ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 29th November 2021

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Black Friday  Booze Poos  Top 6: Omicron  How did you hurt your downstairs?  Community Notices!  When did you Lie to Impress?  Cycling  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleach, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleach, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, Barista Made Coffee available from drive-thru and McDelivery at level 3 and also dine-in at level 2. We've got a wild dog on our hands. Yeah, this is absolutely wild. So I'm just tracking an item coming through customs That I've ordered from Australia And at the moment it says it's processing

Yeah, giant dildo Christmas dildo Massive Christmas dildo A whole set actually It's based on Santa's cock, isn't it? Yeah Jesus Sort of a mould of Santa's cock

It's too close to when we were on air I was like, whoa I know, when I said dildo I was like Oh, this is vodka So I'm going gonna stretch the legs oh my god and the balls are like

perfectly round and glittery yeah they're like Christmas they're like baubles yeah and his dick's got a red and white stripe up it

yeah so anyway this giant Santa this giant Santa dildo is held up at customs and it says and I'm checking with Megan I'm like what does this mean

are they gonna pay me for like fees or something and Megan's like oh you should be fine hon it'll be released soon and then she says oh i actually buy so much online shopping they've made me get a number a customs number i needed a client code and so this is what you get when you are you can have a business client code or you can have an individual client code. So they checked if I was importing goods for a business to sell. And I am not. Because you order so much crap online.

Would we say crap? Absolutely. See, I had to apply for a client code. Was that not a giant wake up call? Sort of, yeah. I mean, when they asked if I was a business, I was like no. But I did find out they have brokers.

What do you mean brokers? For customs, they have brokers who deal with all the imported goods and the GST and stuff. And the courier companies pay them. Yeah. So I had to talk to a DHL broker. So me and Naomi are buds now.

She's like, oh, you're the legendary M Pappas. Right. Yeah. Wow. But I'm still stuck in customs so I'm still waiting to see. But you should be fine. You'll be fine. Yeah. By doing enough online shopping that they think that you're a commercial entity.

Yeah, that's a fucking wake-up call, bitch. Come on. That's as much of a wake-up call as getting Santa's big giant dildo up your bum. Is it? Well, I'd imagine that would wake one up quite abruptly. I tell you what, if they open up that box, they're putting that straight through. They don't want to deal with that. You'd have to.

No. I'm not going to say it. Even on the podcast. Yeah, I was going to say, you found my limit. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleeets, Vaughan and Megan. Happy Monday, the 29th of November. Nearly December.

30 days has November. I sung that this morning to myself as well. 30 days has November. It's my favourite song in November. Right. The worst is when you've got to keep singing it to find out why it's way down the track. Well, 25 Days Till Christmas. Yeah, right.

Don't panic. I'm not panicking. I'm not panicking. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, look, there's a new variant. It's got a rad name, a tough name, an almost undefeatable sounding name. Why did they name it something so tough? Omicron. Omicron. Yeah. No, there's

no N in it. Omicron. Omicron. Omicron. I didn't say Omicron. I've been saying Omicron all weekend. Yeah. Omicron. Omicron. We're like, what is this name? And then I'm sure in a few months we'll be like, oh god, Omicron. Yeah're like, what is this name? And then I'm sure in a few months we'll be like, oh, God, Omicron. Yeah.

They decided to skip two other names because I thought they were going to call this one New. Yeah, right. But then everybody thought of New Metal and Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park. So they skipped that. What was next? So we skipped that. Z. It was New and...

XI. Yeah, Z. Yeah. Yeah Z I don't know why Or maybe I can delve into why those were skipped And they went straight to Omicron Right Which sounds like an all powerful transformer It does So you're going to deal with this in the context

Yeah I've got the top six better names I could have used Starting with O Right Also coming up some science Vaughnughan, from the science desk. Yes, booze poos. Why we do it? What causes it? Yeah, especially after a box and a half of pals.

Is that you at the weekend? That'll hatch you. He's probably also got diabetes now, type 2. Next on the show. Black Friday sales happened massive over the weekend, but did you get ripped off? ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Megan. Black Friday sales happened massive over the weekend, but did you get ripped off? ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Black Friday came and went.

In fact, there's still a lot of sales continuing today. So maybe today's the last day for a lot of sales. Right. Big time of the year to get your Christmas shopping done. And you could tell people were out and about, even in Auckland, in the city, like downtown, it was quite busy at the weekend. Well, that's good for downtown, though.

Yeah, which was a surprise. Yeah, but Price Spy, which is a pricing and comparison website, they said nearly one in five products saw a price hike on Black Friday. And they did warn us about it. They warn us every year, pre and post. But we see the sparkly signs and the bright signs and the discounts and we get excited don't we are they allowed to like make a fake it was this amount and can they make that price up and then cross it out and be like and now I don't know. They're a shady business.

So shady. But yes, I mean, but if they did make that the price for even a small amount of time. I guess that's what they're doing, right? But what they're saying is that pre and the weeks leading up to Black Friday, they hike the prices. So that when they do discount them, they look a lot better than they are. Yeah. And people are still doing that. And even though Price Buy exists and you can go to that site and get

you know, prices and match everything and see historical averages and blah blah blah. People just CBF. Yeah, well I bought stuff at the weekend. I was like, I'm not checking. It looks cheap enough. I've had my eye on this for a while. That's

cheap. But that's the thing. If you have your eye on this for a while. That's cheap. But that's the thing. If you have your eye on something for a while, you'll know if you're getting a good deal. Yeah, totally. You compile your list early on, and even if they hike it beforehand, you'll be like, well, that's not that much cheaper. But yeah, one in five products.

And that's a 7% rise compared to last year. So they're doing it more and more. Very cheeky. Very cheeky. I'd love to know if they're, did they single out any businesses? No, but they did say the best sales this year were fitness watches, PS games and electronic toothbrushes. They were the best deals.

Because we've all been adding lollies in lockdown, isn't it? We need a good toothbrush. And fitness watches. To get us back out there. Boring though. Yeah. I mean, PlayStation games are in there. Yeah. For sure. Imagine getting a

electric toothbrush for Christmas. Lame. Or a sports watch. Ouch. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. This was originally from an Australian news website where people write questions into like doctors. Oh, yeah. The doctor gives you an answer.

Dr. Zach was asked what causes booze poos. They called it grog bog. Oh, okay. That's way more Australian. Grog bog. Yeah. okay. That's way more Australian. Grog Bog. Yeah. He goes into some pretty, the guy who asked the question goes into some pretty interesting detail. We all know, right?

And while taking the Grog Bog, he said it always makes him feel better. And then he looked up Rate My Poo on Reddit and just while he was on the bog. Yeah. And he said some of those seem very unhealthy. What's the deal with grog bog? And Dr. Zach answered, and quite interestingly, it's just another example of the stress that drinking puts on your body. And apparently alcohol does this thing where it like skips the cue.

So if you eat, you chew, right? That starts to break down the food. You swallow it, it breaks it down in the cue. So if you eat, you chew, right? That starts to break down the food. You swallow it, it breaks it down in the stomach. Then it goes into the small intestine. But alcohol just goes straight through into the small intestine, absorbed.

Some gets absorbed and also heads to the liver. And then the liver's got a back catalogue because it can only do one standard drink an hour. A backlog. Yeah, right. Okay, so it's got to back catalogue because it can only do one standard drink an hour. A back log. Yeah, right. Okay, so it's got to just get rid of it. Yeah, so then apparently it causes,

there's something your stomach does that's like the process of moving through. Food hits and the intestine starts moving it through. Right. Alcohol does it quicker. Right. So it scoots through there a little bit quicker and takes more water with it. So it scoots through there a little bit quicker. And takes more water with it.

So it can stop you absorbing it, which is why you get dehydrated as well. Because you're always weeing it out and pooing it out. Kind of like a nasty. Your body's like, oh, no, that's not good. Get it out. Pumping it out. It's not providing anything for me. The sugar and stuff in it is perfect for bacteria in your gut as well.

So that's why it's always a little bit smellier. Oh. Grim. And then it goes out. He said, how to do your best to prevent it. Oh, you can do that. You can't stop it, but you can lessen the effects. Eating a balanced meal containing lots of natural oils like rice, whole grains or chicken.

Oh, okay. Who's sitting down to a meal of whole grain rice and chicken? I was trying to think of a yummy meal that would entail that. But a chicken. Yeah. But a chicken. Maybe a bit of Indian food. Oh, but whenever I've had Indian, like a big Indian, and then tried to drink afterwards, I'm too full.

Yeah, it's hard. I'm going home, I'm too full. It's hard to drink when you've had a big curry, that is for sure. But I thought the idea was to eat like your starchy, like your potatoes or something that like absorbs the alcohol. Nah, because you can't, it doesn't absorb it. Really? It just parties with it.

Is that just how you feel? That's just people encouraging you to eat before you drink yeah right because you're a lightweight and you drink on an empty stomach and you're a whole lot messier

and harder to carry because you're dead weight now not like yeah right able to carry some of your weight so yeah I did does he say anything about

like cheaper alcohol I feel like sometimes cheaper alcohol yeah like will like sometimes cheaper alcohol will rip through you more. It's probably the sugar. Because they load up the cheaper alcohols with tons of sugar. So it's probably the sugar that drags it through.

And the booze. Wow. Well, there you go. We know now. Booze, booze. Science. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Giant study's been done by the City University of New York. Now, this is, you know, normally we talk about a study, it might be like 500 people or 1,000 people.

The scientists tracked 34,000 Americans aged over 40 for several decades. And they asked them over several decades, I don't know if they had to do this like every day, but they had to track like what time they had breakfast, write it down, when they had all their snacks and meals. Who's committing to that for several decades? They must have been paying them. Yeah, surely.

Because you'd do that if you were getting paid, right? Yeah. Write it down or put it in an app. Well, they were asked about their eating habits and what time they had their meals and it found that the optimum time to eat breakfast is between 6am

and 7am. And that's probably great for people listening right now. It's 6.26. That's all just coupled with, isn't getting up early also a precursor to a longer life? Well, they found, and because they were tracking these people for decades, a lot of them were dying during the

study. I'm guessing they went for older people. They found that 6% of people that ate breakfast before 7am were 6% less likely to die prematurely than those that had breakfast after 8am, and 12% less at

risk of early death than the 10am contingent. Is 6% enough for you to get up that early at the weekend? No, no, it's not. Although I was awake at 6 at the weekend both days, so it still matters to do breakfast before 7. Yeah. But then again, it's like how much is in your KiwiSaver account? How long do you want to be living? Do you want to live that 6% longer or you'll run out of money?

Yeah. I feel like we're offsetting that anyway because we're getting up too early. Yeah. It's too far in that other direction of like not getting enough sleep is really bad for you. Ha ha. Ha ha ha, you, us. And we're beating your system. We had breakfast before 7, but we're going to die early due to lack of sleep. Ha ha. Ha ha, you, us. And we're beating your system.

We had breakfast before seven, but we're going to die early due to lack of sleep. Ha ha. Ha ha, science tricked you. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hi there, and a special good morning to Omicron. The latest COVID variant. Yes. So apparently it's going to take scientists a couple of weeks

to figure out exactly how bad this is, like how it affects our vaccines. There is, Pfizer have said we'll need 100 days if they need to add to their vaccine? Yeah, change up the vaccine. Okay. Which is pretty cool. They said, got the design, just need 100 days to get it all done and dusted,

and then we can start cranking that out again. Today, at 4 o'clock, the government will announce what colour traffic light your region is. So if you've got low vax rates, you might start at a red. I know Auckland's starting at a red. No one will go to a green initially, so you'll either be red or orange depending on your vaccination rates or how bad the outbreak is in your area,

which is why Auckland will go into a red. Well, Omicron kind of resets the counter for a lot of things, including MIQ, because it looks like even if you've been vaccinated, it might not be nearly as effective. Yeah, well, early day, let's not.

But why is it called Omicron? Why did it skip NU, N-U, and Z, X-I? Well, people have said that the Chinese leader is Xi Jinping. Yes. Oh, so they don't want to name enough to him. Yeah. It would be like having a COVID variant called Jacinda or Scott Morrison.

Some people would bloody love that, wouldn't they? Wouldn't they? But the World Health Organization has said they skipped new because it sounds too much like new. So you'd say new variant. Oh, yeah. And it would sound like new variant There's a new variant

It's called new It's not new anymore And then G they said no Because it's too much of a common last name around the world So it'd be like having a Smith variant I'd like it because I'm an egomaniac So they've gone with Omicron Omicron

Omicron Omicron Omicron I've just learnt this morning it's not Omicron I like when it was it had an N in it Omicron

and it's an N at the end Omicron but it does sound like a big baddie from a superhero movie it does yeah like a robotic super bad guy

so I've got the top 6 better names for Omicron that start with O. Okay. Number six, the big O. We call it the big O. Yeah. The big O's coming. Yeah.

Probably gives you a little bit of, you know. Sounds fun. Yeah. Maybe a slightly less threatening sound. Number five on the list of the top six better names for Omicron, Oprah. The Oprah variant. Take her down a peg or two as well.

She's had it too good for too long. Did you see her garden when she was interviewing Adele? Calm down. What a garden. Number four on the list of the top six better names for the Omicron variant. Let's start with O. Oakley. Like the sunglasses.

Oh, yes. Okay, I don't know if they'd like that. They wouldn't like it, but the rest of us would be like, yeah. Although Corona beer sales went up, didn't they? They did. They did. Yeah.

Despite all of that bad publicity. Number three on the list of the top six better names for Omicron are The Offspring. Oh, yeah, like the band. Like the 1990s band. Don't give it to me, baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh. You gotta keep them separated.

I mean, Offspring wrote a lot of songs. They didn't know at the time, but the social distancing messaging in their song was fascinating. Number two on the list of the top six better names for Omicron that start with O, the oyster variant. Oh, yeah. Love an oyster. And then if it puts

everybody else off oysters, oysters will go down in price. You'll get more. I'll get more oysters. You got it. You know what's happening. Got into summer, love an oyster.

You like an oyster with your Prosecco? What a combo. You're not an oyster. I'm not a big oyster fan. Oyster guy. I'd be more of a dry champagne and oyster guy myself

than a sweet Prosecco. No, I'd just rather have a scallop or a fish finger or actually, to be honest, a crab stick. I'm happy with a crab stick. He's such an everyday guy. I'm over here with my crab stick and my pals and you're having a champagne and oyster. I'm having an oyster and a champagne.

How the other half live, eh? And number one on the list of the top six better names for Omicron, let's start with O, the orchid variant. Have you ever tried keeping an orchid alive? Like a peace lily? I can't keep those things alive. Oh, peace lilies are far easier than an orchid.

Cut off the dead leaves and you're overwatering. Yeah, you're overwatering them all the time. Yeah, you're overwatering. Classically overwatering. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. all the time. Yeah, you're over-watering. Classically over-watering. That is today's top six. Play. ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. So Nathan, he's a Dunina man.

He has found his wallet after 32 years. He lost it 32 years ago. So he went to a U2 concert in Christchurch. With a bunch of friends when he was a teenager. Okay. And he lost it on a beach, Corsier Bay. Corsier Bay, yeah. Corsier Bay is where he lost it.

And that is exactly where it was found. Get out. 32 years later. What kind of wallet was it? How was anything in there even still? How was it not like washed away or destroyed or? So it was so deep down apparently that it was in amongst like clay. So not a lot of air getting in there.

And so it was so well preserved. Like a woolly mammoth. Yeah. So the guy who found it was just like old mate Vaughn doing metal detectoring on the beach. And so most of the time he just finds like cans and bottle caps but found this wallet

that was lost. The driver's license inside was dated 1989. It would have been a paper one. Yeah, it would have been. It was wax paper, right? Kind of a waxy... What kind of wallet was it? Because it must have sealed it in. It was a small, right? Yeah. Kind of a waxy. What kind of wallet was it? Because it must have sealed it in.

It was a small blue Velcro wallet. Oh, yes. Probably a Rip Curl one. It had a koala bear on the front. No, it was an absolute souvenir one. Wow. It had like a few five cent pieces that were all rusted. So that would have been what?

Tipped off the metal detector? Yeah. Okay. And a Trust Bank card Which doesn't exist Trust Bank Now Westpac That became Westpac

Yes Because it was Westpac Trust for a while Wasn't it? And then they just dropped the Trust Yeah Wow So the guy who found it Obviously had a name and stuff

And so got it back to Nathan 32 years later That is wild Wow That's cool So the guy who does the metal detecting on the beach And so got it back to Nathan 32 years later. That is wild. Wow. That's cool. So the guy who does the metal detecting on the beach, he said he's found lots of rubbish. Yeah.

But he does find from time to time dog tags, like some that are 10 years old. So he tries to return them to owners as well. Are they ever attached to a dog? No, he hasn't said. No, the dog was eaten by sharks. Oh, my God. The shark burped up

its dog tag. Yeah. So he said it's nice to return things to people as a little memento. Would you want some old mate like Vaughn ringing you up

10 years later? Found your dog tag. Your dead dog tag. 32 years later someone found your wallet. That's pretty amazing. Okay, so it's pretty cool. That would be pretty cool.

Yeah. But yeah, Nathan who lost his wallet 32 years ago See the worst part about that was He missed out on the U2 T-shirt Because he didn't have his wallet To buy it

He lost it pre-gig Pre-gig Looking back surely that was Not a bad thing right Yeah What was he doing to get his Wallet so deep into the clay Which is over time surely Floss looking about in there I don't know what he was doing to get his wallet so deep into the clay. Well, just over time, surely.

What's he thinking about in there? I don't know. Would it have just gone down over time? I don't know. Yeah, you would have thought it would have just been wrecked by the time it got that far down. Amazing. Amazing. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan.

Clay. ZM. This is so funny. We can laugh because everyone's fine, I want to say, at the start of this. No one's died? No one has died, in fact, at home from their injuries. Recovered. So a woman, Lauren is her name, from the US, she's had a whoopsie daisy.

So she is on an adult site called Chatterbait. You can figure out why it's called that. Kind of like OnlyFans. Yep, okay. So she records herself doing videos and people pay for those videos. And then they chat about while they're watching them do that. Yeah. They chat. Yep.

So she has accidentally shot herself while doing these videos. The report says a woman has accidentally shot herself in the genitalia. Oh, my God. So it's America. They had a gun in the house. Yeah, right.

Okay. And her flatmate was walking to the kitchen when they heard the gun go off and were like, oh my God, raced into her bedroom. And they found her filming a video and there was a small amount of blood on the bed and she's like, I'm sorry, I've accidentally shot myself. Oh my God. Had she just skimmed a bit off the top?

I mean, it doesn't go into details, but the paramedic told the officer that the female had shot herself in the vagina accidentally. Now, I don't have a vagina. But if you did... That would hurt. Yeah. So lucky.

Good Lord. I know. It could have been so much worse. It does sound like it was some sort of a grazing. A flesh wound. A what? A flesh wound.

Yes. Wow. That's what you call it. That's what you call it. Yeah, so she got flown to hospital and she's fine. So it was the idea she was doing a sexy video with the gun. She was like, I've got a gun. I read the police report.

My vagina. It doesn't say. It just says that she was alone in the room with the gun filming a video for this website. We don't know the details of which. But if she was streaming, there must be video. Yeah. Ever dance. Yeah, I don't know if I'd want to see that,

but I'm sure it would be out there, wouldn't it? Oh, my. Yeah. America. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know details of the injury, but it would have hurt. But she's fine now. She's at home recovering. Yeah. America. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know details of the injury, but it would have hurt. But she's fine now. She's at home recovering.

Yeah. I would like to know how you hurt your bits. I don't think we're going to get another gunshot wound. Right. But never say never. But what stories when you've hurt your bits? Yeah. Specifically those bits.

Vaughn, I feel like you've got one. Probably. Probably blocked it though. From your memory. Traumatically. Blocked. I remember when I was a kid I was coming down to hell and slipped and got a stick right in like the gooch balls

area. That dropped me. I mean we all did the classic pedaling really fast on your bike and slipping off the front of the pedals and nailing yourself on the bar of the bike. That hurts when you're a girl too, just by the way. The old traditional female bike with the step-through angled bar was given to the wrong gender.

Why didn't they just make it like that for guys too? Why is the bar there? Yeah I agree Put the bar down further Out of the way of it You're asking for trouble Accidental slip

Yeah Slip and squish Well the cricket ball Getting a cricket ball or a sports ball in the nads Oh that'll drop you That'll drop you That's why you have a box though isn't it? Yeah but even then sometimes the box might you know

Might I mean it might stop horrific injury, but it still hurts. Right. Or it might pinch a bit of the side. Like a chip. Oh, yeah. Maybe if you've got a bit of overhand. Sprint between wickets, one had made its way out. Yeah. Yeah, good lord.

Alright, so 0800 Dials at M9696. How did you hurt your bits? Yeah. Is the phone in topic right now. Give us a call. We want to know How did you hurt your bits? Yeah. Is the phone in topic right now. Give us a call. We want to know how you've hurt your bits. When you had an accident with your bits. I don't know if we're going to beat this,

but there's pretty full-on ones. There's a woman in the US. She was shooting kind of like an OnlyFans video, and she literally shot herself in the vagina with a gun. Sounds like she had a bit of a grazing there. It wasn't that serious. To be fair, she might have thought it was an intruder. Imposter syndrome.

Who is it? Answer me! It was in the dark. What are you? What are you? Oh my God. I've shot myself, haven't I? Oh, I've shot myself. So, wow, some stories coming through.

Let's start with Billy. Good morning, Billy. How did you hurt your bits? It wasn't me. Thank God for that. Yeah. So, when I was young, me and my friend loved the trampoline, my best friend. And I don't, it was before the spring free days.

And her mum got the dishwashing liquid out and put it on the trampoline. And then got the hose out. Yeah, yeah. And so me, her and her brother were all like five or six and jumped on the tramp naked because it was summer. And her brother slipped and he got his balls stuck in the springs. Oh, my God. I mean, we all smashed our balls on the side of a tramp,

but the balls were immediately released. And especially because the weight of everybody is on the mat, the spring's open. Yeah. And then when everyone's up in the air, they contract, don't they? Yeah, and we were equally horrified and thought it was the funniest thing in the world, and I still think it is.

And her mum had to go and unhook the spring off the side of the tramp. Oh, my God. Did, had to go and unhook the spring off the side of the tramp. Oh, my God. Did he have to go to hospital? I hope I never have to peel someone's balls at the tramp. No, I would have been like, everybody on the tramp, on the tramp, and then pushed it back down again, and the spring would have come open, and the balls could have been freed. She took the whole spring off the tramp.

That's hard to do. Oh, my God. That's brilliant. Billy, thank you for sharing, although there's probably a horrified male listening right now. Some messages in. When I was a child, I was eating my lunch at school and I was sitting on my plastic lunchbox.

The corner of the lunchbox was broken and had a sharp edge. As I sat on my lunchbox enjoying my jam sandwich, I slipped in the sharp corner of the lunchbox, went up, cut through my pants and cut my lady bits. Mortified, I ran to the toilet to find blood. You can imagine how fun it was

for me to find a duty teacher and say, I've cut my fanny. Doctor's visit and a few stitches fix the situation. Stitches! I'm a primary teacher now

and whenever I see a child sitting on the lunchbox, I encourage them to sit on the ground or a chair instead. Wow. We always used to sit on our lunchboxes. Who was sitting on their lunchbox?

All the time. I didn't sit on my lunchbox. No, you could have respect the Tupperware or whatever it was made of. God, I wouldn't sit on a lunchbox now. I had a water skiing accident in January where the ski went between my legs and came off and sliced my vagina. Ow! Blood pouring out on the way back, to be sure, but got to hospital, needed a lot of stitches and two nights in hospital to fix me up.

Jeez! Chris, good morning. Morning. How did you hurt your bits? It wasn't me, it was a friend of mine. Okay. And how did he do it? He was doing some home DIY in the backyard and he cut the top two inches off his willy.

Wait, there's a lot of information. That's the best two inches. There's a lot of information missing. That's everybody's favourite two inches, Chris. How did his willy come in connection with something sharp? He was trying to cut a pipe with an angle grinder without a guard and the blade shattered. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I've taken the blade. I'm putting the guard back on my angle grinder today. Today. But do you not have a guard on your angle grinder? I took it off you. You can get in tight spots. You can't afford two inches off your willy. I can't! I barely got that!

Wait till Chris... Chris, they couldn't sew it back on? They did, but it fell off again. It died. Oh my God! He went through it twice! So, but Chris, what does it just look...

Is it just kind of nubby now? He's got a square head. Like a screwdriver. I can't even laugh. It's horrible. It's horrible. Chris is just relaying this. You're so straight.

Oh, my God. But there's something for everybody out there, right? There'll be somebody that's their kink. I don't know, maybe. Maybe, yeah. Did he have two inches to lose? No. There you go, Vaughn.

What are you doing today? I'm putting the guard back on the angle grinder. I'm going to start being a little bit safer. I always wear the safety goggles and, like, gloves. Yeah, but... I wear a cricket box now. Thanks, Chris. Jesus.

Oh, my God. My dad was in the army and had heaps of knickknacks around the house. When I first started going to town, so like clubbing, with my friends, Dad gave me a taser. If you're a father with a daughter, I would. I can imagine you giving. 100%. I'd give my girls a taser. Be careful on this. You'd send them out to the club with a whole, with a daughter. I would. I can imagine you giving. 100%. I'd give my girls a taser.

Yeah. Be careful on this. You'd send them out to the club with a whole, like a police belt. Like a Batman utility belt. After town, a little bit tipsy, went to a playground, fell on the taser. And. Tased. Tased my privates.

I could not be trusted with a taser when drunk. None of us could. It's not a good idea. Imagine falling over in a playground and you're lying on the taser button and frying your fanny. What's that smell? Stop. You two both. Stop.

Read out the scissors in the shower. You're banned from the F word. Don't say that. Flange, you're allowed to say that. Don't say that. I don't want to say that. When I was younger, I was giving myself a trim in the shower with some scissors. Slipped and nipped a lip.

It bled a lot And the shower also Bleeding always looks way worse than the shower Because of the hot water and everything Christ alive Maybe she should date the guy that Took the end off I fell off a treadmill

And I went Sideways or backwards I fell off a treadmill. And I went sideways or backwards, so I landed on the ground and the treadmill was still going, but my vagina was right on the end of it. Did it get caught in the buckle or something? What speed was it? I don't know, so i'm imagining the rounded edge of the friction one leg kind of goes under yeah like running it over with a motorbike or something i mean the the sheer physics of that yeah are puzzling i'm so sorry you went through that i'm so sorry to everybody who's been through this.

And yet... God, we thought we weren't going to beat the shooting. It didn't expect so many bad injuries, to be honest. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we see what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. Palmerston North by Ansel. Oh, okay.

Good morning. Misty has a wide variety of condom packs for sale. Range from small 10-pack to 100-packs. Pair me for more info. She's got all the packs there. She looks to have come across some sort of bulk condom situation. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. She'd rob a family planning.

There's a lot there, isn't there? So many. Condoms are one of those things you want to get from a reputable dealer, you know? Well, yeah, true. Like crack. You don't want to go to someone you don't trust. Not that I don't trust you. Yeah.. You don't want to go to someone you don't trust. So not that I don't trust you. Yeah.

I just don't trust you. You probably want them in a sealed packet from the pharmacy or the supermarket. Yeah. Yeah. Let's pop to buy, sell and indoor plants, New Zealand. A page that's probably very popular at the moment, given everybody's love of indoor plants and propagating and blahdy blahdy blah blah. Well, Jackie's got something

on this site for sale. Meet Ari. Ari is a one of a kind. She's made by myself. If you're wondering what that is growing out of her head, it's an air plant.

Now plants, that's a plant that doesn't need like soil or stuff. It gets what it needs out of the air. It's a doll with a hole in its head. And she fills it

with like soil. No, no need for soil because it's an air plant. Oh, okay. Just a gaping hole in the head of a creepy old plastic doll. Yeah, dolls like that

are pretty creepy already. Yeah. That's odd. Listen to a podcast about why people find dolls creepy. You listen to a podcast? I listen to a podcast and they talked about why people find dolls creepy. Is it to a podcast. I listen to a podcast,

and they talked about why people find dolls creepy. Is it because of the Chucky movies? No, no, it's not the horror movies. It was like before that, that the people started finding them creepy. It was because they, it was when no one had a problem with dolls until they started doing that thing,

you know, like the first dolls, that's eyes open and shut. When you laid them down, their eyes would shut. When you sit them up, their eyes would open. Oh, yeah. And they said it had realistic tendencies while not being alive right and that was like the the root of when people started to find dolls creepy and that's definitely creepy doll but not

because it's eyes open and closed because it's got a friggin plant growing out of its head uh let's if we may pop down to the Rollerstein Community Group. Candice has written a post, just a post, nothing for sale, just a post, a purple background on white, white text on a purple background, very attention-grabbing. Cannot believe I'm banned from the warehouse. This is an infringement on my liberties. I'm sure there's a good reason why the warehouse have banned you. No explanation.

I kind of want to know. Yeah. I kind of want to know. Yeah. I kind of want to know. Hawks Bay Jobs. James is asking, on Hawks Bay Jobs, a site where people who have jobs to be filled advertise their jobs and where people who are looking for jobs say, I'm looking for a job.

This is a job-heavy Facebook page. James asks, does anyone know how to detox weed out of your system for a drug test I have in six days? Again, this is posted on a Facebook page specialising in employment. How long does it stay in your system? I don't know. Doesn't it attach to the fatty stuff so it lasts a little bit longer? Whereas other drugs can only attach to other parts so it gets flushed out quicker?

Right. A moderate user can test positive 7 to 21 days after last use. Right. A heavy user can test positive a month or longer. Right. So they're screwed. Yeah. Or Snoop Dogg when they dig up his corpse in two and a half thousand years.

He'll start sprouting actual plants. Yeah, he probably could. David asks on the Franklin grapevine page. This is a great question to ask your community. Morning, everyone. Just want to know if anyone has any experience with getting boob jobs done. My wife's interested. We have no idea where to start.

Any recommendations of price or place would be great. Well, back in the day, you could just go to Thailand, couldn't you, for a quick nip-tuck? That's what somebody said. Dr. Google tells me package deals in Thailand are quite the go. She doesn't mind a bit of heat and she's brave, particularly in the fact that we're also in the midst of a global pandemic. That's something else to take on board.

But what a brave question to ask the community. And finally today on Community Notices, Repai has a question. On Thursday morning as I stepped out the door of my house, I could see that part of my fence was missing. Perhaps some people on their way home decided to take some fence. Please, if you know where the fence is or who has the fence, just message me.

No questions asked Just wants the fence back Including two pictures of The part of the fence that's just gone absolutely walkies It kind of looks like a car might have gone through it Or a drunk person Yeah, fell through it And then we're just like, well we'll just take this fence

Because we don't want to leave them with a broken fence We'd rather leave them with no fence at all Those are today's community notices If you see anything on your local Facebook page You can screen cap it and send it to us FEMZN We don't want to leave them with a broken fence. We'd rather leave them with no fence at all. Yeah. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, you can screen cap it and send it to us, FVM, ZDM, on Facebook. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

Black Friday happened, and some sales continue on today. So today might be your last day. It's a massive thing that's come out of the US. It's got even bigger. What about Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday, yeah, true. I'd love to. The sales just keep on coming.

Yeah, it's a cycle now until Christmas. I can't wait till they release the stats of how much we all spent because I feel like it's going to be more than ever. Australia released some stats. It was like billions of dollars like over Friday and the weekend. Right. Well, in the States, two-thirds or 66% of people impulse buy more during this weekend, the Black Friday weekend, than any other time during the year.

There were some good specials. I know that we talked before about, you know, some people hike the prices a few weeks before, so it looks like a good deal. Yeah. But I had my eye on a few things and I was like, yep, pounds. Yeah, because I had been doing my Christmas shopping in the lead up. And so there was a few things I'd saved for weeks, you know, on wish lists and stuff. And then you go back during Black Friday and see if you've got yourself a good deal.

But yeah, a lot of people impulse buy and then regret it. Do you know people on average spend $208 on Amazon products that end up being fake and like knock off. It's amazing that Amazon let fake stuff sell it. That's a lot of money though. $208 on average. So yeah, that's put a lot of people off

buying online. Did you buy anything? I don't think so. Not a big online. Do you buy anything? No. Have you done you buy anything? No. Have you done your Christmas shopping? No. No. I've done my Christmas shopping and birthdays up until March.

You're too organised. Just get it done. I used Black Friday to run my annual, well, no, I'd say, what do you call it when it's every two years? Bi-annual? No, because that's twice a year. What do you call it, bi-decade? No, bi-decade would be once every five years. Oh, no, because it's five every two years.

What do you call that? Every other year, perennial. Perennial, is that? No, that's a perennial. That's a perennial. No, perennial, what is the flower called that'll last a couple of years? Perennial.

Yeah. Well, anyway, every couple of years I do my undie, my knickers replenishment. And I buy all new knickers. Yeah. How many knickers did you buy? Because they all wear out at the same time. And I've thrown away like three or four pairs in the last week. And so I was like, Black Friday is my chance to pounce.

Fifteen. You bought 15 knickers? Pairs of knickers. So that's like two weeks. Yeah, I know. And this is the thing. This is why I need to do washing every now and again. Yeah, right.

And then in two years, they'll run out again and they'll start getting holes in them. And then I'll replenish them again. And my scent to wear ratio is, oh, it's up. It's point something. Where did you get them from? What are your go-to knickers? I just got them online. Do you get different colours or all of the same?

Oh, like three different colours. I just go for the darks, the black, blues, grey. No, you shouldn't be getting white undies. No, I don't do white undies. No one should get white undies. No one. When people do white undies, I'm like, you're asking for trouble. Nobody needs to see that.

Biennial. No, but that biennial. Biennial. Biennial. Biennial means happening every two years or lasting for two years, but this is used less commonly than biannual or bi-yearly. Or bisexual. That's probably the most used.

I'd say so. Very popular these days. Yeah. Undies and bisexuals. Yes. Yeah. I'd say so. Very popular these days. Yeah. Undies and bisexuals. Yes. Yeah. Undies for bisexuals. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan.

Yesterday. Was this yesterday, Carwin? Yesterday? Sometime over the weekend. You witnessed somebody, well, somebody actually got in your bubble and broke social distancing rules and you were very uncomfortable about it.

Was this at a queue to pay for something at a retail outlet? Yes. So my flatmate and I decided we needed some retail therapy and made the mistake of going to Sylvia Park on a Sunday. Oh, babes. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. On a Black Friday weekend.

Yeah. Oh, dear. Yeah. We hadn't been in months. Was it just heaving? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Oh dear. Yeah. We hadn't been in months. Was it just heaving? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And so at one point, the mall was so busy that

the security guards had set up like a rope thing across an area and stopped everyone. Oh, see, it stops COVID, doesn't it? So they wanted to like... It doesn't go over the rope. I think it's like the club. I think they were trying to do, you know, like when you're going onto the motorway

and there's a traffic light and one car goes at a time. They're indicatory. I don't follow those. Right, okay, well, you're supposed to. Well, they're not a red light, are they? They're not like a traffic light. It's not a traffic light. One light per car on the motorway. I hate people like light. It's not a traffic light. One light per car on the motorway.

I hate people like you. It's not a traffic light. So wait, why does the rule apply to me but not you? Because you're a sucker. I think your phone rules mostly apply to suckers. I can't imagine Vaughan follows the traffic light, the imposter traffic light at the motorway on. It's really, really busy, I will.

But sometimes they turn those on absolutely unnecessarily. Yeah. I shan't be shamed. Okay, well, anyways, they were trying to do that sort of system, right? To stop as many people going through at the same time. But that then created quite a horde of people. Right. Not distancing.

And one pair of people were right behind my flatmate and i like as close as you could possibly be i didn't even like that pre-covered times like when you're at the supermarket and someone's like like not even you can feel their breath on your knee yeah like get away yeah and so um i really wanted to ask them to step back. Because obviously you are supposed to be two metres. Yeah. And in this situation it was kind of hard to be, but they could have not been breathing down my neck.

Did they look like people that were vaccinated? I don't know what that looks like. What does that look like? That's a trick question. And so I said something to my flatmate. I said, should I ask them? She's like, oh, I

don't know. Like, how are they going to react? I would have just asked her loud enough that they heard.

Should I ask the people behind us to back up a little bit and respect social distance boundaries? So then we had a bit of a debate

about whether that was rude or not. So we've asked on social media if that is. Yeah. If it's rude to us as a stranger to socially distance in public. 86% said, nah, it's totally fine.

14% said, yeah, it's a bit rude. But then how many people would actually go through with asking someone? Very hard. Very hard. It's confrontation because you didn't do it in the interview. No, I was too awkward about it. Yeah, because like, what are you going to start an argument? Yeah.

I saw somebody put up a video from the beach at the weekend and people were so close to each other. But how would you, if you sat down, you got there early and you sat down and there was room and then someone came next to you, yeah. And then someone sat quite close to you. I'd probably move, to be honest. Although I don't think the social distancing at some Auckland beaches

Was the problem at the weekend Judging by the faecal matter levels in some beaches And the water That's one way to get people to go home Yeah, might lose a couple of kgs before Christmas So I forget the shits I mean you've got to look at positives, don't you? Positives

Great time of the year to have to eat nothing but lemonade ice blocks because you can't keep anything else down as well. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan. Play ZM. Anjali from The Real Housewives of Melbourne has revealed that the six-star apartment she lived in on the show is not actually her home. Oh.

She rented that just for the show so that everyone thought she was fancier than she was. She actually lives in a $530 a week rented property in an outer suburb. There's nothing wrong with that, but she was obviously trying to keep up some sort of facade. Well, you can't be a real housewife of Melbourne if you're living like the rest of us in a... An oriented house. Yeah. That would be the real housewife of Melbourne.

Like, actually the real, yeah. Yeah. So not only that, instead of, like, limos and being chauffeured and BMWs and stuff, she drives a 2007 Holden Astra. Okay, wow. This is really mean, too, because there's paparazzi shots of her climbing out of this Holden Astra. Okay, wow. This is really mean too because there's paparazzi shots

of her climbing out of this Holden. But she is setting herself up for this. Pretending to be something that she's not. Yeah. Like there's nothing wrong with that. Living in that house, renting and having an Astra. She probably wouldn't have been on the show

because it doesn't live up to the... Were the production company paying for all of this? Or did they think... Were they under the impression as well, she lived like this? No, I don't know if they knew or not, but she paid for it. She decided to lease it. Oh, wow. The apartment.

But yeah, it's now revealed that it's not how she lives her life. Listen, tell you what, you can get a Holden Astra for an absolute steal. Just looked up how much 2007 Holden Astra cost. Yeah, they reckon it was $6,000 on here. Oh, wow. That's embarrassing.

Absolutely spilled the deets. It's not embarrassing because of what she drives, because it's a nice car. Yeah. And, like, her house looks fine. It's embarrassing that she felt like she had to lie in. Yeah. And like her house looks fine. It's embarrassing that she felt like she had to lie and create this whole facade of a life that she doesn't actually live.

Yeah. I would love to know what people have done to impress others. Whether it was... It's a classic, you go on a date you're wanting to impress someone so you say yeah this is my car. But it's not.

You've borrowed it from your parents or your friend. Because at some point, the lie is always going to come out, right? Yeah. She was going to become famous and people were going to see her hold an Astra. Yeah. People would always find out. And if you go on a date with someone and you lie and say this is your car, eventually they're going to find out too if you like them.

Maybe someone lies about their job because they want to impress someone. That would have happened before, definitely. I just don't know what the end game is. Do you ever tell a yarn when you were in your early dating and you listened to the show? Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. All I tell is yarns. No, I don't think so, though.

I don't think so. You never lied to Sade when you started dating her? No. I don't know. I didn't. I mean, the truth would have come out, and then you had to deal with that, right? Yeah, that's what I don't understand.

Yeah. And then it's fine if you just wanted one night, but if you actually want a relationship with someone, you're going to find out. Well, maybe you were on the other end of this, but if you actually want a relationship with someone, they're going to find out. Well, maybe you were on the other end of this and you were dating someone or you met someone and then you found out all these lies that they were telling to try and impress you,

whether or not they lied about their job, their money, their car, whatever it was. I've never seen mates and stuff do it. 100%. Yeah. All right, well, 0800DARLSATM, we want to take your calls now. You can text as well, 9696.

When did you lie to impress someone? Star of the Real Housewives of Melbourne, Anjali, she's revealed she lives in a suburb. She rents a modest house and she drives a Holden Astra. So she rented a six-star apartment for the show. So she's actually a real housewife. Yeah. A real, real, real.

Just like the rest of us. Yeah. Yeah. No shame in that, but she lied. Just like the rest of us. Yeah. Yeah. No shame in that, but she lied and kept this big facade just to impress everybody. So we would like to know, did you try to impress somebody with a lie? Someone said, my now husband was trying to look smart by reading the Russian novel Crime and Punishment. Okay. Originally published

in 1866. No, no, no. It was in English by then but apparently it's just quite like a one of those books that's always like oh, this is really important

in the history of literature and stuff. I don't know anything about it. If I saw a guy reading like a full on like Crime and Punishment or something he'd be like

wow, he's so like educated he's so worldly. But you'd have to know the importance of the book Crime and Punishment right? Yeah. Otherwise you could just be like. I haven't read it and they could absolutely lie and be like yeah it was great. Exactly. Exactly. It would definitely impress

me. If they were reading a big old Russian book. Well does Andrew's Mr. Toyboy Your husband read any books? Nah Somebody else said When the Harry Potter movies came out I lied and said that

Lucius Malfoy was my uncle Because my last name is Isaacs And the actor's name was Jason Isaacs Right I was in school at the time Did it work out? I had no word whether or not They got that many smooches on the playground.

I don't know. My partner said he could cook when I met him. It wasn't exactly a lie. He thought he could cook, but he definitely couldn't cook. Like, just chucked a saucy on there or something. A dude on Tinder had multiple pics of him with a sausage dog.

Sent me snaps of him and the sausage dog. It turns out of him and the sausage dog. It turns out it was not his sausage dog. He was dog fishing. He was dog fishing. Yep. Using somebody else's dog. My sister lied to impress a date.

She lived in my parents' Airbnb unit under the house and she brought her date over and told him she didn't know the owners of the house, but they were some middle-aged couple. Because she didn't want to owners of the house, but they were some middle-aged couple. She ended up having to embarrassingly admit the fact that it was her parents that lived upstairs and not some random person. When they're

calling out, sweetheart, do you want to come up for dinner? Yeah. I lied. I was lied to. He said he had had a vasectomy. Found out that was a lie when I was pregnant. She was lied to. He said he had had a vasectomy. Found out that was a lie when I was pregnant. She's now two. That was just one of many, many lies.

Oh my God. Wow. That's not really something you can lie about, right? No. Yeah. That's a forever lie. My ex used to online gamble and show me the huge winnings, like $700, $500 at a time.

And this was weekly, but he'd never once bought me dinner or a coffee or anything. I was like how do you work and win all this money and not have any money? We broke up a few weeks later. He told me actually he only showed me the times that he won, not all the hundreds and hundreds

of dollars that he lost. Yeah. Which are more than the winnings. Yeah. Somebody else said, I met a guy who said he was making absolute bank on cryptocurrency. He wasn't. Yeah. He just thought it would sound impressive. Well, he might have been yesterday, but not today.

$2. Fact of the day, day blood is green in the deep ocean. What? Yep. Because there's no light. It's a different sort of light. Okay. It's a different sort of light. Okay. It's a different sort of light.

There's actually green in human blood. If you're shown a white light, which is most of the light when we see our blood, it's mostly a white light hitting it. Yeah. So that's why it always looks really red. Because red is the most reflective element. But there is green in human blood or the fact that it reflects green light. So if you look at blood using a light source that contains all of the visible colors except

red and point it on the blood, the blood will look green. Right. Because there's no red light present to bounce off the blood and that's its most reflective element. So when you see it in the deep ocean, there's no red light in the deep ocean. Right.

So of all the light that can get down there, green is the most reflective in blood at that stage. Oh wow. So it's not to say that it looks green, it is green. Huh. Imagine if blood was green.

That would be weird, right? But then we'd be used to it, so maybe it wouldn't be weird. Yeah, we'd totally be used to it. It would be weird to see red blood. Yeah. It would be way freakier. Yeah, it would be. But then I wonder also if then, like, green would be don't go on a stop sign.

Because you know how like they reckon the reason that red is the like danger colour is because of blood. When you first saw red, it was you, someone was bleeding. Yeah. Bleeding out or, you know, producing a lot of blood. Yeah. And that would be a dangerous situation. And why is green the go colour then? Because it's chill, it's nature, it's trees.

It's lime popsicles. Yeah, all the good things. Yeah, lots of great things come in green. But yeah, human blood can be green because that's all colour is, is what light is being reflected off the thing that we think is that colour. Oh my God, so much. And this actually leads nicely into what I always love talking about. Is my green your green?

I know. I love talking about that. It buzzes me up. The best part is I love having this conversation with someone who's never had this conversation before. And they're like, no, of course it is. Green's green. It's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Your green is your green.

And I recognize that as green because that's been labeled green. But what if I see my green different to yours? Is this why those internet things like blue dress, green dress? That's a light thing. That's a light thing. That's a light thing. Like what colour is that Christmas tree, Megan, to you? It's like a dark foresty green.

Yeah. Yeah. But that could be, that's. But who dark foresty green might be my like blue? That's how we found out my brother was colour blind Because I had a cup of tea and he's like why is your tea orange I was like oh no mate it's not He sees your tea as orange

He got that far through life without seeing Because he's a red and brownie Red brown green That's why his electrician career didn't take off Because he got a few shocks He got zapped a lot He burned a few houses down. Yeah.

And then he tried being a pilot and a couple of near misses. Is that the sea or the land? I can't think. Is it a tarmac? No. Pull up. So today's fact of the day is human blood in the right conditions is green. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Julie Angenta is a Green MP in New Zealand, and this weekend just gone, she cycled to hospital while in labour to give birth to her baby. Wow. Using some of the fantastic cycle lanes provided. Oh, yes. In the city.

Wow. My contractions weren't that bad when we left at 2 a.m. to go to the hospital, though they were only two to three minutes apart and I'm picking up an intensity by the time we arrived 10 minutes later. Whee. So she was with her partner. Yeah.

They both biked, didn't they? They both biked. But did they have a car? Is that an option? I don't know. 2 a.m. You'd get an Uber, wouldn't you? Although, what's the fee on an Uber?

This is the second time she's done it. Is it? Yeah. In 2018, I knew this was the second time. Someone said first time. She did this last time. She biked to hospital in 2018 to give birth. What an absolute machine.

The thing that got me is she's like, it wasn't that bad, but she gave birth an hour later. It wasn't like a long time. She rode her bike to the hospital and gave birth an hour later. And when your contractions are two to three minutes apart, like it's the business end of things, right? Yeah. When it gets to a minute, that's when you're supposed to be pushing, right? I never got that fast.

Maybe the cycling hurries it along. Probably. Or it'd certainly hurry you to hospital. Bit of jiggling. God, you can't even deal with a bicycle un-pregnant. Oh my god, can you imagine me? You broke your leg stationary on a mountain bike. She's not

rocking an ordinary bike either. She's got a bike with those saddlebags on the back and a thing on the front for her other kid to sit in. You know the big long front of the bike? And some people use it to get the veg to market. Question though, so they're biked there. Like how are they getting baby home?

Chuck in the bike. I don't know. Chuck in the basket. The husband's bike might have a little cane basket on the top. That's probably being picked up, right? That's probably where you get the airport or you get picked up. Sorry, the Uber or the taxi. I hope they chain their bikes up.

I hope they get a good bike lock. That would be the last thing you need to do is put your D-lock on your bike when you're just in labour. You're like... God, those seats are so uncomfortable. Quick and lock and key in pocket. Ooh, I got me a good... It's time to go.

Yeah. So, I don't know if she's planning on a third, but it'll be pretty great if she rode that. Or they took a tandem. Yeah. Because then, you know. You don't want to have arguments on the way. Who's not doing their sheer peddling?

I'm pretty sure the woman who's about to give birth is excused for not doing her full amount of peddling on the way to give birth. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Today is the 29th of November. Yes. And that means that all... The traffic lights.

Yes. Yeah, traffic lights. That's happening. Yep. But according to the 9.1% gender pay gap in New Zealand, it means from now until the end of the year, wahine are working for free. Thank you so much for your service.

I just want to say. I'm taking the rest of the year off, actually. The last three weeks, nah. That is insane, eh? Yeah, it is. It's nuts. I feel like it's gotten better, though, right? We used to be working for free for the last quarter of the year.

I think from March. It used to be from March. I petitioned that women should just work for free for the whole year. That petition didn't get too many signatures. A couple. And then the guys were like, I've got to take my signature off because my wife's found out I've signed this. And I was like, yeah, fair enough. No, of course fair enough. Yeah.

No, of course we jest. We absolutely jest. But 9.1%, it has closed. Yeah. It has closed somewhat. And we've spoken about the point in which we start working for free before, and I feel like it used to be earlier. Because at least, oh, at least we're in December. We're not.

We're in November, though. We're close. Iceland has the world's lowest gender pay gap. What is it? And the highest pay gap is in civil war-stricken Yemen. Oh, okay. Hold on. I'll scroll down.

I just literally Googled it for a thing. It's... Iceland do lots of progressive things, right? Yeah, but also you could be sleeping with your cousin there. You've got to check, don't you? You've got to check the app. You've got to check the app. things, right? Yeah, but also you could be sleeping with your cousin there. You've got to check, don't you? You've got to check the app. You've got to check the app because there's only 300,000 of them. So Yemen, for every $1 that a male makes in the same job, females make 50 cents.

Wow. So half as much. So literally from June, they work for free. Yeah. Wow. Women in Yemen. Yeah. Women in Yemen. Is. Women in Yemen.

Is this the bit where you say, be grateful? No, absolutely not. I was waiting. See, you could be in Yemen. It could be much worse. But then, so what's Iceland then? I shut the window. You shut the...

I'm sorry, but I'm doing this in solidarity with females. From now on, until the end of the year, I'm going to be working at half pace. And since I generally work at about half pace, you can expect a quarter of the effort. What you should do is double time to make up for... Yes, good call. What?

Double time for twice the pay. Twice as much. For the, yeah. Okay, I'll do it. No, just your normal rate. So I will work at my normal rate. No, you'll work twice as hard for your normal rate. So that's 100, that would be, I sit at about 50.

So let's say I work at 100% for the rest of the year. What am I getting paid? Your normal rate. Oh no, I won't do it. I simply shan't. I simply shan't work harder for nothing. You'll work not as hard for twice as much. I'm going to read out your phone number now.

Why? For the complaints. I don't want to have to work answering my phone. I will literally take the easiest way out. I will just change my phone number.