a massive business would get. Yeah.

Never thought about that. Yeah. That's quite smart, isn't it? No. The average amount of money that New Zealanders lose to a scam is $1,600. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

And one in 10 people, and I'm imagining these are mostly elderly, are hesitant about going online for fear of being scammed. So that's not anyone under a certain age, is it really? We're all online daily. In fact, we're online too much. Yeah. It's the place to get us though. Yeah.

What is the old rule? If you reply to the first email, there's a 90% chance they've got you. Really? Yeah, that's their rule. That's why they just scatter it. They just... Because if you reply once, they'll get you at some stage. It might be today. It might be tomorrow.

All right. Well, you can be scam savvy. And if you get scamsavvy.co.nz, it is a website set up, which you can pass on to maybe those in your life that maybe need it, that are vulnerable. It's a good idea. Tell them to take a break from getting all their news from a YouTuber and their thoughts on the vaccine from a not-scientist?

Yes. ZDM, Splashbone and Megan. You'll remember last year, level four. You broke a slider. You whacked that with such ferocity, it popped straight off. It pulled the button off. Yeah, there you go.

Does that go back on? Yeah, no, they pop off easily. That shouldn't pop off that easily. No, they all pop off easily. Oh, but you've got to take it off to get under that slider, don't you? If you wanted to have a look at the wires under this desk. Yeah, yeah. We should open that up.

What does it require? I love how you call it a slider. It does slide, though. What would you call it? A fader. A fader. Well, it doesn't fade. Yeah, it fades in and out.

You're like, listen. Fade down. What do you do? What's the action that you're taking to make that fade? I'm sliding it up. So what we can agree on is that either name is acceptable for the slidery thing on the desk here at work. Yeah, sure.

We should open that up. I want to see what's underneath. You don't know. We absolutely are not opening that up. What does it need at the top? What kind of screwdriver? Very expensive piece of equipment. It's one of those ones with like a hexagon or an octagon.

That's just a teeny tiny Allen key. Oh, is it? I got a teeny tiny Allen key. Well, you're not getting under there. Get away. I got a teeny tiny Allen key. Well, you're not getting under there. Get away. I got, actually, I inherited. Producer Jared has messaged, do not open it up. Do not.

I inherited a teeny tiny Allen key set from a grandfather when he passed, and I've never used it. Well, it's like Ted himself is shining down today. Wow. He's like, do it, boy. Get in there and have a look. Did you have to sit in a lawyer's office? And they were like, and to Vaughn, we leave you with a teeny tiny Allen key set.

One Land Rover and a teeny tiny Allen key set. I'm like, both. Wonderful. Thank you very much, grandfather. Speaking of Land Rovers, that's going to need a warrant of fitness soon. And you might be needing a warrant of fitness or a registration as well. Level four, what's the deal this time around? Last time, remember, there was like an extension or a lot of leniency.

Yeah. And it was the same time of the year too, wasn't it? It was the fact that everybody's was going to, if six monthly or yearly, something like October was going to be this hot month where everyone was trying to get more into fitness if you left it

to the end of the extension. Yeah. So they encourage people, it could be extended till then, but don't leave it till then if you don't have to. Yeah. Because it's going to make

October this insane chunk month. Yeah. Chunk month. A big chunky one. Oh, nobody likes to be called a chunk month. I'm sorry, October.

You're a chunk month. Right. So, October. You're a chunk month. Right. So, okay. So what happens if you need one and it's level four? Because they're not open. You, well, you can't get one. Unless you're an essential service. Wakakotahi website says,

for vehicles involved in essential services and their supply chains, obtaining a warrant of fitness or a WAF, or a certificate of fitness or a WAF or a certificate of fitness or a cough is regarded as an essential trip and can be obtained, but obviously hard to because not every place is open. Yeah. However, if your WAF or cough does expire, you're going to need to deal with that ASAP.

Yeah, because I think last time there was was leniency from the insurance companies, right? Yes. And the police, they were like, well, if we pull you over at civil four and the WAF's expired, it's fine. Now, if it expired pre-lockdown date, there's absolutely no leniency. Yeah. Because it should have been taken care of. If it failed pre-lockdown and you had a 28-day situation, you know how they'll let you get it, if you can get it

sorted within 28 days, you don't get charged again. And you've got that window. Depending on what it is that failed, it's kind of, it's different this time. There doesn't seem to be sort of like a blanket leniency. It's going to be like taken on

an individual basis and kind of up to police discretion if they pull you over and you don't have one. Right. So maybe don't have a chude. Drop the chude. A, drop the chude.

A, drop the chude. B, drive nicely so as to not attract attention. Maybe take that offensive sticker off the back of your car that draws attention and don't look at the police. Don't look when they drive past. Don attention. And don't look at the police.

Don't look when they drive past. Don't look at the police. I never look when they drive past me. I'm like, look straight ahead. Like, you don't care. I get so nervous. It's confusing for our kids because there's two approaches in our family.

Sade's like, don't look at them. But we've not done anything wrong, so I don't know why she's like, don't look at them. But I wave to them because everybody's not looking at them but how do you think they feel when nobody's looking at them

exactly it makes it feel shit that's why I wave I'd pull you over if you were waving to me I'd be like nah what's going on here and then they'll pull me over and they'll be like

are you high aren't you it's all legit are you a remote I'll be like I just thought you could do the wave no wonder people don't look at you

and then I'll turn into a don't look at them don't look at them but people must be so no, no. And then I'll turn into a don't look at them. Don't look at them. But people must be so rigid with their faces. They must just be like. All you see as a traffic officer is brake lights and rigidness. Even if they're going 95 Ks in a 100 K zone.

Brakes rigid. Don't look at them! From the triangular ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Today's top six looking at the fact that NCEA... What? How many letters did I just say? NCEA. NCEA-O.

And in that exam, they had a question we totally didn't learn about and I totally blame my teacher for failing this part. E-I-E-I-O. Remember that? You'd walk out of an exam, you'd be like, we weren't even taught that. Yeah. And people would be like, we were. You'd be like, I don't remember it.

Yeah. That was a classic. So dates for all exams are going to be moved back by two weeks. So that means now it's going to be held between November 22nd and December 14th, meaning there is now an infringement on the sacred month of December, which is supposed to be free for senior students. I know. Unbelievable.

Supposed to be a school-free month when you reach the senior years of your schooling. How dare they? You stay there until close to goddamn Christmas. But then, so if we have more Level 4 and more outbreaks, they'll just push them into February, will they? I don't know what the plan is. I don't know what the plan is. I know there was, like, I was talking to our old producer, Caitlin.

Oh, yeah. She's very old now. That's why I refer to her as old producer Caitlin. She's due for retirement. Yep. She's aged monstrously. Our old producer, yeah. Recently. She's very old now. That's why I refer to her as old producer Caitlin. She's due for retirement. Yep. She's aged monstrously since leaving here. Our old producer Caitlin. She said it's been so disruptive,

something she was supposed to do in November for nursing has likely been pushed out to February. Oh, wow. So you can think about how much that would make. If you were thinking, I'll get this out of the way, have a summer, and then I'm in, baby. This is me. You're not.

You're not. So now there's an infringement on December. So we are looking at the top six diary day clashes you're now likely to have thanks to this. Number six on the list of the top six dates that now clash with NCEA exams is Fritter Day. Oh, we all love celebrating Fritter Day. Fritters?

Yes. Tuesday the 2nd of December. That you eat. Correct. Oh, we all love celebrating fritter day. Fritters? Yes. Thursday the 2nd of December. That you eat. Correct. Oh, okay. Banana fritters. Pineapple fritters. Corn fritters.

Corn fritters. Clam fritters. Pippi fritters. Yep. Whitebait fritters. Oh, anything can be put into a fritter. And now it's got to be ruined by the fact you'll have to rush your fritter because you've got a morning physics level two exam.

Way to ruin International Fritter Day. Number five on the list of the top six dates that now clash with NCEA exams. Did you see that? No, you didn't because they moved stealthily. It's International Ninja Day. Okay, you're going to miss that. The 5th of December. It's a Sunday, but you'll be absolutely cramming.

You won't be able to do your usual Ninja Day activities. No, where you'd get out there and dress in all black and sneak around and throw stars and such and have a stick and then fight your brother with a stick. And then you work out eventually that the only reason your brother wins at every stick fight is because he starts walking towards you.

And once someone's got forward motion in a stick fight, very hard to stop them. That's very true. You just start walking back and it's impossible to turn the tides. That's my advice to anybody who's likely to have a stick fight with a sibling at some stage soon. Swing first and start walking towards them.

Yeah. Get them on the lower ground as well if you can. Yeah, higher ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Higher ground. Next time I have a stick fight, you'll be in my mind. Oh, yeah. Swing first, go in.

Go start walking towards them. You might get one whack on the hand, but then the game is totally in your control. But that's something you won't be able to do on International Ninja Day because you'll be too busy studying. Number four on the list of the top six dates that you will now be missing, celebrating because of this exam shift, Faux Fur Friday. Always the first Friday of December, is it? Yeah. Faux Fur Friday.

Faux Fur Friday. We celebrate faux furs as they became the more animal-friendly version of fur, as it's described here. Yeah, you don't need to be killed in skin, so that is slightly more friendly. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six dates we're now going to have to miss, Wednesday the 8th of December.

Of course, that's pretend to be a time traveller day. Oh. They better put ancient history or classical studies on that day because then you could pretend to be a time traveller. Yeah. In ancient Greece. And don't point at all the doodles on the vases and laugh. You've got to be grown up because that's what happens.

You're trying to get into university here. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six dates that now clash with NCEA exams because they've been pushed out two weeks. The last two days of exams, Monday the 13th of December and Tuesday the 14th of December, that's International Day of the Horse and International Monkey Day.

Respectively. You're not going to be able to play with your monkey. Although I have heard that that can help before an exam just to relieve the stress. It's very calming. Bash your baboon. Choke your chimp.

Okay, I think we've got that. We've got that. Yep. Bash your monkey. You're trying to think of more. Grip the gorilla. Yep. Bash the bonobo.

That's not the most big. That's not the baboo,'s not the Babu babu What's the Last sound one The kapoo chan Kapoo chan Yeah Yep

Kapoo chan Anyway you're not Going to be able to do that Anyway you probably Could exactly It doesn't take too long And number one On the list of the

Top six dates In our clash With the NCEA exams Because of the two weeks Moved out Number one Crate day Yeah I know

Every young person Looks forward to drinking warm, swill, piss-cheap beer out of a large brown bottle. They don't. They want a nice big bottle of cold, long whites, don't they? They do, yeah. Or a Pals. Yeah. Strap eight cans of Pals together.

That's one thing. And you'll die if you drink that many. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Well, we get a lot of emails behind the scenes from PR companies, communications people wanting us to talk about things. Like we just talked about the scam week, didn't we? That was an email about scam stats.

That's just absolute fodder for people like us during a pandemic that are looking for a break to fill. Terrible slow news week. Directly related to COVID. And you'll be long time listeners of the show will know of Yvonne from Domino's who's always trying to get a mention. Get us to talk about something that Domino's Pizza

is doing. The time they put broccoli on pizza. Executive in Chinania. She's been very quiet lately. She hasn't said anything lately. I'm missing Yvonne. Well, dominoes aren't open, are they? No, but when was the last time she reached out about putting broccoli on pizza? That was the 15th of

June. Oh, shit. Do you want to just flick her a message? Yeah, I reckon we email Yvonne. Maybe we get the ball rolling. And then she'll reply and say, can you talk about these things? And we'll be like, no, no, no, no, no. We just wanted to make sure you were alright But I received an email yesterday And maybe you guys got this as well

It's not a It's nothing weird talk about it I just delete I was about to delete it straight away But then I thought Well we could talk about this Okay For another reason

It's an email This is quite meta by the way From What do you mean? They emailed you to talk about something, but rather than talking about the thing

we're talking about, the fact that they want us to talk about something. I know. It's boring. It's just something about a COVID immunization

webinar advisory thing. Immunization. Immunization. The word that's been said a thousand times every day lately. Immunization. I'm going to forget the S. I'm going to forget two whole syllables. Immunization. The word that's been said a thousand times every day lately. Immunisation. I'm going to forget the S.

I'm going to forget two whole syllables. Immunisation. You know where they put the n-r-n-r-n. If we're just dropping letters. We literally just hit NCA before. You're losing them. I'm finding them. We need to share around our vowels.

Oh my God. We're having mimosa very soon. No, but it's a professional email. The signature here is a corporate PR consultant. Okay. And the email starts, afternoon to you, Falch. So, I mean. You've got to be very careful with how you spell that.

You've got to be very careful with how you spell Fletch. Very. Are we going to talk about this? No, because you've said that about me and my name. Can you show me? It's like I'm making it up, Megan. It's so, it's, you're reading that, right? Yeah.

It's so easy though. It's an F-L-E versus an F-E-L. Yeah. It's an F-E-L. I just had to Google what that was to confirm that I had heard that before. Oh, whatever. No, it wasn't like 100% on what. But don't, don't do it.

Don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't. Producer Jared's message to group chat. It's a sex thing. Yes. Yeah, we know. Hence the joke, Jared.

Hence the joke. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. An Auckland gym owner has defended himself, themselves. I actually don't know what the gender is. But they're asking people to. But then you've got a Terry Irwin. Is it actually Terry? Terry Michaels.

Terry. Okay. That name's out there. That's not me. Doc's in someone, by the way. I'm not putting it out. I'm not the first person to say it. He's asking people to pay for the gym, pay for the membership during lockdown.

I don't think you should have to pay for the gym even out of lockdown. You think it should be free all the time? Imagine. Okay. Okay. Imagine what? Hot people. Yeah.

Free. Ugly people. Okay. Okay. Imagine what? Hot people. Yeah. Free. Ugly people. Pay. Oh, but who decides if you're ugly? That's very subjective. Sliding scale. You've got to keep it quiet what you're paying. You're not allowed to tell other members.

This is the same as letting hot girls into bars. Yeah. Because ugly guys there and then they pay more. It's exactly the same. Okay. Yeah. I don't think that's going to help gyms. Because I see the problem. Also, it sets up a precedent of if you're paying more,

it's all right to lair at the more attractive people. And it's not okay to lair. As an attractive person. You hate being lair'd at. I don't mind being lair'd at by a fellow attractive person. Look, I'll let you have a quick look, but that's it. That's Stair Machine. I'm on it.

I'm asking for it. Yeah. You know? The ride up, the ride up in the shorts, the little back view of the juicy caboosey, and then I don't blame you for having a little squint. Level three and four, gyms have to be sharp. Yeah. Right? And so I know it's tough for gy four, gyms have to be shut. Yeah. Right?

And so I know it's tough for gyms. Even the big chain gyms. Yeah. Like you'd think, oh, they'll be fine. They can, but you know, I've heard stories that it's pretty bad. Yeah. Level four and three shutting down for, you know, a couple of months. Because the thing is, you get a subsidy, a wage subsidy, which pays, it helps to pay

for staffing, but it doesn't pay for any other costs. No. So like gyms, you imagine that's quite a big lease payment and some places give you a bit of a lease relief, but I don't think they have to. Yeah. So you can understand. This gym's under fire, but then is he saying that you have to?

No. So it's for loyal customers. If you can continue to keep paying us, that would be great, essentially. But for those members who need a bit of a break, please accept our on-hold option. The option makes a valuable contribution to helping the business survive and secures your discounted rate going forward. Your membership rate is guaranteed to always be at least 20% lower below our rack rate. The on hold option is $10 per week. Click here to activate.

That's not bad. Right. So you're getting a discount going forward. This guy doesn't sound like a horrible monster. He just, most places, the big ones can just be like, we've changed it. Yeah. So it's on hold. You're not, you're not paying.

Yeah. But the small ones. It's $2 a week just to take care of've changed it. So it's on hold. You're not paying. It's $2 a week just to take care of the admin fee. But it's not like this is a smaller unit, so you have to do it rather than having it done for you. It's like having money coming in, but then going forward the customer still gets a discount. Yeah.

But is it cheeky? Because a lot of people are upset by this. Well, at that gym, you've still got the option to hold it, don't you? Yeah. So, I don't know. You don't have to do it. But I don't know if you went to a small community gym and, I don't know, it was just one owner.

Wouldn't you just want to help them out if you could afford it? If you could afford it, totally. If you loved going there. Yeah. But, you know, a big chain, you might just feel like, well, no. Yeah. You're getting probably a lot of money for your wage subsidy. Just to get the money to come in at the time.

I mean, I'm not running a business. It would be so stressful at the moment. I mean, you had the cafe during lockdown last year. And it's, yeah, SOS business is another way that people help out. I know that's hospitality. So you buy a voucher for a place that you like to give them money coming in now and then you can use the voucher when they open again. Oh, yeah, nice.

That's a good idea. But to give them funds now when they need it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. Hey, guys. Now bestowed upon me recently was a very important task. I was contacted and I thought.

Sorry. Pardon me? Sorry. I was contacted and asked to be a judge on a panel. Yep. I like that. I like that power. I like holding in my hand the ability to destroy.

Or create. No, I was asked by Hatchet New Zealand, who are book publishers, if I would like to be on the judging panel. For a moment I thought, are they the bludgeoning instruments? Yes. Imagine my excitement when they're like, we want you. And I was like, I want you. I love relaxers.

Yeah, yeah. But it was to judge the Margaret Mahi illustration price. By the way, we've always said Margaret Mahi wrong. It's Mahi like do the Mahi, get the treats. It's not Margaret Mahi. It's not Mahi. You know who told me that? Her daughter, who was also on the panel.

Okay, so we've been saying Margaret Mahi's wrong. Can you say my mum's name right, please? Mahi. No, because they said, do the Margaret Mahi get the treats? Oh, they had it written on the wall. And I was like, yeah. And they said, yeah, and hopefully it'll get everybody saying her name correctly. And I was like, big pin. I have blurted many times,

let's go to the Margaret Mahi playground. It's a couple of trips. Margaret Mahi playground. It's a couple of trips. Who loves the Margaret Mahi playground? Margaret Mahi. Now you can say, let's go to the Margaret Mahi playground. They'll be like, how pissed are you, Smith? You're mispronouncing Mahi.

And I'll be like, children, you're about to learn pronunciation. Margaret Mahi. That was my big takeaway from the day. That and the fact that New Zealand has some phenomenally talented illustrators. So you're judging. What makes you the judge of illustrations? A good judge. Have you seen my stick figures?

They are so detailed. You do love comics. I love graphic novels. I love comics. I love reading them. I always look at other people's ability to draw and I'm like, damn it. And the annoying thing is

these people, these illustrators, these drawers, they say, you could too if you practiced. And you're like, get real. I couldn't. I'm the same. I look at people like that and I'm just like, that is so much talent. Yeah. So this one was, and this was the other thing.

I would have assumed that illustration would have been you just get told what to draw. But that's not the case. Often the story is written and then it's completely up to the illustrator to decide how it should be visually interpreted. Oh, wow. Okay. So this story was a Margaret Mahi classic. There's a king in the cupboard. You probably have read this. It was always was a Margaret Mahi classic. There's a king in the cupboard.

You probably have read this. It was always in like Margaret Mahi collections. And this is what happens every year for this. Yeah. They pick an old story. Yeah. That Margaret wrote. And that hadn't been illustrated.

It was a short story. And then it gets illustrated by people. And it's completely up to them how they interpret the story, how they draw the characters. Right. That's cool. And I was just like, I'd never thought of that. I thought you authors would be like, draw it this way. No!

No! And they'd almost be cracking the whip. Yeah, right. At the illustrator. But no, in this situation, anyway, it's completely up to the illustrator to like, there's a mention of an old house and everybody immediately has a different vision of what an old house looks like

so who won who did you pick did you pick the one that won it was a panel we all we voted and then afterwards

we discussed and yeah and we came to the conclusion and it was easy the best part about it we didn't know anything about

these illustrators it was like a blind blind no it wasn't blind because we were looking. Is it still called blind if it was primarily based on visual? We don't know anything about them.

It was like a blind date with the illustrator. Right. Interesting. Yeah, but they didn't catfish us. I want that to be clear. Okay. They didn't catfish us.

Minrui Yang won this year for her illustration of There's a King in the Cupboard, and that's going to be released as a book, and it's cool, and this is something that's happened for the last few years and will happen again next year. And now you're a book judge, an illustrator. I like to prefer to be identified as a career Kickstarter. ZM's Flat Warner Megan. Play ZM.

Well, the auction has closed on Trade Me a half-eaten loaf of Vogel's. I think there were five slices and one crust. Right. That's more than half-eaten. That's more than half-eaten. Yeah, that's a quarter

of a bag. And is it toast or a sandwich? I don't know what slice. Is it frozen too? It'll be yuck by now. It'll be yuck by now. I don't think that was the point really. Somebody has paid $4,000 for the auction. It's the final bid.

Now the good news here is the Carpity Seller is giving the money to charity. That's good. Which is fantastic. So half of the proceeds will go to Mike King's I Am Hope charity. He does amazing work. Had him on the show many times, haven't we? Yeah. And the Ronald McDonald house, who also do amazing work. So they're getting the proceeds for that.

And that auction is now the fourth most the fourth biggest trade me listing ever. We talked about this a couple of days ago. The most popular ever was the handbag used by former all black Tana Umanga to smack a fellow Hurricanes player at a bar during an altercation. A light hearted altercation. A light hearted.

That was over a million, I think 1.1 or 1.2 million page views. Wow. This one ended up with 600,000. Yeah. So it's made it the fourth biggest Trade Me listing ever. The seller had to answer close to 1,200 questions

on the listing. So, I mean, that's wasted there. Most of them are just banter, right? Yeah, it's all banter. And that would have wasted his week in lockdown. Yeah, that would have passed the time. Absolutely would have passed the time. Run the cell phone battery right down, though.

Yeah. Play ZM's Fleshphone and Megan. I've been doing some maths, and I think she might actually be the human lockdown. Wherever she goes, it's lockdown time. And she joins us on the phone, and I'm not blaming her for level four, but I'm just saying there's a correlation. Ursula Carlson, hello.

Good morning. And just so you know, there's a level five that no one talks about, but I can bring it. You were telling us when we recorded, have you been paying attention? You told us the actual numbers. How many days have you been in a city or an area that's been locked down since this all started? And including quarantine, hotel quarantine, 212 today. Oh, my God.

Isn't that something? Yeah. Oh, my God. Isn't that something? And you were mentioning that you're trying to get to the end of porn on the internet. Are you clocking porn? Yeah, no, no, I clocked it.

Oh, you got it? Yeah, yeah, no, I did it. I did it, yeah. Thank you. So what happens when you get to the end? Well, I mean, it sort of clocks over and then you just become everyone's family member by the look of it. Everyone steps this day and I'm quite horny. And you're stuck.

Anyway, we'll move on. So, have you been paying attention? I was there, you were there, Madeline Sami was there, Chris Parker, who has become this unsung hero of bringing pure content delight during lockdown, was there, and Guy Montgomery scraped in by the skin of his teeth. Honestly, only by his

good looks. I mean, you've got that ridiculous moustache now, so we had to get him. Because usually he has no one to be having a moustache. There has to be some moustache tie into the show. I took it this way. And Ruby Toohey joins us. And I might say, I was there for the filming and the sexual chemistry between you two was palatable.

I'm telling you, my fingers are still a tingle. It was a revelation for all of us. And, I mean, I don't know if it'll make the show because it was literally bubbling in there. And I've got an open invitation to head over to the dressing rooms at any time, she said. Oh, okay. I'm very excited.

Anytime. That's post-match, pre-match, during the match to set up for the post-match. Yeah, she didn't put a time limit on it so I could go early and stay late. Yeah, I would just churn in this evening. Just to see that. I want to see if it makes it.

There's a lot of questionable content this week that I wonder if it will make the cut in any form. I mean, it's not our fault. We're filming it with no pants on. Yeah. I was going to ask if there was pants because why? Pants optional. Yeah.

Everybody was in small rooms. Everybody was saying how hot they were in the small rooms they were filming and apart from Ursula who was freezing. So now I'm worried about your insulation levels. Yeah, no. I mean, I'm in an old, old villa. And the one side of the house, I don't think they've, they finished their roof back in the 1950s when they built these homes.

But it's quite drafty. Bit drafty. Few holes. Windows whether you want them or not. So tonight, 8.30, I must have changed the time slot, but I'm not aware that they have. Are you? Oh, look, just stay on there.

Just stay on the whole time and wait for us. What else have you got on? Just put on the news, put on the press conference at 3 and just stay watching. Just wait, flick it across the TV too at some stage. There'll probably be a Friends rerun on and then just sit your ass down and wait for Have You Been Paying Attention to come on tonight.

That's right. Ursula, thanks for joining us. Thanks, Tim. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. We were absolutely shocked a couple of days ago on the show when we learned that at the social media desk, Carwain has spent 60 hours in the last week. This is when the reports came out on the iPhone on Monday.

They always come out at 9 o'clock on Monday, right? Like, hey, be better this week. Hey, yeah, do better. 60 hours. And that wasn't all of a lockdown week either. That was like only a partial lockdown. So this next week, you'd expect that to be way more. So we asked you on Instagram,

how bad is your daily average screen time? It's confronting. It is confronting. You flick across and you're like, oh. But hey, at least you're inside, you know? We thought we were isolating. We would talk to these people. Yes.

Good morning, Lisa. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. I'm good. Now, what's your daily average for screen time? So during lockdown, it's over double to eight hours.

Oh, wow. Okay. So normally it'd be four-ish when you're, like, doing your normal day and you're working and stuff? Yeah. Okay, and is that, do you, is it mostly what, Netflix?

Or are you just scrolling? Netflix and scrolling, yeah. TikTok is really bad. Oh, I know. Yeah, you get down a TikTok hole and that's it, eh? An hour's gone, yeah. Do you know, I listen to a podcast

about TikTok's algorithm. Oh, really? And apparently it's next level. There has not been a algorithm like it. Because you know how people are like, oh, my God, that feels so particularly targeted. And it might be because you swiped out of it, you swiped up to go to the next video, right?

Am I correct on TikTok? So when you swipe up up there might have been something in the background of that at that exact second you swiped up that tick tock will be like they don't like dogs because when the dog appeared you swiped up oh okay that's just an example everyone loves dogs that's all my algorithm is dogs and babies yeah so if you will if if it's there and you don't swipe up it it's like, they like that. And if you swipe up, they don't like that. Wow.

So apparently there's no social media algorithm as good as TikToks just yet. Okay. So we can blame them for the eight hours, Lisa. It's exactly designed to keep you there. Yeah. Lisa, thank you. Holly, you can beat Lisa, though. I can.

It was 10 hours and 21 minutes. Oh! Are we round of applausing that? Are we round of the... I mean, sure. Yeah, sure. What did you do? What was that made up of?

Yeah, I looked at the top three with Snapchat, Netflix and Facebook. So Snapchat was above Netflix? Yeah, Snapchat was at the top of the list. And TikTok's not even in the top three. I don't even have a TikTok, so I don't have the excuse. Are you calling us from 2016 if you've got a Snapchat and no TikTok? Facebook is in there. I don't even.

I'm a boomer at heart, you know. Yeah. Heart boomers on Snapchat. And so how much of that would be watching, like, Netflix? Most of it? It's said seven hours. Oh, right. Okay.

So yeah, there you go. Yeah. I think that comes out of the weekly average. I don't think I watch seven hours a day. This is why I watch Netflix on my TV. So my phone doesn't know. But then I'm on my phone while I'm on Netflix. So it's the same thing.

But Holly, we can do better than 10 hours, I believe. We have Cindy who joins us. Cindy, what's your daily screen time? This is so confronting. Were you listening to the other callers and you're like, that's nothing? Yeah, a little bit. You know the Prime Minister calling up under your nickname, are you? No.

She'd be on her phone a lot though, communicating with everybody at this crazy time. You should message her right now, the Prime Minister, and say,

what's your daily average screen time? We're just talking about it. Don't mind if I do. What is that, official information request? Yeah, yeah. That's how I said it,

I have an official information request. Now, Cindy, bearing that there are 24 hours in the day, what is your daily average screen time? It's 14 hours and 34 minutes.

So just show them 14 hours. Look, in my defence, I do a lot of art and craft and stuff, so I often have stuff on in the background. Okay, right. You've got 10 hours left. So if you're sleeping. If you're doing like three or four hours of crafts a day,

you'll just have YouTube or Netflix playing or something. Yeah, and when I'm going to sleep and stuff, I often leave YouTube or TikTok or whatever on in the background. Wow. This is like an addict. It's been like, I don't know, I must have knocked that bottle of scotch over. It must have gone down the sink.

I'm pretty sure like half the bottle of vodka evaporated. Oh yeah, because I left the lid off and it was a hot day. That's how vodka works. Wow, Cindy, is that confronting? A little bit, yeah. It's quite confronting. Carwain at the social media desk, did we have anybody that bet 14 hours but we couldn't get a hold of?

Does that make you feel bad? Well, you're telling me someone's on their phone for more than 14 hours but can't reply to our message when we say, can we call you about this? They do need to sleep at some stage. No, 14 was our top. Oh, Cindy. Congratulations.

Well done. I don't know. You can feel good about that. We're in lockdown. Yeah. Specifically because I don't know. I feel good about that. We're in lockdown. Yeah. Is that specifically because I'm in lockdown? Yeah. What's your average when it's not lockdown?

Do you know that? I don't know. I actually don't really pay much attention. Okay. What got on you? Okay, so do you get sore eyes or anything? That's a serious question. Just like do you get headaches?

No, I don't think so. No, because it's all in the background. Well, I'm not actually usually looking at my screen. Right, you're just going to be active. Because I'm usually knitting or something, yeah. Okay, amazing. Sydney, thank you for sharing. We appreciate it.

Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Friday Flashback. Well, it's a Friday tradition. Each week we each take a turn picking a song that has to be at least 10 years old that we haven't heard for a while and it's got to be a banger. That's the rules. This is a banger.

It's from 1989. The artist originally did not like it at all but was convinced to record it. They're not one of those artists or bands that they make an amazing song and then they're like, we're not performing that at our concerts because we're over it. We're looking at you, Radiohead. Yeah.

Well, you two would be able to tell me because you have seen this artist in concert. Sheer. Anne McGann. Anne McGann. Relax. Anne McGann.

Relax. Bread. I want you to bread. I want you to bread. Is this because we were talking about like artists with last names that we don't know? Adele's last name is, what was that, Smith?

Adkins. Adkins. Adele Adkins. Yeah. So yeah, this song was number three in New Zealand, but number one in Australia, number one all over the world. And I felt like the lyrics are something we could all relate to at the moment. Is it from the movie Mermaids?

No. You're such a fangirl. I love a bit of shit. Well, you know, Warren got the sheer t relate to at the moment. Is it from the movie Mermaids? No. You're such a fangirl. I love a bit of Cher. Well, you know, Warren got the Cher t-shirt at the concert. I did. You haven't worn that for ages. Oh, no.

Babe. No, it wasn't. It does not fit. I don't know if Cher's merchandise is of the highest quality. Oh, right. Is her face coming off? No, the Cher.

It was her. Did I get the bum one? Yeah, you got the bum one. That all faded off and then it just blew apart. Oh, well. Is her face coming off? No, the Cher. Did I get the bum one? Yeah, you got the bum one. That all faded off and then it just blew apart. Oh, well, that's terrible. It wasn't too tight. Have you thought about tweeting Cher and asking for another T-shirt? Yeah.

Nah, I won't bother her. Well, yeah, this seemed fitting now that we've gone into lockdown. And hopefully it starts off slow and builds. It can definitely bring the mood up, New Zealand. So if only we could turn back time. What an absolute sing-along. If we could turn back time. If I could turn back time.

If I could find a way, I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay. I don't know why I did the things I did. I don't know why I said the things I said. Fries like a knife knife It can cut deep inside Words are like Weapons they wound Sometimes I didn't really mean to hurt you

I didn't want to see you go I know I made you cry But baby if I could Turn back time if I could turn back time, if I could find a way, I'd take back those words that I heard you, you'd say. I give a heart to you And you love me, love me Like you used to My world was shattered I was torn apart

Like someone took a knife And broke it deep in my heart You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care Thank you. Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind And God, if I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back all the words that have hurt you And you'd say If I could reach the stars I'd give them all to you. Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do.

If I could turn back time. If I could turn back time If I could turn back time If I could turn back time Oh, baby I didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't want to see you go I know I made you cry But if I could turn back time

If I could find a way I'd take back all the words I heard you If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you. And you'd love me, love me like you used to do. If I could turn back time, turn back time. If I could find my way. Hey, baby, baby, baby. It's your Friday Flashback on ZM.

It's sheer. If I could turn back time, Megan, absolutely hitting that out of the park this week. Well done, well done, well done, well done. She is an absolute world treasure. She is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. She is a wonder of the world. She's got one of those little signs at the start that predicts how long it will take you to walk the trail. That video is the one where she's wearing that shred of black lycra.

If you see those modern bikini bottoms, your likes, your Kendall Jenners, red of Black Lycra. Yeah. It's really something. Those modern bikini bottoms, your likes, your Kendall Jenners, your Emily Radichandowskis. I see it written down all the time. I don't hear it said that often. Radichandowsky. And you're like, oh, it's just a slight slither of material

holding it all in there. She was ahead of her time. But Cher was doing it 30 years ago. And she's running around on stage and stuff. Yeah. She's magical too. I saw her a few years ago now. Overwhelming response, Megan, for that.

People are absolutely loving it. Good job. Good work from you. Yeah, somebody said when they heard me say, is it from the movie Mermaids, they thought it was going to be the Shoop Shoop song. Oh, it's a good song as well. Huge fan of the Shoop Shoop song.

I mean, that could also be another Friday flashback at another time. Somebody said, I must apologise to my poor neighbours. They've really got an earful of that. My office at the hospital's having a great sing-along. Oh, good. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. Yeah. Thank you very good. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you for your service. Alright, onwards. Sunbathing makes you horny. Do I? No. Oh, stuff it. We're unable for.

I've got questions for you. Do I make you horny? Oh my god, I haven't. Oh, that's shut out enough of you listening, but you can prepare all weekend. You're gonna get that all weekend. I've got questions. Do I make you horny?

I went through a real period of kids were like, what is that from? I was like, you're not old enough yet, but one day we will watch the Austin Powers movie trilogy and appreciate it for what it is. Has it? Chef's kiss.

Right, okay. Chef's kiss. So the studies found that when you sunbathe, I guess what, you're getting all the rays of sun? Vitamin D on your lips. They didn't even do it. They didn't even do it outside. Volunteers were exposed to UV radiation

and asked about their sexual desire. What about like a sunbed then? Would that be the same? Ask Jeremy Wells. Yeah, maybe that's why he loves a sunbed. Does he pop out of his solarium at half mast? There's a visual. How much give is in a sunbed half-mast? There's a visual. How much give is in a sunbed when it comes down?

There's a visual. Yeah. Yes, Taskmaster. They also had bloods taken to check for testosterone and other sex hormone levels, and they discovered that exposure to sunlight increased the libido in adults. Okay.

And researchers said it could be used to create some sort of treatment for sexual hormone disorders, but also warn people to be careful when in direct sunlight. Yeah, right. Sunburn, et cetera. Some people are sunning their perineum, eh? I mooned mine the other night in the full moon. You recharged your crystals, didn't you?

Yeah. I chucked a couple of rose quartz on the ground and then exposed my perineum. To the moon. To the moon, To the moon. And I sung that Ladyhawk song. Hey, start mooning my perineum. Okay.

Bathed in, bathed, I'm not finished. Bathed in moonlight, my perineum recharged itself, ready for another lunar cycle. Did you actually get your butthole out? Well, I was nude in the spa Oh were you nude Yeah well no one else Was out there No one wanted to Spa with me

You sent us a picture Yeah baby And I've got a question After I sent you that picture Do I make you horny baby Do I So the question We want to ask this morning

Because it is weird That like I don't know Like do you guys Go to the beach If you go to the beach For the whole day You just knack it

At the end of it. Oh, the salt, the air, the swimming, the sun. Yeah, you are, yeah. You're right, knack it. We want to ask the question this morning, what weird thing gets you going? Was it this week or last week? There was a study about the curry ingredients.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Fenugreek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fenugreek. I always thought it was just spicy food, but maybe it's the fenugreek. I've got to mention, it's the last thing I feel like after I've had a butter chicken naan combo. So you're supposed to have a curry at the beach. God, you'd come home an absolute horndog, wouldn't you?

Or just a sandy mess Yeah Sand in your teeth Because the sand Blew into your naan You drop your naan In the dunes They want sand

In your korma That's for sure I try to keep sand Out of my korma You just Even like a week later You're finding it And you're taking masala

It's everywhere That's a real problem So 0800 DARS at M We have asked on our Instagram as well If you'd like to be anonymous. Oh, we didn't play the music. Oh, for Christ's sake. After all that.

Oh, you've got to turn it off. Start again. Start this whole thing again. No, we're not starting this whole thing again. But we want you to give us a call. 0800 DARS at M. You can text in as well. 9696.

What weird thing makes you. That's you, buddy. That's you. That was you. What weird thing makes you... It's good. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. And this morning on the show,

we want to know what makes you... Wait a minute. No, you didn't queue it up right, did you? Again, you've done this again. Here it is, here it is. 50 seconds for those. And not the weird things, because the study has found that sunbathing will make you... Can kickstart it. Can kickstart it.

So if you've been feeling a little, I mean, isn't it raining for the next 10 days? Yeah. We'll all go round to Jeremy Wells' house and use his solarium. Now, we won't be in there for too long because of a high risk of cancer. And I, for the sensible man that he is and he's an intelligent bloke, it blows my mind that he's got one. I know, right? But he's always looked so yummy and golden brown, doesn't he?

For now. Can I just pull back there? Yummy? He's like a perfectly cooked crumpet. He's also our colleague. Oh, yeah. But I checked with him and he likes this. Now, we've asked you to share on Instagram

and text and phone the thing that does kickstart this. Now, unsurprisingly, a lot of people are willing to message in but not talk. And that's absolutely fine.

We'll take your anonymous confessions. You can text 9696. Don't be shy. We won't read out your name. Only one person in the entire team of five million people is willing to talk about what kickstarts the libido. And here's TV One Breakfast weatherman,

Matty McLean. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good. How are you? Look, my sexual appetite is well documented on this show at this point, so I figure I might as well continue the thing.

Yeah, why not? Now, what is it that kickstarts Maddie McLean? Well, a good friend of all of ours actually introduced me to this Morgan pen, posted a video of this guy chopping wood. On TikTok? No, on Instagram. And

all of a sudden, I just saw him wield that mighty axe. The axe came down on the bit of wood, and I went, whew. He stands on it, doesn't he? It's a big log, and it takes him ages, and he gets right through it. Yeah. And then by the end of that, youew. Oh, my God. He stands on it, doesn't he, and chops it. It's a big log, and it takes him ages, and he gets right through it. Yeah.

And then by the end of that, you're just like, what? Wait, are we talking speed chopping like you see at the A&P show? Because I've seen some of those old boys in singlets with hairy shoulders, and I tell you, it'll get something stirs inside me too. Yeah, no, look, this is just like a stump, and he does it in one, like in one chop. The wood is split in half, and there's something about splitting it in half.

What is? Matty, what's the handle for everyone who wants to know now? Do you know what? It's probably made of wood, I reckon. Yeah, do you know what? I don't even know, Megan, because I'm just so enthralled by his wood chopping abilities, but I don't even know what his name because I'm just so enthralled by his wood chopping abilities that I don't even know what his name is.

It's so bad of me. I'm jealous. I feel now because I know that we've got a special connection and I want to provide you some Vaughan Smith wood chopping content. We'll do that. You can do that. But I have to say, just as I was having this conversation with you guys, I did think of another thing, and that was, there was something about you spanking that

bit of meat the other day. On the barbecue. The wobbly meat. So do speaks. Yeah. Yeah. You're not the only one. You need an Instagram account for that.

Meat spanking, and it's like, well, just when I get to the perfect part of the cook, I just start smacking it. Well, Vaughan, this guy on Instagram, I've found his handle, well, just when I get to the perfect part of the cook, I just start smacking it. Well, Vaughan, this guy on Instagram, I've found his handle, Megan, and it's Bradley.Thor. Thor? And this guy on Instagram, all he does is chop a bit of wood and he's got 290,000 followers. That's not all he does.

Oh, the dude's absolutely jacked. Maddie, I can't follow this account. Oh no, Megan will get in trouble with Mr. Toyboy. She's not allowed to. But Vaughan, if you create an Instagram account where you were just smacking me with a spatula, I swear to God. I think what

you're talking about, Maddie, is called OnlyFans. Well, let me know when you've got one, Vaughan, and I'll be your first subscriber. Oh, yeah, okay, that's a good one. Yeah, right. Maddie McLean, thank you so much for letting us into your life, your intimate details this morning. Oh, my God.

He broke that in one go. Jesus of Nazareth. That must be a dry log because he absolutely just split it in two. And now he's taking his shirt off. Why did he take his shirt off? Because he cut that wood. He's hot. You know what they say, cut your own wood, warm yourself twice.

Because you'll get a sweat cutting the wood. That's a saying. Matty McLean, thank you so much for sharing. Be safe in lockdown, please. You too, guys. Okay, and we're in for some rain, aren't we, the next few days? Yes, yes, yes. Give us a weather report for free. Be safe in lockdown, please. You too, guys. Okay, and we're in for some rain, aren't we, the next few days? Yes, yes, yes. Give us a weather report for free. Yep. Very

wet over the next few days. It's going to be a hunker down kind of a weekend, unfortunately. We're all in for it, basically, across the board. Alright, Matty McLean, thank you so much. Some more messages in on interesting things that make you...

Oh, now he's bending over in front of the camera. He's a naughty boy. I can't follow this. We've lost Megan to this Instagram account. Does he use a hashtag every time? You could follow the hashtag. Yeah, right. Okay, I see you.

I see you, big dog. Follow your feed. Someone said, the sunbed theory 100% correct. Every time I sunbed, I come out randy. Oh, right. Somebody said fruit platters. Do you think it's just the phallicness of a banana with two plums at the bottom? Yeah.

Somebody said the vampire dad from Twilight. Yes, okay. I'm here for that. Which Cullen's he? Christian. Christian Cullen. Yeah, yeah. The one from Bicocca di Chia. The Bicocca di Chia Express. He's a. Christian. Christian Cullen. Yeah, yeah. The one from Bicocca di Chi.

The Bicocca di Chi Express. He's a vampire now. Somebody said, my man when he wears blue jeans, blue denim, just every time. A man in blue denim. God, you're easy to please.

Every day, yeah. My hubby when he's doing manly stuff like building and digging. Is your wife like that? Is she just like, have a shower, you're gross. Well, I'm like, come out and help. And then she gets out, she's like, I'm bored.

And I'm like, I'm trying to get you horny. And I've got a question for you. Do I make you horny, baby? Somebody else messaged in saying, my wife's got this friend that's always like, my shoulders are so sore, and then my wife massages her, and I just sit there being like. Somebody wants to invite someone in, don't they?

Yeah. Somebody else said being hungover. Whenever you're hungover. That's different. Is it? That's different. Okay. That's a proven cure.

Somebody said when I exercise. Yeah, I've heard that too. Do you remember that time PJ went on the news? Just after Jason PJ moved to Melbourne, PJ went on The Project. So they're equivalent of our project or 7 Shop, the 7pm current

affair show watched by millions and talked about how she gets really horny every time she's at the gym. On a certain exercise machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bless her. Gets close. The smell of bleach. She saw no problem with that. The smell of bleach, somebody said. And, yeah.

The smell of bleach? So every time they're handy-handying the line, they're like Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. about Dr. Edwin Shondross. Okay. Any ringing any bells there? No. He invented something in the 1960s. Will the name give a hint?

No. Oh, okay. No, it's not named after him. I don't have a Shondross in my house. You don't have a Shondross in my house? A Shondross. I'll read you the chemical formula then. Okay.

He took luminol. No, he didn't invent the dentist. He took luminol and caused a chemiluminescence. Luminol, chemiluminescence. Okay. Luminescence. There's your clue there in the name. Evanescence. Bring me to life. He did. He invented Amy Lee from Evolescence. No. Luminescence. There's your clue there in the name. Evanescence. Bring me to life. He did. He invented Amy Lee

from Evanescence. Okay, good. No, he didn't. The black light. No. He invented the chemical reaction that causes glow sticks. Oh, you got it. I got it. Correct, correct, correct. It was kind of by accident, but

he was like Yeah and they were used The biggest benefactor of glow sticks The US Department of Defence Oh okay Yeah you can crack a glow stick and wave it Get extracted and do big ones And have different sorts of things

See where people are If you're in the dark and you need to see You can crack open a glow stick that's got a back on it Because you know when you crack a glow stick Your eyes are just like That's all I can see now crack open a glow stick that's got a back on it so that it, because you know when you crack a glow stick, your light just, your eyes are just like, that's all I can see now. Because the light's so bright it makes everything else harder to see but if you block

your hand with it you can actually use it as a very dull torch. But you have to be able to block it from your. Or just use your phone. So the Department of Defence require 20 million chem lights. 20 million glow sticks. Wow.

Yeah. But it wasn't until 2013 in an interview that he was doing that Dr. Edward Chandross found out that glow sticks were used at raves or concerts. Really? He had no idea. Had he not been to a full moon party or anything? Nope. He'd never been to a concert with that.

Apparently the first time they were ever used at a concert was at a 1971 Grateful Dead show. Now this is weird because Grateful Dead featured recently. You'll remember they sponsored the Lithuanian basketball team so they could play at the Olympics. And then they wore the tie-dye outfit. Was it army people that were off duty and they'd taken some glow sticks? So that's, they think they were pinched.

Oh, right. They think they were pinched from an army base. They don't know if it was by army people or people who were anti-establishment who got in there but they said the Grateful Dead concert was the first time it was used and of course now, like everywhere you go, like any concert in the dark, you're Disney

on ice, you your rave parties. Yep. Where they play electronic dance music. Parties. Yeah, but it wasn't until that he found out that he had invented the thing that was popularly used at our rave concerts. And do you know what he said when he found out? What?

Maybe my granddaughter will think I'm cool now. Oh. What a bitch granddaughter. I know. Your dad invented glow sticks. Your granddad invented glow sticks. That's cool. That sounds like one of those stories your granddad tells you that's a complete lie.

I invented those. That's what my granddad always used to say. All right, granddad. We were talking about Nintendos once. He's like, I invented those. That's what my granddad always used to say. All right, granddad. We were talking about Nintendos once. He's like, I invented those. I was like, you invented the Nintendo. He's like, played a very crucial part in the invention of that. That's what he used to say about everything.

He didn't know what you're talking about. He'd be like, yeah, I invented that. He's like, do they still have wheels? That was his other thing. He'd always say, do those still have wheels? He'd be like, no. And he's like, oh, wow. I've changed my idea.

I can see where you got it, get it from. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Insane amount of crap talking. So today's fact of the day is the guy that invented glow sticks didn't even know they were a thing to take to a concert until 2013. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Fridge Bingo It's Friday It's time for Fridge Bingo

Now you've got to be with your fridge to play We've established that Yes, you must be within vicinity Standing in front of preferably The door will be open so long it will be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, mind it. Do you know a little life hack? Just press the little in-e-out button and keep your fridge open.

No shit. But you've got to stand there and hold it, though. No, you just press it once and it stops beeping. Why don't you just shut it and then you can slow yourself more time. I'm loading it. Okay. Yeah. Casey, good morning.

Good morning, guys. Good morning. Now, Casey, you're going to be Yeah. Casey, good morning. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Now, Casey, you're going to be playing up against Megan this morning. Good morning, Megan. Morning. All right, so. You've got a yuck name. That's all you've got left.

They've got the tanks in there. You've got a yuck name. What a dumb name. Thanks for Hawkins. Hey, shut up, Megan. I love you. The team of five million is really stressed at the moment, isn't it? You're ready to pounce.

Now, the randomiser will spit out a random object that we need you to identify in your fridge. If you have that object, buzz in with your name. Let's start. Garlic in any form. Oh, Casey. Me in. Oh, Casey. Me again. Okay, Casey.

What form is your garlic taking, Casey? Crushed, actually. Crushed garlic. Yes. You've got a big jar of that. I love keeping that in everything. Growing in the People's Republic of China in human excrement. I know, but there's no other garlic around this area.

New Zealand garlic. New Zealand garlic. New Zealand garlic. And people freak out because it's like New Zealand garlic, $18, $19, $20 a kilogram. No one's buying a kilogram. Those dried bulbs weigh next to nothing. And you don't need to use as much. It's much stronger.

No, I don't use the bulbs. You've got to peel them. And you don't. Oh, it depends what for. Yeah, I just thought they had the shit garlic. I made the stew. I made the Guernsey bean jar. Chuck it in whole.

You chuck it in whole and it melts. The paper stuff melts. There's no need to peel the garlic. Yeah, right. Okay. Next one out of the randomizer. We're rolling. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Cutlery! Oh!

Who has cutlery? In the fridge? I've got a dish. Does that count? That's crockery. No, that's crockery. That's crockery. Do you mean like someone's just put a stir fry and left the fork in?

Who does that? It's a pie in an oven dish. Like a pie dish. Oh, right. That's crockery. That's a zero. That's a pie in an oven dish. Like a pie dish. Oh, right. That's crockery. Again, that's crockery. So that's a zero. That's a zero there.

These women are running tight fridges. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. An odd number of eggs. Keep them in the fridge. You don't keep them in the fridge?

Who was that? Not even. You've got an even number. I can't do of eggs. Keep them in the fridge. You don't keep them in the fridge? Who is that? Not even. You've got an even number. I can't do uneven eggs. I will put an odd amount of eggs into a dish to make the thing even. So it's an even spread. Okay, so nothing there. Nothing there.

Nothing. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Something you'll probably never use. Oh, Casey. Yes, Casey. What's in there that you're probably never going to use? Jalapenos. What are you going to use?

How'd they get in there in the first place? I probably needed them for one recipe, and I brought a whole big jar. And so now they just sit there. How long have they been sitting there for? They're expired. They're expired. Casey, right now, let's chuck that in the bin. Megan, you don't have anything that you probably won't use?

I've got some pitted olives, and I don't eat olives, but they maybe were used at some point. I'm not sure. Maybe if you're going to make a homemade focaccia bread. I don't like it. Focaccia. Focaccia. Okay, so are we counting that?

Are we counting that? Yep. Yep. Yep. Last item. First one to buzz in. Oh. A non-food item.

Oh, Casey. Casey, what do you got? What do you got? A drink counts. It's not food, is it? No, it does. Drinks. Drink counts. It's a consumable.

It's a consumable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Megan, what did you have? There's a consumable. It's a consumable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Megan, what did you have? There's a pen. You had a pen? The pen's on top of the fridge for writing on the list that's on the fridge and they fall into the egg tray sometimes. That works.

What an absolute come from behind win for Megan. It's a win. Who has taken out Fridge Bingo and is today's champion of Fridge Bingo. Amazing. Casey and Megan, thank you so much for playing. And it's good to know that you've got a chilli pen. Such a cold pen.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Megan. Fletchford and Megan, we were planning on having a post-show mimosa just to celebrate lockdown level four, but there's no orange juice in the vending machine. The dairy is shut. The dairy over the road is shut. But there is a Fanta in the vending machine.

Fant-pain, I call it. Fan-pain. Fan-pain. And you can only call it Fanta if you get it from the Fanta Valley in France, otherwise it's just... I'd be willing to try that, a fan-pain. I'm down. I love Fanta if you get it from the Fanta Valley in France. I'd be willing to try that. A fan pain.

I'm down. I love Fanta. But I don't have it often. So when I do have it, it's such a treat to have a Fanta. You get real hypo, don't you, running around the room? Well, I was allowed orange food colouring as a child. That might surprise you, but it really put me sideways. I think now they just medicate me.

Yeah, yeah. The 412th Paralympic Games are on in Tokyo. Yes. And we've got a medal. Yay. Sophie Pascoe. Sophie Pascoe, day two. She's just amazing, eh?

Phenomenal. So great. I just... I'm going to spend a lot of time this weekend watching the Paralympics because they had the highlights on the news last night and I forget... To me, the Olympics is amazing. People are at the top of their field.

But then you've got the Paralympics where people have, you know, a disability or... A limb missing. A limb missing. Or cerebral. Maybe it's through an accident. And they... have faced adversity. Exactly.

Because every time I face adversity, I turn away from adversity and I'm like, no, I don't want to. No, thank you, adversity. You look hot. But people are just like out there. The guy, did you see the guy doing backstroke with no arms? Or the guy playing table tennis with his mouth? Yeah.

That was insane. Yeah. The guy doing the swimming with the backstroke with no arms? Or the guy playing table tennis with his mouth? Yeah. That was insane. Yeah. The guy doing the swimming with the backstroke with no arms to start so he started he bit a towel

and someone held the other end of the towel and then he pushed his legs up against the side of the pool so that when they were like go he could be like

and launch out of the air. And then does he just kick? And then he just kicks and a butterfly kick too. Not like a leg, leg-leg kick because it wouldn't keep him up. But then how does... The butterfly kicks and he won! That's insane isn't it? Wow.

And he won! Almost brought me to tears last night. I was drunk and pretty emotional but... It's very admirable. Oh, I just... TBNZ's Duke starts highlights in the morning and then kicks into the live action throughout the day

Any highlights today? It's pretty quiet today There's some wheelchair rugby later on Good stuff You just put a mask on mid-break just to explain the complete change in audio quality coming from Megan I bet you there's coverage of it all

We're 26th on the medal table at the moment with our one silver the complete change in audio quality coming from Megan. I bet you there's coverage of it all. All right. We're 26th on the medal table at the moment with our one silver. China in at number one, Great Britain at number two. Those cheeky Russians are like, they've all know we're Russia. We'll call ourselves RPC. Because this is the Russian Paralympic Committee. All right. Okay.

They agree to the rules so they can come in their third place. All right. Well, good luck to the Paralympians. Z Oh, right. Okay. They agree to the rules so they can come in third place. All right. Well, good luck to the Paralympians. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan.