ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 8th July 2020

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

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Hi everybody and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast brought to you by the lovely people at McCafe. Scan the Maccas app and get every sixth McCafe coffee free. Enjoy the show. Thanks Ash, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, two minutes past six. The Brazilian president getting coronavirus. Quite funny. We don't. He's denied its existence for a while and then it was, when it became undeniable, he was like, it's not that bad. Yeah, he's Brazil's

Trump, but worse. Yeah, he's a real POS. How's he doing? Is he alright? I don't know, just that he's got it. Yeah, I don't know. So, hmm. Did I see that someone came in contact with Trump who has been confirmed to have coronavirus?

Because every time that happens, I remain hopeful. That'll just end America's problems. I mean, it's a bit rough. America's problems. The world. Do you know what? I think it would only add to their problems. If he got taken out by coronavirus.

Yeah. Because then he was in charge. Pence. Oh, yeah. Yeesh. And then everyone would think it was someone did it to him on purpose, and then someone would just be like, I heard that he was injected by Hillary.

And her emails. And then it could just get. It could go either way. It could get worse. Well, we've got our own political scandal here and you're dealing with that in the top six. Yeah, so it turns out there was a leak of private details of people who have COVID-19 in New Zealand.

These are New Zealanders arriving home. Yep. Anyone over the last few weeks, how you might have heard, we've got two new cases in managed isolation. Now, the names of those people with COVID in managed isolation got leaked. And it was a big, who did that?

There could be criminal charges. Turns out it was a national MP. Yes. From Bill English's old seat down south. And he was leaked it by the CEO of the rescue helicopter, Michelle Bogue. Who used to be the National Party president. Yes. Oh, shh.

It's like a scripted hit from a political drama. Yeah, like House of Cards. How did she find out the names? Well, I guess she would be involved in transporting people with. Right. Because that was the situation, right? As soon as, when you were managed in isolation. Excuse me, I've been drinking.

And you got confirmed to have it. Everybody with it went to one specific. Yeah. Place. So imagine they may have been involved in some sort of transport or she may have had access to those files. Leaked the names, he said to the media. See, I'm not a racist when I said that people in Otago

don't want people from India coming in. Look at these names. Right. So it turns out the only... And the media is like, we're bastards, but we're not that bad. Yeah. So it turns out the only weakness in the system was the National Party. Yeah.

Yeah, right. It turns out. It turns out. Yeah. The person that messaged us in the other day saying we Party. Yeah. Yeah, right. It turns out, it turns out, yeah. The person that messaged us in the other day saying we were a Labour Party mouthpiece will probably be again saying this morning we are a Labour Party mouthpiece. Hey, we've got to make up for that.

Everything we've said is fact. We've got to make up for Hosking and the Herald upstairs. Yeah. Don't we? So the building's level now. Who balanced the building? We're balancing the building here at work. You don't want a wobbly building.

And everything that's been said is factual. That's why they separate us. Round floor. There'll be fights in the kitchenette. Everything we have said, factual. Yeah. Is it? Close enough.

So the top six coming up. But there are certain aspects of right-wing politics at play here, like Fletch doesn't share his coffee. There is communal coffee, some sort of communist party coffee ration here, but you lauded above us. That would be more of an act thing, to have is communal coffee. Some sort of communist party coffee regime here, but you lauded above us. I feel like that would be more of an act thing, to have your own coffee.

Yeah, you've gone far right. You're right. You're using a national blue vivid today. Shit. What would your father say? So the top six is the top six other things we want the national party to leak. All right.

It's coming up, but next on the show. Usain Bolt's had a baby. It's the name of the baby that we want to to leak. All right. It's coming up. But next on the show. Usain Bolt's had a baby. It's the name of the baby that we want to discuss next. All right. Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Congratulations are in order for Usain Bolt and his girlfriend, Casey Bennett.

Is he still the fastest man in the world? Oh, I don't know, actually. I thought you were going to say, is this the same girlfriend that he turned it on? Everywhere except the bedroom. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Now, can you refresh my memory on what happened with that? Wasn't it while he was at the Olympics or around then?

He was caught having smoochies and stuff on the D floor. But wasn't it that? That's right. And it was caught because people were, like, snapping and Instagramming. Yeah. Yeah, okay. He wasn't shy about it.

It was after the Rio Olympics. Rio Olympics? I think so. He won. He'd done the hard yards. He went out for a party, but then got a little smoochy. Yeah. And I believe there was a bottle of Grey Goose.

There's always a bottle of Grey Goose on the table. It's a fantastic vodka. Private bottle service when someone's getting smoochy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they've had a baby, a little baby daughter. Okay, so not the girl he was cheating on, with. Yeah. The. Well, they've had a baby, a little baby daughter. Okay, so not the girl he was cheating on,

with. Yeah. The girl he was cheating with in the club. No, no, no. His partner that was at home. His girlfriend. Okay, right.

So, it was such a gorgeous wee baby, born on May 17, during our sort of lockdown. But they've just put up the photos and revealed her name. Okay. Olympia Lightningbolt.

Olympia, first name. Yep. Olympia Bolt. You'd imagine Lightning is middle name? Yeah. Doesn't specify. Oh my God, that's actually quite brilliant. Olympia Lightningbolt.

Because you don't use your middle name that much, do you? No. Really? Imagine if she grew up to be a runner. Yeah. I'd be like, you have to use your middle name that much, do you? Really? Imagine if she grew up to be a runner. Yeah. I'd be like, you have to use my middle name. Like Olympia Lightning Bolt.

Like a boxer, how they always have their like. Yeah. But what if she goes the other way and it's the last thing she wants to do? Just sits on the couch. She's very lethargic. And then gets very lethargic and overweight. Then she's just Olympia Bolt. And then she's just, yeah.

She could be Olympic ring. Yeah, true. I kind of like that they embraced it. Yeah, it's good. Olympia Lightning Bolt. How fast was the labor? Does it say how quickly she shot out the canal? No, it doesn't actually.

What's a 100-meter record that long? He goes, sets the gun off the baby. He's like, out. Yeah, no, it doesn't actually. What's a 100 metre record that long? He goes, sets the gun off the baby. He's like, ow. Yeah, no. Didn't happen. Congratulations, though. All right, 14 past six. Next on the show, some Netflix news.

Yeah, good news. Good Netflix news. Have you been drinking? A little, a little, a little. I burnt my tongue last night. Oh, hot chips? Pizza. No, not hot chips. A piece of night. Oh, hot chips? Pizza. No, not hot chips.

A piece of meat. Oh, right. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, news for Netflix fans and fans of the show, Dead to Me. It has been renewed for a third and final season. Sarah and Christina Applegate, James Marsden, and I don't know the name of the other. I just know Jen and Judy. Judy.

She's so great, though. I think she's the star of the show. And you'll recognise her, but I just can't. I don't know her name. So season two came out during lockdown. Linda Cardinelli. Yes. She's great.

So season two was during lockdown, right? So I feel like a lot of people polished that off pretty quickly. Polished it, yeah. It kind of started off and it was same, same, right? Did you feel that? It laid it in the middle. Yeah, and then at the end I was like, oh, this is good. Good cliffhanger.

So the third season will be the last, which I kind of like because nothing worse than a show that drags on for like two seasons too long. Yeah. And kind of gets a bit rubbish. So it'll be a way to wrap it all up. The news came out yesterday. Christina Applegate tweeted, I will miss these ladies,

but we felt this was the best way to tie up the story of these women. Thank you to all the fans. We will be getting back into work when it is safe to do so. Right. We don't know when. Oh, yeah, right. Has it been written? It feels like maybe.

Oh, I don't know. Right. I mean, it only just got officially renewed yesterday. Yesterday, I don't know if it was... Did Netflix do some sort of announcements

on their renews and their cancellations? Maybe. Because Ozark season four is going to be the final season. Oh, I'd heard that. That's confirmed to be happening. And if you watched Ozark

season three, that final bit, you were like, oh, God. Oh, it's a good season. Oh, God. And the end of it. That's breaking bad level and if you watched Ozark season 3 that final bit you were like oh god oh it's a good season oh god and the end of it that's like

that's Breaking Bad level good that show I haven't done season 3 yet it feels like a it's a stress it's a very stressful

show to watch and then long episodes eh yeah yeah should have done it in lockdown damn it

feels like you know like quite the undertaking. I've been watching The Sinner. That's. I finished that yesterday and I. I've got two left and I'm just like, oh, I don't know if I can be bothered finishing it. It's one of those shows. I don't know.

The ending, I was like, oh. Yeah, see, that doesn't give me hope. Because last time I was like, should I start a new show? And then I was like, no, I've got to finish this. The first season of Sinner was so great. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't give me hope. Because last time I was like, shall I start a new show? And then I was like, no, I've got to finish this. The first season of Cine was so great. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't know. You should watch, I'm on to the final season of Money Heist.

Yeah, that's on the list. That's on the list. See. See here, fee. See. Fee. Because I'm learning, I don't know any Spanish words.

Actually, there's one that they say every now and then, I'm like, I know what that means now. Right. But I'm also learning that there's no hard S sound. Like what you're hearing here. C. C. Fe.

Yeah. Fe. Fe. Yeah, gracias. Spanish is coming along really well. Gracias. Because gracias is interesting because it's got a C and an S. Yeah.

And they do have a slightly different sound. Gracias. Gracias. Gracias. Gracias. This is great for your Spanish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a friend that learned English watching Friends.

Really? And I've actually heard a lot of people, that is how they improve. You learn the basics. Yeah, you learn the basics and then you just watch Friends. Do they have an American accent now? Yeah. And they structure everything like Chand the basics. Yeah, you learn the basics and then you just watch Friends. Do they have an American accent now? Yeah. And they structure

everything like Chandler Bing. Yeah. Megan's just found out that the guy in The Sin of the Main Guy is gay so she's got no chance. And you are married

also. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I realise now I had no chance anyway but it's just definitely not into me you know? Matt Bomer. Matt Bomer. Married, also. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I realise now I had no chance anyway, but it's just definitely not into me, you know? Matt Bomer.

Matt Bomer, yeah. Poor man's Henry Cavill. No, he's way better than Henry Cavill. He's not better than Henry Cavill. He's got piercing eyes. Henry Cavill's got piercing eyes. No, Henry Cavill's a boring Superman. I'd like to see them in the same room, fight each other. They'd look like twins.

Henry Cavill would kick his ass. Yeah, that scene in Mission Impossible where he's got the moustache. And he pumps his arms like a shotgun. Yeah, Henry. Yeah. Well, there is probably the other most hated argument we've had in studio this morning. It's a photo that is doing the rounds of a newborn baby. Yeah, and the baby is holding a contraception...

IUD. An IUD. Yeah. Not an IED. That's an improvised explosive device. I don't know what IUD stands for. It's just like one of those little,

looks like almost a... Uterus. To floss things. Do you reckon the U stands for uterus? Something uterus device. Intrauterine device or something. Intrauterine device. Oh, nailed it stands for uterus. Something uterus device. Intra-uterine device or something.

Intra-uterine device. Nailed it. You're welcome. Yep. You said it says a uterus something. There's a uterus. There's a U

in there somewhere. It looks like it could be like a tooth flosser contraption. So, in the photo, the baby's holding it

in its little hand. And it's fresh out there. It's got blood and's holding it in its little hand. And it's fresh out there. It's got blood and gill on it. The baby does. Yeah. Well, the baby's just, yeah, been born. So, it's wet looking.

So, the mama got the IUD being like, okay, contraception. So, the story goes. But it didn't work, obviously. And then when the baby came out, it had it like in its clutches. It's just a cute, feel-good story and everyone's like, ha, that's why it didn't work. It's not a feel-good story. It's a story of a failed medical device. Well, I mean, she's okay with it now.

So she had two babies and she didn't want another one. So this was her form of contraception. So when it was born in Vietnam in the hospital, the delivery was normal. Huh. The IUD came out separately from the baby,

but the boy took it in his hand. Why is that? I told you. I told you. There was no way the baby was born holding the IUD. There is a long history. I found an example from 2017. I found an a long history. I found an example from 2017. I found an example from 2012.

I found an example from like 2007. So you're saying that someone took along an IUD, which are very expensive contraptions. Yes. They took it along and then when the baby was born, they were like, this is going to go viral. Put it in the hand. Yep.

It'll be one of those anti-contraceptive groups. Oh, do you reckon? I didn't thought that far down the political conspiracy theory line. But, yeah, never for a moment did I think this baby was born holding it. Oh, my God. What, did they just grab it on the way past? Well, Megan's very upset. I'm not very upset.

It's just like, you live such a cynical life. I'm just like, oh, cute. And I moved along with my life. But you're like, not true. You wanted it to be true. Exactly. No, I did the research. I don't want it to be true.

I just thought it was a cute, feel-good thing. I'm like, oh, that's funny. People think Pete Evans is a cute, feel-good thing. No. And people need to do their research and realize there's no basis there. He'll be joining us after 7 this morning to talk 5G towers. No, he absolutely will not. I had to lighten the mood by showing everybody the video of the guy doing a panorama photo

eating a hot dog and it makes it look like he's eating a really long hot dog. So that's great on the internet today. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. Yesterday, political scandal. I was just trying to think, in the last few days before this happened, who was kind of, because a politician's always in the firing line.

David Parker would, no, it's not David Parker. Who was the health guy? David Clark. David Clark, yeah. Parker. Who was the health guy? David Clark. David Clark, yeah. Yeah, he was the last one. But then I think he kind of, yeah, he said, I'm done. And I think there's other people looking at it. I love a scandal.

Yeah. It's like watching the TV show Veep or Thick of It. Yeah. Sometimes you just can't write how good and juicy this stuff is. Crazy. So this leak yesterday came via a National Party MP, Walker, from Hamish Walker, from the Clutha seat where Bill English used to sit

eating his spaghetti pizzas with pineapples on top. Yeah. Remember when that was the most controversial thing a Clutha seat MP did? Yeah. And then Todd Barclay came, something happened there, he had to go, then this guy stepped in and he's in,

but now he'll be out, I'd imagine. But he leaked details of COVID-19 patients to the media, to which the media are like, well, we're not printing their names, which is good.

Yeah. The media's always in the firing line. They're the good guys now. They're like, well, we can't print that. That's not going to help anybody. And it turns out he got it from Michelle Bogue, who was the acting

chief executive of the Rescue Choppers. Yeah. And has links to the National Party. I don't know what these people were hoping. She used to be the president. Yeah. And once she got a helicopter to get her passport. Do you remember that? 2006. February 2006. She arrived to

the Auckland International Airport. Remember those days? Yeah. You could go overseas. And she left her passport on Waiheke Island, so she called the helicopter. And the helicopter came in, picked her up, took her to Waiheke Island, and got the passport, so it came back. Or did the helicopter just go and get the passport?

Something like that. There was a helicopter involved. Yeah. And everyone's like, should you be using that? Yeah, less travel, because it would have been like, ports, Waiheke sense. There was a helicopter involved. Yeah, and everyone's like, should you be using that? Yeah, less travel because it would have been like ports, Waiheke, airport, back to the port. But if they'd come and got her, it would have gone port, airport, Waiheke, airport, port.

Let's be honest, if I had a helicopter that could do that, I'd pull some strings. Yeah. If I'd forgotten my passport. But I'd make somebody look sick while I was doing it. Yeah. But they were. They had to escort the patient.

Sure. But then they came around, so we still went overseas. Some absolute scandal. Yeah. But they were... They had to escort the sick patient. Sure. But then they came all right, so we still went overseas. Some absolute scandal. Yeah, I know. It's going to be interesting to see

how it all unfolds from here, but I've got the top six other National Party leaks. Okay. Apparently these are just waiting to be leaked.

Number six on the top six other National Party leaks, the remaining secret herbs and spices. Oh, that's a leak I could get behind.

I feel like the internet has been making those anyway for a while. Yeah, but they know. It's never quite the same, though, is it, when you try and make those recipes? Yeah, what is it? Don't know. Because there's only so many herbs and spices. Definitely paprika.

That's in there. Garlic powder. Garlic powder and salt. Are they counting salt as a herb and spice? Or is that just a given? I don't know. I mean, it'll be in there, but it's definitely a given. Yeah, right.

Number five on the list of the top six other National Party leaks. Apparently someone in the National Party knows if Leonardo DiCaprio's character was awake or dreaming at the end of Inception. Right. I'd love them to like that. And you were like, is it going to fall over? You're talking about the end of Inception. Right. I'd love them to like that. Spun the thing. And you were like, is it going to fall over? You're talking about the end of that movie. I was confused at the start.

That'll explain the whole thing. Number four on the list of the top six other National Party leaks that we can probably expect before the end of the week. Who was Jack the Ripper? That'd be a great leak. I've got confirmation on who Jack the Ripper was. Number three. This one is juicy. Okay.

From the top six other National Party leaks waiting to happen, apparently someone in the National Party has a sex tape between donkey and dragon from the Shrek movies. Because the dragon was the female, the donkey was male, and those little dragon-donkey-kid hybrids had to come from somewhere. I'm just interested in the sheer logistics of donkey-dragon sex. Yeah. That's why I want to watch it. Wow.

Of course. Number two on the list of the top six other National Party leaks. Apparently someone in the National Party knows what actually happened at the end of Sopranos when it faded to black. Oh, okay. One of the great unsolved mysteries happened at the end of Sopranos when it faded to black. Oh, okay. One of the great unsolved mysteries. What happened to Tony Soprano? I mean, we all know what happened to the character.

He died, didn't he? Yeah. No, no, not the character. The guy that played the character. The guy that played the guy, yeah. He's a great actor. And number one on the list of the top six other National Party leagues. I'm looking forward to this because this has plagued me for many years.

How did Cat cat dog poop? I know. Cat dog was a cat at one end and a dog at the other. I know. Or did it just come out of the dog's mouth? Like, depending on what they ate. I saw there was various times that they were both eating. Yeah.

But where did the poop come from in cat dog? It's not the first time I thought that. In the middle. If it came out in the middle, was it the top or the bottom? You'd assume the bottom, but the butt isn't never on the bottom. It's always on the back. Maybe it came out the side. Maybe we just never saw the butthole at the back in the middle.

Ooh. Maybe it was like a belly button. Anyway, those are the big ones. It's going to only be somebody knows. It's going to win them some votes. That's for sure. That's going to be a juicy, a juicy leak. That's today's top six.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Australia have just got something and they're going crazy about it. And we're all like, we've had that for ages. You guys are dicks. I'm just trying to find out when this came out in New Zealand. I can actually find, I can find a video on youtube from 2015 june 28 2015 okay of this product and so it's like in

a supermarket that they're videoing it was it food i don't know yeah yes okay yes yes yes yes australia has just got the Whittaker's Jelly Tip Chocolate. Oh, yum. It was 2015. Yeah, I'm looking here. It was 2015. Wow. 2015 we got that.

2015 we got that, but never had it in Australia. I don't know. Do they do jelly tip ice creams over there? Maybe that was the part that always blows my mind. They're like, oh, no, they haven't had jelly tip ice cream, so I don't know if they'll like this. They won't have the nostalgic buy-in that Kiwi's had

that's one of my favourite Whittakers though I could easily smash maybe not a whole one because they're quite sweet but I'd probably smash three quarters

and then be like I'll just have the rest tomorrow and then just do the rest then that's a lot that's a lot I liked it because it was a chocolate

where I could happily eat a couple of rows and be like that's enough for now yeah right I don't know if I've ever had it put it in a chocolate where I could happily eat a couple of rows and be like, that's enough for now. Yeah, right. I don't know if I've ever had it. Put it in the freezer and then the centre goes like a bit harder. Oh, you asked for it longer.

You've never had it? Nah. It was like 10,000 blocks floating around here at one stage. Yeah, I know. But it always is in the morning and I'm, I don't know, chocolate doesn't seem like a 7am thing. It's 7pm somewhere, Megan. That's true. It's anytime, anywhere a 7am thing It's 7pm somewhere Megan That's true

It's anytime It's anywhere somewhere Exactly It's yesterday somewhere Yeah So Australians They just got it Very recently apparently

Because I know That they've been going on About how caramilk Isn't there permanently Like it's like It used to be here It's just It limited runs

Yeah And they're like Come on Why does New Zealand Get it all the time Make it permanent But we don't Make it permanent isn't there permanently. Like, it's like it used to be here. It's just limited runs. Yeah. And they're like, come on, why does New Zealand get it all the time? Make it permanent. But we don't. Make it permanent. Yeah. But one Australian, she usually sticks to beauty stuff. Yeah.

A beauty influencer has delved into what she calls snackfluencing. Yeah. And she described the taste of this as like it tastes like having sex with a Hemsworth, maybe even two, while harps are playing and angels are singing. It tastes like a free European holiday on a super yacht. It tastes like winning Lotto and getting a promotion and having a pack of Tim Tams that never runs out all at once. Can Whittaker's put that on their website as a review?

Yeah. It tastes like having sex with a Hemsworth. Like movie review posters, they chuck a quote up there. Yeah It tastes like having sex with a Hemsworth. Like movie review posters. They chuck a quote up there. Yeah. Can't have sex with a Hemsworth? Try this. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. Our neighbour got some new pigs. Some corny, corny pigs. Oh, they're cute. They're your neighbour's pigs? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, they're not. I would have made a more grandiose announcement. Yeah. I thought you were just, because we have made a more grandiose announcement. Yeah. I thought you were just, because we always tease you about how many animals you've got. I thought you were just trying to make it fly under the radar. Oh, no, no. That you've got some pigs. No, no, heck no.

I'm keen for pigs. Very keen. I want to call one Hamlet. Yep. Hamlet. Hamlet for sure. And Honey. Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, because they're going to be coony, coony pigs. Yep. Okay. And the neighbors have got coony, coony pigs. So we popped across, we saved up all of our scraps and took them across to the pigs. Yeah. Cute. It's been a while since I've watched a pig really get into a bucket of scraps.

Have you ever watched, you've had pigs? No. They really like, you know when you say you're eating like a pig? Like, it's not for no reason Like they go Just really get into it Really get into it They can eat a dead body eh

Yeah Yeah Bone and all The hair's the problem Is that just a movie In the movies thing Wait did they spit out the hair Or something

Actually I don't want to know You don't put the hair in there Okay Not that I've done it But that's how I do it I'll laugh laugh at your expert, Vaughan Smith. No, remember there was that Canadian pig farm? No. Do you remember that case?

No. There was this massive Canadian pig farm, and they did DNA testing and stuff. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No nonsense. Is that urban legend? No. Okay.

Google it on your own time. It's pretty grim stuff. Anyway, we weren't feeding bodies to the pigs. We were feeding scraps Scraps okay Peels and stuff Yeah And we're really getting into it

This is the neighbour's place Ray's place And he's got lots of animals Just got some alpacas I think there's a bit of What? Yeah there's a bit of Friendly competition

Between who can have The most wacky animals Okay You should get a giraffe And then just rip him The middle finger Where do you get it Now I'd probably have to

Put new fencing in Yeah Oh yeah Because they've got such long legs They could just step over A standard fence Yeah Okay get a shorter the middle finger. Where do you get it? Now, I'd probably have to put new fencing in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because they've got such long legs, they could just step over a standard fence. Yeah. Like, you'd get a shorter, stouter animal like a rhinoceros.

A rhino. They'd go through the fence. Either way, this sounds like fencing issues. So, when we're over there, there's a cow called Bobby. We petted the cow called Bobby. Oh, I saw Bobby. He was cute.

Massive. Big, long legs compared to my stout little cows. And there's a sheep. Now, I don't know if this ram has a name. Okay. But I was told Ray said he doesn't like other animals. He just wants to hang out with humans the whole time. Oh, cute.

So he came trotting over making this really weird noise like. Is that what rams sound like? No, I've never. I haven't had a lot to do with rams. Okay. But I never remember them being like. Right. Like that.

I remember being young and my auntie had a, I don't know if it was a ram or a big sheep, and it bunted me. It would have been a ram. It didn't like me. No, they're very territorial. Is a ram a boy sheep? A male sheep.

Yeah. And so he comes over and you can tell the testicle to penis ratio on a sheep. Well out And so he comes over, and you can tell, the testicle to penis ratio on a sheep, well out of whack. Is it? Huge balls. I've never, born, I can't say I've ever noticed, but do go on. Have you ever noticed a ram's nut? Man, they're massive.

Is it like two? Stick out like ram's balls. Have you ever heard that saying? No. Is it like two pumpkins and like a mushroom? Like two fists. Okay. Like two adult male fists sometimes. Like two oranges.

And then a thumb. And then. No, no, no thumb. There's no thumb. Okay. Well, but how big is the other bit? A yam. Oh.

A yam. It's weird looking. Okay. It's a different species. I don't know if I should be shaming its genitals. I don't know. I don't want to get cancelled. Okay. Body shaming a species. I don't know if I should be shaming its genitals. I don't know. I don't want to get cancelled. Okay, yeah.

Body shaming a ram. Rams on a whole. Sheep. Worldwide. Yep. But anyway, he comes over and we were walking and he was walking right behind me in the paddock and kept like lifting up a hoof and tapping me on the back of the leg. Hey.

Hey, you. Like that. And I was like, this is so weird because rams are usually, like, aggressive. Yeah, yeah. And they'll bunt you over if they've still got their knackers. But if they've been taken off, they're just like sheep. They're just skidding around. But he was being cute.

He was, like, being like a dog. And then Indy stopped and patted him and he was like. And then she started walking again and he went up on his back two legs and, like, put his front legs on indy's shoulders yeah and i was like whoa and i grabbed him i put him off i'm like all right i see where this is going right so i pulled him off i and he and he was like and indy was like what was that i was like i believe he was like, and Indy was like, what was that? I was like, I believe he was trying to hump you. Why didn't you just say he was giving her a hug?

Why do you have to go into that much detail? She's like, eight. And then she would have been like, oh, I'll have a hug from a sheep. That's pretty cute. That was big and fluffy. And she was like, really? I was like, yeah, I think so. Set him down.

And then she's like, I'm going to go climb that fence. I was like, yeah, that's a good idea. And then I put him down and he then she's like, I'm going to go climb that fence. I was like, yeah, that's a good idea. And then I put him down and he kept walking behind me. They're like, and I'm like, no, I'm not into it. I'll say it once, please. Please don't.

I shan't say it again. Respect my wishes. I shan't. Consent has not been granted. But yeah, really. But I don't know what it is about Indy because Megan's dog always tries to hump. Nothing against Indy, but Leo tries to hump a lot of things.

Oh, right. So he's humping. He's a humper. He's humping a lot of things. Little man syndrome. But it is. There are some people. Indy always seems to be.

And maybe she inherits it from my father-in-law. Animals always take a real particular liking to them. Right. Like trying to hump them. In Thailand once, an elephant was just walking through. This is the story that has been passed down through generations.

Sade was there. She saw it as a kid. Yeah. This elephant just sort of walking through where his mother lived. They were staying at the family home in Thailand. Okay.

And this elephant, like it was, it wasn't just by itself. It was walking somewhere. It had a person with it. And he just walked out. He's like, oh wow, an elephant. And it wrapped its trunk around him and pulled him in and he was like, help! It didn't do anything.

It's an elephant. And he would have been quite easy for the elephant to pick up. Yeah, he's not a huge dude. So that elephant was just like, I'll have that. And took it. We're talking about when animals have taken a particular sort of fondness to you. Yeah. And you two were worried that maybe people wouldn't share or this hadn't happened to all of us.

I'm going to report the text machines. We've created a safe space. It's lit up. On fire. Right. So we want to know when an animal's taken a particular liking to you. Vaughn, your daughter was attacked by an aggressive ram. I've just heard from Ray, the neighbour, Mikey

is the ram's name. Mikey. Yeah, and he said he's got a history of this. Of humping. That's how he ended up with him. The old owner didn't want the humping anymore. Ray's like, I'll have a humpy ram. Be with his own kind. Not interested in other sheep.

Yeah, right. Could you put like a little like mini taser on your back? So then when it jumps up on your back to, it's like, you're like, ow!

That'll stop him doing it. To tase you? Or to tase the sheep? No, to tase the sheep. Ah. I was like, what kind of kinky stuff are you into?

Tase his little bollockies. Ah, right. Getting him off. Thomas, when did an animal take a liking to you? Hey, so my granddad, he owns a cockatoo, and he comes up to visit me often. Not that often, but yeah. And basically I chucked it on my shoulder,

and it starts spreading its wings out wide, jumping up and down and screaming. I was freaking out because I thought it was going to attack me. Yeah. So I asked my granddad what was going on, and he says, nah, I was just trying to mate with you. I mean, take the compliment. You're quite obviously quite attractive.

Your attraction transcends species. Yeah. And it usually hates nearly every single person, but every time it jumps on my shoulder, it does the exact same thing, so I just don't let it. Okay, well, again, take the compliment. Put that on Tinder. Attractive to cockatoos.

Long walks on the beach, I like those too. Great. Thomas thinks you call some text messages. Somebody messaged in saying that their dad's dog hates other dogs and hates most people, but will run up to them and immediately begin to hump. Dogs seem to be,

we're getting a lot of dogs. Yeah, well, you've got a humpy dog, don't you? Chris, you've had an animal take a particular likeness to you? Yeah, yeah, we've got a friendly cow and she always loves having scratches with us and stuff like that. And one day one of the workmates decided he'd try to jump

on her back just because of how friendly she was. Ride the cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next day she tried to ride him and then the day after that she tried to ride me. To be honest, you guys started this. No, he started this, not me. I'm blaming him. He started the flirting.

How heavy is a cow? Oh, about 500 kgs, and me and my workmate are only about 60. Wow. Okay, so a 500 kg cow on top of you, that's got to hurt. Oh, yeah. Luckily, I didn't have headphones in, and I heard her lift her legs up, and I ran, man. I was I didn't have headphones in my hood. I lifted my legs up and I ran. Man, I was not staying near that.

Brilliant. You get a tap on your shoulder, you look, it's a hoof. You're like, oh, I'm in big trouble. Thanks, Chris. So more text messages. My partner came home with a rabbit to go with our other rabbit. We had to keep them separate for a few weeks until we could get the male rabbit de-sexed. Okay.

We used to sit and chill on the couch with the rabbit. We had to keep them separate for a few weeks until we could get the male rabbit de-sexed. Okay. We used to sit and chill on the couch with the rabbit. Free operation. He'd jump up and then you'd hear and he'd be humping your leg, your arm, your hand, the couch, the TV remote.

Oh, those buttons. We wanted to change a channel. He's changing it for you. Volume's going right up. Renee, when did an animal take a liking to you? When I was at, say, intermediate age, so, you know, pretty embarrassing times. Yep. We were up at the beach, me and my friend,

and her big boxer decided he liked me quite a bit, and so he ran at me, knocked me down, and then was just going to town really and she was just hysterically laughing, doing nothing to pull him off and there was a whole car full of kids laughing at me. Again, she did nothing. Still to this day mortifies me when I pass that same part of the beach.

I'll never get a boxer. So you're traumatised. Dog breed. Location. Wow. Age. Wow. Curly little tails maybe. Do you ever walk past a boxer and do you have to like give it some room and cross the road?

I actually do that with lots of big dogs actually. Maybe it's like, you know, traumatising me quite a bit. Wow. Renee, thanks for your call. My uncle's dog always tries to hunt me. Nobody else. Very flattering, I suppose, reads this message.

Yeah. My partner had heard the term, oh, it's gross, but you know how you describe, it's described? No. Like when described? No. In the mail, like when people say lipstick. The lipstick's out. He'd heard it but just thought never known what it meant and then saw it and now will never own a male dog.

Just like we can't have that around the house. Yeah, right. I used to work at a farm park and there was a Paradise Duck who thought the manager was his mate. Anyone that went near her, he would Okay. I used to work at a farm park and there was a paradise duck who thought the manager was his mate. Anyone that went near her, he would attack. Really? Yeah. And would often sneak up behind the manager and mount them.

Imagine being mounted by a paradise duck. Wow. But it's not the only one. How's this? I was doing work experience at a Orana wildlife park. Okay. Now, I'll just pause the story there and realise that they've got quite a variety of species. They certainly do.

However, it was a keridoo that mated with my arm. Keridoo. It sounded like a pinball machine. How does a pinkey machine. Yeah. When you win the minor bonus. I've got some signs you're dating a narcissist. Apparently, narcissists at the start, they seem very charismatic

and they do what has been called as love bombing. Oh, okay. So they will overwhelm you with affection and, like, acts of service, and you get gifts and, like, shower you with vacations and lots of elaborate experiences. So you're like, wow, this business is amazing. Sounds great so far. Yeah.

What's the downside? So as soon as you commit, they become less attentive and they become more self-centred. So the honeymoon phase, as soon as the commitment happens, just kind of cuts off. So you've moved in, you've signed the tenancy agreement. Yeah. And you're into it.

You're into it. You've grown feelings. Right. And suddenly... Can you have narcissistic traits without being a narcissist? I think so. Or the minute you have the traits... Are being a narcissist? I think so. Or the minute you have the traits, are you a narcissist?

Are you a narcissist? Yeah, that's a good question. Because sometimes you read lighthearted narcissist stuff and you're like, ooh, that could be me. But then like... Well, because I'm reading the overview of narcissistic personality disorder, which sounds even more intense than just having some narcissistic personality traits. A disorder in which a person has a self-inflated sense of importance.

Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. Oh, really? The cause is unknown, but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement. See, I'm not good with criticism. Sound like anybody.

I'm not taking that criticism at all. Also, I'm way too cute to be a nut. Wait, say the first one again, because I can remember the last ones. Excessive need for admiration. He does need to be told he's cute quite a bit. Disregard for others' feelings. I don be told he's cute quite a bit. Every day. Disregard for others' feelings.

Oh, yeah. I don't think he even knows other people have feelings. Do they? Do they? An inability to handle criticism and a sense of entitlement. Oh, my God. You're all of those things. Oh, my God. Is that me?

You are all of those things. Oh, God. Oh, no. So, also, once you get into the relationship, so they drop you like you were their favourite toy and now... Well, there's a new shiny toy, isn't there? But also they...

They haven't dropped anybody like they were your favourite toy, but not anymore? They make you feel like you can't speak your mind and you feel a little bit controlled. Okay, I'm going to murder you soon. Or is that a psychopath? I think it's time to pull back the curtain and reveal this is an intervention.

You end up making excuses for their behaviour. So maybe they don't socialise well and you're like, hey, you know. He doesn't like to play with others. Have we done this? He gets very grumpy, but he means well. Yeah, yeah, 100%. I know, that's just. He's all right.

He'll be over it. Don't take that stuff personally. Next, next. More, more. It says cutting ties is probably the best step. Oh, see ya. Wow. Okay, now tell me I'm cute. There hasn't been enough of that.

In between, you're pretty cute. Thank you. Is there a compliment coming? There haven't been enough compliments. It's going to have a world imbalance. Am I a narcissist, guys? Nah. I don't know what to say.

I was like, um, no. Thanks. Just like I'm not a compulsive liar. You're not an narcissist. Nah, man. No way. Nah, definitely not you. You, bro?

No way. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Is this an actual thing? This is an actual journal. Okay.

They have published a paper called The Impact of Sleep on Female Sexual Response and Behaviour. Oh, okay. And it's kind of confirming what we all know, that if you don't get as much sleep, you're likely to be more grumpy and stressed. And when you're grumpy and stressed, you don't feel like being romantic with the person you're most likely to be grumpy and stressed and when you're grumpy and stressed you don't feel like being romantic with the person you're most likely to be grumpy and stressed with, your significant other. Yeah, right. Yeah, they've confirmed it. Each extra

hour of sleep each night this is for females increases the odds that females will want to have sex with their partner by 14% per hour. So if you can just convince your partner to sleep 10 more hours tonight than normal, so if they usually sleep eight, they can get a full 18 hours rest mathematically, you're guaranteed to get laid.

The next day. So in terms of guys, though, they can be like tired AF and they'll just be like, yeah. Anytime. Anytime. Anytime. We're good to go. However, there may be a decrease in arousal because when you're tired, sleep deprived, and you have the stress hormone, your testosterone levels go down.

Right. Yeah. So if you're, like, on the couch and it's that point, you end an episode of Netflix or whatever you're streaming on, you're like, should we do another episode or should we go to bed? Go to bed because it's in your interest. If your interest, if your primary drive that evening is to relate sexually before sleep, yes. Or even just looking ahead to the next day So that there's enough sleep The sleep would be better

Yeah Right Yes It's not It doesn't sound great Like that's a Legit excuse right Like it's

You genuinely Mentally don't want to If you're tired And all that jazz But then it doesn't sound Great to your partner When you're like I'm tired

I'm too tired I'm tired Um Yeah Is that why Like, I'm tired. I'm too tired. I'm tired. Yeah. Is that why a headache's a better excuse? No, it's not because it actually cures the headache, doesn't it? Does it?

Having the big O. Release, does it? The big O, yeah. It's a known headache cure. I feel like that's just something guys say. I can cure what ails you. Well, I don't know. Cures guys' headaches, right? Does it?

So when you release a hormone called oxytocin, which is the cuddle, which is known as the cuddle hormone, and then that also leads to a decrease in cortisol, which is the stress-related hormone, and then you release a hormone at the time of the big Oprah Winfrey called prolactin, which makes you relaxed and sleepy and can lower blood pressure and stuff.

So that's often the cause of headaches. Why don't they just make prolactin on a pill? Because then it lowers your blood pressure. Can I just Google to see if prolactin pill exists? Commonly prescribed medications.

These drugs decrease prolactin production. Oh, no, so that's for cancer. Oh, okay. And maybe it just doesn't have the same effect when you have it in a pill. Can birth control affect prolactin? No, we're getting into the medical. That sounds really sad, too. I'd rather take a pill than like.

Yeah, it's going to be easier to just. Yeah. I've got a headache. I'll just give me that. Yeah, I'll just chuck a couple in my mouth and have a big drink. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. What would Ray Ray say? Joining us on the phone to dish out some of that champagne advice.

Ray Ray, good morning. Good morning. How's everything going? Are you all right down there? Or are you settled back in after your week up at Megan's place? Yeah, I feel like I've been around the world in 80 days. I've been here, there and everywhere.

Called in to see everybody. Oh, you went there. Did you tell we'd been to your place? What? Did you go to my house when I wasn't there? We even played with your animals. Oh, okay. Yeah, we did.

I rode the horse. I think you might have been in the wrong house. I'm sure the neighbours will like us even more now that you've ridden their horse. Mum milked your goat. Good.

No, that's true. It's a worry, isn't it, then? Yes. Yeah. Did your husband miss you? He didn't actually say the words, but I could tell. Oh. Yeah, I don't tell.

Did he give you a big cuddle when you got home? A what? A cuddle. He just said, where the hell have you been? Your bag's over there. I was standing looking at him thinking, are you going to come down and carry my bag? And he was just standing there looking at me and saying,

how long are you going to be down and carry my bag? And he was just standing there looking at me and saying, how long are you going to be? Don't even carry your bags. All right, well, some listener advice is needed. Okay. First question from a listener, Mum. How do you find out which career to pick? I'm 28 and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Good Lord, you're halfway to retirement.

You're supposed to be like, no, it's okay, you know, you're still 28. Well, 28's sort of getting up there, isn't it? It's halfway to a massive wrinkle. I mean, if you haven't sort of sorted out what you're going to be, you're not going to be. You've got to sort of stand back and look and think, well, what makes you happy? If I want to be a gardener but I don't know what a weed looks like,

well, I don't know. You've got to, yeah, you've just got to think, well, you look at jobs and you've got to explore your options, really. It's a bit of a worry if you're at 28 and you haven't figured out where you're going. I love this generation because you got into a job, right, and that was all you did. Yeah.

But now our parents' generation, you chose your career and you started, and that was it. Once you were in, you were in. I'm surprised Mum didn't say, just do something and get some money for goodness sake. How are you going to pay for things? Well, yeah, that too. I mean, you've got to sort of work out,

do you want to work with tools and be a builder, say, or are you a magician? Are you good with... I don't know. Are you good with magic? Maybe you should you a magician? I don't know. Are you good with magic? Maybe you should be a magician. You've got to say, am I a helper or a persuader?

Good advice, Ray Ray. Next question, can I choose my cat over my husband? What? For a start off, you can't get by without a good bloke. You't get by without a good bloke. You've got to have a good bloke. Or another lady.

Good feminist approach. Yeah. Right, huh? I mean, you can't go to a social event with a cat or a dog. The only good thing is they don't judge you. They're quick to forget. But remember, you know, like for a dog, if you give it a kick up the arse,

it's going to turn around and bite your foot off. Yeah. No, okay, right. No, I would definitely have the husband. I couldn't imagine having a cat in the bed all hairy and, oh, sorry, Fletch. Sorry, Fletch. The only good thing about a cat is if you stroke the cat, it's very good for your blood pressure,

but I'd much rather have the man. Okay, so what I've gathered from this is you'd prefer a man in bed, and I'm guessing a smooth, non-hairless man because you said yuck to a lot of hair in the bed. Yeah, not hairy. And you like to stroke a man to relieve your blood pressure. Yes. Yeah.

That's entrapment. You've entrapped my mom there. Yeah, okay. Next question Last question How do you know if you're ready to move in with your partner? God Well, you've got to make sure the person you're going to move in is handy

Are they good at doing the washing, the cooking And unloading the dishwasher And check to see if they're going to pay the bills Split the chores, I like that You've redeemed yourself in the feminism. Yeah. You've got to work out whether it's going to be handy to have that person around or just sort of at the weekends or...

Right. So if they're no use to you daily, just get rid of them. Don't move it. Well, the other thing is, there's that old saying is, why would you pay for the cow when you've already got the milk? So now, okay. Because usually this is used not to have sex with someone because if they're getting the milk, why would they want the cow?

But you're using it as sort of like a get your jobs done and then they can go home. You've got to have someone that's going to be kind and helpful and, yeah, it's no good having some useless bloody clock that's just sitting on the couch and what's for dinner. Yeah. Great advice. No useless bloody clock.

So I'm just going to write that down. Yeah, no useless bloody clock. Yeah. Because they're out there. Oh, they are. I saw a few last week. Yeah. Brilliant.

Ray Ray, Megan's mum, as always, fantastic life advice. Okay. And remember the key word, this business of old, remember old is another word for wise. Okay. Very wise. Yeah, wise advice. Wise advice from a wise woman.

Thanks, mum. Thanks, Ray Ray. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. I've talked about my neighbour's sheep before, different neighbour, different story, but new neighbours, they've called me and I've noticed that three neighbour's sheep before. Different neighbour. Okay. Different story. But new neighbours, they've called me and I've noticed it three times and it's gone uncorrected and I told Sade about it and she said, well, you've left it too long now. You've left it too far.

It's gone too far. You can never correct them. They call me Vorgan. Or Vorgan. Like, they don't call me Vaughan. Because I guess I've seen it written down because I wrote down the number. That happens quite often though, aye. Yeah, all the time. Yeah, where were we the other week? I love. Like, they don't call me Vaughn because I guess I've seen it written down because I wrote down the like our number. That happens quite often though, aye.

Yeah, all the time. Yeah, where were we the other week? I love when I'm like, oh, is your number in the system or do you have a card here or like a membership or whatever? I'm like, yeah. And you give them your phone number and then they look at the name and then they look at you and they look at the name and they're like. And just make a noise. Because I would have thought everybody knows how to spell Vaughan

or what Vaughan is. Shard A gets it as well because Shard A is S-H-A-R-D-E with a thing above it. Yeah. What is that thing called? I always forget. I don't know.

Not a mottana. It's a comma. An all mott. It's a comma on top of a letter. Yeah. One of those. So it makes it shard, eh? But people say it and they say shardy or shard.

Yeah. Shard. Sounds like the shardy club. And I call her shards. Yep. Cute nickname alert. Shards. So people think it's shards.

Right. Which is German for lover, by the way. Ooh, okay. Not wrong. She is your lover. Yeah. But I meant when you do a fart and a little bit of poos comes out.

Originally. Also very romantic. It's gone on for too long now. They've said it and I've been like, yes. Right. It's dumb. So you think it's too late for you to say,

hey look, my name's actually born. There is absolutely no way I can say It's dumb. So you think it's too late for you to say, hey, look, my name's actually Vaughn. There is absolutely no way I can say my name is said Vaughn. There's no way. But what if you're with Sade or she talks to them and she references you and she'll be like, I'll talk to Vaughn. That's what I've, well, I was out in the paddock with the kids,

but they can't call me Vaughn. That would be weird. I was going to be like, hey, Indy, just start calling me Vaughn really loudly. That would be so weird. And then it sticks and she's like, here's mum and Vaughn. Here's mum and Vaughn. And then it makes it sound like I'm not the dad.

Yeah, yeah. I'm Vaughn. The stepdad. What about if Sade just calls you Vaughn in front of them? I was thinking she could yell at me. Right. Vaughn. Yeah, that. Or I was meaning you Vaughn in front of them? I was thinking she could yell at me. Right. Vaughn!

Yeah, that. Or I was meaning like, Vaughn! Like, outside. Yeah, right. And then they'll be like, hmm. Vaughn. Vaughn would be so much harder to yell. Vaughn!

Oh, nah. It is easy to yell, I suppose, when you put your mind to it. But it's gone on. Look, I don't think it can be corrected. It's gone on for a bit too long. Because then there's that thing where they're going to feel bad. I know. And you're going to have to witness that. Yeah.

And it's just going to be awkward. I don't want anyone feeling bad. And it's gone on. I've dealt with my name being said wrong so much that it doesn't faze me much. Okay. Spelling it wrong, however. Oh, that gets you going. This is similar to our producer Anna, who

I introduced to Warner's Anya as a joke. No, someone said it was Anya like I don't know, someone said Anna like Frozen. Yeah, like Frozen. Someone said Anna and someone said Anya, like the name Anya. So I said Anya.

For the first three weeks you actually thought that was her name. Yeah. And then when you got let in on the joke, you refused to call her anything other than Anya. So I said Anya. For the first three weeks, you actually thought that was her name. Yeah. And then when you got let in on the joke, you refused to call her anything other than Anya. Yeah. And that's why your, was it your gran? Who's that? I haven't heard you on the air yet. Who's this Anya?

That's me, Nan. That must be confusing. Having an Anna and an Anya and an Anna. Yeah. It's only been four years, guys. You know, maybe there's still time to turn it around. Well, that's why you shouldn't joke about names with Warn, Megan. It's actually Megan's fault.

No, it's Warn's stubbornness. You could very easily change it, you know. I can't. No, because now the listeners don't know who Anna is. It would be weird. PSA listeners, it's Anna. I'll be confused. We've already lost two producers in six months.

They'll think we're bad people. Oh, no. God forbid. Why is everybody leaving? Caitlin left, James left, now Anya's left, and she's been replaced with Anna, who sounds a lot like the same person. All right, so you want to take some calls.

Yeah, and not necessarily, like, your name, but just a mistake that's gone on for too long, like you don't feel comfortable correcting it. Yeah, okay. I mean, I think the name one would be very popular. Name, yeah, a lot. But maybe a story or a situation that someone believes you just can't correct.

Because it's too late now. It's just too late, and you don't want to have to be the one explaining it. My mum's a shocker for genders of pets. Right. Like, she calls our cat she all the time. Both of our cats. Oh, she's out there.

I'm like, Mum, for like 12 years I've been telling you that. It's a he. It's a male cat. Right. And she's like, oh, but its name's Annie. I'm like, no, its name's Anakin, but we just call them Annies. We've had this conversation five times as well. Yeah, right.

Is it time for her to get into a Ryman? Oh, no. I was thinking I was just going to take her straight to Switzerland. I think you've got to wait until the referendum and the election, Vaughn. No, not in Switzerland. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's true.

Going to wait for the borders to open, though. Oh, bloody hell. How long are we going to be stuck with this woman and her dithery old age? How old is she, Vaughan? She's 62. We're talking about mistakes that have been going on for so long that you feel uncomfortable correcting them. So you're just kind of living with the situation.

You thought your neighbours calling you Vaughan was bad. There are some, wow, some name stories that have gone on for years. Yeah. We've got so many calls. Let's start with Diane. Good morning Diane. Hi. Now what's been going on so long you just can't correct it?

It doesn't happen anymore because the neighbours passed away but our old neighbour he used to call me Barbara. My name's Diane. How long for? Probably about 10 years. And I told my mum, and she's like, it's been going off too long, you just have to go with it.

So every time I walk up the road with my friends and they come down the road, I'll have to warn them and say, oh, this guy's going to say hi, Barbara. Just roll with it. Where did he get Barbara from? I wouldn't have a clue. Do you think it's the New Zealander in all of us that we're just like, well, let's not cause a fuss.

Yeah. We don't want to upset them. I do have an auntie Barbara, but she's like about 60 at the time. Right. I don't know. So it was literally easier for him to die never knowing he was wrong. Yeah. Agreed.

Agreed. Well, we saved everybody's feelings. Thanks, you're cool, Diane. Jason, what's gone on too long? You just can't correct it. So we've got a bloke in there. Oh, sorry. Good morning, team.

How are we? Good morning. Good morning. Very well, thank you. We've got a bloke in the neighborhood whose name is Gary. Yeah. But he goes down to the four square, you well, thank you. We've got a bloke in the neighbourhood whose name is Gary. Yep. But he goes down to the Foursquare, you know, quite constantly, and the Foursquare guy, or the whole team in there,

know him as Brian. And this has gone on for, like, his kids started calling him Brian because they didn't know his real name was Gary. Anyway, but the real hook is that the dairy owner will come down to, like, a bit of a cul-de-sac, get together or something. And so the rest of the cul-de-sac have to start calling him Brian. Oh!

Rather than his real name. So he's hooked everyone in. And now we're all in this little ploy to keep the owner happy. And then we're going to call this guy Brian and Gary. You need to not upset the Foursquare guy. Yeah, yeah, well, that's right. You know, he's a nice guy, but this has gone on for two,

looks like 13 or 14 years this has been happening, and now we're all hooked into this, like, little labyrinth of lies. I love the whole challenge. You need an outsider to just come in and be like, no, that's not my name. I know, Brian, it's Gary.

He'd be devastated. I love that, yeah, brilliant. That's great. Jason, thanks for your call love that. Yeah, brilliant. That's great. Jason, thanks for your call. Harjinder, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys? Good.

Did I say that right? Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. It was all right. But I'm guessing that you get this a lot then. Oh, a thousand percent. Like, could you imagine being like five years old and

having to correct your teacher how to pronounce your name properly? Yeah. Okay. So what's gone on the longest then? Currently, there is this one woman who I've worked with for like a year and a half and I work with her quite closely after hours. Okay. And she has to actually write my name down when I work with her. And she calls me Harginga. Harginga. We're going to spout right. There's no second G. Yeah, no.

No, right. Just that wrong. And you just can't bring yourself to correct her? No, it's just gone on too long, and then she'll even say my name like that after someone else has said my name. Correctly. Oh, she's correcting them. Yeah.

No, it's hard ginger. Harginga. Harginga. Oh, no. Oh, it's Hard Ginger. Hard Ginga. Hard Ginga. Oh, no. Oh, well. I want to say goodbye to you, but I can't remember which is the right way to say your name is. Hard Ginger.

See ya. See ya, Hard Ginger. Hey, thanks for your call. Bryce, what's been going on too long that you just can't correct? Hey, how's it going? My whole rugby team calls me Bruce. Oh, and do they know your name's Bryce? Yeah, I've tried to correct them,

but my old coach spelt it wrong in the team list one day, and that's it now. Right, now you're Bruce. Now you're Bruce. Okay. Maybe you're just more of a Bruce than a Bryce. Yeah, it's just I've tried to correct it, but now I just run with it.

It's been like three and four years. Should it be on the field and they're like, Bruce, pass the ball, and you don't respond? No, I just almost know myself as Bruce now. It'd be great if another Bruce joined the team and they're like, we're not going to be able to call you both Bruce. So, Bruce, is it all right if we call you Bryce? Brilliant, Bryce.

Thanks for your call, Bruce. More to some amazing text messages. Somebody said, I wasn't really paying attention in a coffee shop one day and the barista asked me about my dog and I was like, yep. What I didn't know is I was agreeing to the fact I had a dog when I don't. Oh, right. So now whenever I go in, they talk to me about the dog and there is no dog. But I'm just like, yeah, nah, great.

And then you've got to remember running details, like what breed you told them. It's a Labrador. Yeah, it's a Labrador. Very easy to remember. He ate the couch last night. When you're ready for, like, free coffees, you could break them the hard news that the dogs died.

Oh, yeah. You've got to remember that the dog died. Yeah. You can't try that every month. Then get another fake dog. Yeah. You've got to remember that the dog died. Yeah. You can't try that every month. Then get another fake dog. Yeah. Me and my ex thought famished meant full. We were so used to saying it when we were full, like, oh, God.

Famished. For so long that when we found out it meant starving, it had already stuck as full, and people would be really awkward about it correcting us. But yeah, they'd never correct us. Oh no. Go to a buffet and afterwards, oh, famished. My friend's mum, when I first ever met them, I said, my name's Harriet.

And they thought I said carrot. So my friend's mum calls me carrot. And I said, can you correct your mum? And they're like, no, I can't correct my mum. But it's your mum. Can you correct them? No. So now the friend's mum just calls me Carrot the whole time

because neither of us are strong enough will to correct them. Why don't you double check and be like, Carrot? Carrot. When you meet someone, just double check. Maybe they think it's an interesting name. Maybe they've got ginger hair and they think it's a nickname. Maybe. No mention of ginger hair there.

Okay. My cousin's husband's name is spout A-S-A-D. The whole family called him Asad for years. Asad? Asad. That's pronounced Usud. Usud. Even his wife was calling him Asad.

She was mortified when she was corrected by a member of his family that she'd been saying it wrong. So wait, and the vowels, does that mean they were like, do you, Asad, take? Must have been. Oh. And Usud's just like. No.

I'm not. Let's just let it go. Make a big deal about it. And then Usud's auntie's probably like, you're saying his name wrong. And everyone's like, ugh. Usud's like, it's okay. They can call me Thumper if they want to. That's a quote from Bambi.

Flesh, fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that humans cannot multitask. Well, I know this for a fact. Humans can't multitask. Yes, we can.

No, Megan, we can't. Well, females are better than males, though. Isn't that true? Not at multitasking because the human brain does not multitask. Okay. This is from a professor of neuroscience at MIT. Is it a dude? Because they can't. Fair question. Dr. Earl Miller said that humans

can't multitask and when they say they can, they're deluding themselves as the brain is very good at deluding itself as it is in control of delusion. So women are more delusional than men. Whoa. You've just been cancelled. I was just singing

Fact of the Day while typing. That's two different things. You're just delusional so that's why you believe you can multitask. I don't like just being slapped with women delusional, thank you very much. I didn't say it, he did. Carl Peter Fletcher. Chuck him on the cancel pile.

We sound very similar. This is stupid because we multitask all the time. No, apparently what your brain is doing is switching from task to task very quickly. Are you sure? Human brains can switch between tasks with astonishing speed. So, but, like, how did I sing Fact of the Day and type something at the same time? I didn't stop singing and I didn't stop typing. What were you typing?

Were you doing online shopping? No, I was typing up stuff for the latest next. Oh, right, okay. And you were singing the... Fact of the Day. Because I do see you as being a very good multitasker. Thank you. And I've always heard women are better at multitasking than men.

And when you do it, you don't switch. You don't suddenly switch between the two. You know when you might be typing something and thinking about something and then you start typing it? Or you'll type something up about someone, but then you start typing it or you'll type something up about someone but then you'll send it to them. That's an example of your brain not being able to separate tasks. So there's overlap.

That's because you're getting sidetracked. I wonder if because we've done the Fact of the Day song so many times and just it's autopilot. But it's not the only time. It's not the only time women can do this, I promise you. No, he's studied it.

Okay. He said, look, Karen, you can make a Facebook post about it. Excuse me? You can't shut down all women's point of views by calling them Karen. I'm not shutting down all women's point of views, but I'm saying you're coming across like someone who's denying medical research. Dr. Earl. No, I just don't trust

Dr. Earl's findings. Some further research please, Your Honour. Yeah. They studied short order cooks because they have to, short order cooks have just got to have so much going on at any given time. Yeah. And they said they wired a person's brain up

and they said there was distinct brainwave changes when like doing the eggs but thinking about the pancakes up. And they said there was distinct brainwave changes when like doing the eggs, but thinking about the pancakes. Right. And stuff. I don't know how wiring a brain up works, but I assume it's got those little nodules. Interesting.

And it straps on the head. But yeah, he said the mind's been put to the test, MRI scanners to get people doing multiple tasks and the brain that deals with specific tasks will stop to deal with another one, but the switch between them is simultaneous. So you could switch between tasks super quick, but there's no time where it's actually doing both at the same time. Huh.

Megan's rolling her eyes. I'm not a science denier. Thank you on the text machine. Do not call me that. 5G towers are making you unable to multitask. Is that it? No, don't call me a science denier. That's very offensive.

So she's on board now. She read that text and then switched back to the other task almost instantaneously to change her mind and then switch back and did it. So today's fact of the day is humans are incapable of multitasking. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This always happens with weddings.

There's always a bit of drama, especially if the bride gets a little bit demanding. Who is even, it must be so, I mean, it's stressful enough organising a wedding, but like in this time, would you even organise a wedding for the end of the year? Like. I have a wedding that I'm supposed to go to in December and I was to have one, go to one

in April, which has been postponed till later in the year. It's hard though because you've organised everything and then if it gets cancelled, you're like, well, we're just going to push it a little bit. Yeah. But then if you have all these overseas guests too. They can't come. Like no one's coming. And it's just uncertain. No, and it's like... But then if you have all these overseas guests too... They can't come? Like, no one's coming... And it's just uncertain. No, no one's coming from overseas.

No one's coming from overseas until at least next year, right? Let's be honest. Yeah, so stressful times. Yeah. And that's what's happened here. It's pretty stressful because the wedding

was supposed to be during, you know, coronavirus. They got engaged and then they were going to get married in May. So a sister, it doesn't specify if she was a bridesmaid or not, probably.

Yep. The sister paid for the bride's wedding dress. Right. $3,500. She bought her the wedding dress, I guess, as a gift. Right. Sheesh. Yeah.

For her sister. I wouldn't do that for my brother. He probably wouldn't want to wear his dress anymore. I wouldn't buy him anything with $3,500. I've read this situation too. So she bought her the dress. This is pre-lockdown, pre-COVID. Yep.

Then that happened and the bride put on a little bit of weight. So even though the wedding has been postponed, the bride has now said that she needs $600 for alterations to the dress so it will fit after the weight she's gained. Right. Now she's asking her sister that bought her

the dress to pay the $600 alteration. No, you already got a free dress. Unless is the sister super rich? I don't know. It doesn't specify, but it says, the sister said,

I might be a little bit too blunt here, but when she first told me the dress didn't fit, I said, so your wedding's almost a year away, just lose the weight.

And then she went to, the bride went to her parents and said that I'd called her fat. Okay, the sister sounds like a bitch. She sounds like a lot of hard work.

So we asked on an Instagram poll, on our Instagram, who's in the wrong here, the bridesmaid or the bride? No surprise, 86% say the bride, but that's still 14% of people thinking that the bride is all right in asking the sister for more money. Yeah.

When, yeah, like you say, she's got a year. Either sell the dress, use the money to buy another one that fits, or pay the $600 to yourself to get it altered. Yeah. Or she does have a year away. I'm not saying she's fat and she needs to lose weight, but if she wants to wear that dress, that's your other option. Yeah, I'd say to her, well, you're either paying for it or losing the weight.

Yeah. You choose. So unreasonable. And that is why you don't give your siblings anything. Yes. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. You choose. So unreasonable. And that is why you don't give your siblings anything. Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast. ZM. The squat. Yes. Great exercise for the buns.

Oh yeah. If you want buns, a steal. Peachy buns. Your booty to pop. You gotta squat till the butthole pops. Now you've been doing a lot of the stair master what's the stair trainer?thole pops. Now you've been doing a lot of the stair master, what's the stair trainer at the gym. Have you got good

fun buns at the moment? Have you done the Kourtney Kardashian thing where you do it real slow and you go step, step, squat. Step, step, squat on the stair machine. But then if you

take too long squatting you'll be off. You have to do it slow. No, but you'll drop off the end of the stair machine. It'll eat you up. No, but the stair machine's going slow. Step, step, squat. Why don't you just do squats and then do fast?

Because I guess you're doing cardio as well. Slow burn, bro. You can't stop. Oh, no, I don't want slow burn. I just want that calories thing at the end to have the biggest number possible. That's one of the ways. Why am I going? I just want that number

To be really big So I can be like I can be like Well there's A potato There's some ribs There's some meat And

Oh if I want some butter On the top I'm going to have to go For five more minutes Okay That sort of jam No I don't do I just get on there

And I hum it Right I got a 16 out of a 20 So you're not After a birdie pop Huss huss Am I a 16 out of a 20. So you're not after a booty pop? Hush, hush. Am I destroying my chances of a booty pop by going too fast? No, it would just help you out, I think, if you do the squat.

Right, I just thought all the stairs would surely be helping out the booty pop. Well, that's why I asked, because you mentioned squats. Okay, don't. He's just got up to show us his booty. Do you know, when I was at school, I used to have this weird stance where I stood with my butt sticking out, but it was the 90s and big butts weren't cool. And now I don't.

Gosh. You don't have it. Is that a funny posture on you? I don't know what it was. It's kind of disappeared, but my butt used to stick out a lot. Like a bubble butt. But now it's gone. And God, now that I need it, or now that it's fashionable, of course, it's dissipated.

Which is the real shame here. But it's not about your squats will lead to a booty pop, a poppin' booty. But apparently also just very good for your health. Like rather than sitting, when we sit, we should squat. So you're talking about like down on your hunches, like. Yeah, in the squat position. Squat right down. So what, and if you're at your desk at work, you should squat.

Yeah, mate. So, but then you'd be like, oh, that's a weird hype. And then you should squat on something. Or like the Swiss ball. Oh, no, there you've got it. You've got your abs engaged and everything. You've got all that. That's great. But I mean, that's also very hard for the majority of people to balance on a Swiss ball. Oh, well, no, there you've got your abs engaged and everything. You've got all that. That's great.

But, I mean, that's also very hard for the majority of people to balance on a Swiss ball. Some people do. Like the right height box. Yeah, right. To squat on. Right. So at least you've had a Swiss ball and you're doing abs and squats

at your desk when you go to the vending machine at 3 o'clock for a chocolate bar. You've kind of equaled it out, haven't you? Yeah, maybe. You've cancelled that out. Maybe. They studied a tribe in Africa who has next to no issues with obesity, heart disease. There's no diabetes. There's no nothing.

But they rest like 10 hours a day. Right. As they're resting. But do they not have chairs? No, no. They sleep 10. They sleep eight and they rest 10. So you think about resting as just stationary.

Yeah. Except they don't sit. They squat. We sit, they squat. For 10 hours a day. So when they just chill, they just squat. There's not like sitting on your butt or on a chair or in a beanbag or on a couch. It's a squat.

Could you imagine just driving along and seeing people waiting for the bus and they're just squatting? Yeah. You do every now and then. Asian cultures aren't squatting. You want the toilet, the squat toilet. Those are the squat toilets. It would be so handy because it's like sitting down, but you don't need a chair.

Or just squat down. But the trouble is I don't have a problem getting down there. It's getting up. Getting back up. Do you need to start your knees? Your knees just aren't what they used to be. Your knees locked, aren't they? Your back gets a bit stiff. You've got to give yourself the old

You've got to fall forward and then get up normally.