ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 9th July 2020

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Covid Hotel Menu's.  Tampon Plant Hack.  Why you're bad at math.Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name!  Vaughan had a horrendous start to his day...Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch Fauna Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Buy five McCafe coffees and get one free on the Maccas app. Special guest for the podcast intro today, Thomas Louis Sainsbury. I wish it was Louis. Yeah. Yeah. Catherine Louise. My middle name's Louise. Is it?

Yeah. Dame Thomas Catherine Louise Sainsbury. Now, just quickly, executive intern Anya, she pre-leveled your chair. And she said, I've pre-leveled his chair. Yeah. So is that an acceptable level? It's like, what? Was she like, I'm being Tom?

Is that how she kind of did it? How did you do this? Yeah, it was very high. So you just lowered it? Yeah yeah so i just got on and then because otherwise the knees are too close to the desk makes for a very uncomfortable chat guys i've never felt more comfortable than i am right now because i said it's a dangerous thing to presume your level is going to be tom's level yeah right i mean the general rule is don't assume someone else's level But Sometimes you have to take the gamble And it paid off

I just saw your Instagram story You were getting a punishing chat in a taxi Oh boy I was like I only had two hours sleep And I got into the car and I was like I'll just have a little nap And then drive into town but no straight into it About his memoirs

Now I took some information from that chat, and I've done some Googling, some research. Is he legit? Well, I don't know. Can you remember his name? Oh, no, I can't. But he was friends with Freddie Mercury. He stayed with Elton John, and he stayed with Billy Connolly.

They're very good friends of his. He's played golf with John Key. Right. Yeah, so just throw those names in, and then very good friends of his. He's played golf with John Key. Right. Yeah, so just put those, throw those names in, and then it'll generate his name. Wow. Yeah, it was great. I was like, this is all so perfect, but I can't,

my brain's not functioning. I was like, perfect, though. Why have you only had a couple of hours sleep? What are you doing? So I'm down in Wellington at the moment, filming Wellington Paranormal. Oh, fantastic. like what are you doing um so i'm down in wellington at the moment filming well wellington paranormal and last night i my character's in a lot more this time and last night um i won't give so i'm just gonna give spoilers away i become i get superpowers oh okay wow oh my god i want to know what your superpower is. It's not. It's budget.

But that's good. Is that because of budgetary requirements on the show? Can't be too, like, fun to say? I wouldn't be Wellington Paranormal without a Ben Pudge's superpower. Without a budget superpower. Yeah. All right, that's good. Well, this little podcast intro is just a taste. Is there anything you want to say on the intro

before we do the actual radio interview for Monday? Anything? Say whatever you want. say on the intro before we do the actual radio interview for Monday? Anything? Say whatever you want. Go to McCath. Wow, that's a free one. Five cameras get five cameras? Tom, wake up. You've got interviews today.

Five coffees get one free? Yeah, that's correct. On the Mac is that. I'm so glad that you listen to that Yeah It's the only reason I listen That's it For those sweet

Client mentions Yeah me too I'm glad I'm not the only one Alright well Tom will be on the podcast On Monday Enjoy the podcast ZM

Hit music Lives here Flesh, Fawn and Megan The podcast Happy Thursday Happy Thursday Unless Happy Thursday. Unless you're that guy who snuck out for an hour or 70 minutes. Not happy Thursday to you.

Everyone except you. Everybody except you. Happy Thursday. I'm sure there's some other people that don't deserve a happy Thursday as well, but you're wearing the national ire at the moment. Everyone's like... Oh, yeah. You could just hear the whole country

yesterday get a bit grumpy. Oh my, are you? What? Yeah. Right. Well, he's in big trouble. I go to that countdown quite a bit too. I know you do.

I walked past here yesterday and I sent the group chat a message, didn't I? It was shut. The roller doors were down. And old Paddy Gowers, and you know, News Hub, Paddy Gower, he went to the supermarket just as it was shutting up. And they said, oh, you better pay and leave because we've got to give it a deep clean.

Right, so what's he doing? Is he isolating? I just read online he was self-isolating. Yeah, and getting a test and waiting for those results. Oh, shivers. You didn't go there any time around? Well, I went on Monday. Oh, okay. So, no't go there any time around? Well, I went on Monday. Oh, okay.

So, no. When was the alleged breach? I think it was Tuesday night. Okay, lucky. Lucky. Lucky. You're a D-bag. I know.

If you're sneaking out of isolation, you're definitely, like, touching all the fruit. You're a fruit poker. You're giving it a squeeze. You're an apple toucher and putter-a-backerer. Yeah. You've actually found the menu. Yeah, what's on the menu in the COVID hotels?

Okay. They are being fed, despite what that guy must think when he's nipping out to get his own snacks from Countdown. Well, apparently he was in the beauty aisle taking selfies. I need some moisturiser. 15 minutes, 14 minutes? What's the light good or something in the video? I don't know.

Like, buying body wash, shavers. Did he use all the testers? Just can't have testers. No, they don't do testers. No. Everyone's got rid of testers. Right. Okay.

Right. But what's on the menu? Yeah, what's on the menu in COVID hotels? All right, we'll delve into that soon. And someone is living the real-life Tom Hanks movie. Talk about this next. Not cast away. Is it cast away?

No, not cast away. Is it Forrest Gump? No. That would be really hard. Which part of Forrest Gump? Just the running. The running. Always running.

Is it Saving Private Ryan? Okay, stop guessing. No, it's not Saving Private Ryan. You could probably guess for a while and you wouldn't. Joe and the Volcano. Oh, did somebody land a plane in the Hudson River? I was going to say, what is that called, that movie? It's not that one.

Sully. Sully is not Sully. Is it a deal with Somalian pirates storming his cargo ship? No. Okay. No, it's not that movie. Oh, I know what it is. Big.

Somebody's a toy and every time the kid comes into the room, he flops down the maze motionless. Oh, damn it. No, it's not that. Did we get it? No. God, we went through some Tom Hanks films. Didn't we?

A real reminder of what a treasury is. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. An Auckland man is living the life of a Tom Hanks movie. He had multiple guesses but you didn't get which movie you were talking about. The Terminal. So that's when Tom Hanks gets stuck in a... airport terminal and lives there for how long a month that no that

man that he played in that movie was um it was yeah i think he'd be like 15 years or something catherine zeta jones that was the female lead i was like who's the female lead in that movie what did she what did she play in the movie I was like, who's the female lead in that movie? Catherine Zeta-Jones. I don't think I've ever seen that movie. What did she play in the movie? She was like, she looked after him and stuff. She worked there. Just Googled, 18 years, Charles de Gaulle Airport. So he came from, he was an Iranian man.

Iranian? Iranian. Do you say Iranian or Iranian? I don't know. Iranian. There's no I in there, is there? Iranian. What?

Iranian. I-R-A-N. iranian i don't know iran there's no iron there is there iranian iranian iranian i i know there's an eye there but there's no it's not like rain you say iran iranian but you say iran yeah iranian anyway uh he's from iran and he spent 18 years charles de gaulle airport paris that's not so he was seeking asylum by the looks of what I'm just going to read. So they just left him there for 18 years. Because it's no man's land, right? When you're transiting you don't have to Is that the story?

Unless you go to America, you always have to transit and show your passport and stuff, but most countries If you wanted to leave the airport, you'd show your passport but while you're in there you just transit. So it's like you'd show your passport. Yeah. But while you're in there. You just transit. Right. Yeah. So it's like you haven't been to that country.

Here's an actual photo of where that guy lived in the airport. He's got like a little table and chairs, but mostly just looks like he's squatting on the floor. Right. It's amazing they let him. I know. Stay for 18 years. Yeah. Well, it's not 18 years that this Kiwi dude didn't have to be in an airport.

It looks like a month. Kepa, he went to South America in February. So that's kind of before everything got rolly in March. Went to visit a friend in February. And that's when everything kind of turned to custard and his return flight got cancelled. So... When was his return flight got cancelled. So.

When was his return flight for? Well, it says here a return flight in May was cancelled. But I don't know if there was flights before that. Because he has a family and he has a job. So I don't imagine having that long a holiday would be feasible. You know what I mean? So it doesn't actually detail how hard he was trying to get back, but his May flight was cancelled.

And he has had another flight bought for him by his dad so he can get home. Now, he made it to Sao Paulo, the transit lounge in Brazil. And that's when he was told by Qatar Airways that he couldn't get on the plane due to changes by the New Zealand government. So he had to fly all the way the long way because there'd be no flights from South America

because they've been cancelled. Yeah. So he'd have to go from Sao Paulo to Qatar and then into Australia and then to, wow. Yeah. That's a long way round. That's a long way round, yeah. So at the moment he's stuck in Sao Paulo.

What, because they wouldn't let him on the flight? No. He has been helped out by the New Zealand Embassy in Brazil. They've given him some accommodation and some food money and stuff. But he's just chilling. In the transit lounge. Chilling in the transit lounge. Our country is being riddled.

Riddled. Riddled Riddled Riddled with the codes Well the president's got it Yeah Oh yeah The president of Brazil's got it Yeah Wow

So Well he's got If he wants to beat the record 18 years He's got to He's got to go That movie came out Before that guy was out of the

Did it? The movie came out in 2004 That guy didn't get out of that terminal until 2006, and he got out because he was hospitalized, because he got sick. So he never needed a doctor in that 18 years. I know, in that 18 years. Isn't that insane?

Yeah. Crazy. And that would have made him a celebrity when people went through that airport, I guess. Yeah, they did. Journos and everything would stop and talk to him and get an update on his story. Wow.

His book came out even before that, The Terminal Man. Yeah, right. Yeah. Read about him. But, yeah, he's like 74 years old now. We're hearing about this because I guess when Dan the Hangman Hooker, is that right, Mountie? Yeah, Mountie's our UFC correspondent.

Dan the Hangman Hooker returned from the returned from the US where he had a fight. Yeah. He's had to go into enforced isolation. Yeah, right. And when asked about the food, he said, it's all good. Bacon and eggs for breakfast. I just had fish and chips for lunch. Can't complain.

I'm living like a king over here. So there's no need to pop out to Countdown for 70 minutes to pick up some snacks. Well, that's the thing. We're finding out more about that trip to Countdown. It seemed to be more of a moisturizers and shaving thing. It seems to be more of a beauty trip. And I don't know what the rules are,

but surely you could order online and they would deliver to the hotel, right? Surely, if you had no toiletries, you could make an inquiry. Surely that was someone could go and get it. Someone could drop it off for you. Yeah, call the reception

and say I'm in desperate need of a shaver. Yeah. Yeah. So, but even then, how desperate need are you? Like, a shave's not a life-saving. You're not going for a job interview, are you? Going out, yeah.

No one's going to see you. Don't have a team to date. It might be the time to find out that a beard is a good look for you. Exactly. But he's okay. He's saying he's nine days into a 14-day managed isolation,

but he's like, I'm all good. I'm eating okay. Right. So he's at the Novotel in Auckland. Oh, right, okay. So there's a few different hotels and there's a few different situations with what's on the menu.

Yeah. So the Holiday Inn, which is near Auckland Airport, people aren't as stoked. One woman said, we got given a menu on the first night where we had to tip where we wanted for two weeks, but it's the same each week.

Boo-hoo. Like, that's not just living at home. Hey, you have kids. It's the same thing every three nights. It's something that the kids will eat. Breakfast is standard. Apparently, you can pick continental or cooked. The continental

is bread, so they don't allow you to have toasters in the room, so it's just bread and yogurt. Just go for the cooked. The cooked option is eggs, mushrooms and potatoes etc. I'll just get that. But also again, surely you could jump online and order... So you are allowed that's what we'll find out further

in the piece, is that you are allowed to order Uber Eats and any food that delivers, it just has to be placed at reception or it goes through the right channels to get delivered to you. Well, then stop whinging. What's the problem? You're not being starved.

You know who's really having a whinge? Who? The vegetarians. But again, get online and order some carrots. Yeah. From carrots that cut on its head. Just leave the sausages off the big breakfast. No, they're saying that's the problem because the meals that are vegetarian

are just the ordinary meals with the meat taken out. One night there was a seafood, Asian seafood dish. Yeah. So they asked for the seafood to be left out, and they got noodles, cauliflower, and broccoli just on the dish. Yeah. So they asked for the seafood to be left out and they got noodles, cauliflower and broccoli just on the plate. Right. But then they talked to a nutritionist for this article

and she said, oh, if you add protein to these meals, they're balanced. But they've opted, they don't want the meat and then other protein hasn't been added. But other than that, a couple of vegetables, a bit of carbohydrates. But again, just jump online and get something. Yeah.

Where was the place that did the butter chicken? I heard there was a bit of carbohydrates. But again, just jump online and get something. Yeah. Where was the place that did the butter chicken? I heard there was a butter chicken night, which got me quite excited. There was butter chicken night and roast pork at the Holiday Inn. Tuesday night is roast pork. Thursday night's butter chicken. They're delicious. Everything else is gross.

Is that what someone said, right? Said the woman, yes. So just alternate roast night's butter chicken. They're delicious. Everything else is gross. Is that what someone said, right? Said the woman, yes. So just alternate roast pork, butter chicken. Just go boom, boom, boom, boom. If you want to change it up, get Uber Eats. I reckon I could do a butter chicken every night. Well, the rest of us came out of lockdown with a couple of extra kgs. It's under fear that these people coming back shouldn't come out looking like super hot and trim.

Exactly. The clothing company Boohoo is in trouble. After it's been revealed they have, well, it's being investigated that they are using a £3.50 an hour sweatshop in Leicester in the UK. So people being paid £3.50. What's the minimum wage in the UK? I don't know. It's got to be more than that, right? It's that seven New Zealand dollars an hour.

Let me have a Google. So not only that, the Health and Safety Executive is investigating because they don't have adequate protection from coronavirus, so social distancing isn't being adhered to and they're not wearing masks. Because that's the city in the UK that had the huge breakout. Leicester.

Yeah. Oh dear. Yeah. So apparently Boohoo, after this was all kind of revealed, they've lost a billion pounds of their value in the past couple of days. Right. Because I saw companies are dropping them like Amazon. So they have their own website, but they also stock through ASOS and Amazon and

other websites as well. Wow, when Amazon's like, ethically, we're going to have to part ways. Well, no, Amazon said that they had very strict rules that they expected all their suppliers to adhere to. So until the investigation is done and whether they can ascertain with the broken rules and stuff, they're being dropped. Speak to anyone that's worked in an Amazon fulfillment center

or watch any of those documentaries online and you'll hardly have fun times. So the eight pounds 21 an hour is the minimum wage. So they're getting under half the minimum wage. What? How are they doing it? Is it people who don't have residency so they lord it over them?

Yeah, maybe. Well, you shouldn't be here, but if you are going to be here, you've got to work for nothing if you want anything at all. I don't understand how companies think they can get away with that. Because someone's going to say something eventually or someone will find out. And you have to be, for tax, right, you have to explain your outgoings. Yeah. Or just be like, oh, the clothes made themselves, IRD.

Yeah, and that. Unless they're paying the people under the table. But even then, you'd have to be getting that cash from somewhere to pay them and then your accountant would be like, oh, okay, so what's this cash withdrawal? Nothing. Oh, I mean, it's not much. It surely isn't enough to pay a workforce. Nah.

Especially when the company's doing, well, they were doing well, making millions of dollars. Yeah, right. But they don't want to pay their staff. Yikes. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

Fletch is terrible at keeping plants alive. You, you, you. I can't argue with that. That's a fact. Serial plant killer. I've got one that's currently mid-death. Yeah. Oh, really?

What is it? It's a palmy one. A palmy one? Yeah, it's a palmy one. Like it's got a big, thick, stalky bit and palmy. It's not a yucca thing. It kind of does look like it. Oh, let it die.

You don't need to put hardly any water in that. That's why everybody got them for their 21sts. When I was only 21, you got that or a George Foreman grill or a panini press for your 21st. Those were your go-to 21st gifts. I think I got like three panini presses. Yeah. So a woman in Canberra has come up with a genius way

or she's explained how she stops her plants dying. Okay. This is something that you can do. It's super easy, Fletch. Okay. So she has explained how sticking tampons in the soil of her indoor plants can stop them from being overwatered. Because under watering

is better. Well just don't over water in the first place. Or if you accidentally over water. What are you? Are you listening to your own advice?

So no I'm this is the thing I don't water as much and since I've stopped watering as much the plants have been loving life. Right.

But you've still got one that's dying. Yeah no but you know what happened there is because you know we're in a drought at the moment. Yeah. Well no actually still got one that's dying. Yeah, no, but you know what happened there is because, you know, we're in a drought at the moment. Yeah.

Well, no, actually, this is another plant which has started leaning, I think. Give it up, the guys. So, you know, we're in a drought at the moment. I have the dehumidifier. So I went to empty the dehumidifier and I was going to tip it down the sink and I was like, oh, my God, free water. Yeah. I'm going to water my plants. Yeah.

So I thought I'll just tip a little bit into this plant. You can use that water. Yeah, it's just water. You're making me out of the air. You're screwing up your face like you shouldn't use that water. Well, I don't know what's in your ear. I'm not going to drink it. Did you gurgle it?

Nah, but I mean maybe. Can you use. I mean, it's water, right? Yeah. So I thought, well, I'll just tip a little bit into this pot plant. Can you use dehum? Yeah. And it said humidifier water for plants.

Okay. And what does it say? Pour the water from your dehumidifier's water collector into a watering can and water the plants in your house and or your garden. This way you will not ingest any. That's what I should have done because I went to tip a little bit

and heaps came out and I kind of flooded the plant. Oh, right. Well, then you stick a tampon in. I didn't have any tampons. Because so when the roots are drowning in water, it says the plant can't get nutrients from the soil or supply water to the upper parts of the leaves, so they start to change colour, wilt or die.

Because I always thought it'd be good to have tampons handy in case you get a gunshot wound. Yeah. Or a bleeding nose. One day I'll get a gunshot wound or a bleeding nose, I'll be like, God, I wish I had a tampon. But wouldn't that hurt, though? Because you'd get it into a gunshot wound or a bleeding nose, I'll be like, God, I wish I had a tampon. But wouldn't that hurt though? Because you'd get it into the gunshot wound,

but then as soon as it starts getting blood in it, it starts to swell. No, that's why it's good. That's why it closes the gap. Yeah. So basically if you flood the plant, you just stick a tampon into it. And it'll soak up the excess water.

When it doubles in size, if it needs some more, chuck another one in. Genius. Remember to change the tampon. How often do you change the tampon into it. And it'll soak up the excess water. When it doubles in size, if it needs some more, chuck another one in. Genius. Remember to change the tampon. How often do you change the tampon? When you can see it's doubled in size. Oh, you mean normally? No, no, no, no.

I mean in the pot plant. Oh, yeah, when it's doubled in size. Because then surely wouldn't it work also because would the moisture stay in it and then when it got a little bit dry, the plant could then take the moisture out. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe. Just leave it in there. Yeah, I'd put like maybe four around it. God, I don't want to lose the string. Or if you're going away for a few days, you can soak the Tamium, just put it in. Yeah. And then it's a slow release.

It's a great idea. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast. ZM. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Today's top six. Former Prime Minister Helen Clark has said cannabis won't make your teeth fall out or turn your hair green.

And criminalising it is an injustice to thousands of people a year. She also said it's not as bad for your health as legal substances such as alcohol and tobacco. And a panel of experts agreed with her and work published yesterday. Right, okay. Yep.

Apparently the polls are pretty close. 48% are in favour, 43% opposed, and 2 plus 7, 9% undecided. Undecided. I think it'll be, that's probably the closest poll I've heard.

Most of the other polls I've heard have had it in favour, like 50 odd percent. In favour? Yeah. Of legalisation. Yeah, she said, let's get real, this is a widely used recreational drug that's less harmful to individual health

than tobacco and alcohol. Right. Yeah, mentions a good amount of tax can be made from it. And if you hate paying tax then... We're going to have to pay for this COVID situation out there somehow. It's going to help. It's going to help. But she said, I liked

the line when asked about it. She said it won't make your teeth fall out and it won't make your hair turn green. But I have the top six things. Now, I'm being accused of rolling the R in this word too much. You always do this. You always say marijuana. Because of narcos.

Marijuana. Marijuana. Hey, don't say the J because Spanish people, they soft the J. Marijuana. You know, we don't say the J either. How do I say it? Marijuana. Marijuana.

Marijuana. Yeah. Thank you. There you go. Marijuana. Marijuana. Marijuana. Yeah. Thank you. There you go. Marijuana. So the top six things marijuana will make you do. Number six, giggle quite a bit. Maybe a little bit more than usual.

Yeah. Is something that it will definitely do. Number five on the list of the top six things marijuana will make you do. Lose a lot of biscuits. Just be like, what? Where did the biscuits go? Where did the biscuits go? What? Whenose a lot of biscuits. Just be like, where did the biscuits go? Where did the biscuits go? What?

Where did I lose all the biscuits? When you lose all your biscuits, you start losing other stuff. Do you reckon like, Griffins and Eita are going to email all their staff and be like,

we don't want to stick our nose into your political... But, let's get real here, guys. If you vote for, yes, we're going to make

a lot of biscuits. And we're going to need a couple of you to pull an extra shift on the squiggle top machine. And the chips. Yeah. A lot of chips. We're going to need a lot of chips.

We're going to need a lot of chips. And then when all that runs out, we need bread because we need toast. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six things marijuana will make you do. I'm real self-conscious about how I say it. It's not how you say auntie. Auntie. And water.

Yeah. Water. Top six like how you say auntie. Auntie. And water. Yeah. Water. Top six things marijuana will make you do. Number four, give you the ability to hear your eardrums eardrumming. Right. You quiet room and you're like. Is that the sound of my body functioning? Why can I hear my heart beating, but it's just in behind my ears?

Can you guys hear that? Are my ears bleeding? I think you need to stop and focus to make sure it beats every time. Yeah. Oh, it stopped, guys. Oh, no. I was just talking and I couldn't hear it over the talk. Number three on the list of the top six things marijuana will make you do.

Sleep in places you wouldn't usually sleep. Like on the lawn, two feet away from a fire. All the places. This is, by the way, this list is from what I've heard. Yeah, right. Not at all based on your person. It sounds very specific, is all I'm saying. A friend of mine said he tried to keep up with some seasoned experts on the topic once and it was too much

and fell asleep in front of a fire and woke up and the sweatshirt had almost melted onto his back. Yeah. But he's done the same thing, pissed, so, you know, that's legal. Number two on the list of the top six things marijuana will make you do. Listen intently and your face will really say, I'm listening intently. Those expressions lost on the radio right now.

No, no, everyone can picture someone they know doing it. Eyes get a little wider. Oh, really? And number one on the list of the top six things, Marijuana will make you do it because it won't make your teeth fall out. It won't make your hair go green, but it will make you think you're onto a really good idea.

And it'll even make you probably write that idea down and put it somewhere where you won't lose it. And then when you find that idea, something's happened because that idea's not as good as it was. No. Previously. Yeah.

Hmm. I blame the idea. Definitely not. What got you there? That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So Kanye West on the 4th of July announced that he was running for president. And he said this before, but then he said he was going to do 2024.

Now he's like, no, I'm definitely doing 2020. The reason people are finding it hard to take him seriously is because he hasn't done the paperwork. He has missed the deadline for a lot of states to be on the ballot. Yeah, but he did cover that in the interview, saying that he'd speak to Jared Kushner at the White House. Yeah, he's got mates in the White House. It shouldn't be a problem. So already he believes he's above the rules. It's just the tip

of the iceberg of this wild ride that was hours long for this Forbes interviewer. Do you remember when he made one of the greatest albums of all time? Yes. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. 2008. And I've got as much as I love that album and still do, I've probably got

zero time for Kanye West now. He's a lunatic. We don't need, the world doesn't need this right now. No. More of this. No. So we just heard in the news before that he was talking about chips being implanted in people.

So he did touch on coronavirus. He said that he had it. Doesn't say when when but he said he had chills shaking in bed and stuff but then he went on to talk about the vaccination he said it's so many of our children that are being vaccinated and

paralysed so when they say the way that we're going to fix COVID is with a vaccine I'm extremely cautious. That's the mark of the beast. They want to put chips inside of us. This is exact quotes. It's verbatim. They want to do all kinds of things to

make it where we can't cross the gates of heaven. I'm sorry when I say they, the humans that have the devil inside of them. And the sad thing is, the saddest thing is, we won't all make it to heaven. Next question. You know what, if he doesn't want a we won't all make it to heaven. Next question. Well, wait.

You know what? If he doesn't want a vaccine, that's fine. I'll take the vaccine. So I'm just drawing clouds. And then on top of the clouds, there's an archway. This is... Yeah. Because I imagine it's quite a nice sort of an archway.

Not like a cheap pergola. No, no. To get into heaven. I'm imagining a nice archway. Why say pergola? Do you say pergola? Yeah. It's no. To get into heaven. I'm imagining a nice archway. Why say pergola? Do you say pergola? Yeah. That's interesting.

Yeah, it's... But then I'm imagining in the side of the pergola, pergola, there's some sort of... There's those big white metal things like at Countdown

to stop your shoplifting. Yeah. And so you go to walk through there and then they're like... And an angel's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we have a look in your bag or your neck

or wherever they chose to implant it? Yeah. Isn't it madness? Sorry, champ. No heaven for you. Yeah. Okay, this is all... Yeah.

Nonsense. Dangerous. So he has said that he's going to run as a Republican and then he went on to say that the Democrats have threatened him. He said all of that information is being charged up on social media platforms by Democrats and Democrats used to tell me, the same Democrats

that threatened me, the reason why this is the first day I registered to vote is because I was scared. I was told that if I voted for Trump, my music career would be over. I was threatened into being in one party. I was threatened as a celebrity into being into one party. I was threatened as a celebrity into being into one party. I was threatened as a black man into the Democratic Party.

And that's what the Democrats are doing emotionally to my people, threatening them to the point where this white man can tell a black man, if you don't vote for me, you're not black. Referencing when Joe Biden said, if you're voting for Trump, if you don't know who you're voting for. But the interview is nuts. It's like an hour and a half, isn't it, this interview? He did talk about what his White House would look like.

He says that it would be Wakanda from Black Panther. Right. But did start by saying a lot of Africans don't actually like Black Panther, but it's a good representation of what it would be like for him in the White House. He'd make it at Wakanda. I don't even understand a lot of this.

He wants us to know that he's pro-China, though. He said, I love China. It's not China's fault, that disease. It's not the Chinese people's fault. They're God's people also. I love China. It's changed my life. That's because they're making all of his shoes.

Let's. All these quotes you can imagine being said in a Donald Trump voice too. Yeah, you can. So when he becomes president, he said, let me make some promises. Here we go. The NBA will open all the way back up

from Nigeria to Nanchang and the world will see the greatest athletes play. That's one of his promises. Anything else? He said, this is probably one of his shortest answers, I am pro-life because I'm following the word of the Bible.

He's new to politics but he said, I have to say with all the humility that as a man I don't have all the pieces in the puzzle. As I speak to you with all the humility that as a man, I don't have all the pieces in the puzzle. As I speak to you for what a political campaign, a political walk, as I told you, I'm not running, I'm walking.

Well, has Kim Kardashian come out and said anything? No. Because she's very smart onto a woman. I just, I thought she was a Democrat. She's done good stuff for like law reform and she's actually managed to get in, you know in the government's ear about things, hasn't she?

Well, I mean, if she was first lady, I think it should make a lot more sense than he would. Can we get confirmation if he even actually had COVID? I don't know. But there was no period of time where... He doesn't say he got tested. Right. So, I mean, there probably is no confirmation.

Wow. It's a real wild ride if you've got time and if you feel like it. There's a transcript. Sounds like a long read. Yeah, and you won't get that time back. And you won't get any smarter by the end of it either. No.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. If you're bad at maths you can blame your parents. Okay. My mum's pretty good at maths. Actually, my dad is too. No, my mum's pretty good.

I think my dad is. Don't know. Say so. Builder. You always have to measure things. Plus or minus. Yeah. And work out what half of something is.

But I'm terrible at maths. But I've got a calculator now, so who cares? I was really good at maths until I started caring about boys and then I got distracted. You need maths to boys. Like, one boy plus two boys equals three boys. Oh no, two boys.

What did you say? One boy plus two boys equals three boys. Oh, equals three boys, yeah. Okay, good. Three balls? No, it equals four balls. Four balls. No, it equals four balls. Four balls. No, it equals six balls. Unless one. Yeah, no, you're right.

That's a good maths question. Because you're adding a boy, but you're actually adding two balls. Yeah. So how many balls do they have? See, we wouldn't pay more attention. One boy plus two boys is how many balls? Yeah. That's a great question.

But if you get it wrong, you have to share my status. So some psychologists in the UK did a study with some kids and their parents, and they found that good parent-child cooperation associated with good maths skills. So they did a whole lot of tests, including one with an Etch-A-Sketch.

Did you ever have an Etch-A-Sketch? No, I didn't. Wait, was the Etch-A-Sketch. Did you ever have an Etch-A-Sketch? No, I didn't. Wait, was the Etch-A-Sketch the one that you moved the dials, but the MagnaDoodle you had a magnetic pen? The MagnaDoodle was a significantly superior product because otherwise you had to just go wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. So the harmonious relationship during the tasks correlated with the child's maths skills

and it shows the importance of parental involvement for gaining maths skills. Right. So if your parents helped you with your homework, you're better off. I'd say so, maybe. Right, yeah. So they were more involved, and they were like, it's hard for everybody. But then if you're not good at maths, then you

would find it hard to help your kids, wouldn't you? Oh my god, it would be so over my head. Like you'd get home, have you ever had some homework from the girls? You're like, oh, I don't know that. Nah, not yet. Because you'd just Google kids, wouldn't you? Oh, my God, it would be so over my head. Like you'd get home. Have you ever had some homework from the girls? You're like, oh, I don't know that. No, not yet. Because you'd just Google it, wouldn't you? Not yet. No, yeah, it's all maths I'm capable of.

I'd just be a really good cheerleader, be like, you can do it. I can't help you, but you got it. Got to teach yourself. You got it. You got it. Yeah. Yeah, you're there. I guess that's, you don't have to be amazing at it,

but if you're helping them and you're there and you're working through it with them and making sure they're doing it, that's as good as. It's good now to have an excuse though, isn't it? Yeah. Someone to blame. Yeah, it's my parents. For your bad maths.

Just do it in front of you. Don't do it in front of your parents because they'll be really quick to say, you had it pretty good. You had it pretty good. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. It's moly, moly, moly, moly, moly, moly, moly, moly, moly, moly. Come on.

It is the supermarket edition. So on our Instagram, FEMZM, we asked you a whole bunch of questions relating to the supermarket. First question was, do you eat things before you pay for them? I'm not like stealing, not like... You end up paying for it, but you just scan the empty Raptor.

You scan the empty Ford Ranger Raptor. But you can't use a self-serve if you do this because it needs the weight of the product. Ah, good call. I wonder if self-serve checkouts have stopped people doing this. But also, I find it quite yuck when people do this. I haven't seen anyone do this for a while.

Some responses were, I was not on board with this until I learned how hangry toddlers get. The free fruit basket is a lifesaver. That's different, though, because that's free. You don't have to pay for that. Whenever my parents would do this, I'd get so anxious I thought we were getting away with a crime. I know because sometimes at the supermarket

you'll see a wrapper stuffed in somewhere and you're like oh, someone's been eating. Next question, do you think self-serve checkouts has an item limit? Now this was the question that really surprised me. The answer. Yeah. Because I don't think there is a limit.

There's no sign that says limit. And at some of the supermarkets, the little half trolleys are at the exact same height that you can push them over the basket tray. I literally took a half trolley to the self-serve checkout yesterday. Yeah. But it wasn't like chocker. But I'm pretty good at it.

Like, if you know you're not very good at it, then don't. It's not for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So 68% of people said it does have an item limit. There's no item limit unless it says. This is an unspoken item limit. Yeah, I've never been to any supermarket and seen an item limit for self-service checkouts.

Someone said there isn't. They'd have a sign, but there should be. Whoever is bringing their full-ass trolley up in the audience is a straight-up Karen. But the thing is, if you're in a big line at the South Super Checkout and you see a trolley, of course you're going to be like, oh, God, they're going to take ages. But those lines go pretty quick anyway.

But I agree. If it's a full-ass, weak shop, full trolley, maybe not. I think in those cases it's easier for someone else to do it because they could be scanning while you're unloading. Yeah, definitely. If both had no line, would you rather pick a self-serve checkout or a usual checkout? Depends.

Am I buying, like, lube? I see what you're saying. That depends on the contents of trolley. Nah, I'd always go self-serving. Don't be embarrassed about your loop. It was an example. I'm not embarrassed. Right.

Yeah. Take it as a compliment. That could impress them that you obviously need it. Yeah. 62% would go to the self-serve. So 38% would go to the regular checkout. I'd always, yeah. Because you remember the regular checkout. Oh, would you? Yeah. I can't remember the last go to a regular checkout. I'd go regular checkout.

Oh, would you? I can't remove the last one of a regular checkout. I like doing it myself. Because you remember that time I got accused of shoplifting at like 5am when I went to the supermarket and did a big shop and I just did the self serve? Because a lot of the time I'm getting a little bunch and so I have to carry it and I don't want

the judgement of them picking it all up and trying to manoeuvre it and carry it from there. Oh no, it's good because you just go and drop it and they'll be like, I'll get a box. Self-serve doesn't judge you if you're having a Volney's day and you've got chocolate ice cream biscuits and lollies. If you're healthy food pyramids all out of whack.

That's one of the responses totally depends on what you're buying. Fruit and veggies regularly, check out chocolate and chips self-serve. And lube. And lube. Have you ever put something back where it doesn't belong? I love.

Is there an Instagram or Facebook page, and if not, there should be, dedicated to items in the wrong place at the supermarket? Because I would follow that. I have a real. I don't like this. Especially when people take it out of somewhere. Chilled. Chilled. Yes. Because then it's wasted. They can't like this. Especially when people take it out of somewhere chilled. Because then it's wasted.

They can't sell that then. You've wasted food. Sometimes it's their fault because you get a big coleslaw or egg salad and you're like, well, this will only be $2. And it turns out being $64.95. No, that's your fault because you should say how much you want of it. You know who's a real son of a bitch for that? Is it egg and something salad?

Egg and celery? It's because it's potato. Egg and celery salad? And potato salad. Potato salad. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you should say, I want $4 worth or whatever.

Then you only get half a punnet. Then they just put in one teaspoon. Well, that's not enough. Put that back. I don't want that anymore. And then you've got to chuck the plastic punnet out, don't you? Yeah.

Don't reuse that. 82% said yes. They've put stuff back where it doesn't belong someone said my partner does this all the time I hate it if he doesn't put it back where it came from

I'll do it myself I hold on to it and literally walk back through the supermarket and put it back but I'm a hero so whatever not all wear capes

that's what they'll say at your funeral you know sometimes she'd walk all the way back to the first aisle to put a thing back. She was a hero. Because she found a

competitive product, cheaper, and that wasn't on special. So she'd walk 15 minutes to put it back. Have you ever put a cheaper item in the self-serve to pay less? Oh, like, so you put popcorn

kernels for pine nuts or something. Let's say immediately that's illegal. That's stealing. You shouldn't do that. And I'm actually proud to say that 74% of our listeners said no. And do you know what's coming? What? Because it's happening in Australia already.

A little photo of yourself is going to be on the top right hand. A lot of supermarkets in Australia are starting a little camera. Like at an ATM? Yeah, because I've seen people know it actually shows your face on the screen. Because I've seen mates in Australia show this. What's that going to do? Well, it makes people realise that you're on camera. Because next to all that...

I thought they were saying it's harder to commit a crime when you're looking in a mirror. Because you're taking a good hard look at yourself. You know, that's it. That's exactly it. So you see your photo on the screen and you're like, well, I'm not going to shoplift or be naughty here because they've got my photo.

Whereas they have it anyway, but you just don't see it. What if I just look at it and I'm like, oh, I look terrible today. I'm going to put that chocolate back. It's a bad picture of me. That's a bad angle. Or just start wearing a hoodie and glasses and a moustache. Do you feel shame for taking the opposing supermarket bags in?

No. So like a countdown into a new world. It's their fault. I took a countdown into a new world the other day and I was like, I was a bit ashamed. I don't know why. I was just like, I didn't have any new world ones. I feel like no one's judging you. No, no one cares. 66% said no, but 34% said yes. Okay, that's't have any New World ones. I feel like no one's judging you.

No, no one cares. 66% said no, but 34% said yes. Okay, that's a lot of judgy people. Yeah. That's a lot. Someone said the Countdown lady was packing my New World bags last night. Didn't say anything. See, if I was a supermarket, I'd be like, I'd just get a sticker or replace their bag for free. But then you'd be, like, accused of wastage.

Wasting all the opposition's bags. Someone said whenever I see a Faro bag in Pack and Save oh how the mighty have fallen. Yeah. That's good from them.

Oh that's good from them. That is good. Posh supermarket. You're like oh alright went a little bit crazy on the calamari olives last week did we?

Now we're back. Buying the budget butter. Good. Good, good, good. We'd love to know now when you saw a message about yourself. Oh, that would be horrible. It's better just not to know, I think. That's why you shouldn't go snooping in group chats and people's messages. I don't need to know what people say about me. I don't care. I do care. No, I don't care. I don't want to know, I think. That's why you shouldn't go snooping in group chats and people's messages.

I don't need to know what people say about me. I don't care. Well, I do care. No, I don't care. I don't want to know. But our mum has revealed that it's a real

internal monologue. Yeah, well, that was something. Yeah. I'll open the No Megan Facebook chat. I'll just leave this open on my computer.

You can come across it. That's probably because my birthday's soon. Did you know that? No, that's open. So that's the time those chats get quite... When's your birthday? They fire up, don't they? Don't pretend you don't know.

Oh, don't pretend there's not already some coal on that fire. Yes, Megan. The No Megan group chat has been active. Oh. Okay. A mum has revealed that her babysitter quit after she read some text messages between her and her husband. So how had the babysitter found these messages?

So the babysitter was on the iPad with the kids. And they linked iMessage? Yeah, and so the text popped up between the husband and the wife. So the problem, I mean, there's a few things here. I mean, they shouldn't really have been complaining about it, but it was quite lighthearted. But the babysitter read, she said it took half an hour to read through all the messages.

So the initial one that popped up. Well, yeah, there would have been some burly, and she would have had a little bit, and then she would have followed the trail. Yeah, so the initial one that popped up. Well, yeah, there would have been some burly, and she would have had a little bit, and then she would have followed the trail. Yeah. So the initial one that popped up was the mum complained because the babysitter was late that morning, and it made her late to work.

But it was the first time it happened, so she was just, like, letting off some steam to the husband. Yeah, right. Wasn't going to say anything to the babysitter, but she was late. So once she read that message of the initial complaint, she scrolled back, and she found lots of messages where the kind of silly things

that you wouldn't like talk to the babysitter about, but she obviously found it quite offensive. So she'd complained to her husband that the babysitter had eaten all of the Oreos. That's a valid complaint. But that's got to be established with the babysitter upon arrival. Help yourself to anything in the cupboard.

You can't be angry if you say that. And that's what you always say to a babysitter. Help yourself to anything. Yeah. So, I mean, it's nothing too offensive. And she said in real life she got over it. But she was just having a whine to the husband being like, that's all the Oreo's gone.

Yeah. But, yeah, she scrolled back half an hour and read all these, like, trivial little complaints about her and rung the mum and said no, I quit. I've read the text. I would have just said I quit. I got like conflicting. Something else, yeah. But she admitted

she read the text and read back half an hour's worth. I would have quit and then waited for the new text messages to come in about me quitting. Yeah. While I had the iPad still. Yeah. Just to see what they said. See what they said about you.

Wow. But that would be a big one because a lot of people link their iMessage to the iPad or the laptop. And forget about it. And forget about it. That would be how so many people read messages about themselves.

Or someone leaves Facebook logged in somewhere and you just have a, but come, you're only asking for trouble. If you're going to go digging through. But you see your name and not be like, you just saw this person that was being messaged from so-and-so and it said something about you and your name was in that little preview. You wouldn't, you'd have to look.

Because then you're imagining worst case scenario. And it could have been that they weren't, you know, it could have been slightly misleading and you only saw the first bit. Because I've overheard people talking about me in another room and that was bad enough. I wouldn't go snooping for messages or anything. But again, if it popped up and said Megan dot, dot, dot, would you be like, oh, just have a little look?

I don't know. Okay, I want to take some calls on this because I would love to hear if anyone listening has been in the same situation. Snooping or whether you stumbled upon it. Yeah. You either stumbled upon messages about you or they just pumped up and you just had to read them. What if they're really nice? Or emails.

Like work might have accidentally, someone might have accidentally forwarded on an email, but further down the chain it was bagging you out. Oh, that's a classic. That's a classic. That is a classic. You've got to make sure that email. Delete that. The messages could be nice. They might not always be bad.

Like I might go into the No Megan chat and you might be like, she's such a great person. You want to take messages about the positives as well. I don't know if they'll be positives. Did you have any positive messages from the No Megan group chat? We don't have a lot of time. How far back do you want me to go? Just keep scrolling.

A babysitter read messages about her that popped up on the iPad. And we want to know when you've read messages about you when you probably shouldn't have been reading them. Maybe accidentally they popped up in a group chat or someone left their Facebook logged in or their phone opened or you had a snoop.

Executive Intern Anya. You have a story. You just told us this happened to you. Yeah. I got sent an email one day from this real random email address, like a made-up one, and it was screenshots of a Facebook chat about me with one of my best friends.

Wait, so someone in that group was like... Had a mole. Had a someone in that group was like, had a mole, and they were like, well, she better find out how... Nah, it was at school. So I think somebody must have left their Facebook open at school.

Oh, right. And then someone's gone on, seen the messages, screenshotted them, and made an email about it. And what did you do? Like, cried a lot. Who did you,

you got sent the email? Yeah. Well, did you know who it was that sent the email? I still don't know who sent the email. So they set up like a fake Gmail. Yeah, it was just like a mix of numbers and letters and stuff. And then did you hit up your best friend about it? Yeah.

And what did she say? She was like, I was hacked. That's not an excuse. Yeah. No, she was like, oh. Oh, that's her excuse. She didn't say those things. No, I never said that.

I was like, oh, okay, we're done here. So you're not friends anymore? No. Oh, that's so sad. What did she say? She literally was just like, oh, that wasn't me. Somebody must be impersonating me. No, he wants to know what the message is.

I want to know what the message is. It's obviously quite traumatic. He said that I was a bitch. And like some other mean things. But yeah, that was the worst part. That is scarring. But you, that was the worst part. That is scarring. But you are a bit of a bitch. Says you.

But what had you done that she said you were a bitch for? Oh, it was just in general. Just like a general. Just a general vibe. In general, she's a bitch, yeah. I'm rethinking my friendship. We want to know when you have stumbled across messages of yourself. Could be texts, could be Facebook messages.

Yeah. Rebecca, you found messages about you. Yes. I was dating my best friend's ex at the time, but I had her permission. Okay. And then she left her Facebook logged in on my phone and she went home. And then I found messages of her messaging him again, asking him to come over, come over.

On the days that I had told her I was hanging out with him and she was bagging me saying that she was better. Wow. Was he going? What's that? Did he ever go? No, he came to hang out with me. We're best friends now. Me and him are just best friends now. Right, okay. Yeah, she's still salty

about it. What was he saying back to her when she was bagging you out? We were teenagers so he was saying yes to the come over, come over but wasn't saying anything about her bagging me. Right, okay. Wow.

Good Lord. That would have been still confronting to read that stuff, eh? Yeah. Especially when you think that's your friend. Thanks, Rebecca. Some text messages. I was living with a friend who had used my laptop a lot. One day I opened my laptop, Facebook Messenger was open. She'd written a message complaining about me

and using me as a reason to leave the flat. The things that she said were pure fiction and the beginning of a web of lies. It was all very odd. I gradually learned she'd been telling stories about me for a long time, including trying to steal her man. Oh, right. Needless to say, we're no longer friends.

Somebody's mum, somebody messaged in saying their mum printed out an email. Because you know how mums like to print out emails? They do. Because they can't read it on the computer for too long without their blue light-blocking glasses on all the time. Yes. And it was between my mum and my cousin, my mum and her cousin,

saying how much they disliked my wife, who I've been now married to for 20-plus years. Oh, wow. So I guess that'll learn them. Get over it. Yeah. Early days of email. Somebody else said that their dad showed them messages.

So it was photos of a phone. Yeah. Messages of my boyfriend at the time and my brother's girlfriend at the time, who were secretly getting together and planning to run away together, I said I didn't believe him because there was no proof because it was just photos of a phone with a message on it and he wouldn't tell me how he got them. But it turns out he was dead right.

That's what happens. Wow. Dad snooping on the phone. I love that. Yeah. So dad must have found the phone when his boyfriend was around, taken photos of it on his phone and tried to show her, but she wouldn't believe him.

But no, he was dead right. Fletchfawner Megan, the podcast, ZM. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. It's a game where you ring up and you don't tell me your mum's name and then I ask some questions. I try to like work out, like mum's vibe, man. And then I've got 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. All right, and if you can do that, Vaughan, in 15 seconds,

Bec, you win $100 cash this morning. Awesome. Bec, it's back. Cash prize. Took a wee hiatus. That's fantastic. I'm going in the right day, Ben. Well, we managed to sell off some office furniture, I believe,

so that's fantastic. Yep, yep. Don't tell management. Oh, don't tell them. That's an undercover. Some of those ergonomic chairs are very expensive on the black market. Who knew? $1 reserves?

Some of them we got $10 for. A couple of extra in here. We can just make guests stand. Yeah. Why not? It's better on the black market. Who knew? $1 reserves? Some of them we got $10 for. A couple of extra in here. We can just make guests stand. Yeah. Why not? It's better for you. All right. So, Vaughan, you've now got five questions for Bec to try and figure out her mum's name.

Yeah. Okay. Now, here's a controversial first question. And I've never asked this question before. And I'll ask the panel if I can ask this question. What's your mum's middle name? I think that's an all right question to ask. I'll accept that.

Okay, okay. Her middle name's Anne. Anne. Very traditional. Anne. A-N-N-E or A-N-N? Well, it's actually A-N-N-E, but for a lot of her life,

she just thought it was A-N-N. Wow, it's actually A-N-N-E, but for a lot of her life, she just thought it was A-N-N. Oh. Wow, okay. Okay. Wow. Okay, that's interesting. Okay. Is it?

Is it? How old is blank and blank? She is 64. 64. Okay. 64. She'll get a gold card next year, that's exciting. Now, do you get free fries

at Macca's with a gold card? I have to ask my mum. Ask your mum. Don't they do a coffee? Well, your mum's got that to look forward to. Does mum ever lie about her age? No. No, I don't think she does.

Okay, that was one of my questions. And that's a no to the lie. What, you're saying that if her mum was a liar, she'd have a rascally name? Yeah, maybe. I was more thinking about if she, like, looks younger and says she's younger, she might have also the name. Okay.

Might be a bit more fluid to that. Right. Do you know what I mean? So you couldn't lie if your name was, like, more fluid to that. Right. Do you know what I mean? So you couldn't lie if your name was like Gertrude. Yeah. Yeah. What is, um, how many kids does your mum have? Two.

Two. So there's you and a? Sister. Sister. So two girls. All right. Two girls. All right.

I don't think that's going to help you. It's a wasted question. That one. Definitely. What have you got, two left? No, I've got one left. One question left, okay. What's mum's thoughts on the whole pandemic thing,

the whole situation, COVID-19? She, I think she's a little bit, I think she's, her views are probably pretty similar to mine. She takes it pretty seriously. Okay, good, good, right, right. Very, very seriously, but she is a little bit over it as well. She's sick of hearing about it. It's such a mum thing. They are, right? I know, I'm sick of hearing about it.

And then when that guy yesterday went to the supermarket and was in the news, I literally heard my mum being like, stupid bastard. God, now we're going to hear nothing about it again for the next few days. Yeah. All right. All right, so, Vaughn, you now have 15 seconds

to guess Bec's mum's name. Alright, are you ready? Did you almost say her mum's name? I was carefully trying not to say her mum's name because I do know it.

Okay. 15 seconds starts now. Susan, Christine, I'll chuck a Karen in there for good measure, Judith,

Margaret, Patricia, Mary, Linda, Barbara, Elizabeth, Wendy, Helen, Heather, Lynette, Carol, Robin, Pamela, Janice. What was your mum's name? Robin. Oh, you got it in the last couple of seconds. That was on there because she's roughly the same age as my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law's name's Robert.

She's had a hard time with a cat I just saw on Facebook. Yes, Benny's been diagnosed with FIV, which is... Feline AIDS. Feline AIDS. Cat AIDS. Oh, my goodness. Benny's very fat, though. Right.

Benny's very fat. I don't think that means he should have feline AIDS. That's why there was no suspicion that that was indeed the diagnosis. Well, feline AIDS aside, congratulations, you've won $100. We can just put female HIV to the side. Feline. Feline HIV. I'm trying to move on.

Feline HIV aside, it's a horrible time for your mother-in-law at the side. Feline. Feline HIV. I'm trying to move on. Feline HIV aside, it's a horrible time for your mother-in-law at the moment. There is a bonus round. There is a bonus round. It's not. Bonus round. What? While you're on the phone,

I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Just before you get to your dad, it's actually far more common than you think. I know it is. I know it is. And cats can live pretty much a full and happy life. But you can get them vaccinated. You can.

If you get it before they get it, you can get them vaccinated. Yeah. Once they've got it, it's too late. Anyway, feline AIDS aside, Vaughn is going to have one guess at your dad's name, Beck. And if he can do this correctly, you win another $100. But only one guess at your dad's name, Bec, and if he can do this correctly, you win another $100. But only one guess.

Okay. Robin and... George. I'd like to... Cherry. Sorry. What? Well, I thought we could have a little discussion.

Oh. Okay. About it. Robin. And we don't know your last name, do we, Bec? We don't know

your last name. Okay, okay, okay. Letter, what letter are you feeling? This is what it's like being a TV psychic when you're talking to ghosts. Just spouting bullshit. Feeling a Robin and a... What about a RR? Like a Robin and a Rog.

Like a Roger. Roger. That's a dad's name, isn't it? That's a real dad's name. Rog. Rog. Robin and Rog. Robin and Rog, I reckon.

Let's lock it in. You're locking in Roger? I'm locking in Roger. What's your dad's name, Bec? You're right with the R. It's Russell. Robin and Russell. We were next to the vowel next door with the R. It's Russell. Robin and Russell. We were at the veil next door.

What a great combo. Russell. Robin and Russ. Yeah, that's brilliant. Hey, well, Beck, congratulations. $100 cash. Another winner with, I bet I can guess your mum's name. Well, that's the first good thing that's happened to me today.

It really is because you had a shocker start to the day, didn't you? I had a terrible start to the day. Well, why don't you tell us all about it next? Go and make yourself a cuppa. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Last night I went to bed early. I got an early night because today we're going to the zoo. Oh.

Where was my invite? I love the zoo. Have you been? I've done the new, there's a new orangutan enclosure and stuff. Oh, I love orangutans. Yeah. Tans or orangutans? Because I say orangutans.

It's got a G, but. Orangutans. No, it doesn't have a T. It's a tan. No, a G in the middle. Yeah. Oranga tan. Tans.

Because I say orangutans. No, no, no, no. Give it a double G. Let me just confirm that. I don't want to set anybody astray. Orangutans. Orangutamariki is not what I'm after. Orangutan.

It's a primate. No G on the end. Orangutans. Orangutan. Okay. Also spelt orangutan. What? Both spellings are acceptable.

Huh. Okay. Glad that we've figured that out. Yep. Right. Are acceptable. Fantastic. Huh Okay Glad that we've figured that out Yep Right Are acceptable Fantastic So we were going to go see the orangutans today

And that meant I wouldn't have time to exercise after work So I was going to go before Okay So at three o'clock the alarm goes off After the cat had meowed at the door For a significant part of the evening Okay So I was like

Well you've got to get these things. Get up and get it. Got to get those gains, bro. The gains aren't going to get themselves. You've got your protein delivered to work. Correct. You're big on the gains at the moment. Just trying to be a bit healthier.

Yeah, good. After the lockdown puds. The lockdown puds. A lot of puds. We all had lockdown puds. I went to a bit of pud. So off I went to the gym, and I'm driving i'm not on my phone or anything it is pitch black it is raining and i come around a corner and what is in the middle of the road a

tree is in the middle of the road oh goodness now using my defensive driving from aces driving 1997 bornsmiths trying to get his license quicker so he does a defensive driving course i learned that swerving to avoid going on onto the other side of the road in a wet road could lead to me flip, flip, flipping down the road or ending up in the ditch on the other side of the road. So I don't slam on my brakes. I do my best to slow down without locking the wheels. And I deviate slightly as to not hit the main part of the tree.

Good. Driving from you. Good. Instantaneous. Yeah. I do, however, hit the tree. And is it the 80 speed limit where you hit it? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't going fast. God, that is lucky you went on your phone. I would have gone straight through it. Yeah. So it was over a significant, so it went, and straight afterwards I was like, whoa, and I stopped, and I was like, listen, it's all right to me.

I can't hear anything. It's like quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. Did you get out of the car? I was on an unlit, dark section of highway. Vaughan Smith defensive driving course, 1997, tells me that would have been very dangerous. Yeah, it would have been. It was a corner and it was raining. Yep.

So I carried on to my destination, the gym, where it was at that stage that I thought I will now inspect the damage as they haven't hurt hurt anything and the car has continued to drive remarkably well. Did you get rid of the tree or was it too big? Way too big. Did you tell anyone? Yep. Okay, good. I rung a number.

Okay. I rung 111, told the fire people, but I also put on the community page, this is what's happened. Okay. And I lightened the mood by saying, if anybody bits of my wing mirror you can have those for free. I've been, someone's not taken that as a joke this morning and called me lazy for not cleaning up

the mess I left on the road. I said I think the tree is the bigger issue but that's fine. So I get to the gym, I inspect it, it's completely smashed my wing mirror

on the passenger side. Right. That's an issue. And also the little light that's below the headlight is hanging out, but that's solved. I just whack that back in.

Right. And it goes back in. Because at that stage, I'm like, oh, I need to get something out of the car. And I go around to the driver's side and the door is locked, so I put my key in to unlock it and it won't move. Right. So there's no – I can't unlock my car. Do you have a beep beep?

No, Megan, that broke many moons ago. And then the car stopped accepting it and it stopped working. I don't know which happened first, but they are both out of order. So then I'm locked and I'm like, what do I do? I say, well, I'm here to go to the gym. This can be solved on the elliptical cross trainer. Yep. Okay.

So I'm on the elliptical cross trainer, Bluetooth headphones connected to phone, ringing 24 hour locksmiths. Okay. Four I tried. Okay. And I will tell you now, 24 hours is a term that they use very lightly. All of them went ring, ring, ring, ring, answer phone. Try them again, ring, ring.

Four of them twice. Eight calls in total. No one picked up the phone. Are you calling all 24- hour locksmiths liars I am I'll go on record call them all liars we'll go in on your sample

previously this I had rung my roadside rescue that comes with my insurance package and they told me that they don't deal with this was them hello

hello is this roadside assist yeah I'm locked out of my car not my area, mate. I was like, what? No, you weren't a locksmith. Had you woken him up?

But that's a city's assistance. I know I need, and it was indeed roadside assistance. Yeah. As the name indicates. Yeah. It doesn't have an asterisk saying, except if you're locked out of your car. Except key-based issues.

Yeah. And I had nothing to get into the car. Yeah, right. Try as I might, I found a harakeke flax bush. I tried to use that in the fashion of the thing that you put in through the seal

and pop the lock up. That didn't work. Oh, yeah, okay. So it was at that stage I was off the elliptical cross trainer and the stress had caused me

to need to defecate. So there, I... We'll leave that out of the story. Is this necessary? That's probably the elliptical oh because i haven't told you guys this i was thinking about leaving it out but it's an also uh it adds to the shit storm pun intended that has been my day so far i relieve myself while googling how to break into a 2300 record i mean this is one of the most stolen cars every year. Yeah.

How is it so hard to break into? And it's at that stage I flush and the toilet fills all the way to the top and continues to fill. And it's one of those flushes that once you've pushed it, there's no stopping it. So I, like, my reactions from previous experience of dodging that tree and not flipping the car. Lightning quick, I grab the toilet brush

and start stabbing it. And the thing continues to fill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, please, no more. And it gets right to the top and it stops filling. But then I'm left with the fill. And the toilet brush is too short. I'm holding onto the top inch of the toilet brush going,

come on, no, no, no, this is not what I need. And then eventually it went, oh, that's fuel. I was like, is this the turning point of my day? Has this been a change of the tides? And I flick my good friend Megan a message who I know takes the same road

to work and I say, hey buddy, hey mate, what time do you head to work? Because I know you're always here when I get here. And I didn't hear back from Megan for so long. I was literally going back up to the gym to grab one of those weights

bars. You know the bench press ones? And I was just going to come out and just be like, and smash the window with it. And then take it back upstairs and always wipe your equipment. And then replace it back upstairs and always wipe your equipment. Yeah. And then replace it. And the weights thing.

Yeah. And I was just about to do that when Megan messaged, oh, no, yeah, I'm just leaving home. I'll be there in 10 minutes. Damn it. If you've waited two more minutes. I would have had to have smashed the window. Yeah. So there's a note on my car saying, please don't give me a ticket because that's the other thing.

It's parked in a 90 minute park, which it's now been there for four and a half hours. Okay, yeah. And I said, please don't ticket this car. This is the issue. The barrel is broken. Okay. And also, if you are going to tow it, could you tow it to my house?

Contact me for my address if you wish to tow it. It's going to look stolen. The light's broken. The wingman is broken. Smashed off. It's going to look stolen. The light's broken. The wing mirror's broken. Smashed off. It's abandoned with a note saying, please don't ticket me. So, yeah, that's, I got here. That's your morning.

I had to have a treat from the vending machine. Apricot yogurt covered muesli bar. Yeah, and then I ate it and I looked and it's got 400 calories in it. I got up early this morning to earn those calories and I looked and it's got 400 calories in it. I got up early this morning to earn those calories and I didn't get to. Granted, that poo would have been worth 800 at least, but now they've got 400 in it. Muesli bars have 400

calories in them. We're giving those to children to scoff down like there's no tomorrow. Oh, God. Wow. And you know what? You'll probably get to the zoo and their orangutans will be sleeping. I'll fall in. And then they'll have to euthanise one of them because they're going to have a harambe on your hands. And then I'll be the guy that was so stupid he leant on a bar that wasn't there,

fell into the orangutan or tan enclosure and they'd have it put to sleep. Jesus. What a day. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Fact of the day. Day, day, day, day. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, speaking of the zoo,

I had this organised last night. Maybe I had the zoo on the mind. Going to the zoo today. But I don't, correct me if I'm, oh, they had this organised last night. Maybe I had the zoo on the mind. Going to the zoo today. But I don't, correct me if I'm, oh, they do actually. They do. Auckland Zoo does have seals. That's in that part that you can go under and you can watch them swim around and you can also watch them from up top.

Yeah, I like seals. And you're watching them from up top and you're like, gosh, they're like big and they struggle. But then you see them in the water and they're graceful. Yeah, they are. Gosh, they move so beautifully. So, and actually today's fact of the day is about seals and sea lions. Okay.

I know there's a difference, but this counts for both. According to Rick Schwartz, Greenpeace ambassador and head keeper at the San Diego Zoo, they have the smelliest farts in the entire animal kingdom. Really? Yeah. Is that why, you know, if you stop Kaikoura or Dunedin, you can smell them? Because would they stink?

They wouldn't have like a, well, they wouldn't have a perspiration stink. So in and out of the water the whole time. Yeah, that's like having a constant shower though. Yeah, it's like their poo. It must be their poo, but I'd imagine they'd go for a swim. Because they're eating water the whole time. Yeah, that's like having a constant shower, though. Yeah, it's like their poo. It must be their poo, but I'd imagine they go for a swim. Because they're eating fishes all the time. They're eating fishes all the time. It's their diet.

Yeah, that's what he said. He said, you think about their diet. It's made up primarily of a wide variety of fish, shellfish, and squid species. But have you ever put a fish packet in the bin and left it a couple of days and you open the bin and you're like,

yeah, and it stinks. It's like that. Yeah, fresh fish stinks. It's high protes too because you guys do smelly farts.

Yeah, they're eating nothing but protes. They're on a full man. The gains. They hit the gym. Oh, the gains.

Yeah, they're the dirty bog but definitely get the gains. So yeah, he said you put fish in everything they eat, which smell bad enough already, you put it through the chemical

changes that occur in the stomach and blow out the other end. And you can only begin to imagine the powerful pungent odour of the ceiling and all the animals he's come across at the zoo, there's nothing like it. Wow. The vegetarian animals, he said, their poo doesn't smell.

Very fibrous. Your elephants, your zebras, etc. But he said, you know, these guys are carnivores. Yeah, right. Yeah, so they've got smelly farts. Oh, imagine dinosaur farts. Only the carnivorous ones. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they would have been like the big ones. A T-Rex's

farts. Wasn't me. Some of that was lost because I had his arms. Your little T-Rex hands. And he can't even get up to his nose to be like, who dropped it? Man, it smells like burning comets and asteroids are in up. So today's fact of the day is according to the head zookeeper at San Diego Zoo, seals and sea lions have the worst farts in the animal kingdom.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yesterday, producer Anya had a treat yourself moment But you actually had to ask for help Yes, I did What did you treat yourself with? Some acrylic nails Wait, hang on. Whoa. That hits the spot.

What colour? A light purple. Interesting. That sounds gross, but it's nice. Is it a Cadbury purple? No, it's a... Grimace purple. Like a pastel purple.

Is it the purple that your mum wears to a wedding and your dad gets the matching tie? Yeah, go on. Yes. I can imagine my parents wearing purple. Or not dad wearing a purple tie.

He wouldn't do a purple tie. He'd do it his toe. So we've got some fresh acrylics. Haven't had acrylics since the year 12 ball so this is a real treat.

Gee whiz, it took a long time. An hour. An hour. An hour. Well, it's got to put nails on where there's no nails. Yeah. I just expected it to be like, I don't remember it being that long. Your nails are almost purple.

A light pastel purple. Mine are pastel blue, actually. Very close, though. All about the pastels. Did you see Megan's and copy? Yeah. Yeah, Megan's a nail influencer in my life. So sitting there for an hour, and I'm very peckish by the end.

And so they finish doing the business after 60 minutes, and then they're like, okay, sis, wait 15 minutes. It's like, why did you have to wait 15 minutes? For it to dry. Fair enough. You know, I don't want to ruin this beautiful work. But I did. Because I got bored after 10.

So I had to shimmy over to Whitcalls, do some errands and went to... Wait a minute, what were you shimmying to Whitcalls? What are the errands at Whitcalls? I had to get my future brother-in-law a birthday present. Okay.

What did you get him, a stapler? No, he's drawn to board games so I just got him a voucher so he can buy a board game of his choice. Okay. Yeah. I'm pretty cute. He's ruined a board game. No, they're making a big resurgence, board games. Are they?

Yeah, huge. Yeah. No, you can't get Scrabble, though, because that's been cancelled, apparently. Well, should I put in the card, like, no Scrabble? No, because people use words that aren't woke enough. But they're words. But that's on the people that it... It still exists.

Cancel the people playing rather than... We're just cancelling it. I don't know. I just see a headline and it's cancelled. Hey, I'll play any word in the dictionary. Okay. If I need them sweet points, I need that triple word score. But what if you get cancelled in the process of playing Scrabble?

What, for being, like, fatty? F-A-T-T-Y-F-Y? Oh, no. I'll spell fatty and I'll go across another word with an A in it. I'd tell you off if you did like S-L-U-T. We're like, excuse me, no. But is it in the dictionary? Probably.

It's a word. You don't have to like the word. I know, but you don't have to like the word. It's a word. You can't do names or places. We can't play Scrabble together. Yeah, we're already fighting enough, aren't we? Okay, so what happened when you were there?

Well, I didn't want to damage them. The newly painted nails. The new fresh nails. So I opened my wallet and I had a little card, like my little EFTPOS card sticking out. And I tried to, with my clammy hands, like slide it out. Because the nails are fresh. And they're long too. Yeah, so normally I just like get on in there, you know, like slide it out. Because the nails are wet. And they're long too.

Yeah, so normally I just like get on in there, you know, you scoop it out. What about your teeth? Oh, yuck, no. Absolutely not. Not in this post-COVID world. More bacteria than a toilet seat. True, true, true. So I was trying to get it out and it was really embarrassing

and this girl was standing there serving me and we probably both waited politely for about 30 seconds of me being like, just fresh nails. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it'll come out. It's still not coming out. And that's when she had to say, did you,

did you want me to get that out for you? So she takes your wallet. My brain should take out your EFOS card. She grabs your wallet and takes it out for you. Yeah. And she was like,

I know what it's like, girl. Don't even worry about it. I was like, thank you so much. You've really saved me. Wow. Yeah. Bless her heart. So, what calls gal? You're the MVP.

She was there for you. I like it. That's good. You're helping out. Where did she put the voucher? Did she have to tuck the voucher in the present? She very kindly placed it on top of the wallet, so I just had to sandwich my hands and be like, yes, done.

We need to go. And walk back across. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here.

ZM.