ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 5th August 2021

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Elderly Beef  Wellington Flatmate  Top 6: Instagram Vax Captions  Rhys Mathewson!  Jacinda Approached  Open Curtains  Suicide Squad!!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hey! ZM's Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4. Conditions apply. Oh, the hustle never stops.

It does. For businessman Vaughan Smith. Okay. I'm off to judge a illustration competition now. This is the Margaret Mayhew Illustration Prize for children's books in New Zealand. Oh, so it's not kids that have done the art, it's

actual adults. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. There'll be some good stuff then. I know, yeah. Some really cool illustrations to pour over. Whenever I'm at a, I don't know, you see the places that put up kids colouring in competitions, I'm like, these kids are shit. Are they getting worse?

Are they getting worse? Are they getting worse? Too much iPad time. Not enough time on the arse end of a bloody Faber-Castell. No, they're not between the lines. Back in my day. Sloppy finger work. Yeah.

Terrible stuff. But yeah, adults. They make a mistake on the iPad, they press undo. Yeah. Make a mistake growing up. You just had to live with that. You had to live with your fuck up As it stared you in the face So how did you get roped into this?

I have no idea And what do you know about illustrating? I just Nothing You love comics I love comics I love animated TV series I have children

I have in my time Read a lot of children's books And somebody has Naked photos of you So you have to do this That's exactly Yeah Publicity company Accidentally have naked photos of you, so you have to do this. That's exactly right. Publicity company accidentally have naked photos of me

from my failed book, Vaughan Smith's Balls, and are really lording it over me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, you win some and you lose some. You do. All right, well, good luck. Play. ZDM's Fletch Horn and Megan.

Thank you, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome. ZDM's Fletch Horn and Megan. Thank you, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Horn and Megan. Three minutes past six. You got your big puffy jacket on? Yeah. Megan, you cold?

Yeah, it's chilly. You got a T-shirt on? Yeah, I don't think it's as... Yeah, it's nice and warm. All right. It's a little bit chilly outside, but it's... Mostly warm in here. It's not puffy jacket and side weather.

It's because you know we are at odds with the air con temperature. Yeah, that's right, because we like it colder. Yeah, and I need to wear warm clothes. Male and females on a whole, though, isn't it? It is. It's the old office air con debate all over again, isn't it? Yeah. It's fine.

I can put a jacket on. You can't take more clothes off than a T-shirt, so. Well, it's been your interest that we keep our T-shirts on. It is. Thank you. What time does the mail room open? Seven. Why?

Have you got something in there? There's a box of cookies from that cookie company that want me to be owner. Oh. That's right. You've got equity in the company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I thought that had, like, blown over. No, no, no, no, no. Oh. That's right. Like equity in the company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I thought that had like blown over.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, why has it taken so long for them to send you? Well, no, I've been seeking, you know, independent business advice. You'd forgotten about it, hadn't you? A little bit. Nah. The good things take time.

Well, that's exciting. Yeah, I know. And there's some goat's milk here somewhere. I saw it. Yeah, goat's milk. Why has somebody sent goat's milk? I don't know. Goat's milk.

I could have had that on my own. You totally should have tried it as an alternative to dairy. Yeah, right. If you've got the lactose deal or something or the other, goats can also be milked. Anything with nipples can be, apparently. Yeah, it's famously. They can be.

So we can have goat's milk and cookies. Giant cookies. Okay. When the mailroom opens. Your chance to get some mundane bills paid again on the show this morning at 8 o'clock. A chance to get a free ride with the movie Free Guy. That's the list enough for the Activator. Just before the news at 8 o'clock.

Reece Mathewson in studio after 7 this morning. Yeah, he's got a media. He's bringing back his Comedy Fest show this Saturday in Auckland. He's got a couple of double passes

to give away and just a little bit of a chat. And after 8.30 this morning, Margot Robbie and David I needed to watch

the interview online where he says his name again. Poconos Man. Dals name again. Polka dot man. Dals Martian. Dals Martian. That's right. Yep. They join us.

Yeah. A virtual Zoom. Yep. This morning after 8.30. We're going to have a chat to them. Next on the show, it's the end of an era. We've all had an experience with this thing that's been phased out. Okay.

Some positive, some negative. All right. I'll tell you what it is that's not going to be around anymore. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. You remember those little plastic bread tags that used to come on bags? They still do. But you also used to be able to grab a handful of them at the produce department at the supermarket. And you'd crack one corner off and then you'd get...

Would you crack a corner off? you wouldn't go in halves? You wouldn't... No. Five folded in half and then you'd get two. No, if you crack the corner off, you had a 90 degree and it was easy to get your finger in tight and flick them. But if you went in half, you really had to wedge it into that gap, which wouldn't get as much tightness.

I don't think supermarket's do them anymore, eh? Because of that. I haven't even looked for them. No, I don't think... Because I just put the eh? Because of that. I haven't even looked for them. No, I don't think so. Because I just put the produce in the trolley. Yeah, same. It doesn't get its own dedicated plastic bags, but those bags are compostable now anyway.

I think they've got waxy-feeling bags there. Yeah. But yeah, you used to grab a few of them, and everybody knew someone that got hauled up by store security because they grabbed a whole handful of them and got caught filling their pockets with them. They tend to take them to school and use them as a...

spin them off. Well, they've been available on bread bags and Tip Top have announced they're phasing them out. They kind of did it pretty quietly the New Zealand rollout of this, which is going to be done by the end of the year, but it's made big news in the fact that Australia, the Tip Top bread in Australia is going to be done by the end of the year, but it's made big news in the fact that Australia,

the tip-top bread in Australia is going to have it. And they estimate it'll be 100 million pieces of plastic taken out of the waste system. Because that's a big, chunky bit of plastic, isn't it? And one that can just accidentally disappear. Yeah. And more often than not. Where did the tag go? Exactly.

More often than not end up in landfill versus being recycled. I don't even know if it can be recycled. So the new ones are cardboard and made from recycled material. So they look exactly like a plastic bread tag. Same shape. Same shape and everything. Yeah. Okay. And then I read a comment, which is a big mistake.

People were like, oh that's not going to last more than two clips back on the bag. But when does a plastic one last that long anyway? What you do is you grab the top of the bag and you spin the bottom of the bag and you fold it and put it on top of itself. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah. Yeah.

That's how you do it. The tag's just there so that the bread doesn't fall out on the way out of the factory. Yeah. But the minute you've had a few slices, you can get a good spin on and then you just put it on itself. Or even just kind of do like a knot or a fold at the top. If you spin it. You wouldn't knot it.

Bougie. Have you ever had the spices that come in the cardboard box that have got a little cardboard peg in them? Yeah. Yeah, I've always thought just that cardboard peg could be used. What kind of spices are you using? They sound bougie as. Nah, it's the box ones.

Most box ones are the brown. Brown box. The Greggs ones. No. No, it's the boxed ones. Most boxed ones are the brown. Brown box. The Greggs ones. No. No. Misses some things. Because I just finger that back in the thing. I always finger it back in.

The next time you get out the garam masala, it's spilt everywhere. All your herbs are all over the place. Are you using garam masala? What do you fancy with the spices? No, I just know garam masala is particularly, like, stainy, and it's hard, once you spill it in the spice drawer, it's hard to, like, clean up because the minute water hits it, it turns into, like, an orange paste, and you're like, come on.

It's like spilling the turmeric. Yeah, let's work together. Let's work together. Yeah, right. Okay. But, yeah, those little wooden pegs do the trick. Okay. What is that brand?

I don't know. They do a salt and pepper. It's a brown cardboard box. With a little green label. Mrs. Someone. Mum Someone. Auntie. Spicy.

Auntie Sylvia Spices. Spicy Auntie Syl. Spicy Auntie Sylvia Spices. Yeah. I know the ones you've been. I've seen them in a supermarket. But those are way more expensive than Greggs. The little boxes.

No, they're not. I don't think so. Mrs. Rogers. Mrs. Rogers. Mrs. Rogers. Shout out, Mrs. Rogers. Who's Mrs. Rogers? And why is she in the spice trade?

I wonder. You know, whenever we dig into one of these historical Mrs. or Mr. figures, we find out something we don't like about them. Don't we? Don't say that. Don't tell me. We're going to learn that Mrs. Rogers was not only running quite the spice shipping

system, she was also a slave trader. About Mrs. Rogers. 100% Kiwi owned, so that's good, isn't it? Oh, she looks, there's a little graphic over on there, she's too young to be a slave trader. That's great news, and someone's not a slave trader. I didn't, are they all same organic? Oh no, as far back

as the late 19th century, the original Mrs. Rogers began experimenting with new and interesting herbs and spices. Oh my God, you're right in the bloody hot spot of slave trading.

Eco-packaging and sustainability. There you go. Tell me more about the historical Mrs. Rogers. Well, now her descendants, they were so impressed by her flavour combinations that they received the original recipes

and established Mrs. Rogers Herbs and Spices. Do you reckon they ripped the racist pages out of the book? I have no idea about what she was like. No, but if it's a cookbook from the 1800s, I guarantee there's some stuff in there that you'd read now and you'd be like, we don't call it that anymore. N-word slice, why was it called that? No, I don't think it goes back that far.

Okay, good. But yeah, the eco-packaging and sustainability. So they're all about the cardboard tags. That's why. Yes, that's the wooden pegs. But what are the plastic bags in the wooden boxes at Mrs. Rogers? Are they a compost? I don't know.

Probably. I've shut down the website. I don't care. Banana skin bread. I'm on the baking recipes now. Banana skin bread? Banana skin bread. Oh, no.

Mrs. Rogers recipe. People use the inside of the bananas but don't throw away the skins. Oh no. Yuck. Stringy. Stringy and dry and waxy and yeah. 16 past six. That's definitely one of the recipes that had to be renamed out of that old cookbook by the way.

We've got a problem in a rest home and it's not that they're getting all freaky with each other. This is really sad. It is very sad. We've had a joke before about retirement villages and how they like to get down. Well, you're in your twilight years. You know, you've got nothing to worry about.

You don't have a professional reputation to uphold. Your children too embarrassed because they're adults now? That's a bit of lols. But this is actually a really sad story that has been shared on Facebook. It is of a woman being bullied in a retirement village. So she is a vulnerable elderly woman living in a New Zealand retirement village. Okay. And she received this letter, passive-aggressive,

bordering on just aggressive, attacking her gardening ability. Wow. Oh, and that's a shot right where it hurts to when you're old. Would it be too much to ask? Would you give some thought

and effort into tidying up your very small section? Passag already. The front of your unit is very messy. There are weeds in abundance, and whilst the weather hasn't been conducive to some hard effort gardening,

some maintenance could easily be managed. Do you really need to have the old garden furniture there? Your pots are mismatched and all over the place. Who was in your... It's redacted, so it says someone who was in your residence ahead of yourself kept the place beautifully. She won many awards and most of us have photos of her gorgeous

seasonal displays. Oh, give it a break. It's hard to keep the marigolds pansies. Sadly, most of the shrubs and many plants that were testament to

her gardening skills and love of nature have gone, ruthlessly pulled out and disposed of. The whole garden now simply devoid of colour, shape and form. It is so sad to see. The sidewalk is a disgrace. Old netting, stakes and chicken wire do nothing to enhance an area used by many. Would you consider employing someone to help out? Perhaps not as it must be hard to live amongst affluence and a champagne lifestyle when on a bare income. Being socially inept, you must feel left out of things at times. Perhaps, redacted, lifestyle village is not for you. Oh my God. That's the kind

of note you'd expect from, you know, like a bitchy teenager. Not a bitchy old person in a retirement home. I think they tried to maybe bring it back at the end and said, would you feel affronted if some of the other residents held a working bee and got your section sorted? Think about it and we'll be

in touch. Daisy Mae and cronies it signs off. Isn't that, that's rude. Also like what if they physically aren't able? Yeah, well exactly. When you get to that age you're in a retirement home. Aren't you? Yeah. You might not be able

to even kneel down. Yeah. And the chases on like three times a day. That gets you. That'll get you. It hooks you. And then you go on tip and point and then you're stuck Yeah. And the chaser's on like three times a day. That gets you. That'll get you. It hooks you. And then you go on tipping point and then you're stuck there. And maybe the weather's not good. Yeah.

So just stay inside. Well, it's not, is it? No. Not good enough for Nana to be outside in the garden. Oh, my God. Does that mean we're going to be bullied at a rest time when we get to a rest time? Oh, I'm going to straight up, I'll kill them. I'll have people fall over all the time.

I was right behind her on the stairs. She fell. What can I say? Anyway, I'm back off to my room to shoot heroin between my toes. You're not going to be around for long. I reckon my organs. Good time, not a lot of time. I'll get into the retirement village.

I'll be like, don't bother unpacking that. Wellington has some of the wildest advertised accommodation ads do you remember how there was that was it a conservatory and then that was like 300 bucks a week and then there was like that flat with no windows yeah that basement underground

unit that was like tiny with absolutely no windows that was like another 400 bucks there was a caravan for a few hundred bucks it's just wild renting places there like it's hard Like tiny with absolutely no windows, that was like another $400. There was a caravan for a few hundred bucks. It's just wild renting places there. Like it's hard. It's hard to find something decent. So there's a lot of competition.

Well, the latest one is a $400 per week for a room just off Cuba Street. So centrally located. Yeah. $400 a week. For one room. Yeah. A 22 square meter room, by the way. So... Wow. Five metres by

four metres, just over, would be... Yeah. The studio? The studio we're currently in? I'm wondering if it's just cheaper to move into an old folks home at this stage, and then you're there for when you need it. What is the deal? Because they'll means test you away.

And if you've got money you have to pay but otherwise the government covers you but I think you also have to be older. You have to be over 65. Can I use my dead grandad's birth certificate? I don't know. No Mr Holmes, there's no way you're 80. I'm like, what can I say? I'm moisturised. So this was

advertised expensive, small, but then it also comes with a catch that between 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Monday to Friday, you can't be there because this property was being used between those hours exclusively by somebody else for personal uses. So it's a one bedroom flat, right? It's not a two bedroom flat.

No, no, it's a studio flat. It's not, there's no bedrooms. So somebody is going to come in to your flat and use it while you're at work. Yes. Which if you're working nine to five and you have to leave at 8.30 to walk to work or whatever in the city. Yeah. That's fine. Right. But then also weird that all your stuff's there. And what happens if you're working 9 to 5 and you have to leave at 8.30 to walk to work or whatever in the city, that's fine, right?

But then also weird that all your stuff's there. And what happens if you're sick? Yeah. And you need to stay home for a day. Just sit in the corner. And what do you do during your annual leave? I need to know what that person's doing. I need to know what that person is using the place.

So these are the exact words of the since removed flat listing. Okay. So these are the exact words of the since-removed flat listing. I use this space for my personal purposes only during the day between 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Monday to Friday, and it will be preferred if it can remain exclusively for my use. Not a must. A matured working professional is welcome to be a flatmate for the other times and use it for residential purposes. Must leave things clean and tidy.

No, see, just get a one-bedroom studio apartment and put it out this admin. At lunchtime, if you work in the city and you don't feel comfortable using the work lavatories. What a weird... Wait, so they want to use it exclusively so you literally can't be there? No.

That sucks. But then you'd be at work. But it's not like you're getting a discount. It's not cheap. No. If this was $150 a week and someone was using it during the day, absolutely. You'd be kind of trying to make something work. Yeah, because it's so cheap.

But there's no discount here. This is just expensive. And they're shutting you out of your own place. And I just need to know what's happening. I need to know what they're doing. Like what they're doing during the day. And maybe they've got one of those like, you know when you go to like an Airbnb

that somebody's like beach house and they've got like a locked cupboard. Oh, what's in that? What's in there? Yeah. That's exactly why I've thought about taking a lock picking course. To just see what's in the Airbnb cupboard.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a vehicle. Can you do it? There'd be so many times. So many times I'd be like, Fletch, we need your services. You open it up and you're like it's just like a boogie board.

Or just lots of spray and wipe and genola and stuff. And the kids sand pit toys. Beach toys. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Megan. Now with winter a lot of people put the gym, the fitness on hold on the simmer, on the back element maybe.

Because you don't want to get out of bed because it's cold. Well, you might even drive to the gym and there are no car parks. Well, that's the universe saying you don't need to go today. A personal trainer in the UK has put a time on how long it takes for changes in your body, how quickly your fitness levels drop when you take a break from the gym. Do you want to know? Is it two weeks? Well, so it depends a lot on your genetics and lifestyle factors.

Oh, great. And on your nutrition and stuff when you do stop. Okay. So quite often when you don't go to the gym, it's because you're eating chips, eh? Yeah, so, I mean, if you don't go to the gym and you're eating, like, junk food. So he says if you stop training completely but still maintain your efforts on your nutrition, recovery, physical activity, and hydration, like, you still eat okay. I guess that's what he means.

Yeah. The rate of change will likely be slower than if you had not maintained these efforts. So if you eat junk food bad and do nothing. The difference varies between two weeks with incorrect nutrition to one to two months with maintained nutrition. So if you don't go to the gym or you've got an injury but you're still healthy, maybe one to two months before your body starts, your muscle starts getting soft.

But no one's stopping going to the gym and maintaining a, like, you know, squished, clean diet. How about that sweet spot? Maybe you go to the gym one time and you are doing cardio and you're like, oh my god, I feel great. And then you realise it's just because you haven't done anything for like three days. So your body's not tired.

Like your body's not physically tired. Right. It's like ready to go. Yeah. If you've been going for a long time and then you take a little break. Yeah, that's all right, isn't it? It makes you feel a million bucks. And then you try to go again the next day and your body's like, no.

No. Go back home. That's a no from me. Yeah. Okay. Well. Okay. Well, yeah, somebody to keep back in. What if you go on

like a two week holiday? That means you have to go to the gym in the holiday. Well, yeah, he does say that if you go back to the gym it's not all lost because if you regularly

go to the gym there's muscle memory. Right. So it's a holiday. My muscles have well and truly forgotten everything. Are they still on holiday? Yeah. Where are they? They've got everything. Are they still on holiday? Yeah.

Where are they? They've got dementia. No, they got stuck in another country and can't get in IQ. That's not it. That's been a right muck up, hasn't it? I don't know. What happened? From the rat-infested ZM think tank, this is the top six.

There we go. All right, vaccinations are coming, baby. I'm seeing some people getting some vaccine, some needlework. Yeah, well, they did a press conference yesterday, two million jabs. Yeah, and what was it? Crazy. One point something with the first and the rest 600 with the second doses.

Just great news. Yeah, something like 600,000 plus are fully vaccinated. To get it done. My wife's had her first one. She said apart from a slight bit of tenderness at the spot, absolutely she didn't get the... She's fine. Yeah, the fatigue or anything that can come with any immunisation.

You know, your body's having a little fight against the things and reprogramming and being like, that's the bad stuff. Yeah. But we know how to fight it now. Good. That is a... I'm just saying, when people are like, I've had my first one, I'm like, um, not fair.

Where's my first jab? No, don't do that. Why? You're not supposed to do that. No, you're not meant to do that. You're not supposed to vax shame. I'm like, not fair. Where's my first jab? No, don't do that. Why? You're not supposed to do that. No, you're not meant to do that. You're not supposed to vax shame. You don't vax shame. No, I'm just saying that's not fair.

Did you not read the article last week? You're not supposed to ask people like, how come you've got before me? Because they might have something that's put them further in and you're pretty much asking them to expose a health condition that they might not be happy with. Yes. I understand. Because I've thought that as well,

because people have said to me, I've had my first one, and I'm like, and then I stop myself, because I'm like. Right. Also, my wife does not know why. She had an autoimmune disorder.

Well, that'd be it then. In her, like, 20s that went. Well, that'd be it then. But it's on her record, so she thinks it's from a run. Also, you've got asthma. I know, I've got a respiratory illness. You should be level three.

You're allowed yours. Would the email go into my other inbox? Because maybe I've missed it. Oh, don't even get me started on your. Didn't you have 8,000 unread emails yesterday? I clicked on her other. No, 6,000. I clicked on, she's like, I haven't got the link for the interview.

And I'm like, it's in the other bit. Let me check that. Jesus. Okay, you can go on to book my vax, and you'll be able to book because you're group three. Okay, okay. Because we don't want you dying. Thank you. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

We don't want you dying. That's a high bar of nice sentiments there. Thank you. No, we don't want you dying. But you are going to need an Instagram caption, especially. No, we don't want you dying. Yeah. But you are going to need an Instagram caption, especially you, Megan, when you get yours done. Yes, okay.

You'll be cramming this. Once you put on your bloody Instagram filter. What is it? Stop saying. When you face tune your arm. I don't face tune. Excuse me. And give it a real summer tan.

That's why you've been having your sun spots removed. I've had... You're prepping for your vac shot. and give it a real summer tan. That's why you've been having your sunspots removed. You're prepping for your vac shot. So I don't have to use Facetune anymore. I don't use Facetune. I wonder if anybody has up to the arm workout because they know they're going to have to get a vac soon and they want to get a good pic. I bet there's somebody.

Anyway, we're all going to need captions. Just spread the word to say, look at us getting vaccinated. Hooray, you should do it too. So the top six cute Instagram captions for your vaccination selfie. Number six. Oh, my God. I thought they said vacation, not vac-a-cation.

Yeah, okay, that's good. That's cute. Number five on the list of the top six cute Instagram captions for your vaccination selfie. To quote Pat Beter, hit me with your best shot. Fire away. That's good too. Vax away.

Vax away. I feel like I can't use these though because you've said them. You know? Look, I'm saying them, but I'm guaranteed they've been used a thousand times. In America,

how many millions of people have been vaccinated? And not every one of them put a photo up. Good on them. Spread the word. Let them know that the vaccinations,

you know, it hasn't done whatever anti-vaxxers think it does to you. Number four on the list of the top six cute Instagram captions for your vaccination selfie.

Waxed vax and ready to climax. That's good. I like that. Yeah. Number three, it's another song for the cute Instagram captions for your vaccination

selfie. Lil Jon's shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Everybody should get shots, shots, shots, shots, shots to get herd immunity. Number two on the list of the top six cute Instagram captions

for your vaccination selfie is a little loading bar. You can do that by going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Oh, yeah. And now downloading antibodies via the 5G network. That's good. And number one on the list of the top six cute Insta captions for your vaccination selfie. Best thing I've had stuck in me for years.

Just put it. That and leave everybody else to decide how they want to interpret that. That is today's top six. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. I guess there's pros

and cons to this research that's been revealed. This was on a study of more than 15,000 people. When you had confidence in your body

through your lifetime. Okay. So women aged between 19 and 24 were prone to being unhappy with their bodies. I don't think that's a surprise to anyone. Society, body shaming and everything. People who are really self-conscious. They were much more content with how they looked by the time they reached the ripe old age of 60.

Well, that's because you've given up though, isn't it? So by the time you reach the age of 60, and this was indicative of 60. Well, that's because you've given up though, isn't it? So by the time you reach the age of 60, and this was indicative of men and women, they were much more confident with how they felt with their bodies. You just let it all hang out. You're like, well, it's still working for me. It's still working at that stage. You're like, yeah, if it's working, that's fine. I'm twerking.

So men suffered a dip in self-confidence between 29 and 34 years old, so a little bit older than women. Well, that's because it's caught up with you, hasn't it? Yeah. You can't just eat and drink whatever you want. And it's maybe a bit of a wake-up call for people 29 to 35. The bare belly kicks in. Yeah.

And then, again, between 44 and 49 49 there's a dip in self-confidence. Oh God, I know. Is that not another handbrake on the old metabolism? Is that a midlife crisis? Midlife like, oh, I'm just not

going to get that. I can't do what I could used to do. Yeah, maybe. It's when you really start noticing the when you get up off things. But like women,

they get pretty happy with their bodies by the time they reach their 60th birthday. And then it continues to increase after that. Right. So from 60 onwards, you're just like, yeah, I'm still going. I've got one. Still here. And you've just realised maybe you've wasted all this time

worrying about your body and you don't need to care. Yeah. Do you find this, like you have all these issues, like self-confidence issues, but then you look back on photos and you're like, I was really unhappy then, but look how skinny I was. And I reckon that just continues your whole life. And then when you're 60,

you look back over your whole life and be like, what was I worried about? Why did I? A hundred percent, I reckon. Why was I so concerned the whole time? And you've just wasted all your youth. Wasted all your youth worrying about something. You've wasted it worrying, guys.

You've wasted it worrying. Gosh. You only got one of them. These lives we live in. Yeah, true, yeah. Make the most of it, eh? Get out there today and do something you've been putting off. I feel like it's been a while since we've had them.

The motivator. Is this the motivator coming back? This is the maximator. Right, making the most out of life, you know. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Megan. This Saturday in Auckland at the Q Theatre, you can catch Rhys Mathewson's show that was in the Comedy Fest. It's back, Heartless Joke Machine,

and that Heartless Joke Machine in studio now. Rhys, hello. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. Good morning. Are you the Heartless Joke Machine? You're damn right I am. Oh Hi, guys. How are you? Good. Good morning. Are you the Heartless Joke Machine? You're damn right I am. Oh, wow.

Yeah. You're too sweet to be heartless. No, I've been a comedian for 15 years, and all I care about is jokes. Yeah. Other people have babies, and I'm like, dumb baby, give me a joke. Yeah. Can you tell me a joke, baby? It's just like, yeah, it's a good one, actually.

But then when I make the baby laugh, I'm like, still got it. Yeah, right. You're two months old, you can barely see, but this guy... I took my kids to a comedy show you did for kids, and they still talk about, when they see you on Stephen Sharp, they're like, that's the guy with the joke about pooping in the newspaper. Because your whole thing was, have you ever done a poop so big? And they were just like, ah, crying with laughter,

like screaming and hollering. Like, they loved it. Yeah, kids' audiences are really easy. You just be like, fart. Isn't that great? And they go like, oh, my God, give them the Pulitzer. Give them the Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe you should just follow the Wiggles run and be the opening act. Look how much money they make. I would legit love that. Yeah, opening. Get me a what, a green skivvy? Yeah. You'll put whatever colour hasn't been taken yet. So what is Heartless Joke Machine about?

It's about a lot of stuff. It's about I got engaged a couple of years ago. Congrats. And still haven't had a wedding thanks to COVID. So it's going through the process of that. We're organising that at the at the moment we're organizing the guest list and I'm loving it. Oh are you? Oh to rank every single person in my life from best to worst I crave I've got five uncles I've decided two of them aren't gonna make it. Oh yeah. Why not? That's the hardest part about the because you like if you imagine the family

unit is an onion. And so immediately you've got your parents and your siblings. That's the inner onion. And then what's next? Grandparents. Yeah. Then your uncles and aunties. But you can't take half of a layer.

You've got to take the whole layer or no layer. Oh, can you? I was going to make them compete Hunger Games story. Hunger Games to the death. Yeah. That's the way to do it. Okay. So it's about organising wedding

and life yeah you know just kind of dealing with I'm trying to get healthy you know is a big thing for me

at the moment I'm on a new diet oh you're liking that oh it sucks because some people like stopped eating like carbohydrates or they've stopped eating

like between certain hours of the day or I'm doing a new one I've invented where I've stopped eating in my car because it's never a salad. It's just me

shoving handfuls of McDonald's fries into my mouth. Yes. Like I'm the missing link between orangutans and humans. Right. Because we were talking

at the start of the week about people having snacks on hand and people have snacks in their glove box in their cars. Oh. You don't do that? No, I don't.

Because I'm not sure if you know this but McDonald's are everywhere. Yeah. You are never more than a 10 minute drive from one so I'm like, I'll just, I'll do that? No, I don't. Because I'm not sure if you know this, but McDonald's are everywhere. You are never more than a 10-minute drive from one. So I'm like, I'll just do that. So how's that diet going? Oh, I haven't lost any weight. Right.

I actually went vegetarian is what I did. And I haven't lost weight because there's no meat and chocolate. But, you know, you've got to try stuff. Yeah. You've been off drinking for a little while. Yeah, yeah. How long have you been like proper dead cold sober?

Proper straight edge. I stopped drinking two years and seven months ago. Oh, wow. Yeah. Thank you. Was there a moment

when you were like, ah, that's me. This is that sign I've been looking for to stop altogether. Yeah, there were... Yeah, and I kept it off. I've got a breastfeed, you know.

No, there were two of them. The first was that I was doing a gig and I said on stage, I'm not a big drinker. And I heard all of the comedian table crack up. They're like, that's a lie. It's funny. And I was like, oh, no. Right.

And the other one was that I was at Christmas and I didn't ruin the Christmas. That's probably the most memorable part about the Christmas. But I did make it a bit tense. And I was like, if I keep going down this track, the invites are going to stop. Right. But less people to invite to the wedding.

Yeah, exactly. And keeping the cost of the wedding down. Because if you're not drinking, no one is allowed. Well, I reckon I should, because the problem is my partner's vegan. So we're doing a full vegan wedding. This is shaping up to be the shittest wedding of all time, by the way.

It's not the booze-free vegan wedding. Well, I was like, well, if I can't give you meat, I should at least give you booze. So everyone else can have a drink and then I'll be in the corner being like, good stuff, guys. Yeah. Great. Yeah.

Eating like a hummus ball. How bad am I at inventing a vegan thing on the spot? I didn't even know it was hummus vegan. Hummus is vegan. Peas and oil, right. Crucially, though, it is a liquid. Yeah, that's why, that's how gross this is, and you're wearing it because it's a ball.

As he leapt on the front seat of the car for ages and gone into ball form. Well, it's at the Q Theatre this Saturday. You can catch Reese's Hardest Joke Machine. ZDM's Fletchmore and Megan's. It's no secret that I am a huge fan of RuPaul's Drag Race, watching All Stars at the moment. You're a jump on the bandwagon.

I mean, yeah. Everyone always talked about it and I just never got around to watching it. And then when I was on maternity leave, I started from season one and I binge.

Binged it all. But I was so excited because I knew Down Under was coming so I was like, right before it starts, I'm going to watch everything. Yeah.

And then RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under happened. Kiwi Queen won it against all odds because there were so many more Australian queens on there. And I cried when Ketamine won. And now, after an Official Information Act request was made, we found out that they were very keen to have Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern on the show. So the Official Information Act, you can request if it's a government

or local government? I don't know about local government. I know central government. For example, all the emails that are sent and sent from a government computer, you can request everything. All the correspondence.

It's so crazy to me. Isn't it? So someone literally was asking for any correspondence or communications between the producers of RuPaul's Drag Race, Down Under, and the Prime Minister, and then listed off all the production companies to make sure they got everything. Yeah.

And with that request they found out that the Prime Minister was asked not once but five times to appear on the show. So it sounds like the first few emails went unanswered. She comes on this show.

I mean and she's made appearances on other TV shows but after several emails, they put it down to the fact that the start of the year is very busy for the Prime Minister with various events being juggled. Best wishes for filming and we look forward to watching it. Because I remember we just started back on air, what, mid-January. Towards the end of Jan, there were reports of RuPaul and Isolated and MIQ. Yeah. And so what?

Yeah, February, the Prime Minister's getting back into the... Well, January, they gave a list, because it listed off all the dates. Right. The producers sent through dates. Well, she still... Multiple dates where they were requesting her on the show. She would have been on holiday.

Probably fishing with Clark. So, yeah, multiple emails were made including one that said Ru Paul was a massive fan of Jacinda personally and really would love to meet her. But yeah, still oh god, she got a message.

Because they got Taika Waititi, didn't they? But that was Zoom. That was weird and it sounded like he just offered random answers that they kind of put in. Right. It was like not enough of a, wasn't giving enough of a critique to actually convince you that he was saying what was going on.

Here's some things that people say every time, so just say those and we'll put them where they count. So they wanted the Prime Minister to be like on the judging panel. So initially they asked for her to be on the judging panel, which is where the guests sometimes appear. Or after that, they were like, well, you could just turn up in the workroom when the queens are getting ready

and do the more informal chat. But yeah, didn't want to do that. I've even got part of the email where they said that she is a fierce leader. It would absolutely be criminal if we didn't feature our most faithful Judy. It's a reference to Judy Garland. To be on the show.

And you can find time between asking Clark if, Clark asking you if you want to fish for the fifth time this week. So they even got quite cheeky with it. Sass. Then they said, I really don't want to have to ask Judith, not my best Judy, a reference to Judith Collins. Wow. I couldn't imagine Judith Collins on RuPaul's. I don't think they asked.

No. Even when they couldn't get to her. Well, if they were going for her, I'd prefer Prime Minister polls. I'd ask David Seymour before they asked Judith Collins. True. Does that mean when the Prime Minister talks to you on Instagram, that wouldn't be official information, eh?

Because you were pestering her the other day, weren't you? No, yesterday. In fact, for today's Fact of the Day, I was doing some research. So he asked the Prime Minister, like she's got nothing better to do than message you back on Instagram.

Well, she messaged back pretty smartly. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, Justin Trudeau. Wait there, hold on a minute. Justin Trudeau. Okay, mate. Just gonna text somebody back. Nah, go on, but what were you saying, Jo?

ZM's Fleshworn and Megan. Play ZM's. I was mortified yesterday when post-show, scrolling on Facebook, and it was actually from like a South Island grocery chain or booze store chain that said, guys, brace yourself, we've got terrible news. And so many people I knew had commented on it and tagged in it.

They said, we've got terrible news. It is that Bernadino Spumante, the classic, how is it described? Yes, I'm over 18. Styled on traditional Italian Spumante with a blend of 75% muscat and 25% mule fructose. It's a lively sparkling wine

with dried fruit character. The sweet, dull, and sparkling Bernadino is best enjoyed chilled. Couldn't agree more. The minute it gets slightly warm it tastes like cat urine with a cat urine from the soda stream. Or as the spin-off who wrote a fabulous article

about the death of Spumante yesterday quoted the sparkling garbage drink of choice of the turn of the millennium kids. So that's I had to explain it to some people yesterday. I said this was our pals. Yeah. It was cheap.

It was cheaper. What's cheaper than pals? Because that's quite a, you're paying a lot of money for a bit of sparkling water with some cheap vodka in it, to be totally honest. Because I don't know if it's the pastel cans you like because they photograph well or what, but you're paying too much for that. What's the cheaper version? Or can we go to Jarrod's.

He knows the cheap booze. What's the cheap version of Powell's now? There's got to be a cheap version. I don't know if there's much. There's so many different kinds. I mean, you might be cheaper by a dollar or two. Cruises? That'll be a similar price point, surely.

Yeah, cruises. Too much sugar, though. God, you shit yourself, don't you on those. What? You shit yourself. The colour, the sugar, the red, everything. But this was,

the Bernardino was an absolute party classic of the late 90s, early 2000s. And I'm maybe even beyond that, but that was when I left the Goldilocks zone. Yeah.

Because when you, pretty much when you got over 25 and you'd turn up to a party with one of those, people thought you were a bit weird. But you ate that and then you could go back to it later in life. My mum's going to be absolutely ripped about this.

Is she a fan? This is the Smith Christmas Bubbles. I always take a nice bottle. I'll take a nice bottle of Bubbles. Like one year we got given a nice bottle of Bubbles. I was like, I'll save this for Christmas. And I took it along and mum was like, oh, what's this? I was like, oh, it's a nice. She's like, you don't I'll save this for Christmas. And I took it along. And mum was like, oh, what's this? I was like, oh, it's a nice.

She's like, you don't waste money on this. We've got two Spumantes. It's just a $100 bottle of champagne, Christy. No big deal. It's not $7. She was like, no, no, no, no. We've got the Bernardino. We've got a pink chardon.

We don't. I don't. Maybe you take this back with you. She needs to get into a nice Prosecco. Oh, she'd like a Prosecco. Yeah, because it's a bit sweeter. But you would say, Megan, this was your white girl

wasted drink of choice. Yeah. I've got stories that I'd prefer not to share on the radio. Well, no, that's... This is what we want right now. What we used to do.

We used to turn up to parties with two each. Yeah. I preferred to open mine early in the evening to let some of the bubbles go because it was too hard to drink quick because it was so bubbly. Right.

So we want to open up the phone lines now. I was just thinking about a party we went to and a girl took the bottle off. That was the other fun thing. Pop. Yeah. Getting a good pop. I know they were the plastic corks. Pop.

And I remember seeing a girl pop and then it started overflowing and she put it in her mouth and then like tried to drink from it and all went in. Who's that who knows? Oh, the good days. So we want to hear your spew-mantay memories. A trip down memory lane. The good nights, the memories you have with Bernardino's spew-mantay.

I can taste it. Can you taste it? Yeah. I feel like I can taste it. Because it is being discontinued. So 0800 dials at him. You can give us a text you taste it? Yeah. I feel like I can taste it. Because it is being discontinued. So 0800 dials at him. You can give us a text as well. 9696.

And we're going to come back next and relive your memories. And maybe we'll get Megan to reveal hers. Well, it's been announced that Bernardino's Spumante will be discontinued. Man, and I can see why. Some of these stories. We want to hear your Bernardino memories today as we say goodbye to an absolute

classic New Zealand drop. Somebody messaged in a friend of mine won a mountain bike race. Okay. Was handed a bottle of Bernardino as their celebratory sparkling spray. But it wasn't popped. My friend proceeded to pop the cork,

shoot himself straight in the face, giving him a black eye and knocking him backwards off the podium. That was the thing about a Bernie. The minute it had a little bit of movement, she was a pretty explosive pop. It's wild that people are sharing how much this cost, like in the late 90s or 2000s.

Like you can go to the supermarket and get a bottle for like six, two bottles for 12. Two for 12. We're hearing a lot about the two for 12 specials. They don't do two for deals anymore with alcohol, do they? No. No, not allowed. I started my first professional job straight out of uni.

My first function was the Christmas party at a classy restaurant. After being presented with the wine list, I thought I'd show some of my wine knowledge and ask for my favourite brand. I shut the book and said, Bernardino, please. They said, we don't serve that here. And everyone laughed at me. Too fancy for you.

And Bernie became my nickname. Oh, no. R.I.P. Bernardino. Wow. Last year, went through a bit of a phase of going to the local pub for lunch during work hours. The boss, myself, and my work mate would eat lunch and booth a bottle of Bernardino

and then head back to work for an unproductive afternoon. It was courtesy of the company credit card and, of course, Bernardino. If the company's paying, go for a nice one. Now, you don't want to raise eyebrows with getting a... Get a Bernie. Yeah. You can sneak more under the radar. We, this morning, are holding a service in memory of a fallen friend.

Bernardino Spumante. You're lying. It's lying. Is it lying? They've said, we're not doing it anymore, New Zealand. But there are still a lot of cheaper options like your Aquila. Yeah. No, what's that?

Your Aquila sparkling. That's a refreshing mandarin and grape flavour. Complimented by honeyed sweetness. My mum's a big Aquila and also an Asti Riccadonna. Riccadonna Asti. Yeah. Say one. But we are talking about your memories of the classic Kiwi drop,

spew-mante. Who do they know? Peeling off the foil, pulling back the foil. What do you call it? Top? To expose that plastic cork. You'd undo the little... And then...

The cork would soar. Children would chase the cork. Talia, good morning. Morning. Now, you've got some. Talia, good morning. Morning. Now, you've got some fond memories of Spearmante. I want to say they're fond, but most of them are super blurry or end in a really good night, but probably not really good in how my parents would think it was a good night.

Yeah. Okay. So what's your fondest memory? So my friends and I, when we were about 17, used to make, we would get a couple of bottles of Aquila, a couple of Bernie, maybe a sneaky patient pot

when they were under five bucks, and then would go down to my friend's mum's house, and we would just see how much we could drink at one time, or we used to play four kings, and if you lost, you might have to strawpito one of the bottles. That was always a bit of a disaster. Too bubbly for a strawpito.

And then now as an adult, you've played homage at your own wedding, we're told. I did, yes. So I always said to my friends that we've had so many good memories on this that why would I not have it at one of the times in my life. So I got Ricadonna, I got the Bernardino, I got Aquila. I didn't get any patient box, I couldn't find that. And then I served it at

the bridal table and then I served it at the table that was my school friends and some other friends. And then it went down a real treat. We must be drunk. Not the only person that said they've had it at the wedding. No, it's a fond memory. Honestly, such a good night.

And I saw so many people that if it wasn't on their table, they went up to the bar and had a cheeky drink or two. So if anyone's saying that they don't like it, they're telling a lie. Yeah, well, they like to be snobby about it, don't they? I know. Put it in a glass and drink it. No one cares.

No one knows. Brilliant. Talia, don't they? I know. Put it in a glass and drink it. No one cares. No one knows. Brilliant. Talia, thanks for your call. Paige. Hello. Good boy. Gran's going to be upset, isn't she? She will be very upset.

She loves the Spumante. She really does. She'd come around on Christmas, just about four bottles of it. I was going to 10 a.mam and pushed a glass in my face. Razor blades, it feels like. Don't say that about our dearly departed. Now, did Gran have it so often when you were a young child, would you often chew on the plastic cork?

I've got fond memories of chewing on the plastic cork and getting it stuck to my tongue. A lot of people message in about chewing on the cork. Chewing on the place of cork. They said it was their teething toy as a baby. True to it being around so much. God, we've got a problem, eh, New Zealand? Yeah, what is it?

Paige, thanks for your call. Some messages. Somebody said, we got a bottle of Bernardino as a congratulatory bottle of wine when we got married. Oh, okay. On our wedding night in Raro. I had a good laugh about it. But then when we ran out of wine, we thought, heck, let's.

We smashed back that good old bottle of Bernadino and then they dot, dot, dot. So I'm imagining their marriage was consummated. Yeah, following. Following a bottle of Bernadino. Maybe their kid is called Bernie. It should be. The very least you can do.

Someone said, never in my 29 years have I ever tried it. Well, my friend, you're running out of time. Yeah. You don't want to miss out. We asked on Instagram about the Bernadino memories you had. I used to drink Bernadino above a motorway tunnel with a pack of gothic teenagers. Yeah. Somebody asked, impressing a boy, I with a pack of gothic teenagers. Yeah. Somebody asked,

Impressing a boy, I popped a cork straight into my nose. Broke my nose, but he's now my husband. Thank you, Bernardino. Oh, brilliant. I drank three bottles of Bernardino and shit my pants on my boyfriend's parents' lawn. It's very sweet. Thank you, Bernardino. Thanks, Bernie.

I got married at 21 and this was the wine I picked for the reception. See, another one. They did facepalm. But then 21. Yeah. Many bottles down and a mate as a teen in the spa slipped on tiles and gave myself a lifelong injured tailbone. Wow. Okay.

As a poor uni student, I opened a bottle and it was rotten. It had turned brown. What? We took photos of it. I drank it anyway, but then got in contact with Lion Nathan and they sent me another one. I drank it anyway. Are you telling me that if I do find one of the last remaining bottles of spew mante, it's not good to put it in my wine cellar?

I don't know how long it will last in your underground wine cellar. Right. Crying. My memory of Bernardino is crying when the police made me tip it out after I broke a liquor ban in Pawanui. Yes. Flatmate was opening a bottle of Bernadino, shot the cork into her eye,

taped a face cloth over her eye for the night out. Hell of a great pirate look. Finished the bottle, finished the night out, and took herself to A&E the next day. My Vernon in her memory is vomiting into a cake tin at my friend's grandma's house because I couldn't find a bowl. Read out the one about the beer. I'm saving that for last.

He's his grandma. I'm saving that for last. What? Where was grandma? Where were they drinking? Grandma's house. That's awesome. Worked at the Porongia pub and had to order it in,

especially for the nasty old bitch that lived across the road that refused to drink anything else. Wow. R.I.P. Bernardino. Somebody said, sitting in the back of the car in a car park after working, went back to the car so we weren't breaching the liquor ban, sneaky drinking a couple of bottles of Bernie and then back into the party. Alright, here's the one that you want, Fletch.

Yeah, it's a lot. It's a great text. I got so wasted on Bernardino at a housewarming party, I woke up in the morning in the husband and wife's bed, naked and alone. Apparently they'd walked in to find me standing on their bed, naked, spinning around and around, pissing all over their new sheets and untreated wooden floor.

Can't remember a single thing about it. I think this is a good lesson for all of us about how much we're drinking. And it's not what we're drinking, which turns out to be Bernardino. Don't blame the Bernardino. It's how we're drinking. Thanks for the memories, Bernie. Thank you, Bernie. Thank you, Bernie.

A true friend. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. There's an issue with curtains in Dunedin That would be the curtains of the Hayward College I think that's halls of residence Okay Across the road is the Dunedin Hospital Yep

Children's ward Oh it's not the children's ward is it? This would be way funnier if it wasn't the children's ward Yeah it would be They recentlynier if it wasn't the children's ward. Yeah, it would be. They recently received a friendly email from the ward asking if students could close their curtains at night, especially during certain naked activities

to avoid any embarrassment. Oh my god. Because you can imagine what would happen there. Yeah. You know if they're writing a note, it's happened more than once. Yeah. When you started that sentence, I thought you said, you know if they're writing a note, it's happened more than once. Yeah. When you started that sentence, I thought you said, you know if they're writing a, and I was like.

Stop talking. You know if they're writing a, but it's second year. They've got to pull the curtains. This hospital has been there for a while, and so is the, you can't tell me this is the first time this has happened. Maybe the previous arguments had no complaints. Maybe the previous occupants had no complaints. Yeah, right. I don't know.

But yeah, there's just been a light little, hey there, we can see in. And net curtains at night. I will remind again, net curtains during the day. Privacy. Net curtains at night. Oh no. Sort of wet puppet show.

It really is a puppet show. We literally were speaking about this because you live in an apartment building and you're saying that you can see people with lights on straight through. It is literally like a... Yeah, some people don't even shut their curtains. And they just because they're, I don't know, eight stories up, they think, oh, well, no one can see in.

Frosted glass is also like net curtains. Procedure in the day, slightly blurry edged puppet show at night and the lights behind you. So that's another thing to be aware of. We thought we'd ask the question this morning, what did you see through the open curtains? What did you see through the window, neighbours-wise, or just driving along?

Yeah. And you just, at that very moment you caught something, you're just like, oh, oh. Remember that time I was doing a run from the shower and there was a group of guys playing basketball outside? Yes, and they saw everything, didn't they? I mean, lucky them. I don't know if they counted themselves lucky, but I think lucky them.

I mean, they might still be in counselling. Who knows? Yeah, a couple of them didn't make the NBA. And they were. They were meant to. They were on training. They'd been drafted. They had a terrible first season. What did I didn't make the NBA. And they were. They were meant to. They were on training. They'd been drafted. They had a terrible first season.

What did I do to win the NBA? They were just sitting in a room now just rocking back and forwards. And it's been like 10 years? Eight. Yeah. It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah. Well, they were supposed to go and play for the, I'm just trying to think of the NBA team, the Memphis Grizzlies. But once NBA team, the Memphis Grizzlies.

But once they'd seen your Memphis Grizzlies, they could never quite bring themselves to do so. I've never heard it called a Memphis Grizzly before. Neither for the record. Okay, so 0800-DARLS-ATM-9696. Maybe you accidentally saw the neighbours through the window. What did you see? It doesn't have to be like, you know, a nude thing. It could just be something odd., you know, a nude thing.

It could just be something odd. Maybe you saw your neighbour doing something peculiar or odd. What did you see through the open window with no curtains? Margot Robbie joins us on the show after 8.30 this morning. We are talking about what you've seen through a window. Look at him all flustered with the messages he's getting. No, because there's just one that's come in. Neighbours' frosted bathroom window is opposite our lounge. Every night we hear loud music,

and that's when we know the teenage son is going to start practising his dance moves. And the bathroom. But it's right outside that. It's our reminder it's time to shut the curtains. Oh, right. Otherwise they see everything. Because it's right outside that, it's our reminder, it's time to shut the curtains. Oh, right. Otherwise they see everything. Because it's silhouetted. You need a, how are you going to stop that?

You need a note. They need it. But also, do you like drop the notes so that the parents are made aware of it? Or do you, you can't approach them and be like, Hey man, I've seen you play with yourself. Or you die. It'd be horrible. So this is a problem for Dunedin Hospital, the kids' ward.

So he's right into one of the uni halls. Yes. Which, if somebody told me, used to be the maternity ward. Right. Of the hospital. So that explains the proximity of which it's built. Right. So we want to know what you've seen through the open curtains,

whether you've accidentally caught a look at the neighbours. Cody, what did you catch? Well, right next to my front door, actually, my neighbour's bathroom window is perfectly in line with where you have to walk to get inside my house. And having a shower in the morning or night and they turn the light on, you see a terrifying amount of detail.

This is something that New Zealanders for generations, you know, the old quarter acre section, the old state house, there was privacy, but now we've gone to a more high intensity housing model. Not in my backyard. We're going to be seeing a lot more of this sort of thing. Yeah. These companies that build these houses super quick,

not thinking about the bathroom on one house being fully exposed to the kitchen next door. Yeah, wow. Okay, and have you, is this quite awkward then? Have you said anything to them? I haven't actually said anything to them yet

because they're kind of like a whole fence over, so they're on basically a totally different street, so it's a bit of a mission to go and talk to them. Is there going to be an anonymous letterbox drop?

But what are you going to say to them? What are you going to do? I just want you to know from various other houses, you can see into your bathroom when the light's on at night for your own privacy. So, like, get some blinds or something. Olivia, what did you see through the open window? So our bedroom window in our new sort of, yeah,

high-density housing perfectly lines up with our neighbour's deck and lounge room. So we witnessed our neighbour's home birth. Oh! Wow. Wow, and they didn't shut the curtains for that? Well, no, they had, like, the pool set up in the lounge, and then she was coming in and out, like, onto the deck, obviously getting a bit of fresh air and doing her thing.

So we, obviously, her need was greater than ours, so we just shut our curtains and let her do it. Yeah, fair enough. She did not care at that point. No, you wouldn't, would you? Thanks, Olivia. Anonymous, what did you see through the open curtains? Well, it was kind of around, I was the open curtain.

Okay. So I did Camp America in the States at a really rustic cabin thing for three months and you had to shower in separate shower areas and walk back to your own cabin okay and they have kind of there was no windows it's just kind of like this really tight weave mesh and then these kind of slapped wood frames that went up yeah so every morning i would go have a shower come back to get changed and i just take the slats down thinking people couldn't look in. And I'd just kind of wear a towel on my waist and air dry. And it wasn't until the last week of camp I found that everyone could see in,

and it became a morning ritual to walk by at the top of the hill and look down into my room. Yeah, right. You were adjusting the slats, but you were actually just turning it to the perfect angle to see through from a higher high ground. Oh, no. And all those, yeah, all those. Okay.

Thanks, you call anonymous. The message is in. Someone said, I arrived at a hotel room one night and I walked in and I couldn't, I had my hands full, so I couldn't put my card in that thing that turns the lights on. So I walked over, put my bags down, and that was when I looked at the hotel room directly opposite, and I saw someone naked pinned against the window.

Oh, no, no, I can't turn my lights on. Yeah, they were probably doing yoga, were they? It sounds like it. Definitely. Window-based yoga? Yeah. I was going to say a move, and then I was like, no, no. So, yeah, they had to stay in the dark because they were freaked out when they turned the lights on.

Well, just did they close the curtains or did they just stay and watch? Well, they were there. I don't know. Went in Rome. I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to look away. Somebody said during level four lockdown, our neighbours pulled the net curtains during the day

Yeah But the light was coming in from the other side That's another thing about net curtains The minutes they're backlit Yeah So during the day We saw them watching some adult material On television

They describe it here as Lebanese No you've read that wrong. That's lesbian. Oh, right. Okay. Not sure of the ethnicity. Right. But locked in sexual orientation.

Yeah, right. And for that, everything to see. The street to see. Well, yeah, yeah. And then at night with the neck curtains pulled and then what was on the television became real life. Public service announcement. Neck curtains are not enough. They're not enough. Shut the television became real life. Public service announcement. Neck curtains are not enough.

They're not enough. Shut the curtains. Not enough. Absolutely not enough. So many of these stories. My husband started doing the dishes a bit more often. I thought,

this is weird. So I went to investigate one day and I could see he could actually see into the neighbour's spa pool. Busted! I'll do the dishes. But then, he's doing the dishes.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, you just probably let him do it. As you were. Yeah. Oh, that's gross. Are you reading it out or is this a different one? Do you need to be cheap? No, this is gross. No, no, no.

It's just gross. Our lounge looks into the neighbor's kitchen. I saw him do a massive snot rocket into his hand. Like, blow his nose into his hand. Yeah, and then I was like, don't you do it, and he licked it. No! That's disgusting. Don't read that.

Why'd you read that, Al? Because that's what I said, it's disgusting. Did you hear me double check? Yeah, you tried. CDM's Fletchborn and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. cash money for winning medals. And quite a lot too in some countries. Yep. Like six figures?

Yep. The most is Singapore. A gold medal, if you win a gold medal for Singapore, will net you $998,000 Australian dollars. I've got my currency. What? $998,000.

So that is $1 million New Zealand dollars for a gold medal if you are from Singapore. Yeah, I mean, have Singapore got any gold medals? It's safe money because they haven't won a single medal at the Tokyo Games. Not one. Not a single medal. Okay, because they get half a million for a silver and quarter of a million for a bronze.

Okay, the country Singapore has won five Olympic medals. Ever. Isn't that insane? Oh, so it's a safe bet. It's a safe bet, whereas Lisa Carrington's nearly won five. Lisa Carrington would have bankrupted Singapore. Basically, yeah. Kazakhstan is the second highest payer for a gold medal.

They'll pay a gold medal athlete about $340,000 New Zealand dollars. Wow. $340,000, $200,000 for a silver and $100,000 for a bronze. Okay, they've got four bronze this Olympics. Okay. But overall, yeah, they don't do too well. So again, safe money. So Malaysia pays $320,000 for a gold.

New Zealand dollars? Yep, New Zealand dollars. By the way, the New Zealand dollar is really good against the Australian at the moment. Right. Because it's an Australian article that have got this breakdown. Never won a gold medal, Malaysia. Never.

Never? Nah. Only seven silver and five bronze. A total of 12 at any Olympics. Okay, because it goes from 320 for a gold to 96 for a silver. So well under half.

Yeah, but it's under a third. They've only won a bronze at the Tokyo Games. Other countries that pay, Italy, the Philippines, Hungary, Brazil, Japan, the US, South Africa, Canada, and Australia pays their athletes $20,000 a medal for a gold 15. Considering it, like, the US, Brazil, who else? Italy, like, they're not short of medals. They're paying, like, a lot of money for the athletes.

Yeah. Whereas the Philippines, were they a nation that never won a medal or have only just won a medal? Yes, I think you're right. Or was it Indonesia that won their first medal? They've got a gold at this Olympics. Right. And a silver. So someone's needing about $275,000 New Zealand dollars for that gold.

Only ever won 12 medals though, the Philippines. Ever. Right. Well, there are countries that don't pay. New Zealand doesn't pay actual money. But apparently I messaged the Prime Minister. I'm like, do we give the athletes anything? I feel bad for them.

You can imagine how hard it is running the country. And then you get pestered on Instagram DMs by Vaughan Smith. What did you say to her? At least this was... I said, firstly, Kate Hawksby tells me you're displaying COVID symptoms. And all anyone cares about is Judith Collins wanting to bottle a police minister. So firstly, I hope you've got a hot toddy on board. And secondly, does New Zealand give their Olympic medalists anything?

Just prepping for a fact of the day about countries that give their medalists cash money. She replied to you. She said, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. I just needed to follow my own advice and got the test. Yeah. And my recollection is you get additional funding from High Performance New Zealand when you medal for your sport.

Ah, right, okay. I said, please send Kate a copy of your negative test results text just to put her mind at ease. And thank you for that information. Right, okay. But then my thoughts are, like, the fact that Lisa Carrington is, like, the standout hero of singular hero. Teams wise, you can't go past the Black Ferns, Sevens.

But the standout hero, that's just going to push so many more people and kids and young people to be interested in kayaking. Totally. Which will in turn get them a bit more funding. All of the sports that do well at the Olympics and even ones that don't get a boost after the Olympics. Yeah, it feels like, yeah, I'll give it a go. I'll give that a go because I saw it on telly, which is awesome, which is a great part about the Olympics.

I feel like those ones that just about meddle are the ones that could do it some more. We came eighth in diving at the three metre. That was cool. What do you want diving for? What would you give your money to diving for? A bit more chlorine for the pool? A bit more chlorine for the pool? A bit more, yeah, exactly.

Let's get some more chlorinated pools. Let's get new jobs. People want to dive. You're watching a lot of diving, eh? Now, is it just a coincidence that all the divers are hairless bods or are they getting waxed just pre-Olympus? No, because I don't think you can be hairy because it's aerodynamically. And it makes a big splash, you know, the hair when you enter the water.

The hair does make a splash. Yeah, it does. Can you imagine a big hairy bear doing diving? A big splash. Yeah, but it's all on the elegance of entering the water. The hair would be like, and drag the water down. No, it wouldn't. It's a splash reducer.

So, okay, then there's some more money for diving for VEET. And other hair removal products. Yeah. So, today's fact of the day is some countries, not ours, give the individual medalists cash money if they win a medal at the Olympics. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Currently in studio, we have the laptop. We're in a Zoom virtual meeting room with journalists from all over the world.

And then they're just going to be like, hey, guys, you're on with Margot Robbie and David Dasmasian. Yes. Dasmasian. Let me just put the audio link up. In the Zoom chat. Yeah, I just opened a chat. That's a journalist. Thanks. I have you on deck in Berlin.

I'm sorry, are you team me? That lady doesn't know what's going on. International media scrum. I think she's got her dates wrong. We're just waiting. We're waiting and we're in next with Margot Robbie and... David Dasmalchian. Now, there is...

I almost had it. I choked halfway through thinking of his name Robbie and David Dastmalchian. That was, I almost had it, I choked halfway through thinking of his name. David Dastmalchian. Now this is a classic thing they do in interviews where they put a huge movie star with a lesser known, and it's nothing against him, a lesser known movie star. Colt Classic's got an IMDB list a mile long. He does, but the thing is like weird

most people will have questions for Margot Robbie won't they? But, so that's what I think we use. The start of the interview, we talk to David. Yep. A bit. Make sure he feels in contact. Totally, totally.

You imagine if it was you. Yeah. Like, you'd tend to have Margot Robbie. I'd be like, I'd honestly probably just chill. Just have a drink. I'd be like, you guys can just talk to Margot. So we've got 10 minutes. Yeah.

So you reckon a couple of warm-up questions. Two minutes with David at the start. Yep, yep. Bring it in. And then Margot will come in. And then hit Margot. Heavy Margot on the end. Hit all of warm-up questions. Two minutes with David at the start. Bring it in. And then Margot will come in. And then hit Margot. Heavy Margot on the end. Hit all the Margot Robbie questions.

This is a little bit of a how-to. Yeah. Otherwise, he'll just be sitting there the whole time. We won't have any questions for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, you don't want to be the people that interview and just ignore him and just ask Margot Robbie inappropriate questions. We're just going for a good, balanced.

There's two people there. Let's talk to both of them. Okay. Play ZM's F to both of them. We're joined from the Suicide Squad, Margot Robbie and David Das Mulchen. I hope I said that right. I've been practicing for like 10 minutes. You nailed it.

Yes. Thank you so much. You're getting the award. I'm done. I'm not doing any more in this interview. It's so nice to hear Kiwi accents I want to be there oh that's nice

we actually know someone you know of course we know oh no don't do this because she might not know well this is this is the big test whether or not

you know Courtney Courtney really yeah we've been best friends since we were kids see told you yeah see

also I just broke your cardboard cutout oh the rock we can i thought i thought harley was indestructible apparently not we're gonna glue the floppy arm it's the bazooka or whatever it is oh it's the bazooka that got broken oh we can glue the bazooka okay well while we've got these two here can we talk about costume discrepancy um because this is a whole thing you just look like you've got one of the old Stiggs racing outfits here, David, and then there's been some polka dots done to it.

Was there any? Well, just like with Formula One, there's sponsorships in the comic books. And so the Wonder Bread, the brand, do you have that in New Zealand? No, but familiar with it. Yeah. Familiar with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.

So there's the sponsorship. They have the noodles. You know the game Twister? The game Twister sponsored Polka Dot Man. That's the new craze. I'm going to go to people's houses in my Polka Dot Man costume and they can play Twister on my body. And we all just witnessed David get cancelled. It's been a pleasure.

You've had a great career. It's done, but you had a good one. Thank you so much. What's up, Larry? I'll see myself out. How did you, Margot, you were established as Harley Quinn, the Harley Quinn. David, how did you come about being the polka dot man?

Were you asked to audition or did you turn up to be a supervillain? You thought, oh, which one am I going to be? Am i going to be one of the big ones and then and then one of the lesser known but you know one of these these cult super villains that make the suicide squad the suicide squad that your your second option is that what happened james gunn sent me a message and said i want you to be in the suicide squad and i was like oh sweet what badass cool character am i going to get to embody who am i going to bring to life am i you to be in the suicide squad. And I was like, oh, sweet. What badass, cool character am I going to get to embody? Who am I going to bring to life? Am I going to be, I don't know, polka dot man.

That's, wow. I don't know about it. And that's how it happened. And then I read his beautiful script. It blew my mind. And the rest is history. And I have to say, when I read the script the first time, before I knew anyone else was attached,

and I didn't even know Daveave then we'd never even met I pictured him in the role The entire way through I hadn't pictured anyone else in a role but I was like That actor david das malchian should be polka dot man. It's so it was so clearly written for him I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing I was gonna say I mean it in a good way. I didn't mean to make it sound like I think you're like this now. It's a total compliment. The fact that you would think of me

in any capacity whatsoever as an actor in something, I'm like, I can't believe that story. Let alone it's a severely psychological disadvantaged supervillain with severe mummy issues.

You were like, I know just the guy. That's the guy. Why you got to focus on that part of the story? I don't know. I feel terrible about it. Did anybody ever see Sylvester Stallone on set or was he had the cruisiest job of everybody? Because he is he provides the voice of King Shark for people that don't know. Steve Agee. Pardon me? We didn't have

Sly on set. We had Steve Agee who Yeah. Pardon me? We didn't have Sly on set. We had Steve Agee, who was a fantastic King Shark, and then Sly came in and did the voice for King Shark afterwards. So I actually only met him in person the other day when we did press, and it was kind of surreal because you're like, whoa, it's Rocky. Yeah. It's Rambo. It's Rocky. It's all in Paris We know But

But now he's King Shark Yeah I mean he crushed it His voice is like Kind of like rolling thunder It's so deep It's so perfect for King Shark Yeah

So you have done some That's another aspect of it too I'm sorry guys I have to wrap this interview We have to move on Okay Well this has been fun Four minutes left

Sorry guys Hey Thanks guys In honor of Sly. I'll see you in my terrace. Oh. Why did they just end? How long was that? That wasn't 10 minutes.

He just like literally cut it off and now they're gone. We didn't even get to say goodbye. Or to the like Margot Robbie questions. You should have asked the Margot Robbie questions first. I was asking the David questions first. We'd had enough David questions. We were in a row. We built a rapport.

She was opening up. He was comfortable. We were about to hit the sweet spot. Executive intern Anya, can we get them back? You said 10 minutes. Okay, I thought it was 10 minutes, but at the start he did say 4 minutes. Did we not? But I'd it was 10 minutes, but at the start he did say four minutes. Did we not?

But I'd planned for 10 minutes. I heard 10 minutes? No, I thought you'd do a mental rejig of the plan. Jared, can we rewind the tape? Yes. Hi, everyone. You've got four minutes. Please keep in mind.

I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that. I was laughing. Wait, because you talked all over it. We were talking. We immediately started to build a rapport with our interviewees. We didn't hear this. Why did you ask the questions...

Timekeeper? ...to the guy first? You should have asked the Margot Robbie questions. It would have sounded like we could have moved on to Margot easily. We'd only had four minutes. We don't need a bill to report. We were less than halfway through our allocated 10 minutes. They just hung up. And then you ask them, we need to wrap this up.

And that's generally where you wait for a bit and then that guy disappears for another couple of minutes. Well, thank you, Margot and David. It's been a pleasure. Well, they can't hear you saying that. They're gone now. It was lovely. We need to put them back in the waiting room. I hope that they don't think we hung up on them. We're going to have It was lovely. We didn't even get put back

in the waiting room. I hope that they don't think we hung up on them. We're going to have to get Courtney to make it good. Courtney that we know that knows Margot Robbie. To get more interview time. Lovely to see Margot Robbie though wasn't it? Did you hear Vaughan's voice when she

first spoke? She's a very good looking woman. Even over Zoom she's stunning. I know and Zoom doesn't do anybody any favours. It's weird to think that was her house right? We were just talking to her at her house. I don't know. Was that her house or a hotel? I don't know. It looked nice. Well anyway, it's in cinemas.

Margot Robbie was living in a caravan. Margot Robbie had a nice house. Dump of a student flat with a pile of her washing behind. Sorry about the washing, guys. These Zoom things really sneak up on you. Well, the movie is out today starring Idris Elba, Margot Robbie, John Cena, Peter Capaldi. So, Esther Stallone is the voice of King Shark. So many KOs.

Yeah, and David. Our best friend, David Dashman. David Dashman, yeah. Who you've heard from as well. I spent more time practising to say his name than I actually got to talk to him. Yeah. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. Olympics!

So the closing ceremony, it all wraps up on Sunday. Yeah, Sunday. It's actually been quite exciting, isn't it? The Olympics. We've won lots. But did the Paralympics start on the 24th, eh? Yeah. Why such a big gap?

Give everything a wipe. Well, normally they have to clean up all the chip packets, don? Yeah. Why such a big gap? Give everything a wipe. We've got to clean up. Well, normally they have to clean up all the chip packets, don't they? From the crowds, but no chip packets. No crowds.

There's no crowds. So today, Thursday the 5th of August, it all kicks off just before 1 o'clock as we watch Caitlin Regal, who's done the double kayaking.

They don't call it double skills. It's the K2. The K2. Yes. I only just worked out the other day that K means kayaking. They don't call it double skills. It's the K2. The K2. Yes. I only just worked out the other day that K means kayaking and then the number following means how many people are in that kayak.

Yeah. They don't do a K3 because have you ever seen three people on a kayak? No, but there's a K4. That's coming in the coming days. Really? So today...

Four people on a kayak? Yeah. Or is it a canoe? Because I thought... I thought... One sits on top. I want to know why some of the kayakers have leg coverings and some of them go bare leg.

Yeah, well, we need to talk to Lisa Carrington, when she's in MIQ or back in New Zealand. We've got so many questions. I did sea kayaking over Christmas, and I got pins and needles. I went to stand up at the beach to get the kayaker shore, and I fell over. Me too. And I was like, how do they do it for so long?

Because she's a canoeist. Yeah, but I was in a sea canoe. Lisa Carrington. Same thing. Canoeist's kayak. Potato, potato. It's the same thing. Do canoeist.

I don't know. Okay. Anyway, she might know about my pins and needles. We've set you some home, and you go on. I'll tell you that Caitlin Regal's semifinals are at Carrington's. Semifinals are at GoGo.. Semifinals are go-go. Now, if they advance to the final, that is at Hoppars 3 this afternoon.

That is the woman's K1 500 metres. Oh, she'll have a bit of an advantage if she gets in over Lisa because she would have just raced, wouldn't she? No, two hours. Oh, yeah, okay. So the two-hour gap. That's enough to have a power rate, isn't it?

Yep. Woman's karate. The individual kata. Apologies for the incorrect pronunciation, if that is so. Yeah. Andrea Anakan is in today. This is an elimination round as well. Okay.

So it's pretty exciting. The K2 1000 metres is another kayaking event happening today with Max Brown and Curtis Imrie in it. So you reckon I'd get pins and at a thousand metres too in my legs? I wouldn't even get to the start line. I'll get pins and needles the minute I sit down. You'd capsize, wouldn't you? You know, if I'm thinking I might not make the Olympics. It's not happening.

I'm not getting anything. At 39 and a half years old, I might have left my run too late. Yeah, you might have. Golf. The second round today, Lydia Ko, I saw the headline, she recovered from a horror hole yesterday. Goodness. So she's still in with a chance.

The final of the men's shot put is on today at 2 o'clock. Tom Walsh and Jack O'Gill are in there. Is that a medal chance? Yep. Okay, good. Yeah, it's the final, right? Yep. The final also for the men's K2, 1,000 metres kayaking is happening later on this afternoon,

only if our lads qualify. Otherwise, I'm just calling the whole thing off. Yeah. Track cycling. There's a whole lot of sprints and kerians and ominums and crashes. There was a crash last night, unfortunately. And it grazed right through his lycra. Did you see that?

You ever fallen over on, on like a really smooth surface? Oh, horrible. Really burns. Yeah, and I bet they would have put the dettol on and it would have been In the cycling, all going to plan,

there is a final tonight that we could qualify for. Okay. That's Elise Andrews could qualify for the woman's Korean. I'd love to see. I think that's where they're all humming around. I want Elise Andrews. Could qualify for the woman's Korean. I think that's where they're all humming around. I want to see tandem.

I reckon that'd be great. Did they have? You know, like they go, so they start the race and they have to hire the tandem bike from the guy next to the beach. Yeah, and leave a bond. And leave a bond. Yeah. And then if you're the fastest and you can get your girlfriend to do the peddling. Am I right, guys?

I knew it! There was tandem cycling at the Olympics. Was there? Yep. It's largely forgotten now as it became a discontinued Olympic cycling event.

Megan's got trauma because she doesn't do the peddling. She knows what I'm talking about. She's funny hearing it coming from you. That was with Caitlin Regal the other day in the back of that boat with Lisa at the front.

I would have been like, yeah, I'm paddling. Same. You keep paddling, I'm paddling. No, but then she's dead weight. No, no. Of course, that was just a joke. You're not going to say that to her face, are you? All right, well, good luck to our-

No, I'm not finished. One more. Nick Wallace. I did my homework too, if you want to know. Okay, Nick Wallace in the 1500m semi-final tonight and that's like

11 o'clock good luck for the semi-Nick your homework please rowing facing backwards kayak face forward

with two-ended paddle canoeing facing forward one-ended paddle what do you mean everyone faces forward pass rowers go backwards

oh they do too yeah that'd be terrifying is that what the little fella in the back's doing Everyone faces forward. Pass, pass, pass. Rowers go backwards. No, rowers go backwards. Oh, they do too, yeah. That'd be terrifying. Is that what the little fella in the back's doing? The little fella. The cocks in. Yeah, they literally tell you how far away you are from the finish line. Quick, I've got to go to horse racing.

Quick. ZM's Flesh Warner Megan.