ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 30th September 2021

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

3/5 are Minimalists  Top 6: Airlines  Food Textures  Community Notices!  Jimmy Carr!  Augusts Diss-track  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Mick Cafe, barista made coffee available from drive-thru and Mick delivery at level 3 and also dine-in at level 2. Dad's Corner, Dad's Corner. It's where your dads tell you what to do and how to do it. Welcome to Dad's Corner.

We have two very strict dads in our life. My two dads. Well, they're sensible dads. We've got great life advice. Yeah. Executive Intern Anya came to her two dads this morning for some painting advice. You're painting a brown feature wall. I am.

This weekend. Well, it's probably not going to be the last weekend of lockdown, is it? Let's be real She's not painting the feature wall brown She's painting over the brown feature wall Just to clarify Some people have hideous taste don't they Describe the brown to me

I grew up in primarily a brown house It was the 80s Makona granule brown Yep that's pretty close Makona dust brown So it's a feature wall But it features over More than one wall

It's kind of like a third of the room Oh god How long ago would this have been painted, at a guess? I would say within the last six years Okay What room is it? The lounge But it stretches into the kitchen Oh, what's on the wall? It's not your TV wall? No Got a door in it? The lounge. What's on the wall? What's on the wall?

It's not your TV wall? No. Got a door in it? Yep, lots of doors. I've got cabinets. I've got a large clock I'm going to have to move. It's going to be a nightmare. Okay. Cabinets are going to need to come off the wall. I did give you some masking, some painter's masking tape you could

mask around the cabinets. You very kindly pimped me out with everything I need. Thank you very much. It's an absolute pleasure. But we were talking about what you need to do before you paint. Surface preparation is a big bit. Yeah, there's a lot of advice floating around. The sanding.

You've got to clean the wall. Maybe some sugar, soap, water, whatever they call it. But you don't need to sand. I've always found you don't need to sand it unless it's a really shiny paint and you need to rough it up So it'll stick a bit Yeah Or if it's

You need to flatten it Smooth it out before Does she need a primer Because you're going white Over brown Yep She's got a good fit primer She's got a primer

See mum knows too Mum knows And also She was just going to put Any old white on a white wall And that's not what you do You've got to match the white But I figure if we close it

We're heading more in the same direction. No, see, I learned this and I've got a beam in my house that's a different white and it fucks me up. Only you notice. Every time I see it. Let me tell you, only you notice.

I know, but I notice. I notice the beam. I would say paint colours are part of the more stressful part about renovating. What do you think of this white? I was like, well, that's the same white you've just shown me.

No, you were looking at half cream egg. Now you're looking at quarter cream egg. I can't tell the difference between a fucking quarter of a cream egg, obviously. Jesus Christ. Now we're looking at Arctic blue, but it's white. I know, but this is what blue looks like in Antarctica. Why does blue look white in Antarctica or vice versa? This one's got a green undertone to it. The fuck it does. It's white.

And I told Anna about the people at the paint store, like Mitre 10 or Bunnings. They've got that machine that finds out exactly what colour your wall is. You just take a bit of your wall in or whatever you're painting. I didn't know that they mixed all the paint. What is weirder is they can be like, this is Dulux, but we only stock Rosene, but this is the Rosene equivalent.

You're like, how the fuck did you know that was Dulux? No, but they know each other's secret herbs and spices. Yeah, yeah. And then they can replicate it. Well, good luck. Thanks, team. Stressful trip. Take a before and after picture, please.

Okay. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show show Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it what? A good morning, is it? Oh god, is it one of those days?

It's one of those days for Smithy Nah, look, I gave up hope a long time ago, so Ain't nothing gonna break my stride Ain't nothing gonna hold me down Oh no, I've got to keep on moving Some listeners have pointed to the slow decline of Vaughan Smith Over the lockdown Yeah

It's causation Correlation Not causation But I tell you what Reason to get excited today Because at 8 o'clock or 10 past 8 this morning Around then We will be joined on Zoom by

Jimmy Carr. Oh, Jimmy Carr's going to save the day. Jimmy Carr is either going to save the day or roast us so badly we cry. I think it would actually be an honour to be roasted by Jimmy Carr. It would be. You would join the ranks. I hope he does his laugh. I can't do it.

I feel like I haven't done it justice. He's got a book out. I can't do it. It's too early. I feel like I haven't done it justice. Yeah. He's got a book out. So we'll chat to him about that. Before and Laughter. It's sort of autobiographical. Semi-self-help kind of life advice. I don't know.

I read the blurb that were sent by the public. It said he wouldn't say self-help. I wasn't sure if that was like a lie or not. He doesn't strike me as sort of your Tony Robbins type. No. So, yeah, Jimmy Carr on with us just after 8 o'clock this morning. The top six is coming up. Yeah, US Airlines apparently want to band together

to create a sort of across-the-board no-fly list. Well, your things have been getting out of hand with, you know, the mask rules. Spitting and masks and just, you know, Americans. Yeah. You know, the bad ones ruining it for everybody else. And I'd say minority, but it's not. It was a very close last election. So the top six things that would get you banned from all the airlines.

Okay. Do you think this is something we should bring in here? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. Next all the airlines. Okay. Do you think this is something we should bring in here? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Alright, next on the show. Three in five consider themselves to be this. It's always important to ask other people rather than what you consider yourself to be, but hey.

Apparently minimalism is on the way out. It was a style trend for a long time, but there's a recent survey have found that nearly three in five people do describe their home decor as minimalist. I'd say my place is minimalist. Yeah. I would say out of the three of us, you're the most minimalist.

There's less to clean. Yeah, and you don't have kids. You can't be minimalist when you've got kids because they leave their shit everywhere. And then three in ten used the term maximalist,

which would be born. Right. If it was up to me, it would be born. Shrink, it's galore. Impossible to dust around. If you had your own place and you lived alone,

your place would just look like, what would it look like? The 10-inch Mutant Ninja Turtles lair. Yeah, like walking into EB Games. Yeah, pretty much. There's a bed in the middle. That's so often the case with us. You're minimalist,

he's maximalist, and I'm in the middle. It's just like, you're like a really hard bed, you're like a really soft bed, and I'm in the middle. Goldilocks. But in terms of maximalists, they describe themselves as creative and they're more likely

to be satisfied with their lives than minimalists. Also. What? They've not just like looked at like what you decorate your house with.

How does it reflect your mental health? Yeah. And a lot of people say they don't have art on the walls because they're self-conscious about it. Really?

I am. Sade's like, what do you think of this? I'm like, yuck. She's like, you've got no taste. I'm like, my thought is if you're going to put art on the wall, you've got, that's a real this is me. Yeah, you've got to love it, hey? Yeah, yeah, you've got to be sure of it.

It's really hard to pick something. Totally. And then you do find something. It's all really expensive because big stuff, when it's framed, the frame's the most expensive part. Yeah. But I don't buy expensive things because then I can trade it and get into something else once I'm done with it. You like to just photocopy your art.

Yeah. You just go down to Warehouse Stationery, get the biggest size. What's the biggest size you got? Yeah. And then they're like, oh, only A2. You're like, give me two A2s and I'll sellotape them together. Yeah. Also, a lot of people don't use personal photos in their home,

partly because some of them say they don't have any good ones of themselves and also because they're self-conscious about what other people think when they come over. And you know what they look like. Yeah, this is true. My sister and I always. We have so many photos of know what they look like. Yeah, this is true. My sister and I always... We have so many photos of ourselves. You're vain.

Yeah, you're vain. I had this thing with my sister. Her house was covered in photos of her kids. I'm like, you see them every day. Yeah. You don't need them. No. You don't need them.

We've got little photos. How many photos do you have of yourself? And Mr. Toyboy. There's three different rooms where they would have like, so there's our big wedding photo in the lounge. There's that erotic caricature of you two in the hall when you first walk in the door. There's that big nude cartoon.

I mean, it doesn't sound that far-fetched for us, really, does it? No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. that far-fetched for us, really, does it? No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. It's tasteful. Then there's like another five or six in the dining room. Right. And then there's three in the bedroom. Is this just in case you get Alzheimer's and forget what you look like?

Yeah. The other one looks like if they're not home. But like, I'm there most of the time. Might as well just like... I'm just looking at this. You sent through the examples. Well, I wanted to look. I found a website because you said that, what,

three out of five people consider their interior design... Minimalist. Minimalist, the way they decorate their house. Yeah. So I was like, well, what are the different kinds? What is minimalist? And I think that's pretty, I'm definitely a minimalist. Because I don't have a lot of clutter, but I wouldn't think I was minimalist.

You're like a transitional interior design style. Oh, okay. Which is not too cluttered. But not. Oh, wow. Yeah, and a little bit traditional. And then you've got traditional, which is like, you know, your old school leather couches and your classic grandparents kind of parents' house. Yeah, you've got traditional which is like, you know, your old school leather couches and your classic

grandparents kind of parents house. Yeah, you've got to booze your grandparents. And then contemporary just looks like a hotel. Yeah, you can have an eclectic interior design I like the eclectic. Yeah, you're definitely better. That's not for me. And nothing matches you're like, ugh, all these weird

pieces. And then there's like a contemporary interior design, but that's like staying at like a business hotel. Yeah. That just gives you vibes of you staying in a hotel, not a home. It's Scandinavian I quite like. Yeah, you guys are quite Scandi. Bit of Scandi stuff in there. God, I tell you what, when Ikea comes here, we'll all be Scandi.

Yeah, won't we? Asian Zen interior design style. Oh, is there a place to rake the sand? I love doing that. Yep. And the bathroom. But then your sand will get cloggy because it'll get humid. You'd think so, yeah.

Little pebbles. I can rake the little pebbles. Yeah. Oh, okay. I just thought there was going to be like three or four designs. There's heaps. There's so many. Southwestern I like.

That's like you're a cowboy but you've got a bit of money. And barbecues. Yeah, there'd definitely be a barbecue just out of Bohemians. A kind of mid-century's cool. A voice of mid-century was cool. You should be an interior designer. You'd be great at it.

That's the eclectic I like. He's trying to make him feel good. Oh, okay. My thing would be like kid who spent all his Christmas money. Yeah, I know. Poster. Ghostbusters poster. Movie poster, yeah.

Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Well, New Zealand has fallen down a world rankings list. We were all number one and we were quite gloaty at the time. You may remember we were number one on the best places to be during the pandemic list. Oh, I thought we still were like up there. Oh, no, we're number 37 now because of the recent weeks. And the vaccine numbers, right?

And the vaccine numbers. Although vaccine numbers are, I mean, we're getting there. I don't know. Dr. Ashley Bloomfield gave a shout out to Canterbury. You're seeing some of the South Island vax numbers are amazing. Really? Especially for like younger people. Yeah, South Island's I mean, they don't have all the cases do they?

But yeah. What I think they're seeing us go through all this and they're like, we better get vaccinated. Good work. Whereas people in Auckland are like yeah, I still don't know. So go through all this and they're like, we better get vaccinated. Good work. Whereas people in Auckland are like, yeah, I still don't know. So, yeah. Give us strength. 37 and Ireland. In all seriousness, regarding Canterbury,

do you think it's because Canterbury went through the ringer with the earthquakes that they're kind of like, I mean, you can't prepare for an earthquake, right? Any more than having earthquake safe buildings. But I wonder just having been through something. Traumatic. Traumatic. And being like, okay, there's a way to avoid this one.

And we can do it. Maybe. Let's vaccinate so that we don't lose people. I just was trying to think why Canterbury. Maybe. They just know it's got to be done. So you were just a buddy. Pull up your socks and get it done.

Exactly. But it's our Canterbury attitude. Totally. done. So you were just a buddy, pull up your socks and get it done. Exactly. But it's the old Canterbury attitude. Totally. Totally. So Ireland is now number one. And this is interesting because they have quite good vax numbers. I think, is it 90%? Nah. I'm just looking up the, you just said, Vaughan, would you be able to please Google for me

Ireland's vaccination rates? They've administered 7.2 million doses of COVID vaccines. Yeah. Assuming every person needs two doses, that's enough to have vaccinated 72.9% of the country's population. So that includes under 12s, which I know is still not

officially on a lot of countries' vaccination rates. But is the adult rate, is that like 90%? It doesn't say the adult rate. So they've had like 5,000 deaths through the whole thing. And at the moment, like in the last week, I think they're on like about 1,000 cases. Right.

So they've opened up, but they're still dealing with it. But they're beating us. They're beating us. A lot of countries are beating us. Well, their new infection spike was in January. January, they were at about 5,000 new cases a day. Or like the UK and the US are beating us. Like that's wild.

Come on. Who made this list? I dispute. The Economist. Oh no, Bloomberg. What did they take into account? COVID resilience. Vaccination rates.

Yeah, so they take into account a whole lot of things. Lockdowns and freedoms and economy. Oh, okay. So that might count against us because we've had restrictions again. Yeah. Right. Fun times. I'm over it.

At the bottom of this. COVID, go away. I'm sick of this. That's all it took. Someone asking nicely. Please, can you run her off? COVID, please leave us alone. COVID's like.

Okay. Like at the end of Signs when Mel Gibson worked out that the aliens couldn't go in water. That's all it took. I could have used a more modern reference. Hold on. It's like at the end of A Quiet Place where they figured out a high-pitched noise

makes those aliens' ears explode. Oh, spoiler. There you go. Spoiler alert. Next on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six things that'll get you blanket banned from US Airlines. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, show, the top six. Yeah, the top six things that'll get you blanket banned from US Airlines. Blah, blah, blah. Blah,

blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hello there. Delta Airlines. Tell them her name, Gage. Proposed a shared no-fly list for better safety on board. Delta Airlines has banned

1,600 people from flying with them since the government mandated face coverings on flights. Because what, people just refuse to put them on. Yeah. My freedom! My freedom!

I love that seatbelt video that's going around from like the, is it the 80s or 70s? Oh yeah, where a county was saying, oh, we're bringing in mandatory seatbelts. I ain't wearing one of those, my freedom. My freedom. I ain't wearing one of those, my freedom.

My freedom. I ain't wearing that. Matter of fact, my freedom is American. So they banned that many people and they said, it's just going to become another airline's problem. We should work together to put across a list of people who have been banned from our planes and why. So I've got the top six reasons I believe should be enough to get blanket banned from

airline travel. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel. Letting your kids run around because it'll help them burn off some energy. Trust me nuts. As someone with kids, and if it wasn't for kids, I'd be like, my parents would never let us run around and make noise that disturbed other people. A little Timmy would just tucker himself out.

Yeah, let him run up and down screaming. Let him run up and down telling you about every episode of Paw Patrol. Just let him do it. It'll burn off some energy. I'm just going to be back here with my noise cancelling headphones on. Oh my God. Watching something. Number five on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned

from airline travel and this affected me personally. Okay. We were once very lucky enough to be flowing business on an Emirates. Yeah. And my business class seat area,

it's more than a seat. I don't want to say a seat, that downplays it. It was like a mini cabin. Yeah. Was right next to the mini cabin of some very old people. I believe were splashing out on one last

trip. That's how old they were. Yeah. He ordered soup. Oh. And the whole time like Oh how dare he? You paid no money for that seat. I know, no money at all.

And just how can there be any more soup left in the bowl? I can hear the spoon hitting the bowl. Okay. So slurping your soup and banging your spoon on the bowl. Enough of a reason to be blanket banned from airline travel in my books. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel in my books. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel, leaving the toilet in an absolute shambles. Yeah.

Now, shambles takes many forms in an airline toilet. Even sometimes when people wash their hands and then they don't try it, they flick it, and there's just spatterings of water everywhere. I always wipe up afterwards. Me too. I hate the watery residue because you don't really know what it is. Yeah, I hate wiping up, but the thought that I could

walk out and someone could look at me and then walk into the mess I've just left. Horrible. Couldn't do it. We haven't even talked about poos. We haven't even talked about the poo problem. Number three on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel.

Getting up to go to the bathroom behind the drinks trolley and then acting like they should probably just get out of your way and tisking and tutting and then try to climb around it. Yeah. Yeah. I was just, I'm going to climb, I'm going to just climb, I'm going to climb I'm going to clamber over Number two on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel

Trimming your nails on a plane Oh Yeah, grim Who does that? Grim So many people If you follow passengers shaming Which by the way has been a little bit quiet lately

Apart from people refusing to wear masks Because there's not as much commercial airline travel as there was. But, yeah, people are always trimming their nails. Clip, ping. That's so gross. Yeah, even seeing nails on a plane. Yeah. Pretty gross, pretty gross.

And number one on the list of the top six reasons to be blanket banned from airline travel, not crying when you watch Marley and Me at 30,000 feet. Yeah, I've done that. You've done that. That's the altitude. Yeah, exactly. If you don't cry at that altitude, I've done that. You've done that. That's the altitude. Yeah, exactly. If you don't create that altitude,

I don't believe you're capable of human emotion and you shouldn't be allowed to fly. One sad movie in the sky is worth three sad movies on the ground. Yeah, and team that up with two drinks in the air, which is worth a million on the ground and a sad movie. You'd be a mess.

Yeah. You'd be an absolute mess. That is today's top six. CDM's Fletchbond and Megan um now whenever I read a story like this I don't know if this is good or bad

or like childhood trauma or like I don't know but it's bubbling no whenever I read a story like this I'm always like

in the back of my head all I can hear is my mum's voice and it needs a good kick in the ass is that good or bad now that I've shared that. Yeah. I can literally,

or even my dad, that noise. Yeah. The boy needs a kick in the ass. Sometimes they need just, all they need is a kick in the ass. This dude's 18 years old and he reckons he hasn't touched a vegetable since childhood

due to a lifelong aversion to mushy food. So he lives on nuggets. Nuggies. He's 18. He lives on a diet of chicken nuggets and sausage rolls. And he reckons his nugget intake would be 100 a week. Name a mushier food than a chicken nugget or a sausage roll. Those are mushy.

Does he not like a vegetable when it mushes? Well, then just don't steam broccoli. You're overcooking. That's my biggest fear is having a child that would be like that. Well, Executive Intern Arnie, you grew up on nugs, didn't you? I'm very partial to a nug.

Still to this day you love a nug. I do. How many, when you were a kid, how many nugs would you eat a week? Oh, as many as I could. I feel like I used to have probably five a meal, maybe five dinners a week. What are we rocking, a 25-nug operation here? Wow, okay.

Yeah. And that was because you were a fussy eater, right? Oh, yeah. You couldn't eat. So what would your meal be most nights a week growing up? It'd be nuggets or sausages. Yeah. I'd do baby carrots and I'd do cucumber.

And that was pretty much the extent of the vegetable fries. Why wouldn't you do other vegetables? Because of the texture? Yeah, just a bit yuck, really, I think. What are you still avoiding? What are you still actively anti? I still won't do mushrooms. That's probably the biggest one.

Is that the texture thing? Yeah, it's a texture thing. I actively pick them out. What about a shiitake inside a gyoza? Yuck. Oh, really? You can't do that? Really?

I had these dumplings the other day. Mmm. Mushroom. I said to Shada, I was like, what's in these ones? She said, those are the vegetarian ones. Imagine that. Oh, my God. Wow. Vaughan Smith's favorite one was a vegetarian option. Wow. Wow. mushroom I said to Shada I was like what's in these ones she said those are the vegetarian ones imagine that oh my god wow

Vaughan Smith's favourite one was a vegetarian option wow wow but then so and this is what this guy who's gone viral

for eating 100 nugs a week yeah and sausage rolls and that's all he eats it's a texture thing for him he said he's got a fear of the texture of the other foods

mushy vegetables because my best friend doesn't like liquids. You know that, eh? She only drinks wine and water. Like Jesus himself. She doesn't. This includes soup, any kind of sauces, like custards.

Even like if ice cream goes runny, liquids. Blanket ban. Can't do that. And that's because of the texture. Yeah. That is so weird. Crazy. I'm just trying to think if there is a food I don't eat because of the texture,

but nah, I'll eat it all. There was this list. My sister-in-law put it up and it was like, you know. Oh, yeah. How many of these will you eat? Would you eat? Yeah, one point for every one of these you wouldn't eat. Yeah.

And there was like 80 things on the list. My point's zero. I don't think I've ever heard you turn down. Nah, there was only 80 things on the list my points zero there was two things i've ever heard you turn down nah there was only two things on there i hadn't tried and i was like i would definitely try them i'd eat them i'd definitely give them a blast but it's like what are those desserts at yum cha and they're like a re like a bubble and there's ice cream in the middle of them ice cream balls yeah balls Yeah, so those are like Those have got a weird texture

Indy, my daughter Because we go to Yumshare quite a bit R.I.P. Yumshare at the moment But yeah, they're balls of ice cream But they're coated in Like a It's rice flour It's rice, yeah

And it's a weird It's so Me and August love it Every part of it's rice flour yeah and it's a weird it's so me and August love it every part of it but Indy just wants the ice cream she doesn't want

the weird skin on top yeah cause some people don't like that and some people don't like custard squares cause of the custard give it all I'll have it

we wanted to ask this morning 0800 dials at M if you're listening 9696 text in is there a weird food texture that you cannot

deal with? You just can't eat something because of the texture. I love everything, mate. Or maybe you just couldn't even pick it up or touch it. Yeah. Because of the food texture. So a UK man is living on 100 nugs a week and sausage rolls. Doesn't touch vegetables.

He said he doesn't like the texture of a lot of foods, but he can handle sausage rolls and nugs. Nuggies? Which I would have thought, nugs have a weird texture, don't they? They're mushy. Yeah, he sat down and was on a UK show, Extreme Food Phobics. He

sat down with Dr. Ranj, who's a very good looking man, and talked about his diet. And he said, yeah, you're putting yourself at risk. You are having 500 grams of saturated fat a week. Oh, wow. Okay.

Jenna, what's the food texture that you just cannot stomach? Morena, I don't do shrimp or prawns at all. As soon as you bite into them, you can feel that gelatinous lump in your mouth. Oh, but I love that. I'm all about a gelatinous lump in my mouth. And sometimes they pop.

Yeah. It's revolting. What about other things that are that kind of texture? You know, like when bubble tea became a thing. Oh my god, bubble tea is so good. I'm kind of with you. I can do a bubble tea became a thing. Oh, my God. Bubble tea is so good. I shan't. Oh, my God.

Actually, I'm kind of with you. Like, I can do a bubble tea, but I just find it weird having those lumps in a drink. Yeah, it's the sweetness for me. We just get zero sweetness. So then, like, you have to bite those lumps of, like, weird jelly. And it's just like, oh. It's the shooting up the straw that freaks me out. I love that.

They're going to choke on them. You're like. Jenna, thanks. You're cool. A lad's been on UK TV this week, and he eats only chicken nuggets and sausage rolls. He's got a texture issue. And the doctor told him he is going to die if he continues to do that.

I'd say of scurvy. He doesn't eat vegetables. Nothing. Yeah, we're asking what food texture do you hate. Jono, what's yours? Mine is the really chewy bit of meat. I just cannot do it. Do you have to spit it out?

I cut off like half a centimetre towards the edge or middle. It sounds like someone's overcooking the meat. Yeah, do you think mum or dad's overcooking the meat, Jono? Um, nah, because she normally does it in the slow cooker or the pot. Oh, it sounds like you do it.

I was just calling Oranga Tamariki about that, actually. It sounds like it's a bit of gristle, though, doesn't it? Or a bit of... Why are they giving you the bit with gristle on it doesn't it? Or a bit of Why are they giving you the bit with gristle on it, Jono? Mum and Dad get the best bits. Yeah, of course they do. Jono, thanks for your call. We've got Michelle.

What seafood texture you can't handle? Potato. Hey, bitch! Sorry. Well, at every fall. That was just what you would have said was just a reflex reaction.

What about like chips? No, I can't. And like, even as a baby, I could never be fed potatoes. I'd have to like, they'd have to give me a special meal if they're having potatoes or send me into another room apparently. What about, same with kumara as well? No, I'll do kumara as a potato. Potato is grainier.

Mashed potato makes me sick. Wow. I understand mashed potato, but like, crisp. They're crunchy. Yeah, what about potato chips? No, none. Absolutely none. The thought of it is just, I can't do it.

Oh my God, Michelle, that's amazing. I feel so sad for you. It doesn't even interest me to even go near them, eh? Do you have to spend a lot of your life explaining to people why you can't eat any kind of potato or chips? Ah, yep.

You're getting a combo. What do you opt the chips out for? Well well i don't normally go because i just yeah it's a waste because i want the chips you feel like yeah the big potato is pushing it on you yeah do you know what that's probably a great thing isn't it that you don't know so many of my so many of my calories are potato potato based yeah michelle amazing thank you for sharing matt what food texture do you hate? Jelly. I can't eat jelly. It's been probably for 21 years since I ate jelly last.

But, Matt, when you've got a big spoon load of jelly and you put your lips up to it, you go, and it goes straight in. Nothing beats it. Yeah, it just comes out. I just puke instantly. Oh, wow. What about you're at the Outback and there's jelly shots going around? You can't do those? No, I can't do any of that. Can't even watch jelly wrestling. Oh, now we've suffered.

Yeah, we've suffered across the real pain. Amazing. Matt, thanks for your call. Some text messages in. Bananas, too slimy. Oh, yeah. Onions, raw, cooked, any of it. I'm 32.

Hate, hate, hate onions. I used to have my mum put on school camp forms that I was allergic to onions, so I got separate meals. I even sifted chunky onion bits out of a classic reduced cream and onion soup mix tip. You're probably one of those people on a long haul flight that would get your meal first because you put you a special. Yeah. Sometimes I want to just say I'm special to get it first. I know, same.

So why do we have to wait? Soggy bread. People who dip bread straight into soup or have bread with something the minute bread goes soggy. My son can't stand pasta, which would be the only kid in the world that doesn't want to live exclusively on pasta.

He hasn't been able to look at it, let alone eat it. He's 13 now and we have a pasta dish for dinner, I tell him, to make himself some toast because there are three other children who love pasta, so he is wildly outnumbered. Alright, 7 o'clock, we'll give you a news update next.

We'll delve into the latest weird and wonderful community notices that have been doing the round. And there's also a scam going around that we need to warn you about. ZM's Fleshborn and Megan. Play ZM. Fleshborn and Megan's Community Notices. Hello there. And welcome to Community Notices,

a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand. New Zealand? According to local Facebook pages. Yeah, your segment too. You send these in to us, so if you see something pop up on your local community page, screenshot it, send it to us, FVMZM, on our socials. Yeah.

From the Kapiti Coast community page. Yeah. Screenshot it. Send it to us, FVMZM, on our socials. Yeah. From the Cuppity Coast community page, there's a photo of a car and it's from the passenger side and there's a fake skeleton

in the passenger seat. Okay. It's not Halloween yet. It's not even the month of Halloween yet. Is somebody trying to use the T2 lane? I think so.

I think so. To the person that left this in the car, you know who you are. The dog and I lost a few moments of our life that we'll never get back. Mission accomplished, I'm sure. Thanks for the giggle afterwards. But yeah, terrifying. They were walking along the road. They look up and there's a skeleton staring at them from inside.

Good. We have had multiple reports of this community notice. Okay. For sale, a very rare Elvis Presley hair necklace. Hair what? Let me show you what this looks like. A hair necklace. Elvis Presley hair necklace.

So that looks like it's got hair coming out of like, what, a stone or a globule of... It looks like a globule of... Dried glue or resin? Dried glue from a hot glue gun or something. Right? That's what it looks like. And that's actually Elvis' hair. One of a kind. Elvis Presley hair-filled necklace was collected by my grandfather

when Elvis visited New Zealand in 1972 for his world tour. He happened to have a haircut before his performance in Auckland. My granddad collected some of the hair afterwards. Necklace details. Necklace taken to a jeweler to be crusted with opal-infused resin. That's what happened with a handful of Elvis's hair. It looks like something your kid brings back from school and they're like, look what I made, Mom and Dad.

And you're like, oh, that's good, Timmy. The string that it's on is formed from Scandinavian Alp yak hair woven to be a necklace string. Creepy. But then you'd have Elvis's DNA. Yeah, you could make your own Elvis. And everyone else's hair that was on the floor of the salon at the time. It does look a little bit like a ball.

Yeah, hairy ball. A hairy, translucent ball. It's gross. I want no part of it. And the worst part is They're selling this family treasure For $50 $50

That's not enough for the family Oh no Grandad had it from 1972 Yeah and that's also You're giving away Elvis' DNA Surely you'd list that on eBay in America Yeah Make the most

Get to the biggest audience you can I mean that would even grab international headlines, right? And then someone's going to spend insane amounts of money on it. This from the Taumutu Regional Community Grapevine. Alicia writes, there's a black SUV driving around taking people's

garden ornaments. The woman driving with a man that jumps out and grabs them. I've just helped myself to mum's gargoyle. Oh. Mum had a gargoyle. Mum worked hard for that gargoy helped myself to Mum's gargoyle. Oh. I've had a gargoyle. Mum worked hard for that gargoyle. Loved a gargoyle. And it's not the only report.

Sharon. Oh. With an O. Of course it's an O. She lives in Te Amutu. Okay, Sharon. Just realised two concrete elephant statues have been stolen from her back door.

Must have been more than one person as they're heavy and very awkward to carry. The Te Amutu gargoyle thief strikes again, this time branching out to concrete pachyderms. Is there a black market for these garden statues? I don't know. From the Marlborough Cool Cat Chat. Someone's put up a lovely photo of Seymour Square in full bloom.

The flowers are blooming. It's a beautiful time of the year. And Seymour Square, what are you laughing about? Oh, I just know that square. Oh, do you? Yeah. It's famous, isn't it? Yeah.

In Blenheim. Well, Jen knows it too because Jen comments, oh, heart emoji, I shagged a guy on the picnic table after the beer fest in Seymour Square. Ah, the memories. Wow. And somebody said, Ooh, yuck, I always recommend that table for people to have a picnic on when they're visiting Blenheim.

Yeah. I'm sure it's been wiped down since. Has it? Oh, it's been raining at some point. Now, I'm worried that that was somebody's memory of Seymour Square. What's your memory of Seymour Square, Fletch? I'm looking at you, not me. Although she's from the area, she could have been.

Yeah, Megan's probably. I don't have an illicit memory of Seymour Square. Just like biking through it when it was in full bloom. Oh, you too, eh, Fletch? Yep, absolutely. You too. Is there a story? No, I don't have a story.

That makes it sound like I do have a story. No, I don't. I just know of it. From West Mountain Community page, Jackie writes, Hey, looking to do a house upgrade to sealed LED lights into existing downlight positions. We require an unvaccinated electrician, please. There are 30

odd lights. Because, you know, these people, they'll bring the bloody vaccine into your house. And then, you know, even if the vaccine was as transmissible as the disease is designed to stop or stop the spread of or save you from or stop our health system getting clogged up by, oh, she doesn't want that in the house.

Someone said, I'm a local electrician. I'd be more than happy to help out. But why may I ask you after an unvaccinated person? You'll have to ask my husband about the vaccine thing, says Jackie. Oh, no. And finally from the UCSA notice

board, Charlie Jade. Charlie with a Y hyphen Jade. So, Charlie Jade? Yep. First name. Who the F left their sack of beans on level three of the library? And there's a photo of a computer desk with a zip slide bag of baked beans. Just left on the... Wow.

Okay. And then they bought... Planning on eating those? They bought the most economical amount of beans, which is the biggest can possible. But then, of course, you can't haul a big can of beans around. No. You'd be making a big mess. So then they've taken it upon themselves to have a bean bag,

and they put the beans into their resealable bag and take them with them should they need sustenance, but they've lost their beans. Oh, no. So if you've lost your beans. No one's owning up to that. Third floor of the library at the University of Canterbury. Go get your beans. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, No one's owning up to that. Third floor of the library at the University of Canterbury.

Go get your beans. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours, FEMZM on Facebook. A lot of people doing online shopping. Online shopping numbers through the roof, especially for Aucklanders, obviously level three. But there is something you need to be aware of,

and this is with Two Degrees, Spark and Vodafone. They are receiving messages from fraudsters in a campaign that they are calling significant. So all networks, people on all networks getting these texts. So this scam is they send you a message and there is a couple of example messages. One might just say, your shipment is about to be delivered. Track your shipment at a link.

Another one could say, welcome, your item was delivered on date to our drop-off street. More information about your pickup here. So they seem pretty innocent. But then they send you, so if you click the link, it sends you to a place where they're asking you to download an app. They're claiming to be from like a courier company. Okay. And if you download the app, they're suspecting it's a piece of malware called FluBot. And obviously it's not good for your phone.

Right. So that gets onto your phone, gets all your details. Gets your details. And a lot of these scams as well are asking, a lot of the courier ones are like, hey, it's just going to cost $4 to clear customs. Just give us your credit card. That's another one going around at the moment. Here, just click here, $3, put in your details. Don't do that.

The thing is, even people that wouldn't normally fall for a scam, if you've ordered 20 things online and you're flustered and you're having a busy day, you're like, oh, I need that click. So I know about the one to like, don't pay $3 to a random place to release your package. That's not legit. But looking at these messages, I probably would have clicked it. It says your shipment is about to be delivered. Track your shipment here.

Wow. Somebody that clicked it? Did you click it? No. Executive Intern Ani, you received how many of these texts? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Whoa. And all from different numbers.

Yeah, and they all kind of vary slightly. Like it started early yesterday afternoon and they were like, hi there, did you get your delivery with the links? Yeah. And then in the evening it turned into your package has a failed delivery. And then this morning's ones are arriving early. The package will be delivered today. What happens if you ring the number they came from?

They'll probably scam me a million dollars. If you ring them, they won't be able to do anything if you rung them, would they? No, apparently they want you to download an app. Yeah, but I think they just use burner numbers from computers. But is it burner numbers? Because remember there was a case of people started calling these numbers back and they were actual people's numbers. And people were like, I'm sorry, I've got no idea what you're talking about.

But it's just like, yeah, it made it look like. Oh, okay, wow. These look like Australian numbers, plus 6-1. Because they come from different numbers each time. I got one maybe earlier this week or end of last week. And I was like, oh, just ignore it. These are all 021s and 027s. Really?

Let's ring one. Ring one of them. Yeah, well, works. Ring one and put it through. Not on your phone. Ring on the work one. Okay, yeah, that's a better idea. Oh, yeah, that's a bit mean.

Don't ring on your phone. Okay, okay, all right. You're going to have to pay for the call. All right, hang on. Which one are you ringing? Should I ring the most recent or the latest? Ring the most recent. The most recent.

Yeah. What are you going to say? What did they say in the text? Your packages? The most recent one is arriving early. The package will be delivered today. Track and then the link. Okay, I'm going to say I'm ringing about my package

if someone does answer, but no one's going to answer. It's just going to be... I reckon we'll just go through or it won't be a number. It'll just go doot, doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot, doot. Okay, hang on. We're just putting the call through and I'll put it on here. Just let us know when we can take over the call.

You should be able to do it now. Does it not even connect? No, it's not even connecting, is it? Oh, Jay. So it's like a fake number. Yeah. Oh, that's, how do they do that though? Bloody scammers.

I don't know. Well, yeah, just don't. They're suggesting the best thing to do is if you have ordered something, ring the actual company and double check. And you get a link from the place you've ordered from, right? Yeah. Usually on their email. Yeah, exactly.

Someone messaged in, my nana got 47 phone calls and one number called 11 times and they kept saying she was missing an app and must download the app with the bank and put her bank details into it. Oh, no. Maybe just give your parents and your grandparents a heads up.

Give your people a call. Yeah. I know there's news stories floating around but they may have missed some but yeah, give them a heads up. Chris Sandel 44. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. ZM's $50,000 Secret Sound.

Season 10. Well, it all kicks off Monday morning, 7am. ZM's $50,000 Secret Sound. It is back. Can you believe it's the 10th time? Nah. Man, we've given away some cash and preparing for Monday morning.

Soundkeeper, Ella, good morning. Morning. Hello. Good. Now, you've got the broadcasting unit at home. Yeah, this is great. I'm sitting in my mom's bed because that's the closest spot to the Wi-Fi.

Oh, my God. that's so cute. Are you at your jammer still? Yep. Is mum in bed? Yep, she's loving it. How's mum doing? Mum's okay. What's mum's name?

Catherine. Hi, girls. I should have guessed that. You're not waking up Catherine just to do this, are you? Yeah, she loves it. You need to make her breakfast in bed. I will. She loves a cup of tea.

I'll go do that after. Also, we need to upgrade the intern's Wi-Fi, the wireless internet situation here. Yeah, that would be fun. We'll find you some more routers or something. You get a long cord so you can do it in your own room. Oh, good on you. Thank you.

Now, so we start Monday. 7 a.m. is the first time we're going to hear the sound. Do you know what the secret sound is yet? We've kind of finalized, I think. I just want to make sure it's not too easy. That's always a scary thing that someone's going to get it on the first day. It's hard when you know what it is, and then you're trying to figure out if it's easy or not.

Because I think every secret sound, like the last one was an umbrella opening, It's hard when you know what it is and then you're trying to figure out if it's easy or not. Because I think every secret sound, like the last one was an umbrella opening. And that's like that you'd think if you made that sound, you'd be like, this is the easiest sound in the world. Yeah, absolutely. But it's not. It wasn't. It hasn't been. It needs to be something that's like, you know, easy to use around the home or accessible to people, right? Right, because you've been making the sound under level three conditions too.

Yeah, in lockdown. So it's not like you can be making the sound at Rainbow's End or something. No, that's narrowed it down. If you were an essential worker at Rainbow's End, you could. I guess, is it? Or maybe. I don't think they count. Well, no, someone has to go and oil the log flume.

Would they? I don't know. Well, otherwise it would rust. You know, Vaughn's right. You'd need regular oiling of the log flume. So if the secret sound is... It's the squeaky log flume. You got me.

It could be. All right, well, Alice, 7 a.m. Monday morning, we'll cross to you in your mum's bed for the... I'm not imagining we'll be in level two by then. We'll cross to you for the secret sound. Catherine's going to love this. Every bloody morning, she's like, I told you to be a lawyer.

You want to be on the bloody radio. Yep. All right, well, 7am. Thanks, Soundkeeper Ella. She'll have the secret sound for us Monday morning and then it all kicks off again and we'll have chances throughout the day as well with the secret sound at 7, 8, 11, 1, 4 and 5 to win that cash.

ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. A cute moment yesterday when we were filming Have You Been Paying Attention? We've been doing it from home. So when I do it from home, it's, Kids, no one's going on the Wi-Fi. Because the internet grounds to a halt. Absolutely.

And we do it all over Zoom, and it's quite hard to interact with people in a fast-paced, comedic manner as much as we try over Zoom a lot of the time. So you've got to have your internet going. Yeah. Yesterday, I won't mention names, but if you watch this Friday, it'll be pretty obvious.

Somebody lives in a flat with six other people who are all working from home. Oh, wow. That's a lot of strain on the internet. Yeah. And we just kept losing their connection. And they said, oh, hotspot, off my phone. Oh, God, I wouldn't have had the patience to do this. So then they, you would have lost your absolute mind.

I just had a drink. Sure, it was 12 o'clock. Whiskey's a breakfast drink in some countries. Yeah. Ireland, for example. Yeah. And so the internet was going in and out. And they said, oh, I've got no data left on my phone.

And then the internet dropped. Right. But they were still connected to their Wi-Fi. Right. When their Wi-Fi reconnected, they didn't know we were still on the Zoom call. We were all just sitting there because they must have muted their computer speakers because they were making a phone call.

Yeah. So we come back in and we see like, hi, Dad. I'm trying to film a TV show and I need to hustle it off my phone and the family plan's got no data left on it. Oh, my God. And you can imagine. Oh, no. You can imagine how well the likes of Ursula Carlson and myself were going to react to this.

Oh, you wouldn't roast her at all? Absolutely not. No. Absolutely not. But it was like so, what we were like frustrated technology turned into actually a really quite cute moment. And we're like,

of course you can hear us, we're like, what if dad prefers seven days? He's like, I'm not, I'm not, no, I'm not paying for a data top up for that show.

Have you heard what they say about David Seymour? Now, he's an MP. He's out there. He's doing the best he can. And they won't give him a break. But anyway, Dad allowed it. He took a long time to find the, and this was the other thing, he had to find his password.

Oh, did he have a book? Can you imagine waiting how long? If you rang your parents out of the blue and they're like, I need the password to something, they'd be like, oh, my God, I'll have to find the notebook. Yeah, Mum did that the other day because I needed, I wanted the password to something. They'll be like, oh my god, I'll have to find the notebook. Yeah, mum did that the other day because I wanted the password to the Sky log on so I could watch rugby.

And she's like, it's here somewhere. Now, can I say you are in your 40s and you're like, hi mum, can I borrow the Sky Go password to watch the rugby please? I'm not paying for Sky Sport to watch four things a year. But you're happily let your

retired parents pay for it. She, they leech my Netflix. Oh, okay, okay. It's a tit for tat. It's a bit of a trade off. It's a tit for tat. Mutually beneficial.

Yeah, 100%. A symbiotic relationship of streaming services. 100%. But it was really cute. They've got a family data plan, which I think is cute. So when they, did she know that you could hear this? No idea. services. 100%. But it was really cute. They've got a family data plan, which I think is cute.

Did she know that you could hear this? No idea. Because she'd muted the computer so she could go on the phone. And we were like skipping in and out. So yeah, we saw it. It was really cute. When we just came back, I was like, that's actually really cute. She was like, it took my dad so long to find the password. I'm like, yeah, look. Did he have a notebook?

I don't know if he had a notebook. He definitely did. Sounds like he did. Yeah, a couple of tries. So I was wondering this morning, what are your parents still taking care of? Like still paying for? Yeah, what are your parents still paying for?

See, you can laugh at this, but you are 100% going to be this dad. Absolutely. Your kids will have free board for life. Absolutely. They'll have their free board for life. Absolutely. They'll have their phones paid for. They'll probably get a car when they turn 16. They probably will.

Even though you've always hated when parents do that to their kids. I hate it. You hate all that. You aren't that dad now. My princesses are different. You're always like, oh, those private school kids. I can't have them driving around in a death trap. I would rather they had a nicer car than me.

Oh, my God. You are going to be driving. I'll still be driving the Honda Accord. Depends. Are they saving for something? Oh, my God, darling. Let me fill your car up. You can talk.

You can talk. Your mum still feels you're like, ma'am, and you pull into a petrol station and then you do that still feels you're like, and you pull into a petrol station and then you do that thing where you're like, you know where you're trying to delay it so somebody else offers to pay you? Probably pull into the petrol station, get your phone out and be like,

I'll go in in just a second. I've just got to reply to this message. And mum's like, I've just got to transfer some money out of my savings. And mum's like, wow, I'll get it. Wow, I'll get it. Wow, I'll get it. So we want to know, what are your parents still paying for?

As an adult, what are they still helping out with? And you know what? If they're paying for it, you're going to take it like Megan. Don't offend them by saying no. I know. Let them have it. Yeah. Let them have something.

Exactly. All right. 0800-DARLS-IT-M. Give us a call. Text through now. 9696. What do mum and dad still payM. Give us a call. Text through now, 9696. What do mum and dad still pay for? Give us a call.

We're talking about what mum and dad are still taking care of. What are they still paying for? Dylan, what are mum and dad still paying for? Hi, so dad's pretty much still paying for my car insurance. All right. How old are you, Dylan? I'm 23. Is it some sort of package deal?

No. It's the full package, so it's full cover and everything. But I mean, has he got some deal like, yeah, family plan and fire, and sure, five cars and you get the sixth of the three or something. Oh, no, no. He's done a little cheeky thing where he's put me down as a secondary driver for my car. Dylan, we don't say these things on national radio, Dylan. No, we don't.

I don't know what you're talking about. That is the worst 180 I've ever heard. I recently crashed my car. Oh, right. Okay, that was a great politician flip-flop too from you, Dylan. Thanks, Robert. Thanks, Jeremy. See you, Nathan.

We'll never know who that was. Some messages in. I'm 25. I still live at home rent-free, and Dad has tea on the table every night when I get home from work. You don't know how lucky you are. Oh, that's so sweet. I've also cried every night this week because I hate my job, so he's had to comfort me. So I get home from work. You don't know how lucky you are. Oh, that's so sweet. I've also cried every night this week

because I hate my job, so he's had to comfort me. So I guess he's paying. He's paying financially and emotionally. All right, we'll keep your calls coming in. 0800 DALS at M9696. What are mum and dad still paying for? We're talking about what your parents

are still taking care of. Oh, bless them. What they're still paying for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Megan's 40 and her mum's still toxicara. Excuse me.

I'm not 40. Tops it up, fills it up. Fills it up. She fills in bone dry. It's like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And your mum's like, when you know she's flying up to Auckland, you're like, just put in $10, Andrew. Just get through till mum gets here. Yeah.

We're putting in. Have you done that? No. That look on your face, you have. No, I haven't done that. Your mum doesn't even work full time, does she? I've literally put up a serious fight trying to stop her from doing it. And then I'm like, you know what?

Stop, no, don't, man. Yeah. She wants to. I'll pay. I shan't begrudge her. Shania joins us. Shania, what are the parents still paying for? Hi, guys.

My dad still pays for my phone bill. Okay. And did you upgrade it so you've got lots of data? It does it automatically, which is pretty funny because I just get charges for the account. So does he know that he's paying for it? Yeah, he does. He jokes about it every month, tells me,

oh, we're going to put the phone in your name so you can pay it, but we know it's not going to happen. He wants to. Let him have it. Yeah, you're 23. Yeah, I'm 23. How much a month? You go on.

Sorry. He's been paying it since I was about 16, I think. Tell me how much a month is a set and the old boy back? I think it's about $60. 60? Yeah, not too bad. Times 12. It doesn't matter.

That's $720 a year. And how long, 16 to how old are you now? Oh, God. Don't tell me this. Go from 18. Go from 18. Okay, go from 18. How old are you now?

23. 23. So five times 700 Okay, go from 18. How old are you now? 23. 23. So five times 700. $3,600. Oh, he did say that last night, actually. He said it was going to be around $3,000. Pretty good maths. Pretty good maths.

That's probably why you can afford Maccas for breakfast. Yeah, definitely. I'm here to get my morning espresso while he's in level three. You! No, you don't. while he's in level three. You? No, you don't. Your dad's in level three and you're just skylarking into a cafe for a coffee. Yeah, and I also sent him a photo of it because I know he can't have it. Oh, because you've got lots of data.

If I was him, I'd be on the phone cancelling that plan so quick smart. Well, thank you for supporting the show sponsor McCafe there, Shania. Erica. Seamless mention. Thank you, Vaughan. No, I mean from Shania. Oh, you think? Yeah, it was.

Yeah. Erica, what are mum and dad still paying for? I was pretty lucky that when I brought my car, I was under 25. So my mum opted to put it in her name for insurance to save me a bit of money and so obviously my registration bill yearly gets sent to their house and she just pays it

also pays my warrant and then every time I see her she just flips me the new card to pop in the windscreen. It was a long time before my parents stopped paying my registration. I must have been about 20, 20, 22, 28,

29. Yeah, I'm 27 at the moment. Wow, they're still paying for it. That's all good. Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to say anything. They like to feel useful, you know, to their adult kids. Yeah, don't they? They like to have something to throw in your face

when you complain about, like, when you say something about, oh, house prices are out of control and everything, and it's, you know, you guys have been capital gains free, blah, blah, blah, and they're like, well, someone's got to pay your car registration. Erica, thanks for your call. A couple of text messages to finish. My in-laws pay for our food shop each week.

Because my father-in-law gets a gold card discount on Thursdays. So they just do all our weekly shop because he gets it at a discount. But he's paying for yours. So he's spending money to save money. I still have a fuel card that my parents pay for. Oh, get out of here. I've just entered my 30s. Wow.

Free fuel in your 30s. That's living the dream. Yeah, that's good stuff. My mother and father-in-law still pay my husband's health insurance. But if he's had that since he was a kid, even still, that's going to be... But then you'd give your parents the money, like if they were paying for it. That's a lot of cash, though. Yeah.

Comedian Jimmy Carr joins us on the show soon via Zoom. He's got a new book out. He does. Which is all about his life. It is called Before and Laughter. And I think he wrote it over lockdown. He's joining us.

So next on the show, we'll give you a ZM News update. And already this morning, Minister Chris Hipkins. What? Siege? Siege, in some interviews, has said that we are looking at a smaller number of cases today. Oh, that's good news, isn't it? Yeah, it was 45 yesterday. ZM's Fleshborn and Megan.

Play ZM. His name is Jimmy Carr. He's got a book out called Before and Laughter, and we have got him on Zoom. Hello. You lovable characters. I'm thinking of doing a McCafe later on. Any recommendations?

Thank you for working in the show, sponsor. One of the amazing $4 coffees. Well, hang on, hang on. We found the third Hemsworth. We found the one they keep for parts. These parts are no good These parts have ruined the internal workings of this one Listen, all I'm saying is you're the control You're the control in this

You're the others They've got them gym memberships and healthy shoes And I guess whatever's happened has happened to you Yeah It's important to have a control on any scientific experiment, isn't it? Sorry, I'm the worst. What's going on?

How's New Zealand? How's things down there? Well, we were on track. And then COVID got back in and most of the country now living with minimal restrictions, but Auckland, the biggest city are kind of uh more restricted level three but we do we do have lots of petrol unlike you guys

you yeah we've got we've gotten we've run out of petrol um and i i don't know how that happens i mean the thing about a panic is, you know that thing they always go, it's no time for panic. Maybe I should. They should at some stage, I'd like a politician to go, this would be a great time for panic.

Like it's just at some stage in the world because they're forever telling us this is no time for panic. This is a time for, but they're always saying that. Come on. Yeah. That to me sounds like the ultimate time to panic. Yeah, have you got a full tank or are you half full?

I've got... I don't know if you can see my... This is radio, but my incredibly smug face as I say, I've got an electric car. Oh! There you go. That's... Yeah, I mean, it's just I plug it in at home and then go, yeah, good luck.

It's the worst. You don't want to be a smug person, but it's hard not to be. So what else happens in the book? It's your autobiographical attempt at kind of telling your life story. It's got all of that. What's the autobiography about? Great question. Great question, third hemsworth

so it's basically yes the story of my life mate story of my life but i i whenever i read an autobiography i always think ah this guy talks about himself a lot so i thought i'd go half and half and i'd do a bit of a self-help book as well so it's kind of half about me and half about the stuff that i believe in the stuff that i did that got me to where I got to. I'm not suggesting everyone becomes a stand-up comedian, but I did a bunch of stuff that I think is, you know, applicable to everyone's life. I left a boring job and got an interesting one.

I randomly and stopped and there was a paragraph about how you decided not to join the clergy. I also lost my faith in God when I was about mid-twenties, which is quite late. I think people either lose it early or keep it forever. And I kind of became an atheist in my mid-twenties. And I found it, I think a lot of people find it a bit depressing and a bit down. And they find a bit atheism a bit dry and finger waggy and telling off. I found it incredibly joyful and freeing,

this sort of thing of going, oh, I don't believe in any of that, but I've just got this one life, have I? Right, I'll focus on that. Right. So what was it? Was there one event? And as you say, it generally happens before that. The key thing, I went to Israel on like a holiday,

and I love Israel. I mean, it's unbelievable people, unbelievable food. It's just, it's the greatest. But I went there and went, oh, it's a theme park. It's all made up. Because everyone's so close. You know, Jerusalem's only 900 years old. The old Jerusalem burnt down and they rebuilt it and went, people won't care.

It's still old. Having never been, I didn't know that no well even if you'd been they don't tell you that at the airport they keep that real on the down low but the other thing that happens when you go to when you go to like someone like israel you see jewish people and you see muslim people right all the religious sites are so close to each other and you find yourself thinking well if i'm right they're wrong and i don't believe in their religions i just believe in my one so i now think i only i only don't believe in one more religion than the pope yeah he doesn't believe in any of the other ones no i'm just i'm with him on all the other ones

i just would add to that his one right that. That sounds fair. Yeah, that's absolutely fair. On a serious note, I'm a massive fan of 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown. And I just want to say, it blew my mind. I'm so sorry to hear about the outpassing of Sean. That was, I mean, I don't know who in his inner circle knew,

but man, and the clips on Facebook since, man, we lost the treasure that day. Yeah, it's a really interesting one. It was kind of, it really snuck up on me. I mean, I knew it was ill and it's a heartbreaker when it happens though. I found it really hit me. I talk a little bit about grief in the book actually

and that thing of, it really hit me physically. I got sick. After about two weeks I was sleeping a lot, kind of I thought I had COVID. I was like flu-like symptoms. I was just wiped out. Sometimes it just kind of hits you and he was this incredibly funny sort of grumpy wonderful i don't know like he was just his own man and there was something about he did this amazing surrealist comedy but because his delivery was so sort of sort of working man average guy it's it just took

you the surprise of it was that much kind of better. He was just incredible. I loved him. I mean, I loved him dearly. I thought he was an incredible guy. I made like 250 TV shows with him. I mean, I absolutely got the best from him. And yeah, I'm a little bit heartbroken.

Very much understandable. So, the book is out. People can buy it. It is called Jimmy Carr Before and Laughter. I feel like you've cheapened the whole thing without shilling the book. I mean, I came on just to see you. Well, no, me too. But then, like, there's a publisher standing behind the screen.

They're very angry. Let's face facts. It can sell as many copies as it wants. They're never going to recoup that advance. I'll tell you what happened. COVID happened. We locked down. I don't know what you did in lockdown,

but I had a very stark choice in front of me. Right, you can do a podcast or you can write a book. Are you... down but i had a very stark choice in front of me he's right you can do a podcast or you can write a book are you right people came around like it was enforced if you're a comedian you had to do a podcast or write a book and no mistaking wow and you were like nah i'll write something i thought well i thought it'd be an interesting thing to do and it was like, I quite like the process I like the thing of kind of looking back and thinking about everything that happened and like that thing of looking back because life is so sort of hectic and you're so busy getting on with stuff

you very rarely look back and go oh, and I just had my first kid as well so I kind of went, look, by the time my kid's at an age where I'd be imparting advice I'll be a doddery old fool I'll have forgotten all the great life fool. I'll have nothing to do. I'll have forgotten

all the great life lessons by the time I get to that age. So I thought I'll stick it in a book and then if I fall under a bus, at least I'll have something other than the excellent dick jokes. Is there anything in the book that you're like,

oh, I'm not ready for? I forgot Megan was even here. Megan's here. Yummy. Megan, I was chatting to, I just got lost in his eyes. I'm so sorry, but he does look like a Hemsworth on a budget. Yeah, right. Oh, I'm just happy with the H word.

I would describe him as own brand Hemsworth. He is, yeah. Oh, no, he's not Coca-Cola. He's like the local one. Budget Cola. Is there anything in the book that you're like, oh, I don't know if I'm ready for him to read yet? Is there anything you're worried about?

Sorry, Megan, you're going to have to speak up there because we're on a Zoom call. But go on, shout at me. Is there anything in the book that you're worried about your son reading? Well, no, I haven't got learning difficulties. Try and find a balance between the two. Go on. Is there anything in the book?

Yeah, it's like pages and pages. If you've read a book before, right? It's like a DVD, but I don't know. You're worried about your son reading. Anything I was worried about my son reading? No. No, I mean, I'm assuming, I'm assuming, I mean, I know COVID's given us a scare, about your son reading? Anything I was worried about my son reading? No. No. I mean, I'm assuming,

I'm assuming, I mean, I know COVID's given us a scare, but I reckon society will still be here in 20 years' time. And my son will have access to the internet.

He will know. He will know I've said some very bad things. There's no getting away from that. There's no getting away from it. So I put what I want in the book. I mean, literally, it could be an anarchist cookbook and it wouldn't upset him any more than some of the clips. Some of the

things I've said about his mother, oh my god. Forever on YouTube. So good. And you say the second book all depends on the tax bill. that is that right or now that you've enjoyed it and you said that it kind of all flowed out and let's face it we could be in covid lockdown in some shape or form again yeah i might i could i could be tempted to write another book what's the opposite of public demand um that's what will be driving the driving force

i mean listen if people like it i I think I might. But I think I talk a lot about, in the book, about leaning into what you're good at. And I'm good at performing live comedy. I'm good at being funny. And that's what I love doing. So for me, the whole lockdown thing, having 18 months, or it's going to be two years by the time

I next get out to New Zealand. So it's this big break from touring live. And then when you get back, you Zealand, you know. So it's this big break from touring live. And then when you get back, you go, right, that was like a half time on life. I love my job. I'm going to do that more. There's great writers out there.

I don't know if you've read any J.K. Rowling, but she's terrific. Let's get her in. Turfrific, even. That's it. That's why he makes the big bucks. Well Well Jimmy, hopefully we can see you in New Zealand soon, we'd love to see you when the world opens back up

I mean the world has opened back up, it's just you guys We're not sharing Before and Laughter, a life changing book Jimmy Carr, it's out now, thank you so much for speaking to us this morning, really appreciate it No, it's been a pleasure for you, I would imagine Absolute highlight CDM Splits, Ron and Megan

Fact of the day day, day, day, day Today's fact of the day is about the blue java banana. The blue java? The blue java. But these are blue ones. Wow. Are they?

I don't know. Because I've investigated. The blue java banana, also known as blue bananas, ice cream banana, Hawaiian banana. Name banana. On the Google. Cray and, Hawaiian banana. They are blonde on the Google. Cray and Senezo. Now, show me the photo you're looking at, Megan. Because you have fallen into a trap that is fake. Because when I saw that, I know, the internet, it turns out sometimes you need to look a little bit harder.

But hang on a sec. Megan just took five seconds to research. She did her own research. She did her own research. She did her own research. I googled it. You've done your own research. Yeah. And you took it at face value.

So there's no blue banana. It's not that blue. That's photoshopped, that photo. But that is the photo that made the rounds when people this year learnt about the blue java banana, which has been around for a while in Hawaii. Megan, yes, question. The other thing I've learnt from my in-depth dive

is that it tastes like vanilla ice cream. That's today's fact of the day. There's a banana that tastes like vanilla ice cream. What? Is that true? Yes, that is true. Oh, my God. It's got a vanilla flavour to it.

Delicious. Blue java bananas can grow, the tree can grow to a height of six metres. Yep. They're cold tolerant. So I'm thinking could this be New Zealand's banana? That would be nice. Why do we not already have things? They're wind resistant

due to strong pseudo stems and root systems and the leaves are silvery green in colour. Why aren't we growing blue Java bananas here in New Zealand? We could grow them. It could be a Northland crop. Yeah. They bloom just over a year after planting

and can be harvested after the bloom about 115 to 150 days. The blue banana is described as delicious and a vanilla-like custard taste. Now, question, because I have made a banana cake in lockdown. They'd make a great banana cake. Would you have to add any vanilla essence? Maybe.

Depends how much you like vanilla. I'm going to have to ask Annabelle Langbein. I use her recipe. Get the langbein. It's a good one. How strong is the vanilla

in flavour in the banana? Yeah, I don't know if it would be enough Are you using extract or essence? I don't know. What's the difference? Here's what I want you to do is treat yourself to some extract.

Oh, is that like posh? It's better. Essence. One is like a flavoured artificial and one is... Yeah, a strong flavour and one is the actual extract. You'll pay a bit more for a vanilla extract, but I believe a man with no children and very few financial responsibilities can probably stretch the weekly budget to include extracts.

Don't assume that my finances can accommodate an extract. You're an extract man. You work hard. You get up early in the morning. Treat yourself. I'm an essence guy. Hey, go for an extract. So these are called, in Fiji, they're the Hawaiian banana.

I've kept that pretty quiet when I've been in Fiji. These were no bloody Hawaiian bananas. And in Hawaii, they're known as the ice cream banana. I've kept that pretty quiet when I've been in Fiji. These were no bloody Hawaiian bananas. And in Hawaii, they're known as the ice cream banana. And in ice cream, they're known as the Fiji banana.

So, it's a triangle. Yeah. It's a whole triangle. I miss holidaying in ice cream. Yeah. I mean,

you can have it at home. But then, so the photo, if you search the blue Java banana, there'll be a photo of them in the tree and they've got a blue tinge to it. That's as blue as they ever get.

It's kind of like a green. Yeah, greeny blue. When they're green and unripe, yeah, they've got a blue tinge. However, somebody, and this has been retweeted, it's been liked 9,000 times, it's been retweeted a whole bunch, March 24, 2021. Pam Kai Ming tweeted, how come no one ever told me about the blue java banana plant? Incredible, they taste just like ice cream. But then he brought up two photoshopped photos of the blue java

banana and that became the photo that pops up. This is quite worrying that people could fall for something online. Is this something that's happening? It's unprecedented that people would go onto the internet, do very little research,

and then take their five minutes of Googling as sanctimonious fact over the work of people who specialise in the area. And bananas. And why would that person

lie to me? Why would they Photoshop it? They've got no reason to. This could be dangerous for health one day. If this continues. No, people aren't that dumb. Come on. God, I hope not.

Okay. No, no, no. I simply must think the best of humanity. It would be funny if it wasn't happening. Yeah. Yeah. So today's fact of the day, there is a banana.

It tastes like vanilla, vanilla-y custard. It is called the Blue Java Banana, but it is not bright blue. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. So to give a little bit of background, this happened at the dinner table. Okay. I said to my wife, have you seen the trailer for Finch, the new Tom Hanks movie? Have you seen this? No, what's it about? Friends of the Robot or something?

Yeah. So this guy, Tom Hanks, something happens and he is like, okay, this is a world-ending event and he locks himself in a bunker. And it turns out that it kind of was. Right. And while he's down there, he's got a dog and he builds this robot because he's a robotics dude. And then this robot, it's him, the robot and the dog. Okay.

On the road. Goodness. And I said to Sade, I have just happened across the fact that I love every single movie with a robot in it. Oh, I thought you were going to say with Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks. Wall-E.

Love that. Love that movie. I know you did. Robocop. Even the remade Robocop you loved it Pandit yeah

I loved it Chappie Star Wars oh Chappie's such a good movie the droids in Star Wars are some of my favourite I love the thought of a humanoid type robot

Terminator those ones were bad ones but then there was a good one in the next movie like I just love Short Circuit I love robot movies that's a 1980s beautiful Steve Guttenberg

production AI is that the Will Smith one no Like, I just love Short Circuit. I love robot movies. That's a 1980s beautiful Steve Guttenberg production. AI? Is that the Will Smith one? No, iRobot. iRobot. Loved that movie. Did you? Yeah, because they looked a bit like iPods.

Yeah. Okay. At the time. So I'm on a robot movie rant. Yeah. And then my daughter, August, who is seven, said, have you ever heard the movie about the guy that wouldn't stop talking about robots during dinner

and I was just like wow I wasn't even angry because I was just like that was good I'd be pleased if I thought of that she's seven and she thought of that I said I haven't heard of that movie but is that the movie with a

sequel is the dad that pays for everybody's dinner sends his daughter to bed without the dinner and then continues to talk about robots? And she was like, are you talking about us now? I was like, well, come on, you can't throw the movie out there and not be ready for the sequel. Then I got a phone call. So I took this phone call and when I came back, Sade said you missed the diss track.

And I was like, I beg your pardon? And she said, when you were gone, August made a diss track. She's like, I recorded a part of the diss track. Right, which is what rappers... Some kid on... Some of these bloody YouTube

kids have probably talked about diss tracks or something. Brent Riviera or whatever his name, probably wrote a diss track about his friend, his name. I can't remember if I'm told. This is another thing you've got to look forward to with Bastion. They watch a 20 minute long YouTube video that you take in by osmosis because you're in the room and they're watching it loud. And then they want to spend 40 minutes telling you about the 20 minute video they can't even tell you about the video in the same time it took for them to take on the video right it takes anyway so this is sharday recorded a bit of the diss track okay you can't see this but they're set at the table okay um and

yeah at the end i think she just realises that Shade's videoing and Dad's not going to be happy. Okay. No, messed that up. Good one, Dad. Unmute. You have to unmute the video again when you make it big? Yeah, you do, yeah.

This is a diss track about me, Dad. My dad loves beef. If he roasts it all for the day, I will not eat it. Only if it's sausages, mince or stuff. My dad loves beef. Yeah. And when he roasts it all day, I wouldn't eat it. Yeah. Unless it's sausages or mints or stuff.

The lower class, mate. She's hit you where it hurts there. Right in the beef. Yeah. We've got beef. And then she kind of dropped out. She was like, oh. I think that was when I was coming back in off the phone.

Right. And Indy's behind her. You can't hear it, but she's laying down the beat. Right. For the diss track. Wow. And Indy's behind her and you can't hear it but she's laying down the beat right for the diss track. Wow. They're so young. I can't wait until they're teenagers.

The sense of it at seven. Can you imagine what you're going to have to deal with? My front seat. I want to get my popcorn. Oh right,

you're taking a front row of pubes. Love it, love it. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. A third of people in relationships find their own partner the most annoying person they know. This is a... I'm going to ask Sade, am I the most annoying person you know?

Am I the most annoying person? That's a hell of a thing to put... You're annoying, but I don't think you're the most annoying person I know. But I know exactly what annoys her. So I think once you know someone really well, you know exactly how to start a fight for the hell of it. Yeah. Well, not even that.

Just like you're in a – I get in these silly moods where I just – Do you? Huh? And she's like – she's like, uh-oh. I'm like, what? She's like, I can see it in your eyes. And then she'll be like, I'm leaving to go somewhere and leaves for a bit until I've got it out of my system.

Right, okay. Until you've burned out the energy. Yeah, she's like, kids, look after your dad for a while. They're like, why? He's in one of his moods. Bye. And they're like, oh, no, He's in one of his moods. Bye! And they're like, oh no, he's in one of his moods. So yeah, a third of people

find their partner the most annoying person they know and the people in a relationship tend to spend a fifth of their day being agitated at their partner. Judah, these are some of the reasons why. Snoring, passing wind, loudness, messiness, rudeness,

talking through TV shows, being on their phone while talking to you, never listening, and using the bedroom floor as a floor drobe. Those are some of the reasons. Wow. That's a list of things I do. Is that all you? It feels very dark. Those are some of the most annoying habits.

But then this is what Sade does. If she's got like clothes on the floor, she'll clean them all up and then be like, would you be able to clean up your side of the bed please? Like hers wasn't a mess five minutes ago. Yeah, like act all high and mighty about it. Oh, look at the mess you've made. Or she'll

go to the end of the bench is the big problem and she'll pick off things that she's responsible for and then she'll be like, can you please clean up the end of the bench is the big problem and she'll pick off things that she's responsible for and then she'll be like can you please climb up the end of the bench? It is all your mess. And I'll be like. This sounds exactly like my husband. Yeah. Tidy there a little bit. Or this. This is

the best. And I know every relationship does this. Yeah. They'll be like, I'll just put my phone down. You're always on your phone. Yeah, because they've scrolled through everything and seen everything. Yeah, done. They've got a headache. Their eyes are a little bit sore.

And they're like, I might actually take a break from this. Why are you on the phone at the exact moment I chose not to be? But we started, last night we started watching Squid Game. Oh yeah yeah And I was worried it was going to be one of those shows that Sade would be on her phone through And they'd be like, missed it, what happened? But she can't be because there's subtitles Subtitles

She's like, oh I didn't know there was subtitles I was like, that's right, you're going to have to read I don't like reading But it was, she liked it? Loved it We've only watched one episode. I've got one to go. I love it.

And I can see why you love it. I can see why you will love it. Yep. But I still don't know how it's the most popular show on Netflix. It's pretty heavy. Yeah. It's like,

there's parts of it you're like, ugh. Like, I just can't imagine the general populace, everybody, like, my mum would never,

ever watch it. But if it's the most popular thing on Netflix, there's got to be people like her watching it. I read a psychologist said, because so many shows we watch to get away from the world and be like, oh, this is nice. But that show,

they're like, no, the world is shit. That is how it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is around the corner. ZM's Fleshworn and Megan.