ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 28th April 2021

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

Be Selfish  Top 6: Office Olympics  Open Relationships  Where's My Medal?!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe by 5 McCafe Coffees. Get one free on the Maccas app. And Hayley just dropping an absolute not reading the room bombshell. No, I was more going, you'll feel me here. Vaughan, how do you feel? I am attacked, persecuted. Yeah.

Okay, let's put this in context Of why the boys are feeling so Targeted and upset And a bit like When someone's won lotto And they're like Oh god it's so hard out there right now My fiancé Aaron Has very long curly hair

A full head From brow to nape What's the other parts of his body like? What are his balls like? Hairy? Ferocious People look at him because he's got a very Big beard and lots of hair

And he's got a hairy chest But that's it Nothing on the back, not a strand Not a back hair to be seen I'm hairier than him on the back. That son of a bitch. Wow. Because I thought that was the one deal, right?

You can grow a beard, you're going to have back hair. Please don't lick a plum like that when you say that. When you're talking about Greg Bowman. I thought that was the deal I made with the devil. Well, anyway, I have been noticing recently, so we were just recording our show and there was an ad for Ashley and Martin. Is it Ashley Martin? Yeah.

Ashley Martin Hair Studio. Ashley and Martin, two surnames. Is it? Ashley and Martin, which is, and I have a friend who went to Ashley and Martin and stopped his baldness in its tracks. And he was like, they told him that the sooner you go the better right when i heard that i was like i'm gonna send aaron there because i've just been noticing in our new shower the every day there's quite a bit of hair curly hair coming out yuck and then she said oh yuck imagine if it was bald they'd be gross i didn't say that. I did not say that at all. You said, I've got to get him an ASAP because I can't have a bald man in my beard.

I did not say that. I can't have him looking like a hard-boiled egg. I just think because he has such luscious hair, it would be a shame to lose it. I think it would look very good grey. He would look like Brian May from Queen. So I was like, you've got to get in there early and if he is losing his hair, get a zat. But there's no cure

for baldness. Aren't they just slowing it down? No, a grey grows it somehow as some medication. Right. But then what if hair starts popping up somewhere else? Well, I just thought, oh yeah. Yeah, true. you're willing to

trade off that beautiful as it could go everywhere like he might be losing a lot of hair but he's got a lot of hair like our robot vacuum cleaner when i'm i'm like do your thing robbie it'll start buzzing around the house and then it'll send me messages like help me i'm choking on your wife's hair and i have to go and undo. This woman is molting. Yeah, right. But she's not thinning in any way. She's just got that much going on. Right.

Right. Well, just remember that a bald head is a solid panel for a sex machine. Oh, my God. I've heard that three times this week. I haven't heard it for years. It's on coffee cups. Yeah, and a T-shirt. Someone got my dad a T-shirt that said that once.

So my dad hated, when we were young, he hated people talking about how he had a bald spot. He hated it being brought up. And someone got him a t-shirt that said, it's not a bald patch, it's a solar panel for a sex machine. He was so wild about it. He got that woman's husband a t-shirt that said, it's not a bear gut, it's the fuel tank for the sex machine.

And it became this tit for tat. Passag t-shirt that said, it's not a bear gut, it's the fuel tank for the sex machine. Latin became this tit for tat. Oh, wow. Like a passag T-shirt. Snappy. Oh, you're bored. I'm bored, am I? Well, you're fat. It's like, bam.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. I feel like we're constantly looking for more and more sleep. Like it's going to be the solver of all of our conundrums, our skin, our health, our gut, our mental space.

It is huge in that area though, right? I've been actually doing some podcast listening on the values of sleep and the effect it has on hormones. Good Lord, don't even get me started. I'm tiny. When I'm tired, I get wildly horny. You misunderstood me there, but it's all right. I'll bring us back on course. We come to think of it actually when I'm tired, I get wildly horny. Yeah. You misunderstood me there, but it's all right. I'll bring us back on course.

We come to think of it, actually, when I'm fully rested, I'm pretty horny as well. You're a dog. You're an absolute horned up dog most of the time. Right now, actually. But I feel like. If you're asking. No, no, no. Now I can't look you in the eye.

No, neither. Looking away from you. Pretty not horny at the moment, actually, because I'm a professional. But go on. Horned Smith. Behave yourself, please. Okay, now I'm horny because you've said my full name. I'm not.

Anyway, if you are looking for more sleep in order to feel better in your day-to-day life, you might not have to find as much as you think. According to a recent study that's been done, adding just 29 minutes of extra sleep each night can increase your daytime mindfulness. Now, mindfulness is obviously a word that gets chucked around a lot at the moment. And it's that feeling which I'm sure you guys, having long been in breakfast radio, will relate to. One can be awake and alert, but not necessarily mindful. Do you feel that?

Sometimes. You're just like. I'm functioning. Yeah, I'm functioning. My brain's a little bit cross-eyed. You'd call it like it's a cloud, really, isn't it? Like a foggy. Now, I stopped listening a while ago.

Welcome back to the conversation. I don't know what's happening here. Someone played an extra episode of their show before they went to sleep last night. Oh, I did. It was so good. But anyway, so they did this study. They examined nurses who obviously have pretty high demand schedules

and would often be quite sleep deprived. And at the end of each day, they would measure how much sleep they had had and how they were functioning during the day and how their mindfulness was. Right. Which is about being like, not doing things things automatically but being really conscious when you're doing things you know like when you're driving you're like how did i get here yeah that's a bad one

mine's like how where did that meal go yeah yeah yeah yeah um and they found that it genuinely as they increased the sleep by in little increments when they hit the 29-minute mark, extra sleep, it totally changed their mindfulness and the way that they function during the day. I always thought it would be something so much more unobtainable, like you need an extra hour. Yeah. You need an extra hour and a half.

Whether you go to bed 29 minutes earlier than normal. Or turn up 29 minutes late, depending on which way you want to play it. That's up to each individual. Gentlemen, would you consider yourself a pack of liars? No. That sounded like a lie. Yes. No one would say that.

That's also a lie. No! No one would say that. That's also a lie. No, no one's admitting to that. But always in life, regardless of gender, we tell little lies. Of course, it's easier. I've always been a liar. But little lies just help things, don't they? Yeah. Because sometimes it might just mean you don't hurt someone's feelings.

Yeah. I mean, a lot of men do the old, you know, oh, I'm going to go get this person's wife and tell a bit of a lie. And they get the boys involved. Like, we're off for a bloody paper conference in Queenstown. I don't know why. You're a dairy farmer. Why are you going to a paper conference?

I don't know why Helen Clark's also coming on this trip. You know, you do sometimes catch your part and you're like is that a lie i'm not sure uh well there's been an experiment uh that's happened that is going to help you tell when men in particular are lying because there's something that men in general do when they tell a little lie uh so in this study from the university of, Erasmus University in Rotterdam, that they discovered that liars, particularly men, often deliberately change their behaviour to mimic who they're telling the lie to. Really? Yeah. So they ran a couple of experiments with motion capture sensors.

And they had people that were telling the truth to their interviewer and people that were lying. And the interviewer was sort of instructed to move themselves. And the men that were lying mimicked the interviewer more than people that were not lying. So, for example, you're worried that your boyfriend is going away, maybe cheating on you for the weekend. Yeah, yeah.

If you lay like a starfish on the ground and said, where are you going this weekend? And then if he also got on the ground and lay like a starfish, he'd be lying to you. I don't think that it needs to be as obvious or over. No. Right. Like a crossed arm or a touching the face.

Yeah, yeah. Although that's a sign of lying, isn't it, when people touch your face? Is it? Do you know a sign of lying? Actually, another thing that they found in this

is you don't, people don't just fiddle with their face. Liars move their entire body, so they'll shuffle on their feet, they'll wriggle their hips a little bit. Oh, they fidget. They fidget because they're nervous. They're nervous about the lie.

Right. And I think because you're concentrating so hard on the lie because you have to focus on the details because it's not a truth. It's not something that you know. I think things like seeing a movement, you're hyper aware of them because you've got that heightened sense of awareness. So that's what you need to look out for. When I lie, I unfold my legs widely

so the police officers that are interviewing me can see right up my skirt. And then I fold that leg that I've unfolded underneath the other. I'm using a basic instinct reference. Is that a little old? From a 90s movie, yes.

That's a really well-known thing though, right? When Sharon Stunt did the big unfold of the legs and it distracted the police but she had been involved in the murder.

Knowing your luck though, you'd get a couple of super cute gay police officers and they would not fall for your vagina. I mean, the police, but she had been involved in the murder. Knowing your luck, though, you'd get a couple of super cute gay police officers and they would not fall for your vagina. I mean, the thing is lying is... That's lucky because I don't have one. In fact, gay police officers might be slightly more on my side. I'm not writing my scrotum here, by the way. If you're telling a lie, you're lying a lie in itself.

You are trying to convince a person of the lie. You are wanting them to believe you. So I wouldn't be doing anything because that's a new thing I'm hoping. I wouldn't be going home to Sade and trying a lie out and just flashing your willy out. Flashing it out, yeah. And then she's going to go, this is a new thing. You're obviously telling a lie. This is something subtle that you might want to look out for the next time that you fellas

go to tell a little lie, whatever it is, you might start just mimicking the body language. Yeah, I get your body language so stiff and rigid, so you definitely look like you're lying, but at least you're not copying them. I reckon grip the chair so that you can't move anything. Yeah. They're like, no! ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This may be something that you already know and you know is good for you but perhaps you need to hear it again and i'm gonna

put it in the in the framework of a study now so you actually might listen to this selfishness when we hear the word selfishness we think of it's a negative thing you know you think of it being oh she's so selfish. What a selfish act. But selfishness can be so good for your own mental health. So selfishness. Well, it's putting yourself first, isn't it? It's putting yourself first. Yeah.

Exactly. So even though we have tied the word selfish to things like, I don't know, not caring for other people or being, oh, God. There's no need to smash the mic and lash out. Well, anyway, it's so good for your mental health to put your own self-care first. And I've done a study on the impacts of it on your mental health and found that if people that actually prioritise themselves and learn to say no to other people

generally have a better state of mental health than those that are constantly people-pleasing all the time. It's like putting your own mask on first on the aeroplane. You can't help others if you don't have the air to breathe, so you've got to look after yourself. Well, that's a good analogy, Horne, from you. Yeah, thanks. And it's much like putting the mask on on the plane.

Once you've got yours on, who cares? You know, when that plane hits the ground, you want the least competition possible to get the hell out of the burning fuselage. Sure. I mean, because I do find it really hard. I'm a people pleaser. I love to be loved.

I like to be liked. I like to be watched and enjoyed. It's why I end up in a job like this, where I'm like, listen to me, love me. And you're an adore. Yeah, look, watch me. You've been to drama school. Like, applaud me.

And so I'm constantly trying to please people. And every year I say to myself, I'm going to be more myself. I'm going to be less apologetic. I'm going to be more, just I'm going to be less apologetic. I'm going to be more, you know, just put myself first. I can't relate. I can't relate to that. Yeah, you are a walking billboard for selfishness.

For selfishness. Yes, I am, Hayley Sparrow. Yes, I am. But then I do, I know people as well that they, yeah, they get so bogged down in other people's problems and other people and trying to help them. And it is great. But at the same time, it's like you do have in other people's problems and other people trying to help them. And it is great. But at the same time, it's like you do have to have a good balance.

Don't do it. It's not not doing those things. It's just making space and time to put yourself first regularly. Yeah, maybe I should run a class how to not feel bad about it. Yeah. But I don't know how. You're a really great woman. You should write a book.

Something like that. It's called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a bad about it. Yeah. But I don't know how. You're a really great one. You should write a book, something like that. It's called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F or whatever. Yeah. A book like that would probably sell really well. And then you could do a follow-up one as well. Aren't they on to the follow-up? I was going to say that. What's that called? The Subtle Art of Still Not Giving an F, I think.

Yeah, I can't remember. I only read the first one. But I've got five tips to get you started. If you are someone that struggles to put themselves first, and not in that way where you're are like i guess i'm just like a selfless person like oh my god it's so embarrassing uh here it is if you need to put yourself first here are five ways to get started start saying no is the first thing and that is like my number one can't say no uh when it's time to take a break you'll feel it say no say no to Say no to that Zoom call. Say no to that hangout. Say no to that job.

Second one, watch out for manipulations. Once you've put those boundaries in, watch out for those people that are going to be like, come on. Yeah. Come on.

Come and do it. You can look after yourself later. The next one, build a relationship with your body. So actually doing physical things that are nice for yourself when you're starting to feel those sort of

burnout symptoms, a bit of resentment, anger, that kind of stuff. Treat yourself to a float tank. A little bubble by the float. I would absolutely have a panic attack on one of those things. Me and my own thoughts, and I'm nude. Absolutely not. Number four, believe you have a right to be treated better. That's a little sort of self-affirmation.

I'm worthy, that kind of stuff. And the final tip, have a support network. People that you can say, look, I'm feeling a little bit of self-affirmation i'm worthy that kind of stuff and the final tip have a support network people that you can say look i'm feeling a little bit like this at the moment i need you to know that i'm going to take some time for myself and that you have a network around you that can say and we'll allow you to do so yeah or maybe read that book the subtle art of not giving an f yeah follow it up by everybody else to buy it read the first 20 pages and you're like i think i'm there i need to read the rest of this. I get the gist.

I'm subtly not giving an F about this book no more. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top 6. Hello, and welcome to today's Top 6. The Top 6 other office championships we need. There's an Excel spreadsheet or just spreadsheet because maybe you can do spreadsheets outside of Microsoft Excel. Yeah. Because what's the one I'm getting on when I'm opening up my Mac lately?

Numbers? It comes up in a grid form. That's the Apple one. That's the Apple one, yeah. Excel is, I mean, it's beyond me. I know how to do the basics. I'm a whiz. Are you?

I'm full of formulas and formats. I'm a whiz. Are you? I'm full of formulas and formats and I'm a whiz. Oh, when I did that thing where it added columns and then when you changed the number in that column and it just automatically did the total, oh, that is quite horny, eh? That's got tax written all over it. That gets me horny for totals. Yeah.

I love a good sum. Whenever I do spreadsheets, I'm like, I can't believe people do this for a job every day. Like accountants. Do their eyes get sore? I don't know. Do their brains hurt? Because my brain hurts a lot doing tax things.

It does. Mine too. I'm useless. I haven't paid tax in years. Yeah, no. I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, voluntary tax. It is. In this country.

Yeah, and I will do it in the future. Oh, absolutely. You don't have to pay it at all. No, no, no. I think we're a free nation. GST stands for God, sometimes tax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what that means. I think Hayley, this is why the IRD keep chasing you

about your student loan repayments. This kind of casual attitude towards... IRD that stands for I really deliver. Really as in you really deliver any tax. An update on that. I'm coming round to it. I'll ring you soon. You call back. She's playing hard to get IOD.

Yeah, I'm a busy, busy lady. So if there's a spreadsheet champions, I thought the top six other office championships we need. Okay, good. Number six on the list, alt-tabbing from social media back to your work flawlessly without looking flinchy. Yes, and the championship consists of

a boss or the adjudicator walking surprising you around the corner of the office. Yeah, you've got headphones on so you can't hear them coming. Yes. If they catch you with the blue glow of Facebook, you're out. Or the panicked look of someone who's just alt-tabbed. Yeah. What's alt-tab? Alt-tab goes from window to window.

Oh my god, have you never learned what alt-tab is? Command-tab. I've got nothing to hide. Command-tab on Mac will go from window to window oh my god have you never learned what alt tab is i've got nothing to hide command tab on mac will go from window to window do you not do that no no i've stuffed it up already command and i'm looking at healthy zucchini fritters tag and you can go to like other windows that you've got open yeah but how do you know which window because mine could mine would show you hold down hold down command and it'll show... That's too long. I've already seen it.

I'm the boss. I've seen that. No, no, no, but you're at the beginning of the stage. You've got to learn to walk before you can run. I've seen that. I can do that super quick, I reckon. Yeah. But like you said, Hayley,

it's also another thing of knowing what you're tabbing to. Yeah, exactly. Because I'm tabbing from healthy zucchini fritters to retro tiles on Trade Me. Neither of those. I think both of those aren't work. The key is you tab. It goes to the most recent tab. So you go to the one that you want to tab to and then go back.

Constantly tabbing. And then as soon as you go alt tab, it'll go to the one you want. This is some next level slacking off. The thought that is going into this. 100%. Number five on the list of the top six other office championships we need are getting away with parking where you shouldn't be parking. At the office.

Yeah. Good. You've got to be pretty cute to get away with that one. You know the CEO's on his tour around the country. He won't be needing his park for the next week. No point for it to sit there empty. And has he promised that to somebody? Because they'll arrive and see your car in it and assume he's let the person

who has the shittiest car in the company park there. Yeah. And that's absolutely fine too. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six other office championships we need. Knowing how to unjam the printer without opening all the flaps

to check which flap it is that opens the part that's got the jam. Yeah. And knowing where the good quality paper is kept. Yeah. Ah, the thick stuff. So you can do your own invites later. GSM.

That gram square millimetre or something. Whatever it is. Thick, good paper. Yeah, maybe with a bit of gloss to it. Not cardboard though. It's got to have a bit of flex. Got to have a bit of give. Got to be able to be folded. Number three on the list of the top six other office championships we need

is writing the perfect passive-aggressive note about the state of the work fridge slash microwave. I could end it there. I could end it there for New Zealand. Okay, give us a situation. Hi, Vaughan. Hope you had a great weekend. No, no, not me. The office in general.

Passive-aggressive never specifically targets one person in the office. Hey, everyone. Hope you had a great weekend. Gosh, wasn't it sunny? I had never specifically targets one person in the office. Hey, everyone. I hope you had a great weekend. Gosh, wasn't it sunny? I had a lovely weekend myself out with the kids. I don't have kids. Hey, just while we're chatting. No, I've crumbled under the pressure.

Just while we're chatting, can you clean your... Yeah, your mum doesn't live here. It's just a nice simple one to stick on the fridge. What did that one in the Wellington office say when we were in Wellington recently? It had a picture of someone and it was like the maid's called in sick. Yeah.

Bad news everyone, the maid's called in sick. Please clean up your own dishes. That's what it was. My favourite one is what did your last slave die of? Yeah. Disobedience is always

a good comeback to that one. Dad used to chuck disobedience in there to mum. I used that. Number two on the list of the top six other office championships we need, ignoring a dog when someone brings a dog to work. Yeah.

Because you know how hard it is to ignore a dog when a dog's at work. It's just scampering around looking all dog-like, and it's a good excuse to stop and pat the dog and then boop it on the nose and then it runs off to somebody else. Yeah. You lure it back with a little treat. You're going to give it some of the jerky you've got because you're trying to up the protein

but keep down the carbs. So jerky's the perfect office time snack. That's what it was. Producer Jarrod's message. House elves on strike. And it was a picture of Dobby. Oh, Dobby the house elf. That's what it was.

Yes. Cute. That's right. And number one on the list of the top six other office championships we need. Applying for a new job at your current job without anybody finding out. And I tell you what, that first skill of alt-tab to get rid of the seek or the trade me jobs. Almost crucial.

Page, yeah. How do you ask your boss for a reference when you're still working for him? You don't. You can't, no. You can't? You don't? I've never applied for a job or been in another job. Do you just write like, please don't call my boss. They don't know You can't, no. You can't? You don't? What are you, I've never applied for a job or been in another job. Do you just write like, please don't call my boss, they don't know I'm leaving.

Yeah. Right. Pretty much. Good. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. When you're still working for them. You don't.

You can't, no. You can't? You don't? What are you, I've never applied for a job or been in another job. Do you just write like, please don't call my boss. They don't know I'm leaving. Yeah. Right.

Pretty much. That is today's Top 6. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Will you number ones and twos? No, no, no, no, no. Ones only because we don't want to stop the chat. Will you take a bath or a shower in front of your partner? Yes.

Vaughn, those same questions. Yes, you're right to all questions. Whereas your partner, on the other hand, no. No, she won't wee in front of me, but I'll barge in sometimes when she's weeing. She doesn't particularly enjoy that. She won't wee in front of you. I've never known her to poop.

Right. I mean, she'll jump in the shower and I'll be in and out of the bathroom brushing teeth and stuff. So that jump in the shower and i'll be in and out of the bathroom brushing teeth and stuff so that's yes so bath and shower pandemic life in the last year in america has led to um partners doing things in front of their partners for the first time yeah that makes sense because there's no escaping no and you're always there. So your workplace weeing and poozing, that's at home now. Yep, true. So 70% of respondents in a study of thousands of Americans,

70% took a bath or a shower in front of their partner for the very first time. Wow. Isn't that mind-blowing? Yeah, it's mind-blowing to me because the toilet time, I kind of understand more that you keep that private if that's your thing. It's sort of a politeness thing maybe or a bit of embarrassment. Yeah. Grown up thinking that it's girls don't poop.

But the shower thing, I'm like, if this is your partner and you've been together for a long time, you've mostly seen all of it anyway. Like you've made sweet love in the bedroom. You've made sweet love all up in that. You've seen them naked before and you're getting ready to go out or maybe not in a pandemic but pre-pandemic you're getting ready to go out. He's in the shower. You're brushing your teeth. Yeah.

Unless you're one of those couples that has like multiple bathrooms. A his and hers. Oh imagine the luxury. And then a combination of the two things you've just mentioned. The sweet love making and the bathroom. Perhaps you've made sweet love in the bathroom. Sure so 70 have taken a bath or a shower in front of their partner for the first time 30 have done number ones in front of their partner for the first time because everybody's at home because of the pandemic and 25 the number two's in front of

their partner for the very first time how the study. How is lockdown responsible for that, though? You can still close the door in your flat or your house during the pandemic or you just think, we are so close now that we've been at home this time. And that's the thing, and they're talking. A lot of it is talk time. Yeah, it is talk time. Just amazing, but for the first time. We used to do a combination of both Because we've now got a separate loo

And then a bath, shower, sink In a separate room But we used to have it all combined in one So if one of us was in the shower and the other needed to wee We'd be getting both done at the same time No poozees though No poozees while I'm trying to get clean in the shower Right, because it gets in the mist

And then whoever does the poozees Leaves the room And you're like thanks Now I'm still in here with it Because I live alone I never shut the door Ever No Ever

And then like I've had friends stay I had a friend Like a month or two ago Looking for He was when he was Finding a place He was in the spare room

And it was weird I'd have to like Shut the door When I had a shower When I went to the toilet I'd shut the door It's weird You're just alone in there

With your own thoughts Well no I talked to the cat Oh so the cat was door. It's weird. You're just alone in there with your own thoughts. Well, no, I talked to the cat. Oh, so the cat was in there. The cat was in there. My cat? You're like, puss, puss, puss, puss. The cat comes in, you're like, shut the door. Whenever I'm weeing, my cat jumps up on my lap. Oh, no, that's too close. So I'll sit down, and then Rolly

will just, like, pour the door open, and I'll be like, hello. And he'll just leap up and sit on my lap, and I'm like... Mine will, like, sit down next to me, or, like, brush up against my leg, and, like, meow. But then I'm like, hello. And he'll just leap up and sit on my lap. And I'm like. Mine will like sit down next to me or like brush up against my leg. Yeah. And like meow. But then I'm like, that's cute. Absolutely no animals in the lavatory.

What's wrong with that? Even when you're not in there. It's so boring. I don't like seeing an animal in the lavatory. Do you think they're judging you? No, I just don't want them in there. Might never try. Might have never inquired.

Okay. They wouldn't dare. Rolly loves it. Are you worried he's going to get through the gap? No, I keep it tight. Keep it nice and tight in there. So the cat doesn't fall on the low. That would be terrible as I'm doing ways.

Yeah. Poor thing. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. Science has now delved into the world of open relationships. They're working out whether or not they even can work scientifically. Turns out, yes, but there are a few rules.

Yes, but. Yes, but. As with most things in life. They can't be hotter than your partner. Is that a rule? I mean, that sounds like a pretty good. I think that's more of a personal rule. I don't know if it's one of the scientific rules.

But are you a scientist? Yes. Then proceed. Basically what they've found from their research is that there's no one-size-fits-all solution to it, but a general sort of guideline for non-monogamous relationships, which is where...

So an open relationship is where you are committed to someone but you can explore other physical relationships, right? Just have sex with other people, basically. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. But maintaining the primary bond with that primary partner. I don't know if I would be capable of separating the two.

Right. And that would be an essential part of an open relationship, right? Not having them intrinsically linked. Got old bloody emotional love of Vaughn Smith over here. I put so much emotion into every time I make love. Well, here's some things that...

Good to know. Here are some things... I cry most times. Okay, yeah, that's emotion. You cry? Yeah. Beautiful. Poor Sade.

Here are some things that might make it a little bit easier if you were to get into an open relationship. And they've called this the triple C model. First C, mutual consent. Yeah. Consent between partners. Well, yeah, because otherwise it's the fourth C, cheating. So mutual consent, you're both on the same page.

You both want it. You both accept it. You both say yes to it. Second C, communication. You talk about it. You make it really clear What are your personal Guides Yeah your personal

What's the word You know Given circumstances Where you're saying What was yours You can't be hotter Yeah Somebody always has to

Bring it up Right And it's the people That bring it up That are like Hey we should try A relationship They're the ones that

Want it more than The other person right Because I know I know a couple They're a relationship. They're the ones that want it more than the other person, right? Because I know a couple, they're a gay couple. They have the rule that another person can do something, but it's got to be when they're out of town. Yes. So you're hooking up with someone that you're never going to see again. They're not going to see them again. Right.

So they can't have an emotional connection with them if they're in the same town. They can't keep doing it. And you couldn't have that relationship with your partner at the time because you're in separate cities or you're away. I've got friends who do the same. I've got friends who are in a polyamorous relationship. So they actually are allowed emotional connections with these people. But this science research, this science research, that sounds formal, doesn't it?

Is about just keeping it physical with your other person. The third C from the triple C model is comfort. About making sure that you're both, it kind of ties to communication. You're both comfortable about what's happening. So if you're both comfortable with an open relationship and there's consent from both of you. And what was the other C? Communication. And you communicate about it,

then it's going to be easier to work out. Yeah. So get out there and go looking for a third or a fourth. Could you do this? Are you too jealous? Oh, I don't know. Because that's what comes into it, eh?

Like, oh, what if they're hotter than you? Because, right, communication, what does that mean? Do you have to tell your primary partner about the experience with this other person? Yeah, because that's another thing. You might be all right with them going and doing it, but you don't want to hear about it. But that's a personal preference because for some people that might be part of the joy of it. They want to hear.

They want to know. Could I do it? I don't know. I feel like we're too – I'm 10 years into my relationship. I feel like we're too set. Yeah, too late. If we were going to do it, we should have done it nine years ago. Or you do it like later in life, right?

Yeah, when we're so bored of each other's bodies. Yeah. Yeah. I know the ins and the outs. But it's a common thing because I've got a few friends that are in open relationships. It's probably a lot more common than you think. Yeah, and it's getting way more socially accepted because the alternative, if it's totally a no-no and people have these desires to explore other people,

then it could lead to cheating, which is worse. And other sexes as well because that's more like acceptable now as well Yes, exactly Yeah, a friend of mine who was in an open relationship Was with a man And had her little liaisons with a woman Right So, you know, sometimes it is about going

I want to be with you, but I also want to Right, and she was giving her something that he couldn't Yes Yes Hayley's just pointing to it I want to be with you, but I also want to. Right, and she was giving her something that he couldn't. Yes. Yes. Hayley just pointed to it. And mouthed what I saw. Yep, I think everybody had made that connection.

But I'm also fascinated by it. I'd love to take some calls now. I'll wait 100 times again. I can tell by the way you started through that. That excites you. I am. I am. Maybe you want to tell us the details of the... Vaughn's getting a bit excited now, isn't he?

I know. That's too much for me. Too much admin. I know. You're very... Admin. Again, I can't separate the two things. Yeah.

She'd do far better out of this situation than I would. It's not... Yeah, it's not for you. But I don't know. I'll 800-DANCE-IT-M 9696. Are you in an open relationship? How do you make it work? Or did you try this and it just imploded?

Well, scientists have been pinpointing the keys to maintaining a successful open relationship. A lot of it's about communication. Yep. And we're asking you this morning if you're in or you've ever been in one and like how did it work? Or was it a disaster?

It's great to see scientists have got nothing else to do. Oh, no, there's nothing else to solve. Nothing else for them to worry about. This we have to crack. Yes. I like that that's like, oh, God, another. Because you have to do extra union stuff, eh? No, but these are social scientists, so not like real ones.

Oh, okay. So we want to know if you have been in an open relationship, what are your tips and tricks? Yes, anonymous. You've got a tip? Yeah, I have. Don't ask any questions. Okay, so you're okay with your partner. Is this current or is this an old

relationship? Current. Okay, so you're happy if they go out and play, but you just don't want any details. Yep, absolutely. Same goes the other way around play, but you just don't want any details. Yep, absolutely. Same goes the other way around as well. So you don't even know if it's happened or not? No, it's like we've been in a long-term relationship. The relationship is great, but it's just the intimacy aspect that isn't great.

So we had a frank discussion a few years ago and i told him how i was feeling and he completely got it and so i just kind of said i don't like the term open relationship but i kind of told him um you know from now on i'm just going to go and find what i need and the same will apply for you the The rule is don't ask any questions. Don't ask, don't tell. But I'm very, I would, like, for example, here Ryan's home every day, 5.25, and then one day it's 8 o'clock, I'm like, what were you doing?

Same, I'd instantly be in there. No, we're very respectful with each other. We just need to say, I'm going out, or I have plans, and then that's it. So you don't ask me say I'm going out or I have plans and then that's it so you don't ask me where I'm going how I'm going to be who I'm going out with where I'm going to be going and if I'm coming home and that works for you guys it does it's like it's taken a whole lot of pressure off the relationship because he was feeling like you you know, he had to perform or something and I was feeling quite resentful and rejected.

So, yeah, it works for us. Do you have to still set aside time to be intimate with each other or is the intimacy all taken care of outside of the relationship? All taken care of out of the relationship. So the physical intimacy in your relationship's gone, but every other aspect of it's still good. Yeah. So it's like you're cohabitating,

living with your bestest friend, but the sex is from elsewhere. Yes, that's exactly it. Fascinating. I get that. That's cool. It does make sense when you break it down like that. It does.

Anonymous, thank you so much for sharing. From one anonymous to another. Anonymous, hello. How break it down like that. It does. Anonymous, thank you so much for sharing. From one anonymous to another. Anonymous, hello. How's it going? Good. Now, are you in an open relationship at the moment? No, no. Previously have been an attempt at an open relationship.

Attempt. So maybe you can tell people what not to do. Yeah, what went wrong? Well, our rule was to never sleep with the same person twice, you know, on the outside of the relationship. And I think that's where the shortcomings were, unfortunately. See, this is where I think the jealousy would come in. Because if you're going back, it means you like them, right?

If you're double dipping, you know you want more, yeah. Look, you don't double dip the chip, and I think that's sort of where... Great Seinfeld reference. Absolutely, you don't double dip the chip. And that was the rule we set in place. But regardless, if you're going around sleeping with other people, I think it's just not going to work out, you know? I think that's the thing, right?

And same with what the scientist is saying. If you're setting your rules, any rule can be applied. It has to suit you both. But if you break the rules, it's not working. It's done. Rules are only good until they're broken, unfortunately. So do you think it can work? Or would you not be keen to try that again?

I don't think it would work out again. But I mean, with the right person and the right couple, I think it could work. At the end of the day, it's in a relationship. I think it should be between two people. Did you double dip the chip? Or did she double dip the chip? We both double dipped the chip. Oh, yeah, we both double dipped the chip!

God, you both like chips, don't you? Yeah. And dip. Oh, yeah. And dip, yeah. Okay, yeah, great. And Holly, what is your tip or not to do for an open relationship? Well, my partner and I have agreed that no eye contact, Stuart.

Just a straight no eye contact. So no longing looks into the eyes because you could fall in love with them. Yeah, exactly. I think it kind of works out well anyways because sometimes you make eye contact and it gets a bit weird. So I think it's kind of a good blanket rule anyway. Where do you look? Usually just past the left ear. Do you know what they say?

They say it in Les Mills when you do the classes They're like, find a little dot on the carpet to look at Oh really? And focus on that Do they teach sex classes at Les Mills? Yeah they do mate, that's why you pay so much Wow, yeah, no wonder everyone's got those stickers on their car It really lets everyone know who's down for what

Holly thinks you call some messages Some messages in on how to maintain an open relationship. Shivers, somebody sent, the same person has sent multiple tips here. These are their tips. Have set times for seeing other people so no one needs to lie about where they are. Never put off plans with your partner to go and see the other person. Prioritize. Never talk about the other person to your primary partner.

Like, oh, you know that person I'm sleeping with? That's over a relationship. Yeah, that's a sign that you're into them. They had an interesting story about your childhood. Yeah, you should only be thinking about them when you're with them. Yeah. No bringing the other people that you're seeing home.

Also, open communication. Very important. Open communication and putting your brain before your junk when it comes to thinking. Open communication and honest boundaries. Someone said communication with lots of Ns. Obviously, they're really saying that that was communication. As an ex-international pilot, I can say that when they stay the night,

you catch feelings. Oh, so kick them out. So don't do the relationship stuff afterwards, like cuddle or roll them over when they're snoring. What if it was a sort of, you know, a post going out, 1am. And then you're on like an overhaul flight, you've got a couple of days in a foreign city, you just want to cuddle. Please, just get me after.

Tell them to sleep on the couch or on the floor or something. Or you sleep on the floor. Nothing happens behind my back, I have to approve everything. Oh, wow. So if you're out and you meet someone in an open relationship, you meet someone while you're out, you then have to text your primary partner and say, can I shag this gentleman?

And send a pic of you guys together like, ah. This is the one. Give us a pic. This is the one I want. Yeah. Orgy. I think I'm better looking than them. Go ahead

Ask for permission beforehand But don't talk about things afterwards Yeah Interesting I think that would probably be my That's pretty much From all you said Of the ground rules

The three C's That kind of covers everything Yeah Doesn't it really Yeah there you go So get out there Get out there And spread it around

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Slide into the DMs. I don't like this segment. It is a segment of the show where we ask your DMs into our DMs. Any questions? Could be thought-provoking questions, personal questions, questions, questions. Why don't you like this segment? I don't like personal.

Often it can get personal. I'm very private, Hayley. Oh, I, questions. Why don't you like this segment? I don't like personal. Often it can get personal. I'm very private, Hayley. Oh, I'm not. No, your 4A into radio has taught us that you're very open to things. I've lost a lot of friends, a lot of family members in this job. Doing well. All right, so the first DM. Hey, guys, if there was a movie about your lives,

who would play you in that movie? Oh, do you remember years and years ago we had a fight over who would play you in that movie? Do you remember years and years ago, we had a fight over who would play Matt Damon, who would be Matt Damon and who would be Ben Affleck? And I was always like, I'm Matt Damon. I would happily take, I've changed my opinion, I'd happily take Ben Affleck.

Even though he's still a mess of a man. Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. But he always wanted to... And he was Batman. Yeah, he always wanted to... You know, that's what changed it, is we had this argument pre-Batman. No, he was a bad Batman. He was a bad Batman. No, he was a great Batman.

He was terrible, terrible. He was a great Batman. He never got the chance. I thought he was a great Batman. You could always... He would then go to the private function at Wayne Manor and people would figure it out because he's got the little bum chin.

Yeah. And people would be like, I saw that bum chin on Batman. Case solved. The stubble, the bum chin. Yeah. And people would be like, I saw that bum chin on Batman. Case solved. The stubble, the bum chin. How dumb are people in Gotham?

But that's not Ben Affleck's fault. That's the dumb asses in Gotham, isn't it? That's not this fault. I don't know. Well, mine would be Matt Damon.

So you'd be Matt Damon. Yep. You're saying personality and looks wise you feel the closest semblance in Hollywood to you as Matt Damon. Still.

I don't know. I've got to have a tall woman. So maybe Who's that woman? She's always really serious and Cate Blanchett. That's an insult. That's an insult.

Why is Cate Blanchett an insult? I'm 31. She's like 50 something. Why do you have to pick someone younger than youanchett an insult? I'm 31. She's like 50-something. Why do you have to pick someone younger than you? No, I think I'm going to go with Melanie Bracewell. It's a New Zealand film and it'll be her. People think we're the same person. Yeah, New Zealand comedian, Mel Bracewell. Vaughan?

I'll follow your lead and stay grounded. We've got Matt Damon over here. Jason Statham. Jason, because of the baldness. I was just thinking more of our physique. Almost identical physique. How do you imagine Jason Statham. Jason, because of the baldness. Oh, I was just thinking more of our physique. Almost identical physique. How do you imagine Jason Statham's going to go with the Kiwi accent? Nail it.

Jason Statham. Ash on. Nailed a Kiwi accent. All right, next question. Fletch, are you single and what's your type? Oh. This is why I hate this game. Yes, I am single.

You're wriggling in your chair. I hate these questions. I hate these questions. I don't know. I've got lots of types. Next question. Vaughn, rate your farm animals from least to most favourite. Okay, easy.

Why does Vaughn get a lame question like that and I get a curly one? Well, everybody knows my relationship status. You're very dark on it. People want to know what's lurking in the shadows. Yeah, that's cool. Mysterious. You've got to be mysterious. You have to be. Okay, chickens at the

bottom. No, sheep at the bottom. Then chickens give us eggs but chickens aren't cute and they don't like pets and then okay then goats because they're cool and they're the ogs but they're naughty um then pigs yeah cows cows are at the top yeah the cows are very cute okay next question this is a question for hayley. What was your first impression of the guys? Oh, no. Well, you already knew Vaughn from our show,

if you've been paying attention. So my first impression of Vaughn was, I felt like I've known you a long time. I'm an old soul. That's not a compliment. No, not a compliment. It is to me. And my first impression of Fletch, I was nervous to meet you,

and I deeply wanted to impress you because I thought that maybe you'd be hard to impress. Oh, really? Am I hard to impress? No, I just was like, I know Vaughn, and I don't know you, and I don't like not being liked. So maybe I was a bit. Right. Yeah.

And I told her what an asshole. Oh, my gosh. He just goes on about it. Right. Yeah. And I told her what an arsehole. Oh, my gosh. He just goes on about it. Every time he hangs out with me, he's like, thank God. Thank God I'm not with Fletch. All right, next question. If you were the bosses of ZDM for the day, what would you do?

I'd just take the day off. I'd say I was working from home. Start later. Yeah. Breakfast starts at 10. Oh, I'd probably go out to lunch on the card. Oh, yeah, because the boss, Ross boss, has a credit card. Yeah.

And I'd just say I took like a, who would you take? A potential employee. No, you don't want to say you took the intern out to lunch. That sounds a bit predatory, doesn't it? No, you can't do that. I could do that maybe. Yeah. That's how it works.

It's still predatory. I've never shown any kind of predatory behaviour before. Neither? Just even saying that sounds bad. This one's for Fletch. How come you haven't done radio Tinder yet? Why am I being personally attacked um because you're playing the victim i don't think you've been i don't think you've been personally you've been asked to

very easy to answer questions and you're acting like you're getting the spanish inquisition so i haven't done it because i have to press the buttons and so nobody else could press the buttons this is true vaughn doesn't know how to press the buttons. No, Vaughn is dark. He doesn't know how to. He's in the dark. He doesn't know how to push. You're new. You've only been doing this a few months.

Yeah, I wouldn't have a single clue. It's overwhelming just to look at. We can get Harry to come and push the buttons. He's away that day. Is he? That day he's not here. Hey, Vaughn. How do I convince my man to do some Kiwi DIY with me?

Oh, he doesn't want to do Kiwi DIY. Well, I just say start and don't be good. You don't know her background. She could want a new deck and he might not know how to build a deck. Right. YouTube it. Yeah, I reckon YouTube. You can learn to do anything on YouTube, eh?

But also give yourself a quick basic read of your local council bylaws. Because if you're building a deck and it's over, I think it's over a metre and a bit, it's got to be consented. Right. Okay, last question. This one's for Hayley. Your voice is so soothing. Have you ever considered doing ASMR?

What a compliment. I haven't. ASMR to me is a true nightmare. I hate it. It haven't ASMR to me Is a true nightmare I hate it It's the opposite to me Like it's It's the opposite effect

On me I mean So you can't listen To someone Chewing or A noise If Aaron comes near me And he's eating I'm in a different room

Yeah I just can't do it I love my children So much But when they they sit beside me at the dinner table, they're like, I'm like, ah, ah. Shut it. Shh. Can you please let me have your meal? You've got a live ASMR.

You should enjoy that. Some people would look at it as ASMR. Yeah. I like the ASMR, like the crinkles and the rubs. Oh, yeah. Or like, okay, I don't have any fingernails. Are you tapping the fingernails? Oh, yeah.

I like the scratch. I like that. But thanks for calling my voice soothing. But if I could make some money out of it, maybe I will get into it. Read some audio books, maybe. Would you like that? I feel like mine's always sexy. It's not soothing enough.

Would you like that? I think saying sentences like, would you like that? I already like mine's always sexy. It's not serving me right. Would you like that? I think saying sentences like, would you like that, turns up the head of it. How do you like that one, you dirty boy? Naughty little soldier. Oh. Flesh forner Megan, the podcast, ZM. Like me, you grew up sort of getting into trouble for saying the odd curse word around your parents. Now you can tell them science says it's

okay how would you say that effing science says it's listen up okay b when you guys go home for christmas or back to your parents house and you drop a swear word does it feel pretty good i still get told off friendly family no i still get told not to use that language at my house it's okay if they come to us. I can say F and my mum's like... But at her house, she's like, no, no, not here. We don't... I reckon I could drop any swear word at home.

Could you? Yeah, same. Yep. I could drop a C. I could do a C. I could drop a C. I'd never say C in front of my mother. I wouldn't whip it out.

But if I'm maybe doing a gag or something or being a bit ridiculous... Or if I dropped an anvil on my foot, I'd certainly drop that one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. M-ing, F-ing, C. Yeah. I don't find the C word a calming swear word to drop in a time of pain. It's always the F word for me.

Yeah, right. Or something deliberately directed at the thing that I've hurt myself on. I wouldn't say I'm a pirate mouth quite, but I do love a well-placed swear word, and that could be a sign that I'm intelligent or that I'm creative or that I have superpowers that will help me endure pain. So there you go.

Science is saying that there's benefits to swearing. Yeah. Have you seen the Netflix show The History of Swear Words? Oh, yes. Was it you that told me that's really good? Yeah. So the comedians that they talk to about all the different swear words put their hand in ice and then they aren't allowed to swear

and then their hand in ice when they are allowed to swear and they all last longer when they're allowed to swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like diversion. That's what they're saying is like the use of a naughty word, shall we call it, helps you endure way more pain than if you weren't allowed to say it. It's also saying that people who swear are more honest as people as we're more, we're not held back in expressing ourselves. Yeah, you're not censoring yourself for anybody.

Yeah, we have a more, I'm saying we because I'm a swearer. We have a more fluent vocabulary, which is linked to being hyper-intelligent. Hyper-intelligent. Yeah, but you can also be like a swearer and quite dumb. Oh, be bloody rough, mate. Yeah, I think it's talking about people using sort of the occasional swear word here and there. A well-placed, not a posh mouth. Nothing afraid to, yeah.

But there's a time and a place. I never thought about it. If you're censoring yourself on the fly, you are holding yourself back. And you're almost like being disingenuous in a way, aren't you? Yeah, well, because you're cutting off the whole section of language that you can't use. So you're limiting yourself to a certain number of words. I mean, I don't know that many swear words. I only use a small number.

I don't get too creative. What does my mum call? She's going to hate this. Every day she's like, stop talking about me. Oh, when she drives, pa. If someone cuts her off, she calls them an F knuckle. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one.

I've never heard my mum say it though. But the full. The full F. Wow. She's not. My mum is, you know, she's not a lover of swearing. She'd still, you know, if you got a bit swear heavy, she'd be like, oh, I wish you wouldn't swear so much.

But every now and then she loves a good F knuckle. Oh, my mum hates it. My mum's to the point, she doesn't even, blasphemy's a big one for her. She doesn't like you saying, oh, Jesus. She's just like, he can't help you now. That's what it was she said. He's not here to help you, and he's not going to if you keep saying that. It goes deep in this thing.

The researchers believe that swearing sometimes triggers our natural fight or flight response, so we become sort of stronger and more defensive, which is pretty good in dangerous circumstances. Okay, so bloody good. Blimmin' great news there, guys. Can I say the F word? Uh, no. Don't try to hold back my genius. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan,

the podcast. Stepping up to the podium for the 10th year of Nero. Your gold medalist. Where's my medal? Yes, indeed, where is your medal for your hard work, your little achievement that maybe people aren't making a big enough deal about?

Let us make a big deal about it. Please. Like, I cleaned the bathroom spotless the other day, and then I stood back and I was like, really deserve a medal for this. I always, sometimes when I make dinner and I'm eating it, and I'm like, this is so good, and Aaron doesn't say anything, my partner, I'm always like, are you unaware of how good this meal is? Like, shower me.

Yeah, right. In praise. You need a medal. I can't believe I have to ask for it. You do. Now, just as Warren rejects our phone system, Jasmine, good morning. Welcome to Where's My Medal? Good morning, guys.

Now, why do you deserve a medal? So, I've been studying from home for the last wee while, and last week I made a very big move, and I stopped working from my bed, and I started working at my desk. Oh, wow. Oh, yes. Wow. How long have you been working from home, sitting in a bed? Like, maybe, probably about a month now. Wow. Do you put the laptop like on your legs?

Does it cook your legs? They get very hot. Yeah. Well, I actually draw as well. So I've just got like a stack of books that I put everything on top of on my lap and just do it from there. Oh, no. And then you stack the books and you start and then you're like, I need to go to the toilet now. And then you need to, you stack the books and you start, and then you're like, I need to go to the toilet now.

And then you come back, then you've got to get into that position again. And then you're like, oh, now I need a snack. How do you stop yourself from falling asleep? Because that's my issue. I like to, you know, you sit up on your bed, lean against the wall. But then I start nodding off. Yeah, that's a great question. See, that wasn't really happening.

Like, I wasn't stopping myself from falling asleep. You were like, right, busy day of study, Nick Minow asleep. Decided the desk was well needed. Well, congratulations for getting a desk, Jasmine. We're going to pop you on hold. The medal ceremony soon. We're going to bring in Hannah. Hannah, why do you deserve

a medal? I deserve a medal because I single-handedly ate a bunch of bananas before they went all brown and grotty. Hannah. Yes! There will be no banana bread at your house this week. No banana bread. How many were you buying at once? Oh, I'm going to have to let you know. There was about

a seven in there. And what, did you overcompensate or no one in your house was in the mood for bananas that week? No, just no one. And I'm not a big banana eater, but I was just not going to let them in the bin. You didn't consider sort of trying to make it easier? One in a smoothie, maybe a muffin? You just got them down.

No, she was just getting them down. Okay. You must be brimming with passion. Yeah, how many bananas were you gobbling a day? When I was going through that bunch, it was pushing about one and a half. Oh, because I'll do one a day. The perfect bunch for me starts off with a yellow ready to eat one today, or tomorrow for work.

Yeah, but I can't handle the texture of them. Oh, really? And then by the third banana, it's a little tingy green, but it'll be yellow by the third day when I'm ready to eat it. And then they start getting that kind of nice yellow ripe, but then they're mushy.

Then they go dossey. Yeah, there's a real fine line. A real fine line. All right, we'll just put you on hold there in our medal ceremony. And Mel joins us for Where's My Medal. Mel, why do you deserve a medal? What I do is I empty the compost bin before it was overflowing. The compost?

Oh, so in your kitchen, are you running a jewel bin system? You sort of, you're rubbish and then you're compost. Yeah, so I've got my rubbish and then my compost separate. But if I'm not going to empty it, then no one will because my boyfriend's useless. Right. Yeah, useless. Get rid of it. And so you took the initiative to empty the compost bin before it became problematically full.

Yeah, I'm very organised. Because I've tried composting a number of times, but I just put my scraps and stuff into a bin and then I keep opening it and being like, it's not working, it's not dirt yet. It's not done anything yet. It's not dirt yet. It's still half a potato.

It's just mouldy, rotten potatoes and bananas and the likes. I've got one of those worm bins where the hungry worms eat their stuff and they wee it out the bottom and you can use that on your garden. Oh, okay. But now we've got pigs. They're the cuter option. Oh, yeah. Because if the worms, if I open the bins and the worms are like,

wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, or making any form of noise or showing any sort of enthusiasm, they run away from me when I open the lid, whereas the pigs meet me at the gate. They're so happy to see me because I've got food. They're loyal. So the worm bin's getting starved. Okay, so we're feeding the worms to the pigs meet me at the gate. They're so happy to see me because I've got food. They're loyal. So the worm bin's getting starved. Okay, so we're feeding the worms to the pigs?

Oh, no. When you emptied the bin last time when they all died and it got really smelly, I fed them to the chickens and the chickens just loved it. Oh, they would absolutely nom them up. The eggs would be delicious. All right. Hold the line.

It's time for our medal ceremony now. We need to decide who is winning our bronze, silver and gold. Alright. Bronze medal for her services to bins been emptied before they're too full. Alright, hold on a minute.

You've made it worse. There you go. That mouse jumps around like nobody's business. Sorry, we're having some phone line issues. The screen keeps moving itself. For her services to composting, but also to emptying the bin before it got too full and making it a harder job for herself.

Congratulations to you, Mel. Yay! Well done. We appreciate your work, even if your slack-ass boyfriend doesn't. Thank you, thank you. And silver medal this week. Because she was finally like,

I'm going to sit at a desk because I'm a grown-up and I'm supposed to be doing work. I'm no longer just going to be sitting in bed with a duvet over my legs, probably getting sweaty feet, maybe some bed sores. Yeah. Probably getting that weird feeling when you sit at a 90-degree angle for too long with your legs out straight. Get a bit crampy.

Yeah. Get a bit numb. Get a bit pins and needly in the feet. Well, she's moved to her desk because she's a big girl now. Congratulations to Jasmine. Yes. Thanks, guys. Jasmine, congratulations.

Big moment for you, I take it? Yeah, really big. Yes. My biggest moment of my year so far. Is that your first ever silver medal? Yes, yeah, my only ever medal. Oh, we cherish it. We cherish you. And that must mean...

Stand for the national anthem. ...for her services to cleaning up the fruit bowl before those little buzzy flies come around. Because there's been a split in the banana because it's a little overripe. Yeah. And she didn't want to chuck them in the bin because waste not, want not. She ate a family's worth of banana in only a few days. Congratulations.

The gold medal today to Hannah. Congratulations. I don't know how I'm supposed to top this in my life. This is it. This is peak in my life. This is it. This is peak Hannah. Yeah. This is my moment. This is why a lot of Olympians come home and they're like,

what next? What now? Do you know what I'm... I reckon you should go, Hannah, and get one of those Olympic rings tattoos. Yeah. With a sore fern through the middle. Yeah.

I deserve it. What sport do you say, well, technically not a sport, I ate some bananas Technically not the Olympics It was all Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Congratulations Thank you so much

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast ZM Alright Agony Arts Fellow Agony Arts We've had an anonymous message Sent to our Instagram here And we're going to

Help them out I think We have a dilemma Okay At hand It says hi guys And gal I need your help to settle A flat dilemma and we're going to help them out, I think. We have a dilemma at hand. It says, hi guys and gal. I need your help to settle a flat dilemma. My flat, God, don't take me there. Here we go.

I've lived just me and my fiance for nine years now. I'll never go back to flatting. I need your help. My flatmate works a corporate job and earns amazing money, has a company car and gets unlimited data. He's decided that he doesn't want to pay for his share of the flat internet now because he can just hotspot off his phone and doesn't need it. The other flatties and I reckon this is stingy AF behavior,

and it's not like he can't afford it. We've had several heated arguments about it but he doesn't see anything wrong with it are we being too harsh or is he being a dick it just annoys me in a flat situation where everybody's like he was using it and he was paying for it and now he's opted out of it like to me you can't opt out no it's uh what do you call it it's a democracy right like everybody's involved absolutely so this person this anonymous person says the other flatties. So we can say there's at least two other flatties, meaning say this is minimum a house of four. Yeah.

I pay $80-ish a month for unlimited data. Yeah. So he's now over $5 a week. Yeah. Yeah, $20 a month, for example. $20 a week. Yeah. Yeah, $20 a month, for example. $20 a month. And you can't tell me that he's hotspotting, like, his smart TV to watch, like, Netflix or something.

Yeah, and how do we know? Like, what if his data's, you know, reception's not good? Yeah, and if he got one of those bottomless data plans, often you can't tether. No. You have to use it on the phone, but, yeah, to actually tether it is more. Maybe if he is

Netflixing or whatever, he's probably just doing it on his phone. But still, like, I've had this before in Flats where someone's like, you guys use the dryer more. I don't even use the dryer. I should pay $5 less. The people who say that are always the ones who use the dryer the most. Yeah, or we're going into winter, secret heaters.

Secret heaters. I've heard this one before. Yes. Lots of my friends being like, they've just got a private heater, like a fan heater in her room all day long. Yeah. And you have to pay for a quarter of that or however much. Yeah.

We had a flatmate who decided he was opting out of Sky when we were in a flat. He's like, I'm not paying for Sky anymore. We're like, why? And he's like, well, I don't watch it. But we watch it all the time anymore we're like why he's like well i don't watch it and but we watch it all the time but not like he'd sit down if you were watching something he'd i'd sit down beside you and like i'd be like off yeah you don't pay for this so you can't watch this that's how long ago you flatted sky sky yeah sky was the thing you had yeah yeah more of a

netflix based issue now but what so you you want to take some calls? We're going to take some calls to find out. The question is, is this person being too harsh and expecting them to continue paying for the internet they're using? Or is that person just being a bit of a dick? Is it a bit of a dick move? And maybe you've had this in your flat situation before. How do you deal with that? Because my thinking is you come into this flat

knowing that these are all the bills. You ask that when you move in And then you take care of your share Of all of those You can't pick and choose The question is when does it stop I haven't used as much dishwashing liquid As you have so I'm no longer going to contribute To the groceries

I don't use as much toilet paper I don't wipe at all Why should I pay Give us a call now groceries. I don't use as much toilet paper. Yeah. You know? I don't wipe at all. Why should I pay? Alright, well 0800 dials at M. Give us a call now. You can text as well. 9696. Answer for this person. Are they being too harsh or is their flatmate being a dick? We're answering an anonymous

dilemma that's been sent in to us. Us experts here to help them solve it. Yeah. They're in a flatting situation. One of the flatties earns great money, has a corporate job, gets unlimited data on their phone. And so because of that, they now no longer want to help contribute to the internet bill of the whole flat. And they were asking us, you know, are we being too harsh

for thinking this is a bit rubbish? Or is this flatty being a bit of a dick? Yeah, and I'm actually surprised that people are on his side. Same. Because I thought when you moved into a flat, it's everyone shares her responsibilities. You don't get to pick and choose. Absolutely.

This is life, right? It's part of living with other people and part of getting cheaper rent because you live with other people. Totally. Kimberly, what do you think? I think this guy's being a bit of a tool, to be honest. I like your choice of words. Yeah, because like i said like you move into a flat it's shared responsibility right yeah it just goes without saying it would it's the same as like if you were to go away for the weekend and then be like oh i'm

not paying for the power this weekend because i wasn't in the house like that's precisely those are the worst flatmates and the fact that he doesn't want to pay for the internet when he could just use it granted he's got the hotspotting, but what would it be a month next to nothing? Yeah. It's indicative that he's going to be a pain in the ass in other areas as well. Yeah, probably.

It very much indicates he's going to be the guy come winter that says he doesn't have a heater and he doesn't want to pay as much, but he's totally got a little fan heater that's absolutely guzzling the kilowatts. Electric blanket, full-tit all night uh kimberly thank you for your call uh ryan ryan you're on his side yes of course he's doing nothing wrong um okay now ryan what would you flat or do you live at home no i i I flat. How many in your flat?

There's four of us in the flat at the moment. And do you get to pick and choose what you pay for and what you don't? No, but if I did have unlimited data, I wouldn't be using the flat Wi-Fi because the flat Wi-Fi is pretty bad and I feel like the data would be a lot better than the Wi-Fi. How would your flatmates take it if you then said

well I'm not paying my $20 share of that? I don't think it would go down well, but I'll try and stand my ground. You would dig in those toes and refuse to pay. Yeah, no. I'll maybe pick up a few more loads of the dishes. I'll do the dishes a bit more.

Okay. But I'm not paying. But see, that's the other thing. If your flatmate said, well, what if I do the dishes or the vacuuming every day and take out the trash and did a few more chores would that sort of a tit for tat maybe maybe that could buy some favor in the flat yeah i feel like it would balance it out yeah yeah totally ryan thanks you call some uh text messages in um someone said get a bit of flatmate someone said okay change the password To the wifi And never give it to him

Or his guests Yes To see if he really is Hotspotting everything Someone said As someone who Doesn't have home internet That does hotspot everything

It's a pain in the ass So he's totally Sneaking in on the internet Under the guise of just Hotspotting everything And you'll have to really Like snoop on him To prove it

Yeah Someone said I'm pretty sure You just agree to some social etiquette and rules when you move into a flat. You can't pick and choose what you pay for. So this much a week is for rent plus the expenses. But I wonder if it's worth just having a conversation

before someone moves in to specifically say, these are the utilities. We all pay a fair share. You can't opt out. Yeah, no one opts out. Oh, absolutely. I'd just make it one. You'd have one sort of banker of the flat,

and then you just make it one price. Oh, God, I don't miss flatting. Oh, my gosh. This is genuinely making me feel stressed and angry. And we haven't even touched on stealing your food from the fridge. Oh, my God. Or using insane amounts of toilet paper. Yeah, exactly. So we asked, like, insane amounts of toilet paper. Yeah, exactly.

So we asked, well, we ran a poll. Are they being too harsh to flatmates? Or is he a dick? 76% of people are saying, yeah, he is out of line. Asking to get out of the paying the internet. And that's still a quarter of people think he's quite all right to opt out of paying. That is bizarre.

That's way too many. Nah, yeah. I feel like it's a good majority on team correct. Yeah. And the other people will be horrible to live with. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day

Today's fact of the day sounds like the beginning of a treasure hunt Ooh, okay I'm gonna tell you Yeah, about Null Island. Null Island, not where King Kong's from. Null Island. Like null and void. Yes.

Okay. N-U-L-L? Yes. Okay. Where do you think Null Island is? In the Caribbean. No. Is it?

In Southeast Asia. No. The Atlantic. The Pacific. Is it? South America. Africa. Yeah, it's off the coast of Africa. You said. The Pacific. Is it? South America. Africa. Yeah, it's off the coast of Africa.

You said South America twice. You started with South America and then you went back to South America. Oh my God, am I losing it? What if I said yes on the second South America? And that's the key. You can't tell anyone who went to Null Island until they guessed the same place twice. Is it by Madagascar? No, it's on the other side of Africa.

It's called Null Island because it's at the exact location of zero degrees north and zero degrees east. So it's null. It's null. And void. Yes, null and void. You know the GPS coordinates of anywhere? Yep. Like 42 below, which was the vodka brand.

And that's also like halfway up New Zealand, right? Yeah. And 42 below. Yeah. That's geographically where we sit. And everything has... And you can find... So you can take your exact GPS coordinates

and then take away the minus and it will show you exactly on the opposite side of the world who's exactly opposite you. And then you get them to put a bit of bread on the ground and then you put a bread on the ground and you made an earth sandwich. And I think we're somewhere in Spain. There's a website.

You can put it in any location. It'll tell you what's exactly on the other side. I'm going to find out who's on the other side of my house. Oh, yeah, nice. I'm going to do that right now. I hope it's somewhere cool. Wait, be careful because then people will know where your house is. They'll work it out.

Well, I'll give a rough suburb. You go to Google Maps and then you put in your address, and then you, like, right-click it. Oh, no, but there's an actual website. I'm pretty sure I've seen it. Like, work out what's on the other side of the planet from my address. Yeah, I think.code on MZ. Earth sandwich.

You try that. I'm going to go much shorter I'm going to go Earth Sandwich Tool Oh found it What is it called? Earth Tunnel to the other side of the world Frame map tools Antipodes Map

Tunnel to the other side of the world Oh I found that Yep okay that was the second one that came up And then you put your This is exciting isn't it? Location Are you on Antipodes Map? Yeah

Alright let's all find out Auckland I'll go Auckland, New Zealand. Okay. This, by the way, has nothing to do with no island. We'll get to that, but we'll just have a bit of fun. Oh, yeah, see, I popped up in Spain. Yeah, Seville and Malaga.

Yeah, just out of Alerva. Yeah, right, okay. I was on the other side of Auckland, central Auckland. That's pretty cool, though. We could be in Spain. I'm going to go my absolute, the precision of my home address. Oh, I've done that as well, and I'm in, oh, I've got to zoom in. It looks like I'm near a little cute little Spanish town in the middle of, oh.

Your computer died. I'm Andalusia. Right, that's neat. That's nice, that's nice. I might go there one day when we can travel. Do you think the locals would appreciate that? If I said I'm on the other side of the world exactly from you? Yeah.

I think they'd host you. They'd put you up in their little Spanish house. Or get a gun out and tell me to get off their property. There should be a global deal that you don't have to pay for anything in your sandwich town. How long do you think a $1 loaf of countdown bread would last until I got to Spain? I'd just buy bread there. I'd put if I were you, I'd put bread in your lounge on the floor

and then buy other bread when you get there. Well, I want the sandwich to look the same. Yeah, you can't have a sandwich with like a Vogel's on top and a rye on the bottom. Yeah, well, no, it's been done before. You guys don't have kids, see? What I'm hearing here is people who don't have kids where they've kind of half finished a loaf of bread and then you've got to finish that loaf of bread

and then you've got to use the other bread. It's all got to look the same. No. Do you have a fact of the day? I do. So Null Island is at exactly zero degrees north and zero degrees east, except it's not an island. It's a buoy.

Except they call it Null Island because they draw an island there and then if someone copies the island, they know they've just copied the map and they're not actual cartographers. Oh, so it's a trap. It's a trap. Oh, I like that. It's mapped with an island, but it is marked with a permanent buoy. And at the point, I would like to know how this buoy stays there

because the seabed is 4.9 kilometers down. Oh, wow. Very deep ocean. Probably a long chain. Yeah, but then even the chain, you'd have a lot of movement. Not if it's tight. Wouldn't you? It'd have to be tight.

It'd have to be very taut. Very taut. Very taut. Very taut. So today's fact of the day is the marker at exactly zero degrees north and zero degrees east. It's called Null Island, even though it's just a buoy. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. Refund your day. Dating, who can bloody be bothered these days? It's absolutely terrible out there. And if you've had a terrible date, we are refunding them for you. Yeah, we could give you the cash back because it adds up. It does.

You go out for a nice meal and maybe you go to an event like a, I don't know, a show. Say you had two cocktails, that's already nearly 40 bucks. Unless you go first table. You know I'm a big fan of first table. Oh, you are. All you have to do is tell us how much you spent on your date and we're going to give it back to you. Ana, good morning.

Hi. So tell us, how bad was this date? Start from the start. What happened? So he was late turning up to start with. Okay. But that's all right. And when we got into the date, everything that we talked about,

he brought his ex-girlfriend into it and would say that she would love to do whatever we were talking about or she would really love this meal that we were having. Oh, wild. It was so cringy and it just got worse and worse throughout the night. So he'd been broken up with and was definitely not over it then by the sounds. Oh, definitely not over. Roger that. And it just got worse as the night went on and he kept drinking and drinking.

And by the end of the night, I said, let's just pay for our own meals and we'll just go our separate ways. His card declined. So I sort of felt a bit awkward, so I ended up paying for both of our meals and all of his drinks. And he'd smashed a few drinks back, hadn't he? Oh yeah, quite a lot. Did he ever say, like a few days later or a week later, hey look, I'll give you that money? No, never. What?

But he did message me and ask for another date. And you were like, nah. I was like, no thanks. Did you tell him why? Did you say you talked about nothing but your ex the whole time? No, I just left it at that. Wow. It was just too awkward.

His ex must have been absolutely mummying him, eh? Absolutely. And paying for everything. Yeah. Wow. Well, you made it out of that one, thank goodness? Absolutely. And paying for everything. Yeah. Wow. Well, you made it out of that one. Thank goodness. That was a bullet dodged.

Yeah. How long had he been broken up with her for? Well, he said to me a year, but I think it was much less than that. What? I would hope so. Imagine if it's a year. Imagine still going on about your ex a year later.

Like, get over it. They've moved on. Yeah, it was just really cringy. That would make me feel like if we went on a couple of dates and then I didn't want to be with him, he'd be really clingy. Yeah.

All right, so Anna, how much did the dinner and all the drinks and his dinner and drinks cost? All up. $180 all up. Whoa! I mean, that's not bad

if at the end of it you find someone you could be with for a while and extract some pleasure from. A big portion of that was his alcohol consumption of that night. Oh, my God. Anna, we'll feed that into the date refund. Is it the $2,000 or the $4,000 model we're using?

It's the date refund of $6,000. Oh, so we've got a new one. You've upgraded. Your date refund request has been... Accepted. Oh, yeah. Accepted. There's a few more things for it to punch through in the $6,000.

It takes a lot more into consideration. I'd be expecting with an upgraded model you'd get a faster response. No, no, no, no, no. It's slower of anything. Okay, because it takes more time. It deeply considers all the aspects of the story. Yeah, it does. Far more in-depth analysis.

Ana, congratulations. A $180 refund for you for your date. Congratulations. Awesome. Thank you so much. Hey, Professor Alan Mackey of Leeds University, shut your face. Okay. That's what people are saying across the board as a scientist says

the way of making the best guppa tea is to put the milk in with the tea before the hot water. You know what? I quit. I've heard some outrageous things in my short time here at Zedium. You're done. I'm out. You're done. I'm out.

Okay, because I'm not a tea drinker. Neither. But I grew up, my parents drink a lot of tea and it would always be, you know, tea either tea bags or brew add that and then the milk. Dash of milk. So I will always put a little bit of not boiling water on the tea

bag. Don't scorch it. To give it a sniff and then pour the hot water in because exactly you don't want to scorch them. You want to get them moist before you hit them with the hot stuff. Because otherwise you've got to look for that time being while it's brewing. You've got to look at that milky horrendous. And that's going to put me off the cup of tea. Whereas you get to see the dark brew and then you just go with the milk at the end.

If you're making the tea in a pot, like you're making tea for a few people and not using tea bags, do you put the milk in there? Only if you live in an area with hard water. Oh. So is it the water that's in the issue? It's the water that's the problem. The hard water, if that hits the tea bag first, will evaporate the taste and change the taste of the tea leaf tips.

So putting the milk in stops the taste from changing because it's not the first thing that hits the tea. So he's even drawn a map of where you should put milk before water either or water than milk so scotland continue as per okay great great for our scottish listeners we do have scottish listeners i know we do you continue business as scottish steve. Now, this is geographically in Scotland, not people of Scottish origin. Yeah, okay. It's not just kind of like a genetic thing.

You touch water and it goes hard. This is the water that you're drinking. So the Scotland business as per. Now, the Lower East Side of Great Britain, London down to the Cliffs of Dover, across towards the Welsh, but not quite getting to Welsh land. Milk first and Southern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland. All big tea drinkers. I imagine this wouldn't go down well.

It would absolutely rock them to their core. I've just Googled what is hard water. And does your map include New Zealand? No. So hard water is water that's high in mineral content. So it's formed when water percolates through deposits of limestone, chalk, or gypsum, which are largely made up of calcium and magnesium carbonate. That's interesting.

So I'd imagine water around where there are limestone caves would be, if you were getting that from the ground? I'm looking at, this is something very interesting. I want to get ours tested now because ours comes from a bore out of the ground. But there's, in water care for Auckland, it describes different areas. Moderately hard water for Waiuku and the Bombay area. Moderately hard in Walkworth, Hellensville and Pukkohe. But soft water, it's Snells, Motowai and Onehunga.

Right. So I guess you could Google your geology, your area, and see if it's hard. But then most of Auckland is getting that yuck brown poo water from the Waikato. Oh my God, that's so soft though. So don't even worry about it. Add the milk later.

I literally just... The snot just burst out of my nose. I love that. The idea of us getting murky brown poo water. Yeah, I mean, it gets treated, so don't worry. The dams have been a bit low, so we've been gouging the wakato. Yeah, they've been putting the tea in at the source. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there you go. So milk. What about your herbal teas then? You've got to put milk in them? Well, you don't put milk in herbal tea. No, exactly, but does the hardness of the water still affect the tea then if you can't soften it

with the milk first? Maybe have one of those big things you buy in case there's a power cut where you have your own water. But even that goes off. Aren't you supposed to put some bleach in it?

You're not supposed to leave it in direct light because it'll encourage algae growth. Oh my God, my civil defense water. Yeah. Oh no.

Take it off the windowsill. It's been there for years. Yeah. It's probably tadpoles in there. It's been there for years. Yeah. It's probably tadpoles in there. It's been there since Y2K. ZM's Fletch,

Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and clean to listen to?

Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.