ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - 9th September 2021

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

Cash Drop  Spider Plane  Top 6: NZ Landmark Renos  Vaughans Father in Law  Steve!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hey! ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, Barista Made Coffee, available from Drive Thru and McC Delivery at Level 3 and also Dine In at Level 2. And for our lovely podcast listeners listening overseas that may not have heard the events today on the show,

you'll see the podcast is a little light today. It's smaller, shorter. Because we were in studio. I was sitting in the corner in the nook when I first smelt burning plastic. Yeah. Then you guys were like, yes. And then there was a certain haze in the studio. Just before 7 a.m.

Yeah. It turns out when our generator is on, and it shouldn't have been on this morning, not sure, without looking into why that was on, and the wind is blowing from a certain direction. The generator fumes are pumped straight into the air and take for the air conditioning. And we're all just being gassed. Which to me seems like a giant architectural failure.

Yeah. Massive engineering oversight. So I'll be sending a terse email to HR and management saying, let's look at the pipe direction. Can we get an extension on that pipe? Yeah. They'll probably reply saying it's only happened once and the last time it happened apparently was a couple of years ago.

Right. So they didn't learn from that failure. No. No, no. But what they didn't have there was a squeaky wheel, a.k.a. you who wants the grease, a.k.a. the extension on the pipe. Sometimes I think we should live in America because we could sue them. Absolutely.

You know, imagine that. But then I also don't want to live in America. Yeah. Yeah. There's pros and cons. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flee Fleet, Svorn and Megan.

Worrying that so many people visiting the hospital without masks. I was reading about this story this morning in the paper. Yeah, and what about that other thing you told us? Yeah, someone was caught having sex in the hospital. In a shared room. A la behind the curtain. Where there's like eight other people in the room. Now, that's fine in level one.

Knock yourself out. No, don't knock yourself out. No, because you're still in a shared room, and everyone else is like, um. There's no amount of hand sanitizer that can make that okay. I don't know what is sexy about a hospital door. Oh, it's that beep, beep, beep. It's mysteriously coming from somewhere.

The smell of bleach and cleaner. Sanitiser. Yeah. And then the old person behind the curtain next to you goes, Oh, my God. Yeah. You're like, oh, they're quick. Help.

They're dying. No, they're fine. That's how they've been for eight days. Oh, I must have sex. Yeah. That's not sexy, is it? What is wrong with people? What is wrong with people? For those in level four, yesterday only 15 cases.

So fingers crossed that gets down. A lot of tests yesterday as well. That's good. Yeah, but somebody was sat in a hospital with a whole bunch of other people with COVID, wasn't he? So, I mean, I don't want to be the negative Natalie. I'm just trying to stay grounded as if there's another spike, you know? I just want everybody to have a... Manage your expectations.

We're going to have a cry later on. Are you? Everybody's doing like live streams. I'm going to do a live cry. Are you? I reckon you'd get a lot of people joining in though. If you did a live cry, I would be like, okay. The nation's live cry.

51-50. He's not okay. Yeah, the nation's live cry. 51-50. He's not okay. Yeah, The Nation's live cry. Join me for the afternoon for a cry. We just have a cry. Everyone just has a cry. The top six coming up. You know what?

That could be a reel. I had a cry yesterday. Did you? But we're going to talk about what made me cry on the show. We'll talk about that soon. Yeah. It was nice. I think a lot of people cried'll talk about that soon. Yeah. It was nice. I think a lot of people cried when they saw this yesterday.

Yeah, it was kind of nice. The top six is coming up. Yep, it certainly is. Let me get the piece of paper that tells me what I agreed to do moments ago. New Zealand landmark renovations. Big Ben, you know that big clock? Yep. I don't think you need to tell us what Big Ben is.

No, because it's not. People might think the pies. They might think the pies. It's also not as big as need to tell us What Big Ben is No because it's not People might think the pies They might think the pies It's also not as big As I thought he was Big Ben And it's the bell What?

It's not the clock Oh is it? What do you mean? The big Ben bell tower Is what that building With the clock on On the outside is called Right

Is big I thought it was like I can't see people Is Big... I thought it was like I can't see it, people. Is Big Ben the clock or the bell? Isn't it just all in one? Yeah, I thought it was

all in one. It's just the tower. It's the massive bell inside the clock tower. So Big Ben is the bell. Right. That's the Big Ben. That is the Big Ben

clock tower. Right. And they've painted all the little notches and stuff blue. Because that was the original colour. colour, cobalt blue. I like it. It's a nice blue.

Well, yeah, you famously love it. I love it. I do love a deep blue, don't you? So the top six dealing with some New Zealand landmarks. Yeah, the top six other landmarks that could do with a zhuzh, a coat of cobalt blue even perhaps. Next on the show, do you guys remember last year in lockdown, that big cash drop thing?

The safety warehouse. Was it just before lockdown or after? It was after. Because there was a lot of people in pretty desperate situations. So the idea of $100,000 being dropped was... Yeah, well, there's been the official investigation and they've found out exactly how much money was dropped in that cash drop. And it was nowhere near what they promised.

Uh-oh. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. The official reports out from the Commerce Commission, you'll remember they promised a $100,000 cash drop at Auckland's Aotea Square just after our first major lockdown a year ago. Whoa, a year ago. Whoa, a year ago. Oh, my God. There were stories at the time of people driving up from Napier and Wellington.

Actually, it was December 5. Are you kidding me? The end of last year? Yeah. No. Yeah. No. I would have thought it was like December 5, 2019.

It feels more like than 2020. No, 2020. It was the start. So, obviously, a year of a couple of lockdowns, people doing it tough, and 1,600 people turned up because the safety warehouse promised $100,000 would be dropped and thrown out to people. Do you remember people travelled from like Palmerston North, Tauranga? Yep, everywhere.

Yeah, they're dropping 100k from the sky. Somebody remembers, didn't somebody borrow money to put petrol in their car to come up? And they couldn't get home. That's right. Because they were like, well, at least if I nab 50, 60 bucks, I can get enough gas to get home. But then they couldn't,

and they didn't have enough money to stay anywhere. It was sad. That's how desperate people were after, you know, a year of lockdowns. Well, it's been worked out that only out of the $100,000 cash drop promise, only $3,600 was dropped. The rest, do you remember, were like photocopy vouchers? Yep. That you could use on their website.

Yep. And they were only discount vouchers too. They weren't like straight up. I know. A lot of people were injured. Well, following a months-long investigation, the Commerce Commission has warned the safety warehouse for engaging in conduct that it considers,

excuse me, was liable to mislead and likely to have breached the Fair Trading Act. But that's all. They were given that's all they've kind of said. Oh, that sucks. And think about all the free publicity they've had. Yeah. They've literally got away with this. Oh, no, hang on.

Okay. Oh, no, this was a separate incident for emailing people, spamming $30,000. But yeah, nothing. Yeah, police investigated at the time, no evidence of criminal offending. But yeah,

they just escaped with a warning and all this free publicity. Unethical behaviour. Deceitful. Isn't that crazy? Hurtful to many, many people. Good publicity though. Yeah, I mean, no, not really, is it?

Well, no, I wouldn't buy anything from them. Not that I need any. What would I need? A road cone? What do they sell? Road cones? Just pinch one of them. They love that.

They love it when people do that. Do you know one of the big things when the floods were at our way the other day, like there was just places where the road cones all ended up. Someone put up a photo of like when it flooded and all the road cones on the roads got washed into the nearest waterway and then they kind of like migrated down the street.

Like ducks. Migrated down the street. Yeah, they all just like ran out of gas at the same spot. It's like that big spot in the ocean where all the rubbish gathers up. The Pacific Ocean plastic size of Texas. Yeah. Bad thing.

See, road cones would be a bit more sinky, eh? Yeah. If they got that far into the ocean, they'd be doing well. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

A serious email, kind of a serious email came in. A media release. For effective immediate release. That's not like where they're like

don't talk about this until 10 o'clock tomorrow. Yeah, that's always a risk because you know we love a ghost, don't we? We skim read and miss that. Yeah, even though

it is literally always at the top in capital letters in red. Yeah, my favourite is when they're like embargo, don't talk about this until tomorrow

at a certain time and it's a new biscuit flavour. It's like, am I going to go to prison if I talk about this? Yeah, you're on the phone to Griffins. You'll never guess what Arnott's has got in the mix. And they're like, quick, ready the machines!

The New Zealand AIDS Foundation has called for Kiwis to put a dent in more than just COVID-19 with this lockdown. As a lockdown, there was never a lockdown to break the chain for chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV and syphilis, which are all epidemics in their own right. A good point. Very good point. So the New Zealand AIDS Foundation has said if you are sexually active, and not just those outside of communities more traditionally known to be at higher risk from HIV and these sorts of things.

Because, you know, where's your partner been? But anyway, you can't trust anybody. Who do you trust? No one ever. When do you trust them? Never. Bingo. Yeah.

So get a full STI screening before having sexually encounters outside of the bubble after lockdown. It's a good idea. It's like a circuit breaker, isn't it? Yeah, totally. Just like COVID, we stay in our homes for a few weeks and stamp it out. But like COVID, it also relies on humans behaving for the greater good. Now, some people have a problem with that, but not everybody. Yeah.

So you can do your part by going out and getting a full screening, a full STI screening. And would it have been like some people would have contracted something and then during lockdown symptoms would have occurred? Oh yeah, what would you do? But I was meaning more the fact that it stopped them from spreading it when they didn't know. Well, the other thing is, it is mentioned by Dr. Jason Myers, the chief executive of the New Zealand AIDS Foundation, that much like COVID, some people have these infections completely asymptomatically.

Well, you might not know you've got something. Exactly. So you're not out there spreading it willingly, but you are spreading it. You didn't have any symptoms. So again, this is a great time to get, if you are sexually active, to get a full screen. So I think, didn't they find that last lockdown as well that it kind of made the rates go way down? Yeah.

But also we were locked inside and couldn't hook up with anyone, so that probably helped as well. Yeah. But yeah, all right. Well, you have a test when you finish lockdown. Get a full screen. You can talk to your GP about that. Visit your local sexual health service

and head to nzaf, that's the New Zealand AIDS Foundation,.org.nz slash test. Right. Next on the show, Megan, the third story from the bottom in my prep. Would you like to just tease that? Can you see that?

Third story from the bottom. Is it something story for Megan to read out? Okay. See, do you see the HTTP link? Ah, no, I don't want to. Why? No.

Because you can't say that word, that's why. No. Oh. Okay. Is there pictures in this story? There's a TikTok. I don't want to see it and I don't want to say it. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. There was a flight in the US

and I would have lost my mind. They're unsure whether this spider was a stowaway or whether it had come from someone's luggage. But from the overhead compartment, a big hairy

booty spider crawls out. There's a reason you're reading this story, Megan, and that's because you have trouble saying this word. A tarantula crawled out of the... I like my way better. Crawled out of the overhead compartment. Tarantula. Just say it like I am.

Tarantula. I liked that at one stage the... Tarantula. Tarantula. Just say it like I am. Tarantula. I liked that at one stage the tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. Ah. Now say it faster like that. And give the R a little less at the start. Tarantula.

Tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. There you go. Say it real fast now. Tarantula. Say it again. Tarant Cha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Say it again.

Tarantula. Tra. Tarantula. No, not tra-rantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. Okay, say this on the tar.

Tra-rantula. No. It's not charmander. So, at one stage, this tarantula, like, is crawling along the top of the overhead thing and then it gets to a gap and it goes in, effortlessly just disappears. In a horror movie, if you walked around the corner of the house

and you just saw an alien's foot go around the other end of the house, it's like effortlessly. And if your luggage was up in there? Oh yeah, I'd be like, no, I'd just leave it. I don't want that. Nothing in there. Set that on fire. There's nothing up there. Oh yeah, I'd be like, no, I'll just leave it. I don't want that. Nothing in there. Set that on fire. There's nothing up there.

Burn it. Is this another case of like, was this a plane in storage? Although in America, planes didn't really stop flying, did they? But a lot of those planes... The numbers were

drastically reduced though. Yeah, so maybe... Numbers of planes? Maybe it was sitting in the desert, this plane. Because that was the thing, scorpions and stuff would all like

get in the wheel wells. Somehow they got up there. I don't know how scorpions... I can understand a spider having the ability to climb was the thing, scorpions and stuff were all like getting the wheel wells and somehow they got up there. I don't know how scorpions, like I can understand a spider having the ability to climb, but I thought scorpions were like crabs.

They were a bit hard to shell to make it hard to grip. I don't, to be honest, haven't given a lot of thought into how a scorpion would climb or scuttle around.

And if you were like, oh, that's all good because we don't have tarantulas here. What, sorry? Those spiders here. Yeah. In June, apparently, there was a flight in Australia.

And just as the pilot was landing, a giant huntsman dropped on his head. But huntsman, we've got huntsmans here. They're like Avondale spiders. But I've never seen one here. Have you seen one? Oh, no, I was thinking of Avondale spiders. Do we have spiders, by the way? I don't think we have huntsman. No, I'm thinking of Avondale. Hun Do we have spiders, by the way? They're the same. I don't think we have huntsmen.

Aren't huntsmen Avondale spiders? We just called them that. Because they were found in Avondale. Yeah. Avondale spider is a large, harmless spider. I found it around Avondale. It's an Australasian huntsman spider. Mm.

Okay. It's the same. We just called them our own name. They're big, but I don't think they were, like, nasty, are they? No, they don't do anything to you. But I've never seen one here. They're the ones that they use in horror movies because they look the same. We just call them our own name. They're big, but I don't think they were like nasty, are they? No, they don't do anything to you. But I've never seen one here. They're the ones that they use in horror movies because they look the scariest. Literally the ones that were in a Ragnophobia, right?

Yeah. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. The Siege. Chris Hipkins. CJ. Christopher John Hipkins. CJ. Shortened to Siege.

Thus Explained is his nickname. I'm not going to keep doing this. I'm not going to keep doing this. I'm not going to keep doing this. But the Siege is happening. He's laying siege to COVID-19. And yesterday embracing his August gaffe where he said, spread your legs rather than stretch your legs. When referring to people struggling to get out in highly densely populated areas

without, you know, breaching other people's bubbles even with masks on because Delta's a son of a bitch is what it is. I won't mince words on the matter. And yesterday at the 1pm presser, actually using a cup that was in the COVID-19 colours, yellow and white, the yellow stripe, and it said spread your legs with a little face of him on it,

and he drank from it, embracing the gaff. Spread your legs, not the virus, it says on the cup. Big picture of him. And God, he loved holding that up, didn't he? He did. He loved it. He did. So I was, because I went at the social media,

this message group chat and said, is this legit? Because I thought the same. I thought someone had photoshopped this. Yeah. Because, you know, every time Jacinda or Ashley holds up a chart, it just gets turned into a meme. Yeah. So I thought this is just a white cup that someone had put this on.

No, I did some digging. Piper's Boutique NZ. Just a little Instagram page Custom made gifts They do wedding accessories Oh cool So they've sent it to him Just under a thousand followers

And they've got a They've put pictures up They've sent it to him And he's even posed With a photo With the cup for them And they've put that On their page

Oh that's lovely Which is nice And he looks really chuffed With that cup You know Speaking of Jacinda Like holding up a graph yep um tav who runs tavlova the memes page he used to work here we worked with him for a while he's

done some funny stuff i messaged him i was like you're killing it like yeah everywhere you turn fantastic memes of late yeah he said he dreads now when jacinda holds up a graph because he just gets fly his inbox gets flooded do it no do more do more she's out of a graph because his inbox gets flooded. Do more! Do more! She's held up a graph! She's held up a graph! Go! Strike! Get him! I'm seriously considering buying her an OHP or something so she's not always holding up pieces of paper, white pieces of paper that are super easy to superimpose stuff over.

It's tough in the meme world. It's tough in the meme world. We talked to Lockdown Memes, didn't we? And he said it's... It's your gift and your curse. Like, if something happens and people look towards you, be like, this better be good. You did not let us down.

Now, I want it five minutes ago and I want it to be good. They're like, J. Jonah Jameson from Spider-Man screaming at you that they wanted it yesterday and how good they want it to be. 14 minutes away from 7 so we've just found out that the generator which is on the roof when that's on and the wind's blowing a certain

direction, that gets the fumes get pumped into the air conditioning so technically we're gassing ourselves right now. That seems like a design oversight. I've just pointed that out to somebody, I said do you think we can get the pipe put somewhere else? I think they noted your...

What happened to the extension on the exhaust pipe? Yeah, just pop the pipe somewhere else. I don't know, away from the air con. Yeah, because you guys were outside and I was working on the top six and you were tapping on the window. The top six was running itself. It's either the greatest top six of all time or I was high on carbon monoxide.

All right, well, the top six is next. Big Ben's having a rejuice. Yep. So the New Zealand top six New Zealand landmarks that could do with a bit of a reno. ZM, Doja Cat Scissor. It's eight minutes away from seven. We've just been hanging outside in the chilly air

while the generator feeds us exhaust fumes into our air conditioning. Effectively, hop-boxing in the studio. Well, there he is. He's done a go. Yeah.

Look, I don't know much about architecture, guys, but surely putting a generator exhaust next to an air conditioning intake is not the smartest. I just want to say now, if we go down on air,

you'll hear it, listener, humble listener, 2 Graham Street, Auckland air, you'll hear it, listener, humble listener, 2 Graham Street, Auckland Central, Auckland, postcode 1010, please call the emergency services. Emergency services. Because there's no one here. That's what we're, like, essential. Apart from other on-air breakfast shows,

goddammit, is Tony Street alright? No, they're getting gassed too. Oh my god, Tony Street's currently getting gassed? No, we can't lose the National Treasure. No. Although that would secretly, you'd be secretly here because you've got a beef with her, haven't you? Put me one step closer to hosting the Paralympics.

Wouldn't it? It's like Prince Harry watching one of his nephews die. He's like, oh, what a shame. From the fart-addled ZM think tank, this is the top six. Step closer to the throne. Big Ben, speaking of the throne, just down the road,

Big Ben is getting a zhuzh. Cobalt blue is the colour because that was the original colour of like the clock face. Yeah, I really like it. It does look nice. It looks way better. Yeah.

It's a lovely blue. It's been renovated for a while, right? It's been under renovation forever. I think it was in London years ago, like a couple of years ago it was under reno. Right. It's headed with scaffolding. Yeah, when you go to anything in Europe and it's behind scaffold, but they put a lovely picture of what it looks like on the mesh.

I appreciate that. Okay, I guess that'll do. I'll never see this again. Thanks, scaffolding. And then you just look at the postcards. Yeah. So the top six, I thought the top six New Zealand landmarks they could do with a bit of a...

A bit of a... A bit of a Reno. Number six. All jokes aside, that's quite pungent. Does my mask help or not? I don't know, maybe. Does it still just go through? It's all mask up.

Sorry, we're really trying to be professional here. Sorry to say that Manson, who owned the building, couldn't do the same. By keeping the carbon monoxide out of the building. Number six on the list of the top six New Zealand landmarks that could do with a bit of a reno. The giant carrot in Ohakune. It's parsnips time to shine, baby.

And it would be so easy to turn that carrot into a parsnip. Oh, yes. Or an original. You also get about parsnip, I think. It's so good. Too much. It's amazing. Good in a roast, don't forget about parsnip, I think. It's so good. Too much. It's amazing. Good in a roast, isn't it?

It roasts so well. It roasts way better than a carrot. Yeah. I mean, I love a roast carrot, but a parsnip's just... Absolutely. And a yam.

Don't forget a yam. Oh, yams are so good. Yams are so good. I don't want to yammer on about yams, but... And they go squishy. Yeah. Number five on the list

of the top six landmarks that could do with a bit of a ritter. Sorry. Number five on the list of the top six landmarks that could do with a bit of a renter. Sorry. I just, I want the listener to know we're really doing this for you, okay? We're like the team

that went into Chernobyl. Follow me, comrades. I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure it's a... The rest of Europe will be thankful we did this. Yeah.

Number five on the list of the top six New Zealand landmarks that could do with a bit of a reno, the Moeraki boulders. You know the round ones? Yeah, beautiful. We've all seen them playing boulders, and I'm not saying paint them all, but I'm saying we've got Magic 8-Ball. Jaffas.

Paint them like Jaffas. Pay one like a Jaffa. A tennis ball. Pay one like a soccer ball. Tennis ball. We could paint them like for whatever's happening. Yeah. Good idea, that.

Number four on the list of the top six New Zealand landmarks that need a bit of a reno. The Franz Josef Glacier. Okay. It's melting, and we're just letting it melt? Yeah. Let's put up some scaffolding. Get a couple of refrigeration units up there and just slowly spray water on it so it freezes and it gets big again.

Yeah. Good idea, that. It'll melt again, but we did what we could. Or just did Wile E. Coyote teach us nothing? Just paint one and then get the road runner to run over it and it'll become real. Number three on the list of the top six. Emma, look at her reno. I think I need to leave, eh?

I feel like it's burning my throat. I seriously don't think we rush back into the studio after this is done. I've said it for years. Number three on the list. I've said it for years. Paint the beehive like a beehive. Or paint it like the beehive on the front of the beehive matches. Either I'm going to be happy with, but I think the beehive needs a paint job.

Number two on the list of the top six landmarks that need a bit of a reno. Let's get it done, Smithy. The LMP bottle. That's the shape of a Swopper crate bottle. I think Lion Nathan should swoop in with an offer too good for Coca-Cola

Amatil to refuse and get a Lion Red logo on the side of that bottle. And number one on the list of the top six landmarks that could do with a bit of a reno, the bucket fountain. Oh, yeah.

I love that, though. I know. It does need a zhoosh. It needs a zhoosh. What do you want to do? I want it to keep time. Okay. So if you were like, say I'm on that road.

Yeah. You're mad at Cuba matters. Cuba more. Say you're in Cuba. I think you should leave. And Sade's like, I'm just bumping into the store. I'll only be a minute. And then I can count one particular bucket of how many minutes it was.

Okay. And so she was like, I wasn't that long. And I was like, you were 10 buckets. Okay. Right. Okay. You lied to me. So you're only one bucket.

That is today's top six. Let's go see the fresh air. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. My father-in-law's staying with us. He lives by himself. So when it was like level four, we were like, join the bub. So we did. And we, yesterday I was filming,

have you been paying attention at home? We're doing that. And getting towards the end of the record, because I'm on rural broadband, no one can be on the internet or anything. You've got a no internet rule. It's a no, you can't be on the internet because you need all of the internet for the Zoom to work.

Oh my God. So no one was on the internet. And, all of the internet for the Zoom to work. Oh my God. So no one was on the internet and, you know, just been like, oh, kids don't scream and stuff because, you know. Yeah. Anyway,

towards the end of the record, I could hear a noise and I could hear like laughter soon after and I said, shut up, what's happening out there?

And she said, oh, can you hear that? It's dad's listening to his songs. Now, I've talked about this before, but if you've not heard, my father-in-law exclusively listens to music that he has sung himself. So he will like a song. Not originals. Not originals, always covers.

But not, yeah, for example, he won't listen to Elton John sing Elton John songs. He'll listen to himself sing Elton John songs. That he's recorded. He's recorded. So he's like, hey, I like Rocket Man, but it needs to be me. Yes. What a great song.

You know how it could be better? If I don't listen to the man who wrote it and sung it, I listen to myself singing a cover of it. And so he won't even listen on his headphones most of the time, will he? No, he puts up his volume to full on his phone and just kind of holds it to the side of his head. We got a great video in the group chat yesterday. Because that's what Sade sent to me saying, this is what's happening out here, but I fought it on.

Oh, we don't tell her. Oh, we don't tell her. No, in the interest of staying married, you never received that video. Okay. And we're not playing the audio on here right now. Only because it's not good. The audio doesn't care. It's a bit muffled.

It's mostly the children laughing. But I could make out, was it Tina Turner? Well, here's the latest chapter in this story. On a break from Have have you been paying attention for me? We get like little breaks between and stuff. I went out and I got a drink and he starts getting, a phone call comes through on his phone. My father-in-law's phone.

And he's like, oh, it's a Thai number. Okay. Because he's Thai. Yeah. And he answers and starts speaking in Thai, sounding like, I thought it was like oh my god, something bad's happened back home. Like a family member's ill.

Right, so very serious. It was quite serious. Quite like the structure of the sentence was very like da da da, like the rhythm of it was like hitting. I was like, well now he's angry at somebody. There's a lot of emotion here. And then he gets off the phone after a few minutes

and we're all just like, what? What's happened? And he's like, my old band in Thailand need me to record the vocals. The Tina tune is simply the best. I'm like, why was that so late? Oh, my God. Okay, fine. That's fine.

But the rest of us were expecting to hear that some member of the family had passed. Yeah. And he's like. Why do they need him? Because there's no one as good as him. There's no one as good as John. Okay. Oh, my wife's message.

Uh-oh. You're such a shit. Lucky dad's still asleep. He would be loving this chat. So he says, like, they need me to do it. There's no one as good as me. Okay, yeah. And they need to record their instruments to my singing.

Right. So what is he, a human metronome now? I thought this was the drummer's job. The drummer did the beat and you record the music to the drummer's beat. Couldn't he get a version off YouTube? Absolutely not. Okay. So the reason he said he sounded so serious was

because this is in a higher register? Right. Registrar? Key. Key? Yeah, right. So he's going to really have to put in some practice. Okay. So he's like... Was that what he was doing yesterday?. So he's going to really have to put in some practice. Okay. So he's like. Was that what he was doing yesterday? No, he's like, I need to go back to my, I need to go back to my apartment.

I need to retreat back to my sanctuary. So he can do his recording. So he can do his recording. Okay. So then he started singing Simply the Best by Tina Turner. And we were all just like. It's got to be higher. So good.

It's got to be higher. Yeah good. It's got to be higher. Yeah. And he walked around, yeah, singing Tender Tune is Simply the Best. And I tell you what, I'm really looking forward to seeing how it comes out. Because what he does is he gets a karaoke version off like YouTube or whatever. And rips that sound and then puts it into his machine. Yeah. Where he records himself singing.

Then he'll probably drop a harmony. Right. Because he always puts in multiple layers. I think we need to be playing. I know. New Zealand is languishing. I know. Sade, I know you're listening.

We're languishing. We need this. A John Senior cover would, I think, give New Zealand what it needed to get through. Yeah. Would he be happy with you playing? He wants me to so badly. He said he can provide me with it.

Don't stand in the way of a man's dream, Sade. He can provide me with any song I want that he's recorded. Whoa, even if he hasn't recorded it. We could give him Dua Lipa. Give him a week and he'd hit us with a Dua Lipa. Oh, my God. We could give him a Justin Bieber song. He'd nail Bieber. He'd do peaches. He'd do a really

good peaches. He'd do a great peaches. He would do a great peaches. He'd do a great peaches. Oh my God, we need this. Well, I mean, I'm just putting it out there. You guys have got to convince Sade because she's the roadblock at this stage. Right, okay. Which I'm like, I love it. And I think he's worked his

whole life and this is how he wants to spend his retirement. I'm very happy for him, but I also don't think I should have to not laugh. Right, okay. Sade's going to go her whole life not hearing her dad saying, I got my pictures out in Georgia. He'd do it. He'd do it.

He would do it. He'd do it. He prefers the classics. I think maybe you should Have a chat to him today Who? She should No you

What? He'll do it I don't even need to Talk to him about it It's Sade that needs convincing Yeah right Okay What do we gotta do?

You ask I don't know I don't know what it's gonna take It might be beyond my Ability to provide We wouldn't be laughing at him Would we? Not everybody.

He played me an Elvis song. I think it would be beautiful. He played me an Elvis song the other day and he said, and they said Elvis is dead. It's good stuff. I think we need him. I do too. And that's what I'd like.

It's infectious. His granddaughters are like almost keeled over laughing, and he does not care, and that's an attitude we all need. Exactly. That's pretty, yeah, that's pretty good. Okay, will you work on Sade, Megan? Send some messages. Because you're simply the best.

She wrote back to me in Capitals the other day. I don't know. I was like, oh. Yeah. All right. I've had a few of those messages there. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. It was only yesterday that we mentioned on the show

that we're languishing, and it's somewhere between flourishing and, what was the other one? Depressed. Oh, depressed. Yeah. Like in the middle, you don't feel like... Yeah.

We're indifferent about our indifference. Yeah, the New York Times article. So, I mean, we spoke about that during the show, and then out of the blue, something we needed from our childhood, the original host of Blue's Clues, Steve. Steve Burns. He appeared on my phone.

Didn't he die? I thought he died. So there were rumours that he, yeah, died. Like quite horribly. They put a pencil in his nose and then slammed his head on a desk. I wasn't going to say that. I wasn't going to say that either. It was like wildly chaotic.

There's variations of that. A horrible story. Yeah. That didn't happen. He's very much alive. And to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Blue's Clues, now as a new host, he posted this video, a message to his adult fans. We started out with clues and now it's what?

Student loans, and jobs, and families, and some of it has been kind of hard. You know? I know you know. And I wanted to tell you that I really couldn't have done all of that without your help. I guess I just wanted to say that after all these years, I never forgot you. Ever. And I'm super glad we're still friends.

Thanks for listening. You cried. Great, by the way. Thank you. You cried yesterday, didn't you? It was the bit when he was like, oh, look what we've done, like student loans and families. And I was like, oh, yeah, I got a family now, Steve.

I was 14 when he started and 20 when he ended. So I was never really a Blue's Clues demographic. I was very well aware of Blue's Clues. But that hurt. That hurt. Yeah. That hurt. Oh, man, it really got me.

And I was watching it on my phone and my husband's like, what are you watching? And I was like, oh, you wait. And I showed him and it just looked to me like I was an idiot. Mind you, he was two when Blue's Clues started. He would have been exactly in Blue's Clues demographic. He was like, oh, yeah, still talks the same, doesn't he? Heartless.

Heartless that he was in that demo but couldn't feel the emotion. I love how he still paused for a response. And then he's like, I know you know. And then he's like, you look great, by the way. Keep doing what you're doing. There's an article here. No, it wasn't jail or drugs. The Blue's Clothes story of Steve Burns.

Yeah. I think he just like. He must have had so many rumors about him. Yeah. He think he just like. He must have had so many rumors about him. Yeah. He just left. And he told us that he was going to college, but he wasn't, right? He was just. No, because he would have been.

He's 47 now. So he left 19 years ago. He would have been like 28 when he left. So he might have gone to college as an adult, but he wasn't like, I'm moving out of home and this is my younger brother and he's taking over. That was the story when he left. Yeah. Blue's Clues.

But yeah, all three Blue's Clues hosts are involved in this 25-year anniversary of Blue's Clues. Guys, don't feel bad for him. He's worth $10 million. My man. Oh, yeah, dog. I just Googled. He's worth $10 million. Is that from Blue's Clues?

I believe so, yeah. Has he got a hot partner? I love seeing bald dudes with hot partners. How do you think he talks to his partner? He was in Law & Order. He did some guest appearances on Law & Order and Homicide Life on the Street. He's been in several movies, Nether Beast Incorporated and Christmas on Mars. And in 2003, released an album.

His net worth has allowed him to live comfortably and purchase a home in New York, which he purchased for $770,000. Why have you got those sorts of details? I've got this in-depth article that someone released eight hours ago. You can purchase a home in New York for $700,000? In 2007. Right. Yeah.

Good Lord. Did they pay capital gains? He's doing well. Well, apparently it was remodeled in Yeah. Good Lord. Did they pay capital gains? He's doing well. Well, apparently it was remodeled in 2008. My man. Who chose to keep the industrial theme. I don't know how all of these people know. Oh, this already sounds good.

Yeah. He put it on the real estate market last year for $3.35 million. Do you think when he goes to the mailbox, he still goes, We just got a letter. We just got a letter. We just got a letter. We just got a letter. It was a beautiful moment, guys. It was. What was needed?

What? Exactly. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day comes from this podcast series I'm listening to. It is called 60 Songs That Explain the 90s. Oh, I'm excited to get onto this. It's really cool because it's all the songs that you'd know from the 90s.

And sometimes it's not like the song you'd expect if he delves into a band. Oh, yeah. It's not the song you'd expect from that band. It might not be their biggest. It might not be their biggest, but he explains why it's the most important and why it was so important to the 1990s. And if you're a kid of the 90s. You were telling me about the Mariah Carey episode of

All I Want for Christmas is fascinating. And she released an autobiography last year that is apparently quite a harrowing read and will really explain to you why Mariah Carey

is Mariah Carey. Really? Yeah. Kind of the Britney before Britney. Oh, really? The same sort of situation. Okay.

People wanted a lot from her. She thought she could trust somebody. She could not. And why she gets wheeled around on that chair that's in that meme. Good. That's how I want to be wheeled around work. We'll wheel you around in a little chair if you want.

Masjid Charity won't wheel me around. But the episode that I want to talk about today is the Backstreet Boys episode where he looks into the Backstreet Boys song I Want It That Way. Oh, I love that song. Which was their biggest song off their album DNA. It set records,

records that took a while to be, well, the record that was broken, yeah, this is it. This is it. By NSYNC. Because the guy that started Backstreet Boys started NSYNC after he had an argument with

Backstreet Boys. Really? And he just took everything he learned from Backstreet Boys and applied it to NSYNC. That's why NSYNC were better dancers than Backstreet Boys. Because he's like, okay, you can sing better, but we've got to be able to dance better. You've got to be everything the Backstreet Boys were, but more. Yeah, right. And so then they bet them for the clothes selling.

But this song, listen. This song, if you listen to it, we have, by the way, been allowing this song to live in our heads for 22 years and it makes no sense. The lyrics make no sense. I want it that way. What way? Listen.

What? I never want to hear you say, I want it that way. I never want to hear you say, and I want it that way. It makes no sense. Ain't nothing but a heartache. So what's the fact? The fact of the day is it makes no sense because those were not the original lyrics to the chorus.

What? The original lyrics. So this is involvement of a guy called Max Martin. We've talked about him before. He is super rich. He has made so many songs. Producer. He wrote, like, 1999 was this year where he just,

and they kind of touch on this podcast, they touch on this formula, this mathematical formula that all of his songs adhere to. And one of the big ones is making one-syllable words into two syllables. He has, he's Swedish. He has co-written 24 number one songs. Yeah.

Including Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl, Maroon 5's One More Night, Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, and Blank Space, The Weeknd's Blinding Lights, and Save Your Tears. Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time, every Backstreet Boys song,

every NSYNC song. He's like a genius. He knows how to write a good pop song, but when he heard the original chorus, he's like, nah. A, it's not repetitive enough and B, it doesn't quite fit the way I like syllables to sit in songs.

So the original chorus didn't say tell me why. The first one said no goodbyes ain't nothing but a heartache. No more lies ain't nothing but a mistake. This is why I love it when I hear you say, I want it that way. That makes way more sense. Way more sense. But it didn't fit his formula of how, like, a sentence should sit.

Also, by the way, in 1999, this guy's grasp of the English language was, not much at all. Well, yes. He's Swedish. It's not his first language. That's when Hit Me Baby one more time, he thought hit me like,

hit me up on the phone. Yeah. And everyone was like, no, that's not what I'm saying. Sounds like spanking. Yeah. And then Britney Spears is dressed as a schoolgirl

in the thing. So everyone was like, oh, this is quite provocative. And he's like, why? It's just calling her again. Hit me up on the phone. Yeah. It's just calling her again.

So the same guy's responsible for like this slew of late 90s, early 2000s songs that made no sense. And it was only because he didn't have a grasp of the English language at the time. And he's obviously got a much better grasp now. But we didn't care, did we? In 2018, Variety magazine put his net worth at $660 million. Yeah.

Wow. Like he would just go to sleep and wake up. Richer. Significantly million. Yeah. Wow. Like he would just go to sleep and wake up. Richer. Significantly richer. Yeah. Well, clearly the lyrics don't matter. No. Not at all.

So today's fact of the day is the reason the Backstreet Boys I Want It That Way chorus makes no sense is it's not the original words intended for the chorus. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Australian radio stationers revealed once while roasting a whole sea bass naked, he... Wow, that's a sentence. That is a sentence and a half. For his wife, by the way, who he's been with. And they've got like 5,000 children, I think, at last count.

There's no shortage of offspring. Lucky he can cook. But he was cooking a whole sea bass and he was going to serve it naked, but he got naked early and then he went to check on it and he said a perfect laser shot of steam attacked my penis. He's got five kids. He then explains that his penis is in the mid-range size.

Oh jeez. The pain for us men of let's just say mid-range penis size was a hard pain to explain. Right. Yeah so instead of you know the romantic evening wooing his wife. It obviously still works because this was pre- Right. Yeah, so instead of, you know, the romantic evening wooing his wife, it obviously still works because this was pre-children. Yeah, right.

Five children, Poppy, Daisy, Petal, Buddy and River. Yeah. They got married in the year 2000 and yeah, it obviously still works because he's had five kids since, but sustained a rather nasty burn to the... Did he go into details about, was it a splatter of fat?

No, it was a perfect laser beam of steam. So maybe a bit of the fish popped or he just opened it and it shot straight out at him. Then he had to put frozen peas on his bits. So I've been known in summer just to do like cooking in your boxes. Yeah. And you might get a little splatter on your tum tums. Yeah, if you're like cooking bacon in the morning. Yes, that's it, in the morning.

No, I've worked in a few professional kitchens and I would not, I would not. No. Go naked. It's different when you get up and you're like, well, I'll just have some bacon and eggs and chuck some bacon on. I guess for you to be topless is different than me being topless in the kitchen. In your own house, you can be topless. No, that's a bit, that's weird.

You come from a family of naturists. I know, and even they don't cook naked. They know better. Oh, do they? Have they had some whoopsies? I don't believe so. Yeah, even when you're clothed, if you get a spit of hot fat on you. Imagine going to A&E

and you have to show them your doodle. And it has to be pretty bad. Your blisters. Steam blisters. Some of the people go into A&E and they're like,

I've got something stuck up my butt. I would have to have been up there for days before I went in. I'd have tried everything. So you're saying if you had a cooking accident and you burnt your bits, it would take you a while. I'd have tried everything. So you're saying if you had a cooking

accident and you burnt your bits, it would take you a while. When I got there, they'd be like, why did you wait? I'd be like, look, it was one of those things, I thought it might come right. But burning your bits, I would go sooner than if something was up my bum. Yeah, same. Burn your bits, you could be like,

one's not, that got up there on Friday night. We need to hear from you this morning. When have you had a cooking accident and you accidentally burnt your bits? What about any sort of... Any accident. Burning. Burning to the bits. You could be

ironing naked. When we were kids, we used to run from the bath and stand in front of the fire to like dry off. But then that's a dangerous game to play. Or you'd stand with your run from the bath and stand in front of the fire to dry off. But then that's a dangerous game to play. Or you'd stand with your back to the fire and you don't know how hot the other side of your towel was getting. And then you'd spin it around to dry yourself and you'd almost steam press your bits. Was it right? You're steaming your bits?

Yeah. Steamed broccoli. Well, it looked a bit like that. Basically. More like a steamed cauliflower. All right, well, it looked a bit like that. Basically. More like a steamed cauliflower. Steamed cabbage, yeah. All right, well, we want to take some calls. 0800 Diles at M.

You can text as well. Have you ever been in this position? Have you experienced extreme heat on your nether regions? Have you accidentally burned your bits? Chef Jamie Oliver has revealed that he accidentally stamed his pain. One time cooking a sea bass. So we want to know from you this morning when you've burnt your bits. Accidentally, of course.

Anonymous, good morning. Hi, good morning, guys. How are you? I'm good. So what happened? Well, funny enough, my husband had bought me a Jamie Oliver cookbook and I found a beautiful curry recipe and I was like, oh, my God, I have to make this for my husband had bought me a Jamie Oliver cookbook. And I found a beautiful curry recipe. And I was like, oh, my God, I have to make this for my husband.

And I was preparing everything. And you know Jamie Oliver and his recipes. So I was cutting up some red-eye chilies for this curry. And I washed my hands. And I was like, oh, let me go to the loo quickly. And I went to the loo. And I'm not sure how, but I must have brushed myself. And let's just say

there was more fire there than in bed with my husband. Oh my God. Because, you know, I've had the hot sauce, hot sauce touch the eye situation. I've forgotten cutting. Just imagine.

Cutting chilli and I've itched my, like, just a corner of my eye. Yeah. That was horrible. But I couldn't imagine the downstairs Jennys getting a...

How do you stop that from burning? I've been not even impressed. Don't you pour some milk on it? Sittin' some milk, sittin' a glass of milk. Yeah, no, no. I tell you, you know those exercises and they say that you walk with your legs apart and you stomp around?

I walked like that for the rest of the evening. Squats. I just would have got a fan on the floor and just hovered over it. Fan for your fan. Just to cool down. Well, Chef Jamie Oliver revealing that he accidentally steamed his pain years back. The recipe called for 10 to 15 minutes

of steaming, but he couldn't handle more than a few seconds. What do you call that? A flash steam. Is that what you call that, a flash steam? Is that what you call it? Blanched. A blanch. A blanch. So we want to know from you this morning, when you've accidentally burned your pain, some amazing messages and stories coming through.

We're not used to, we're not used to working, when I used to work in a kitchen, there we go, you've had some autocorrect issues there. My boyfriend and I were getting kinky. And I lifted him up onto the bench. In the commercial kitchen? Yeah, must have been. Oh, no. I'm hoping it was after hours.

But I lifted him up onto the bench. You know, that's powerful. That's a dominating move. You said that. Little man. You said that. Little man. But I forgot the grill was on and I popped it straight on him. Oh, no. Popped him. You said man. Little man. You said man. Little man. But I forgot the grill was on

and I popped it straight on him. Oh, no. Popped him, popped him straight on him. No, no. Wait, she lifted him up onto the thing.

Yeah. No, it might be a dude lifting another dude. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, okay. In my mind, it was a gay couple. Oh, no, in my mind,

it was a... You were as assertive Amazonian female. Yes, yeah. I mean, it could be either. I mean, it's hot either way. Especially his ass. Very hot. Pop straight on the grill. Don't pop him on the grill.

Olivia, when did you burn your bits accidentally? So, a little while back, I decided to use some hair removal cream. Oh, God, that stuff is Agent Orange, isn't it? That'll just burn everything. Yeah, well, I stuff is Agent Orange, isn't it? That'll just burn everything. Yeah.

Well, I didn't check the expiry date, and it gave me, like, a literal chemical burn, but that's not even the worst part. So I was at home, and I started screaming. So we Googled, me and Mum Googled, like, what to do, and it said to put a topical, like, cream on it. So she went in the cupboard, and she was like, this is topical.

So she put that on, and then it started burning even more, and I was screaming, and she had put deep heat rub on it. So she went in the cupboard and she was like, this is topical. So she put that on and then it started burning even more and I was screaming and she had put deep heat rub on it. Oh my god. Topical just means on the skin. Yeah. Like the topical. Oh my god. Did you just get in the shower and

just turn it on cold? Yeah, I jumped in the shower. And the other thing is I just called up to tell the story and I called the wrong radio station. I love that. And I just was talking, I was like, yeah, I burnt my bits because I da-da-da-da.

And they were like, you've got the wrong radio station. But they'll recognise great content. Olivia, expect to hear that on their station tomorrow morning. There's no denying, that's a great phone-in topic. Thanks, Olivia. Expect to hear that on their station tomorrow morning. There's no denying that's a great moment topic. Thanks, Olivia. Anonymous, when did you accidentally burn your bits?

So it was my partner. Okay. We were doing Guy Fawkes at home one year and the firework tipped over and it shot him right in his sausage. Oh my God. In his sausage. Was it a Roman candle? Was it a Roman candle straight to the D? sausage. Oh, my God. In his sausage. Was it a Roman candle?

Was it a Roman candle straight to the D? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I was kind of froze, and he just ran inside and jumped straight in the shower, in a cold shower. So I followed in to check on him, and I just couldn't stop laughing by then because I knew he was going to be okay.

And was he left with a scar? No, no scar. So it was quite tender for a few days, a bit of bruising. And just kind of a little bit of a, a little slight burn. What ep are you up to? I've only done...

Oh, she's coming in the next ep. Spoiler alert. Thank you, Anonymous. The message is in. Somebody said The person I invited to my wedding That I didn't want to Was my wife

Now ex-wife Yeah okay Okay buddy I get ya I see what you're putting down there Somebody said To appease my mother-in-law To appease her mother-in-law

My friend had three people She didn't even know At the wedding. Oh, no. And it was a small wedding. Because some people give their parents, like, an amount that they can invite. We did that. I don't understand that.

We did that. Because they can invite whoever they want. Even their Sade's dad didn't have as many friends, so he ended up inviting sort of, like, second-tier people. Oh, what, like the person from the supermarket? Yeah, yeah, like the postie. Yeah. And then he said, do I have to still buy them a Scott Sharmers this Christmas

as they came to your wedding? I was like, no. ZM's Fleshworn and Megan.