ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 2nd December 2021

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

1/3 Kiwi Kids are considering...  Top 6: Vouchers  Baby Bastian met Santa  When did you lose someones pet?  12 Days of Fletchmas!  Indie had a Presentation  The Impossible Phone In Topic!�� Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleetch Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleetch Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to McCafe, Barista made coffee available from drive-thru and McDelivery at level 3 and also dine-in at level 2. We've finished here for the day here at ZM Studios. And I have absolutely no qualms in saying that I'm going straight home to watch Netflix, the final two episodes of a show I'm watching, because I'm absolutely hooked. Have you already nearly got through the season?

It's only six, six episodes. Now, I want to talk about the show, The Chestnut Man. It's a Danish thriller. It looks scary. I watched the trailer, it looks scary. Would you like a chestnut? Is that how it goes? Would you like a chestnut roasted on an open fire?

I don't know why more people aren't talking about this. It is so effing good. The chestnuts are the calling card, right? Or something like that? Yes. Leaves chestnuts. Which I think is like a Danish kid thing to do. You drill holes in the chestnut

and you put like mash sticks in them or sticks and you make a chestnut man. Why is everyone making these cute things from our childhood fucking creepy it's not a man who sells chestnuts no you're making a man out of chestnuts but you know no one does like a thriller better than like the scandy countries it's dark there for six months of the year dark minds yeah but so good a little bit of a political aspect to it a thriller murder mystery oh so good yeah six eps so the trailer was enough to put the shits up me i don't know i don't know if it's on my watch list but it's one of those shows because i just finished narcos as well i've been doing a lot of reading while i watch tv right you know like not enough subtitles

yeah all subtitles yeah yeah i've just been cranking through a couple of episodes of My Name is Earl every day. Oh, wow. There's so much new great TV and you go back to the shittest 2000s. No, it was not shit. It's a great show. It's a really, hey, it's funny, but there's just a good lesson in there too. What happened to that guy that's in it? Jason Lee.

Yeah. Are you still around? Is that why you've got your moustache back? Maybe Maybe subconsciously I was like I need an Earl moustache Wow I just like it It's a good

And the kids watched a couple of episodes of me yesterday afternoon Right And they're like So what's the deal with this karma thing? What's karma? I was like well you do good things And good things happen to you It's bullshit but

Like Good things happen to bad people And bad things happen to good people. But, you know, it gets you thinking about, you know, being a bit of a better human. Yeah. But there's some stuff you're like, oh, you wouldn't say that now. Yeah, right. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Horne and Megan. Three minutes past six.

Good morning. If you thought seeing somebody's Spotify wrap up for the year online was something you should just sit in a room where all the people in the room are discussing it as well and playing them theirs. Yeah. Car went at the social media desk who second biggest artist of the year is Glee.

She just listens to Glee over and over. The TV soundtrack. Yeah. Interesting. It goes Taylor Swift, Glee. Wow.

She would have been a real arty gal. What did she say? It's like listening to the radio, but better versions. Debatable. What did we say better than that? So we fired her. Yeah.

So that's going to be social media for the next couple of days. Yeah. Putting up with that. Yeah. That's life. The top six coming up on the show. Yeah. Aucklanders are going to get vouchers.

Depending on your postcode, you could be getting some vouchers to do things in Auckland. If you're visiting from outside of Auckland, will you get a voucher? Stuff you, full price. Oh, okay. I think.

But the top six things you can get vouchers for in Auckland. Okay. It's the first day of Fletchmas. The 12 days of Fletchmas. Just like Hanukkah. Yeah. Is it? No, it's nothing like it really, is it?

Well, it's 12 days. That's the only similarity. And it doesn't like exactly line up with the 25th. You need to register ZM Online if you'd like to play. Tell us if you're on the naughty or the nice list. On the show today, we'll get somebody from each list and I'll decide who I award a present to. Lots of presents

under the tree and some amazing stuff to give away. Next on the show... I don't know. Some fun of you on a piece of paper. Oh yeah, that's right. And we literally talked about it for about 30 seconds

just before we went on air. Well, if you shush and let me get on with the show, that would be appreciated. One in three youths believe they have what it takes to make it as a blank. I'll tell you what the blank is next. What a tease. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. A survey conducted by Logitech, who I will just, I'll be transparent with you here. I've done some influencing for them.

Thank you for being transparent about your influencing. I don't want any, you know, I don't want anyone thinking I'm trying to pull the wool over your eyes. What were you doing? Some mouses? No, the headphones. The Logitech G435 headphones. All four winners have been selected. Thank you very much for entering. Okay, right. Actually,, the headphones. The Logitech G435 headphones. All four winners have been selected. Thank you very much for entering.

Okay, right. Actually, pretty good headphones. Very light. Right, okay. You forget you got them on. But anyway, I digress because this is not a paid post. Don't get your bloody influencing on here. This is not a shush, New World.

Do you want to get a code in? You want to get a MyFoodBank code in? What about you? You got a cat? I've got a cat. It was a vacuum cleaner. I've got cat biscuits. Yeah, I get in my food bag? Code in. What about you? You got a cat? I've got a cat. It was a vacuum cleaner. I've got cat biscuits. Yeah, I've got cat biscuits.

Here we go. Stub out my cigarette and get into it. So there was a survey. You don't smoke. Don't make people think you smoke. Why do you always do that? I don't know. Your imaginary cigarette.

It's just being very silly. It's a power play. A survey was conducted by the people at Logitech. Hashtag ad. But they surveyed New Zealanders aged 10 to 18 and asked them about internet usage, if they watched video games, other people play video games,

if they watch streamers, if they tried streaming themselves, what they were doing. Right. One third, 33% of those surveyed, believe they have what it takes to be a streamer, a gaming streamer. For like their job. Yeah. Can you make much money doing that?

Oh, yeah. Top dogs make heaps of money. Yeah, top dogs. The top dogs. Can you make much money doing that? Oh, yeah. Top dogs make heaps of money. Yeah, top dogs. The top dogs of everything make so much money, but not everybody's. What's the average Joe making? A pair of headphones? I don't know what the average Joe is making. Like a middle-of-the-road group of gamers that are just making like a good living,

or is it just the top dogs that make a lot of money? This is rhetorical. The top dogs make the most money. I guess your Twitch is the most... You can stream and stuff on YouTube, but there's also a bunch of other stuff. I googled how much does the average streamer earn. Successful

streamers can make $3,000 to $5,000 a month from their subscribers. Right. With the top broadcasters earning substantially more. Right. Okay, so that's pretty good. Right. I mean, that's really good, like $3,000 to $5,000. Yeah. So, I just

Googled the highest earning Twitch streamers. The highest individual earner on Twitch is a Canadian called Felix Linkel who has the username XQCOW. Something cow. And he pocketed $8.4 million over the past year. Jesus.

Could you try and imagine explaining to your parents? I know. I can just imagine all these parents being like, no, you can't do that for a job. Get outside, Timmy. Have you seen the trees? Yeah. Go and play with the ball.

Go and get some fresh air, for God's sake. And Timmy's like, mum. Don't be ignorant. Yeah. I'm earning more than you, mum. Wow. That's the horrible part. I know.

What? That they're earning more than their parents? Yeah. Oh, my God. Are you ready to suck it? Are you ready to suck it? Are you ready to suck it? Suck what? Why?

What did we do? The highest, according to a website that looked into the highest earning streamers. Yeah. Number one with 9.6 million US dollars is one called Critical Role. Yeah. And they Twitch stream their game of Dungeons & Dragons. Suck it. Oh, nerds.

You guys have been all, exactly. So many nerds. That sort of hate speech. That sort of hate speech. Since I've been playing Dungeons & Dragons with producer Jared, and look, there's people out there earning $9.6 million. I think we've got what it takes. Yeah.

So many nerd burgers out there. You know what? When we earn our first million, I'm going to buy you that dumb Balenciaga crock heel. I just saw some Yeezys online. Stay with me. I just saw some Yeezys online. This was targeted advertising at Farfetch or something.

And I was like, oh, my God. And I clicked on it because I thought it was a rock. Yeah. I thought someone was selling a decorative rock. Yeah. And I was like, I'm God. And I clicked on it because I thought it was a rock. Yeah. I thought someone was selling a decorative rock. Yeah. And I was like, I'm not going to buy it, but I'm keen to know more about this rock. And I clicked on it and it was shoes.

Very loosely used term, shoes. It looked more like a crock, two pairs of crocks that had been left on top of each other and kind of melted into each other. Do you know how much it cost? You guys do because I ranted about this for about 10 minutes before the show started this morning.

$2,630 New Zealand dollars. Yeah. And then Vaughan was looking through this website and they had the croc heels. Balenciaga croc heels. They were like just shy of a thousand bucks. I get tagged for those all the time. There was a hat.

What brand was the hat? Versace. Versace hat. A baseball cap with a scarf sewn in the back, not removable, a scarf. Yeah. And that was $1,500. Yeah.

Vaughan decided if he ever wins Lotto. I'm going to burn this world down. And you said you'd buy them for people, these silly shoes, and make them wear them. Yeah, yeah. I would be so angry if I bought you nearly $1,000 bright green, by the way, Balenciaga croc heels and you didn't wear them every time I saw you.

I'd be like, I'm coming around. Please put on those heels I bought you. Maybe start streaming your Dungeons and Dragons. Boom, boom, you're all getting dumb gifts. Stand by. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Okay, so I may have jumped the gun a little bit when I said we don't need to exercise anymore because I Vaughan and Megan. Okay, so I may have jumped the gun a little bit

when I said we don't need to exercise anymore because I saw this headline and I got excited. But it turns out if you read into it, it's not going to stop us needing the gym. So there is a pill that scientists are working on that contains the benefits of exercise. It's not really for everybody. It's not for for everybody. Okay.

It's not for lazy people. Because this sounds something that would be great like mid-January after, you know, a big summer. Yeah. Big summer blowout. Could I just take it and keep taking it? So it is for people that are unable to exert themselves at an intensity that delivers the rewards of physical activity. Right. And it is mainly for the brain and the central nervous system. Unable or CBF?

Unable. Similar. Very similar things. I think you'll find I'm very unable. And also to help your eyes. So it's for like particular illnesses and conditions that affect like your eyes and your brain. So it's not just a pill that you take to make you lose weight. That's not, it's not going to do that.

My eyes and my brain are always teaming up looking for cookies. And food. Yeah. And brain's like, hey, eyes. Eyes are like, yo, what you up to? Not much, just looking. And brain's like, do you reckon you can find some cookies? And stomach's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we talking cookies up there?

Brian's like, okay, yeah, buddy, I was going to surprise you, but me and I is going to go find some cookies. Hans, what are you up to? I wasn't playing with myself. What? Oh, my God. Brian's like, I thought something was going on there. But when you exercise, there's benefits for your retina even.

Oh, okay. And for your brain and they've figured out how to work with the molecular signals or something. How fascinating that there's benefits for your retina. Yeah. So it can help like, you know, stop you from getting eye diseases and stuff. But why haven't we made this pill yet? The magic pill that means we don't have to go to the gym and stuff. I think it might be hard.

Oh, what about that magic pill all those Ponsonby housewives were taking in the 2000s? BCP? Yeah. That was like just like getting them all like fizzed up. It was a hunger suppressant, wasn't it? And it wasn't good for you. Yeah, right. Okay. It was the same thing that was in those mid-2000s

party pills. Yeah, right. What a time, eh? What a time. Oh, loose regulations. What a time to be alive. What a time. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Well, today, the 2nd of December and the 15th of December is the day that the travel

border is lifted in Auckland and Aucklanders can flee. And Air New Zealand has a warning ahead of the summer holiday period. They're expecting, and you would have seen this coming, they're expecting a lot of people to fly and leave. Yeah. So they are saying, Air New Zealand's saying, they will be carrying 300,000 people

around the country between the 15th of December and the 31st. They say the busiest day is the 15th of December at this stage where they've got 15,000 customers travelling around the country, 9,000 leaving Auckland on the 15th. Is it the 15th it lifts? I don't know what to say. Yeah, it on the 15th. Is it the 15th it lifts?

I don't know what to say. Yeah, it's the 17th. I think it's the 17th, but that's the Friday that we finish. You'd think that would be like really busy. I would imagine that's going to be crazy. 100%. So Air New Zealand are saying that if you have the Air New Zealand app, by the 8th of December, people will be able to upload their vaccine passport

and it links them with the app. So when you check in, it'll just tick you off. Cool, cool. Because I got an email from my gym, Les Mills. I don't know if other gyms are doing this, but they updated their app and you can take a photo of your vaccine passport and then you're ticked. Right. So every time you scan your membership passport and then you're ticked. Right. So every time you scan

your membership in you don't need to show them. I had to send in a screen cap or whatever of my thing and they just put that into their computer

and now it's on my little dongle and taggy thing. But I think most of them, yeah, because they don't want to have to be sitting at the door checking every single person that's like

waddling back in being like, I'm here. Fix what I did to myself. Please help me. I can't say no. There's stairs to get out to our gym and there's a lift. I'm taking the lift.

The stairs, I'll get out the stairs and I'll be like, well, that's enough for day one. Are you going to go on Friday, the first- Yeah. I know. It's going to be, there's enough for day one. Are you going to go on Friday the first? Yeah. I know. I know. It's going to be, there's going to be people walking around very sore. Yeah.

And gingerly. Great day for deep heat. Deep heat sales will be through the roof. We should invest in deep heat. Yes, right now. Is that on Sharesies, deep heat? The company that owns deep heat will be. Quick, you quick invest now. be. Do some investing.

Quick, before the market hears us. Have we just insider traded though? We're influencing. Are we insider trading? The ultimate parent company is Roto Pharmaceutical, incorporated in Japan, and the immediate company of the Methylantum Company. Okay.

What about Tiger Balm? Are people still doing Tiger Balm? Do you know the story behind Tiger Balm? No. It's a story for another time, but it's fascinating. I feel like you've told me. Give me the five-second version. Are you familiar with those massive gardens in Hong Kong?

No. Massive, like, it's like a theme park. It was like these classy-ass gardens, ten layers of hell, really famous statues, and then these people turned it into a theme park. It was all built around this amazing mansion. That amazing mansion was built, and all that land was once owned by the sons of the man who invented Tiger Balm, and he was a very, very, very, very, very poor man.

Yeah. But he had this invention, and he came, and it made him a multimillionaire. Yeah. And he sold it to people when it was like Singapore and Hong Kong, and that area of Asia was a massive port for all the shipping. And they'd be sore from all their shipping. And he'd sell it to them. And he made millions of dollars and they bought that land.

Okay, well, are they on sharesies? Let's get in there. Who owns Tiger Balm? The Hoar Park Company Corporation. Singaporean company. Boom, done. Let's sink a bit of money into that. I'm going to move it around.

Do I sound like I'm Wall Street bankers? No, not quite. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. In the past year, there's been lockdowns, there's been uncertainty, there's been a pandemic, and the alcohol consumption for New Zealanders has been released. And it may surprise you to learn there has been a decline of 3.1%. That does surprise me.

We're drinking less. And it's the lowest it's been in 10 years. Do you think that's because we reached a point where there was so much lockdown that people were like, okay, I've got to stop this. Yeah. It's too much. We went hard on the bread and the alcohol and then we were like, okay, I've got to stop this. Yeah. It's too much. We went hard on the bread and the alcohol and then we were like, oh, no. Got to stop.

But what about overall sales, did you say? Because bars and I wonder if a lot of that is taken care of with like no bars and stuff. Oh, yeah. Good call. Because you've pretty much had every bar in Auckland, a third of the country's population not trading. That's true. That's a good point. So the number of

people who had a drink in the past year has declined in all age groups except for 35 to 44. That's pointed, isn't it? Was that millennials and gen X? Didn't we invent preloading?

Yes. So we're not afraid to drink at home and we're not afraid to drink by ourselves. No, not at all. That's why. Wow. But even like the older generations are choosing to not drink as much, the boomers, or choose low or no alcohol beverages. Huh.

She would have thought old mates are stuck in their ways but no, they're like, no, actually just not into it anymore. They probably like nip down the pub and that's why

they're all on that Guinness, you know how some pubs have the Guinness Club? Oh yeah. And if you drink 100 pints of Guinness you get your name

on the board and if you drink 500 pints of Guinness you get your name in the next column. That's a lot of Guinness. That's a lot of big thick black poos

that's for sure. Gen Zers are 18 toness. That's a lot of big, thick black poos, that's for sure. Gen Zers are 18 to 24s. That's Gen Z, eh? They're drinking a lot less as well. They're drinking smarter and more sensibly than millennials. Is it because their parents who are in those older age groups that just get

absolutely wasted, they grow up and they think, I don't want to be like this. Do you think it's the wellness trend? Do you think people were like, oh, it's not actually that great. I can't imagine anything nicer than having a cold beer in an ice bath. But there's always been some...

When Hoff's like, breathe, and you're like, hold on. There's always been some kind of wellness trend, isn't there? You could argue. But it's... It's culture. There's always been some kind of wellness trend, isn't there? You could argue. But it's... It's culture. There's calories.

There's calories in alcohol, whereas like MDMA, NOS, cocaine, you know, all these people that are like the wellness gurus. That calorie-free drugs. I'm not getting the vaccine, but I've done all these hard drugs. Yeah. I don't need the vaccine. My calorie-free drugs. I'm not getting the vaccine, but I've done all these hard drugs. Yeah. I don't need the vaccine. My lungs are full of gnolls. Yeah.

From the Muggy ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Traffic lights system tomorrow. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Are you orange? Are you red? Well, if you're in the South Island, you're orange.

Although, Nelson's school's shut. Did you hear about Nelson? Yeah. Two teachers testing positive. Two schools, two teachers. Two teachers. Two teachers. Same school, two different schools.

I felt like it said schools. Yeah. Shut due to, and that would be, you know, something different for the South Island. Yeah, but then high vax rates there. And so they'll stay in orange. Yep. So they're in orange. Most people in orange.

Few reds. Well, Auckland is one of the areas that will start out in red. And yesterday was announced a $37 million package to explore Auckland. You'll be able to apply for these vouchers from the 15th of December. And then in the new year, it will be decided who gets the vouchers. There are lots of things. Zoos, swimming pools, museums, art galleries, all these sorts of things. You can apply for a voucher for the family or maybe a discount.

Is there any zip lining? Do you know if there's any zip lining? I don't know if there's any zip lining. So you and I live have done the zip lining on Waiheke. That was lovely. I'd love to do that again. Is there any other zip lining in Auckland? I don't know. Is there one on zip lining in Auckland? I don't know.

Is there one in the eco zip? What about mini putt? I love mini putt. You know I love mini putt. You could apply for a mini putt. You could apply for a voucher for a mini putt. I'm going to apply for one of these vouchers. Okay.

I deserve it. I feel like you could probably afford to just pay, though. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, but I'm a tax admin, but I pay tax. Okay. Yes. I just feel like you, but I pay tax. Okay. Yes. But I also feel like you could afford to pay for it. I do share your opinion that if people could afford to support these local businesses,

leave it to families that couldn't. Yeah. Opt out so someone who, yeah, can't afford to can do it. Totally. But then I wouldn't do mini-part normally. Well, maybe you should. Well, that's on you. Yeah.

You have. Go support your local mini-putt. The minute we finish here, you have zero obligations. But somehow, you're always busy. I have a cat. I have a cat.

That would more than happily see you walk out the door for a couple of hours of mini-putt so I could enjoy some time. Okay, well, maybe I will mini-putt today. Please.

Just mini-putt. I've got plans, but maybe I could... No, no, it's not open. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. You mini-putt. I want to plans, but maybe I could... No, it's not open. Tomorrow. You mini-putt. Mini-putt tomorrow. I want to see pictures of you mini-putting, please,

if you love mini-putt so much. I love mini-putt. Oh, he doesn't love mini-putt until there's a discount voucher. You've said it so often now. Mini-putt feels weird. Yeah. Mini-putt.

I've said it a few times this week. I said green the other day so often that it stopped any meaning at all. So I've got the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers to get Auckland moving, baby. Why wait for these to be dished out? You can do these right now. Number six on the list of the top six Vaughan Smith

Let's Get Auckland Groovin' vouchers. Oh, God. I'm not moving. I'm groovin', baby. Number six, a tour of the places from Outrageous Fortune. You better hurry up because I'm pulling that house down. Has it gone? Has it gone?

I haven't been in town for ages. I thought they'd already demoed it. A tour of the places where Outrageous Fortune used to be. Yeah. The pub they did a lot of filming in still are in Te Atatu Peninsula. Okay. I don't know how long. Yeah.

But you can go have a look at that. Number five on the list are the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers to get Auckland grooving. Here's a voucher to go to that lookout by the airport. Watch the five planes land for the day. Oh yeah. But I tell you what, because there's only five, so exciting when you see one.

So exciting when you see one. Number four on the list of the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers to get Auckland grooving. Here's a voucher to drive past the tip-top factory and say, that's where ice creams are made. It's just on the motorway.

We always used to drive there and do that. You always knew when you hit that tip-top factory you were close to Auckland on a family holiday. But when I was a kid, when you saw Rainbow's End, you were like, yes, but it was still so far from holiday. But when I was a kid, when you saw Rainbow's End,

you were like, yes. But it was still so far from Rainbow's End when you were a kid. You got all excited, you were there, and it was still another like half hour. Oh, and now even longer because those roadworks will never be finished. Number three on the list of the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers to get Auckland moving and grooving.

Here's a voucher to go under the Harbour Bridge. Not walk on the Harbour Bridge. Just go to the part under the Harbour Bridge. You can drive and walk under it. You can go under there and you can hear what it sounds like when cars are driving over the Harbour Bridge. Yeah. Here's a clue.

Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk.

Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. Vodunka dunk. I do Rush Hour. It's a multi-track. We're grooving, baby. Number two on the list of the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers

to get Auckland a moving and a grooving. Here's a voucher to have a picnic beside that huge shit pond on the north shore of Auckland that you drive past on the motorway. You always drive past and you're like, what's a lake doing there? Why does no one ever swim in it? It's where the poos goes! And those yucky swans that are on there

are swimming in our feces. Yeah. And sometimes you see a boat hooning around on it, like agitating, stirring it up. Well, you can go and have a picnic beside that BYO food and blanket Make sure the breeze is going the other way Yes, definitely sit upwind And number one on the list of the top six Vaughan Smith vouchers

To get Auckland a moving and a grooving Here's a voucher to sit in traffic While you're trying to leave Auckland It's the true Auckland experience That is today's top six. Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that whole weekend, New Zealanders spent, and in general across New Zealand, it was up 7% this year. Right.

$248.2 million in four days. Quarter of a billion dollars. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. A lot of it would have been a lot of it's Christmas presents, right? Yeah. A lot of people do their Christmas shopping on Black Friday. Yes. Or just, I actually didn't do

any shopping, I just bought myself stuff. I finished my Christmas shopping on Black Friday. Right. Wrapped it up with those deals. Taranaki had the biggest spending increase. Really? 24% up. Wow, okay. Was that your mum?

Yeah, I wonder what Bev... I don't know if she does a lot of online... I don't think she does a lot of online shopping. Well, I don't know if this was just online. It was just, you know, Black Friday deals. Yeah. She could have gone into the store. She likes to go to Centre City by the mall.

But she won't pay for that parking. That parking is 50 cents an hour. She parks four blocks away. And how much is parking? 50 cents? Yeah. It blows my mind. Yeah. But it does depend on where you were.

So obviously in lockdown areas, Auckland and Northland, they took advantage of the shops. $109.8 million for Auckland and Northland. Wow. That's up 7% last year and then up 10% from pre-COVID levels. But Wellington, it's down. They spent 3% less than last year. It's probably the whole Judith Collins situation.

That did really rock Wellington. Oh, to the core. To the core, yeah. Marlborough West Coast Otago was up on last year, but it's below pre-COVID levels. So it sounds like it's a lot of lockdown people. We got let out and we went crazy. A little exciting.

Yeah. All right. 11 minutes past seven. Next on the show with Christmas 23 days away. We decided it was time for my child to meet Santa for the first time. It was a rush. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. We decided we would take our nine-month-old to meet Santa yesterday. His very first Santa photo.

Yeah. So, Auckland, at four and a half months or something, or over four months that we've been in some sort of lockdown. Yeah, a hundred and something days. So, that's like half his life and half of his later life when he's aware of things. So we've found that he's getting a little overwhelmed with people. He hasn't seen a lot of people. Because you've never taken him out.

Yeah. He even saw his. He's nine months. I'm 39 years. I was thinking I'd be around for a few months. And I didn't think about that. We took him into the city and we took him to like the Santa photo of all Santa photos. Smith and Coie. Yeah.

Absolutely. So not only do you just go there and like meet Santa, they have like a whole set up. We didn't get invited this year. Did you want an invitation? Well, we've been invited other times. And the girls, my daughter said, why didn't we get invited? I said, well, I guess you're not cute enough anymore. Oh, my God.

Keep them grounded, eh? I didn't get invited either. I booked and paid like everybody else born. Peasant. Obviously not cute enough. Your child's very much cute enough. There's like a little registration with the elves and then you go up Santa's lift.

Right. With Santa, like fairies. Santa Youthimism? Yeah. Right. Only you would hear go up Santa's lift and be like, is that the sex thing, is it?

I've been up a couple of Santa's lifts. I've been in his sacks. I've had a scout round the North Pole. You know what I'm saying? He's taking me for a ride in his sleigh. Hello. And everyone's wearing masks. I've seen a couple of red notes.

Everyone's wearing masks and everyone's distanced and so we went up into this corridor. It's like the back of, you know, Smith and Coey's and they do it all up with amazing, like it was amazing, like silver and white and all icicles

and everything and we get in and his eyes just go wide. He's like, what is this shirt? It's a lot. It's a lot. And he kept it together. We went through the whole forest. There's a forest with all these animated little cartoon thingies. It's a lot. It's a lot. And he kept it together. We went through the whole forest. There's a forest with all these animated little cartoon thingies. It was amazing.

And then you go through a door and through another big red door where they shut the door behind you, which I found a little bit claustrophobic. And then there is Santa. So you're in a room which would be smaller than our studio,

but it's set up so beautifully. And in there is Santa in his red suit. Now, is he behind a Perspex screen? Yeah, what's Santa's vibe this year? So he's wearing a mask. Okay. A red mask to match his outfit. And then there's a clear Perspex screen between you and Santa.

And then you sit on the other side on a seat. Because we can't kill Santa before the big day. No, we need him. Yeah. And so we walk in and he does not know what's happening. The door shuts behind him and the jolly red man in his deep voice is like, hello there. Can I give you a present?

I think he had an American accent. Oh, okay. Didn't know that about Santa. Obviously from that part of the North Pole above Canada then. Right. Yeah. And so he gave him a red bauble. And I don't know what it was about the bauble,

but Bastion shit the bed. He lost it. Oh, goodness. And screamed the whole time we were in there while we were trying to take a photo. It wasn't just a cry, it was a scream. Yeah, well, there's a weird man giving him a ball. Everybody's expectations

is that their child's not going to be the child that has the meltdown at Santa. Yeah. And then your child's the child that has the meltdown. I didn't expect a smile because he gets overwhelmed. I didn't expect that, but I didn't quite expect him to just like absolutely pack it.

The worst is when the first year, because we've got this, when Indy was the same age, we've got a great photo of her with Santa and we're like, we are going to be the family with a Santa photo every year and the kids are going to be on Santa's mat.

It's her, my guy. Then the next time we go, she just walked in, she's like, no. She said no to him. Santa's night. It's her, my guy. Then the next time we go, she just walked in. She's like, no. She said no to him. We walked in and she's like, no. And then just lost her mind. Yeah.

I mean, the photo I put on Instagram, it doesn't look like he's screaming. No, I was going to say that. He looks fine. I don't know how the photographer managed to get one in between. Did they just Photoshop his mouth? You don't put a photo up that represents your child as anything other than the perfect child. But it wasn't even one of those cool ones

where they're like screaming facing the camera. He was like clawing at us like, get me away from him. I will climb you, woman. Yeah. So, yeah, went well. Went well. Went well.

Went perfect. Look forward to next year. Can't wait. An interior designer has listed the things that you shouldn't have in your house if you're over the age of 30. Shut up, interior designer. I feel like you'll be fine

because your wife, Vaughan, runs a very tight ship. Very tight ship. Very tight ship. You're not even allowed to put your Lego stuff on the shelves, are you? No. None of your toys? I sneak little Land Rover models up

and then I'll hear like, what is this doing here? And then I'll hear a drawer open and it gets put in a drawer. She's like, I've told you, put that in your toy box. And then I take it back out and put it back up.

So here's the list. The mattress that you had when you were flatting. Gone. Sheer mattresses. So, yeah, every 10 years they should be replaced. But then, I don't know, you just replace it when it needs replacing, don't you? When your back starts to hurt.

Yeah. Inflatable furniture. You get those when you're flatting and then it pops at a party. I didn't know this list was going to be so ridiculous. Who's still rocking inflatable furniture if they're over 30? Okay, here's one. Things you shouldn't have in your house if you're over 30. Soft toys on your bed.

Fair? I don't have it. You both looked at me. No, but some people like their teddy. They might have a decorative teddy somewhere like on the shelf maybe. Plastic cups, plates or cutlery. Unless you've got kids, then you're exempt. And I'm talking like melamine plastic.

Like the stuff that's hard but doesn't break when you drop it. Yeah. Yeah, right. Another thing that shouldn't be displayed in your house if you're over 30, old trophies. No one needs to see a trophy you won at the age of 10. No, I'm going to do this when I get my new shed. I'm going to build a trophy case and I'm going to buy old trophies from like op shops and stuff. I've had this and this has been a plan for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, that's quite funny. And so people are just like, what did he do? God, there's golf. There's everything. God, he won a golf tournament in 1820. And I'm going to buy a little engraver pen and put my name on things. I don't even have a trophy. That makes me sad.

No, I never won, like, anything. No, I got a trophy, like, years ago, but you have to give it back. Well, neither. That's why I'm going to go to the op shop and buy trophies. You can buy all these trophies. Okay, other things that you shouldn't have in your home if you're over 30. Dream catchers. Agreed.

Another thing on this list, and I don't know, I've never really, paper floor lamps. Are they those like? I don't know what a paper floor lamp is. Apparently, maybe big in America. Right. For people when they were flating or in their 20s. Okay. It's just like.

Like a little lantern, but it stands on the floor. Yeah, like a standing lantern. Okay. Anything galactic. Anything remotely related to the solar system or astrology is best left on morning TV. Wow. Things like quilt set covers.

Your galaxy mink blanket. Yeah, suns and moons on them. What about those little projectors that I get targeted advertising for every now and then and they're like, hide it behind so-and-so and then broadcast the Milky Way onto your roof. Probably that too. Corkboards, also on the list of things

you shouldn't have in your house in your 30s. What do you stick your notes to? If you've got some notes that need to be stuck to something. And last on the list of things that shouldn't be in your house when you're over 30,

shot glasses. We've got shot glasses. They're in a cupboard. They're not like out on display. Surely that doesn't count for New Zealanders. You've got to have shot glasses at all ages.

The woman that made this list is Australian. Oh, she should know better. She's going to be disowned. She's going to be deported. They're going to kick her out. She's like, but I was born here.

They're like, get out. I don't think I don't own shot glasses. Don't you? Nah. What do you have shots out of? The bottle. ZDM's Fletch,

Ron and Megan. People's pets. I'm not a huge fan of looking after other people's pets because... It's responsibility, isn't it? So much responsibility. And like other people's kids, that's pretty intense. But like a kid, you sit them down and chuck on Paw Patrol or whatever and then you can kind of keep an eye on them.

But pets, you let them outside and they're... Off on their own. They're gone, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah, and they scoot. And they're gone, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah, and they scoot. And you're like, well, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to let the bird out of the cage. It was looking outside.

I thought it needed to go to the toilet. So I let it out. But that is not the case for this person who is a pet transporter. So you would imagine that they were... Skelled? ...versed in all forms of pet transportation. Well, one pet transporter lost two dogs in exactly the same spot.

Three weeks apart. Why is this in the news? I wouldn't tell anyone. They didn't. The person whose dog, the second dog that they were transporting is the person that's quoted the most. So the first dog was Shih Tzu Bijan Cross. Oh, that's all right.

And Lani went missing, that's the dog, for 18 days. This pet transporter stopped at the Marlborough sale yards south of Blenheim and then the dog boosted it. 18 days later, it was found a couple of kilometres away. Right. That's good. Pardon me? That's good.

Yes. So then the dude that was transporting wasn't there, but he's like, I suppose I'll grab that on the way back past. But then was transporting another dog, a retired farm dog called Bess, for another person called Vanessa, who was a vet nurse who was adopting Bess, the retired farm dog, and stopped at the Marlborough sale yards again, and the dog boosted it.

Why do they keep stopping there? And do they stop and open the doors? Yeah. Right. Have a sniff round. And so this has made the local news. So they ended up finding the dog. Yeah. Right. Have a sniff round. And so this has made the local news. So they ended up finding the dog

hours later. The dog was like quite freaked out and had done a bit of a bolter. But yeah, that was the second pet they lost in the same

spot. Not ideal when that's your job. No. It's your business. Yeah. No. But then I mean

dogs do that, don't they? They bolt. They can bolt. Yeah. Cats are a bolter as well. If they're in an indoor and they get outdoors and they could bolt because they freak out, it's all too much. I let my friend's

cat out the door once accidentally. Was it an indoor cat? Well, no, it does go outside, but then it didn't come home for like two days and it was my fault. I was like, ooh. But they let it out all the time. Right. But it was just because I let it out, I felt really bad. Oh no, that's not your fault. That's not my fault. Yeah.

That's the cat's fault. And it came back. Cats will disappear for ages and come back. I was wondering if anyone this morning had lost somebody else's pet. Oh.

If there'd been an incident. When you say lost, do you mean like lost forever too? Well, lost forever counts, but even lost for a fair amount of time or lost to the point where a search party was formed. God.

Any form of loss. Because they are, it's like a member party was formed. Any form of loss. It's like a member of the family. So if you lose somebody's dog, you're looking after it. You have to make that phone call. You'd feel so bad. Unless you replace it with one that looks exactly the same. That only works for rabbits, doesn't it?

Goldfish. Goldfish and dogs. Goldfish are the ultimate. Replace them with none or no pets. All right, so 0800-DARLSfish and dogs. Goldfish are the ultimate. Yeah. Replace them in no pets. All right, so 0800-DARLS-NM. I want to take your calls now. You can text as well. 9696.

Have you lost somebody else's pet? And bonus points if it came back like two years later. Yeah. Because that would be a good story. Or maybe you had to put out the search party and find it pretty quickly. When did you lose somebody's pet? We're talking about when you've lost somebody else's pet.

The things that have gone horribly wrong. Someone's lost, a pet transporter's lost two dogs in the space of three weeks at the same spot. Yeah. I'd probably stop in there. Well, I couldn't be a pet transporter. I don't trust myself to not. Yeah.

Fleet them out. Yeah. My parents-in-laws brought an adult Burmese cat to Hawke's Bay from Auckland for me in a crate. They'd never had cats, only dogs. So when they got home, they let the cat out of the crate to go to the toilet as if it was a dog. And it, of course, bolted. Did they ever get it back? Three weeks later, she turned up after posters went out. Somebody found

them, so we got the cat back. Because that wouldn't have been cheap either. A Burmese. No. Are they expensive? They've got long hair, eh? Do they? No, you can get short-haired ones? I don't know. They're just cats, aren't they? Lauren, when did you lose somebody else's pet?

I used to work in real estate and I was attending an appraisal with two of my male colleagues and we walked towards the front courtyard and it was a gate that you couldn't see through. So they opened the gate to get to the front door and the owner's dog bolted down the street like a greyhound race. It was the fastest thing we've ever seen and we all just kind of looked at each other really shocked and then my male colleagues absolutely just started chasing it but could not catch it so yeah two real estate agents in full suits chasing in poor dog

and then the owner jumped in her car and it was all a bit of a panic to go and find it and eventually she did find it. But, yeah, fair to say we didn't get the listing on that occasion. Real estate agents, day-to-day wear when you go and rent someone's house or impress them, as you say, suits and always nice shoes. That's not running clothes. Yeah, no. Not running clothes at all, no.

Very restrictive, very slippery shoes. But, yeah, occupational hazard, no. Not running clothes at all, no. Very restrictive, very slippery shoes. But yeah, occupational hazard, unfortunately, dealing with, yeah, escaping pets. Yeah, well, I've got you. Quick side question, if I may. As a real estate agent, do you have to think about shoes that slide off and on easy

because you have to take them off every time you go into somebody's house? You do, and foot hygiene. Very important, yeah. You would always offer to remove because you have to take them off every time you go into somebody's house? You do, and foot hygiene, very important. Oh. You would always offer to remove your shoes walking into someone's house. Right, and so you don't want pongy feet. You've got to have a couple of pairs of socks in the glove box. Absolutely.

Make sure that there's no one laddered in a pantyhose. Maybe shake in a bit of Gran's remedy as well. But then you don't want to be dragging the white powder into their house under the carpet. No, no, no. The can. The spray can is the way to go.

Ah. Oh, right. Okay. Good to see you. The secrets of Rattler's Day. Lauren, thanks for your call. Alright. 0800-DARLES-ATM

text 9696. Keep your texts coming in. We'll get to more of those next. When you've lost somebody else's pet. We're talking about when you've lost somebody else's dog. When you've been in charge's pet. We're talking about when you've lost somebody else's dog.

When you've been in charge of their pet and it goes poorly. Some text messages. Poorly? Oh, because of paws. That was completely coincidental. An incidental pun. Yeah. That's a tale for another time. I was looking after a friend's fish.

I ended up killing all four. I didn't realise you only put a pinch of food in the bowl. How much were they putting in? I don't know. Don't eat it. You know, like fish is so hard to take care of. Megan does have a point. Where is the fish's personal responsibility?

No, it's like me at a buffet. You've got to absolutely push your limits. I went to a pet store, bought four more goldfish, and she never said anything. This is another goldfish story. Hamish's is a different one. You were also looking after goldfish? Just the one, but it's kind of like how a person has their prize pet

or something like that. They, like, print their pet or something like that they like print their cat or something like that like this is like there's big goldfish and there's like sort of big large goldfish and this is like their prize gold are you talking about a quick they have a quick carbon attack was it a koi carp was it inside or outside it was inside it was inside in like a really big fish tank. What colour was it? It was a goldfish. Fool, you dumb fool. Silly me.

Choose a name. Yeah, I'm not too sure, but I was employed to look after it for like two days. And I showed up because the cat also stays inside. And I came inside and the fish was nowhere. And I was like, this is a big fish. Were you like,

oh, it might be under the couch? Cats always look guilty. Always. If you're like, hey, the cat looks at you, the cat's like, well, I've done a bunch of stuff wrong. But still did my job i still put food in the tank despite not seeing the fish but um were you hoping it was gonna get back into the tank i i later i later went to the pet shop

trying to find a fish around about the same size of the fish that went missing. And then I took it back, put it in the tank, went home, and forgot about it for a couple of days. And I thought it was fine. I later got a phone call back asking why there was now two fish in the fish tank. What? I forgot that their fish has its own little, like, home, I guess, where it kind of wants to go in and just sleep. It's quite...

So it was just in a different part of the tank that you weren't looking at. Yeah, exactly. Was it an old, like, sunken ship, Hamish? Yeah, it was actually a sunken ship, and it just liked to go in there and hide. Oh my god. Oh my god. You're lucky one fish didn't eat the other.

And were they stoked to now have two fish? I was going to, I did tell them the truth at the end of it because it was just too funny not to and I'm just like, I was eventually going to tell you the truth, but this is what

happened and they just said, oh, well, thanks for the fish. I would have said, oh, I've got no idea. Maybe it's had a baby. Oh, yeah. A huge baby. Now, when the two fish were side by side, did they look anything alike? No.

They don't when they're side by side, but if you haven't seen the fish for a while and then you see another fish, you can see how you could think it's the same fish. No, it looks the same side by side. Oh shit, this has tickled me, Hamish. That's a fantastic story. The hiding fish. Always check the fish's

home. Yeah, always check the sunken ship. Thanks, Hamish. Well, today is the 2nd of December. We're 22 days away from Christmas. And it's back, the 12 Days of Fletchmas. If you'd like to play, you register at ZM Online and you pick when you register if you'd like to be on the naughty or the nice list.

And then each morning, we'll hear from somebody from the naughty list, somebody from the nice list, and I will decide who wins. And it's, I don't always go nice, do I? No. No, it's whatever tickles your fancy. Right.

So, we're going to start today. Who's on the naughty list? With the naughty list. Good morning, Grace. Morning, guys. Happy 2nd of December. Happy 2nd of December. Happy Britney Spears' 40th birthday.

Oh, I didn't know that one. Yeah. Now, Grace, why are you on the naughty list this year? Well, every month in the darkness of the night, I sneak out of my house and I pinch my neighbour's magazine subscription, read it, and then put it back. Grace, you are a disgrace.

Wait, so you, what magazine is it? Oh, there's a few. There's like Verve, there's like Cuisine, some like House and Garden magazine. Wait, wait, they don't come in a plastic sleeve or they do and you just reseal it? Yeah, yeah, so they come in a plastic sleeve, or they do, and you just reseal it? Yeah, yeah, they do. I just kind of, like, carefully, like, peel the thing off, like, pull the magazine out, and then put it back. And why do you do this?

Like, do they not clear their mailbox? I'm pretty good at, like, getting there before them, I think. And so, well, you just pinch it, read it, and put it back, and they're just like, oh, it just gets delivered on the 14th of every month, but it's actually been delivered on the 12th. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they must just, I don't think they notice that the wrap is unsealed because they just think that's what it looks like every month.

You've never, like, spilt a coffee on it or anything? Nah, nah, nah, nah. I'd almost go out and buy... So naughty! I'd almost go out and buy a plastic reseller. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, yes. You can get them.

So naughty. You can get a food seller, or maybe even do some practice runs, but running a hot iron over it could resell it. Yeah, or like the hairdryer. Yeah, yeah. That is amazing. All right, Grace, on our naughty list.

Who's on the nice list? Lisa, good morning. Good morning, guys. Nice, nice Lisa. How are you? You wouldn't steal your Neighbours magazine subscription, would you? No, I wouldn't. But after hearing that, I feel like I've got some tough competition because that's very funny.

Yes, it certainly did tickle me. Well, Lisa, tell us why you're on the nice list this year. Okay, well, over the last couple of months, I have been logging into my mother's Facebook page and has been unsubscribing from any anti-vax pages she might be a part of and hiding any anti-vax or conspiracy posts. And I've started liking Ministry of Health

and stuff like that just to try and point her in the right direction. Oh, that is so good. That is good stuff. Now, that is so good. That is good stuff. Now, did mum fall down the rabbit hole or were you worried that she would? No, she has fallen down the rabbit hole. So she's at the bottom of the hole.

So I'm just trying to bring her back up to the top. Well, that's very admirable. So has she been vaccinated? She hasn't. No, she hasn't. Okay. Do you know what I think would be a great service? I wonder if the Ministry of Health, I know that the vaccinators need a Christmas day,

but I just wonder if maybe Christmas afternoon they could open up the vaccination sites and you bring in your drunk, you know, mother, grandparents, and, you know, they're passed out in the passenger seat and you just jab them. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good idea I just wonder if that should be put to

Ashley Bloomfield I think he would agree no I don't think he would as much as I'd love to think he would I don't think we can defame him by saying he'd be on board with unconscious vaccinations oh but what's mum going to do when she can't go places? Well, that's a good question, Bourne. I don't know.

But I've been working at this slowly over the last couple of months so that she's not to notice, because she would be very annoyed if she did notice. Good on you. And that's the thing. If they're locked in home and they're spending more and more time on it and they can't escape it, it's only, you know, cementing these mistruths. I know.

And there'll be so many people in the same boat with, like, people they love that are down these misinformation holes. It's very admirable, Lisa. It is very admirable. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Now you've got yourself a real pickle on day one of Fletchmas. Because you know that I love the magazine story,

but Lisa's doing the good. Lisa's doing some hard yards here because it's her own mom. I know, I know. There's only one present a day. They can't both have. Wow, that's tough. What a pickle for me to find myself in. You're actually witnessing Fletch struggling to decide between someone stealing from their neighbour,

temporarily borrowing. Shall I pick a present under the tree while you decide? You pick a present while I decide, Megan. Oh, what present are you picking? Do they not... I think they should maybe wait, Megan, because we can give them a shape description. Okay, look.

I am, while Lisa's story is very admirable, she probably should have been on the naughty list because that is breaking the law, logging into somebody else's Facebook. Oh, wow. Okay. So it's a miscategorisation. So technically I am going to award Grace... Oh, my God.

..a present from under the tree today with the 12 Days of Fletchmas. Day one, he's gone naughty. I would have gone Lisa. God, I know. I want to give Lisa maybe a... ..a present, a runner-up. A participation award. A present, a runner-up present,

because it's fantastic work. But, Grace, congratulations. You are the winner today. Now, would you like a long present, a small present, or a big present, or a medium? There's one that looks like it's soft. There's a real long one. There's a big box.

There's a rectangle long one. Which one? There's a cute wee small-ish box. I don't know, Megan. I don't know. Megan, you just pick one then. Small one? Small one, maybe?

Go small, okay. Go small. She said small. Small doesn't mean it's, you know, it's a bad one, does it? No. Gone for the small-ish box. Okay. Perfectly wrapped. Yeah, it's a bad one, does it? No. Gone for the smallish box. Okay. Perfectly wrapped.

Yeah, Megan's done a lot of this wrapping. Well, today, Grace, because you have been stealing your neighbour's magazines, you have won a Neon viewing pack, a Chromecast, and a one-year Neon subscription. Neon's the Kiwi streaming service, so the show's a hand-picked for Kiwis by Kiwis. Yay! Fantastic. There you go.

Congratulations. That's worth quite a bit. Unless your neighbours have already got Neon and you're pinching that too. I don't know. All right, thanks, Grace. If you'd like to register on the naughty or the nice list, ZM Online, we're going to do this again tomorrow

and every day leading up to Christmas on the show. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Got to take my mask off before I put my headphones on and then I just tried to pull it off and it hurt my ears. Anyway, that struggle's in my past now. Yes, it is. Move on. Vaughan, release the negativity. You don't want that harbouring inside you, do you?

It's bad for you. Yesterday, as the show is finishing, I got a message from Sade saying Indy's quite wound up and a little bit like she's got herself into a bit of a tizz. And I said, oh, no, what's the problem? And she said, well, she didn't tell us, but she's got to do a solo presentation in front of her class today. Oh. I was like, why didn't she tell us? She left it to the last minute.

That's classically what I do. Well, she was away because I was sick last week, and when I was sick, precautionarily, the kids didn't go to school either. Right. So they stayed at home. And it was during that time off that they got given this assignment. But apparently she only found out about it last thing Friday,

but then like dilly-dallied over the weekend. Classic. Gets that from her dad. And Shanae said, she's one of us, like what's it on? And she said, it's on Vikings

and so I just fly into hooray mode. This is in your wheelhouse. I loved speeches at school. You loved Vikings. They gave, and Vikings. I'm a huge fan

of both aspects of this. Yeah. A chance to have undivided attention. Yep. Play the fool and talk about Vikings. Yeah. That sounds like a great time for me. Right in your wheelhouse.

Right in the wheelhouse. Yeah. So immediately I sprung into action. I said, okay, well, get my horn. You remember I bought that horn on Trade Me? Yeah. Where is my kit in your house? It's beside my computer because I have it when we play Dungeons and Dragons.

Oh, my God. Nerd. But it's lots of fun. And the hunting horn. I've got the ceremonial hunting horn. I say get the hunting horn. Get the spirit hood because we had these hoods that looked like they're made out of, like, bears, bear fur, wear the spirit hood.

I was like, get, there's, like, a lid of a trash can that can be a shield. Oh, yeah, good idea. So I fly into, like, and there's a, like, there's a wooden sword out in the garage from something. I was like, and she can, like, be like, and be like, bang, bang, bang, bang. I'm Indian flogborg. So you're sending these ideas through on text. I'm just hammering. I'm hammering. Boom, bang, bang. I'm Indian flogborg. So you're sending these ideas through on text.

I'm just hammering. I'm hammering. Boom, boom, boom. This is what you can do. I'm hitting with some Viking facts. Gadoosh, gadoosh. And it's flying through. And then there's like the dot, dot, dots are taking a while.

And every time I hit, I hit another idea through the dot, dot, dots pause. I'm imagining this has been read and processed and it's all happening and then dot dot dot's come back up and then I give it a break I give it a beat. Dot dot dot's and Shade sends through. She's like this is why she didn't tell you. She's just told me

this is why she didn't tell you. Because you're coming in hot. Because I would come in too hot. And you'd make her take a trash can lid to school And your weird horn Yeah, she's shy She's like a shy kid And so I had like this fatherly lesson

Of what works for me Isn't necessarily going to work for her Yeah And that was my lesson yesterday What? Have you learnt that with everyone? Can you adapt that to everyone please? For her. Yeah. And that was my lesson yesterday. What? What? Have you learned that with everyone? Can you adapt that to everyone, please?

Because I don't know how many times a week I tell you that. What works for you, Vaughn, doesn't work for everybody. These other people are idiots. Not my child, though. Idiot free. But she, yeah, this is why she didn't tell you because she knew because it was Vikings, you'd get really excited and make her take a sword to school.

I was like, so where are we at with the sword? So what did she do in the end? Just read a speech from the paper. She had something, and then I picked her up from school and I said, I hear there was going to be a presentation today on Vikings. And she was like, yep. And I said, did it happen? And she said, no, it didn't happen today because we ran out of time.

I said, well, boy, am I going to steal for you. We're going to go home. We're going to make swords. You're going to have multiple swords. We're going to even make a little ship that you stand in and you can pretend you're rowing and then you get out of the ship and then you bash the sword on the shield and you say, I am Indiana Flogborg of Borg-Lorgenstern.

Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. And I'm here for you, woman. And she's like, what does that mean? I was like, oh, what? Vikings did some stuff. She's too old to start the series Vikings. Yeah. Far too young.

Especially for that scene where they did the thing on the back. What was that called? The eagle. Yeah. Is this the first instance where Indy's like starting to find you embarrassing? No, there's been a few. There's been a few things lately.

But I find that's not deterred me, if anything. It's made me double down. Right, okay. So I said to August, I was like, when's your presentation on Vikings? I've got a few ideas that I think you could carry. You could perhaps carry the mantle of the smith that's not afraid to get up there.

I remember at high school, they'd be like, ding, ding. The teacher would be like, ding, Vaughan, the limit was three minutes and you've been talking for about nine. And I'd be like, I'm only halfway through. Don't stop me, Pez. Have you seen these other losers? They all came in under three minutes.

I'll make up the time. And then I'd throw my cards and I'd be like, I'm going off script. Yeah, so nothing's changed. No. No. My blood's changed. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is about the Milky Way. The chocolate bar? Not the chocolate bar, you silly goose. The one in the sky. The sky, yeah. The sky one. The patterns. Do you know why it's called the Milky Way?

Because it looks milky. What looks milky? There's so many things up there. It looks like milk in the sky. It looks like a milk spill. What part of it looks like the milk spill? The stars or the misty stuff behind the stars? The whole, okay, yeah, you got it.

You got it. Okay, you got it. Yeah, you got it. You got it. So the Romans called it Via Lactea, which translates to the road of milk. I'm sorry if there's any Romans listening to this. My Latin's not what it used to be.

But before that, the Greeks had named it Galaxios Kyklos, which translates to the Milky Circle, because of the Greek myth about how it was formed. Okay. Zeus brought home his son Heracles. Not Hercules. That was what the Romans called him. Heracles.

Do you remember that from classics? Heracles. Heracles, that's it. Close. Heracles. Heracles him Heracles. Do you remember that from classics? Heracles? Heracles, that's it. Close. Heracles. Heracles. Heracles. Heracles.

Heracles. Not at this stage because he was only but a baby. Right. Heracles. Yeah. Heracles was born by Zeus for his wife Hera to breastfeed. Yep. She didn't like Heracles.

Heracles. Right. She didn't like Heracles. Heracles. Right. Because of his hairy balls. Heracles. Because the child was half mortal and the result of an affair. So you imagine that. Yeah. Andy P comes home with a new baby and he's like,

hey, would you mind breastfeeding this one? It's this baby that is the result of. I know. Out of wedlock. Not on my bed. Yeah. Well, that's what Zeus was asking of Hera. Oh, wow. And she was asleep when Zeus got home. So Zeus was just like, I'll just pop it

on the titty. This is wild. I'll just pop it on the titty. Yeah. He's Greek. It was a different time. I feel like it would have been a bit more poetic than that. He's Greek. Things were, it was a different time. I feel like it would have been a bit more poetic than that. And she was wearing a blanket,

toga, so he just was like, wiggled that down. There's the boob. Yeah. And he's like, she would, she'll never notice.

And the baby's like, and he's like, on there. Boom. I'm Zeus, mother effers. That's what he says. And he's like, shh. I'm there. Boom. I'm Zeus, mother effers. That's what he says. And he's like, throws up a silent lightning. If someone like you was teaching classics, I would have got more into it.

Yeah. At school. Yeah. There might have been complaints. I'd say there will be after this too. I've got my email. Subject line. This is from Mrs. Jones.

Subject line, titty? Question mark. Chuck it line, titty? Chuck it on the titty. My young Dennis came home talking nonstop about Hera's titties. Full stop. Now, whilst Hera is an important representation of females in Greek mythology, I'm not happy to hear that her breasts were referred to as titties in classical studies. So Hera.

What happened next? Well, it's feeding. Yeah, right. Heracles is feeding. Hera wakes up and is like, ah! As you would be. Whose is this child? Yeah. Latched on to my titty.

Okay. And she pushes her baby off the bed. Oh, my God. You'll remember he's half God, half mortal. Yeah. So the mortal half is like, ouch. But the God half is just like, yeah. Cushions to fall. mortal. Yeah. So the mortal half is like, ouch, but the God half is just like, doof. Cushions to fall.

Yeah. Yeah. And let's imagine when she wakes up, ah, and pushes baby Heracles away. He's mid-suck. He took the nap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Right. Mid-suck.

So when she pushes, there's a squirt of goddess breast milk. Yeah. And it comes out with such force that it sprays the sky. And that is why it's called the Milky Way. That is so stupid. That's not even possible. It's not. It's scientifically impossible

For it to go that high into the sky But they're not like living In an apartment It didn't go on the ceiling The universe is their apartment So it goes up And it's because it's her breast milk It can go further

She's a goddess He was sucking with the force of a half a god I mean people believe more stupid stuff, don't they? They do. So in Germany, the galaxy is called Milchstrasse, and the Norwegians call the galaxy Milchenferfer. Milchenferfer. Nailed it.

That might not be perfect, but it's pretty close. So today's fact of the day is the galaxy that we are in and the stars we see at night, the band across the sky, is called the Milky Way because it is believed to be goddess Hera's breast milk that sprayed the galaxy when she whacked baby Heracles off the titty. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Man, I'm thirsty.

All right, it is time for the impossible phone-in topic. Now, this is a phone-in topic we think we're not going to get any calls for. I mean, we've done this before and it's surprised us every time. We've had multiple calls before. I think we'll be so lucky if we get one. The phone-in topic, when have you ever landed on something that wasn't a runway? I thought we're never going to get anyone to call for this.

So many. We had so many calls. But there's lots of people, there's lots of pilots. Yeah, but they land at airports. Most of the time, you'd think. I just feel like this is real, this is a real stretch. Okay, so what story have you found? This summer, this is from Weather Watch.

They are saying that we need to be on the alert for sharks because the sea temperatures, and you've been for a swim, you see it's really warm. I've been for so many swims, like, even mid-November, the sea was so warm. My last swim last weekend, so nice. Yeah. I am already

irrationally scared of meeting a shark in the ocean. I've always preferred a freshwater swim. Yeah. I'd rather take my chance with an eel and some of that gross weed. Yeah. Where you're like, ah, something's got me. And it's just weed. In the sea.

Because you feel things brush your leg all the time and you're like, oh, God, what was that? Okay, so warmer ocean temperatures. Means sharks could be coming to visit because they'd prefer warmer temperatures. So the water temperatures have ranged from 1.1 degrees to 1.4 above average for November. So, I mean, it's only going to get warmer. Now, New Zealand has, I know a couple of years ago we had a fatal shark attack. There was a guy swimming out of the West Coast.

But it's so few and far between. I'll tell you what, we've killed more sharks than sharks have killed us. And we're also, like, going into their home. Oh, totally. With our tasty-ass looking legs. That's why I don't. Yeah, exactly. You're going for a swim in the sea.

I've Googled Department of Conservation shark expert Clinton Duffy said New Zealand has a very... Excuse me. He's the Duffster. The Duffster, sorry. The Department of Conservation shark expert, the Duffster, said New Zealand has a very low rate of shark attack with only one or two reported incidents a year and a very low incidence of fatal shark attack okay like i'd say this summer you've got more chance of dying of covid than you do of a shark attack yeah or by a car accident than you do of a shark attack yeah or of choking on a lolly

than you do of a shark attack impossible phoner well yeah you can see we're trying on a lolly Then you do have a shark attack. Impossible phoner. Has it choked on a lolly? No, you get so many calls because Nan's always on the hard-boiled sweets. Yeah, get it Werther's. And they get a bit old and the old swallow doesn't get as good as it once was. I reckon Werther's would knock out a few oldies a year. I'd be very interested to know how many deaths have been caused by Werther's.

Death by Werther's. Oh my God. That is not the impossible phone-in topic. We want to know for the impossible phone-in topic if you've ever had a run-in with a shark.

Have you been bitten by a shark? Have you been bitten? Are we including like little ones? Like what if you get a... Well, a shark's a shark, isn't it?

Yeah. And it's not like if you've gone fishing... Bro, that's poetry, man. A shark is a shark's a shark, isn't it? Yeah. And it's not like if you've gone fishing. Bro, that's poetry, man. A shark is a shark. We're not counting if you've gone fishing and you've reeled one in and it's bit you as you try to get it off the line. Yeah, because you're eventually going to bite it.

Yeah. With your mouth and eat it, presumably. In the ocean. So you reckon we're not going to get a single call? No. There's been people in the news, though, that have been surfing and have had a nibble. Yeah, but they have to listen to this radio station.

Yeah, fair call. The crossover. Fair call. All right, so if you're listening now and you've ever had a run-in with a shark, we want to hear from you. 0800-DARLS-IT-M. It is the impossible phone-in topic. Will we get even anybody who's had a run-in with a shark?

The impossible phone-in topic. A phone-in topic we think is so impossible that we're not going to get a single call. We wanted to know today if you've had a run-in with a shark because we just need to be on higher alert for sharks this

summer because the ocean is going to be warmer. Paul joins us. Paul, you've been attacked? Not attacked. We had a visit from a great white where we were diving. Oh, gee. Okay, so what? Are you in the water or on the boat?

We were in the water. It was me and my mate. It was his third dive. He was learning how to dive. I took him to one of my favourite spots up on the east coast out of White Rock. We just got on the water. We put a few

crayfish and then we were amongst the seal colony and we were playing with a few seals and then all the seals disappeared. Oh! What's up here? That's when the music starts playing, right? Dun! Yep. And I turn around and I see this big shadow off in the distance.

I tap my mate and said, look, look, look, look. And we were just sitting on the surface. And he came right into about 10, 15 feet away from us. And had a good look at us. And then just swam off. I was quite surprised. Oh, that's kind of rude that he didn't want to eat you. Like, what's wrong with me?

Am I not delicious enough looking? surprised. Oh, that's kind of rude that he didn't want to eat you. Like, what's wrong with me? Am I not delicious enough looking? Yeah. Like, rude. And how big do you reckon it was? Between 10 and 12 foot long. Did you go out and buy a lotto ticket after that? Well, we had a good feed of

crayfish, I'll tell you that. Yeah, I bet. Wow. Paul, thanks so much for sharing. Kirsty, you ever run in with a shark? My uncle got attacked by a shark when diving for power on the Chatham Islands, in the water at Pit Island. This is why I don't want to ever go diving, because it's just you and everyone, and you look like a delicious big fish. Absolutely.

I would look like the most delicious big fish, too. Yeah, you would, yeah. Does that fish booty you've got? Mm-hmm. And you always, you don't have a wetsuit. You have a, you look like a lure. A skin colour. A skin colour.

Yeah, yeah, skin coloured. Deliciousness. So what happened to your uncle, though? Did he just get a nibble? No, they took his arm. What? Whoa. Yeah.

So they took his right arm and damaged his left. And also along the lines of, you know, died in the helicopter, revitalized, you know, resuscitated, et cetera. You know, just other internal organs were a bit damaged. But he's alive now? Absolutely, yeah. He was even on Shark Week Discovery one year. Cool! That's amazing.

And I guess, does that put him off the ocean forever? Absolutely not, no. Really? He's definitely a fisherman. Wow, but now when he goes diving, now when he goes diving, does he just swim in circles? No, he still dives all the time.

He still, oh no. I'd retire from the ocean if that happened to me. Me too. Kirsty, thanks so much for sharing. Some other text messages in. Someone said, East Coast surfers

have been surfing with sharks for decades. My dad's friend got bitten by one just a little nibble on the foot. When he was you know when you

sit on your board and you dangle your feet. Maybe they're just testing it. Well yeah because they think you're something else right? Yeah.

You know when you're a kid and you look like don't know if you're going to like something so you just have a little like I don't like it. Maybe like surfers wearing wet suits like when you're a kid and you don't know if you're going to like something so you just have a little like, I don't like it. Maybe like surfers wearing wet suits like when you bite into a bit of tinfoil on an

Easter egg. Or a kebab. Yes. You eat a kebab and you accidentally get some tinfoil. Maybe that's the same. Sends a shock in your teeth. Someone said I thought I'd been bitten by a shark once when we were swimming. There were fins around us. It was a pod of dolphins and one was just giving me a little nip to play with.

I think that's how I'll die one day is I'll be on a boat. I'll be a couple of drinks deep and I'll see some fins. I'll be like, ah! Dolphins! And I'll jump in and then all of a sudden realise that they're sharks and that's how I die. It'd be a great way to go.

Hell of a way to go. Hell of a way to go. In a feeding frenzy. Hell of a way to go. Somebody else said, to go. In a feeding frenzy. Yeah. Hell of a way to go. Somebody else said, yeah, Chatham Islands. People who live in the Chatham Islands, sharks are just everyday occurrences. If you dive for seafood out there, you'll see all sorts of sharks. Bronze whalers, great whites. It's just, yeah, something that happens out there. So, I'll get my seafood the way Megan does by dredging Golden Bay

out the back of a boat. God. I was very young. I don't eat seafood. I thought you were going to say from that sprayy thing at the supermarket where you push the button and it stops. Yeah, that.