ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 30th July 2020

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

Refund my Date  Someone stole a playground  Am I a Bad Person?  What Would Rae-Rae Say?  Mel Bracewell  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab yourself a delicious barista made coffee for only four dollars. I just saw someone tweet this link to a story about a Republican senator who has tested positive for COVID-19. He's blaming his mask. He said if he hadn't been wearing the mask so much in the last 10 days or so it probably could have got out. It probably wouldn't have got stuck. That's why we get viruses because they get stuck. They get stuck in us. They can have got out. It probably wouldn't have got stuck. That's why we get viruses, because they get stuck. They get stuck in us. They can't get out.

Because if it tries to get out, if you've got your mouth shut and a virus tries to get out, it's like, well, I can't get out. I guess I live here now. But, of course, if they've got an exit, they don't stay. That's how viruses work. Wow, this is someone in the American government. Wow, that says a lot, doesn't it? Yeah.

It really does. You kind of just forget that in this part of the world, we're just living normally. Yeah. I saw people yesterday shaking hands, hugging. Yeah. You know, no lines at the supermarket, two meters apart, just normal. I've gone back to licking handles of things. Yeah, I know you have.

I had to give that up for a while. Yeah, which was tough. But, you know, we all made our sacrifices. Yeah, I know you have. I had to give that up for a while. That was tough. We all made our sacrifices. I just see that the accounting software Xero I won't call them Xero because that's an X not a Z Xero They're saying that New Zealand's small business

has bounced back better than Australian and the UK small business. I don't know if that's because of the wage subsidy situation. I don't know if that's because of the wage subsidy situation. Yeah, right. I don't know how that, because did you guys, you as a small business owner, you were entitled to the wage subsidy

if you could prove that you had. Yeah, 30, initially it was a 30% reduction. Yeah. And then after that, I think it was, or was it 50 and then it was 30. Right. I think it was, or was it 50 and then it was 30. Right. It was 40 and then 30. You have to show that you've had a reduction.

Right. Yeah. Did you, did you get any? We got the first round, um, but we had to pay some of it back. Right.

Thankfully, because, you know, you could have just kept it. Um, I don't think, I don't think the URD, let me, let me, URD is going think the URD will let me do that.

URD is going to have a, if you'll excuse my French, Lee fucking Field Day. End of next financial year. There are going to be some people who took that when they should not have, and they're going to be a hammer. I don't want a sneaky wee knock at the door one day. Surprise. Give it back.

I think that's how they do an audit, the IRD. I'd rather be investigated for murder than tax evasion. Really? I reckon you could get away with murder. But not tax evasion. Because you just follow the trail of money. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Follow the paperwork. We'll just quickly address some issues that some people have been receiving with the podcast, having with the podcast. There have been several messages in. We cross now to producer Jared at the audio engineering desk. Good morning. Who is in charge of the podcast. Good morning, Jared.

How are we? Now, good, thank you. Now, I forwarded a couple of messages I got yesterday. People, what's up with the levels? What are you doing with the levels? I am trying to navigate the thin line between upsetting a major corporation. Okay. Who's the major corporation?

I don't know if I should say. It's a fruit. It's a type of fruit. Orange. Peas. Yes. Yep. Bananas.

Banana corporation. Yep. Controversially, tomato. A fruit. Yeah, that's right. Apple. It's apple, isn't it? It's apple.

So what have they said? Why are you at loggerheads with Apple? What have you done? They've told me I need to normalize the podcast levels to minus 10 decibels. Okay. That seems quite quiet. It's very quiet. So I've been just completely ignoring that.

Okay. I've been normalizing it and then just boosting it heaps. Right. Okay. Minus 10 decibels. Would that be anti-noise or is that not how the decibel scale works? Oh, that's a good question, but it would be about. What do you mean anti-noise?

Right. So why are there different levels? It's actually sucking noise out of the air because it's a negative. What makes the levels different? Because some people are saying like we talk at the start and it's quiet or too loud and then it's really quiet or something. So your podcast intro that you do doesn't go through the process yeah the processing so it's not compressed or processed like well should we do

this on air at the start of the show oh you might get a few complaints with um that content that you oh yeah that's true yeah um but yeah so i'm i'm breaking the rules already but i'm happy to break the rules more so what are you are you not doing minus 10? I'm normalizing it and then I'm just boosting it again. Okay. I don't know what any of that means but it sounds great. Normalizing smashes it, right?

Compresses it. Yeah. Okay. And then the 10 stretching it back out but it's lost all of its contour. The minus 10. And you normalize it to minus 10.

Yeah. Oh, and that's where it, that's where it, that's just the level that you're normalising it to. It peaks across to. Does it still have its peaks and its troughs? Not as much, yeah.

Right, very flat. It squishes them down a little bit. Like a panini press. Yes. Okay, so what you're saying is the show's like a panini. Yep. We've been squished. In the cabinet with lettuce in it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not, because a panini is flat. You're giving people the wrong bread. The show is like a sourdough. No, I'm saying that in the cabinet, the paninis are always very voluminous and, you know, full, and then they go in the press and they just get pushed down. Pushed right down flat.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, in that regard. But I was thinking the shape. A panini is a smooth bread on top of that. You'd want a rougher bread. Are they just trying to make their ads boom like on the TV? Yep. That's exactly what's happening. Okay.

Those motherfuckers. What ads? You know when you, they have ads in podcasts and stuff. But you have to choose to have those ads in there. Yeah, I have to go through and insert them after. Do we have ads? Yep. We have ads on Apple.

I checked iHeart. We were told we had ads on iHeart, but we don't. Who's inserting those? Apple or WeAre? A website I use called Spreaker. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say it. Where did those ads come from? Who's clipping the ticket on that?

Sound Keeper Gary or one of the techies upstairs. Sound Keeper Gary. Motherfuckers. Are they ads for his beehives? No. His honey? I've never actually heard them because I'm not an Apple man. What about Spotify?

The ads in the Spotify ones? Haven't checked Spotify. I'll do that today. Because I listen to podcasts on Spotify, and I listen to Reply All and Gimlet Media ones, and they're always the same ads. Right. Same ads every time.

And you know you can just give it toot, toot, toot, toot on the 15th second, and you're done through the ads. Yeah, right. Okay. That's, of course, a terrible idea because without these sponsors, we wouldn't have jobs. That's true. Okay.

Well, so thank you for working on that, Jared. That's all right. Producer Jared. So do we think we're good now? Or are people going to be all up and down? I think Jared just wants to say even if we're not good right now, he's aware. So stop fucking messaging him.

Like don't just stop messaging me. Also message me if it's good. Because at the moment I'm just getting this. What do you need positive? Just so that I know to keep it there. That's okay. So let producer Jared know if he's hit your sweet spot. And that's important for the first time ever.

For everybody to know if they're hitting the sweet spot. Because they know that that's what you like. Positive feedback. That's fair call. You always want to know if they're hitting the sweet spot because they know that that's what you like. Positive feedback. That's fair call. You always want to know if it's a sweet spot. If it's in. Doing good. And it's going where it needs to be.

Are you in? I don't know. If that's you saying that, that's more on you than it is on them. All right? If that's you. Are you not saying are you in? I was being you with the audio podcast. Oh, I'd know it was in.

Okay. I do my kegels. On with the show! ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Flesh, Fawn and Megan. The podcast. Hello, good morning. On with the show. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Megan.

Three minutes past six. Buenos dias. Buenos dias. Buenos dias. Guten Morgen. All German there. Yeah. What you got, Fletch?

Why'd I say buenos dias? No, I said bonne stresse. I don't know any other ones. Bonjour. Bonjour. But that's just hello. That's not particularly like good morning. What?

We just need to have a quick Google. Google. Good morning in Italian. What's French for good morning? Good morning in French. Bonjour is actually good morning. Bonjour. In French.

It could be used for good morning. Bonjour. actually good morning in French. It can be used for good morning. Bonjour. Quoi sont, please? I've googled all these. Bonjour. I've googled more but I don't know

how to say any of them. So you're in other languages, aren't they? What about this Afrikaans one, Megan? Having a South African boyfriend or a husband now,

I should say. Oh no, I don't know that one. Morena. That's Maori. What is your Afrikaans? I know, luck is luck. That's like good night. Luck is luck.

Good night. Nice sleep. But I can't tell you. It'll be like a morning. It's like God Morgan. Very similar. Very similar to the German one. Very similar.

Well, this has been fun, hasn't it? Zhao Shang Hao. That's in Chinese. Okay, great. You're just cluttering all these languages. Basically, yeah. Giving them all a shot, though. Hey, you can't say we didn't try.

Mel Bracewell joins us on the show this morning after 8 o'clock. Yes. TVNZ 2. Tonight, there is a stand-up comedy special, a stand-up Aotearoa, thanking the emergency services, not emergency services, because this includes the emergency services, but frontline workers and people that worked through the lockdown made up the entire audience, free tickets and comedians.

Putting on a show that was filmed and it was going to be on telly. Mal Bracewell's one of them. Yeah, so she joins us after 8 this morning. Got you a chance to win. I wonder if she's going to bike him. She cycles. But she's got a helmet. The screen just fell over.

The real big screen in the studio just fell down. Yeah, I remember Ross Post. But I'm pleased about that because it had confetti under it for months. So get the vac while that's falling and we'll vacuum that up. I actually like that down. Yeah, me too. Can you work with that? It's not obstructing.

Not really, no. No, I do need to see that. It is Red Nose Day tomorrow. All supporting Cure Kids. And we've got your chance to win a SodaStream Spirit. Now, Brasswell has a funny helmet. That's what I was... Right, okay.

She has a funny helmet. I'm not lying to you. It's got like, I think it's got a peak on it. Right, okay. And I don't like that. Your chance is coming up to win that SodaStream plus a $200 donation to Red Nose Day in your name. So listen up for the activator.

It's coming up before seven. I'm trying to find this helmet. It's fine. Nah, here it is. Look. I've done a story, so I have to pull it. See, it's kind of funny, but it's not like the same material. I said, are you wearing a hat and a helmet?

And she's like, no, it's a built-in. Oh, yeah, it's kind of like a horse rider's helmet. Yeah, it's a little bit. No, that's cool. Okay. All right,'s cool. Okay. All right, next on the show. Are we calling her Chewbacca woman? Is that, like, an acceptable?

No, because Chewbacca mom is the one that put on the mask. Yeah, that's confusing. And then opened her mouth and was like, and then she couldn't stop laughing, and it looked like Chewbacca was laughing. That's Chewbacca mom. This was the lady in Cairns whose partner broke up with her

and then passed it all around town that her phone number was a Chewbacca competition. Yeah. Yeah. We've got an update on that woman next. Alright. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. Jessica Sewell, she is the, she's been dubbed Chewbacca woman.

This is after she went viral because her ex set up a fake Chewbacca Raw contest where people could call her phone and make Chewbacca noises. Yeah, I've actually got the clip from the news story that happened over the weekend. Well, I'm getting phone calls at really strange hours of the night, about one o'clock until four o'clock. I thought it was quite funny, actually. I thought it was a good joke. Police got in contact

with me and finally they're going to do something about it. If there's anyone out there that can do the real Chewbacca sound, I might marry ya. Great. Then it was spoken about on Breakfast in New Zealand. And that's when Wilson. Wilson.

Wilson Longhurst. Made comments about her appearance. He said, what a prize Jessica is with her missing teeth and reference to her hair. With all those teeth. With all those teeth. Yeah. And then John Campbell told him to get off. Gave him a dressing down. Gave him a dressing down.

Gave him a dressing down. And Wilson apologised. And Jessica heard about it. Which apparently she's got family here in New Zealand. And made it back to her. And she said the comments were nasty and that he needed to grow up. Now, that's when she felt the need to explain, which she didn't need to, but she felt the need to explain her teeth.

And she said that she had her teeth knocked out in a domestic violence incident by her ex. Not the same one, not the Chewbacca guy. A different ex. And she said if she had the money to, she would have got them fixed. Which I'm sure Wilson is like, oh my God. Yeah.

But that's the thing when you comment, like anything even online you comment, you don't know what people are my God. Yeah. But that's the thing, when you comment anything, even online you comment, you don't know what people are going through. Exactly. So she then set up a GoFundMe because she's like, well, if I had the money, I would. Yeah.

So she set up a GoFundMe. She has a target of $50,000 to get her teeth fixed. She's got around just over $4,000 at the moment of people willing to help her out. Is that how much it would take to get your teeth fixed? $50,000. To get what?

Like all new ones? If you've got nothing there, if you're going to get them screwed in and want them to look good and proper, it should be expensive. Because what does that cost to get a... And like extraction as well. Yeah. If there's something in there. True, true.

Yeah, right. Get it all matched up. Because then if you've got nice, because I didn't see the rest of her teeth, then if you've got nice white ones at the top, but the rest aren't matching, you've got to get them. Or you can get veneers, but yet they go over the teeth, don't they? Yeah.

Veneers. But then don't you have to get those replaced every... I don't know what the deal is with veneers. Yeah. Well, she's taken to her Facebook page, and she's said she's slowly on the road to getting her teeth fixed properly because she's like, a lot of people have a problem with my teeth,

which is pretty awful. But she said, I actually never thought that people would have such big hearts. So people, yeah, donating to a GoFundMe to get her teeth fixed. Pessimists apparently die. This is from an Australian study

because, you know, being not pessimistic but cynical, which I think is a gateway drug to pessimism. Isn't it the same thing? It's very close to a synonym. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because cynical is you just don't believe everything that you're told.

Cynicism is not as bad as pessimism. No, pessimism is everything's doom and gloom. That's why I don't consider myself a pessimist, because on a whole I have a fairly bright outlook. This is the definition. I do though, right? I question a lot of things, and I'm just not going to willingly believe people saying things,

but I think that's healthy. Okay, well this is what the definition of pessimism is. Pessimism is a negative mental attitude in which an undesirable outcome is anticipated from a given situation. Right. So everything's going to be doom and gloom. And they, yeah, pessimists tend to focus on the negatives of life in general.

Okay. So that makes sense because they're saying that pessimists die earlier because they're like, well, what's the point? Yeah. We're going to die. What's the point? What's the point in eating healthy now? It's too late. I're going to die. Look, what's the point in eating healthy now? It's too late.

I've had our burger. See, that's because you're putting negativity out into the universe and you'll be like, I'm going to die. And it's like, well, then you... And then you give up and then you're just like, meh. To be totally honest, I was probably going to die anyway. So do you think you can be an optimistic cynic? Cynically optimistic.

Cynically optimistic. Cynically optimistic. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Can you be? I don't think you two are pessimists. Pessimists are real. Yeah, yeah, no, no. I don't think we're hanging out with any.

We're definitely cynical. Yeah, very. But a cynic who has hope for the future is also an optimist. Can someone be optimistic and cynical at the same time? It's good that we're around because then you don't fall for all those things on the internet. Yeah, see, I'm a gullible optimist. That's a dangerous combination. Someone tell me something

and I'll be like, yes. You know what's more dangerous? Gullible cynicists. If you're cynical, but then you're gullible. Because you're like, they're the 5G people. They're the conspiracy.

See, no, I'm not that stupid. Okay, so this is 15 signs you're cynical but optimistic. I just Googled this. This is a list. Your future seems bleak until you have a strong coffee. Yes. When you haven't got sleep, you decidedly hate humans. That's rich.

Yeah. When you've got an eight and a half hour sleep, you want to give everyone an epic high five. Okay. You decide not to vote because it's not like the Republic of America has a real say in anything. Oh, so this is particularly American. Right.

But you'll be like, well, I'm not going to vote because, like, I can make a difference. You change your mind two days later. So help me God, if a Republican wants my country. To your cat. There you go. You find love disgusting. Right. You find love disgusting. Right. You find love disgusting until a person

asks you out on a date. Oh, that's both of you. You decide love is amazing when said person writes you a poem and gets you tickets to an Alt-J concert. No shit. Is this written specifically about you? I mean, I like

Alt-J, sure. That's very targeted. mean, I like old Jay, sure. It's very targeted. Yeah, I feel that. It's very targeted. You become intensely interested in working out and being healthy until you break down one night and eat a whole lot of burgers. Are you making this up? I'm not. I'm not.

This is... Until it gets to Friday and calories don't count on Friday. It's a mocha and a brioche. Oh, no, they don't. They don't count on Friday. That's very true. Oh, and then you buy a bunch of bright nail polishes, but then paint your nails black like always.

Yeah, this is me to a T. If anyone asks you if you're pessimistic or optimistic, you say, I'm a realist. That's what I said. You literally said that 10 minutes ago. This is us. This is us. We're cynical but optimistic.

Right. So we can take from this a study. If you're pessimistic. This is us. We're cynical but optimistic. Right, but so we can take from this a study, if you're pessimistic. You die earlier. You're dying earlier. Of apparently linked more to the cardiovascular disease, but not cancer. Right.

And being an optimistic doesn't make you live any longer. Right. For people who identified and on the test came through as optimistic, it didn't mean they lived any longer. Right. Yeah, but cynical optimists, we're living forever, baby. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan,

the podcast, ZM. Jamie Oliver's been called a hypocrite, among other things. But Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister of Britain, eh? Not the UK, Britain. Yes. He has got a new health campaign

trying to get everyone to embrace a healthier lifestyle. I saw they were doing vouchers. You could get $50 and print out a voucher or cash it in for a bike. How cool is that? I mean, it's still pretty going to cost you another couple hundred bucks. What kind of bike are you getting for 50 bucks? Well, you're not getting a free bike.

Could you give it to somebody on like Facebook marketplace? Like you try to make some money. And then they collect all the bike vouchers and then they, or you could only use one per bike. I think it's one per person.

Yeah. But that's a good idea. Yeah. Because I reckon bike sales through lockdown went crazy because everyone I know was like, I wish I had a bike like you.

I was like, well, now you want a bike. I wish I had a bike. Yeah. Yeah, they're expensive though. But it's a better health campaign. So among some of the things they're doing, the initiative is GPs can prescribe exercise.

What? Ads with food. So you go downstairs, or I go downstairs to the pharmacy after I see my doctor, what would they give me? A kick up the ass. I know it does sound a little bit.

So the doctor can be like, okay, so I'm prescribing you, pop into the pharmacy afterwards, take this with you. There's some vitamin C there and 30 minutes of exercise a day. You'd be like, yeah, okay, that's not getting filled, is it? Or like a walk a day. Yeah, I don't know. Or maybe the pharmacist teases you. Like say something like, come on, fatty. And chase you. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. Well, maybe they feel really Maybe the pharmacist tease you. Like, say something like

come on, fatty. And chase you. Yes. Oh, no. And they're running down the road in their MCAL uniform. Oh.

This is supposed to be more positive. And then they cross paths with someone from Unicam cheering another fat person going our way. Oh, my God. No.

Hey, Steve. Hey, Tom. And it's not only people who are overweight that need exercise. I know, but I'm just saying they happen to both have them. Well, you can't taunt old people. They've got arthritis. Then calorie labels on restaurant meals.

So you go to a restaurant and they'll be like. I've always found that confronting in America when you're at a fast food outlet and the massive calories. I like it. Yeah, because it's a wake-up call. Yeah, and it makes you second guess what you're ordering. All right, that's 100% doing calorie counting and you're like, oh, well, treat, you know, saved up some calories, done a lot of exercise,

we'll have a burger. And you look at it, you're like, maybe have a half of one. You're always like, oh, my God. They're banning buy one, get one, free deals on junk food, ads for food, kind, fat and sugar. What does Britain think of this?

Because Boris Johnson's right wing, and it was all about like freedom and no nanny state and you've got to bloody look after yourself. You can't rely on the government. And now his government's bringing in like, banning two for one on junk food's quite like a big, that's telling business that they can't do pricing. Also, I think they were banning lollies and confectionery

in the checkout aisles at the checkout. So Jamie Oliver, and he did school canteens, like campaign to make them a bit healthier, right? He did that hilarious piece where he told children how chicken nuggets were made and then made them a healthy meal and said, who wants the healthy meal and who wants chicken nuggets? And all the kids were like, chicken nuggets. And it was so sad.

I mean, he's campaigned for healthy eating before. So he was, he's fully behind it. He's like backing this good health campaign. Except that's when everyone came for Jamie Oliver. Now, these are some of the responses. I find it hypocritical that Jamie is telling us to all lose weight and diet more when he himself is the prince of olive oil and liberally pours 300 plus calories onto his dishes for absolutely no reason at all.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees the irony in Jamie Oliver telling us to lose weight. Jamie Oliver is a hypocrite. He used a whole stack of butter in his greasy ass food, but he wants to preach about eating healthy. Jamie Oliver is not exactly slimmer of the year himself, chubby chops. Stick another 10 years on him and he won't be so bloody righteous.

You mark my words. So, because he has put on a little bit of weight, hasn't he? Which is fine. But, I mean, we've been in lockdown. Yeah, I know. And have you seen what he makes? Yum. I'd be twice the size of him if I was him.

But also, like, you can't put the whole thing to bed because you're like, you're fat, shut up. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, a lot of people were being like, well, we don't know that he's not saying to himself, okay, I need to get on the healthy bandwagon too. Yeah. But people were just telling him to piss off. He is liberal with that. But then the Mediterranean diet and the Greeks use a lot of oil

and they're some of the longest living people in the world. He's pouring it all over bread. Deep fried bread. That's what the Greeks do. Then they don't have Like a beef wellington And all the other stuff As well

French fries He's making it as well Yeah Kind of there's rules to it But Jamie Oliver lost me This latest series He's been doing He's been cooking in lockdown

He's being sat down The whole show Right He sits behind A bench It's a really awkward height You can't see much of his body It's maybe because he's

Oh maybe because He's been fat shamed. Maybe because he's blown out in the arse region. Because you can't see that. You can kind of see down to like... It's weird. It's like he's a little kid. You know when little kids sit behind adult-sized tables and they only come up to their chest and they're like,

I'm going to sit here. That's all I want, little kitty. He's that height. He's lost you because he's sitting down. He's sitting down. On a gogging show. Stand up. Get a higher bench or something. Right. It's lost you because he's sitting down. He's sitting down. On a gogging show. Stand up. Get a higher bench or something.

Right. It's a weird house too. It's all higgledy-piggledy. Right. I know the restaurants have gone badly. But this house is all over the show. Isn't it a set that they tried to set up? Huh?

It's a little set they tried to put together. No, no, no, because his wife's filming it on the phone. Yeah, but it's in their backyard. No. He's lost you. It's higgledy-p put together. No, no, no, because his wife's filming it on her phone. Yeah, but it's in their backyard. No. He's lost you. It's higgledy-piggledy. Because of his set. It's like he's...

Not his dishes. I know he's got money, so it's like he's trying to seem... Poor. Less... Relatable. Yeah. Less wealthy than he is. I don't watch cooking shows to see someone with a higgledy-piggledy kitchen.

I watch to be like, that's a nice kitchen. Yeah, right. That's bloody lovely. We'll pass your feedback on to Jamie. Oh, no, I've already emailed him. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Two women in the UK are so sick of bad dates, they have started their own site.

It's called Refund My Shit Date. Okay. And basically, you can go on and you just have to describe what happened in the date and how much it cost you. And up to 100 pounds,

they could refund your shit date. Now, I was trying to find, because they've got lots of submissions and it looks really cool because it's all printed out on receipt form.

But I don't know how many they actually refund. And what are they, because I've just gone to the website, refundmyshitday.com, and you can put in your details. How are they funding this? Yeah, they're totally like writing a book or something,

right? Yeah. Or putting together a website or like, there'll be something when you submit your stories and the chance to win the money back. But how are they making money? Because a website's not cheap. Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm saying.

They're playing the longer game. There's going to be something to come out of it. So they've had submissions so far, more than a million pounds of wasted shit dates. Wow. Oh my God. Should I read you some of these receipts? Okay.

He lied about his height. He was three foot shorter than me. He took me to see a niche. Three foot shorter? Three dash dash. Is that inches? Yeah. Three inches shorter than me. I say, gosh, you'd have to be seven foot and still be four foot.

He took me to see a niche film in an old porn cinema where everyone threw spoons at the screen. At the end, he hugged me around the waist. That sounds awesome. What movie do they throw spoons at the screen? I don't know. Because you know how movies get like weird little cult followings and then they become like tradition. Do you throw spoons?

So that was 69 pounds. Another one. Oh, it's The Room. For no reason, there are frame pictures of spoons on the wall where Johnny and Lisa's apartment, whenever one of the works appears on screen, you yell spoon and you throw spoons. You know that movie, The Room?

That one that, hey, Mark. I've never seen it, but it was kind of like this weird. No, I've never seen it. Pop culture part of like, before COVID, when we had time to waste on weird stuff. Yeah, there was that awful, awful movie. It's considered like the worst movie of all time. Why would you take

a date there though without any explanation? Have you ever been to a funeral on a date? Because I have. I just moved to LA and a guy asked me to meet him at a bar. I walked in and it's a memorial wake for his friend. I spent the evening comforting. We talked about that, right?

Remember we talked about weird first dates and somebody went to their dad's gravesite on the way to a memorial? I chatted to a guy online and met him for a drink. He then told me how much he was into being in chastity and asked him if I would, he asked me if I would be his key holder. I told him that was too much responsibility and I left.

That's a kink, right? Yeah, and they have lockable undies. Is that right? That's like... But you've got to go wheeze. Do you not need to get to know someone before you offer them the key to your chest? Absolutely, if you're asking to be locked up. It's not really a first date thing, is it?

No. But yeah, there's a whole long list of... Right, and they're giving away £100. Yeah. It's not really a first date thing, is it? No. But yeah, there's a whole long list of... Right. And they're giving away 100 pounds. Yeah. A refund of your date up to 100 pounds. But you can submit how much the date cost you. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Who Knows the Red Nose? Well, tomorrow is Red Nose Day. And this is all in support of Cure Kids. You can donate at rednoseday.co.nz and support child health research. You can also text KIDS to 2446. That'll make an automatic $3 donation to Red Nose Day,

and those text donations put you in a chance to win two nights at the Novotel Queenstown, plus a one-day ski pass for two adults at Coronet Peak and a private spa pool package. All right, Grace, we're going to play Who Knows the Nose? We've had famous red noses all week. We've got another famous red nose. Are you ready? Here's your audio clue as to the famous red nose.

I-ho, I-ho, it's home from work we go. Hmm. Who's that, Grace? Is it out of Snow White, some of the dwarves? Like Sneezy? Well, it's one of the dwarves, yes. Which one has the red nose? Sneezy

or Grumpy? Which one? Sneezy. Which one? Are you sure? Grzy or Grumpy? Oh, which one? Sneezy. Which one? Are you sure? Grumpy. Grumpy? Yeah!

Not bad, not bad. It was a hard one. It was a hard one. Hey, Grace, we're going to make a $200 donation in your name to Cure Kids for Red Nose Day. And we also have a prize, a SodaStream spirit. Congratulations. Yay, thank you so much.

All yours. Well done. The top six is next on the show. Remember, push it till it farts. Yeah, three times, eh? Oh, the SodaStream. The SodaStream. It's so funny.

Just out of interest, what were you thinking I was doing? That's an old school one. It does it automatically now. You don't need to just manually push it. It goes one, two, three. You just push the button once and it does it itself. No, mine when you hold down. No, mine doesn't.

You push it once. What? And it goes psst, psst, psst. What? Until it realises the real point. Oh, damn. Mine goes like this. I have to push it manually.

I give it long pumps. Same, yeah. And it goes brrrr. And that's how you know it's done. What kind of rich SodaStream do you have? Is that what the SodaStream spirit is? Is it bloody flashbots over there with the. There's three settings too.

A little bit fizzy, medium fizzy, or like. Yeah, the spirit one touch. Okay. All right. Top six is next. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six.

Hello there. A lot of Powerball. 30 million for SatD. Oh, damn. That means I didn't win last night. Because I got to, you know, I never get tickets until I get to like a big jackpot. Oh, I forget about Wednesday. They got me because I've got the app.

They got me with a notification. Oh, yeah. I thought I'd turn those off. I think I'd turn it off because that would always get me too. Yeah. Because it sounded real fun. The sound that came through on your phone. Yeah, right.

Okay. Yeah. But I forgot my password to log on and do it on the app. Okay. And then you get that wrong a couple of times and you're out, buddy. Oh, really? You're not. Your ties are very hard to get back into.

So, yeah, I have to go and do it old school. And it's those people I wish to address in today's top six. The people who have to give you your lotto tickets. Oh, those poor people. Because while Lotto might be at $30 million, those people are not paid nearly enough to deal with what's going to be happening over the next few days, especially that massive Saturday rush.

Yeah. Okay, so this is the top six things not to say to Lotto retailers before Saturday's $30 million draw. Yep. Number six. I'll make sure I cut you in if I win the big one because we know you won't. Yeah, that's never happening.

My friend Kim, when we were at high school, she worked in a lot of, she worked a lot of chaos. She said she heard it all and that was a big one. They'd always be like, if I win, I'm going to be coming back. I'm going to be cutting you in. Yeah. They never do, do they? Nah.

It was like that guy Trev from Take a Water. He told John Campbell he was going to be back at work on Monday morning or at 026. John Campbell ticked up a lot of things. Or Ferraris and all sorts. Never got cut in, did he? Nah.

It's easy to say it. It's a different thing to do it. Number five on the list of the top six things not to say to a lot of retailers before Saturday's $30 million draw. When they finish with

good luck, because that's what they have to say. It's in the manual. Don't say back. Is that a guarantee? That's not. That's not.

Don't do that either. Number four on the list of the top six things not to say to lotto retailers before Saturday's big draw. I bid not have to

share this with anyone. Yeah. It's another classic. That's another absolute classic. I feel like one of these would accidentally come out my mouth and then I'd be like oh I've done it. Yeah. It's another classic. That's another absolute classic. I feel like one of these would accidentally come out my mouth

and then I'd be like, oh, I've done it. Yeah. I'm actually really ashamed of myself. Yeah. It's like when you see someone and you're like,

how are you? Yeah, good. And then there's silence and you literally hear it coming out of your mouth. Not bad. What are you doing? What are you doing?

What was that? Number three on the list of the top six things not to say to lotto retailers before Saturday's big draw. What's your lucky number? When they're filling out the thing? Or you don't happen to know my wife's birthday, do you? Number two on the list of the top six things not to say to lotto retailers before Saturday

is a big draw because they're going to be going through it. Yeah. They're going to be not only dealing with a ton of people, but a ton of people who are pretty sure this is it. Yeah. And one of the things you shouldn't say. Number two, is this a one-way bus ticket to an early retirement? When you hand across the ticket.

Oh, those just make me cringe. I haven't heard that one before, but yeah, that's cringe. Yeah, number one on the list of the top six things. Not to say to a lot of retailers before Saturday's $30 million big draw, when they ask you, because they have to, what kind of ticket do you want? Do not say. Everybody now. The winning one.

Yeah. Me. Me. Meh. That is today's top six Now we're about to talk about the South Waikato town of Tokoro And I know a little bit about that That town And there's some unsavoury characters in the mix

Okay I'm just kidding That was good A little bit of silence Suspenseful that town and there's some unsavoury characters in the mix okay I was giving that was good a little bit of silence it's a bit of shade though isn't it like you're from

and you know what there's some shady characters in the mix well they could be said about anywhere really yeah

except for no you're right were you thinking of a really like rich affluent suburbs? No, they're the shadiest. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I was going to say, where were we?

And then I was like, oh, no. They're the white-collar criminals. They're the white-collar, shady characters. Yeah. They're the real ones. There's shady characters everywhere. Look around. Exactly, because in Tokoroa, a playground might have been stolen.

But in these rich, affluent areas, millions of dollars of unpaid tax is stolen every year. Ooh. Yeah. Take that. So $14,000 worth of playground was stolen at Lake Moananui's junior playground. Okay. So the entire junior playground. Two sets of swings. A spinning basket. Now I believe this is something we didn't have

growing up. But they're everywhere now. You lay in them. They're like a flat sort of a disc. They curve up a little bit on the edge. Like a frisbee kind of thing. Like a barley nest. Not quite as barley nest.

Like a barley nest. Not quite as barley nest. I had a photo of- Like a barley nest. My kids won recently and you can lie down in them. Yep. Generally attached by three or four anchors to the disc and then to a centrally mounted point

that spins. So you can spin it or you can swing it. Right, okay. A lot of fun. Good to lie on. Yep. Not for me personally, not if it's spinning or swinging.

Okay. But not too bad to just like lie on. Okay. And they nicked that as well. Yes. And reported damage to a spring-fixed goldfish seat. So that's one of those ones on a big heavy spring and you sit on the top and you lean back and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa.

A lot of it's not bolted down. Well, that was bolted down. But it was, so it was, they tried to get that off, but it just broke at the bottom of the spring, rendering it useless. Right. So then it was thrown into a nearby lake. So that's just. Oh, what?

This sort of vandalism. So apparently a relatively new playground two years ago. Right. And apparently recently they've become installed and anchored with a far higher standard. So there's someone out there with two swings in their backyard. Yeah, is it to like have in your backyard or is there a black market for swings? Well, I don't know.

You're in another small town in New Zealand and someone comes around knocking on doors trying to peddle some playground. Hey, got some playground for you. Hello? You're the mayor, are you? Yep. Don't suppose you want a little playground, actually? Two swings and a spinny basket.

Imagine if you bought a playground from another town that was stolen. Oh, the drama, the scandal. Yeah. I know. And you'd be none the wiser and then they'd just turn up to take it back, wouldn't they?

So what colour was it? Should we be telling people if they were driving? Great question. Don't know. Well, maybe if you were driving in the last couple of weeks behind a giant swing set. Yes. Or two giant swing sets. That would be. Maybe

you should talk to the police. Yes. Report any sightings of swings in places that aren't playgrounds. Right. Okay. Dare I say. I mean you can have a swing in your backyard but maybe if it's a giant industrial looking playground swing. I was thinking more like on the road or whatever. Oh right. Okay. Yeah. You're dobbing your neighbours

who have just bought a swing set. Yeah. If it's big. If we're talking about playground stealing, I'd love to see someone take the whole Margaret Mahie playground. How? I'd be impressed. I'd be impressed. Yeah.

In Christchurch. That's a great playground. Phenomenal playground. Yeah, I mean, I don't have kids, but you can go after dark when you're drunk and it's still fine. I think that's acceptable. Big twisty slide.

The flying foxes are up there. Bit hard to get on that top twisty slide as an adult. You've got to suck your puku in. Speak for yourself, I was up there like a ferret up a drone pop. Yeah, but you're very twisty like a ferret, aren't you? I am twisty like a ferret. Long in the torso like a ferret. That's what they're always saying about me, old ferret gutsmith.

ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Fletch Warner Megan's Name Suppression. All right, this is our game called Name Suppression. Up for grabs, $200 cash and Panasonic's new S500 true wireless earbuds. Now, they have IPX4 water-resistant technology, perfect for a sweaty gym session. Industry-leading dual hybrid noise cancelling. Megan is currently wearing them. Thumbs up.

I've got some like mad-ass rock music today. Pantera. Who? Pantera. Take them out. Pantera. Take one out so I can tell you. I don't want to say what I think you're saying.

Oh, Pantera. What did you think he was saying? Panties or something? That's actually how Pantera have rebranded. Yeah, panties. They've changed it up. It's soft now. Yeah, death metal.

Yeah. All right. So to win, Megan has to guess the name that we're saying, but obviously the catcher she is wearing are the Panasonic noise-cancelling earbuds. Good morning, Alana. How are you today? Yeah, not too bad. Okay.

All right. I'm just stall for time. I find the 10-second time. I was just thinking this name's three syllables and it kind of rolls through. This could be a tough one, but let's see if we can get it. Okay. See what we're saying. You ready, Megan?

All right. 10 seconds starts now. Alana. Alana. Alana. Alana. Alana. Alana.

Alana. Alana. Alana. Yay! What? You did it! American pronunciation, but we'll accept it. Alana. Alana. Alana. Yay! What? You did it! American pronunciation, but we'll accept it. Alana.

Alana. Alana. Alana Morissette. Alana, congratulations. We've got the S500 true wireless earbuds for you and $200 cash. Amazing. Thank you so much. Awesome.

All right, and we'll play again tomorrow, thanks to Panasonic. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day.

Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. I'm running the risk of sounding a little bit preachy and condescending here, but you may have seen on Instagram, there's a trend going around where women share black and white photos of themselves, selfie or otherwise.

Yep. And it's hashtag challenge accepted. So someone's nominated them because they find them an empowering woman and supportive and then you nominate other women to do the same. I saw a lot of friends doing this. Women empowering women, which is awesome.

It's so cool. But I hadn't been nominated until yesterday, so I kind of just saw these and I was like, oh yeah, I don't really understand because a lot of them stands much of a caption, tagged in friends. Women supporting women. And then when I got nominated,

I was kind of like, what is the point? What is the point? I'm proud of you. For doing some research. Yeah. For being like, for not just being like,

that's going to happen. Like, what's the origins of this? But also, I didn't know. I don't want to sound like I'm poo-pooing the women empowering women. But I looked at the, you look at the selfies. You're allowed

to. I think they've had it pretty good lately as women. Of course, I'm just joking. The pictures of themselves, I didn't know how that was contributing to women empowering me. From the ones I saw before I knew what the origins

of it were, predominantly like thanking women. Like the ones that nominated them and then you would nominate women by thanking them and being like, you know I've come to know this person who I looked up to and they helped me get down. And I thought that was good enough. Didn't need a reason. So when I looked into it, I actually found out that it came from women in Turkey. Right.

So in Turkey, there is something called the Istanbul Convention. So in Turkey, they're currently trying to abolish this treaty as such. And in there, it protects Turkish women from domestic violence. So they're trying to kind of get rid of a law that helps protect women. So every day they wake up, they have terrible domestic violence stats. As do we.

But they shared, they get bombarded with black and white images of women who have been murdered or have lost their lives. As a result of domestic violence. As a result of domestic violence. So the women of Turkey were sharing black and white pictures of themselves and they had original Turkish hashtags.

And it was about empowering women and standing up, but it was also about protesting the abolishment of this very important treaty. Right. So through no ill will, and I think the diluted message was still good, women empowering women, but the original hashtags kind of got lost and the message got diluted

and then lots of celebrities started doing it with challenge accepted and along the way. Not really knowing what it was about. No. So no, I just, I shared a black and white photo of myself yesterday, but I just put in a bit of detail about behind, what was behind it. But it just goes to show that you should, when you see something online, just do a little bit of research.

Because I saw some people sharing some silly black and white photos of themselves and that wouldn't really go with the message, would it? No. No. Yeah, so you've got to be careful what you're posting. Yeah, so how quickly something like that can take off. You see someone do it, so you do it too. And you don't look into anything.

Yeah, because you've got a hot black and white photo you've been itching to get on the gram, but you're not sure when's the best time. And this was a sweet in. And that's cool too. You can post a hot picture of yourself. No one's poo-pooing that. Hey, I'll go on record and say I'm fine with anybody posting hot photos of themselves for no reason on the gram. I know I do.

I'm a hot biscuit and you all want to look. That's fine. I'm okay with that. Just let people know when you're doing it. Tag me. Don't, don't, don me. No, don't. No, don't. Someone wants to get in trouble.

Oh my God, no. It's sad how much I love this segment because we get to put our judgy pants on and judge someone else's sticky situation. We're joined this morning by Anonymous. Good morning. Good morning. Oh, you even sound defeated.

Buddy. Now, you have messaged in, and I think this is going to be a situation that a lot of people can relate to in their relationship. So tell us the situation. Yeah. So my girlfriend, she just started, she's gone full noise on the situation. Yeah. So my girlfriend, she's just started. She's gone full noise on the old health buzz.

She's joined E45. She's got like the diet plan all together. You're not a bad person for wanting to break up with her because she joined E45. Let's cut to the chase. Is that your question? No. Not quite.

It should be your question. But carry on It is a cult Yes it is So basically on the weekend I was going to go to the supermarket And ask if she needed anything And she was like, yep, ice cream and chocolate

And I was like, no, you've got to stick To your F45 And she was so angry when I didn't turn up with any of the food and the junk food. Am I a bad person for making her stick to her F45 and her diet and all that? So she's asked for your support because I'm imagining if you're going, hold hog, you need your partner's support. You don't want them arriving at the house with takeaways at 6 o'clock

when they're eating um boiled brockland some chicken so she needs your support so she's asked you to step up and then in a moment of weakness she's like get me a treat and you're like no i'm supposed to be supporting you and then you get in trouble right exactly she's pumping so much money into this f45 and then she just goes and eats shit but you're in a no-win situation because even if you did at the supermarket buy her treats, she'll eat them and then you're in trouble

for getting her treats because now she feels bad. It's a lose-lose. Yeah. Megan, I feel like you can completely relate here. Yeah, so the rule is you're supposed to support what her wishes are at any given point in time.

So support her when she wants to go to the gym, support her when she wants the treats, and support her afterwards when she's not feeling good about it. Right. Because God help you if, honestly, if she asks you for some treats and you turn around and say no because then you're like, are you saying I don't need the treats?

What are you saying? And then you say, no, you said you didn't need the treats and then you'll never learn your lesson. So I don't think you're a bad person. I just think maybe you're a foolish one. I don't know what the answer is. Do you find this as well? Vaughn, are you asked to get treats?

Oh, yeah, but I just get them. Right, so that's the key, you think, just get them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, we're eating good this week, Monday night, a little bit of traffic, getting late home from your daughter's hockey practice. This sounds very specific, but I'm just... It definitely didn't happen on Monday.

Hell no. I'm just randomly pulling details from nowhere. And then, yeah, there's a treat on the way home and then you have to deal with it later. The fallout of the... I told you not to let me eat that. Good fun. Right. Okay, so you can't win. So, okay, we need to

ask now. 0800966. Have you been in this position? Or maybe in your relationship you've worked out a way to deal with this? Or is it just by the traits? I honestly don't even know what to say because this feels very... Did you just say you've worked out a way to deal with this? Yeah, I did.

No, no, no, no. Okay, yeah. Numbers have been trying for thousands of years. Well, is Anonymous a bad person for wanting them to stick to their plan, their F45, their diet, everything that they wanted and said they wanted? I think so. Because if she asks for treats, you're supposed to facilitate the treats. Okay, or not.

0800-DARLS-IT-M. Maybe you've got the perfect solution to deal with this. Is he a bad person for sticking to the first thing he was asked to do? Yeah. Am I a bad person? It's the treats edition. Yeah.

The basic premise being is I'll call it a bad person because his partner has said these are our goals. This is what I want to stick to. I want to lose some weight. I want to get in shape. Sam, what do you think?

Nah, he's not a bad person. Okay. And do you have to deal with these treats at home situations? Nah, I'm a single man. Like, honestly, if I break up over this, he sounds so supportive. Can you hook me up? There are some people saying this is the sort of support we need in our lives. Really?

But people are like, I need to be told no sometimes. It won't be easy to tell me no, but I need to be told. Good luck. Say no and run away. But what if he said no to you, Sam? You're like, we need biscuits and ice cream tonight. And he says no. You said you wanted to get fit. There's goals here.

What would you say? Would you bite his head off? Nah. Look, if I really wanted it, I'd go out and get it myself. That's true. Yeah, true. Okay. Sam, thanks for your call. More text messages coming in.

Someone said, I am very thankful now for the nose that I used to almost cry about at the time. To play the long game? Yeah. Somebody said, just dob her into an F45 Colt leader. Oh, that's actually a great idea.

No, it's not. I'll get you the treat, but I'm taking a photo and I'm sending it to your trainer. Yeah, you. Am I a bad person? So we had Anonymous

join us on the phone and he's having a treat issue with his partner. She is training. She's doing F45. She's trying to get in shape. She's like, do not let me have treats. But then she's like, can you buy me a treat? He doesn't know what to do.

And so he's like, well, no. But then she's like, give me treats. Either way, it seems like he's rude. You can't win. You can't win. You can't win. Is he a bad person for buying treats or for not? And we've all been there. We're like, we're going to have a healthy week.

And then it's Monday night. And you've had a couple of salads. And then you just need some ice cream and biscuits. And half a bottle of bourbon. And an early night. And then you're like, well, Monday's derailed. Who cares? I'll do the diet next Monday.

And then your cheese, it's best before date is quickly approaching. It's six weeks. It's best you eat that. You don't want to waste food. Six weeks goes like that. So is he a bad person for telling her no? Hayley, what are your thoughts? Well, I was thinking about this for my own personal relationship.

And I've always found that when I personal relationship, and I've always found that when I want a treat, and I've sort of got some goals, my girlfriend will bring me flowers, or bring me some fruit, or something that's a treat in the sense that it's sweet and she's thought of me, but she's not sabotaging what I'm trying to do.

But that's like when you're like, I'm hungry to mum, and she's like, get an apple. You're like, no, I don't want an apple. Somebody messaged her saying, try putting honey on a green apple. Are you kidding me? Yeah. But, you know, sometimes you just need a big tub of ice cream, Hayley. Well, even then, there's some really good flavours out there that have got the sugar-free stuff.

And I actually, like I say, I get it. I go, oh, have it. It satisfies me. And then I'm like,, oh, have it. It satisfies me. And then I'm like, oh, she really listened. She knows me. But have you ever poured a whole bag of M&M's into your mouth? Because I did last night and it felt pretty great.

So do you think he's a bad person for wanting... No. I don't think he's a bad person. I think he should have had a chat to her first, like saying, hey, look, babe, I know we're trying to stick to a goal here, but how about this, this or that?

We're trying to stick to a goal here? Yeah, good luck. Hayley, great. Thanks for your call. Dan, do you think he's a bad person? I don't think he's a bad person because I'm also in the same position as him. Dan, we all are.

It can be quite troublesome sometimes, but you just have to, you know, it's got to be over. I've got a bit of a sweet tooth. Right. So I'm partial to a bar of Whittakers. Right, yeah, same. You mean a block, eh? Yeah, a whole block.

A bar is the little one. A bar is the little one, Dan. The block's the big one. So what do you do then? Do you get the treats? Yeah, so I will, you know, we'll go do a supermarket shop, or Hannah will go do a supermarket shop, and I'll sort of say, oh, can you put in

some, can you buy some Whittakers, but I'll hide it from you. But then, no matter where it's hidden, because we always hide it in the same place, pretty bad. Yeah, it's normally gone by the time I get back from work the next day. She's like a beagle. She can sniff it out. I can't believe you asked her to purchase them, you monster. Hey, Dan, thanks for your call.

Carolyn, what do you think? Is he a bad person? No, I don't think he's a bad person. Okay. I think he's helping her. What if she No, I don't think he's a bad person. Okay. He's helping her. What if she wanted, I don't know, giving up cigarettes and she wants cigarettes,

will he go and buy them for her? No. I meant there'd be some guys that would. Otherwise, they'd get their head ripped off. That's a good point, though. Cigarettes are not good for them. Yeah, true. Carolyn, thanks for your call.

Some text messages in. Somebody has recommended that and this is from a female. Okay. That the partner gets a period tracker on their phone. Okay. So that they can know when it's actually treat time. Okay. And when it's not. Versus when you can say, no, you don't need

it. We made an agreement. Okay. Because there's this. When it's actually needed and when it's not. Yes. There's a agreement. Because there's this... When it's actually needed and when it's not. There's a week am I right? I'm off the script now. You go, Smithy. You were telling the story, mate. It varies between females, but yeah,

sure, a week. Let's say roughly a week where that's not to be messed with. I don't think you recognise that. I'm a wise man. He's been married for how long? I mean, come on, Megan. I've been married for nearly 120 periods. That's how you start counting it after.

Here we go. Somebody said, when I did this, my partner, and when I said to my partner, do not give me treats. There is no, I am not to be given treats. Yeah. He videoed her saying it. And when she's like, can you pick me up something? He sent her the video.

That would actually, you know what you should do. That's actually genius. And you should say, I'm going to post that on social. No. No. What? No. I would have thought that was enough.

No, no, no. The video's just enough? No, no, no. I thought there was some... Oh, you're an amateur. As long as you're the longest relationship. Two periods. No, no, no. There is only one person that messaged in and thought this guy's a bad person.

Yeah. I mean, I don't think he's a bad person, but if I'm asking you to get treats, just get the bloody treats. Just get the treats. It just blows my mind that some people buy treats like at the weekend in the weekly supermarket shop and leave them in their house and they might be there for two weeks or a week. You don't trust yourself, mate.

No, I can't. If I buy treats, therefore consumption immediately. Immediate consumption of treats. Immediate consumption. But then what if you're just going out every day and buying all the treats and eating them? That's fine. But you don't buy them at the weekend

because then you have to eat them. Okay. Because this is why it didn't work for you when Caramilk was a limited run. It got to the end of it. You bulk purchased and you just binged it. I know. Not like one bar a week or hide them.

I must eat all of this immediately Because it's in the house You're like a Labrador I am yeah I am And there's no one there to watch you And make you feel guilty about it No I know Yeah just myself

And then I'm like Why did you let yourself eat that I know why did I You did half of it You said don't get treats I know but then I went downstairs To get treats And there was treats

Unbelievable Fletch, Fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. What would Ray Ray say? Joining us on the phone with Pearls of Wisdom. She's our own little oyster and we're ready to shuck her wide open. And then once we've had our pearl, we'll be like...

And eat the oyster. That analogy creeps me out. I'll admit, it was weird. Ray Ray, good morning. Good'll admit, it was weird. Ray Ray, good morning. Good morning. Good morning, mother. I know you had to go for a pee-pee.

Why? I've been waiting for ages. Oh. I told you she was going to call. Sorry, told Anna not to call too early. You know what I am? I'm tired,

overworked, and underpaid. Now, as always, listeners have reached out with some questions that they hope you can give some advice on. All right. You ready, Mum? Question number one.

My mother-in-law is so horrible to me, she makes me want to end my relationship. How do I put up with her? That is from an A-pappas. No, no. He calls me Mother Dearest. He does. He does?

I think his mum makes him. Oh, you like that. He does love the older birds though, doesn't he? He's totally under my thumb. He addresses her and she's like, what do you call me? You know what you're supposed to call me. Oh my God. That's intense.

Mother Dearest. Yeah. There's various grades of mother-in-law But you could deal with this by saying something When she says something, say that's not so nice And you're very uncomfortable with it Tell her how wonderful she is And then you can ask her how come she knows so much

And does she ever make mistakes And then the other thing is you could tell your spouse to visit her house. Don't come round. I know some people that do that. Yeah, the father-in-law is fine but the mother-in-law is problematic. So they say if you want to see her, you go see her.

Oh wow. I'll be otherwise engaged. And then what do you do at Christmas? Just have to kind of grin and bear it? Yeah, I'm afraid so. There's some days where you just can't get away from it. Spend minimal amount of time there. Or you could be certain and say, well,

I'm sorry, but I'm not having Christmas at my place. I'm going to my daughter's house. Okay, alright. Next question is how do I, do I have to ask my mum this? Yes. How do I get in the mood when my partner always seems to want it? Well, I thought, what's it?

Is that a snuggle or a watch TV? But anyway, I've got three tips. You surprise them in the shower, I presume it was the, you know, the nudge, nudge. See, I didn't want it, I didn't want it. Yes! Here we go.

Here we go. She's getting started. She's popping it up again. Is this the same shower that Megan uses when she's home? No. Oh, I don't know. Both showers. Sweet shower, family shower.

We've only just had one shower in that house for years. I've only just got a second bathroom. Okay. Yeah. So remember, it's a family shower. We've got to keep it clean. You remember. Three tips. Right now, there's three family show. We've got to keep it clean. You remember. Three tips.

Right, now, there's three tips. You surprise them in the shower. You send them flirty text messages. Or it's cooked in a naked. Cooked in a naked. Not bacon, no. You want to want that spit back? Do you wear your penny, though?

You've got to be careful what you cook. Yeah. Okay. No oil. You've got to beware of splashes. So you're just saying spice it up a little bit. Do something a bit unusual, a you cook. Yeah. Okay. No oil. You've got to beware of splashes. So you're just saying spice it up a little bit. Do something a bit unusual, a bit odd. Yeah.

I just hope those aren't from experience. Don't answer that. I was waiting for the answer. Question three. Question three, moving along swiftly. My friend is super sensitive, but always asks me questions and then gets upset with my honest opinion. How do I deal with this?

Well, you have to be very careful because words can be very hurtful and you must deliver criticism tactfully. But if they consider you to be a good friend, well, they'll take your comments well. You've got to let them know that you just want them to feel safe. You're just giving some, you know, constructive criticism about something. This is some bullshit from my mum because this is not how she delivers criticism to me. Oh, no, that's different. It's all right. I don't have to worry about your feelings.

Yeah, that's family. No sugarcoating with family. Yeah, just give it to you. Both barrels. Yeah, but that's good advice, though. Yeah, words can be so hurtful. I mean, it doesn't matter, really. You've just got to be very tactful.

I mean, some people just give it to you, both barrels, and it's just so hurtful. Yeah, you've just got to be very careful. But if it's your good friend, it makes a big difference. Yeah, you've got to work at it. Maybe mum will heed her own advice. Brilliant advice. We'll let you get back to the shower or the bathroom.

No, gymnastics. I'm about to do my gymnastics. What do you mean? Do you do like a home gymnastics routine? Oh, you probably call it vacuuming but I call it gymnastics. You have different words For different jobs Right Right

God I'm worried about Why she calls vacuuming now Yeah Hang in there Thanks Ray Ray Tonight on TVNZ2 8pm It's Stand Up Aotearoa

It's a two hour TV show It's a whole lot of comedy And the crowd is made up of emergency and essential workers that worked through the COVID-19 lockdown. So they need a bit of relief. And people from Countdown. Will people from Countdown be there?

Well, they're essential workers. They were essential. Good. They were on the front line. They helped me get my biscuits. Yeah. They had to answer the 1,000th. Got any flour?

Yeah. For the day. One of the comedians taking the stage, Melissa. Oh, hey. Come on. Mal Braysell. That is rude. Mal Braysell.

You were actually called Melissa for three days. I was. You're Melanie. The reason I'm bringing it up. Someone called you Melissa once, and I just watched you sit there and take it. I feel like I've taken it because a lot of people just call me Mal. So I think people are just taking a punt they're like probably one or the other

yeah yeah yeah yes I was Melissa for three days my parents were tossing up between Melissa and Melanie and then they ultimately decided that Melissa sounded angrier to yell and I guess they they assumed they'd be yelling at me a lot from birth

ah but it's also the hiss the Melissa it's like I assume they'd be yelling at me a lot from birth. There's a harder sound than a knee. But it's also the hiss, the Melissa. It's like... It's good to yell, though. I feel like the extra syllable softens it. Melanie. Yeah, totally.

You'd already forgotten what he's yelling at me about. It's a slow rolling in. He's like, how can I still be mad after that popped out? So how was this when you performed to, who was in the crowd? You've got your. Your supermarket workers. Yeah, I think nurses. Yeah.

I'm just guessing as well. I didn't personally survey the audience. You didn't take a, do around the room. They just gave away free tickets, right? So we don't actually know who exactly turned up, I don't think. But can you spot a doctor? Um, I don't know. I just assumed. They do, they wear like

checkered shirts and chinos and stuff and tuck them in. Being very stereotypical. You're just assuming when you go to your GP that's how they dress. Well, I don't ever see my doctor in track pants. Fair enough. I wasn't analysing the crowd's pants during my performance.

No, no, I don't think I would spot a doctor. Would you trust a doctor in track pants if I walked in? No. I don't think you would. What about cargo pants? You know, he's got lots of things ready to go. Yeah. And he gets out a spatula out of his leg pocket.

Yeah, yeah. What is he putting there? Not in my mouth. I've got a swab here somewhere. Oh, it's a back pocket. I've been sitting on it. No, no, that's all good to go. Open up.

No. No. So who else was in? How long did this take to film versus how much of it's going to be on telly? I don't really know. I don't even know if I'll be in it. They might have cut me out. This is going to be brutal. They're like, go out and promote it, please know if I'll be in it. They might have cut me out. Brutal.

They're like, go out and promote it, please. Okay. Am I in it? Who knows? You'll have to watch to see. It was very fun. I was very stressed because I brought in some fake eyelashes and they put them on the wrong eyes. And I only realised later on that I had these eyelashes that were pointing quite weirdly.

But I don't think you could tell. Wait, so you had the longest part of the lash on the inside and then the tiny bits on the outside. I know. I feel like you're the only one really feeling my pain on this one. I had never thought about the fact that your eyelashes are different. Yeah. At different parts of the eye.

You can feel like it's poking you in the eye every time. They're supposed to sort of fan out, so you look like a cat eye sort of thing. Right is great this is great that's enough of a selling point for me to watch like this spot to see my eyelashes are on the wrong eye watching it in 4k you wait for a close-up you're like and pause yes yes yes yes yes i see it i see it um so what what other new zealand comedians are on the lineup ohup? Oh, your classics, you know. Your Paul Legos, your Ben Hurley. You've got your, I mean, you've got your sort of younger ones. You've got your Chris Parker.

Yeah. Your Eli Mathewson. You look like you're looking at a list. I feel like you already know. Yeah, I know. That was a test. I wanted to test you. You missed out Ursula Carlson.

Yeah, I mean, she's hosting it. Paul Ego, Ben Hurley. Yeah. You named those. Yeah. Yeah. Great. I looked at the ad.

The ad came on TV and they were listing a whole bunch of names and I was only under and many more. I was like waiting for me. Oh, I'm just the many more. That could have just been one version of the ad. There could be one ad that's just all about me. Yeah. Melanie Bracewell and many more.

Yeah. Have a slightly different tack here But you've been dressing up as Jacinda a bit more Yeah And you actually You put up a video of you But I'm meeting with fans And in comes the Prime Minister

Did she say Hey dress up as me I'm going to come and see you And you're like Yes ma'am Oh wow Just a crazy insane coincidence That I was just walking along dressed as her.

No, she did this little debate in Mount Albert. They do it every year. It's like a comedy debate and they get comedians on to like battle, I guess. Right, right. With the electorates, you know. Yeah. And they asked me to introduce the debate. Essentially, I had to go out as Jacinda and they'll be like, here's what Jacinda Ardern

and I would mediate and then she came and sort of stormed me off stage. Right. So in that little waiting area, I was like, well it's quite weird because it was the first time I'd actually met her, you know, and she's like quite renowned and I had to be like, nice to meet you, do you want to do a TikTok?

Because I looked at it and I was like, like, is she nervous? She seems like she's a bit like, oh my God, it's Jacinda. I just said, I'm going to treat you like a fan. Is that okay? And she was like, yeah, that's great. And she was like, beautiful acting. She looked like she was genuinely very stoked for being me.

It's very exciting. Can we do a TikTok? Wow, brilliant. How many views has that got? Oh, a couple million, I feel like, on TikTok. It's gone great cuts. She is genuinely the formula to TikTok success. If she appears in your TikTok anywhere,

even if she's literally just like 50 metres away in the background, people are like, oh, God. People from other countries don't realise how kind of almost easy it is to meet the Prime Minister. I wouldn't say easy, but, you know, like, she'll probably be around. Other countries don't realise how kind of almost easy it is to meet the Prime Minister because it's so small. I wouldn't say easy, but, you know, like, she'll probably be around. She's also campaigning for an election. Yeah.

Are you the country's go-to? Because you think about throughout time, when the Prime Minister, they needed someone to do the impressions. There was a little bit of tension because Laura Daniel was there as well and she's also been known to do impersonations as well. So we did have to fight to the death. So she hasn't survived. I haven't seen

Laura Daniel recently. All those seven sharp pieces she did were recorded back in the day. Yeah. Exactly. I just run and repeat something. She's dead now.

We can watch it tonight on TVNZ2 at 8pm made with the support of NZ On Air. It's a stand-up Eoteroa. Malbrace, thanks so watch it tonight on TVNZ2 at 8pm, made with the support of NZ On Air. It's a stand-up Aotearoa. Malbrace, well, thanks so much for coming on. It's been a pleasure, guys.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Fact of the day It's all thanks to Save My Bacon A safe place to borrow money online Today at 12 There'll be a question about the fact of the day And then at 4 each time $500 up for grabs

We've got 50k to give away Today's fact of the day is about the earliest Sort of example of hacking And then at four each time, $500 up for grabs. We've got 50K to give away. Today's fact of the day is about the earliest sort of example of hacking. Oh, okay. And it came free in a box of cereal. What? Cap'n Crunch. I've never had Cap'n Crunch.

Is it like Corn Flakes? I don't know what Cap'n Crunch is. I think, isn't that what they call? I'm very familiar with Cap'n Crunch just because it's often mentioned in movies and American TV shows. And I know it's a cereal and it was the pirate guy. There's one that Cotton Candy Cap'n Crunch looks like. What? Fruit Loops. Okay, so is it?

Oh, no, they're kind of like. And then there's all different ones. What's the original? Yeah, no, they're more like a big chunky wheaty. Okay. Biscuity. A big wheaty. Probably started out with the best of intentions and then America, you know?

Yeah, true. Was just like, oh, it's mostly wheat. It's a good little bit of carbohydrates to start the day for the kids. Use a cap then to sell it. Okay. Now the kids want all of the colors of the rainbow made with chemicals and a ton more sugar. Okay. We'll do that.

So in the 60s and 70s, a little whistle came in the box. Okay. It was to be like a boat swains whistle. Now, this is a whistle that would be on a ship, and you would blow it, and different toots on the little horn. It was always high-pitched, so it got through the noise of a ship. Okay. So that everyone could hear it. You know, the hoot all aboard on a train. It was always high-pitched, so it got through the noise of a ship. Okay. So that everyone could hear it.

You know, the hoot all aboard on a train. It was like that, but for a boat, three little toot-toot-toots might mean something different. And he's a captain. He's a captain crunch. He's a captain.

So he's a captain. He would be on a ship, so the boat swain's whistle came. Now, it blew at exactly 2,600 hertz. Now, that's a frequency. Right. I've got a sound to play. Oh, I don't know. I know. Turn it blew at exactly 2600 hertz. Now that's a frequency. Right. I've got a sound to play. Oh, I don't know. I know. Turn it right down. Why are you doing this? Well, no, because this is, I wanted everyone to know

what 2600 hertz is. Oh, can you even hear that? Can you hear that? Because I didn't think like older people could hear high and pitch noises. Oh, I very much could hear it. Well, that's good. These old ears have heard a lot of things. Some of them wish they could forget the call of the sea,

but I can still hear 2,600 hertz. Okay. So the whistle blew at exactly 2,600 hertz. Right. And a man worked out, his name was Mr. Draper, John Draper. He worked out that blowing name was Mr. Draper, John Draper. He worked out that blowing that into a phone, you could get free long distance calling.

What? Because that was the- I was like, how were people hacking in the 60s and 70s? Phones. Wow, okay. Phones. Here he is himself explaining that all he had to do was pretty much whatever number he wanted to call, he just had to blow that amount of times.

He's even still got his original whistle. That's what he'd do. A little ka-ching sound on the phone. And then if I wanted to call New York Information, I'd go... 2-1-2. 5. 5 5 5 1212

Wow And then the phone would just be like Ah put the call through It would connect it For free Because that was the tone That It

When you made a long distance call He'd pick it up from a payphone Yeah But that was the tone that when you made a long-distance call, he'd pick it up from a payphone. But that was the tone that would be made by a landline if you were at home doing it. And then, of course, the long-distance calls would just get charged to your landline. But he was on a payphone and he hadn't paid for it, so he worked out that that was the hurts,

the frequency that let it know that you were all good to make the call. And so he could call anybody for free. And it all came free in a box of cereal. That's crazy. So today's fact of the day is the first example of hacking was made possible by a free whistle that came in a box of Cap'n Crunch.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We'd love to talk about the worst present you've ever received now because Prince William has admitted himself that this was a terrible present he bought for Kate Middleton. So he has admitted that he once bought her a pair of binoculars and he said, she's never let me forget it. So he did specify it was early on, this is his words,

early on in the courtship that was. I'll tell you what, I think I sealed the deal. She fell for me at that point. But he tried to convince her because she was like, these are binoculars. And he was like, yeah, but look how far you can see. Yes, yes, yes. And he said he wrapped them up really nice.

Yes. Okay, no one wants. Everybody's got to have a good pair of knocks. You should have a good pair of binoculars. You're in an elevated apartment. You could see people coming. No, no one wants. Everybody's got to have a good pair of nocks. You should have a good pair of binoculars. You're in an elevated apartment. You could see people coming. No, that's creepy. What you're up to.

I don't have, but that's something everyone that comes over is like, you should get binoculars or a telescope. That's creepy. You're just going to look into other apartments. I know, it is. I've actually lived opposite you in those other apartments. I would not like to be in there. Yeah, because how often do you pull the,

did you pull the curtains? You'd see, you'd see some things. Oh, you'd see, you do. You see naked people. You see people having arguments. Well, I tell you what, you're not seeing them close enough because you don't have a good pair of knocks.

Get binoculars. Yeah. Right, but it's not an early courtship gift. It's not a sexy present. It would have been, I'd love to see them. I bet they were bloody lovely. They did up a nice pair of binoculars on that show I love on Friday nights, The Repair Show.

It was a World War II set of an ox. You are an 80-year-old. Don't call them nocks to try and make it sound cool. But a binocular. You're like an 80-year-old man in a 30-something body. I just love that show. Those binoculars are so good. They belong to a German submarine captain.

Oh, really? Right. When they caught them, he's like, oh, take those, governor. Right. How would Sade react, your wife, if you got her a pair of binoculars as a present for her birthday? Well, she'd see through it as I've just bought myself something. Yeah.

I was going to say, that's an example of a bad gift giver. You're just giving someone something you like rather than worrying about what they are actually into. Like when Homer got Marge a bowling ball on The Simpsons. Am I making that up? That happened, eh? No, I think so. I think so, yeah.

It's a classic Simpsons episode. So we want to open up the phone lines now and ask you the worst gift a partner has got you. Just proving that they don't know you at all or getting themselves something. Maybe it was early on in the relationship and like looking back now, like the binoculars for Prince William

and Kate, you can laugh. Or maybe it was like late in the relationship, a present, and you're like, do you even know me? That's worse. Way worse. Early on you can pretend to be happy about it. Yeah.

Okay, so give us a call. And then everyone's got a pair of binoculars. 0800-DARLS.M You can text 9696. What is the worst present a partner has ever got you? Guys, you should probably pay attention to this segment. Prince William's revealed the worst present he ever got Kate Middleton. It was early on in the relationship and it was binoculars.

She was not impressed. We're asking about the worst present a partner ever got you and it is mostly the guys here that are misfiring, isn't it? If we're honest. No, it's because the guys are too scared to call in and say they got a bad present. They'll get torn to shreds. Rihanna, what was the worst present a partner got you? Hi, well when I turned 18, my partner at the time bought me a set of doilies for my bedside tables.

Oh, my God. It will stop your drinks leaving rings on the wall. Doilies? I had no idea what was going through his mind. I didn't even know how to react. It was one of those, oh, thanks. He would have gone to Nana for advice. He said, she's turning 18, Nana.

Let me know the ways of the woman. And she would have said, get her some doilies. Rihanna, thanks. You're cool. Gemma, the worst present a partner got you. Are you talking to me now? Yes. Yeah.

Hi. Okay, hi. Hi. He got me a beach towel and boxing DVD set. He was so excited and couldn't wait till the next day to make me open it. And then when I opened it and looked at it, I just said to him, why did you get this? I don't like boxing or wrestling or anything like that.

And he goes, it's not boxing. And I pointed out at the top, it says boxing DVD collection. And then he goes, it's a good movie. I got it because I wanted to watch it. Let's put it on. Oh, no. And was the beach towel, at least, was the beach towel okay? It was actually not too bad after it had been washed about 20 times.

You have to give them a hot fluff up, don't you, the old towel? Yep. I thought he'd brought a stained one or something. Yeah. Yeah. These shells are not so good. Yeah, brilliant. Gemma, thank you.

Keep your texts coming in, 9696. 0800GYLZ. So many stories coming through. We'll get to those next. We're talking about the worst present you've ever received

from your partner because Prince William gave Kate binoculars. Sammy, what's yours? So my first Christmas together with my partner, he gave me a car cleaning kit. Oh. Oh, sexy.

Wow. He's like, when you're doing mine, doing yours, do mine too. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, we're into our cars. So we say, oh, you know, like, I'll give her that. My parents did pre-warn me. Like, he was wrecking my gift the night before. My parents kind of sat me down and was like, look, like,

your gift, it's not amazing. Yeah, so I was pre-warned, you know. Wow. Okay, they were managing her expectations there. Yeah. Good, wow. All right, Sammy, thanks for your call. Rebecca, the worst present our partner got you?

I got them three solar lights for my birthday this year. What, like garden path lights? Yeah, garden lights. The worst part is that my birthday is Valentine's Day and we'd just found out that morning that we were having another baby. And you got some solar lights. Well, you wouldn't want to be pregnant tripping down a dark path. No, exactly.

Well, that's true. Was there some kind of cute card like you light up my life or something? No, it was just, oh, I got you these. They're on the table there. Right. Got you these, they're on the table there. Right, it was something that you just needed anyway. Well, yeah, I actually had said to him about a week prior,

oh, I really want to get some little garden lights for this. Oh, no, Rebecca. No, no, no. That's what I'm complaining about then. You go on your ass for. You never ask for anything like frivolous or stupid before your birthday because they'll get it for you. I bet Kate Middleton said to William,

I'm having trouble seeing things on that hill over there. So you're saying it's her fault, basically. Yeah, she invited the binoculars. Hey, thanks for your call, Rebecca. Sophie, what was the worst present a partner got you? My partner knew that I liked candles, so he got me those fake LED kind of ones. Oh, no, yuck.

Wow, you're a purist. It's a candle without. Oh, no, yuck. Wow. You're a purist. It's a candle without the danger of burning your house down. Yeah, so they were all like, they had remotes, and they went all different colours. It was about 12 of them. Tacky. No, I like it.

But they don't smell like vanilla and sandalwood, do they? No, they're like, these will never burn out. Yeah. Yeah, terrible gift card. They have a remote, guys. Sophie, thanks for your call. Jodie, what's the worst present you ever got? So I got a leaf blower vac.

Jodie, I'll stop you there. We're taking calls on the worst present ever, not the best present you could possibly ever receive. Yeah, totally the best present. So was it just something he wanted? No, well, I permanently accidentally borrowed one off my dad and he broke it and tried to fix it, gave up, so he thought he'd buy me one for Christmas one year.

Okay, right. But yeah, didn't go down well, obviously. Jodie, thanks you for... Some other text messages on things people got that they consider the worst gifts. I was eight and a half months pregnant. At Christmas time, my partner got me $5 earrings that said, no more fries.

No more fries. Okay. What are you trying to say? Yeah. I got a fish tank. It was a big ass fish tank. We talked about fish tanks. I said, I don't want one of those in the house.

And then when his mate said, what are you getting him for her birthday? He said, I'm going to get her a fish tank. And his mate said, I thought she said she didn't like fish tanks. Yet, still went ahead with the fish tank. Even the mate knew. Yeah. My boyfriend forgot my birthday. He printed me off a strand bag 20% off voucher that he got an email.

So he literally printed off the little, every single person that is on their mailing list gets one. Right. Yeah. And she still had to pay. Uh-huh. I got my wife a beer fridge for her birthday. To be fair, she said she was sick of my beer taking up all the room in the fridge.

That sounds like a great gift. That totally works it out. I got a sun visor for my car. It had a mirror in it. He was so proud of himself. I got a 10-pin bowling ball with my initials. We've never been bowling. So there you go. That happened. What?

In real life. My husband bought me a set of three microwavable bowls. Wow. I got given a book called Speed Cleaning. How to Clean Your House in 15 Minutes. Oh, no. But she might have been like, it takes me forever to clean this house. And then he's in the bookstore and he's like, huh?

Guys are very like, you're theoretical about it. You're like, here's a problem. I can solve it With a present But this is not What you should do No no no No Alright it's four minutes

Away from nine The top six is coming up The top six things Not to say to a lotto retailer Ahead of the Thirty million dollar Lotto draw This week

And they're going to be Hearing it all On a day Six things They're not bothered with