ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 3rd February 2021

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Vaughans Alexa Mishap  Top 6: Gloriavale  Flirty Hayley  What was the surprise at your new flat?  Hayleys Neighbour Saga continues!  What were your breakup clauses?  Refund your Date!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app to get McCafe rewards today. Just looking up things to do in Rotorua. No shortage. You're going this weekend? Yeah, family trip there for Indy's birthday. She wanted to go there. I love that you have to Google it. Rotorua is one of the hottest holiday destinations in New Zealand. We're wanting to plan our time. See, I don't have kids.

I don't need to do that. I turn up, find a pub, see where the night rolls me. That's why I did say to them, I said, there's lots of good things to eat. Oh, Eat Street's really good. Yeah, yeah. Lots of good eating, but the kids aren't like, food's not really on their radar.

They want to go to the cat cafe. Oh, really? They want to go to the cat cafe. Even though really? They want to go to the cat cafe. Even though they've been there, like, multiple times, they want to go back to that one. Have you done the classics? The luge and the gondola? Yeah, we will do the luge.

It's been a while since the luge. Some kid at school yesterday on the first day back had a broken leg. She broke her leg at the luge. And I said, yeah, but this kid's, like, renowned for doing dumb stuff. Is it annoying doing the luge with kids because they go so slow and you can't shunt them off the track? Oh, no, you, Indy might drive around, but August just likes to be driven. Oh, okay, right.

Shafir, you shafir her on the luge. Shafir her down the hill. I'd love that, but I'm too big. I'll shafir you down the luge. Thank you. I reckon we'll get some speed up. We'll be unstoppable. Oh, my God. You'd be, like, a battering rank two adult humans done the luge. Thank you. I reckon we'll get some speed up. We'll be unstoppable. Oh, my God.

You'd be like a battering rank. Two adult humans on one luge. Did I tell you over the summer I did the Kadrona dirt bikes? Oh, my God. Those are amazing. Those look like super fun. So much fun. Are you a confident biker?

Yep. Yeah. See, I mean, I'm not. Don't give us the oh, yep. You've got to say yes. I mean, as confident as. Don't give us the, oh, yep. You've got to say yes. Yes. As confident as you can be on gravel. I just mean, you know, like a luge, you need zero skill.

Yeah. But to mountain bike down a slippy, sloppy mountain. Slippy, sloppy mountain. I think it requires a bit more skill than, you know. No, it's good. It's good. But, yeah, I did hear, I have a lot of messages of people saying they ate shit doing that. Oh, really? Like, because you could, you know, I mean, there are no rails.

No. Oh, you wimps. I love a bit of adventure, but that's a step too far for me. Yeah, you like a nice concrete trail. I do. Yep. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Nothing like smashing your face into a hard concrete trail. Really testing your nose's fortitude and your teeth's resolved. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleeche Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. Three minutes past six. Sad news to start the day that Captain Tom is dead. Oh, no.

Such sad news. Fought the Nazis. Yep. Surv Tom is dead. Oh, such sad news. Fought the Nazis. Yep. Survived. Raised a whole bunch of money. Was it like 40 odd thousand, no, 40 million pounds or something? Yeah, by walking up and down, doing laps of his front yard. Oh, God.

And then it was COVID, yeah. Do you know he was wearing it because British Airways gave him a free trip to the Caribbean. I know. You went to Barbados. But had he ever been to Barbados before? No, I don't believe so. Come on, let's not hold it against him. He was 100 years old.

He wanted to see the golden sands, the blue surface. He's passed with some unforgettable memories, hasn't he? If I was 99 or 100 and someone offered me a free trip, I'd be like, absolutely. Yeah. And then you get there and all the honeys have seen you on the news. Oh, yeah. He was probably getting it. They were probably all over him.

Didn't know what to do with himself. I don't know about that bit, but sure. But he didn't get COVID in Barbados, did he? No. Because it was in December. Yeah. So he just had a lovely holiday. And then battling pneumonia and COVID and couldn't get the vaccine.

Because of some medication that he was already on. Yeah, because I think when you're that old, the vaccine's quite... Dangerous. Yeah. Your body can't handle it. It's handled a lot up until that point. Oh, yeah, but you're 100. I mean, you had a good innings. Oh, I know. Yeah. Your body can't handle it. It's handled a lot up until that point. Oh, yeah, but you're 100. I mean, you've had a good innings.

Oh, a great old time. Yeah. What a life lived. RIP. All right, on the show today, again, we'll refund somebody's date. So if you've had a terrible date and you'd like to apply for a refund, get back that money that you lost. ZM Online, read this.

We could be calling you back later this morning. The top six. Yeah, it's a work in progress okay yeah it will happen though I can almost guarantee that it's

there'll be six of them you're not going with the mongrel mob holidaying in Queenstown idea no didn't want to fire up the mob today

yeah fair enough yeah fair enough done enough of that in your time yeah apparently they're having a great time in Queenstown though

which is good yeah because Queenstown tourist though, which is good. Yeah. Because Queenstown tourist operators need... They do. The cash flow. How many luge rides do you reckon they went for? The full ticket. Yeah.

They bought a concession, right? Oh, good. Yeah. Good to know. Yeah. All right, that's coming up when we figure that one out. Next, though, on the show... I may cry with this next story.

It is so devastating. It involves a puppy. Get ready to weep. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. I forgot my hanky today and it's not the day for it because I've got a very sad tale to tell. Fletch has got some rather raspy paper towels behind him.

Oh yeah. Should the weeping begin? Do you want one of those? Yeah, hand me one of those. Oh god, listen to the roughness. It's almost cartridge paper. Okay, this is what I'm going to blow my nose on as I tell this story. It sounds like baking paper. It is a terrible day in Ohio

and there is a couple that should feel very ashamed of themselves. In a dog rescue shelter where there are many dogs to be rescued, one couple chose Little Jack, a nine-month-old puppy who has spina bifida. Now, it was their day to come and pick up Little Jack. Little Jack had a bath. He put on a fancy little suit, his best harness, and they never turned up.

They abandoned little Jack, the nine-month-old puppy. And apparently he was waiting at the door, wagging his tail, waiting for this couple. And when they didn't arrive, he was visibly sad, according to the shelter. And they shared the bad news on social media. Jack was very sad when his person was a no-show, no-call. He had a bath, a fresh diaper and a dedicated foster team

that drove 40 minutes each way just to end in huge disappointment. Wasn't that horrible? How did the dog know what was coming though? He would have just been excited for the day out, right? Maybe, yeah. Because dogs know these things. They know these things. He was all ready to go. They'd packed him all up to be taken from the rescue shelter

and no one wanted him. Wait, so he needs a nappy. He needs a nappy. Look, he's a lot of work. Yeah. He's a lot of work. Wow, you would be an incredible human being if you were adopting a dog that needed a diaper every day, right? But you should see him. He's an American bulldog.

He's wearing a little baby onesie. What? He's wearing clothes. Why is he wearing clothes? Look, the shelter said obviously this just wasn't his family. Oh, they'll have no trouble now. This has gone worldwide. And then they took him out for a drive and they brought him a new toy

to help him forget this horrible experience. Is he a grammable dog? Do you reckon he'd pop on the ground? He's grammable. Grammable dog. I would say he's so grammable. You could make money out of this. Right.

He could be endorsing. Right. He could be a business opportunity. Well, he can do nappy endorsements. Not a lot of dogs can do that. That's more of a baby's territory there. Look at his sad face. What's that picture beside that picture?

Oh, it's pretty cute. That's him all dressed up with a big smile on his face, ready to meet his new family who never showed up. They never showed up. It's a shame. It's no good for anybody listening here who might. Actually, it is. It's sort of an advertisement for rescue dogs here in New Zealand.

Yeah. Yeah. Adopt, don't shop, they say. And you could get a cute little fella like that. I think, I mean, the thing is, this family had already said they were going to come and get him. They'd already accepted these things. He has to wear a diaper and he can't walk.

He can't walk? Oh, my God, that poor little fella. He has to wear a diaper and he can't walk. He can't walk? Oh, my God, that poor little fella. So it's just a log. It's a moving log. It's a shitting ottoman. He has clubbed feet. Oh, my God. What a poor dog.

No wonder they didn't pick him up. But look, now listen to this. I'm going to take the tears away out of this story because this story has gained global attention. And at nine months old, once they promoted the fact that he's affectionate with both cats and dogs, he now has hundreds of applicants applying to him.

Oh, good. Okay. To be his owner. We'll keep us updated with that because I feel he's going to find a home. I think his home is going to be on Instagram, to be honest. He is a cutie. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

So, I don't know if you guys know this. The Ariana Grande song 34 plus 35, we play it. We played it just before. That's what made me think of this story. So there's the radio version that we play and young Miss Grande.

You might think I'm crazy. I'll give you a little hint. It's a very sexually charged song. Catchy. Do your kids know what 34 plus 35 is? No idea. That's good. They don't know what that means. But this is a catchy song. They love Ariana

Grande. Although the last three songs have been super sexually charged. She's only just coming out of puberty. Yeah, Although the last three songs have been super sexually charged. Oh, yeah. She's only just coming out of puberty. I think she's hitting a prime. Yeah, and she's just like, I like sex now. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. Oh, good hump. I love a clothes-on dry hump. Yes. I like to kiss. I like, yeah, I like cuddling. Yeah. And then it steps up to this. So this song, if you've heard, this is the version. Kiss I like Yeah I like cuddling Yeah And then it steps up to this

So this song If you've heard This is the version Love me till the daylight Yeah That's nice She wants to stay She wants to stay up

All night with her honey And um That was supposed to be honey But it sounded like Hon But I said honey And it made it sound like The moldy name honey.

Slight explanation of what happened there. She may want to stay up all night with honey. You never know. Who doesn't? She might have had a honey. Yeah. If you're a honey. Yeah.

Gauge interest. Or a honey. A honey or a honey. Sure. So maybe a honey called honey. Yeah. And so this radio version is, while read between the lines, it's still quite sexually charged. The unedited version is intense.

I believe it's an F word. The first time I heard it, your love me is replaced with the F word. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I know, yes.

And now when you hear it, I know a whole lot of other stuff. Yeah. And right at the end, she literally says out loud what 34 plus 39. 34 plus 35 means What, does she describe it? Or does she just give you the number? She just literally says the number and that's what she wants to

So, this radio version this is all good, it's catchy pop ditty and you don't read too much into it There's no beacon swear words Now, one thing I've learned about having children is swear words are like beacons to them. They hear them and they're immediately like, like meerkats. Like there's danger on the horizon.

They hear a swear word, they're immediately into hearing the swear word. So I'm down the other end of the house and I hear, Alexa, play today's top hits. So Alexa's like, I gotcha. And do your kids sing along, like word for word? With songs they know really well, this one's kind of like on the up for them. They like it, the radio version. And so I'm just like, oh yeah, okay. And I'm just like, I'm folding washing, baby.

I'm in the bedroom, I'm folding my knickers. I'm getting ready to put my knickers beside myickers. Oh, Matt. You're in knickers. I'm getting ready to put my knickers beside my socks. All right, we'll come back to that. God, now this story's getting sexy. Then I think, oh, my God. It's the Alexa Spotify version. So the sprint begins. Can you step on it?

Alexa, stop! And I got there just as the first, that one, would have been the F me till the daylight. Yeah. It was almost like a dive, a slow motion dive in front and someone was about to fly. I was like, Alexa, stop! And it's like, beep, stops.

I think the first one happened under me yelling, Alexa, stop. Right, okay. I'm not prudish and my children have heard swear words and they're familiar with swear words. Well, you let August have a swear word every day with the plaster. When I was pulling the plaster off, yeah. She could pick whatever swear word she liked. Divert the pain.

It's sort of the context of the swear word though that's quite full on, isn't it? Yes, very, very full on. Especially if they're going to keep listening to the song and learn all the lyrics. You don't want them to learn those ones. No, certainly not. You're dead right there. So did they ask what that was

or Andy said is that the version with the swear words in it I said yes it's quite intense you can listen to the other version you can listen to that

when you're 18 if you want and she was like oh okay okay you know now that you've just made them they're gonna wanna listen to the song more

yeah when you're not around yeah do they have access to like phones or iPads or something? They, yeah. I would have gone to bed and instantly looked it up and then listened to it and been like, oh.

Oh, yeah. Because I've got to. She likes maths. Yeah. I would have sat there working out the equation. We can work this out. Yeah. So you add the threes.

That's six. And then five and four, nine, six, nine. What does this number mean? God, imagine if they ask you what that means. Just tell them it's top and D-link. Fish. It's the Pisces sign, isn't it? Yeah. There you go.

She's a Pisces, guys. She loves star signs. Gosh. That's why she wants to stay up all night. Look at the stars. She's quite the astronomer, our Ariana. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. There are only a few things

that you need in life, isn't there? There's water, food. Chocolate. Chocolate. That's food, I guess. Yep. The warm embrace of a trusted lover. Yep. And shelter. I like that you said trusted. Yeah. Trusted lover.

You want to trust your lovers, don't you? I'm talking about survival. What do you really need? Right. Water. Water. Definitely water, but definitely a warm embrace. Shelter.

But it's getting a bit harder. I mean, I don't need to go on about the housing market. It's gone absolutely up the wazoo. But renting is getting even worse. Now, I used to live in Wellington. I lived there my whole life, basically, until I moved to Auckland. And flats were aplenty.

And then there was this whole thing a few years ago, do you remember, about students couldn't find flats in town, so they were moving out to, like, the burbs in the hut. And now there is a property that was listed as available for rent on Trade Me. $465 was the rent. Okay. And the place is being compared to the dungeon from Parasite.

Have you seen Parasite? So that won the last year's Oscar, right? For best movie? For best film. I finally saw it. I've been meaning to watch it forever. It was nothing what I expected it to be. Oh, really?

And I'll be honest, I didn't really like it Well this is a It's not a horror Because everyone kept describing it as a horror And it was this amazing thing Because a horror had won best picture But it was way more of a thriller Yeah it was

A bit suspense more than And shock And also this weird comedy streak Yeah Really weird movie I loved it. But you know the basement, you know,

like the windowless, underground, danky basement. Well, I don't actually, spoiler alert. Spoiler, spoiler. Well, I mean, it was best film,

you know, over a year ago. Yeah, but I'm still, I want to see it. So spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Jurassic Park also has dinosaurs in it. Anyway, there is an underground

sort of living situation. Right. And this, I'm sorry, it's $495 a week. This flat in Wellington is being described as such. It's a basement unit, one of five units, on Jessie Street in Tearoa, which is like student central.

Yep. Very close to Vic Uni, close to drama school, all that. Yo, don't tell me you've fledged us. We're a little sparkle in Fletcher's eye there. He loves a bit of student centric. He loves the student centric. Well, this flat might be for you, love. I mean, it's absolutely no coincidencecher's eye there. He loves a bit of student-centric. He loves the student-centric. Well, this flat might be for you, love. I mean, it's absolutely no coincidence that he...

You're out of control, Vaughan Smith. It's no coincidence that his place is within hopscuff and a jump of Auckland University's Albert Park. And I tell you what... Well, let me sell you this property. Let me sell you this property. You are out of control, Vaughan Smith. I'm out of control.

It is the basement unit of five. It has two bedrooms, so that's great, especially if you were living solo. And it has access to a private bathroom, but that's actually sort of in the main. So you'd have to leave, you'd have to go outside in winter? Yeah. Or is there internal?

Internal access. So it is considered its own unit, yet you've got to share a bathroom with a neighbour then, technically. Yes, yeah. So you have access to the bathroom, but you've got to leave your little abode. It's dim. There's no lights.

And it looks like a dungeon. It was messy. They hadn't cleaned it ahead of the viewings. Nearly $500 for a two-bedroom dungeon. Yeah, to be honest, that and also that basement on Parasite looked very well insulated. This does not. The landlord slapped back saying they've denied

that the underground property is unfit for tenants. Now, look, they said, I haven't been in a dungeon, so I don't know what one looks like. Oh my god. What an arsehole response. Yes. Some of the bulbs have blown, but they will be replaced by the time new tenants move in. Only because somebody noticed.

Oh, yeah, listed for $465, but the rent is going to increase in February to $495. You can get an optional car park, okay? Oh, good, okay. That's more, though, isn't it? So for your $500, you might be able to get,

no, it's $75 additional. A week! And then they said, well, ultimately, people have a choice as to where they want to live. I think I've missed the point. They don't really, because of how expensive everything is. Yeah, they've ended it by saying, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay here.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the illegal ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Today's top six, the top six questions I had when I saw the story about ex-glorivillian Zion Pilgrim, that's his name, in the news. He has 12 children and he recently broke his leg in a eucalyptus tree cutting incident. Oh, goodness. Eucalyptus, also one of his children's names.

So this was a guy that was in Gloria Vale. Yep. Four months ago, they were forced out. Right. Forced out? Yeah, it says a former Gloria Vale man working to support his pregnant wife and 12 children. A dozen. After the family was pushed out of the isolated community about four months ago, suffering a setback.

Here's another thing. Unlikely to qualify for ACC because his previous work year was all in within Gloria Vale. And they don't pay any... They don't pay any tax or ACC or anything. And the way they distribute money is that he wouldn't have a specific thing saying, yes, he's paid ACC or he falls under the care of someone who has paid ACC. How do they work their money in Gloria Vale? Do they get paid for the work that they do within Gloria Vale?

So like most religious cults, the money goes to the guys at the top who hold the power and the money, and they do with it what they see fit. And part of that is that they supply the basics to the people living there who continue to work for the good of God, I believe. Yeah, they'll get paid in heaven tokens. Oh, my gosh. When they get to heaven, they have to put their hands like this to carry all their tokens. It's like going to time out.

The machine spits them out. You've got to keep working until you've got enough tokens. Yeah, and then they pull their T-shirt out and it's full of tokens. And they're like, what am I going to do with all my heaven tokens? Put it in a slot machine. One entry, please. Yeah. And then I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of these tokens,

but let's just say I'm rich in the heaven of the, in the kingdom of our Lord. So I've got the top six questions I had when I read the basic details of this story about an ex-glorivillian with 12 kids. Number six. What kind of car does this family have? Because they only left four months ago.

Did they get one of those little imported Japanese minibuses? You know those? Yes, I love those. Yeah. Those are cute. You know, like a shuttle.

You're talking about like a shuttle. So, hold on. One, two, three. So, mum and dad at the front. Let's assume it's got bench seating.

That's three. Then two. So, that's five. Then another three. So, that's eight it's got bench seating, that's three. Then two, so that's five. Then another three, so that's eight. And then three more, that's 11. I'm sorry, you're one short and there's a baby on the way. Oh, no, look, faqsupershuttle.co.nz. These are the people that do the airport shuttles.

Maximum's 11 passengers. That's what it is. Yeah, exactly. Oh, someone's going to have to walk. That's because those super shuttles don't have a bench seat in the front. But you'd have to leave one kid home every holiday. Do you think that, you know, with huge families like this, like the oldest is like 20 and then there's a baby on the way.

So maybe some of the older ones could drive themselves. Maybe, yeah. In a horse and cart or whatever they have in Gloria Vale. Yeah. And then the rest of them can go in the 11-seater. Yeah, okay. So that's mum, dad, and I. We saw the Gloria Vale at the airport that time in Christchurch.

The Gloria Vale. We saw the Gloria Vale. We saw people from Gloria Vale. Yeah. And they were getting out of one of those massive shuttle vans. What if you got a van, one of these shuttle vans, but you put one of those Thule ski racks on the top? You'd get a couple of infants in that.

You can strap the babies on there. They're none the wiser. Or lock it and they won't be able to get out. Yeah, exactly. Cut some air holes. Okay, we've solved that for them. Next one. Number five on the list of the top six questions I had when I saw the story about the ex-glorivillion with 12 children. Number five.

His wife is pregnant again. Meaning they're going to have 13 children You don't stop at unlucky 13 It's a baker's dozen You know You could call it that Instead of unlucky 13 Very unlucky number

They'd best go for another I'd have to go for 14 I think they'll go for another There's so many He has a high sex drive His dick works It Nothing wrong down there

The whole ball system's all pretty much flawless. It's all go there. She's all go. His Schwimmer's a Schwimmer. And number four on David Schwimmer down there, number four on the list of the top six questions I had when I saw the story about the ex-Gloravillian with 12 kids. How the hell do you name 12 kids?

I've only had to name two. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. A lot of pressure. But they've got quite a limited, you know, list of names that they choose from. Uh-huh. And they're all virtues, aren't they?

Or virtue is a name. There's a, one of us is called a compassion. Compassion. Compassion. What do you call it for short? Compy. Comp. Passion.

Passion. Passion. Yeah. Passion. No, I can't All right then Pasha Justice Virtue

Yeah Goodness Honour Honour Clean Yeah Just that looking around Number three on the list

Of the top six questions I had when I saw the story About the ex-gloria villain With twelve kids Will this broken leg Finally be enough To keep his wife off him Or him off his wife

You don't need your leg To make a baby Well no exactly He's got it in a will this broken leg finally be enough to keep his wife off him or him off his wife? You don't need your leg to make a baby. Well, no, exactly. He's got it in a top-to-bottom cast, but he could be on the bottom. But then that's not missionary, is it? I don't know if that's God's way. But then they're out of Gloria Vale, so maybe they try and reverse cowgirl and all sorts of things.

Well, they might do. Who knows? We know that they've had sex at least 13 times. Yeah. So after about the... Got to spice it up after 12. You got to spice it up after 12. Do you? Yeah.

Do you really? Yes. Can I get that written down? Absolutely. Fantastic. Number two on the list of the top six questions I had when I saw the story about the explorer of Ilium with 12 kids. What do you feed a family of 14?

Yeah, like that. A lot of mints. I reckon you'd be doing a big thing of mints. I was just going to say, a large mince dish. Mints all the time, right? And rice. But even, you know when you go to the supermarket and you eat that massive tray of mints?

Like a kg of mints. You would need at least three of those per dinner. At least. Oh, and it would be mints. I reckon it'd be a lot of savoury mints. Yep. And a lot of mash. Mints and mash.

Mints and rice. A lot of tateys. A lot of tateys. A whole bag of agria every night. Yeah. Because what do you budget for if you're making mashed tates? A couple of decent sized tates per person. Per purse.

Yeah. So you're talking no change from 30 tates? No. 30 tates! But all they do is farm all day long. Imagine going to the drive-thru and buying each of your kids a Happy Meal. It would not happen!

The admin alone is pricing it back. How much is that? Like $7. $6.90 for a basic entry-level Happy Meal. Are you on the maths? Are you on the maths, Hayley? I am. So seven times, what did we say?

Mum and dad aren't getting a Happy Meal, but let's just say for argument's sake they are. If the older kids would be too grown up, they'd have to probably just get a combo. It's $108 for everybody. So, yeah. So how old are all these? If they're all young.

Oh, yeah, exactly. Someone wants a Mac Attack. You know, someone who has a Hunger Buster. You are not getting a hunger buster. You know what teenage boys are like? They just eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. Yeah, family mega pack. Just for him. And number one on the list of the top six questions

I had when I read the story about an ex-Gloria Villain with 12 kids. How the hell is Gloria Val still a thing? And how can they throw someone out with 12 kids? We don't know what the indiscretion is, but from previous indiscretions, it's not a lot. I don't think the bar is high at Gloria Vale, is it?

No. And they can throw someone out with no history to cover these sorts of things, and they can just toss them and their 12 children out after someone's worked blindly for them for that long. I feel really, really sorry. Well, we've had a bit of a joke about the situation. I feel so sorry for this family.

That's out in the wide world with no experience of it, with 12 kids and now an injured bread maker. Hell of a thing. Unless we know that he's utterly surrounded by people who love him. I'm in a long term relationship I've been with Aaron for 10 years Go us, thank you Congratulations

Thank you so much, yeah it's been hard work Yeah But one thing I notice that I've done And I noticed this yesterday because I've moved into a new suburb And I've been trying to get out there and get to know My locals, my eateries, my bars My pubs, wherever they may be.

Have you found a good coffee place? I found the Crème de la Crème. Isn't that one I talked about? No. Huh? No. No? It's a cafe that turns into sort of a bar from Wednesday to Saturday at night.

Oh, I don't like that. Sticky floors. It smells like booze. No, no, no. It's classy. It's classy. Oh, okay. And the food is amazing.

So I've gone there the last couple of days with my mum to, you know, sort of... Get on the piss? No, no. Get on the res at lunchtime, you know, and then go and paint some walls. But I really caught myself doing it yesterday, and I realise I do this every establishment I go into, is I flirt with the waitstaff. Regardless of age, gender. What kind of flirt?

What's the difference between being, because I often have one of this, what's the difference between being flirty and being... A sex pest. No, the other end. Just being like really courteous and friendly because

they're doing a job. I always think they've really dealt with some assholes today. I can try to be the nice guy. Shania keeps me flirting with the vet yesterday. What did you say to the vet? She was like, that was a bit much. I rang up

because the dog still goes to the vet from the last place. But I'm like, we've got to stop dragging the dog all the way there. Let's go to the vet that's closer to us. And so I rang them. I'm like, hi. Hey Jane. That's not her name. Hey Jane, how are you? She's like, oh, good thank you. Hey look And so I rang them. I'm like, hi. Hey, Jane. That's not her name. Hey, Jane.

How are you? She's like, oh, good. Thank you. I was like, hey, look, a couple of queries. I'm sick of dragging my dog back to the old vet. You guys are closer. I'm like, what do we need to do to get this happening? Do I just bring the dog in, give you a thumbs up?

We do the old patient transfer protocol. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, thanks. Oh, I'll see you soon. Bring the dog in. She was like, yeah, I look forward to it. I was like, thanks. Oh, I'll see you soon. Bring the dog in. She was like, yeah, look forward to it. I was like, yeah, great. I'll see you soon.

Hung up in the shadows like, God, you were a bit much. Like, why did you let me try to charm her that much? Were you toning that down for us? Because that wasn't much. Or do you? It wasn't anymore. She just, you were saying weird things like, what's the deal? Do I just bring it in and give you the thumbs up? I was like, yeah, but I don't know what to say.

That's terrible flirting if it is. Yeah, I mean. That's why it's not flirting. No, bring in the and give you the thumbs up? I was like, yeah, but I don't know what to say. That's terrible flirting if it is. That's why it's not flirting. I bring in the dog and give you a thumbs up. I'm not in. I reckon the difference between being a friendly, bubbly, courteous person and flirting is just your intention. I'm intentionally flirting. By the time I leave the engagement,

I want them to be sad that I'm leaving their restaurant. So what will you say to someone, like, working at the cafe? They'll just come over. And, you know, generally, and you'd hope this is the case, wait staff, they've got nice personalities. You know, they're friendly, they're bubbly, they're interested, they're here to sort of, you know, help you out in your day. Answer your questions about the menu or their wine selection.

Yeah, and I just found myself yesterday with this very, I mean, this very, oh, I'm getting it. Oh, you're choking. You started salivating. This very friendly waitress. And I found myself just, you know. So this isn't just for the men. This is for everybody.

It's whoever is serving me at the time. You're biflirtatious. I am biflirtatious. And she was making light conversation. Oh, we're painting the house. Oh, yeah. Look at the time. You're bi-flirtatious. I am bi-flirtatious. And she was making light conversation. Oh, we're painting the house. Oh, yeah. Look at all the colours. And then I found myself turning on all my things that I use to attract people.

My big eyes. I'm just interested in what your list going forward is going to be of your other, like, attractive qualities. My big eyes. My sense of humour. I start cracking out the bluey the one liners getting i'm getting a giggling yeah oh my god yeah you are a sex pest oh my god if a guy was doing this everyone would be like dude you're gonna turn it down i'm not i'm not i'm not like hey i'm just i find myself wanting to really make a connection with staff. And I want them to be sad when I leave their restaurant.

I don't walk past them on my way to the loo like, hello. I'm just going to the toilet if you want to follow me. It's just something I've noticed in myself. And I don't think it's bad to go and have a little flirt. I felt like it was a mutual flirt. A little. This happened to me in West Hollywood. We were at, what was that place called?

What was that place called? They weren't flirting with you, No, I know, but I thought they were Baby Troy. They wanted to. It was, my brother-in-law just texted me and said,

sex pest. Yeah, yeah, total sex pest. Well, the struggle is real for many people at the moment looking for flats and a lot of cities around the country, Wellington, Auckland, especially. Those are cities around the country.

Christ, I'm going to assume you've got an issue too. Are you going down there to Eden? I could say another city if you wanted another one to this, Hamilton. Well, I'm just going by cities in the news for the rental story. I see. Yeah. I know because mum and dad can't buy a house for you either. That's not happening.

They don't have enough money for it. Too expensive now. Way too expensive. You can't buy a house, you can't flat in a house. Well, our producer Jared, our very own, last year you may, long term listeners to the show may remember his house was flooded. I do remember. It turned into a raging river. You are looking for a new

flat because you're getting kicked out of the river flat. So they've just finished fixing my room, which is awesome. That's lovely. And then a couple of days later, they were like, yeah, you guys got to leave.

So this flood was what they wanted so the insurance would pay out so they could make some repairs to the flat, thus making it more attractive, more appealing. They could charge more for it and you've got to go because they want to bump up this rent a significant amount. Yep. Gotcha.

Okay, alright, so you've been looking and you found a place. I found a lovely little house. Okay. A cute little garage, there were rooms, there was a bathroom, it was awesome. And, yep, I've got a very low bar. That is a low bar.

You sound surprised by all of those things. It has rooms and a bathroom. Oh, it's great. Heaven forbid. It was dry. Oof, the dream. Yeah. Yeah, so we applied for it.

We sent them the bond. We got it. Everything was hunky-dory. And then yesterday we were like, oh, cool. So with the garage, is it all good if we keep some stuff in there? Like, blah, blah, just standard questions. Oh, it's your garage? Yeah, exactly.

And they were like, no, you guys don't have the garage. And we were like, what? It's been rented out to an online courier company. So throughout the day, there's just going to be all these courier vans rocking up to that house. So a big truck must come in the morning, right? And a big truck must drop off all these packages. And then the little vans are coming and going all day.

Because is there someone based in your garage? Yeah, it'll be like the distribution centre. No. Is there like a kitchenette in the garage? No. How big is this garage? Not very big. It's a little bit bigger than like a solo carport.

Holy shit. I was figuring it was a double garage there. Don't you think that this should be something that you'd put in the ad? Yeah. Especially because we asked and the garage is part of it and they were like, yeah. Oh, so you had them say it was? Yeah. That is so cheeky.

Very cheeky. And so now have you just cancelled that? Yeah, we pulled out. We got our money back. Yeah, right. I wouldn't. Feels like there's a double dip going on there, doesn't it? It feels like there's a double dip.

Yeah. Feels like that cheeky bastard's a double dipper. Greedy slumlords out there, aren't they? But would you have been all right if Head said no carport and it's also being used as a courier distribution centre? Definitely not. No, yeah, no, neither. You know what?

Because couriers famously start very early in the morning, don't they? They No, yeah, no, neither. You know what? Because couriers famously start very early in the morning, don't they? They do, yeah. Yeah. The hard workers, they've got to get out there and do that double parking thing

with the hazard lights on before the sun comes up. They've got to do that thing where they just stop wherever they want but then turn on the hazard lights like some sort of magical ticket. Somebody's getting their courier passes.

No, because I've got a rural courier. Oh, right, okay. Ah, the rural courier. The rural courier. Are they a better breed, are they? Oh my gosh, yes, yes. You work towards being a rural courier. Do No, because I've got a rural courier. Oh, right, okay. Ah, the rural courier. The rural courier. Are they a better breed, are they? Oh my gosh, yes, yes. You work towards

being a rural courier. Do you, do you? Okay. See the green grass of the rural... Vaughan is being sarcastic just for all of those lovely courier drivers

listening to the show. Vaughan's being sarcastic about rural couriers being better. Oh, right. And they are, are they? I always feel like landlords use

their rental properties as storage units for crap they don't want anymore. Like, we've had this heaps before where we've moved in and we're just like, what is this, you know, like powdery table? You know, that like fibreboard table. That's where we used to bag the cocaine. Yeah, and like we had this when we moved into a flat in Wellington and there was a big old fridge there in the backyard.

We were like, oh, we don't want that. They're like, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, it's not working. It's not yours. And we were like, yeah. That's mine, that stays there. Get it out of here. It's not your junkyard. I've got a mate with a few properties and lots of cars

and he'll just, yeah, leave the cars at the rental property. No, no, no. He's like, oh, yeah, no, I'm going to chuck a couple of things in the garage. You can't do that. That's theirs. No, because, no. He's like, oh, yeah, now I'm going to chuck a couple of things in the garage. You can't do that. That's theirs. No, because it's never part of the agreement. He's basically doing what Jared's did, except there's no couriers there.

But now that if he's listening, he'll hear this courier idea, I reckon he'll be all for that too. Yeah, sublet the garage. Yeah. So we want to ask this morning, what was your surprise? What was the surprise at your new flat or house?

So maybe it wasn't on the ad? Or you moved into a new flat with existing flatmates and they just didn't tell you about the one thing? Yeah, they just had a little information back from you. Like, maybe you expected there was another bedroom and it turns out it was just a cupboard. That happened to me.

You're living in a cupboard. I moved into this place again in Wellington and I thought one of those viewings You were living in a cupboard. No. I moved into this place again in Wellington. And I thought it was, we went, one of those viewings where you're just going in really quickly like, oh yeah, I quite like it, we'll apply. Yeah. And I went out and when we moved, the day we moved in, I saw this door and I thought, oh my gosh, that's right, it's two bedrooms.

This is incredible. And I opened it, it was a cupboard. So it wasn't two bedrooms? No, it was one bedroom. But they had it listed as two bedrooms. No, they had it listed as one bedroom. Hayley just got it in her head. Every door leads to a new room. She was like, that was one of the two-beddy ones.

And then I saw the door, I was like, there's a second bedroom. All right, so what was the surprise when you moved in to a new house or a new flat? Maybe it was something the landlord didn't tell you about or the listing didn't mention, like the Halleyport next door? Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast.

Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. So we want to know what the surprise has been when you've moved into a flat or a new house

like producer Jared, who just yesterday signed up for a new flat, but then was told that the garage they were promised is actually subletted to a courier company for distribution. So couriers will be in and out of their house that they are renting and driveway all day. And couriers start early

and go late. Yeah, they do. Long days. And they might need to go wheeze, so they'll probably be like, can we just nip in? Then you've got someone using the toilet. It's weird, isn't it? So they've cancelled that flat,

got their money back. We want to know from you the surprises that you've had. Kate, what happened? So we moved into a two-bedroom flat and they had a storage room. And we're like, okay,

that's fine, happy. You know, you guys have external access, whatever. Asked about three times before we moved in just out of curiosity what they were storing in the storage room. And it wasn't until move-in day that the real estate

agent told us that it was the landlord's nana. Sorry, the landlord's nana? Yeah, the landlord's nana was the storage they were keeping in the storage room. Wait, in what form? In what form? Wait, was she dead or alive?

Well, I don't know if it's better or worse. She was alive. But, yeah, that was a surprise. So you, nana became your flatmate? Essentially, yeah. Nana became the flatmate in the storage room. It was a tiny room, so, I mean, it's probably breaching more than just...

Where did she... I couldn't see agreement. Where did she do her... Ablutions. Ablutions. Well, we found out through a lot of peering over doors and through windows that they'd built in a small toilet

and a small shower into this room. Oh, my gosh. So, Nana was essentially kept in a small toilet and a small shower into this room. Oh, my God. So Nana was essentially kept in a tiny room. How did she get in and out through your flat? No, so they'd built in a side door as well that we couldn't see from our access. Oh, well, aren't they lovely? They gave Nana a door and a loo.

Always good to give Nana a fire exit. Two exits. That is really sad, Kate. I reckon... You can give Nana a kitchen because then she can bake muffins and stuff, right? You've got to... Nana, that's their natural environment.

I feel like those landlords definitely voted yes for euthanasia. It did get worse when we found out that they expected the kitchen to be shared. Oh, so Nana was coming in. Oh, my God. Nana might run a tight kitchen. She might be not afraid to do the dishes that aren't hers

I can see some positives here Exactly Hey, Kate Thanks for your call Sam, what was the surprise when you moved into the new flat? Yeah, so over the summer months We were trying to find somewhere to store the slow cooker Because we had a really tiny kitchen

Okay So we went out to the attic At one of those drop-down ladder situations and we asked for like nude portraits of the landlord.

Oh, your phone was cutting out, but we heard nude portraits. So there were nude portraits in the attic? Yeah, of the landlord. Oh my goodness. Male or female? It's a female. Out of 10?

They were very abstract. Oh, okay. Oh, like a Picasso nude. Interesting. Interesting. Boob up here and a nose down here. One of those Dali melting boobs. Yeah. A dripping breast.

MC Escher of how does the vagina go like that? That's a physically impossible vagina. Chris, what was the surprise when you moved into a new place? Hey, we viewed this place and it looked all right. And then when the other people had moved out, they'd taken their fridge and stuff, and we noticed a little door behind where the fridge was. Open up the door, and it goes down this dodgy little stairway

to a little room dug out underneath the house. Oh, my God. And what was in the room? Was it empty? Yeah, it was empty. It was just a table and chair and some dodgy little light that they'd rigged up. Oh, that's like an interrogation room. Some kind of torture room

or something. Or worse. It's like a Christian Grey red room but on a low budget. Yeah. And without council consent. Do you think Christian Grey got council consent

for his red room? Oh, no, I think it's, yeah. Off the books. Off the books. That's what makes it hotter too. Joe, what, that he dodges council regulations? Yeah. Off the books. Off the books. That's what makes it hotter too. Joe, what, that he dodges council regulations? Yeah, that's hot.

It wasn't that he was into kinky stuff. It was more the dodging council regs. He's a bad boy. He's risking not being able to claim insurance on his house if a fire starts in there, okay? Because he didn't get consent for it. I want everyone to think about how hot that is for him. Naughty man. Joe, what was the surprise when you moved into a new flat or house?

Well, it's more of a property than anything, but we found a grave. A grave? A grave. So we bought a small farm and used the grave there. A big tombstone. You know, you couldn't miss it if you wanted to, but you had to drive past there. And how did you find it? Did you just stumble

across it or did you accidentally start digging and then you realised it was a big, big stone? So like a concrete encase sort of two metre box.

It was great. And was there any other graves with it? Because generally this is sort of like a family plot if it's on a farm. No, no,

she was buried first. So she got buried there and then the cemetery got developed and all the family got buried there. Is it like hundreds of years ago or is it recent? No, no, 1800. So you could probably bulldoze over that, couldn't you?

Oh, my God. You've not watched any movie to do with graves, have you? No. No, that's how zombie movies start. Joe, thanks. You called some text messages. We were coming back from overseas to move into a place in New Zealand, but we were just going on the pictures that were online.

Did it all from afar, saying, yep, this is for us. The picture of the pool in the spa pool sold us. Oh, yeah. Got back, and it turns out that they'd just used the photos that the last rental, that the last real estate place had had when they were selling it. The spa was green and

wildly overgrown and the pool was best described as a frog pond. Lots of people, I moved into an old villa in Devonport in Auckland. What the crazy old landlady had failed to mention was that the garden was a communal fruit picking garden so people were just constantly in our backyard

helping themselves to fruit. This is apparently way down into the neighbourhood. Lots of straight up entire roof cavity was a grow room. We did fine though. There was a few leftovers so we didn't complain about that. The landlord failed to tell us that the room that was occupied was their room.

They lived there and they were our landlord and flatmate which led to many, many problems. Because you can't scuff the walls. Yeah. Can't kick the doors. Can't kick the walls in. Can't put your fists through a wall. Oh, the regulations. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Now look, arguments with a partner are never fun, are they? Can't put your fists through a wall. Oh, God, the regulations.

Now, look, arguments with a partner are never fun, are they? We have to have them. They're healthy for us. We have to have them. We have to have them daily sometimes. But psychologists are explaining why you should never do one of the things that I reckon everyone's guilty of. Hands up if you're an interrupter. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I you're an interrupter. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm a big interrupter. Before anyone gets to their point, I've already got mine. But they're saying that why you should never interrupt in an argument is you deny yourself the opportunity to really think about what they're saying. And to, like, form the ultimate retort. Yes. It gives you more time to think of a they're saying. And to like form the ultimate retort. Yes.

It gives you more time to think of a comeback. Basically. So they're saying like, if you're interrupting them, it means that you're not listening because you're just trying to get in. Yeah. And you're also denying yourself valuable time

in which to hear what they're saying and formulate a more, I won't say calculated, but you know, a more considered response as opposed to snapping back in rage. And also you might not even need to hear them finish, but like you've pretended to listen. No, they're quite, so you've missed it here.

They're quite clear on the point that it's important to hear them. You've got to hear them out. Yeah, I can hear what you're saying, but it's wrong. No, so it's not. Like, I know that I'm wrong. I've already started. So you're interrupting me?

See, what you're doing now is you're interrupting me. You're not listening to what I'm saying. Okay. You need to hear me. Okay. You never know that what they might say next

could be a good point. Could be something that you needed to hear. What if it's highly unlikely it is a good point? And then... I reckon let them keep talking and then what you do is when they... Like, you just let them and eventually they end up tripping over themselves. Yeah.

That's another one too, to take the ultimate passiveness into an argument. Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm like... I'm too fiery. I can't... I couldn't just be like... I'm going to let you sweat this one out on your own. It can also make you end up looking pretty foolish

if you then say something that they were just about to contradict. Or you start tracing back on your own footsteps and contradicting yourself. Have you had any arguments lately, Vaughan? Not with anybody I consider a loved one, no. Who have you been arguing with? Just strangers? Oh, the neighbours. Oh, no. Who have you been arguing with? Just strangers? Oh, the neighbours.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And did you listen? One neighbour. Yeah. Did you listen to them?

The rest of us, neighbours. No, I wouldn't let them talk because they talk nothing but utter shit. But Vaughan, it says here that it will be more likely for you to remain open-minded. I let them talk last time and it was nonsense.

So you gave them one shot and that was it? You get one shot. So what do you do? Do you interrupt them? Yeah. I'm going to be your neighbour. No, no, no. Stop talking.

Yeah, but Vaughan. You said it all last time. But you're not listening to me. I'm not listening because I heard it all last time. No, I'm not. Last time is a different occasion. I'm trying to tell you something. Same problem, you see.

There's a common denominator here. Can you just hear me out for a second? I don't want to hear you out. Same problem, you see. There's a common denominator here. Can you just hear me out for a second? I don't want to hear you out. Okay, well, I shouldn't have poked that bit. That is infuriating. Flesh, Fawn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Now, I've moved house this week,

and I've been sharing that process a little bit over this week. And I was telling you guys about how the neighbours that I'm leaving were a bit over this week and I was telling you guys about how the neighbours that I'm leaving were a bit of a nightmare. I was living next to students and how I would pretend I had a baby to get them to turn their music down. And they never saw you with a baby? Never saw me with a baby. I would just poke my head out the window

my baby is crying, please turn the music down. You also accused them of stealing your knickers. I'm pretty sure they stole my knickers and my favourite t-shirt. Where are they? I want them back. Also, it's only just occurred to me they would never have heard the baby crying. No, no, no. Like, immediately, if they did just turn off their music, there would have been

absolute silence. You should have been back in the house going... Can you hear that? Or at least have, like, a YouTube loop. Okay, well, I might need to use this technique now because yesterday I was in our new house. My mother and I were painting some walls, having a lovely time.

And then I hear this noise. It was like... You know, that was quite good, wasn't it? But constant. Constant. And this was like taking me back to my university days, the clubs on Courtney Place. That's what it sounded like.

Just like you couldn't make out any sort of defining feature. It was just bass. And I went, oh, no. Oh, God, here we go. And I put my head out the window to my neighbours, and it wasn't them. I put my head out to the other neighbours, and it wasn't them. So I went, I walked outside the drive, walked down the street. This is how loud it was.

It was the neighbour across the road and they'd parked their car in the front yard and were, you know, those cars with those big souped up base machines in the back. Souped up base machines? Wow. Now. A souped up. How old are you again?

A subwoofer. I knew it had a name. I just couldn't remember it. You've got one of them zipped up bass machines. Well, that was kind of the character. That's sort of the character I had on. Yeah. And anyway, so no one was in the car and this car was just blasting it.

Like the windows in my house were rattling. Yeah, just like. Anyway, so I just stood outside his house. On the back window of his car, did it say for sale with a number? No, it didn't. Oh, because that's a trick. The car's not often for sale. It's just their way of letting the honeys know a direct line to contact them. Yeah, because I've been tricked into that a few times.

Well, honeys don't get in this car because you're going to burst your bloody eardrums. Yeah, that's a problem. Anyway, he came out of the house and I did... It's my first confrontation with a new neighbour and I was very polite and I just said, Hey, that's a problem. Anyway, he came out of the house, and I did, it's my first confrontation with a new neighbour, and I was very polite, and I just said, hey, neighbour, do you think we're able to turn the bass down? It's rattling my windows. And he said, oh, sorry.

And I said, yes, because I live across the road, and it's travelled that far. And I walked away. Oh, you were like, I'm across the road. Nice to meet you. My name's Hayley. I don't want to, it's not nice to meet you. It's very unpleasant to meet you in this way. I'm from the tally. No. Just moving across the road. Nice to meet you. My name's Amy. It's not nice to meet you. It's very unpleasant to meet you in this way.

I'm from the telly. No. Just moving across the road. But I'm a celebrity on the street now. I was covered in paint. I had my glasses on. I was in disguise. You don't think it was a little past sad to say,

I live over the road? He needs to know. Right, okay. Imagine being his immediate neighbours. It would be horrible. And I like to think that the neighbourhood saw me go over there and the sound soon stopped and they went,

welcome to the neighbourhood. I feel like it was my way of letting them know I've arrived and that it's going to be a quiet street. And then if the sound continues, that's when you pull out the fake baby. I'm going to do the baby. Yeah, I'm going to do the baby one. I found a baby crying by the way on YouTube. One hour of a baby crying the fake baby. I'm going to do the baby. Yeah. I'm going to do the baby one. I found a baby crying, by the way, on YouTube. One hour of a baby crying.

I'll pretend I'm coming out. Hi. Sorry to come over again. I'm coming. Sorry. Are you able to just turn the music down, please? Thank you. Okay. This is my baby. Why did your baby just cut out?

Buffering. Yesterday we talked about millennial divorces. This is the label given to sort of de facto relationship splits where there might be assets purchased as a couple, but never through the legally binding marriage. Well, this is you, Hayley, with your fiancé. You've been engaged for ages. You've already got a house.

Yeah, we've been together for 10 years. But no legal binding contract that proves that we actually are together. Other than massive debt. Crippling debt. Oh, God. So we had some questions, so we thought we'd get the show lawyer on the phone to answer. And we've even had some more questions come in on the text machine. Good morning, Zach.

Hello, my loves. Good morning. Good morning to you. Good morning to you. I want to read this message out. We got this one on our Facebook page. Hey, guys, I heard you talk about millennial divorces yesterday, and this is the exact pickle I find myself in.

I've been with my boyfriend for three years.'ve been living together for two making us de facto i've been saving for a house for years before we met my parents had offered to help me out i don't see us getting married anytime soon and not sure if we'll even be a long long-term thing uh you've definitely given me something to think about i'm not really keen to go halves when I feel like I've worked so much harder than him for the house when we get it. So what would you recommend in that situation? It's kind of the already de facto. Yeah, well, I mean, I can't advise, let's call that person Heather.

And I can't advise Heather specifically. She needs to go to a lawyer. But talking conceptually, we do have a lot of these concepts in New Zealand that people recognize. So we do have de facto relationships. But I think generally in New Zealand, it's actually after three years. But it's not just a time-determined thing. So there are other factors.

And after that period, you become sort of entitled to relationship property, your kind of joint pool of assets. And that can include assets acquired by one party. So what we often see, and I was just talking to my friend, lovely Zoe, who's a family lawyer, and she was saying what she's seeing a lot of now was what's called contracting out arrangements. And that's a bit similar to kind of your prenup

that you see on the television. Yeah. Ah, so it's after three years in New Zealand. So really what you're saying is get out now before you hit the three-year mark. It's a bit late for you, Hayley, but Heather could bolt. Yeah, Heather could bolt. So when you say contracting out, you can stay with them, but the partner has to sign a contract to say,

if this all ends, you get everything, or you get what you brought in. Yeah, I mean, I think that's how it works. And the key thing here is, and I'd suggest this to everyone, and lovely Heather, but if you're starting to get anxious about it, or you're looking at acquiring property, honestly, it's worth going to a lawyer and talking about it, and both parties need to get their independent advice because better an awkward conversation

now than a protracted, painful one later. But it is so awkward. Relationships end. Yeah, they do. Oh, they end. Look, I've had my heart broken. You can't trust people, can you? No. One day you're happy as Larry and then, you know, Larry's off down to Queenstown with David from work.

Very, very challenging. Not David, Larry. I feel like that. I feel like you're really putting some personal... He's always chasing happiness. Yeah. So, okay, so, Zach, how would you have that conversation with someone you've been with for three years that you want them to sign a contract that you get what's yours?

That's more of a counsellor question, but we'll ask you as the lawyer. Well, look, my relationships haven't always worked out great, so I don't think I'm necessarily the expert, but what I'd go for is just open and honest. And like I said, better to have the conversation now. You know, ambiguity is the enemy of a good relationship. Oh, shoot. Oh, say that again.

Oh, my goodness. But I do think, you know, better to be clear, open and honest now and get it all sorted because if it becomes ambiguous, you don't want to be trapped in a relationship five years down the line because you're worried about losing your house, you know? So if you were to make a contract with a partner, do you have to do that with a lawyer or can you just, you know, is it a binding thing if you write up a contract between yourselves and sign it? No, I don't think, I think, you know, I

hasten to advertise my profession, but I think you'd always go to a lawyer. I don't think, I think that, you know, there's probably also, I'm not a family lawyer by any stretch, but there's probably also, I know you'd need to get in both, get independent advice, but there'll probably also, I'm not a family lawyer by any stretch, but there's probably also, I know you'd need to get in both, get independent advice, but there'll also be, I don't think from memory, they're not ironclad in New Zealand anyway,

if they're a bit oppressive or too beneficial for one partner. Can animals be put into a prenup? That was somebody that wanted to know that. Are they considered an asset? God, you bloody hope so, because you wouldn't want to cut them in half. And you wouldn't want 50-50 of the cat. No.

No. That's very confusing for the cat. Yeah. Unless you had two cats and then one each. One each, yeah. Oh, that's easy to work out. Somebody said, been together three years,

but only living together 18 months. Is it too late for a prenup, or is it just like living together? No idea, but I do. I think you can reach these contracting out agreements at any sort of stage. Right. Okay, so your advice would be advice, but independent advice, so find a lawyer each. Yeah.

Well, I think you find one party will find a lawyer who'll do all the drafting, the legwork, and then the other party needs to get their advice. Yeah, you'd want your other party to get a shitter lawyer, basically, wouldn't you? Yeah. You may well, yeah. And all that groundwork,

because that's going to be more expensive. Yeah, exactly. Fantastic. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's painful doing the money up front, but, God, it could be costly later. Well, you might pay a grand or two now as opposed to losing half your house later. Half your house, half your cash.

Fantastic. Well, Zach, thank you so much for your pro bono work as always on the show. Oh, bless you all. As the show lawyer. And we'll be in touch about the will. Zach's going to do my will. Oh, for God's sake. I've sent it to you.

Get moving. Does Vaughan get anything in your will? I think you and I are kind of going 50-50, aren't we, Zach? We are at this stage, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But time's ticking. Fletch Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Adele split from her husband two years ago, and they're only finally getting into the nitty-gritty details of their divorce settlement. And, you know, there's a lot of money involved in there, but one of the most interesting things is that they have agreed that she won't write any music about their split or their relationship. Like, that's in the contract, in the divorce settlement. Don't write any sad songs about me.

I think it's actually, no, I think that they've said it's more of like a personal clause, like that it's just something that he's asked her and she's accepted to do as part of the wider split. I don't know if it's legally binding in the divorce settlement papers or anything like that. But it's probably more along the lines of don't talk

about me in interviews and stuff like that. I doubt she would want to ask so many questions. So they're saying the reason that he's asked and she's said yes, that's fine, is because they have a son together, Angelo, and they don't want him to grow up listening to his mother sing about how much she hates his father.

Yeah. He can overhear her phone calls at home for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more private. But yeah, they're just doing it to protect their son and not sing about their relationship, which is obviously quite hard for Adele because most of her music has been written out of heartbreak.

Well, a lot of musicians, and famously there are some, like Taylor Swift has written songs about exes that have, you know, been talked about a lot. All the time. And sometimes we know who those exes are, so then you really sort of get to know the song. But now they're saying that, look, her new album, which was six years we've waited for this new album,

25 was her last album, and she's 31 now. It's going to have a different sound anyway, so she's not too bothered that Simon has quietly asked her to keep their relationship out of her music. What's she going to write about? The weather. Oh, I bet she could do it. Maybe she's going to go drum and bass.

Oh yeah, no lyrics. I'd rather hear some songs about the weather. Sounds far more in my wheelhouse. So we want to know this morning, if anybody else has been in this situation where you've broken up with someone, whether or not you were married or not, and you've made a deal about something.

Because when I heard this story, I was like, this is weird. Who does this? But there are apparently... Yeah, I knew some people that broke up and they agreed that they wouldn't put the breakup on social media. They'd just tell people.

I don't know. It seems like a really 2009 thing to do to announce your breakup on social media it does in a Facebook post do you remember when Facebook used to do that

if you were like in a relationship with someone and then you went into the settings and you're about information and you go click and it would pop up in the timeline

so and so is single man that got some officers chatting don't call me and threaten that everyone's like what happened babe oh my god but the thing about doing that online is it's everybody knows I know I always thought it would be Calm and threatened that. Yeah. Everyone's like, what happened, babe? And again.

But the thing about doing that online is it's everybody knows. I know. And then you don't. And then you sort of would be the way to deal with it. Yeah. Come up with a mutually agreed upon statement and share it that way. Like celebrity couples do. Yeah.

Conscious uncoupling. Yeah. For the interest of our family, we have decided we will no longer continue in our marriage. We wish for privacy at this difficult time. Yeah. But yeah, people have said, no, this isn't to go on. And there was somebody I know that said,

when you get in your next relationship, you don't put anything about it online for like the next six months because I don't need everyone sending me this saying what's happening here and what's the blah, blah, blah. Right. How quickly were they getting into the next relationship?

I don't know. If the relationship had done its natural course and you were ready to move on, you could move on quite quickly. Would you agree to that though? Like a six month social media ban on anything lovey-dovey? Yeah.

Yeah, I'd agree to that. Okay, two lovey-dovey on social media as it is. As long as it was both ways. Yeah. I don't think I've had any clauses, any sort of requests. I remember when I was like 17 or 18, I broke up with a boyfriend and he asked for all the presents he gave me back.

Oh, good luck. Yeah, one was a wallet. He wanted that back. Velcro wallet? Yeah, it was Rip Curl. Yes. I can see why he wanted those back. Those were a great wallet.

He bought it from Amazon. It wasn't cheap. Oh, yeah. All right, so we want to take your calls this morning. 0800 DARS at M. You can text as well, 9696. Have you ever had a breakup clause or agreement when you broke up over something?

When you broke up with someone, you made an agreement or you had some rules. Maybe no posting on social media for six months. Yeah. Or a few weeks. Yeah, no booty calls. Don't come knocking a few weeks. Yeah, no booty calls. Don't come knocking for this again. Yeah, no rubbing it in my face.

I hadn't even thought about that. Yeah. You've got to agree not to tempt me back. Yeah. Because if they make the call, right, if they're the one that breaks up with you and then they want a booty call. Or there's all sorts of things about, you know,

like if you're one of those couples who moves in the exact same social circle. Oh, yes. Like all of your friends are the same. Yeah. That you kind of

have agreements about like, well, I'll go to this event and you go to this event. Yes. I know couples like that who go. Okay.

I've told Sade if we break up she can have them all because I'm moving to the forest so I'm not going to have any friends. So what rules

did you have after a breakup? Give us a call, 0800-DARLS-AT-M. You can text her as well, 9696. Sarah, what was the rule after your breakup? Hello. So I was dating a guy in Canada in my early 20s. And I found out that he was sending this other girl pictures.

We broke up. He cheated on me. So I obviously broke up with him. I was moving to New Zealand anyway. And our clause was that I was not allowed to tell his mum that he cheated on me. And I know we had to blame it on the fact that I was moving to New Zealand. So you had to bear the brunt of the blame.

Yes. And she called me multiple times after and said, oh, you're so mature. It's so great that you've, you know, broken it off to move and do you, basically. And I was like, yeah, talk to James. Because your son's a dirty cheater. But jokes on him,

because every time he goes home for Christmas, she's going to be like, whatever happened to that lovely Sarah? Yeah, he'll be like, exactly, the one that got away. Yeah, I ruined that one, Mum. Hey, Sarah, thanks. You called some text messages.

Somebody said that they, this is actually quite sad. I'd grown close with his nephew through our six-year relationship and I asked my ex when we broke up to explain it to the nephew. He was nine at the time because I didn't want the nephew

to just think I was disappearing from his life with no explanation. I've always wondered about this, though. You always spend, you know, such a long amount of time with people's families. Yes. And you become auntie whoever. Yes. And then if you split up,

what, auntie whoever is just, doesn't love you anymore. She's gone. She's not coming to Christmas. Tisha, what was the rule you had after a breakup? My husband wanted all of the Family Guy DVDs. Oh my gosh.

That was the one thing he wanted out of the split was the Family Guy DVDs? Yeah, I had a really big DVD collection and it was the only thing he wanted out of the whole set. Did you oblige? Yeah. Wow.

You've got to do something with them now. Well, yeah, jokes on him now because it's all streaming, isn't it? It's redundant technology. Yeah, those will be on trade, man. Did you get anything out of it? I got everything. Okay. Yeah.

Well, you win. Brilliant. Thanks, you caught T-shirt. I just love the dog and the baby. I want to join in. Can anyone understand the dog? Can anyone understand the baby? Can anyone understand the baby? My best friend used to date my boyfriend.

Oh, no. My best friend used to date my boyfriend's best friend. They broke up and she said, I don't want you to be around him. And she said to him, I don't want you to hang around my best friend. So obviously that was a dynamic that couldn't work because I was still dating his best friend.

So we don't speak anymore. I don't think you can make rules like that. Yeah, no, that comes from insecurity. Yeah. Just be true to yourself. Just be sure in yourself you are enough. My partner and I have an agreement that I'm not allowed to date her friends or sisters

if we break up. Friends and sisters are always saying, you have a brother, or where can I find a man like you? And she gets jealous. No, she's screwed. He's going to tear through them like a tropical cyclone.

Like a tropical cyclone. The thatched roofs through all the Pacific Islands and he's looping all the way around. Very unlike a tropical cyclone. Bedding down your sisters. Their thatched roofs are going to be torn to the ocean. very unlike a tropical cyclone. Bedding down your sisters. Yeah.

Their thatched roofs are going to be torn to the ocean. What was the guy? Torn to the ocean. Hide your kids, hide your wife? Yes. Hide your sisters, hide your friends. Hide your sisters, hide your friends. Yeah.

Okay, maybe my ex-husband had an agreement that when he left me, he wouldn't have another child or get remarried. I don't, you can't, that's not a thing you can agree on. You can't kind of. You can't say you're't, that's not a thing you can agree on. You can't kind of. You can't say you're not allowed to have a life after this. Yeah.

And your life after this relationship is gone. You're meant to be miserable and single after me. I want to be your last drop of happiness and you lost me. Yeah. You threw it away. No more children for you. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fact of the day,

day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about Bulgaria. I have not been to Bulgaria. Is that where that shop that it was from? Do you remember there was that...

Yeah, the... Burshtyshtok. Burshtyshtok. Burshtyshtok. Burshtyshtok. That tested positive for the doping thing and then Valerie Adams

got the... For shame. No. There we are. My... I remember Eva the Bulgarian from Sports Cafe. As a teenage boy, I didn't know that a woman like that existed in the world. Yeah, it was Bulgaria.

Was it? Yeah, those are the colours. Yep. Red, white and green. Okay, so she was Bulgarian. Wikipedia calls Bulgaria a cultural melting pot. Oh, what cultures are in this fondue pot? Greek, Slavic, Ottoman and Persian influences.

It is right there. It's very close to Istanbul. Yeah, next to Macedonia. It's Eastern Europe, isn't it? Eastern Europe. It's an amazing place. Yep. So today's fact of the day is in World War II,

Bulgaria was at war with everybody for a while. Oh, okay. So if you're not familiar with World War II, Nazis, they were up to no good. They were known as the Axis, and the Allies were your Americas, your Englands, your Soviet unions were even in the Allies. Yeah.

But, you know, the world was at war, and the theatre of war was Europe. Yes. Bulgaria in the bottom part of Europe. But they were dragging their heels as they declare war on Germany, and Russia next door are like dragging their heels as they declare war on Germany. And Russia next door are like, come on now, declare war on Germany.

And Bulgaria are like, well, can we do it tomorrow? So while that was happening, Russia put forward the paperwork to declare war on Bulgaria. As they filed the paperwork, because this is the thing, you have to declare war,

there has to be some paper. Yeah, and there's no email back in the day. Oh, so you can't just say war. You've got to, good God, y'all. What is it going for? So in the time that Bulgaria was dragging their heels but filling out the paperwork to declare war on Germany and join the Allied forces, Russia declared war on Bulgaria.

So as the paperwork went through, Bulgaria was at war with Germany. They're like, all right, we've declared war on you. And Russia's like, oh, but we just declared war on you because you were dragging your heels. So everybody was against Bulgaria. Right. Bulgaria versus Germany. Bulgaria versus the Axis forces.

Bulgaria versus the Allied forces. Right. Not a great position to be in. No, a terrible position to be in. Did they withdraw the, or say? Well, Russia did, I think. I've looked at the story I was reading. There was some picture of Bulgaria during the war

and the international situation, and they were bombed by Anglo-American forces, bombing. But then they were also attacked by the Germans. So there was actually a time where they got physically attacked. It just wasn't war on paper that Bulgaria found themselves in. That'll teach them from mucking around. So that's a lesson of procrastination. Let that be a lesson for thee.

Yeah. It's pretty much, you are Bulgaria, basically. You are procrastination. I'm going to take it as the fact you think I'm a cute melting pot. You are not. Okay, yeah, let's go with that. Look at me. Look at me. I'm a white Vaughan Smith. Look at me, the whitest person in existence.

Yeah. You could not get more Anglo-Celtic if you tried. There is nothing else in your melting pot. But I'll consider it. No, it's a white cheese fondue. It's waiting to have something decent dipped in it. You are macaroni and cheese with no onion or bacon. You don't even have black pepper.

Macaroni's pasta. I've got no Italian in. I'm just... You're just cheese. You're cheese sauce. You're just a potato. Oh, my God. I'm not even cheese sauce.

I'm the white sauce. You know when you go to buy cheese sauce? You actually buy white sauce? Ab! That sounds a bit fancy for me, so just white sauce. So today's fact of the day is there was a period in World War II where Bulgaria literally versed everybody. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.do. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan with Hayley Sproul. Refund your date. I depend on me. I depend on me. That's right.

We hear about your less than perfect dates. We hear all the details of what made it unenjoyable and how much it cost you, and then we refund it. I'm still reeling from yesterday's date. Oh, no. I mean, I'm reeling. I'm still reeling from yesterday's date. Oh, I know. I mean, I'm reeling. I'm just living in a state of constant reeling. Constant reeling.

I'm reeling as well. We welcome to refund your date, Harriet. Good morning. Good morning. All right, so you've been on a horrible date. You'd like a refund for it. Let's start from the start. Tell us what happened.

I honestly don't think it could have gone any worse. Okay. So I met someone on Tinder. That's okay. So Adele asked me out for dinner. So she chose the restaurant. I kind of waited outside to meet her for dinner. She couldn't parallel park.

And when she finally got in the park, she hit the front of my car. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Okay. And if that wasn't bad enough, we went in for dinner. She had chosen the place. We sat to eat Thai, and she sat there watching me eat it, and then told me afterwards she didn't even like it. Wait.

Hang on. Did she order food? No. She sat there and watched me order. When they took your order and she didn't order any food, what did you say? Well, I asked her what she was doing, but she just said

she would come up with a decision later when mine came back and didn't order anything. I do that sometimes when I want to see someone else's meal before I... Well, no, you order at the same time you look around at other people's tables and you're like, oh, and the waiter's like, what do you want to be like? Well, what's that person got? And then they tell you and then you order.

Or it's Thai. We've all had pad Thai before. Yeah, get some satay snacks for God's sake. Like, you know what you're getting. Do you think she couldn't afford dinner? I mean, I've got no idea. I didn't hang around for long enough to find out. So she hit your car and then didn't eat and watched you eat

and then took you to a restaurant that she said she actively doesn't like. Yeah. She's out of her mind. She's out of her damned mind. So what did you have to pay for this horrid date? So all up with the repairs that needed done on my car after she'd hit it and the meal, it was like $210. Oh, $210.

$210 to essentially eat a meal on your own. And did you ask her to pay for the car repair? Well, I didn't think it would actually cost that much, and it was already awkward enough as it is, so I tried to be nice enough to leave it. You are way too nice to sit there while she's not eating and then also crash into your car and you're like, don't worry about it. You are way too nice to sit there while she's not eating and then also crash into your car and you're like, don't worry about it.

You're too nice, Harriet. Harriet, how was the chat? Did you talk while you were eating and she wasn't? It was terrible. Oh my god, that sounds like a nightmare. This is why I could never get back into dating. So we are claiming for, is it $210 round?

Is that an even amount? Is that how much it costs? $210? is it $210 round? Is that an even amount? Is that how much it costs? $210? Yeah. $210. Vaughan, would you like to... Put it into the date refund of $2,000. Your date refund request has been...

Approved. It's been approved. Yay, that machine's approving all of them, isn't it? Yeah, it might be broken. I might need to give it a tune. Okay. Harriet, there you go. Thank you so much.

That pays for the car and the Thai food as well. Congratulations. Good luck next time. Thanks, guys. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Berean Cleanse Hop Tub. Thai Machine Tour is happening at the moment. Started yesterday in Christchurch.

Today, we were just discussing one of the Aroos of the South Island. Aroos. Aroos. There's, of course, Oamaru and Timaru. And they're in Timaru today. Joining us on the phone, Brianna Thomasel. Hello. Good morning, guys.

I'm so sorry. It's just me. It was really awkward. Clint was driving the DeLorean, Thomas L, hello. Good morning, guys. I'm so sorry it's just me. It was really awkward. Clint was driving the DeLorean, and he accidentally got it up to 88 miles per hour. He's actually travelled back to 2032. Oh, brilliant.

Back to 2032. Forward to 2032. And they said previously been in 2032, and he came back, so technically he's going back to the future. Well, sometimes I do think he's a cyborg, so I think that's where he actually came from. I hope he lets us know how this COVID thing goes. Well, I just said, can you get a few

details on sporting matches so we can make a few bets and stuff. Yeah, the lotto numbers. You're going to Biff Tanner. So you're on tour, the Hot Tub Time Machine, you've got the replica DeLorean travelling around the South Island You're going to Biff Tanner. Yeah. So you're on tour, the hot tub time machine. You've got the replica DeLorean travelling around the South Island in a hot tub. Now, did you think you should be doing this in winter?

Yeah, that was a minor detail that we didn't think through, guys. And, you know, being in public in my togs yesterday in the middle of Cathedral Square in Christchurch, also didn't think that detail through. But, you know, we're here. It's all good. There's nothing like being in a hot tub or a bath in summer and you just sweat. You don't know if you're steamed or it's just fresh new sweat.

It's when you go under the water and then you come back up. No, you'd never go under the water in a spa pool. Yeah, you get a horrific ear infection. It's happened to me before. Don't ask questions. You can't do it. So head above water.

All right, so in Timaru today, do you know where? We are at some bay. We're at a bay. Caroline Bay. Caroline Bay. That's it. That's the one. Yeah, beautiful.

We're going to be at the bay. Just look for the fluorescent white skin of both me and Clint and just real tiny nipples. Not me, that's Clint. And you'll find us. You might want to shut the top on, Brie. Because I've got tiny. I didn't know Clint was a tiny nipple.

I like myself. Are you a little nip? Yes. Tiny nips. Are you little nips? I'm little nips and mine are quite on the side. I'm just showing Hayley now the position of my nips. Are you little nips? I'm little nips and mine are quite on the side. I'm just showing Hayley now the position of my nips there. Kind of like the cartoon character Tarzan.

His nips were all the way around to the side. It kind of looked like he was buck-eyed, you know? Yeah, right. In Aladdin, Aladdin had no nips in the original animated Aladdin. Did he not? Yeah, exactly. I'm just very quickly Googling Tarzan nipples. Oh, yeah, his are pointing to the blooming floor

like he's had a baby or something. Well, I'm glad that we've established a nipple position and size. Bree and Clint's hot time machine. You can catch him in the bay today, tomorrow in Dunedin and Friday in Invercargill. You can go down and visit from three. Do you have any free stuff? We've got flux capacitors

if people, you know, want to whack those in their cars. But other than that, they can win a week's worth of the hot tub

where it can come to your house and you can have it at your house for a week. So head to our Facebook page and you can win that. Nice. All right.

So tune in this afternoon from three briefings. Apes. All right, guys. Back to the future. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast,

why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here. ZM.